#im having a breakdown over something so silly for nothing

[tenrose]

I may be not be able to change the world but I should at least change myself but I struggle so much and I fucking hate myself for that.

The current mental breakdown is making me realise that most of my worse moments feeling shitty and worthless do not happen when I'm tired after three months of work non stop, but one or two weeks after my vacations when I'm supposedly more reste. Coming back to work is the problem. Right now. And I'm too fucking lazy to search for something else.

[maaarshieee]

⎯⎯ ୨ Pet names (HCs) ୧ ⎯⎯

ੈ♡˳ Il Dottore x Gn!Reader *ೃ༄

ੈ♡˳ Masterlist *ೃ༄

author's note ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

this is a just a random thought while i was brain rotting to a mutual... yes. more soft dottore (with a hint of feral)... also the warnings are back! whew! this feels MUCH better! its so biazzare to have a fic of him w/o them! anyways, have a good day/night! also one of the scenes has a connection to a request im working on LMAO,, so tired,, had to finish this b4 i fell asleep UDJKS

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ cw: canon typical violence, blood, mentions of experimentation, injuries, implied murder, BASIC DOTTORE WARNINGS, reader is equally crazy as dottore, longer than i anticipated, hurt/comfort at one part (breakdown??), kinda suggestive at one part??? idfk, don't take this lightly-the first bullet's scenario's part is different from the fics ive written before; k1dnapping (NOT THE READER)... just skip the first bullet's scenario if you're uncomfy

For some odd reason, you've kept a small list of Dottore's pet names for you. It was part of your silly antics that never ceased even if you've gotten together with a man known for his violent tendencies when irritated by someone. Of course, you were the unspoken exception, but keeping a list of such things? Well, you wouldn't be so sure if Dottore would be very fond of the thought since he'd always retaliate and pretend as if nothing had happened whenever you pointed out his acts of love for you. It was for fun! It was personal; something that will never see the light of day, and your lover's eyes.

Each pet name had a comment. Whether it was how you felt when he first used it or a rating, it was all scribbled down on the old piece of paper. You've begun listing ever since you got into a romantic relationship during your Akademiya days. Hence, the paper was wrinkled and quite frail, but you kept it in a rather acceptable condition. It doesn't have much, but the memory each held was something unforgettable; something to be forever cherished by you, it showed sides of Dottore that only you get to see and have the grace to experience. It was extremely meaningful to you, especially when the man you've got wrapped around your fingers is Il Dottore, the second harbinger of the Fatui.

It's not like you'll eventually forget these memories you've reverized as precious, it was simply a reminder. Like a photo album! They were too good to be kept inside your head, so you put them on display for your eyes only.

Love/Lovely - Woah! He actually called me that! Too bad the situation wasn't romantic at all. But it was nice for him to address me by that... given that we've been dating for over a year now. A 10/10 pet name ♡

'I want to kill him.'

Those words rang inside Zandik's head, your voice endlessly echoing at the back of his mind whilst he attempted to focus writing on a scroll regarding his latest research. Yet his hands trembled the harder he forced his hand to still until the pen he was writing with eventually broke in his grasp, crushed in his fist as ink exploded all over his gloved hand and scripture. Though he had made a mess, it was the least of his concerns. Someone had the nerve to upset you for so long. He knew you weren't very outspoken, so when you hated someone, you shove that contempt down your throat and swallow it down when it surfaces back up.

But Zandik was different. He can and will deal with people that have enough courage to waste his precious time with their worthless blabbering or get in his way. Dealing with your problems is similar to how he would deal with his. For you are his lover, the only person, across the sea of people, through the stars and the land of Teyvat, he could truly give a damn about. Your enemies are his enemies too. Seeing you gnash your teeth in frustration, your forehead creasing unpleasantly from furrowing your brows, and your eyes brimming with glistening tears that threatened to fall; something inside of him twisted it. It was as if his insides, his heart, were being stretched and squeezed all at the same time. If he felt that way, a wretched feeling that made bile rise up his throat, just by seeing you express your distress to him, he could barely imagine how you felt. Yeah, he couldn't imagine. So he took matters into his own hands.

"Does the sight please you, love?" Zandik purred into your ear, his hands resting upon your shoulders as he situated himself behind you, his chest against your back. You shuddered at his warm breath fanning over your cold skin, goosebumps forming on your forearms as you both marveled and dreaded what he had beheld for you.

It was your professor, the one that had been harassing you for over the months you've started taking his classes. The one you hated so much that you wished death upon him. And now he was in front of you, blindfolded, strapped on an operating table, trying to squirm free and making muffled, pleading noises against the gag he bit on. Just by Zandik's tone of voice, you could tell that he had a dark smirk gracing his lips as his scarred hands slowly slid down from your shoulders to your elbows. You couldn't stop the twitch of your lips as your heartbeat quickened. "How rash of you, the Akademiya will look for him and the fault will be pinned on you." Your eyes narrowed at him as the two of you took synchronized steps toward your professor's trembling body.

"You dare deny the exhilaration pumping through your veins at this moment all because of the mere thought of suspicion?" Zandik's lips attached themselves to the reddening skin of your neck, his sharp teeth grazing lightly. "I'm rather endeared at your thoughtfulness, but I could care less if the Akademiya were to expel me. Plus, this is for science! Don't you just love exploring more of human anatomy?" His words were coated with a thick layer of honey, sweetly rolling off his tongue while his hands slid down further until they reached your hands. Something metallic was slipped into your hand and wrapped your fingers around it tenderly, and you let out an airy laugh when you realized it was your scalpel.

Finally, you let a grin break through your blank face, and the grip of your hand on the scalpel tightened when Zandik joyously pressed another kiss on your cheek, sharing your excitement. "What am I going to do with you?" You teased, pressing your back more against his warm chest as his arms slowly snaked around your waist. "I feel so adored."

"Good," Zandik grinned and nodded at that, evidently pleased with himself. With one last fond look at your equally crazed expression, eyeing the strapped professor as if it was prey that you were about to devour. Zandik felt the hairs on his nape stand and his cheeks buzz. "Now, shall we get started with our new experiment, lovely?"

Dear/Dearest - Actually really sweet. It caught me off guard, especially because he first called me dear/dearest when it was one of his rare moments of vulnerability. Another 10/10 pet name ♡

Papers were strewn all across the floor. Shattered glass, many miscellaneous substances, broken mirrors, droplets of blood, chips of wood from destroyed shelves, tables, and a familiar mask now broken, joined the huge mess that is his personal office. It had always been a mess inside his office, but it was organized. It held a system that only Dottore knew how to maneuver around, it was his own personal space after all. But what you are witnessing at the moment was utter chaos. His white coat, forgotten on the floor, was slowly dissolving from one of the many vials he had thrown onto the ground.

His hands continuously dripped a copious amount of blood, his hair now a big mess from the tugging and pulling, and his shoulders rose and fell. You could hear his breathing; it was frantic, short, and shaky. It was as if he was trying to catch his breath after running a marathon. But Dottore can't get tired anymore, he was way past that point, yet here he was, panting like a crazed dog deprived of water.

And while he wreaked havoc inside his personal office, screaming profanities to no one in particular, hurting himself by punching a mirror and breaking multiple objects, you stood at his doorway. With a medicine kit prepared in your arms, you watched motionlessly as Dottore continued to vent out whatever he was feeling by destroying anything in his sight. Every time his blood splattered close to your feet as he shouted until his throat began to hurt, you would harden your expression, the grip you had on the door frame forming cracks, almost breaking it. As much you wanted to help Dottore, to calm him down, to kiss away those foul, dark thoughts haunting his mind, you couldn't. You tried once, and he almost broke you as well.

So you waited. You waited and waited until he was tired. Until he's exhausted himself. At the first signs of his knees buckling, you immediately rushed inside his room to catch him, not letting him fall to the ground and further injure himself. Laying his head onto your lap as comfortably as you possibly could, you began examining and cleaning his bloodied hands, taking out the shards of glass that sank in his flesh. His hazy, bright red eyes, staring up at the ceiling, slowly cleared when his gaze fell onto your focused face. Too preoccupied to notice his eyes on you, you dabbed alcohol onto his wounds and applied bandages to the wounds he accumulated. It was only when you took a glance at Dottore's face that you noticed his burning stare, but it didn't phase you one bit.

Bringing his hands close to your face, you pressed each band-aid in a soft kiss, all filled with love as it trailed all the way down to his wrists, lingering at the spot where you could feel his pulse. The Doctor was still human after all, and while you have no idea what goes through his head or the sorts of demons he fights against, he wasn't alone. You were there to give him comfort after each battle he's fought, to bring him a sense of victory no matter how battered he was afterward, to kiss away every last bit of his anger, frustration, and madness that made him who he was today, reduced to a man you had known as Zandik. And Dottore knows this, deep inside his heart that was once dead, now beating solely for you.

It was quiet. Below a whisper. Hoarse. A rasp of his voice that he had abused from all his screaming and shouting. It was something you weren't meant to hear. But you did. Loud and clear.

"Thank you, dearest."

Darling - Cute! I absolutely love this one. Also because of the memory of when he first used it on me (he was jealous... of himself). 10/10 again ♡ !

Dottore always has you for himself. It only makes sense, after all, he's the original. He hogs all your attention as you are his trusted assistant, the second opinion on all his research, and his lover, so the majority of his segments are extremely deprived of you. It wasn't a major issue, they are aware that they are just segments, but since Dottore's segments were just him in a sense, he couldn't simply erase their affection toward you. And it just happened that you were very giving with your love, whether it was Dottore himself or any of his segments.

There are times when you would seek out a segment whenever they aren't busy, and they would be absolutely elated. They'd let you hold them to your heart's content, pressing kisses on their faces and then consulting with them about your research or helping them to the task Dottore has assigned them. You do try to give each segment a fraction of your love that you mostly pour onto Dottore but your actions will always hold consequences. And those consequences are the segments getting a bit too distracted to focus on their work and becoming too greedy.

So imagine the overwhelming irritation Dottore felt when he saw a small group of his segments surrounding your rather amused form, suppressing a small smirk forming on your lips as you watched them bicker and argue all for your attention. Oh, you were soaking this up. Dottore once acted like this, back when you were both younger, so it was so refreshing and entertaining to see multiple versions of him act in such ways. But your enjoyment was shortlived when Dottore suddenly grabbed you by the waist and snatched you away from the greedy segments, a scowl prominent on his face.

Panicked, you were about to calm him down just in case he makes a move to rip apart the segments gathered around you but you were caught off guard when Dottore smashed his lips against yours instead, kissing you oh-so passionately. It was a type of kiss that made your knees weak, his hands gripping your waist as he forcibly tugged you close to him, bodies pressed against each other. You couldn't hold back the small whimper that escaped you when Dottore bit down on your bottom lip as his hands slid inside your shirt and pressed his fingers hard on your hips. Dottore eyed the segments that watched with envious eyes, but stayed put, not able to do anything against it. Snaking your arms around his neck, you gasped for air once he pulled away, whining about your aching lips and the blood that dribbled down your chin but he paid no mind to it, merely smirking to himself, pleased with his work.

Cupping your reddening cheeks, he finally spoke; "No one else but I could kiss you like that. Only I could touch you like this, nor love you as much as I do, darling." While he hadn't outright said it, the message was clear to the segments present as they all held disappointed expressions. You, on the other hand, realized that you've probably played a bit too long away from him, so he had to find you around his big laboratory to get you back all for himself. With an amused huff, you shook your head at the death glares that he was giving the poor love-deprived segments and grabbed his chin, turning his head back towards you.

