#im just back to feeling like im too much and also not enough and im so fuckin lonely. im tired of feeling lonely. and i think

[daisymbin]

do you like me? - yoon jeonghan

warnings: as usual, alcohol as it is part of the drunken series , use of "she"

pairings: yoon jeonghan x reader

genre: friends to lovers, tiny bit of fluff, jealous jeonghan

wc: 2.2k

a/n: i cant believe its 2.2k wc, i was only aiming for 1000 minimum LOL. also im sorry yall, I feel like this fic didn't show more of 'drunk jeonghan' but I tried my best so I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing this one! also I miss yoon jeonghan :(

drunken confessions masterlist

check out my masterlist!

jeonghan had always been playful with you. his teasing was a daily occurrence, a steady rhythm in the chaos of your shared lives. whether it was his shameless compliments, sly smiles, or that way he always seemed to invade your personal space, it was his favorite game; to make you blush, to get you stumbling over your words. he was drawn to the way you’d turn red, to your quiet flustered reactions. for him, each shy smile, every averted gaze was a little victory, he savoured each & every one of them.

but today was different.

you’d bitten off more than you could handle, volunteering to organize tonight's dinner without realizing the work it entailed. you thought it was easy; I mean, its just dinner right? but you forgot the part where its for 14 people. part of you wanted to ask jeonghan for help, he was resourceful, organized, and probably the best person for the job. yet, just the thought of sitting with him, of his teasing comments while he leaned close to look over the details, made you anxious. you could already imagine his smirk, the inevitable, “oh, so you do need me,”  that would tumble from his lips. the thought alone had your cheeks heating up, so instead, you turned to seungcheol.

“hey, cheol,” you called, catching his attention. “could you… help. me with tonight's dinner planning? i’m a little overwhelmed.”

seungcheol looked at you with an easy smile. “of course. what do you have in mind so far?”

you settled beside him, going over the checklist you’d made. seungcheol was focused, nodding along, giving practical suggestions. his presence always easy and comforting for you.

meanwhile, jeonghan had wandered into the room just in time to see you sidle up to seungcheol. his eyes narrowed slightly, taking in how close the two of you were, your heads bent together, deep in conversation. you laughed at something seungcheol said, and jeonghan felt his chest tighten. he was used to your flustered, shy reactions, but this was different. with seungcheol, you looked comfortable, relaxed: in a way you never were around him.

the more he watched, the more that flicker of irritation grew, a quiet jealousy simmering just beneath the surface. he didn’t realize he’d been clenching his fists until he caught seungcheol looking at you with that friendly smile, his hand resting casually on the back of your chair. something inside him snapped.

walking over, jeonghan put on his usual casual smile, but there was a tightness to it. “am i interrupting something?” he asked, his voice light but with a sharpness that made you and seungcheol look up.

seungcheol raised an eyebrow, not missing the tension in jeonghan’s expression. “just helping out with the dinner tonight,” he said, meeting jeonghan’s gaze evenly. “she needed some help.”

jeonghan’s gaze flickered to you, his brow furrowing slightly. “really? you needed help?” he echoed, the emphasis on ‘you’ just sharp enough to make your cheeks flush. he turned back to seungcheol, his voice dropping. “you must be really busy to spare the time, huh?”

seungcheol gave a small chuckle, clearly unfazed. “never too busy for a friend,” he replied, his tone pointed, as if daring jeonghan to say something else.

jeonghan’s jaw tightened, and he forced a thin smile. “that’s good,” he said, his voice deceptively soft. “after all, friends should help each other, right?”

he moved closer, positioning himself between you and seungcheol, and leaned over to glance at your notes. “you could’ve asked me, you know,” he murmured, his tone a mix of annoyance and something sharper. “i thought you knew i’d make time for you.”

you looked down, feeling the heat rise in your cheeks. “i… i just thought you might be busy,” you lied, not daring to meet his gaze.

“busy?” jeonghan echoed, a faint smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth, though there was no humor in it. “funny. because it looks like you had plenty of time to find seungcheol.” he let out a low chuckle, but it lacked his usual warmth, sounding more like he was biting back something he didn’t want to say.

seungcheol raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms as he watched the exchange. “jeonghan, if you wanted to help, all you had to do was say so,” he said, his voice calm but pointed. “i don’t mind stepping aside.” seungcheol; knowing jeonghan's crush on you, was annoyed that jeonghan saw him as a threat.

jeonghan’s gaze hardened for a split second, and he gave a stiff shrug. “no, don’t worry. wouldn’t want to step on anyone’s toes,” he replied, a hint of sarcasm slipping into his voice. he turned back to you, his expression softer but still tinged with frustration. “but angel, just next time, maybe try asking me first?”

he glanced at seungcheol, a flash of irritation crossing his face as he noticed the small smile on seungcheol’s lips. 

dinner 

dinner that night started lightheartedly enough, filled with jokes, the clinking of glasses, and shared laughter. you were seated across from jeonghan, who seemed quieter than usual, eyes not quite meeting yours. the earlier tension from the day still lingered like an invisible thread between you.

as the evening went on, seungcheol seemed to gravitate towards you, his hand resting casually on your shoulder as he laughed at one of your jokes. every now and then, he’d lean in close to say something only you could hear, his warmth pressing into your side. it was the kind of natural, friendly touch that seungcheol was known for, but tonight, under jeonghan’s watchful gaze, it felt heavier.

jeonghan’s eyes darkened each time seungcheol’s fingers brushed yours or his arm draped over the back of your chair. his usual playful smirk was replaced by a tight line, the humor in his eyes dulled with an emotion he didn’t bother hiding anymore. the casual sips of wine he’d been taking turned into longer, more frequent gulps, his hand clenching the stem of the glass as if it were the only thing anchoring him.

“you’re really good at making everyone laugh, you know that?” seungcheol said with a grin, giving your shoulder a gentle squeeze. you giggled, warmth flooding your cheeks at the compliment, oblivious to the way jeonghan’s jaw clenched from across the table.

“cheol, i think its just you, no one else thinks that." you said as you hit seungcheol's chest playfully. & by "no one else" you really only meant jeonghan because he's sitting there, not a hint of humour on his face. but your gesture towards seungcheol & the added alcohol in his system, heightening his senses only made jeonghan’s frustration spike. the easy way you interacted with seungcheol, so comfortable, without a hint of the nervousness you usually had around him. it felt like salt in an open wound.

jeonghan finally set his glass down with a sharp clink, drawing everyone’s attention. his smile was there, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “seungcheol, you’re really good at making everyone feel special, don't you?” the question was laced with a bitter edge, masked just enough to pass as playful to anyone who wasn’t paying attention.

seungcheol raised an eyebrow, sensing the tension but choosing to play along. “well, someone’s gotta keep the mood up, right?” he chuckled, his arm going back to rest on your shoulder. the familiarity in his posture made jeonghan’s blood simmer.

