#im having to make separate posts for all the parts because tumblr has a limit to how many links you can include in one post

[pebblysand]

hello! how annoyed i am that this wouldn't fit all into one post 🙄. this is part 2 of the castles playlist commentary.

<LINK TO PART ONE> <LINK TO PART THREE>

.

Formidable by La Bronze (Stromae cover): god, do i love this song. and god do i love this cover almost more than the original. i love how she made it less sad and more angry with the more rock-like music, as well as the sound of arabic. it works So Fucking Well. the chorus of this song sort of says it: we were incredible.

The Kid I Used to Know by Arrested Youth: just one of those songs i used to listen to on loop while writing/planning that arc of castles. i do think of this time in this fic as the formal end of harry's childhood, when he finds out about ginny and realises that all their innocence has gone. so long to the kid i used to know.

Hold On by Ren: i feel like there's such a restlessness in this chapter that you also find in this song. this sort of endless torrent of stuff coming harry's way, and him trying to... get through it and hold on.

Blind Leading The Blind by Mumford & Sons: i had originally put this one in for chapter nine, but i actually think it's more of a chapter ten song. welcome to the trials, aka the epitome of the blind leading the blind.

Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High? by Arctic Monkeys: ah. were you also a teen in the early 2010s? welcome to the song. obviously - very harry & ginny in this chapter.

Falling Is Like This by Ani DiFranco: i've always adored this song ever since i discovered it referenced in another fic. it's where i got the idea of the car running off a cliff in last chapter - it's also very heavily referenced in this chapter. think of it like a transition song lol. just such a Mia mood. falling is like this.

Je suis un homme by Zazie: i was looking for a song this morning to operate the transition between falling is like this and the kids are all rebels, and i settled on this one. judge me all you want but i love zazie, and i think this works quite well with the beginning section of this chapter that is a little bit like the song: humans and their institutions going round in circles.

The Kids Are All Rebels by Lenii: i loooove lenii. she's irish (🇮🇪🥳) and this song is such a DA song. there's this dimension of youthful idealism hitting the brick wall of adulthood, and the things they see the government do which they're not happy with. the song itself was written about trump's covid policies, but it fits so well here too!

Anthem by YOKANA & Barns Courtney: i think this is self-explanatory. harry is starting to doubt his "no comment" strategy...

Statues by Alexandre Desplat: we're... starting a new war in courtrooms, aren't we? jokes aside, it's probably my favourite music from the films, very war-coded, it makes me want to rise up to battle, so.

Remember the Name by Fort Minor & Styles of Beyond: there's something about the relentless rhythm of this song that i just love for the end of this chapter. like: LET'S GOOO!

Legendary by Welshly Arms: i see this as the DA's song, too, you know? not just harry. they're all doing something legendary.

Till I Collapse by Eminem: this is one of my favourite eminem songs, and i think it fits really well with the beginning of this chapter. the onslaught of press coverage regarding harry's and the DA's actions, and their common desire to push through no matter what.

Instant Crush (feat. Julian Casablancas) by Daft Punk: i actually wanted to put da funk in this playlist (which is the song mentioned in the fic) but i chose not to subject you all to five minutes of lyric-less late-naughties techno music 🤣. i also feel like putting this right after Till I Collapse is a bit of an insult to eminem ("you don't know me, you're too old, let go - it's over, nobody listens to techno" 😅), which is a bit funny lol.

Teenage Culture by SKYLAR: it's funny, i listened to this song on loop the summer of 2023 but didn't really find an excuse to add the song to the castles playlist until it finally hit me now that it was per-fect for this chapter. i love skylar and i love this song, it's so tongue-in-cheek and yet lyrically incredibly clever. i think this is such a teenage anthem and fits so well for this chapter, both in the "partying" side of it, but also in a the-kids-are-all-rebels sort of way. i just absolutely love it.

Everyone's at It by Lily Allen: i've just realised this is the first lily allen song in this entire playlist which, if you know me and how much of a lily allen stan i am, is wild. i stole some of the lyrics of this song for the chapter; it's about the double-standards that exist in dealing with drug addiction, which ginny talks about a bit. it's a song that was very important in opening my young eyes on this topic, when i was a teenager. i feel like it also goes so well with the SKYLAR song, it's like the millenial-advocate-y song to SKYLAR's gen z, more apathetic/don't-care take.

all the good girls go to hell by Billie Eilish: i have a very strange relationship with Billie Eilish's music where i listen to her only for very specific occasions and moods, but i do love that song. and, idk, i kind of see it as a symptom of ginny's slight "descent" in this chapter, where under the surface, partying and sleeping around begins to be less "fun" than it used to be. there's something weirdly haunting about Billie Eilish's music (esp the first album, that i feel fits here).

Any Other World by Mika: i added this song to the playlist rather recently but if you are a the good wife fan, it will of course sound familiar. i think i was looking for a song to finish off this chapter and recently was lucky enough to see Mika play live in dublin, and thought it just fit. it's neither really a love song nor a political song, it's a third thing, and i think it's really symbolic of the conclusion you reach at the end of this chapter of "say goodbye to the world you live in". i think this chapter is really the point of no return, this sort of deep realisation that nothing will be the same anymore. it's also the halfway point of the fic (in terms of chapters), so i reckon it works.

Un peu d'espoir by Joyce Jonathan: i relistened to this song recently and i think it really suits the beginning of the chapter. there's a growing up vibe to it and, nostalgia, sadness and hope at the same time. i really see it playing in that time where harry reflects on the upcoming anniversary of the war and where he and ginny talk about the aftermath.

Dance Monkey by Tones and I (Stripped Back): okay. i know this is a bold choice but let me explain. basically: i was working on completing the playlist and was looking for a song for the end of the trials, draco's hearing and all the politics in this chapter. i looked up my top songs of 2022 (which is when this chapter was written) and found out i actually listened to this song quite a lot that year (the original version of it). and yes, this is a dance song, but when you look at the lyrics, there's a vibe of, like, the establishment and the wider world forcing you to do something you don't really want to do? like, sure, here, this is a woman who's being told, basically "why don't you dance/smile more" but i think this is also applicable to harry and his relationship with the press and the wizarding world in general. there is a dimension in it of "dance monkey! dance!" where he's just like - not feeling it. this is the chapter where he rebels, too, and actually doesn't stick to the script, and pushes the wizarding world to change, and we love that for him. i chose the stripped back version for the playlist, because i feel it just fits the mood more than the dance version of this song.

bad guy by Billie Eilish: ugh. do i need to explain? i mean, harry, come on. stop toying with two girls at the same time.

Bad Habits by Ed Sheeran: a bit the same as the above. my bad habits lead to you - you can't quite let ginny go, can't you?

Arcade by Duncan Laurence: if you were on tiktok in the golden age of dracotok, this song will need no introduction. i don't even think the lyrics fit but i now have such a strong association between draco malfoy and this song, it needed to be there in this chapter.

This Is What Makes Us Girls by Lana Del Rey: i feel like this is a lesser-known Lana song, but it's haunted me for years. i think there's a vibe of "for us girls, it's just the way wars are fought" in that song. and, with this chapter being the one where we find out about pansy, i couldn't not include it.

Broken Crown by Mumford & Sons: i've always felt like this was such a castles song overall, but struggled to find a good spot for it in the playlist. and then, i don't know. i feel like this moment after malfoy tells harry the truth and when he's having his tirade about systems just... works. this is a song that to me, represent the both of them, actually. i'll never wear your broken crown, i'll never be your chosen one. for malfoy, it's realising just that - he's not the chosen one. for harry, it foreshadows what's to come with alecto.

Mr. Sandman by SYML: okay, i cannot possibly explain this but i very strongly associate this song with the vibe of draco in prison, and that last scene. it's bizarrely haunting, and i think fits the mood perfectly.

Wrecked by Imagine Dragons: this song is one of those songs about grief that are maybe a bit one the nose but idk, i like it. i listened to it loads the summer it came out, and it inspired me to bring giulia back in this chapter. so there you go haha.

In Your Heart by The Franklin Electric: this is a song i love and i've listened a lot, but again, one that i couldn't really find a good place for in the playlist. but i was looking for a song to cover sort of the alecto/kingsley era of this chapter and i think it's perfect. it's vague enough that it could be about anything, and generally it's very much about guilt and substance abuse, and feeling lost, and very "in your head" which fits the bill. the beginning in particular really speaks to me: it's your fault, when your pride grows thicker than your skin, it's burning up like oxygen. and also this: the teachers never told you about reasonable doubt. i think it very much resonates with harry making that awful decision in that moment, and the guilt/unease that flows from it.

Foundations by Kate Nash: ah, do i even need to explain this one? this article was making the rounds a while back and it's So On Point. this song is an anthem to the breakdown of that first adult relationship you have with a boy that's a dickhead and this is mia's anthem. she deserves it. my fingertips are holding onto the cracks in our foundations and i know that i should let go, but i can't. i feel like this is so representative of that moment where everything points towards mia leaving him, but instead she asks him to come with her. darling, you deserve so much better!

People Help The People by Birdy: i was looking for a song to cover the memorial and i think this one (this version in particular) is just so beautiful. there's something very breathy and airy and the lyrics really resonate. the ups and downs of the verses v. the chorus of people helping people. give me your hand and i'll hold it is also building towards the hinny moment later. i really love this here.

Tobacco In My Sheets by Lauren Aquilina: god, i've loved and listened to this song so much. to me, it's the ginny&molly song. i've also hesitated on placement, it could have been earlier when molly and ginny were fighting, or later in 22, but ultimately, that scene with the hug is what i'm choosing. this song breaks my heart into a million pieces every time i hear it.

Higher by Lily Allen: ugh. this is probably one of my old time favourite lily songs. it took me a long time to understand it, listen to an interview when she was explaining this was written from the POV of her ex-husband. there's something so tragic about it, but i also really like the conflictual-ness of it, the one-upping each other which is a little bit what harry and ginny are doing for part of their conversation. there's also harry's unrelenting, unyielding attitude towards ginny's fuck ups, both tolerating them, but also making it clear that it needs to stop. it's your life, i said i'd never let you waste my time, i said you'd never hear me say that twice. you crossed that line. i just fucking adore this song.

Delilah by Florence + The Machine: there's a complexity in that song of i'm gonna be free, i'm gonna be fine, but also holding on for your call, i can never let go that i feel is very much the dichotomy of ginny in this chapter. the certainty and confidence but also the vulnerability of her conversation with harry at times.

Supernatural by Barns Courtney: i kind of see this song also as a transition into next chapter. one last time, let you back into my head - to me, it's harry and ginny sort of dancing around each other like they do in the of that conversation. want-me-want-me-not. they both do it at times, and especially harry in the next chapter, and i think it's a good song to launch the next part.

I'm Not A Saint by Billy Raffoul: this song has strong castles!harry vibes - at least for that era of his life lol. i kind of both see it as the opening song for the whole alecto mess, but also as an anthem for the whole chapter. i've one too many cigarettes, burning off my tongue, and the chorus of i'm not a saint but i could be if i tried is very harry/mia.

Lap Dance by Ycare: i fucking love this song. literally, i see it as the harry&hermione dancing scene song. more figuratively, it's harry dancing around with mia and ginny hot-and-cold-ing harry.

Trigger Bang (feat. Giggs) by Lily Allen: another of my favourite lily songs ever - i remember it came out as one of the early releases on no shame and i fucking gasped when i first heard it, i think it's my favourite song on the album. i actually listened to that album a lot while writing act 2 of castles; it's an album that deals a lot with addiction and messing up, which obviously is very much ginny's arc at that point. particularly, this song inspired the party thing where ginny says she'll avoid the party because (in other words), it's triggering to her. i was trying to find an excuse for the "one time they didn't meet" to fit with the theme of the chapter, and that song is what inspired me to write the whole party subplot, actually. that's why i can't hang with the cool gang, everyone's a trigger bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

The List by Maisie Peters: i love the successions of these two songs because they kind of build off on each other. it's new resolutions and turning a page, which is very much what ginny does here.

July by Noah Cyrus: ugh. self-explanatory. this is the most mia song ever. leave him. just leave him (spoiler alert, she can't).

Double Denim - the one to cry to at 3am by SKYLAR: another massive ugh. mia, stop falling for the bad boys. and harry, you are this song in this chapter. this song also have some of my favourite lyrics by SKYLAR ever, which apply so well in this context: mister, mister, if she's like a sister, why did you kiss her? what? to be polite? but aphrodite don't go kiss athena so why d'you kiss her? just, out of spite?

Back To Black by Amy Winehouse: ah, amy, my love. another victim of the tabloid press. i've always seen this song as mia's break-up song, and the title of the paris fic is taken from back to black. he left no time to regret, kept his dick wet, with his same old safe bet. baby, mia, my dear, i'm so sorry.

BLIZZARD by Fauve: there's this meme on french tiktok right now that's like: "the kids who used to passionately listen to Fauve in the summer on 2015, how are you all doing??" 😅 not well is the answer to that question lmao. jokes aside, for anyone not familiar, Fauve were a bit of a musical concept back in the day, and they have a lot of slam/rap songs about love and mental health and stuff that were very #deep but sure look, i still fucking love them. and, this song is so castles!hinny, it's very much about taking a leap and believing in the future, which is the sort of trajectory they're choosing for each other at the end of this chapter. tu nous entends l'amour, tu nous entends? Si tu nous entends, il faut qu'tu reviennes parce qu'on est prêts maintenant, ca y est. on a déconné c'est vrai mais depuis on a compris, et là, on a les paumes ouvertes avec notre coeur dedans, il faut qu'tu l'prennes et qu'tu l'emmènes 🥹

Que tout s'danse by Noé Preszow: this song is another of those songs that are incredibly important to castles and have really shaped the narrative of the fic. it basically says "you tell me anyone can dance through everything". it's a song about love and resilience and fucking up, and really was essential to the whole hinny arc in part 2. it has these lyrics about "i know it doesn't seem like it but i need to be laughed at, i need anonymous letters accusing me of all crimes" - to me it speaks to the very thesis of why harry chooses ginny: because she challenges him and makes him a better person. but, in my head, this song is also a war song, and a castles song. it's very linked to the trials arc of part 2, which also concludes in this chapter. in the song, the lyrics state: tu me dis que tout s'danse, même la gêne, même la haine, même l'errance. Que tout s'danse, la solitude, l'état de siège, l'état d'urgence. that last part, basically translating to "you can dance through anything, a siege or a state of emergency" is a direct reference to the state of emergency that was declared after the bataclan attacks in paris in 2016. as i've said before, i drew a lot of inspiration from the bataclan trials for castles, which were ongoing as i was writing, and from the bataclan attacks in general, which had a massive impact on my life and in part, motivated me to write castles. it's a gorgeous song, and one that has been in the playlist from the very start of this journey.