"You're not finished with me, aren't you?" You raised a challenging brow, "Go on, continue."

Dottore's smirk grew. "Of course, darling."

Pet - Where the hell did this come from? Kinda cute but I wouldn't appreciate it if he were to call me that in front of other Harbingers (especially Pantalone... It was already embarrassing enough the first time). A solid 7/10 pet name ♡

You were his assistant for a reason. He's had plenty before, but they'd only end up dead or running for their lives. You were the only one who could handle Dottore; the Fatui's secret weapon whenever he started acting up, they needed you to get him to settle down, reminding him that if you were to piss off the Fatui, you're gonna lose all the funding they have for your research. But it didn't mean you had full control of him, you're his lover after all. While he wasn't an outright tease or a romantic, there are times when he was. And sometimes, they'd take you by surprise.

As his little assistant, you always make great work of his demands. You deliver amazing results and only rarely anger Dottore. Additionally, you've made a habit of suggesting and correcting him in some cases, and if it were someone else to do so, they would've been dead on the spot. But no, Dottore actually listens and considers your opinions. He would never turn deaf to your words if it was you. Just like this moment. Pantalone had visited the Doctor to confide about finances he provides to Dottore's 'silly little projects' (you had to hold back a snort at that) and in the middle of their negotiations, you piped up in their conversation, offering your side of view, seeing that they were both slowly getting heated.

The rest of the conversation flowed more smoothly after you joined in. Pantalone has fully calmed down and was thanking you for making him a cup of tea. As you poured a cup for Dottore, Pantalone suddenly said; "It's always more pleasant visiting here when they're around, no? You should be more like your lover, Doctor."

Dottore, who ignored his Pantalone now that he mentioned you, merely smirked and laced his fingers together. "Of course, such a good pet, aren't they?"

A rush of multiple emotions washed over your body in an instant. Bewilderment, embarrassment, and then rage. Your face was completely red as you refused to turn your head to look at the guest that was still inside his office. Gripping the kettle in your hands so hard it almost breaks, you ignore the Regrator who was now chuckling at your amusing reaction. "Well, this pet will throw this steaming hot kettle on his face if he dares to call me that again in front of another person." You say through gritted teeth, trying to maintain the bright smile on your face.

"Well, then this pet should know—" Before he could utter another word, the sound of glass shattering reverberated through his office whilst Pantalone walked out with a big smile on his face.

Love of my life - Can this be considered a pet name? Oh well, I'm adding it anyways. It was very... soft of Dottore, so I'm storing this memory in my head forever. Literally a 100/10 pet name ♡

Due to the enhancements that both of you have made to each other, the two of you no longer required sleep. Much to Dottore's dismay, you still sleep 8 hours on most nights, stating that it still helps you stay refreshed and sane after not sleeping for too long. So it was very rare for Dottore to lay on the bed with you in your shared (more like yours) private chambers. You were used to it, for the most part. Sometimes, Dottore would escort you to your private chambers, chatting before you pass out once your head landed on your pillow, or carry you there if you'd fallen asleep somewhere else.

Tonight was different.

Shed from his multiple layers of clothing and slipping into his rarely used robes, you incredulously stare at him strip right in front of you. You honestly don't remember the last time you saw so much of his skin that you were suddenly hit by the massive urge to lunge at him and let your cold hands roam all over his body, but you held back when Dottore gave you a pointed glare, knowing exactly what was going through his mind. "Be patient," He grumbles, finally slipping into his silk robes and finally walking to his side of the bed. Tucking himself right beside you, you immediately latched onto his body, burying your face onto his chest and pressing your body against his as close as possible, it was as if you were trying to merge yourself into him with how tight you were hugging him.

But he supposed he couldn't blame you. After all, he doesn't even remember when was the last time the two of you cuddled in each other's arms on a bed. The memory he could only recall was back when you both still went to the Akademiya, which was so many years ago. Plus, it has truly been a while since he felt himself so loosen up, practically melting in your loving embrace. He felt extremely light as if he was laying on clouds instead. He knew what he was exactly feeling; safe, relaxed, happy, and content. Content with you, only ever with you. Because you make him whole, feel emotions he never would've thought he'd ever feel, do things that didn't have relevance over his ambitions, and many more.

You've always reacted so surprised whenever he does something that was a little bit out of his usual character. So when he caressed your head, pulling you impossibly closer, enough that he could smell the faint remnants of your perfume, he felt you jolt from the suddenness, then eased back against him, he thought that perhaps he hasn't done enough as your lover. That the reason why you act so surprised and genuinely don't expect such acts was that he was lacking. You loved him with all your heart, he could see it, feel it. Everyone can. From the way, you'd always make an effort to clean up his messy lab, from your impeccable patience towards him, the amount of dedication you put into your work with him, and the affection you shower on him on a daily basis. Compared to you, it was as if you were simply dating a statue. Zandik did a better job of loving you.

But Zandik was dead, and there was only Dottore. You still loved him, nevertheless. Still chose him over the myriad of better options in Teyvat. The familiar fuzziness took over his whole body, where at first he felt disgusted at, now he welcomed it wholeheartedly. It was pleasant, he will never admit aloud. So when you asked why he chose to sleep with you tonight (and possibly more nights in the future), his response truly came from the deepest depths of his heart, with only the purest form of genuine love and devotion he could only offer to you.

"I just want to be with the love of my life."

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[coco-bee]

COCO'S REVIEW: BLUE'S STORY

Welcome to Coco’s Review! Where I review and breakdown episodes, movies and etc and overthink every tiny detail and/or give my thoughts and opinions :D !! THE STORY I’M ABOUT TO DISCUSS HAS TOPICS ABOUT S/A AND OTHER DISTURBING TOPICS PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION !! Ok so this may not be something you’d expect me to cover but I wanted to discuss this series on my blog for a while now! Today I’m discussing Blue’s Story by Victaton!

Blue’s Story is a series by Victaton over on youtube that mixes gacha life 2 character designs along with animation. I like to think of the gl2 designs as character models and Victation expands on it through animation. The series doesn’t have proper episodes, its installments mainly continue music videos that go in a specific order. The story is about Blue, a man in his early 20s entering the company his older sister works in with a positive attitude only for it to fade away as a lot of women in his new job want to get in his pants and cause irreversible trauma on the poor guy. This series is meant to show how abuse in the workplace can happen and how s/a can be done anywhere and by anyone. It seems to be a response to the misconceptions of how men who are preyed on by women are not valid victims of s/a and how they should’ve enjoyed it or that only women can be victims (which is never true). Though keep in mind I’m not qualified to determine if the way the story conveys s/a and just abuse in general is shown accurately because I have not had these experiences myself but my heart goes out to the victims in the world who could resonate with Blue’s Story and I wish for nothing but happiness and peace for you guys. You all are very strong and deserved much better<3

I can tell Victation really touched people’s hearts and according to some people in the comments who are victims the story is pretty accurate to some experiences and some research has been put in this series which I heavily appreciate. So I’m happy people can feel seen with this!

So with this series I want to start off light and mention the animation- AND MY GOODNESS DOES THIS SERIES HAVE AMAZING ANIMATION!

I really love this art style that Vic has going on here

Like I said the gl2 designs seem to make the base and Vic uses their art skills to expand on it It really gives a dynamic feeling and you can hardly tell it’s gacha

Vic has a lot of dynamic poses and a great understanding of body language with these!

AND THE EXPRESSIONS<33 I LOVE THE WAY VIC DRAWS FACIAL EXPRESSIONS! IM SUCH A SUCKER FOR VERY EXAGGERATED AND STYLIZED FACES

And I’m not even showing the best parts! But I want to keep it as a surprise for those who are interested in watching the series. I just couldn’t stop praising the visuals enough! Vic is the most experimental gachatuber I’ve seen when it comes to the visuals!! I hope to talk with them sometime to get some tips or to post how their creative process works because THE ART IS SO GOOODDDDD! AND THE CHARACTER DESIGNS RADIATE SM PERSONALITY AND ADD TO THE SYMBOLISM AND UNDERTONES OF THE STORY! It’s so fun to see :D and the color associations are a very interesting character design choice! It helps add a very colorful look to what is otherwise a very heavy story and makes it very easy to distinguish the characters and give them certain color motifs. Anyway I want to talk about the characters in Blue’s Story! Mostly by order of their debut! And I’ll only talking abt the characters that have a big impact on Blue (So I won’t be talking abt Magenta or her brother) and the ones that don’t have a definite character (So the red eye people won’t be mentioned) Anyway now that that’s established the character I want to talk about first is well- Blue himself! After All this is his perspective we’re following

Also quick appreciation for the silly little Blues that Vic draws<3 Anyway Blue is the most interesting character I’ve seen in a gacha series. I like how Vic doesn’t use Blue as a representation or a role model for victims to take after but a person who goes through his own stories and has room to be human. You can see his descent in his own trauma and self loathing in his story. Which leads him to make mistakes and have a difficult time navigating his relationships and how to make meaningful connections. Seeing him go from confident and upbeat to quiet and reserved is so heartbreaking. What I find so great about Blue is that not everyone can relate to his situation but his thought process is near universal. I can relate to having to be in survival mode when it comes to relationships after being done dirty by different people. Not to mention people would do the same things Blue did, they just went through different experiences. It’s a really great touch to the writing. What’s also interesting I find about Blue are these different personas of different ways he handles the trauma caused by all these women.

This is sorta a mix of my interpretation of what these versions of Blue are plus what Vic actually calls them From left to right 1.Hypersexual Blue (confirmed) 2.Heart Eyes Blue (confirmed) 3. Reality Blue (not confirmed) 4. Cyan Blue (confirmed) 5. Numb Blue (not confirmed) I’ll expand more on these personas when I do a character study on Blue (which is something I REALLY wanna do sometime)

Next up is Pink Who is the first character we meet when Vic started this series

Pink is a married woman around Blue’s age who he engages in an affair with. And one of the women Blue has a significant relationship with throughout the series since Pink was the first one in the workplace to have her way with Blue. A truly manipulative bitch 💀 I don’t have much to say about her because Vic themself made a video discussing the women in Blue’s life and their thought process on writing them(?). So I’ll just give my thoughts! Pink is a very interesting case of the “Abused to Abuser” situation and not to mention how she’s not one dimensional. She’s an abuser to Blue but also a victim to a different man. (her husband) There are scenes where she is being a nice person (highlighted with her scenes with Lilac) but what’s preventing her from being good is her philosophy of how men cannot be victims. How could they be? To her the most heartless person she knows is a man, while it’s close minded, it’s understandable but not excusable why she perceives men this way. Which I find very interesting! There’s also a cool animation choice with her lipstick color! Her lips are white when she’s doing nice things or is not perceived as a bad person, then grey when it’s more neutral (I think) and finally black when she harms Blue. Hence why her kiss marks start from white to black.

What’s also interesting is that Blue pursues her first! Since he started out so confident and upbeat he wanted to try and shoot his shot with an attractive woman. But backs off when he learns that she’s married, but things didn’t go as planned. But I find it very interesting how that’s how things started. Next we have Purple who is the CEO or just the boss of the company Blue works in

Purple imo is definitely the most uncomfortable character to watch (what am I saying ALL the abusers make things uncomfortable to watch) but Purple just gives me a chill up my spine. Especially with her design, it has been confirmed by Vic that Purple is in her 40s and would prey on much younger people. First she attempted to prey on Red (who is confirmed to be 19), but was unsuccessful then went after Blue, and was successful.

Not to mention she’s very inconsiderate of her workers, example in the second part of “Baby Hotline”.