“right,” jeonghan said, his voice deceptively light as he pushed back his chair and stood up, the scrape of wood against the floor sending a jolt through you. he rounded the table, stopping just behind your chair, his hand landing on the back of it with a grip that made you glance up at him in surprise.

“mind if i steal her for a second?” jeonghan’s tone was polite, but the look he shot seungcheol was anything but.

seungcheol’s eyes narrowed slightly before he let out a short laugh, leaning back and lifting his hands in mock surrender. “by all means,” he said, but the knowing glint in his eyes spoke volumes.

jeonghan leaned down, his face close to yours, voice low enough that only you could hear. “we need to talk,” he murmured, and the way his fingers brushed against your shoulder sent a shiver down your spine.

“o-okay,” you managed to say, your heart thudding in your chest as jeonghan’s gaze bore into yours, filled with an intensity that left no room for argument.

the room around you seemed to hold its breath, the chatter and laughter fading as jeonghan’s jealousy, simmering all night, finally bubbled to the surface.

jeonghan stepped closer, the intensity in his gaze weighing heavily on you. the lighthearted banter that usually flowed so easily between you was replaced by a thick tension that felt almost suffocating. you could feel your heart race, unsure of what was coming, but dreading it all the same.

“i need to get this off my chest. it’s been eating at me all day.” he said, his voice low and shaky,

you swallowed hard, the unease swirling in your stomach. “what is it?”

“do you like seungcheol?” 

“what? no, he's just a close friend.” your voice loud and clear.

“good. i don’t want to see you with anyone else,” he confessed, the liquid courage had him spilling words out in a rush, as if he couldn’t hold them back any longer. “not seungcheol, not anyone. it kills me to watch you laugh with him, to see you so at ease when you’re with him.” his eyes glassy.

you opened your mouth to respond, but he cut you off, frustration lining his features. “do you have any idea how much it hurts? every time you go to him instead of me, every time you ask him for help instead of me? it feels like you’re choosing him over me, and i can’t stand it!”

the heat of his words struck you like a slap, and you recoiled slightly, your heart aching at the rawness of his confession. “jeonghan, it’s not like that. i didn’t mean-”

“but it is!” he interrupted, his voice rising with emotion. “why is it so easy with him for you? you say he’s just a friend but when you need help, he’s the first one you think of? when we were sitting round the table for dinner, you just had to sit beside him? i’ve tried to brush it off, to act like it doesn’t bother me, but it does. i like you. like. a lot. i really really like you. and seeing you with him makes me feel like i’m losing you, which is stupid because you were never mine to begin with but it feels like you’ll never see me as anything more than just a friend. and it tears me apart. it just. hurts. do you even think of me? do you even think about me?” 

his voice cracked on the last words, the vulnerability laid bare in front of you. your chest felt heavy as you took in the pain etched across his face. “jeonghan, i-”

“no,” he said, shaking his head, anguish flooding his expression. “you don’t have to say anything if you don’t feel the same way. i just… needed you to know how i feel. i’ve been holding this in for so long, and it’s exhausting. i can’t keep pretending that it doesn’t matter to me when it does.”

your heart raced as you processed his confession. you could see the hurt in his eyes, the fear of rejection bubbling beneath the surface. “i… i do care about you,” you finally managed, your voice trembling. “but i was scared to admit it, we’re so…different.” jeonghan’s eyes softened for just a moment, but the hurt was still there, lingering. “then what do we do now?” he asked, the vulnerability seeping back in, but now mixed with an edge of despair. “because watching you be happy with someone else… i don’t think i can handle that anymore. so tell me, do you…do you like me?”

his question brought silence, it hung between you, thick with tension and jeonghan's raw vulnerability that shows his uncertainty, but within it was a glimmer of hope because jeonghan knows what you answer is when you locked eyes, he saw the way you looked at him. the world around you faded away, leaving just the two of you in a moment that felt both terrifying and exhilarating.

whatever was in the magic somaek as mingyu called it when he handed it to you was definitely working, because out of all the times jeonghan teased you to no end & his endless friendly flirting that left you shy & red, this has got to be the one time you really ought to be running away with the way he's looking at you. so tell me, why is it that when jeonghan pulls you closer by your waist and looks into your eyes as if asking for permission for god knows what, why do you nod your head twice with great certainty? & when jeonghan smiles so wide, bringing his left hand up to your neck to pull your body flush against his own and kisses you on your lips, why do you kiss him back?

[tales-of-wocdes]

Im thinking about a mc who climbed over the orphanage wall to get to see the city but in there they bump into some rich person who doesn't know that they are from the orphanage and is about to discipline the kid but their hand gets stopped by lexia or even the ancient grandpa being like I would not do that if I were you

There are reasons why climbing over the wall would be very unlikely to happen. I would also assume if MC can fly, measures will be taken to stop MC from leaving the premises like that :D

Still, let's assume that somehow it happened. And let's play up the "rich person" a bit.

Having the ancient grandpa is a bit problematic for story reasons... but it's not like these have to be cannon :D So why not?

------------------------

You were starring at all the stalls, and smelling all the smells. There is so much to see out here. So many things you have never seen before.

You were too lost looking at a woman frying meat on sticks, skewers you think they are called. It smelled so good. And the man that had some kind of juicy green thing with red insides... it looked tasty, he was chopping it into cubes with a big knife. Which is why you were staying back....

Which is why you ended up here. You are sitting on the street looking up at a very angry, very oddly dressed and very loud person. They are shouting something about "dirty street rats".

You bumped into this person while looking at the stalls... Now they are angry with you... What should you do? Lots of people are looking this way.

Should you run away? That seems like a good option. Run away before this person decides to start hurting you.

You scramble up, and try to flee.

An iron grip grabs you by the shoulder.

"Where do you think you are going?!" The person screams and drags you back roughly.

You try to struggle, try to slip away again. It just makes the person angrier.

"Stop squirming you little shit! Look at what you did to my clothes!"

Why are they so loud? Why are they so mad?

You try to wiggle out of their grasp again.

"Stop! Stop!" They scream at you. "Listen to me!"

You see the raised hand as it starts descending.

Oh. They are one of those. A bad person.

You squeeze your eyes shut. You doubt it will hurt that much, but instinct is instinct. You sort of regret sneaking out now.

You wait.

And wait.

Yet, the blow never comes.

