#im having holiday depression n that would make me smile. thats all

[jakowskis]

checking ao3 for the thousandth time like can someone post about owen getting railed im having withdrawals n im tired of doin everything myself. well railed or psychologically wrecked im not picky

[painfog]

Hey so I saw you mention top surgery and was curious. I was supposed to be having top surgery this summer but that’s postponed. I was curious how that went with chronic pain? I’m scared about the surgical binder with my fibro and back pain. Any advice or info would be greatly appreciated!! (You can answer privately if you prefer)

ive actually been meaning to write up a big post on this pretty much since i had top surgery but still haven't got around to it yet so I'm happy to talk about it lol. ill go over stuff now n still aim to do a more in depth post later when im on my laptop (but writing this now bc i tend to forget everything haha). ill stick to the more fibro / chronic illness specific stuff & stuff i wasnt expecting rather than rehashing everything. apologies im on mobile so i cant put this under a cut

firstly, im sorry ur surgery got postponed! i know that must be gutting, so i hope it gets rescheduled asap & the time until then passes easily for u ❤️

I had double incision with free nipple grafts on the 4th of september 2019 with Mr Miles Berry at the london wellbeck hospital. i think he did an amazing job and can't recommend him enough for his work! i think the last pics i took of my chest were for tdov, and ill rb them after i post this for reference. i didnt have drains at any point of the surgery

for ppl with fibro, i was told that the pain after surgery either tends to trigger a flareup, or be really easily manageable, and it's hard to predict which it will be beforehand. its best to prepare for a flareup and be pleasently surprised if u dont get one. for me, i had a flareup that sucked but wasnt too bad as far as flareups go

you'll probably get given painkillers. take them regularly. it's easier to treat pain preemptively. if u don't get given them (no idea how it works outside of the uk) id say def get codine and paracetamol. u can't take ibuprofen for a while

i woke up from aneasthetic freezing cold + in a lot of pain. apparently most ppl dont need the full dose of morphine, but i did. after that it was a bit better. i was just So Goddamn Hungry literally it's all i was talking about

that night in hospital was probably one of the most uncomfortable in my life. you have to sleep sitting up for like blood reasons, so my back pain was quite bad bc of it. moving around a bit and adjusting pillows helped. if u have anything that normally helps ur back pain bring it with u to the hospital, & dont be afraid to ask the nurses for help with it (even if they can just adjust ur pillows for u). i couldnt rly sleep much but distraction helps. bring ur phone + headphones. i did a few ask memes when i couldnt sleep

the first week from surgery was rly tough, the first few days especially. this was bc i still had to sleep elevated for a few days and i couldnt get comfortable. i was too exhausted to do anything but couldn't sleep and it rly started to get me down. then i got some sleeping tablets (just nytol) and that helped so much. i literally cannot recommend it enough bc the not sleeping properly made everything hard (and like esp because with fibro the whole pain/fatigue/depression cycle is so real). once i started sleeping better recovery became a lot easier, and the tablets made the awkward sleeping positions more manageable. if i had to give only one bit of advice this would be it

on that note, ik everyone says this but do get a V pillow. it helps u adjust to sleeping on ur back and if u sleep on ur side normally it means u can like lean slightly sideways on it which makes it sm easier. also this isn't even top related but they make good back pillows when ur watching stuff in bed even now

get urself some video games (if ur into them) and easy entertainment shows lined up for when u wanna have them. recovering from major surgery makes ur fatigue even more pronounced so ur not going to be able to do all that much, but having light entertainment ready to go stops u getting as bored. its also a good excuse to finally play/watch the things you've been meaning to for a while

go outside when u can. if u have a garden just walk around it. it helps with a lot of stuff, and idk about u but i always forget how much it does. even just helping u sleep better if u get trapped in a fibro fatigued-but-can't-sleep cycle. and it goes so far helping u feel human in the first week

the first week is rly hard for a lot of ppl - its frustrating to have all that pain and exhaustion and not being able to wash or change the binder, and with the swelling and bandages under the binder it doesn't really feel like there's much change, which all sort of adds together. i keep going on about this week bc it helps to mentally prepare for it - there's no need to dread it, you just need to remind urself how worth it itll all be and that the rest of recovery is a lot better than the first part, and in time it won't have seemed that bad. big picture stuff

when u get the chest reveal, everything's better. i didnt stop smiling. and when u put the post op binder on afterwards, without all the bandaging, u like feel for the first time how much flatter u are??? and its amazing. even with the swelling. and then u get to shower and u feel human again and its great. (ik some ppl have their post ops/chest reveals much earlier than a week, but 5 days to a week is pretty standard in the uk. mine was 6 days i think)

more post op binder stuff: i got given 2. the first one i woke up in after the surgery and wasn't allowed to take off until my post op, and the second one i got given at my post op to change into after i showered. After that i alternated every few days. whatever u get given, if u get less than 2 i recommend getting another one so u can alternate them (if u want help sourcing them hmu. ive also still got mine i need to give away)

the post op binders were actually a lot easier to wear full time than normal binders. they were like more stretchy, and stretchy the full way round (bc they dont have the compression bit at the front). i used to sleep in my normal binder every time i slept with my ex, and that hurt like a motherfuck sometimes. the post op binder was much kinder to my ribs

i had to wear the post op binder full time, taking it off like once a day to shower n let my chest breathe (and massage my scars once i started that). some surgeons arent that strict abt wearing it that long, but it really helps swelling, & bc i didnt have drains it was rly important to stop fluid buildup. ik quite a few guys in my trans groups who stopped wearing their binder fairly early and then got quite a lot of swelling so i didn't want to risk it & i wore it for the full 6 weeks. at some point (icr when but maybe at 6 weeks? bc my post op was at 8 weeks bc he was on holiday) i didnt wear it during the day and only wore it at night

all in all the binder didnt bother me that much. it was more comfortable than my regular binders and i just kinda got on with it. it was annoying tho and i was glad when i could stop wearing it. for me the most annoying part was that it was a full length binder (i always wore half length before) and the riding up at the hips was rly irritating. i actually quite liked sleeping with it tho it was a pretty nice pressure stim ahah

some post op binders r more comfortable than others. if u have to buy ur own, i rly suggest going with a proper surgical one (they arent too hard to find second hand for free or cheap, again im happy to help here) bc they're kinder to chronic pain. i know that having a comfortable post op binder made it all a lot easier for me. there are also lots of alternatives w lots of price ranges tho, so that's not ur only option

ok i think thats everything right now! sorry its so long, but let me know if u have any questions!!

finally: before i got top ppl told me that its honestly life changing, and i didnt realise how true that would be. literally every single aspect of my life is at least partially better because of it, and most of them drastically so. I'm really excited for you to get that for yourself, and im wishing u all the best for it 💕

[wherethewindtakesher]

weeeeee

the biggest thank you to @caws5749 for sending me all 134 questions 🥰

1: Name Lorena

2: Age 20

3: 3 Fears drowning, the ocean, and fishes.

4: 3 things I love my dog, my friends, and mangoes.

5: 4 turns on humor, charisma, telling me how much you want m-, and moaning.

6: 4 turns off being full of themselves, disrespectfulness, afraid to be themselves, and not showing a care about the well being of others.

7: My best friend k, f, and @brownmantwo.

8: Sexual orientation bisexual.

9: My best first date i’ve never been on a date!

10: How tall am I 5′2

11: What do I miss being fucking skinny-

12: What time were I born 10:45 pm!

13: Favorite color red.

14: Do I have a crush uh...

15: Favorite quote “I got STDS they make my coochie itch” SKSKSKDKSDKAD.

16: Favorite place my house.

17: Favorite food rice.

18: Do I use sarcasm 99.9% of my vocabulary is sarcasm.

19: What am I listening to right now “everything I wanted” by billie eilish because ya girl is depressed.

20: First thing I notice in new person how they hold themselves.

21: Shoe size 8 or 8.5 sometimes a 9.

22: Eye color dark brown.

23: Hair color black.

24: Favorite style of clothing baggy clothes or dark bold colors.

25: Ever done a prank call? yea. I use to call those numbers where it takes you to a different number to prank.

27: Meaning behind my URL its not necessarily an interesting story I just came up with it in my head one day.

28: Favorite movie too many to count.

29: Favorite song literally too many.

30: Favorite band three days grace.

31: How I feel right now fucking sad.

32: Someone I love my friends.

33: My current relationship status single.

34: My relationship with my parents its good! but there is a lot I tend to not discuss with them.

35: Favorite holiday halloween!

36: Tattoos and piercing I have I have two tattoos, both on my left arm. my finger tattoo is of a rose and my bicep is a ghost wearing a witch hat! piercing: septum, conch (but it closed) and my two lobes.

37: Tattoos and piercing I want a bunch more of tattoos and I want to get a few more ear piercings.

38: The reason I joined Tumblr to be cool like my older niece.

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? no we do not. lots of love and respect left in between us.

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? not really.

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? NO BECAUSE @domromanoff and I ARE BASICALLY SISTERS AND THATS INCEST.

42: When did I last hold hands? years ago.

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? 10 minutes to get up from bed and 5 to actually get ready.

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? yes I have because I like smooth legs.

45: Where am I right now? my kitchen.

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? no ones because they'll just leave me behind and laugh at my misery. jkjk but my dear friends.

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? L O U D.

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? I do because rent in LA is fucking e x p e n s I v e.

49: Am I excited for anything? to go to bed.

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? I have 2 of them.

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? too often tbh.

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? a few weeks ago I believe?

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? they should because thats their baby momma.

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? yup.

55: What is something I disliked about today? waking up.

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? lady gaga and scarlett johansson.

57: What do I think about most? what tattoo to get, if I should get another dog, how to annoy @caws5749 that day, etc etc.

58: What’s my strangest talent? I can move the bones in my wrist.

59: Do I have any strange phobias? im scared of fish!

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? behind because I am a nervous mess and I like taking control of such.

61: What was the last lie I told? “im okay”

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? both honestly! I love video chatting with @domromanoff and my friends!

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? yes and yes.

64: Do I believe in magic? hell yea I grew up around all that shit.

65: Do I believe in luck? not really.

66: What’s the weather like right now? its chilly.

67: What was the last book I’ve read? jesus christ I forgot the name but its currently under my bed rn.

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? YES.

69: Do I have any nicknames? clown, wueej by @caws5749, pi- prin-, bottom by @domromanoff, lore, lorecha, whore, hoe.

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? I pulled my thigh muscle recently and OMG I WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN.

71: Do I spend money or save it? I SPEND IT HONEY YASSSS.

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? sadly no.

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? my water bottle c:

74: Favorite animal? I fucking love cows.

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? crying lmao.

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? nikolas is it not??

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? “Judas” by lady gaga.

78: How can you win my heart? just be yourself and believe wholeheartedly of what you want and desire.

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? “madi did it”

80: What is my favorite word? fuck.

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr @caws5749 @domromanoff @dailyavengers @ravenforce andddddd @supercorpbechloe there’s so many more I’m editing this rn AKSJSHSHSHS I love each and everyone’s accounts here!

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? GLOBAL WARMING IS A REAL THING YALL.

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? i think so 👀 but im not close to them.

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? maybe like telekinesis or some mind power.

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? what goes on in your mind?

86: What is my current desktop picture? a winter forest.

87: Had sex? if oral sex counts then sure.

88: Bought condoms? I haven't bought them I just magically obtained them.

89: Gotten pregnant? oh god no.

90: Failed a class? yUUUUP.

91: Kissed a boy? yes.

92: Kissed a girl? yes.

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? back in middle school lmaoooo.

94: Had job? yes im on my second one rn.

95: Left the house without my wallet? all the damn time.

96: Bullied someone on the internet? no because im not a fucking asshole.

97: Had sex in public? not yet.

98: Played on a sports team? yea I was in track n field and cross country!

99: Smoked weed? I haven't but I once wanted to try it but I was to much of a pussy to skip class.

100: Did drugs? nope.

101: Smoked cigarettes? ew no.

102: Drank alcohol? y’all Ive gotten so fucked up on here so of cOURSE. my friends think I have a drinking problem ksjlksdjlkjds.

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? I am not.

104: Been overweight? yea.

105: Been underweight? No.

106: Been to a wedding? I have when I was younger.

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? sadly yes because of video games.

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? yea when I binge watched the walking dead.

109: Been outside my home country? yes!

110: Gotten my heart broken? yeah.

111: Been to a professional sports game? Yes because everyone in LA has possibly been to a dodgers game.

112: Broken a bone? nope!

113: Cut myself? oh man..I have and I deeply regret doing so but its a part of me now and i’ve accepted it.

114: Been to prom? YES! best night of my life.

115: Been in airplane? once and that was it because fuck planes lsjdkjlksdjs.

116: Fly by helicopter? nope!

117: What concerts have I been to? daddy yankee and some other guy I don't remember heheheh.

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? duh im gay.

119: Learned another language? I tried (and failed) to learn japanese.

120: Wore make up? a couple of times. i’m not the hugest fan of makeup.

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? nope!

122: Had oral sex? once.

123: Dyed my hair? too many times.

124: Voted in a presidential election? no but I will this upcoming one for sure.

125: Rode in an ambulance? no but I want to!

126: Had a surgery? no but I did have to get stitches on my lower lip.

127: Met someone famous? I meant jenni rivera’s brother at a movie theater once!

128: Stalked someone on a social network? yes? but not to a weird extent.

129: Peed outside? only because no one was around to open the door to my apartment complex and I couldn't hold it in-

130: Been fishing? I am T E R R I F I E D of fish so no.

131: Helped with charity? yup! I bought a shirt from one of @markiplier‘s livestreams that donated all the money to a charity.

132: Been rejected by a crush? yea.

133: Broken a mirror? I think maybe once??

134: What do I want for birthday? I want a tattoo.