#im just treating tumblr like my personal diary again

[pendraegon]

something something about your parent who abused you all your life having the same thing that you do and when he goes through the lows you feel sympathy and yet.

[idiaa-shroxd]

HEY HELLO I LOVE YOUR WRITING SM I'M SO JELOUS MARRY ME???/j

awww thank you so so much!! 💗💞 I absolutely would marry you (*´∀｀*) i hope you don’t mind but i checked out your blog aesthetic is literally so pretty?? i’m very jealous of people who know how to make a pretty profile!!! i adore the color it’s so pleasing to the eyes!! i also checked your writing and it’s very nice!! it’s easy to read and understand and i also respect the first post being one about deuce! <3

i also really love the genshin emotes, makes me happy to see another fan ehe so here’s one in response, as faruzan’s got to basically be my main besides wanderer because i adore her so much?? play style is absolutely fun despite only being c4 i crowned her. my wanderer is like triple crowned and has cons with a BIS but I still love faruzan so much—. she’s literally so cute!! (´・ω・)

[hollowfaith]

Pick 2 in every section except Canon Muses and Fandoms (pick 1 from those) :3

Questions for the mun

this is long so imma cut it lol

BASICS x2 What caused you to start writing? What was your key point?

in 3rd grade we watched the cartoon movie version of the legend of sleepy hollow and had an assignment to write a summary of it. i was barely out of ESL at the time but thought it was a neat assignment (and prided myself on my memory for details) so i hecking did my best and wrote a long detailed one (with pictures because it was elementary school and you could illustrate your stuff) and for some reason my teacher and the principal were all happy about it and made a big deal complete with ceremony and applause and made me feel important and cool.

after that i was like "yeah! that was awesome. can't i write more stories like that even outside of school?" and thus it kicked off my journaling obsession besides writing diaries of my daily life. i did a lot of original fics and sailor moon/digimon-inspired stuff but when i found ff.net it was like discovering a whole new world where you could control the characters to do whatever you wanted (while staying IC, cause that was definitely part of the "rules" of the challenge) and that was amazing.

realizing writing meant i could take destiny into my own hands for these made-up blorbos was such a fun power trip. i have tried to use that power responsibly ever since.

Do you still write your first muse?

dahlia hawthorne was my first real muse on tumblr and i poke her now and then, but she seems content in her semi-retirement in my brain. sometimes she wakes up to snark people but she's enjoying her vacation in peace right now : )

CANON MUSES x1

Have you ever written a canon muse that you first thought of ‘meh’ when they appeared in their canon show/movie/book?

don't shoot me but before i wrote yagen toushirou for touken ranbu i was like "yeah yeah okay this is just a standard big brother x cool doctor type trope," i actually didn't even pick him up until i wanted to try someone new and my other friends (playing other swordboys at the time) suggested him

then i had to research him and really fell in love with the dichotomy of his character, about how he's very human with his brothers but also 100% a weapon and embraces that fact, about the juxtaposition of DUTY vs. FEELING and the HUMAN HEART vs. OBJECT/TOOL he's been balancing all his life on a very fine line (and does flawlessly, because he's yagen) and i was like, heck! this is gonna be so fun to RP and make him deal with stuff

tho most of the time i got into crack threads again and shipping with Fudou it was still very very fulfilling and im glad my friends convinced me to try him out :D

OCs x2

Do you have developed dynamics with the OC of another mun that has influenced your OC or Canon muse?

yeah I mean this guy wouldn't exist without Jade's Klaus u know? his template might've been taken from his faceclaim guy but the rest of him i molded to fit Jade's OC, specifically his personality and to an extent his looks. in some ways Klaus has everything Aurelius lacks and vice versa, they have this classic balancing scales thing going on that i like very much and try to fill intentionally.

i also wanna say Klaus is one of the few windows to Aurelius' genuine gentle/good side, the side he might have been all the time if his father didn't screw him up from birth (of course i can't say his dad is all to blame, but he sure takes 60~75% of the blame).

as for developed dynamics im guessing this is asking about interactions with another OC that influenced this one...why do i feel like they've all been humbling experiences... Issy has shown him some humans are worth treating with care, Constantine has demonstrated how not everyone takes his shit, Dar is there to inspire working business relationships while highlighting Aury's awkward aspects fitting in, Huey undos all the good work everyone else puts in by proving how crappy some humans act, etc.

idk how to answer that part aside from "they help subvert expectations, but i don't know if that's enough to actually change the way he acts" why did i pick this Q the second part's hard to answer hahah

Who was your first OC?

time to get embarrassing so my first OC with an actually established backstory and stuff was this girl with a randomnly generated Japanese name i thought was pretty (Saikoubi) for a digimon RP group

and i intentionally gave her a happy-go-lucky personality and positive outlook because looking at the rest of the applicants everyone was like either emo or orphaned or both and my 14-year-old self was like "well! how are we going to save the world as digidestined if we're sad all the time" and basically made her the complete opposite of everyone else

it was rad, people got to be edgy, she got to be sunny, we didn't really get past the first region between our threads before the group died down but i think we all had fun and that's what matters in the end xD