You peek at the angry person...

---------------------LEXIA---------------------

A silver gauntlet is holding the hand that was about to strike you. Familiar red hair.

"You ok, kid?" Lexia asks and looks down at you.

She's here! Your Protector. She came for you, even when you snuck out.

You nod at her. The angry person is screaming something at Lexia now, but she just waits for your nod. Then smiles at you.

"Good. Just give me a moment."

Then she turns her face to the angry person and smiles.... Is that a smile? It is very different from her usual smiles. That is a lot of teeth... her eyes look different too.

"Calm down." she says. It sounds pleasant enough... It doesn't feel pleasant though. Something is off about the tone...

More people are gathering and all are staring. At Lexia.... Her armor. The silver armor is very distinctive.

The angry person is not calming down. Instead they are now ranting at Lexia.

"How dare you touch me! Let go you thug! Let go!" Their hand holding you comes off and they try to slap Lexia with it...

She catches the other hand in the air.

"Calm down." She says again.

The angry person does not calm down.

"Telling someone to calm down, never works." Lexia mutters. The person keeps trying to wiggle free... is this what people call irony? You tried to wiggle free earlier from this person's grasp, and now they are doing it too.

However, unlike they did for you, Lexia just lets go. All at once.

The person falls on their butt against the street. Much like you had when you had bumped into them.

They stare up at Lexia with such fury you wish to take a few steps backwards. Lexia just stares back.

"How dare you! Do you have any idea who I am!"

Lexia raised an eyebrow. "No clue. Do you have any idea what you were about to do?" She asked in turn. "You are rather lucky I got here in time."

"What are you on about?"

"You know, no Protector will stand by and let you beat little kids. Or if they do, then they are not worth their armor." For emphasis, she patted her silver armor.

Only then does the angry man take notice of who... or maybe what they were shouting at.

The angry person goes a bit pale, and reigns in most of their anger. "A Protector? And what exactly does that change?" Their gaze then lands on you.

The child, they were about to hit.

The Silver Protector standing between you and them.

"You were about to hit my charge." Lexia says. "Do you know what I am allowed to do to protect MC over there?" She asks, and then smiles a very scary smile. "Pretty much anything I deem necessary."

You feel she is exaggerating, but she is pretty mad... You think she is mad at least. Her shoulders are all stiff.

"But...." Lexia trails off and looks a bit to the side. "As I said, you are lucky I got here in time. Now you only get to spend a few nights in jail for attempted assault... abuse... whatever." She nods at a man in grey armor that people are making way for.

A Grey Protector. A counterpart to Lexia, who was to the city as a whole what Lexia was to the Orphanage.

Lexia leans in and whispers to the indignant person. You are the only one close enough to hear. "Had you actually managed to land a blow, you would be a smear on the street by now. "

Is she serious? She seems very serious.

Lexia spins around as the formerly angry person spluttered something indignant, now very pale.

"Come on kid. How about we get some snacks?" She offers you her hand, smiling just like usual.

You nod. Snacks sound nice right now.

---------------------GRANDPA SHEO---------------------

The hand that was about to strike you has been stopped in midair. The angry person's mouth is stuck open, but nothing is coming out.

Actually, the whole street seems to have just... stopped.

What? How? Why would reality break now, after all this time?

A little bit behind you, movement catches your attention. You twist your head to see.

A tall frame with wide shoulders. A black robe. Snow white hair with a matching beard. An unreadable face.

Something stares at you for a good while. Inspecting your well being.

Before you have the time to process, the world comes back to life.

The angry person starts screaming again, yet their hand about to strike you is not moving. They still have a hold on you.

"Remove the hand, or lose it." Something tells the angry person. It is odd, the words are quiet but somehow they cut right though the shouting and the noise of the street.

The person let's go as if burned. They stare at something with wide eyes.

"Begone trash." It is a silent voice. Something speaks with such a normal volume, and each word is so clear.

The formerly angry person does not need to be told twice, they flee.

Something turns to you, and seems to be considering something. You stare back, unsure of what to say.

"You done being dramatic?" Asks a woman's voice. Both you and something turn to look.

She is as tall as something is, with incredibly red eyes and high heels. Yet she is wearing a shirt and trousers... Who?

"I was not being dramatic. I was helping the child." Something says.

"By being dramatic." The woman rolls her eyes. "You could have helped without making a huge scene. Now because you wanted to show off for the cute kid, Nuaran will know where we are. Which means escaping a council meeting is a no go."

Nothing changes on something's face, but you get the distinct impression he is now rolling his eyes at her. "You wanted to escape the meeting. I just tagged along because you wanted me to." He says.

"Yes, yes, blame me, why don't you! Now you ruined my plans with your need to show off, and will buy me lots of food in recompense." Her gaze drifts to you.

"Hi, aren't you an adorable one." She says and kneels in front of you. Are you? Lexia always says so but you are not sure. "Are you hurt?" She asks.

You are not hurt. A little confused but that is your constant state of existence. So you shake your head.

"Good. Now, why don't you come with us, and tell him." She points at something. "To buy you all the snacks you want. You know he only shows off like that for kids anyway. Imagine that. He cares nothing for what adults think of him, but a child dislikes him and he sulks for days." She winks at you. "So you might as well take advantage of his idiotic tendencies."

Something is an idiot? That's not a very nice thing to say. He did save you!

The woman must read the indignation off your face and laughs.

"I say it with affection, little one." She says.

Does that make it ok? You are not sure...

"Elri, stop confusing the child. And I do not sulk... I brood. Sometimes I am even quite... jolly." Something says dryly. He ignored the raised eyebrow the woman gives him, and comes to kneel in front of you too. "Child, where are your caretakers? Havard or Lexia?"

Uh oh... You squirm before that gaze.

You think both of them know immediately why.

The woman, Elri, laughs. "Impressive. To escape from the orphanage at your age."

"Indeed." Something says. "Come along then. I shall inform your caretakers of your location. For now, we find somewhere to eat."

You think that's fine... You have a feeling neither Havard or Lexia can make these two stop doing whatever they want. And if what they want is feed you a ton of snacks... Well you have heard worse offers.

So you nodded and went with them.

You did not really pay attention to all the staring, too busy studying the two Ancients casually strolling down the street.

---------------------GRANDPA SHEO ALTERNATIVE------------------

When you open your eyes, all you see is a tall frame with wide shoulders. A black robe. Snow white hair with a matching beard. An unreadable face.

Something stares at you for a good while. Inspecting your well being.

"Are you well child?" He asks.

You nod slowly. Where did the angry person go? They are nowhere to be seen... Why are people looking towards the bay?

