#im just. tired. of both how much abuse there is in the world but also just.. idk how to explain it without sounding like im defending ppl

[bitechnoblade]

i think this will be the only post i make on the wilbur situation. but i cant tell whether it's some sort of maturity on my part, or simply fatigue but

who cares

idk at this point im just. so fed up with stuff. i dont wanna hear apologies, explanations, or condemnations from wilbur, or from a 1000 of his friends or casual acquaintances. i hope he realises how fucked up what he did was and all i just... dont feel like i need to be there watching him do it. instead im just gonna watch the new smp shelbys on, and like. live

[goldenlikedayl1ght]

born to die - m. murdock

a/n: IM NOT DEAD i am very busy with finals but this has been rattling around the old noggin for a while now. i took a lot of inspiration from @ellephlox 's fic strawberry rhubarb which i 100% reccomend bc its better than most fics including this one! hope you enjoy! as always reblogs and comments are always appreciated! <3 warnings: oh boy. torture (cutting, burning) some sexually suggestive talk (nothing happens but it's not consensual) readers dad abused her, nightmares, lots of major character death (but not permeant) ANGST!!! but with a happy ending! kidnapping, medical stuff, cursing, and if i missed anything, let me know! word count: 4.8k summary: as matt murdock's wife, your life is rather full of surprises. getting kidnapped by wilson fisk takes the cake as the worst one. pairing: matt murdock x wife!reader now playing: born to die - lana del rey "choose your last words, this is the last time/'cause you and i, we were born to die"

You would think after patching him up too many times to count, five years without him, and countless sleepless nights worrying if he was alive, you would think you’d be used to Matt Murdock and his world of surprises.

And then you get kidnapped, so maybe you’re not so immune to surprises.

It’s really such a shame too, because you’re storming out of the apartment, too angry to take notice of your surroundings.

Silly, foolish, ditzy you.

Because it isn’t like Matt hasn’t told you time and time again that you need to be careful, especially when you go out alone at night. But he’s so angry that he doesn’t even think about the potential dangers of Hell’s Kitchen at three a.m. when Daredevil has been tucked away for the night and Matt Murdock comes back out to play.

He’s been taking more and more patrols because with Fisk being out of prison he can’t help but be constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.

How silly he was to think that maybe he could have it all—A successful law firm, good friends and a loving wife.

Silly, foolish, ditzy Matt.

But after a week of nonstop patrols, you’re both fed up and tired, and above all, you’re yearning for each other. Neither of you allow yourselves to be totally happy all the time. It would just make everything too easy.

So, after yelling at each other over, what? Patrols? Cases? Burnt dinners? You’re freezing on the streets, and you get about five blocks before you stop and rub your eyes.

This is dumb, you rationalize. Of course, you’re both stressed out and tired, but you’ve gotten through rougher times before, and you both made an oath. To each other, in front of his God, to love each other no matter what.

You realize you left your wedding ring on the table, the ghost of the metal around your finger haunting you. You were dumb for leaving and Matt was dumb for telling you to go. You’re made for each other.

You turn around to go back to your shared apartment, and then, someone grabs you from behind. Your first instinct is to yell for your husband, but you don’t get the chance to before you’re knocked out, by what you can only guess to be a gun or maybe a large fist.

• • •

You wake up in this dingy room, the lighting not suitable for much of anything except to make you afraid. The set up is almost comical and in a fucked up away, stereotypical for a kidnapping. You’re tied up to a chair, and the lights shine only bright enough so you can see shadows and rats scurrying along.

The air is this weird musk of salt and earth, and you realize you’re near the docks, and that’s about all you know about your current location.

Your head is still pounding from whatever it was you were hit with, but you can see another chair a few feet from you and a wooden table with various weapons laying on it. You don’t feel good about this one. Also on the table is an old school record player. You have no idea what the intention is with it.

You try to keep your cool, knowing that wherever you wander, your husband will not be very far off. That whatever is happening, he will be coming to find you no matter how upset he is for whatever it was you were fighting about earlier.

And then, out of the shadows, there he is. 

But he’s too big to be Matt, and he has a man standing next to him.

Frank, maybe?

And then you realize who this man is.

He’s Wilson Fisk, the kingpin who has done nothing but torture and kill people, shoving it in Matt’s face for years. Matt only met you after Fisk was put back in prison, and you know at some point in the five-year blip without Matt, he had escaped prison.

So, this is the first time you’ve had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Fisk. When he meets your eye, you do nothing but stare.

“Good evening, Mrs. Murdock. It’s a shame we must meet under these circumstances.” He tells you, taking a seat in front of you. His henchman stands behind the chair.

“It’s regretful to say the least.” You tell him, not intending to make any more of an enemy out of him than Matt already has, not right now.

“I wanted to congratulate you on your wedding. I remember my own, it was a rather special day.”

You know that was the day Matt took him down. The night that he, Karen and Foggy took him down.

“I’ve heard stories. It seemed like a lovely day.”

“You’re a much more gracious guest than your counterpart.”

“Well, I’m sure people say similar things about you and yours.”

He seems to consider this for a moment before nodding.

“You’re probably right about that, Mrs. Murdock. I wanted to tell you I’m terribly sorry these are the circumstances in which we are finally introduced. But it seems Mr. Murdock has been interested in finding out more about my endeavors. And you see, we simply cannot have that. I made a promise not to hurt Miss Page or Mr. Nelson but it seems you were not included in that deal.” Of course not, it had been a long time before you showed up. “So, you’re how we’re going to send Mr. Murdock a message.”

Huh.

So, this is how you die.

Well, you might as well go out with a bang.

“You see, Mrs. Murdock, When I was a boy—”

“I’m going to stop you, Mr. Fisk, because your sob story is rather dull. I know who you are. You were beaten by your father, just like I was. The difference is that I don’t use that as an excuse to murder my way to the top of the food chain. And you can torture me, assault me, whatever you feel you need to do. But if you think for a second that I’ll forget who’s coming to stop you, you are sorely mistaken. And if you think he’ll ever stop trying to find me, you do not know my husband very well.”

Fisk stares at you for a while, his gaze hardening into a glare.

“You’re right. You do know who I am. Because we’re rather similar.” He stands up and nods to the man nearby. “If Murdock can hear her far from here, make sure he hears her screaming.”

Then Wilson Fisk walks away, and you are left with the sickening gaze of a man who has no good intentions.

 The man goes to the record player and starts to play a song you recognize quickly as “Fly Me To The Moon” by Frank Sinatra. As he does this, he speaks,

“Hello, Mrs. Murdock. I’m John.” You stay quiet, and he just enjoys the song.

He picks up a knife from the table and goes to you, this grin on his face that makes you sick.

But you remember a trick from not only your childhood, but also from Frank who told you the key to remaining strong under torture—Distraction.

You stare straight ahead, trying not to mind as the man runs the knife over your skin. You think about Matt. You imagine him in his wedding suit, the smile he had on as you approached him down that aisle. You think about when he asked you to marry him, and—

A sharp pain slashes down your arm, cutting open the shirt you’re wearing. You yell in pain, before moving in to try and take deep breaths.

You can do this. Matt will be here soon.

You continue to breathe through the anxiety and the pain, trying not to think too hard about when John hums along to Sinatra’s voice, guiding his knife around your skin. Another cut finds itself on your shoulder.

This goes on for a while, with the classic song looping over and over again. John never seems to tire of it, no matter how badly you will for it to end. As the song ends in one particularly good loop, John hits your face hard, and your nose starts bleeding.

You try to think of Matt’s voice. You don’t listen to John’s torments, knowing it will only egg him on further. You just want him to burn at that point.

By the end of… Countless Frank Sinatra serenades, you have cuts littered around your body, dry blood on your face from your nose and tears running down your face. When he’s eventually done, two men cut you out from the chair and drag you along to a smaller, darker room. You are left in there with a small meal, and you just huddle against a corner, nearest a barred window out of your reach.

And then, you begin to speak for the first time since you saw Fisk.

“Matt,” You whisper, “I’m by the docks.” You tell him, not sure if he can even hear you. “Please, I’m sorry for everything, please just come find me..” You mumble, too tired and aching to try and do more.

• • •

The next day, or what you presume to be the next day since you have no way to tell how much time has passed, you’re woken up by a loud banging on the door of your.. cell..?

The same two men enter and drag you back to the room, where John waits for you.

“How are you feeling today, Mrs. Murdock?” He asks.

You glare.

“Fuck you.”

He laughs and shakes his head.

“What happened to the polite young woman Mr. Fisk and I met yesterday?”

You’re filled with unprecedented anger.

“I said, Fuck you!”

He wastes no time, grabbing a lighter off the table and starting the record player again. Once more, Frank Sinatra’s voice fills the room, and you’re pretty sure once you’re done with John, and then Fisk, you’ll bring Sinatra back from the dead just to kill him again.

You’ve never really been a violent person, but you suspect that it lives in the worst parts of you, just as it did with your own father. You’re much better at keeping it all at bay. Besides, it does you no good to be violent while you have Matt. He’s plenty angry for the both of you.

Oh, Matt..

This is how time passes for you. While John tortures you, burning you or carving into your skin, you think about how great it will be to choke the life out of the singer… And you think about Matt. When you’re in your dark little room, you talk to him. Even if he can’t hear you, you must hope that he’s looking for you.

• • •

Days pass. How long have you been here?

One night, you have the following dream:

It starts out as a memory. A memory of you and Matt. You’re lying in bed with him, and the sunlight is hitting his face just right. You love this memory, it’s one you recall often. He just has this angelic look to him.

Yeah, most people who encounter him, especially at night, meet the devil. But occasionally, you get glimpses of the angel you know he is. He’s sleeping, and you think in this state, he is the most relaxed you’ll ever see him.

Then, before your eyes, the dream shifts and you’re in this black void, on the ground.

Foggy, Karen, Frank, and Matt stand around you. You run to Matt but hit a clear shield keeping him from you. You bang on the glass, well, maybe it’s glass, you don’t know. You try to scream, but your voice never reaches your ears. You begin to look around, looking for a way out.

An eerie version of ‘Fly Me To The Moon’ plays as you glance over to Foggy and watch in horror as his body begins to turn to ash, just like Matt and Karen did when they were blipped. You scream, banging against the shield, but your screams are silent.

You glance back and see the same thing happening to Frank. No, no, no! It was never supposed to happen this way! Frank and Foggy, they lived! They got their time! They don’t die like this!

And then Karen starts too. You start sobbing, not wanting her to go. You had missed her so much, and you only just got her back. But soon enough, she’s gone too, and you’re left in front of your husband.

His hand comes up to rest on the forcefield and he frowns softly.

He says your name gently, and then adds, “You know it couldn’t last forever, right?”

And then just as quickly as before, he is gone again. You remain there in that void, sobbing and screaming though no noise reaches you. This can’t be it! You just got him back, you needed him! You couldn’t take being alone for another five years… Or more…

The dream transforms and you’re in this grand ballroom. People are dancing elegantly and you’re in this.. obnoxious ball gown. But across the room, you can see Matt. He’s dressed in an all-black suit, with a red masquerade mask covering his face. The mask has little red devil horns on it.

Now, the orchestra plays their rendition of Sinatra’s romantic classic. And you step towards Matt, attempting to make your way towards him, only to be met with a masked man, beginning to twirl you around.

You jump from man to man, until eventually, you’re dancing with a man in an all-white suit, a man you quickly recognize as Fisk. No matter how hard you try to escape his grasp, he holds on tighter. The two of you stop dancing now, amid the crowd of moving bodies.

Fisk grabs your chin and tilts it in Matt’s direction, just in time for you to see him bowing to another woman, kissing the back of her hand. Your eyes widen and you think, this can’t be real.

“When I kill you,” Fisk says, “He’ll move on. You’re easily replaceable, Mrs. Murdock.”

And then, in an instant, the woman with Matt pulls out a dagger and plunges it deeply into his abdomen. It’s then that the other dancers, besides you, Fisk, Matt, and this mystery woman, disappear. Matt turns to you and falls to his knees, clutching his stomach.

He tries to crawl to you, blood seeping onto his hands and the beautiful ballroom floor. He yells your name, and the woman stabs him again from behind, and you watch as your husband dies. You hear him screaming, hear him yelling your name. But Wilson Fisk keeps you in place. You can do nothing but watch as Matt Murdock meets his end again, unable to save him. You start to scream, thrashing against Fisk, ready to claw your way to Matt.

You wake up screaming, the nightmare haunting you. A guard bangs on your door, yelling at you to keep it down.

It was just a nightmare, you tell yourself. Maybe Matt heard your screams.

Maybe he’s already dead.

You force yourself not to listen to the voice in your head that says that.

• • •

One day, Fisk visits again, only this time, He’s covered in blood. That damn song is still playing.

You just stare. They have long since stopped tying you up, recognizing that you no longer have the energy to try and fight back.  He has this sick grin on his face.

“Good evening, Mrs. Murdock.” You say nothing. “Have you been enjoying your stay with us?”

You glare.

“I hope Matt kills you when he gets here, because it will be a lot less painful for you if he does it instead of me.”

Mr. Fisk just laughs at this and tosses something at your feet. You get down off the chair to see what it is.

Your face goes pale with realization. You pick it up and slip it on your thumb, with it being too big for your other fingers. Matt’s wedding ring. You know it’s his, it has your name engraved in braille on the inside. How did he get this?

