#im just sooooo fucking stressed and i wish i was dead
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if you don't mind could you please do dirk and dustin for the ask thing,, im very curious
incredibly long word vomit under the cut
Dirk Dreamer
Sexuality Headcanon: He’s sooooo bisexual it’s crazy he has that bisexual color scheme going on toooo
Gender Headcanon: Gnc as fuck he's so nonbinary
A ship I have with said character: Him and his lame ass boyfriend Dustin of course. He meets Dustin for the first time and thinks to himself ‘What’s up with this stupid white kid?’ and then he falls in love with him. Then he compartmentalizes his feelings for both Dustin and Lilith and tries to justify staying with Lil because he doesn’t want to ‘abandon’ her when he’s crushing on someone else (someone that his girlfriend hates, too) and he starts overthinking the whole thing and Dustin’s sitting next to him like “Ay man can you finish showing your work for this calculus problem so I can copy off you?” Also this is my favorite song I relate to Dustin/Dirk shhhh
i hate that big ass embed help
A BROTP I have with said character: I love him and Lilith being besties in the same but different way I think Angela and Dustin areeeeeee, but it’s also the reason I can never think of a reason they break up but I’ve been thinking of them having a really bad co-dependent relationship just because I feel as if Lilith has a clingy personality? And I feel like Dirk has a semi-avoidant personality and a savior complex at the same time and really has trouble articulating how he feels about things. I also like him being friends with Ophelia and Johnny and Ripp <3
A NOTP I have with said character: None tbh maybe Angela but that’s just because Angela is a lesbian in my mind and I just feel like they have no chemistry. I don’t even think they’re really friends even though they take a lot of the same classes and see each other outside of school a lot.
A random headcanon: Dirk is the type of person I feel like he’s a fixer and that’s why he likes Dustin and Lilith so much. He’s a control freak in a sense where he hates when people don’t do things to help themselves when they have the ability to do so (like his dad) and it just makes him anxious and stressed out that he has to pull all the weight in his relationships. He also internalizes and represses his own feelings for the most part because he’s everyone's rock and he really hates talking about himself, and all that anxiety and pent up anger inadvertently causes his breakup with Lilith. I also headcanon that he has autism (along with Darren) <33
General Opinion over said character: Lmao I named myself after him that tells you all you need to know I loveeeee the Brokes and Dreamers so much I wish they had more personality especially Dirk who I feel like has nothing going for him but tutorial bait, but it’s ok because i <3 projecting. I think Dirk is way more bitcher and snarkier than most portrayals I see of him
Dustin Broke
Sexuality Headcanon: Dustin Broke….gay boy………. Sometimes i like him bisexual as a little treat because Angela/Dustin makes my heart soft ngl
Gender Headcanon: I hit him with the transgenderfication beam and there’s no cure. He doesn’t call himself trans though he doesn’t really know what being trans one day he just started going by a bunch of different names and dressing more ‘masculine’ or whatever and no one ever said anything because they still think he’s grieving over his dad and that it’s just a ‘phase’
A ship I have with said character: Dustin/Dirk literally is everything to me and I’ve loved them together for as long as I’ve been a premades fan tbh. It’s just something about them and their parallels, which is probably unintentional on Maxis’ part tbh; fire and water, dead parents, jock and nerd enemies to lovers pairings like it rerouted my brain chemistry. I don’t think Dustin realizes right away that he has feelings for Dirk because he’s focused on the future he thinks he’s going to have with Angela when he finally gets to where he needs to be money-wise. When Angela breaks up with him (after deliberating for a long time, because my Angela is lesbian and she just felt wrong being with him even though she loves him soo much), Dustin spirals just a little bit just a normal amount (ends up back in jail) and he starts hanging out with Dirk more and getting to know him and he starts catching feelings but he really doesn’t know how to address them because this is only the second person he’s ever had these feelings for and he doesn’t want to make anything weird. There’s so many different ways they can end up together, but I don’t feel like they would rush anything I think they’d just crush on each other secretly and never confess their feelings because they’re dumb. Also this is them
A BROTP I have with said character: Angela is his best friend they’re connected at the hip they’re so close and spend almost every day together at Angela’s house even though Daniel hatesss it so much (when Dustin gets over his insecurity about how his home is vs Angela’s, they start spending more time at his place). I feel as if they genuinely have/had feelings for each other due to how much time they spend together and I feel they start ‘dating’ because of this (I also headcanon that they’ve kissed before when they were kids but it doesn’t really count…). I don’t think Dustin had a lot of friends growing up because of being lower income and also he’s just kind of a weirdo. Angela also was the first person to support Dustin’s social transition, and was generally very supportive of him even when she didn’t understand (and still doesn’t really..). I have a lot of things to say about their friendship/relationship but it only makes sense in the context of this story I was writing and in my brain maybe I’ll make another post about it and let it run free idk sometimes when im typing stuff like right now I overthink and start feeling very insecure and embarrassed what I say and I end up procrastinating over something that’s supposed to be fun? Idk sorry for putting this in such a random spot to vent I just have a special attachment to my interpretation of these premades and I just hope the things i say aren’t cringy.