"Really?" A woman's voice asks. And you spin around to look at her. She is as tall as something is, with incredibly red eyes and high heels. Yet she is  wearing a shirt and trousers... Who?

"Are we now just throwing our citizens into the bay? Nuaran will complain. Again." She tells something, looking stern. "Especially if something eats that waste of life."

Something shrugs. "Nuaran can complain all he wants, the waste of life won't die... just have a very bad day. Don't pretend Elri. You are just upset you did not do it first."

The woman stares at something... Then smiles. "You know me too well."

"One would certainly hope so after all these millennia."

What are they talking about? Isn't millennia a really long time? Havard did call something an Ancient... Lord Sheo... Did he really throw the angry person into the bay? But.... that's... You are in the middle of a street. You can't even see the sea from here!

The woman's gaze drifts to you.

"Hi, aren't you an adorable one." She says and kneels in front of you. Are you? Lexia always says so but you are not sure. "Don't worry about the details." She says.

[Pretty much the same scene from now on]

--------------

Let's call this over 1.9k word snippet thanks for over 8k and 9k browser plays :D I am not sure I am happy with it, but it now exists so... :D

[nthspecialll]

im not saying that it would be fair of Arthur to ask of Mary to join his gang, and he knew that himself. I understand why Mary didn't.

And I'm not saying that Arthur got over her either, it's just that in his eyes he had to let go of her because that's what she asked of him to do. He respected her choice.

You're saying that Mary asked Arthur for help because she couldn't ask anyone else when it came to Jamie. But what about her father?

Do you not think that it's cruel to ask of Arthur to help her dad after all the things he's said and done to him? Arthur commented that himself and as soon as he confronted her about it she shut it off by saying "Arthur be kind to me" which immediately made him feel guilty and apologise.

Mary expects him to meet her in the middle, but she forgets the fact that Arthur's isn't just in the gang for the sake of it, like he has no ties to it. That gang is his family and you would think that she'd understand that more considering all the things she would do for her own family.

They care for each other, but NEITHER of them were willing to meet in the middle. Like I said Mary expected him to change TOO much and Arthur wouldn't change at all

By moving away and living on a ranch or whatnot, they are both leaving their families and they are both giving up responsibilites and lives to create a new one. She is leaving behind her brother and father whom she loves, he is giving up the gang, and maybe not even that, John was able to go and come back, Hosea too back in the days, he might not travel with them but he could maybe come see them now and then, if she left she would be completely cut off by her father.

And as for her father, it doesn't matter if he likes Arthur or not because Arthur is not there because of him but because of her. He is helping her because she is a woman in 1800 where flying your dirty laundery is basically a death sentence so she turns to him knowing he won't judge her and he sees that too. If he doesn't help her, no one else will and she will be affected by that, he doesn't want to save her father, he wants to save her.

this was a reply to the other post and it is also great, recommended read

[thereal6anoufriev6boy6]

trans!dylric fanfic

dylan a pregnancy test behind YOU 💜

note: i didnt get to read over this so it might be messed up and rushed.

i dont need support

‘cause ive got my underwire bra

youre into rigor mortis

aint that against the law?

eric had always known dylans secret.

after walking in on him changing his clothes everything had been different.

they stayed pretty normal except for when they started to fool around.

why die a virgin when you can get it on with your best friend?

they always did it whenever one of their houses were empty - not wasting time to show up and get it on with each other.

however, recently dylan had started to like this less and less. he found it pretty nice before, but now they were getting into *other* things.

they both were freaks no questions asked, but they’d recently watched a lot of snuff films that involved necrophiles having their way with dead girls.

dylan wasnt a huge fan, but eric seemed to like it.

which led them to tonight.

dylan was laid out on erics bed - limp and unmoving. he was wearing a t-shirt with sweatpants while eric wore a t-shirt and jeans.

he wasnt wearing his binder or boxers. he knew better.

instead he wore a navy blue wired bra with some lacy frills on the top and a tiny bow in the middle as well as a pair of matching panties.

eric liked when he wore bras and panties instead of boxers and binders during sex - it made it easier and more attractive.

“just lay still, alright?” eric asks as he sits over top the blondes legs, getting a short nod in return.

he could do that. laying still wasn’t particularly hard. anything for eric.

the brunette starts to unzip his jeans, still talking “dont say anything either or make noise.”

dylan isnt too fond of that. he doesnt want to have to be quiet whenever doing this in general meant the opposite.

“whatever, man.” he replied, earning a glare.

the boy continued though, unzipping his jeans and pulling them down with his boxers just enough to get his cock out.

he was already hard - hand wrapped around the base as he stroked himself a couple of times.

the boy below him watches. it felt surreal. he wasnt supposed to be alive and breathing - wasnt supposed to be able to feel the heat in his stomach or the wetness in between his thighs, but he could.

he was supposed to be dead. supposed to be cold and unfeeling, but he wasnt.

erics freehand pulled down dylans sweatpants to reveal his panties, swallowing hard at the sight.

“god, so glad to have you.” he huffed, dragging a hand over the scars on his left thigh “youre the perfect dead girl. im gonna fuck you so hard. youre not even gonna feel a thing.”

the nausea was a common feeling that came with their sex. getting called a girl was something he was used to by now - he could handle it even if it made him sick. anything for eric.

his nails dig into the sheets of the bed, stopping himself from talking.

his hand slides up his thigh to the hem of his panties, pulling them down in one swift movement.

normally, dylan would see this like how a prey animal sees a predator, but he wasnt alive. this was the aftermath of that. he was a corpse being fed on by maggots and bugs.

the brunette pressed his cock against the other boys cunt immediately, grinding against the wet, warm area that was waiting just for him.

dylan has to bite his lip, suppressing any noise hed normally make.

eric on the other hand is making as much noise as he wants. groaning and huffing as he drags the head of his cock against the others pussy, grinding it right against his hole before shoving himself inside.

he always made room for himself.

the “dead” boy on the bed cant help the whine that comes out of him, but it seemingly goes ignored as the boy on top wastes no time.

he already has a pace set - he pulls out, shoving back in, and then repeating it rather quickly and harshly.

he never wasted time. never was slow or careful.

just as the maggot wastes no time feasting on flesh, eric also wastes no time in pushing up dylans shirt to get at his bra - cupping half his chest in one hand and squeezing as hard as he wanted.

dylan handles it. even when his blunt nails dig into his skin.

he was dead. he couldnt feel it so he wouldnt react.

