#im having A Day tm if you couldnt tell

[marihem]

Helloo i just wanna confess that im so in love with your frans dynamic 😭😭💙💙💙💙💙 their interaction, their platonic relationship.. aahh somehow whenever i see them i can feel their vibes as a someone who loves platonic partner so bad, the calm vibes and their own shenaningans- which i couldnt stop laughing

Like, romance but most dominated with platonic?? Homies but at the same time love each other but still friend agdhd like that idk how to describe their relation but damn i just love them

How you draw sans and frisk are my most favorite especially your frans dynamic, hope you have a nice day and keep making what you love about them!! 💙

AAAA THANK YOUUU 😭 I'M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW 🥺💙

I've been reading what you wrote over and over and I'm just so glad to hear these from you! Indeed, those are the vibes I'm aiming for these two. Like other people around them, they couldn't really make out of what their relationship status is based on the binary "platonic" and "romantic" relationship. But you just know that they love and appreciate each other and always stick together and that's for sure 😌

I say they're "queerplatonic" because that's the most accurate "label" we can match to their relationship but if you actually asked them what they are, hehe you know what they'll say XD (omg I just love things that exist outside of the established standards made by Society TM)

I should tell y'all the story of how I slowly developed these two's relationship cuz it is also something that's connected to me personally haha ;D

EEEE again, I'm so so happy that you like my interpretation of Frisk and Sans!^^ What being obsessed with these characters for years does to a mf:

Please I'm more than happy to share my own take on these two as an individual and how they got to the being the people I've been drawing now as you can tell that these versions of Frisk and Sans are canon compliant and takes place years after the events of the game úဗù my ask box is always open 👀

Thank you so so much! Your words made my day and night and I'll still come to re-read this again and again! Please accept these humble lil doodles and I also wish you a wonderful day/night 💙💙

[blackdollette]

if ur requests r still open and u rnt overwhelmed AND if youre okay with what im abt to request...

heres a thought. euronymous and like opposite style innocent reader (mb i love dark guys and innocent bimbo-y girlfriends)

so theyve had sex before obvi. and typically she just lays there and is disinterested because frankly.... he has a little fear of breaking her and shes like "this isnt enough for me :((" so one day she just looks up at euro like "smack me." and it shocks him ! and when he does it opens a door for both of them. they like impact play 🤷‍♀️ and sprinkle a little bit of euro breeding kink but not rly breeding just more like "im cumming in u coz ur mine and i want everyone to know it when your bellys full and round" not rly like "i want u to have my babies" coz i think he wouldnt like babies.

mb that was a bit tm ranting woopsies

i love opposites attract type of stuff, im obsessed!!

"he dyes his hair black, i dye mine platinum blonde" | euronymous

me & my boyfriend. - lana del rey

p.s. this story has nothing to do with oystein aarseth. this is rory's portrayal of the character.

bimbo!female!reader x euronymous

contents: spanking, p in v, unprotected sex, creampie

you two were as different as could be. you were like day and night. he went around trying to instill fear into the souls of all who made the mistake of looking in his direction. and you always looked like a child's doll, the way you were always dolled up making you extremely pleasing to the eye.

you never showed any interest in the dark and evil stuff that euronymous invested all his time into. you revolved your life around looking good and geting everything you wanted, giving the impression that you were soft and fragile.

that's why euronymous always tried to be as gentle with you as possible when it came to sex. he would go painfully slowly, always asking if he should stop. you had always appreciated him being so kind to you, but you couldnt help but yearn for something more than all that.

so the night you asked him to completely have his way with you, he was completely taken by surprised. "a-are you sure? i wouldnt wanna hurt you or anything, y'know." you continued to insist, but he kept on resisting. this went on for a while before you snapped and decided to take matters into your own hands.

without any further communication, you took off your miniskirt and tight shirt, throwing them to the side. you sat on the bed, only in your hot pink thong and matching bra. he attempted to speak, but his words got caught in his throat as his eyes wandered down your beautiful body. no matter how many times he saw you like this, his reaction would never change.

you turned around and stuck your head into a pillow, putting your ass in the air. "spank me." your voice was slightly muffled, but he heard you loud and clear. he hesitated, but seeing that you were actually serious made him want it almost as badly as you did.

you got behind you, his hands on your hips, gently rubbing your soft skin before he raised his hand and laid the first slap. you winced in pain, but you kept yourself together. you heard euronymous chuckle, and you knew that it was about to get a lot worse. finally, your fantasies were being fulfilled.