As if reading your mind, Fisk speaks again. “I took it off his body after I killed him.”

Your head shoots up to him. What did he say?

“No.” You deny. “Fuck off, I don’t—I don’t believe you.”

“Your husband is dead, Mrs. Murdock. I killed him with my bare hands because he was stupid enough to come after you. Your friends will mourn you and Matt Murdock for a while, and the city will come to the realization that Daredevil did nothing but harm. I win, Mrs. Murdock.”

You feel tears start to fill your eyes, and you realize, no. He hasn’t won because you’re still alive.

Maybe not for long, but you are.

You gather the rest of your energy and leap up, lunging at the large man covered in the man you love’s blood. And there’s a part of you that gets it. Okay, universe, you win. Most people don’t get a second chance like the two of you did. And now he’s dead, and soon you will be too. You can at least try to kill Fisk.

But you barely get a scratch in, yelling and screaming obscenities at him, as John grabs your arms from behind pulling you away. Fisk laughs and shakes his head again.

“It’s been lovely knowing you, Mrs. Murdock. I’m sorry you’ll have to die, you had so much potential. John, when you’re done doing whatever you’d like to her, kill her.” You hear him say it, but you’re blinded by rage, by grief.

John laughs behind you and forces you back into the chair, tying you back up once more. He looks at you, enraged and grief stricken, and just shakes his head.

“You and I are going to have a lot of fun.”

He leaves for a few minutes, and you realize this is the first time you’ve been left alone in this room. You tug at the knots and realize that while John is a gifted torturer, he’s not much of a knot tier.

So you manage to wiggle out of the rope, approaching the table in front of you. You don’t have much time. Okay, maybe you won’t be able to kill Fisk, but John will do. You take a golf club off the table in front of you and turn to the record player.

You begin to smash the thing in, angrily cursing at it as Frank Sinatra’s voice fades off into nothing. When the song ends, the lights turn off. And then, red flood lights turn on in their place.

A back up generator. Lovely. You think that your smashing of the record player couldn’t possibly make the whole building’s power go off, but you don’t really care at that moment.

You’re tired. You won’t make it far, but you need to try. You grasp the club and open the door, being greeted with a man you don’t recognize. You smack him in the face with the club hard enough for him to fall to the ground.

The red lighting adds an eerie tone to the hallways as you creep around, concussing various henchmen that Fisk has working for him. You don’t mean to kill these ones, only John.

But you’re running out of stamina, peeking around corners. And that’s when you see him. John is just standing there like he knows you’re there.

“Come out to play, Mrs. Murdock?” He calls, approaching the corner where you are waiting on the other side.

You focus on his footsteps, taking a swing around the corner when you know he’s close enough. You hear a sharp crack! As he falls, and you can’t see the blood in this lighting. Good. You begin to hit his head in, sobs mixing with yelling. You hate him. You want him to die before you’re killed.

But you don’t get the pleasure, because a pair of arms are pulling you off him, and you begin yelling.

“No!” You yelp. “No, Fuck you! Let go of me! Stop!” You think it’s another one of his goons, and you just want to be able to finish the job before you die. The figure forces you to drop the club. “Please, stop, don’t hurt me—”

But he’s saying your name and turning you around to see him. You know that voice.

“Sweetheart, hey, it’s just me—” He pants, his hands going to your cheeks. “It’s me, It’s just me. I’ve got you.”

And you can’t believe your eyes.

“Matt..?” You whimper, not able to believe it. “No, you’re dead, this has to be—”

And then, Matt does something he wouldn’t do for anyone who wasn’t his wife. He pulls off his helmet so you can see his face. Oh.

“I’m right here. I’ve got you.” He says softly, his thumb gently rubbing against your skin.

That’s when you start to sob, falling against him, no energy left to carry yourself. His arms wrap around you, and you say it again.

“He told me you were dead..”

“I know.. I’m sorry, I don’t know how he got my ring but we’ve gotta get you out of here.” He tells you.

You’re so tired. You’re slumping against him as you try to walk, the warmth radiating off his body just drawing you to sleep.

The last thing you hear before you fall asleep is Matt’s voice, begging you to stay awake.

• • •

You see flashes. Your parents, your dad. Nightmares of Fisk killing Karen, Foggy, Frank, and worst of all, Matt. You see John’s sickening grin on the body of spiders, and you’re chased by his cruel laughter.

But the dreams are filmier compared to what’s happening around you. You know Claire shows up at some point, and you’re thankful to her. Karen sits next to you sometimes, petting your hair, or sometimes it’s Foggy, talking your ear off.

You have fever dreams of Frank in full military gear, tormenting you.

“Not so tough now, huh, girl?” He teases. “You really thought you’d kill the big bad wolf? Solve all your boyfriend’s problems?”  

You say to him, “Husband, He’s my husband.”

• • •

Even in your dreams, where you were slashed and burned aches, and you long for the pain to end.

You wake up only once throughout these dreams, and it’s when Karen is playing music to try and calm you from your insistent nightmares.

Only one song snaps you out of it, and you hear it clear as day.

‘Fly me to the moon,” Sinatra sings, “Let me play among the stars,’

He only gets through a few more lines before you’re sitting up on the couch, screaming.

“No! Stop, please!” You cry, and in an instant, Matt’s arms are around you. “Matt, please, don’t let him hurt me, please! Please don’t die, don’t let him keep hurting me!” You beg, in a hazed, frenzied state.

“I’ve got you, No one’s going to hurt you..”

Karen turns off the music somewhere deep in the apartment.

“No..” You begin to grow tired in his arms again. “Matty, please.. You can’t die, please..” You whimper out, continuing to mumble out pleads as you fall back into your weird dream state.

• • •

You really wake up two days later. Matt’s hand is clasped over yours, and he’s just.. Sitting on the floor next to the couch, praying into your clasped hands.

Praying for what, you don’t know.

Your body aches. But something in you tells you you’re safe.

“Matt…?” You whisper gently, and his head shoots up.

“Hey..” He says softly, one hand leaving yours, coming up to brush your hair out of your face. “There she is..”

“You’re alive..”

He seems a little concerned you still had some doubts about this.

“I am. Fisk lied to you.. He never even touched me.” You nod.

“Did I kill him? The man you found me..”

“No. He’s just in a coma, I checked. He’ll be brought to justice.”

“I only wanted him dead when I thought you were too..” Because really, you would have nothing if Matt wasn’t there. Nothing to live for. When he was blipped away, you had the hardest time readjusting to life. Now you know if he died again, you’d probably go off the rails.

No love story is saved more than once. You used up all your luck. Now it will be doomed if he’s ever killed again.

“I know.” He said gently.

“How long have I been out? How long was I in there?”

“A week, and then you were out for four days here. They got you good, baby..” He says gently. “I’m sorry I didn’t find you earlier.”

You frown softly.

“You did find me though. That’s all that really matters anymore.” You know you’ll be nursing scars for a long time. Physical or not.

“Still..” He said gently, and he brings your hand up to kiss it gently. “And I’m sorry I told you to leave that night. I was just upset, but this past week and half.. I feel like I’ve been going crazy without you. No matter how mad at you I am, I never want to spend another night without holding you. Knowing that you could have been…” His voice breaks, and he just sighs, taking a moment to lean his head on your hand. “I love you, so much.” He kisses your palm again.

How are you so tired again? All you’ve done is talk to him, but it feels like you just ran a marathon.

“I love you. It’s why I married you. Because you and I, we were always meant to be with each other. No matter what.”

He smiles weakly and reaches over to the coffee table to grab something. He slips it on your finger and for the first time in over a week, your wedding ring is back where it belongs. You see Matt is wearing his. Your Matt. Your husband. The only one you were ever meant to be with.

“Did Claire patch me up? I remember her being here..” He nods softly.

“Yeah, we.. we really owe her one. She was a huge help..”

“Karen and Foggy were here… And Frank?”

“No, no, Frank’s still in Illinois, I think?” You nod softly. “You were mumbling to him, though. I heard you… you were telling him you had a husband.”

You would laugh if it didn’t hurt.

“He called you my boyfriend. I had to correct him.” You grin.

“That’s my girl.” He hums. Matt gently lifts you so you can sit up and drink some water. Then, he climbs onto the couch and brings you close. His arms wrap around your freshly wounded skin and you have a rare moment of gratefulness for his blindness.

You sit in silence for a while.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks gently.

You think about it all. The torture, the cuts, burns, the small room. Fisk’s laughter, John’s grin. But something sticks out to you.

“Fisk said I was just like him.”

“What?”

“We.. We grew up similar, Matt, I mean.. What if he’s right? What if the only thing separating him and I is one bad move?”

Your husband frowns and shakes his head.

“Sweetheart, you are the.. the most amazing person I’ve ever met. You’re the complete antithesis of Wilson Fisk. Yeah, you grew up like him, but you’re living proof that you don’t have to go down the path he did just because of his background. You and I both know that there will never be a world where you end up like him. Especially not with me.”

You find comfort with his words. Not only did you make every choice not to be like Fisk, but you must’ve also made all the right decisions if in the end, you ended up with Matt. Oh, it won’t be easy, you know that for sure. You’ll never be able to listen to Frank Sinatra, and your upcoming nights are filled with nightmares and hauntings.

But one day you’ll be okay. One day You’ll be able to sit in the silence without thinking about it. One day you’ll get the image of dead Matt out of your head. You’ve spent many nights wondering about who will go first, you or him.

And then you realize the best-case scenario is that the two of you die at the same time, never living another moment without each other.

How would there ever be a world where you and your husband weren’t with each other, even just for a moment?

[paraphwrites]

@carpediemma made a poll post about which characters would be who in an alice in wonderland au and none of the one's winning are the ones i want so i will now be justifying my thesis

alice - niko. above all else, alice must be curious and kind. she is also afraid, a lot, because she's in a wild new world - very similar of how niko is scared and in a new world (both ghost/supernatural, america, and a world without her father)

white rabbit - edwin. polite yet preoccupied, punctual yet anxious, obsessive yet unpredictable, always dressed smart... the similarities go on. and while i think some of their actions might not align entirely, i think there is a case to be made for edwin shewing someone along, insisting it must be done his own way

mad hatter - charles. playful, defiant to social norms, bit of an eccentric dress style! though charles is a bit less over the top, i feel that in the right environment, he could go totally mad. hatter has a lot of fun but there is this hint of despair to him which to me, entirely emulates charles

the dormouse - jenny. tired, confused, and underpaid, next question

the march hare - maxine. unpredictable, bizarre, reckless, excitable. not a huge character so not too much to go from but i see some loose similarities in the erratic nature - it's not that they're evil, it's that they're so invested in existence that they might stab you

please do not think of the implications of shipping the dormouse and the march hair i will not be held responsible for that

tweedledee and tweedledum - litty and kingham. petty?? childish?? looks similar??? guys come ON there is no more iconic duo in dbda! they're not very kind, they're not anti violence, they love attention- am i talking about the tweedles, or litty and kingham? you literally can't tell.

the caterpillar - tragic mick. appears when alice is uncertain and needs help, prompts her to reflect on her own identity. not particularly nice but is very helpful and kind, in his own way. calm, almost cryptic, slow manner of speech.

cheshire cat - the cat king. im not gonna explain this one

ok guys bare with me for the next two. they're kinda controversial. i could see them flipped and i did flip them many times but this is what i decided on

the duchess - esther. the duchess is abusive to her child (monty), but can be overly affectionate, as well. duchess is hella comedic in a dark way, she's got a fucked up relationship with power (duchess is a slave to the Queen, esther is a slave to the Snake), she's absurdly contradictory (like esther and her contradiction of wronging girls using lilith's gift)

the queen of hearts - the night nurse. the queen cannot see a way of life other than executions. i know she SEEMS hella emotional, but legit, i think it's more this desperate desire for feelings and sensations because she is so stuck in a loop of being listened to. the night nurse is similarly stuck in this loop of bureaucracy. neither are happy and neither have any true meaning to their lives. they both also seem to lack a nuance to empathy (nurse thinking ends justify the means so no need to feel guilty about the means, almost viewing finding the boys as a game in order to feel SOMETHING). neither would not survive a day in therapy

the king of hearts - kashi. foil to the queen of hearts, very minor character. gentle, soft spoken, trying his best, exists more in his own universe than anywhere else. the key difference is if they went to therapy, kashi's therapist would end up getting therapied, and king would just break down sobbing

the knave of hearts - monty. while if esther was the queen, maybe this would be more apt, but this is my analysis so i'll do what i want. the knave is a victim of absurd injustice, is somewhat sympathetic but ultimately a perpetuater of this same system. monty does the same thing with esther & her abuse. he is also young and handsome which, we've all seen joshua colley, i don't need to explain

the talking rose - crystal (with/pre-david.) haughty, mean, cruel, flirtatious. she's not a villain but she's definitely not on your side. she's critical, both of your looks, personality, and general vibe. but she's also just one of the many flowers, kind of how crystal was just one of the rich kids, not really doing all that much

in this version, i'd have when the flower's roots are freed be the same energy as the boy's getting rid of david. moment of self-transformation, free from curse. i will probably make a follow up post on how i'd do the plot, but i wanted to throw that bit on david out there.

[oc-tournaments]

ROUND FIVE - THE FINAL MATCH.