“youre so *warm*,” it comes out in a heavy breath “if you werent really dead then id be screwed over,” he lets go of his chest, leaving his shirt up, before grabbing his legs and putting them over his shoulder “someone could find out i - that i *raped* you, but youre dead. you cant tell.”

its a sick thought, its a sick fantasy - its everything and its nothing.

dylan still takes it though, trying his best to hold back his words and actions. he would do this a hundred times over. anything for eric.

he wished he was dead. he *felt* dead. his entire life he had felt like he were having to carry around the corpse of someone else.

the corpse of something. the corpse of someone and something that once was, now tossed to the side and forced to be dragged along with this new body, but even this new body felt dead.

eric bends dylans legs, leaning over him now. hes breathing next to his ear and being as rough as he possibly could be. hes saying *something* but its all tuned out.

he placed a kiss to his lips, but he doesnt move. he lets his mouth be opened forcefully, feeling the other shove his tongue down his throat and “make out” with him.

a hand placed itself over his chest again, squeezing and groping him as much as he pleased.

the obscene sounds of skin and sweat and wetness coming together is nauseating. the feeling of spit and drool dripping down his chin is disgusting.

the brunette pulls away from his mouth, breathing hard.

he gives the other a look - a look that told him he was done with his weird fantasy.

“cmon - fuck, vodka, moan for me,” it would sound gross to anyone else, but to dylan it sounded like heaven “come on, i gotta hear you.” it sounds almost pathetic. it sounds almost *romantic*.

however he obliged, finally letting himself moan and whine to his hearts content. he wrapped his arms over the others neck and just for a moment he felt alive. he felt real.

they go back to kissing - dylan bucking his hips up while erics meet his half way, practically slamming right into him just so he could finish faster.

it was so painful. he felt so alive - he felt loved in some sick way. he felt dead and used.

it wasnt long until eric had finished, cumming into dylan as he followed quickly behind him.

he didnt care. it felt sticky, gross, and horrific but *god* did it feel good at the same time.

theyre both barely able to catch their breath before theyre already separated.

eric notices the white liquid dripping onto the sheets and getting onto dylans thighs.

“shit, sorry, vee.” he sounds almost concerned.

the blonde shrugged, falling back against the bed.

“its fine, reb. dont worry about it.” he didnt have the energy to care.

he felt empty, he felt full. he felt full of life and deader then dead.

eric was never the most careful. this has happened before and nothing ever came of it so he didnt worry about it.

theyd use condoms, but they both found them to be uncomfortable and not worth the effort.

whatever. it didnt matter.

he just wanted to lay down and sink into the bed.

the other boy flops down next to him, obviously having the same idea.

neither say a word. what is there to say?

the both look like messes.

dylans bangs are stuck to his face and his clothes are still out of order, hes covered in his own cum as well as his friends.

eric was sweating through his t-shirt and his dick was still out, slick and cold now.

theyd worry about it later - nothing mattered right now.

dylan hadnt been feeling well.

he had to stay home from school quite a lot in the past week or so.

he was getting nauseous and throwing up often. it was miserable.

eric though had come over to keep him company. he really wasnt a bad guy. he was a great friend.

the two had been in bed all morning, talking and ranting about whatever while dylan was half hung over the bed throwing up into a trash can.

eric was sitting on the opposite side of the bed, trying to be supportive for the other boy.

“i dont get how youre sick,” he speaks, fidgeting with his watch “i cant think of a reason.”

the blonde shrugged tiredly “probably got it from someone,” he decided “cant think of who though.”

that seems to be a good enough answer for the two of them. it was plausible, it made sense.

although a moment later dylan was getting up and out of bed.

“aw, crap, dude. ill be back.”

he doesnt wait for an answer before leaving the room, making his way into the bathroom.

he was practically puking his guts up as soon as he stepped in there, sitting on the floor in front of the toilet.

he felt awful. his throat and head hurt from puking so much. it couldnt just be a normal flu or something - it wasnt ever this bad, but he couldnt think of anything better.

some of his puke drips off his mouth and gets on his shirt. he sighed, irritated.

“reb, can you come in here?” he called to the other room, his voice coming out hoarse.

the brunette shows up a minute later “oh vee, you look terrible.” it comes out with a slight snicker, making his friend roll his eyes.

“yeah, yeah, i know,” he paused, sitting back “can you help me get my shirt off?”

“sure.”

he stepped over to dylan, bending over and pulling his shirt off of him. he was too exhausted and warn out to do it himself.

“thanks, man.” he smiled, but was quickly interrupted by gagging that was followed by more puke.

“its whatever.” he replied, tossing the shirt on the floor. surprisingly he could keep himself together around his shirtless friend who had his chest out.

speaking of, “why do you have your tits out?” he asks bluntly with all the grace a teenage boy has.

“hurts when i wear a bra,” dylan answers honestly “or anything really.” he manages to get it out between gags.

eric hums.

as the boy on the floor pukes again, the other above him holds his hair back for him this time.

it makes his heart flutter and his stomach warm.

however in the vomiting filled silence, dylan has a thought that quickly becomes a realization.

he hadnt had his period this month yet which was abnormal for him. it wasnt usually late and accompanied with everything else…well he didnt have a good feeling.

“i havent gotten my period, dude.” he says it abruptly, earning a weird look from eric who was clearly uncomfortable from that statement “yeah, so?”

he managed to sit back, wiping the puke off his mouth.

he sits there, staring up at him.

“i think im pregnant, eric.”

eric blinked, raising a brow.

“what? seriously?”

it goes quiet for a moment.

“yeah. i mean, this is all too much just for being sick.”

neither of them are really sure what to say. they were both two stupid teenage boys who could barely process this. not to mention their plans and just life in general.

dylan gets up, standing up on his own two feet as he turned to eric.

“i dont know what to do, dude.”

“how the hell would i know?,” it comes out too harshly “i dont know what you want me to do about that crap.”

the blonde swallows hard “i just dont want to be alone while i take care of it.” the thought of being on his own horrified him. he just wanted eric to be here with him through this like everything else.

“yeah, whatever. we cant even be sure,” theres an odd tone to his voice - one that sounds shaky and uncomfortable “shouldnt you take one of those tests? i dont want to assume crap.”

that was true - he really should take one to be sure.

“yeah, ill take one.”

“if - if its positive i dont want anything to do with it,” he paused “ill stick with you, but i dont want to be apart of that process.”

“yeah, alright.” dylan answered quietly.

he didnt blame him, although it hurt.

this was a lot. this was so much he wasnt and never would be prepared for.

he felt like a corpse harboring so many life forms all at once. he felt sick, he felt disgusting, he felt used, but he knew he shouldnt feel that way. he didnt have a reason.

he didnt want any of this. none of this was anything he ever wanted.

he didnt want to be a girl and to go through this. he didnt want to be like the girls in his class who got knocked up and disappeared for months at a time.