Up next we have Red! Who is my personal favorite in terms of how she is written and her design! (I do not condone her actions)

I love how Vic went for a more cutesy innocent look for Red!

But not without giving her sharp black nails to show how harmful she is

It really nails the message home on how anyone can be an abuser no matter how they look like. I also want to appreciate her little heart eye effect that Vic does with her that’s constantly looping like HOW DOES VIC DO IT- IT LOOKS SO DIFFICULT TO PULL OFF- I’m guessing it’s green screen With Red she is an obsessive stalker who has feelings for Blue and is constantly pursuing him even if he doesn’t return the feelings. It starts off as an innocent crush but turns into something more harmful. I don’t have much to say that’s not been said by Vic on their video. I just really want to appreciate how well designed she is and I rly like the heart motif she has. You can tell she’s a naive girl who can’t understand how harmful she is. I’ve met someone who was my equivalent to Red and while thankfully I had people who managed to protect me, doesn’t mean the harm did not get to me. While they were not as intense and Red, I was still being harassed verbally and I just didn’t feel safe. ALSO HOW DOES VIC DO HER HEART EYE EFFECT I NEED ANSWERS Now we have Lavender who is Blue’s SISTER

YEAH THATS RIGHT- SHE IS BLUE’S SISTER And I swear everytime I see her I just want to punch her in the goddamn face and wipe that stupid smile off her face- Lavender is an example of non-physical s/a and incest with how she had sexual thoughts about Blue and would show it through more subtle actions. Not to mention she’s also a bystander to Blue being abused by other women and doesn’t do ANYTHING about it. As an older sister myself with my own little brother- Lavender ENRAGES ME! I could never imagine doing what she did to my own brother. He drives me crazy but I’d protect him no matter what. What is fascinating about her design is definitely how her eyes are constantly closed, as if she’s turning a blind eye to the harm Blue is a victim of and/or how she’s hiding so many things. Especially with how she only opens her eyes when she’s preying on Blue.

SHE'S JUST AS TERRIFYING AS PURPLE Lastly we have Lilac! Who debuts in the same video as Lavender

WHO IS THE ONE PERSON THAT DOESN’T TREAT BLUE LIKE SHIT She’s a very fun character! She’s a single mom who works in the same company as Blue. She has a lot more significance in later installments so I won’t spoil but I just love her<3 She’s so sweet I just can’t- it’s such a breath of fresh air compared to the toxic waste Blue’s been getting from the other women. Her relationship with Blue is so interesting to watch and I am just rooting for them to at least stay friends.

(Also she looks so pretty here) AND THAT’S ALL THE CHARACTERS!!

Overall I really enjoy this series but I do have some gripes with it. The pace is definitely a bit much- so much can be happening in a span of a few mins. And there are stories that could rly benefit a longer time limit. This problem comes up most with “Baby Hotline” where I hardly understood what was happening. Like I got the gist but I didn’t get the specifics. It can be difficult to keep up with. So yeah the series could work with a longer timeframe- “Sweet Little Bumblebee'' is a great example! Not everything is too fast and everything makes more sense while “Baby Hotline” tried cramming a lot in one minute. Well the first part of ot, the second part of “Baby Hotline” was at a much better pace in my opinion but still a bit hard to keep up with at first.

Anyway in conclusion! Blue’s Story is a really interesting story that deserves the recognition it gets and is worth your time if you are into really deep stories with heavy subjects!

(Credit to Vitaton for all the art presented) This is Coco typing.. Thank you for reading!

[jinchuls-moved]

hi, important lil note

pseud change, jinx -> echo

you don’t have to read but there’s a not so thought out ramble of all the thoughts in my head rn under the cut. i feel like ive been tricking people and i want to explain myself

okay so, i moved blogs when i was in a very negative space. i only stayed away for about a month, i missed tumblr and i missed writing even if it took me a hot minute to feel good enough to even be semi active on here.

tumblr can fucking suck. i left because there was drama with a few people that left me a mess honestly, those people have since been blocked and i started to feel a little bit better. i also noticed a number of people breaking mutual with me, which i completely understand curate your space as you need i’ve done it a few times myself, but the amount of people that did in a short time (as far as i noticed) gave me a terrible feeling and i needed to leave. i felt unwelcome and like i had done something wrong to people i had only interacted with a few times. this was on top of a lot of stuff i had going on irl, i felt so fucking alone in every aspect on my life regardless of my friends that made it so obvious they were there for me. i hated how i was at the time, and i appreciate every single person that stuck by me.

so i made this blog for a fresh start. i thought a new pseud and a new blog would make me feel better. and it did, for a while. my friends knew and they listened to my request to change tags, not refer to me as any previous nicknames and essentially not make it too obvious it was me. although i don’t think it was entirely impossible to tell. but now i miss all those things, i miss being stupid with my friends, i miss getting to call my best friend my wife on dash, i miss getting to miss astrology aims and mother nesi nesi, i miss the mutuals i used to have that i didn’t tell about the move because i was scared they were going to think i was stupid. i miss the url i kept going back to bc i loved it (possibly the most silly reason but still ukaishin holds a special place in my heart)

and it just doesn’t feel right. everyone has been so nice to me so far and it feels wrong knowing that wasn’t how echo ended, it makes me wonder what was wrong with me then that wasn’t now? but reality is, it’s nothing. shit happens, i needed time to get over a lot of things and it took time. even quite recently i had a terrible evening because of an old mutual. as in i had a mental breakdown because they added one stupid word to an ask that made me feel pathetic for sitting there the night before crying about how much i was missing them to aims.

getting called jinx in dms throws me off, i appreciate those that knew me first as echo using the new pseud, but it never took. it was never a name i was happy with (except for the first couple weeks on this blog) and im sorry for any confusion and having to switch pseuds again. i just don’t want to move blogs, i don’t want to have a whole thing i just want tumblr to be the happy place it was for me for almost 2 years. it got me through uni, being on here with the friends i’d made, i spend my final year of school in a constant mental breakdown, crying on the phone to my mum almost everyday and it was kaze that kept me going, motivating me to get my degree. it was kaze that flew to england to meet me and attend my graduation. it was aims that was the first person to reach out to me and give me the type of friendship i needed. it was everyone in our silly delululand server that made me laugh and reminded me that no matter how shit people were there were good ones. and it’s the good that’s made me feel better. and the good that makes me want to try one more time to maintain that happy place i had 2 years ago

that got too sappy but i refuse to edit <3

[thepoggersdilemma]

I'm going to make a post with observations on AA6 because i keep terrorizing my friends on my private twt and no one there played the games.

It's mostly just notes to remember for fics and fanart so im not really trying to keep them that close to canon or anything.

I think none of them are as important to be considered spoilers, but just in case: AA6 spoilers and some AA5 plot mentions too

feel free to fight me in the comments (PvP arena)

Athena holding Apollo's hand because of his height fear 😭!! (I want to put apollo and wright in a ferris wheel SO BADLY, edgeworth too but we need there to be an earthquake-)

I feel like Apollo had a crush on Ema but she's on a different country with a dude right now LMAODESJFKS.

Someone threatened Apollo saying they'll rip his hair out and he went "Idc it will grow again" and kept on with the trial like nothing 😭 (my guy?!) i think this happened several times and he gave similar answers (*writes down his type of insane*)

I thought the bunnies from Trucy's case would be bad but i ended up liking them once they were together!! they were just silly!!

I got emotional over Apollo and Athena cheering Trucy up, they r sooo weird adopted family trope, it makes my heart combust.

they gave me shippy crumbs of Wright going "Thank uuu, thank u SO much, thank u Apollo thk-" on handout phone in front of everyone until Apollo told him to stop LMFAO. bratty phoenix pls come home

Phoenix bringing up having to take better care of his back.

Maya calling Phoenix out on suddenly being too serious, (omg because of his mentor complex) TELL HIM!! then her immediately getting caught by a police officer and Phoenix NOT REACTING and going "hello ema" while she yelled in the bg?!?!?

I'll keep editing this as i keep playing. idk if this interests you, its how i learned to communicate in the twt echochambers. I'll probably do something similar about AA4/5 once i have the time.

Phoenix going on an investigation all alone, and despite not liking it, he doesn't go through a breakdown, so, to me, this confirms he went insane over Apollo leaving in AA5, i dont need reality to confirm this ✍️

Phoenix having to bend over backwards because of the princess following him was funny, but now I keep blushing at how he keeps politely going "Yes Ms. No ma'am." and I need to throw him over my shoulder and take him into my cave.

Small interaction of the princess going "GUARD!!!" Then she asks Phoenix to do the same and he goes "Uhm, h-ello guard would u come over here please, hi"

So far i just started episode 3. Which is about Wright and Maya meeting up so far <3

[cowedeakamatsu]

Ahem Ahem. Welcome everyone to yet another cowede peptalk about themselves cos... lets face it i have an issue. (part 2)

so i should be happy right ? to restart with X. NOPE because here its actively them who say "no its not good i dont want to play that anymore because i dont feel like it" and so you must come out with a "new idea" that is checklisting aaaaaaaaaall their kinks. I try to push out a bit of what i liked i first to them, like the creative way of talking, the lewd overexagerated dirt talk. the teasing at least a bit since i know they can do it. But nope, nope nope nope. i get a bit of that, but must play characters that instant get corrupted and either harem or "1 girl then a bunch" and guess what EACH TIME they get bored about it 3 actions in, dont respond for weeks (and guilt trip me if i try to make them respond) and then they dont feel like it anymore because they have dimentia. but they KEEP pushing to get a rp. oh but cowede! you silly you, just do what you do best! flirt talk passively, send them lewd pics and ai works of your making, and just have a friendly conversation with them and try to be nice! NOPE (getting used to it?) because if I do that ? they complain that we dont rp and that they want to fuck characters. So since youre cowede, horny lil cowede, youre like "yeah you know what fuck yeah" because if you dont youre just not fun and not nice. and it starts over and over again. they passively manipulate you which you clearly see. but you dont care because you want to be the nice person and not hurt a person who has a mental illiness. a bit of a cut, but those close to me on the cowede side of my life know i havent.. have a good 2 last months. nothing horrible happened, outside of some health (chill, its not too problematic, just a skin disease crisis that got very annoying for a while and did left some marks but they are pretty discrete and its not really a issue anymore) and weird overwork periods. but basically ? ive just felt down for a long time. technically last year was the same, but here it felt even worse. I would get emotional over nothing, couldnt muster the strength to live up from bed sometime. and of course it showed on the cowede side too. I dont want to be a gloom person, especially on the cowede side, i want to be this cheerfull cheeky, kinda insane but overall good little presence that make other people happy, because i have a need for validation thats not met irl due to how much i dont really deliver to expectations, so i tried to mask it but did a very bad job (and i knew it, it was clearly a cry for help. I even did something like... a week or 2 ago had a bit of a breakdown upon waking up one day, i saw the great @carnyreborn was back and that my good friend "stupid name on discord" made them a funny ask joke, and wanted to do the same because at some point in the past i did talk quite a bit with carny, not really much after that cos their end their a busy popular person on the lewd side, and seem to manage correctly (congrats goat and if not, dont worry youll get them!) on the life side and on my end, well aside from ai lewds i dont have much to give so we kinda both stoped talking to each other. But anway theyre someone i respect tons, and whos probably the main reason while im here cos they inspired me. but my "aha funny ask" turned into a mental breakdown halfway through and i said... very worrying things about me cause I desesperately needed someone to acknowledge how i felt, but i worried them and i felt super bad for it.) but a bit after this moment I had a sort of... revival ? loosing my account surpringly help too and this week i finally felt some good ol actual real cowede libido and cheeky spirit back. and dare i say ? i'm happy ? i still have issues to settle here and there. but at least on the cowede side im doing fine and thats great. (part 3 comming)

[theafrochick]

my red flag is I'll wake up and be hurtled into a silly goofy mood so i write shit like this to cope. I like the idea of putting this in the long fic im deluding myself into thinking I'm going to write but for now have a snippet i guess since it'd feel weird posting this on ao3? idk.

we love stolas having a mental breakdown. and we also love asmodeus being along for the ride cus Asmodeus playing bob the builder with Stolas would fulfill all my needs in life actually.

something something projection and copium

Anyway

Pairing is: stolas & asmodeus. hurt/comfort

Word count: 2,741

I got sick of writing this lmao ignore the ending.

