#im just so depressed and heartbroken and it just wont go away

[chikkou]

ok i was waiting until my laptop got here to finally tell all the bullshit thats happened in the last like. 5 months lol. cause its a lot to type

im gonna put it all under the cut so no one has to read if they dont want. its a LONG fucking story.

tl;dr:

ok so for basic background, for the last two years or so, i was living with a roommate in connecticut. the roommate was my (now former) best friend since middle school. in july of this year his behavior totally shifted, and he started picking fights with me out of nowhere, told our high school friends a bunch of straight up lies abt me to make me look like a horrible roommate & person, and just generally became a two-faced dickhead. in the end, it turned out to all be excuses to justify his decision to move out (unofficially, name was still on the lease) so that he could live with his boyfriends and not pay any bills. at the time i was really devastated by this bc i felt totally betrayed by this person i had been close to since i was 12/13, but frankly after everything else that happened i barely fucking think about it now LMAO. this is set dressing more than anything else

so anyway, i had been living alone since about august, that was the last time i saw him in person. i wasnt handling the situation well because i had spoken to my high school friend and found out the extent to which hed tried to paint me as a slovenly, horrible roommate, to the point of telling actual lies about really dumb stuff (which didnt work btw - my friends, god bless them, were more concerned about my mental health than anything and thought i was going down a depression spiral, which my former friend told them he was helping me through. they believed me right away once we finally did talk). all that is to say, i was going kind of crazy lol, and i decided to go back home in october just for a short while, to recharge my batteries and all.

i was gone for a couple of weeks, not very long. i felt MUCH better after being with my family & friends in person, as i felt pretty isolated from everyone (my hometown is in new york, i was only 2 hours away by train but scheduling times to visit was sort of a hassle, so i only did it once every couple months). my grandfather and mom dropped me off at my apartment in early november, we were very lighthearted and discussing my next steps, since my shithead friend had been behind on rent more than 5 times (i always paid my half on time) and i was facing eviction because of it. we get to my apartment, i go to open the door, and it wont open. not that its locked, it just straight up WONT open. my grandpa tried to ram the door with his shoulder, and nothing. hes a strong ass dude, and this door wouldnt budge for anything.

my mom managed to get the kitchen window open and climb in that way, and it took both her and my grandpa pulling/pushing at the same time to force the door open. i wont even dress this up: there was mold. fucking. everywhere. on the floor, on the walls, all over everything i owned. i have pictures (had to take them for insurance) and im not even going to show them because they are beyond fucking disgusting. everything i owned was soaked in water and mold, and i do literally mean EVERYTHING. it was very warm in there too, like the temperature of a swamp. i was in a haze after that. i just remember sobbing, like genuinely heartbroken sobbing, as i wandered around looking at everything that was ruined. my mom & grandpa had to go and get maintenance because i was just utterly useless, and they were equally horrified & said they'd never seen anything like it.

i managed to save some items that were irreplaceable (journals, notebooks, etc) and whatever clothes werent utterly soaked in mold. all of my cookware, my books, my laptop & desktop (i cried the hardest when i saw the desktop) - it was all ruined. we found out later that the water boiler in my apartment had a catastrophic failure while i was gone, which caused it to constantly send water back through the pipes, empty, and refill itself. my bedroom was directly above the boiler downstairs, so it got the most significant amount of damage. all told, i lost like 95% of the things i owned. it is possible that i could have saved more, but the amount of mold in that apartment made it a genuine safety hazard for me to even be in there, so i had very limited time to grab what i could. the cruelest irony of all that? my shithead ex-friend's room, which was on the other side of the hallway, was pretty much untouched. he lost absolutely nothing lol.

so immediately, i had to leave the state. i moved back to ny with my family. my mother - who had a stroke last year following a diagnosis of an exceedingly rare neurological disorder, AND had two separate brain surgeries to improve her quality of life - was in the process of getting evicted. the landlord didnt give a fuck about any of my moms situation, not her being disabled, not her being widowed, not her having 3 kids under the age of 18 to care for - he just wanted her out so he could increase the cost of rent on our house. at the same time as all this was going on, i got saddled with a $600 electric bill (likely caused by the water heater's malfunction), which neither insurance nor the apartment would pay, so it came out of my pocket. in addition, i found out in december that i was also getting laid off.

we had nowhere to go and couldnt afford to live anywhere in the tri-state area. we had no choice but to move somewhere much cheaper, and since my mom already had a friend living in a mid-atlantic state, we chose to move there. the eviction went through in january and we had less than 2 weeks to pack all our shit, find a place to live, and get the fuck out. needless to say, we were not successful lol.

we stayed in my grandparents 1 bedroom apartment for about a week, then all of us drove down together to stay with my moms friend in her 3 bedroom apartment (she has 5 kids, 3 of whom live in the apartment). my moms apartment, which was supposed to have been ready by january 31st, still had people actively living there. the property manager kept promising us it would be next week for the entire month of february, to the point that my mom got fed up and chose to rent a small house instead. the reality of being essentially homeless for that time was beyond horrifying, and having anywhere between 8-10 people in that house (my cousin also moved with us, but he stayed in a hotel for the first week) was more taxing than i can express.

but things have gotten a lot better since then. i also found a cute little house to rent just up the road from my moms, and its very cheap for its size. i still havent found a job yet, but thanks to what was essentially the liquidation of everything i owned, ill be ok for a couple months more. im slowly but surely repurchasing all the things i lost and trying to acclimate to the new environment. things are still not totally stable right now, but they are slowing down, and at this point thats all i can really ask for lol.

so yeah. if u were wondering why i suddenly stopped posting after literal years of posting every day, thats why LMAO

[moonxlightsx]

10 Years

It has been 10 years- a whole decade of when i was completely obsessed with Tumblr and i lived a different life. Nobody is probably going to read this but just as my old self; I would come on here after a long day at school to relax and de-compress, i am here to do the same and self reflect.

Today, I just randomly thought to go ahead and hop onto this old account of mines. Sure i last logged on about 2 or 3 years ago but it was most to sit in my sadness. I reposted a few sad posts and connected to those posts and would eventually log off and not sign back on. It felt "good" as it did back in 2014.

The thing is, life not only is different but i myself am a different person. I'm no longer that 16 or 17 year old depressed girl that came to Tumblr to release my anger, sadness and sorrow. I even had a "back-up" account that was simply all Depression and Self Harm related. I just finished going through that entire account and went back on some venting post I did. It was honestly very triggering to see those photos of me from back then when i would self-harm and pop pills to escape. Reliving those moments made me very sad.

I wish i could go back and hug that girl. I read on how i "loved" and was so "heartbroken" on some 3 year relationship that honestly was so freaking toxic. That BOY did not love me. He didn't care for me and i would cry in agony in pain. I was so sad and depressed. i felt like he was my everything. I'm shedding tears in this moment because I am just so sad and want to hug my old self. Younger me didn't deserve any of that - and i know back then my friends would tell me he wasn't good, or a good influence for me. When you're young and "in love" y7ou don't see any of that Even if you do, you wont admit it or try and turn away from it because you see the "good". Just because you see some good, doesn't mean they are good for you.

I wish i could go back and hug my younger self. I wish i could keep those razors away from me. I wish i could sit and listen to my younger self. I wish i could let her know of all the greatness that is so come to her life 5-10 years ahead. I wish I could stop her from popping pills to get high and escape and knock out. I wish i could stop her for trying to overdose and attempt suicide on July 12th 2013. I felt like my world was crashing around me. I had no care or motivation for my high school education, i was having so many family problems, i got re-triggered from sexual abuser and the only thing that i felt like i had control over was cheating on me and leaving me. I'm sure i wasnt perfect either- i mean i was probably ALOT of baggage for someone too. But i was only just a girl. A troubled teen. I didn't want to live like that, but my mind was so twisted i began to believe it. I started to believe that i "deserved" to be treated this way and felt the things i had felt. I was broken.

There is a lot of things i wish i could have done but there is nothing i could do on that now. Although things eventually got better.. in a way they had to get worse. I was proud of myself because i stopped self harming myself with cutting- but i went on a very dark and sad road of other forms of self harm. Pills were a big part of that and other self harms that i wont say because to this day- 10 years later im ashamed i stooped down to that level. But i didn't love myself.

It sucks to say but my "love" back then really fucked me up. For months and for years- i had yearned for this hope of us working things out and getting back together. I laugh at it now because he is NOTHING to me anymore. I'm so happy that i overcame that part of my life. That's where my now husband comes in- he was a light for my dark life. Man, i gotta give it to him, he dealt with a lot of my trauma and helped me. I had to learn to actually talk through my feelings vs running to tumblr and just drowning in my pain and thoughts and subminally posting about it and hoping for the best. I had to learn to grow up, be a big girl. Tackle what's bothering me. It wasn't easy, but i got through it. Eventually forgetting all tumblr and my old bad habits.

In the past 10 years, i have gotten over what i would consider a Pill Problem, getting high, working hard on my mental health, getting rid of my Panic Attacks, processing my sexual & broken relationship trauma. I moved out of my shitty home town, i got a new job, new apartment and 2 amazing doggies and a great husband.

10 years later, i am the happiest i have ever been. I just wish i could go back and let my younger self know that the pain won't last forever. I would overcome any and all obstacles that would come along my way. Most of all, i just wished to have just held her- because what she needed was to feel love.

[dumbbitchfrommars]

i wanted to die at one point in my life. i wanted to watch as the blood dripped from the endless cuts i put on my own body, i wnted to see how mny i could fit on the areas of my body that werent visible because i wanted that private pain because i always knew the complete hypocrisy and idiocy of being suicidal and making it a caricature for the world to see.

its why i felt so stupid going to a psychologist that i seeked out for myself, every week, filling in that stupid sheet and downplaying my true feelings because it seemed so redundant to say i was depressed and anxious and having suicidal thoughts when i clearly desired to live enough to tell someone and try get help for it. but somehow i still wanted those things too. and i was invalidating myself by thinking the psychologist who barely knew or cared about me gave two shits about the fact that i was being a hypocrite.

im almost certain i have bpd.

if not i definitely have emotional dysregulation.

"nobody understands"

does nobody want to understand? or do i want them to not understand? or do i put it in the too hard basket - because no one knows how to fucking listen these days. or is it that i simply dont know how to say it. to say the hard thing and communicate how i truly feel. which is pure shit.

im beginning to disssociate from my own reality. potentially very likely the reason and source for all my creativity that i was wondering about. i thought it had gone for good. turns out i just needed to be completely stressed and depressed for it to come back - my perfect distraction. my one true love. dqydreaming. maladaptive daydreaming... hits different when my reality is unbelievably shit and worse. makes me get real juicy and creative with my made up stories to escape into.

the way my life is actully grreqt and fine and dandy and im lucky and special and i still feel like this. will the feeling ever go away?

its not fair that you made it all about you. my mental health is suffering because im trying so hard for everyone and youre turning my efforts into anither problem to pick away at? fuck you. fuck you. watch me prioritise myself. watch me take the biggest step away from you. youve failed me again, you alwaus fail me! you will never know what it feels like to be me. yiu will never understand.

i need to move out. i need to leave. i need to get the FUCK away. im so angry im heartbroken. im so angry im broken. i feel like a child again. how could you fail me so badly that i cut my own body and fantasized about death?

i really want to just go invisible. become the physical embodiment of what my internal world is feeling. but... more than usual. archive everything on instagram and change my bio to "gone for abit". delete the app. delete everything in fact. go awol. leave. disappear. isnt that what you want? isnt that what you deserve? if you wanted to ignore me so bad. ill just fucking leave then. ill go! im happy to do that. but somehow i know that wont work anymore. it never did, actually. it only did for me. and now i dont even think i get that as a consolation. because unfortunately my conscience is just too self aware to do that. anyway.

i just dont see anyone taking me and my issues seriously. thats how this problemcame to be, wasnt it? my parents judged and laughed at my big emotions. my feelings. my thoughts. now i dont know how to express fucking anything. but i also ccan? cause ive made it this far. hiding. hiding in plain sight. ugh

i cant keep doing this anymore. i cant keep writing! but i also cant keep hiding. but fucking everyone sucks. theyre just gonna have to deal, i suppose. what do i do, god? i dont know what else there is to say anymore. its all on the table. im still angry and hurt. and im so agonisingly close to that familiar feeling. god, i want to turn to my old bad habits but i know it wont help me. its a beautifully sadistic secret. but it helps nothing. its just a pointless secret. but at least its a release. its a sinful pleasure. once i do it, ill unravel. but i kind of want to. i want to be a bad person. ive always been a bad person pretending to be good, though. i could just be bad and authentic, and covered in bloody scars too. or i could just ... i wont go there just yet. im not thaat stupid, am i?

EWJGFVJFVKJDVKJDFVJKDFJKFVKJFVJKN

[sonny-whorezik]

im trying so hard to focus on training right now because im tested today and tomorrow and trying so so hard to stay grounded my body keeps ticking and twitching and im restless and embarrassed in attempt to stay present and someone keeps staring at me its fucking freezing outside and 90% of the songs that came on on tthe way here reminded me of them why wouldnt they? my mom and future roommates say this is for the best and they said its what they need and ive always just wanted them nothing but the best and a good life whether im in it or not but i feel so selfish !!! ive accepted but im yearning for what is now a past experience and it breaks my heart mman . im so , so heartbroken i couldnt sleep , have no appetite , so anxious at this shit amazon job i dont care about it just pays well ive been so so depressed for so long it feels like itll never go away . i do my ketmaine intake next week im trying to hold out for i really hope it helps me ive heard nothing but good things and i feel like ive tried EVERYTHING to combat chronic depression this feels like my last chance .

i just want to feel okay . i have been practicing acceptance and surrendering getting back into buddhism but jesus christ is it hard . i dont fight it and i let go of a sense of control because im supposed to and gradually it will help i think , and you know the blur lyrics "i wont kill myself trying to stay in your life" actually fuck hthat song it breaks my heart . i have to pass these tests and im taking notes and breathing deep and fidgeting its so embarrassing im often catatonic but my god . i NEED this job i have no money , im just so . so sad . and i know i will be sad about this for a long time i wont fight it ill just ride it out . i hate doing that i feel like im always just tolerating distress rather than enjoying my life im . man . im so exhausted from trying to keep going i havent wanted to keep living intermittently for 18 years but since september its been so SO fucking HARD man !!!! and it feels like i dont have anyone ! and now i REALLY dont !

[agent6v6]

.

