#im having an emotional time and im procrastinating my pirate pain

[actual-changeling]

no but after seeing crowley and aziraphale so utterly relaxed and comfortable around each other, walking, sitting, talking closely together, touching, aziraphale no longer having his hands behind his back, just imagine how fucking painful it will be to get an entirely new kind of distance between them in season 3.

they never stayed far apart, not even in eden, not after their fights, never.

aziraphale returns to earth and for every step he takes towards crowley, both emotionally and physically, crowley takes one back.

don't touch me, is never said out loud, yet it's there all the same, written in the air between them.

don't touch me, because it hurts, because it reminds me of what we lost, because it's never going to be enough.

don't touch me, because i will cave, i will fall back into your arms, and cling and cling and cling, until you leave me again.

don't touch me, because if you do, i will take your hand, fall to my knees, and beg you to run away with me again again again. i will ask and you will decline, and we will both hate me for voicing the question in the first place; that is how we began and that is how we ended, how we will always end.

now it is crowley who keeps his hands in his pockets, behind his back, leaning away form aziraphale whenever they get too close, turning his head and fleeing into the cracks in his mind no one except himself can get into.

for centuries, crowley came back to him. every. single. time. it was him who returned, who grovelled, who apologized, who bottled up his anger and hurt and disappointment so he could throw himself between aziraphale and whatever danger they were facing.

he can't do it again, don't touch me, because this time he would sacrifice himself completely and give his entire existence for him, or whatever is left of it, anyway.

don't touch me, he prays, the same three words over and over. please, stay away, don't come closer, don't love me, not now, not after everything.

don't touch me, when all he wants is to open his arms and disappear into the embrace of the only real home he has ever known.

i love you don't touch me

[stalkhome-sindrone]

All 200 of the asks

200: My crush’s name is: [get fucked]199: I was born in: a hospital in Canada somewhere198: I am really: messed up197: My cellphone company is: Rogers196: My eye color is: Mud brown195: My shoe size is: 10 1/2194: My ring size is: Excuse me?193: My height is: 6 ft192: I am allergic to: my own satisfaction191: My 1st car was: probably crashed in a past life 190: My 1st job was: probably ruined in a past life189: Last book you read: A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Heaven by Corey Taylor188: My bed is: really nice at this time of day187: My pet: is not here yet, ask me in a few years186: My best friend: is a bit of a cunt, but aren't we all?185: My favorite shampoo is: no real preference184: Xbox or ps3: Xbox183: Piggy banks are: for losers, get an old fashioned jar182: In my pockets: nothing181: On my calendar: also nothing180: Marriage is: a waste of time and resources179: Spongebob can: see question 200178: My mom: does her best177: The last three songs I bought were? what are the last 3 songs on Hybrid Theory?176: Last YouTube video watched: video about how Louis CK writes jokes175: How many cousins do you have? too many to count here174: Do you have any siblings? 2 stepsisters and 1 brother173: Are your parents divorced? Nope172: Are you taller than your mom? Yup171: Do you play an instrument? Multiple170: What did you do yesterday? Probably what I did today but slightly happier

[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: HA HA HA see question 200168: Luck: Yup167: Fate: To an extent, yes166: Yourself: On good days...who am I kidding, in vey few areas165: Aliens: Why not?164: Heaven: Nopenopenope163: Hell: If this isn't it, nopenopenope162: God: see question 200, also I'm agnostic161: Horoscopes: to an extent, fun reads though160: Soul mates: Jury is out on this one159: Ghosts: Sorta158: Gay Marriage: Hell yea (the best kinda ally is only an ally)157: War: Nopenopenope156: Orbs: ...huh?155: Magic: ...eh

[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: Both153: Drunk or High: Neither152: Phone or Online: Online151: Red heads or Black haired: both150: Blondes or Brunettes: both149: Hot or cold: neither, warm148: Summer or winter: Summer147: Autumn or Spring: Spring146: Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla actually145: Night or Day: Night144: Oranges or Apples: Oranges143: Curly or Straight hair: Always been envious of straight hair142: McDonalds or Burger King: Burger King141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk chocolate140: Mac or PC: PC139: Flip flops or high heals: Flip flops138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Ugly and rich just to try it out137: Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi136: Hillary or Obama: Obama135: Burried or cremated: Pass134: Singing or Dancing: Dancing if I must pick133: Coach or Chanel: ...huh?132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: ...heh?131: Small town or Big city: Biiiiiig city130: Wal-Mart or Target: Walmart129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Adam Sandler128: Manicure or Pedicure: Both127: East Coast or West Coast: Both?126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Birthday125: Chocolate or Flowers: Both, I'm greedy, probably chocolate124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney123: Yankees or Red Sox: Neither

