#im honestly jsut confused like

[enden-k]

wait wait WAIT. WHO is THAT i need him 👀

[animationismycomfort]

why is it that most lesbians I’ve seen on here are either rudefams(I’m not calling them rad or fem they don’t deserve that) or exclusionists like….come on I thought y’all were better then that

[hesina]

yk that like genuine proof was given and maybe the benefit of the doubt doesnt always deserve to be given immediately when it legitimately concerns safety of minors in the fandom

yeah idk I just get really anxious when shit like this happens maybe I should just shut up

[quillkiller]

whats ur opinion on jegulus?

for me i dont really fw it. I think it’s mostly bc i don’t like james that much and putting him w/ regulus i feel kinda takes away from both their characters. For reg I feel like the ship kinda softens his character and takes away his agency. ‘he was just a wittle baby whos mummy an daddy forced him to join a hate group 🥺’ which is very far off from how I view him. It gives james a savior sort of role. And that’s not to say i haven’t read some good jegulus fics and enjoyed them I think they jsut need to be modern day bc the whole ‘james saves regulus from the horrible fate of the desth eaters that his parents forced him into!’ Annoys me.

(ps im sorry if you really like jegulus i promise this wasn’t meant to be hate or anything)

agree with all this!!!!! 🤍

i don’t really like jegulus all that much and i have been known to mention it once or twice here on quillkiller dot tumblr dot com. honestly, for me, it’s probably just that im too much of a sirius guy and and i think both sirius and regulus deserve better than to have james juggle between both of them. james and sirius are too important to me and i dont like what happens in their dynamic if reg was added into it. in my world james is always and forever going to choose sirius if it ever came down to that and regulus deserves better !! + and ive talked a lot about this before too, im not a fan of regulus becoming part of the marauders friend group!! i think he’s a way more interesting character to delve into when he has his own life outside of sirius and his own friend group (the skittles <- which i also dont like interacting too much with the marauders). in addition to the james and sirius friendship being important to me, so is regulus and sirius’ relationship, and i don’t like what happens to their dynamic either if reg is paired with james. the whole thing just stresses me out and i can almost never enjoy it. ’best friends brother’ trope is weird and strange to me, probably because im an oldest sister myself, and i don’t see the appeal which is why i have a running theory that people who like that trope are younger siblings themselves or like….. only children ….

anyway, i don’t hate jegulus!! i just think they’re the least interesting james and regulus pairing !! i follow some jegulus blogs that have captivated me body and soul. they’re just not interesting enougj to me to like. explore further myself. i dont go looking for fics about them + i have the jegulus tag blocked and only unblock/click to see the post when its my favorite jeggy mutuals/blogs ive followed specifically because i like their jegulus… so like, im not necessarily immune to jegulus but it also takes a lot to get me interested ! ive read a few jegulus fics and ive fallen in love with some of them and there’s one (1) that i would put in my top 10 favorite fics i think !

however!! my favorite jegulus is unrequited jegulus where regulus us in love with james. to me, their dynamic is the most compelling to me in a canon compliant setting !! ive read a bunch of modern aus too that ive enjoyed, but i like the angst of jegulus the most.. the angst and unrequited vibe of it all is so hot and sexy to me.. like the jealousy and resentment regulus feels for james because he took sirius in and becomes his new and better brother. and that resentment mixed together with confused desire during your puberty years when everything is angsty and confusing and you’re heartbroken and grieving ? you’re the absolute polar opposite to your brothers favorite person and you’re supposed to hate him but his smile looks like summer and his mere presence is always suffocatingly warm and you get it. you’re not surprised your brother chose him over you and you think that if james potter cornered you somewhere and kissed you and said ’sirius doesnt have to know’ you think you would probably let him because who wouldnt. james can have whatever he wants, he proved that by taking sirius (like that IS a big deal. sirius was heir to the noble house of black !!!!!!!) and what else is there to do but grieve your brother and hate wank over his best friend, who only knows you exist because you’re sirius’ brother, he chose over you

[ganondoodle]

feeling much better now having gotten some sleep (the dont trust how you feel about yourself past 9pm is good advice no joke)

of course all my criticism of totk still applies but im feeling less depressed about it, tho i will say its honestly kinda baffling how many times the game actually got me interested and excited about stuff and then just kinda drops it in a dead end, of course they were those kind of things in botw as well but it seems much less .. balanced in totk