FANDOMS x1

What is your favorite fandom in which you write?

i still like touken ranbu but it's more fun to write (RP) that when other swordboys are around, plus the fandom's so saturated with new swordboys these days it's hard to keep up with latest lore stuff. i still try to write 1 fanfic for it in the annual xmas secret santa thing the english-speaking fans host, tho i'm very very slow these days

beyond that i've been dipping into FFXIV fic writing a few times but i haven't grasped the language of the world well enough yet so i'm not satisfied with my work ehhh it is what it is for now

SHIPS x2

Do you plot a ship or see where it goes?

it's more fun to see where a ship goes because i like unpredictability. like the unscripted stuff feels more genuine to me especially if it surprises me u know? i do acknowledge the value of a well-planned romance but in a fall first vs. fall harder relationship i'm definitely invested more in the "fall harder and beautifully in all the disastrous ways" kinda person

i think that's how my past ships have generally gone, finding a connection between 2 muses, expanding on it, referencing it, and then boom! one day you know so much more about the other muse and you're always thinking about them and wait, what, we're hanging out together? just the two of us? is this a DATE? kinda revelations are very fun

What are you looking for in a ship?

i enjoy ships with room to develop. like it's cute when they come together and are all kiss kiss/blush blush but the process to getting there is half the fun! and the pining. and maybe a little misunderstanding here and there.

uhhhh i guess what im saying is i like the journey to get to the ship even more than the ship itself sometimes

or if we're in a ship let's go crash the boat for fun!!

hehe drama

TUMBLR x2

What was your first blog / URL?

preciousdollie

if it sounds cringe it's feenie's fault he came up with the nickname...even announced it to everyone in court of all places

Do you still have your first blog / URL?

yeah the blog's still up tho the theme's so old it's a little broken. i basically keep all my RP blogs around for archive purposes, i like going back to read the stuff sometimes (also the reblogs of art and aesthetic posts are cute + good cause some tumblrs delete and you lose that post forever otherwise)

[rockingrobin69]

Hey I just wanted to let you know that I absolutely love love love the way you write. Like it reminds me of why the world is so amazing and when Im done reading it's like the world has shifted to be a little brighter a little happier. Like its absolutely amazing the pace and adjectives and vibe like everything is so wonderful and tender and the relations you make between characters and objects and colours and scents is so vibrant. I'm new to Tumblr so still getting used to the whole reblog stuff but I wish we had a spam reblog button cause it would be really useful here. Anyway have a wonderful day. Thanks for putting ur writing out into the world.

Hi new friend, thank you so so much for this extremely kind message! I can't really tell you how much it means to me that you read my stories, that you find brightness in them - truly can't, it's pure magic. More than I could've asked for.

Have to admit I don't know what spam reblogging would entail (tumblr is as far as I go, social-media wise), but every reblog of an artwork is always appreciated (by every artist I've ever met!) Personally I always see every comment/tag added to reblogs, and they always make my day - thank you for that too!

I'm not the biggest expert, but if you have any questions about tumblr and our little corner of it, please feel free to reach out!

I'd like to give you a little gift back for your loveliness. So here goes, from a draft for flufftober (never posted):

This. Laundry and bins and the stupid leak and mold in the bathroom ceiling and dust, always so much dust, gathering and gathering. Cooking (and cooking and cooking. Breakfasts and lunches, treats for Ted and the gang, teas and suppers and midnight snacks. And Harry’s sweet tooth, and Ted’s allergies, and Molly-fricking-Weasley’s sacred recipes one can not veer from under pain of death! And all of it, all of it). Dentists and hoovering (dust again!) and throwing Harry’s tattered clothes when he wasn’t looking, getting him new boxers, damn it, without holes, fancy that. Did you know you have to clean inside the kettle? Did you know avocados are all liars, that cauliflower goes bad so fast, that some markers don’t come off the walls? Did you know you have to know all that, that no one tells you, that you have to notice and pay attention somehow to all of it, all the time?

Well, maybe you did. Draco didn’t. Doesn’t really know it still, even having lived it for years. Still surprised at how much he doesn’t know. At how hectic and breathless and quick it all is, how you have to stay on your toes, try to anticipate and fail miserably. How failing miserably can still be so sweet, how all of this is the life he couldn’t imagine, wouldn’t know how to dream up. Endlessly annoying and always surprising and so full of love he could choke. Write it down, please, dear diary: Draco Malfoy was a total sop in the most mundane of Mondays, with his head pounding and the to-do list chockful of endless chores. Taking Harry’s hand in the queue, sighing into the third cup of coffee. His life. Exhausting and nonstop and entirely his.