[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: Don't have it, don't support it, conversation works better.121: George Bush: Couple bands wrote some hate songs about him.120: Gay Marriage: IF YOU DON'T SUPPORT IT WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING FOLLOWING ME? see question 200 and piss off.119: The presidential election: AHAHAHAHAHAHA next118: Abortion: AHAHAHAHAHAHallow it, their kid, their prerogative117: MySpace: 10/10 great ironic joke to make116: Reality TV: Big Brother was fun till 2017115: Parents: They were fun till 2006114: Back stabbers: see question 200113: Ebay: ....eh112: Facebook: kinda dead now111: Work: ...huh?110: My Neighbors: cool people, rowdy dog109: Gas Prices: Overcharged like everyone says108: Designer Clothes: Overcharged like everyone says107: College: Not as bad as the perception is106: Sports: ...eh105: My family: ...eh104: The future: It depresses me in all honesty, but so does everything

[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: ...shit...102: Last time you ate: 3 hours ago101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: today100: Cried in front of someone: maybe last week...maybe99: Went to a movie theater: 6 months at the least ago98: Took a vacation: 3 weeks ago..sigh97: Swam in a pool: A long ass time96: Changed a diaper: Maybe a few years95: Got my nails done: Maybe a few years94: Went to a wedding: 2 years93: Broke a bone: never, lucky I know92: Got a piercing: never91: Broke the law: 4th grade90: Texted: 1 minute ago

[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: My friend Sayem because he is consistently a dumbass and I love him for it88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: banana bread87: The last movie I saw: Amelie 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: when my new album comes in the fucking mail85: The thing im not looking forward to: tomorrow84: People call me: Donatello actually (y'all are not allowed to) (I'll block you, don't think I won't block you)83: The most difficult thing to do is: be happy82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope81: My zodiac sign is: Taurus80: The first person i talked to today was: Might've been @lovelyformylove but I dunno79: First time you had a crush: age 9, it didn't ruin me till 1178: The one person who i can’t hide things from: myself, duh (hide shit from people all the time)77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: maybe today76: Right now I am talking to: nobody (COME HERE)75: What are you going to do when you grow up: make a thing for people to consume or pirate as entertainment...or die first74: I have/will get a job: see question 7373: Tomorrow: but far away is tomorrow?72: Today: I will suffer for who I chose to care about71: Next Summer: I will be in another country [see question 72]70: Next Weekend: I will sleep in69: I have these pets: not yet68: The worst sound in the world: Forks on plates67: The person that makes me cry the most is: easily myself, duh66: People that make you happy: too exhausting a list65: Last time I cried: last week64: My friends are: really great for tolerating me63: My computer is: finally decent62: My School: a waste of a perfectly good Indian burial ground61: My Car: sitting in a dealership, still waiting60: I lose all respect for people who: fuck with people's emotions (I break my own rule because I am a hypocrite)59: The movie I cried at was: ....can't remember58: Your hair color is: Black/really dark brown57: TV shows you watch: Elementary, The Blacklist, Archer...can't remember the rest 56: Favorite web site: this dumb piece of shit, I mean Tumblr55: Your dream vacation: probably a recording studio to be honest54: The worst pain I was ever in was: something stupid and emotional53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium well52: My room is: pretty dark51: My favorite celebrity is: Corey Taylor?50: Where would you like to be: see question 5549: Do you want children: sure48: Ever been in love: tragically47: Who’s your best friend: Jeremy/Sayem46: More guy friends or girl friends: Real life: guys, here: girls45: One thing that makes you feel great is: a really good riff44: One person that you wish you could see right now: myself in 10 years (most answers witm "myself" are cop outs for real people)43: Do you have a 5 year plan: fuck no42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: not yet, but I procrastinate on most important things41: Have you pre-named your children: Michael/Micayla so far, very small shortlist40: Last person I got mad at: myself (that one is authentic)39: I would like to move to: Denmark (escapism capital of my mind)38: I wish I was a professional: composer

[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: Hershey's Cookies n Cream36: Vehicle: pass35: President: Obama I guess34: State visited: nowhere33: Cellphone provider: Rogers?32: Athlete: pass31: Actor: pass30: Actress: pass (I've gone numb)29: Singer: see question 5128: Band: changes, currently Foo Fighters27: Clothing store: pass26: Grocery store: FreshCO?25: TV show: Elementary maybe24: Movie: Ameline currently23: Website: this dumb waste of time, I mean Tumblr22: Animal: TURTLE21: Theme park: Wonderland?20: Holiday: New Year's Day19: Sport to watch: Wrestling probably18: Sport to play: Not wrestling xD17: Magazine: Probably some guitar magazine16: Book: Maybe 198415: Day of the week: Saturday easily14: Beach: haven't been to many memorable ones13: Concert attended: see question 1412: Thing to cook: egg, ham, and cheese bagels11: Food: see question 1210: Restaurant: August 8, no joke9: Radio station: the one with the nice classical music8: Yankee candle scent: pass7: Perfume: Chanel something6: Flower: Magnolia5: Color: Green or red, never at the same time4: Talk show host: John Oliver3: Comedian: Bill Burr or Jim Jefferies2: Dog breed: Beagle1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes