#im in shambles im broken im gone I lost

[riceballart]

a mother’s love.

this movie Broke me im gonna explode

[ozlices]

my mom has repeatedly dismissed the idea that she has favorites between us, and yet earlier this year she literally admitted to my face that she's prioritized my abuser over me bc she's 'going through worse stuff'.

and constantly. fucking CONSTANTLY i have to hear abt my abuser, how much she's 'changed' and 'loves me' and 'wants a relationship with me' etc etc etc

and the most draining part of all of this is that i busted my ass for multiple fucking years to finally break the shackles off and get the fuck out of here, only for a selfish, heartless, absolutely piece of utter and complete shit to damn me back here.

and now, im stuck in this cycle again. where spending EIGHT HOURS on the phone trying to get my phone shit settled, and being at my absolute fucking limit bc on top of dealing w that crap, i had to listen to my abuser and her kids screaming at the top of their goddamn lungs for the past two days, and snapping to shut the fuck up,, gets me dealing w my mother holding a grudge w me.

bc 'oh let me have kids and then maybe ill understand' IT'S LIKE THIS EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME SHE'S OVER HERE. AND SHE WAS LIKE THIS BEFORE SHE FUCKING HAD KIDS. THE BRUNT OF MY ABUSER WAS LITERALLY BEING SCREAMED AT AND BERATED BY HER OVER STUPID SHIT.

/IM/ THE ASSHOLE FOR BEING INSISTENT THAT SHE HASNT CHANGED ?!?!? WHEN SHE LITERALLY HASNT FUCKING CHANGED!!!?!?!?!? SHE'S /WORSE/ NOW /BECAUSE/ SHE STILL HAD KIDS ANYWAY WHEN LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN HER LIFE WARNED HER NOT TO BC WE ALL KNEW SHE'D BE A SHITTY PARENT. AND WOW, HUGE SHOCKER, SHE IS!!!

i made the decision when i was VERY young, but also old enough to realize just how deep rooted my trauma runs & how much it affects my responses to stress & other shit, to not have human children bc i fucking KNEW. no matter how much i try to be a nice person, no matter how good my intentions try to be, i can be very nasty. i can be harsh. i can be snappy. i can be violent. i can be completely apathetic to how my actions affect other people when i'm angry enough.

i ACKNOWLEDGE that shit. i will be the first to admit when i probably went overboard, but i am so fucking sick of being put in a position where if i dont apologize for being fucking straight up verbally, emotionally, mentally, or even physically abused, & responding to that abuse like any fucking body would, ESPECIALLY a person who has existing trauma, im an asshole.

im so. fucking sick. of being alive. this year has broken me. it really, truly fucking has. i lost EVERYTHING. i dont even have a fucking doctor. i am back in the house all my trauma happened in, damned by someone i thought was my best friend who looked me dead in my eyes a month after my daughter died in my arms & told me damning me back to the house every traumatic thing ive ever gone to 'wasnt her problem'. & having to be put right back in the cycles i brutalized myself to get out of.

and the worst fucking part is that this year has left me in such shambles from stress, i physically cannot pick myself up anymore. my alters can't pick themselves up anymore. we are all so fucking burnt out, and it is so fucking draining to lie to ourselves that hope is worth it when we had it all stripped away from us repeatedly in such brutal ways. nonstop. i swear to the moon herself, i mean it when i say not one single day this entire year has been peaceful. has been free from some degree of pain, or straight up agony.

i am tired of beating myself up for being angry. i am tired of being berated by other people for being angry. FUCK all of that shit. this year, and the shitty people who refuse to fucking offer me the same empathy they DEMAND from me, have fucking destroyed me. and i DESERVE TO BE FUCKING PISSED OVER THAT SO I FUCKING WILL BE IM FUCKING PISSED FUCK THIS YEAR FUCK MY ABUSER FUCK HER GODDAMN DEFENDERS FUCK THE BITCH WHO DAMNED ME HERE FUCK MY ENTIRE LIFE IT'S NEVERENDING BULLSHIT AND IM TIRED OF ACTING LIKE ANYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED TO ME WAS OKAY OR THAT I HAVE TO BE OKAY WITH IT!! NONE OF IT WAS OKAY!! IM NOT FUCKING OKAY WITH IT!! NOBODY FUCKING WOULD BE!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[neims-skeleton-obsession]

I’ve just had a long conversation with my friend about some quality Skulduggery angst and I know how much you like that

It started with thinking about a crossover with The Last Of Us. Valkyrie gets infected, and unluckily enough, getting bitten in the only places she doesn’t have armour means you turn in 5-15 minutes. Skulduggery gets the zombie somewhere no one can find and kill her, and goes on a bloody rampage - threatening anyone who might be able to cure her and killing them when they insist it’s not possible

Of course, this means he’d turn into a sort of dark mirror of what Joel and Ellie could become (I say, with only baseline knowledge of TLOU; my friend is a fan of it). He would find them because they’re the reason there’s no vaccine

The vaccine would have meant Ellie died, and a lot of people were killed to save her. Skulduggery would do the exact same thing for Valkyrie. He would understand that, I think. It would not stop him from trying to figure out how to make the vaccine himself

And then there’s part 2, where it morphed into any kind of zombie apocalypse with the same setup, but as part of a dimension-hopping plotline where the duo we know meet this version of themselves. It could become a rescue mission, where Skulduggery needs to get Valkyrie back from this broken version of himself who desperately wants his friend back

Maybe they talk - the zombie apocalypse Skulduggery and our Valkyrie - about their respective stories. Maybe he just listens about how much better things could have been, in a better world. She sees the zombie, of course. She knows that’s the only thing separating this Skulduggery from the one she knows

And when our Skulduggery arrives, he might find the other standing, as still as a statue, in silence. He goes over, sees a lone zombie shambling around in a container area which they overlook. The other only says “Valkyrie.” and that’s all the explanation required. They stand together a while in silence, watching what’s left of her

There are no hard feelings when our duo leaves. Only a horrible feeling of tragedy and sorrow that lingers around them all

So yeah! Skulduggery angst :)

IM SO SORRY I KEPT NOT GETTING ROUND TO RESPONDING TO THIS

I know fuck all about last of us BUT. my god I love this /gen

Skug would absolutely fall apart in this situation I think. Both skugs. I think it would be a lot of quiet (and not-so-quiet) mourning- I don’t think there’d be much talking between the Skeles as you said. Like, mostly just standing or sitting together in collective, silent, grief

But I also think there would be points were alt skug just- snaps? And the other lets it happen. He knows, he’s been there. He’s not going to interfere- just make sure no-one (especially our Val) is actually hurt. He’s there to offer.. comfort, if you could call it that, when it’s all over.

Valkyrie is… confused, for the most part. She sees this version of herself that is barely her- it’s lost it’s grip on most of its humanity by the time they reach it- but she also sees that this other skug, her skug too, can still see it as Valkyrie. She starts to see it as well, after a little bit. Maybe she thinks about how that could have been her if the events of sow had gone just a bit differently. Maybe she recognises some part of herself in its eyes.

Either way, I think she’d be conflicted as fuck about it. Wouldn’t want to harm it- for both skugs’ sakes- but wouldn’t be entirely comfortable around it, either.

Tl;dr i fucken love this and oh god I’m experiencing feelings /pos /pos /pos

And thank you for the ask!!!!!! And angst!!!! God shit!!! Apologies for the wait chfhducbdhcb

[kitten4sannie]

ohh my lovely, lovely nora you have no idea how how adorable you are truly like the fact that you hid this fic from me for so long just so that it would be a surprise … i’m in absolute shambles ;; and i’m about to be one foot in the grave after i read this fic again bc GODDD you killed it you just took my silly little horny thot and elevated it into the next dimension(like you always do ofc) but GODDAMN man the way i would go into debt for your stripper san ughhh and DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT OUTFIT YOU CHOSE FOR HIM !! i can’t stop picturing the way his tiddies would be popping out of that thing oh my god i’m ill anywaysss time for the parts that flung me into outer space ✨

Cheap, glittery fabric pressed into the skin of his toned chest, stretching around his biceps until a peak of his warm skin tone shone through the white. His thighs wrapped around the pole, the muscles bulging as he held himself up and rolled his body around the metal rod, a dainty belly chain loose around his narrow waist, head rolled backwards to stretch out the column of his freckled throat.

IM ALREADY READY TO BARK FOR THIS MAN WHAT THE FUCK THE BELLY CHAIN THE MELANIN HIS TINY WAIST THE DESCRIPTION OF HIS NECK RJRJDDB I LOVE THE WSY YOU WRITE SMMMM

ogling eyes zeroing in on the metal bar piercing his nipple as it occasionally brushed against the pole.

*distant barking grows louder and louder*

“And tight, ‘tried him out myself,” you could hear the smirk in his voice, proud of his take on a job interview.

no he did nottttt oml pimp woo’s so nastyy i need himm 💥💥💥💥 also the mention of his curved nose made me glitch out so thank you for that~

“What’s the matter, Sannie, did Youngie fuck you too hard last night? Can’t even arch your back properly?”

HELPPPPPP SHES SO HOT FOR THAT

San took a few breaths and drove his cock further into you, grinding his length between your dripping walls until it chubbed up once again. It caught you off guard, his eagerness to perform, to prove himself to you, to fuck you dumb in front of all your customers.

i’m losing itttttt :)))))

Calloused fingers slipped under you to tangle in the hair at your nape, tugging sharply until your neck craned at the force, your next words dying on your tongue as he began pistoning his cock into your needy cunt, a broken cry ripping through your chest as his cockhead pressed into your sweet spot repeatedly.

RRDHXJDHSHDHDH IVE LOST IT MY LAST MARBLE ITS GONE OH MH GOD THE SWITCH IN DYNAMICS FUCKS ME UPPPP

“You want them to watch how I’m gonna fuck you full? I’ll give you all I have, Miss, every last drop, until you’re all swollen with my cum,” he rambled

San interrupted your complaints, “tell me you want it.”

“-and I’m the one fucking you stupid,” he retorted

THESEEE LINES AAAAAAAAAA I NEED HIMM 🥲🥲🥲🥲

San’s fingers dented your skin with enough force to promise blossoming bruises, his breath laboured as he began to chase his own high after you’d ridden out yours, fucking into you like a madman, “’m almost there, Miss, ‘gonna make sure you’re nice and full of me,” He groaned near your ear, the sound melting away the tinges of overstimulation jolting you away from him, his tight grip keeping you in place to buck his hips into your used hole. “So full you might get pregnant- ngh!”

no thoughts …. none at all ….

move

navi

pairing: pole dancer!choi san x club owner!reader (fem)

w.c.: 3.3k

tags: smut, ft. pimp!woo

song rec: 'move' by taemin

with his toned thighs wrapped around the pole, sweat glistening under the changing lights, you felt the urge to wipe the cocky smirk off the new hire's lips. but little did you know, choi san loved performing for a crowd.

A/N: this is for my lovely, pretty, gorgeous, insanely kind, amazing, genius, and beautiful alyssa (@kitten4sannie) <3 I'm sorry this took over a month to get to ;; I really hope the wait was worth it though!! + a big thank you to choy (@chokchokk) for entertaining my thoughts for the past few days!! happy reading~ ^^

nsfw & warnings under the cut—minors dni!! 🔞

warnings: this —in white— is san's outfit for reference (except tighter, cheaper-looking and with a different chain), mentioned mxm, reader has one drink but everything is consensual, switch!san (shorty give me whip-whiplash), mean!reader, she's a badass though, public sex, unprotected sex (👎), san has a nipple piercing, some nipple play (m), multiple orgasms (m), multiple creampies, some edging, overstimulation, a hint of breeding/impreg kink, voyeurism/exhibitionism, degradation, so much dirty talk, nicknames (sannie, pretty boy; miss, darling), I think that's all (?)

Scrunching your nose at the rancid odour of sewage, your heeled boots clacked against the pavement leading to the guarded club entrance, digging into your coat pocket and fishing out a stack of bills to lay gently in front of the homeless man’s sleeping bag. You passed by him every night, his yellow grin a stark contrast to his surroundings—fetid air driving everyone in the area to hold their breath, disease-ridden rodents and pretentious high school dropouts with one too many stacks of their daddy’s money crawling around in the vicinity.

You walked past the burly guard at the front, watching his ninety-degree bow from the corner of your eye as you stepped into the club. It wasn’t the best area to run such business, but you got enough loyal customers—mostly rich men lying to their wives—to pay the bills. You supposed you should be thankful to your father for that, the wretched bastard leaving his only daughter to run this shithole.

You walked down the short hallway and into wide room, blues and purples illuminating the shiny tile and peeling walls as you carried yourself to the bar near the entrance. The rusted stool creaked as you rested your body weight down on it, ignoring the young bartender as she scrambled to make your usual drink, drops of expensive liquor flying over the bench before she dropped a decorated glass in front of you. Giving her a tight-lipped smile, you wrapped your fingers around the cup and allowed the bitterness to sink into your taste buds.

Sitting sideways at the bar, forearm flat on the surface with the drink loosely held in your hand, you focused your eyes on the man to your left, moving his body around the pole anchored in the middle of the room. Cheap, glittery fabric pressed into the skin of his toned chest, stretching around his biceps until a peak of his warm skin tone shone through the white. His thighs wrapped around the pole, the muscles bulging as he held himself up and rolled his body around the metal rod, a dainty belly chain loose around his narrow waist, head rolled backwards to stretch out the column of his freckled throat. You could tell he was trying to show off his rounded backside, but his movements carried a certain stiffness that made you scoff. The customers spread out on the seats surrounding the stage—a mix of older, unhappily married men, and younger, broke college students who couldn’t afford a fancier club—didn’t seem to mind as much, taking in his lousy attempt of an arch and the prominent bulge pressing against the thin material of his shimmering bottoms, ogling eyes zeroing in on the metal bar piercing his nipple as it occasionally brushed against the pole.

He lowered himself down onto the LED flooring on his tiptoes, maintaining the graceful stance as the song came to an end, feline eyes flitting upwards to bore into yours. He oozed confidence, the air around him almost unbreachable, and for a reason you couldn’t place your finger on, the cocky curl of his lips irked you, your eyebrow twitching in irritation at the shameless show of brashness.

Veiny arms circled your shoulders, a familiar rasp in your ear, “that’s the new hire I was telling you about. Pretty neat, don’t you think?” His dark brown locks tickled your temple, curved nose nuzzling into your hair.

You hummed in agreement, “Mm, good job, Woo. He’s pretty.”

“And tight, ‘tried him out myself,” you could hear the smirk in his voice, proud of his take on a job interview.

You reached back to smack his shoulder, a faint smile on your lips. “He’s a little too confident for someone who can’t even arch properly, though,” you critiqued, narrowing your eyes at the man now bent over in front of the small crowd, thick fingers wrapped around the pole while he attempted to move his stiff muscles.

“He’s not that bad,” Wooyoung rolled his eyes, tracing over the man’s plump ass with his eyes as he played back the events from the previous night in his mind, the throaty moans and whimpers still fresh in his ears.

“Even you can do a better job than him, and that’s saying a lot.”

Two fingers pinched your upper arm through the blazer covering it, Wooyoung’s unamused huff blowing over the shell of your ear. “If you’re so displeased by his performance, why don’t you teach him how to do it yourself?” He pushed back the image of the man’s narrow waist and puckered hole, replacing it with the memory of the private show you’d put on for him the week before.

While Wooyoung was too busy fighting off the sudden tightness in his pants, you contemplated his words—despite knowing he’d spoken them humorously. Tightening your hand around your drink, you brought it up to your lips and gulped down the rest of it, pushing Wooyoung off you and standing up. He scrambled to find his footing, caught off guard by your brassy stride towards the center of the room, aiming towards the occupied chair right across the stage.