A NOTP I have with said character: I don’t think Dustin and Lilith could ever like each other tbh I think Lilith talks shit about him all the time to Dirk calling him dirty and nasty and white trash and Dirk meets him for the first time and yeah he looks dirty but he also looks lame as hell so every time Lilith talks about him after this he can only imagine this lame ass wet dog man so he just says “Alright babe” with no further input.
A random headcanon: Dustin is very family-oriented and does a lot of what he does because he thinks it’s helping his mom out. He skips school to try and make more money trapping and he’s been caught up so many times and been held overnight in jail twice and it pisses Brandi off so bad because she feels like he’s throwing his life away but he doesn’t want to push him too hard because her mom pushed her and tried to control her life and she ended up pregnant at 17 so… but at the same time they’ll have little spats and arguments over school which gets to Dustin because he’s the only one making money for them to make it. He loves dogs a lot and feeds any animal that he sees around his neighborhood. When he gets married to Dirk, they adopt one dog but then he ends up bringing home random strays he finds and they end up with like. 5 dogs total and 1 cat. I also think he’s really good at drawing but it’s not something he takes seriously!!
General Opinion over said character: My number one day one premade I love him so much very normally like a normal person <3 I love his Maxis look he has that ugly boy swag and I think he deserves so many good things even though he’s a lame boy
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school is so mean to me why do i have to do assignments. why cant i just be a little guy and play my games all day.
#bee's buzzing#this isnt like a serious ventpost or anything. this ones fine to rb <3 and any of my others that are just like. silly.#im just sooooo bored. like. mmmgrrr hiss!!! my adhd meds make me able to focus a little better but its still so hard!!!!#and i have to call my history teacher today this is so mean to me </3#but anyway. i wish i didnt have schoolwork because its so boring and mean and i dont CARE about fucking. like. politics class.#my ideal classes are like. a tiny group of only people that are funny and cool and are my friends and a cool teacher#because thats optimal learning environment for me! small in person class with teacher#and only my friends because groupwork with people i dont know is SOOOO stressful like genuinely. what if they suck.#what if i have to work with someone who literally hates me. what then. this is why i wanted to go to the gay school but my dad said no </3#because he didnt feel like moving to the town it was in after my mom made me apply and i got accepted too!!!!! like sir please.#let me go to the gay school. thats where all the other gay people are. theres other people who like women there. maybe even other trans kid#my mom did say that if i pass this year (not even like with good grades just Pass) we can think about it again so im like. :0#because she knows my dad is cishet and does not Get It.. but she does because she also likes women#got the woman liking passed down genetically from my mom or something just like the glasses and mental illness <3#WOOPS im not deleting this though im infected with 'need to overshare in the tags of a tumblr post' disease#im not doing schoolwork yet im gonna like. draw. or play fallout maybe. might download 3. or play 4 again. OR play through nv#just to get to dead money.#my beloved dlc. the besties are there.
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For the character headcanon ask, I'd like to know what you think about all six paladins (b/c, why exclude Allura now?) and 1, 4, 5, 7, 11, 14, 18, and 20. Sorry it looks a bit on the long side.
hooo boy ok let’s do this:
1. Their physical weak spots
Shiro: where his arm was amputated/his entire right side to some degree, though he does a good job of hiding it
Keith: his chest, since he’s smaller if he was hit head-on he’d go down faster. also his neck, i dont have an explanation for this other than keith being choked is. well it’s something.