Friends (The Way I Wrote It) by Ian McConnell: i don't think i need to explain this one. it's the very last of the harry/mia song. it's cute and sad and weirdly perfect.

Paris by The Chainsmokers: i listened to this song a lot whilst writing chapter 15/16 and i couldn't help but feel like i had to include it somewhere. at first i was like "this has got to be mia related because it's paris," but ultimately, i think it's a very hinny-in-chapter-16 song. you'll see anyway that this whole chapter is pretty much one travel-related song after the other (lol), so here's the first one of many haha. i love the "let's show them we are better" and "if we go down, let's go down together" - it's very them and is also a good transition between 15 and 16.

Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls: i really struggled with this chapter regarding whether or not to include the muggle songs that are referenced in the text into the playlist. in the end, i decided not to, apart from this one and the Manu Chao one (see below). i don't think stuff like the real slim shady or wannabe or Dido are particularly relevant to this story, but this one is just so perfectly cliché and great for Ron & Hermione - i just had to include it.

Caravane by Raphaël: i know, i know. if you're french, you can't stand this song anymore cause it's been so overplayed, think: james blunt's you're beautiful. BUT it is a beautiful song. and, it's: harry and ginny leaving. being free. just the two of them. 🥹

Young as the Morning Old as the Sea by Passenger: i just love this song, it's gorge. but yeah, just another travel song in fairness ^^.

Fast Car by Tracy Chapman: so, funnily enough, this song was supposed to be a song harry and ginny danced to at the wedding. i took it out because all things considered, it's not a super hopeful song. but just now, i was looking for song to cover their first fight in misty village and like, idk. i love the metaphor in this, the way the first few pages of the trip (and the first few songs) are very happy-go-lucky and "yaay! we're going on an adventure" but then this one is like: is the adventure really a happy ending? it follows the hopeful beginning of this song and the more tragic end, almost. also this one and the previous one are very guitar-based, so they go well together.

Renegades by X Ambassadors: aaaaaand, they're back on the road lol.

The Seer's Tower by Jamie Cullum: this is a cover of a Sufjan Stevens song but Jamie Cullum's version fucking haunts me. i think it fits so well the low-key tension that exists between harry and ginny in that part of the chapter, around chicago and the midwest, where they're actually talking and making progress but also, everything's a bit complicated. i just adore this. and, obviously, the title of the song is a reference to Sear's Tower in chicago, which harry and ginny visit.

Bongo Bong by Manu Chao: aaaaaand, we're back on the road lol. with this quintessential european 90s song lol.

Sword from the Stone by Passenger: this is probably one of my top three passenger songs and the only "covid" song i can tolerate lol. i was sort of looking for a place for it in castles and then it hit me while making the playlist for this chapter. it's got that sort of desperation to it and that "i can't do it alone" and the ups and downs that are. very symptomatic of harry and ginny in this chapter. to me, this is really representative of the lead up to their final fight and of the fight itself.

It's Called: Freefall by Paris Paloma: this is a cover version which you probably already heard if you're on tiktok - it really inspired this chapter, and particularly the grand canyon moment.

What Is Love? by The Red Pill & Alan Watts: a bit the same as the above, i just love the text and it really symbolises that idea of taking a leap and believing in love for the two of them.

LETTRE A ZOÉ by Fauve: this is probably my favourite Fauve song and to me it so symbolises the vibe of the grand canyon aftermath, the very early, exciting stages of a reconciliation. it's such a beautiful song and i think it transitions wonderfully into the new "stage" of castles.

[frogletscribe]

A:FoP Sky Breaker DLC Thoughts...

Alright so i finished the main story of the DLC and have let my thoughts cook for a minute. This is just some of my thoughts/opinions overall. I will have to do a separate post for my more intense thoughts because I managed to actually hit the character limit and I wasn't even halfway through everything (i didn't even know tumblr had one of those and I've been on here for over a decade)

Spoilers for Avatar: Frontiers of Pandora Sky Breaker DLC under the cut.

The opening? Gorgeous. Amazing. Fantastic. Obsessed with the little cut scene of our Sarentu on their Ikran. I am in love. I was really pleasantly surprised to see Kin right off the bat too! Thats my grandpa, i love him! And then walking with the Zakru and getting to hear other NPCs talking was really nice. I loved the banter about So'lek.

Getting into the main games camp was visually very pretty but confusing. I got lost immediately (distracted by the wandering Zakru) and accidently came in from the back? and then proceeded to not be able to find anything or anyone. I kept getting turned around and winding up back with Etuwa and Ka'nat. I did eventually find everyone else but it was a struggle.

Was Eetu only there at the very start??? He was hanging out with So'lek and having a very cute banter and then as everything progress he completely disappeared. Sosul too for that matter. It made me a little worried when he wasn't there after a while bc it felt like almost all the other key npcs got at least a small cameo in other quests but not Eetu? I got paranoid he died but also i think hes an important enough NPC that someone else would have said something if that was the case. I guess i just wanted more of him in general. (Im biased/delusional and ship him with my Sarentu, i will take literally anything)

Theres also a smaller moment, walking around where Teylan calls and starts talking about Nor, about how he would have loved the games, that really got me. For a second i actually thought Nor might come back later in the story, but given how things went it makes sense that he wouldnt. I do really hope that Nor shows up in the next DLC because I really need closure for him. He deserves to see and be a part of what his fellow Sarentu are building and to heal from all the hurt he has been through.

Can the Zeswa PLEASE catch a break? 😭 First the arches are collapsed, then Pasuk, now this?? I need this to be the last big bad thing that happens to them for a while.

More So'lek all the time please! I love him. I loved his role in the over all story and how he helps us throughout the final mission. He is the reason i am desperate for a romance in this game, but i can't have that so i'll just have to write it myself fhdjskghfs

I will be making a separate post about my thoughts on everything with Alma and Mokasa.

With the last of TAP (more or less) gone now, I'm really curious about the next DLC and the general future of Frontiers. Secrets of the Spires comes out in Fall, which is rapidly approaching, but i doubt we will hear anything until like September at the earliest. I think I remember hearing about a new clan in the new area for that one?? (Could be wrong though) Im really curious what the plot for that one is gonna be now that Mercer and Harding are gone.

Hopefully we will see Nor again. I'm kinda also hoping for a movie cameo? like Norm or Max showing up? We got an audio cameo of Ardmore, i think it'd be cool to see some friendly faces or at least audio for one of those guys. I don't think we will get a Jake cameo but i would lose my mind if we did lol.

Im also really hoping that theres more content coming in the future? More DLC or comics or something cause AFoP is the only thing keeping me sane when it comes to Avatar Brainrot rn.

[httpsserene]

wow. can’t believe i need help again 😞 F1 STANS I NEED YOUR OPINIONS ‼️‼️⚠️⚠️

okay so: i was working on a request that i thought was going to be a chill little thing but it’s turned into a relatively massive smau, if we base that off of the 10 image limit tumblr mobile has. it could be separated into three or four posts (i haven’t done full formatting so it’s just a guesstimate), but with *magic* (desktop tumblr) i might be able to cut it down into two parts?

maybe thats ambitious and i’ll have to separate into a multi-parter anyways once i start prepping the final work in my drafts, but i really wanted your guys’ opinion as you all will be the ones reading it?

idk if it’s just me but sometimes i feel a little annoyed when a smau is “too long?” because i get tired of scrolling or reading (maybe that’s just my attention span) yet i also get a little annoyed when a smau is split into “too many” parts (because i don’t want to have to click so many links lol). so im leaving it to the audience.

i would post every part pretty quickly? maybe every other day or so if that makes a difference too!

tldr: op can’t make decisions on her own and wants y’all to decide on having a multi-part f1 x reader smau or having a extra long one parter (if possible by tumblr laws).

[phightingconfessions]

HI HELLO IM DOING IMPORTANT STUFF! all three mods have discussed back and fourth possible ideas for how to continue our anon tagging system, because unfortunately having a big list of links in our pinned post is UN-OPTIMAL! because tumblr has a 100 LINK LIMIT!!!! so weve decided to leave it up to YOU GUYS! YES YOU!

all options will be under the cut, so PLEASE READ THEM ALL BEFORE VOTING.

MOD SWORDS WAY

I had offered up the idea of a spreadsheet, it would allow for infinite links and could be more specifically organised. PROS: infinite links, better structure, could hit ctrl+f on browser and search a specific anon to see if theyre taken or not CONS: would open up a new tab instead of automatically sending you elsewhere on tumblr, would require ALL mods to keep up with it, kinda ugly im ngl

MOD SCYTHES WAY

Mod Scythe had offered the idea of tagging anon posts as "Emoji Anon", "Kin Anon", "Fictive Anon", etc etc in order to massively downsize the amount of links on the pinned blog. PROS: massive link downsize to only 4-5, we would never need to update the anon list again, separates every anon by a category CONS: removes the ease of individual searches, doesnt display the names of every anon, could potentially make checking duplicate anons harder

MOD ROCKETS WAY

Mod Rocket had taken a slightly similar approach as Mod Scythe. Instead of just tagging every anon as a category, the categories would JUST be in the pinned post and would lead to separate posts for each anon type. PROS: keeps anon individuality while still downsizing links, separates anons by category CONS: would need to click on a link to go to another post to then look at the anons, those posts could eventually run out of links and we'd need to make a part 2, more annoying to update

[nexility-sims]

It’s time to kick off my first collaborative event ! I’ve decided to go about this in a somewhat idiosyncratic way, but I hope it’ll be a fun time for everyone involved. This is an open invitation for mutuals; please jump in if it piques your interest !

SPOILER: Alfonso and Rowena are getting married (eventually) ! Who could’ve possibly seen that coming ... For wedding guests, I’ve created three (3) categories you can slot your sims into if you’d like to participate. With each category, there are two (2) levels of interaction: simply sending a sim along for me to take pretty pictures of, or doing a bit of plotting around why they’re in attendance and what relationships they might have with my characters/the story/other background details.

As I expressed in a previous post, this is me kicking the door open to collaborating with my many fantastic mutuals, so I wanted to make it accessible to anyone and any ideas. Don’t feel obligated to do anything elaborate but, if that’s your style, I’m all ears ! Or, eyes, I suppose…

Without further ado, here are the categories and suggested options:

❧ CATEGORY 1: State Guests. This is a catch-all for royals, whoever and from wherever they may be. I don’t think much explanation is needed, but I’m happy to chat through all the world-building-related details with anyone who’d like that.

❧ CATEGORY 2: Rowena’s Guests. In this category, I imagine an eclectic collection of Rowena’s friends (and family, potentially). This is a rowdy crowd of socialites, celebrities, distant cousins, or literally anyone else that you or I can imagine. The sky’s the limit and barely so, what with her brother being an aviator and all.

❧ CATEGORY 3: Alfonso’s Guests. I’m picturing friends from childhood, university, and the military, plus a more buttoned-up crowd of socialites and celebrities. I’m going to broaden this to general Uspana nobility, so you’re welcome to populate that subcategory, too. It may require more discussion, but I’d love to share this world I’m creating with others.

Because my story is set in the past, specifically the 1920s, I realize those of you with more contemporary stories may or may not have characters ready to go. I’ve brainstormed the following suggestions, but feel free to get even more creative:

❧ Use a previous generation. This might be preexisting for those of you with long-running stories/legacies or especially detailed family trees. If not, consider this an opportunity to explore uncharted territory!

❧ Time travel, AKA an alternate universe. For the purposes of the wedding event, indulge yourself in an AU ! Consider it an opportunity to transport your characters to a different decade and give them a lil makeover.

❧ Create a new sim. Some of the categories invite original characters that belong to you but are connected to my characters, so they lend themselves to this option.

This isn’t really an option so much as a tip: there’s less historically accurate 1920s custom content than you’d think !  Because there’s liable to be two sims wearing the same outfit yes, this is my biggest anxiety with all of this dfsdgfjhjhg, feel free to bend the rules a little bit with your fashion choices. Take inspiration from 1920s fashion plates by all means, but please don’t limit yourself too much !  Generally speaking, the dress code is typical wedding-appropriate formal wear. Lady sims in white will have to fight Rowena in the back alley.

Currently, I anticipate the wedding episode will happen in late August or early September. The schedule may change somewhat, but I hope that’s ample time for folks to decide and prepare. I will, of course, provide everyone participating with a solid date once I have it nailed down myself !

Regarding logistics, here’s what I have in mind (informed, in part, by Daria’s wonderfully helpful guide):

❧ Reach out to me if you’re interested ! Tumblr IM is fine, but you can also connect with me on Discord (@ n.#8669).

❧ Once you’ve decided who your guest(s) will be, with whatever level of input from me you desire, check out this form. It’s a Google Form to help me keep all of this organized. Just click the link and fill it out with what you’re planning. If you’re sending more than one guests, please fill out a separate form for them each !  

❧ Finally, share the tray files for your sim(s) with me once you’re ready. Again, Daria has a delightfully specific guide on how to do this, which you can find here. I would say perhaps aim to do this by mid-August. I’ll follow up with anyone who hasn’t done so the week before the day of the post !

❧ I’ll send real, hopefully cute invitations addressed to your sims later on, so keep an eye out for that after we’ve spoke about it.

❧ Because the event’s over a month away, feel free to cancel if you decide not to participate for whatever reason, run out of time, etc.