With a hand on the college freshman’s shoulder, you pulled him off the worn-down leather, sitting down in his place and watching him scurry away with a hand halfway down his pants. Redirecting your attention towards the handsome man in front of you, his gaze instantly locked with yours, and something in his eyes gave away that he knew who you were. His hips swayed with more finesse—still not up to your standards—and his expression contorted to mimic a state of ecstasy. He was trying to impress you.

You watched for a few seconds, until he bent down lower, the pathetic arch of his spine pushing the words off your tongue, “Choi San, was it?” your voice cut through the music. “It seems like Wooyoung may have spoken too highly of you. I’m a little disappointed,” you took pleasure in the slow erasure of his cocky smirk, his movements faltering as he took in your words, hints of discontent evident in your tone. “Stand up straight, pretty boy.” You leaned forward in your seat, resting your elbows over your thighs as you watched him hesitantly part from the pole to straighten up.  A smirk—a sign of power, perhaps—found its way onto your lips, “why don’t you grind on that pole for me? Since you seem so confident in yourself.”

Red tinted the shell of his ears, and you wondered how a few words could have affected a man like him so easily, as though he wasn’t standing in a room full of people ogling at his body, two pieces of glimmering fabric hiding him from their deviant gaze.

You could almost see the thoughts churning in his pretty head, dubiously reaching for the pole once again, standing behind it and beginning his decent into a full squat. Firm muscle bulged out of his thighs, oiled, tan skin reflecting the moving lights shining over his figure, his clothed bulge trapped between the metal and his abdomen. His hands remained above his head as he sunk lower, the cropped material of his shirt riding up to reveal more of his flushed chest. You watched him wordlessly, eying the deliberate brush of his nipple piercing over the pole, a muted ‘clink’ drowned under the music. Your eyes moved back to his face, his bottom lip trapped between his teeth and his eyebrows drawn in, and when you trailed down his body, your lips only curled further: his half-hard length pressing against the scratchy fabric, a wet patch spreading through the material and shimmering alongside the glitter. You may be starting to understand Wooyoung’s strange infatuation with the man.

You pushed off the creaky leather, smoothing down your suit before taking a few steps onto the round LED flooring, standing next to the crouched man and watching him twist his head to look up at you.

It was known rule everywhere that the dancers were not to be touched, and you figured your next move would probably be setting a bad example in front of your customers, but your clientele consisted mostly of regulars, people who knew you to be the boss. People who knew you made the rules.

You reached down to grab his face, fingers digging into his jaw and angling it further upwards, “you’re too stiff.” Your lips curved at his attempt at pushing away, nose scrunched up in defiance.

“’m not stiff,” he retorted weakly, words muffled through the tight squeeze of your fingers around his face.

“What’s the matter, Sannie, did Youngie fuck you too hard last night? Can’t even arch your back properly?” You gave his head a firm shake with every rhetorical question, pouting your lips in faux sympathy. His cheeks heated up under your touch, the pretty pink bleeding down his neck and chest as your aired out his nightly endeavors.

“I can arch my back-”

“My club is gonna run out of business if you keep running your mouth instead of doing your job properly, pretty boy. My old man would be rolling in his grave if that ever happens. We don’t want that now, do we?” You watched panic seep into his features when you spoke your next words, “how will you pay off your debt then, hm?”

“I-I’ll learn how to do it, please just-” his fingers release around the pole and wrap around your calves instead, his knees falling to the floor by your feet while he pleaded. “I’ll be good, I promise.”

His touch wasn’t unpleasant, rough fingertips brushing over your clothed skin, squeezing gently while he squirmed under you. Your fingers eased around his jaw but didn’t let go, pleased to have a man of his stature in the palm of your hand, yours to maneuver and handle however you wished. “And what will you do until then? Learning takes time, and we’re short-staffed, you know.”

A dangerous glimmer lit up San’s dark eyes, a sense of danger churning in your gut. Skilled hands slid up your legs, past your knees and thighs to settle on the curve of your hips, nuzzling his face into your palm before speaking. For a reason you couldn’t exactly pinpoint, you allowed him to do as he pleased, as though you suddenly had your own personal, human-sized cat, brimming with affection it didn’t know how to express. Siren eyes blinked up at you, a smile loaded with playfulness and mischief directed at you.

“I’ll just make sure to put on a performance they’ll never forget.”

--

Antsy hands pushed open your unbuttoned blouse to slide over the heated skin, your dress pants tossed and abandoned over the chair you’d been sitting in, lace panties dangling off the angle resting on San’s shoulder. His glitzy top scratched against your skin, forming a blister you were too busy to care about as San’s body pressed against yours with his belly chain forming indents into your navel, his cock pounding into you to the steady beat of the music blasting through the decrepit speakers, a distant whirring disrupting the audio.

You slapped his hand off your chest, a warning look in your eyes and a pathetically despondent one in his, reaching for your hand and guiding it to his own chest, a silent ‘touch me instead.’ It was fascinating how quickly San’s cocky persona vanished once he got his dick wet, his face contorting—eyebrows furrowed and his eyes lidded—while you pulled on his piercing, rolling his nipple under your thumb and reveling in the tight moans rolling off his tongue.

“Fuck, ‘m close,” he mumbled, readjusting on his knees, the tight material of his bottoms low on his thighs restricting the movement.

“Already?” you teased, sucking in a sudden breath at the new angle, his cock curving into your g-spot through his relentless thrusts, his previous rhythm lost in his overflowing lust. “What a waste of a pretty cock, can’t even last long enough to make me cum.”

You noted the rose bleeding into his ears once again, his hips stuttering and a throaty moan leaving his lips as he emptied inside you, his hot seed spreading warmth through your lower belly. You laughed as he lowered himself onto you, hovering over your torso while he rolled his hips into your cunt, riding out his orgasm with airy moans and tightly-shut eyes. Paper bills fluttered in the air, some sticking to the sweat beaded on San’s back while the majority landed around your tangled bodies.

You were about to get up, words of beration forming on your tongue, but San took a few breaths and drove his cock further into you, grinding his length between your dripping walls until it chubbed up once again. It caught you off guard, his eagerness to perform, to prove himself to you, to fuck you dumb in front of all your customers.

The slow pace he adopted wasn’t enough, but the deliberate drag of his cock over your g-spot nearly sent you spiraling, the leg perched up on his shoulder shaking with every thrust. “Ngh, do you like being watched, pretty boy?”

San’s bashfulness was nowhere to be found, replaced with a pleased smile and a quick nod to his head, “Mm, I do,” his fingers kneaded the flesh of your thigh, his other hand pushing down your right leg to further open you up for him, driving his cock into you twice before leaning down to whisper in your ear, “what about you, Miss? You’re the same, aren’t you? I can feel your cunt squeezing around me every time you look at the perverts watching us.”

Your limbs felt heavy, something in your stomach convulsing at his words. “Watch your mouth-”

Calloused fingers slipped under you to tangle in the hair at your nape, tugging sharply until your neck craned at the force, your next words dying on your tongue as he began pistoning his cock into your needy cunt, a broken cry ripping through your chest as his cockhead pressed into your sweet spot repeatedly.

“You want them to watch how I’m gonna fuck you full? I’ll give you all I have, Miss, every last drop, until you’re all swollen with my cum,” he rambled, soft lips pressed against your temple while he hammered into you, sending you barreling towards the edge.

A tingle spread through your limbs, the edges of your vision darkening, and you prepared to freefall into a numbing orgasm, but San’s hips suddenly slowed to a languid grind, his lips stretching menacingly against your skin.

“No- fuck, I was so close-”

San interrupted your complaints, “tell me you want it.”

Your eyebrow twitched in annoyance. It was as though he was holding your orgasm for ransom. “Don’t be a fucking asshole, I’m still your boss-”

“-and I’m the one fucking you stupid,” he retorted, that vexing smirk on his face once again, and you wanted to punch it away. You’d assume abusing an employee would bring bad rep to your club, though, and you couldn’t afford to lose any customers. So you settled on glaring at him, attempting to roll your hips but huffing when San’s hands anchored you down to the floor.

“C’mon, just say you want it. I’ll give you whatever you want, Miss.” He lowered his voice down to a whisper, “all of it, just for you.”

The deep baritone of his voice, the words flowing smoothly off his tongue, warm hands splayed over your hips, occasionally squeezing at the flesh at the end of every sentence, his musky perfume mixed in with the tangy scent of his sweat engulfing your senses. Your walls pulsed around his cock, sitting  thick and heavy inside you while you squirmed under him, the skin of your cheeks heated under his gaze as he awaited the words he wanted to hear. After a few minutes of his relentless stare-down, cat-like eyes boring into yours with incessant demand, you gave in, muttering the words under your breath and breaking eye contact.

Just when you thought you could breathe again, his deep chuckle echoed in your ear, the pleasant sound preferable over the music playing in the background, but his words sent a wave of cold sweat seeping out of your pores, “No, no. Say it louder for me, darling.”

You huffed in exasperation, the smell of alcohol swimming in the air between you. Shutting your eyes to relieve yourself of the sight of San's sharp jawline and arched eyebrow, you missed the way his gaze flitted upwards to meet with Wooyoung’s—the man now sat in the chair to the left of the stage, palming at the obvious tent in his pants.

San gave a harsh thrust to egg you on, the shot of pleasure shooting up your spine at the gesture enough to push the words off your tongue, “just fucking give me your cum already, ‘want it all inside,” you slurred, voice breathy with hints of desperation.

San didn’t waste any time before picking up his pace, pounding into your heat with urgent want, as though he was a starved man at a banquet. It was as though he’d lit your nerves on fire, the pleasure so intense your mind went numb, nails digging into San’s biceps as he pulled moan after moan out of you. “Hnnngh! L-like that, yeah-”

There was no build-up to your orgasm, and you found yourself tumbling down a steep cliff into a valley of ecstasy, lips forming an ‘o’ while San guided you through it. With your back arched off the ground, your blouse damp and stuck to your slick back, you clung to the fluid drag of San’s throbbing cock between your fluttering walls, the sound of skin-on-skin following the beat vibrating through the speakers.

San’s fingers dented your skin with enough force to promise blossoming bruises, his breath laboured as he began to chase his own high after you’d ridden out yours, fucking into you like a madman, “’m almost there, Miss, ‘gonna make sure you’re nice and full of me,” He groaned near your ear, the sound melting away the tinges of overstimulation jolting you away from him, his tight grip keeping you in place to buck his hips into your used hole. “So full you might get pregnant- ngh!”

Driven to completion by his own words, San’s throaty moans drowned out the melody strumming in the background, spurts of hot cum adding to the white painting your walls as he milked himself of every last drop. It seemed like you were the one who had fucked him stupid, barely-coherent, babbled praise flowing into your ear as he tucked his head into the crook of your neck.

Your knee dug into your chest, and you stared at the lace still hanging off your ankle where it sat on San’s shoulder, pins and needles pricking at your muscles from the prolonged position. But you didn’t complain, simply basking in the afterglow while San’s chest rose and fell into yours. You could see the flutter of paper bills in your peripherals—more than you’d ever seen before on a slow, Thursday night—barely any of them reaching you as the men tossing them had their dominant hands preoccupied. Your eyes moved sideways, meeting Wooyoung’s, already staring back at you with a knowing smirk on his pouty lips.

Through the thick haze of the orgasm still clouding your mind, your muscles twitching with its remnants as San’s cock spasmed pathetically between your flooded walls, two loads streaming out of your stretched cunt, you realised just how much Choi San enjoyed performing for a crowd.

And just how much you could profit off that.

reblogs/feedback are greatly appreciated!! ^^ apply for my tag list here (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

[yo-im-a-bisexual]

I saw a few people say that they wanted fatou to be the one to go see Kieu my to confort her, so this is it. Enjoy :)

(english isn't my first language so sorry for any mistakes)

Sunday, 18:05, Kieu my's apartment

She was a wreck. Kieu my had tried distracting herself as much as she could today but nothing seemed to work and when she saw Nora's stories she couldn't handle being alone anymore. She had texted Zoe about five (5) minutes ago and was now waiting in her room, on her bed, while watching Fatou's instagram stories over and over and over again. She was full on crying in her pyjamas and she knew it probably wasn't healthy to stalk her ex but she couln't help it. At least she looks happy, she thought.

----------------------------------------------

Sunday, 18:00, fatou's house

Laughs filled fatou's room. The cashqueens had moved to the skater's room after they had finished cleaning up the kitchen. They were talking about Ava's birthday that was coming up and how they were going to throw the biggest, most covid-friendly, party ever.

"honestly, I just want to spend time with you girls." Ava said, smiling and looking at her friends.

"well, maybe we could do something like friendsgiving, you know with friends only and a cozy little vibe" Nora offered, looking at the cashqueens with raised eyebrows.

The memories of that time came flooding in Fatou's mind. How she was so ready to confess her feelings to the girl, how she had ended up crying and yelling 'Love is a fucking asshole' with her friends. She had tried not thinking about Kieu my but to no avail. She seemed to be everywhere, in every topic, in every memory. Her heart ached at the thoughts. So she quickly tried to focus on the conversation happening instead of her ex, who seemed to be clearly over her.

"yeah it could be fun." Mailin said looking at Ava for approval. "What do you think Fatou?" She asked

"A birthday party with my best friends? On a friday night? Hell yeah I'm in." Fatou said laughing. "And maybe we could do a jamming session or a karaoke sort of thing" The cashqueens nodded at her idea and they went on with their conversation.

A phone rang, cutting them off. "Sorry girls, it's Zoe. I'll be right back" Nora said standing up and heading towards the door but the second she's out she walks back in, phone still in hand. She looks at Fatou. "She wants to talk yo you." Nora said, handing her the phone. Fatou looked at her amused but took the phone and walked out of the room.

"Zoe?" She said holding the phone to her ear.

"Fatou, hi. I'm sorry to bother you but I'm in a crisis and you're the only that can save me." Zoe said at the other end. Fatou hesitated for awhile.

"I'd be happy to help... With whatever you're in a crisis with" she answered still confused.

"it's more of a who..."

"what are you talking about, Zoe?"

"look, Im gonna be as honest as possible without being mean but.." she stopped talking for a second.

"just get to the point please."

"okay fine, you and Kieu my are idiots and I'm tired of you idiots not talking about your problems, like some silly idiots in love." Zoe got out in one (1) breath.

"I'm not an idiot" Fatou said. "And you were there, Kieu my clearly said I should stay away." Just saying her name hurt at this point.

"oh, Fatou.. She is hurting and in her mind it's easier to push you away than to actually talk to you again. She's scared of getting hurt more."

The silence was awkward but she didn't know what to say. So what does this mean? She thought.

"it means that right now she's a wreck and she asked me to come over but I'm done waiting for you two to figure it out because it is infuriating at this point." Zoe answered almost out of breath. Shit I said that out loud.

"I don't get it what do you want me to do? And why do you sound so exhausted?" She asked still not understanding anything that the blond was trying to say.

"because I'm coming over to your place to pick you up so that I can drag your ass to Kieu my's"

"what?! No Zoe I really don't think that's a good idea okay, last time I tried to talk to her I-" Fatou got cut off.

"Fatou listen to me. Kieu my vu is a mess and she's trying really hard to play it cool but she can't right now. She's been stalking you on insta for days, it's embarrassing. I know you guys had a huge fight at the party but that was stupid and I'm deciding to ignore it. You two need to talk and make up. She didn't cheat on you and you know it. She was hurt and so were you. The point is you're both in love with each other and everybody knows it except the two of you!" Zoe yelled out loud enough for Fatou to pull away from the phone. Her words were sinking in. Zoe was Kieu my's best friend, she had no reason to lie.

"okay." Fatou answered.

"okay?"

"I'm gonna go see her and tell her everything"

"great, you do that. I'll be there in five. Byee!" Zoe hung up. Fatou was breathless, her mind was in shambles at the thought that she could fix this. Zoe said Kieu my was in love with her... Wow. She knew she was in love with Kieu my but the idea that her feelings were reciprocated made her heart skip a beat.

She walked back to her room and opened the door, ready to tell her friends she was going to go get her girl but the moment she opened it the three girls stumbled back from it. Like they were listening in at the conversation, which they were. Fatou looked at her friends and locked eyes with Ava.

"we might have been listening a little bit." She heard Mailin say. The question was hanging in the air, Fatou was just waiting for the answer.

"go get her, chibi" Her best friend said, smiling fondly at her.

"really?" Fatou smiled brightly.

"YESSS!" The cashqueens said excitedly.

And so they waited for Zoe. She got to Fatou's pretty fast and they shared their goodbyes with the cashqueens. They got in Zoe's car and drove for about 10 minutes. The drive was pretty silent, only filled with small talk. Zoe was a really good friend, Fatou had noticed over time, How the girl had become more mature.

She was stressed to say the least. Rehearsing what she was going to say in her head over and over again. What if Kieu my pushed her away again? But the thoughts were pushed back. She was going to say everything she had to say and nothing was going to stop her even if she has to get her heart broken again.

The car stopped and Zoe cleared her throat. Fatou looked at the building and swallowed the lump in her throat. It seemed so much taller than last time.

"ready?" The blonde broke the silence.

"as i'll ever be" she answered.

They took the elevator. Zoe walked with her to the door and hugged her goodbye once they reached it. She said something along the lines of 'goodluck' but right now Fatou could only focus on the pounding of her heart.

She rang the doorbell and waited. She looked at the door intensely as if it would open faster. There were some noises coming from inside and then the door opened and there she was..

"Zoe thank god you're here, I can't..." Kieu my looked up from the ground and stopped dead in her tracks. She had been crying, Fatou could tell from her red eyes. Her hair was down and she was wearing confortable baggy clothes.

"Hi.." Fatou said smiling lightly, Looking at her and rocking on her heels.

"Fatou...hey" Kieu my's voice was small. She looked small and Fatou could see her eyes shining slightly. This was the real Kieu my, vulnerable and fragile Kieu my. But as soon as she appeared she was gone and her walls were back up. "What do you want?" Kieu my asked, her voice cracking a little a little bit.

"your soul~" Fatou answered, laughing quietly. Kieu my didn't look amused though. "To talk" she said more seriously.

"I- I thought I told you to stay away.. where's Zoe?" The ice queen's walls were cracking and her eyes looked everywhere but at Fatou.

"she drove me here" Fatou was still looking at Kieu my intensely hoping that she would catch her eyes.

"what do you want to talk about?"

"Us..." Fatou said and Kieu my opened her mouth as if to say something but Fatou continued. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for running away from my problems. I'm sorry for not talking to you but I want to, I really want to. I'm sorry for making you feel like you're just a distraction and like I don't care because I do care. So much.. about you, I mean. And I'm sorry for doubting you and I understand if I lost your trust but I'm ready to try everyday from now on to win it back. But most importantly I'm sorry for what I said. Because Kieu my, YOU are my world. And I miss you. And I get it if you don't want to be with me anymore but I just wanted you to know that I haven't given up on us and I won't, because I-" her heart skipped a few beats. Fatou took a deep breath in.

"I love you, Kieu my." She breathed out.

She was crying now and so was Kieu my. A few beats passed and Fatou was about to continue her heartfelt speech but Kieu my stopped her. She had been looking at Fatou like she had just been starstruck but now she was getting closer.

She placed a hand on Fatou's cheek and kissed her. Fatou let out a breath she knew she had been holding since the elevator door had opened. They both relax into the brief kiss andwhen they pull away they rest their forehead together. When Fatou opens her eyes, Kieu my is already looking at her. She wipes her tears aways with her thumb.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry." Fatou said after a moment of silence.

"stop apologizing, please" Kieu my laughed lightly. They were both smiling now. "You love me?" Kieu my asked, looking insecurely at Fatou.

"I love you and I'm never gonna stop saying it"

They giggled, feeling lost in the moment. Kieu my kissed her again, this time more firmly. They finally walked in the apartment still attached by their lips. The kiss quickly turned into more and Kieu my pushed Fatou against the door to close it behind them. Kieu my's hands were around the smaller girl's neck while hers were on Kieu my's waist.

After several minutes of just kissing to make up for their days apart they finally pulled away to catch their breath.

Kieu my looked at Fatou lovingly. "I'm sorry too... I shouldn't have ran away. And I'm sorry for being so cold to you."

"okay, can we both stop apologizing now." The small girl laughed. "And Kieu my?"

"yeah?"

Fatou took a step back and took the tall girl's hands. "Will you be my girlfriend?" She asked with her puppy eyes on full display.

"of course Fatou" they laughed and kieu my reached for Fatou and hugged her.

They hugged for a while. Living in the moment. Together

----------------------------------------------

Sunday, 19:37

Somehow they ended up in Kieu my's bed, cuddling. Kieu my was laying on Fatou's chest and played with her girlfriend's fingers. Fatou was telling her about how Ava and her had made up and how she found out she had dyscalculia.

"...And now I have to go ask if I can change from physics to biology."

"that could work. And then you'd just have to work for math and you'll be good to have your abi with us. That's great." Kieu my said, excited.

"yeah, the girls thought that too."

The silence was peaceful. Fatou looked down and smiled at her girlfriend. Kieu my was looking at her like she was looking at her whole entire world.

"what are you thinking about?" Fatou asked wiggling her eyebrows.

"I love you too, Fatou jallow."

Fatou flipped her girlfriend on her back and kissed her then and there.

"i love you" she kissed her again. "I love you" she kissed her nose and her forehead and her cheeks and anywhere on her face she could, and between every kiss she told her she loved her.

"stop!" Kieu my giggled when Fatou tickled her sides still kissind her face. She slowed down and looked at Kieu my lovingly. "What?"

"happy Valentine's day"

"happy Valentine's day indeed" Kieu my shot up to kiss her again.

The kisses were slow and Fatou made her way down to Kieu my's neck. She sucked on her neck like she had done the first time they had spent time together in her bed, leaving a small red mark there, as if to say: you're mine and I'm yours.

The moment was short lived when Kieu my's phone rang multiple time in a row. They both looked at it and then at each other. Fatou's eyes were pleading to let it go but Kieu my rolled her eyes and smiled, reaching for her phone. She laughed and put her hand on her eyes.

"what's up? Who is it?" Fatou asked still on top of her girlfriend.

"It's Zoe" She answered turning her phone towards Fatou. It was a row of texts with a lot of emojis. It read:

"So are you guys back together yet?"

"I was waiting in my car but I left after 30 min"

"You guys are my favorite couple����💗"

"I hope you're not mad tho😘"

"I did my duty as your bff"

"love u Q!!💛💜💛💜"

"don't do anything I wouldn't do🤭😉"

"happy Valentine's day babe😗✌️"

Fatou laughed at the blonde's childish texts.

"what did she tell you exactly?" Kieu my asked still hiding her face with her arm.

"nothing really.." fatou answered "Is it true that you were stalking me though?" She smiled when the tall girl hid under the covers.

"oh my god, this is so embarrassing! It's just because I missed you, okay?"

"you're so cute when you're flustered"

Fatou grabbed the covers and pulled them down untill she could see Kieu my's face.

"I missed you too" Fatou admitted

"Is it true you had a crush on me?"

"is it true YOU had a crush on me?" Fatou shot back, pulling the covers down and tickling Kieu my's sides.

And just like that they spent the rest of the evening together. Cuddling, kissing but most importantly, actually talking.

That's how you do it. I meant to post it yesterday but then Nhungi (Kieu my's actress) went live on Tiktok and then I fell asleep and today my mom decided to have some quality family time and forced me to go on a three (3) hour walk. But here it is anyway. Hope you enjoy. sorry if there are any mistakes. constructive criticism is always appreciated

(I actually don't know if Zoe has a car but in my head she does and sorry if I forgot other things)

[andreils-keys]

kay so ive been taking prompts from my instagram and

why would you tell me not to kill one and if i do to bring him back please you’re taking all the joy out of writing >:(

anyways lets get into it <3 (tw: small mention of domestic abuse)

(disclaimer yes i am a kandreil shipper :))

andrew is cursed in the same way blue was sort of where if he tells someone that he loves them they’ll die (yes i changed it a bit)

but instead of doing the whole 'you're cursed zap magic' thing (bc i don't think it'd fit very well in the aftgverse) im gonna try something else             

andrew had some pretty shitty foster homes when he was young

but the worst one was a small house by a family-owned ice cream shop

he remembers the ice cream shop very vividly. it was where he went when his foster mother was out working or drinking. it was where he went to feel safe.

he was pretty young, maybe 4 ? 5 ? impressionable. in that stage where santa claus and the boogie man were real, where hiding under a blanket protected you from nightmares. (he learned pretty quickly that hiding under the blanket did not protect you from anything.

he was bashed and battered with fists and words, words that cursed his very being and proclaimed that to love him was to die.

he was so young

he was only a child

and he did what children do best

he believed        

there was a time when he doubted

another foster parent, a run down house made beautiful with love and mismatched furniture

the road to healing is rocky and dangerous, but easier to traverse when you have someone behind you

finally, he let himself love

he let his foster mother in, little by little, and he thought: maybe im not a curse

and he said: i love you

the day after, she died in a car crash

the car brutalized

her body brutalized

his heart brutalized

coincidence? he says out loud at the entrance of another foster home. because it needs to be said. because lies always become crystal clear when said out loud.      

bc of this he's never directly expressed love for anyone and he tends to distance himself from people just to make sure there's 0 risk of him causing someone's death

but if he does care for someone he shows this through actions (no i love yous because that's what he believes caused his foster mothers death)            

he's always had people he's cared about, people he's wanted to protect and keep safe

but ever since the car crash, hes never had anyone hes wanted to say i love you to     

until     

[enter kevin day]         

the first person that consumed him was kevin, the boy that sought him out in high school with desperation in his eyes, raving about a sport that had made andrews days in juvie a little more bearable. 

the man that always appeared on television with a cardboard smile stamped onto his face, always a step behind riko moriyama, always hiding in his shadow.

the man that inexplicably made yet another appearance in andrews life, this time with a shattered hand and a plea for help.

the man that pushed and pulled andrew just enough to get him through another day, another week.        

and then neil, so different from kevin and yet so alike, as sudden as a gunshot, as tantalizing as death. 

the boy that's as invested in riko and kevin as andrew is. 

the boy that is impenetrable and distrusting, the boy that lets no one in. 

at first andrew thinks he's safe. as long as neil doesn't let anyone in, that means andrew won't have to let him in. and kill him.

aha sike. turns out neil is the trusting-no-one-but-andrew-minyard-and-kevin-day type           

the three of them form a twisted complicated pyramid; each side leaning against the other two. immovable. strong. inseparable, unless andrew deliberately pushes himself away when the feeling ballooning in his chest is too much.

(although he will always get pulled back in. the gravity of neil and kevin is too strong for andrew to stay away.)

he promises to protect them because that's what he does for the people he cares about.

but falling in love is a whole other ball game.

andrew is so afraid.

afraid to love them, afraid to let them in.

he knows he can't allow it; every time he thinks of how much he feels for them, he remembers the car, the shattered windows, the pieces of glass tipped with blood.

but andrew is only human.

even if he tells himself not to fall in love, the heart and body tend to ignore the mind.

he let’s himself be selfish

the hard press of kevin's lips against his, the gentle tug of neils fingers threaded through his hair, a hand clamped against neils neck and the other gripping kevin's arm.

that is all andrew allows

he doesn't mind if kevin and neil go gallivanting off somewhere on their own (s a f e l y; if those idiots get taken by the yakuza it would be extremely inconvenient for andrew)((andrew: dammit now i have to save them from the mafia nicky: you don't have t- andrew: no im gonna)), even if it prods unpleasantly at a sensitive point in his heart. if they're happy, hes happy. 

(well, not quite happy. satisfied is the proper word. and he supposes that's the most he can ask for.)       

he doesn't tell them about the nightmares. the dreams of fire and blood and twisted metal, of fists and a curse and a small, dark room. more often than not neil will wake to find andrew sliding out of his bunk and going to the kitchen for a bowl of ice cream.

neil won't pry, but he'll wake kevin and they'll join andrew in the kitchen, standing on the other side of the counter from andrew with their shoulders pressed together, a reminder to each other and andrew that they are there for each other.         

and then neil disappears. like a dream. like smoke. 

andrew took his eyes off neil for one second, and neil vanished in the crowd of angry fans.

they search and search but neil is gone.

all they find is neils exy racket lying on the ground in pieces, broken from the stampede of fans.

andrew whispers, the words dredged from a desperate, vulnerable place inside him: i love you. neil, i love you. come back to me. come back to kevin. come back to us.     

the next day, the fbi tells them that they found neils gym bag. it was covered with tire tracks and spattered with blood.

they couldn’t find neil.    

and the pyramid falls.

the grief and guilt and heartbreak andrew feels is unparalleled. never has he felt so broken. never has he felt so dirty. he did this. he did this.

kevin insists neil is still alive. lost and floating, but alive

but andrew knows better.

his nightmares get worse. sprinkled in with the mauled car and heavy fists is a shattered exy stick, a gym bag dripping blood, an unreachable figure with red hair and a slash of a smile.

andrew spirals. 

he refuses to speak to anyone. even kevin. he'll stay with kevin and press his palm into the side of kevin's neck, his pulse grounding andrew and keeping him in the here and now, but he will not speak.    

cabeswater brought gansey back right and i feel like the one closest to magic would be renee (thank you neils jortventures fairy magic huzzah) except she doesn't use magic. 

so remember how she was affiliated with a gang when she was young 

there was a member of the gang that continued to reach out to her, especially once they escaped from the gang a little after renee did

renee did respond to their messages, but she tried not to initiate conversation because they were part of her old life and she was living and loving her new one. 

essentially she was nice enough not to cut them out completely. 

unfortunately the kid got caught up in another gang that was closely associated with the butcher of baltimore

when nathan dies they text renee about how their gang is in pieces because the butcher is dead. 

renee isnt there to receive the message right away (she and andrew were sparring, as they were keen to do now that neil was gone and andrew was out of sorts) and kevin is the one to catch the word butcher when the notification pops up

he scrambles for renees phone and sees: the butcher is dead.

he is so relieved because the butcher, the man kevin always had to fear and avoid, is dead

and then he starts to think

neil’s father was the butcher. does this have something to do with neil? was the butcher the one that took neil? if the butcher is dead, does that mean neil is still alive?

it’s a bit of a stretch, but kevin is willing to believe anything if it means that neil is alive

he tells andrew

he doesn't expect andrew to do anything but he still wants to tell him, just so that andrew will know, just so that kevin himself can taste the words.

kevin asks renee if they can reach out and she's like wtf y'all doing going through my phone but she understands how hard it hit them, andrew especially, and if it'll help them she'll go along   

they meet up with the kid

renee seems nice enough, but andrew can tell how strained she is by the way she keeps cracking her knuckles one by one

they get the info from the kid about a red haired blue eyed cut up burned kid

kevin is distraught about the cut up burned part

andrew is close to vomiting from a whirlwind of relief (they never said he was dead) and denial and fear for neil

he refuses to get his hopes up; he said the cursed words. he saw the blood on neils’s gym bag. he saw the shattered exy stick. (or was that a dream? his nightmares and reality are so tightly interwoven he can hardly tell what's real)

the kid warns kevin and andrew that the last time they saw neil was in the basement and that the probablity of him still being there is relatively low

kevin makes a sort of impatient gesture at the kid and they bring kevin and andrew to the house (renee stays behind; she made a lame excuse about needing to make a phone call but she just wanted to give them space, either to reunite with neil or grieve their loss a second time)

from the outside, it’s a nice looking house and it doesn’t look threatening in the least, but andrew knows how deceiving appearances can be

once they go inside everything is in shambles. the couch overturned, the tv screen cracked in multiple places, ceiling plaster and pieces of porcelain all over the counters and dining table

the kid points them to the basement

kevin is the first to go down

andrew is surprised mainly because kevin is usually always so careful

andrew follows more warily, afraid to find nothing, afraid to find neil; afraid to have his heart broken all over again, afraid of the prospect that he has wasted his entire life living a lie.

he reaches the basement to find kevin wrapped around a small beat up, bruised, burnt, and shivering lump.

neil is hurt and bloody, and it drives a stake through andrew’s heart, but the fact that neil is breathing and alive alive alive causes a different kind of pain, the unique pain of relief and sorrow and love swirled together.

kevin is stroking neils hair and very obviously trying not to have a panic attack and andrew goes to them

sits down

both kevin and neil look up at him, and andrew watches as some of the fear and pain in their eyes fades.

he can feel the words bubbling up and he wants to say them, to scream them, but they are stuck inside his throat, twisted around his tongue.

it is a language andrew has taught himself to unlearn.

the road to healing is rocky and dangerous, but easier to traverse when you have someone behind you

it’s even easier when you have two people behind you, people who have seen what you have seen, people who make an effort to understand you.

andrew eventually does say it.

the words, no longer cursed, are still clumsy and fall in a messy jumble at his feet

but there they are, light as a cloud, heavy as a storm:

i love you

[willows-adventures-in-words]

October prompts Day 19: Broken Hearts (Whumptober) Grief | Mourning loved one | Survivor's guilt word count: 1820 content warning: it’s a little graphic when zombies get killed.