Allura: nowhere. she is Impenetrable and Mighty (jk jk probably her hair? she’s got a lot of that, if you got a big handful and yanked it would be a) unexpected and b) painful for her)
Lance: his legs, he’s got a lot of them haha, and being a fast runner doesn’t matter if your legs get hit
Hunk: head, probably, he’s so focused on his core strength that I think he pays less attention to his noggin’s safety
Pidge: Face/eyes, it would hurt like hell if Pidge’s glasses got shattered. yikes, as a fellow glasses wearer i’m cringing just thinking about it
4. Best places to kiss on their body
S: scars and chest/nipples, im sorry was this supposed to be innocent kissing? is innocent nipple kissing a thing, sure, let’s go with that
K: neck. definitely neck. also forehead kisses
A: mouth, cheek, hands, nape of neck
L: hips, inner thighs, forehead, cheek
H: tummy, mouth, shoulders, cheek, head
P: nose!! also cheek and hands
5. Guilty pleasures
S: watching The Notebook (and other sappy romance movies). he will forever deny it, but he cries every time
K: snuggling. keith is super clingy and snuggly when he sleeps but pretends he’s completely unaware of it. also, fingering himself lmaoo this was ALMOST innocent sORRY
A: she would totally be the kind of person who watches dozens and dozens of Internet marriage proposals/cute boyfriend/girlfriend tag videos and just gets so much secondhand happiness from it
L: obsessively cleaning ears with q-tips. apparently ur not supposed to do this but fuck that, lance does (and so do i)
H: MUSICALS. HUNK LOVES MUSICALS FIGHT ME
P: POPPING PIMPLES YOU KNOW PIDGE SO WOULD
7. Their tickle spots
S: tummy!!
K: armpits and back of neck
A: Alteans don’t get ticklish. She’s just very confused and slightly offended.
L: feet and chest
H: EVERYWHERE
P: nobody knows, because nobody has tried, they like keeping their hands too much (but it’s everywhere, particularly right under her chin)
11. Bad or petty habits
S: drinking and/or consuming ridiculous amounts of chocolate/caffeine
K: picking at his skin and biting his nails
A: making the other paladins get up extra early for training if they’ve irritated her lately, using the electric maze thing if they pissed her off
L: leg bouncing, am i projecting onto lance, absolutely
H: adding extra salt to people’s food/food goo if they’ve pissed him off lately
P: compulsively checking and rechecking stats/info/the time, etc
14. Ingrained habits/forces of habit
S: sleeping on the floor/on hard surfaces and waking up early/at any sudden noise
K: talking to himself since he spent so much time alone, sometimes he just forgets
A: mentioning her dad/Altea in the present tense before quickly remembering he’s gone :((
L: skin care routines (and general impeccably cleanly hygiene). you can pry his clay masks away from his cold dead hands
H: stress eating. and maybe also forgetting to eat when he’s REALLY stressed
P: pretending to be a boy/lowering her voice/always staying fulling clothed
18. Things they’ll never admit
S: all the horrible things he was forced to do as the Champion
K: the reason why he was kicked out of the Garrison, or how close he was to just giving up everything after they gave him the boot
A: a part of her likes the idea of the Altean Empire. really likes it.
L: sooooo many things, like how he feels like a seventh wheel, how he’s always been jealous of keith, how he wishes he could go back home more than anything. but lance would probably say anything under enough pressure
H: I honestly cannot think of anything…Hunk is a pretty open book
P: she still considers leaving team voltron to find matt on her own and take him home
20. What-ifs/Alternate Timelines
S: well, we already got Sven, but I have several existing AUs where Shiro is an ex-Garrison commander (in this AU the Garrison is an organization kinda like Starfleet/the Federation), one where he’s Earth’s ambassador to the Galra, and one where he’s a faery hunter. also, I think it would be interesting if Shiro and Keith’s roles had been switched.
K: born and raised in the Galra Empire Keith, Blade of Marmora Keith, Galran Prince Keith, Galran Champion Keith
A: ALTEAN EMPIRE EMPRESS ALLURA, I’m also a huge fan of the human Allura AU, where her and Shiro’s places are switched
L: Altean (Prince) Lance is always fun, faery Lance is my current fav, bounty hunter Lance is a good concept i wish i saw more, evil/corrupted by the Galra Lance can be interesting to explore too
H: Balmeran Hunk ahhh!!! I’ve also grown really fond of the Galran Hunk aus, and wEREWOLF HUNK SIGN ME THE FUCK UP.