I tried to touch on everything in this monster of a post, but please reach out to me if you have any questions, or if I’ve missed something … 💖

[ttlmt]

do it bee

alright.

there’s a few things i kept seeing confusion about, so i’ll try to clear it up the best i can with my amateur enthusiast knowledge. 

disclaimer: all of this could be completely wrong. this is just what i’ve learned from working as a bookseller in the past and taking a few classes on publishing and just generally doing a lot of personal research into it both as a reader and with interest in joining the industry. i do not know dan’s individual situation, nor am an expert by any means. i am also coming at this as a canadian, so the innerworkings of uk/us publishing are just from what ive learned here.

you will get through this book: 

bee’s possibly incorrect far too long guide to the publishing industry and how international editions and signed copies might work for daniel howell’s new book ‘you will get through this night’ available for preorder now

follow @daysuntilthisnight​​ for a countdown #shamelessselfpromo

1) the uk vs us edition

the uk cover is the one without dan’s face on it. the us cover is the one with dan’s face on it. its not uncommon to have multiple covers and putting someones face on the cover is a very american publisher thing to do, personally i really like both. the cover you get is dependent on where you/your country order the book from.

if you ordered from danandphilshop or shop.danielhowell, you will be getting the uk cover, as it is a uk business. if you ordered from the us store right when the book was announced and before the signed copies sold out, it will probably be the uk cover (more on that in the bit about signed books). after that, i’m not sure because i do not know how irlmerch’s distribution works. 

one thing to note is all books have an ISBN number which is like a universal barcode for the book at all stores and it comes from the publisher. the beginning of the isbn dictates the publisher/language/product type/etc and the end identifies the particular book. the uk edition and the us edition have different isbn numbers, as will the ebook, audiobook, etc. this is a good way to figure out which edition you are buying from your local bookstore, and you can cross reference with the isbn in uk or us stores. its usually listed at the bottom of the product page online.

if you live in a country besides the us or the uk, it depends whether the book is being distributed or published in your country. distribution is often more cost effective, and is usually the way it works. as far as i know, dan’s book is being distributed (not published) to the countries on this list with the exception of the us where it is being published (not distributed). if a book is being published in a country, it will have a different isbn and sometimes a different cover. if a book is being distributed it will have the same isbn and cover as the country it is distributed from (usually the closest publishing hub, so london or new york in this case).

to know what edition is in your country, you can compare the isbn numbers and/or the covers. you can also take a look at your other books to see whats normal in your country to get sort of an idea. im assuming europe will get the uk edition but im not sure about other countries.

here in canada for example, our books are usually distributed from the US meaning you will be getting the us cover if you order the book from a canadian store. i ordered from irlmerch when dan’s book was announced though, so i think im getting the uk edition.

1.5) covers and book design

most of the time, especially with new authors, the author has very little say in the final decisions re: book cover and book design. they usually get input, and the publisher gets final say. book design is also a very different thing then general graphic design and professionals genuinely go to school for this. thats not to say there arent bad book designs or that regular people can’t do it too, it’s just something to keep in mind. 

2) signed books vs signed editions

there are a few different ways that signed books can work. primarily, there are signed editions and signed books. both are physically signed by the author, the difference is when in the process these books are signed.

signed books is the ‘old-fashioned’ way, where the author will sit at a table and sign copies of their book. the author usually signs on the title page and for a long time, this was the only way to do it. they have already been printed by the publisher so they will have the same isbn as unsigned books. signed books are usually more limited, often they can be personalized, and if you have ever gone to a proper book signing where the author signed the book in front of you, you have a signed book. signed books are also sometimes made available at the authors local bookstore because they are able to sign them in person. as far as i know, the books that were ordered from danandphilshop or shop.danielhowell during the initial signed run will be signed books. i also believe there are/were limited signed books from uk retailers, i think those are/were signed books (not editions) where the isbn matches the normal first edition of the book. 

signed editions are a fairly new thing, and have made signed books so much more accessible which is awesome! signed editions have a different isbn then their normal edition and signed book counterparts. they are technically two different books and are listed as a separate book in stores. that is because signed editions have one (1) extra page. this allows the author to be sent boxes of pages, not books, to sign BEFORE the books are bound. the pages are then sent back to the publisher to be included in the final printed copy of the book.

signed editions help authors to sign even more copies which allows for things like signing hundreds of thousands of copies of a book in some cases. if you are familiar with john green’s books (and hank’s too), he is a large part of the reason signed editions increased in popularity. for example, his book turtles all the way down had a signed edition and a normal edition, they were the same price but the signed edition included the one more page that john had signed. this also allows authors to do fully signed first edition runs, such as john’s new book the anthropocene reviewed (which comes out the same day as dan’s book lol), where every single copy of the first edition is signed (so there is no such thing as an unsigned american first edition, this is becoming more popular for some authors to do especially if the first edition print is not very a large quantity).

if you saw dan’s ig story from today (which was almost definitely a delayed post lmao), he was signing the signed edition papers that will be bound in the signed edition copies of the book in the us. as far as i know, it is only the us publisher that has this option. as you can see on the us store books-a-million, there is a signed edition and a normal edition. they are listed seperately and there are different isbns. the signed edition will be bound with the one extra page that dan has signed. 

both types of signed books have been actually signed by dan and are so cool to have if that’s something you want and are able to get. if not, you’re not missing much.

3) book piracy and pricing

i’m not here to tell you what to do, so i won’t. i know being able to buy books is a privilege and dan is a millionaire. full stop. he doesn’t need the money and you probably do.

books are expensive. the difference between cost and price of a book can vary drastically. does your calc textbook actually cost the publisher $300? probably not, but it does cost more per copy to print less copies of something (like a textbook) then it does to print millions of copies of a nyt bestseller. does a $24 book cost that much to develop/print/distribute? maybe. 

but most of that money goes to the publisher. the fact of the matter is authors get very little from the actual sale of the book (usually only a couple dollars), which okay, not exactly convincing you against piracy but hear me out. the actual number of sales a book has lets a publisher know how successful a book is, which helps to decide how many more prints/editions are made and often dictates future opportunities for authors.

a series of books that i love is very popular on tumblr, but there was a serious problem a few years ago where copies of the book were being pirated so much, sales were down so drastically, that the publisher almost didn't continue to publish the series. in the case of smaller authors or your favourite ongoing series, buying your copy of the book could be the difference between the existence of the next book or not.  in dan’s case, i don’t know what his future plans are, idk if he plans to write more in the future, but i do know that publishers look at previous sales to decide if they are going to publish a book in the future.

ebooks are usually cheaper and more accessible if money is an issue. used books, while not helping with sales, are also a great option if you’re willing to wait and look around. you can often request your local library buy a book and read it that way, or they might even already have it. there probably even audiobooks and ebooks at your local library. stores like am*zon are usually cheaper as well. online stores of large chains like b&n and indigo will often have the books cheaper to match amazon. however if you can, support your local bookstore.

of course if the author is a horrible person do whatever tf you want. also fuck the textbook industry. 

tldr: dan worked really hard on his book with professionals to make it the best it could possibly be. i think it looks beautiful, and it will help a lot of people. the publishing industry is a mess but really cool. check the isbn of the copy you ordered if you want clarification or you can just wait for the surprise. 

[la5t-res0rt]

Wanted to ask about beetlelyds, sorry, I thought it was technically cannon? Like in the old comics after the show ended she grew up and married him. Sorry I’m an old school fan and have no idea why this whole thing is such a big deal. Wasn’t the actor like 20 too? I’m sorry if I sound very dumb. I’m not used to this new tumblr.

youre fine you are one hundred percent allowed to especially when you do it civilly as you have done here

first of all the biggest issue faced in the whole what is and is not canon debate is the fact that there are three (four if you count the limited comics run) publicized iterations of my media

i will go over each very briefly just kidding this is going to a long answer so i will spare the dashboard with a readmore

there is the movie which im sure you dont need me to explain the plot since youre an old school fan but basically the climax is that yes beetlejuice does go for the marriage angle in exchange for stopping the exorcism of adam and barbara and his motive for this is so that he can cause as much chaos as he wants on the mortal coil but his plan is thwarted when barbara rides a sandworm into the house which promptly eats beetlejuice sending him to bureaucratic death limbo

the end of the movie features the deetz and the maitlands happily living together with lydia havign a new appreciation for her situation and beetlejuice gets his head made real small which is very funny haha 

so no in the movie they are not canon editors note the actress who played lydia winona ryder was a teenager while filming the movie she turned 17 the year it released 

the next is the cartoon which i will admit has the most grounds for being considered canon but in the end the show is about a middle schooler and her best friend who is a ghost which in itself is a pretty iffy gray area sort of thing but for a childrens cartoon to work a friendship is better than the obvious enemy status they held in the movie

anyway in the cartoon they are potrayed to be very close friends with lydia being the person beetlejuice cares about the most and honestly if you were to watch it with no prior knowledge of the media and if you ignored their massive and obvious age difference than yeah you probably would read it as a romantic relationship 

however lydia is a middle schooler and that is simply immoral

there have been writers for the cartoon who have been credited to say that a relationship is what they were trying to invoke but for obvious reasons they couldnt exactly move forward with that angle with them establishing that lydia is a child in middle school and a fully grown adult man dating a child who is in middle school is immoral and also illegal in the united states and in canada 

this isnt a good argument for whether or not something is canon and i will tell you why with one simple name and that is luke weber

if you dont know who luke weber is he was a storyboard artist on the cartoon steven universe he is known for making a lot of self ship artwork of him and the character pearl

he worked on the show isnt his material canon no of course it isnt it wasnt put in the actual publication and also if memory serves he was eventually asked to leave the project after he drew art of the shows creator giving him permission to date pearl and calling them her otp and a lot of fans hated this because the most generally accepted interpretation of pearls character is that she is sapphic so a lot of people took issue however that again is just a widely perceived headcanon it is never stated what her actual sexuality is no one in that show is because it isnt a show about that its about wait im getting off topic sorry

what im saying is what can truly be considered canon is what you see on the screen and with the cartoon they are definitely the most friendly with each other and that is why so many people in the beetlebabe shipping community take so much stock in the cartoon because it is the easiest to read the relationship between the mas romantic although that is not what the show actually provides in black and white terms

interpretation does not equal canon and in this case no matter what anyone says the fact remains that in the cartoon itself they are friends good friends yes but friends all the same

it is definitely not a show about a grown man grooming an adult and if it were you definitely shouldn’t be stanning it the extreme because grooming a minor is wrong and it is apparently a problem in the fandom

anyway if the cartoon and the movie are both products of their time and there was more leniency on content bear in mind this was the same era as notorious animation powerhouse and known predator john k who was a showrunner on ren and stimpy and he maintained a relationship with a teenager which was an open secret that nobody really took issue with because in that time being a woman in the animation industry was tricky business and your career could be ended easily if you rejected advances luckily time has moved forward and the animation industry although still full of problems of a similar nature at least people are getting called out and punished for it

you can look more into that yourself its really upsetting though

as for comics i havent been able to find good scans of them and im not willing to purchase them but in my search i never found anything about the two of them ever being married in the cartoon again because she is a child i did find a cover where he appears to be getting married and hes asking lydia to get him out of it but im not sure where the comic actually goes all i know is she is standing off to the side shrugging and looking like she doesnt really care

anyway that brings us to the musical which is set in the modern day 

in the original libretto lydia is described as thirteen but since they got an actress who was older in the updated librettos she is listed as 15 and the story is pretty similar to the movie the young girl befriends ghosts and they try to scare her family out etc etc

the major difference between the film and the musical are that lydia and beetlejuice are more like friends like in the cartoon 

she summons him to help scare after the maitlands attempt doesnt really work so he shows up and they have fun terrorizing people together however she drops him for the opportunity to perhaps get her mom back but when no one will help she goes back to beetlejuice who tricks her into almost exorcising barbara

she agrees to marry him in order to stop the exorcism and he only wants to get married so he can be alive again and cause problems on the mortal coil like in the movie in the musical he states several times its a green card thing whihc obviously doesnt make it okay but still

anyway lydia tricks him and runs off into the underworld before the wedding can happen blah blah blah she goes back blah blah and she agrees to go through with the wedding to save her friends and family with a plan to make him go away for good

theres a very tongue and cheek song called creepy old guy which points out how wrong the whole thing is but everyone is going along with it in a very comedic matter and it includes the line 

i cant believe some cultures think this kind of things alright

basically saying yeah this is very very wrong anyway they do get married and beeltjeuice is alive for like 6 seconds before lydia stabs him to death with bad art and he dies thus nullifying the marriage because death do you part etc

so in the musical no at the end of the show they are not canon because he is dead their marriage is nullified and they go their separate ways

anyway sorry about that i just need to make it very clear that these three properties are all very distinct from each other and basically all three are indeed canon since they are publicized material and arguing the validity of which one is pointless editors note all actresses who played with the exception of dana steingold were minors for the majority of their runs as lydia with sophia ann caruso the originator of the role turning 18 during the run and dana being in her late twenties presley ryan however was a minor the whole time and still is one

tldr no they aren’t canon but to the credit of some people in this fandom their interpretation isnt too far of a stretch thanks to the era and some of the writers wishing to imply a relationship between an adult and a child

i also need to address how this is all a big deal and i suggest you take a peak through my discourse tag and check out @leedia‘s blog to see some of the more harmful things done by beetlebabe shippers

the beetlejuice fandom is home to many minors after the musical came out since musical fandom is vast and the ages of its members varies and normalizing pedophilia is harmful to them not to mention the people who have been effected by sexual harassment at the hands of adults

both sides have victims of csa but one side continues to perpetuate the cycle by showing time and time again that this behavior is normal and easily romanticized in the name of coping and literally anyone who has ever been to a good and credible therapist could tell you that posting cp even if it is simulated cp isnt a really good way to cope and you can get mad at me for saying that its totally fine but and im going to remove my character veil here for just a second as a csa survivor myself i think its harmful to not only myself but many others ok the veil is back down

tldr again there is a lot of bullying and harassment going on with both sides having their own issues but there is one side whos issues run a bit deeper in my humble opinion 

thank you for your question it allowed me to talk a lot you are welcome to discuss further with me in dms if you wish i honestly recommend giving the musical a listen because it is very fun and despite what some people say its very clever and if you get a chance to see a boot of it its visually stunning

one last note that i couldnt really fit in here but a large portion of the beetlebabes shipping community ignore the musical because it openly condemns the idea of beeltejuice and lydia having a relationship and a lot of the antis take issue with much of the writing and characterizations of the cartoon just a note that i think is important since were talking about canon

[hshouse]

heyyy, how are you? im sorry for the rant and hope u don't mind, i really need to talk about this, just get it out of my chest, yk? so, i started to follow you yesterday, i think so? so, i've been here in the fandom for a couple years, since 2013 to be specific but just went really into larry in 2015 (what a blessed year to became a larrie, innit?)

then, i stayed here until early 2017 when i took a break, lost hs1 era and all that came with it, even lost harry coming to my country, that's how much i was far from the fandom lol.

i came back in september/october 2019, and then, as you can see, i lost a lot of drama on the fandom and got so so confused to get into everything again but okay, i searched and saw everything happened during these years. im kinda ashamed to assume but lol i even had a weak crisis because of hamille, thought they broke up and stuff. (like cmon girl, i went through babygate and was weak for that? 😭) in my defense, i wasn't on tumblr so much so my source was twitter when i came back and there is a hell as everybody knows, but yeah. nowadays i'm okay about everything but i'm feeling a litte bad today. (if u can like, idk, hide this part if u post the ask, i don't want some people to know who i am lol). my friend received some asks about harry×rob stringer and okay, i went to reply it for her because she was busy and stuff. i full well know they have a professional relationship and harry's one of the biggest artists sony has nowadays, so i said this, explained that he isn't the evil that rads try to make him look like and i really believe that. that probably will seems contradictory since i defended him and now i'm like 🤯 about some things. anyways, idk, it just makes me uncomfortable, yk? i know he works under sony and they are independent artists, that harry is making a lot of money for sony/rob know and that's why rob will move the world to promote harry if needed but like, idk, i completley agree that louis would never ask harry to give up his dreams and work, and that he knows how to separate things but it's just weird to me that harry doesn't seems uh? idk the right word to say but like, he's not bothered at all about this while rob is putting so much for him and louis was being sabotaged by the same person, yk? i get now we don't even know if he still under sony since syco is dead but yeah, it's just weird to me... i think part of this feeling i have rn is just because of some gross comments i saw from antis today on twitter and that makes me feel bad, normally i really don't care and imlike bulletproof about them but today it's hitting me (as if it isn't enough, im also brazilian and i think you saw about this guy named fiuk, don't care about this at all lol, but the antis comments started bc of what he said 😂 honestly...)

i choose to send it for you bc i saw you are more on harry's lane although you are also a larrie, and im kinda identify with you because of that so i would like to know how you think about this whole situation and if that maybe can help me to organize my thoughts... im really sorry about this lonnnng text, hope u have a nice day.

hi bby,

I’m good and yes 2015 was iconique. (gonna try to address everything you said)

I personally found Hamille harder to deal than other stunts, I feel you.