(not even just the big things like making me want to actively do something to help zelda turn back when it just gets solved on its own in the end, but also some lil things like the fact that so many NPCs tell you about that newly discovered animal species and when you find the dongos they are just gem vending maschines)

in the end i can say, no, i dont like totk, tho i still love the graphics and the way the world is made ( botw showed me jsut how immersive and alive a world can feel i love it to death), i liked the gameplay and that it kept the freedom botw had established, the bossfights are mostly fun (tho i wish you could refight more of them), i LOVE the yiga and im glad they got more of a spotlight, the music is FANTASTIC i keep catching myself humming along, alot of the sidequests are much bigger and feel like you are actually doing something, i like how the sages are a bit more integrated into the story, the majority of the new designs are great, both the japanese and german voice acting is great, and the end fight has some of the best build up i have ever experienced, my heart starts to race when that music build up starts even tho i have beaten it 3 times already-

however, the story is both simple and incredible flat with lots of stuff that doesnt make sense especially when it was said to be a sequel, the zonau should have stayed a mystery imo, they failed to make me care about them even a little bit and often felt forcefully crammed into the world and its history, i think you could have told an incredible story taking place in the present and leave the past be the past, you easily could have connected botw and totk in a much better way than they did, i dont like how it changes aspects about botw all the while nigh ignoring it ever happened, it still feels like it was trying to be a replacement and not a sequel and all the referencing and callbacks to the old titles may have been done in good faith but that and including time travel yet again ultimately lead to people ripping each other to shreds over trying to prove its placed in the old timeline despite it making no sense at all and confusing people even more; often when the game made me care or be excited about something it was dropped in a dead end, there was a ton of missed opportunities and lost potential to tell a much more nuanced and interesting story/lore, and thinking about it only makes me sad for the things that could have been

overall i think my disappointment is outweighing my fun and the only way i can keep playing it while having fun is ignoring everything that isnt, which works quite well most of the time since im pretty much done with all story stuff but i keep slipping into my little rants nonetheless; i will say its making me a little worried about the future of the franchise, but i know im in the minority and maybe i will just have to accept that the new stuff wont be for me anymore and i should not hope for anything that interests me xD

except for some meme material or specific characters i love i dont think i will make much use of anything totk tried to establish, and i hope thats fine with the lot of you (<3) hopefully that also means my ranting days are over xD

anyway, back to making niche art i go! (sorry for making you endure these long ass rambling posts :,) )

[pretty-little-martyr]

still thinking just a little abt yesterday when I, the only trans man in a room of cis people + one of my other nonbinary friends, had to explain to the cis people that No, they/them'ing someone isnt Always the "safe" option, solely because one of them noticed my they/them pin below my he/him pin and was like "oh you use those too? should i use that for you?" and when i said i do prefer he/him it was somehow a massive confusion for all of them. they were all like, isnt they/them better, and safer? and i had to patiently explain that yes if you don't know someone it is safer than just assuming, but after someone has informed you, it is not. the "safer" option. you need to remember what they actually like being called. and not just put them in a third category if their pronouns dont align with their face by your perception.

i do use he/they, weighted on the He side, but i dont mind a little They every now and then. but because im living in florida i p much only introduce myself with he/him, and honestly, even in more liberal circles, i would get only they/them if i didnt, because i didnt align with the group culture's view of what a man really looks like. i dont pass, i have little interest in the concept, my gender is faggot and in a lot of spaces my femme-masc blend often gets flagged as Womanly in some manner. if i dont have my mustache out, i get she/her'd, which, i mask all of the time when im in public unless im outdoors (too hot, where i live), so that's pretty frequent, but even in spaces where i looked more masculine id still get they/them'd.

i think we rly gotta bring the concept of degendering to The Cis:tm: since they have some kind of grasp on misgendering now, but seem to somehow not really recognize that stripping someone of gender altogether can be just as rude and hurtful. and the discussion i had--which was very, very awkward, i am still getting used to speaking openly about being a trans man, so used to spaces where either the trans part puts me in danger or the man part puts me at risk of being pitched out--is proof that they can understand these concepts as i managed to impress upon them that if someone asks you to use alternating pronouns, or tells you you can use 2 sets but they prefer 1 more than the other, you should listen to them and give it a try, even if its a little difficult for you (a lot of people get confused with pronoun-switches, ive found). and i impressed upon them that they/them is not always the safer option and can sometimes be rather rude as well.

jsut still something that im sitting with as one of my cis friends so confidently said they/them is always the safer option, and also, now im wondering how many of these people will switch to predominantly they/them'ing me, now that they technically "have permission" or whatever

(my nb friend helped me explain shit also shes great, but the group was primarily asking me, not them. for some reason lmao.)