P: whatever alien species Slav is…imagine Pidge as that. and cackle in delight with me. also, conspiracy theorist Pidge, astronaut Pidge, cryptid hunter Pidge, spy Pidge, I just love Pidge a lot any Pidge is a good Pidge
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answer all of them
answers under the cut! only doing this cause im that bored
200: My crush’s name is: no one 199: I was born in: 1996198: I am really: bored197: My cellphone company is: wtf who cares?? 196: My eye color is: green/blue 195: My shoe size is: 6.5194: My ring size is: idk small 193: My height is: smol 192: I am allergic to: cats and all of nature in the spring and summer 191: My 1st car was: an hhr or as i liked to call it a poor mans hearse190: My 1st job was: an in home care taker aka i cleaned elderly peoples homes189: Last book you read: god i dont read188: My bed is: my best friend 187: My pet: is the loml 186: My best friend: she lives too far away tbh 185: My favorite shampoo is: i use old spice 2-in-1 like the basic bitch i am184: Xbox or ps3: ps3??? what year is it the switch is where its mfkin at 183: Piggy banks are: dope af 182: In my pockets: nothing cause im a broke bitch 181: On my calendar: nothing cause im a boring bitch 180: Marriage is: cool good on everyone who is married to their best friends 179: Spongebob can: new spongebob can die cause its garbage 178: My mom: is the best 177: The last three songs I bought were? who buys songs? 176: Last YouTube video watched: air crash investigations (dont ask) 175: How many cousins do you have? idk 174: Do you have any siblings? one sister 173: Are your parents divorced? nah 172: Are you taller than your mom? nah 171: Do you play an instrument? i used to play the violin and guitar but not anymore 170: What did you do yesterday? tried not to die [ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: idk maybe? 168: Luck: sure 167: Fate: yeah sure 166: Yourself: hahahahahahahahahahahahaha no 165: Aliens: fuck yeah 164: Heaven: ehhh no 163: Hell: no 162: God: not really 161: Horoscopes: lowkey160: Soul mates: every one has one 159: Ghosts: kind of 158: Gay Marriage: nah why would gays want to get married 157: War: war is p stupid 156: Orbs: wtf is an orb??155: Magic: no [ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: kisses 153: Drunk or High: drunk 152: Phone or Online: online 151: Red heads or Black haired: black 150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes 149: Hot or cold: cold 148: Summer or winter: winter 147: Autumn or Spring: autumn 146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla 145: Night or Day: night 144: Oranges or Apples: apples 143: Curly or Straight hair: curly 142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonalds 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: this is dark chocolate erasure and i will not stand for it 140: Mac or PC: mac 139: Flip flops or high heals: neither both are garbage for the feet 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: im already sweet and poor sooooo137: Coke or Pepsi: where is my dr. pepper representation 136: Hillary or Obama: obama 135: Burried or cremated: cremated id like to go out in a burnin glory even if im already dead 134: Singing or Dancing: singing 133: Coach or Chanel: neither 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who are you people 131: Small town or Big city: big city 130: Wal-Mart or Target: im a lesbian so target obviously 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: neither 128: Manicure or Pedicure: pedicure only cause they message my feet and legs 127: East Coast or West Coast: west coast 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: xmas cause snow 125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate 124: Disney or Six Flags: disney 123: Yankees or Red Sox: neither who cares about baseball [ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: men bein garbage 121: George Bush: why? 120: Gay Marriage: hell yeah we got it 119: The presidential election: we might as well have elected a crackhead 118: Abortion: let women get them safely so they dont fucking die its that simple117: MySpace: jesus is it 2006 again 116: Reality TV: its trashy but ill watch it cause im trash 115: Parents: love your parents kids (unless they are abusive) 114: Back stabbers: are awful just like maybe dont stab people in the back literally and metaphorically 113: Ebay: ive literally never used ebay in my life 112: Facebook: its p garbage i barely ever use it 111: Work: capitalism has killed workers and quality work 110: My Neighbors: they are there 109: Gas Prices: i havent gotten gas in like 2 months so like idk 108: Designer Clothes: why are they all like so ugly??107: College: stressful and only vaguely worth something 106: Sports: fun to play but boring to watch. i only go to sporting events for the alcohol 105: My family: is v dope and i love them 104: The future: stressful and i hate thinking about it [ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: last night it was my dad 102: Last time you ate: last night lol 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: probably back in december with my best friend 100: Cried in front of someone: oooof all the time 99: Went to a movie theater: like 2 wks ago 98: Took a vacation: january i went on a cruise 97: Swam in a pool: last summer i think 96: Changed a diaper: uhhh never…. 