THE HERO vs SALVANAN vs TAMARA

THE HERO: @technoria

SALVANAN: @the-demoness-next-door

TAMARA: @wokeuptraveledstraightintothesun

VOTE BASED ON THE INFORMATION BELOW CUT!!

Propaganda Content Warnings: Abuse, manipulation, suicidal thoughts for SALVANAN, abandonment, experimenting, cult mentions for TAMARA.

THE HERO:

PROPAGANDA: while their story is still a work in progress the main important detail about them is that they are so fucking doomed to fail their one main goal no matter how close they get to success and this is driving them absolutely batshit. video game protagonist that lost the job of player character to some mass produced level 1 enemy. not once have i drawn them happy

THEME SONG:

SALVANAN:

PROPAGANDA: this poor man. buckle in, you have a LONG one coming. he's very old, he's the god of plants + the earth and he's great i love him but man i have not been nice to him. so. way early in his life, he had a very sweet boyfriend named azyll along w lots of mutual friends. except oops, sal developed chronic anxiety and depression and decided that he did not think he would be good for azyll and broke it off w him. it was amicable but it still sucks. fast forward a bit, one of the friends in their circle, jekath, is being manipulated and hurt for no reason and sal knows but for magic reasons he's incapable of telling anyone, just has to watch. and then he eventually has to watch jekath finally snap under the pressure and betray them all and go evil. no bueno. so he spends a long time feeling terrible and eventually he plans to just. yknow. off himself. but oh surprise this little boy named safari shows up in his garden! and he's like well shit guess im a dad now. and he loves this little boy very much. it's good times! except when he's a teenager two of the little boy's biological brothers drop him off a cliff and nearly kill him, which is, yknow, terrifying. that's his son! his son was almost murdered! no! bueno! anyway, azyll's mortal so eventually he dies of old age, now sal's even sadder. least he's still got his other friends and safari but Man. anyway fast forward again, whole world is at war. and his two best friends, arona and morana, both die in it. but if that was not bad enough, arona was killed by jekath. you know, the old friend that was abused and eventually betrayed them all. so the friend he felt like he failed has now murdered one of his best friends. and his other best friend is ALSO dead. things are just going Great. flash forward another little while and his goddaughter's husband, sibrum, goes evil against his will too. he's known sibrum since he was a kid so now he's got ANOTHER person he felt responsible for gone evil against their will. then sibrum's daughter dies. are you seeing a pattern yet. anyway, sibrum soon kills jekath so now sal feels like he's double failed both of them and also even MORE of his original friends are dead now. so he is trying So Hard to relax! but then safari is turned into a terrible person against his will too! and because they were so so close for so so long they end up in a toxic dynamic instead of cutting each other off. sal finally figures out how to break the spell on safari and it's all Okay Now (they're both traumatized and it's definitely not okay). he gets to relax for only a brief time before his other child's son, volta, has a villain arc too. and what happens? you guessed it! sal tries to stop him and help him and he's not able to. and feels like he failed someone AGAIN. yeah this just happens over and over through the course of his life. he's so tired and sad man

THEME SONG:

TAMARA:

PROPAGANDA: let’s see, lost her family at 7 years old (none of them died there was just a house fire where she was put inside an iron stove to “protect” her by her father (her father doesn’t like her can you tell) and they left her there (the rest of her family thought she’d left already)), (un)fortunately picked up by a guy who took her to a very ethical lab where she was healed! And then forced through many painful experiments. Also she was the executioner for a Lot of people later in the lab time and she’s not even 16 yet. So she escapes at age 16 and spends a year with her girlfriend just existing and processing (poorly) what she had to live through and trying to acclimate to life outside of The Lab. Then her girlfriend (who is a cyborg fun fact) got a virus and so she had to be decommissioned which was not a good time for Tamara.

Other physical details: One of the experiments was a test in how high someone’s empathy can get and. Tamara’s the highest Kyne (the one guy who loves experimenting on her) got. So she’s having a Time. She has lost sensation in her extremities, her bones are weak as Fuck due to being part bird (because of very little bone marrow and airy bones), and she just always looks soggy regardless. Also she’s trans

So she just can Not catch a break and she unfortunately gets exploited by her need for parental love and general guidance in her life and joins a cult :( Like can you see the fact that she just cannot stop being kicked while she is down. (I love her to bits and she is my favorite oc I promise)

THEME SONG:

[popawritter12]

Hey hey heyyy im back with another request (im the same anon who requested that yandere morgana piece u wrote, absoutely loved it btw ate it up) and i was wondering if you could write some yandere! Hwei x reader? (fanfic or headcanons is up to you!) maybe the reader is an artist as well and they bond over that? Idk man up to you, also love ur takes on characters ur legit one of the best LoL writers ive seen!!

Btw if you dont mind can i be the 🍊 anon? Ive seen other blogs have their emoji anons and i wanna be one so bad fhdbfh

Hope youre having a nice day!!

Author's Notes: Of course 🍊 anon! I would love to <3

I also got tired of making so many headcanons (believe it or not, I have more saved in my drafts), I'm going to write a one-shot. I hope you like it <3. I also appreciate that you like my work. It's especially nice to know that there's someone who enjoys what I do besides me. By the way, I think Hwei is not in the Yandere “tier list” of LoL, so from how I write him and how I see him, I assume that he is a “Normal” type, because his personality reminds me a little of Ayano from Yandere simulator jjjjjjjjjj

Ｏ(≧∇≦)ＯＯ(≧∇≦)ＯＯ(≧∇≦)ＯＯ(≧∇≦)Ｏ

Yandere! Hwei x Fem! reader

Yandere character: Hwei From the videogame/anime/manga/movie/series: League Of Legends Case: Mention of stalking, allegation of theft, robbery and kidnapping. Part: 1 of 1 Warning: Excessive text LOL

Ｏ(≧∇≦)ＯＯ(≧∇≦)ＯＯ(≧∇≦)ＯＯ(≧∇≦)Ｏ

Obedience.

You had heard that word for so long that it was already embedded in your memory. But not in the way most expected.

You hated that word, and for that same reason you almost never hung out with the teachers or students of the temple you went to.

But we are getting ahead of ourselves, we better go to the beginning.

You had been born into a family that had never been close to other nations apart from Ionia, your mother was a strict woman, sometimes bordering on abusive, who always hated temples. Especially religions… Let's say she never had good experiences with it.

And your father, oh your beloved father… He was a saint in every sense of the word. He was kind, a joker… And a smile was always on his face. He had never yelled, in fact even when he was angry, he would just sit in the corner, ignoring everything around him until his mind cooled down.

And, being an only child, your life around them was quite chaotic. While your mother always tried to stay out of her entire family situation—a rather complex issue even for you—your father was the “husband of the house,” so to speak. He was in charge of teaching you both cooking and home care in general, including carpentry and, mainly, the art of home decoration.

He always dreamed of being a great artist, but in his family it was never frowned upon for a man to make the decision to undertake such a complex world of art, because, you know… that's a “women's thing.” But anyway, a lot of things have happened since the last time you talked to your uncles and cousins so… They aren't very important in your life right now.

But do you know that it is important? Where did you study.

Your father insisted a lot on your talent with sculptures and the human form; You really liked making ceramic vases manually, so much so that from the age of 8 you made your first sculpture; It was the strange shape of a dog with small eyes and a giant nose. At the time you barely knew how to paint sculptures, and your father barely knew about sculptures, and the shape of it so… Let's say it looked more like an "alebrije" than a dog with a big nose.

But that was a long time ago, and now the only proof of that memory is the figure on your father's furniture; kept as a beautiful memory.

As time went by your sculptures became more complex; from simple vases for flowers to sculptures with human figures of such a level that, at this point, we could compare them with the statues of Michelangelo.

And your father wanted that talent to be exploited to the fullest. So, after years of arguing with your mother, they both agreed that you should go to the great temple where you would learn about the art.

But there was a small problem, one that was going to haunt you a lot.

You weren't used to how strict that school was.

The first and second day at that school were quite chaotic for you. It wasn't just because it wasn't as you expected, but because everything was very limited.

If you wanted to make art, you had to do it how they wanted, when they asked you to, and how they expected it. However, not only was that not your style, but it seemed like the teachers (especially the principal) always had one eye on you. And only for a few weeks did you endure that strict issue of obedience.

But there was one boy who was particularly kind to you, and he was a young man of always unkempt appearance. His dark circles always stood out on his face, along with his hair that was rarely organized in a linear manner. From the first time he saw you, he felt charmed by the way you expressed yourself; You were good at painting and using magic, but when he saw the ceramic sculptures you made…damn, you really drove him crazy.

But you obviously didn't notice, you were too focused on trying to get along with your surroundings in general that you didn't notice his desperate attempts to get along with you.

However, in the pleasant conversations you had with him, you always saw him as the stereotype of the exemplary boy; someone who dedicated his entire life to his art, to the temple and was admired by everyone for his great talent. You thought he was assured of a great future thanks to his eccentric abilities.

And you, unlike most, learned very well from your mother that you could not let yourself be trampled; especially by anyone you barely knew. So the blood that ran through your veins and the passion for your own art that you kept for so long was slowly being tied to be limited, but with barely strong ropes. It hurt a lot to know that you were in a place that didn't belong to you, it was as if you were a squirrel in the Freljord, or a mouse in a perfume store.

And in the end, when you mentioned all these things to your mother, she didn't take it very well.

—Did you really go through all this while you were in that temple? —She asked, a cigarette between her fingers as she arranged her needles on the table.

You just nodded your head, not looking at your mother at all. The woman, at this, clicked her tongue.

—I knew that those bitches are only good for the basics, they didn't evolve at all —The woman brought the cigarette to her lips, taking a gentle drag —so, do you know something, my child? Send them to hell.

You were used to her bad vocabulary, so much so that at this, you just nodded your head again.

—I know perfectly well that you are not like me, that you want to venture out and learn about “the ways of art” and that I know —The woman moved her free hand in the air, while with the other she only lightly squeezed the cigarette. —, but if you're going to go alone so that that bunch of nuts can do you less, I'm going to get you out even by kicking you in the ass.

Your mother was tough as a chain in the teeth, and you knew that she couldn't last long without making trouble in the temple if there was someone bothering her only daughter. She cared very little if it was a student, a teacher or even the founder of the temple himself —Even though she knows that she died a long time ago— she would go and give her her dose of shit if she messed with the pride of her as a mother.

She advised you to kick their ass if they messed with you, but your father later talked to you about it, advising that you couldn't take all your feelings and thoughts to such an extreme, but that you should think coldly, and not give importance to people that were not to your specific liking, regardless of their social status. You were no less for coming from a family that came from the middle of nowhere.

During your temple walk, you always walked alone, which gave you plenty of time to think about your actions; You had been passive most of the time, however, more than once you let out those classic off-color comments when they already crossed your limit. Words like “Fuck you if you don't like it” or “You're barely able to use colors and you're going to tell me what I have to do?” escaped you in very rare cases.

You entered the less traveled part of the temple, hoping not to encounter those looks that made you uncomfortable. The song of nature resonated in your ears harmoniously, while the sound of the materials inside your bag resonated from time to time.

In the midst of your ramblings, you remembered your lost sculptures, and your forgotten materials; You were not a forgetful pardon, and it seemed strange to you not to find your favorite materials —That were metal, so they were worth a lot of money —, and even though you asked and asked, you couldn't find it anymore, so it depressed you a lot to think that you had lost something that had cost yout parents so much effort, and the mere memory of it caused you to feel that pang in your heart.

Even if your parents said it was nothing that couldn't be fixed, it hurt to know that you had lost one of the most expensive things your parents had cost you to get you.

But it was curious to think what a surprise you would get.

However, you get to hear some noises; without being the whining of baby birds waiting for food or rodents walking in search of food, but rather it resembled the voice of two people talking. You recognized both of their voices, but you thought it wasn't too important to stay there, in fact, you were already planning to go somewhere else when you heard it.

—So that girl, (Name), right?

—Yes, I didn't think you realized that issue.

The second boy's shy voice reminded you of that young man you rarely spoke to, which took you by surprise. Hwei wasn't the type of person to talk bad about someone behind their back, or at least that was the idea you had based on your interactions.

—You don't have to worry, after all it's normal for you to feel attracted to someone —Jhin mentioned, almost in a mocking manner—. So why don't you tell me about her?

You had already noticed the intention behind that interaction, however, after what happened, you thought that maybe you could calm your heart with some sweet words that you weren't meant to hear at that moment.

—Well, she is… incredible —He begins, you hear how the young man sits on a log due to the sound of the hollow wood —, she is beautiful, kind, tender… and her way of expressing her art is so… unique.

You gently leaned your back against the wood, trying not to make any sound. Something in your chest moved abruptly, as if your heart was fluttering like a butterfly in glass.

—I adore her sculptures, I feel that they are the most beautiful thing I have seen —He continues talking, slowly his emotion rose more and more —. I looked sometimes at her work in class or in the room away from her, and they are… beautiful.

—So much so that you had the need to steal them, right?

It was a single sentence, one which echoed in your head for several seconds.

—What are you talking about? —Hwei asks, arranging his hair a little, trying to place several strands behind his ear —. I would never do that.

You didn't hear how Hwei's tone of voice changed, becoming staccato, as his hands clung to his backpack, which he had in his lap.

At this, the other student laughed, almost like a subtle laugh, while his eyes wandered to where your shadow was looming. A mischievous smile forms on his face.