[npd-hottakes]

(Not 100%sure I'm a narcissist but I do have tendifies and relaye to a Lotta shit(

Empathy doesn't actually exist, at least not in most people to the degree it's believed

People always confuse empathy with sympathy/being overly emotional

Like maybe sometimes ppl are sad cuz other ppl are sad and are happy cuz other ppl are happy but I refuse to belive that's just how it works for most ppl

Because at best I fget

Them sad=me worried

Them happy= im only happy because your happy if you're giving me attention cuz your happy

Now that I think about it it's more an attention thing soo yeh nvm,

Ppl font jsut feel sad cuz other pol feel sad, I refuse go believe that's how ppl work, life would be so weird if it were that simple

Honestly at this point I think empathy was made up as an excuse to get mad at people who don't pretend to have it

[cassyapper]

OC! TIME!!

<3 thank u to everyone who has encouraged me now u get oc lore tonight rather than tomorrow

so, here's a collection of notes re characters and worldbuilding. some of this is stuff i already had in my head but im ready to share publicly now, and some of this is stuff that is genuinely as new to me as it'll be for yall but im set on it so. here we go

character updates

so i've mentioned arha is a solider*. the truth is arha is originally a soldier for the opposing country to ai/william/adalia's. in fact she and ai et al meet because arha is captured after a battle. arha is snapping at people and fully prepared to be either tortured or killed or sent to an absolutely abysmal prison and she is not looking forward to it so she's hoping for the best of the options (dying) by provoking them. shes honestly exhausting to deal with so she gets relegated to a tent as a makeshift jail for a while LOL. eventually ai comes in as part of her duties and is like "are you ready to be a normal person and go get dinner" and arha is like "what" and ai is like "it's dinner time. i was sent to fetch you. or did you want to see the doctor first." "arent you going to kill me" "why the fuck would we kill you when you surrendered already" oh arha mad af about that line she doesnt like being reminded of surrendering she's so prideful but she's also confused af. she grew up being told that if the enemy caught her she was for sure going to fucking die and be miserable while she did but here therye offering medical attention?? arha does not like being left in the dark so she just complies. to a point. basically she jsut follows ai around and makes her explain things and ai is like so fucking annoyed but arha wont leave her alone no matter how snippy she is or how much she ignores her so she figures answering her questions will get her to leave her alone (at least until they finish this campaign and return to the capital and arha in theory goes to actual jail. of course arha grows on her and vice versa. cause . im weak. theyre gonna be endgame whatever that means)

adalia kills a man revealed: the man is her country's fucking general. th set up: upon return to the capital after aforementioned campaign, another drafting occurs, and since this is common place seeing as they have been at war for 100 years now, no one is really surprised and it doesnt raise super big alarms however the rules have changed while ai adalia and william's troop were out; age of enlistment has been lowered. zoinks! so context for it: when they make it back to the capital, ai and arha return to ai's mother's house. ai's mom is really uspet over arha being there and she and ai get into a big argument about it. ai's mom is like "i just dont understand why you care, her country killed your father and brother" and ai is like "no YOU did when you refused to LOOK FOR THEM" and she storms out. arha of course follows but before she does ai's mom asks her to please look out for ai cause "she obviously chose you. you need to choose her too. you need to. i will never forgive you if you don't." arha is troubled by this but agrees and ai's mom lets them go. they go to adalia's house to spend the night but uh oh Adalia Has Killed A Man. while arha and ai clean her up as her family is gathering supplies for travel packs, adalia manages to shakily explain: when adalia came home, she found the general there and he was drafting her two siblings (twins, aged 12). adalia could not let that happen so in her panic, and in line with her training, she jsut swung a sword at her problems. this kills the man. uh oh! and now adalia has to flee cause like. she can't stay she has committed utmost treason. and the general is Going to be found and if her family tries to hide it they are going to Die and adalia is not gonna let that happen. so she will run. arha and ai go with her of course. and on their way out of the city william finds them cause already, when the general never appeared at the next house he was supposed to draft from, military personnel had been deployed over the city to investigate. william decides to go with them too cause he's just too soft and frankly he doesnt wanna participate in a military that engages use of child soldiers it's not what he signed up for. wow it's almost like both countries have their skeletons and both were employing fucked up tactics against their citizens...anyway. the silver lining is that adalia killing the general did in fact save her siblings form being drafted (for now) cause the houses were chosen at complete random it's kinda like a fucked up lottery thing. since adalia wont let her family cover up her crime and in fact makes them turn her in (just yknow once she's out of the house; theyre gonna be all "oh we woke up in the night and found the general dead and adalia gone") so that officials wont punish them by sending in the twins anyway cause like, as far as the law is concerned they had nothing to do with adalia turning rogue. but this wont keep them from being named in other drafts...but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