________________

It was getting dark. They could see a house in the distance. “H-hey.” Chase turned to his travel companion.

“No.”

Chase stopped walking. “Come on, man, I just want a roof over my head for once.”

The other man stopped as well before turning to face him. “You do know there's more of them by settlements, right?” He looked back in the direction of the house and pointed. “There's more houses there.” Chase was quiet. Looking back at him he asked, “Are you getting rid of them this time?”

“... I'll help.”

The man stared at him. “With what?” When Chase didn't answer the man turned and looked back to the house. He sighed. “Come on,” he stated as he started walking towards it. Chase followed after, relieved that they were heading towards shelter. What the other man didn't say was that he also wanted somewhere to hunker down at for the night.

They reached the house without seeing any zombies. It had gotten dark forcing them to remove flashlights from their bags. The man stuck his flashlight between his teeth and grabbed his machete as he stepped up to the door. Cracking it open he noted how dark it was in the house and paused. Even if he wanted to he wouldn't be able to handle his flashlight and kill zombies at the same time. Turning off the flashlight he dropped it in his bag. “Man the flashlight,” he whispered.

Chase pointed his flashlight to the doorway. The man pushed the door open. Slowly they made their way inside. Chase slowly moved his flashlight around the room. They entered into a nice sized living room with a staircase leading upstairs. It was quiet. The man softly closed the door behind them. Chase made another slow sweep of the room with the flashlight. There was no one there. They moved towards the next room in the house. That's when they heard shuffling and groaning. Chase quickly moved the light towards the sound. A zombie shambled out of the room he were heading towards. Chase's companion moved forward without hesitation and hacked his machete into its head. Then tore it out, blood spattering, and hit it again. After another hit the zombie crumbled to the floor.

Quickly, Chase followed after him as he stepped past the zombie into the room. The floor creaked and they heard movement. The other man jerked around. “What the fuck is wrong with you,” he hissed.

“You're the one who went ahead without me,” Chase told him in a harsh whisper.

There was movement below them as well as above. The man shoved Chase towards the stairs. Chase's heart pounded as he started up the steps. Why was he going up first? He didn't even have a weapon on him... Suddenly, as Chase turned his light towards the sound of the shuffling, a zombie reached out to grab at him. With wide-eyes, Chase ducked and scrambled behind it. Just as it started to turn towards him again, he kicked it back. Chase's companion came up the last of the steps and swung his blade nearly taking its head off as it staggered back from Chase's kick. The weapon got stuck and he had to struggle for a second to get it loose. He huffed and the two turned to the sound of banging.

Walking over, with the help of the flashlight Chase held, the man reached for the door knob. “It's locked,” he stated.

“What do we do?”

He looked at Chase. “If you want to waste your energy breaking down the door, go ahead,” he told him as he continued to one of the other rooms.

“... Wait. We're just gonna leave it?” There was no response as he swung open the door to the room, then sent an annoyed look over to him. Chase walked over with their light source. Carefully, he stepped inside and did a quick sweep of the bedroom. Not a zombie in sight. The man turned back down the hall to the room they didn't check yet. Chase quickly followed after him, sending a glance to the door the zombie was banging on. “He's gonna break through...”

“Good. Let 'im.” The door to this room was already open. He motioned to Chase to check it. A quick sweep of the flashlight revealed another bedroom but no zombies. They heard the wood crack on the other door. Chase joined him back in the hall. Then there was noise downstairs. Chase twisted around and shone his light down over the railing. He could see another zombie wandering around on the first floor. Turning to his companion he went to speak but the man brought a finger to his lips then shook his head.

They waited in silence. Chase was afraid his nerves would get the best of him as he constantly checked back downstairs for the other zombie. Finally, the door in front of them splintered and broke enough that they could see the zombie on the other side. The machete was jabbed and swung through the gap. Chase, while trying to hold the flashlight still, twisted and looked back when he heard the other zombie. “Hey.”

His companion turned around and jumped on the banister. He crouched down and squinted in the darkness before demanding for the light. Chase turned and shined the light over the edge and peered down. Immediately his companion jumped down. Once he landed he swung the machete at its legs and the zombie went down. Getting up he stabbed his weapon down into its back. After pulled the blade back, the zombie crawled over and grabbed his ankle. He stabbed and hacked his machete until it stopped moving. Chase watched the display in amazement and shock.

Turning, Chase headed to the stairs and made his way down. Once there his companion motioned over to the room he was initially heading to. Chase swallowed then nodded. He was a little unnerved with how aggressive he was. Even though he knew he should be thankful to be traveling with someone who was that good at taking out zombies. But it was also kinda lonely. They never really talked. And if they did, it was only ever about where they were going or what they were doing.

The room was a kitchen. Useful. They'll need to search it for supplies after they were sure the house was cleared of zombies. Chase felt his stomach grumble at the thought of food. They moved on to the next room which was connected to the kitchen. A bathroom. No zombies. Though not too surprising. Next to the bathroom was a broken down door that led to a basement. Chase glanced to the other man hoping he wasn't going to insist he go first again. He didn't, thankfully.

Chase followed after him as they made their way down. It was quiet. The first room they found was storage. They kept moving. The other room was a bedroom with a bathroom attached. Chase lingered in the bedroom with the light pointed to the bathroom so his companion could confirm it was clear. Looking around, something caught Chase's eye. A picture frame laying face down on the end table by the bed. Picking it up he wiped the face on his shirt to clear off the dust and looked at the picture. It was of a family. A father, mother, and their child.

“Hey.” Chase didn't respond. “What'd you find?”

Slumping down on the edge of the worn-out bed, Chase muttered, “They're gone.” He stared at the photo as if it was of his own family. “They're gone and I...” Tears slid down his cheeks. “I couldn't do anything.” Silence fell for a moment before Chase started talking again. “Stacy didn't deserve that. And. And Sam was only six. Six.” His voice cracked. “If I would have insisted she come with me I could have protected her. I wasn't there for her,” he managed before a sob escaped his throat. “I should have done something...”

Other than Chase's crying, it was quiet. His traveling companion stood in the middle of the room watching his break down. He knew grief. The situation, what happened, it wasn't something that could be changed. Especially not with words. Reflecting didn't change anything either. The only thing that can be done is to just move on. “Get over it and move on.”

“You're an asshole.” Chase sniffled and tried to stop crying. But the more he talked about it the harder it was. “They were my family. Don't you get it? I lost everything. Everything I cared about.”

“And you can't get that back. So, move on.”

“You don't get it!” Frustration joined the pain in his voice.

“Keep it down,” he told him harshly.

“Why? There's no one-”

“They would probably hear you from outside, dumbass.” Chase stared at him. Then sniffled again. The man sighed. “Look. You can grieve, you can mourn or resent what happened but none of that is going to change anything. The only thing you can do is move on from it. The quicker the better.”

“I can't,” Chase said quietly. “How can I? They were everything to me.”

“Do it anyway.” He turned towards the door, like he was about to leave. When he spoke again his tone was softer than before. “You don't want to be stuck with those memories when your trying to survive.”

It was quiet for a moment before Chase looked up at him. Had he..? Whether he did or didn't, Chase wasn't going to ask. He didn't want to bring up painful memories. The man suddenly started to the door. Chase, temporarily distracted from his grief, didn't want him to leave. “Hey, um...” He stopped and rested his hand on the door-frame but didn't turn to look at him. “Could you- Can I have your name? Please. Or, just, something I can call you. I swear I'll stop asking if you tell me no. I just-”

“Anti.”

Chase paused, momentarily confused. “You want me to call you Anti?”

“... Yeah.” When Chase didn't immediately respond, he left the room. As Chase watched him leave, he realized that was the first real conversation they've had. One that didn't consist of discussing supplies or who was on watch at night.

His eyes drifted back down at the photo in his hands. His heart ached but he didn't cry again. He wished he would have taken something of hers. Something to remember them by. But... he wasn't thinking right. He had nothing of his life with his family. And that was something he regretted the most.

[jack-kellys]

thank u, next: finale part 1

hey everyone ;)

thank u, next is finally back and this thing I wrote is so long that it's TWO PARTS LONG!! isn't that EXCITING?? (it's only two parts because tumblr won't let it fit but it's fine)

all previous chapters are at the bottom of my masterlist—read for a refresher if ya need lmao it's been a while

here we go!

————

LAST TIME ON TU,N: al and race had their first date, al revealed some of his history, both boys admitted they loved each other (essentially), and race mentioned something about needing to stall....

words: 1527

warnings: cursing, death mention, cliffhanger?? :0

———

Five, Part One

“I think it’s ready.”

Race tilted his head to face his boyfriend as he said this, hands placed neatly over his stomach as he laid on the bed. Race’s quiet demeanor was misleading, as usual—a storm was roaring inside, a hurricane spinning and making his chest tighten in apprehension.

“What’s ready, Al?” Race asked.

Albert turned his head to the side as well, gazing at Race with a new light in his eyes. His smile was so wide and endearing that it nearly broke Race’s heart.

“The apartment, stupid,” Al scoffed. “We fixed it up, cleaned it, I got all the papers ready, my stuff’s all ready…” Al grinned. “I’m ready to move into it.”

And then Race’s heart did break.

Al looked so, so happy. Race knew that for Albert, getting his own place was a bigger milestone than it already would be for the average person. It meant something more than just a second floor apartment—it was a freedom Al had longed for since he was twelve, he'd said. A freedom that would rip whatever freedom Albert currently had away from him.

“You sure, baby?” Race whispered, trying not to let his voice break. “Everything’s done? There’s nothing left to prepare, nothing left to pack up?”

“Nope!” Al shook his head, eyes glinting as he leaned over to Race. “It’s done. Everything’s done. It’s gonna be mine, Antonio. All mine. Just like you.”

He pressed his lips hard onto Race’s, Race eagerly tangling his fingers into Albert’s red hair. Al’s hand was warm against his cheek, his thumb rubbing softly against him despite the intensity of the kiss. Race lost himself in Albert more than usual, hyper-focused on every detail—every freckle, every hair out of place, the feel of his hands on him, the taste of his lips and tongue, every small sound he made. Ironic how Al called him perfect, since the opposite was true.

After a while, Race was tracing his fingers over Albert’s stomach as the man rambled about how he wanted to set up the place, Race nodding every so often.

How Race’s heart shattered for him—this most undeserving man who had been nothing but endlessly interesting and funny and warm to him. Yes, Albert’s infatuation was mostly false, but Race could feel the deep friendly affection Albert harbored for him as well, one Race harbored right back. Only once before had Race let himself do that—in 1905, a boy named Sean Conlon walked into that same apartment door with a skeptical glance and narrowed eyes, and to Race’s dismay, they were friendly as well as intimate. It had broke him then, and it was breaking him now.

Through the rest of the week, it would continue to break him. Race helped Albert move into the place, not allowed to let Al get any suspicions as to why Race might have seemed gloomy. Moving in was tragically fun, the two of them laughing as they dropped boxes, picking up their contents and talking about nothing and everything. Race was surprised at his ability to keep the lump in his throat down enough to even talk to Al. Lucky, too—Albert was rather smart at figuring when something was wrong.

“I think that's everything,” Albert huffed, smiling and wiping his hands on his jeans. “I can't believe it.”

“Neither can I,” Race laughed, shaking his head. “Fast, huh?”

“Yeah, thank God. I thought that was gonna take so much longer. I'd assumed the worst,”

Al shrugged. Then he grinned, doing a small spin with his arms out in the center of the room. “But this is so great! It's all mine, and I'm responsible for it, and I make the rules—well, technically not, but still…”

Albert’s rambling faded away slightly as Race felt something in his chest. A sort of tug, like something was trying to get out of him

His heart stopped. That was so soon. Surely he had a little more time? An hour at least? He still had to tell him everything.

His change in demeanor must have been noticeable. Al was practically scanning him, analyzing anything that could be wrong.

“Babe, you oka—”

“I lied to you,” Race interrupted.

Albert went silent. His head was cocked slightly, that skeptical frown of his making Race’s heart skip a beat, that frown that meant Al wasn't just some pawn in Race’s wretched game.

“About what?” Albert asked slowly, eyes narrowed. A pang of guilt jabbed Race through the ribs as he remembered Al’s shitty past with relationships. This would be one for the books, Race supposed.

“About me. About who I—well, not about who I am. I lied about what I'm here for,” Race confessed.

“About why your mom left you here,” Al concluded. “What you're saying is that you ain't here to protect the people who buy this apartment, like you’d said to me.”

Race couldn't help but be slightly impressed. Albert’s expression remained rather neutral, his actual anger probably fighting with his infatuation with Race. Al was doing a good job at not letting either side win.

“No, I'm not here for that,” Race sighed. He had to get this over with. Maybe it'd hurt less that way. “When my family first moved to New York, my mom was at a loss as to where to go. Not many people just welcomed immigrants like that, y’know? And then we found this apartment. The landlord charmed my ma’s pants off—he was the first nice person to us in the city. But then he changed.

“He stopped caring about us. He didn't get anyone to fix anything when things were broken, no one cleaned anything. He took advantage of the people in this building, knowing no one could go anywhere else. He just took our money and kept the place in shambles. And so I died from the conditions—that part’s true.

“As I was dying—stay with me here, Albie, we don't have much time—my mother cursed me with haunting this apartment, and….making anyone who walks into the door with intentions to buy...instantly fall in love with me. It keeps me alive—the more people, the longer I get to live.”

Race hugged himself, willing the feeling in his chest to wait. Albert looked paralyzed, with fear or confusion or anger Race couldn't tell.

“So...so none of this was real? I-I don't...I don't love you right now?” Al questioned, eyebrows knit together.

“It's real to an extent,” Race explained, his heart cracking as Albert’s face dropped further. “I just...I gave you the initial infatuation, and then amplified the feelings you caught for me.”

“The feelings I caught?” Al scoffed. “Like you don't have them.” Then Albert froze. “You don't have ‘em, do you. You never did. That was just my stupid head telling me that you did, wasn't it.”

Race shook his head wildly. This was going worse than he thought it would. “No! No, Al, I promise you I do. I fell for you, I didn't mean to, but I—”

“Didn't mean to?” Albert seethed. If he was this worked up, time must really be up soon, Race noted sadly.

“It hurts less that way,” Race decided to admit. “I've been doing this for centuries now. My Ma wants revenge for eternity and I'm the pawn she needs to play it out.”