—So, I imagine that the sculptures that are in your room were made by you, right? —He questions, looking subtly into Hwei's eyes—. Or you bought them from her.

Your thoughts slowly formed a thread of the events that had happened. A lump formed in your throat, almost painfully so.

—Or her favorite utensils, she asked me if I had seen them last week, since she had left them near you the last time she saw them —He continued, almost introspectively—, but when I asked you, you only mentioned that you didn't see them that day either.

You shook your head, from the depths of your soul you prayed that it wasn't true, that you didn't have the school prodigy after you in such an extreme way.

—Well, I admit that I have some of her sculptures in my room, but they are the ones that she forgot in class or anywhere! —The pale boy snapped—. And I don't know what you think I did with her utensils, I don't know how to sculpt.

Jhin laughs again, barely audibly now, as if he knew that now he would have to act more vividly.

—And why were they in the box in your room? —Jhin asks him —, it even had remains of dry ceramics. Could it be that they were already used?

Hwei gritted his teeth, while his gaze met Jhin's again.

—That side of you… It's so peculiar. —He smiles —, I thought no one would see it, but you risk being seen in exchange for getting some things from (Name).

Hwei knew that darkness within his soul had awakened since the first day he saw you. And that darkness spread throughout his soul, mind and body, to the point that it seemed to consume all of his heart and mind.

—Your paintings were always warm colors —Jhin changed the subject, the smile disappearing from his face —, they were never about anything specific, but since you met that girl, something changed —He bowed gently in front of Hwei —. If it was about her, you focused on her in a way that made her seem pure, you used colors that highlighted her body or her emotion on her face. But she never looked at anyone —He subtly changed his focus —, she looked at the painter, or she didn't look at anyone, tell me, do you just want her to not look at anyone but you? Do you want her to the point that you don't want her to look at anyone but you?

He remained silent, in such a way that you could feel the weight of the words lingering in the air, causing an almost inexhaustible tension there. It was such that you could no longer hear the song of nature that you longed for so much.

—I won't criticize you, Hwei, you know that I understand better than anyone the dark feeling inside you —Jhin tried to sound empathetic —. And, if you want, I can help you make (Name) yours. I can make her fall in love with you and make that she can never leave you.

The obsessed young man understood how wrong it was to have those thoughts terrifying his mind, but he couldn't stop it, it was a feeling that had already taken root in his heart, and he couldn't tear it out no matter how much he wanted to.

—I can't… —Hwei whispered, his voice breaking —…, I don't want to harm her; She is so nice to me, I don't want to put her through all my feelings.

You heard him sob.

—You're not going to hurt her —Jhin comforts him, a hand running over his cheek —. I know you love her very much, and you notice how others hurt her. But, tell me, don't you think about those people really hurt her? —He subtly wipes away the tear that slipped down her face—. You should take care of those people, you know? So she could express her art as she loves it. Maybe she could even make thousands of statues without anyone to pressure her, and you could “borrow” them for yourself.

You had heard enough, you couldn't stay there for another minute.

However, before you could move, Jhin leaned close to Hwei's ear, his lips close to her loose strands of hair.

—Or you could take it right now, you know? This opportunity is perfect. —Jhin's mischievous smile spreads across his face.

Hwei opened his eyes to her peak, at the same time he heard a rope move abruptly.

And you felt your foot being pulled up, forcing you to hit your face against the ground, causing you to moan in pain.

—Shit. —You whispered, feeling your head spin, a small wound on your head began to make small drops of blood come out.

—That is…? —Hwei whispers, his heart sinking in his chest —(Name)..?

Ｏ(≧∇≦)ＯＯ(≧∇≦)ＯＯ(≧∇≦)ＯＯ(≧∇≦)Ｏ

Today I came wanting to write. I loved how this one-shot turned out, and I hope those who read it do too haha.

I hope to receive more orders if any of you wish, until then, I will be dedicated to my hobbies and my studies.

[teenyeepyelf]

!!!WEDDING CAKE DESIGNS!!!

Not gonna outright trigger warning, but please take care when reading this, it delves softly into disturbing and upsetting topics

1.) Flowered Veil

2.) Golden Gal

3.) Purple Haze

4.) I Saw the TV Glow (I haven't actually seen the movie yet, so plz no spolierzzz)

5.) Secret Garden

I never had the phaze as a biokid where I like designed wedding cakes planned my marrigage etc bc i was a black kid in a 98% white area where no one wanted to date let alone marry me lol

so im doin it now! bc im actually gonna get married, eventually lol. i call my Nonnie my hubby already, but like we arent married x3 and dont really super consider ourselves so x3

now i'll TRY and explain the cakes a bit and where my head was at when creating them

1.) This cake is inspired by mine and my nonnie's favorite colours, pink and green. i wanted something cutesy and simple and straightfoward, while still indicating commiment and deterimation to love each other as long as the other deserves such love. The veil, which is decorated with flowers symbolises our growth and how we've both blossomed since being with the other. The way that we both nurture and water the other. The veil is also flowly and river like, a calm river that one might rest beside to regain strength. A river that one might safely wade and swim in, there's no nasty surprises, byt by virtue of it being a river, it demands a sense of respect and awe. It's a river you find after a hard, tiring hike. Which makes sense for our relationship, bc we kissed a lot of toads and dealt with a lot of abuse before finding each other and falling into the love with have with each other. To the other we are a peacefully flowing river at which we can rest and mediate and find ourselves.

2.) this cake is definetly much more elegant that the other cakes, with is sleek black coloration and extravagant gold detailings. For me its a celebration of a culture that I never got to know, its a love for Africa and my African roots. The gold repersents not just the resource, but the RICH history of my people. It's ab how we have value as a people, we are precious. we are not a commodity, but a priceless people, without us the world as we know it would not exist. Not only does is represent that, but also mine and my Hub's native heritage, a heritage that neither of us know very well. But we still celebrate and try and learn ab. The gold also represents one of the Four sisters, Corn. An invaluable part of mine and many indigenous people's history. Not only is this cake the most elegant, it means the most to me as a person. (it can't be seen but there are three blue jewels on the cake as well, I intend for them to be FAKE sapphires. A somewhat bitter reminder of the lives lost to the cruel practices that afford us many of the Luxuries that those STILL in bondage will never get to indulge in) The inside of this cake will likely be red velvet. iykyk

3.) This is just a shameless reference and appreication for not on Jimi Hendrix, but Sister Rosetta Tharpe, Nina Simone, Bessie Smith, Ma Rainey, Billie Holiday, those early WOMEN pioneers of rock music. I have such a huge love for them. And yes, i don actually listen to them with some regularity. I'm not going to go very deep into this cake, bc i'm alrady tearing up, these women, they deserve their flowers. Which is why the purple detailing is flowers.

4.) I haven't actually seen "I Saw the TV Glow" I really want to, but I've heard it has some reality bending moments, and I have SZA and struggle with things of that nature, so I'm trying to make sure I'm stable compeletly before watching. This is a very ambitious cake. I plan to have it be both a projection cake, as well as have the details in green frosting infused with Glow in the Dark Luster dust!

5.) This cake is undeniably gaudy and busy. And I hate and love it in near equal amounts. "The Secret Garden" is a a book that is DEEPLY personal to me in ways that i will not get into fully here, maybe I'll go into detail on another blog. But long story short I know how it feels to have "dead" parents (My father was incarcerated and my mother abandoned/never loved me) and being left to be raised by seemingly cold and uncaring relatives. (I know really do love and appriacte the woman who raised me, she wasn't perfect, but she did what she knew and raised a damn good person) i also know ab having a special and secret place shared with only a cousin. I know this cake looks somewhat ugly, somewhat clumsily made. I wanted it to look that way. To have a sort of clumsy whimsy, a... childishness wonder and impracticability. The vaguly steeple shaped cake tacked on, almost as an afterthought, was very intentional. It's a representation of my tainted innocent. The whole cake has an eerie sense of dream-like innocence, something that never existed for me. I didn't feel safe my entire childhood... i know, that weddings are for joy, and this cake doesn't sound very joyful. But I think weddings can also be a time to mourn, to let go, to open a new chapter. I have been in the process of mourning the girl who never existed, the girl I pretended to be. The girl who was bubbly an bright and happy happy happy. I am letting go of the girl who was so bitterly and violently angry, the girl who lashed out and hurt people, bc she had been so deeply hurt. The sad scared child who would bite and scratch, kick and claw. The girl who screamed her throat hoarse and bloody. I am no longer her, so it's time... its time to let her go. I'm ready... but I'm scared...

WOAH that got WAAAAYYYYYY deeper than i expected lol, but yea, these are the wedding ckaes I designed, which is ur fave??

(I'm also going to be trying to draw up the inside of the cakes + describe the flavors laters ::33)

[trenchgardens-ooc-ooc-ooc-ooc]

🦾

oooh disabilities. All my ocs got them fuck yeah.

Starting with sensory lack, Calixtus eventually becomes blind and Dlicti is hard of hearing due to a TBI.

Somati has his gigantism which manifests in two ways, if he were normal sized you would see them as bone frailty and a weak heart, but his bones are actually normal in composition for his ange and his heart is normally sized too, its that his body has outpaced them. His bones are thin and weak for someone his height but normal for someone his age. He walks with forearm crutches even after his godtier while not flying, because his balance sucks and he is a tall fuckin tree. His godtiering stops his advanced growth (deletes the tumor on his pituitary gland if thats how his mutation worked) and beefs up his heart.

Bucket has Something. I think its some form of chronic fatigue, joint pain, or anhedonia? likely all three. Everything hurts and she's tired. She walks with a cane. There is also something wierd in how she thinks but i honestly am not even close to diagnosing it.

Dlicti is pretty strong, but youve seen her manacle scars, those have an effect on how frail her wrists ankles and neck are. That and in general her skin is very easy to tear because of how scarred it is. Its texture is inconsistant so sharp edges catch on it more, and the tissue itself is thinner in the scars so they reopen semiregularly if shes not careful. She is also blind in her left eye. i feel like that one is obvious though.

Plexus considers her empathy a mutation on some level. In the internalized mutinism way, she is not disabled i think at all? She might have knee problems from how much she kneels both in her past as a clown (praying), as punishment by her father (praying, physical abuse), and her job. I think her pants have kneepads now, which will probably be consistant for her entire sburb times, i think after godtiering she would keep her weak knees but the damage shes gotten over the years would be undone.

Ferics is chairbound. They have a spinal deformation from pupation that prevents them from being able to control anything basically below the navel. When they godtier they get stuff like bowel control but they dont gain fucntioning legs. they never felt like they needed them to be Them. in their heart they always saw it as the world being cruel to them, not them being wrong in some way. Also this is kind of a troll disability, their blood is a muddy yellow gray after their hue changes. Their psionic colors funnily ejough are indigo ish and cerulean ish. Ferics also is selectively verbal ! They just like. Cant talk about most things. Its only easy for them to speak about things theyre passionate about. All of this also goes for Halfiron. Halfiron is cool as fuck that mfr is bad as ass.

Halfiron made both a metal support exoskeleton brace thing for the Sanguine and his heart... thing. The Sanguine has a wierd surgically opened hole in his chest between the ribs that the Halfiron used to access his heart. He installed an implant that would allow him to like. do heart surgery easily and semiregularly. If youre familiar with the kind of heart surgery that layers one heart on top of the other? think like that but if you plugged in a circulatory system power strip and just put more hearts there. Sanguine's comparative bone frailty from his constant growth eventually catches up with him when his femur breaks in the middle of nowhere... Hence the Ur-clown.

Oh all of my ocs are autistic because im autistic.

Perpep is plural, The Ur-Clown->Ur-Crane probably is too, Plexus is plural, Detheo and Detheo are both plural. Oomani is also plural. Perpep has foggy memory barriers, Ur Crane has solid memory barriers, neither Detheo has any memory barriers, Oomani has memory barriers.

being intersex isnt a disability but theyre kind of similar catagories in that its something thats different about you and i wanna talk about it so i will. Ferics and Calixtus are intersex.

Oftcas has a limp due to a run in with a subjuggolator's bear trap.

Detheo Niptur is one hundred percent mute. nonverbal, potentially nonlingual? I use the word noncommunicative. I dont think he talks at all, and i dont think he writes or types either. Words aint it for him. Detheo Ordeor used to be this, he was forced to change, so he does have speaking skills, but he hates using them and avoids communication like the plague.

oh yeah Oomani has frontal lobe damage which affects her personality, he also has. uh. every part of the brain damage. She has seizures, migraines, almost no fine motor control- uh yeah. Oomani went thru it....

hmrgh i cant think of any more but i know i have some

[shaampoo]

*Bams the door down*

Hello!

Tell me about your ocs please! All the random facts! Well not technically all, just some of them, you get what I mean. XD

I Want To Know More!

And also how's you been? And what do you think about everything that exists? =>

Random facts time!!!

Ill try to list them in order of like, my first OC to my most recent OC's

Jinx first!!!

Jinx was once turned into a cat by the villains, and Jinx was pretty chill about it really, they loved knocking stuff over at the villain base, and since the villains thought they was just turned into a cat, no JInx inside, they just assumed it was normal cat behavior

Jinx is a magpie, like they LOVE shiny stuff, like, once, the heroes and villains were fighting over an ancient artifact, who gets it, the heroes want it so that they know the villains cant abuse it, and the villains want it for power, and then Jinx just ups and steals it just cause its shiny

Jinx has a twin brother Aegis, hes the opposite of Jinx, a hero, no-nonsense, his powers is to create shields, i made him after i made Jinx, but using the base i made for Jinx

Aegis is Bisexual and up for poly btw (i even thought about making him date the leader of the heroes and the leader of the villains just for the shits and giggles,)

Jinx lives with their brother (Aegis is older by 2 minutes ["best 2 minutes of my life" lol], cause their parents kicked Jinx out at 18, and Aegis was disgusted by that, so he lived with Jinx

Jinx didnt get much attention as a child, so that's why they're what they're like today, he has flair, a loud voice, just so that they get attention,

also, Jinx had to mostly fend for themself as a child, and they were given almost no supervision, since their parents gave Aegis more attention and training, believing that AEgis was more fit to be a superhero, so Jinx could do whatever, really, so they ate a lot of candy, thus giving themselves a sweet tooth. This is also why Jinx is childish, they wasn't allowed to be a child back then so their allowing themselves to be a child

Also, im starting to wonder if Jinx does have a label on what side they're on, like, anti-heroes, to my research, do bad things for good. Anti-villains do good things for bad stuff, so I don't know if Jinx does have a side, cause they just do their own thing, sometimes joining the villains, sometimes joining the heroes, sometimes being an annoyance to both, so like, they're undecided i guess?? (Kinda like they're gender, it switches lol) Lemme look something up real quick...i guess JInx is like a rogue?

Also, Jinx, having no side, maybe has a lair of their own, a small one though, I've been thinking maybe a candy shop? Like, there's a basement of operations down there, and there's a candy shop up top?

Also, Jinx is Chaotic Lawful (or lawful chaotic), where they have a moral code, no one knows what it is though, but thank goodness its there

At first, i wanted to make Jinx have a double life as Casey, but then the more i thought about casey and their stories, it kinda spiraled into casey becoming their own character,

Now, onto Casey!!! Doing this cause he inspired a TON of characters

Caseys a trans man (aka ftm,), and has transitioned now.

He's a tired photographer and journalist (online), goes to college, engineering, he lives with his brother, Ryan Thompson (or Velocity as his hero name), also lives with his brother

Casey is Ryans adopted little brother, Caseys parents are Lady Luck and Mr. Misfortune (idk if i should give him siblings he was separated from)

So pretty much Casey has terrible and Amazing luck, they don't cancel each other out

This is pretty much where chaos happens around casey, but casey somehow gets out unharmed, which is great for his Photography and Journalism blog cause he usually stumbles into super fights!

Also, Caseys like, the go-to kidnapping victim for the villains, where they kidnap him a lot (they don't hurt him, cause i think I'm leaning more into comedy in my world ), and the heroes save him a lot, this led to him knowing a lot about both sides, also, once, Casey got out of his binds when the villains kidnapped him and left him, and instead of escaping, he takes pictures of the lair first, and gets out, and then proceeded to post the pictures and compliment the villain's style.

Also, Casey usually doesnt talk, mostly to people he doesn't know that much, if he's with Ryan or anyone he's really comfortable with, he will not shut up, showing them pictures, stuff he made using engineering, etc.

Also, every character inspired by Casey (like, they first started out as, haha, what if Casey was ___) has a white streak on their hair, so if you see an OC of mine with a white streak, you know what that means!

Now, Dr. Wilde!!

As you know, Dr. Wilde is a crazy scientist!

Dr. Wilde allows Lumi to call him Ezra (at first Lumi called him Dr. Ezra, but as they got more close Lumi started to call him Ezra, like a friend)

Casey has interviewed Dr. Wilde at some point, and even took pictures of his lab, and Casey has taken care of Tar once (picturing Tar and uploading to the internet how weird the rat is, and that once, the rat got in the oven while Casey was baking and it somehow survived)

Dr. Wilde has dyed Tar's fur a bit (haven't decided what color yet), just so that he can differentiate between the lab rats and Tar

Dr. Wilde's lab is right next to his room (which is like a house, having a kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, etc.),

Dr. Wilde rarely leaves his lab / room, as he isn't really interested in the outside world, and when he does leave, he brings Tar with him, and Tar is just perched over Dr. Wilde's shoulder

Dr. Wilde is pretty short, compared to other villains (i should make a height chart actually), where the villains tower over him

Dr. Wilde has green eyes, also, if you look at him, he WILL stare into your soul, no one has ever seen him blink,

Now, Onto Darian Knight / Eclipse!!

As you can see, Darian is inspired by casey,

Darian, at first, joined the heroes to spite his dad, who was a villain back then, but after a while, he did come to like being a hero

Darian joined when he was 18, and he's surprised people still think he's a villain

Solar Flare and Casey are the few people who believe he's a genuine hero, Solar Flare cause he's worked with Darian long enough to know he's being genuine, and Casey cause he interviewed anough people to know whats a lie and whats not, Lumi also knows Casey isn't a villain

Sunny Knight / Lumi!!

He joined the villains at 19, about the same time as Darian,

At home with their parents, Sunny and Darian are more civil, more sibling-like,

In the battlefield, Sunny and Darian try to incapacitate each other than hurt, since, yknow, they're siblings. But they don't fight in the battlefield much, since sometimes Sunny and Darian converse, and the hereos and villains think that Sunny and Darian are teaming up and switching sides (Darian to villains and Sunny to heroes),

Also, Lumi joined the villains just because he could, and it looked fun

i dont have much on newer OC's lol, since i havent fleshed them out much lol

I also have a few more OC's i haven't talked about / fleshed out that much, like they're just an idea, but not a person yet.

Like uhh

Viz:

Theyre a hero with high anxiety, but despite having anxiety, and knowing he would get attention, interviews, etc. He still decides to be a hero, since to him, its the right thing to do. I still haven't showed them yet cause 1. i haven't drawn them yet, 2. with anxiety like them, i want to make sure i represent them well and make them realistic and that i don't make them like a stereotype

Starlight / Adrian Celeste:

Hes a self absorbed egocentric hero, and he's vain, he's kinda a joke hero i thought about, where like, he's self absorbed to the point its funny, hes still nice though, he doesn't show it much though, since he doesn't want to seem vulnerable and stuff. a simple backstory I thought about is that he was put down back then when he was young, so to make himself more confident, he started to compliment himself, and other stuff, but then it quickly spiraled put of control, and now hes like this. He also carries a mirror with himself at all times, just to admire himself, and his mirror in his room has sticky note surrounding where his face would be, and it says "perfect" "amazing" etc. also, he can glow, heal, teleport, and kinda has the ability to see the future (in like a vague way, like, he sees the stars and can sense something in the future, but its just really vague)

Jester / R.J. Santos: (Civilian name im not sure on yet)

Theyre a villain, a non serious villain, think like a cartoon villain, a goofy villain, they dont do any harm, just there to have fun. they also wanted to name themselves Jester Jinx, but since Jinx already had the name, they were okay with going with just Jester. Also, he's filipino. Also, he cares for young heroes (being an impromptu dad himself [long story where a kid of a hero wanted to be a villain, but the parent wanted them to be a hero, so the kid ran away, and got to casey, and casey took care of them and helped them be a villain {the kids, actually a teen, like 16, the teen is names Shadowstrike and their civilian name is Micheal, they hate the name by the way},]), and once, casey saw that the heroes were sending young heroes to his base to defeat him, and R.J. doesn't spot a singular a singular adult there, so he makes the young heroes (teens and even kids) sit down and stuff, and then he calls the heroes (he has their number cause they're usually on good terms), and yells at them over the phone for sending kids to a villain, and that they could've gotten hurt, and he gets so angry he starts shouting in filipino. Also! R.J. has a big family (based off my family), where his great grandma had 12 kids, and those kids (his grandparents and grand aunties and uncles) had kids (about 3 each), his aunties and uncles, and they have kids as well (about 3-5), his cousins and such, and his cousins had children as well, R.J. tries to remember them all by name, but its pretty hard, cause like, he has about

...

three- three thousand, three thousand family members?! Uhm, hold on i gotta ask my mom something about my family, or my dad since that family is on his side

Oh thank god, i only have 106 family members,

uh, so like, new and revised family tree!

my famly is gonna be R.j's family (cause holy fuck no way am i writing 3 thousand family members , J.C.) that's whats R.J's family is gonna be, 106 family members,

Anyways, ive been doing okay-ish! Could be better, but could be worse XP (lets just say the AO3 author curse is real). And i think of things that exist are poggers.

[0l1v3-m4c3]

My HEADCANONs and Theories of Gangle's Backstory from Tadc

GANGLE - ever since she was a child, she's always neglected and being told to shut up Because she was never learned how to control her emotions because her parents neglected her ALOT, mostly because they were working for her ballet teacher, which Therye trying to force her to be a ballerina for the parents to be proud even tho GANGLE didn't want to ballet, ballet hurts so much meanwhile she dont know how to control herself so she just cries ALOT, her parents abused her to stop like 'this is what u get for being such a Bother..' like that, so she always flinch whenever someone raise their hand or voice because she thinks she's being mad at or being hit or yelled, she has eating disorder and PTSD because of her parents who wants her to be like a skinny ballet

Ever Since She got in the show, she was like pomni at first because she worries if she would never meet her parents again even tho shes and adult and have her own life but her parents still controls it around their finger, but since shes in the show for few days, she started to slow not trying to escape because she feels like she wasnt pressured and nobody was really very bad as her parents, even tho she gets teased by Jax, she does cry cuz of it but At least she has a better life now, she doesn't wanna escape much for now, that's why she was mostly and likely Caine's favourite because Caine can see that she's confident and comfortable in his world because Caine never have a third friend who would like to be in his realm world,

But she was still sensitive but at least Ragatha is there for her, Zooble would hang out with her,(MY AU THAT JAX WOULD ALSO BE NICE TO HER WHENEVER THE OTHERS AREN'T WATCHING),so she loves being The child in the show, she still have Trauma but at least it wasn't THAT bad anymore.

(IM RESPECTING GANGLE YALL, I AIN'T GIVING HER TRAUMA...

nah I'm kidding, so anywhizzles)

For some reason, maybe...she was acting that she's fine and comfortable but in reality, she's panicking, whenever she's wearing her comedy mask, she has another self of her who's in the Sad mask who was having a panic attack because she can't even make a solution or a plan on how to get out, she's still scared, she's confused because she doesn't like her IRL life but she's Scared of her TADC life because she doesn't wanna live in that way she just wants to live happily and normally, ..she would help Jax to Find a way how to escape because Just the two of them who always don't sleep and wake up every night to find keys or clues on how to find an exit, Jax was first, GANGLE sees him so she just wanna go along and talk to him because she wants to spend time with Jax Bec she sees her like an older brother even tho he always teases her but yknow, he was the most sane person she ever meets, meanwhile Jax also be nice to her because he's always tired so he feels numb and can't control his Emotions, he might have panic attacks or cry or scream or get irritated only st night cuz he feels numb but they both comfort each other if GANGLE or Jax is feeling upset.

[clonesome]

I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THE ORIGINAL ASK BC ITS LIKE 4AM WHEN IM TYPING THIS AND I HIT THE WRONG BUTTON A C K sorry @kapuchino357 BUT I AM ANSWERING YOUR ASK <3

(AS OF WRITING THIS BIT IN PARANTHESIS I HAVE TRIED WRITING THIS 13 TIMES its not you its me lolol i hust have so much to saaaaay and I feel like it's about damn time I finished it skdkkf)

THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME SCREAM ABOUT MY OCS !!!!!!! <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Also a thank you to all of my friends who play around with our OCs like it's pretend on the playground <3 thank you for helping me get a few of my OCs out of my head and out where they can be enjoyed.

I think we should start with Leandro, since he takes up most of my brain meats:

♡ Leandro Placido, he is in his late 20s. 1930s-40s eh ish time period wise aesthetic in a somewhat fantasy world i guess lol, he loves to dress in both men's and women's fashions (Loretta being the name he teases others with when he dresses up in typical womens fashion and goes out. But not always, sometimes he really does just want to feel pretty as Leandro and thats fine too <3). "Cleaner", he cleans up the crime scenes and disposes of bodies for his Boss and he's the best one in their Family. Which is so fitting bc his Boss found his sorry ass in a dumpster of all things. He had unintentionally been helping the guys he ran into dispose of a body he thought was regular trash and long story short after helping them they threw him in the dumpster too to get rid of him and that is when the Big Boss was told of him and well.. there he was.

Loud and rowdy, he never really knows when to keep his mouth shut with most things. He also has a quick temper, especially if he's drunk but not always. He's a bumbling idiot with a heart of gold. He plays the trombone terribly on purpose to annoy people, though he is actually a really skilled player. He uses sex, and other things, as a weapon against himself but learns that he doesn't need to do that as he grows in his story. Unfortunately he's also a rat, secretly having infiltrated his Family by the very enemy who wants nothing more than to get rid of them once and for all. Too bad he's fallen in love with the head maid of the House, and when he falls, he falls incredibly h a r d. Only having ever been in one other full relationship with a girl he went to high school with, which he ended in one of the worst ways possible (smh poor Annity), he wasn't sure how to explain his feelings for her. And then he accidentally catches her and one of his best friends in bed together, so after that he doesn't want to get in between two of some of the most important people in the world to him. So he just.. flirts, and really why would she think any different?

He always flirts. With everyone. So they do this tired song and dance of him shamelessly flirting with her, and her being annoyed (and flustered) by it because she thinks he's just teasing her relentlessly. And it goes on.. for a long time. Until... after like A Lot. For instance: him bedding a different high power Underworld Boss while black out drunk and also not even knowing who he was, getting kidnapped (almost four times) and getting most of his tongue cut out on a successful kidnapping to remind him of who he really works for (and if there is one thing he hates is a traitor, boy look in the damn mirror who do you think you are), being sent off to work at the docks for three months after getting into a heated argument with his Boss (over the Boss's relationship bc GASP Leandro has a bit of a lusty crush on him too! Messyyyyy), him having a crush on a dance hall owner (Bruce) bc he taught him how to love the side of him that he calls Loretta (which in turn has him accepting his whole self), Annity showing back up in his life with their son William (double gasp!), his abusive parents showing back up after he gets arrested for the 43rd (to which he is owed 43 phone calls dammit! Lol!), among... other happenings. . . They finally get their happy ending. But, not in the way they expected. And that fits them just fine.

He's messy, in all senses of the word, but cleans up nice. It takes him too long to get his shit together. He's the dumpster fire that lives in my heart lol. Very 'sun coded' or whatever it's called in the ways that he burns himself too bright in a way that will destroy him. he's viciously angry while having so much love for others but almost none for himself. More than willing to take a bullet for anyone, but will also put a bullet in whoever his Boss feels like.

He's also so dense. No book smarts, only street smarts. If anyone he truly loves flirts back with him, like the Head Maid or Bruce, it is seriously like they are talking to a brick/concrete wall. Also the trope of 'love me so much it undooms me' but only after it's too late.

He dies, of course only after realizing just how much he wants to live. And how much he now has to let go because death has always been coming for him. He had so desperately wished for it so many times, except now he wishes for anything but. And that's when his time is up.

He then appears on a beach, which he has dreamed about- so much like the one back home. A home he hasn't seen since he was a child running around wild. And who does he see a little ways down the shore? The love of his life and the promised spirits of their two children that they are lucky enough to have in their next lives. He runs over and embraces her, twiling her around and bringing a trail of waves around them in the air as he does so all while crying into her hair as she clings just as tightly. After he sets her down and kisses her, the children tackled him into the ever on coming surf. And he gets a taste of what his after life is supposed to be- until all of a sudden, after a small talk with his beloved, they all disappear. He can't see or hear them, but they can see and hear him as he calls out helplessly for them. And he thinks, this is it. This is the hell that he had always known he would end up in. He just wasn't prepared for it. He also was not prepared for the heart shaped lock that magically appeared and locked itself unbearably tightly through his chest and into the space where his heart was. Then the beach is gone, where his loving family are just as confused to his disappearance.

He's back to the place where he died, held back by someone who has unfinished business with him. A girlfriend who had never been able to let him go, Annity. Who.. isn't all bad she's just... complicated.

Cursingly haunting the person who is keeping him from moving on, becoming almost nothing more than a twisted rage filled demon. He dooms the person holding his spirit hostage for years until the love of his life (who had died before him, in his arms. Tragic.) uses almost the last of her own spirit energy to save him, oh yeah, and to stop the ghost marriage Annity had been so close to achieving!

With help of course!

From a medium- who turns out to be his Boss' younger sister who he would have done anything for while living (and who after most of his tongue was cut out she taught him sign language). And his own son, who all this time hadn't been able see him, but had sensed.. something was off for the past few years with his mother. He never would have guessed it was something like this.

And only then, when all of his and others wrongs are in some way set to right, are they allowed to live their after life in happiness and love. Because after all of this... he gets his revenge- in a way, he forgives those he feels deserves it... but also he forgives himself for his past mistakes that he didn't even know he learned from.

I just have so many feelings about him and all of the scenarios he could get himself into when he isn't confined to the limits of the story he is doomed by and haunts himself.

Next is Graskogr of Strilgahl and Isabeau, they are a couple of destiny do NOT separate them. let's start with Gras:

♡Graskogr of Strilgahl, 874 years old give or take a few years, 12'9", fantasyyyy so anything I say goes yay =], they speak with two voices (i imagine it to sound like a duet, in the beginning I thought of something like the duet between Ashley Barrett and Daniel Korb from the Hades soundtrack bc their voices together are absolutely beautiful. But not im thinking its something like whatever those two characters from this game my friend plays. One voice is gruff and animalistic while the other is light and serene.) sometimes one voice leads while the other has an overlaying whisper it just depends. Ruler of a kingdom that they had lived in their centuries long life, having overthrown the previous ruler and brought peace and prosperity to their kingdom. Though they are now hated by every other surrounding kingdom, either for how long they've been in power or just becuase of how powerful they themselves are. Having been granted great magical ability from their godlike parentage, they have a fully golden akorhraca (bullshit fantasy metal I made up lol) arm that can transform into any weapon they wish. Though more of a curse than blessing, they need magical energy to survive. And a lot of it. And if they call upon their weapons too often or use too much power the ichor spreads. They have fissures of the stuff all over their body like lightning scars almost. Something akin to a big dark blue broken plate fixed with gold.

They've had so many marriages over their life, most ending with the partner leaving. As a product of whoever not wanting to be with them or being to afraid of them or for whatever reason once the political side of things was secured the partner would end the marriage. And they would let them, gladly. Not really caring here nor there abiut a relationship, until one. Karya, a human, far smaller and fragile than them. It was the first time in their life they had felt something like love. Though that wasn't necessarily what they would have called it, not having the words to describe how they felt. (And honestly neither do I lol) The two lived happily for many years, Gras allowing themselves to dote on this tiny woman and also allowing her to do the things she could for them as well.

But then she got sick. Gras tried everything they could to heal her, but for some reason... nothing they did worked. So unfortunately the beloved queen passed. And they went into a deep grieving, a depression so deep they shut everyone and everything out for a few centuries. At one point in the beginning even closing off the kingdom to anything and everyone other than those who greatly needed their help. Refusing to speak anything more than a grunt or one word answer whenever a steward would ask something of importance to the kingdom.

They even gained a new pronoun during this time, they start using It to refer to themselves as well lol.

Though after their initial grieving, they went into a rage. So terrifying and powerful that it woukd be spoken of for centuries after, and it is also a reason as to why they are so hated. Taking their seemingly unending anger out whatever they felt like. But thankfully it didn't last too long. But it would scar their public perception from other kingdoms forever. Oh they also sort of become an assassin for hire as well during this time. Not even seeing the need to disguise themselves either so everyone knew it was them who was coming for their targets lol. Though instead of being paid in money they would be paid in things that would help their kingdom, that admittedly would struggle due to their absence.

Most of their time, however, after their rage would be spent in the chambers that they had dedicated to Karya.

Okay enough doom and gloom, well not really but whatever, now onto Isabeau!

♡Isabeau, a harpy woman who has lived with her flock in the mountains her entire life. Until she is accidentally cursed by some novice magic user to be a tiny little bird. Unable to speak or transform back, the magic user feels absolutely awful for the wrong they have caused her. Vowing to help return her to her glorious self, the two set out to undo this curse. Eventually being separated by a strong wind that blows Isabeau's tiny form aaaaaaaaaaallllll the way to Strilgahl.

Where the first interaction she gets with Graskogr is they try to shoot her with an arrow from their fantasy metal arm.

Off to a great start.

So she retaliates by trying to use her small but sharp talons to scratch them. But it doesn't do anything, not even leave a mark.

And something stirs inside Graskogr, a light feeling he hasn't felt for many years. Seeing the tenacity of this little tiny thing to live. To not die by their hand. It causes them to laugh, truly for the first time since their beloved passed. Though it was nothing more single chuckle. But still.

It confused Isabeau, who just moments before this hulk of a figure was just trying to kill her. And now it was... laughing. Or almost laughing? She wasn't sure. . . Just as long as death wasn't staring her in the face. And at this point she is so exhausted she just passes out.

So Gras takes care of this little bird, a thing that it's beloved loved so much..

Aaaaand unfortunately that's kind of all I have for sure for them. But there is also some dream stuff, where Gras sees Isabeau's true form in their dreams but all they really see is a person made of light so they think st first that it is Karya guiding them. And maybe in some way it is. Karya may be watching over these two idiots and be pushing them together so that they can be happy.

They teach each other how to love and trust and l i v e again. Despite the harships and curses. Despite everything. The live and they love. And for them, that is enough.

( and also for this Fantasy land Leandro also has a form here where he is a fallen star turned Mortal and Human. Or he thinks he's Human. He has amnesia from the fall and transformation. Lol but other than that and some more magical powers he's basically the same character. )

Aaaaaand that's all I have time for folks. If these characters of mine are interesting for you and you read this far. I love yooouuuuuuu lolol ask me more stuff about them and I may have answers to give.

[gontagokuhara]

po!Nagito: *literally saves hajime from death, lives together with him, has been in a relationship with him since ancient times, has basically been raising children with him for centuries, is quite literally married to him*

also po!Nagito: does he even like me fr

It's like I understand it as a komahina enjoyer but it also makes me wanna cry as a komaeda enjoyer😭 though he's not in the story much your characterization is so full and spot on that like I can fully understand the characters who only show up in 2 chapters (cough cough TAKAA my beloved<3) Like in only 2 chapters of screen-time we literally saw the interior design/gardening geek nagito, the panicked and screamy nagito, the tired dad nagito, the heartbroken nagito, and the god of luck who played rockpaper scissors for his husband's life, again, in like 2 chapters alone!!!! Don't get me started on taka I already rambled about him in the comment section

P.S. It's also funny how literally everyone (mainly kokichi) is questioning the big five's relationship choices 💀 I honestly feel like naegami has something to do with "big five god eye candy"💀💀💀💀💀

just for the record i literally do not mind these asks/questions in the slightest to the contrary i LOOOOOOVE yapping especially about danganronpa especially about my own writing especially about pointy objects. no spoilers, but i do get a little in the weeds about behind-the-scenes, doesn't-fit-in-main-fic stuff

speaking of yapping: YOU KNOW THE DRILL

if only the extent of my yapping was known.........nagito and hajime are my favorite barbie dolls to mash together i love thinking about them i love writing them they are my danganronpa #2 and #3 (gonta <3) i am So mentally ill about them. ok.

so it makes me SOOOOO happy when people say they get my characterization. getting beneath a character's skin and making them feel both 1) recognizable as said character but also 2) distinct in that they fit naturally in the universe i'm writing them in is The thing i'm most attuned to when writing i think. (that and sniffing out plotholes i am so pedantic about my story telling). focusing on the v3 kids gives me very ample time to flesh them out into a balanced mix of the two, but with characters that aren't mainstays it makes me very happy hearing that it's not just, like, a dialogue machine spitting plot-relevant lines and instead the actual character that's meant to be talking. you know? ALL of that to say nagito is notoriously a tough nut to crack, it's a crapshoot on what you'll see him characterized as (with the potential to be really REALLY good and really Uh not so much), so hearing good things about MY guy <3 makes my heart grow five sizes or whatever

ok ok. god help us all when i post kmha writing again IM insane so moving on: other insane people (kokichi) (rantarou)

i could ALSO yammer on for ages about the messy god drama that i've mapped out in my mind palace. i can get much more specific once the fic is actually wrapped but the big five ESPECIALLY. oh what a mess. oh what a nightmare. there's like 1 and a half sane motherfuckers in that club and the half is presently threatening to end the world along with half the others. so. LMFAO

relationship drama especially (i've said that word so much oopsies) among the gods but the big five.........oh great heavens. it's not even the newest relationship within the big five but naegami has sooooo many haters. junko (makotophobic), mikan (in an abusive relationship, functionally makotophobic), nagito (byakuyaphobic), fuyuhiko & peko (also byakuyaphobic), izuru (thinks they're both cringe), hajime (wouldn't send rantarou/shuuichi to camp no matter how much he begged).....and that's only characters we've seen on screen so far LOL. kokichi is not alone in being a hater rather he's the new generation of virulently homophobic gay people. love wins <3

(also as an aside of the 'eye candy' thing; in the human world makoto doesn't beat the trophy husband allegations, but among the gods the roles are 100% reversed LOLLLLLLLLL when shit isn't hitting the fan he gets sooooo bullied during meetings if makoto isn't there)

okay and LAST thing that i sorta briefly touched on a second ago: no, rantarou has not been to camp before! hajime and nagito have offered COUNTLESS times, especially since shuuichi's mother died, but they've remained adamant on their decision to keep them at home in defiance of junko. they have very, very good reason to be extra vigilant about their kids' safety, and when contending with rantarou's precognition + shuuichi's ignorance on the gods......rantarou has been very informed on things, from a very young age. obviously he doesn't get Everything, but he's kept pretty up-to-date on the affairs of the gods. he knows about camp, he knows there are about a dozen or so there, and he knows who the counselors are — knew who hajime was as soon as he began teaching at he and shuuichi's last school, and who nagito was/had his number from a chat he and hajime had very early on into his tenure as their history teacher.

wow okay. THAT got long (as always) but as always i luv answering them!! so thank you <3

[quodekash]

gosh darnnit im tired 

in other words: time for my weekly ramblings about a bl where im mildly interested in the main couple but the side couple means more to me than anything and no i will not stop talking about them 

slight warning, there will be one mention of sa and one mention of murder/suicide (both of which are my personal speculation about particular situations, and there’s no detail apart from the word being mentioned). i also discuss/ramble to myself about mental health problems, and alcohol abuse. so if any of those things are triggering for you in any way, please be cautious about reading this, take necessary precautions, and if it’s particularly distressing, i urge you to call a local hotline for these kinds of emergencies. i care about all of you and your health and safety, whether i know you or not, and if you ever need to talk about anything at all, lemme know, my ask box and my dms are always open. 

anyway, on with the show! 

if you haven’t figured it out yet, this is... 