[perfectmanisperfect]

hello (not) secret tumblr diary today shall be quick. (it wasn’t quick)

this is probably just me and i’m bad with words so idk if mainstream is the right word but i’m using it. i’m just slightly concerned about the way fanfic is being treated in mainstream culture like as someone who’s read it since they were like 10 and gone through all the websites (literally like i’ve read it on like 8 different platforms) it’s everywhere now and everyone talks about in the spaces im in. which is fine like i don’t think it should be hidden away but i keep seeing people like print it and bind it by paying someone else to do it. (i’m pretty sure there’s no issues if you do it yourself and don’t make a profit) but making a profit defeats them purpose of ao3 being free and idk how that even translates into possible copyright issues. but like why is it so hard it keep it within the website

also there’s this whole new trend of using ai to make actors sound like they’re saying things they haven’t and that’s a whole different level of weird and creepy and who even knows what issues that could have. like i just hate the way i see people act around people who don’t actually play these characters.

like yes i believe fanfic should be enjoyed and shared and talked about and i love seeing people talk about things i’ve read and enjoyed (even tho i don’t have fandom friends but that’s a personal social anxiety issue) but i just get worried that people have no boundaries or at least awareness of what consequences could happen. i’m just saying please don’t be the one who gets things shut down. i doubt that’s a possibility but it’s where my mind goes everytime i see things online. also it’s just crazy to see things i am so secretive about be talked about so widely but again that’s just cause that’s how i am. i don’t admit to things in public. i’m adding hashtags to see if this is just a me thing or if other people notice these trends. like how far is too far? am i paranoid?

[stars-in-our-skies]

you can ignore me completely since this is a diary blog but i wanted to say, as someone in a VERY conservative red state i somehow stumbled naturally across another queer plural person... (At work i complimented their hair and asked to be friends, after we started hanging out for some months) however much I've tried to be friends with them though it just... it's not turning out well. i hope you have better luck than me, and you find good friends. idk if we live in similar states or not but if you want another online friend, let me know. :-)

(i will say i am 19 so if you're uncomfortable i understand!)

wait anon im almost 19 so of course thats totally fine! and feel free to come off anon if youd like, i try to chat when im in a better mood (like rn) so it might take a bit for me to see but i always read asks & msgs from people sooner rather than later. maybe an online friend is what i need right now.

and as much as i treat this blog like my diary and try to remain anonymous (ive long since deleted all of my selfies despite the fact i'd love to share them, it just isn't safe for me) i definitely dont mind people chatting with me or reblogging my stuff unless it's tagged otherwise <3 i just find tumblr much safer to use than alternatives so i feel comfortable sharing my stories here.

as for your situation... i really do hope it improves. If not by clicking with them, at least by moving on and finding others. I mostly only meet people at cons since it's much safer there but the amount of times i've tried to get to know someone and it hasnt worked is almost laughable. Luckily for me there's a con this weekend so i get to try again, but i get that feeling and im sorry we've both gone through it. i know theres a lot more of us out there than it seems like but finding them is the tough part especially right now. I just try to remember that we'll survive it somehow.

Regardless, thank you for sending an ask. i'm happy to hear i'm not alone out here.

[what-in-the-cat]

gotten to the point of treating tumblr like a shitty diary lol

im still very mentally unwell and ill. turns out extreme paranoia and then occasional delusions on top of fighting anxiety and depression with no proper support system sucks.

forgot if i mentioned cutting everyone out before. i probably did. probably also not my best idea, but just talking to anyone who knew the people who hurt me sent me into a panic attack. ive also been disassociating a lot.

at the same time im sad nobody cared enough to at least try asking about how i was doing. i wish they did. maybe it's better that they're not in my life anymore. maybe they were convinced i was a piece of shit or lied to me when they said they believed me. someone must have to have shared whatever evidence they got hands on to make fun of. if they're somehow stalking me: yeah i know you fuckers were shittalking me in vc, and jazz was erasing his own micless messages so it wouldn't appear in the audit log. that you guys changed your tune the moment someone else walked in. and then the next day you lie and come up with excuses as to why you won't apologize to me to my boyfriend. i already know im not human enough in your eyes.

i think the only person im human enough to is my bf. he's the only person who's actually there for me. nobody else has tried to support me that isn't a risk of betrayal or abandoment.

on the bright side the helluva trailer made me feel seen again because blitzo is the only relatable character mental health-wise for me. i need to keep finding things to distract myself with so i don't keep spiralling or feeling like a husk.

[mothmage]

