#im just done.
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quitting art aside from what I want to do for myself. ai has destroyed any market, and I do not want to have to be an influencer or internet personality for attention. I sincerely just want to paint whatever I want and live my life with more regular income and less stress. Thanks for the support.
#i actually feel very relieved making this decision#every job opening is for a super senior mega top position#all the studios are closing#i hate ai and i think it is a terrible waste of literally every resource available#while also destroying millions of jobs#which means im sure ai will thrive and never go away because we cant have good things#i thought maybe i could figure it out and keep going but i really dont care#i would be happier not having to compete with every other entry and mid level artist#while constantly looking for work 24/7#and working literally all day and night#im just done.#theres a part of me thats sad but i will still paint for myself and thats all i care about anymore#i also cant get a job as an engineer in my area#so im going to go back to school and get some continuing education#Hopefully if i can redirect into another career#i can find more appropriate and regular work that is safe and moderately well compensated#im due in like. 6 weeks. i really just need something more consistent and art is not doing it#i may do commissions again if things ever clear up with ai#but i doubt that will happen#not even sure if i will continue to post#i dont want my time and effort used by some loser to train their ai
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I think after this genuinely its time to just stop coming out of my room. Im so fucking sick of this.
#i cant move out.#and even if i could id have to go live with my mom and shes got 2 people in her house that are risky about covid too#im just done.#no one gets to see me anymore im going into self imposed exile
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ripley :)
#alien franchise#alien 1979#my art#artists on tumblr#procreate#risky posting from my phone nowadays. what if i accidentally hit#one of my rash hive photos im taking for my dermatology appt 😭#anyways. watch this space for more ripley soon (in the form of pinup calendar)#just need to edit it and export it. but all tha pages are done!
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alternatives for ai to design ocs
hero forge
picrew
the fucking sims 4
your local furry artist
bitmoji
shitty photoshoped collage
DeviantArt bases
zepeto
making edits of your favorite character
searching "dress up game" on the app store
learning how to draw
#anti ai#“but im an uwu soft bean and i don't know how to draw”#then learn?#you know you can create right you are capable of more than just “consuming”#im not saying you need to train to be the best artist in the world or that you need to pursue a future in the art industry#you don't need to be perfect you just need to try#that feeling of needing things done right now only works to alienate you from the labor behind the things you love
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
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no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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to moving forward
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art#yuji itadori#gojo satoru#fushiguro megumi#nobara kugisaki#itadori yuuji#megumi fushiguro#jjk spoilers#satoru gojo#jjk manga spoilers#hina.comic#before any1 says anything i KNOw his birthday is in december ik ik ik this is just 2 show some post-battle bonding after the trauma#its winter in canon n megumi's birthday has passed and he spent it being piloted like a mech so they need to celebrate Now!!#also this was technically a request lmao anon wanted megumi birthday angst hehehehhe i hope u like it <3 bc it KILLED ME DEAD#im going to collapse remember when i said this wasnt harder than the hydrangeas im having second thoughts#page 8 made me want to bash my head in#could have stuck with one flashback image could have left them monochrome could have done literally anything 2 ease the workload#but noooo the chronic overachiever in me would not allow it#rule of threes i had to include all of them and they Had to be in colour it wouldn't have hit the same if i had kept it monochrome#i needed it to look how childhood memories look i needed it to look oversaturated and hazy and fond but unmistakably Gone#it may have killed me but im so proud of this rn like from an art style perspective these megumis and yuujis r top tier by my standards#personal favourites r the first and last panel of crying megumi like not 2 pat myself on th back but expression?????? hello??????#enjoy your cake megumi you've earned it <333 sorry fr hurting ur feelings it will happen again#oh my god i can sleep tonight bless <333 and i met my 3 day deadline NICE im so good at what i do
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those moments when you know that some entity somewhere out there just fucking hates you, otherwise this shit wouldn’t keep happening.
man fuck this.
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….
#i fucking HAAAATE when i show people something#and they just ‘la di da’ fucking GRIND UNTIL I SURPASS YOU#im gonna fucking scEAM im so sick of it#im beyond pissed and sick of doing anything with anyone#why cant i have anything#why cant we share things why join me just so you can what. just so you could make fun of me? idk man im just.#im just done.#rant
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reflection
#anyways so i think samus has major survivors guilt and is a super perfectionist. The type of girl who reimagines scenarios in her mind#And thinks about how she could have done better. like ‘if i had woken up sooner maybe i could have saved everyone in prime 3’#so i think she says she doesnt know anything about herself because shes so hypercritical of her actions she doesnt see herself as a person#while also her hyper critical-ness shows how she says she wants to ignore herself but she literally cant because she has so many criticisms#oh i wanted to include the ppl from the prime 2 manga in that one shot but was like ‘i dont think ppl will recognize them’.#also lol the existence of dark samus would fuck her up SOOOO bad like it only exists bc she exists & its responsible for the gang’s deaths#okay im done rambling tldr MENTAL ILLNESS.#metroid#samus aran#loneart#metroid dread#metroid prime#super metroid#metroid series#i dont wanna tag all the games. There just those games is enough#hall of fame
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okay so a ceasefire will happen soon, inshallah, but i just know the second it does, most of y'all will pack it up and go home. the world has proven time and time again that the second the violence "stops", then everyone forgets about us and then we just go back to suffering under the israeli occupation. you guys need to promise us, promise every single palestinian child in the world right now, that you will not stop fighting. that you will continue boycotting, you will continue protesting, you will continue disrupting the world until palestine is free. and then we'll do it again. and again and again and again and again. for sudan, for the congo, for everyone who is suffering right now.
you guys cant keep leaving us and forgetting about us once you've done "your part". it always happens, and we always go back to suffering. you need to stand with us until palestine is completely free. until we have our land back, until we can rebuild our homes, until we can drink clean water and breathe clean air, until our children grow up never having to face a horror like the nakba ever again. you need to stay fighting until we are all free forever.