MY THOUGHTS ON EPISODE 4 OF ABAAB 

(if youre new here, it will literally be all of my thoughts on everything while im watching it bc i feel like im annoying my friends with my ramblings so instead ill annoy all of this circle of tumblr. and it will probably not be coherent. youre welcome.) 

i’m obsessed with his little ‘cher is so cute’ smile 

THATS HOW I FEEL ABOUT LITERALLY THIS EXACT POST 

dONT YOU DARE DO A PATPRAN 

that’s real insightful, cher. id never thought of that one before. the statement really gets me thinking. 

are you- are you saying what i think you’re saying? or am i more dirty minded than i thought 

his hair is extra curly today and its veyr pretty 

the curls are giving charlie spring vibes from the side 

i would like to touch his hair please 

the fact that covid exists in this universe is weirdly funny to me 

yup that sounds about right. no one rly cares about covid anymore when the entire world is ending 

YAY HE’S FINALLY OPENING UP TO HIM 

that freaking sucks tho 

and what’s worse is it’s very likely tian was r*ped 

WHY DO ALL THE HAPPY FEEL-GOOD SHOWS HAVE TO HAVE SAD DEATH BACKSTORIES BEHIND 50% OF THE FREAKING CHARACTERS 

GUN (msp)’S DAD IS DEAD AND HIS MUM SPENDS HALF THE SHOW LOW-KEY DYING (and i swear if they do something to gim in our skyy 2 im gonna fly to thailand and have some words with people) 

AYAN’S DAD LEFT, HIS UNCLE DIED 

THUA’S DAD DIED 

HALF THE CHARACTERS IN THE ECLIPSE HAVE DIAGNOSED DEPRESSION AND THE REST OF THEM ARE UNDIAGNOSED BUT ITS DEFINITELY THERE 

HERE, JACK HAS DEPRESSION (and i rly hope they go into that more in depth later in the show bc he intrigues me. if they dont go into it more then im writing a way too in depth analysis post of jack) 

AND NOW FREAKING CHER’S FRIEND/CRUSH FROM CHILDHOOD IS FREAKING DEAD AND HER BODY WAS FLOATING IN A POND WHICH DOESNT RLY LEAD TO ANY IMMEDIATE THOUGHTS OF A NATURAL DEATH WHICH MEANS IT WAS PROBABLY MURDER AND/OR SUICIDE WHICH MAKES IT EVEN FREAKING WORSE 

i knew it was too good to last. the over-confident, cocky, funny, sassy/sarcastic people are generally the most messed up, they just hide it via humour and feigned confidence (i am most certainly not one of these people at all) 

cher stop drinking, you’re gonna hurt yourself. also the alcohol might feel like it’s lifting the burden of thinking and stops you from worrying about everything thats happening, but itll come rushing back to you when you’re sober and worse because youll have a hangover, and it’s only a temporary fix, drinking only works for a couple of hours. you need a more permanent fix, cos if you keep turning to alcohol, itll turn into addiction and substance abuse and dependency, none of which are good, all of which are much harder to get out of than they are to get into. so yeah, just chill with the drinking a little bit. i get that you need to let it all out and you need to not feel for a bit, and that’s totally okay, but you need to make sure you’re not over-indulging yourself. otherwise youll be very ill in the long-term, both physically and mentally 

PFFFT THIS WAS THE PERFECT SHOT TO END IT ON 

final thoughts: 

theyve both said things that make absolutely no sense in context unless theyre confessions of feelings, and yet theyre definitely gonna continue to do the “what if he doesnt like me back” thing even tho its SO CLEAR to LITERALLY EVERYONE they have feelings for each other 

theyve gotten so close to kissing this episode and yet they havent which is sad, but also at least they have kissed at one point before getting to the point where they COULD have kissed a grand total of siXTY-SEVEN TIMES- (shut up im not talking about tinngun what are you talking about. .....but also if you wanted to see that post where i count out all of the times tinngun didn’t kiss...) 

very sad with the complete and utter lack of threezo in this episode. actually, it’s not even a lack of threezo. neither of them even appeared in the episode. neither was even mentioned. they (i.e. the characters, the creators of the show) are all acting like threezo AREN’T the most important characters in this entire show 

i love threezo 

where is threezo 

or is it zothree

either way i dont mind bc i love them 

where was i 

oh right 

this episode was pretty good, very emotional, i definitely didnt cry what are you talking about (who am i kidding, eveyrone knows i cried three times, you dont even need me to tell you) 

im excited for episode 5 

that is all, thank you and goodnight 

[oc-tournaments]

ROUND TWO - MATCH 6

SALVANAN vs JOSEPH

SALVANAN: @the-demoness-next-door

JOSEPH: @cowsandcrows

VOTE BASED ON THE INFORMATION BELOW CUT!!

Propaganda Content Warnings: Abuse, manipulation, suicidal thoughts for SALVANAN. Mention of terrorism for JOSEPH.

SALVANAN:

PROPAGANDA: this poor man. buckle in, you have a LONG one coming. he's very old, he's the god of plants + the earth and he's great i love him but man i have not been nice to him. so. way early in his life, he had a very sweet boyfriend named azyll along w lots of mutual friends. except oops, sal developed chronic anxiety and depression and decided that he did not think he would be good for azyll and broke it off w him. it was amicable but it still sucks. fast forward a bit, one of the friends in their circle, jekath, is being manipulated and hurt for no reason and sal knows but for magic reasons he's incapable of telling anyone, just has to watch. and then he eventually has to watch jekath finally snap under the pressure and betray them all and go evil. no bueno. so he spends a long time feeling terrible and eventually he plans to just. yknow. off himself. but oh surprise this little boy named safari shows up in his garden! and he's like well shit guess im a dad now. and he loves this little boy very much. it's good times! except when he's a teenager two of the little boy's biological brothers drop him off a cliff and nearly kill him, which is, yknow, terrifying. that's his son! his son was almost murdered! no! bueno! anyway, azyll's mortal so eventually he dies of old age, now sal's even sadder. least he's still got his other friends and safari but Man. anyway fast forward again, whole world is at war. and his two best friends, arona and morana, both die in it. but if that was not bad enough, arona was killed by jekath. you know, the old friend that was abused and eventually betrayed them all. so the friend he felt like he failed has now murdered one of his best friends. and his other best friend is ALSO dead. things are just going Great. flash forward another little while and his goddaughter's husband, sibrum, goes evil against his will too. he's known sibrum since he was a kid so now he's got ANOTHER person he felt responsible for gone evil against their will. then sibrum's daughter dies. are you seeing a pattern yet. anyway, sibrum soon kills jekath so now sal feels like he's double failed both of them and also even MORE of his original friends are dead now. so he is trying So Hard to relax! but then safari is turned into a terrible person against his will too! and because they were so so close for so so long they end up in a toxic dynamic instead of cutting each other off. sal finally figures out how to break the spell on safari and it's all Okay Now (they're both traumatized and it's definitely not okay). he gets to relax for only a brief time before his other child's son, volta, has a villain arc too. and what happens? you guessed it! sal tries to stop him and help him and he's not able to. and feels like he failed someone AGAIN. yeah this just happens over and over through the course of his life. he's so tired and sad man

THEME SONG:

JOSEPH:

PROPAGANDA: Hes a military captain (sheltered idiot). WAAYYYY too trusting and falls in love with someone who turns out to be a terrorist they need to kill. they decide to trust this person instead and repeatedly get used and betrayed (3 betrayals because i love religious connotations). they will never be happy despite how much they want to be because he finds it hard to change (he's always so close to figuring it out but his circumstances won't let it happen. hes too stubborn cries). HES A DANDY PATHETIC BITCH. hes too gay for this world. every time he trusts someone its the wrong decision and every time he decides not to, he should have. tragic inevitability ect. love him <3

THEME SONG:

[4uru]

I want to save the world. I want people to live happier lives. I want to make things better. But i dont know how. I used to want to be a doctor when i was a kid. Bc i wanted to help people.

Now i want to be an artist. I look at all the bad things happening in the world and tell myself that "when im older, i will help, in any way i can" but i dont know if my art will be impactful enough. And if my art fails to help, i dont know what else i can do to make a difference. I dont know if i can make enough money to give to charity one day. I dont know if i can help.

Sometimes im so scared of not being able to help. Bc right now i live in a country where women, disabled people, queer and trans people are being shitted on heavily. And i also fall under those catagories. Right now i dont have any power or means to help anyone including myself.

All i can do is study hard to get out of this situation and country. To go to a better place. But i already feel guilty. What will happen to the queer kids who cant get out. The trans kids. I feel selfish for wanting to save myself.

I literally wish the toxic abusive older generation to die out. But the thing is my generation is also extremely bigoted. It isnt better. They are just more exposed to it. They arent more tolerant of it. Im so scared. I feel like things are getting so much worse.

When i figured out i was queer years ago i was filled with so much energy. To do more. To help more. In any way i could. I did it by educating myself. To learn the history of queer ppl. I was a kid and i wanted to help. Then i got sick of it. I got sick of reading all the comments telling me i am a mistake and a freak, i got sick and tired of arguing with ppl who just wanted to hate. I finally understood the fact that u cant change a mind that isnt willing to change. Ppl will hold on to their beliefs with their teeths. I finally understood its not my job to throw myself at a pack of wolves to get my point across.

So i learnt to stay a bit quite i learnt to see different perspectives and arguements. I still cant watch the right wings yell about how i am a confused chronically online girl who wants to be different. Sorry, i am not strong enough for that. I learnt to hear different points and see where i disagree and where i dont. I am a teenager and i have alot of growing left to do. But i think im getting my energy back a bit. Even tho its more wrath than the starry eyed hope i had when i first started out. Bc at first i genuinely believed you can change peoples mind. Right now i believe that you have to fight. I could rip myself apart and show them what i am made of and who i am and they would still not understand. They denied me basic human respect. So i am respecting myself. I dont need their validation to be me. I already am. I dont owe people an explanation of myself.

I know people wont take me srsly bc i am not an adult. But i know they wont take me srsly ever. I was born to be never taken srsly by anyone ever. I dont even plan to persue a career where i can be. But god i have so much to say. I have so many angry rant to yell at the top of my lungs.

I think the logical thing to do is to transfer them to my art. But i cant do it. Its too painful for me. To spend time of it, fester in the fury. To make it perfect to get my point across. I cant decorate it. I want to throw it againt a wall. I want it to be chaotic and violent i dont want to stain my hands with paint i want to shred my own vocal chords. There is not canvas big enough for it. Also i dont want my art to reflect my wrath, my stinging pain, i dont want to look at smth i made and feel bad.

I dont know what to do. Should i go ahead and make angry vent art for the hope that it might make a difference, at the expense of my own mental health? Or should i just wait quietly. Until i am hopefully successful enough. Both are a gamble. Hate that none of my peers are going through this. They are not marinated in wrath and dont have to scourge after crumbs of empathy.

I am very lucky to be born in a generation where i get more representation and i have internet to engage with my community more. But even that community sometimes feel like a stranger to me.

I just want to scream.

[jumpinjohnnyjumble]

@thesugarhole @givemerainbowfire i love you both for enabling me.

i have the curse of “getting really really into the lore and world of a local haunt event which makes it extremely niche because it’s regional”. but i love it so so thank you for reading ahchqhdhwh okay here’s my review welcome to

Knott’s Scary Farm Mazes of 2025, Ranked In Order Of Sex Appeal

instantly disqualified: the grimoire. all the relevant characters are children and the rest is war crimes so im kicking them out of this conversation

9. The Chilling Chambers. i put it at last place due to lack of substance. there’s no storyline or running themes to BE sexy. it’s a fun maze with lots of fun stuff but it’s like. is a museum sexy? not really. i guess i’ll give points to some of the fun retired characters in there (hi dollmaker) and to the fact that there’s a scary industrial rave at one point (???) but otherwise…. shrug

8. Origins. for me origins rides mostly on having creepy cowboy type guys in it. nothing sexy about a witch hunt and a corrupt justice system though.

7. Bloodlines. i like vampires and i like steampunk (womp womp) but bloodlines is such a flop that it doesn’t even work for me. they made a maze so confusing in concept that a steampunk vampire woman trying to kill me isnt even hot anymore. how

6.5. The Hanging . i know it’s not a maze but it’s iconic enough to go on here anyway. for an extremely straight-gen-xer comedy show there sure are a lot of dudes shaking their asses and spanking each other with paddles, but the characters are so sexless that it just feels a little weird to me

6. Widows. mixed feelings here. the beginning of the maze mostly just makes me sad because it’s just depiction of institutional elder abuse plus spiders on top. however, there is an extremely cool and very beautiful goth spider woman at the end. so, points for beautiful goth spider woman. subtracted points for making me sad

5. Room 13. i like the bloodied and wild-eyed 1920s style gangsters and flappers and hotel staff. smiles

4. Eight Fingers Nine… im not even going to address the forest spirit stuff i just want to talk about how he nibbles fingers for no reason. the STORY is about the forest magic and shit and then there’s just also the detail that the boogeyman likes to chew on fingers because they taste good. he has no other reason to do that. Freak. (no comment on the fact that the maze is called Eight Fingers Nine. goodnight everybody!)