“What else is this supposed to be about then? I don’t know why we keep doing this when you found somebody else’s dick to hop on.”

“W-what on earth are you talking about?” Anxiety stabbed into you as you hug your grimoire to your chest. This was supposed to be a conversation. This was supposed to fix everything and instead if was devolving faster than you could have dreamed.

“Don’t play dumb Stolas, you and Asmodeus are plastered across every tabloid this side of hell. At least have the balls to admit that you’re just keeping me around as a side piece.”

“No, no, Blitzy it’s not like that. We’re friends! I’m doing him a favor, I would never do something like that. What do you take me for?” Blitz takes a step back when you try to approach him, an unfamiliar look of disdain crossing his features. A knot settles in your chest as you felt yourself shrink before him.

You knew you were a hypocrite for wanting him to believe that you wouldn’t cheat considering your relationship was a product of an affair, but you assumed his jealousy would be resolved when he realized Asmodeus was in a very committed relationship of his own. Clearly that wasn’t enough but you weren’t sure what else you could do for him. It felt like it didn’t matter at the end of the day. You had done for this him but he would never believe you if you actually said that. Or it’d somehow add more fuel to this never ending fire.

“I don’t see what kind of favor you needed him that involves you needing to hang all over him. If its about that stupid necklace you gave me so you wouldn’t have to see me anymore then consider the hint taken. You didn’t have to whore yourself out to get away from me.”

“I didn’t- I’m not- Please just listen to me, I only gave you that because-” You try to approach again. Blitz takes several steps back, folding his arms over his chest. Whatever faint connection you had to him snapped in that moment. The fact that there wasn’t anything to try and fix hit you like a truck and you the desire to cling to the vast nothing you had been given evaporated. You didn’t want to fight anymore. You were so tired of it. You suck in a breath, forcing yourself to straighten. Forcing yourself to not reach for him again even though a small part of you still wanted to. “Fine. If that’s how you feel then we can consider this the conclusion of any business we might have with one another. This 14th or any other are yours for the taking.”

You suck in another breath, then turn and take the stairs back into your house at a measured pace. In the resulting silence, filled by the bubbling of the fountain in the courtyard, you hoped that he wouldn’t actually let you walk away. But then the van door opened and closed. You opened the door to the foyer. The engine starts and fades just as quickly. You close the door, the click of the latch echoing through your head.

You’re fine. It’s okay. This is okay.

You feebly tried to placate yourself as you made your way through the house to put your grimoire away. If you didn’t it’d leave room for everything else to take root and even if you were pathetic, you refused to cry yourself to sleep on the entryway floor. This wasn’t the first time you just had to keep it together for a little while. What a handful of minutes compared to the other countless hours you had spent hiding from yourself.

But the grimoire never made it back to its place, because you were used to not having it. Because you had put a new book in its place. Because that book didn’t even fit well in your organization scheme but the blank space hurt to look at when you missed Blitz. Because you could handle the slight annoyance that it was in the wrong spot than look at that hole. Because if you moved that book to put your grimoire away then you’d have to find a new place for the wrong book. Because you didn’t have a place for it in the first place. Because then you’d end up reorganizing the mountain of books you had. Because after all that nothing would be the same. Because then you’d have to change. Because then you’d have to clean yourself. Because then you’d probably have to eat something. Because then you’d have to go to bed. Because then you’d have to wake up and grapple with the fact that you were as alone as you had felt your whole life.

Your knees give out and you curl into yourself. Between the sobs racking your body and the waves of anxiety that kept crashing over you you could barely breathe. Why is it always my fault?

How much more were you expected to give? You buried everything you wanted to the sake of others. You worried yourself sick. You overthought everything. You tarnished your birthright. You threw away whatever reputation you had t hat wasn’t trampled on by Stella. You couldn’t dig any deeper. There wasn’t any place you could hide from yourself anymore. You had nothing left and nothing to show for it. How was it still your fault that things ended up this way?

The vague burning sensation in your skin left behind from the feathers you hadn’t meant to rip out wasn’t enough to keep you grounded. And then more intentionally thinking that might leave you with something to grab onto as your magic misfired and bled into the room. Ichor seeped out of walls and pooled on the floor around you. The sound of cracking stone could scare be heard about the sound of your heart pounding in your aching chest. You’re making a mess, pull yourself together. This is unbecoming.

Normally a few sobering thoughts were enough for you to reign it in. To get some semblance of a grip on yourself and put yourself back together.

Not now. What was the point? You could stay there for as long as you wanted because nobody would care enough to come check on you. You could destroy the whole mansion and the only person who’d have to deal with it was you. This could just be another thing to add to the long list of things you couldn’t do right. Can’t be a prince. Can’t be a husband. Can’t be a father. Can’t be a boyfriend. Can’t be a boyfriend. Can’t take care of yourself. Can’t be left alone.

You squeeze your eyes shut, feeling your nails graze your skin before everything went silent.

“What the fuck...?”

You blink back into consciousness, cold from the ichor that had soaked into your clothes. Your head hurt, and your vision blurred. The tightness in your chest had subsided enough that you could at least breathe again. Maybe. Fresh anxiety wormed it’s way into you as Asmodeus cautiously pads over to you.

“Stolas, are you alright? What happened?”

You shove yourself into a sitting position, black spots dancing in your vision. A nervous laugh escapes you as you clap your hands together. “Oh, I was just...working on a spell.” Another nervous laugh. You set your soaked grimoire on the window seat, praying it was still legible. You could barely convince yourself that was an excuse let alone Asmodeus. Not when he was privy to everything that was going on and didn’t know how to let anything go. Not when you had unintentionally placed him in the middle of all of this.

“Wanna run that one by me again?” Asmodeus crouches in front of you, his head cocked earnestly to the side as he studies you.

“Just practicing…” You couldn’t bear to look at him as you forced the words out. Your stomach churned and your throat clenched. You weren’t sure if you were going to throw up or start crying again. Or both. “I’m fine, really. Do tell why you’re here.”

Asmodeus exhales sharply, resting his hand on the side of your face. He works his fingertips through your feathers to graze his claws against your skin. A tremor runs through you as the heat from his palm seeps into you. He always did run hot.

You fought the urge to sink into him, tension settling in your back as you sat a little straighter. “Really, I’ve just been out of practice so I thought it’d be good to reacquaint myself with some of the spells in the back of the book only I got distracted and it backfired a little. Nothing I can’t handle, I’m sure I did worse when I was younger. Haven’t we all?”

You weren’t sure what you were going on about as the room groaned and shifted around you. But saying nothing of any real substance was easier than sitting there in silence, trying not to look at him. This display was shameful, even if it was supposed to be private. Nothing was ever private. One way or another others always managed to wiggle their way in. If you said you fine eventually you’d mean it again and then things could go back to normal.

The chandelier gives from the added weight of the petrification and rips itself free of the ceiling. Asmodeus starts, whipping his head around to look at the pile of stone and plaster sitting on the floor. “Stolas…” He edges closer to you, cupping your face with his hands. “Don’t lie to me. It’s one thing if you want to be alone to work through whatever the fuck this is, but nobody who knows you and has half a brain would believe you’re fine right now.” He chose his words carefully, his drawl being the only thing that stopped an actual pause from forming.

You wring your hands together in your lap. For a moment you were a child being scolded for getting upset and all you could do was bear it. What good would admitting to anything do? If you did then it’d make this more real than it already was. So this was just another thing you could do. Pretend. Not anymore. You had felt the mask slipping for some time now but you never thought the day would come where you actually couldn’t put it back on. “It’d be a waste for you to worry about me when this whole thing is my fault.”

“I have a very hard time believing that.”

You shrug helplessly, pulling your face from his hands. “It always is… Things never should have gotten this far. I don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t that’s the problem. I never think. None of this ever would have happened if I just did what I was supposed to, but I never do. I can’t do anything right.” You suck in a breath, batting his hands away when he reaches for you. “Sorry, that was rather uncalled for. You should just go.”

“Do you mean that?”

Of course not.

You wipe your face on your sleeve, undoubtedly smearing black on the side of your face. “It’s for the best.”

You tense when Asmodeus pulls you into his lap. You couldn’t manage to protest as he wraps himself around you. “It’ll be okay, Stolas, you’ll make it through this.”

For a moment you could breathe. Your mind goes blank for an instant before everything comes rushing back to the surface again. It hurt, and you were certain that you wouldn’t be okay. You had never been okay. How were you supposed to start now?

“There, there, let it all out.”

You whimper softly, burying your face in Asmodeus neck while he gently rocks you. You always liked how unnaturally warm he was. When given the chance it was hard not to drift to his side whether it was warranted or not. The sickly sweet smell that clung to him usually assaulted your senses and relaxed you but now it just mingled with your shame and made you too acutely aware of the situation you were presently in.

Getting a handle on yourself felt more a priority than working through whatever this was supposed to be. You needed out of this. You needed Asmodeus to feel like he had gotten what he wanted so he could continue on. You couldn’t get used to this. You couldn’t start to depend on him. He wasn’t yours to need. Nobody was. You were too old to be throwing a tantrum because you couldn’t get what you wanted. That’s what this boiled down to wasn’t it? Once again you expected too much. It was your own fault for getting your hopes up. How could you end up surprised you were here? This had been coming for months and you should have accepted this then. You should have taken the inevitable with grace. Especially when you left him with everything he wanted. He’d never think about you again while you stupidly clung to things that only ever mattered to you.

Was that it? Was everyone always placating you because it was easier than dealing with this? Maybe you were unreasonable. Asmodeus was only here because you hadn’t said the right things. If you were a little stronger you’d be cleaning. And you’d move that stupid book someplace else. Or throw it away because you didn’t even need it, it was just the first one you saw. What was it even called? To think you fell apart over something that normally didn’t occupy an ounce of head space. I’m hopeless.

You blink a few times, abruptly all too aware of your body pressed against Asmodeus’. Of his steady breathing. Of his heart thudding in his chest. You had enough sense to be embarrassed without a twinge of anxiety so you had to confront the fact that you had to actually start picking up the pieces of whatever Blitz had broken inside of you countless times. There probably wasn’t even anything left at this point, but trying was really your only option when Asmodeus certainly wasn’t going to let you go back to tearing yourself and your house apart.

For now, you were mostly tired, and if you stayed like this any longer the idea of sleeping on his chest would have been tempting. Though this raised the question of you needing to get out of this and you were no closer to a solution than when the question was first posed. “Uhm...Asmodeus?”

“Yes, Stolas?” Asmodeus shifts you a little higher, nuzzling your neck.

“You may put me down, if you want.”

Asmodeus studies you for a moment. While the scrutiny still made you uncomfortable, it wasn’t nearly as unbearable as before. He seemed satisfied that you weren’t still spiraling out of control and eased you back onto the floor. You brace yourself on his shoulder and stand, a headache forming at your temples. “Why don’t you come stay with me tonight?”