oversharing about my mental health bc i treat tumblr as my personal diary xoxo

i’m pretty sure ive been in a hypomanic episode for a Minute now, and i wasnt sure before bc i don’t think ive ever had hypomania before only mania? i think my new medications are working for once in my whole life bc for the past like. six months maybe? ive been So Normal and in the past few weeks i’ve definitely been on the up and up but it hasnt crossed into full mania, it’s literally just like. me but with energy and a little stupider than usual. and i understand how this can be disabling for some people, but considering that mania (for me) usually looks like weeks of deep psychosis, this shit is EXCELLENT. like yes im more reckless and hypersexual and wanting to spend all kinds of money and all that, but i also feel like im able t “moderate” that a little better because i had so many years of seemingly medication-proof manic episodes? i had to like, adapt lol. so i have some systems set in place to keep me from being too stupid especially with money. but like, i have all the energy of a manic episode and all the drive to Do Things with none of the “hearing the voice of god” or “im someone else and i stole this body and now am stuck in it”. like this shit rocks, i’ve gotten so much done! and i understand that there will be a comedown and it will suck or whatever but while im here?? like again i understand why this isnt a Good state of mind and i dont mean to invalidate anyone’s experience, but i think im just like. well if my mood disorder is going to disorder my moods regardless of what pills i take, i would much prefer it to sort of lessen the extent !! hypomania! and the only time i was on meds that worked 100% and got rid of any episodes entirely i got bored (lol) and got off of them (guy w the “stop taking my meds disorder”: hey what if i stopped taking my meds) so i think this is a good middle ground bc it’s like, life is still fun and exciting and doesnt feel static, but i also dont think im in danger of getting myself locked up lol or like, humiliating myself online or something (tumblr doesnt count bc it’s Faceless)

also probably the best time ever for this to happen bc im getting rejection letter after rejection letter from phd programs i applied to and im literally like “well it will all work out, like everything works out in the end one way or another” :) and i believe that! not necessarily that everything happens for a reason, but everything works out in the end one way or another

[lolatalks1]

wed, dec 6 2023

this is my first real journal entry, and i dont think dear diary is fitting to start this. i mean its just tumblr. i started this little blog because i need somewhere to vent, and so here i am. that sounds like my pinned post but its whatever. im not sure why im typing like im talking to someone, so i think i should stop explaining myself.

ive heard its good to write out how you feel, so i think im going to do just that. (im explaining myself again)- today was at first a good day, i woke up relatively early and was able to get ready for school quicker than i do normally- which is a win in my book. i was able to lay in my bed- which i need to wash the sheets of. my dog keeps laying where i sleep, which flares up my bad acne. i cant blame him though, i practically leave my side of the bed in a perfect napping position for him. anyways- i was able to lay down and read a little of this cute story about a single mother and a man in the military being her neighbor! very cute, very cute. then my dad took me and derek around eight o' five, then we got to school, and it was super cold outside. having to stand and wait for the doors to open is not enjoyable- at least i had derek -my cousin- with me. recently ive been a little harsher with him, but i thinks its because ive been a bit on edge with everything as of late. i dont mean to ignore- i think i should start working on that. he already has a lot going on.

continuing, i went to class. first period was tame, i mean nothing too much happened. really essentially a free day. aryeana ? im not sure how to spell her name now that i realize it- but she was there talking with jacob about whatever. sometimes i feel a little outcasted when with them- but i guess thats because im not that much of a conversational person when i cant think of a topic that will be enjoyable for all of us. i mean, i like anime and overwatch- and some more things. all those things they either dont like or make fun of- so theres no middle ground for us to converse on. i mean, only thing i can talk about is boys with ary. but its more so talking about aryeana's endless snaps with multiple guys and shes boasting about it- as well as boasting about her not being able to talk to guys. she is really contradictory. i dont hate or get mad at her though, shes nice to me. and cate is there- she kinda helps me relax. shes just a very nice person and since ive known her for so long i dont feel like i have to be super fake with them.

i think- well i know- my day went downhill when my mom finally replied to my messages. i had texted her about going to cam's surprise birthday dinner on sunday night- and she said yes! but then i asked her about saturday, if i can go shopping with her. i needed to go to barnes and noble to get multiple books that several people wanted for christmas, and maybe the mall to get some other things like candles from bath and body works. but anyways- she then revealed shes not going to be here this saturday- more so this entire weekend.... fun.

i just dont understand how she can just go i mean- i know where shes going- hell the whole family does. its nothing new, but the fact its such a repetitive thing and she always did it around familial times (thanksgiving and now christmas). i really dont get, seriously. and ive come to learn that she goes to some town with a new guy each time. what happened to her being with ron? her last boyfriend- i knew of at least. my nana mentioned she didnt like him because how he treated my mom, so im guessing he was abusive or really shitty. i dont care, and i guess thats a bad thing. i see it as karma now. i use to feel bad, want to console her. but ive lost it. lost that empathy.

anyways, she just makes me so- angry. to the point i can't focus on happier aspects of things because shes simply just so intoxicating with her narcissistic behavior. shes so aware that what she does angers and breaks the family, but she cant find it in herself to realize that its bad. how? im not sure. she didnt have a horrible upbringing nor a traumatic event with my dad. so i cant find a genuine reason behind what she does. its whatever, i keep trying to myself i shouldnt care so much. but i cant help it. it affects my home life, makes me i guess more so depressed? i dont want to self diagnose though. but shes the reason behind my upset outlook for today. hell even started playing class of 2013 by mitski- the lyrics hitting a bit too close to home. so yeah. thats all for now i guess, im not sure how journalling works. i guess ill start learning.

[scheintot]

Open Letter to the boy who was never really mine. 18.07.2023

I miss you more than you could ever imagine.

All the small little moments with you, all little details.

How we watched Ice Age in my broken bed and laughed about it when it collapsed in the middle and brought us close together.

When you gifted me your red black shirt you wore on my birthday that I almost wore everyday because it smelled like your perfume.

How well you handled the situation with this jealous guy who got kicked out from the party because I only had eyes for you.

The small smile you gave me when I kissed your moles that you told me you were insecure about. I always thought that its cute and suits you.

How our fingers intertwined and my whole body got chills, mostly my heart.

How we danced arm in arm on my balcony and I wished I could freeze time because I didnt wanted to let go.

How you used to stare at me and told me how beautiful you think I am, inside and outside. With or without sex.

When we promised to visit Japan together, my home in heart since I was 14 y/o - I was exited to show you around, but mostly to be with you.

How cute you think my nose is and the all those nights we tried to watch Anime together but we couldnt keep our hands off each other, so I used to put horror movies on because I knew I couldnt concentrate when you were around.

The times we cooked together or the nights we used to text for hours having deep talks, sharing intimate thoughts.

I see you in every romantic movies, hear you in every love song and think about you even when I try to forget you while travelling through cities and having some sightseeings, wishing I could experience all that with you while holding your hand.

You always used to cheer me up, made me laugh, made me feel good, almost pretty in my skin. You are one of the reasons - If not the main reason - to become a better version of myself.

I trusted you and gave you the name of my diary, my emotions, interests and love languages - my private Tumblr - and even If I dont think that you check up on me (anymore?), I need it to get it off my chest.

I always had a thing for you, even when I had crushes on my ex boyfriends because you didnt fully had interest in me, and I guess you knew. I tried to move on so many times.

What a shame that I was never the woman you wanted to be with, while I wouldve gave everything to get the chance to make you happy, but I gaslit myself to not to get hurt.

I hate to break it to you and me, but I fell in love with you the moment I met you during break in school.

You were the last person I kissed and this wont change until .. Id love to say our lips meet again.. but, until I find someone who can make me feel like you did, by just existing.

I wish I was what you wanted, but I was not able to love myself, so I smoked weed everyday for 8 years to escape reality and got used to be sourrounded with bad influence and never REALLY tried to change because I never had a reason or the guts to. At least that was what I thought, but you shouldve been reason enough.

Im clean from all kind of drugs, almost a month now without addiction relocation. I was able to cut off the contact to all kind of bad people & influence to a lot of people who are no good for themselves and me. Chat and numbers are all deleted. - You will never know, but god.. I wish you would be proud of me, at least for trying to change my life and bad behaviour I used to have. I feel ashamed for taking so long to realise that.

And still while Im grieving that you are not in my life anymore, I wish you find someone who will treat you right and love you better, because I still think youre the most beautiful person I got to know. You deserve to be with the girl of your dreams and I hope you find her soon, because If there is a person out there that deserves to be loved, its you.

I wish you good luck, and kinda hope you will not remember me completely badly. I never meant to be like that, I hope you know that.

[rbayray]

Kinda funny how child me thought she invented catgirls.

[hhawkeye]

how to call into work and be like “hi. i wont be coming in for the next week. dont ask questions” without being fired on the spot

[yioh]

ahhhhhhhh i feel so sad

[softwarmboy]

1. Selfie

2. What would you name your future kids?

I really like the name Damon! And Grace

3. Do you miss anyone?

Always

4. What are you looking forward to?

My name and gender marker documents going through!!! (Hopefully) my trip to London in the fall!!! My second dose of the vaccine! Seeing my little sister again! New tattoos!!

5. Is there anyone who can always make you smile?

Absolutely, I have a few close friends who can always get me smiling again

6. Is it hard for you to get over someone?

Unfortunately for me, yes, very ;-; Im a very emotional person and feel things very strongly

7. What was your life like last year?

Living on the coast, working construction, and that was about it

8. Have you ever cried because you were so annoyed

Yes 😂😂😂 mostly over math

9. Who did you last see in person

My friend Shannon!!!

10. Are you good at hiding your feelings

Yes and no, if I’m upset/irritated/sad it’ll show on my face whether I want it to or not, BUT I’m pretty good as passing it off as something else if I want. Not a whole lot of people can tell when im doing that, if anyone at all

11. Are you listening to music right now?

Of course!! Im listening to When The Darkness Comes by Colbie Caillat

12. What is something you want right now?

Food 😂😂😂

13. How do you feel right now?

Sore and tired

14. When was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you

Yesterday!! My friend was having a rough day and was kinda snarky with me and gave me a hug and an apology after she calmed down

15. Personality description

Full of dad jokes, puns, sass, caffeine and smart ass replies at all times 😂 very direct/straightforward, and have little to no patience for beating around the bush, in any context

16. Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t

Oh god yeah, growing up I never told anyone anything, ever

17. Opinion on insecurities

We all have them, if you’re the kinda person who zeroes in on someone else’s, for any reason, I feel sorry for you but also have absolutely no patience or respect for you

18. Do you miss how things were a year ago?

Nooooooooo, I wasn’t very happy. I wasn’t unhappy necessarily but 🤷🏻‍♂️ still no, hard pass

19. Have you ever been to New York

Nope! It’s on my travel list tho

20. What is your favourite song at the moment

At the moment??? The Colbie Caillat song i mentioned above!

21. Age and birthday?

23, and December 16th!

22. Description of crush

No thanks 😂

23. Fear(s)

Oh man, spiders, wasps, escalators (I have no idea why, don’t ask 😂😂) and aggressive men

24. Height

5’9!

25. Role model

As cliche as it is, I mean it when I say my momma

26. Idol(s)

I don’t really??? Have any????

27. Things I hate

Mushrooms and olives 😂 but in all seriousness, people who are rude to retail/customer service employees or servers, people who don’t use turn signals or say please, thank you and excuse me, the sound of styrofoam (it’s a sensory thing for me)

28. I’ll love you if-

You’ll play video games with me or will try them or any books/music I suggest, notice the little things about me

29. Favourite film(s)

The Mortal Instruments!!!!

30. Favourite tv show(s)

Gilmore Girls, The Vampire Diaries, Supernatural, Lucifer, Stranger Things, The Witcher, Firefly

31. 3 random facts

Your feet are the same length as your forearm! A whale dick is called a dork (if I remember correctly) and I can’t think of a third

32. Are your friends mainly guys or girls?

Girls mostly! I don’t have much in common with many guys 🤷🏻‍♂️ that and I just feel more comfortable around girls

33. Something you want to learn?

Sword fighting!!!! That’d be so cool

34. Most embarrassing moment

I have so many 😂😂😂 I’m a clumsy bastard, but I’ll go with my most recent for now- I saw a cute dog hanging his head out a car window and said hi without realizing there was someone in the passenger seat with their window down 😂😂

35. Favourite subject

Anything compute related!!

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill

Go to Italy, get married, see the northern lights!!!

37. Favourite actor/actress

Melissa McCarthy 😂😂

38. Favourite comedian(s)

John Mulaney, Taylor Tomlinson, Gabriel Iglesias, and Iliza Shlesinger!!

39. Favourite sport(s)

Hockey I guess 🤷🏻‍♂️

40. Favourite memory

Just one??? Hmmmmm….singing Party In The USA with my friends after we’d been inhaling helium 😂

41. Relationship status

Single 😂😂😭

42. Favourite book(s)

The Mortal Instruments by Cassandra Clare, The Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini, The Selection by Kiera Cass, and the Nightshade trilogy by Andrea Cremer

43. Favourite song ever

Ever???? Oh man that’s a tough one, maybe Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day???

44. Age you get mistaken for

17/18 😂😂😂so many of the teenagers at work don’t believe me when I say I’m in my 20’s. One of the kids in produce absolutely refused to believe I’m older than him

45. How you found out about your idol

N/A

46. What my last text message says

“I know you are”

47. Turn ons

Light nail scratches, is really all I can think of lately 🤷🏻‍♂️ I haven’t had that conversation with someone in quite some time

48. Turn offs

Being non consensually bossy, treating me like an object, daddy/mommy kinks

49. Where I want to be right now

London maybe! I’m really excited to go

50. Favourite picture of your idol

N/A

51. Starsign

Sagittarius!

52. Something I’m talented at

Teaching myself instruments! I’ve taught myself 3 so far! It’s always been something I’ve been able to pick up really quickly

53. 5 things that make me happy

Music, love in any form, snuggles, drives with my favourite people, my favourite comfort foods

54. Something that’s worrying me at the moment

My name and gender marker documents

55. Tumblr friends

God I don’t remember anyone’s URL’s anymore 😂😂 but I have a fair amount! I talk to 99% of them on other platforms now so 🤷🏻‍♂️

56. Favourite food(s)

Nachos, mashed potatoes, any sort of cheesy/creamy pasta! Grilled cheese, grilled salmon roll, and really any form of potatoes actually

57. Favourite animal(s)

Wolves are my absolute favourite

58. Description of my best friend

Curly brown (it looks brown to me 😂 I know you’ll come at me for this when you see it) hair, blue eyes, the gayest fashion sense, practical, will always tell me when I need to pull my head outta my ass 😂💚

59. Why I joined Tumblr

I wanted a safe space to explore things like mental health, transitioning and a few other things!

60. Ask me anything you want

Self explanatory, have at ‘er

[rebhb]

hello, darlings! my name is moon, i am twenty years old and i live in hell, gmt-3. english is not my first language so please, be patient with me if you see any mistakes in our threads --- i promise i’m doing my best. i also ask for you guys to tag anything related to the ocean and its animals, even more if they’re explicit images or descriptive mentions of those things. anyways, enough about me! under the read more you’ll find some information about the chameleon, but you can click this link if you’d like to read his entire biography ♥

TRIGGER WARNINGS : mentions of death, blood, shooting.