“lets just get it over with.” eric decided for them “come on.” he walked out of the bathroom.

dylan followed after him, not caring about the shirt situation since they were home alone.

he hoped it wasnt what he thought it was.

but he was unlucky.

he was never dealt a good hand at the table no matter how many times he played.

maggots couldnt stop picking at him even if he was just bones.

life always had different plans.

[spurgie-cousin]

i usually don't vote early in person bc i'm a procrastinator for one and for two, my polling place has never been super crazy. like i've never had to wait too terribly long and even though there are people either protesting or last minute campaigning outside, it's never felt threatening or anything

but my anxiety is building up so much leading to the election that i think im going to take the last opportunity to vote early on Monday in the morning, bc I'm just....... so goddamn afraid. and I really hope I'm being paranoid, i would love to look back and be like ohhhhh i was being silly lol. but right now I'm just so. scared.

also I envy all the people who feel safe enough to wear something that indicates they will not be voting for Trump on election day because nobody I know in my rural red area does. Like I'm ngl I'm genuinely afraid of the Trump people lol

[leynaeithnea]

*comes in dancing to hide the tears*

Soooo, a winion told me you have thoughts on Not sorry for loving you?

WE’RE SO BACK MY LOVE (i was the winion)

OKAY LETS GET GOING THANK YOU MY FRIEND

Not Sorry For Loving You

BOY, i was worried about this song & how it made the events play out considering the odyssey, and I’m satisfied enough with it and I have A LOT to say (i think)

First we start out with the same….tip-tap thingy instrument we had with Love In Paradise, but lower, which DEF is something specifically in music and I’m excited for the musican reactors on youtube start to react to it, and pick it apart (like major/minor)

But its an exact mirror of the beginning of Ody waking up at Calypsos island, is it because things on the island stay the same I wonder? Mhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (its so beautiful)

Someone arrived today (HERMES , we can hear her take a breath and brace herself for what she has to tell Ody)

They said they′re taking you away (FUCKING FINIALLY, ITS ONLY BEEN WHAT, 7 YEARS???)

That you’re not mine to save (Oh…OH now this one…this can refer to several things 1. calypso “saved” him when he washed up on her island and patched him up 2. she thought she could “save” him from his dark thoughts and everything? “i can fix him” vibes? 3. shes talking about herself and “youre not the one who will safe me”)

And soon I won′t get to see your face (…….i know this probably because of rhyming purposes, but i like how this kind of implies she cares more about his looks than him xD)

So I came by to say (interesting, does she leave him alone completely, did she start leaving him alone after his breakdown at the cliff? or does she just not tend to go to the beach when hes sitting at the beach crying every day? mhhhhhh)

You’re unlike anyone I have ever known (…he is unique)

‘Cause you′re all I′ve ever known (…….thats just sad, i teared up at some part during the stream, im not sure if it was this or the end of charybdis,..but yeah)

WANGUIS VOCALS ARE BEAITUFUL; THE MUSIC- ITS

ITS SO GOOD, im in love

And if I pushed you

Or if I came on too strong (“if”, ok…miss hypothetical, and miss “i” messages, if she pushed him, he literally refused her from the start and she kept going and told him to bow down………….”if”, as in “thats what you say I did and maybe thats true but probably you made that up”, can i see this as her just now looking back and being like “yeah….maybe that was too much?”, maybe, but if this was the first time in seven years that she reflected on her own actions, then she has ISSUES still)

Or if I ambushed you (the song keeps things very vague, but I see this as a way for Jorge to semi-confirm the assault, or at least to not erase it, ive seen a lot of conflicting views on the song, from “not specfic enough about the SA as it should be” and “this song proofs that calypso is innocent” and Jorge probably found a way to let both interpreations co-exist, that being said I will be excited for animatics that will lean into the more Odyssey-accurate interpreation)

For that, I’ll say I was wrong (you say you were wrong, but you dont say you’re sorry for it?… aha)

And if you hate me (“if” you hate me, not like she FORCED him to stay on her island for SEVEN YEARS, girlie aint you the one trapped too in this interpretation? :) :) :) u should know how it feels, if you had ANY sympathy and goodwill for him at heart instead of selfishness you would’ve let him go years ago, like….7 years)

Then I am sorry my love′s too much for you (THIS is the biggest proof to me that this whole song is just BIG emotional manipulation, “my love is too much for you”, she blames HIM, for her feelings, like he is at fault that he cant deal with her emotions, instead of her being able to respect his boundaries and keep herself in check after his INSISTENT refusal), again the VOCALS THO

But I’m not sorry for loving you (eh, valid, but also rly guilt tripy, yk? You dont have to be sorry for your feeligns, but you have to be sorry about the way you act if it harms someone (WHICH YOU JUST TALKED BAOUT BUT DIDNT APOLOGIZE FOR, so shes not sorry for loving him, she - on some level – understands that she has hurt him, but she doesnt say shes sorry for her actions)

AND THEN A CHOIR to back her up? there was none in Love in Paradise, so its interesting that one appears now, is it because her emotions are stronger now and they’re overwhelming her? is she trying to use her godly power to convince him to stay? no matter what, they sound lovely, and i gasped when i first listened and had to replay it them, it does kind of sound like theyre trying to pressure ody

“Calypso-” THATS pretty much all he gets to say, MY HEART, he tries to speak, having let her vent that all out but…)

Let me speak (SHE INSTANT INTERRUPTS HIM?? THE AUDACITY? GIRL SHUT UP AND LET THE MAN SPEAK, another BIG red flag of this being a lot of emotional manipulation here, especially since she continues with giving her “sad sob story/explanation”, right after its like “yah i did bad but look at my sad story, this is why I did all this, you cant blame me)

I spent my whole life here (isnt it paradise calypso??? doesnt it have all that you want there, all that you need there?? mmhhhhhhhhHHHH someone was dishonest >:) )

Was cast away when I was young (sad, yeah i do feel bad for her about this, but that does not excuse her actions)

Alone for a hundred years (thats a long time i suppose, but for a goddess maybe not that much

I had no friends but the sky and sun (actually love that line)

So when you washed ashore I thought for sure that you were my dream come true (….ah, yes, that makes sense, latching onto the first good thing you come across, hopeless romantic, but being completely blind to the fact that the thing has free will, is actually a human with complex feelings and you were so obsessed with the IDEA of having someone who loved you that you extremely hurt them an,. ofc its the psychological explanation, of course she deserves better, but how she acted was NOT okay, no matter her reasoning)

I thought I knew (you knew…what? thats interesting that she doesnt end that line…and i honestly cant figure out what she implies there, she thoguht she knew that he loved her? that he DOESNT love her, she thought she knew what love felt like? what being loved felt like? OR thought she knew that he was a gift send by the gods? (as it is in the Odyssey iirc..Im not sure on this rn tho, so dont quote me)

The music…is so fricking beautiful in this….we have another refrain, but this time the choir backs her up on the words for “you, too strong, you, was wrong, me, and then the Uuh build up for the the not sorry for loving you”, which just emphases the words again i suppose, and makes her get more emotional? mhhhh not sure! it sounds great tho)

“Im not sorry”, so in the end, even IF she was wrong….shes not sorry, whatever she did to hurt him, the base line is, that she’s not sorry. She should be.

