#im just so awkward

[anotherpapercut]

trying to email someone I barely know to see if they can give me free stuff. wish me luck

[hinamie]

"I'll show you every day that choosing to live was worth it"

some of my favourite scenes from @hijinks-n-lowjinks' fic things i would miss from the other side . this fic tore my heart out fr but like in a good way and i wanted to pay it homage the only way i know how <3

[itseghost]

very straightforward redraw because this quest and this whole scene have been ON my mind.

[tubbytarchia]

so ranchers huh

[betaphannie]

All im saying is i can't be trusted to concoct a dan and phil interview. If it was me I'd act like I didn't know them at all and I'd ask them shit like "So have you thought about expanding the dan and phil brand to add other live-in coworkers to the channel? :)" I'd "accidentally" print their names as Dan and Phil Lester. I'd put the 2009 tackle hug as one of the pictures in the article. If I snap a pic of them for the interview I'd put text over their left hands. I'd name the article Dan and Phil are More Than Friends with the subheading "they're partners in a brand 15 years in the making with sold-out shows around the globe"

[mxrtified777]

krunk

[anemonet]

rain world if it was hot

[renaissanceousia]

you're telling me this was improvised...

[inkskinned]

you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.

you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.

he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.

a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.

he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.

you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.

people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.

wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.

also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.

he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."

you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.

"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."

he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.

you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.

is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?

you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.

[dizzybizz]

i rlly like him actually

[arsonanarchyandanxiety]

Sigh. I guess I'll do one of these note things.

5 notes and I'll drink a glass of water

10 notes and I'll talk to my therapist about suspecting hpd

15 notes and I'll try to keep a plant alive

20 notes and I'll start going outside more

25 notes and I'll start tracking my screentime and attempting to lessen it

30 notes and I'll write one hundred words for my book

35 notes and I'll try to pick up a hobby I used to have before depression hit

40 notes and I'll start going out in public more

45 notes and I'll talk to my therapist about managing my hypersexuality

50 notes and I'll start cleaning my room. Maybe. Possibly.

55 notes and I'll try to start reading actual books more

60 notes and I'll wash all my clothes and try to start putting outfits together

65 notes and I'll make a schedule for my schoolwork and try to start doing it everyday.

70 notes and I'll go to a pride event

75 notes and I'll talk to my sister about why I haven't been interacting with her a lot

80 notes and I'll go to my sister's house

85 notes and I'll start telling my mother when other alters are fronting with me

90 notes and I'll try to talk to my friends more

95 notes and I'll tell my mother about my ED

100 notes and I'll start going to weekly events at the local library + try to make an irl friend

Luckily I'm a small blog and idk anyone with like . Tag lists ??? So I won't have to do many of these

No spam ig. I'll add more if it passes 100 in the next like year or smth idk.

The gimmicks found me so more. As I'm writing this I got three new notifications two of which are taglists.

110 and I'll try to get into drawing again

120 and I'll write a full chapter for my book

130 and I'll ask tumblr what they think of my book

140 and I'll talk to my only irl somewhat-friend again

150 and I'll ask previous mentioned person to hang out

160 and I'll try to eat healthier

170 and I'll make an altar for the entities in my room (religion thing)

180 and I'll try to officially work with a deity (religion thing)

190 and I'll try to fix my attention span

200 and I'll clean up the dirty dishes in my room

1k and I'll try to finish writing my entire book

(Caps warning)

IVE GOTTEN LIKE 20 NOTIFS WRITING THIS NOW IM SCARED.

[wasyago]

we're at it again🕺

[time-woods]

I WAS TRYING TO ASK HOW WOULD HIS EXOSKELETON UNDER HIS 'EXOSKELETON' LOOK BUT I PHRASED IT TERRIBLY AND MY PFP ISNT MAKING IT ANY BETTER

[tubbytarchia]

I told you I never stop thinking about merpearl

[awkwardbakugou]

Training day is my favorite day 😩

[maletitties]

“is it ok to like dandadan”

“can i still like dandadan even if its problematic”

“it features minors in their underwear therefore it is bad”

do you all sit in a perfectly white room eating saltines and watching bluey all day or something

nah but for real

it is ok to enjoy things you like to watch/read and engage with. there is nothing to be ashamed of in that regard. also dandadan is extremely tame and literally i feel like people blow its themes WAY out of proportion.

“there are teens in their underpants!!! or naked sometimes!!” i think this may be controversial to say but im about to blow your mind….. the fact that there are teens in their undies or even naked doesnt equate to sexualization! we arent supposed to find those scenes sexy. we are supposed to be either embarrassed for them (like the scene where okarun and momo are caught in the hallway), or its played for laughs. never is it meant to be taken in a “sexy” kind of way. like we arent really given a lot of male gaze scenes of momo or aira, and when okarun is naked/in his undergarments, its often played EXCLUSIVELY for comedic effect

i think you all are genuinely afraid to be cancelled/shunned just for liking a fictional/animated show that features partial nudity of 16-17 year olds. and that is a little sad to me! if you like the show for its storytelling and characters and whatnot, then go ahead and like it!!!!

LMAO i feel like im defending this show with my life every time i bring it up