Let’s get our ducks in a row first. 

Rob Stringer is not involved in Harry, or anyone’s, promo. That is not his job at all. He is the CEO of a huge company, he is most likely in meetings making sure Sony has money and the shareholders are happy. What I said, and I absolutely fucking maintain, is that Stringer knows Harry is one of the biggest artists on his catalogue and is going to make sure he is treated well and receives what he wants (within reason). 

Harry and Louis are completely different artists and there is a very limited way they can interact business-wise in the way people want it. A label will not, and an ethical artist would never ask, please one artist by giving help to an artist they personally are not working with. They are not even on the same label so it would be like “hey can you give my boyfriend a multi-million dollar deal? can you fit that in the budget?”. He is not asking for a signed vinyl from Miley for his cousin, this is a big deal. I don’t really understand what soap opera moment people expect to happen in the background? Any couple that has millions on the line in their job works to make sure their finances and opportunities and everything is separate. This is not weird? A husband lawyer will not quit because his wife was fired from the firm? That’s not like spicy. 

I’m fairly confident Louis is still under Sony, since changing majors is a huge thing and I doubt Sony would be willing to just give him away and not negotiate further. He probably got a better deal in another Sony label. 

I will say this. Out of all the reasons to not believe in Larry this is a dumb fucking one. It’s business AND we have no idea about what is actually happening. At all. So like to again make all these jumps just to say Larry isn’t real? There way less messy ways if that is your end goal yk. 

Also I want to say that I understand, feel and agree with the frustration over Louis’ career. I don’t think anyone doesn’t? Just because I don’t subscribe to this one narrative it does NOT mean I am suddenly thinking he has the best team and promo and everything is rosy and perfect. I just don’t think this is the story and I think it is way more complicated than we even think.

[queer-buccaneers]

let’s talk about rebinarization

i've noticed that people often (subconsciously) end up putting nonbinary identities back into the binary.

the biggest example of this is how so many genders that get coined come with ‘can be used as x-boy or x-girl’. why do people do this? because by doing this, you're reinforcing the idea that all gender experiences must relate back to the binary to be valid. even if you don't mean it! when every post you see has the word ‘feminine’ or ‘masculine’ (or even ‘same' or ‘opposite’) in it somewhere, that's the idea it's putting across.

and i have proof that this idea does actually exist and does actually affect people's discourse. think about how people jumped on the solarian/lunarian system as a way to categorize things like ‘who belongs in women’s spaces' and ‘who can use the word lesbian/sapphic/wlw'. they completely ignored that people can have pretty much any reason for ‘aligning’ themselves with masculinity or femininity. they reduced these terms to women-as-a-political-class and men-as-a-political-class. they implied that no one can ever exist outside of (or in both of!) these categories because they are always mutually exclusive.

⚠️ that’s TERF logic! ⚠️ and that's bad! but i want you to think about and understand why it's bad. not because it's associated with a nebulous group of problematic people, but because of the ways it actually hurts people. it's bad because it suggests that:

only two categories of people exist and it's easy to sort out which is which (in this case, people who experience misogyny/oppression and people who don’t)

there is only one way to express being in one of these groups and it's easy to sort out which is which (in this case, by being woman-aligned or man-aligned)

you know, like a binary. a binary based on gender. a gender binary.

but it's also not great on an individual level! it limits personal expression and personal understanding. i think there are a lot of people being held back by the idea that all their gender feelings need to relate back to their experience of the binary. even if they don't realize it! the vast majority of people who list all their microlabels will have like 70% of them ending in -boy or -girl. what does that imply? do all these aspects of your gender only exist through this binary lens?

and what about the fact that a lot of these -gender terms, when they provide specific flags for their -boy and -girl versions, also often provide one for -nonbinary. what’s x-nonbinary? isn’t x-gender already nonbinary? or are they just binary-with-a-quirky-aesthetic? because that’s sure what this separation of terms implies!

and consider the existence of words like ‘nontrinary’, which is almost certainly a reaction to these kinds of terms. people have internalized the idea that nonbinary identities still always imply a relation to the binary so hard that they're coining words like this to escape that. and then ‘nonquaternary’ exists too, for similar reasons. that’s kinda silly! and the pressure isn't coming from outside here, because mogai tumblr is an incredibly self-contained and insular community. nonbinary people are forcing ourselves out of our own spaces and words because of internalized rebinarization.

and like..... i acknowledge that We Live In A Society and it's impossible to have a gender experience that's totally free from binary influence. but that doesn't mean that the binary is inherent to your gender itself. that doesn't mean that every aspect of someone's gender has to be modified with -boy or -girl or wrapped up in a tidy alignment package. you shouldn't hold yourself to that standard and you definitely shouldn't hold other people to that standard!

so how do we not do this any more? 🤔

im gonna introduce this idea, in the hopes that it might help you separate out your inherent gender experience from the parts influenced by the binary: i call it the working gender.

my working gender is butch. i identify as butch because while i feel masculine, take T and am seeking top surgery (❗ this does not automatically make me male-aligned, and i don't identify this way ❗), i still feel a social affiliation with the fact i was raised as a girl (❗ this does not automatically make me woman-aligned, and i don't identify this way ❗). my working gender is what i've come to by reconciling who i am with the binary i've been forcibly exposed to. my ‘true’ gender is none of that. my ‘true’ gender is longcoats and the ocean and cat ears and satanism and fuschia and purple and ✨☠️🧡🌺. my ‘true’ gender can't be expressed with words. my ‘true’ gender doesn't look very much like what most people consider ‘gender’ to be at all. my ‘true’ gender is what's left when you scrape as much of the binary away as you possibly can.

these are both ‘real’ identities, these are both useful identities, these are both me. it's just helpful, sometimes, to understand which parts of me come from internal feelings, and which are shaped by outside influence. also, this system is not meant to apply to everyone. some people do sincerely have genders that completely relate to the binary in all their aspects. but not everyone does. and that's the point of this post, and those are the people i'm trying to reach with this post.

whether or not you're one of those people, though, the best thing you can do to combat your own subconcious rebinarization is to just..... think!

why you need a masculine/feminine equivalent to this feminine/masculine term ❓

why you need this term to ‘relate to' femininity/masculinity, or have feminine/masculine ‘energies’ ❓

why do you need to describe this presentation term as masculine or feminine ❓

why do you need to make sure your terms ‘can be used as x-boy or x-girl’ ❓

remember that i'm not saying these are universally bad. i just want you to think about these things. try to interrupt your brain taking the mental shortcut to including the binary 100% of the time.

and when you're thinking about your own gender, really give yourself permission to imagine what it would feel like if the gender binary didn't exist. understand that nonbinary can be more than binary-aligned-with-a-quirky-aesthetic. it's allowed to be non-binary. experiment with describing your identity without using references to femininity or masculinity at all. now try with your presentation - or even your orientations! see what it feels like ✨

when references to the binary inevitably do come up, do your best to find out why, and what causes them, and where they come from. understand that your identity is equally shaped by external ideas and internal feelings - but the first step to smashing the gender binary is to smash the one inside your head 🤯

[spadesinglasses]

Love Victor (series)

oooh new format for this post let’s get into itttt.

Below are my reaction per episode. I will be writing them as i finish each so its more clear and fresh and all that jazz.

Let’s see if tumblr posts has a word count limit.

lol wrong title earlier X_X

Note, the #glassthoughts tags is a reaction tag. Its never a review, or an intellectual essay about stuff I watch. I dont have the capacity to do all those.

Spoilers below so beware. Episode 1 is posted separately because I intend to make posts for the first and last epsiode only but that did not work out lol.

EPISODE 2

it took me a looong time to finish this episode. I kept on pausing it because something just feels so wrong about it. I didn’t know what it was when i was going through it, but when it finally ended it finally clicked.

The episode reminds me of the sentiment most homophobes use against gay people. “If you focus on the emotional part of the relationship, you will be happy with the opposite sex.” Growing up ive heard this phrase used against other people so much. Hearing it in my native language has always been a punch in the gut. 

And now this show who is supposed to be something happy and nice, is just having this kind of phrase of mentality just well up there.

I’m sure that its not Victor’s and that he is just exploring his sexuality. But the usual tinge of homophobia whenever he talks that he might be like Simon is honestly grating.

It’s definitely a me issue because other people seem to be enjoying the series immensely, but whenever Victor gets into that headspace, I just hear my child self crying myself to sleep because of internal homophobia.

Also i can see why people say  that for a show that is supposed be about Victor’s sexuality and growth, it does sure show a heck lot of heterosexuality of those who are around him.

Maybe in the future i will rewatch the series again with a more patient mind, but for now, expect me to skip a lot of scenes X_X

End

Episode 3

Okay the audacity of Victor saying “he tries” to be a good friend. Like dang okay chill with the lies. You’re already lying about your sexuality lmao.

Sorry im being very critical and bitter about this show, but i must persevere for the fanfics and fanarts i will gorge myself into later.

anywho reaction time!

Mia and Victor would’ve been cute if only Victor doesn’t sound like he keeps on enforcing this compulsory heterosexuality he has in mind.  BUT hey he might be Bi people! 

I keep censoring myself because of how bitter and hateful i sound. My apologies for the phrases i forgot to delete above and beyond this line xD.

Anyways im over anything about Andrew. He can go fuck his egotistical self. If the series will show 

Hmm i wonder if the term “Comp Het” will even drop in this series.

Back to reaction,

Honestly Felix is just a lesbian in a man’s body at this point. Making his own shampoo? Like wow give me some of that kind of friend. 

The number of times I rolled my eyes at Andrew is ridiculous. 

Whilst typing this part it was more enforced in my mind that Love Victor is just a “supposedly gayer” Teen Wolf without the wolfing parts.

Lake is Lydia Felix is Stiles Andrew is a walmart Jackson Benji is basically a less grumpy Derek or Danny tbh Victor is Scott

I really hate this idea now.

The parents drama! Honestly, very unnecessary in my opinion. Victor is already dealing with a religious family, now he has to deal with a religious and broken family? Like dang they could’ve just chosen one struggle for him, now everyone will think his sexuality is a consequence for his parents’ sin or sth.

Maybe it’ll play into a bigger plot twist in the future?

Maybe Victor’s mom is cheating with Mia’s father? Seeing as how there was an unnecessary shot of her father with the back of a woman facing on the camera which is weird but okay. 

Im theorizing now X_X

Anyways have y’all seen how poor Felix was so nervous because his goddamn friend isn’t there to supposedly help him?

Sorry im hating on Victor too much but this scene reminds me of how awful Simon’s friends are and like bruuuh is Felix supposed to be the lead character?

He really is like Stiles who is supposed to be the lead for Teen Wolf in my opinion, he’s just a much better written character that Sc/tt

lmao sorry my issues with other series is bleeding into this one X_X

End

Episode 4

Not much to say without getting too salty so moving onnn.

End

Episode 5

This series is just showing all the fear and pain i went through and am going through back when I was a teenager and til now. Without getting into any personal stuff, that last bs Victor’s father spewed just hit me so much.

I guess one of the reasons why its hard for me to watch Love Victor is because it shows me the teenager side of me way back when. Minus the girlfriend one because i never really persevered that much to tamper any likes for men. Internal homophobia really hit me back then tho xD

End

Episode 6

This episode is a mess and I hate it.

We saw yet again Victor literally using Felix’s ignorance and naivety to get himself out of a situation he put himself into. 

AND Felix even got the wrong idea or got fed with the wrong idea that the reason why Victor brought him along is to act as a buffer because he wasn’t ready to give up being a virgin or have sex in general. Yep that is definitely the reason, no other reason at all that involves making latte art with a known barista.

Lake and Felix kissed so there was that. I still am shipping Victor and Felix together despite Victor’s continuous bs with him being a good friend, but that’s just me.

And totally knew Andrew and Mia got a thing. If this blew up and hurt Lake im suing.

Lake and Felix are literally the two people keeping this show intact. Not gonna drop some political statement here no sir.

Again Benji needs to grow a personality out of this whole barista thing. One thing i am grateful for this show is that there was no family drama at all!

I think.

End

Episode 7

UGHHH MISS ME WITH THAT NORMAL TALK.

Ive been making a conscious effort to stop saying that heterosexuality is normal. That shit is hard to unlearn because its what ive always heard in my asian household for yeaaaaaaars. And now this twink is just gonna throw the term around like he has no issues with it. TO SIMON EVEN.