I′m angry and tired and restless and sad (valid feelings, but its all about how you express those…maybe you should get therapy)

I’m stuck in the moments I swore that we had (you swore, but maybe, maybe you just imagined them, because you were so desperate to believe there was actually any love from him, that you made yourself believe his rejections ended up being signs of love after all…thats not healthy, get therapy, rip to jorge tho, i believe i saw a thing that said he wrote it when he was in a low point in life, Id think hes better now, but still, unreciprocated love DOES hurt a lot, so ouchy)

I wish you would chase me (the way that you chase him….mhm)

Or try to embrace me (but he never does because even after SEVEN YEARS, he somehow hasnt warmed up yet….)

For once, I wish you would lie and say (……aha, like him lying would make any difference? because then you could make yourself believe that what you did wasnt wrong? that theres hope for you? girlie you have to learn to accept that, if you want him to lie to you, youre in a BAD spot. do fricking better.)

I love you (…………..okay……okay, so…..that line makes the whole song controversial….from the animatic we saw that right after these lines odysseus turns away with an empty/determined expression and no regret or guilt on his face what-so ever, and we can also hear that his voice sounds desperate, dare i saw close to breakdown (slightly out of breath, because he interrupts her, trying to get a word in, my first interpretation was that he was worried and tired, and gave in to her demands, scared to refuse her)

and then theres a breaths pause

You do? (she sounds so HOPEFUL, like she ACTUALLY would believe him if he said it, and i think in this moment Odysseus too realizes that just saying him him, would make it worse, so he sort of back paddles a bit?)

But not in the way that you want me to (because i see not a single clue in the rest of the music that would indicate that he as any positive emotions for her, and i rly just cant imagine him feeling any positive emotions for her even if she did NOTHING else than keeping him on the island, (which is VERY unlikely imo), but its also interesting because thats pretty much as well as vague as the odyssey leaves it, so its kindaaa more accurate again? except that we do not get any cue about ody’s view on the whole situation, we see him sitting at the beach, yes, but we dont get a single “as she wished but he did not” moment…so, thats up to the animators or maybe, maybe, one day jorge confirming or denying anything….but yeah, whatever Calypso feels, Odysseus does reciprocate the sentiment, I like thinking that she did try to guilt-trip into staying and that he ACTUALLY feels guilty for leaving her……….the rest of the saga has elements where I will read A LOT more into the scenes than is written out, so i might be over-analysing them at some point and projecting what I want it to mean into it…but alas)

I hate that I fell in love with you (yeah understandable)

Why did I fall in love with you? (because you were lonely girlie)

What do I do with this love for you? (process it and move on eventually, you got eternity to get over it)

How am I supposed to get over you? (therapy)

Why in the world won′t you love me too? (because HE HAS A WIFE WHO HAS BEEN LOING FOR FOR 20 YEARS )

The ending music is beautiful, but aT LAST he is sailing off

[hinamie]

corvidae

[umblrspectrum]

Can we get more of the murder drone x rain world au?

ok

[lemongogo]

they should get to kill each other at least twice .i think

[whilomm]

note: pollmaker is thinking of the USAmerican lottery system (powerball, mega millions, state lottos, scratchoffs, etc), but poll applies to other countries lotteries systems so long as its still the same concept of "big ol state sponsered gambling shit", but not like casino style gambling. u know what i mean, Lottos.

questions for the tags: how regularly, what stuff you play, if you have limits for yourself, if you feel like its a Problem for you, and for funsies the usual 'first thing youd do if you won the lottery' shit

reblog to have absolutely zero effect on your luck either way. just like, absolutely no change in luck whether you reblog this or scroll past. this is the luck neutral post reblog in the next 30 seconds or dont who give a shit

[niinnyu]

Here's why I think the Gojo bait is not great writing and why you should maybe think so too (Spoilers till jjk 260).

We've spent the last few chapter consistently establishing a few things about our protagonist (Yuuji) and our antagonist(Sukuna).

1. Yuuji's father's soul is a reincarnation of Sukuna's twin: This instantly creates a connection between Sukuna and Yuuji.

As if you needed one outside of Sukuna's constant mockery of his former vessel's lack of "competance", and that most of yuuji's biggest losses can be attributed to Sukuna, building his wrath brick by brick. But surely adds to it all.

2. Yuuji feels incredibly lonely right now: Anyone he's created any sort of meaningful (?) Bond with outside of just 'hey you're an ally I can fight alongside with' is currently either dead or greatly incapacitated.

3. Also ofc the absolute damage that Yuuji has started incurring on sukuna. Damage that the slew of sorcerors before him couldn't. Forget about everyone teaching him abou love, Yuuji will show him Burning Rage.

This while also having hinted at Yuuji being possibly strong enough to do so on his own. He can go head to head with the King Of Curses with or without the help of his fellow sorcerors once he is able to harness this power.

Anything that was Gojo vs Sukuna feels absolutely irrelevant with the build up that Gege themself has been creating through the past few chapters.

Gojo's form right at the end of the chapter undercuts the pacing completely. Readers are more interested in those last 2 panels of Gojo which are completely removed from and rather jarring to the buildup between Yuuji and Sukuna. Fan interest in Gojo isn't their fault because that's what the chapter makes you focus on.

The only way I see this continue the buildup is if this is somehow Yuuji's doing or done with his knowledge, in which case it'd have been better to end the chapter by showing that Yuuji is aware of it and has an ace up his sleeve, bringing it back to the 2 relevent characters, and for people to stew in what Yuuji could be up to for a week.

But no matter what Gojo's visage there means, Yuuji in this moment has been so greatly undermined, not by his lack of strength, not by Sukuna outright demeaning him, but by the writing itself. By Gege.

And oh, how Yuuji deserves better.