“No, no I couldn’t possibly do that. It’s alright. This is a big place. There are other beds.”

Asmodeus hauls himself off the floor, momentarily distracted by the puddle off ooze he had put his hand in. “I also have other beds. Ones that aren’t covered in freaky black jizz. Besides, you need a bath and I know you aren’t going to take one. You’re probably not even going to change either and that look on your face says it all.” Asmodeus cuts you off, “girl you need to get a grip. I’m all for spending all day in bed, but at least do it in a clean one.”

You sigh, not really having the energy to argue with him. “I really wouldn’t want to put you out.”

“I have servants for a reason, only people you’re putting out are on payroll. Though word of advice,” he snaps his fingers, opening a portal into a very pink bathroom, “don’t let Froggy make your breakfast. He’ll do it because he knows you’re too nice to say no, and I think you’ve suffered enough for one week.”

“I’m not-” The protest died on your lips as you stepped into the bright light. You were already missing your room before the portal had closed. “Fizzarolli thinks I’m nice?”

“How could anybody think otherwise?”

[phxntomsdusk]

i have a silly little dad!bur angst things that i wrote in ten minutes that is entirely self indulgent (but like, everything in this is just me recalling what has happened to me) don’t call cps.

you had covered your daughters ears and eyes as soon as wilbur started to raise his voice. it had started when you had asked him to keep her warm while you put your phone on charge and tucked yourself in, but he flat out refused to comply.

now here you are, in a shouting match with your husband because he can’t keep his end of the deal in line.

“you leave me and your daughter at home all day! you left me and her to have breakfast by ourselves, left us to have lunch by ourselves, left us to have dinner by ourselves, left us to do everything around the house so you didn’t crack a mickey when you got home! and what was your excuse! i have band practice! christ, wil! band rehearsal was finished at lunch, but you were too busy jerking off with the band to realise your family is at home!”

“what! what do you mean! i texted you saying band rehearsal was going to be a little bit longer because there was a miscommunication! you said ‘okay, that’s fine’! i had some lunch with the boys because we got hungry and then i came home and laid down because i was tired! you asked me if i wanted dinner and i said that i wasn’t hungry because of lunch! you have a problem with everything!”

“all i want is to not be a repeat of my mum and for you to not be a repeat of my dad! i don’t want to be the mentally unstable mum with a heart condition at 33, left to look after her kids 4 days out of 7 while you are prioritising music over your family! i don’t want you to become the work obsessed dad who had shitty mental health because he barely saw his kids that i had! i want our daughter to have a good childhood, that was nothing like ours, and to actually have a family that loves her! i don’t want her to have the mum that throws shit around the house, that breaks wooden spoons over the stove, that has random mental breakdowns over nothing that leaves her daughter sobbing in her room, that throws boxes of cd’s and other things that she values at her daughter to ‘teach her a lesson’! i don’t want her to have the dad that is constantly in his room, playing games, that complains when his children want something because they don’t have enough underwear or shirts even though he has thousands of dollars, that strives to make his daughter as uncomfortable in herself as he can when he knows she hates her body, that has shut mental health and doesn’t talk to anyone, that has a creepy, pedophile dad and gladly leaves his daughter alone in a room with him! i don’t want her to have withdrawn parents!”

you paused your arguing, seeing wilbur looking distant or zoned out.

“are you even listening! numbnut! are you paying attention!” you shouted.

he didn’t reply, just pawed at your his sweater, attempting to get you to lay down. seething with anger only moments ago, you slowly let yourself relax into his hold.

“my love, please calm down. she won’t have your parents or my parents. i’m sure we’ve both made it clear with each other that we are not going to give her what our parents gave us. we’ve both decided long before this moment that we are going to be the best parents she could have ever asked for. i’m sorry for being so distant and away from you both, but i love my baby’s dearly. i love the one that will gladly wrap me in their arms as soon as soon as i come home from anywhere, and i love the one that cries in the middle of the night that i will always get up to take care of. i love you both so much, and id never even spare the thought of being a bad parents a glance. please understand what im saying, sweetheart.”

“okay.”

you relaxed into his chest, your daughter swaddled in the blankets and cradled against your chest. wilbur watched closely as your breathing slowly came to an even pace and made sure your face was peaceful before manoeuvring your daughter out of your arms and making sure she gets all the love she could ever ask for.

This makes me want to cry

[lenfantsauvagestuff]

My mom that fucking bitch she says that if she is strict to me (her way to call being mean for absolutely no reason) i will grow up in a disciplined and educated way. She is convinced that she will give me an open and at the same time open mind, and that as an adult i will thank her. But you know what she will actually give me? Starting with dissociations (i already have been having them since at least january), then moving on with an insanely strong hatred towards her, my whole family, society and people in general, and ending (hopefully ending) with some raging addiction that will finish up what she didnt come to. Like i mean i started abusing alcohol at the age of 14 like she even had to bring me to the hospital because i almost ended up in a coma because of vodka and she still thinks her "method to rise healthy, clever and responsible kids" works so good as she thought? Like bitch open yo fucking eyes. How can you not see how down im falling because of you???

And i know that its not totally her fault, but my asperger syndrome its not jus gonna sit there and do nothing, like you have to take that into consideration. You cannot take an autistic person and treat em like a normal one. I need to be spoken in a different way, i need to be grown in a different way. Ever since i was diagnosed she kept saying "come on, you jus struggle a little bit more to have social interactions, but for the rest, youre a totally normal person". Like, no. No im not. And if you still continue to ignore my fucking diagnosis and refuse to understand that i jus function in a different way than you do, then stop asking me why i keep having a mental breakdown every 2 days because the answer is in that piece of paper that the doctor handed you over. Like i mean that diagnosis is there for a fucking reason. Cant you jus lemme wear sound-canceling headphones so that i can stop being constantly deafened by any noises that for you may even seem not that loud? Cuz yes, the doctor explained it to you but in that moment you were thinking about something else and now you think that if i wear sound-canceling headphones will make me get in some accident cuz i cant hear shit. Well at least i wont hear your fucking voice, screaming over and over again for some dumb ass reason. And you also should know that i can have trouble reading other people's facial expressions (i mean but you dont really give a shit). I also dont understand why they do feel that way. So please, if you dont mind: can you please stop screaming at me without even explaining what did i do wrong? Cuz you know its not nice when you are treated this way when you dont know what to do to avoid it next time, or when you simply dont know the reason.

Thats (and not only this) is why you are one of the people that i hate the most. And remember that if i end up killing people, doing drugs or blowing up places it was all your fault. If as soon as i get my driving license i take your car and wrap it around a tree at 300 km/h while drinking and singing out loud vocaloid songs (such a popolare music genre among autistic silly kids), you could have avoided it by jus being a good mom

[boypussydilf]

top three with. doctor who. talk about the silly little doctors Now

LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO tbh id kind of forgotten i reblogged that

3 male characters I love:

JAMIE MCCRIMMON MY BEST FRIEND

12th doctor. the doctor is never male and i like them in general but 12 is probably my favorite

um. uh. um. um. uhhhhhh. christ theres GOTTA be someone i like more than mickey or rory i mean theyre good but theyre not top favorites. WILF. RIGHT. WILF. WILFRED MOTT. GRANDPA WIN

3 female characters I love:

ACE!!!!!!!!

DONNA NOBLE!!!!!!!!!

Ahh god. Fuck. Theres too many I could put here. uhmmm. Ok im going to say rose tyler. She MIGHT. have a slight edge over bill potts. but ouuugghh i love bill. im not sure,. one of them. WAIT WHAT ABOUT MISSY. theres too many incredible women and girls in doctor who. If i had to pick one ummmm i guess I’ll say rose though. she’s classic

3 romantic ships I love:

the doctor and the master whatever the fuck they have going on

2/jamie this clown and scottish dude are gay as hell

uhhh. yeah lets say doctorrose. they too are classic

(Honorary mention to Ace and all of her Girlfriends Of The Week <3)

3 platonic dynamics I love:

TEN & DONNA!!!!!!!!!! OUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHHHH *POWERS UP*

probably seven & ace… uncledadpa moments

christ i had something a second ago and then i lost it. why are amy and rory suddenly all i can think of THEY ARE MARRIED. ok i think im gonna say 11 & amy not a big fan of…. ALL the ways they were written in the show…… but the overarching concept of. to the doctor amy is always the little girl he accidentally left behind and he needs to make it up to her & to amy the doctor is always her childhood imaginary friend and they’re both trying to live in a fairytale and it is NOT actually ideal for them. It’s good

3 favorite moments in canon:

OUT OF SIXTY FUCKING YEARS OF TELEVISION?!?!?!?!?!?! ok lightning round off the top of my head

the scene in the unicorn and the wasp where the doctor gets cyanide poisoned and has to play charades with donna and agatha christie to try and tell them what he needs

in the god complex where the doctor amy and rory all get startled by people showing up and everyone is talking at once and the doctor goes IVE NEVER BEEN THREATENED WITH A TABLE LEG BEFORE! NO WAIT I TELL A LIE…. while rory is going ITS OKAY, WE’RE NICE! and amy looks at him like hes insane. i find it very funny

when ten sacrifices himself to save wilf but first he has to have a little mental breakdown about it because he knows what the right thing to do is but he’s also kind of fucked in the head and feels like he deserves to live. and then as hes very slowly dying of radiation poisoning we get that kinda cheesy montage that goes on WAY too fucking long of him doing little secret things to help out all the companions he’s had since the start of the revival series and it’s so self indulgent and wrung out and it kinda slaps

theres so many others and probably a lot of scenes i like way more than these but these r the first ones that came to mind so i will restrain myself

3 favorite headcanons:

gender and sexuality r different for time lords. bc theyre aliens. so of course it would be. but the doctor is also queer by their standards

erm. uh. fuck. shit. what else is there.

Susan is still alive and doing fine <3

Christ i dont know. I got nothin. Doctor who canon is so fucked i could probably take something that’s technically canon and then call it a headcanon anyway. Uh. No i got nothing there either.

K9 is a good dog. There

3 least favorite things about it:

NO NOSTALGIABAIT!!! STOP IT!!! PUT DAVID TENNANT BACK WHERE YOU FOUND HIM. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO PUT HIM RIGHT BETWEEN THE FIRST FEMALE DOCTOR AND THE FIRST BLACK DOCTOR <3 HE WAS ON THE SHOW FOR FOUR YEARS PUT HIM BACK

AND NO MORE DALEKS OR CYBERMEN UNTIL THE WRITERS CAN LEARN TO USE THEM PROPERLY! USE THEM AS REPRESENTATIONS OF FASCISM AND FEARS OF NEW TECHNOLOGY RESPECTIVELY OR DONT USE THEM AT ALL. STOP INCLUDING THEM JUST BECAUSE THEYRE THE BIG RECOGNIZABLE DOCTOR WHO VILLAINS.

(…….exceptions made for when daleks are used for comedy i may say it annoys me when they get watered down but i still think its great when theyre funny. also that one new years special was actually a very good occasion to have a dalek without it meaning anything but that’s besides the point okay anyway)

ALSO THE WEEPING ANGELS. THEY WERE SCARY IN THEIR FIRST APPEARANCE AND THEN THE WRITERS KEPT ADDING NEW THINGS TO THEM TO TRY AND MAKE THEM MORE SCARY AND IT JUST BACKFIRED. IT MADE THEM SUCK

basically i hope for a future where doctor who writers actually take to heart the whole “Moving Forward and Embracing Change” part of the show. if you bring back stuff that hasn’t appeared since classic who be sure you’re DOING something with it that means anything and not just going “Look! This species still… exists!”. write good stories instead of having recognizable villains show up because they’re recognizable. and FORGET ABOUT THE TENTH DOCTOR ERA ALREADY. DAVID TENNANT WAS GOOD. HIS DOCTOR WAS GOOD. MOST OF THE SHOW FROM THEN IS GOOD. AND ITS OVER. ITS BEEN OVER FOR TEN YEARS. STOP MILKING THE TENTH DOCTOR AND PUTTING ALL THE FOCUS ON HIM. PLEASE. PL

doctor who good :)

[precambrianhottopic]

i wake up late.

eating is no longer an option- the bus comes in thirteen minutes and it only matters that i look decent to leave the house.

i am not awake. my thoughts are dreamlike, rambling and only muscle memory is getting me out the door.

i can rest on the bus. the bus is designed to be impossible to rest on, because it is made as cheaply as possible. the school is the same.

walking down the halls still, not awake, i pass by someone i know and i dread it- i don't have the energy to make myself smile.

there is nothing else to do but pass between classes, empty. i am trying to fit my whole life into four minute passing periods. i am not an emotional person. ive been on the verge of tears since september. sometimes it gets so bad i tear up staring at the board and my first thought is to snap out of it, i need to focus on the lecture.

my eyes glaze over trying to do math problems. ive already lost 2 points on this homework assignment, i was doing so well and now im spiralling. if i tell my teacher it's too hard, he's going to accuse me of lying. im only doing this to get out of working, right?

sign in and sign out of every bathroom. we have to know where you are at all times. we have to stop you from having even one moment to yourself, because that's when teenagers start causing problems. i'll get home tonight at 5 and stare catatonic at a computer screen.

i am growing up in dying world. there is nothing i can do about it. ive accepted ill never have a house, ive accepted ill never not be poor, ive accepted im not living past 30. the only thing i have energy to worry about is my test on friday. i feel horrible for not being able to care about the world falling apart around me. there's nothing i can do about it.

every experience i have is tainted- i have to go back to school tomorrow, i can't have fun tonight. im trying to barely scrape the resources i need to survive out of an empty barrel. there will never be any time to sit, there will never be any time to truly rest, there is always something else i could be doing. i see my friends and all we talk about is school.

none of my teachers accept late work. deadlines are enforced by computers, work cannot be turned in after the due date, no late credit, no excuses. this is easier for them. i am left with a constant voice in the back of my head screaming that im forgetting something.

i tell my mother i hate school. she is a teacher, she says i cant possibly be serious, im just being silly, my grades are so good. on paper i am excelling. i stare up at the ceiling and wonder how i can keep going. once the seasons start changing my mind starts to break. this is normal. this is what happens every year. i never stop to consider that leaving home before the sun rises and coming home after it sets is hurting me.

i think it's been months since i was actually awake.

during the summer, i am not paranoid. i am not regularly having panic attacks. i am not suicidal. i am not taking painkillers almost every day because i can't rest enough for my body to stop the pain on its own.

i can't keep living on the verge of a breakdown. i can't do it all in the gaps between classes. my health teacher asks us to list stressors. she tells us we can't put school down, it's too universal.

everyone is going through this. this is all normal. the system is working as intended.

my chest is tight and the period ends in six minutes.

i can articulate this better at a later date when im not falling asleep on a bus but high school is genuinely unbelievably cruel. no one should be made to go through this

[soupyspaghetti]

venting again lmao disregard

[haikyuu-scenarios-drabbles]

Shower Friends (Miya Atsumu x F!reader)

The dorm you live in has co-ed bathrooms. Why that’s remotely a good idea is beyond you; and recently, your precious shower time is being interrupted by a certain blonde haired setter for the volleyball team. When he lies to his teammates that he has a girlfriend, somehow you get roped into his scheme.

genre(s): college!au, fake dating, angst, fluff, mutual pining, enemies to lovers (kinda), eventual smut  words: 2.2k

a/n: and here we are at the end, tbh im a little sad this fic is over, it was so fun to write and i am DEFINITELY more in love with Atsumu than i was before

one | two | three | four | five |

Epilogue 

Four years have passed since you and Atsumu finally got together, and this is the third year in a row he has an away game scheduled on your anniversary. It’s hard for you to actually be mad, he can’t control his schedule. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be disappointed.

And Atsumu hates that he’s let you down again. Wanting more than anything to finally spend your actual anniversary together instead of substituting for an early or late celebration. You’re a good sport, and he loves you for that, supporting him and his volleyball career without complaint despite his long absences and track record of missing important events.

Though the night before he’s set to leave, you’re sitting beside him on the couch, tucked under his arm while the two of you watch something on the TV. For the past few minutes, you’ve been fiddling with his shirt between your fingers and he knows you’re gathering the courage to say something. He’s pretty certain he can guess what it’ll be about too. And all he can do is brace himself when he hears you huff.

“What if you mysteriously came down with something?” You finally say.

He has to laugh at that. “That’s pretty diabolical of you.”

You shrug, already feeling silly you brought it up at all. It’s not really a big deal, but it’s been three years since either of you were even in the same country on the day you swallowed your pride and stormed into his dorm room to confess to him. Sue you for being a bit put out by it.

“Did you poison my dinner or something?” His heart lifts at the small chuckle he gets out of you from that.

“No, but don’t give me any ideas.”

He rests his cheek on the top of your head, eyes still on the TV as he jokes, “Besides, ya think they have any chance of winning without me?”

He feels your smile against his chest, then jolts at the jab you give him in the side. But still you say, “They’d be nothing without you.”

Pulling you into his lap, he cradles your face in his hands and looks at you seriously. And even after four years, you’ve never gotten tired of the way he looks at you—still like you’re the most beautiful person he’s ever laid eyes on.

“I’m sorry,” he says sincerely. “I know it sucks.”

“It does,” you pout.

Pressing his forehead to yours he murmurs, “I’d be with you if I could.”

You love these intimate moments with him, when you both let your teasing natures fall away and all that’s left is how much you love each other. Even after four years, it’s still abundant, and somehow still growing every day. So, you sink into his embrace and reply, “I know.” And you do. That’s what makes it bearable. Knowing that even though he’s off in some exciting country, playing the game he loves—there isn’t a minute that goes by that he doesn’t think about you.

“You gunna watch the game?”

It so happens that this year, his game landed on the exact date of your anniversary. When he’d found out, he’d vowed to make you proud; to make him being away so often worth it to you. And it makes his heart swell when you say without hesitation, “Of course.”

So, a couple days later as he’s about to leave for the airport, he tugs you to him, lowers his lips to yours and kisses you as if he’s going off to war or something. He knows it’s a bit overkill, but he doesn’t really care. He wants to do everything he can to make it up to you. And damn, is he slapped in the face with how much he loves you when you finally separate and you tease him, “Sheesh, you’ll be back in a couple days.”

His response is to kiss you again and again muttering between kisses, “Gotta get my fill now to tide me over.”

He only leaves when you’re practically shoving him out the door. “You’re going to be late!” He reluctantly let’s go of you, hefts his duffel over his shoulder, takes his suitcase in hand and heads down the hallway towards the elevator. On his way there, you shout, “Say hi to the boys for me!”

He smiles smugly, winking over his shoulder at you. “Will do.” Knowing full well his teammates are extremely jealous of him because of you. And why yes—he absolutely does love rubbing you in their faces.

Once he’s out of sight, your smile falters as you shut the door and turn to your now empty apartment. A sadness falls over your heart that’s familiar but unwelcome. You have to find something to distract yourself, otherwise you’ll just let yourself wallow, which you know Atsumu wouldn’t want.

On the night of your anniversary, you eat dinner at Osamu’s restaurant as you normally do on the nights of Atsumu’s away games. You sit at the bar alone, watching the game on the many TV’s around that Osamu always has on the sports channel when Atsumu is playing. Tonight, you notice Osamu chats with you more than he normally does, and you’re certain he’s picked up on your somber vibes.

He even sits at the bar next to you, talking with you about the game and doing an excellent job of distracting you from the hole Atsumu always leaves whenever he’s gone. Tonight, that hole feels even bigger than it usually does.

“He’s playing good tonight,” Osamu notes, his trained eyes fixated on the TV. No matter how many games you watch, or how often Atsumu talks about volleyball, you’ll never have the same understanding of the game that Osamu does.

Chin resting on your palm, you glance at him from the corner of your eye. “Is he?” To you, it always looks like Atsumu is playing well.

But you like listening to Osamu’s technical breakdown of his gameplay and aren’t opposed to helping his endeavor of distracting you. “He’s tuned in,” is all he says by way of explanation.

You watch the TV with newfound interest, noticing that Osamu seems to be right. Atsumu is normally pretty focused, but tonight whenever the camera shows a closeup of him, the look in his eyes is razor sharp. And yet, he’s still making those insane plays that catch his opponents completely off guard. You can feel your pride bubbling up in your chest like it does every time you watch him play, quirking your lips upward into a small smile.

You love how much Atsumu loves volleyball, and whenever you can you go to his games here in Japan because watching him on TV is nothing compared to in person. Plus, it’s way more fun getting swept up into his arms in the heat of the moment after a win than several days later when the excitement has died a little.

You watch Atsumu the rest of the game, noting how the closer they get to match point, the more tenacious he becomes. But unlike other times, when he gets too excited and starts making insane plays that might not work, he seems to be dialing in even further, pulling the best out of all of his hitters even when they’re at the end of their rope. You at least know enough about volleyball to appreciate just how amazing that is.

To your delight, the Black Jackals win, and as usual several of the players get interviewed afterwards. Somehow, Hinata and Bokuto are still full of energy despite playing a full match, speaking excitedly to the interviewer. The coverage switches to Atsumu’s interview, and you can’t help ogling him a little bit. He somehow manages to look good, his hair damp from sweat but eyes gleaming from the adrenaline of the match.

And as you suspect, like Hinata and Bokuto, he’s pretty amped after the game. Amped enough that he completely ignores the interviewer’s questions and looks right at the camera. Immediately, you’re struck by the feeling that he’s looking directly at you. “I’ve only got one thing to say and that’s happy anniversary to the lovely lady I got waiting for me at home.”

The interviewer flusters, changing gears quickly and trying to get Atsumu to comment more on his relationship, but all he does is give the camera his signature smile and a wink before turning his back to the screen and rejoining his celebrating teammates. You don’t hear what the interviewer says next. You’re pinned to your seat, stunned, until your natural reaction is to burst out laughing at his proclamation.

Osamu just eyes you curiously, a small smile splaying across his lips as you say, “Only Atsumu—I swear.”

He shrugs. “Hey, you picked him.”

“Yes,” you laugh. “Yes, I did.” And you really wouldn’t have it any other way, no matter how long or how many times he’s apart from you.  

You leave shortly after the coverage of the game has ended, bidding Osamu goodnight and thanking him for his company and hospitality. He waves you out, and once you’re on your way home, you’re suddenly overwhelmed by the loneliness you’ve successfully kept at bay until now. The thought of climbing into a cold bed that feels too big when Atsumu’s not there settles into the front of your mind and it’s hard not to spiral into the sadness that’s been looming over you all day.

You sigh, wrapping your coat tighter around you, trudging towards your apartment that you know is going to suffocate you with its silence. You know it’s pretty pathetic missing him so much, feeling sorry for yourself that you’re alone once again on this day, but you can’t help it. The hope that next year will be different is nearly gone by now, your determination to refuse to accept it finally broken.

Entering the dark apartment, you toss your keys onto the counter and make your way to the living room, fully intending on spending the rest of the night mindlessly watching some TV show until you fall asleep. Subconsciously, your thoughts wander to what Atsumu is doing right now. The team usually goes out after games, especially ones they win. And it’ll be a day or two until they leave wherever they’re at, so they have plenty of time.

Part of you aches at the thought of him out, having a good time with his team, while you’re here—alone, watching some lame TV show and feeling sorry for yourself.

What you don’t know, is that Atsumu has forgone the celebration tonight. In fact, he’s rushing to the airport to catch his late flight back to Japan. He booked this flight the day after he found out he was going to be gone again. He might not make it back in time to be there on the actual date, but he hopes the gesture is enough.

On the flight, he thinks about your reaction, imagining your laugh and beaming smile at the sight of him. Daydreaming about sweeping you up into his arms and kissing you until you’re both breathless and dizzy keeps him awake, though he doubts you’ll be when he arrives. That’s alright, he perfectly happy surprising you in the morning too.

He gets back to Japan in the early hours of the morning, and when he enters the apartment, he finds you fast asleep under a blanket on the couch, the TV casting a faint glow into the room. He smiles softly to himself, allowing himself a minute to appreciate how adorable you look. Leaning down, he finagles his arms beneath your shoulders and legs and hefts you into his arms to carry you to the bedroom. To his surprise, you don’t wake up. Instead, you mumble quietly, and his heart nearly bursts at how even in your sleep you press closer to him.

Tucking you in, he kisses you lightly on the forehead before climbing under the covers beside you. Pulling you into his arms, you fit nicely in his embrace, and he falls into an easy sleep.

~

In the morning, your eyes flutter open, blearily looking around and realizing you’re now in the bedroom. When did you move in here? Did you put yourself to bed last night without realizing it? It’s then that your eyes snap open at the realization that the apartment smells like breakfast. Heart thundering against your chest, you throw the covers off you and head towards the kitchen so fast you almost trip in the hallway.

Upon seeing Atsumu standing at the stove, his back to you, it’s hard to keep your feet under you. And without your permission, tears well up in your eyes so fast that a few drops are already sliding down your cheeks. You sniff to try and get a hold of yourself, which gets Atsumu’s attention.

He whips around to find you standing at the entryway of the hallway with tears streaking down your face and immediately his heart softens. “Happy anniversary, love,” he says by way of greeting.

You can’t stop yourself; your feet move before your brain can catch up with them, throwing yourself into his open arms. He squeezes you tight, and then your lips are on his, your fingers tangling into his hair pulling him closer as you slot your body against his. He can’t help chuckling at you, despite thoroughly enjoying this reaction to his surprise.

“I’m trying to cook breakfast,” he says between kisses.

You don’t think he’ll be very hard to convince to abandon the eggs on the stove. With one hand, you turn the burner off. “Don’t care,” you say, pushing him back towards the bedroom.

He happily obliges.

~

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[absurdthirst]

Thank you so asking ☺ im glad you're doing okay! During Quarantine its been a lil hard to go see my therapist, and I have a tendency to hold in everything thats bothering me, feelings/anxiety/harmful thought until inevitably they all come crashing down. Its like a small thing will set it off and next thing I know im crying for hours and i can't breathe and its just very difficult. Could you do a hc with the pedro boys and how they help their s/o with these? Thank you

When You Are Dealing With A Breakdown: 

Javier: He hates it. He knows what it’s like to have these emotions bottled up inside. He normally just does dumb and reckless shit in the line of fire. You however, he just sits down with you and holds you. 

Ezra: He lets you break down. Cry, scream if you need to. You want to go destroy something? Pretty sure he can find some wrecked POD to beat up on some. When you finally calm down, he reassures you that you will be okay. 

Mando: Wanna go shoot some Jawas? No, no, he’s joking.....but, if you did. He would take you out to a remote location and get in some target practice. He always feels better when he blows shit up.

Catfish: He’s had plenty of them himself. He puts you in the truck and starts driving. No where special just driving. The windows down, the music playing softly over the radio, he holds your hand as he takes you away from you problems for a moment. 

Tovar: Lets you cry. Provokes you to hit him. Gets you angry enough to lunge at him. He’ll let you punch on him for awhile to let you get all that out of your system. 

Whiskey: He’s had plenty of breakdowns after losing his wife and baby. He will just hold you and tell you that he’s there for you. Always there for you. He will also take you up on the Pony Express. Nothing cures a crying jag like pure adrenaline.

Max Phillips: He’ll turn you. Vampires don’t have those pesky emotions humans deal with. 

Marcus: This man is ready for the healing. We are talking you are going to go get into the fluffiest PJs you own and he’s going to go dig a few pints of different ice creams out of the freezer. You two are going sit here and watch silly happy movies and you will talk to him however much you want to. 

Oberyn: He also lets you rage and cry until you are exhausted. He will smooth your hair and coo at you while you hiccup in his arms. He hates when you are upset. 

MasterList

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[honeyfieldsforever]

hello! sorry if this is bad i literally haven't wrote in forever 😆 and this is really unrealistic and unaccurate but that's why it's called fanfiction, eh? hope you enjoy!!

"what? you can send me back in time?" i asked to the old man in front of me in disbelief.

"correct." he nodded, leaning on his wooden cane.

"right, go on then, send me back to 1958." i said confidently, still not believing the man.

"as you wish..." his voice faded away as my vision went completely black, feeling as if my life flashed before my eyes.

*time skip lolol*

"is she even alive?" you hear quiet mumbles of a young liverpudlian boy.

"course she is, don't be stupid lennon." another boy says in a strong scouse accent.

"well we can't just leave her here, she'll freeze to death!" it sounded as if you were surrounded by a group of the boys.

you feel someone's arms wrap around you, lifting you up and carrying you bridal style to god knows where. your mind was still hazy at this point and you struggled to keep your eyes open, so you didn't resist being carried.

"your parents better not be home, what will they do if you just carry an unconscious girl into the house?" one of the boys trailing behind exclaims.

"they're not, they've went out for the day." the one with the scouse accent who was presumably carrying you responds.

eventually you were brought into a house and laid gently down onto a bed.

"she's awfully cold, go make her a cuppa macca."

by now you were slowly gaining more consciousness and able to peel open your eyes.

"she's alive!!" one of them shouts and throws their arms in the air as if it was a celebration.

"oh shut up, lennon."

"what's happening?" i mumble, rubbing my eyes and slowly sitting up.

"oh hello love, you were lying in an alleyway completely knocked out and you looked as if you were going to die of hypothermia!" the scouser says with a toothy smile. the other boys in the room were all wearing leather jackets with slightly elvis-style hair. my eyebrows furrowed as i tried to comprehend where i was and who i was with.

"here, take this for now. i'm george, george harrison." george takes off his jacket and wraps it around me as i stare at him in disbelief.

he can't possibly be george harrison? he's so.. young. i have to be dreaming.

"and i'm john lennon!" john exclaims and makes a funny face, causing me to giggle.

"oh she's awake! here's your cuppa love." another boy walks in with a cup of hot tea and winks.

"i'm paul and that's pete." paul waves and points to who i presume is pete standing in the corner.

my smile fades as i subtly pinch myself and realise that i'm actually in a room with the fucking beatles before they were famous.

"wow, this is lovely, but.. what year is it?" i say, sort of clueless.

"oh dear, have you hit your head?" paul asked worriedly and presses his hand to my head, checking my temperature or whatever.

"its the 3rd of october 1958." george says with concern in his eyes.

"oh, yes. right. i just forgot. silly me." i say on the verge of a breakdown.

"ah, right. so what were you doing unconscious lying in an alley next to the club we were playing in?" john says, sort of laughing it off.

"erm, i really don't know actually. ill probably remember later." i say, smiling through the pain. the boys shrug their shoulders.

"well, we've never seen you about before. where do you stay about?" george says. after this question im silent. i don't know how to respond, everything just seems so overwhelming.

"do you want me to take you out for a walk or something and we can talk?" george says, placing his hand over mine and i just nod quietly.

"right, we'll be back in a while." george and i get up and walk out the door.

i wrap george's leather jacket tighter around myself as the cold air hits us.

"so, what's happened, you ran away or something?" george asks with his hands in his pockets as we start walking. in response to this question i just broke down, tears started streaming down my face. i opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out.

"oh darling, what's the matter?" he says softly and wraps one of his arms around me, using his other hand to wipe away my tears.

"you won't believe me." i cry, my breath uneven.

"it doesn't matter, you can tell me." he smiles sympathetically.

"im from the future." i state, causing him to stop in his tracks and just stare at me in disbelief.

"i told you you wouldn't believe me." i chuckle, sniffling.

"no no, i believe you, i just..." george trails off, still in disbelief.

i shrug my shoulders and continue walking, leaving george to comprehend what i just confessed. i hear footsteps running towards me and george stands in front of me, stopping me in my tracks.

before i knew it he cups my cheek and presses a soft kiss to my lips. as i pulled away i looked into his eyes, a combination of love and sadness. i smiled slightly and pulled him in for another kiss, this time longer and more passionate.

"look, we'll sort something out, we can try get you back to the future, or me and the lads are going to hamburg soon, you can come with us! in the meantime you can stay with me!" he says excitedly, still holding my face.

"id love that. just give me time to think and we'll take things one day at a time, yeah?" i smile as he pulls me in for yet another kiss.

[nad-zeta]

Hi! Can i ask for an hc where mc doesnt show much emotion? Like, her mom would gets mad at her when she cried, saying things like 'you dont have anything to be sad about' eventually mc didnt show emotions much in fear no one would care and fear of everyone is just putting up with her? She would break down alone. Im sorry, this is one placei can think of to have my heart comforted. I would be thankful for all warlords, if cant, i would like nobunaga, mitsuhide, kenshin,shingen and hideyoshi. TY💕

Hi love! Sorry for taking sooo long with this HC (>ლ)! I hope you are doing well! Sending you all the loves and hugs (´∩｡• ᵕ •｡∩`) ♡ ! And just know for anyone who needs to hear this... that its okay to show emotions, no one is going to think less of you, and trust me when I say there are people who care about you and would be there for you to wipe away every tear and listen to every complaint during your breakdowns! You are not alone dear! And for all those who feel like they have no one and need to vent I'm always here for ya loves (◍•ᴗ•◍)♡ ✧*。 don't be shy to pop me a message even if ya just wanna chat (◕‿◕✿)

Okay so onto the headcanon, thanks so much for the request dear! I hope you have a wonderful day and I hope you enjoy it! ❤🌼

Headcanon: MC afraid of showing emotion/too scared to cry in front of Nobunaga, Kenshin, Hideyoshi and Mitsuhide 

Nobunaga

Nobunaga absolutely loved you (｡◕‿◕｡)

He loved everything about you, from the way you walked to the cute way you scrunched up your nose when you laugh, EVERYTHING

When it came to emotions the two of you didn’t show much to the world but when your were together it was easy to drop the mask and be yourself

Except, what Nobunaga didn’t know was that you had to endure years of mental and emotional abuse from your mom

As a child you never cried cause, heaven forbid, that tear slip from your eye in front of her, all hell would break loose

(┛ಠДಠ)┛彡┻━┻

She would lose her shit and scream at you that she would give you something to cry about if you did not stop

As of late you have been feeling a little down, and you were finding it harder and harder to push down those feelings bubbling up inside

You quickly retired to a secluded part of the garden, and made your way to your favourite bench

You weren’t even sitting there 2 seconds and the tears started to stream down your face  (ಥ﹏ಥ)

Gosh if your mother could see you now she would have a field day

Nobunaga’s meeting had ended early, and he was eager to spend some time with his beloved fireball (◠‿◠✿)

He spotted you sitting in your favourite spot in the garden and made his way towards you

As he got closer he heard and saw something he had never in the year of knowing you, seen or heard before

YOU WERE CRYING

He was by your side in a flash

He crouched down in front of you and took both your hands in his

“Tell me fireball, what is the matter, I will make the problem disappear in an instant.”