Like brooooooh. Im over my 2010 internal homophobia, no need to dig it all up again. Every episode.

Aww the dancing in different clothes is cute but,

FUCKING VICTOR LIED JUST FOR WHAT?

Homeboy be doing the most to keep his fucking sexuality from bursting out, with his foot both planted firmly inside the closer AND THEN THE NEXT SECOND would end up as if he is ready to risk it all just to see Benji naked.

I AM FUCKING livid, confused, and just intense emotion everywhere.

Ive seen a couple of dumbo scenes from other shows that got the “closeted” man be doing literally the most obvious shit that could make anyone catch them, BUT THIS, with how VEHEMENT Victor is against being “NOT NORMAL” AND THEN LIE JUST TO STAY IN A MOTEL WITH THE GLORIFIED HOT GUY, takes the goddamn cake.

The fucking hypocrisy man. Ive battled internal homophobia before, AND ACKNOWLEDGE THAT WE ALL DEAL WITH IT DIFFERENTLY but holy fucksticks. I’m not this evil.

The thing is, there is so much a person could do that you could go “ah its because they are in the closet and is afraid to come out” before it goes to the territory of “fucking hell, this is not just about his sexuality, this is just him now doing stuff consciously to take advantage of his supposed fear”. The girlfriend thing is even waaay over the top, but we all went with it because he’s supposed to be figuring things out. BUT most of the time, he literally could not even imagine going beyond the line HE CREATED for their relationship. AND YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT HE WILL LIE JUST TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH A GUY? Now he wants to test the male side of his sexuality? BECAUSE PORN DOESN’T EXIST?  BECAUSE LOOKING AT MALE UNDERWEAR MODELS IN THE UNDERWEAR SECTION IS NOT ENOUGH? HE NEEDS IT TO BE ACTUALLY PHYSICAL TO CONFIRM SOMETHING?

Im ahead too much, real time the scene im in the episode is still them about to leave the shop but holy fucking hell. If this lie ended up becoming something more in this same episode, expect more capslock because jfc.

And people will still claim he’s somewhat attracted to the other gender. 

AND SOMETHING DID HAPPENED. ANDREW AND MIA KISSED

FUCKIN VICTOR

Also i was very very worried that Pilar and Felix will be a thing BUT THANK GOD THAT DIDN’T BECOME A THING. Still unsure whether i like Lake and Felix together, but i love them individually.

I cant really comment on any of the parents drama because to be honest i skip them whenever its just her and him.

These two fuckers lie to one another. BECAUSE OF WHAT? THEY WANT TO FUCKIN STICK THEIR TONGUES INTO ONE ANOTHERS MOUTH? IS THIS REALLY WHERE THIS SHOW IS GOING? AND THEY ALMOST CENSORED IT BECAUSE ITS GAY? NOT THE OTHER HORRIBLE STUFF THAT IS HAPPENING?

Im tired.

But i hafta finish the show for fanarts and fanfics.

okay Benji has a legitimate reason for lying. I’ll take that.

See people you see me live writing this whole rant thing :D.

BOY TOOK MONTHS KISSING MIA FOR MIA TO ONLY SAY THEIR TONGUES GRAZE SOMETIMES.

bUT THE SAME GUY JUST WENT LAPLAPAN TO THE MAX WITH BENJI THE ONE NIGHT THEY SPENT TOGETHER?

REALLY PEOPLE? REALLY?

Huh I wonder back when I was his age, would I also just kiss the first gay guy i became comfortable with? Despite being so into the closet and battling internal homophobia via punching the walls?

Dang that monologue tho. We as non het doesn’t want our lives to be hard. But at this point, i stopped blaiming my own sexuality and just started blaming heterosexuals for making the world this fucking horrible for us. That’s when my internal homophobia SLOWLY lessen. It’s still there but hey at least every crosshair  is not on me.

Okay i get people saying that Simon is irresponsible for making Victor like put his family on the back burner for a bit etc etc. Also the reaction against Benji getting mad when Victor wanted them to stop being gay while in their house, is reasonable. Victor did calmly told Benji and his beau that his family is stretched thin etc etc. I get that. I get that sometimes hiding your sexuality for other people is what is necessary.

BUT  fucking please recognize how damaging that is to the person you are talking to. Even if you think Victor is in the 100% right about this, AT THE VERY LEAST acknowledge why Benji is mad. Sure he could’ve just left with his boyfriend instead of just staying there. And sure Victor pulled through in the end and put that dusty grandpa motherfucker to his place, but that’ll fucking sting okay.

Also i might be saying all this in a place where I’m not really that close to ANY of my relatives, so ya know, call me ignorant or ungrateful whatever.

END

Episode 8

Okay uhh Mia and Andrew is still a thing APPARENTLY.

AWW BRAM IS CUTE

Lol Simon’s “Yay boobs” like please Victor keep the heterosexual drama out of this chatroom lmao.

Also Felix group texting the others is hilarioussss.

If Victor touches or says one bad thing at Bram? its on sight.

Also Im not sure what to feel with Mia getting jealous at Andrew. Like girl you were the one who said he’s nothing, and now this? Issa bad look honey.

Victor is embarassing. Are all extroverts just this i dunno peppy? 

You know what makes me happy in this episode? Keiynan’s attitude bleeding out to Bram’s character. I love it!

Goddd Keiynan is so hot XD

hahahaha this episode is lighter thank god.

“why would they want to help a complete stranger” because they are good people and surprisingly they still exist! 

Ohhh So it seems like Nick Robinson filmed his scenes for this episode on a different day. Ive never seen him be with the main group. That’s weird.

END

Episode 9

Benji distancing himself because he wants to make his 1 year relationship work? Good guy! Him not saying to his boyfriend about the coworker of his kissing him? Bad move.

Sure we can all talk about how little stuff doesn’t need to be told to your lover if you’re sure its not gonna happen again. The thing is,  communication is key. Y’all will talk about communication being integral in a relationship but keep shit like this in the DL because yOU’RE JUST THAT SURE IT AINT GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN? Fo real?

Also Benji is feeling guilty for a reason.

Vincent is very in the wrong for kissing a taken man just because said taken man is comfortable with him or showed vulnerability. Victor is in the wrong 100% and I’ll never forget that.

Felix and that hug with Victor is adorableeee. Love that coming out scene. Again raising my eyebrows at those who say Victor is Bi.

Felix showing what’s in his apartment is fucking great. No wonder we don’t see his mom or anything. They say that the saddest people are always the one who will do their best to keep everyone happy. Felix is being peppy, have these random phrases he use to just amuse people makes sense.

In this household, we protect Felix no matter what. HOPEFULLY next season we get to fucking know his surname or sth.

Again nothing new with the drama surrounding the parents. I hate them and honestly i am so annoyed by the father’s face and everything. (still have that hatred from One day at  time but we don’t talk about that here)

The letter is stupid and i wonder what Pilar will do about it. Are we gonna get a To All the boys i loved before thing?

OH Felix giving Lake an ultimatum. Wow what a move honestly. On one hand Felix has the right to protect himself. He wants to be free with who he loves, and keeping it a secret stopped being amusing because he knew what it feels like to hide a part of yourself.

Lake’s confidence has been obviously shot and damaged by her mother. Not saying that justifies what she is doing  BUT it came from somewhere. A night with Felix talking to her about his life IS NOT going to just uproot all those thoughts from her mind. As much as i love Felix, he is not a solution.

hmm what else. The father can go die for all i care. Lmao.

END

Episode 10

OH I THOUGHT PILAR KNOWS NOW BUT NOOOO

OH NOOO O NO NO NOOO

AND ANDREW STIRRING SHIT UP NOOOOOO

PILAR STOOOOP

NOO NOT PUBLICLY

OMFG

 I CANNOT.

Also i cannot get over Andrew’s actor looking like Stromae. They have the same eyes, eyebrows and expressions X_X

THIS IS WHY WE DONT KEEP SHIT BEFORE A PUBLIC EVENT. IT ALWAYS EXPLODES ON A PUBLIC EVENT.

YOU BET YOUR ass i skipped the whole confrontation scene. I’ll go back to it maybe or just look at gifs but nope. My cancer rising and moon can’t handle that shit.

Is ... is Mia going to see Victor and Benji together and then theorize? Because god freaking damnit im tired of that plot twist.

Oh Benji. Honey honey honey please don’t do whatever I think you’re about to do.

FUCKING NEW IT. CALLED IT. CALLED ITITTTT MIA FUCKIGN SAW I HATE VERYTHING.

....

wait the way the ending was shot is weird. The cliffhanger is weird. Everything is weird.

ILL MAKE A HUNCH that it was actually just Victor in his dream land thinking that coming out is that easy and that you just blurt it out.

Bet you the next season will start with no body but Felix and Mia and Andrew know about his sexuality.

The shot was too much on Victor. There was no sound cue from the family etc etc.  I hate the ending so much. Love Victor could’ve been so much more. Could’ve pioneered a fresh way to show lgbt stories and how coming out is this and that. Even if the show is for Gen Z and this generation, coming out should reflect to how coming out is generally perceived nowadays. But i guess that was too much. Foolish me for having my expectations waay too high.

The End

[bi-dazai]

2000 words on soukoku romance-coding in episode 26

i’ve talked a lot on here about how there’s a lot of romance-coding in the canon content featuring dazai and chuuya. here’s a rundown of my base theories here

i didnt add this in my original above post, but ill say now that diegetically chuuya and dazai are usually quite levelheaded and manipulative - both are the two youngest port mafia executives in history. even when dazai is annoyed with other characters (such as kunikida or atsushi) it is clear that he is play-acting. chuuya, meanwhile, is extremely level-headed and doesnt get upset at all - even when yosano and kenji appeared heavily armed. dazai is only slightly upset by shibusawa and dostoyevsky. the only person to genuinely get a rise out of both chuuya and dazai are each other. even so, their arguing has, from the beginning, been petty on the surface, yet upon reading into dialogue and animated/written/illustrated facial expressions show deep hurt at each others actions, particularly on their 4 year separation and dazai covering up his loyalty to chuuya by betraying his trust in episode 21.

i have two more points to add on concerning their non-diegetic relationship. firstly, that official merchandise and posters almost always depict chuuya and dazai either ogling each other (theres a trend of dazai ogling chuuya’s ass in particular) or doing something romantic together (for example there’s a poster where they are depicted hanging around together with no other characters near a christmas tree - christmas is considered a romantic holiday in japan. the same coding is given to many canon fictional couples in japan, and to another studio bones production pairing in bnha kiribaku, which has a similar level of gaycoding).

the second non-diegetic point you should understand about soukoku: it’s one of the most popular ships in japan, and japan’s anime industry tends to be a lot more open about showing same-sex relationships/gay-coding than the west is.

--- 

and for a note on my authorship - i admit that i do ship soukoku, and that this gives me a bias. i am also bisexual and am much more sensitive to noticing homoeroticism than many straight audiences. however, to counter this point id like to clarify that it takes a lot to make me believe a same-sex ship has even the slightest chance of being canon. also, id like to say that i am an author in my second year of a creative writing degree and my first year of a film studies minor. these degrees both involve analysing text within production and authorial context (a lot...). in my free time i read a lot of papers and articles on the production context and general views of lgbt representation in different countries’ media, in particular the usa, australia, and japan. i consume every piece of media i view with an intensely critical eye and i specialise in connected diegetic elements with non-diegetic elements in terms of production, authorial, and social context

---

*NOTE* im going to be doing things out of order here for no other reason than that i realised them in that order as i thought about the episode analytically

today i want to talk about something extremely specific that came up in episode 26, and it has to do with the use of symbolism and shot composition. it’s just a short, short sequence but to me it speaks volumes, both for their canon relationship and their coded romantic relationship.

specifically this sequence. this is just one shot and to me it portrays soukoku’s dynamic as explicitly romantic in a mise-en-scene sense.

before we like to go in, id like to clarify that the dialogue doesnt matter - it’s mainly expository stuff.

the first sc is the first shot we see of dazai and chuuya ‘alone’ in this scene. it’s unclear where mori is exactly. even though mori is clearly orchestrating the two of them and this entire scene’s dialogue, he isn’t in this shot until the very end. this defines the soukoku relationship, as well as their first meeting being entirely incidental, as being something that was supposedly orchestrated by mori but on a deeper level something they created and grow themselves. it is their relationship from the beginning, not mori’s. even though we know that mori is orchestrating this, we are told that this story will be about chuuya and dazai, not mori’s plans. along with that, it’s also the first shot of open sky we get in this scene, and it’s with just chuuya and dazai looking at each other, silent. it’s open and refreshing and new, but there’s something there already - which i will discuss now.

so. let’s talk about the vapour trail. the vapour trail has no real relationship to the scene or story at all. it would be perfectly logical to just place clouds here, or even place the vapour trail somewhere else. but this vapour trail is very specifically placed to form an arrow to comes from dazai’s heart and reaches towards chuuya, passing over mori’s head narrowly. mori watches the trail, dazai and chuuya watch each other. mori knows the middle part - that they will be tied together to be a device of violence of his own making. but at the other ends dazai and chuuya are tied together in a way that goes above and below mori’s knowledge. this symbolises their future together, and indicates a subtextual level to their dynamic.

the choice i want to focus on here, however, is the choice to have this arrow reach from dazai’s heart. as a writer, if i was trying to symbolise the general strategic soukoku dynamic i would have this arrow go from dazai’s head (the brains) to chuuya (the recipient and conductor of dazai’s plans). in fact, i have a dynamic im writing right now that is similar to this, in which one is defense and one is agility. however, these two also end up in a same-sex romantic relationship together later on. in order to code and foreshadow this, as well as add romantic subtext, often when using symbology i adjust my symbols to fit a romantic context subtly. as an author myself, this shot is a clear hint of adjusted symbolism in order to code dazai’s feelings for chuuya.

and if i’m to read further, i would even say that the fact that the arrow flies over chuuya’s head suggests that dazai currently has romantic feelings for chuuya that chuuya does not yet return (but comes to, something that i have discussed in my linked post above).

---

secondly, tumblr user @cream-and-punishment made a fun joke post about dazai and chuuya “exchanging wedding vows” at their first meeting. firstly, it’s funny as fuck and when i first saw the post my reaction was just “haha it does sound like that!”. however, i keep looking at that post, keep returning to the script and that scene, and my reaction is now “wow. it does sound like that. like. exactly what soukoku wedding vows sound like. huh.”

for the lazy here’s the script (translated by the funimation subtitle team):

Dazai: You’re a cocky, overconfident child. You’re the kind of person I hate the most.