THE CHAMELEON : bae hanbyeol, @athanatos. 

before afterlife, hanbyeol was born from a famous actress and a famous musician. he was born a celebrity and lived his entire life surrounded by cameras and fame, encouraged to be a musician just like his father.

he did become a musician and a very popular one, definitely the country’s favorite singer and with that. he conquered a lot --- a legion of fans being part of those achievements.

afraid of being in scandals that could potentially ruin his image and career, hanbyeol prived himself from living a normal life.

in fact, that only made him become unhappy and crave for the anonymity of a simple life.

but that unhappy life came to an end when he was shot, a fan awaited for him to get back home from an event and surprised hanbyeol with a bullet straight into his heart. 

when he woke up again, as contradictory as it sounds, hanbyeol was dead and uploaded in afterlife.

after afterlife, he felt nothing but confusion for the first few years, he didn’t have a lot of information about what all of that was --- he was only the third person to be uploaded into that new world.

but eventually, hanbyeol understood that he was given a second chance: he could try again and maybe give himself the life that he so much envied of those that didn’t have to deal with fame like he had.

for that reason, he excluded himself from others. he became a loner, an enthusiast of solitude, and an appreciator of his own silence.

he finally learned what peace felt like, and he was not willing to change it.

to make up for the lack of social interactions, that hanbyeol could swear he didn’t need, he started a diary --- he wrote in that notebook everything that intrigued him about afterlife, and that includes glitches, errors, typos, literally anything that would catch his attention.

he believed that maybe, one day, all of those things he wrote about could be useful to someone --- either to improve the system or to become the history of what afterlife once was.

right now, hanbyeol has become someone paranoid, almost as much as he used to be in his life before afterlife. he barely leaves his apartment, afraid that people ( a number that has increased considerably ever since he was uploaded ) will recognize him for who he was in the past.

sometimes you’ll meet him as hanbyeol, sometimes as jihoon, and some other times as daehyun; and he will come up with a new name whenever he feels like it’s needed, just to protect his anonymity and the silence that he has conquered in his second chance at life.

his paranoia sometimes gets the best of him and he feels uncomfortable being around crowds, so he might ask to go somewhere private whenever he has company --- doesn’t matter if they’re friends, new acquaintances, or even enemies!

he’s a good man, though... just needs the right encouragement to get out of his apartment and actually live his second life properly.

POSSIBLE WANTED PLOTS : 

NEIGHBORS + 02. : you either worry about him or you really don’t understand him. he’s always locked in his apartment and you really don’t know why --- but you know it’s not okay. you either try to encourage him to leave and enjoy life, or you just try to approach him to find out why he’s so distant from everything.

TRAVELERS + 01 --- TAKEN. : you’re one of the very few people that manage to convince hanbyeol to leave his apartment when he doesn’t need it. you make him want to discover the world and you do it together, he can barely feel the time pass when you’re together.

TRUSTWORTHY + 02 --- 1 TAKEN. : he finds comfort in your company, he feels like he can tell you everything and anything without suffering the consequences of it. definitely one of the best friends he will ever make in the afterlife.

THE PANIC + 01 --- TAKEN. : you’ve met him before your death and not only once, so when you see a familiar face again... you can’t help but to try to approach him, which sets his paranoia to its peak and makes him panic every time he sees you.

UNKNOWN CODES + 01. : there are so many things he has seen in all these years in afterlife, mistakes caused by the programmers of the system and things that will probably never happen again --- things that could maybe be very precious to someone who knows what they mean.

NOT ONLY PHYSICAL + 01 — TAKEN. : he never planned on leaving the closet, not even when he was still alive. his sexuality was a big secret that only one person knew of before afterlife — a security guard he had an undisclosed relationship with before his death. but now, being alone for so many years has kind of made hanbyeol feel a little needy… until he meets you. there is a good connection and good chemistry between the both of you and things kinda become more than just a friendship.

UNREQUITED + 01. : you have a crush on him but unfortunately, it is not mutual... he wants to be friends, but he doesn’t know if he should or not because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. he just doesn’t know what to do when you’re around.

ANNOYANCE + 02. : something about him makes you want to punch him. it’s probably how he doesn’t seem to care about anything, and yet, care about everything all at once. he’s always contradicting himself and it upsets you so much... or maybe there’s another reason, who knows?

BABYSITTER + 03. : if there is one person that has time to take care of your pet when you’re not home, that’s hanbyeol. he loves animals and he treats all of them like they’re his own, and there is a chance ( in fact, a certainty ) that he likes your pet more than he likes you.