“This is fucked up,” Al said, tone decisive and expression stiff. “You're fucked up. Get the fuck outta my apartment, right now, you lying sonofa—”

“I’m afraid I can't do that,” Race said, the words coming out of him rather than him actually saying them. He was starting to feel a little distant, but he had to hold on. Just a little longer.

Albert’s eyes narrowed. “You're not physically attached to the place. Your words, not mine. Get out.”

“Can't leave this time,” Race shook his head solemnly.

“Then fuck you. I'll leave,” Albert bit out. Approaching the door, he scoffed, “if I didn't fuck a ghost, then you must be a goddamn demon, fucking prick.”

Race didn't say anything—couldn't, rather, as Al tried to open the door. He jiggled the knob a few times, then looked at Race.

“I didn't lock this,” Al stated. His eyes were wide. “Did you?”

“Not exactly,” Race murmured, looking at his feet. “I can't leave, which means you can't leave, either.”

“Race?” Albert breathed, back flush against the door as fear flashed in his eyes. “What are you saying.”

“I’m running out of time,” Race said instead. “I just...I need you to know that I've loved you. I'm in love with you, I swear on my mother’s soul I am. And I'm sorry you have to pay for it. I'm so, so sorry…” He felt tears slide down his cheeks.

“Race, for what?” Albert demanded. “What's- what’s going to happen?”

“I'm not part of what comes next, okay? I don't want this, I don't...want this…please…”

The tugging was too strong. He'd pushed it off for too long; he was out of time. Race felt his mind slip away from him, and then he was gone, torn away from Albert and leaving him to go through what was next alone.

———

haha what the fuck does THAT mean? read part two to find out!

TAG LIST

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[bigsquinky]

quick sketches from a shapiro and mulligan alien au ::3c i wrote something too for this scene. I dont write stuff very often so its rough but i will put it under the cut here

the storage corridor was dimly lit, sparks from exposed wires lighting the way down the destroyed passage. the alamanium steel doors were crushed, thrust open unnaturally with an inhuman force that rendered them useless. all the  way down to the end, large dents and ruptures could be seen along the walls, identical to the ones leading back down the main hall. 

 Shapiro was not happy. Not happy at all 

 she had been away for just a moment, something to do with confirmation for a shipment or going over some trivial documents, nothing out of the ordinary of what usually happened during the day. a lot was expected of her, but there was no way she could supervise training cadets, overseeing daily maintenance, and everything else in their quadrant of the ship. she was only gone for the smallest moment, but thats all that was needed for everything to go wrong. a large crash echoed from the training bay, followed by the audible screaming of a few cadets, as well as, oddly enough, the odd roars of cheering. 

whatever ruckus had occurred while she was gone left the bay in shambles, large craters on the ceiling and the walls, lights and equipment broken, everything would have to be replaced, everything brought back to code. it was going to be a bureaucratic nightmare. oh, and that one cadet would have to be taken to the emergency wing. but he was the least of Shapiros worries at the moment, he would be fine anyways, Grutians were known to be virtually indestructible, if anything, only his pride was wounded. 

No, Shapiro's worries were down that busted up supply hall, and as the appointed quadrant manager, she needed to bring everything back to efficiency quickly, before more reports would be required. A large group of cadets and employees gathered behind her in the hall, all murmuring in fright and surprise at what was happening. Shapiro clicked at her belt and put a regulatory protection field between her and the crowd, preventing them from moving any closer into the supply hall. the frantic chattering of a cockroach in a labcoat was heard coming closer to the scene of the mess, as O'Reilly banged on the field, his muffled pleas to Shapiro to wait for an armoured squad fell on deaf ears. It was her responsibility, and this mess was going to be fixed, even if she had to make another one.

She made her way down that hall, mentally preparing herself for the struggle that could happen. From day one, that cadet only got in trouble, and caused her trouble. She thought that keeping him on probation would solve at least some of her problems. its not like he was doing any of this on purpose, but this Cadet Mulligan seemed to attract trouble wherever he went. It was everyone else that seemed to have problems with him, stemming from eons old beliefs in superstitions that beings like him were considered cursed, or biological mistakes. she at least knew how it felt to be looked down upon, being Atharian meant that from birth she had to work harder than most to even get to where she was now, but she still had more of a privilege than the cadet did, even if he was half Arachnian. But because Shapiro worked so hard and gave up so much to get where she was, it jsut meant it could be torn away from her so much easier, her higher ups were just waiting for her to fail, giving her all of this work knowing full well not even the most able of commanders could not  complete what she managed to in a day, and she knew it. Despite all her successes, all she needed was one slip up, and it could come crumbling down beneath her. She could not afford to show weakness in a time like this, not again. not ever. she reached the end of the hall, and pushed the big storage room door open

to say it was a mess was an understatement. Shapiro could barely creak the door open enough to squeeze through with the large shelf of various supplies toppled over in disarray. the only light in the room from the working emergency lights lit the clutter in a dim, cold blue light. She quietly navigated the maze of toppled over supplies and stock, taking expert caution to make her presence in the room unknown. if one did not know about the events leading up to this mess, one would assume the ship had made course through an asteroid belt. Shapiro's pointed ears perked up as she finally heard the source of her troubles. Mulligan was there

Shrouded in the darkness, he was hard to make out. Shapiro squinted, as hard as the emergency lights tried to do their job, they were beyond overdue for repair after the beating they took today. What she could make out of his figure however, broke Shapiro into a cold sweat. Finally, she clued into the seriousness of the situation she put herself into, wishing in the back of her mind that she did listen to O'Reilly, although she would never admit he was right if she ever got out of here

Even though he was sitting, he towered over her, his head short of hitting the ceiling. the once recognizable Atharian frame that he had donned was gone, instead a colossal figure grunted and snarled, writhing in confusion as his he tried in vain to reconstruct himself. he panted heavily, clutching his head with two large arms, while four other appendages scratched at his body and braced himself to the steel storage case. Mulligan twisted and contorted but to no avail, a large fist slammed into the wall behind him, leaving a large dent. Shapiro silently stared petrified, her breath ragged. She attempted to shuffle herself backwards and out of there without being noticed, a hand moving slowly to her belt for a plasma taser, in case she needed to defend herself, but instead she misstepped, her foot knocking a small provisions can into a panel, causing the latter to reverberate, and her presence to be known

Mulligan stopped and jerked his head unnaturally towards the sound, breathing heavily, his face partially blocked by his arm. Shapiro froze, and their eyes locked. Mulligan's expression changed from a look of fury, to distress, as he let out a booming cry. he shifted back into the dark as far as he could go, his back against the wall. His breathing was rapid, with a look of horror on his face, it was like he was a scared animal backed into a corner. Crying out in a foreign tongue, what sounded like a plethora of backwards wailing to Shapiro, Mulligan's arms frantically moved into a defensive position, and attempted to cover his face. He continued to wail as Shapiro got off the floor and steadied herself, cautiously moving closer towards the creature. Mulligan tried in vain to move further back and away, but he could not move anymore, his large form made it impossible to break out of this corner. His breathing quickened, and his speech became broken and more unintelligible as he choked back tears. He violently flinched as Shapiro brought up her hand to her scouter, combing through old catalogues of alliance data to find translation as to what the cadet was saying. The scouter laboured for what seemed to be an eternity before it made a cheerful beep as it finally calculated a basic translation of the cacophony. Mulligan continued to cry out in panic as Shapiro finally read what he had been saying this whole time

" GO AWAY! AWAY FROM ME! MONSTER! AM MONSTER!"

the script had scrolled across the screen multiple times as Shapiro stood there in silence. Mulligan closed his eyes as he continued to shake and repeat the devastating message. His fingers dug deep into his face as all the sounds around him started turning into static, letting out one last painful cry before he quickly stifled himself in a swift jolt. His eyes shot open, his breathing ragged, as he looked down and saw a small purple hand lightly touching at his knee

Shapiro sat up tall, facing away from Mulligan with her hand on him, her three fingers slightly stroking and patting his thigh. He brought a quivering hand down, dwarfing her hand as he gently brought it into his. Shapiro continued to look straight forward, as Mulligan's breathing slowed and became controlled, his shoulders relaxed, and he slowly leaned forward away from the wall, and the two sat in silence

She waited a while, before she finally spoke. "Mulligan, what happened?" He sat there. Shapiro repeated herself in the same unwavering but quiet tone. "Mulligan, what happened?" Mulligan swallowed, his entire body still shivering. "It-It-It happened so fast, I couldn-couldn't stop- I just-" "Mulligan, what happened in the training bay while I was gone?" Shapiro didnt want to escalate things, but she had to get Mulligan to talk before a security squad busted through that temporary field. Mulligan stammered. "It-it-it was Giraldi. He came up to me, saying it was my fault he was taken off the scouting mission. He-he slammed me against the wall, I didnt do nothin', I just took it until-" He paused "-'til he brought up YOU." "Me?" Shapiro finally turned slowly to look up at mulligan, the faint blue glow partly illuminating his face. His expression darkened, his fangs were bared and a low growl escaped his lips. "He  said shit that was deplorable, about Atharians, about you, that it was beneath him as a Grutian to take orders from a bug. Disgusting shit about what he could do and no one would stop him, and he called you, he called you a-" Mulligan's grip on Shapiro's hand tightened. She let out a small yelp as Mulligan gasped and pulled his hand away "IM SORRY!! Im sorry-im so sorry i-". Shapiro grabbed his hand with both of hers this time. She looked at him intently, her spots glowing faintly revealed the makings of a pained expression, the first time she had bared any resemblance of feelings to anyone since that time. She took his hand and rested her forehead on it, as Mulligan's breathing calmed down. Mulligan exhaled. "Af-After that, I lost it. i lost control, i could only see red as i flung him around that room. When i remembered what was happening and where i was, I freaked out and ran off here. I got, so scared that what happened last time was gonna happen again, i had to calm down fast, but i couldnt! i was still so upset about everything, and then-" He stopped. He turned his head to look at Shapiro, his purple, polycoria eyes the only thing visible in the shadows. "Im so sorry, Lieutenant Commander"

Shapiro closed her eyes, and exhaled, still keeping her grip on Mulligan's hand. "Whats done is done, Cadet. We cant change that. I dont know what will be decided by the Commander, or if a higher council will be brought in but-" She smiled slightly "- i thank you for standing up for me, Mulligan" She felt Mulligan's hand shrink in her own, and felt the growth of another finger, until it finally slowed, and he locked his fingers with hers. She looked up at him, his form back to that of a fake Atharian, and a tired smile on his face. His two eyes, once four, while displaying no signs of his metamorph mutation, are slightly red. "Thank you Shapiro." She smiled back. "Dont thank me just yet, someone will have to clean up this entire mess!" Mulligan chuckled, and the both of them walked out of the storage hall, still holding each others hands.

[izusun]

hey idk if ur still watching the squid game but dont watch episode 6. trust me. theres no coming back from that. your life will be in absolute shambles like after the episode ended i just had to pause the series and sit in bed staring at the wall in silence cus idek wtf else to do. (this might be lowkey spoilers so dont read this last part till after you watch it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) why am i so dramatic but anyway if u do watch it imagine bkdk as ji yeong and sae byeok and if you REALLY want it to hurt imagine bakugo as sae byeok lmfao but its rlly not funny tho

so im never recovering from ep 06

my girl ji yeong kept forgetting that she and sae byeok are not leaving that place together, and kept slipping up by going “when we leave,,,” or “after this, let’s go to jeju island together.”

and i’m genuinely broken in tiny pieces :’>

like i know they didn’t interact that long BUT THATS WHY IT’S SADDER!!!!

they had a potential (either romantic or platonic)!!!!!

this as bkdk is terrifying because midoriya would.

midoriya would give up his chance so that bakugou could advance and live.

but instead of the scene where ji yeong basically goes “i have nothing to live for,” i feel like midoriya would say something like

“if you’re gone then i don’t have anything to live for, kacchan.”

bakugou crying, and going, “that’s so selfish of you, izuku.”

but midoriya already lost </3

and before he gets shot, midoriya says, “thank you for playing with me, kacchan! win for the two of us, okay?”

[jamesmcf88]

pt 2 - james mcfarlane

NEW — weird song (2016) the reaper, put the beat on hold, bones dug up just like the sunflowers in the snow, now deeper into the river of sight, if you go in that cave dont turn out the light, white light shines bright, no stars tonight, behind the vox stack, their singin heart is black, subwayswhislting over my head, thank god i climbed aboard instead, reap what you sew 4x (coda) Heart is black ive been had (ive been had) ive gone mad (ive gone mad) ths is war, (this is war) i told you all this before i beg you, i want you too, write me back heart is black face the facts, art is black, heart is black face the facts, art is black, oohicant stay, (ooh icant stay) cant go your way, (cant go your way) i felt you sweet smack, Your smoke is black (smoke is black) i beg you, i want you too, write me back heart is black face the facts, art is black, Beautiful face she thinks shes alright, butshes out of sight, swim in for a bite, underneath the white light, thining of fashons, and still looking smashing appealing to fools, out of all kinds of schools, lo frequency base, mixed with the acid taste, no it couldnt compare, to your beautiful face. you left a hole in my chest, a better shot than the rest, do you have five minutes, for a warhol screen test, at dawn i see a star burning not lie the rest, cant help but sit and wonder where its going next 4x cant help but sit and wonder where shes going next 4x Blue Haired BelleBlue Haired Belle, hangs around the gates of hellMorning stars get lost, in the flow of your blue sky locksDon’t despair, you’ve been on a track please take care, Come fly with me, its your blue sky that’s pure dont you see. Its alright You, me , everybody,we, see, only moonbeams,comets not so high,eathquakes in the sky,lalalight n short in hight and , nananight and it’s alright,lalalight n short in hight and , nananight and it’s alright, You light the way, through tunnels, try not the scrape, the gunnels,on the right a cave in sight, it’s alright not this timeon the right a cave in sight, it’s alright not this timelalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala lalalalaooooaaaaooooaaaaaooooooooooaaaaooooaaaaaooooooooooaaaaooooaaaaaooooooooooaaaaooooaaaaaoooooo Main Street When you called me up hereIdidnt feel like walkin, Now your sayin to me,youdidnt feel like talkinwhy are we so clumsy,so clumsy with our breadnow you tell me honey, how you keep your stomach fed, always lending yourself out, to the freaks that dot our lives,honey when you gunna shout, at those drones in out beehive,take a walk uptown, to the bucket where they drown,gunna tell them when they get out,to get theiur handouts downtown MorningAt the dawn of a new age,Sun comes up, smell the burning sage,take a step foreward, turn the pagesay goodbye to all those dark dark days, MAking a brew I stare a the fire,stir the pot, and then connect the wires,turn on the amp, the music inspires,got to free my mind from all the cheats and all the liars. Morningdrone You, you know what I mean, when isay,that nothings gunna happen today,and you, you know what imean,wheni tell you it’s just not my scene, you, yeees you, what the hell are we gunnado?and you, the only one you listen to, is a man, by the name of, Lou. We, yeees us three, could make it at a defferentpace,I, know that, it’s a discrace, Lord, take us to another place, So grab your stuff, your record albums,you take the wine, and ill take the guns, and into the ocean, we will go, cause you know, were headed, for the coast,so raise up your glasses, for a toast,ha, which one of us can drink the most,the father, theson, or the holy ghost,and you say that this car can race,but can it take us to that other place, a different side of mother natures face. take me to another place. Nothing drones honey comes from lots of work, sticky feet moving berserkpatterns form in crude beauty, drones fulfill a pointless duty, honey drips, from the hive, golden jkelly feeds their wife, pretty flowers messy home, nothing drones on like the cone, back and forth, in and out, dancing like we use our mouths,the pay is small and so are you, results of that sweetens my tooth, the task is never ending, constantly descending, dripping in the mouths of those not worth defending. Oppenheimer park Rolling down the open road, to the end of the line,end of the world, end of the illusion of time,I go down to the water, and feel the cool surf,hear music in the air and take it for what it’s worth, cant understand why people, could live on so little,when so much goes through them, and through the needle, so hasty, with the selling of their saved souls,the western downtown is bright, blunt, and bold. Walk up and down throughout the day, out of your mind,think of your home nevermore, till the end of timethe loop drones on and on like a broken clock,don’t need to climb the montain, cause your at the top Hastngs is not coming for you, your coming for it,like hell it bewccons like the incline of a pit,the east side, sits a nd people come from near and far,to sit, and sink, into the grass, in oppenheimer park oracle so your torched,your hanging by a thread,don’t scorch, your pretty little head,wishing through your lips that it worntpass,feels like your turning from a liquid to a gas, take a trip right to the edge of your mind, consciousness poured out and left behind,take a break from all the flats and all the sharpd,ride a cloud of nothing, and numb your broken heart To thew edge of your mind, distortion blurrs the line bettweenwhats out there and whats inside, deep in the cave, breath in the cold air,see shadows on the wall,… stare bring news just like homing pigeon,come down, and start a new religion, leave now, and speak out, littereally or metephorical,the knowledge you posess will make you the oracle. Pipe Dream A science experiment gone totally wronga weather balloon with some kind of evil about it,all the kids at school could see it above the horizon,my friends and i knew we’d be better off without it, king kong, walked along high street, where the freaks and thugs call home,if he could reach this floating disaster on time,he knew he would never have to die alone,hethough about it and realised the people wouldntunderstandhe knew their alien nation would turn this ape into a man, darkened minds turn on a dime, revolve in time along thin white linesyin and yang drip from a wolfs fang, one pulls the trigger the other goes band why can we get to the meaningof this philosophy of feeling, how do we break the silence of the checkerboard of violence. Darkened fool has lots of toolsd, dead at the deep end of the pool, boring times and pouring rhyme, the question, is this really mine? why can we get to the meaningof this philosophy of feeling, how do we break the silence of the checkerboard of violence. Psych em out Psychem out like rabid vermin, make em shout a phony sermon,see right through their simple game,right to their core their thoughts of shame, watchem blow upon the fire, rocks explode right on the liar, social change brings end to war, housewife trembles on the floor,backwardsforewards, up and downvoisc encircle all aorund, observeprecieve hear see know learn mirror be, identify possible flaws, of the menace with no causethe time is now, so try to learn how to bend the rules they use to keep you down. Rabbit hole Salvage you mind while it is illuminated, a fire out of control,a cabbage in ttime, right now it is fumigated, wired and housing a soul,badhabbits in line, schedualed to be terminated, inspire you out of your hole, A rabbit , redefined and underrated but higher than ever before, drink up while the tea is hot and bright blue, the flesh of the gods makes it so,3 caps and some stems is all i can do, to see shooting stars upon the snow, think sweetly of me, with emotions so true as yu stand and look through the window,think of thinkgs to do when im gone for good now, waving at the bus watching it go, Im down in the southland, with deep curving valleys and bridges all rusty and crumbling, with grasses all dying and rivers of green and subways whistling under me. a spot on the corner , a 30 dollar gutar, a case and a cigarette too, is all that i need to get usedd to my home and bring my mind closer to you. The last of this song, is all out of place, but the pace rings true to the rule, of the verses before i shut tight the door on the patterns lost and misconstrewen,becauseits all backwards and forewards like this, its in shambles but its not a ruin,the end of this 4 verse song has arrived, to the point you might not clue in. Sea of lights Rockj and rave, through the night,on speed in a sea of lights,jump spin contort thrust,black white pain lust,spent a week there last might, maybe more,steal yourself a holy death crouching by the door cause we all live in sin but it makes music sound new, go out on a limb, and let the world surround you, we rave through the atonal thrusts and the booms,tonight the flowers of evil are in full bloom, Standing there all in white, she sings in the spotlight, in darkness and style, we strum all the whilestanding all in black behind the vox stack, from behind sunglasses, we inspire the masses, cause we all live in sin but it makes music sound new, go out on a limb, and let the world surround you, we rave through the atonal thrusts and the booms,tonight the flowers of evil are in full bloom, Walk and talk it through the park,whiplashgirlchild in the darkrun run run, take a drag shoot your speed while you brag i’ve been orchestrating behind sunglasses,immitatingprodogy, and writer, man, tomboy and a throusand fans zeppelin spotlights on my brain exploding plastic in my veinhypnotyic tones as the propellers drone,mind bending sounds, resonate undreground, dak circles never weed, new york 1963, Chcmysic, velvet freak desensitize alter tweak, no money car moon or sun, sell your blood for heroin,if she ever comes now now, moe beat on that drum now now,pink perfume, mantra neumes silk screen factory tunes superstar test only the best wine coffee speed heroin rest,darkcircl;es never weep, new yourk 1963,theyve been up for weeks, in the white light the tweak, in 63 Skeleton Here we are again, moneys all been spent, you don’t know where hesbeen,hes trying to fend off things that dwell within, hes a skeleton. at the end of days hes been here before he says, narrow in mannyways,hes a skeleton,andidont know where hesgoin, or why he thinks itssnowin, he can see the wind thatsblowin, hes a skeleton, Spotlight Reap what you sew,snakes and poppys in her hair,sun flowers in the snow,make you look like your not so old,it had been so long i could not recall her face,she came outside to meet me though iwas’t her case,nowi sit and wonder if I’m out of place,the memories i had of her, are in outer space Standing all in white, she sings in the spotlight, in darkness and style, we strum all the while,on the odd days I could talk to her,harmony and dissonence, a modern venus in furs,up and down that hallway, rotating the earth,waiting there for hours and hours, for her the quench my thirst. Sweet grass summertime,see the star shine, and i don’t mind revisiting those times,although my mind is blown, i play the drone,saying goodbye while you’re getting stoned. Vicious lips oooooo what to do,iwanna see you too,i think imgoin mad, ooooim not that sad noooi wonder sometimes where you are,what moon what planet under what star,id like to think your not that far, but we both know that trip was hard your vicious lips, eard on the airwaves, waking the dead, from their graves,your sweet, but your toxic, been three weeks since you dropped itI found it in my pocket, your trains comin I cant stop it You Made Me the reaper, put the beat on hold, turns to dust when they turn to dope,promises, he couldntkeep,to save a life, only three feet deep,you’re my catalyst, myonliness, decemberbaby,im the creep you made me,you’re my catalyst, myonliness, decemberbaby,im the creep you made me,the reaper, put the beat on hold, turns to dust when they turn to dope,promises, he couldntkeep,to save a life, only three feet deep,you’re my catalyst, myonliness, decemberbaby,im the creep you made me, Come Back Around JAMES MCFARLANE·FRIDAY, MAY 13, 201610 Reads The process as a whole is always a learning experience like no other. Ultimately, like the brain has a recognition and physical atribute that corresponds with most chemicals in nature (possibly even synthetic chemicals) the psychological functions that a person can aquire are almostordaned and recieved in a timely fashion by the organ and im assuming the subconscious effortlessly and for evolutionary purpose. So I will assume everyones own, (however existential), growth experience is interesting. Having the atribute of spiking and deminishing of at least two of the brains most important chemicals related to experience, and behavior… and the awareness of the (most obvious to you) potential for not only chemical related occurances and their ripple effect, but the behavioral methods that the acute brain, manic brain, almost has a natural function to excercise and use usually either for a better survival or further expansion into astonishing existential and soon to be investigated parapsychological, social behaviors that tend to stick as long as they serve in a new type evolutionary (ie “Counter intuative”, productive and humanistic beavior that the mind eagerly draws in like an antennae recieving and storing up valueable energy. Setting this agenda and also surviving the early episodes, of bipolar, (which are usually the most drastic) are two hurdles to get over, let alone the crude, almost sickening archetectural features in our community hospitals, thats purpose cannot be desguised as heathcare to the human eye. A grossly overused assortment of bondage equipment and isolation chambers (not to mention your absence of any dignifying articles of clothing( also to be moved and set in place on occasion) nowadays plate glass walls, a whole dungeon setup designed by those people involved no less, who really probably care wheather the colour they chose or how their design would function better than the decaying sweat soaked ultimately in our home towns case, my favorite case, dried blood stained, apparenty approved for use by some dr, a single hallway, to alk up and down seemingly endlessly, untill not suprisedby the inevitable dread code white, that is the delight for the predominantly, …listen t me… dominated, by your average practicing as ferociously as they can with as little effort as possible, sociopath and more importantly to re ognise, violent violators psychopaths, who pretymch have the real pl working there stressin over what could possibly be these ppls capabilities, and are alienated inside by this evil thay cannot risk their ,,, virtully anything valuable, like a job or who knows, omg… thats why she left,,,,, so, yaa, these ppl rise like cream, annnnnd they have a really good time eeeehm, .. now nurse practitioners or legends, thir former dominator look like theyve aged, well lets say i was convinced they had beeen using prolongued use on heavy stimulents, like crack. iloldrewaout a blueprint with symboldsfr the patient advocate, neaysi mostly wantd to write and its alot of shit thats gone no doubt as home with ,,,lets say u know like fat cat. what, i was 15, and he was fat then, now hes the last one standing up there that i know of. oh yea… so i would say if u want out, and as of late i thing the design is perfect for the right ppl, socios included, fuckers, but, the dr, they are jst as careless as the security guards who cant hide haw stupid the really are and the odd couple who are revealing that their ok, still, idicovered, ,, maybe not in north bay, but in a proper community, like the city, ………..lost my train,,,, i think that i was getting at how just to be fair and …eyea 50 percent of the staff endowd with the ability to weildstrapps, and are encouraged by their no doubt under educated superiors, to always have the wrist ready to be broken if, now this brings me back,,,, they chokeyou, than comes the bondage that betty page would think is very unatractive, idk,,, the thing is,,, ya the drs, oh waut,, ok…. 1/3 of all of them are,,,, exculding the drs, and the janitors, who if ihaventdiscosedya are always there to pile up on a code white, and i know,, listen to me, no janitor ive met would grab my ass so hard on such a numerous a pile up, i have eyes in theback f my head,,,,,,, italalot,,,,,,, ppl that work so hard tp climb so not that far up the ladder in society, yes, sum of them are costume rocking witchcrftprodiges, who, will, 1 take the whole bunch of guys .. it may have been the forensic unit,,, this little thing is known by ,ppl, ive talked to about the psych who are inderectyl told by their others who work it, and ave stories about the oddity of us. iduno,, alot went down, but,, boring s yea she walks me throught e bysantine conduit iup to the floor, and the police have to walk somewhere behind to uncuff me and ta da, , y o iwanna bring up corporeal action when the best times,,, due to the conditios of bondage uuuuuuuuuuh were strictly through plate glass,,,,, ie. rare appearenced that are pretty much the only way. i really was bloody fucking thirsty 8percent and i mea ya,, when i was younngti chewed up braaaaan and drank my watttaaeer, and drew peace sighnsandd 7 days laterrrrr, after she sumhow managed to get an earbud into my head screaming for any colour you like by pink floyd, and playd the fungsonhggg, badassss. straight jacket. prolly day 4,,,,, i still think cough syrop is good for teenagerswhatver,,m took me to the top. ok… to get offf, the ward do as such; by Ultimately drawin on to no apparent end in crayons complete with nicotine gum (smokes,, the only freedom, not yet a right, that is so hard to get,,,,, and i learned to smoke in side the scarborough general hospitol,,, that room soon became the chamber, i would be locked in, for manny weeks, at different times,, thats where alot also hapened, is where the nude bondage asianfemaldr, ..whati mean i s theatwwhatwuldlou reed say… they never forgave us for nagasaki.,,, newaysive never spent more time in a i also a what appears to be and have bben told by assdocter of the north bay pstychwhi took to court at the hospitol and he got yelled at by a panel while my dad defended him and i ate cookies cus ii was really manic,,,, i also was 15 1/2… he later let me try and commit suicide,, thats a story of a different colour,, sounds like sprockets, idk,, idontwafe war with very real religiossympomatic shat, iuuuuuhm , so,,,, hereswahat krb8tujvcklwelbutrin.,,, ya, it istaken orally it shoul get right to work in three ad a half weeks, if suicidal,,,,, pray, oooir if u cant get dxedrine,, or sum speed beane drink a bottle of childrensgeapecoughsyrup once a day,,,, this acts as a seritonin reuptake inhibitor of a differrentcolour. 2 to 4 hours,,,iu get the mental stimulation,, it reall is a mellow buzz butttttyupppidecare fuck cough syrop…… dexedrineisnt out there and i know it couould really bbe used and they aslso do,, ie. jfk, addisons disease, dexedrine/anphetamine. so,, it will make y0ur 90 year old great aunt we all frogot about over in blind river get up from the abyss of alzheimers and dementia and sing thins is the day that the lord hath made,, ,but with real and concious interaction,,, without memory of course. however,,, she does that,,, did that anyway , but,,, im sure every month not every day,, at least one trial of … iuffingadhd adults can take it,,, why cant she. smeared into the grate of every window and the classy bubble rooom which actually was made with enough pride according to the regionnsid say, to have an even more, almost funny, and certainly battered scratched and spat on bubble for the head psychiatrist t poke his head into every few days. Lets not froget how that scene ended. like my father and grandfather before me who conditioned and alterred the correctiona institutions for fifty fife years now a conmfortablevacatin for psychopaths and whoever, not even the hole could stand up to point blank restraints naked, with your flimsy gown around your chest. at least in the bubble room there was lots of privacy, u know, to each institution their own, glass , bubble blood stained, probably 60 years of ppl that somehow said something that attracted the attention of their nurse, who no doubt vollynteered after printing your file which is most likely epic thick, there is no room for any of their creative stylings in that no, i did just smash the wall into pieces and ya all the insulatin is everywhere, high five and respect from my cute transference mistress, (and a couple others.)

[coffeekeyboardsss]

(Rey x reader) Lost in the snow

Requested by: @labyrinth-of-thoughts 

A/N: IM SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG I REALLY HOPE YOU LIKE IT ALSO I KINDA DIDN’T EDIT MY APOLOGIES 

Words: 2,537

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You leaned against one of the walls outside of the Fighter Planes, watching the training session before you. Rey and Finn had been practicing with dummy lightsabers for the past hour now, which meant you had nowhere better to be at this very moment. You watched Rey as she moved with precision, grace, and fierceness. Three things you’d always found attractive in her case. Your relationship with her however had been reduced to light flirting, and over-the-shoulder winks. Although you didn’t really mind. Besides she was always nice to look at. You’d already packed your medical supplies that you’d need on this mission and was now just waiting until it was time to take off.

Rey continued to fight Finn, eventually sweeping his legs as he hit the ground with a thump and you raised your eyebrow a little watching her.

“Whatcha lookin at?” you heard a voice behind you and you turned around in shock to see Poe standing behind you, raising his eyebrow and smirking. You rolled your eyes and sighed, knowing it was pointless to argue against him.

“Why?” you asked, crossing your arms and facing him with a playful grin plastered on your face.

“Because this relationship of yours is getting ridiculous. Would the two of you just make out and get it over with already?” he said, rolling his eyes. You scoffed, playfully slapping him on the arm which made him laugh.

“I wasn’t kidding!” he responded, brushing a strand of hair out of his face. You shook your head, slightly amused.

“Don’t push your luck, Dameron” you said, making him laugh again.

You suddenly whipped your head around when you felt a soft hand touch your shoulder and run discreetly down your arm.

“Hey there, Y/N” she said softly, walking away from you and smirking over her shoulder. You stood there smiling for a minute and then looked up at Poe, who had a massive smirk on his face.

You stared at him for a few seconds, unable to stop smirking from Rey’s latest flirting technique before you smiled at him, slightly annoyed.

“Shut up” you said, slapping him lightly on the arm again before walking around the plane, getting ready to go. Rey was getting into another ship at that moment, attacking on a different front. She noticed you getting into the ship and winked at you before disappearing into the large metal plane. Out of sight, but not out of mind.

---------------------

“Y/N! Over here!”

Nobody had expected this to happen. All of these Storm Troopers. They’d come practically out of nowhere. You thought you’d have the upper hand. You’d all thought…

You ran over behind a tree to where Poe had called you and grabbed what you’d need out of your bag. Another man was down. Got hit with a blaster in the neck. There was more blood than you’d thought there would be. You placed your bandage on his neck, mainly to try and stop the bleeding, but it was too late. You couldn’t feel a pulse. You stifled a sob as you looked up at Poe, a broken expression on his face.

“Poe...we have to get everyone out. We’re no match!” you yelled. Poe shook his head in denial.

“We’ve been planning this for too long! If we give up now, these people...their deaths will be in vain”

“A lot more deaths will happen and a lot more will be in vain if we don’t leave now. Who knows whether the other divisions will succeed or not, but we need to get out. We stand no chance!” you yelled, trying not to focus on the crimson blood that covered your white uniform. Poe hesitated, staring out at the battle before him.

“Y-You’re right. We have to go” he said solemnly. You grabbed his hand and ran back towards the jet, struggling to run through the loose snow under your feet and stumbling every few seconds. You had to get Poe and everyone else back. You had to get back. To see Rey.

You sprinted through the snow as fast as you could, the jet now in sight. Before you could reach the jet however, you felt a burning pain in your side as you immediately fell down into the snow. You breathed heavily as you lay on the ground, looking around for help. Your hand reached down to where your wound was, trying to keep pressure on it and using your clothes to absorb the blood.

“P-Poe!?”you croaked, trying to call out to him but your voice became strained and quiet.Your head started to ache and your eyes started to become heavy, straining your vision as you looked around for help.

“A-Anyone...please” you strained out, trying to yell but your voice came out more like a whisper. Finally darkness consumed your vision as you were left alone, passed out in the snow in a forgotten battlefield.

-------------------

Rey jumped off the ship, walking down the tarmac to the other ships, looking for any familiar faces. Her and Finn had gotten out okay, only with a few minor scrapes and bruises. Everyone mostly got out okay, with only their pride a little damaged. Rey’s hair had come undone a little bit, and strands were hanging around her face in shambles. She also had some blood on her forehead and a split lip. She walked around the scene before her, glancing at all the ships trying to find either you or Poe, panic clearly visible in her eyes.

Her eyes finally rested upon Poe, as he emerged from one of the ships. Rey relaxed a little, knowing he was okay but immediately panicked when she saw his broken expression. There was something very wrong…

Rey sprinted as fast as she could towards the ship, and Poe spotted her after a few moments of being lost in his own thoughts. Guilt flooded his heart as he spotted Rey running towards him. What was he going to say. He’d failed Rey. He’d failed you…

“Where is she!?” Rey yelled as she came closer towards him, stopping at the foot of the ship as Poe descended the ladder, planting his feet unsteadily on the tarmac.

“S-She’s okay, right?” Rey asked, panicking even more at the sight of tears in Poe’s eyes.

“We lost her. S-She could be alive...we don’t know” Poe responded after a long pause, his voice shaky and grief-stricken. Rey’s eyes widened as she digested what he’s just said, trying to comprehend what he was saying. You had to be okay. You said you’d see her again.

“W-What do you mean she ‘might’ be alive. What are you saying? H-How could you lose her!?” Rey couldn’t think straight as she started spewing all these questions at him, desperate for answers to soothe her worrying mind. Poe sighed, trying to gather his thoughts in an attempt to calm Rey as best he could.

“We were retreating back to the ship. The last I saw her, she was running right behind us at a constant pace. Then...a stormtrooper got the jump on me. I don’t know how long it took for me to get rid of him before I turned around and I couldn’t see her. I assumed she was on the ship but-”

“You ‘assumed’?” Rey snapped, interrupting him and making Poe hesitate in guilt.

“I’m sorry…we had to get all these people out in time and I didn’t think...I didn’t. I’m sorry Rey”

Rey paused, looking down as her eyes darted back and forth, trying to speak but no words came out as she began to think faster than she could talk. She conveyed her options. You could still be out there. You could be hurt. She needed to find you.

“W-We have to look for her...and any other resistance members that could still be stuck out there that we haven’t accounted for.

Poe nodded firmly and pointed over to another small ship that was the only one being set up.

“Several members have volunteered to search in the snow. We haven’t however chosen to search the First Order base”

Rey whipped her head around in shock, anger covering her face.

“Why the hell not!” she responded. Poe was immediately taken back as he tried to think of an answer that wouldn’t lead him to getting punched in the nose. ‘To be fair, it’s probably what I deserve anyway’ He thought to himself.

“It’s too dangerous, you know that. We were over run before, who knows how many stormtroopers are ready for us now! I’m sorry Rey, I can’t risk any more lives and you know Y/N wouldn’t want us to either. She was the one who reminded me that the war couldn’t be won at that moment and we needed to leave. She saved us, don’t let that be in vain”

Rey was about to argue but stopped and thought about what he had just said. He was right. She could almost hear your voice in his. It was almost uncanny.

“Right. If need be I can go in. I can use the force if need be...I just can’t stop without knowing that we’ve gone through all our options” she responded. Poe couldn’t argue with that, but he knew you wouldn’t want her to go in.

“Alright...I’ll do all that I can, but I want you to stay here”

“What! Why?”

“Because if we’re getting Y/n...I want to promise her that you’ll be here waiting for her. I don’t want to leave anyone else’s life to uncertainty.

Rey was about to argue before pausing. This wasn’t about her at this point. She nodded and leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his neck slowly and Poe reciprocated, wrapping his arms softly around her neck as well.

“Bring her home”

-----------------------------

Rey sat solemnly at the foot of the stairs to one of the ship's, looking at the sky and waiting impatiently. She had fixed all of the ships that needed repairs to take her mind off things and now had nothing to do. She considered purposely breaking one of the ships in order to have something to continue to take her mind off the current situation, but couldn’t move. She was planted where she sat, staring at the sky before her. Just like she used to do back on Jakku. She thought those days were over...

“Rey..” Rey turned around and looked to see a familiar face before her.

“General…” Rey nodded respectfully as she glanced back up at the sky. Leia sighed and sat down next to Rey. Leia and Rey sat there in silence for a few moments, Rey never glancing away from the empty sky above.

“How long have you been waiting here?” Leia asked, looking sympathetically at her. Rey shook her head and shrugged her shoulders.

“I’m not sure. A while” she responded. Leia nodded thoughtfully and placed her hand comfortingly on Rey’s shoulder.

“Poe’s gonna get her back. I know he is, Rey” Rey looked up at her and smiled sadly, nodding as she tried to remain hopeful. Remaining hopeful was something that she was good at nowadays. She had to be. Rebellions were built on hope after all…

“Thank you, General” Rey said, as Leia wrapped her arms around Rey’s neck, comfortingly rubbing at her neck. They both pulled away after a moment and Leia’s eyes widened as she looked up at the sky, noticing something moving towards them.

“Rey…” Leia spoke breathlessly as she looked at Rey and then back up at the sky, where a ship could clearly be seen descending towards them. Rey’s eyes widened as she moved quickly, running as fast as possible so she could be right by the ship when it landed.

After a few minutes the ship finally landed on the tarmac, the jets turning off as the engine fell asleep and the back door was opened, revealing everyone inside. Rey stood dead still in place, waiting for you to emerge. Waiting to see you. Waiting to finally tell you how she felt. She wasn’t going to wait anymore. Or ever again for that matter.

Finally, several figures emerged from the spacecraft, carrying something in their arms. Rey simultaneously was relieved and worried at the same time, when she saw that your beautiful unconscious body, lying on a stretcher. Cuts and bruises lined your face as several people including Poe, carried you out towards the medical centre.

Rey’s breathe hitched in her throat as she ran towards everyone, unable to bare staying away from you another second longer. Rey reached the medical bay and stood by your side, finally getting a closer look at you after what seemed like forever without you. Whilst nurses prodded around at your body, cleaning up blood and doing several things that Rey couldn’t understand for the life of her, she held your hand the whole time, waiting for you to wake so she could tell you everything.

---------------

Rey walked out into the grassy field outside the medical centre, glancing around for you. It had been precisely one day since Poe’s team had  brought you in and you’d been unconscious for that time. Poe had convinced Rey to do some check ups on some of the ships whilst she waited for you to wake up, and Poe didn’t think he’d seen anyone move fast when he told her that you were awake. Rey dropped the tool that she was working with and ran out of the ship, sprinting across the tarmac to the medical centre where you were.

Rey finally reached the centre, seeing you still laying on the bed. You were still a tad scraped up, except now most of your cuts had been stitched up. Now, instead of your beautiful glassy E/C eyes being covered by your eyelids, they were now open and staring right at her.

“Y/N…” Rey spoke breathlessly. You smiled weakly at her as Rey moved towards your bedside, kissing you on the forehead and running her hands through your hair.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry. I should have been there. I should have…” Rey’s eyes started to fill with tears as you shushed her soothingly.

“It’s okay. I’m alright now” you said, remaining a tight grip on her hand. Rey reciprocated, holding onto your hand tightly and admiring your beautiful S/C skin, kissing your hand gently.

“I know. You’re okay...You’re okay” Rey said, tears starting to fill her eyes.

A moment of silence passed between the two of you, simply holding each other's hands and looking into each other's eyes.

“Y/N...I...I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I…” Rey started to speak before you cut her off, pressing your lips against hers. Your split lip stung a little as you made contact with hers, but you didn’t care. All you thought about was kissing her. Not just at that moment, but when you were stranded in the snow and in a great deal of pain. All you thought about was getting back to Rey. You pulled away slowly, a grin on your face and a bonfire in your heart.

“I love you too..”

[greasygyeom]

Title: I crash, U crash

By: GreasyGyeom

Summary: “I don’t even know myself / Got my back up against the wall / I let the time pass too fast / I crash, you crash.” Mark x Reader. Mental Health/Anger/Mild Violence

Notes:  I’ve always been intrigued by the concept of a violent Mark, so I just played around with it. There will be a follow up on this. The gif is made by yours truly.

It had been a particularly rough morning for him.

To be honest, it had been a rough twelve days. He’d hardly been able to sleep. He’d barely eaten. His mind never shut down once for the duration of the week. It seemed like someone else was living in his body, rent free at that. He’d lost all motivation to stay… alive.

But something had seemed to have aggravated the situation overnight. He’d woken up with a jolt, like an electric shock had been passed through his body. His mind was being particularly un-cooperative.

He’d never experienced anything like this before and he didn’t quite grasp it.

So he just sat there, staring at the wall facing his bed.His eyes emptily gazing at the spot where the clock he smashed last night had been; just because it was ticking too loud. He then looked at the massacre on his floor. Pieces of plastic and glass carelessly peeking out from every shadowy corner of the room.

How did this even happen? He frantically tried to fill in the gaps from his memory of last night. Had he gotten drunk? Was there another person he got into a fight with? Did he do all this damage alone? He couldn’t remember the important parts. He could just remember that feeling of not having anything under control; that feeling that drove him insane.

8 am.

The sun finally crept up on him, shinning across his wooden floorboard through some gaps in his heavy black curtains, making him flinch.

Too much light.

He laid back down on his bed and pulled his bedcover all the way up to his head.

Too claustrophobic.

He felt his heart thumping in his ears like an ominous drum beat, marching him to his funeral; pins and needles stabbing him under his skin. The heart beat picked up its pace, getting louder in his ears. It didn’t feel like his own. 

Nothing felt like his own.

His thoughts, body, mind, emotions everything felt like it was infested by an unknown being determined to purge him out of his own skeleton. All the what ifs he’d ignored up until now - dismissing them as unnecessary negative walkways; all the self doubt he had never paid heed to; the insecurities he had repressed for so many years, they all hissed at him in tongues, simultaneously.

He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how to stop the static in his bones. He didn’t know how to stop the white noise ringing in his ears. He didn’t know how to stop the voices in his head. He didn’t even know how to feel sane.

He needed someone to understand him because he couldn’t understand himself.

He raked his brain for a face he could rely on, scrolling through his contact list.

“No. Not her. Are you kidding, this guy? No fuckin’ way you’re telling anyone. You can’t tell this to anyone they’re going to call you crazy”. A voice from the back of his mind snarled at him. “Besides, are you that weak, that you can’t even handle this on your own?” The voice felt very real. 

He threw his phone aside.

It’s like a tape then got stuck in his mind that seemed to only amplify his shortcomings in life.

“No, I’m not weak.” He repeated out loud, as if in retaliation to the devil himself. “Im not fucking weak. Get out of my head. Get out. GET OUT,” he yelled, picking up the nearest object he could lay his hands on and threw it at the wall where the clock had been.

He just wanted the nagging inside his brain to stop. 

He hunched over his side table, attempting to regain his composure. His room felt smaller and contained, like a prison cell. It was making him uncomfortable, A certain eeriness had sneaked inside at ungodly hours and spread its poison that seemed to be suffocating him.

He tried to recall what he’d done in the past twelve days, all alone.

But he didn’t fucking remember.

His phone made a muffled sound from somewhere under the pillows. He reluctantly picked it up without checking the number. His eyes widened when he heard your voice on the other side.

“You’re back?” He asked, trying to sound like his regular self.

���Yes and heading home.”

His level of panic escalated in multiples of a thousand as that information registered itself in the functional parts of his brain. His room - and possibly the house - was was literally in shambles.

“See you in an hour Morkie.” You chimed, completely unaware of his situation.

 "Yeah, can’t wait.“

He stood up in a frenzy, abruptly ending the call and began thinking of ways to hide his awful, paranoid, panicked, anxious, sharp, sloppy and extremely violent state of mind from you.

He went outside his room, hoping to find the rest of the house in one piece - hoping that he hadn’t broken everything there was to break with without even knowing about it.

"This looks okay.” He thought to himself, scanning the common area and moving into the kitchen. Apart from the few utensils that were unwashed from a few nights ago and all the bottles of alcohol, things seemed to be in order

 He didn’t particularly have to care, but he also didn’t want you to catch onto the fact that something was off. He knew you were good with that stuff - the catching onto vibes stuff.

He went back into his room with a broom and a duster, fully intending to clean up the mess; but for the life in him he couldn’t get his hands to steady or his heart to slow down.

He was sure he was going to have a heart attack. A certain numbness paralysed his mind, travelling all the way down from his forearm to the tips of his fingers.

“I’m going to die,” he thought, clutching his t-shirt, completely unable to move. He lay down on the floor and closed his eyes but opened them again in an instant, fearing the darkness that filled his vision.

“I’m going to die.”

“I’m going to die.”

The world blurred out momentarily. He didn’t realise how many minutes had gone by until the loud, shrill ring of the bell echoed in his ears, frantically.

His eyes shot open.

“Fuck, she’s home.”

[uselessace]

The Reason

Pairing: CastielxReader

Word Count: 1421

Warnings: Castiel is an asshole and Canon violence

A/n: this is my (extremely) late entry @greenappleeyes mix and match challenge. (sorry!)

Prompt: The reason by Hoobstabank and “ for some reason im attracted to you”

“For some reason I’m attracted to you.” a bloodied Castiel gasped out as he staggered towards you.

He and the boys had left you chained in the basement of the bunker. They claimed it was because you had been friendly with whomever  they were hunting. The only people you could even think of would be Crowley and Lucifer, who to your knowledge, were both allies.

“What happened Darling?” You tilted your head to the side, desperately yearning to reach out to the injured angle. Your arms twitched uselessly against your bonds.

“The person we were hunting turned me human.” He stumbled a step further and fell on his ass.

You looked down at his perpetually confused puppy eyes, near begging him to let you go. You strained your muscles trying to break the reinforced rope Dean had used to tie you down. Honestly tying you to a chair as if you were a prisoner was overkill, but apparently it was Cass’ idea.

“Cass, Darling, Let me out I’ll help you.”

He shook his head slowly, indicating no, as he sat in an ever expanding pool of blood.

“I’m not a per-” he stopped and started coughing, those deep chest rattling ones. Blood stained saliva dribbled from his lips as he smiled at you. Your eyes teared up at seeing him like this.

“I’m not a perfect person Y/N.  There's a lot of things I wished I didn’t do, but I’m still learning..” He trailed off as his eyes slowly closed and opened.

“CASS!?” you nearly screeched beginning to desperately try to escape.

The ropes scraping against your skin, blood slowly soaking into it. The chair was wobbling dangerously. Nearly  tipping over several times.

“Cass, love? Please answer me, I’ll make your favorite dish again I don’t care if I have to go to that expensive store!” Tears were streaming down your face.

His smiling face kept appearing in your mind's eye. His face so full of life and wonder. The chair tipped over and you landed on your nose effectively breaking it.

You ignored the slowly seeping blood, in favor of wiggling the chair closer to him. The memory of him trying to guess your favorite color when he was last human popped into your mind. He hadn’t stayed incontact with people that time, but he always made sure to stop and see you.

He had looked so happy as he shouted out blue that you smiled and asked how he knew. You hadn't seen him smile that brightly many times, and ever since you saw blue in everything. You managed to tip the chair onto its side, you winced as you felt your arm crack as the chair harshly fell onto it.

“Cass come on Love, Open those eyes.” His chest didn't move and his eyes stayed close.

Your face was covered in blood and tears, his body unmoving and bloody.

“Cass?” You whimpered out, frozen in place.

You lost track of how long you stared at him, letting the tears and blood soak your face as you whimpered out his name and your heart shattered.  Suddenly you heard footsteps, normally you’d be able to place them but you mind was in shambles.

“So that's where he went to?” Dean muttered

“Guess so, time to burn him?” Sam said in response.

The cold tone they held was enough to shock you into moving again.

“HOW ARE YOU SO CALM DAMMIT?!” You tried to look threatening but the snot and tears probably undermined that.

They gave you a dismissive look before grabbing Cass and carrying him off.

“WHO THE HELL WERE YOU HUNTING! COME BACK HERE YOU BASTARDS AND LET ME GO.”

Gone was the shock you had felt, the sadness lingered, but at the moment you wanted to find who had killed the love of your life. You wanted to shred them into ribbons. Then you wanted to go after the Winchesters, who so coldly carried him away and let him get hurt.

Your shoulders shook in suppressed rage, your face contorting into a snarl.

“Don’t worry love, I'll find whoever did this to you.” You avowed

For now you were stuck, hopefully they would come and let you go soon. Hearing footsteps you grew hopeful that they'd do just that.

Instead when you looked up at who had entered Cass stood there. Surely he wasn't really there? You had just seen him die, so who the hell was impersonating him?

“I must say I didn't expect you to take my ‘death’ so hard.” The imposter Cass said.

“You can't be the real Castiel, he would never fake his death like that.” You snarled out, fingers slipping against the rope uselessly trying to break it surreptitiously.

He blinked as if surprised. His face a perfect mirror of Cass’ confused face.

“I can assure you I am Castiel, do I need Dean and Sam to confirm?”

“Yes, plus prove you're not a shapeshifter.” Whether or not he got them it would buy you at least a couple seconds. He walked out to get them and you managed to find a loose nail.

You would've preferred something sharper but you'd work with this.

He walked back in with the boys in tow.

“Am I the real Castiel?”

“Of course man, what you think we’d really have no reaction to your death?” Dean joked

“Yup, now can I go back to the research?” Sam said distractedly.

He was waved off as Dean looked at you as if you'd lost it.

In a way you had, your trust in them was gone, the nail was near useless, and you had no clue if ‘Cass’ was really Cass.

“Let me out of the ropes, and prove your not a shifter.”

Dean pulled out a knife and causally approached you.

“Toss it here.” You snarled out.

He raised his hands in surrender and slid it towards you, eyes reflecting a bit of hurt.

You managed to grab the knife and quickly cut your bonds. One arm was most definitely broken and your nose was still lazily bleeding.

“Shifter test. Now.” The demand was quickly followed.

“Now do you believe I am Castiel?” He irritably muttered. Dean grunting in agreement before taking his leave. Casting a glance back at his knife in your hand.

“No, I don't believe you're my Cass. Because whatever the fuck that was that just happened was way out of line.” Your hand shook, you believed him but you really didn't want to.

“How was it out of line? I wanted to make sure you cared about me.”

Your mind flashed back to the arguments you had. They always revolved around things that were impossible for you to do. Most of those arguments were possibly because he just didn’t understand the limitations you had, or at least you thought so. Had those arguments just been ‘test’ of his?

“I THOUGHT YOU DIED! And if, and it's a big if, you are my Castiel you should know why that was wrong.”

His head tilted to the side and you felt your heart flutter  at the familiar action. Honestly if  this was the real Castiel you’d never forgive him.

“I can assure you I am the Castiel you are dating, i just see no problem with this test.”

Your eyes teared up again, in your heart you knew that this was Cass.

“It’s so wrong Cass, I can’t believe you’d violate my trust like that! Did you even care how that would make me feel?” You wanted to yell that, but truthfully it was more like a harsh whisper.

“I don’t see why it matters, I wouldn't act like that if you died. I don’t see how this was supposed to be any different.”

That hurt, the time you’d been Crowley's personal torture pet hadn’t even hurt as much as those words. Hell even the cage wouldn't be as soul crushing as hearing that.

“Do you even care about my feelings or hell do you care about me?”

He shrugged his shoulders indifferently.

“Honestly Y/N I’m an angel. We don’t feel human emotions, if i was human I would say I was attracted to you. I even believe Dean would say that those feelings would mean I wanted to do a bit of the old in and out? At least thats what he told me…” He trailed off

You dropped the knife shocked. Then you stormed past him without a word.

Tag List: @trollhunter94 @wayward-mirage @kdfrqqg @greenappleeyes @chaosinacoffeecup

[w1ll1ss]

I found this flow, the other day Now I want to grow, another way. A way my mind didn't know it could go, Let me show you the path. The route my mind hath taken To find myself awaken anew I am not the person you once knew. I am crazy. My thoughts get hazy when I think about the past But I hear that voice and things clear up fast I was broken. My head in a cast, But I took a drop and allowed my mind to blast  beyond anything I thought it could ever become. But I'm not welcome. In your head, so welcome to mine. See the price I pay, every single fine Every tax taken from every time I've blacked out. You might look at me and see I'm wacked out Think I'll end up cracked out? I do. These thoughts are new to me I may be scared but I won't flee I just discover and uncover new parts of me. Turning a new leaf? No. im growing a new tree. I know my mind can handle the weather Whether I'm higher than a weather balloon Or in a saloon under the weather. I keep it tethered to the ground but I have wings full of feathers, I have to fly My aspiration is to be in the sky, So my inspiration is the wind rushing by, On my way to the top, But I trip and flop from a bad trip and slip down and stop at the bottom with a nasal drip and a gun on my hip. Don't believe me? Me neither I've got nowhere else to be either Or not to be, like hamlet. We all die anyways. Some phrases de-rail my train of thought and send me in to phases of acute de-tail in vague concepts. Flashes of light in my mind. These Tron-cepts where in-cepted by in-sects to get me in-a-sect like scientology. To try to hinder me but I follow 'the study of' science-'ology'. I make myself laugh, With these bars I draw on my graph of damage. My mind is savage and full of ravenged  memories that cause damage to those around me, Because the voices in my head start to surround me. These other people I hear threaten to drowned me, in the hate that I created myself. It doesn't matter if you love me because I hate myself, I love you so I end up baiting myself into carrying the weight of myself, and you. My mind is strong but already carries the weight of a few, add yours and I'm smothered, In voices, In thoughts, In choices and what they wrought, Every door they brought to me, No that person you saw was Not, Me.   Me. This me wants to flee from the last me, appointed He to break some and take some things away from me. I need some time away from me. So let me hear from you, In your music, sent from you to me, This list" that I "play on repeat, repeats your thoughts every way they're thought but it eats at me, That I can't hear your thoughts in your voice. If I had a choice I'd go back to 'Our little talks' About Mice and Men. Instead I listen to 'Ophelia', Again and again, because you've been on my mind since the flood. And like a drug, it hurts but it reminds me of the good times. My time grows near, I know this And I've lost the fear, I show this, By the way I've convain my insanity and disdain for those with plain minds Hop aboard my train You'll find the one question that remains Happy. Are you happy? I'm not happy No in fact, but I cover it with a smile All the while writing these ravings on the cusp of every craving, For weed Coke, You. I'm just rambling, on and on Mind in shambles, I'm gone ,I'm gone I've been in this flow long, too long But I don't see an end, I don't feel strong, not strong. Fading I hear a song What song? My fucked up brain refuses to detain This strain of sound. But the pain is ...familiar, faces pass on either side, saying every thought I thought I'd rather... hide, my face behind a mask of my own creation My own creation? I. Am my own creation.

[developmenthole]

The Price of Aetherium: Outline

The Price of Aetherium was a retconed story arc for Pythia, until I overhauled her. I’m too proud of it to delete it, so i’m posting it here. This is the outline of the story, which gets wordy at points. 

Part 1 Nightmares

Done

Part 2 Reunions

Done

Part 3 Ozymandias

team leaves early in the morning 5am ish all on horseback. pyth, saulian and andoryan have cyrodiilic horses, do’kikhtar and motabe ended up buying  draft horses once reaching skyrim bc she knew it would be easier going back that way. brief description of traveling, mostly uneventful and nonstop.

once outside the ruins, the horses start getting nervous bc of the tremors. they dismount and tie the horses to a tree nearby or to some of the dwemer hitches. theyre all achy and hella sore, and andoryan bitches the most obvi, pyth and saul deal with it and do kinda agrees that shes stiff as fuck. a tremor shakes the ground and they all get a bit nervous, wondering if its safe or not. they got all the way here theres no way they're turning back now after coming all this way,

they head inside explore a bit and find katrias body but her ghost dosent show up bc saul radiates holy but they dont know that. they make their way along blah blah its fuckin boring pyth explains kinetic resonators, notes how they're not usually found in skyrims dwarven clans. basically she kinda takes the role of katria in explaining shit. do gets cut by a falmer in the area between shoulder and neck but saul heals her some so they keep going, pyth gets hurt by chaurus hunter.

they reach the summit (where the resonators are n you gotta shoot them) and pyth studies katrias journal before getting it in one go however comma andoryan knocks on one of the centurions and wakes it up. the team gets fucked up by it bad, but everyone is alive so far. they go and get the crest and its tired celebration and they start to leave. and because god hates pyth especially, a swarm of falmer shows. team is weak from the centurion fight so they get murdered. saul gets pulled over the edge by one jumping on him, Motabe runs out of magic and gets fucked and do flies into a rage, kills 5-7 and then gets overwhelmed and succumbs to poison. at the last second andoryan fucking tanks the shit and wipes the rest out right as pyth is about to get offed. she is hurt super bad and he pins her down reveals he is a Cunt. takes the aetherium for himself, decides to take all of it, including the aetherium in her eye. takes one of the falmer axes and uses it to cut out her eye. he then drags her to the edge and throws her over.

Part 4 Myth

pyth wakes up. saul is there looking fucked. she tries to move but saul stills her. she's missing an eye and her arm is broken. saul got a concussion and pyth asks if he healed her, he did not. she is confused. saulian nods towards a towering figure with its back to them. theyre cooking something on a fire within the ruin. pyth looks at saul and he shrugs. the figure finally stands and kneels by them, its ncz. checks on pyth, checks on saul, reminds saul not to sleep bc concussion. pyth falls back asleep

At this point add ncz (Nczek was Nchand’s early name) to the expedition roster.

Part 5 Pyre

ncz and continues to take care of pyth and saul until theyre well enough to leave. ncz helps bury what remains of her friends and katriah. pyth is very quiet and ncz and saul do most of the talking. ncz leads them to the entrance and sees them off. they make for falkreath

Launch ncz’s (Nchand) blog

it kinda switches to sauls pov because pyth is like. shell. he notes that hes moved her to his horse because she keeps falling asleep and hes worried she'll fall off the horse literally. he states that aside from the 4 days spent with ncz, they stayed in falkreath for 3. he notes that they really should have stayed with ncz longer because concussion and broken arm and missing eye but he wanted to get her to a town just incase they needed something food/potion ect. he states that he keeps an eye on her at night because of his own insomnia and that every night since first waking up at nczs shes had night terrors and he knows shes not taking this well. think oitnb piper post branding! eventually pyth picks up enough to ride on her own horse and talk some but shes still very distant. they go to her house only to find it in shambles like someone trashed the place. pyth steps into the back room/workshop and saul yanks her back just as a fire rune explodes. as a result the house catches fire bc wood.

saul tries to put it out but between trying to keep pyth from rushing in and trying to save stuff, he cant do much. he drags her out and holds her still as they watch her fuckin house burn down. as the moons rise they start on the road to whiterun.

Part 6 Untitled

Arrive in whiterun to somekind of bruhaha but saulian avoids it and goes straight to the temple of kynareth so pyth can get properly looked at. Scene ends with saulian leaving the priestess to do her work while he goes to figure out what was going on.

Scene picks up when pyth wakes up and she asks saulian what happened. She passed out on the horse on the way there and saulian brought her to the temple and a pristess set her arm in a splint and it wasn’t actually that bad and that regarding the situation, she should be okay but she cant use it. “Oh. thank you.” saulian asks if her brother works in whiterun she says yes, in the drunken huntsman. He asks if he also left valenwood under the same circumstances as she did she says yes. Saulian sighs and takes her hands. He’s dead. Pythia stares at him, clearly not believing him. He elaborates. Apparently he was seen walking with a hooded stranger last night and they found him along the wall. Murdered right in the city. Pythia breaks down sobbing and the scene ends.

A few days pass (2-3) and pythia has lost everything, essentially. Her eye, the use of her right arm, her friends, her brother, her home and now her life’s work. All she has left is the gold she had on her (roughly 200 septims) and saulian. At this point in time the vigilants are still around and saulian hasn’t found or refurbished the temple. Saulian says that he needs to go back to the hall of the vigilants, he’s been gone way longer than he should have and hes sorry. He says that if she needs him or needs help to go there. Pythia nods and says okay. Saulian leaves and now shes alone.

Jump cut to pythia burying aralas under the ashes of her home. Cue more crying.

Jump cut again to pyth making camp in the hills of the reach outside of rorikstead. 

Part 7 Atlas

This is the chapter about regret! I.e. pythia bearing the weight of the situation. Its mostly inner monologue

Actually it’s more of a sped up version of the stages of grief. She gets angry at herself for bringing them, at saulian for leaving her alone, and finally at fuckin andoryan. That cunt. She sits in silence by the fire brooding before realizing that the Dark Brotherhood is a thing that exists. Sure, she’s got a little less than 200 septims to her name and andoryan could be literally anywhere by this point but she’s going to have to try. That is, after her arm heals and she sees about getting a faux eye. Can’t wear gauze forever. She gets up to set some traps and heads to bed.

Here would be where the plotline would be opened up to interactions within the current timeframe. Would be open to muses that travel/hunt, or live in rorikstead/the reach.

Part 8 Two Graves

After 2-4 in timeline interaction have a call for someone in the brotherhood and plot with them

Points to remember, pythia is poor like. less than 200 gold. Pythia’s arm has healed and she no longer has a splint (recovery time is lower bc healing potions and magic) this dude could be ANYWHERE and is affiliated with the thalmor.

Fuck this im tired