Chuuya: And I hate condescending pricks like you more than anything in this world.

and because im thorough, i ignored my english subs and listened the original japanese script as well (with my limited japanese to basically check for anything that could be translated differently or means something in japanese that is culturally untranslatable). what i found was that the english subs are right, and capture the original lines quite well.

dialogue can function as a tool for multiple results. in this two-line exchange, neither of the lines are meant as views into the character’s true interiors. instead, the purpose of this interchange is meant to be foreshadowing, specifically into the fact that this is how chuuya and dazai spend the rest of their relationship (up until the current point in the canon manga plot) expressing their opinion towards each other. it mirrors the kind of dialogue we see in episode 10 in which dazai and chuuya’s dialogue works as exposition for their past and their base dynamic, and here it is used to foreshadow what is considered backstory in the main plot (if that makes any sense?).

however, chuuya’s response to dazai is where im interested. im gonna pull my writer’s card here and say that if i was, again, just foreshadowing hatred and frustration as well as cooperation, i would cut chuuya’s line to something like this:

Chuuya: And I hate condescending pricks like you the most/just as much/etc.

“more than anything in this world”, of course, could just be incidental. but considering how a lot of soukoku’s dialogue is clearly double-entendre (read my original post linked above), it makes me consider a second option: that we are already putting that romantic double-entendre into their dynamic. if we refer to the future soukoku dynamic, in particular in episode 21, we are shown multiple times that chuuya genuinely cares for dazai’s well-being (secondary to rimbaud’s hat of course hahaha). chuuya would be genuinely upset if dazai died, and its implied (though still up to interpretation as opposed to the explicitness of chuuya’s shown feelings, however i would argue that dead apple is fairly explicit in dazai’s trust and feelings) the vice versa is also true.

going off that, often how both of them express concern for each other is by making ‘hateful’ comments towards each other. in episode 9, it’s clear there is uncomfortable tension in the room. there is 4 years of unspoken confusion lingering and chuuya is clearly, clearly upset. so dazai, in referencing an unchanging nature of what makes them them, calls back to one of his first mocking entries - how short chuuya is. it’s funny and it’s mocking, but the blows they trade are familiar and even when theyre brawling, despite being on opposite sides they take genuine pleasure in each others company. considering both of their personalities and histories as well as their trauma, both of them tend to struggle with interpersonal relationships and opening up. but chuuya and dazai canonically feel comfortable with each other, and know how to read each other well enough to both bounce off each other while also understanding what lies beneath.

so when chuuya says something like “i hate you more than anything in this world” we are pulled back to the present (in the plot), where chuuya says these things but moments later is concerned or worried for dazai’s wellbeing. chuuya in this line prioritises dazai as the foremost person in his life within minutes of meeting each other. diegetically (to the characters) we know this is them exchanging tense negotiation. non-diegetically (to what we know of the script and their future, as well as this entire exchange being mostly foreshadowing), we are clearly meant to interpret this to mean that chuuya will, eventually, hold dazai to be incredibly important to him, and vice versa. 

of course, we also have the fact that the phrase “more than anything in this world” is yet another soukoku romantic double-entendre. as i mentioned with things such as “the silent treatment” and mentioning drinking heavily when someone abruptly leaves you, it’s clear that these are used almost entirely as romantic tropes. i’ve discussed this before so i wont get too much into it, but just say that this scene adds yet another line to that long list of soukoku double-entendres.

---

considering at least the first 3 episodes will be related to exploring the soukoku backstory, ill be trying to post an analytic of soukoku for each episode of the 15 adaptation. furthermore, these posts won’t be explicitly about the potential of canon romantic chuuya/dazai, but will analyse soukoku scenes in a focus that i see fit for each episode. whether this is examining it like this post again, or examining it for foreshadowing or cinematographic details etc, will be decided once i watch each episode.

anyway lol! yet another rambling analytical of something nobody cares about haha

[terra-writes]

Blog FAQ

Figured I would set one of these up this time around! If I make any additions or edits to this I’ll make a post letting you guys know! 

You’ve said “Terra” is just the name you go by online, so can we know your real name?

Simply put? No. My real name is incredibly unique and I would rather keep my online life and real life as separate as I can since where I live, fic writing is largely frowned upon. Also, I’m probably going to explain this bad, but I was told if I wanted to get published I’d have to delete all my fics or write under a different name so there was no crossover between the two. I choose instead to write my fic under a different name to save myself some trouble later on. To those that have learned my real name, I ask that you please don’t spread it around.

What is your general activity like on this blog?

Well last November I started a job where I work a standard 40 hour week. I’m generally away from home from 11am to about 9pm 5 days a week. I do have a pretty set schedule, so for now I’m always off Mondays and Fridays. This blog isn’t my main one, so the only times I’m online and able to check it, is when I’m at home and on my laptop. So except for the days that I’m off, I’ll likely only ever be online in the evenings. If I go to post a work, I’ll likely always schedule it to post between 12 and 1pm the following day.

What is your timezone?

I live in, and operate out of US Central Time. If you don’t quite know how much to add/subtract, the United states is divided into 4 timezones: Eastern time is one hour ahead of me, Mountain Time is one hour behind, and Pacific Time is 2 hours behind me. I don’t quite know how to calculate it for overseas timezones but if people send in the calculations for their timezone I can always edit them in here.

What is your uploading schedule like?

I can’t really say I have one. Every time I’ve tried to keep to one It hasn’t always worked out for me for some reason or another. 

How does your tagging system operate?

I always try to keep the tags as relevant and to the point as possible, since tumblr has a limited amount of tags you can add to a post. Here is a small list of what I will tag:

Characters with a significant relevance/presence to the current plot. I might not tag certain characters if they show up in a work if their plot relevance was minor/they only spoke like once in the entire thing to save space.

The fandom

The type of work (Headcanon, ask game, etc. This might be combined with he above bullet point ex: “mha headcanons”)

if the work is fluff, angst, nsfw. Side note, my nsfw tag for this blog will be the word “sin” so works would be tagged with “mha sin” or “haikyuu sin” and things like that.

If the work is part of a series, I will tag the name of it.

If the work involves any oc’s of mine, I will tag their name like I would any other character.

If I reblog a work from someone else, I will try to include all the tags they used as well as what type of work it is, such as “AU,” “reader insert,” “oc story,” etc. Reblogged works will always contain the tag “other people’s writing”

I will always try to tag trigger warnings/any potential triggering content. However, if I run out of space in the tags, all potentially triggering content will always be listed at the top of the work in bold. And all content of the work will always be below a “read more.” If there is anything you want me to tag/list at the top of my work. Please DM or send in an ask letting me know what content you want me to provide additional warnings for. I will never purposefully not tag a trigger, so if a work I’ve posted is missing a tag, please notify me as soon as you notice it so I can add it!

Writing will always be tagged with “terra writes” while almost every other kind of post will be tagged with “terra says.” This includes asks, announcements, updates, etc. I don’t recommend blacklisting the “terra says” tag, but most of the time other types of posts will be tagged with an additional secondary tag (update time, answered asks, poll time) So if you don’t want to see specific types of posts like polls, I would recommend blacklisting the “poll time” tag instead of the “terra says” tag.

You didn’t tag x trigger in your story/Can you please tag x in stories going forward?

Of course! If I forgot to tag something/tagged something wrong, please notify me! I often use the New X-Kit tag bundle extension and don’t always remember to delete a tag or include one. I’m only human and am prone to making mistakes even when trying to be as diligent as possible! I am also aware that people can have very different triggers, and I’m not always aware of what may or may not be a trigger. So if there’s something you want me to tag, send me an ask! I’ll always tag thins as “cw: <insert trigger>” 

Also please don’t ever assume I’m purposefully not tagging a trigger. Sometimes I genuinely miss putting the tag in/didn’t know the story needed it included.

Do you have a tag list?

Not currently! If you’re interested in being added please feel free to send me an ask or IM letting me know if you just wanted to be tagged in stuff involving a certain character, fandom, type of writing (drabble/headcanon), or series or any combination. I’ll keep a list in my drafts of the usernames and what you want to be tagged in. If you ever want to be removed, you’ll have to send me an ask letting me know.

What fandoms are you in?/What fandoms will you write for?

You can find a complete list of fandoms that I will write for here!

However, there are a few other fandoms I’m in that I just don’t feel like writing for. Those include: DC comics (mainly Young Justice), Pokemon, and Attack on Titan. I’m probably forgetting some, so I’ll update this list as I remember them. If you want to know if I’m in a fandom/will write for one, please send me an ask!

Do you write m/m, w/w, nonbinary, different ethnicities, etc?

Yes! If I’m writing a reader-insert story, I always try to keep the reader as gender-neutral and vague as possible unless something is specifically ask of me in the request itself. However to some degree I take liberties with the background of the reader. I will often make up a family situation, living arrangement etc. Again if there is anything specific about the reader you want me to include, please let me know. 

In the case of sin, I always default to a female gender/parts since that is what I am most familiar with. If you would like it to be non-specified/male parts/etc. you will need to tell me in the request itself.

Can I get a shout out?

You can! There’s absolutely 0 things wrong with asking for one and don’t let other people make you feel like shit for it. I know it can be hard starting a blog and getting your name out there, especially after the most recent updates which make it even harder for works to show up in the tumblr search function. This is why reblogging people’s works is even more important now than it had been in the past. I’m more than willing to give your blog a shout out if you need it! Feel free to send me an ask off anon from the blog, send an IM so I can make a post with the blog’s name, or even just ask me to reblog a story I liked from your blog. 

Do you have any Fic/Blog recs?

I’m pretty terrible about having the time to go and read as much fic as I used to be able to do, so I can’t really promote many other blogs than one’s I’ve already been following for a while/blogs of friends. Maybe one day that will change and I hope it does but as of right now I don’t think I’d be able to put together a very good list for people.

Do you write Dark Content?

I do not! However, this doesn’t mean I’m on a crusade against writers that do. As long as the people who write content like that keep everything tagged so that people who don’t want to read it, can skip over it, I literally do not care what they write about. But on a personal level, I do not want to write content like that, so I will not write or reblog dark content works on this blog.

If any dark content blog want to interact with my blog/works, they can do so. Just because I choose not to engage in dark content does not mean I am going to bar people that do from reading/interacting with my works if they enjoy it. I do ask that any dark content writers don’t reblog/reply to any nsfw posts of mine and add dark content to them.

[alicezan-ncgred]

Bleeding Red

Preface: I’ve been bitching around the bush of this long enough. So, I’ve been really silent on a bunch of stuff that’s been eating me alive which has made me both inactive and unproductive. I’m going to get straight to the point, starting off with the TL:DR from my post on my main blog. Context: An anon asked me if I was alright because I hadn’t updated in a while.

TL:DR You probably didn’t ask this to hear about all the bad shit of my life so here’s the short of it. No, I’m not doing fine. I will try get next weeks post out on time and I’ll work on making up on the lost posts. Updates will return regularly, ‘ite.

Time for the thick and thin of it.

Insecurity and being shafted: I’m stoic, even at my worst I won’t say anything. I’ll push through regardless of my current condition and since I’ve gone years like this, it’s not hard for me to do. In my real life situation, I’m currently in a place of social isolation. This has lead to a somewhat near reliance on Tumblr to be my social outlet. This present many issues.

The main one is that I’m quite the isolationist. This has only been reinforced by many interactions throughout the entirely of my life. Because of this, I can’t say I’ve ever had anything really more than two friends at a time. While in a way this has helped me express myself so well through writing, it’s come at the cost of social skill. I don’t talk to anyone.

With this kind of issue you could easily imagine that the THREE PEOPLE (four now, but very limited) to ever directly talk ended up in a way shafting me. The first blocked and disconnected with me without warning or reason. At this point we’ve been talking to each for about a month and we hit it off very well and then one day, silence. Never heard from them again. That fucked me up hard when I finally realized what happened.

The second person left during the Tumblr P**n Purge. We were talking about how to contact each other on other platforms and then they stopped responding. I had already given contact to other platforms of which they pinged me in any way. Another person that I trusted massively on here just abandoned me and I’m still hurting from that. Wasn’t fair at all.

Then the third person was someone that I been following for a while. This person is actually the reason that I’ve been putting this off for so long. I don’t want them to see this post but they will. I got an ask from them that ultimately turned out to be misinformation. I said I wasn’t mad but I was. I was so fucking angry about it and I’m still kinda mad, but I didn’t want problems. I still don’t. I just didn’t want them to worry about it. This will come back later.

I try my best to be as inoffensive as possible. The problem with that is that much of the things I believe or enjoy are highly divisive. Hell, even my own identity can be seen as offence. I’m bisexual, non-binary (I’m currently still questioning this. I might actually be gender fluid but in the overall scheme, that’s worse than being non-binary), and nonreligious. I’m in a very religious area so you I’m still “in the closet” about much of this IRL. I though it would better online but with how much people are saying bisexuality doesn’t exist, or that non-binary isn’t a valid gender (or that being gender fluid make you insane and you should be locked up) and all the hate people who say they are this are getting, the very community that’s supposed to accept me, HATES me. I had a bi pride flag icon last year during Pride Month. I never doing that ever again. It was terrible.

I’m trying my best to come out of my shell like I said I would when I made this blog but it seems I’m just crawling further into it. People I think I can trust keep setting me up to fall, people I know in real life won’t ever accept my existence if they knew who I really was, and my own mental health problem and self loathing are eating me alive. But that isn’t the total of it.

Crumbling Pillar: I’ve always ended up in the position where things were thrown onto me. In which no one wanted to do, I was stuck with. Because of this not only do I have a severe distaste being around my family (beyond everything mentioned before hand) but I grew to have a negative out look on everything. This effect is still quite obvious in my writings, especially my poems. Out of the 14 poems on my poem blog @washed-soul​, only one has a happy meaning.

The one happy poem was called dreams. Under a metaphor it talks about how a demon kept me trapped in a dark space. I start to get better and nearly break free before I have a negative relapse back to my old ways. The poems ends with the demon putting a end to itself leaving the nightmare in which it was keeping me in to slowly fade away, letting one crack of light peeking through to become a window to a door until one day I walk free. When writing this poem, I never thought I would find myself rebuilding the nightmare but that’s where I am.