AND THAT’S ALL I CAN THINK OF FOR NOW BUT I’LL ADD MORE WITH TIME!!! i find it easier to plot and discuss things on discord, so dm me your username and i’ll add you --- though i don’t mind plotting through tumblr ims too.

anyways, welcome to all of us! ♥

[elaizahramirez]

THE JOURNEY TO FINALLY FINDING MYSELF AND LOVING MYSELF AFTER YEARS OF BEING LOST STARTS NOW

Hi, sooo I really made this tumblr account not to be famous or whatsoever but to be my outlet like a virtual diary... A blog where I can freely post whatever I want because this is the only platform that most of the people I know don’t use. Last Saturday [October 12, 2019] was hard for me. I broke up with my 5 year boyfriend after realizing how much he’s been verbally abusing me. It was too much to handle that out of impulse I said I wanna broke up with him. He agreed without a fight, He let me go... Sunday, October 13 2019 — After feeling the impact of what I did I kinda regretted it. Because of course, I super duper love him with my whole heart that I can take everything, even pain just to be with him. So I messaged him, tried fixing it, asked him if he still love me... the only reply I got was “I love you, but I don’t wanna fight for you. And if you really want to, then it’s up to you. But for me, I really don’t want to anymore” fuck. All I can say is fuck. Well my reply was “okay, thank you so mhch for everything. I promise you won’t hear anything from me. I love you. Goodbye” and after that blocked him. it was painful. So fucking painful to the point Im having a hard time to breathe. It was so fucking painful. I put my heart and soul to that relationship. Putting him first before me, loving him whole heartedly, giving him all the love, money, patience, understanding that I can give. I FUCKING FORGIVE HIM A LOT EVEN THO IT’S WAY TOO PAINFUL FOR ME. All i do is forgive and forgive and forgive so yes when I say it’s painful to be slapped in the face that the person you love and willing to dodge a bullet for, can’t do the same for you IT’S TRUE. I’m mad because I felt like left when he found an open door to leave... HE GRABBED THE CHANCE THAT HE WAS THE ONE BEING LEFT BEHIND SO HE DOESN’T LOOK BAD TO OTHER PEOPLE.. SO I’M THE BAD PERSON IN THIS STORY BECAUSE IM THE ONE WHO BROKE UP WITH HIM FIRST RIGHT? but no, i have my reasons. AND ALL MY REASONS ARE VALID AND WITH PROOF. after crying the whole night. I then realized a thing. That this is partially my fault. You know why?? because I didn’t love myself enough to fight for myself. And that’s why I just let people manipulate me, and step over me again and again and again. I hated myself for letting me get hurt and get mentally tortured. After realizing this, I realized that no matter how much it hurts.. I will never want to go back in that relationship again. I WILL NEVER GO BACK. before, i would always go back as soon as he cries begging for my forgiveness. it’s also one thing I hate about myself. I AM VERY FORGIVING AND A LOT OF PEOPLE TAKE THAT FOR GRANTED. So I learned. I learned that I need to stop forgiving people who doesn’t even deserve it in the first place. I love my ex boyfriend so much. I loved him more than I loved myself. and that’s my mistake. I shouldn’t love anybody like this. After all this realization. I made a firm decision, that I will abide by my promise (which is he will never hear from me ever again). I atleast owe myself that. I should respect myself enough to be firm in every ultimatum and every thing I say. Life without him is hard, and sad. I’m not used of not taking care of him. not waking him up to go to school and work, not waking up early to talk to him, not saving his ass whenever he fails and many more. But I guess this is the end of that chapter of my life. And this is where self love, self care and self discovery begins. after 4 days since the break up... I decided to disappear and isolate myself. Because I felt like I seek too much emotional support from friends that I can’t handle myself alone.. I don’t need that. I wanna learn how to be strong alone. And Also, I am obsessed by looking if my ex viewed my ig stories, if he’s thinking about me or if he’s miserable without me. It is draining. even tho disappearing and isolating myself will be hard for me because I am a person that likes to socialize. I just don’t wanna be a burden to my friends because they have their own problems and life too. I don’t wanna spread negativity everyday

I don’t wanna give that heavy energy everyday. That’s why I’m doing this for me. I’m doing this for them too. I was lost because of my past relationship. I was a happy girl before, and now I have depression, I isolate myself and have trust issues. clearly thi relationship broke me piece by piece and it’s my responsibility now to put myself back together wthout the help of anyone. ONE MONTH OF FULL SELF RECOVERY AND DEDICATION. im just giving myself one month to back off, breathe, think and see my life in a different perspective. I love my past relationship, and i’m grateful for it. Because if it weren’t for him. I wouldn’t be so motivated to be stronger and better today. Today is the start. Sooo for this I will post everyday like a usual journal of what happened, what I learned and etc. So I can have something to look back at.. SO I CAN HAVE SOMETHING THAT I WILL BE PROUD OF MYSELF. I’m proud of myself for breaking up with my ex, because finally after so many years I had the guts to choose myself. even tho i regretted it a day after... but after that I just wanna focus on myself more. And just be happy I did it. Because if I didn’t probably i’ll just be crying again everyday because of how my ex treats me. he’s not a bad person. it’s just that we all have our issues and maybe he has his issues that he doesn’t know how to deal with. anyways I just love him. so for this challenge that I put myself on, HAHA i will not be talking to my friends, I will not be going through social media, I won’t be posting anything on any social media accounts except my youtube channel and this tumblr account. That’s it. I will post another blog about my checklist and how I plan to do it lol. anyways to whoever is reading this. I love you, and whatever it is that you’re experiencing right now, YOU WILL SURVIVE. My goal after this challenge, is to be okay, happier, stronger and braver 🥰