What Nobunaga didn’t expect was that you would remove your hands from his and cover your face. “I'm fine, don't worry about me.”

“You cannot lie to me my dear queen, now tell me why do you insist on hiding your pain from me, have you already forgotten you are mine and I am yours. Our hearts beat as one. So tell me fireball what had burdened that sweet heart of yours”, Nobungas voice was as demanding as ever, but it held a kind and comforting warmth and in his eyes, you could see nothing but love and worry for you

You had told him the reason you never cry or show emotion to the outside world and in an instant you were in Nobunaga’s arms being carried to his room

He gently cradled you face in his hands and whispered against your lips “I am not your mother and to me you can cry freely” he then kissed you

It was a kiss filled with so much love and emotion

“Whenever something is troubling your fireball or whenever you feel like crying come to me, so I can kiss away your tears.”  (っ˘з(˘⌣˘ )

Nobunaga spent the rest of that night showing you just how much he loved and adored you (¬‿¬)

Mitsuhide

He saw the look on your face during the banquet

The way your mask had faltered and slipped for a split second (¬_¬)

He knew you were hiding something from him, a painful detail of your past

He told himself he would wait, wait for you to open up to him on your own, but the look you had on your face during the banquet was breaking his sneki boi heart  （>﹏<）

He could see you bite your lip in frustration to keep the tears from falling

He knows you had, had a long week, there was always so much work for everyone to do when important daimyos came to visit

As princess of the Oda forces, it was your job to keep the cups of the guests full, however these were particularly nasty guests, who had flung rude comment towards you for the whole duration of their stay

And TBH Mitsuhide was getting sick of it, in fact, all the warlords were fuming on your behalf (ಠ ∩ಠ)

Mitsuhide stalked over to Nobunaga and whispered something in his ear, out of the corner of your eyes, you saw him give a small nod

Mitsuhide in a flash was now beside you, he gently took the bottle of sake from your hands and placed it on the table

He then carefully took hold of your wrist and lead you out of the banquet hall

He leads you onto the balcony and closed the doors to give the two of you some privacy

Golden eyes stared down at you, he could see it in your eyes, the pain and sadness you felt, his heart broke at the sight of your quivering lips tying to chock down and mask your emotions  ( ͡ಥ ͜ʖ ͡ಥ)

You tried to say that you were fine, but the second you moved your lips to speak a tear slipped out from the corner of your eye

You turned around and covered you face with your hands repeating over and over how sorry you were  (つд⊂)

“Please, Mitsu, please don’t hate me.”

Mitsuhides heart broke, hate you? Why he loved you more than anything in the world

He snaked his arms around your waist and rested his head on your shoulders whispering in your ears “Why would I ever hate you, my dearest little mouse, for you are my light in this dark world, you are my soulmate and the keeper of my heart. I could never ever, ever hate you little one.”

He gently turned you around in his arms and rested his forehead on yours

He gave your nose a little kiss, an action which makes you chuckle a little

(/‿＼✿)

“My dearest little one, would you dare to tell me, why it is that I would ever hate someone as wonderful as you” he said while nuzzling his nose against yours

You hid your face in the crook of his neck and took in his warm scent, and quietly muttered what your mother had been telling you your whole life

Mitsuhide quietly listened, taking in every word, dropping smalled kisses on your cheek and hair   (´•ω•｀)♡

His tightened his embrace on you the second you mentioned that you were scared that he would hate and leave you if you cried in front of him, or cause him unnecessary trouble 

When your story was done Mitsuhide cradled your cheeks in his hands, he urged you up to meet his eyes, he then kissed your forehead, nose and finally lips  (っ˘з(˘⌣˘ )

“My dear, you have been caught by a kitsune, and I’m afraid you can never leave, I will never hate or feel inconvenienced by you, my dear, and I would never leave you. To me crying or showing emotion isn’t a sign of weakness; it is a strength. You have no need to fear showing your emotions around me, my love, especially the sad and bad ones, for wherever you are feeling down, I will wrap you in my arms just like this” and as he said that, he moved to snake his arms around your waist once more, and leaned in close to whisper in your ear, ”And then I will do this”

He then started to shower your face, neck and shoulders in small ticklish kisses, while his hands moved to tickle your sides (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

You bust out into laughter “Stop Mitsu, haha, mercy, haha, mercy.”

He then gave your lips one final kiss and traced his fingertips on your tear-stained cheeks

“I truly love you, my dear, please never hide your emotions from me again.”  (/^-^(^ ^*)/

Kenshin

Kenshin was away fighting and you were left with Sasuke and Yuki to hold down the fort

You were feeling a little sad and upset lately and you were definitely missing the bunny warlord (⁎˃ᆺ˂)

You were hanging out with Yuki and Sasuke at one of the tea houses and you just couldn’t shake the feelings of loneliness and sadness

You could feel your eyes begin to sting, and you knew you needed to get away (つд⊂)

You quickly excused yourself and said that you weren’t feeling well

Sasuke and Yukimura gave each other a worried look

“Should we go after her?” “I think its best if we leave her be, besides I heard lord Kenshin will be home this afternoon”, they gave each other a nog and continued to chat over tea

You wandered back to the castle, your heart was feeling heavy, you kept your tears in until you made it to your room

You walked through the door of your and Kenshin’s shared room and the second the door closed behind you you bust into tears

‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

You slid down the door and curled yourself up into a ball and cried

How many time have you done this before, quietly breaking down and sobbing in the silence of your room  ๐·°(৹˃̵﹏˂̵৹)°·๐

Careful not to make a sound, even though your mother was 500 years in the future, the words she would say to you when she caught you crying, stilled ringed in your ears

“Stop it, you silly girl, or I'll give you something to cry about. If you keep it up no one will like you. No one likes people who cry they are annoying. If you don’t learn to toughen up, you will never have any friends.” ☜(`o´)

You covered your ears hoping to block out the noise

Kenshin had come back early and quickly made his way to your shared room to change

He was so excited to see his little bunny

He heard the door of your room open and shut

He was about to step out from behind the changing screen to surprise you, when he heard the sound of your soft whimpers  ∑(ΦдΦlll

His heart broke into pieces, why were your crying, how dare hurt his beloved goddess of war, whoever caused his beloved upset will pay with their lives  ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿

He strode out from behind the changing screen to see you huddled into a small ball with your hand covering your ears  (ノ′Дヾ)

He quietly made his way up to you and before you knew it you were enveloped in his warmth ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

He held you tight pressing your head into his chest

“Hush, my little bunny, I’m home, what has caused you so much grief, for I vow to cut down anyone who dare hurt the love of my life.”

You tried to calm yourself down, to stop crying but the more you tried to put a lid back on your emotions the more they came pouring out

You and Kenshin had a very open and honest relationship and just as you have destroyed and chased away his demon, it is now his turn to do the same for you

He soothingly pulled his fingers through your hair and kissed the top of your head “It’s okay, I’m here, I’m here, you are okay, just listen to the sound of my heartbeat”

When you managed to calm down a little you told him about your mother and how you were never allowed to cry as a child, as that was perceived as weakness  (つ﹏<)･ﾟ｡

Kenshin simply remained silent as you hiccuped your way through the story, he traced soothing circles on your back as you continued to speak and he gave you a few small pecks to encourage you to keep going

The bunnies must have sensed that you were feeling down as sometime during your story, an avalanche of fluff huddled around the two of you

Each nuzzling their little noses against you as if to try and comfort you in their own way  

(ㅇㅅㅇ❀)

“My love your mother is wrong, it is not a weakness to cry or show emotion and no one will think less of you if you do.”

He then like his bunnies started nuzzling his nose into your hair and kissed the top of your head “I love you with my whole heart and soul, did you already forget the promise we made my love.”

Kenshin gently wiped away the few remaining tears and kissed the tip of your nose

“Ahh I see my sweet goddess of war has forgotten,.” He rested his forehead on yours and gave you a little Eskimo kiss

“Remember when I was still battling with the demons in my head, we made a.. what do you call it again… a yes, a pinky promise… to always hold and listen to one another problems, to envelop each other in a comforting embrace, to face all challenges together and to love each other for eternity no matter what.

Kenshin the gave you the biggest brightest smile and carried you to the futon where the two of you spent the rest of the day cuddled in each other’s arms and surrounded by the love of your fluff army 

♡｡ﾟ.(*♡´‿` 人´‿` ♡*)ﾟ♡ °・

Hideyoshi

You were having a horrible day

Everything just seemed to be going wrong

As you started walking back to Hideyioshi’s manor, Nobunaga could sense something was off, so he dragged you with him on one of his candy runs

THB the candy did lift your spirits, but all of that was in vain the second your lover stepped into the kitchen, to catch you and Nobu crunching down on candy

When you turned to look, Nobunaga was gone without a trace leaving you to deal with being lectured on your own

As Hideyoshi lectured you about sugar and the dangers of eating too much of it, all the memories and troubles of the day started coming back and burdening your heart

You could feel the tears start to well up and your throat start to constrict

You needed to get out of there

Halfway through the lecture, you started running, you didn’t want Hideyoshi to see you cry, you didn’t want to burden him with your feelings

ᕕ(ಥʖ̯ಥ)ᕗ

And you most definitely didn’t want to trouble him

You ran all the way back home locking yourself in your shared room

Hideyoshi knocked on the door, to your shared bedroom ಠ╭╮ಠ

You forgot that you had a spare key in the pot pant down the hall

Hideyoshi slowly made his way into the room

He saw you in the corner of the room hugging your legs, tear streaming down your face 

｡･ﾟﾟ･(>д<)･ﾟﾟ･｡

“I’m sorry if I was a little harsh on you love, most of that lecture was actually meant for Nobunaga”, Hideyoshi made his way towards you and eyed you apologetically

Although the second you locked eyes with Hideyoshi, he could see that it was more than just the lecture on your mind

He sat down beside you and pulled you into his lap  (>^_^)><(^o^<)

“Tell me what’s bothering you love, I may not always be able to read your expressions very well, but I can always tell when something is bothering you”

You had told him of your past and why you don’t give away much with your facial expressions 

(つ﹏⊂)

“You know you can always come to me with any problem right, I would never judge you for crying or showing emotion.”

You gave Hideyoshi a small nod, but his MOTHER MODE had been activated and he was now determined to do whatever it took to bring that smile back to your face (◕‸ ◕✿)

He picked you up and walked you to the bathroom where the two of you had a nice warm bubble bath together

He then cooked you your favourite meal and held you in his arms the entire night (◕‿◕✿)

That night in his arms you allowed yourself to cry, you had bottled up your emotions for so long, but with Hideyoshi, you felt safe.

You allowed yourself to show him you every sadness and insecurity, and he accepted all of it ♡´･ᴗ･`♡

He would sit and listen to you while gently rubbing your back

Whenever new tears would stream down your face, he wipes them away leaving a trail of kisses in their wake

Finally, with Hideyoshi, you allowed yourself to drop the mask and show your true emotions, as you felt safe and warm and his arm, and most importantly with Hideyoshi, you always felt loved (⺣◡⺣)♡*

Thanx for the request love! I hope you enjoyed it! (*^.^*)