he lands another hard slap on your ass, this on stinging even more, making you whimper enough for him to hear. it sounded like music to his ears. he continued to spank you, each slap getting more and more painful. you could tell that he was enjoying this. this was something that he'd been dreaming of for a long time.

your hips got a little sore from keeping them up for so long, so you lowered them a little. euronymous started to unbuckle his belt, throwing it to the side. he slapped your ass once more. "ass up, whore." he said, his voice lower than usual.

you whined as you stuck your hips back into the air. euronymous undid his pants and pulled out his already hard cock out. he ripped your thong off of you, your little pussy aching to be fucked. he smiled at the sight, thinking of all the things that he was going to do to you.

he rubbed your slit gently with his thumb before stuffing you with his cock. you let out a loud, slutty moan. euronymous had never heard anything like it before considering how gentle he always was with you.

he wasted no time quickly thrusting into you, his hips coming into contact with yours making a loud slapping sound each time. you started falling apart instantly. you had never felt this way before. he was being so rough and wreckless with you, but you loved it.

your moans got louder and louder, along with the sounds of euronymous slapping your ass. he fucked you at an inhumanly fast pace, finally letting out all these years of sexual tension. he had always fantasized about being able to destroy your insides and make you go completely dumb on his cock.

he kept a firm grip on your hips as he pounded into your sore little pussy, whispering things that couldnt be heard underneath the sound of your moans and whimpers. you felt you pussy tightening around his cock, signalling your orgasm coming.

his groans became more audible as he felt you getting tigther around him. he wanted to make you cum harder than you ever have before. he reached a hand forward and started rubbing fast circles on your throbbing clit, sending you over the edge.

your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you came all over his cock, which was still pounding into you at lightning speed. you felt your vision going blurry as he started to overstimulate you. you sobbed as you started cumming even harder, making his cock throb inside of you.

he started speaking to you in between strained groans. "a-ah... gonna fuck my cum into you... gonna fill you up real good..." you felt your body completely surrendering to him as you felt a second orgasm about to him.

with the feeling of your pussy squeezing him, he started releasing his hot cum into you, making you feel so warm and full. his nails dug into your skin as he reached hit orgasm, throwing his head back as he continued to fuck you. he kept going until you were leaking his and your cum.

he finally pulled out of your sore little cunt, flipping you over so he could see you. your mascara was completely ruined, your lipgloss was smudged, and your cheeks were flushed, making you look like a total mess.

euronymous grinned before giving you a kiss on the forehead. "such a pretty girl... i think i like your makeup better this way." you rolled your eyes. euronymous spread you legs and sat himself right infront of your pussy.

he used his fingers to spread your lips so he could watch all the cum drip out of you. needless to say, sex got a lot more entertaining from then on.

author's note: so sorry this took a while to come out, i can procrastinate for the olympic i swear. im working on another request rn dont worry yall :))

[wanderrlust0]

