#im having a gleenassaince and all that content is very fresh in my brain while poor old minnie is sitting in a dark shadowy corner

[blossoms-and-possums]

THANK YOU FOR THE PERMISSION AHAHHAA I WILL I WILL GO INTO HEAVY DETAIL

in this essay i will explore how in a marauders x glee au, sue sylvester would be professor mcgonagall :)

both sue and mcgonagall are sharp-tongued, strong willed, passionate characters. i propose that mcgonagall and sue are the same character in (very) different fonts.

okay, so, the first time we are introduced to sue sylvester in glee, she is coaching the cheerios (‘you think this is hard? try being water boarded, that’s hard. you’re sloppy! sloppy babies!’). sue loves her cheerios. they are her whole life. she gets them to nationals i think 5 consecutive years in a row. she wants the cheerios to win.

now. who is another teacher who is deeply passionate for a school sport’s team, to the extent that she’s willing to waive a centuries’ old rule to allow an eleven year old boy to join the team because he’s good enough to help her team win? mcgonagall. look me in the eye and tell me that that is not something sue sylvester would do. you can’t. mcgonagall watches every game, she was on the quidditch team herself back in her school years, and she enables lee jordan’s commentary, despite its vulgarity. she wants gryffindor to win.

something else to note is that sue does not initially hate will sch*e or the glee club. like. at all. the only reason she interferes at first is because the glee club threatens her cheerios budget. that is, sue interferes when she is directly involved. sue then, after this threat, takes a disliking to wills and begins insulting him. (‘oh hey will, i thought i smelled failure’)

in the order of the phoenix, mcgonagall begins to have a (noticeable) disliking for umbridge when she sits in mcgonagall’s class and threatens her teaching credibility (and is thus directly involved). so she then insults umbridge (smth smth harry’s grades in dada have been good when taught by a ‘competent teacher’) and responds to harry yelling at umbridge with positive reinforcement (‘have a biscuit, potter’).

the comparison above demonstrates that sue and mcgonagall need a catalyst to spark their dislike of someone, and their catalysts and consequent actions are very similar.

there are definitely parallels between sue and mcgonagall. does mcgonagall go around pushing students down the stairs or destroying offices when she doesn’t get her way? not that we’ve seen. but she does, occasionally, offer sound advice. and so does sue! in her own way!

there’s that moment in season one with kurt, where he’s having an identity crisis, and in her own sue sylvester way, she almost gives good advice: ‘that’s the problem with your generation, you’re obsessed with labels. so you like show tunes! that doesn’t make you gay. it just means you’re awful. you know, there’s only one person in this world who can tell you what you are.’ ‘me.’ ‘no. me. sue sylvester.’ and up until the last bit, sue has a point!

and if you’re looking for a more serious argument about sue, may i direct your attention to the grilled cheesus episode. here, kurt’s, one of the glee kids, dad has a heart attack. kurt is atheist and asked the glee club to respect his beliefs and not pray for him and his dad through religious music in front of him. you’ll never guess what the glee club do (they disrespect kurt’s wishes repeatedly and even go into kurt’s dad’s hospital room to pray without asking kurt but i digress). and the teacher that gave kurt the opportunity to complain to the school faculty for the glee club imposing religion in a nondenominational school was sue. sue is showing kurt a duty of care where mr sch*e, emma pillsbury, and principal figgins, fail.

yes, sue saw it as an opportunity to attack the glee club, but she also has a poignant scene where she discusses her own relationship with faith. when talking to emma pillsbury, who attacks sue for getting kurt to complain about the unasked for religiousness, it’s sue that points out emma’s, and the glee kids’ hypocrisy.

sue: asking someone to believe in a fantasy, however comforting, isn’t a moral thing to do. it’s cruel

emma: if that’s what you believe then fine. just don’t go around (something along the lines of pushing it down other peoples throats)

sue: as long as you do the same. that boy could lose his father at any moment.

the glee kids make comments about kurt’s lack of faith & disrespect his lack of faith, and then get frustrated and upset when kurt asks them to stop praying at him. mercedes even asks kurt to go to her church with her. like. ???? (this episode is wild i urge you to watch it right now)

my point is, is this is the kind of behaviour we can expect to see from mcgonagall. in goblet of fire, she’s protective of harry and is one of the only people who don’t want to let him compete. ‘potter is a boy, not a piece of meat!’ it’s mcgonagall that helps harry get to dumbledore’s office when he has a nightmare about arthur weasley in ootp. it’s mcgonagall showing a duty of care where every other teacher fails.

also i feel like if mcgonagall were to wear muggle clothes it would be an adidas tracksuit

anyway that’s my thesis thank u

If there were to exist a Glee x Marauders AU... who would be Sue???