ther's gonna be an underwater arc and ai is . well. ai. (: m'beware the light. n'lol

qiu, due to being raised by dragons ie some of the most blunt species on the planet, just fucking sucks at human social etiquette. he is very forthcoming and his speaking tone is very flat and he does not Do minor facial expressions his face shifts from its resting state only to full-on smile or full-on frown etc. he is very honest in this way but he reads as very blunt and honestly? kinda mean. but he's literally not trying to be he's just standing there. if you know anything about deaf culture he's very similar to that. just no filter or what human hearing etiquette calls a filter. he also gestures in weird ways cause dragons do most of their gestures with wings cause theyre tetrapods and qiu obviously is bipedal. he's got constantly chicken wings going on also t-rex hands

im going to be candid btw arha and ai are based on my read on noritaro. so sorry. it's the only way i could get myself to think about these guys again after three years forgive me

william is 44. when ai's village was raided when he had just officially become a soldier, so he was called in to help reclaim the town and drive off the enemy soldiers. he and ai never actually meet during this because ai and her mom were long gone by the time reinforcements arrived, but he saw firsthand how fucking ravanged the village was and how indescriminate the killing was so when he finds out ai is from there and was a child during that, he just can't help but feel bad honestly. like he's nice in general but that's the reason he gives ai so much leeway. he kinda pities her. she hates him for it a little but eventually it evolves past pity and as such she stops hating him

worldbuilding:

the reason ai at el and arha's countries are at war is cause, okay. country a (ai et al's country) and country b (arha's country) are both world superpowers. there are others beside them but theyre big players in the game so to speak. both are very influential etc. however they're very different: country a is a xenophobic ethnostate that hates magic for religious reasons, and country b is based on a huge metropolis of many intersecting races and such, such as orcs, humans, dwarves, elves, etc. im still adding stuff. and theyre very big on magic. one day 100 years ago kingdom b accuses kingdom a of stealing a very important magical artifact in order to get an edge on them in terms of world superpowerism. kingdom a is very offended that they've been accused of wanting fucking anything to do with magic let alone dealing with kingdom b or lands that have people not of the same ethnicity and they accuse kingdom b right back of making shit up, esp cause kingdom b won't actually describe the artifact or what it does, just so they can use it as a bartering tool for their land (there has been a few land disputes over resources lately). so war breaks out cause neither side is happy and there's already a lot of judgement and irritation going in. so. yikes

magic! speaking of! let's discuss. it's something anyone can learn in this world but some people are more naturally inclined to it. it's a lot like being ambidextrous: some people just know intuitively how to do it and others have to be taught but either way both can do it and both can be very good at it. witches are magic users that had to be taught and wizards are magic users that had a natural affinity for it. witches tend to use wands/staffs as conduits for magic; helps to get from point a to point b. wizards tend to use staffs/wands as well but just to make their spells more powerful. everyone has a sort of magical energy just by being alive in this world. however the amount of magical energy you have in you is finite like ur body isn't just gonna keep making more on its own just like normal energy, and if you drain yourself of your own juice by using too much magical energy you will die! so to replenish the supply (think of it like a health bar) you can do various things that all amount to just, using other lifeforms' magical energy. like, you know how energy from the sun is traced along the food chain. it's like that here. you can like take something's magical energy by eating it, by rubbing it on yourself like sunscreen and absorbing things that way, or inhaling things, etc. just any way you can think of how you get a vitamin, it's similar for how you can take magical energy from things. what your magic is and what it does depends on what you take magical energy from

um yes i believe that's all. i didnt proofread this so sorry. if you actually read all of this i think youre a fuckin saint

[hirokiyuu]

actually i changed my mind i'm doing liner notes while fic is stlil fresh in my brain

i wanted so so badly to title this "how could i ever be so dumb to believe i'd be the one you would adore" but it was too long. heartbreaking. this would still have been such a baller title. i did consider "the one you would adore" but i think the title i settled on was better lol

i also wanted to use smth from no love in february which is also pretty dyssol for this exact scenario u kno. wnating sol to have reached out to him and hten not getting it <3 "where were you when i needed to hear you say / turn around i'm right behind you!" all that shit its soooo good for htem tbh

originally sym emerged "from the shadows of the forest" and my beta was like "there's no forest this is the ridges, the whole point is there's no forest" and i had to pull up the literal in-game text that has him emerging, quote, "from the shadows of the forest." they were so angry it was immesnely funny. i did cut it tho bc it's technically inconsistent w/worldbuilding LMFAO

i kind of wish it'd come up more but part of this sol is characterized by being unaugmented. real fucked up that people just give u extra kudos for not being augmented lmfao i do think abt that as the perk a lot

this sol's also super poly. i wanna go into this in another ficlet maybe but she was genuinely really vibing with dys's crush on sym from the start (which is part of the reason he was confused abt whether or not she liked him, lol)

originally this run was gonna be ot3 but i fucked up the timing of sym's last event but honestly? ive mentioned this before but hinge poly sol/dys/sym? does vibe. tfw ur boyfriend is clearly in love w/ur girlfriend who shes not dating also and u jsut ahve to deal w/that

a lot of the convo ended up rearranged from canon to better flow, and some stuff got cut. im still SO sad i couldnt work in dys droppign his entire dinner in the fire thats like one of my favorite parts. dyssol is best when they are both STupid <3

also sad in retrospect i had to cut the whole "where were you" but again it did not fit. i just wanted them yelling stupidly at each other tbh LAKHSGLKAHSLDKG

so i wrote this entire fic out of order starting with "you absolute spacehead, i am in love with you" which means when i wrote the part where sym cuts in my beta, who never got this scene, went SYM WAS JUST THERE? and i was like. yeah. thats canon btw thats part of the canon scene. and they lost it

"i am so stupid into you, i love you more than anything or anyone in this whole dumb universe" as a dramatic love confession is fun i think. simultaneously very like...... desperate and aching and also kind of stupid u kno. very nineteen of her. one of my fave lines from this in general tbh

the funniest possible note from my beta on the middle of the kiss

"i want all those kids tammy and i picked out dumb names for when we were nine" is another personal fave lmfao. again. dumb teens trying to talk abt the future and what they want

it was really important to me that sol didn't look pretty while she was crying. snotty + wet-faced and kind of ugly about it u kno. dyssol are a little gross and they love each other about it! it's aprt of the love

ive always thought abt dys not having anyone to find him on the spaceship (if hes not sols childhood friend) and connecting that to him disappearing on the ridges. the vibes. impeccable. of course he goes home with sol then if they ask, it's the first time anyones come looking. god. (thinking abt dyssol) GOD

dys: hey does anyone think its weird youer both just dating me now. no? just me? okay

i mean obviously the polyam negotiations DO come but again. this sol+sym in general are both just like. sweet more people to love dys

i didnt tag this as marz+dys or utopia+dys but it is immensely importnat to me that he has multiple people who love and worry and care for him. marz fucks up a lot as kids but i like how if u try to bully dys in her 10 shes like :/ no you moron im trying to KEEP him from dying :////

"clinging like he's five years old" This One Was On Purpose

originally at the end there was a joke sol made abt jumping him but it didn't fit tonally. i do think its immensely funny conceptually still tho

WOW THESE GOT LONG LMFAO anyways i lvoe ridgefic the whole ridge confession really did smth to my brain. enjoy the fruits of my disease

[falsebooles123]

Confessions of a Recovering Genre-Phobic 02/04/2024

Hey Whores;

God what is this week? Well work has fucking sucked. People calling in sick, one of the refrigerators going down. Also one of my favorite work friends has left the chat to go on to green pastures and I just need to get out of there and move on with my life right?

In terms of love IDFK right? Ok here me out why bitches got to take so long to text you back and I get that its probably me just being triggered and having filters or some shit but also bitch. Treat me like a king. act like you want to be with me or some shit. I think its a lot were when people don't text me back its cause they have a life and our doing things and I distract myself with dumb shit because I hav eno goddamn friends. Anyway thanks for reading this prime example.

IDFK. Thanks for listening here are my dumb bitch thoughts on music and also Lelslie Hall has 5 albums and its homophobic you never told me...................................emrwopirjaksdlfjasklfjasdlk;fjasdlkf.

Footnotes For the Spring (2015) - Eliza Rickman

Genre: Folk, Baroque Pop? Length: 43:15 (11 Tracks)

Ok gurl I'm bad at describing genres Eliza Rickman is somewhere between Florence Welch and the Unwoman. She's what evermore Taylor wishes to be. Just imagine a feyish women in a white chiffon gown in a field of daisys singing baleful songs that are maybe sexual???

I don't have a lot to say about this album. If you like Eliza Rickman your gonna like this. She has a certain sound and I love it because I love beautiful esoteric women.

3.5/5 (I'm starting to feel like my number ratings don't mean shit.)

Too Young To Be Sad (2021) EP - Tate McRae

Genre: Pop, R&B? Length: 17:32 (6 Tracks)

All The Things I Never Said (2020) EP - Tate McRae

Genre: Pop, R&B? Length: 15:00 (5 Tracks)

Ok I think I was confusion Addison Rae with Olivia Rodriguez. and then confusing her with Tate McRae. I'm really sorry pop girlies.

When I first heard Tate McRae I was up at a ridicoulas hour in december and felt like I should be hip with THEE YOUTHSSSSS.

I vagualy remember her as a bedroom pop girly singing these sad piano ballads and honestly did I jsut mix her up with another singer. Cause like I distinctly remember her doing like sad piano ballads and this ain't it. Which is a great thing because I actually kinda love this.

Like lets be real this is pretty standard what I think R&B is. WHich gurl how did I forget a complete genre of music. and you know what im ok with this being a bit generic because I don't know the genre and I'm vibing.

Ill have to check out her full albums and sorry for the shit I was talking earlier.

4/5 for both EPs.

Hot Buttered Soul (1969) - Isaac Hayes

Genre: Soul Length: 45:24 (4 Tracks)

Ok so apparently this is a seminal album in the Soul Genre. Which ok. I'm sure it is but I feel like I'm do much of a dummy to get it.

IDK bitch you know what soul music sounds like? well good this has a 20 minutes Track in it so do with that information what you will.

2/5

Home Vol. 1 EP (2012) - JohnnySwim

Genre: Folk Length: 18:48 (5 Tracks)

I don't have much to say about this album. Have you heard any 2010s folk music? This is it. We have beautiful voices. Clapping, and stories of love and heartbreak. I mean what more do you want babygirl?

3/5

Ambient 1: Music for Airports (1978) - Brian Eno

Genre: Ambient Length: 42:20 (4 Tracks)

So I don't actually know if I ever finished this album.

Mostly because this album was meant as an instullation piece where it would be looped ad naseum but suffice to say.

BItch do you know what Ambient Music is? Its like music thats more about a calm and chill tone then it is about being energetic or attention grabbing. Its music thats designed to be ignored. The elegance of design.

This is fantastic. Sexisest Airport Music I would stick in my gob anytime.

4/5

Uptown Special (2015) - Mark Ronson

Genre: Funk, R&B Length: 38:50 (11 Tracks)

Uptown Special is probably most known by the layman for being the album that made Uptown Funk which is ft. Bruno Mars. I was already under the impression that it was the other way around. So I have learned and so have you.

I don't have much to say about this album. Think about funk music. Now imagine is someone made a really solid funk album with a bunch of fantastic guest artist including Stevie Wonder??? Thats crazy.

If anything Uptown Funk is one of the weakest song on this tracklist definetly worth a listen.

4/5

Cool Patrol (2018) - Ninja Sex Party

Genre: Comedy Rock? (thats what it says on Wikipedia will get into it) Length: 37:28 (15 Tracks)

OK did I like? Ninja Sex Party or was I just kinda horny for the vast majority of 2010s LP's. (I don't think I'm gay for Markiplier.... but)

So Ryen? What the fuck is Ninja Sex Party. ok. So its the 2010s, youtuber is full of comedic music videos and a star is born somewhere in the conceptional space adjacent to acts like LMFAO and Wierd Al. NSP is a comedic music duo consisting of Danny SexBang who is that guy in the spandex and Ninja Brian who is the mall ninja guy. SexBang likes to fuck and Brian likes to murder people a lot.

Most of the songs are these comedic sex jokes filled with dick puns and the music style is very 80s glam rock or power ballad. There not wrong when you call it comedic rock but its very limiting. Its very much a parody of those kinda corny 80s love ballads but NSP also dips there toes in Space Opera, comedic skits and so on and so forth. There pretty fun. If your a fan of like Leslie Hall or Key of Awesome or any other 2000s - 2010s comedic music artist then youd get a kick out of them.

This is pretty fun. Its like a dirty weird al yankovic album. Its not that deep fan.

3/5

[emotionalyodeling]

literally everything is falling apart. what else do i have that im not living truthfully about, because genuinely its strange. caden making me guess at him having a boner then confessing? and then being weird. and then zach stuff as well. what is going on, genuinely. and i didnt withdraw from class yesterday, i literal;ly just. forgot, like i did the first time. i didnt say anything to caden, i didnt say anything to max, i didnt say anything to naomi, i didnt say anything to my classmtaes. i just ignored it and stopped, ads soon as stuff got uncomfortable. i genuinely dont evewn know, but i feel like im losing control over my life, like the mom i sit for i basically ghosted. my friends are all new and i dont nkow if i even like them.

with the zach stuff i just am so confused. i looked back and i did tell him that i didnt wanna do sexual stuff, then he asked for secxual stuff and while i said yes, it is just. what. and then i comforted him through it, like all of it. he curledd into a ball and i comfotted him, and he let me,. or mostly what im upset about is that i let myself comfort him, and reassured him in the moment that i said yes in the moment so it was okay. but i didnt want to have sex, and just in general. him being so hroyn and annoying when he wakes upo horny and im not. lkike get a grip. go to the other room and jack off stop whining. i am not the one who should be facilitating this stuff. and keeping track is just so frustrating, and then my counselor telling me this is normal, i want to die bro. i dont want to live for the rest of my life having to fight off a horny man like my mom. i just want to not ever feel pressured especially by someone who is supposed to love me. like he knows that too. and just before there was so much to process, my family kevin i just shoiv ved it down because i couldnt lose anyone else. also the fact that even when we were t5rying to rebuild he still begged me to hug and kiss STOP. STOP IT HOLY FUCK. i literally want to like hit him thinking about that. and i lket it slide because, why. and even after that, there was masturbation stuff, there was the keeping track recently asnd constantly always having to be sad when he was horny. writing this i am so upset i cant even see love in that. im so sick of crying men, i am not comforting you, for assaulkting and being sexually uncomfortable with me. and the fafct that the cycle was going to start again. idk now that i think of it we started the relationship very sexual and not consent based, so maybe thats what he expects. but no. i am not accepting that. not for me or my future or for my children. i think carolyn jsut has an older mentality of oph yeah men are just like that, which i guess was okay for the time.

theres so much else to unpack here. caden idek. weird he got so strange. i think after Naomi i just really built a habit of just ignoring problems no matter what. but i think i just have a habit of that in general. max also is something im putting off. honestly ive just let everything in my life build up, i dont think i ever wanted to do healthcare, io just did it because i wanted to run away from naomi. zach i juist ignored that even though i knew if i told my friends about my problems they would just stop it. idk. one at a time i suppose, but reading back on this i dont really remember what happened to resolve these things. or if they ever were on his end, and its frustrating that i allowed that to go on for so long.

[legobatjoker]

BTW OMGG been meaning to for agess and had heard a few songs of it but finally earlier this week i listened to swayama in its full !!! its rly good but like. tbh thee first time i listening to it in fully i was a littlee bit disapointed for reasons entirely unfair to the album GHDHDF bc okay for context a while back i saw a post and like. in highsight it def wasnt in regards to sawayama bc that was released too early for it and was prob abt the album she released in like 2021? which i need to listen to tht too but i didnt know that at the time this happened DFHDFHD but the post was like. basically a fan of both rina and taylor posting a bit from an interview w rina basically saying she got motivated to write music during covid bc she saw taylor release folklore and thought if taylor was releasing an album thats about these fictional situations she could release an album about her real life but even tho it was like. about her being inspired by taylor there was still manyy ppl in the notes who where fans of rina but didnt like taylor seeing it as like a dig against her? and being like "omg yess rina taylor sucks ur sm better than her !!!" (which was kinda funny bc the person who posted it responded to that and im p sure they were like "yk rina is a taylor fan right" (but i dont fully remember that so that cld j not be true) but like. okay now i know better than to assume someones whose like. that Weird abt disliking taylor swift knows anything abt her actual music and its quality but i think i developed an attitude of like. if this is the kind of music that people who hate taylor swift base their superiority complex over taylors fans on then it has to be like. at least comparable to her music (and not j her music in general but FOLKLORE !! like im not a huge folklore girlie compared to some of her other albums but thats absolutely some of her best work ever cmon) and maybe this is a bit mean and im the only one who thinks this but like. it was really really really fucking good but like. imo specifically w like the lyricism it was again really really good but nottt as good as taylor esp folklore SORRY !!!!! but bc i had the comparison at the back of my mind i was a bit confused/disappointed when it wasnt (even tho again i had heard some of the album before i tihnk i j assumed that those where some of the weaker songs but theyre some of my faves tbh 😭😭) but then i lsitenied to ita but more spereatly and was like. wait this is really really fucking good like the whole album i was jsut unfairly comparing it to fucking folklore bc other ppl set up a whole rina >> taylor sepcfically folklore thing in my mind 😭😭😭😭 anyway id say my fave songs of the album as bad friend, chosen family, and tokyo love hotel but i also rly love whos gonna save u now, paradisin and dynasty (the last two more from an outsider pov than a relatabilty one bc i also got annoyed listening to dynasty the first time bc ppl made it out to be a fucked up relationship w ur parents song and yk part of that is on me for like. not assuming that "fucked up" means they dont think it relates to um. the much more accurate and intense term id (and u wld i just dont feel like using it Publicly yet yk) use to describe them FGFHGDFGFSD but still i was annoyed a bit at that but in hidnsight that was perhaps a lil dumb FHDFHDF)