[thatsthetriick]

Jjba characters in a coming of age movie with their s/o

Summary: What if you and (insert jjba character) are in a coming of age movie? What would happen in the movie, how would you interact?  Header photo: Haruiro astronaut Pairings: Joestars x s/o

Jonathan Joestar  ── Bleachers ♡ You’ll probably be in a boarding school in the 1960s in england. ♡ He is the star student and you’re probably just a normie and you wouldn’t want to associate yourself with him and you just want to live a peaceful life ♡ You’ll be asked to assist the rugby team in exchange for some grades and you couldn’t deny it so you agreed with your teacher and you two had a deal. Your job is simple, all you need to do is just to be in charge of the attendance and be the coach’s spokesman if he’s busy and it wasn’t that bad. ♡ You are also a supervisor whenever the coach is not around and you overall just support everyone just like an assistant. They need water? you’ll get some for the whole team, etc. ♡ Jonathan will honestly start developing feelings for you, and you to him, he starts helping you with your homework on the bleachers and you two will go anywhere together, and you’ll mostly be the one to rebel and sneak out at night to hang out with him and he’d usually feel scared to skip but he didnt let his fear take over him and he just followed you. ♡ The conflict is probably the fact that you witnessed a girl confessing to him near a fountain within school grounds, it kinda broke your heart and lost your motivation to assist the team yet you still continued. ♡ Your ending is probably depressing because he really likes this girl who confessed to him(probably Erina) so you’re left in the shadow and moreover it’s hard to skip and rebel with him when he prioritizes his girlfriend all the time. ♡ Your iconic scene with him is probably him helping you on the bleachers. Joseph Joestar  ──Coward ♡ It’ll be 2000s in america as well probably and this movie will be a enemies to lovers thing huehue.  ♡ You and Joseph hate each other and the whole school knew that and no one ever knew why, maybe because the first day you went to school you accidentally bumped to him and made your food go over him which made him held a grudge on you but at the same time flirt with you? Or make odd statements which just annoys you. ♡ You don’t take him seriously, you take him as a playboy so his flirts wouldn’t affect you at all and it’s not like you’ll take the praises that came out of that brunette’s mouth. ♡ It all changed when obviously you two got assigned in a project that requires the both of you to go to each other’s houses and at first you two argued a lot but you two started thinking that maybe it’s not that bad. ♡ The conflict is probably the fact that this guy likes another girl and you start getting confused with your emotions everytime he interacts with his girl crush, you really feel jealous but you’re still in denial. ♡ He also has feelings for you honestly but since he knew you practically hated so he knew he had NO chance which is why he just shooed his feelings away for you even though he genuinely really liked you.   ♡ You get into a rivalary with the girl he liked which led to the two of you arguing publicly and you probably got embarrassed since she revealed to everyone that you liked Joseph. ♡ Joseph actually felt really happy to hear this and the movie ends with the two of you dating but being really good friends as well. ♡ Your iconic scene with him is both of you lying down on his bed while looking at the ceiling and talking about stories you two experienced. Jotaro Kujo  ──Not that necessary ♡ The setting would probably be somewhere in the 1990s in america in a tiny town somewhere. ♡ Jotaro never really had a permanent home and by this he constantly moved town to town, which means he never really got close with anyone else in his schools and he’d prefer it that way that he wont just get close to anyone ♡ Though he continues being in arguments and physical fights and one of the fights got him in detention with you, now you in the other hand always get in detention for your little pranks to the teachers or skipping and getting caught, let’s just say that in this movie you’re not really the best student and you didn’t really care moreover mind, but when you saw Jotaro you got a vibe you two will get along. ♡ Since you two were the only ones in the classroom you whisper him to follow you as you two escape the window, he’ll probably groan or grunt at you at first but he’ll eventually follow you to get out of detention without using the front door. ♡ You two escape outside the window and run to a forest nearby probably, he’s not much of a talker so you did the talking for him most of the time, you two will do a lot of things in this movie, such as climbing rooftops of houses or going to playgrounds while talking or just bike around the neighbourhood, getting ice cream. ♡ The conflict here is that he’ll be moving soon and it’s hard for the both of you to be separated, since he doesnt’ want you to get hurt his immature 17 year old self would probably tell you that he doesn’t want to be friends or something that hurts, like “I never liked you as a friend anyways”, “ I just used you.” ♡ You would be heartbroken and deep inside you didn’t know why he would randomly tell these things to you and you would distance yourself from him and school generally that’s how much it affected your friendship. ♡ The ending would probably be upsetting and sad with you being left in the town and with Jotaro leaving, he really thought that he could make you leave him by insulting you but it just made you sad instead of being mad at him honestly. ♡ Though the epilogue would probably give the audiences hope since you two will bump to each other 8 years later as adults. ♡ Your iconic scene with him is probably walking to the forest and you doing the talking for him. Josuke Higashikata  ──It started at the Diner  ♡ The setting would probably be in the 50s in a 50s diner in america.  ♡ You were a teenage regular customer there probably a loner and perfect student who’s got everything and is technically bored of life ♡ Everything changed when a bunch of deliquents sat on a table across yours and one of them got your attention the most, he probably saw you staring and you would feel embarrassed honestly and you will hesitate talking to him. ♡ You’ll only probably meet him there but you’ll eventually find him in the town and encounter him everywhere but you still hesitate to talk to him but you two started to talk and there was instant connection. ♡ The iconic scenes you would have with him is probably talking to him in a diner. ♡ The movie would probably also show about your boring life becoming more interesting as you rebel with him, the movie will show the message that teenagers should have fun while they can especially when they are still in their childhood, and that you should never miss the opportunity of meeting new people. ♡ The conflict in the movie is probably your school and your parents and their expectations and the fear that Josuke will be bored of you the more you focus on your education than friends and that he’ll eventually leave you, and how simple things in your life can easily block you from hanging out with him. ♡ The ending would probably be sweet and happy with the two of you spending your whole school year and summer bonding with each other, probably a open ending for the audience to decide. Giorno Giovanna ──Oh to see without my eyes ♡ Two of you are two teenagers in nothern italy which means you’re in a more grassy parts of italy, and you are in a wealthy family. The setting is 80s-90s italy ♡ He honestly goes to the same highschool as you  and he was the new student probably. Your movie with him is probably wholesome and calming and peaceful. ♡ You always like going on the waters and beaches and he would just watch splashing water around and swimming. You two enjoy hanging out at nighttime the most, you would run around the town laughing and biking around near the forest and you would have midnight picnics where you would make snacks for the both of you. ♡ It’s instant connection, the day you met you two were already connected and already friends and it stayed until this day. You two eventually also get feelings for each other honestly as you guys hangout everyday to entertain yourselves. He was kind and polite moreover a gentleman ♡ The conflict is that he has a dream, that he wants to becoming a don of a mafia and you couldn’t stop him and instead you just wholeheartedly supported him till he eventually had to leave you to persue his dream, he went missing and missed a lot of school days because of this. ♡ The ending is sad you two never saw each other again and he intentionally did this because he didnt want you to be in danger ♡ Your iconic scene with him is probably you walking on the shore of the ocean with him by your side as you two talk away as you feel the cold touch of the water touching your bare feet as he stays dry on the sand.

Sorry dudes I’m still in part 5 :”DD, srry for typos im tryna speedrun this xD, might do the jobros and jofoes next >:DD

[shyrose57]

2: At first? No. Ran was the first one who noticed when something was off but Ranbob brushed it off as him being tired. Though when he saw that his brother was still acting that way he kept checking in, til "Ranbob" eventually snapped at him one day, scaring and hurting Ran enough to get him to stop. His parents and Lias and Memi also noticed, but Lias and Memi didn't ask as often because Ran told them not too, and when Memi asked Ranbob gently told her its ok and to not worry. Lias was hesitant to accept this but eventually did, with Ranbob promising to tell him if something was wrong, a promise he sadly broke. Ranbob was close to his family, especially his younger siblings, and loved to play and study with them. He had a lot of friends at first that he played games with and joked around with. Though after he started to get out under more pressure and the introduction of Dream he got distant, lost all of his friends (even though he still cared for them), didn't play with Lias or Memi nearly as much, started skipping dinners and not talking to his parents or Ran. And when Dream was mostly and fully in control, he stopped talking at all, and ignored everyone. Lias desperately tried to get him to talk but that just resulted in a harsh stare with a silent promise, Memi tried to hug him, which he then pushed her away, and when Ran tried one last time to talk to him, but "Ranbob" just punched him and walked away. When his parents tried one very last time to intervene, that's when it got fatal. The Gladiators where horrified at what they read, finding it hard to believe and making them sick to their stomach. Benjamin caught them reading it, though he simply sadly smiled at them and said, "I read it too. Its horrible isn't it? He didn't deserve to go through that. But we'll help him. We'll help him be free and be himself again, I promise you, and everyone else. We'll save him." They felt like they where staring at a ghost, it was unnerving, to see such a happy and young Ranbob, knowing what will happen to him that will wipe him clean of all happiness. And it felt disrespectful when they caught sights of Ranya, Seth, Lias, and Memi. Cause they never knew them, and now they where looking into the such happy and gleeful eyes of dead people who don't know the torture their son and brother is going through. (And that went for everyone)

3: This is literally Ran's mentally when it comes to being stabbed, "I've been stabbed multiple times before and I haven't died. Therefor, I am immortal." Yes he is :). He gets threatened with Benjamin because if Benjamin finds out he isn't eating or sleeping Benjamin will force him to eat every bite of a full meal and force him to go to bed, sitting next to him and reading to him until he falls asleep. Which sounds nice, but considering Ranbob doesnt want to "bother" them, its a threat to him. Raq will always cause problems, he's a expert tracker and because of that he's able to hunt the groups down. He often will pop out of nowhere and attack the group, chasing them down until someone turns around and attacks him. Often Ran attacks him by looking Raq directly in his eyes, causing him to flee. Cause even though Raq wants to get Ran, he knows very well if they make eye contact he will lose a battle no matter what he does, so its best to run and attempt to blind him at a later point. Ran his very happy to be on the road again, and if Ranbob wasn't there (who's keeping Ran on edge and preventing him from fully enjoying the trip, though its mostly just Ran doing it to himself), he would be non-stop talking and running ahead of the group. But even with Ranbob there he's happy to finally be moving again. 

4: The gladiators did not witness it first hand, rather they heard screaming and went to check it out, worried and alarmed. And when Ranbob went into the depressive state did Benjamin come over to them and explain what was going on and what was going to happen. When then Jackie offered to help keep Ranbob company while Grievous and Watson offered to go along with Cletus to find Ran. When they heard the scream Jackie was scared and nervous, Grievous was anxious and on edge, Watson was calm yet curious, and Ran was mad and on edge. And when they found out what happened, Jackie felt bad and sympathetic, Grievous felt sad and a bit guilty, Watson was sympathetic and felt bad for him, and Ran was pissed. 

5: Isaac and Benjamin just kinda accepted it and went "Yes he is like a lost puppy and we love him for that.", Charles was embarrassed and instead of responding properly he muttered out an excuse and left, cause he was not expecting to be confronted with Ranbob being like a puppy at all and didn't know how to respond, and Cletus just stuck his tounge out and blew raspberries. And Ranbob was just purely embarrassed. 

6: Actually first thing Ranbob got when he arrived to the fishermen house was wrapped up in multiple fluffy blankets and had a hot chocolate shoved in his hands. Also whenever he goes into a depressive episode or wants to go back the fishermen just bring out emergency blankets and quickly make either hot chocolate or tea and Ranbob loves it every single time. 

7: Ranbob is mixed, he loves it being back as it reminds him of such good times, but it also doesn't feel right when Charles says it because Ran was the one who made it. It only sounds right when Ran says it. Ran is angry that Ranbob is letting someone else call him Bobby (which he is also sad about), but is also mad that he's mad that someone else is using it. But he's also happy its being used again, and is happy to see Ranbob still enjoys it. Grievous of course notices it, but doesnt look into it, and so does Watson but he also doesn't ask about it, determing it to be something the brothers themselves have to talk about. 

8:Because if it was Porkius or literally anyone else, they wouldn't of helped and would've watched happily as the two fought, waiting until one fell and even encouraging the fight. But they also jumped into the area from the stands and Cletus specifically placed himself between the two, pushing Ran back and yelling at him (which rarely anyone does) when Benjamin then came up to try to calm the raging enderman down, while Charles checked on Ranbob, and Isaac kept look out for any sudden movements between the two so he could intercept the potential attack. Plus when Isaac saw the other group approaching he ran to meet them, asking if they knew Ran and when they said yes, quickly stating a plan to safely restrain Ran long enough until Ranbob was taken to safety. Then leaving Ran to the group, but also saying how he wanted to talk later. 

10: Sounds like the certain town just may be the ruins of the Greater SMP. So I'll probably have Wilburs Decendent (which I dont currently have a name for, if anyone has one please feel free to suggest one!) As a popular performer there and also the towns historian, so when our groups get there Wilbur is able to provide information about Dream, Ranboo, basically everyone and the history of the SMP. Most likely going be a part of the story when Ran truly starts to slowly believe that his brother didn't meant to do everything he did. 

11: Yep, he knows Ranboo used to have bad memory (not how bad it was, just that it was bad) but he's never read it because Mizu never had the actual book, it was only told in tales and stories that Mizu had. If that makes sense. Ranbob will get plenty more hugs I promise you, though that also means he gets hurt more. 

12: Kinda but also cause I enjoy writing angst. 

Ok ok here's some fluff: These all take place a good week or 2 (or longer) after Ran forgives his brother and the relationship gets better. Watson walks in on the two sharing a blanket and sleeping against eachother. With them leaning on eachother and leaving almost no space between them. Ran finally calls Ranbob Bobby again and Ranbob cries and hugs his brother tightly, Ran is shocked but quickly hugs back just as tightly. Ranbob gets to finally pull a big brother move and tease Ran about his "nerdy" habit of reading so many books, Ran tries to fire back that Ranbob literally picked a idol that requires you to be a bookworm but he simply shoots back that Technoblade also requires you to be a bookworm. Its been spotted multiple times of either Ran or Ranbob having their tail wrapped around his brothers wrist or leg, and the two aren't very far apart now. Jackie jokes about being replaced by Ranbob and being heartbroken, basically draping himself over Ran and whining while everyone else laughs at Rans distress. Ran and Ranbob eventually agree to merge their two hauntings, which is extremely rare and is the biggest sign of trust and love there is in enderman language. Ran reads to Ranbob one night after a bad relapse, which ends up soothing Ranbob much sooner than anything else. 

I also have a more mythical idea of fluff that probably wont be in the main story, but im willing to share it if you want. 

2: Only his family noticed? Dang, okay. I’m irrationally attached to his siblings now that they have names, and this only hurts me. Do the gladiators have any noticeable changes in behavior towards Ranbob and Ran after reading it? Also, who may Ranya and Seth be? I don’t believe I saw them mentioned earlier.

3: Technically, he’s right. He hasn’t died yet, anon, and he’s been stabbed multiple times, he could very well be immortal. I guess he should probably do his best to not get stabbed again though, I hear it’s kind of bad for you. 

Ranbob: *Not doing something he should do for his own health*

Benjamin: *Self Care But As A Threat(Gently)*

Ranbob:

Ranbob: *Does it*

Also, even though I acknowledge that Raq could be a genuine threat, all I can imagine are Team Rocket shenanigans. He keeps trying to blind him in various, complicated ways, and fails hilariously. One time he actually manages to do it only for Jackie to take him out or for him to turn around and accidentally look Ranbob straight in the eyes cause the poor hybrid was trying to knock him out without a fight.

4: Yikes, that must have been pretty scary, just hearing everything go down. If I may ask, what exactly happened with Ranbob? You said there was screaming?

5: Well, at least everyone’s come to terms with it. Ran uses people as tote bags, and Ranbob is the local puppy, and it is what it is.

6: Very good! He needs it! Also, do they just keep them on hand? Just-he looks a tiny bit sad and Benjamin pulls blanket and tea out of thin air and burritos him. 

7: Aww. But also, ouch. Oh well. At least we can get Ran eventually picking the nickname up again.

8: Oh? Interesting. Sounds like these guys are pretty quick on their feet. I can see why it’d impress the gladiators.

10: That? Sounds so cool? Oh, I really like that honestly, I can’t wait to see where you take that.

11: Neat. Is that where he got the idea for his diary, or? And why? Why must we suffer in order to take comfort from the kinder things in life? Why can’t Ranbob just have hugs without pain? 

12: Did you genuinely just admit to aiming for my feelings with that last one?! Anon, how could you! I’ve been injured! My heart, Anon! 

13: AWWWW. To all of this. So fluffy, and cute! Just what we needed, thank you! Also, more fluff, you say? Please share, we need all the fluff we can get.

Have a good week, Brothers Anon, and thank you for the lovely fluff, and equally lovely pain. I’m excited for more!

[help-i-need-a-cool-username]

@taiqrowweek

SINCE ALL THE FICS ARE SAD im going to go ahead and make a happy one. (Well... its bullet notes so maybe more of a fic outline?). Can be consider as Free Day or AU Day since its canon divergence

Ive been dying to see a Tai comes to Atlas fic so im making this one a reunion in Atlas fic

Qrow isnt in Atlas when Tai arrives. Hes out on a Amity Tower mission with Clover

Qrow and Clover are actually in the middle of flirting with each other when Qrow gets the call

Its Ruby and shes talking so fast Qrow cant understand a single thing. "Woah Ruby slow down. Whats going on" theres a deep gasping breath and then "DAD IS HERE. DAD IS IN ATLAS"

Qrow is stunned. Tai made it to Atlas?

Clover is thinking about how on Earth he could of gotten into the Kingdom.

Qrow finds out through Yang (she had to take Ruby's phone away since she wouldnt stop screaming) that the girls are waiting for Tai since Ironwood is having Winter personally escort him (Qrow figures that either he got arrested on arrival like they did or that Ironwood wants to know everything Tai knows about Salem despite being removed from the situation since STRQ fell apart)

Clover notifies him that they wont be able to get back to the city for another three hours, and then Qrow tells the girls, who are disappointed but tell him theyll "let Dad know when he gets here"

Most of the way back Clover is trying to get information out of Qrow about what Tai is like. Its both friendly small talk and adding to what Clover knows about this group of children + Qrow. The group is part of Ironwood's inner circle now which makes them important

Qrow briefly wonders how his reception will be. These days hes always the one coming to see Tai, and its 50-50 on if Tai's happy to see Qrow. Qrow considers running away from the encounter entirely but hes trying to be a better man now and that means sobriety and facing his problems. Besides he'll have to see Tai eventually

So lets backtrack a bit. Tai and Qrow used to be a thing wayyyy back in the day. Defining their romantic relationship is complicated. They tried dating before Tai ever got with Raven and it only lasted a few days because they realized the attraction was just sexual so they went back to being teammates who makeout when theyre drunk (thats how they decided to start dating in the first place). So through the early years they were Friends With Benefits. After the dark years of Raven and Summer they became Friends With Benefits That Only Get Together When Theyre Feeling Heartbroken. Its sad sex and half the time one of them is crying. Their friendship is good while the the girls are young. They disagree on a lot of things when it comes to the girls as they get older. That animosity plus arguments about Qrow's  espionage job plus Qrow's worsening alcoholism are the reason theyve drifted far apart today. Theyve still been through so much together so that history and Qrow's dedication to being a uncle are the only things holding their friendship together.

So anyways lets get to the good stuff. The reunion:

Tai is actually waiting for Qrow at the garage

The girls are with him because they missed him. Ruby has her arms around him while talking and Yang is standing besides them smiling

Qrow gets a little scared. The fact Tai is waiting for him doesnt bode well. Him and Tai try to have their disagreements when the girls arent present. Qrow thinks its fair to assume that Tai is so absolutely pissed at him that he cannot wait another moment to yell at him. Clover goes "i guess you wont have to hunt him down after all. He mustve really missed you all" and Qrow really hopes thats the reason

Qrow decides to break the ice before it forms by insulting Tai as he's getting out of the truck

"Two and a half continents away and i still cant escape the sight that is your hideous cargo pants" "says the man who's idea of fashion is a 25 year old ripped cape"

As soon as Qrow gets close enough Tai puts his hands on his shoulders, takes a deep breath, and yells "YOU GOT POISONED"

Turns out Tai was just worried about him after Ruby explained what happened on her trek through Mistral

After answering his questions they hug and its the kind of hug where you sway a little bit

For the next few hours Tai yells at Ruby for running away, Tai yells at Qrow for going sober and not telling him, and Qrow goes with Tai to meet Ironwood (and stop Ironwood from asking too many questions. Hes actually soley focused on Salem and he doesnt even ask Tai how he got through his military blockade)

That night in Qrow's room Tai explains to Qrow how he got there. He lied to the girls. Made up some story that had plenty of holes in it. It was Raven. She opened her portal to Yang as far away as she could and Tai landed there. She had come to him after Haven, told him a few things but clearly left most of it out. Tai managed to get her to promise to take him to the group whenever they got to Atlas and had adjusted.

He came for two reasons. 1) to see exactly how close his children were to Salem. 2) to see if he could protect his kids any way he could, knowing they wouldnt back out now. But the reason he was telling Qrow all this (instead of sticking to his if-it-involved-Raven-i-dont-talk-about-it mentality) was because of one of the few things she mentioned about Haven: the disowning.

Tai wanted him to know that despite all their problems that Qrow was still his family. Not because Raven is still legally married to Tai, not because hes Yang's blood uncle, but because Qrow has been apart of Tai's life and chosen family as far back as STRQ.

Qrow's felt like a outsider to Tai ever since (and every time) things got serious with whoever Tai's dating. Qrow felt like a third wheel when Tai was with Raven, and Qrow was to raw from the increasingly strained relationship with Raven to let go of Summer and Tai when they got together. And ever since Qrow has felt like he was there in Tai's life but no longer apart of it. Even after Tai recovered from his depression, Qrow felt like a visitor in the house he still considers his home despite being called "uncle".

And Tai knows Qrow broke ties with Tribe soon after Beacon, and Raven hadnt truely been his sister in 20 years, but to have what you known from literal birth taken from you still hurt. And now Tai knows Qrow isnt drinking so the only way he can cope is by not thinking about it.

So Tai had to tell Qrow what he meant to him

And when he found out about Tyrian he realized Qrow couldve died not knowing Tai still loves him

Tai ends up ranting about all the things he loves about Qrow, about how he regrets that almost every word said to Qrow in the last 15 years has been unkind

Qrow is now confused to if this is a fixing my mistakes kind of thing or a love confession

So he asks

And Tai gets a little sheepish because it was a fixing my mistakes because i love you thing but a little past halfway into his rant he realized hes IN love with Qrow and has been for a while now

And Qrow decides f it. Tai is doing his embarrassed thing Qrow still finds cute even now when theyre middle aged adults getting their first gray hairs. So Qrow gets up from the cheap academy table theyre sitting at and kisses Tai

"After the world stops ending do you wanna try that dating thing again?" "You think we'll make it past one week this time?" "I actually meant since you havent gone on a date in about 15 years." "Oh. Well im pretty sure you havent been on a proper date since Beacon" "Are you gonna take me on a proper date then?" "Yeah"

[jungxk]

// rant

i'm jus so heartbroken rn i've been crying for the past hour i jus need to put my feelings out there, i hope it's ok w you.

my mum wakes up today and jus starts berating me bc i didnt put washed dishes into the cabinets & the kitchen looked messy for her. i'm supposed to do it bc there's nothing else i actually do but yesterday i had woken up in the evening nd they called me to pray straight away so i totally forgot about it (coupled w the fact that i dont like doing it either cuz there's always sm dishes nd it's such a hassle). she jus started scolding me senseless nd im someone who doesnt get mad easily, even if i do i tend to stay quiet bc i dont like conflict & angry emotions are ugly. but i couldnt stop it today? she kept calling me selfish nd she's been calling me that the past few days as well bc i never help out w chores or anything. she's always asking me "what do u do for this family" or "what do u do in this house" every single time nd ofc i cant say shit bc i dont. i'm doing uni online nd it's really not that easy but bc i dont talk to my family like at all, they think i'm all good. the other day i pissed them off nd my parents straight up said "why do we need to pay for ur uni ure not doing anything anyway" & i jus... i didnt even know if i even deserve to feel sad over it. they were asking me what i wanna do after uni as if im not just in my first year & when i said im not sure they got so mad and my mum purposely said "just marry her off" to push my buttons into giving them an answer. they keep saying i'm pushing them into being the worst and saying the worst to me but how is that fair? they're parents? adults? i'm jus 20 & i can control my emotions? but today really jus pushed me she got so mad at me for the littlest things nd i jus exploded. I asked her why she's mad and she's like cuz of the kitchen bla bla bla nd it got so frustrating i told her it's not my problem nd i jus wont ever eat again since all the unwashed dishes piling is my fault. nd then she got mad at me for that and scolded me. I hate being touched but mostly i hate being hit. imagine getting hit at 20 years old bc my mother is too emotionally unstable that she cant take a few seconds by herself to calm her anger down. I hate it. nd bc i said it's not my problem she came nd told me "yea it won't be ur problem when i die too! i'll make sure when i do, u never come see me." jus... what kind of parent says that? i'm so careful w what i say & i slip sometimes bc i'm human but how can a mother say that? she doesnt know anything about me. she doesn't know i dont like being hit, she doesnt know i dont like it when ppl act impulsively on emotions. sometimes i feel like i really am the problem nd that i'm really selfish. spending shit ton of money to get me to study, maybe i am selfish. i dont mind it. i know myself well enough to hate things about myself. but to have parents who barely know me as a person rather than a daughter, getting this much mad at me for smthn so simple jus makes me so sad. bc i was doing the task when she asked. she does things like this then wonders why i cant ever talk to her. entire family thinks i'm immature bc i behave exactly how they treat me. 20 years. I never ask for much. but it's starting to feel like asking to study in the uk was my greatest downfall. it feels like i dont deserve this. every day i'm itching to get away, to live alone bc they've made me feel like i can never work well in groups. it's always somehow my fault as if they havent been invalidating me nd my feelings since birth.

nd i can never tell them all these bc i'm never confident in them. i'm never confident in whether i would be accepted nd comforted without ridicule or scolding. my brother & father tell me it's like that, that jus bc i may get a scolding shouldn't stop me from being open. but what kind of stupidity is that? my mother who makes me feel like the world is ending when i accidentally break smthn, that it wasn't an accident but rather it's me nd that i jus cant do a good job— where is the comfort i can ever find coming to her w a problem?

nd bc of that we're not close. bc of that she's closer to my cousins & everyone else really. they've never concerned themselves to talking about family issues w me but when i dont know, they shame me, saying i never bother to ask— how would i know when to ask? should they be telling me when there's smthn going on?

this makes the concept of family so repelling for me. there is inherently no reason to ever have a child that isnt selfish or self fulfilling. what they do as parents is to make them feel as important nd respected as they expect from the child. but it's never like that w south asians. emotions dont exist if ure the child nd apparently getting mad is a norm nd shouldn't stop u from being emotional w someone.

at times i tell myself that i should pay back every penny my parents spent on me. bc sometimes it feels like it's being used to make me act or feel a certain way. i dont wanna feel this way. theyre my parents, i know theyre good people. but i'm so hurt by the things going on nd the things from the past. my mother invalidates me sm. she more or less kinda blamed me for feeling useless and depressed last year. my brother was telling her to go easy on me nd she got so mad & frustrated bc she didnt know what she was doing wrong. "if she feels so useless why doesnt she do anything about it?" like that was such a golden chance for her to have comforted me nd i couldve opened up? but she ruined it nd hurt me again.

last year i lived w her alone nd my dad was in our home country. I was having some troubles w him gone but i dont call or text bc... it always felt like a drag. it never felt like a conversation nd the only time it did was when i complained to him about my mum. so much shit happened between my mum and i & this person advised me to jus write some of my feelings to her. so i wrote her a long letter nd i included saying how not having my dad was hard on me too. flash forward im in my home country & w my dad. i know nobody here bc i didnt grow up here. i'm doing online uni & basically have to stay indoors cuz of covid. she brings that letter up when she was to berate me nd it jus feels so uncomfortable for me? like ok my actions dont line up but i wrote that cuz i was looking for comfort nd understanding. if i knew it was going to be held against me, i would not have done it? "u said it was so hard for u without him, so what do u even do for him here now?"— what can i do? i'm just 20 nd the situation im in is not normal? i'm grateful to be w my dad again but what can i do? &it always freaking comes down to house chores. i try my best. when our maid doesnt come i do my best w my tasks. i know it's not enough but i jus... i dont even know. ig that part of me is selfish nd lazy.

it's so suffocating here. all my feelings are bottled up nd im so scared what that would do to me in the future. but at least i know i'm too selfish to ever spend the rest of my life w someone.

sorry for the long rant. i hope this didnt ruin ur mood or anything i jus need an outlet nd ur blog jus feels so comforting nd welcoming. thank u for listening to me nd my feelings. God bless u really kssjdjsj

i’m rlly sorry this is happening to you bby. idk what race u are but this sounds so much like that asian mentality where emotions are black and white and comfort in any way is out of the question. ur still rlly young tho so ur relationship with ur parents has room to improve i promise. i think it’s rlly important for u to move out whenever u can tho bc that’s what rlly improves the relationship. having said this i do think the way your mum talks to u/treats u is emotionally and mentally abusive so whether you want to uphold that tie with her in the future is ur choice i just rlly hope u get somewhere safe and away from ur family soon x

[negasonicimagines]

Gladdest (Soulmate AU)

For this, I’ll be using the soulmate AU where what happens to your soulmate’s body happens to you. I’m not sure who originally came up with this. Basically, how it works, is like, if your soulmate gets punched in the face, you feel like you’ve been punched in the face. If your soulmate dies, you don’t die, but you feel it. Same with broken bones, you’ll feel it, but your arm won’t actually be broken. But not just pain, other stuff. Like if your soulmate cries, you’ll feel it, but you don’t cry unless they’re super heartbroken, or if they get a really good hug you feel it, too. In my version of this AU, the pain and other feeling doesn’t start until you turn sixteen. Imagine how fucked up it would be if that wasn’t the case and you had a partner older than you? Like, while 13-year old Bill gets in a fight, his soulmate, who is only 3, feels the same punches and kicks. It’d be so fucked up.

warnings: nsfw (but no actual sex, just a lot of talking about it [and masturbation] and some sexually tense scenes), the reader nearly has a panic attack (again, i know, sorry. what can I say? I project), & reader has a thing for.... erotic asphyxiation. let me know if i missed anything.

I am very open to writing a part two with smut... I just chickened out with this because I felt it wouldn’t be good writing.

You’d been sixteen for a little while now, and there hadn’t been much contact from your soulmate aside from the occasional feel of a phone falling on your face and smacking it.

It’s the beginning of a new school year at Xavier’s, and you’re pretty thrilled. Your roommate this year is your best friend, Ellie. Okay, not just your best friend, she’s your crush, too. Do I really have to say, at this point?

“Hey,” she greets you, sounding rather sullen as she enters your dorm, where you sit on the edge of your bed.

“What’s up?” you ask.

“I turned sixteen over the summer and I haven’t felt anything to give me a hint. All my soulmate does is cry.”

“All my soulmate does is drop their phone on their face,” you offer a complaint in return, and the two of you lock eyes for a moment, one of realization.

“No,” Ellie says. “No.” She’s bright red, immediately thinking of just how many hot summer nights she was kept up, orgasm after orgasm after orgasm, gasping for breath at the way her soulmate’s fingers curled just right, just fucking right. There’s no way you, her crush and her best friend, were that good.

“No, can’t be,” you agree.

“Could be,” she reminds you.

“It’d make sense,” you admit.

“I hate everyone else but you.”

“We could try to find out,” you suggest.

She pinches herself.

“Ow! Not like that!” You whine, clutching at your arm. “Oh, well, I guess it’s too late th-” Ellie cuts you off with her eyes alone.

“Where does all that energy come from, Y/N?! What are you, the Energizer bunny?! At least three times a night, every night! What the hell?!”

You blush deeply, scratching the back of your neck. You hadn’t exactly expected you’d meet your soulmate anytime soon, or that they’d be bold enough to comment on your habits.

“I dunno, I thought it was normal for kids our age…” you mumble.

“Oh, yeah, well some people like sleeping and not screaming into the pillow because their soulmate has a little too much fun doing the five finger shuffle!”

“Please, louder. I think a few people in Antarctica didn’t hear you,” you retort, looking up at her from where you were sitting with a challenging expression.

“We’ve been friends for all this time and I never knew what a horny bastard you are,” she remarks.

“Well, I’m not the one who was ‘screaming’ in pleasure,” you mutter.

“I heard that!” she says, her expression still adorably indignant.

“If you hated it so much, you should’ve just got those over the counter meds, Antifel or whatever.”

“I- I…” She sighs. “Yeah, I didn’t hate it that much,” she admits, and you smile a bit. “But I wasn’t a fan of the choking,” she adds, gesturing at your scarf, your favorite one that she never would’ve guessed hides the bruises from where you’ve choked yourself with a belt, at least not before. “I’m more of a choker than a ‘chokee’, but, I guess that’d be obvious, wouldn’t it? Considering we’re soulmates and all.”

You nod, your eyes now on your lap, the floor, her tee shirt, the lamp in the corner, anything that isn’t her eyes, and she smirks.

“Oh, so now you’re shy?”

“A little,” you quietly reply, and she sits next to you on your bed.

“Let’s cool down,” she offers. “We’ve just seen each other after months of purely texting and the occasional phone call.”

“Thanks,” you respond, finding it easier to breathe.

“Why were you crying so much?” Ellie asks, addressing her original observation.

“Just depressed and lonely and stuff. I don’t have friends in my hometown, not like you.”

“You’ll always have me,” she says. “I mean it.”

“I’d hope so, soulmate,” you laugh off the seriousness of the conversation, and she sighs, looking to your eyes with her own soulful ones.

“I’m glad it’s you,” she tells you.  “I don’t think I’d be able to stand anyone else.”

“Yeah, right!” you huff out a laugh, confused at her sudden emotional openness. Sure, she was more honest about her feelings with you than anyone else, but that didn’t mean that she was a completely open book. Who was?

“You’re not disappointed, are you?” Ellie wonders because of your remark.

“God, no! I- I actually have a really big crush on you,” you admit.

“Yeah?” she asks, the cutest little grin on her face, you know the one. “I have a crush on you, too.”

You blush again.

“Sorry… I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I’m not very good at flirting or anything like that. I don’t really care about much of anyone at all, and you’re definitely the only person I’ve really cared about in a romantic way, so…”

“No, it’s not that! I- You- You being really good at flirting is what’s got me like this. And the fact that I’m a dork who’s really bad at flirting contributes,” you explain.

“I am? Good at flirting, I mean.”

“Well, with me, at least,” you tell her.

“Um… Sorry if it’s lame to ask, but… Can I kiss you?”

“Of course! And it’s not lame to ask at all, El, I appreciate it actua- Mmf!”

You could live forever in the feeling of her lips on yours, her hands oh-so carefully holding your cheeks.

“Sorry,” she shyly says, as she slowly pulls away from you, looking in your eyes. “I’ve just been wanting to do that for a really, really long time. Pretty much since we met, actually.”

“R-really?” you ask, a bit breathless and definitely still flustered.

“Yeah, you’re perfect. In, like, every way. It’s the worst and the best.”

“I’m perfect?! But you’re- You’re you!” you argue, and she shakes her head, rolling her eyes. “I’m so lucky.”

“No, I’m the lucky one,” she disagrees.

“We can both be lucky,” you tell her, and she sighs.

“I suppose that’s a good compromise,” she decides. “So, what should we do before dinner? We’ve got a couple hours to kill, but I don’t think either of us has much more to say that wouldn’t be repetitive or… Something.” She blushes again, cheeks bright pink.

You blush back, reminded that she knew all about you and the things you did to yourself behind doors. “R-right,” you reply. Hey, you may be a horny motherfucker, but that doesn’t make you any less of a bottom.

“Can I see?” she asks, touching at your scarf. You nod, and she unwraps the scarf. She carefully touches the spotted bruises with her fingers. “With the belt you’re wearing?”

You can’t even speak. You nod, and the ghost of a smile graces her face before she just barely presses her lips to the bruises closest to her, on the side of your neck. Your hand quickly grabs her bicep tightly, and she stops, looking to you with concern.

“I’m so sorry, I got a bit carried aw-”

“No, no, it’s good, I’m just… Sensitive there,” you admit, and one of the biggest smiles you’ve seen her wear is on her lips.

“Yeah?” she asks, taking her crossbody bag off of her shoulder and opening it. She takes out a bottle of Antifel pills. “How sensitive?”

“Oh God, um… I- Um…” Your nerves are really getting to you, and your breathing gets heavier as you stare at the bottle. This is really happening. It’s really happening. You’d always wanted to, especially with her, but now that it’s a reality, you feel on the brink.

Ellie can recognize that look in your eyes, and it’s a look she’d hoped she’d never be the cause of.

“Shit, Y/N. What’s going on? Talk to me.”

“I- Um, I just- I want to? But I- I just- I don’t know, it’s just getting really hard to breathe, and uh, not in a hot way,” you joke nervously.

“Hey, you can want to and not be ready to right this minute. We haven’t even been on a date yet, okay? I’m really sorry if I made you feel like you had to do anything you didn’t want to,” Ellie tells you, and she feels immensely guilty either way.

“No! I liked you kissing me, especially where you did, but, you’re right. We should probably adjust to the news and put a label on whatever this is before we do anything too serious.”

Ellie nods. “You always were the more logical one. I’ll put these in the medicine cabinet and we can just… Talk about stuff, like we always do.”

“But with more kissing and cuddling, I hope?” you request, and she nods, going to put the bottle away before returning to find you bundled up in her comforter. “It’s so cozy…” you practically sing, at least to her.

“This is a dream,” she sighs happily, slipping off her shoes and joining you in her bed. You spoon her side, and she hums in content, stroking your hair.

“You’re in a good mood,” you comment. Ellie is not a very cheerful person, at least not openly. So, to see her like this was surprising.

“Yeah, of course I am. It’s you. It’s really you. I’ve never been happier in my life,” she says, having really been hit with the fact that you’re her soulmate. All hers. “All mine…” she hums.

“You really know how to make a girl feel special… I mean it. I’m really not all that.”

“Please be my girlfriend,” she requests.

“Only if you’ll be mine,” you reply, and she scoffs.

“I think that’s how that works, babe.”

Your heart skips a beat and you stare at her in wonder.

“Sorry for not asking if pet names were okay…It’s just something I like, it’s really stupid.”

“No, I really like it, hence the dumb stare and the lack of breathing.”

She chuckles, holding you tighter. You smile with her, glad that she’s happy.

“I hope you don’t feel like you have to over-exaggerate how happy you are. It’s okay if you’re not ridiculously happy about finding your soulmate.”

“Oh, no, I’m as happy as I sound. I’m, uh, definitely a textbook case of Lesbian That’s A Grumpy Bitch Til She Gets A Girlfriend. But then again, I’ll probably just be a significantly less grumpy bitch to everyone but you, sorry.”

“I don’t mind, I like you being your bitchy self,” you reply, being rewarded with a kiss placed atop your head that sends tingles dancing down your body. “Mm… I like that.”

“Good,” Ellie responds. “I’m glad.”

“I’m gladder,” you tease.

“I’m gladdest...”

[cerealmonster15]

(anon from the other day sorry i was gone lol) buddy me too i am on anon for a reason but it's so nice to infodump i totally feel u!! i cant speak for all ur followers but in my adhd having opinion i loooove seeing people gush abt their hyperfixations/special interests/stuff they love!! :D [owain voice] it gives my heart wings!! (1)

[im just gonna screenshot the other parts and paste them as i answer them to keep it all together c:!]

BWAHH THANKSSS if u ever wanna come off anon im 1000% down for jammin about fe forever lsjkfjsd naga knows i can t a l k. OWAIN WOULD SUPPORT US ;A; i too like seein people get super HYPED it’s so sweet and fun when people are havin a good time ! i still worry that i overdo it kjdsfbkj but i am glad it’s not a bother for u :D [the rest are gonna be in a readmore]

DKLSJFD YEAH HONESTLY ,, when i started conquest at the decision chapter i fuckin LOST the first time and was like ,, well,,,,,,, hmmmmm...... this is going to be Difficult LOL cryin... IM SO SAD BC THE NEXT CHAPTER I HAVE IS CALLED POSSESSED AND LIKE,,, I PLAY FEH,, I HAVE POSSESSED TAKUMI,,, I PLAYED BIRTHRIGHT I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING AND I DONT LIKE IT !!!!!!!!! i misss himmmmmmme the entire time i played birthright: i miss leoooooooo i miss elise im so sadddddme the entire time ive been playing conquest: i miss takumiiiiiiii ryoma is disappointed in me and im so saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadddddddddddd and also the spoilers ive heard for what’s about to happen make me 80 times as sad i dont wannaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

god the end of chapter sakura w/everyone being so upset and hans + iago ruining everything LIKE ALWAYS was just. so awful. the hoshidans are so heartbroken and depressed and im SO UPSET IM SO SORRY SAKURA + CO I LOVE YOU EVEN THO YOU HATE ME RN ;0;

JDKSLKFHDS HONESTLY WHEN I MARRIED SILAS I WAS LIKE,,, SHIT,,, I HAVE A TYPE AND IT’S GOOFY + LOYAL RIDE OR DIE BEST FRIENDS TO LOVERS WHO ALSO HAVE SORTA BLUE HAIR I GUESS FKDSLJFKLSDJ and effie is so pretty i cry,, and her lines crack me up sfkjldsjkfjkds i love when shes guarding the prison and she says something like “this prison doesnt seem very secure. why dont the prisoners just bend the bars and leave?” and im like EFFIE.............................. MY LOVE...... WH................... DSLKJFL

omg ok with dating sim type games i typically make them like,,, meish, but with fun colored hair LOL so my first one in birthright has my name and similarish hair to me except it’s pink LOL , but then when i play as boys i tend to play more of a character ? tho this one is sorta just boy me with wild purple hair lksfjds, his name is Tino bc it’s partially a section of my not first name and also “cupertino” was a family name in my fam that i always thought sounded kinda cool *w* tino loves his strong wife and is bffs with keaton (THEY WERE KICKING ASS TOGETHER AS DRAGON AND WOLFSKIN SO IM LIKE,,,,, UR BESTIES NOW IT’S CANON) . and i like to imagine leo and corrin are really close bc theyre close in age so i made sure to make them really close :3 AND ALSO ODIN AND ELISE BC FAVES LOL..... 

rev is probs gonna be me again bc like. im marrying odin. im in love w/him i gotta do what i gotta do fdskjlfjsjlk [THO IM FOREVER SALTY ABOUT HOW THOSE SUPPORTS GO HHHHGHHGHFD CORRIN DONT BE A COWARD AND BE NICER TO ODIN DAMMIT]

What’re ur corrins like,,, eyes emoji,,

WHAHH NO UR GOOD !! listen any lore is good lore for me , I REALLY WANNA HEAR ABOUT BRADYS CLINIC, i remember u talkin about him and owain in that one and also brady in feh mentions it and it MADE ME SO SAD MY SWEET BOY I LOVE YOU BRADYYYYYYYYYY

i need to replay awakening so i can actually get kjelle this time ;w; I RAN OUT OF MEN IM SORRY SWEETIE SKLJFSD

me cryin at intsys why wont u let chrom hold  mrobins HAND they r in love,,,,, god if they made an awakening remake id cry and marry chrom 50 more times fjkslfdjdsls

PLEASE YOU GOTTA THEYRE SO FUNNY I CRY SKLLFJSKLFDS

IM GONNA POST SOME OF MY FAVE 4KOMAS HFSDKJFSJK LOOK

I THINK ABOUT THOSE TWO ALL THE  TI M E JFKDSFLJS 

also odin and niles are banned from the kitchen forever and i. i die:

cooking with niles uhh corrin voice: i would prefer not to fsdklfjslkdfjksdl

i saw a fancomic just like this one and i just think about both every time i put kaze or the other ninjas in the arena fkjlsdfjdsklj POOF , alas, 

im in love with these two oh my god. this + skimming through felicia’s and ryoma’s supports similar to these comics made me dead set on s supporting them together when i play revelations because oh my god this is the cutest thing ive ever seen in my  entire LIFE . ryoma!!!!!!!!! you blushy dork !!!!!!! 

RYOMA RIPPING OFF HIS SHIRT AND TAKUMI BEING LIKE BROTHER NO WHAT THE FUCK FSJDKLFJSKL IT’S SO FUNNY , and these two have a fun rivalry about corrin fjskdflskl ive skimmed their supports and it’s Amusing 

but like, best one is still 

THESE STUPID LOSER BROTHERS I LOVE THEM SO MUCH FJSDKLFHGHH i cant fuckin wait to play rev and to force everyone to be best friends . also the first 60000 times i read this one i didnt even notice the arrow so i thought leo just saw a far away enemy headed for them and just punched him about it fkjsdlfjds

god theyre just

so funny

[fredheads]

Headcanons about what would have happened if Archie moved to Chicago? I can see Archie being so confused by city life.

hold onto your titties because you are about to go on the ride of your life. this just violently jarred me back into the time my friend emily and i spent hours fleshing out an au where archie moved to chicago and died. so... here it is, in as much detail as i can remember. 

before i get into it here’s what i actually think would happen in a big city: archie gets lost all the time, is terrified of pigeons, and answers phone calls from fred as the sausage king of chicago. but for the death and disaster look under the cut. your question was so innocent im sorry. 

so firstly this takes place in s1 after fred and archie have a huge fight about fred not taking in jughead or something. archie yells at him that he wishes he had moved to chicago with mary after all (which naturally cuts fred like a knife to the heart) and then he runs away to pickens park and makes a wish in the fountain that none of this had ever happened and he had moved away 2 years ago with his mom. 

obviously, the fountain is magic and grants his wish. aye, here’s the rub: in this universe, archie boarded a bus to chicago to move there after the divorce and his bus was hit by an orinoco truck, killing him (and him alone - all the other passengers survived) instantly. did we learn nothing from stephen king people? your creepy small town will not let you leave. dont even try it. 

so archies dead. but archie from our universe has crossed into the universe where he’s dead, and the riverdale he sees.... is not one he recognizes. dun dun dun... 

here’s what riverdale’s like without archie: 

tldr: if archie dies on the way to chicago it sets into motion an elaborate series of events that rely on one another and eventually create a dark paralell riverdale which archie is forced to visit and has to bear the burden of knowing it exists after he returns to his own timeline. im borrowing heavily from archie comics canon with this scenario. 

i’ll get this out of the way first. theres no nice way to say this, im sorry. fred tries to stick it out, he really does. he makes it about three months in which he’s unrecognizable to himself, in which his life is all grief. then he sits in his garage for a little too long with the motor running. his note to mary says little more than “im going to be with him. im sorry.” his note to fp... i wont get into that. alice, neighbourhood watch captain, finds his body. starts cpr too late. theres a joint headstone that says FRED AND ARCHIE ANDREWS. 

oh fred sells the house also. vegas runs away. 

gladys still leaves and jughead still runs away because fps drinking problem is now obviously even worse. only now jughead has nowhere to go when another construction company tears down the drive-in. 

jughead's messed up emotionally after losing his best friend and everything at home. he and betty fight after the funeral and arent on speaking terms. hes very angry and bitter. 

hermione never moves back to riverdale because she cant face it after fred dies. veronica stays in new york. 

alice doesnt have fred to be the yin to her yang and regulate her parenting so shes stricter and more closed off than ever. betty is grieving 24/7. maybe alice even sends betty away to live w her aunt. 

reggie is rougher, coarser, angrier. all the bulldogs are. especially after: 

this is a full on archie comics reference (and also some samplings of sweet valley twins lmfao) but fred in the future was supposed to save moose's life at some point but now that hes not around to do it, moose dies. dilton and midge are both heartbroken. 

kevin doesnt have archie or betty to stick up for him and the football team (all traumatized by archies death and living marginally shitter existences without fred andrews in them) are making his life hell. hes still open about his sexuality but the climate is a lot worse. he deals with it by being really aggressive and flamboyant and always clamouring for a fight until everyones convinced hes asking for the harassment he gets. none of the closeted rhs students feel safe to come out, least of all cheryl. 

speaking of cheryl veronica toni and archie arent there to treat her like a real person in sophmore year so shes a tyrannical ice queen with no remorse but she doesnt even enjoy it 

sheriff keller is under a ton of stress dealing with his son and also having to deal with freds death personally messed him up a bit. hes throwing himself into his work all the time and doesnt make time to be a good dad. 

gr*ndy hurts other kids and never gets caught

weatherbee retires and is replaced by tightass military drill sergeant principal howitzer. rhs cuts funding to the arts, to guidance counselors and to pretty much everything good. no ones allowed to bring a same sex date to prom. 

business sucks at the choklit shop so pop has to sell. 

did i mention vegas runs away? 

eventually sabrina or evelyn evernever or someone moves into archies old house and threatens cheryls prom queen status so she and jason go full billy and chris at rhs prom and play a carrie style prank on her and it ends with the whole town burning to the ground. cool. 

anyway obviously archie wishes to take his wish back and everything is fine but heres a long unnecessary depressing answer you didnt need. i realize this makes it sound like everything in riverdale hinges on fred andrews’ life but like... thats my brand and also am i wrong 

[goldenkiva]

unfiltered rambling (this is a (long) vent post; cw for some irl death mentions, sui and self harm mention (nothing in reality), bad mental health time, all that jazz

well it’s 7:30 am and ive been awake since 4 am. which is an improvement really. i slept at 12:30am ish, in contrast to constantly sleeping at 8 am or later the past month or so. and it’s been taking a very bad toll on me lately mentally. everything has been building up and probably toyin’s death (yes the one who was found dead, we were classmates in middle/high school...) was my breaking point as i had a very bad panic attack a few days after. that lasted a good 22 hours before i fully calmed down. it always takes me 5-9 hours to calm down from anxiety or trauma related bad times as i have no real coping mechanisms and i will just literally do nothing but stay huddled up in bed until the unbearable feeling goes away. but that one. was just really bad. i think i also accidentally upset one of my best friends before that which also attributed to it (we’re fine now.) it’s been a bit since i had that panic attack but i still feel so bad all the time. sometimes i joke about wataru giving me chest pain bc i love him so much but i feel like i havent experienced physical emotion in so long i just want to feel it even if it’s painful. i dont self harm so dw about that btw. but i rarely shed even a single tear anymore when ive always been a total cry baby. i only cry full on tears and sobs now when im being over stimulated during a conversation. i just genuinely want to feel physically excited or happy or sad or whatever. i want to feel physical emotion again and not just numbness with an occasional laff or on the verge of getting watery eyes but not even real crying or whatever. 

i also had to get a new phone bc my dumb clumsy self dropped my phone flat on the screen a second time and it was unrepairable which makes me sad bc i only had this phone for two years and it still ran perfectly well. i wanted to keep it for 3-4 years at least...i got a new one ordered yesterday and im splitting price with my dad n i just feel bad i had to get a new one at all bc because of covid and shit my parents are only getting half the usual business and we already dont make a ton. thankfully my parents and sister are the type to not spend recklessly in general (i am prob the biggest spender...) but that wont stop my dumb of ass generalized anxiety disorder from making me worry about bankruptcy or poverty or some other extreme. i hate it bc i cant do anything about these thoughts except just what feels like sitting in mud and i slowly sink in. i wish i was an artist with more clout because i desperately want to be have consistent (or any) income. even before covid i always feel bad about not having a job. ik it’s hard to balance school and work anyway so it’s fine if im not working but it sucks. american college is a scam. at least i didnt go to an art school. (well. i am in art program in college. but not going to an arts dedicated school like ringling. which is significantly more expensive. if i went to art school id be significantly more likely to end up in very heavy debt) but i hate having gad. i hate not having any real coping mechanisms. i feel frustrated and a little annoyed when i asked about coping mechanisms for my anxiety with my therapist she just told me breathing exercises. which ig can be valuable but ik in my heart this wont help me at all. perhaps it’s un-dx’d adhd with rsd making me feel that way that makes me refuse to even want to do them. all my medical and health issues are also a contribution to my gad and financial terrors. sometimes it makes me wanna die but i wont do that. bc my friends and family would genuinely be very heartbroken if i were to suddenly be gone especially if by my own hand. i wouldnt want anyone to blame themselves either...

the only things genuinely making me feel anything lately is wataru and buck tick. it almost makes me a little upset how little amount of things make me happy or even feel anything rn. im reading a tragedy visual novel rn (which is very good and well written and i generally like tragedies and i find them indulgent) that i am enjoying very much yet i feel barley anything while reading it. i immensely miss the buck tick concert streams so bad. watching them over the month and half they streamed every saturday morning really put how much they love making music and performing in a brand new light to me, and watching that last concert bestias locus solus was just. so amazing. i dont know how to talk about it other than i was genuinely touched. they went all out playing at that concert stage bc it was their first time performing there (at the time in their 31 year career, 33 this year) and the unplugged performances and sakura especially got me so hard. im not good with words so im not doing a good job at all expressing how much that concert (along with the day in question 2017) made me feel. i miss it. i want to buy the dvds so bad but theyre so expensive and now is not a time for reckless spending. but one day i will attain them and experience the happiness they bring me again. im sad my friends arent rly into them the same degree i am but ig it really is such a personalized feeling. i was already in a state of dread and depression when i got into the band. but im still glad my other friends enjoy them and tell me they enjoy their music. their stuff slaps. theyre just an amazing band. a band not restricted by genre. a band who makes music because they love it and love performing and love their fans and dont get warped in the ideas of fame or fortune, and are fully okay with being normal people...a band with the same line up since their pro debut in 1989 because the members all love and care about each other so much. theyre still going strong in their mid to late 50s as they were in their late teens. they make me so happy...

well it’s 8 am now and if youve read this whole thing, thanks i guess? that sounds rude, but im just kinda sittin in the mud. im still in the midst of cleaning my room. i am not someone to recklessly hurt myself or anything like that so dont worry about that. i’ll be fine. probably. if you wanna listen to buck tick heres their spotify :) i recommend their albums atom miraiha no. 09, no.0 (especially the live performance version), kuratta taiyo, darker than darkness style 1993, aku no hana, and their kemonotachi no yoru/rondo double single. they slap so good. also spotify is missing literally like 15 years worth of their music from the 00s-10s. you can find downloads online though. theyre also releasing a new single in august im very excited for it. also, the singer of the band (atsushi sakurai) did a collab with sheena ringo where he sung the bg vocals of her song elopers, which was also made in sakurai’s image and she got it really dead set on tbqh. sheena ringo loves bt so yall should too :)

[gaeyea]

Since Nathaly passed Ive noticed a change in myself. I stopped caring about a lot of things and the things that I was passionate about no longer seemed important or worth doing. I stopped caring about myself - taking care of myself, my mind and my body. I stopped practicing yoga and meditation, two things that have been important in my life for years. I stopped caring about the things I put in my body, obviously I still eat vegan for animals but I haven’t cared about eating healthy which has always been something that has been a passion of mine. I sleep more during the day and have insomnia a lot of night where I lay awake and feel kind of empty.

Nothing really seems to matter anymore. Even when I try to do the things that I know are good for me it just feels exhausting. When friends want to hangout I always force myself to because I know its good to be around people but I always feel so tired and usually end up falling asleep or being too tired to do things and kind of force the energy.

I feel like people always used to describe me as happy and energetic and I know people have noticed a change in me. I notice it. Im different, and no matter how hard I try to go back to who I was before she died I cant.

I’ve experienced depression before but this is different. I’ve always been able to go back to the things that bring me peace and happiness and pull myself out of it. I feel like I’m just watching myself go through the motions of life without the passion or love that I used to put into every day. I just feel empty and numb to everything. Like nothing really matters and the meaning of life / meaning of my own life is kind of lost to me.

This isn’t me giving up, this is me realizing how I have been living and wanting to actually work to make a change. Just because my best friend passed away does not mean my life stopped. I let it. Nathaly was always so proud of me and the way I lived and the things that I was passionate about. I know that if she saw how I have allowed myself to let of those things she would be heartbroken.

🌻 Starting today, I am going to make little steps toward positive things for myself. I am going to take care of myself - body, mind, and spirit. I will be patient and loving and kind to myself. I am going to get back into my daily yoga/meditation practice. I am going to start crocheting again and painting and creating art. I am going to eat mindfully and drink lots of water. I am going to spend more time outside and hike more. I am going to try to develop a healthy sleep schedule and stick to it as much as I can. I am going to be mindful of the things I put in my body and detox from the toxic things that I have consumed. Little steps ~ lots of self love. I wont give up 💛

[jimin-infires-life]

La Douleur Exquise | Part 2

Jimin x Reader | Taehyung x Reader

Part 1 | Part 2 | Epilogue

Summary: After you had found someone you thought was your soulmate, fate had to fuck everything up and turn your life upside down.

Genre: Angst and fluff

Word count: 13,027 words

A/N: this was painful to write. i cried, and thank you @extraterrestrial-taehyung for dealing w/ me and editing this emotional thing (also italics are jimin’s pov)

La Douleur Exquise- (n.) the heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone you know you can never have.

Saudade- (n.) the feeling of longing for something or someone who you love and which is lost.

August 8th, 2006

It had been weeks since I last talked to Y/N in person. The last time was at my party, when the both of us were drunk. I remembered the feeling that the short-lived kiss gave me, and I knew I shouldn’t start to have feelings like that for my best friend.

The morning after the party, I immediately left the house while everyone was eating breakfast. I walked aimlessly through the streets in my pajamas, trying to sort out what I felt. I told myself that maybe it was because I was drunk, that the alcohol was manipulating my thoughts, but then I asked myself why my heart raced whenever I thought of Y/N’s lips, even though I was fully sober? I decided to ignore Y/N for a little while, so my heart could have time to settle down, but it was easier said than done. She was a part of my life, a piece of my soul, my best friend.

I returned to an empty house an hour or two later. Apparently Yoongi was taking everyone out to the amusement park and Y/N texted me if I wanted to go. I left her on Read. I knew I was a horrible person for doing that, but I had no other choice. I couldn’t fall in love with the only person I considered family. What if she didn’t feel the same way? What if she starts to avoid me because of my feelings for her?

I inhaled, and exhaled. “Everything will be fine.”

I was all wrong.

That evening, I laid down all alone in my bed, surrounded by the warmth of the blankets that I cuddled in. A thought slipped into my mind as I drifted into slumber. I wish Y/N was here. I wish she was the one I was cuddling. I shot open my eyes and mentally slapped myself for that comment. I took a deep breath in, and then exhaled. “Everything is going to be okay. Everything will be fine.” As if Y/N could sense I was thinking about her, a text came.

Y/N: are you ok?

I opened the text, and left her on Read once more. I knew that she would figure out that something was wrong. I would always text her back after I open her messages, but now, it being the second time I didn’t respond, she would get to the bottom of my problem. Five minutes later, her spam began.

Y/N: hello???

Y/N: jimin, are you okay?

Y/N: jimin i swear to god i know you’re reading all my texts

Y/N: i know where you live

A call suddenly came from Y/N after I read all her messages. I declined.

Y/N: hey asshole pick up.

That’s when I decided to make up some excuse to have her off of my back.

Jimin: im sick i cant really talk, i was kinda asleep

Y/N: i almost thought you were kidnapped

Y/N: where’d you disappear to this morning? you even missed the amusement park

Jimin: oh well i went to take a walk, i’ll talk to you later. bye

I closed my phone and threw it somewhere across my bed. “Everything will be fine.”

Hours turned into days, and days into weeks. Two weeks. Three weeks. From the day I started this mess, I stayed in my house, telling everyone not to come over because I was sick, and they’d get sick too. I constantly never replied to Y/N’s missed calls and texts, even though I really wanted to.

And now we’re here. August 8th. Today, as I was blankly staring up at my ceiling while lying on my comfy bed, a sudden knock on my front door rattled me, along with multiple messages popping up on my phone. It was Y/N.

Y/N: open the door and stop ignoring me

Y/N: i heard your phone go off i know you’re there

Y/N: open up, i wont leave until you let me in, or i’ll call the police

Y/N: jimin

I immediately got up from my bed and ran to my door, which was still being angrily knocked on. I opened the door and Y/N, who looked extremely irritated, stormed into the living room. She sat down on my couch, and looked up at me with angry eyes.

“Why have you been ignoring me?” She asked, with a bit of sadness laced in her words.

“I- uh,” I wasn’t sure what to say. I sat down next to her on my couch, and tried my best to pull out some bullshit story. I gazed into her angry eyes with my sad ones. “I’ve been remembering grammy a lot, and it’s just been making me depressed. I-I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be ignoring you, I was just-I couldn’t talk to anyone.” What I had said was somewhat true, but it was years since she had died, I wasn’t over it, but I understood that she was gone from my life. Y/N’s angry eyes melted to those eyes that viewed me in pity, and she pulled me into a warm hug. Her warmth reminded me of how much I missed her touch, her smell. My heart quickly sped up with her touch, but I blocked it, paying no attention to it.

“I’m sorry Jimin.” She softly whispered into my ears. “But please, don’t do that again, okay?”

January 2nd, 2018

Morning suddenly came. You breathed in a breath of fresh air, comfortably lying on Taehyung’s arms, which were used as pillows, on your large king sized bed. Your eyes were closed as you felt the sun’s heat radiate from your window, and next to you, Taehyung lay still. Slowly cracking open your eyes, you turned your body to look up at the beautiful man who was peacefully asleep. His faded blond hair fell over his closed eyes, his beautiful lips that formed a small smile in his sleep, and his scent of lavender drove you mad. You were crazy for him. Even though it had been a little over a year since you had been with him, you were madly in love. You leaned in closer to Taehyung, his lips were your goal. Your nose gently touched his before you leaned in to give him a morning kiss. With your eyes closed, you relished the feeling of having your lips merge with his, until all of a sudden you felt Taehyung’s arm, the one that you were laying on, pull you closer. His other arm sneaked around your waist to pull you in even tighter.

After forcefully pulling yourself away from his soft lips, you opened your eyes to find Taehyung smirking at you, with his messy bed hair all over the place. “Ya know Y/N, I could spend all day in bed with you, just snuggling,” His devilish smirk made butterflies fly in your stomach. “Unless you want something more.”

Using your arms, you gently pushed him, with an air of playfulness. “Yah! It’s already 8 am! Let’s just snuggle until I feel hungry.” You leaned into Taehyung’s warm chest as his arms perfectly fit around you. You breathed in once more before falling asleep in Taehyung’s grasp, the scent of lavender slowly engulfing your senses.

---

A loud knock from your apartment door had woken you up from your dreamless sleep. A groan slipped through your lips as you snuggled closer into Taehyung’s warmth. “Taetae…”

A deep chuckle suddenly left his soft lips and reverberated around the room. “I’ll get it, but it’ll mean I would have to leave.” You backed out of Taehyung’s chest and looked at him with hesitance. You didn’t want him to leave, but your legs weren’t willing to get out of bed, plus you were only wearing Taehyung’s large white t-shirt, which had become your comfy sleepwear.

Finally letting him go tend to the loud knocker outside of the apartment door, you laid in bed with multiple blankets covering your body. You couldn’t sleep without Taehyung’s presence next to you. After so many months of lying next to him, you suddenly couldn’t live without him. He was the one who would always wake you up for work, he was the one who would make you breakfast (also lunch and dinner), and he was the only one that would make you feel safe.

Suddenly, you heard a voice from outside. That voice was eerily familiar; her soft and calm voice brought back memories from a year ago, when you were probably the most miserable in your life. Then it clicked. Minhee.

You quickly jumped out of bed and grabbed the closest article of clothing for your legs. Hopping around your room, you tried to get your legs though the black tights, and when you successfully did, you bolted out of the bedroom to walk into the living room where they were standing. You froze in place as your eyes first landed on him first; his blond hair shone from your living room’s light, his dark eyes sadly turned to look at you in shock, and his soft lips were turned into a frown. Jimin. As you resumed walking, you glanced at Minhee, who was standing beside him with a small smile.

---

Sitting awkwardly at your dining table with Taehyung next to you, your eyes glanced at Jimin and Minhee, going back and forth between them to determine their strange silence. Jimin was staring down at the table with a frown stuck to his face. Minhee’s soft smile, which was plastered on her face the whole time, disappeared for a second when she looked down at her hands on her lap, but they reappeared when looked up.

“So how long have you both been together? When did you first meet?” Minhee asked jubilantly. You felt yourself blush and looked at Taehyung next to you. A smirk graced his lips as he looked back at you.

“Well,” Taehyung said to Minhee without breaking eye contact with you. “I met her on a beautiful summer night in the middle of the ocean. She was heartbroken and drunk. I never got her name, but I did get her laugh, and her smile. After that, it was as if God himself was bringing her to me.” His words were arrows that shot through your heart. He was the only one for you.

You immediately covered your reddened face with the palms of your hands. “Oh stop it, you’re too good for me.” Taehyung chuckled at your reaction, his small laughs had spread warmth in your heart. You moved your hands out of your face and looked back at Minhee, who seemed truly happy for you.

“See, I told you that you would find your soulmate.” Minhee said to you with a bright smile. Next to her, Jimin was still staring down at the table. Your heart was saddened when you snuck a glance at your ex-best friend/crush. There were still places in your heart where you held Jimin on a pedestal that was higher than Taehyung’s, but the truth was that he didn’t care about you. He broke all ties with you.

“So what brings you here?” You said to Minhee as you tried to ignore what Jimin did to you. “I haven’t seen you since your wedding.”

Suddenly, Minhee’s innocent smile was wiped off her face, and it had been replaced by a frown. “I- um,” Her voice suddenly got weaker and seemed as if she was about to break down any second. “I- we’ve been having some problems for a while, and I don’t have anyone else to go to. You’re my only friend, and you’ve done so much for me,” Her eyes, brimmed with tears, looked into yours. “I just wanted to ask you of a favor.” Tears were falling from Minhee’s eyes, and you couldn’t help but feel pity for her.

“Minhee, what happened?” You worriedly gazed at Minhee, who had been struggling to find her  words as she was unable to stop herself from crying, and next to her, Jimin irritatedly stared at the clock on the wall behind you. You found it strange that the man who would tend to every need of his other half wasn’t responding to Minhee’s distress.

Unable to look into your eyes, Minhee continued with her story as she tried to keep herself composed. “Our-our marriage counselor says that-that f-fights are good, but this one- I don’t know. I-we talked to him about it and he s-said we needed time away from each other. Can-can you keep Jimin, just for a week?” She finally quit avoiding your eyes and met your gaze with her teary eyes. They pleaded for a solution to her problem, but you weren’t sure that you were ready for what she wanted.

Out of nowhere, Taehyung’s deep voice protruded your thoughts.”Sure, we’ll keep him” You kicked Taehyung’s foot from under the table, trying to make him shut up about his hasty decision. He turned his head to you with a smile on his face. “We can keep him, right?”

You couldn’t help but succumb to Taehyung’s wish. “You sound like we’re taking in a dog.”

April 19th, 2007

It had been months after my idiotic idea of trying to ignore Y/N to remove all of my developing feelings for her, which had failed. Today was our weekly movie date, which wasn’t really a date but rather a friendly get together of two people who make fun of ridiculous movies all night long.

We comfortably sat on the couch in my living room as the movie played; the darkness outside of the window behind us slowly creeped forward, leaving the room void of any light other than from the TV’s. I tried to concentrate on the movie, but my mind kept on wandering to Y/N. She nestled herself closer to me, and I didn’t know how to feel. I knew that some part of me wished for a relationship with her, but another part of me saw it as a bad idea.

As I breathed in, her lavender scent was all I had in mind. I remember grammy saying that they were for ‘love at first sight’, which wouldn’t make any sense for me because I had known Y/N for years. Why was I starting to have feelings blossom for her? Even though it’s under control now, what’s going to become of us? I stared straight at the TV, lost in thought. I was lost in the lavender scent of Y/N, lost in the ‘what ifs’ of our relationship, lost in my love for her. Just lost.

January 2nd, 2018

Still sitting at the table, the deafening silence between you and Jimin after Minhee left was extremely painful. Next to you, Taehyung tried to strike up a conversation, even though Jimin was clearly lost in thought.

“So Jimin, you were really good friends with Y/N, right?” Taehyung asked, which made you upset. It was opening up freshly healed wounds that you took care of. A frown graced your face as you kicked Taehyung under the table again. He looked back at you with another smirk. “Oh God Y/N, stop being mad, just because he’s the idiot that-”

To stop him from finishing his sentence, you kicked him under the table once more. Harder. “Taehyung, let’s talk about something else.” Your lips pursed, and Taehyung noticed your discomfort with the topic. He knew who Jimin was, and he knew he broke your heart, but he also knew that you still cared for him. As the kind person he was, he wanted to fix the friendship between you two. Your head turned to look at Jimin, who was staring at his hands on the table. He seemed detached from whatever was happening in his life. He was never like that before and you knew he needed someone to talk to, someone other than Minhee or their counselor.

“So Jimin,” Taehyung tried to create another conversation. “Are ya hungry? We don’t really have any food right now so I’m gonna go out to get some lunch for all of us. Is there anything you want to eat?”

Jimin looked up at Taehyung and showed him a small smile. “Whatever you guys like is fine, I’ll eat anything.” His voice made you realized how much you missed listening to him. It was as if a wave of nostalgia went over you and turned back time to a couple years ago.

Taehyung looked back at you and gave you his usual heart throbbing rectangular smile. “You better take care of our guest while I’m gone, okay?” You gave him a nod before he leaned in and whispered in your ear. “Make up with him too, I can see it hurts you and him.”

---

As Taehyung shut the door with a soft thud, you sat there in silence with Jimin, who was lost in thought again. You stared at him, wondering how he had changed so much. His bright smile used to outshine the sun, but now, no remnants of the smile was left behind. He was an empty shell of who he used to be.

After a couple of minutes, Jimin broke the silence. “Y/N,” He made eye contact with you as he continued talking. “How have you been?” His quiet voice asked you, a small smile danced on his face. It seemed as if he was forcing that smile, trying to engage in conversation.

“I’ve been okay,” You wanted to lighten the mood, as it used to be a long time ago. “But my life kinda sucks without you, ya know. I missed your stupid jokes and all our night long conversations.” You saw Jimin’s fake smile be replaced by his old sunshine smile, which made his eyes turn into crescent shapes.

“I missed you too, well I’ve been a little too busy for everything.” His smile quickly faded away. “Life just isn’t the same without you.” Your heart started to race, wondering what he implied. His smile came back just as fast as it left, and he looked at you with his attentive eyes. “So what have I missed?”

June 10th 2004

Surrounded by the warmth of the blankets tucked around you in your bed, you were so close to falling asleep in the darkness of your room. Suddenly, the room’s lights were turned on and you felt a dip on the other side of the bed. You knew who it was.

“Jimin,” You groaned. “Let me sleep, it’s like 11 and I have work tomorrow.” You turned around to face Jimin, who was sitting on the bed next to you.

The corners of his lips were pulled up into a smirk as he looked down at you. “Well I couldn’t sleep in my empty house. Can I sleep here with ya?” Jimin moved around to lay down next to you. His face was a couple of inches away from you; you could feel his warm breath on your face, and every second he stayed there, your heart started to beat faster.

You turned around on your bed as you felt yourself redden. “Fine, turn off the lights then. I’m gonna tell Mom not to let you in again.”

Jimin chuckled behind you. “She’s not here, I think she’ s at work. Your mom gave me a key weeks ago to keep you company and annoy you.” Jimin wrapped his arms around your waist, bringing himself closer to you. He nestled his head behind your neck. “I’m tired.”

Your heart was racing a million miles per second as he hugged you tightly from behind. “Yah Jimin! You forgot to turn off the lights! And get off of me!” You tried to push his arms off of you, but he didn’t budge.

“Let me sleep, Y/N.” He softly said before he passed out.

December 6th, 2016

It was around 8 or 9 pm when you were waiting in your apartment’s living room, all dressed up in a thick winter coat and boots, ready to go out on your third date with Kim Taehyung. The first date, which was technically the day you met him at the bar after you had ran away from the wedding, went really well. His laugh lit up the quiet bar and he truly made you feel cared about. The second date was at a carnival, and you felt as if no date could have gone better than that one. He had won you four stuffed bears along with your heart.

A text from your phone had pulled you away from your happy thoughts.

Taetae: come outside, i’ve got my car and me waiting in the warmth! waiting just for you

You smiled at his text. You looked outside your window and stared down onto the dark street; the only source of light there was from Taehyung’s car.

Y/N: im coming, this better be the best date ever

---

As you sat down in the car, you looked at Taehyung, who was staring at you with a smile glued to his face. You felt shy; he appreciated you and gave you all his attention. “Um,” You shyly asked with a grin on your face. “Where are we going today?”

Before going back on the road, Taehyung glanced at you once more with a smirk. “We’re going to someplace nice.” He rolled out of the parking spot and drove onto the dark road. You couldn’t help but stare at Taehyung concentrating on the road. You wished life was like a date with Taehyung; sweet and kind. Your heart wished to stay with him forever, hoping that life would give you a better chance at love.

The car abruptly came to a stop. You looked around to see where Taehyung was taking you. The car was parked in front of a quiet little bar, the same one you first met him at. You looked back at Taehyung. “Are you trying to get me drunk again?” You jokingly asked.

“Maybe,” His playful smirk made you swoon. “I told you that I don’t date drunks, but you’re the only exception I’ll ever make.”

You played along with his joke, acting serious and blessed. “Oh, I’m so touched. The Kim Taehyung wants me. I’m so grateful.” You giggled, not being able to keep up with your acting skills. Taehyung joined you in laughing, filling the warm car with happiness. You enjoyed feeling the happiness with Taehyung. You wished life would be like that forever.

January 2nd 2018

“So what have I missed?” Jimin asked with a smile. Just as you were about to open your mouth and say something, the front door opened and Taehyung came inside with a pizza box. His nose was a little red from the harsh cold outside, but he still beamed his beautiful boxy smile. He joyfully walked to the table with a little skip in his step, set the pizza box down in front of you, and took off his winter coat, which he gently set on his chair’s back.

As Taehyung sat down, he glanced at you and noticed the atmosphere had changed a bit. He was happy knowing that you were happy. “So, who wants to watch a movie? I don’t have to work until later so what do you guys want to watch?” He glanced between you and Jimin with his usual featherhead smile.

Jimin answered before you could. “I’ll watch anything you guys want to watch.” He was happier and more comfortable than before. You were glad that your best friend was coming back to you.

April 19th, 2007

Today was your weekly movie date with Jimin at your house, which technically wasn’t a date, but you wished it was. As night enveloped the light sky, the room suddenly got darker, leaving the TV being the only source of light. Unknowingly, you were nestling yourself closer to Jimin, which you didn’t really notice until you felt Jimin tense up a bit and then relax. You didn’t move from your spot, but you felt more self-conscious about yourself and him. You couldn’t concentrate on the screen in front of you because there was something better to look at.

You stared up at Jimin, who had devoted all his attention to the crappy movie. Your eyes went to his lips, which were slightly parted. They looked soft and plump; it kind of reminded you of two pink little pillows. What I wouldn’t I give to kiss those lips again, you thought. You were in love with him, but you were happy with the relationship you had with him. It was close and warm.

January 2nd, 2018

Comfortably sitting on your couch sandwiched in between Jimin and Taehyung, you leaned onto Taehyung’s arm, fitting your head on his shoulder. Your attention was on the random movie that Taehyung had put on, and you were enjoying it until you felt Jimin staring at you. From the side of your eyes, you glanced at him and confirmed your suspicions. He looked away when you caught his eyes, and a sheepish smile emerged on his face as he stared at the TV.

Your heart was racing. Why was he staring at me? You thought. Does he- no. He can’t. I can’t. I have Taehyung. He’s my soulmate, my other half. You tried to ignore Jimin’s gaze throughout the whole movie, but the thought of Jimin having feelings for you made you nuts.

You nestled yourself closer to Taehyung so you could get Jimin out of your mind, and in the process, you looked up at Taehyung. He was so absorbed in the movie that he didn’t notice Jimin. It wasn’t that you were uncomfortable, you were just scared that your heart would make the wrong and foolish decision of being with Jimin. He wasn’t as perfect as Taehyung, but he was the man of your dreams for years.

March 22nd 2017

In your usual quiet coffee shop, you sipped on your warm coffee as you stared into Taehyung’s dark eyes. You smirked. “I’m winning, you remember the bet right?”

Taehyung, who was trying so hard not to blink his watering eyes, tried not to give in. “Bring it on Y/N, I’ll win this staring contest.” Taehyung tried to smile, but that made his eyes water even more.

You could see the pain he was in, and he was trying so hard to win because he didn’t want you to see his naked baby pictures, so you decided to give in. You set down your cup of coffee and willingly closed your eyes. “There, you win. Now you can blink.”

Taehyung closed his eyes and wiped away the tears that the game had caused. “I swear, one day I will win this game without you having to give me the win.” He looked at you with his reddened eyes and grinned. “That was fun though, and when I get home, I’ll text you all of my baby pictures as a reward.”

Astonished by his act of sweetness, you quickly leaned in onto the table and pecked him on his lips. “You’re so sweet! I don’t even deserve you. Seriously.” You leaned back on your seat and gave him a wink. “I can’t wait to see your naked baby butt-”

“Y/N! We’re in public! Shut up!” Taehyung interrupted you with a loud whisper as his face reddened. You giggled at his reaction and laughed until your stomach started to hurt. You loved when he got embarrassed because he rarely blushed like that.

Out of nowhere, after calming down from your laughing fit, you were the first one to say the next words. “I love you Taetae.”

Taehyung, who was almost as red as a tomato, smiled his boxy smile. “I love you too.”

January 2nd, 2018

As the movie’s end credits rolled off the screen, you lifted your head from off of Taehyung’s shoulder. You felt extremely tired as you stretched your arms, and you laid onto Taehyung’s lap. Even though it was almost time for Taehyung to leave for work, you wanted him to stay and cuddle next to you.

“Y/N,” Taehyung’s softly deep voice almost lulled you to sleep. “You can’t go to sleep now, you pretty much just got up. Plus, you gotta show Jimin to his room cause I gotta get ready for work.”

A groan erupted from your lips as you sat up. You looked at Jimin, who had his soft lips pursed as he was looking off in some other direction. Taehyung got up from the couch and quickly went to your room to change. “Jimin,” You softly whispered to him. He turned his head to look at you with a melancholic look in is eyes. “Do you want me to show you to your room?” He nodded, still frowning.You got up from your couch and led the way. “So where’s all your stuff?” You asked him.

“I’m bringing some clothes tomorrow. Minhee’s still probably home and I can’t stand another argument anymore.” His voice oozed of anger and sadness. You pitied his relationship with Minhee; it used to be so happy and free like your relationship with Taehyung. You wondered what had made them go downhill.

“Well,” You said after reaching the guest bedroom’s door. “We’re here.” Your eyes remained on Jimin, who wasn’t able to look at you in the eyes. He opened the door and walked in. “Hey Jimin,” He turned around and responded with a hum. “What happened to you?” His gloomy eyes looked into yours of a second before turning back around and sitting on the guest bed.

He patted the spot next to him, gesturing for you to sit next to him. Reluctantly, you walked through the door and seated yourself on the soft bed. He stared down at his hands, which were interlocked with each other. “I don’t know where to start.” His voice was almost a whisper; you barely heard what he had said. “You don’t know what you have until it’s taken away from you.”

You were attentively listening, gazing at his saddened face. You wanted to engulf him in a hug, letting him know that he has someone to rely on, but you restrained yourself. He was someone who rejected you, who ignored you, giving in would mean falling for him once more and you couldn’t let that happen. He remained silent for quite a while until. “Jimin, you can tell me what happened, I promise nothing will make me think bad of you. You’re one of the people I look up to, and nothing will make me change that.”

He lifted his head and stared at you with a painful look. He looked hurt; his eyes were holding themselves back from tearing up while he bit his lips harshly. Jimin was stirring up your heart, causing your mind to go crazy.

Just then from the living room, Taehyung yelled out something before shutting the apartment door. “I’m leaving! I’ll be back soon.” You could imagine him smiling as he said that.

“Jimin,” You continued. “I care for you, okay? I want to know what’s wrong. I’m here for you.” Jimin’s frown was replaced by a weak smile.

He opened his mouth to say something, but then immediately shut it. All of a sudden, he leaned in to connect his soft lips to yours. Your mind was puzzled; you didn’t realize he was kissing you until you kissed him back.Thoughts in your mind were going bezerk. Jimins arms slid around your waist to pull you closer to him, and that’s when you knew it should end. You pushed him back with a jerk, your heartbeat was beating fast enough to explode.

You knitted your eyebrows, confused at what just happened. Your eyes glared at Jimin, who was also confused. “What the fuck Jimin!” You yelled at him. “Why did you do that?” You turned away from him, unable to look at his pitiful face anymore. “You’re a fucking dick, you know that right? I liked you- no- I loved you, and you rejected me. Now that you don’t love your wife anymore, you try to get someone else to replace her.” You whirled your head to angrily glare at Jimin, who was almost close to crying once more. “Fuck. You.”

May 23rd, 2017

As you snuggled into Taehyung’s warm chest, you wrapped your arms around him in your bed. Above you, Taehyung chuckled. “Y/N,” He whined. “Come on, don’t sleep!”

“But Taetae, it’s almost 12 am, even the moon is asleep outside.” Your eyes slowly closed as you breathed in Taehyung’s fresh scent. You felt him move around a bit, getting something from the nightstand behind him.

You heard a camera shutter sound from somewhere over you, and that was when you quickly opened your eyes. You at where the noise was coming from to see Taehyung holding a polaroid camera above the both of you. The small picture came out, slowly developing. Taehyung grabbed the small picture and laughed as the image came through. In the picture, you were sound asleep, cuddled next to Taehyung, while he made a stupid face as he winked.

You laughed, instantly getting energy to play around with Taehyung. You grabbed the polaroid camera from his hands and started to take pictures of Taehyung as he posed. One picture had him pouting with his puppy dog eyes, and another had him sexily posing with his tongue out.

“Oh my god Taehyung, you’re so adorable!” You hugged all the newly developed pictures, wanting to hang them up everywhere.

Taehyung grabbed the camera from you and immediately taking a picture of you hugging his pictures. “This is proof that you have an obsession with me.”

You giggled and looked at Taehyung, who seemed too perfect to be real. “You’re the only obsession I’ll ever have.” Taehyung showed you his trademark boxy smile before taking another picture of you lovingly gazing at him.

“Smile!”

January 3rd, 2018

You were waiting for Taehyung, sitting on the bed in your bedroom, frustrated and confused at what happened. You wanted to pull your hair out for kissing Jimin, but you couldn’t do anything to redo the past. You weren’t sure if you wanted to tell Taehyung; you had never seen him mad, and you didn’t want to lose the only man who was ever by your side. After an hour of waiting in your room, Jimin knocked on your locked door. He begged you to open the door and that he was sorry, but you couldn’t trust him or your emotions.

After waiting for hours, Taehyung finally came home. You heard his deep voice boom throughout the apartment. “Honey! I’m home!” You didn’t want to leave you room; the fear of running into Jimin was too much for you. Taehyung’s voice came closer to your room. “Honey? Are you asleep? The light is on. Are you okay?” He softly said through the closed door. You wanted to tell him everything that happened. You knew letting Jimin stay in your apartment with Taehyung was a bad idea, but you couldn’t say no to your boyfriend.

You got up from your bed and unlocked the bedroom door. The door opened up to reveal Taehyung gazing at you with worry written all over his face. You pulled him into the room and quietly shut the door behind him. “Taehyung, I have to tell you something.” You told him, attentively looking up at his worried face. He nodded for you to continue. You breathed in and closed your eyes. “Jimin- he kissed me,” You opened your eyes to see Taehyung fuming. Before he could say anything, you finished your sentence. “But- but I pushed him away, I promise, I don’t feel the same about him anymore- I- I just love you, okay? Taehyung, you’re the only one I care about right now. I-I told you this was a bad idea, you shouldn’t have let him in.”

Taehyung calmed down a bit and lovingly looked at you. “Y/N, I know you love me, but I didn’t expect him to do that to you. I’m gonna go talk to him and teach him a lesson-” Taehyung, with his hands angrily clenched, turned around to leave the room, but you pulled on his shirt to stop him.

“Taetae, please don’t fight. Please, I don’t want you getting hurt.” You begged him.

He turned around and gave you a reassuring look. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna get hurt.”

---

Taehyung opened the guest bedroom where Jimin was staying, walked in, and loudly shut the door. Jimin, who was sitting on his bed, looked up from his phone, his eyes wide with surprise. Taehyung walked closer to Jimin and looked down at him with anger. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing with my girlfriend?” Jimin was speechless and couldn’t say anything to Taehyung. “You fuckin’ missed your chance bud. I didn’t think you would be such a lowly person as to hurt Y/N’s feelings. If any shit like this happens again, then I’ll make sure to break your legs and arms to make you a cripple.” Taehyung started to crack his knuckles, making Jimin get goosebumps. “Understand?” Jimin nodded, still unable to say anything. “I’ve loved Y/N for forever, and you can’t just steal her from me. You fucking asshole.”

September 18th, 2014

It was about a month after Jimin introduced you to his girlfriend, Minhee, and you were still in shock about it. You wanted someone, or something, to distract you from the depressed feeling that consumed you every minute that you spent thinking about Jimin.

Somehow, you ended up on a date with Namjoon at a quiet sports bar on a Thursday evening, casually dressed for the occasion. It had been a couple of years since you had last had a conversation with Namjoon, and that was back in high school. Now, as you comfortably adjusted yourself in the seat across from Namjoon, you showed him a bright smile, to which he returned one back. Back in high school, you knew him to be a dick, or well, more of a cocky and selfish guy, but since years had gone by, you had thought he would have changed.

You couldn’t help but stare at Namjoon’s smile. It was beautiful, no doubt; his dimples made you swoon, and the seductive gaze he looked at you with was intense. You shied away from his eyes, embarrassed at feeling yourself redden a bit. The both of you sat in comfortable silence.

Namjoon was the first one to talk. “So Y/N, how are you? It’s been forever.” He looked at you for an answer.

Your eyes wandered back to Namjoon’s face. “I’ve been good actually, some stuff happened but now that I’m here with you I’m-”

Before you could even finish your sentence, Namjoon interrupted you with a wide grin glued to his face. “What happened babe? Is it something my tongue can fix?”

Immediately, you felt repulsed by what Namjoon had said. Just as you were about to say something, a waitress came up to your table and asked what the both of you wanted. You opened your mouth to order your usual, but Namjoon interrupted once again and ordered for you. As soon as the waitress left, you started to reroute the direction of the conversation that he was leading it in. You were not wanting to have sex on your first date with fuckboy Namjoon.

“Anyways,” Annoyance clear in your voice. “I actually haven’t eaten here before, is the food good?” You kept your smile up, hoping that he wouldn’t notice your discomfort with the way he talked.

With the same large grin stuck on his face, Namjoon replied. “It’s good, but not as good as what you’re gonna be tastin’ later tonight.”

Your eyes were wide open, paralyzed with shock at what Namjoon had said. You knew him to be a flirt back in the day, but you didn’t know he would be so forward. Your weak smile quickly faded away to a concerning frown. “Listen Namjoon, I don’t know why you think I’m here with you today, but you’re definitely not gonna get laid. Not by me, at least-”

Namjoon’s chuckle made you stop in the middle of your sentence. “I do what I want baby. I’m not some pussy ass coward like Jimin to not-”

Right then and there, you got up from your seat, the chair’s legs loudly screeched on the wooden floor as you were preparing to leave. “You know what Namjoon? You’re an ass. You were one back in high school, and you still are now. And don’t ever mention Jimin’s name like that. He’s much- so much- better than you. ” After grabbing your purse, you stomped out, hearing some of Namjoon’s last words being angrily yelled at from behind you.

“Why don’t you fuckin’ get someone like Jimin? Oh wait, you can’t cause he doesn’t fuckin’ want a bitch like you!”

January 3rd, 2018

From your bedroom, you heard Taehyung angrily storm out of the guest room, Jimin’s door loudly shut and Taehyung’s loud footsteps came closer to your door. Patiently waiting on the edge of your bed, you looked down at your fiddling fingers with a frown. A thousand thoughts were going through your mind at that time. Would he still love me the same as before? You thought. Will he think of me in a different light, a more darker one? I love him- I really do- but what happens next?

Right then, Taehyung slowly opened the door as you glanced up and met with his apologetic eyes. A weak smile appeared on his face as he walked in and closed the door behind him. You wanted to say something to him,anything to make the quiet awkwardness to go away. He sat next to you on the bed, basking in the quiet atmosphere. Neither of you looked at each other, but instead, stared at the wall in front of you.

It was a while before anyone said anything; you thought you didn’t deserve him. If it was anyone else, you knew they would leave you, but he didn’t. Taehyung was the one who spoke up first. “Y/N,” His head turned to look at you stare melancholically at the wall. “I love you, and nothing will change that. If your happiness lies with Jimin, go with him.” You quickly turned your head to look back at him with shocked eyes. His bittersweet smile broke your heart, and his woeful eyes stared right into your soul. “I’ll be happy if you’re happy-”

“Taehyung,” You interrupted him. “I will always love you. Nothing, and no one will make me change my mind.” Your body leaned towards his and your arms brought him into a hug. “I love you.”

October 27th, 2006

On my mess of a bed, Y/N and I were hitting each other with pillow, making sure to knock each other out. It was a beautiful Friday morning, with the morning rays protruding the window’s blinds and hitting Y/N’s beautiful face. On her knees, she harshly hit me with her pillow with a sly grin glued to her face. I fell back on my bed and was too tired to get back up. An airy laugh left my lips as I stared at Y/N’s exhausted face.

“Jimin! One more round!” Y/N yelled out.

I was too tired to even lift another pillow. “Ah Y/N,” I grabbed her wrist and pulled her down next to me. “We’re even skipping school, we should just sleep.” I wrapped my arms around her body, pulling her closer to my fast beating heart. Even though I wasn’t sure about my feelings for Y/N, I wanted her next to me. I wanted to hear her voice every day, I wanted to laugh with her, I wanted Y/N.

She stayed quiet, listening to my breaths and heartbeat as I listened to hers. “Y/N,” I continued. I paused for a little bit, wanting to tell her about my feelings. I wanted to tell her that I loved her, or how that moment could stay like that forever, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. “I want some breakfast.”

I heard a sigh leave her lips as she backed away from my chest and sat up on the bed. “It’s always me who has to cook.” I glanced at her disappointed face. It seemed as if she was waiting for me to say something else. She got up from the bed and slowly shuffled out of my bedroom door. I closed my eyes, promising myself never to say anything about my feelings to Y/N. If she wouldn’t be able to love me back, I would die.

January 3rd, 2018

As I watched Taehyung storm out of my bedroom, I regretted everything that went down today. I shut my eyes to stop myself from crying. I was rejected by Y/N, but I deserved it. I rejected her years ago, but I was blinded by my love for Minhee. Tears eventually fell from his closed eyes, and he fell back into the bed. I wanted to die. He couldn’t handle the fact that I missed out on Y/N, and it was because of his stupidity.

I lay on the bed, slowly opening my teary eyes to stare up at the ceiling. He breathed in and pulled out my phone from my back pocket. I went through my contacts and dialed Minhee’s number. It was pretty late at night, and I wasn’t even sure if she would pick up, but she did.

“Jimin?” She asked.

“Minhee,” My shaky voice responded back. “I don’t want to hurt you or anyone else anymore. You’ve been through thick and thin with me, and now, I don’t want to drag you down. Let’s end this.”

Minhee hesitantly responded back. “Jimin, I- why now? Why can’t we work things out?”

“Because I’m unlovable, and I can’t love anyone back. I’m sorry.”

YEARS LATER

May 18th, 2021

Jimin stood in front of the airport, looking around around at the familiarly tall buildings and smiled. He re-adjusted his shades before he called for a taxi. Jimin had aged a bit. After his quick divorce with Minhee, he left his hometown to travel across the globe. He met many women who fell in love with him, and he tried to love them back, but he’d only ever wanted you. As he stepped into the taxi, he wasn’t sure which address to give the driver.

Minhee was on good terms with Jimin, but she already moved into her new lover’s house. She would occasionally email him and update him about her life. Jimin’s other friends were too busy with their own lives. Jungkook already had a steady girlfriend move in with him and Namjoon, after changing his life around, was working towards a law degree. Hoseok left town and was starting his own dance studio, Jin moved to start his restaurant business with his wife, and Yoongi flat out refused to let Jimin stay with him.

Jimin gave the driver the address to a local coffee shop that he loved to death. He hoped it was still standing, and wasn’t replaced by another office building that the world didn’t need. He looked out of the backseat window, watching all the familiar houses and buildings go by. He realized that his life went by in a flash. It was just yesterday when he and his friends were joking around after school, and now, he’s a full fledged adult, unsure about his life.

The car suddenly came to a stop. Jimin paid the driver and stepped out of the bright yellow car, bringing a suitcase with him. A sigh of relief came from Jimin when he saw the cozy shop he was so accustomed to still existed. Across from the building was a newly built hotel; Jimin walked across the street with his suitcase and strolled inside the beige building. He checked into a room and wasn’t sure what to do next; the only reason he was in town was because the company he was working for sent him back into town to work at the headquarters. To distract himself, Jimin played a bunch of games on his phone and watched some TV, but eventually got tired of it. By the time he was bored out of his mind in the hotel room, it was around 3 pm. He decided it was a good time to leave and have a cup of coffee.

After he left the hotel building, he waited by the crosswalk until there was no car in sight. He walked across the street, but midway, he saw a familiar face walk into the coffee shop. Jimin sped his walking up and jogged to the store to run after him. He opened the door right after that familiar man, and the jingle of another customer walking in could be heard everywhere in the small shop. He looked around for him, hoping the guy was the same person. He wanted someone to talk to, someone to laugh with, someone to tell him about you.

He spotted the man sitting at one of the round wooden tables near the back. It was really him; Min Yoongi.

July 20th, 2020

Today, Taehyung was ready to propose to you.

Sitting in your favorite restaurant, Taehyung in front of you with a smug smile on his face, the both of you ordered dinner and wine. The quiet piano music and dim lights made the atmosphere so romantic, but you didn’t know why you were there. It was a regular Monday evening when Taehyung rushed you to get ready in a formal dress he surprisingly brought home. When you got ready and showed him the dress, he smirked as he grabbed your wrist and pulled you to his car. When you asked him where he was taking you, he said it was a surprise.

Now, you were at a restaurant with him, waiting for more surprises.

Taehyung hid the Tungsten ring’s box in his suit’s pocket, waiting to pull it out at the right moment. He watched you suspiciously eat your pasta, and he chuckled when you saw him watching.

“I feel like you’re planning something evil.” You said to Taehyung, who hadn’t had a bite of his steak.

Taehyung nonchalantly shrugged, showing his boxy smile. “Maybe I am,” Taehyung looked around the empty restaurant for a waiter and called him over. “I would like another glass of wine.” He said to the waiter, even though he had a full glass of white wine in front of him.

“Taehyung, you already-” You wanted to tell him that he already had a glass of wine, but he interrupted you with a simple ‘shh’ as his index finger was pushed onto his lips.

The waiter was in cahoots with Taehyung. Before the dinner, Taehyung told the waiter specific instructions to do after he orders another glass of wine. After the man left, the dim lights were suddenly gone, and the room was engulfed in blackness. All of a sudden, you heard a chair screech on the floor and Taehyung’s deep voice singing you a soft melody.

As the lights slowly came back, you were surprised to see Taehyung next to you, with one knee on the floor, serenading you with a ring box in his hand. As he opened the box, you gasped after seeing the pitch black band and were almost on the verge of crying.

Taehyung abruptly stopped singing. “Y/N,” He asked you. “Will you marry me?”

You got out of your seat and hugged him on the floor. “A million times yes. Yes, yes, yes!”

May 18th 2021

Jimin immediately spotted the black haired Min Yoongi in the back of the cafe, reading a book as he sipped on his warm coffee. Unconsciously, Jimin’s feet walked towards him. He was curious as to why Yoongi refused to let him stay at his house, and how you were doing. Jimin knew you and Yoongi had gotten closer after he started to date Minhee, so he would definitely know where you were.

“Yoongi,” Jimin’s soft voice called out to Yoongi, who looked up in surprise.

Yoongi was shocked, and was speechless. “Jimin… hey.” Jimin took the seat right in front of Yoongi and sat down. “It’s been a long time, Jimin.”

The sorrow in Jimin’s eyes contradicted his cheerful smile. “It’s been forever,” Jimin was reminiscing in memories of his past, the happiest point in his life. “How’ve you been?”

Yoongi smiled as he closed his book and looked down at his coffee. “I’ve actually been doing great,” He looked up and showed Jimin his genuine smile. “My entire life I thought I had bad luck, but I was wrong. I am one of the luckiest people on Earth.”

That took Jimin by surprise. “What happened? Did you win the lottery?” He asked.

Yoongi shook his head, still having his gummy smile stuck to his face. “My first love fell in love with me.”

Jimin gasped, feeling happy for him. “That’s great! Who is this lucky girl? Speaking about love, I think I’m going to try and win over Y/N once more. Third time’s the charm, right?”

Yoongi’s gummy smile was wiped off his face, and was replaced with a frown. “Jimin… a lot happened while you were gone.”

---

With a rose in your hand, you walked through the dreary graveyard with heavy feelings in your heart. The bright blue sky pained your eyes. How dare the world smile even after he’s gone, you thought.

Finally, you reached his grave. Kim Taehyung.

You kneeled down onto the patch of grass in front of the grave and set your rose down, right next to the other flowers. You held your tears back and talked to him. “I miss you, Taehyung. Even though you’re gone, I come and see you every day. I thought I would always be alone, always be hurt, but I’m slowly healing. Life isn’t fair. You deserved the world, you deserve everything. You saved me, and I’ll never forget you.”

August 2nd, 2020

On a comfortable Sunday morning, you lay next to Taehyung’s sleeping body, hearing him snore right next to your ear. You giggled, loving everything about him. It had been a couple weeks since he had proposed to you, and nothing had really changed, except for the fact that Taehyung was picking out kids names for the children he was going to have with you, along with the fact that he was cuddling you 24/7.

Next to you, Taehyung’s eyes slowly cracked open, looking down at you giggle. “Honey, what’s so funny?”

You didn’t want to tell him that you were laughing at him. “Hmm? I wasn’t laughing.” You tried to mask your lie, but you failed.

Taehyung’s arms went around you and brought you closer to him, making you cuddle into his chest. “Y/N! I love you sooooooo much!” He yelled out. “If our first child is a boy, I want to name him Taehyung.”

You giggled at his antics once more. “Taehyung junior, I like the sound of that. If we had a girl, what would you name her?”

“Well,” Taehyung went on. “I would name her Taehyung too, because if anything ever happens to me, I wouldn’t want you to be alone without my presence.”

You slapped his arm and looked into his eyes. “Nothing is going to happen to you, idiot.” After cuddling back into his chest, you continued. “I love you too.”

May 18th, 2021

Yoongi’s smile was quickly replaced with a frown. “Jimin… a lot happened while you were gone.”

Jimin wasn’t surprised that things had changed since he left, but he hoped they were good changes. “What happened?” He curiously asked.

Yoongi breathed in before he could say anything. “Well,” He stared at Jimin with saddened eyes. “Taehyung and Y/N were engaged, and Y/N was even pregnant, but Taehyung got into an accident.”

Jimin was caught by surprise. “What? So much happened and none of you called me?”

“We couldn’t, Y/N didn’t want you to worry. She still cares about you, ya know, but not in the same way you love her.” Yoongi looked down at his coffee before he took another sip.

Jimin was starting to freak out; he couldn’t accept her rejection again. “I could easily change her mind, we’re best friends, and she loves me. I love her. Everything is going to be fine.”

“No it’s not. She already has someone else.”

---

Sitting in your parked car outside the cemetery, you stared out at the clouds that decorated the sky, hoping Taehyung was enjoying the afterlife. You missed his boxy laugh. You missed his jokes and his cuddles. You missed him.

Your phone rang suddenly, pulling you from your thoughts.. You grabbed it from the passenger seat, and looked at the caller ID. It was Jeon Jungkook.

You quickly answered the phone. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Nothing much,” He responded. “I’m just really bored. Minhee’s trying to braid my short-ass hair and I think she’s going to turn me into a meme.”

Laughter bubbled from you. “You guys are so adorable. Oh, and she can’t change someone into what he already is- a complete meme.”

“Yah!” He yelled at you. “My crazy girlfriend Minhee is a meme herself! She’s also one of the most perfect human beings on this planet. How are you doing anyways?”

You paused for a bit, thinking about how you were actually doing. “I think I’m okay. Life sucks, but you gotta go on. That’s what Taehyung would’ve wanted me to do. Live and move on, right?”

November 16th, 2020

It was your four year anniversary with Taehyung. He had planned out the whole day for you, even though you had said that you didn’t want to do anything big.

From the moment you would wake up until the moment you would fall asleep in his arms, he was planning everything out.

You woke up at around 7 am to get ready for work, but when you realized that Taehyung wasn’t in bed next to you, you knew something was up. You acted as if everything was normal, but you had a surprise of your own.

After getting dressed, grabbing your cup of coffee, and driving off to work, you daydreamed all throughout the day what Taehyung had in store for you. When you should have been filing folders, you were imagining the look on his face when you told him that you were pregnant. You could see his shocked face, and you could imagine his usual smile as he would bring you into a hug.

The day dragged on until 3 pm when you were let out from work, and as you drove home, you were itching to talk to Taehyung. When you did finally get home, you were greeted with an empty house. You were a little bit disappointed, but knew that Taehyung had something big planned this year. You decided to call him.

You plopped yourself on your couch and dialed his number, and he picked up on the third ring. “Hey babe, what’s up?” It was a relief for you to hear his voice after not being able to hear it all day.

“I miss you so, so much. Where are you?” You questioned him.

“I’m gettin’ something special for you! Be prepared to have your mind blown. I’m driving home so I’ll get there soon.” He said back to you.

You sighed, smiling at how sweet he was. “Taetae! I told you, I didn’t want anything big today, and I also have a surprise for you. You’ll have your mind blown away even more.”

A gasp came from the Taehyung. “Tell me Y/N! What is it! I don’t like surprises, you have to tell me now!”

“For a man that doesn’t love surprises, you sure do love to surprise others.” You retorted. “I’ll give you a hint. We can’t wait for you to get home.”

Another gasp came from Taehyung. “Oh god, Y/N, are we having a baby?” You hummed in agreement. “Oh god,” Taehyung started to frantically chant. “This is the best moment in my life Y/N,” He said through the phone. “I love you Y/N, I love you-” All of a sudden, a large crash was heard on Taehyung’s side of the conversation, and then, the phone call ended.

The light turned green and Taehyung hit the gas. Distracted by the news, he was unaware of the truck that had blown through the red light. He died on impact.

November 20th, 2020

You arrived at the hospital only to be told that Taehyung was already dead. You had a mental breakdown and eventually, the stress led to your having a miscarriage. The physical and emotional pain made you hate yourself. You were admitted to the hospital and were visited by many of your friends who were truly worried for you, but you didn’t care. You had lost your other half. Your soulmate. He was in heaven with your child while you were stuck in a world which resembled hell even more every second he wasn’t with you.

After four days of pain and tears, you were ready to end your life. You planned to jump off the hospital’s roof and end your suffering, but someone changed your mind.

Yoongi walked into the white hospital room, melancholically looking at you stare out the window on the other side of the room. He knew how hurt you were, and he wanted to fix that.

“Y/N,” He called your name out, and all your attention was on him. He saw how wrecked you were, and how much you had cried over the past four days. He knew what you were thinking, mainly the jist of it, but he wanted to stop it. Stop all the hurt. He walked to your bed and bent over to pull you into a warm hug. “Don’t do anything that you would regret,” He whispered in your ear as you held back your tears. “Don’t be stupid, okay? What would Taehyung think?” He calmly stroked your hair as tears flowed from your eyes. It felt good to have someone like Yoongi with you. It felt nice.

December 11th, 2020

Sitting quietly in your living room, Yoongi next to you, you looked around the empty room. All the pictures you had of Taehyung were put away in a closet, lying there covered in dust. You set your head on Yoongi’s shoulder and closed your eyes.

“Thanks for coming,” Your quiet voice said to him. “I didn’t want to be alone.”

He took your hand and held it tight, softly rubbing your palm. “Does it still hurt to remember?”

You hummed. “It feels like I’m drowning in my own tears. I can’t sleep by myself. I can’t eat. I can’t even work. My life is a mess.” You lifted your head and looked up at Yoongi, who was looking at you with loving eyes. “But at least I have you.”

“I’d do anything for you. Call me at three in the afternoon or three in the morning, I’ll come running.”

December 25th, 2020

Today was the day you had built up the courage to dig through Taehyung’s untouched closet. In the back of your apartment was a closet where you had shoved most of Taehyung’s belongings after he had died; you were unable to look at them until now.

As you opened the small closet door, Taehyung’s lavender scent wafted all throughout the house. It took everything you had in your heart to stop yourself from crying. A bright yellow hoodie covered with pink donuts caught your attention. It was the same jacket he made you wear after you had gotten soaked playing in the rain. Your hand unconsciously reached out to it, grabbing the sleeve of the jacket. The soft cotton reminded you of Taehyung’s soft touch, his delicately deep voice, and his adoring eyes.

You wanted to stop, you wanted to quit torturing yourself with memories of Taehyung. Just as you were about to close the closet door, a gift wrapped present on the top shelf of the closet caught your eyes. You reached up and grabbed the large box shaped present, and then closed the closet door. Your feet led you to the couch, where you sat yourself down and were ready to open up the present.

Your mind was curious as to what it was, and you knew that it was from Taehyung. You gently ripped off the wrapping paper to reveal a photobook with the words ‘New Beginnings’ written on it in Taehyung’s handwriting. You bit your lip, trying to accept that he was gone, and that you weren’t in a never-ending nightmare. You were in reality.

Flipping open to the first page, an envelope presented itself to you with your name on it, written by Taehyung. After reluctantly grabbing it and ripping the letter open, you forced yourself to read Taehyung’s note.

Dear Y/N, my adorable sweet wife-to-be (or hopefully wife by now). This is your Christmas present! I knew you would wake up early in the morning and open your present, so here I have a letter telling you how much I love you! I’ve documented the times we’ve been together, and it’s only just a part of how long I want us to be together. I want the both of us to have little Taehyung Juniors and watch them grow up. I want us to be happy and well. You’re probably crying of happiness by now, since I’m such a great gift-giver. Enjoy the gift and make sure to wake me up!

-From your sweet and loving husband, Taehyung

Tears trailed down your cheeks as you willed yourself to stop. He wasn’t alive anymore, yet he still lived on in your life. You put the letter to the side and flipped through the large photo book. The first page was filled with pictures from your second date with him at the carnival. At the bottom of the page was the date written; he had started the book since day one. Many of the images were pictures you hadn’t noticed him taking, like the picture of you eating an ice cream cone with the four teddy bears he won for you sitting at the table, or the other picture of you pouting at Taehyung to win you another stuffed toy. As you flipped through, memories started to flow, along with your tears.

Another page caught your attention; it was the day he had taken polaroid pictures of you while you were sound asleep on his chest in your bed. He made a funny derp face as you were snoring away. You remembered the day as if it was yesterday; you heard the clicking sound of the camera and opened your eyes to see Taehyung taking pictures of you. I should have cherished those memories, you thought. I should have hugged him more, kissed him more, stayed with him more.

Your new beginnings were at an end.

January 4th, 2021

In your kitchen, you and Yoongi were making breakfast for each other. Ever since Taehyung’s death, Yoongi had been with you more often. He would come over when you felt alone, and then suddenly, Yoongi’s coming over became routine for you. He would come over even when you wouldn’t call him, and he would spend most of his days he was free from work with you.

Yoongi’s gummy smile would often make the heavy atmosphere that surrounded you dissipate into a light and airy atmosphere. The power of his smile was similar to Taehyung’s, and maybe that was why you felt happy with him, more comfortable with life.

“Y/N,” Yoongi’s raspy voice pulled you out of your thoughts. You spun your head around to look at him cooking something on the stove top next to you. He held out a wooden spoon with some orangish substance. “Taste.” He said with a smirk.

“Only if you say please.” You snobbishly told him. You continued to mix the pancake batter with a grin on your face and added some chocolate chips into the bowl.

He set the spoon down onto a plate and kneeled down onto the tile floor. He grabbed your hand and looked you in the eyes with a sarcastically pleading look. “Oh my highness Y/N, will you please try your humble servant’s food? I must have your approval on it or I shall die.”

You giggled at Yoongi’s behavior, and nodded at him. “Sure, I’ll try it.”

Yoongi got up from the floor and showed you his gummy smile. He grabbed the spoon and lifted it to your mouth, where you tried the deliciously sweet orangey substance. You closed your eyes and moaned at the deliciousness of the sauce. You tasted hints of lemon and a strong orange flavor that made your tastebuds tingle.

You opened your eyes and stared at him in awe. “That. Was. Delicious.” Yoongi laughed at your reaction, and winked at you. Just as he was about to say something, your phone rang.

You pulled your phone out from your back pocket and saw the caller ID, Jungkook. You immediately picked up.

“Hello sir, how are you on this fine and beautiful day?” You asked him on the phone. Yoongi quietly asked who it was on the phone, and you responded by mouthing Jungkook’s name.

“Not that it’s a bad thing, but why are you so perky today?” Jungkook questioned, and from his side of the conversation, you could hear a familiar voice yell something out. “Oh also, if you couldn’t hear, Minhee’s yelling out ‘I miss you Y/N! You should talk to me more often!’.” Jungkook tried to imitate Minhee’s soft but adorable voice, but ultimately failed.

“I’m just making breakfast with Yoongi,” You looked up at Yoongi to see him wink at you. “You guys are too cute together, you didn’t even tell me how you guys ended up together! What about your parents?”

You heard Jungkook groan. "Our parents? Things didn't end up working out." He lowered his voice. "A little scandal, ya know? Not saying any names though..." He chuckled quietly and fell silent. After hesitating a moment, Jungkook asked another question. “How are you really doing? Do you still remember him? You seem happier.”

A bittersweet smile appeared on your face as you took in a large breath. “I miss him, obviously. I put back all the pictures of him around the house so it feels like he’s here with me, and I visit his grave every day. I talk to him there and I tell him how I’m doing. I’m a little happier everyday,” You snuck another glance at Yoongi. “Because of a special someone.”

February 21st 2021

Yoongi had a special surprise for you today. At around 4 pm when stepped inside your apartment, it was pitch black. Thick curtains blocked the light from the outside and your light switch wasn’t working. As you stumbled inside your house, trying to find a flashlight, candles from every corner of your apartment magically lit up. Rose petals were adorned around your little dining table, which had a steak dinner for two ready.

Yoongi’s voice from another room could be heard. “Y/N!” He walked out of one of the bedrooms with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. He kneeled down on one knee and held up the flowers to you. His earnest eyes looked into your surprised ones, and smiled. “Since I practically live here, I wanted to formally ask you out. So, will you be my girlfriend?” He asked you. “I know I won’t ever be able to compete with Taehyung, but I will love you just as much as he did.”

Your heart felt as if it was about to explode; you loved Yoongi, but you didn’t want to replace Taehyung’s spot. Yoongi sensed your hesitance, and continued. “I know how you’re feeling right now, but Taehyung would have wanted you to move on, but always remember him.”

The shock on your face melted away as a smile formed on your lips. “That’s true. I guess we can take a shot at dating. Plus, everyone already thinks we’re dating so...” Yoongi got up from his knees and threw the flowers aside as he brought you in a warm hug.

His raspy voice whispered into your reddened ears. “You’ve made me the happiest man in the world.”

March 4th, 2021

Sitting on the couch, Yoongi’s arms were wrapped around your waist as you laid back on his chest. The both of you sat in the dark living room, watching a movie. The movie was about a guy trying to find his childhood love, but realizing that she didn’t exist and that she was a figment of his imagination. As the credits were rolling, you were feeling extremely sad and tears were streaming down your cheeks. Yoongi’s hand went up to your face and wiped away your tears with his thumb. He used his other hand to tickle the side of your stomach.

All of a sudden, you felt your muscles spasm from where Yoongi touched you. He knew you were extremely ticklish, and you couldn’t help laugh. He used both his hands to tickle your stomach, and you tried to push his hands off, but were unable to. Your sweet laughter rang a harmonious melody in Yoongi’s ears; he loved it when you laughed.

You were out of breath when you tried to tell him to stop. “Yoongi… oh my god… stop it…” Your loud laughter stopped when he lifted his arms off of you. Immediately, you turned around and faced him with a tired but evil smile. You used your hands and started to tickle him back for revenge. You watched as his face scrunch up and heard him laugh out loud until he was begging you to stop.

“Y/N… please.” He grabbed your wrist with a firm grasp and finally stopped you. “I give up. You win.”

Not even realizing it, you were also out of breath. “Who said… this was a game… You started it.” You said, taking little breaths in between your words.

Yoongi showed you his award-winning gummy smile and laughed. “I just wanted to see you smile.”

May 18th, 2021

“She already has someone else.” Yoongi, with a bit of venom laced in his words, said to Jimin, who was even more shocked than before.

“Who the fuck is he?” Jimin angrily asked Yoongi, who wasn’t able to look at Jimin in the eyes. He avoided eye contact as he took another sip of his warm coffee. “Yoongi,” He called out his friend’s name to get his attention. “Who is he.”

Yoongi finally looked up with his eyebrows knitted in anger and eyes filled with rage. “Do you fucking think you could come back and win Y/N over? You weren’t here for her when she was in the hospital, you weren't here when she tried to kill herself, you weren’t here trying to help her get better.”

“Yoongi,” Jimin’s eyes widened in surprise, and felt as if his friend stabbed him in the back. “What do you mean?” He was close to putting two and two together.

“I’m dating Y/N. I’ve been with her through everything, and now you’re trying to claim her to be yours? No way I’m letting that happen.” Yoongi wanted to kill Jimin; he’d had a chance to end up with you, but he was too blind to see it. Throughout Yoongi’s high school life, he had been infatuated with you. He hated to see you act like a lovesick puppy chasing after Jimin, but he couldn’t do anything; he was convinced that you would never get over him.

Jimin’s face turned into one of disgust, staring at Yoongi with the feeling of betrayal. “You little fucker-”

The coffee shop’s doorbell chimed as another customer came into the empty cafe. Yoongi’s eyes went directly to the person who entered. It was you. Jimin was feverently staring at Yoongi, until he followed where his line of sight was.

Jimin turned around to see you frozen in the middle of the shop, staring at him with wide eyes as if you were about to get run over by a truck. You weren’t able to move. Jimin quickly got up and walked to you, with his arms ready to wrap around you. He brought you in for a hug, but you didn’t hug back.

“Jimin,” You said to him with a shaky voice. “It’s been a long time.” You didn’t hug him back; your arms were stuck to your sides because you were convinced that he was still in love with you.

“Y/N, I’ve missed you so much.” He whispered into your ears as he hugged you tighter.

“Jimin, please. Stop.” You pulled out of the hug, looking at his face with guilt and sadness. “Please stop, Jimin. I’ve moved on.”

He wasn’t convinced. The shock on his face was enough to shred your heart into a million pieces. You cared about him and you loved him, but not in the same way anymore. “Y/N, don’t say that. Please, I love you. Come on Y/N-”

“I’m sorry, but I’ve moved on. You weren’t here for me when I was struggling to keep myself alive, and now I’ve found someone who cares about me just as much as Taehyung did.” You took a step back away from him. “You’ll always be my best friend, but nothing more than that. I’m sorry.”

Tears rolled down Jimin’s face as he accepted his loss.

formating this on tumblr was a fUCKIN’ BItcH

also for those of you who cried, im so sorrY, there’s an epilogue coming and maybe another part for a different au! 

also someone good at us history hmu ill trade you fanfics for tutoring

Masterlist

[fallengypsy16]

So today is the day i am suppose to journal for 15 min. so far im handling the challenge well i think. except mr cooper (my pup) is all over the place and climbing on me. things have change a lot since i stopped writing. well idk some has. i have my really bad brain days still and still most days are hard at some point for me but ive had some pretty great days recently too. and they werent revolved around men. ugh my D on the keyboard is messing me up it keeps sticking. my biggest worry right now is my best friend and i arent really talking. we are at two very different parts of life and we dont really know how we fit into eachothers lives like that it seems. shes been really negative and hard to talk to lately. but im sure i have my bad times too i just wish this would be over with. i wish things would work out for her. i honestly think shes overwhelming herself with stuff right now an pushing me away. she pushes me away for men in her life normally but idk if thats the case because i know nothing about whats going on her life really. she ditched me for awhile when her an evan were together and i thought id never get over it because i needed her when she wasnt there. i feel like im always last resort to her. he life revolves around the guy shes with. i am just as guilty. your significant other should for sure be top priority but... idk i feel like i get the short end of the stick most of the time in the friend department. i want to help her with things but she wont let me. i want to freely talk to her but i cant. i cant even tell her about guys that im dating if i am. i cant bring my son over because hes scared of her dog and because its just not kid friendly. she expects us to just hang out in the house the whole time. my son is very active he wants to be outside or doing something not watching movies or talking. and like i said im sure i have my flaws that i just cant see because its myself. but she just wont tell me. im afraid that after this last fight things just wont mend well back together. half of me says “you tried your hardest you begged and everything you cant water dead flowers... move on” but then the other part of me says “shes your best friend shes helped you with everything dont give up” the ball is in her court at this point but idk what to do. i feel myself wanting to be more positive when i know she hasnt gotten there yet. shes in this cycle still. as my therapist called it the black hole cycle. where you keep falling in this black hole and keep getting out... im in that cycle but luckily im not falling in as much anymore. i want to learn to not overshare. i want to learn to slowly make a friend or connection. i dont want to be close to anyone really right now. see thats the depression side of me coming out... or is it knowing that i still need to heal and im not the me i need to be yet? i think i have grown a lot the past few years. im not the same person i was. i still have insane relationship anxiety that just ruins things before they start. idk how to get rid of that. what i want i dont think will ever exist. im starting to tear up thinking about this. it has hit me... i might not ever find a partner. it happens. and honestly.... im a bit heartbroken about it but im a bit hopeful that i grow to accept it and that i eventually move on from this idea of love. until we meet again.