#palestine#free palestine#im aching for a ceasefire obviously but some of yall will just straight up leave once it's done#like no. we mean FREE palestine. like all of it. forever
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this is what you get for dating an atheist
original
#logan thinks hes done sooo much just for sitting there with a little cross necklace#then snoring for the whole church and their saints to hear lmao#meanwhile kurt was thinking: oh mein gott. i cant be a mutant AND be in this situation. pick a strugglieren fr#i was never happy enough with the result so im just posting it as is idc if im super late to the party#my art#fanart#wolverine#logan howlett#nightcrawler#kurt wagner#logurt#nightwolves#ghostlydoodles#x-men#marvel#xmen 97#artists on tumblr
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#that is tims 'i know im right' face#jason is trying and failing to win the argument#damian: i am surrounded by idiots (affectionate)#steph wondering why she has to be in the middle of this#duke being adorable#bruce: my circus my monkeys#dick: my siblings get along. so well.#babs: this shit is funny#cass just eating her popcorn and watching in amusement#wayne family adventures#tim drake#dick grayson#jason todd#damian wayne#bruce wayne#batfamily#bruce is so done#get these bitches therapy#wayne family#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#duke thomas#barbara gordon
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seriously have been thinking about this all night long. call me autistic but the fact that 90% of workplaces the point is not to get your work done and then be done doing it but to instead perform an elaborate social dance in which you find something to do even when you're done doing everything you need to do in order to show your fellow workers that you, too, are Working . because you are at Work . disgusting why cant we all agree that if there is no work immediately to be done. we just dont do anything
#i personally like to not be doing things constantly at all times. it stresses me out#i know there are ppl who thrive on cosntant activity#but me i like to chill out.#and the problem then becomes that i only ACTIVELY remember to do work and Find More Work To Do when im stressed#at the thought that others might want to see me working#if im ever relaxed i just dont look for stuff to do#catch 22 of modern work culture which permeates even ostensibly noncapitalist structures like public libraries#for instance: will it really kill anybody if the books get shelved by me now after a very busy day?#or shelved tomorrow morning by. well probably me since i'll be the one at the desk#not in the slightest#but it was work that wasnt being immediately done by me. therefore it was incorrect behavior#that i failed to identify because my instinct is to relax when not immediately presented with a Situation#this got me labeled as 'having no initiative' by my dad from a very early age#and even as an adult i still feel like im a child with no initiative
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obligatory beach divorce doodling
bonus rough cover redraw of x-men #41 (1995) But Beach Divorce below cut
#mcu#marvel cinematic universe#xmen#xmen movies#xmen first class#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#professor x#magneto#snap sketches#'snap i thought you were drawing old cherik this weekend' so did i but i was inflicted with visions sorry </3#i have my lil 92 comic sketched so ill do that tomorrow. not finish it but ill work on it 💀#i wsa just gonna draw the first thing but then i figureed i might as well draw Most of the beach-divorce-related things i want to#just so i could put it all on one post. however this is a lie and i know ill wanna doodle more beach stuff#the first drawing Unsurprisingly was motivated BY the xmen 41 legion quest cover- at the very least the total blackout of erik's face#i wanna draw more of erik using his powers .. i wanna figure out how i wanna draw the effect etc etc#i was just gonna redraw the cover but i already liked the sketch i did of the first thing so. here we are#plus i figure someones already done a redraw of the cover but if anyone cares ill finish my version ig LOL#as for the comic ermmm it was just an excuse to draw erik with glowing eyes </3 and fading-glowing eyes </3#thats why i didnt draw the whole. Choking Moira bit. but i wouldve if i was redrawing the whole scene#kinda wish i did now that i think of it cause it coulda looked cooler prob but oh well maybe in like. three months when i redraw this#for exactly five cents ill redraw the whole beach divorce erlkjealkaje i can see it so clearly in my mind#what if first class was a comic drawn by a freak thatd be wild#but yeah thats why everything look rough as christ these were just supposed to be silly lil thangs#'silly things' and its beach divorce OK.#ok bye im gonna do my homework
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I'll rip in hands and teeth and take a bite
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#ryomen sukuna#yuuji#sukuna#sukuita#fanart#jjk fanart#gore tw/#body horror tw/#blood tw/#YUUJIIII BABY BOYYYY BABYYYYYY#hes hungry :/#sukuna seems 2 be having fun gdjhfgsdf . boys when theyre bored.#so happy i wrangled this pose in2 something im happy with i almost abandoned the idea entirely#sometimes front facing is the answer.....who knew :'>#also#can anyone tell me. how far up yuujis fun arms go i had no idea so i just stopped them at the elbow#if im wrong that will b not swaggy :(#listening 2 sena's cover of butchers vanity on repeat btw VIBES#cannibalism motifs my beloved uwu#in other news this is the least amount of shading ive done in a very long time#and its been even longer since i pulled out th white lineart#but overall i like this piece so much yuuji is so cute and it doesnt make sense 2 me at all#edit changed the colour to make it more obvious whats sukunas legs vs whats yuujis back
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