[deoidesign]

Hello! I just discovered your blog and I immediately became captivated by your webcomic, but I'm unsure where to read all of it. I know it's on Webtoons, but I can see it hasn't been updated for a while, and you still post about it.

Are your physical novels just prints of the webcomic? Are they a continuation? Is the story complete? Thanks in advance!

Hi there!

Glad you found me and are enjoying my comic!

It's only on webtoons, and the story is not complete yet! We're 2/3 of the way through right now. It's currently on hiatus, and it's scheduled to come back in about 2 months!

I'll explain why it's been so long if you're curious, but also for my followers who might also be wondering about it under the cut. Sorry, it's pretty much just me complaining haha

I took a month off I took 2 months to get the books printed I took a month to prepare my next comic and I took 2 months to write the rest of the series (I knew the character arcs I wanted, but not the time periods or mysteries!!!) I've been working on actual episodes since then

I had to take some time off because of some pretty extreme burnout due to the sheer amount of work it was to draw over 800 pages and write 6 complete stories in a year and a half... I was getting sick almost weekly due to the overwork, it was really really bad honestly. I was having to work 60+ hours every week just to keep up...

The nature of the comic itself is also difficult... Each of the arcs is a complete, self contained story which can be read (ideally) without context, and my arcs need to be about 10-13 episodes each... And since I have an exact number of episodes to work with, it's even harder.

It takes a ton of planning and a ton of refinement, and working week to week with no breaks I was forced to put out second or even first drafts, so I just wasn't happy with the work I was doing... And to do that for the rest of the series? I wouldn't be proud of the work I did.

Plus... To be entirely honest, webtoon has treated me quite badly IN MY OPINION... They deprioritized me before I launched (I had to beg for more promotion, I'm not exaggerating), they outright denied me the opportunity to even ask for a raise, I don't make any money on fast pass and they pay me less than my partner makes working at trader joes. My first editor left me completely hanging, my second editor (who I loved) was fired... And they told me I wouldn't get a third season before my first season even finished. So it was just repeatedly completely demoralizing.

I'm sorry it has taken so long, it'll have been 10 months by the time I come back. But I realized... I won't get promotion either way. I won't get more episodes either way. I won't get more money either way. So to finish everything, to make it feel good, to make it something I'm proud of, I chose to take longer to make it better.

I am fully aware I will lose a significant amount of my readership for this and it might genuinely affect my career moving forward. But it's what I had to do! So I'm sticking to my guns on it, and I'm confident long term it'll be worth it. It never could have been this good if I didn't take this much time.

[silkjade]

“woven in the fabric of your tapestry / cover me in honeysuckle memories”

[coollyinterferes]

The unmistakable sound of footsteps approaching begins to fill the air. Whoever is coming seems to have brought some company along…

They are getting closer… and closer… and closer…

…and closer…

……until..................

"Goooooood evenin'!!" Comes the loud greeting from a certain blond man. A big smile on his face and all.

"We beg your pardon for our prolonged absence. It was completely beyond our control..." Then adds the gentleman standing by his side, apologizing on behalf of both, offering a genuine smile along with the apology.

"...BUT! We're back!" And hopefully for good this time…

[opens-up-4-nobody]

God. The thing abt the uchiha is that. Yes. It was fucked up that no one trusted them and they got pushed further and further from the village center. However. They were also a clan of ninja cops with fucked up magical eyes that they supercharge by getting horrifically traumatized. So like. I also would not fucking trust them.

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Oh we are so BACK

When I tell you I saw this and died. HELLO?????

I keep hiding my face lahshjsdhjgfsaf HE HAS NO RIGHT. NO RIGHT AT ALL BEING THAT SEXILY INTENSE AAAAAAAAAAA

Anyway, I should probably try to make some attempt at describing the event since. If I don't I'll just be barking/crying/hiding my face for the next twelve hours.

Basically--and I'm not sure this is going to be across the board, but it held true for Napoleon and Sebastian at least--each suitor has a birthday event this year instead of a separate story. Comte's won't be released until tomorrow, but they have posted a preview.

From what I gather, he talks a little bit about himself and reveals parts of his past that haven't come to light in the game yet. There wasn't really enough to convey a coherent narrative beyond attending a party, but the line displayed here does get across the larger theme:

Comte: (I don't need momentary pleasure or ephemeral affection any longer. Now that I know love, there's nothing but you.)

He talks about how the aristocracy have thrown parties and extravagant celebrations for his birthday for most of his life. But none of it has ever really made him happy, largely because he knows that they are attempts to strengthen and broadcast power relations within high society. While I don't think he means it's entirely devoid of well wishes, I do think he sees it as a nexus of influence--and thus, by nature, impersonal. And honestly, I don't think he's wrong about that; the higher the echelon in social standing, the more it requires performance to maintain the position.

That being said, there is a fascinating flashback where he remembers a pureblood telling him about how falling in love with a human is an experience of another caliber entirely. My understanding is that Comte was still a fairly young vampire at the time, so he didn't really understand what the person was getting at. It seems like the other pureblood was trying to convey the difference in feeling, perhaps the fact that humans are more grounded in accordance with how they live--the reality and necessity of change.

After reading this--and the recent 5th bday story--I can absolutely see how change is something Comte has a complicated relationship with. He's known a certain way of life for so long, has constructed a sensibility of distant, rational maturity. After all the heartbreak of his youth, and two very acute traumatic events in his life, I can see why he'd be so afraid of broaching any kind of proximity with another person. Because on some level it's so much easier not to put your feelings on the line, to never have to fear devastating loss. And that's to say nothing of the worry of being unable to measure up on behalf of another person, of letting them down.

I'm so excited to see the rest of the contents, but something about the preview made me equal parts giddy and enamored (all I do is kick my feet with excitement LOL). I think what gets to me with Comte is that he truly does love companionship as a place to rest, a place where he can be honest about himself and his feelings without fear of ridicule (and the same goes for MC). In a world increasingly obsessed with surface level performances of power, status, and emotion, it's hard not to feel his exhaustion to the core.

Also, because these lines at the end more or less destroyed me in the best possible way:

MC: ...The you who had nowhere to belong no longer exists. In much the same way...Abel, I belong to you. Comte: ... Comte: I wish I could say to myself all those years ago, the me who kept indulging in such paltry things. Comte: Until you meet MC, you will never know love... The warmth of MC in my arms filled me with such joy I was near tears. (I don't need momentary pleasure or ephemeral affection any longer. Now that I know love, there's nothing but you.) The moment my lips found hers, the sweetness lit a fire deep in my body. Comte: These cute lips that melt against mine, the heat of your skin, the love that envelops me in your embrace--always leaves me so deeply in love with you.