I’m done with holding things together that other people have placed onto me. Because of this, issues have began showing in my private life. Issues that should’ve been solved decades ago are only now being addressed. This change in the status quo of my life has caused many issues in my productive and mood. Between everything else I’m too tired to do anything.

Is that a reason, is that an excuse. No it isn’t but it’s the best thing I got as a reason. I’m doing my damnedest to do the best I can but of course, when it comes to the thing that matter I just fall short. Big fucking whopha my intelligence and capability does me if I can’t use it for anything that means a damn.

Meaningless Triviality: I’m a very emotional person. I’m very strongly bound to my emotions and if everything above hasn’t given it away, my emotions are very negative prone. But it just doesn’t stop there, it goes back into my memories. I can only honestly place 3 happy memories for certain that aren’t either A) a dream or B) me escaping reality through my mind. Besides that, almost all my memories are negative. 

People like to throw around the word Nihilist to describe themselves because today's culture is very, god while I hate to use this word, edgy. For those who don’t know a Nihilist is someone who views the world as being completely  meaningless and reject all religious and moral principles. I very truly struggle with this outlook of life. It’s a daily for me to berate myself saying “just kill yourself” or “I want to die” or just shutting down and crumpling up while say “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” over and over again. Hell, I did that while writing this. 

I take things very hard, even the slightest transgression. I’m so used to trying to make things perfect and because people have the image that I’m the smart one, the mature one, the capable one, I’m left with the over hanging expectation of excellence. Almost no room for margin of error or being human. Since I’m the silent type, I put up no challenge and work to meet it. Only time I get any praise for anything too. 

I guess as a little self promotion to my main blog, for those that have read the very first few updates of my main blog @the-truth-behind-redacted, or read Defiance’s character sheet, while The Machine and Defiance are separate character, they both share the name Machine. That in part is a reflect of said above expectation. How ravenous and inhuman it can be all under the guise of something human. Those characters are the two sides to the same coin. 

Remember how I said I try to be un-problematical and how I try to avoid any potential conflict. In the first segment I told on how I lied about my feelings just so another person didn’t have to worry over something that honestly, in hindsight, wasn’t even really a big deal. But I also said how it consumed me in anger. I just don’t want to bother anyone over anything. It’s part of the reason why I am writing this post, as some way of a self enforced rehab program to get better. 

This absolute consumption of negative emotion has pushed me into a non human state before. I hit a point of absolute mental exhaustion and in such a self enforced bubble of actual hatred I became completely apathetic. I felt numb to everything. I watched and heard of terrible things happening to people, and felt nothing. I watched people lives crumble before them leaving them nowhere to go and LAUGHED. “Just another worthless pathetic worm on this rotting carcass of a planet being hit with the hard reality that life doesn’t care for them. What whimsical pathetic bullshit they deluded themselves with to think otherwise.” This isn’t an exaggeration on how I thought, this is what I actually thought. Which brings me too.

The Mandatory Sob Story: Roll your eyes everyone and get the tiny violin. I guess in order for everyone to exactly understand the place I’m coming from when it comes to mental health I’ll have to detail my experiences. I have a long standing history with mental illness. I have professionally diagnosed OCD, Bipolarism, Anxiety, Chronic Depression, and visual and auditory hallucinations. I take 600 mg of Seroquel a day as well as Amitriptyline when needed. I’m also still currently in therapy to deal with said OCD, Bipolarism, Anxiety, Chronic Depression, the visual and auditory hallucinations, as well as Suicidal thoughts, and my Nihilism. There’s a reason to why I’m so god damn familiar with mental illness and treatment plans.  

OCD and Bipolarism run in my family on my fathers side. My Father’s Father had them, my Sister has them, my brother most likely has them (however he refuses to see a doctor because he uses said possible mental illnesses as a get out of jail free card. He doesn’t want to be treated and he has FUCKING ADMITTED IT), my father has them, and I have them. I, however, have the misfortune of having it real bad. I said yes to well over half of all the total symptoms when I was being tested (I don’t remember exact numbers but I remember there being three pages worth of common symptoms) which was very worrying to the doctor. I was currently in an inpatient hospitalization program at the time for both suicidal thoughts and actions, and severe depression. 

On that, my graze in with suicide. Before I went into my first inpatient program I was contemplating suicide. I was sat in front of a mirror with a bottle of over the counter medication. It was an unopened bottle of ibuprofen, 1000 200mg tables. What I planed to do was down the whole bottle with benadryl and die in my sleep. I had the small box of benadryl got from the Kroger pharmacy and a hand full of ibuprofen poured out looking directly into the mirror. My suicide note was sitting on the desk on my room with an online copy on my laptop open.

I sat there for an hour in the dead of midnight complicating my life. I had lost all hope in the world, filled with hatred, anger, pain, and despair. I had no god or after life to look forward too, part way hoping that a Hell existed for me to burn in. I hated myself that much. I was close to taking the first handful before before I caught a glimpse of my own eyes in the mirror. In what was in a weird sudden epiphany I realized that I truly did become what I hated but not for any reason I told myself. I became the very bastion of negativity I sought to fight and rid of in what little friends I did have. That was what set off my path to recovery in spite of the medical system. I guess if people care I’ll make a separate post on that. 

Before I move on, I feel I should explain my history with the visual and auditory hallucinations. It should be no surprise that with everything else above, I also had extreme paranoia that led to me having very bad insomnia. Insomnia is, just like most other medical disorders like Depression, Self-harm, Anxiety, OCD,  Bipolarism, is romanticized to hell. Insomnia isn’t having one nights bad sleep where you got 5 hours of sleep instead of 8.

You know what Insomnia is? insomnia is being physical incapable of sleeping despite not sleeping in 2 to 3 day while your body suffers massive agony brought on by this. Muscle spasms and seizing, difficulty breathing, your eyes feeling like fire ants are eating them, and of course visual and auditory hallucinations. Now I already had issues with visual and auditory hallucinations even when I could get sleep regularly but the combined effects of my OCD and Bipolarism made this perfect condition of Insomnia, Anxiety, Paranoia, with the already added in disposition to hallucinations and I felt like I was actually losing my mind. 

My hallucinations presented themselves in three forms. Disassociation of reality, night terrors, or alterations of reality. Disassociation of reality often were complete black out moments. I would lose any perceived connect to reality and enter an episode of my mind. I can’t remember what they actually were but I do remember what it felt like. Cold sweats, anxiety to point where if I didn’t lock up I would vomit, actual physical pain, mind numbing fear, and intense fatigue. 

The second were night terrors often in the form of horrific “things.” I do remember these and most of them were as best as I could describe, forms of things that were vaguely human and formations of industrial machinery. The most vivid one I remember was of a long lengthy apparition that was for the most part human but many locations of it’s impossible physiology were rebar beams and mechanical sockets. It began when I was about to fall asleep and it was next to my window. The thing was making week groaning and gasping sounds before it violently slammed against my window breaking it then letting out a horrific howl that I can’t describe as it tossed itself out followed shorty after with the sound of bones breaking against the dirt. 

Now that might not seem so bad, exspecally with everything that is in horror movies or games now, but keep in mind that was fucking real to me. It was as real as the clicking of the keys of my keyboard as I’m writing this. As real as the chair I’m sitting in and as real as the wall in front of me. As far as my mind was concerned that thing, what ever it was, actually existed. It took me physical touching my window to make sure it wasn’t actually broken and checking outside to see if there wasn’t a body there. This isn’t the type of thing I talk about lightly. 

Finally there is the alteration of reality. This is very simply but it’s something that fucked with me hard. For very little meaning or warning, I would have trouble interpreting the world around me. My hearing and sight would be warped and there wasn’t any real way to tell what I was hearing or seeing was real or not until the episode was over. The way I got through these was the ultimate fake it till you make it. Obviously, very often I failed and this created issue in my schooling. 

Ending Message: I’ve been in a very bad state for a while now and as it is now, no signs of getting better. I also strongly believe my medications are being to fail me which I’ve been telling my doctor and therapist for over a year now but nothing’s been done. Mainly it’s my Depression but insomnia episodes are beginning and my own paranoia been on the rise. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even look at a creepy image or thumbnail without having a very bad episode. 

I’ve managed to eat something today which was nice but my body is cramping hard. And to possible stave of a possible comment, I’m biologically male. Like I said I’m not in the best head space, or living for that matter. If this gets better, only time will tell. 

[rhiminee]

2018 FAVORITE LIVE PERFORMANCES OF THE YEAR: DAVID ARCHULETA EDITION

So at the end of every year I like to go back and revisit what David got up to that year. Sometimes the year has been so hellishly long that I can’t even remember that there was a whole other tour back at the start! hahahaha. I’m looking at you, 2018. But seriously. This was an amazing year to be a David fan. He gave us so much goodness. Music videos, albums, tours, oh my! I did a thread on twitter a couple days ago listing my top 15 David instastory vids of the year. All that random singing and dancing that we know and love from David. I was honestly enchanted with myself by the end. You can go check that out if you’re interested! 

For tumblr I wanted to list out my favorite live performances. This is like the long form of the instastories list lol. There were some really great performances from David this year as we were blessed with tours and even some random shows throughout the year. I thought about making a separate tumblr post for each of the videos so that the vid would show up in the post itself but nobody got time to scroll through and find 11 different posts, sheesh. If tumblr would just get with the times and let you embed more than one video per VIDEO post, that would be great. (Are you listening @tumblr?) Anywho. Just clicky click on any of these links below to watch some pretty ridiculously satisfying live music. 

You’re welcome.

11. I’m Ready - Sandy, UT June  http://rhiminee.tumblr.com/post/174998782252/im-ready-90-seconds-of-actual-magnificence-in

This is a bonus because originally I was just gonna do a top 10 but I kept going back and thinking of this and I knew then I couldn’t leave it off. The most amazing part of this performance for me was the last minute and half and that’s why I trimmed the video and made a post about it back in July. If you remember that post, this will be a walk down memory lane for you. But so worthwhile! A gorgeous performance.

10. Someone To Love - Sandy, UT June https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AeVUSx9wnzo

It’s a Sandy two-fer! How can I resist two videos from a David concert with shorts??? ;p Seriously tho David really laid it on with this song. His vocals were so smooth and those sliding notes, boyyyyy. What even. Just watch Desmond (the guitarist). He feels it. He knows David is ridiculous. This is insanely enjoyable.

9. He Lives In You - Portland, ME February https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7erzHDrCsVg

Yes I know David has sung this in previous years and I’m pretty sure that a performance of this even made last year’s list lol. But dang. How can you keep this off the list??? From the Spring tour and David just sings with such conviction and the audience is really into it. I’m really into it. The universe is into it.

8. Greatest Showman Medley - Pawtucket, NY March https://www.facebook.com/1333234217/videos/vb.1333234217/10210904042540416/

David was born to sing music like this. It’s truly criminal that they didn’t have him on the Greatest Showman remix album, let me tell you. He did this medley throughout the Spring tour but I love this video because it was part of a livestream of the whole show from Daryl’s House and they had direct access to the audio board so it’s a true step up from most fan vids. Not that I don’t adore fan vids but we all know the audio limitation. 

7. I Can Only Imagine - Tuacahn, St George, UT April https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNrRzcalxwI

This one. It’s like a punch to the gut. Listening to David talk at the beginning and his earnest discussion of being in an abusive situation and finding forgiveness, for yourself and for the perpetrator. David’s obviously emotions here are almost more than I can handle. He is just so genuinely good. AND WE HAVEN’T EVEN GOT TO THE SONG YET. And that’s just transcendent. His voice soars and he embodies the song. The break in his voice at the feels. I just. I can’t recommend this enough but only if your heart is feeling strong.

6. Winter In The Air - Manila, PH November https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvApSWTwfp4

This. Is. So. Goooood. Treat yourself to it. The first time he ever sang this live and I was utterly blown away. That low hypnotic tone in the first verse. And then he gets to the second verse and the key raises and he just takes us to another plane. I don’t understand how his voice even does this. I feel like it’s not normal. We are so lucky.

5. CRUSH!!!! Stripped down 10th Anny Edition - David’s house August https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FS10Oop2e4o

Y’all. This is ridiculous. I thought about this possibly stretching the bounds of “performance” to be included here but it was videoed live without edits (he even kept his mess up at the beginning in lol) so I’m keeping it. This is so classic. You know. Can you believe it’s been 10 years?? Also bless him for always being adorkable when talking and then killer when singing. 

4. He Is Born - Fairfield, CT December https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BtXYPEKRROc

This song is gorgeous. David singing it is even more gorgeous. David singing it LIVE is the most gorgeous. I’ve been trying to find a good video of this for a while and finally I have this one! 

3. Amor Prohibido - San Antonio, TX April https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrCOxCj9XUA

Sheer auditory nirvana. David singing Spanish and slaying the vocals like a madman. I was not familiar with this song before (I’m so sorry, Selena, it’s gorgeous!) but I sure am now. I’ve watched this video so many times. This is vocal mastery. I know I’m bombastic but really. Really really. So good. The vibrato, the soaring notes, the tone, the soft notes, the control, the everysinglefreakingthing. Once again, check out the guitarist the end. Clap freaking clap. Yes sir. (Honestly I think the entire top 3 should be tied for number 1.)

2. Numb - Seattle, WA  May https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy8Z4It7tgI

David singing with a symphony!!!! Bias alert: I was at this show. And I took this video but I’m only using mine because I can’t find another one lol. This arrangement of Numb caught me so off guard! Confession time, Numb is not necessarily my favorite live song. I don’t even know why because I love the song itself but it’s just not one that normally really stands out to me. But this. This just changes the entire game. The epic sound of the roll of drums. The claps and voices from the choir. The way David’s voice pierces through it all. I am in awe of this arrangement and performance. It’s so major. 

1. Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me - BYU Spectacular October https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zib6ma-svLY

I will never get over my obsession with this performance. I’ve posted about it here before but I can’t emphasize enough how next level brilliant I think this is. For one thing, David once again defies expectations. He wasn’t even the main headliner at this show. Colbie Caillat was. But David just blew the roof off with this performance. He got em. He. Got. Em. You can actually hear him picking up the crowd and their amazement and appreciation the further the song goes. The timing, the build up, the occasional shining brilliant note teased early and then streamrolling you into that unparalleled ending. I don’t know that I’ve ever been more moved, impressed, flabbergasted, slain, enamored, or angry at any live David performance ever. I’m angry he’s so good. Each note has purpose. Even the lyric flub. It actually made it better because he hit that high note instead. Each movement of his body has purpose. Each head bob, each hand flair. Each stompy step. And that voice. That unreal voice. I could watch this every day for the rest of my life and never be any less impressed or mesmerized than the first time I saw it. Someone commented about David that the thing that impressed them the most was that he has so much trust in his voice. He just belts out and trusts his voice will do everything that he asks of it...and it does. David Archuleta, you are a musical beast. Thank you for existing.