95: Got my nails done: god way back in high school when i thought i was straight 94: Went to a wedding: last friday! 93: Broke a bone: 3 wks ago haha 92: Got a peircing: i havent gotten a piercing since i was like 6 91: Broke the law: uhhh i plead the fifth 90: Texted: i texted my mom like 40 mins ago [ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: myself 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my dog shes so cute 87: The last movie I saw: spiderman into the spiderverse 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: a vacation to see my aunt in indiana 85: The thing im not looking forward to: going back to school 84: People call me: uhhh my name? 83: The most difficult thing to do is: rn? pretty much everything 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never 81: My zodiac sign is: im a leo 80: The first person i talked to today was: my mom 79: First time you had a crush: first time i remember was freshman yr of college 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my mom 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: i dont remember 76: Right now I am talking to: nobody im a lonely bitch 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: hopefully something to do with neuropsychology 74: I have/will get a job: 73: Tomorrow: wtf does this even mean 72: Today: or this one 71: Next Summer: and this one 70: Next Weekend: and even this one 69: I have these pets: a golden retriever mix 68: The worst sound in the world: 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: hahaha myself 66: People that make you happy: my family and friends 65: Last time I cried: yesterday 64: My friends are: amazing wonderful people that i love 63: My computer is: my lifeline 62: My School: is small but good 61: My Car: is a lesbian wagon that looks like i live in it 60: I lose all respect for people who: cheat on their s/o 59: The movie I cried at was: i dont usually cry during movies 58: Your hair color is: confusing kind of blonde also kind of brown 57: TV shows you watch: she ra, killing eve, grey anatomy too many others to list 56: Favorite web site: youtube 55: Your dream vacation: to go to germany 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: idk maybe my post surgery foot pain 53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium rare the only way a steak should be eaten 52: My room is: always a disaster 51: My favorite celebrity is: taylor swift 50: Where would you like to be: idk 49: Do you want children: noooo 48: Ever been in love: yes i have 47: Who’s your best friend: we aint naming names on here 46: More guy friends or girl friends: girl friends45: One thing that makes you feel great is: playing with my dog 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: A43: Do you have a 5 year plan: god no i dont even have a 5 hour plan 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: nah 41: Have you pre-named your children: nope40: Last person I got mad at: myself39: I would like to move to: somewhere other than where i am now 38: I wish I was a professional: at being not depressed [ My Favorites ]37: Candy: bottle caps or ritter sports 36: Vehicle: subaru wrx hatchbacks with a wide body kit are b nice 35: President: who tf has a favorite president 34: State visited: oregon or washington 33: Cellphone provider: who has a fave cell provider???32: Athlete: none31: Actor: idk like chris pratt or something 30: Actress: rn jodie comer 29: Singer: hayley williams 28: Band: paramore 27: Clothing store: h&m 26: Grocery store: target 25: TV show: law and order svu 24: Movie: princess mononoke 23: Website: youtube 22: Animal: red panda 21: Theme park: disneyland 20: Holiday: halloween 19: Sport to watch: none they are all hella boring 18: Sport to play: softball 17: Magazine: none i dont read 16: Book: i dont read books cant concentrate for that long 15: Day of the week: idk saturday 14: Beach: ive been to a beach like 3 times and i barely remember them 13: Concert attended: paramore after laughter concert last summer 12: Thing to cook: cooking stresses me the fuck out so i dont have a favorite thing to cook 11: Food: pasta!! 10: Restaurant: uhhh i dont really have one 9: Radio station: its 2019 who listens to the radio 8: Yankee candle scent: i dont really use candles 7: Perfume: i dont wear perfume 6: Flower: peach roses probably 5: Color: red 4: Talk show host: i dont watch talk shows they are all boring 3: Comedian: john mulaney or iliza schlesinger 2: Dog breed: corgi 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? hahahahaha
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A couple nights ago I had this dream that's been on my mind for a while now. Before I go I to detail, know two things:
1. I'm always aware I'm dreaming. A lot of the time I just go with the flow of the dream bc dreams aren't real and it's a fun healthy escape from the stresses of the real world. If I don't like how my dream is going I'm always able to step in and control it to my liking.
2. I've had the first part of the dream before. I'll let you know when new stuff starts happening.
So, I was taking the night shift at my job as security guard at the mall. I'm not a mall cop irl. My buddy was turning in for the night as we walk past some clothes shops. He sighs and tells me he swears the manneqins get paid more. That's when I remembered this dream as he left. I was thinking "fuck!! This one's so tedious!" So when my buddy left the manneqins started moving and chasing me around and I had to find things to kill them with until I eventually found a key leading to a safe in the staff only room that held a crystal that could channel the moon's energy and zap the manneqins back into place. I didn't waste any time bc I knew where the key was. Here's where the new stuff picks up. My shift ends and I walk out to my car as a new mate swaps me places. As I'm walking to my car I see my mom's old car from when I was little and by instinct I almost get I to that one. Then I'm like "wait, where's my car?" Then I feel like Im being followed so I'm like, "shit. Someone should make a short horror game about loosing ur car in the parking lot and being followed lol." Iike, I didn't even feel nervous but then I hear footsteps so I hurried the fuck up. While I'm driving the sun's rising and I'm like "dope." So I take the long way home and it's this over grown foresty path and it's sooooo beautiful. Then I see one of my old friends from middle school. We were so close and had a sudden fall out. I stop and we chat a bit and then I carry on, still thinking of him. Wishing him well. When I get home my mother shows me this huge frizbee with a rainbow pattern she got me bc Im GAY. Suddenly im like 12 and me and my little brother go across the street to toss it around and make gay jokes. Then I get a text ON A FLIP PHONE and suddenly im 17. I tell my brother I had to get to my school immediately. So him and I get back in my car and haul ass to my academy. Except it was waaaaaay nicer and looked like a private school. There was a small little pride festival going on there. I sat on a stone bench and leaned against a wall and waited for someone. I took a cute selfie now on my iPhone and smiled at how good it looked. My mom was there with me and she smiled and looked down at me and said
"is this the only reason you wanted to come out here?" I tell her no and look up at a girl I kinda half know holding up a big bisexual flag. I smiled bc I was proud of her coming out and then it felt like the world was silenced as someone said my name. My girlfriend was walking towards me, I hadn't seen her in a long ass time, we hadn't even spoken bc her parents hate me and want me dead. I froze and just stared as she got close enough to hug me. The weirdest thing is, is that it ft so normal. We were smiling and chatting like nothing had ever happened. She told me we were going to go get dairy Queen bc I'd never had it and she'd told me we would go out and get some the next time we were together but that never happened in real life and I refuse to eat there until we get back together.
What does this mean??
#nblw love#my dreams:#weird dreams#dreams#my dreams#sad dream#nblw#what does this dream mean#what does this even mean#what does this mean#what does this say about me#what does it meaaaaan#long post
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Ok so basically I'm still kind of riding off that last page but have nothing to say and now I'm realizing that I have to change my pants but like I'm high and that seems like a massive task like earth moving massive like moving the Grand Canyon. Ok lemme change these pants. Y'all. Ok so I did it and now I'm sitting in the dark so let's see what happens. Ok holy fuck it's been like ten minutes. Ok that seemed like a lot of stress for a picture. I sent shelbie a snapchat of Im so high and I hate being the person who says I'm so high but like at the moment it just was so I'm so high it was just so perfect. That was a dumb thought anyways fuck that last thought but I think i feel like I'm significantly less high like in general ugh I'm sooooo annoying like I'm annoying myself. Lemme check snapchat wow ok it's literally been 2 MINUTES. I wish that 2 was in caps like how do we do that how do we put numbers in caps apple that should be your next project I know you can hear me you're listening to all our phones anyways. Imagine if that happened. Also I feel like I'm the Harlem-125th metro stop and I'm walking around and like it's beautiful and like good but there's this under tone of danger and it's so surreal but like it really enraptures it. Wow that was weird but stupid. When I close my eyes I feel myself fall that's weird like it becomes oddly gentle my forehead tingles. Like a lot. I think that happens a lot. This song is so peaceful. It's like the drive the 2769 - lime creek. I hear voices but I know it's the fan making them. Every time I bling I get dizzy even tho I'm laying down now I'm kind of dizzy all the time. Ughhhhhhhh. This sucks. I look high as shit. Like my eyes give it away anyways like idek what expression that was aw shelbie luv her but like in a weird only sort of way but also definitely loves her like by her own proportions this song is so much (carmen by Lana btw) like it's literally about me like every line is me and the mood is literally me too. Like airy and cheery but in an almost excessive sinister way so there's a level of tension. The lyrics also like completely describe me like. Like every single line is me and the story of my life like the preparations for going out and the act of it and the feeling alive and then dead and like the french and the boys and girls like her. Like she gives laughs and bats eyes. And she's still shinning in a very brief violent and quickly extinguished way but shinning nonetheless and the reason she does it all.
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#personal#im just sooooo fucking stressed and i wish i was dead#not in a#im gonna act on it kinda way#but just in a#if i was dead i literally wouldnt be so stressed#unfortunately for me my death would cause a lot of problems for my family so thats not an option :-)#maybe i can go in a coma lol#tw suicide
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