NO THATS SO VALID there have def been times i did nottt like music for reasons like that which like may be theyre petty reasons but also theyre so real like. idk just ur so valid for that shnsbsdjsjs BUT YES chosen family and bad friend are 2 of my absoluteeee faves of that album and id also say i rlly like comme des garcons and stfu !!!!! but yesss honestly i shld relisten to the whole album soemtime:00

[domesticateddog]

on his computer typing this up so if i post this unfinished it's because he walked in the room lol the first two or so hours were very awkward, of course, neithr of us knew what to do. he kept putting his hand on my back and rubbing my arms and stuff trying to break the ice and soothe me. everytime he went to hold my hand or touch me he would ask "is it ok if i do this?" we sat there and i would quietly state how everything made me feel, how confused i am rn, saying im not sure why im here, explaining that i want him to get help and that my mom offered to find a doctor for him and everything.

he wants to get back on medication so that's great, he needs it desperately. he's still unstable but not in the weird vindictive/apathetic/uncaring split personality way he was the other day. he's been extremely affectionate with me and we ended up having sex twice last night. i cried the first time and he just held me, rubbed my back as i laid in his arms and told me it was ok to cry. but before that we just slowly got back into into the way we were, although im still very apprehensive about it all. and he would come up and hug me, touch me (comfortingly) and then eventually he'd kiss me and after several times i gave in and we did it. im torn between whether that was a mistake or not but oh well. idk if it was because it was so..... perfect. it just felt so meaningful, he kept telling me how much he missed me, how he's been thinking of me a lot since it happened and jsut how much he loves being around me. it's still kind of awkward at times, but that's gonna take time to heal. he honestly doesnt remember a lot of what happened which is shocking but he says he remembers "the gist of it".

he kissed me a LOT yesterday and even he was like "we've been really kissy today" and i said "well yeah i think youre trying to make it up to me by being nice to me" and he said "idk i just really missed kissing you". he kept calling me his lil carrot again and he picked me up like 7 times lol i think he's very confused rn now (as am i) but i can see him underneath it all. i think i know him better than he knows himself at this point. he's been relatively normal albeit slightly manic/hypomanic or SOMETHING at times, it's so odd. the mood swings are crazy, but not like they were when he’d switch. im just so glad that he's mostly acting like himself again. that's all i wanted. i dont care if he doesnt understand his feelings bc i do, he doesnt grasp it and he's extremely impulsive so sometimes he lashes out like that bc to him, how he feels in that exact moment is how he thinks he'll always feel. it's hard to explain. there's no thinking ahead or understanding that his past actions dont correlate with his current feelings (almost like he's mentally ill or something...). my mom wanted his dad's number just in case something happened and his dad told her that he thinks im too mature for my boyfriend and that i deserve better. obviously my mom is in the same boat bc she thinks im being a doormat and that im blinded by my love for him.

i’ll continue writing later there’s more

[stargir1z]

i like pewdiepie! sorry! why does everyone on here hate him

[michibikionmain]

my dream analysis essay is basically pointless after everything we found out today but yknow what im gonna finish it anyways!! everyone’s characters are confusing after today,,, motivations make no sense,,,, good luck my fellow dream smp analysts we have our work cut out for us good lord,,,

[gayspock]

i slept literally all of yesterday so im going to NOT sleep today im going to not do it! im going to fix my sleep schedule! im going to stay awake until 10pm! i will do it!!