[donofdepravity]

Please read my rules before interacting, weather you are a prospective RP-partner, or a Spectator. All Blog navigation is centralized on my Links page, which is also mobile friendly.

Greetings: -This blog is R18+ because of NSFW. Being upfront. -You can call me Rave. They/Them pronouns. I am 25+ (Timezone is The Future™) -If you interact with me, I will assume you have read these rules in full. (And vice versa if I interact with you.) -This blog is Indie & Private. (No RP group affiliation. If you follow me I’ll check out your blog, but I won’t follow everyone back.) -FF7 characters preferred, but I will consider crossovers. Anons are welcome! -Regarding OCs, I will only be interacting with OCs of current mutuals. Any interactions outside of this are purely at my own discretion. Do not request otherwise. (I used to just be selective with OCs but recently I’ve had a difficult time with an OC mun not respecting that and pushing interactions.) -No drama / rudeness / hostility. I will not publish asks stirring trouble, and will block people if need be. -I lose track of Tumblr IMs easily, so if you are IM only and I seem like I’ve forgotten our convo, hmu again so I get a refreshed notification.) -Discord is available for mutuals. Please, I prefer it over Tumblr IMs!

Spectators, please do not reblog my threads. I’d love to hear from you if you’re enjoying things in IMs or my inbox, though!

Dark Themes: -THIS IS A FUCKED UP VILLAIN MUSE. PLEASE BE AWARE OF THIS. He WILL be gross. -Angst / Violence / Death and other dark themes not limited to the aforementioned will appear on this blog. If these bother you, do not follow me.  I do tag everything, if you are selectively uncomfortable please check my TW tags page to check what I tag. -Anything verging on or in the extreme (Re the above, or within smut topics) will be hidden under cuts. (I don’t hide general NS/FW, but it is tagged if you wish to avoid it.) -Basically, if a post I’m writing or replying to involves what I believe to be a triggering topic, I’ll tag it. -If you need anything specific tagged, please let me know. -I do not have any particular triggers myself for you to tag.

Basis of engagement: -General RP etiquette applies. -No god-modding. Don’t control my muse. Minor implied things can be okay within reason, like opening doors, or if in a character moves some part of another character. But please be reasonable and fair. -Related to above, I have no interest in RPing with someone that has a control complex / Must be the ultimate / best at everything. (There are logical muses that get a pass on this rule, ie Sephiroth, but within reason.) -This is not a multi-muse blog. I try to plan 1-1 encounters in threads. While I don’t mind brief character appearances, please don’t rely on the thread having an ensemble cast. It doesn’t work well with Tumblr’s reply format IMO.

Ships -Where to even start. Uh. So ironically I’m not particularly looking to ship on this blog since he’s not a primary muse of mine. But ships will be considered within a plot context. -My Corneo is primarily hetero. He won’t knowingly fuck a guy, but he will appreciate a pretty boy, and he’s not above wanking off to, or with other men. Maybe if he were drunk enough he’d fuck a guy. -In general as a person I am a Multi-Shipper. If for some disturbing reason you ship your muse with Corneo, you’re welcome to tell me. But ask first rather than presume. He’s got a rep for one-night-stands with his brides of course, but I will still be selective threading. -Romantic involvement however he is much more selective, so there will be chemistry required. -UNLESS STATED OTHERWISE: ALL SHIPS, EVEN WITHIN A VERSE, EXIST IN SEPARATE MINI ALTERNATE VERSES. -Please do not pre-establish a relationship with my muse without discussing it with me. Talk to me first if you are interested in that.

Smut -Smut will occasionally appear on this blog if my my brain decides it’s in the/a cursed mood. But if you want to write it with me, let’s discuss it a bit first privately. -While I do love me some good horny writing, I can appreciate its not for everyone. I am open to fade to blacks / morning after if you are not smut-inclined. -Once any flirting progresses to smut it will be tagged with: ‘⋙{ ns/fw }’ - It is my general NS/FW tag. Any TWs will be applied additionally.

Dark Themes -As I mentioned dark topics before, I’m not adverse to some borderline topics, acknowledging mun does not equal muse. -I will tag Selfcest or anything grey-zone ‘problematic’ if relevant in case you prefer to block it. -Where relevant dub con / non con or other such triggers will be tagged. Please be aware that any threads containing as such serve a plotted narrative purpose and are not rape fetishization. I’m not changing my content. If you have a problem with grasping this concept, please leave. Your mental health and safety is important, but also your own responsibility.

I use RP Thread Tracker to keep track of all my threads. Please let me know if you change your username so I can update my settings.

Memes: -I will try to respond to memes / asks! Mutuals, Non-Mutuals, Anons all welcome. -Please don’t take it personally if I don’t answer your ask, sometimes things just don’t click. -Starter-memes, unless I pm you and discuss otherwise, generally these are for smaller-format threads. Just to balance out my lengths of things and make it easier for me to get something back to you.

Reply lengths: -I’m occasionally prone to writing larger Multi-Para starters. It’s just my nature. I don’t expect you to match it. Please don’t be intimidated. (But also, typically my average reply length tapers off after the starter for a more reaction-based format. -Multi-Para style is my main tendency writing with an average of 2-4 para replies. Shorter semi-para may occur at times, particularly in dash commentary or shitpost threads.

Reply Frequency: -This is not my primary muse, so I will only be checking this blog occasionally. Consider it low-activity. -When my threads start crowding I queue posts to help stagger replies. -Neither length nor reply-speed is an indicator of my interest level in a thread. Some threads are intended to be larger formal threads while others are shorter that I want to remain light for enjoyment. A varied thread diet is best. -Please do not compare my threads against each other. I plan my replies around how I know I’ll best be able to manage my schedule, as well as meshing in with my various RP partners schedules. Occasionally this means one person may receive a burst of replies in a short space of time. This is usually because we only have a narrow window to mutually be active as they may only be able to reply every few days. It doesn’t mean I’m ignoring others. I’ll get to you, just chill. Things are fine. Bother me about this? You will be likely dropped. -That said, if it’s been around a month, you are welcome to check with me if I got your reply on a thread! I’m aware Tumblr sometimes eats replies and notifications. Likely it’s sitting in my drafts to write soon. But please don’t demand constant responses. I run multiple blogs, sometimes am in the mood for different muses, and have things I do outside of Tumblr as well of course.

Threads: -If life is getting fairly busy, I can’t promise replying to random starters/tags, so please message me if you want to start something. :3 -I will post Starter/Plotting/Ship calls etc occasionally, so please hmu on those if you see them. -My ‘Open Starters’ are open to mutuals. -If we’re not mutuals and you’re looking to get my interest, you’re always welcome to send something to my inbox and I might answer it. If you don’t know what to send, please check out my meme tag for ideas.

My rules used to be so short, but unfortunately certain encounters, and trying to avoid confrontations has led to it growing into a monstrosity, sorry. If you do anything in breach of them, I’ll bring it up with you. If a reasonable solution cannot be reached, I have no qualms blocking people.

Theme: OctoMoosey Icons by myself (rave-rps) Icon Frames by myself (rave-rps) Post-Graphics by myself (rave-rps)

[quiznakchronicle]

A collection of discourse/vent asks

So over the last few weeks we’ve gotten a bunch of discourse/vent asks, mostly from people frustrated at the number of events in the fandom and/or how they’re being managed. We understand that people turn to us because we’re the ones in the thick of all these events, but please keep in mind that this isn’t a discourse blog. We’ll answer all the asks we have in one shot in this post (under a cut) because we don’t want people thinking we’re ignoring them or don’t care about what they’re saying, but after this we won’t be answering such asks publicly anymore. In the future we’d ask that if you have a grievance regarding events in this fandom please either talk to us in private about it (send an off-anon ask to this blog or DM Mod Pidge at @ace-pidge) or make a separate post about it on your blog. If you just want to anonymously vent/rant at someone may we suggest something like @vld-rage-confessions

Thanks for understanding <3

- Mods Pidge & Shiro

Anonymous said: 12 days ago regarding that anon complaining about event capacity, I think it might be helpful to also bring up a discussion about how certan events are run. Some events are run very smoothly by mods that are mature and act professional, while others are either run by well-intentioned newbies or people who don't have the skill to run the event they are. I have had to drop out of several bangs because the mods have refused to use email for sign-ups or check-ins, instead forcing all the work on participants1/2

2/2 They put all of the responsibility for both creating the piece, communicating with partners and performing check-ins on the participants and then people drop out due to poor communication and confusion. I have asked mods to please use email and send out confirmation / check-in emails and many have been rude and self-righteous about it, calling those that ask for better modding skills lazy or entitled. I am frustrated since I have always handed my work in on time, but have had to drop

3/2 from events due to absolute silence on the part of mods. It is not good practice to run your entire event out of tumblr / twitter and expect all participants to keep checking your blog / check in with you. It is teh responsibility of mods to send out emails and check in with participants, not the other way around. it is the responsibility of mods to make sure the communication is there, and the responsibility of participants to do the work and hand it in.

4/2(sorry) I don't wnat to make a c=major call-out post or shame particular people, but I feel like this is a trend that needs to stop. Certain events (big bangs, I've noticed) are being run like drag-and-drop set-and-forget events that mods don't need to put effort in to beyond putting up a tumblr. Running a big bang is a HUGE amount of effort and if you're not willing to put the effort in to run it properly, you run the risk of burning the entire community. We need to focus on a few well-run events. Sorry, finished. (no need to publish this ask)

I think this is a very good point and in fact I was partly thinking of this ask when I made my events etiquette post with my list of advice to organizers and participants. The importance of good and consistent communication during events simply cannot be understated, it’s what will make or break your event

Anonymous said: 12 days ago thank you so much for posting the thing about too many events. i'm thinking about not accepting zines if i get in because i don't think they'll sell and i don't want to work on something for nothing and i don't know how to get that across to these mods because they think selling a hundred is good but i get more kudos on my ao3 fics than that

Honestly the situation with zines has me particularly worried, because there is actual money involved. In previous fandoms I’ve only ever seen a few zines overall, never this many and all at once. It really does saturate the market. The last thing anyone wants is for people to put in all that work only for it to flop at the end because few people actually order it. It’s not any one person or zine’s fault, because all of them have neat concepts and themes. The problem is in having them all at once.

Anonymous said: 12 days ago I don't know how recently the problems with dropouts have started getting worse, but it could also have something to do with school starting back in a lot of places. If students didn't think about school starting or didn't expect to have more work this year than last year, they might be dropping stuff because of that. Oversaturation is definitely a problem we have, but things might even out a little bit in a few weeks once people adjust and it might get a little bit better? Hopefully?

That’s definitely a possibility. As I’ve said in the past it’s very important to consider your long-term life/work/school schedule when considering whether to run or sign up for an event. I have noticed in the past week or two less new events have popped up, so either I’m not finding them lol, or we’re heading into a lull which will hopefully allow things to even out

Anonymous said: 12 days ago on top of "too many events", there are a lot of /competiting/ events. 3 keith zines (for example) are all gonna compete with each other, period. people only have so much money to give, so someone buying 1 keith zine can't spend THAT SAME money on the other 2. (nor can they spend it on a lance zine, klance zine, etc). thinking these don't compete is the 1st mistake. creators are gonna spend time making things no one will buy and the mods are gonna lose money producing it.

Yeah, I touched briefly on the situation with zines a bit further up. I think the one saving grace for these zines is that while they may all be in production more or less at the same time they don’t go on sale at the same time. But I definitely hear you. We all want all the zines to do well, but like you say people aren’t made of money

Anonymous said: 12 days ago confession: im in an event run by the worst mod ever and its incredibly fucking frustrating. it feels like they dont give a shit about the event. i applied to their zine before i knew that but if i get accepted i WONT participate and in the rejection i will tell them why (its been over a month). they havent done ANY check ins as scheduled have basically disappeared and my artist hasnt replied either. im so mad i want to cry and drop out and never do an event again. this hurts us too you know

Aw Nonny I’m so sorry you’re stuck in this situation... The flipside of poor event management is fandom creators like you being turned off from participating in projects and that’s really upsetting. Fandom events should be a source of fun and creativity, not stress and anxiety. I’m so sorry, I hope in the meantime since you sent this your situation has improved ;A;

Anonymous said: 12 days ago Guys please don't encourage mods who are continuously late on their dates or end up canceling their event due to their poor planning. I get that you want to treat them well but not giving honest feedback ("please keep to the schedule in the future" or "I'm disappointed this was cancelled") tells them that there are no consequences to their bad management. But there are: one week only had 2 participants. Zines aren't making money. Too many events + bad mods = poor participation. I'm sick of it.

This is important. If the way something is being run isn’t working it’s important to say so, otherwise how will the mod grow and learn to do better in the future. I know it feels like “calling out” but it needs to be said. Seeing an event to completion is a partnership between the organizer(s) and the participants and both sides need to be proactive and be willing to listen to each other

Anonymous said: 10 days ago My 2 cents on the events discourse: they're optional so don't sign up. Personally I'm sick of having shitty mods and terrible experiences so i won't be doing anymore vld events. Sucks because i love fandom events but apparently no one who runs them gets the point of them so...

Yeah, I’m seeing more and more people saying they’re just not gonna participate in anything anymore and it sucks that it’s come to this. I totally understand though ://

Anonymous said: 8 days ago dear people who follow QC: we do not have unlimited money. zines for profit are going to continue to do worse because more people will hit their spending limits. we do not need multiple character zines, ship zines, or race zines (galran/altean/etc). if you think galra keith, nature keith and gen keith don't compete with both each other AND the lance zines then please take an econ class before launching. we have plenty more seasons, let's not run this fandom into the ground, shall we?

Anonymous said: 6 days ago I'm quitting fandom events. There are so many bad mods and it's made this experience really terrible for me. I'm telling you in hopes that you publish this ask so people who see it will think about if they're modding for 15 min of fame or if they're taking it seriously. Enough is enough

I think I’ve pretty much said everything further up, so I’ll just leave these last two ones here like this