-.-

idk why he says nothings wrong when i ask him, when clearly something is wrong. ik how he is & when somethings up but he still denied it. i understand if he doesnt wanna get into it rn or he just wants to let it go but like in this case, i pretty much know exactly what its about that could be bothering him & the only way to put him at ease is to talk about it….again! this one specific thing triggered his mood last night & i didnt even think it would. i noticed a red scratch mark on my chest and sent him a pic saying how i think his cat made the scratch. his reply was soo serious, like i could actually feel him doubting me thru the phone. i knew he was questioning if it was really the cat bc he said how he was close to my chest the other day and didnt see anything so that is odd that theres a scratch. !! i immediately knew where his mind went & that thought didnt even occur to me when i sent that pic..like if i knew that would cause him to think of this crazy scenario then i wouldnt have sent that snap in the first place tbh bc right after that, his tone & the way he texted just shifted. hes not the best at masking his feelings like me so i can tell when the energy feels different. i also posted some pics from the hangout on my ig story & he saw it later that night. i have a feeling that added to his misery and all of today it was so prevalent, even if he denies it. idc if he says nothings wrong bc its not convincing and its not just in my head. he went from msging me all cutesy & happy to immediately being more neutral & uninterested. we always send a snap to say good morning (unless we get busy but we still send a snap with whatever we’re doing). he didnt open the app, as well as reply to my snap, until 7:15pm.. around 4 was when i asked him whats wrong (bc i already knew he was ignoring me). his response was that nothing really is wrong and how he went straight to work and his boss switched his assignment. usually id let that go but not when its already past 7 and hes firsttt opening snapchat to answer me ? and i see that hes been on instagram. also.. hes always talking to me when hes either at work already, still at home, or driving to work. the only time he goes mia like that is when something is definitely upsetting him. also!.. when that happens, he will text me after a couple hrs to let me know how hes feeling & why he was silent. he didnt always do that but i told him to bc its not fair to me by feeling like ive done something or just the feeling of purposely being ignored by my own boyfriend. but yeah.. he didnt do any of that this time BC its this whole situation again. i really dont know what more i could do to reassure him about it. i feel like ive done and am doing all that i can rn. its mostly up to him now to let himself figure it out and honestly, just trust me. like just saying.. im not gonna be making that mistake that you (both) did and be stupid with it.. and neither will snow. theyre not a “friend” its actually becoming really genuine and sweet and i wont let it get ruined bc of him doubting me. i also wont let the friendship ruin me and him. i really cant help but compare it to what he did with his friend, especially since i just found out like a month ago. i also have this suspicion that it happened earlier that yr (when we were still together) than what he told me, but i dont even wanna think about that for any longer. i was told by her Husband! that it happened when they were still in school together. that means a year before. idk if i believe that. she mightve lied, but my suspicion’s still there. like i asked him if he remembered what month and he couldnt. all he knew was that it was during our break..-.- the what.…like 1 1/2 month long break. you dont remember which month..? i sound so salty rn omg i dont mean to. im just trying to understand. ill see how he is with me tm bc we barely talked today. kind of glad i worked most of the day so i was able to keep busy and not hyper focus on him ignoring me.

[fyodior]

because its been days and idk when youre going to see this im gonna make up for all the horny lost time (tm)

dating PM! dazai

he acts like a sugar daddy, he makes sure your apartment is sooooo nice and well kept. he has a key to it though, he does own the place.

you dont have to worry too much though, with how much he shows you off, everyone else in the mafia has started to love you too. youre even friends with chuuya. if dazai was toxic to you, even if the PM couldnt really do much, they could still make his life a greater hell.

dazai likes to fuck you anywhere, esp after a night at lupin. you can tell he might talk about you a bit with oda and ango... but you dont really mind

his favorite place to fuck you is on moris desk

dazai gives you a necklace or a bracelet with a lock on it, but he has the key. you literally cant take it off throughout the day. dazai makes you wear some sort of vibrator all the time, but its almost never on. its just for when youre being a bitch

dazai whose just like "i would have to step on you as punishment, but you would probably like that, youre always begging for it after all.

dazai with a breeding kink! mostly influenced by oda! and like,,, GETTING PREGNANT WITH HIS CHILD??? HOT???

he likes to make you call him "sir" or "senpai" and def flirts with you in front of subordinates 100% uses you as a distraction during missions too. his charm was a weapon, but now that he has you he needs to use that as a weapon instead

he likes making sure everyone knows youre his. esp you.

just wanna have him to cup my face, get real close to my lips and talk in a low, gravely voice about whatever he wants. he could be saying the most unsexy shit ever. idc. hes hot and i want him. i want him to spit in my mouth or hold my tounge (literally) or degrade me in the meanest way possible. and i want him to have that loving look in his eyes while he does it.

then i want him to rail me :D

-☕

YYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS THE LOCK BRACELET/NECKLACE pls i need that fkjdfk

BREEDING KINK DAZAI BREEDKING KINK DAZAI

i need to fuck pm dazai immediately ASAP

[tulpafcker]

yeah reading that webebed comic is making me think about like. growing up On Line and knowing there was something wrong with me, KNOWING i had a personality disorder and just not knowing Which One, but knowing it was most likely one of the two that people dont give much sympathy to

but then also being surrounded by people who do the same things i did and DIDN'T have those disorders

is such... a wild fucking experience. i joke like "haha more people should think theyre a sociopath growing up, it humbles you and makes you painfully aware of how people see the shit youre doing" but like, even if the people i knew thought that of themselves, they wouldnt care! theyd brush it off or think theyre one of the good ones (tm) with no self reflection!! and thats because I did it!!

like. as a teenager, i genuinley thought "its not that i dont FEEL remorse, its just that i havent done anything that was bad enough to feel remorse over!" and concluded that i didn't have aspd

like. i was simultaneously self aware and not self aware, except since i was more self aware than most, it was easy for me to believe that nothing escaped my field of view

and even to this day, it's like... why?? i was in a whole fucking group of remorseless assholes who were overly violent about people we didnt like! we were ALL quick to turn on each other, and we were just a small group of a huger group! we couldnt ALL have aspd?? and WE DONT!!! WE DIDNT!!!

some of them were just being teenagers, some of them have other shit wrong with them that they either got help for or... didn't.

its just. aaaaa!! and yes depending on who it was directed on, my anger issues and impulsivity were both used to help the group and ostracize me! my friends LIKED when i could turn on people on a dime and drive them out of the group if they did something percieved as Bad. some of them genuinley WERE horrifically manipulative people and it was good that they got out of there SOMEhow. but they got out because the server admin was too pussy to do her job and Administrate The Server so it was My job. but if the admin herself or her friends hurt me (for instance, by saying that i was selfish for wanting to kill myself,) then suddenly i was scary and irrational and couldnt be trusted. fun!

and this suuuucks but wrt the webbe comic i see myself a lot in gage in that his Go To Excuse (im traumatized!!!) was MY go to excuse back in the day. plus i struggle w like. just because i dont MEAN to be manipulative, doesnt mean that i cant BE manipulative, plus its not the other partys fault for feeling manipulated

gage is lowkey also kinda unempathetic to milo cuz he finds milo annoying at times and uhhh thats a hashtag struggle of hashtag mine

and like. id never date an actual fucking murderer (but then again i can just SAY anything. in another life i could see myself justifying it if i was in a worse spot) but the reaction towards gage vs milo by the commentors of the comic is telling imo

in that gage (as far as we know) has been thru shitty situations and we dunno how he grew up yet (or maybe we do idk im not done) and he has maladaptive, manipulative, and hurtful coping mechanisms just like milo does but in the comments milo is seen as a wrong but still sympathetic guy while gage.. isnt

and thags kind of how it felt, yk. growing up the way i did. like i wasnt the best person but neither were the other guys but they got sympathy because they *appeared* good and pitiable and soft, they were treated like flawed yet human individuals going thru it, and i was lowkey dehumanized even before i ever really thought i had Dehumanized Implicitly Personality Disorder

ALSO the "sorry for saying s*ciopath i didnt mean to offend people w aspd" part in the comic Gets Me because there are people who do say that BUT thats the begining and end of anything they say abt aspd and its kiiind of hurting it ngl

cuz like. i agree honestly! i think people should maybe not say sociopath as freely as they do anymore. for one its not used diagnostically anymore and for two; in the layperson, the word paints a picture of a very stereotypical moviefied version of someone with aspd. so not only is it not used medically, its used in a way that dehumanizes people with actual aspd- in fact a lot of people dont even know that its CALLED aspd!

and of course, Not Saying Sociopath Anymore isnt gonna solve ableism (i learned the term aspd from an Ableist Video after all) but like. it would be nice? maybe?? to have the basic decency to not be referred to by a word thats used to either treat me like a dogshit criminal implicitly OR sell a warped version of the thing i struggle with to hollywood audiences and or true crime affecionados

but because of people who ONLY say that stuff and nothing else, the notion isnt really taken seriously by anyone and is brushed off as Stupid Internet Stuff + a smattering of "if you REALLY had REAL aspd you wouldnt CARE wether or not someone called you a sociopath!!!"

which of course is ironically another example of ableism not being solved by Changing Terms but uhh yeah since the fauxtivist puriteen blogs r where a lot of people first heard of the concept its IMMIDIATLEY written off as stupid internet stuff and i just think its very very funny that milo webcomicboy said that just like. as a microcosm of him? say/do shit that sounds progressive but does stuff that actually is either a) irrelevant or b) hurts people more than it helps them

also just bc i relate to gage doesnt mean i like him theyre all pieces of shit. i like him as a character not as a person. everyone here sucks assssssssssssssss but im just. observing plus a lil like. not exactly recognition of self thru the other but "oh god that COULDVE been me if i didnt get very very very lucky" self awareness did not fix me and it did not save me but it saved me just a leeeeeeeeettle bit and thats enough babeyyy

if this makes no sense im SORRY ive been soo traumatixed also im LITERALLY neurodivergent and a minor???? ugh!!!

(nah fr fr it is late as all fuckkkkk idk if this is coherent. if its not just shhhhh let it fade into obscurity thanks i appreciste it)

[sid-is-a-gym-leader]

* pesters you back because rotomblr etiquette *

- @fairymime

I need to know, what are the supposed occupational hazards of being a trainer? It's usually your pokémon getting blasted, not you, so what makes it 'dangerous' to become one? I think you're the person who I've seen get a pokémon the latest, too, what did you do when someone looked at you in the eyes until you got your klefki?

Also, private school? What school doesn't teach battle studies? + if you're still indecisive between steel and fairy, have you ever thought of getting a tinkatink/tinkaton to raise? It'd give you a bit more time to think, and it's a small pokémon if you ignore the. Hammer. It's quite a wonderful paldean fairy, and if I wasn't allergic to most metal I would try to get my hands on an egg : }

Hellooo :D

My parents both have "normal" jobs, aka not pokemon related, and actually do not have any companions. It's a personal choice, but it's also due to bad experiences in their past. My mother in particular tragically lost her starter pokemon back when she was journeying.

I didn't grow up surrounded with pokemons, which is the reason why they intrigued me so much. I just wanted to know what is was like to live with them... to be fair i wasnt "forbidden" to get one, but i would have to do so once i was out of the house, so very late compared to most kids.

My mom always told me that pokemons were very powerful and could hurt me if i wasnt careful, and that it was unreasonable for a young child to get one. Pokemon-related accidents are not unheard of, but i think deep down what she's really scared of is that i would go through the same thing she did and lose my pokemon. I know for how she talks about him that she really loved her fennekin.

About battles... x) I'm a little ashamed of it but i didnt use to go out a lot when i was younger. With my super protective parents it was better for me to just stay at home...where i could play pokemon games allll day on my ds :v If i couldnt get the real thing at least I could have the closest equivalent lol. I also spent a lot of time on pokemon showdown virtually battling people, so i could still "train" in a way.

On the occasion when ppl did look me in the eyes i would just sheepishly tell them i didnt have one... trainers are very enthusiastic but once the shock wore off they would leave me alone x) or i would just walk with friends who had mons and watch them battle. I actually have a school friend who is quite good at battling, moreso because she likes to be good at everything than out of any interest in being a trainer.

My school is specialized in teaching what i call "boring" jobs : aka ones that involve no pokemon. Basically a lot of theoritical stuff like math, laws, physics.... we do touch on pokemon but we rarely interact with them for example. And all the faculty staff pokemon are either meant to help do certain task (my math teacher has an adorable Elgyem that helps us with calculus) or for companionship, no battle pokemon. Battles are actually forbidden on campus. Not that we actually follow that rule...

It's a pretty strange way to operate compared to most schools, hence why it's private. I know a lot of people whose parents are also freaked out about pokemon... or they think that pokemon battling is not a "real" job.

Your school sounds awesome tho. You should tell me about it. I'd love to hear what battle studies classes are like x)

Also you had a great idea with Tinkaton. Well my parents would not be happy abt the Hammer(tm) but hey im 18 ! Almost out of there. Actually since I was looking for a pokemon that deals a lot of damage that would just be perfect. Finally someone to blast the ppl that hurt my klefki into the stratosphere !!! Do you know where i can find eggs ? I thought my only option was to trek to Paldea lol.

Sorry if I talked too much, but tysm for the questions :D

[flugmunk]

fuck it let me tell yall little story here. so for highschool the place i went to was off the norm for different schools in that there was internships shoved in so that every thursday kids can go out to the Great Big World and. do shit. get job experiance nd ll tht. to get aheaad of the curb. WELL me being an art nerd thinking my life would revolve aroun art stuff so OBViousLY i gotta do an art thing for internships. couldnt find shit for ninth grade so helped round with the cafeteria. free food. 10nth grade i was approched by two kids who haad plans to work on a film at some place and asked if i wanted in. they would do everything else and my role would be just to work on a small little animation segment for the film. i had no plans by then so well. fuck it. i agreed and joined. better than stuck in classrooms. now the thing about me nd animation is that i had. NO prior knowledge. sure i made a few gifs but thats. that is still comparable to nothing. and the animation was JUST ME. storyboard, character design. background. timing. colors. sound. JUST ME. except for the voice. i didnt know shit fuck all. and i only had one school years worth- once a week of that- and 5 hours out of THAT. to do my shit. for free mind you because it was a school based internship program. and while the other two are doing whatever else for the film, they check on me every now and then to see how progress is going along. and im a shy quiet introverted fuckermother back then and im all like "oh im fine im fine immmm fiiiiiiinnnneeee" because i didnt wanna let them down. meanwhile as i stand in their way to block the view of a burning shithouse. things were not fine. only halfway through did the internship place offer me someone WITH animation experience to guide me. guide. not helping. guide. because help would imply that now here is two people to share the work of this animation bullshit. nah that person was just there to be all "and heres what you click if you wanna do this thing in this overpriced program". eventually the thing ends, shit is ready to get wrapped up. final day. i thought i lost everything nd stayed like a couple hours searching through all the files. THANKfully i didnt actually loose the project. now i can just give it to the other two film people. i dint know shit what they were doing for the film the entire time, i was busy with wrangling the stuff of this damn animation. wanna know the best part of all this? i never gotten to watch the final product of the film. i dont even know if my animated segment is even in there. i dont have the file for said animation with me. and frankly i dont care. its over. but thats only the beginning. heres what i did for 11-12th grade for the intern program. under a read more cuz this post is already getting long.

those two years i combined because i ended up stretching the project. this time i managed to find a place all on my own. coincidentally a place that is responsible with some big film festival thing that i never attended. now the thing bout school based internships, is there the students gotta make a project for the benefit of the place. so no it could not just be normal (unpaid) office/grounds work. done with under the mentoring of a person who works at the place. the first few weeks i was just helping sort through mail, thinking of what to do for the project^tm.

motherfucker do yall wanna know what me, the mentor and the teacher that showed up to check up, came up with for the project? guess. thaats right. another goddamn animation. ALLLL ON MY OWN RAWDOGGED. huwehh. this animation was to be of "how to get tickets for attending the film festivals." sounds good enough. surely i could use the experiance ive gained only one year prior right?

listen. my memory was absolute shit. i didnot learn jack shit bout how to make animation. wanna know what my process was like? what i actually did in ordder to create a moving image? open ph*toshop. draw everything. everything. in there. savve everything as a png. put each damn png into whaatever program was to replace flash. slap the sound file atop. resist the urge to toss the equipment out the window. save final file as finished product. THAT is what id did for the internship animation the year prior. i knew that thats the worst way to go about things but its the only way i knew how. for the 11-12th grade thing, i did tht shit again. the revious year was for around 1:30 minutes long i had to do. this time was around 2 minutes. thats extraa more for me to do. alone. unpaid. again. and again it was just me on the animation. the mentor person had other things to be busy with. but this time i felt even more shitty because its already looking like shit and i still didnt want to let anyone down. the end of the year was coming up, things had to wrap up. i knew i wasnt gonna be finished. the school and job people allowed me to take the designated laptop with me to do what i need to do. i spent half way through the summer bullshiting my way through. i finished, sent the people the final file. got on the bus. went to the job place. returned the laptop. and said the final goodbyes to whoever was in the building. after that i also, didnt see what became of the animation. i never bothered checking the website. i dont even know if they even HAVE the file anymore. the mentor person got dropped out of the job halfway through anyway but at least there was a backup mentor so that i could stay around. all this just for a grade. all this just for experience. all this for experiance tht i would then forget and regret. I SHOULD HAVE GONE FOR FUCKING NATURAL ENVIORMENT WORK OR SOMETHING. restoration work or cleaning up or or. ANYTHING. theres surely pleanty of that needed. but alas time machines dont exist.

[charonte-simi]

I truly think a good hug would fix me lol

[slugg]

its night americans are asleep im going t post my Thoughts on my Crush

[foxyslide]

🦋DIARY🌸

TW intake mentioned, cw mentioned, narcissistic mother mentioned 🙄

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so what happened last weekend was this. I had this in my drafts but couldn’t finish it.

“My mother came to visit us today, started out well, she brought me more of my old clothes, wore them to the park today. Regretted wearing a skirt, not great at all while cycling. Anyway, then my mother and I started talking about cycling and she hit me with “how many kilos are you? I’m 50. I gained two kilos but you can’t see the fat on me, because I’m just eating more fruits”💀💀💀💀💀💀💀Hubby interjected by saying it doesn’t matter how many kilos she is because while cycling She’ll be loosing fat but gaining muscle weight. And my mother said no kilos are still important 💀💀💀 like no pause for thought about what she’s saying. She’s much shorter than I am so 50kg for her is still a lot, she has a belly, whereas for me I would be close to being underweight at 50kg. but from her saying that shes defo in competition with me. im determined to ”win” 🤡 she’s very proud that her legs are wayyyyy slimmer than mine. I have my fathers legs.

At the park I was feeling self conscious nothing new, but managed to get some sun for my legs lol. Hubby had brought some food enough for me too and I thought fuck it I’ll eat today and since he’s working tm i can work off all the calories cycling for several hours, so I ate around 395kcal. Later hubby mentioned that all these good looking couples are so typical, I asked him aren’t we good looking? And he said no we’re not, these guys are all toned and we’re not, i don’t know what my expression was like he saw my face and said we’re cute. I said okay. Didn’t feel great to know he doesn’t think we’re good looking lol. And if he thought that I was wondering why he decided to eat more. But then it doesn’t show on him at all. I told him I wasn’t gonna eat more. That’s it for me for the day, there’s no way I can swallow more knowing my own husband doesn’t think im good looking. I guess when he says im beautiful it’s not in the literal sense, but in the sense that everyone is beautiful.”

I told him my feelings about this later and he said of course we’re good looking just not in the beauty standard way of being fit and toned, but we’re getting there he said! We just have to keep cycling. He said if I decided to try to look like the models and wear makeup and dress up I would fit in with them. I don’t deserve him lol.

“Wanted to fast the whole day today but ruined it. At least I didn’t have more than 500kcal. The last two evenings I ate and it felt like binging, and i couldnt bare to come on tumblr because of that, was too embarrassed. but today morning after my mother left I was curious about my weight and stepped on the scale, I was so surprised to see I am 53.6kg despite all the food. Still at the park now. Haven’t done much cycling so don’t think I’ll burn many cal today.. but as long as I can fast for the rest of the day and do some yoga and stretching i should be fine.  Hubby keeps asking if I’m okay, I’m not, there’s way too many ppl and im self conscious about everything, should have worn a hoodie, im not wearing these kinds of clothes again but I’m just lying here on my phone and I’m not making it his problem, so he should just enjoy his time out until he’s ready to go home. I can’t wait to go home, I feel like doing fuck all and lying in bed. Ill be craving all the food hubby makes for himself, I can anticipate how difficult it will be to fast, but I think remembering his words will do the trick 💀💀💀💀”

he was just being honest about us, we’re not the beauty standard YET. Yesterday he told me every time we go out he’s proud to have me beside him. I don’t understand why I don’t love myself when he tells me shit like this all the time. I really don’t deserve him.

🌸

[legendcrab]

im on mag 117 and heres all i know about the 14 horror entities rhat i seem to be hyperfixating on

the eye/the watcher. elias is the main/most powerful avatar for it. im not entirely sure what an avatar is. jon is a growing avatar. the assistants ? arent avatars ?

the stranger. my fucking FAVORITE. the Not-Whoever. i couldnt tell you any avatars. i believe this is rhe one connected to the circus? things like the uncanny valley. my favorite episode by far was the one with the person who had rhe mother they did Not get along with then one day it straight uo was not their mother and they nearly lost their mind trying to sort it out. nikoli i think ? that one I Cant Sound Anything Silly, Im Plastic :D audio from tiktok. i did already get past that part jon got kidnapped and tjey wanted to tske his skin rip

the distortion? micheal and thr Second micheal (i cant remember the new name) idk if distortion is the proper name of the entity or if its spiral but like . not knowing your own mind. VERY cool with the tunnels i love the tunnels. and rhe doors rhat dont exist .. solid

bugs .. ......... an interestering one ... mm . i will be honest the way i listened to the magnus archives i didnt pay attention or process Most of season one so i dont know as much about this one as i probably should. Disease and such though.

the hunt. murder time babeyyy. i know theres a second similar one ? this ones Specifically being hunted and being prey and the other one i believe is just murder snd violence in general but i couldnt tell you the difference. there are two here rhough

food yum yum. pov oh no i am being vored. i dont know this one that much but from what i can tell its both the animalistic I Am Being Bred To Die Fear animals may or may not have and the ides people have on occasion thats like damn . what if that were me. another episode i really reslly enjoyed was rhe one where the meat plant workee got Stuck in the building and im not sure if it was supposed to be this one or the distortion or both but dang it was a good episode

i only know the nsme of this one from tiktok but the Vast. big open spaces and rhe ocean and the sky and space aaa . was this related to thst one space station exiprement ice hesrd about a couple times ? maybe. maybe its this and rhe tight spaces one bc rhey were both confined by the station and stuck in an infitite notjing. funny how that works

claustrophobia tm. i was on a four or fice hour road rip on my own when i got to the episode where the guy was stuck in the magic shipping contsnter on a boat snd holy FUCK that was so terrifying. thats all i know about this one. props jonathon sims holy shit that was a good episode

fireee ohhh hot burn ouch

i am runnign out of memory . thats it

[randomfandomz]