3. Cinema Slasher. same level of sex appeal as any other slasher character if im honest. the gore in the first two movies is really fun and i like when you turn a corner and see the slasher crouched there and he sometimes shushes you. he’s cute in the same way jason voorhees can be cute

2. Waxworks. this is the david cronenberg fan website so im going to trust you all to understand. it has so so much goopy and wet body horror that is very gross and wouldn’t quite loop around if not for the vaguely religious themes. augustus scratch is such a weird little freak as well. “with wax you can be a god” i hate him (positive). i cant really describe this one in a way that does it justice because it is just so gross and freaky overall but there’s something about it. rest in piece waxworks

1. Mesmer and it’s not even close. oh my god. mesmer is solely responsible for making hypnotism hot to me and im not kidding. the narration throughout…. the way he pleads at the end…. there are contortionist clown girls and a twelve foot animatronic and a dizzying disorienting vibe. he says “a hypnotist can’t make you do something you don’t want to do, so why are you still following the sound of my voice?”, points out an alternate path and tells you NOT to follow it, and then teases you when you obey. professor mesmer i wont you

thank you for reading . even if you don’t know what im talking about . smiles. i went to bed at 3 AM im so fucking tired

im this close to ranking knotts scary farm mazes by level of sex appeal. and nobody wants that

[when-did-this-become-difficult]

Well, on the baby...i have a strong feeling that they will loose the baby or something happening to Kyles wife. They put so much emphasis on baby things and Kyle ignoring or not properly handling this relationship, that i feel they usually do this when the character is about to loose what is took for granted.

It is refreshing to see/read when someone recognizes that one on thing there is opposite stance of opinion and respects it. I like you even more for this. Really! :) So many times people try to force their opinion/viewpoint on me and not able to see that it is differ from theirs and it is tiring. But i would add also that im not idolizing certain characters if any. I always try to see it from every possible side that i can, so im not biased or as little as possible. Im not trying paint the dude in the picture of hero of the show, i think there are no heroes on this show at all. And even if were i would not like them. Heros tend to be idealized and the world is not ideal.

I agree on Milos wife. But the interesting thing is the little thing that Milos wife has looked up Mitch or Mike can't remember. Some kind of deal was probably going down between Mitch and Milo, that is what my instincts tell me.

Yeah. I agree. There are literally no good guys here. I feel like it is some kind of pattern that GRRM started with the game of thrones. There no good or bad guys, just what they seem and show. And there is fucking Ramsay Bolton or Joffrey. Like i said Bunny seems to be the less worse of the ones we have been shown so far - compqred to the guy who shot Mitch and what he did with the money, getting high on his couch thinking he will get away with it and Milo who is reaching far further than Bunny seems to.

I agree. Like i said, i love gritty, dark stories with complicated characters. I have no problems with cursing, fights, shootouts, any sort of that but psychological abuse is always freaks me out and makes my skin crawl and rape i think is the only one crime which is at the both times physical and also psychological. It is a desperate and disgusting way to try to enforce your will and force onto another person and it is probably stay forever on the victim like a stigma - whether it be a man or woman. I think this is the most terrifying form of abuse and the guards participate in it is downright makes them a villain in my book, because they should be able to distinguish between lines that should not be crossed. I mean they have their freedom and the perspective of how things go out in the normal world and what is normal, and i think people who get into this little other world that prison seems to be - a small different world where there is only the prisoners and the guards and everything that happens only they know and the outside world never -, should be thrown right into another cell right next to the prisoners, who also commit these crimes againts each other in prison. I just think prison is a really, really hellish place because it is contrary to the name - correctional facility -, does fuck all for correcting behaviour. I mean just in contrast look at the Nordic prison system (Norway, Sweden etc). The "prison" is literally a place where people work so hard to correct and find out what went wrong with a criminal in the first place and trying to fix it so the person can assimilate back to normal society and not do and repeat harmful activities towards other or him/herself. It is meant to correct and kind of heal, patch up what it can with therapists, doctors. Im not american but from what i seen and in this particular instance in the show if we talk about it, that prison is handled the same way as a business, a corporation.

Im not neccesarily blaming him. I mean every director has its finesse. Like Danielle Villeaneuve makes beautiful shots and consistent storyline with constantly interesting characters who differentiate morally but still the audience can feel empathy with each. Christopher Nolan is able to tell a story from start to finish with handling tension so well and genuienly make me tear in ecstatic moments - Dunkirk. I personally big fan of Zack Snyder who can create dark places and characters but still not leaving the audience in the depth of this darkness. Come to think of it, perhaps he should have done this series... So i think Sheridan can understand and bring alive dark, agressive and morally questionable characters and situations, and just wear out the audience almost as he would say - see how exhausting it is to fight all the time, to be angry all the time, what is happening around you and you not even notice, what do you think of people but hey they are actually?! I think he purposefully does this form of agression filled storytelling and he sees it in a way that...like the way i think he sees it women are not having this form of agression, anger and brutality and if they have it is out of desperation - like the inmate with the young guard, also could you explain to me what that killing was about because i did not understood that whole scene, the womans motivation until she talked with Miriam but still, what the guard specifically had done with her that made her act out this way?! So i think he can not write and create strong woman characters because he does not able to see strenght in any other than physical. He sees them vulnerable, sensitive and these emotions i think have no place in his movies/shows - Yellowstone has Beth Dutton which is fucking ridicolous with the so wanna be badass lines and the unneccesary violence on her part, like if you want to see how he imagines a badass strong woman just look at the scene where Beth gets attack in the office. The whole scene is tasteless, disgusting and unrealistic and really shows that he only sees strenght in a physical form, not emotional or psychological one.

I don't blame Iris either. I just fear for her because she seems so regressed and naive despite her past trauma. I think with her it will turn out whether or not Sheridan can or even want to handle a strong female because it can go two ways - the first is Iris becoming a physical agressor by killing someone and he considers his job well done because well now she is strong, or he writes her into a romantic character or love interest for a male character which is basically discarding her character because being a spouse or SO for a male main character is where shitty handled female characters go to die.

Oh, how i love domesticity in tv shows/movies. I like swimming in details so i always appreciate good set and costume design and the nit-picky stuff which shows a little more of the characters and that scene was just like that. It does not take only half a minute of the run time to show little things about characters like this and it is worth it because after all any kjnd of cinematography is a visual experience. Just because the show verse is like how it is, does not mean that the characters does not have a life or hobby.

@minamartin <333

That's a good point about the show putting a lot of emphasis on Kyle taking his wife for granted. But oh boy, if something happens to the baby...I guess I can take it alright but, just, whoof. There's so little hope for nice things in the future, I was really looking forward to the two seconds of breathing space we might have after the giving birth. And I think becoming a dad could be something that changes Kyle in a good way. But now that you mention it, they could definitely go down the killing Kyle's baby road :(

Yeah, American prisons are largely run as businesses, and they didn't even really show this prison doing what other prisons do, which is having the prisoners work on producing goods to sell but then paying them very very little money for it, which is another component that's degrading.

That's very generous of you to not necessarily blame Sheridan...I think I'm perhaps a little less generous because I'm so frustrated by having my brain tickled by interesting and compelling characters and situations, but then not really seeing it executed as well as it could be. He certainly is fixated in this show (along with Dillon) on a macho worldview, but even with that as a focus, it doesn't mean he has to be bad at writing women—while we're looking at male auteur creators, look at David Chase and his the TV show the Sopranos, which was certainly immersed in a macho, misogynistic, violent criminal subculture, and yet still wrote three-dimensional and intriguing women characters who were as consistent in their characterization as the men. Ditto the Wire by David Simon.

I agree that he part of his struggle to value women's perspective and women characters comes from his prioritization of physical strength and violence, for sure. I haven't seen Yellowstone, and I probably won't, so I don't know what the deal is with Beth Dutton—can you explain?

I can definitely try to talk about my view of what happened with the inmate who killed the guard and talked to Mariam about it afterward!

PLOT

On a plot level, it is fairly straightforward.

We know that the death of both the guards--the guard in the men's prison who was shanked, and the guard in the women's prison who was seduced, killed, and falsely accused of rape--were tied together because they occurred at exactly the same time, and if I recall correctly, the guards were blood relatives who shared the same enemies amongst the inmates.

We know that the guard in the men's prison who was shanked was shanked as part of a wider plot to start the revolt. It was necessary for the ringleader of the revolt to be headed for transport out of the prison in order for him to be rescued by the surrounding inmates (who were supposed to be mopping and cleaning) and escape. It was a deliberate plot.

Therefore, all of these three acts: the shanking of the guard in the men's prison, the seduction and killing of the guard in the women's prison, and the prison revolt, were masterminded and cooperated on by the same people.

Now, we do know that there's communication that goes on between the men's prison and the outside world—people get messages and even drugs and money back and forth. So it is not a stretch to imagine that there is communication between the men's prison and the women's prison. Of course, neither the audience nor Mariam finds this out till later—ONLY the inmate (whose name is Cherry) knows that she is doing this to support the prison revolt.

THE CONVERSATION

First, Mariam enters the room and lays all her cards on the table. She says that "they", the prison guards, want Mariam to take advantage of a relationship they assume that she has with Cherry, and get "the truth" out of her. She also says that whether or not the truth needs to come out depends on what the truth is. So right from the start, we can see that Mariam is distancing herself from the prison guards and approaching Cherry with an open mind. She is honest with Cherry about what is going on, and seems to refuse to manipulate Cherry—or at least, she acknowledges that she doesn't really have a deep emotional bond with Cherry that she can manipulate.

Now, the thing that the prison guards want is for Mariam to appeal for "the truth". But Cherry immediately deconstructs that notion. It's not the truth that the prison guards care about, she says, and she widens the whole conversation to be one about the system. She already tried to tell the truth in her life, when she talked about being abused by her foster parents. The justice system failed her then. It didn't care about the truth. And the other morals that the people in authority, like her foster parents, claimed to have? Turns out they didn't have those morals, because they coerced her into having an abortion. So she outright rejects the idea that the authorities care about the truth, morals, or other people. In fact, she says "the truth" is just something to keep her and "people like" her down. In retrospect, this is Cherry giving Mariam a huge huge hint to her motivation—see, the women's prison doesn't get a revolt, but Cherry clearly feels a resentment towards the system and solidarity with the men in the men's prison, so that's probably part of her motivation for killing the guard and being part of this overall revolt plot.

Mariam understands this on a basic level, because systemic injustice is one of the main subjects that she teaches about. But obviously, she knows nothing about the plot.

Cherry asks why it matters, and Mariam tells her that the dead guard's family will get more money if she says that it wasn't rape. You can see that Cherry's surprise and scorn is palpable when she asks, wait, does they really get money for just him dying? Honestly, if she says that she was not raped, then she is admitting to murder—and the guards seriously think she'll do that? All for the sake of giving the guy's family a little extra money? You can kind of see how ridiculous the whole thing is from her perspective, now that Mariam's been honest with her about the situation.

Mariam says that she wants to know the truth, if the guard committed a crime. Now, Cherry says that he did with very very real emotion in her voice and expression...but Mariam still doesn't understand, see. Mariam thinks that this must mean that the guard committed the rape. But what Cherry has been trying to convey all along is that to her the system is already fucked up and is itself a crime—the system that stuck her with that abusive foster family, the system that keeps her and people like her down. It's certainly important background that the whole reason this guard was chosen to get killed in the first place is not a random thing—he messed up several things, including shooting THE WRONG PERSON—a man is dead because of him that probably shouldn't be—I think this is all contributing to why Cherry can say with conviction that he committed a crime. Because he is yet another one of those guards, yet another person in a position of authority, that does his job badly and hurts those under him; and perhaps, because she views all the guards as criminals in a way because they're part of such an abusive system.

BUT. Mariam doesn't get it, or Cherry's worried that she doesn't get it, right? Like Mariam pretty much still thinks that the guard really did rape Cherry, so when Cherry says, "I feel much better" to Mariam right at the end in such a nonchalant and even mocking voice, you can see in Mariam's face that she realizes then that Cherry really did murder the guard on purpose. That's why she seems distressed when knocking at the door to get out. Maybe Mariam doesn't fully get Cherry's message overall, but she gets the very basic bit, which is that Cherry murdered the guard on purpose, but will definitely refuse to admit it on tape. And Cherry's not at all ashamed of what she did, she's proud of herself.

Obviously I'm not pro-murder, but I found Cherry to be a very interesting minor character because of that scene. Unlike the guys in the other jail, she will never herself get to participate in the prison revolt—she will only end up probably suffering under increased guard mistreatment and retaliation for her having killed a guard. However, it is enough incentive for the OTHER prisoners to be free for a second, for her to be willing to kill...

Or maybe I'm reading too much into her monologue and they paid her off somehow? haha. My interpretation is more interesting, though, I think.

Hopefully my attempt at an explanation makes sense!