GET READY FOR A LOT OF HUSK HEADCANNONS

Im not sorry–

Depressed as f*ck so he doesnt have the modivation to take care of himself

He drinks mainly to forget, and to releive stress

Not only that but he H A T E S water(not as much as Baxter does, but he still avoids it like the plauge)

He never showers until he absolutely has to

Like his fur is always matted and alchohol scented

And he thinks licking himself clean like non-demon cats do is absolutely out of the question, it is gross and undignified, he doesnt want to lick himself and water makes his fur feel heavy and cold and he w i l l argue with you about this

He hates having fur. He just hates it. Its hard to take care of and things get stuck in it, it gets caught in things and just hhhh h h h H H - NO

Will straight up refuse to shower until Charlie makes him

Everyone in the hotel knows about shower day

The day when they make Husk take a shower because e w g r o s s o l d m a n -

Baxter somewhat sympathizes with him about his hatred of water

Not like he actually shows it or does anything to help him though- because 1) Bax really doesnt give a flying f*ck, he just wants to do science and this doesnt concern science so he couldnt care less, and 2) He doesnt wanna speak up because s o c i a l a n x i e t y . S o c i a l i n t e r a c t i o n ? N o t h a n k y o u .

Hes literally a cat, so he hates water with a burning passion

Husk's self image is kinda... ehhhhhh- I mean, its not like he really is that bad looking, if anything he looks pretty damn cool, but he honestly finds himself pretty unattractive. "The fur and wings d o n t h e l p "

Doesnt care if you call him old unless youre trying to be offensive; Hes proud of his age and experience

Even though he acts like an old man(well, he kinda is, but-) hes actually younger than Baxter, Mimzy, Alastor, Angel, and Nifty

Only Vaggie and Crymini are younger than him

When Husk first arrived at the hotel he didnt really wanna interact with anyone; New places kind of stress him out, so it took a long time for him to adjust and not snap at every little thing

Dont get me wrong, hes still a pissy alchoholic^tm, but the anger is less serious/genuine and more just because thats how he is

Husk fought in the vietnam war, and he attempted(and failed) suicide multiple times after the war until he was eventually beaten to death outside of a bar

He turned to alchoholism and gambling as a coping mechanism

Husk suffers from PTSD(Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), along with the obvious alchoholism and gambling addiction

He is very salty/sad that he's a war vet but died in a bar fight, and wouldn't be remembered for his fighting but rather for being beaten to death in a bar while trying to drink away the feelings he had about not being welcomed home because of the way the media portrayed him and his fellow soldiers that fought in Vietnam

Upon learning that Husk is a vietnam war vet(he mentioned it while drunk off his ass- more than usual) one patron who attended the hotel for a short time told him "Welcome home doc!". Husk was surprised, as he had come to terms with the idea that he would never be thanked or welcomed for his services, but he did make sure to be maybe a bit less pissy to that particular guest. He will never forget them. It meant more to him than he would like to admit.

((I can't really think of a better reason as to why Husk would bring it up, but having seen one or two instances of someone saying "welcome home" to Vietnam war vets, I really wanted to add this. The "Welcome home doc" thing was me referencing a specific instance of this ive seen. Im so sorry if I'm wrongly portraying this in anyway, I tried to do enough research first before typing this part out, but I just wanted to point out that I tried my best to be respectful while talking about the subject.))

Moving on- L A S E R P O I N T E R S

One time Angel was just casually messing around with a laser pointer, out of boredom or something

HUSK'S RESPONSE WAS IMMEDIATE

HE WILL CHASE THAT RED DOT TO THE ENDS OF THE GODDAMN EARTH

"That DAMN RED DOT where the FUCK did iT gO!?"

He HATES that he does this, but he really cannot help it

Being a cat demon, and being Husk, his hunt and kill instinct is through the roof(hunt and kill instinct is why cats chase laser pointers btw)

Was VERY pissy for the next few weeks after this incident

Husk will purr involuntarily whenever someone pets him or strokes his fur

He WILL murder anyone who attempts to pet him or make him purr without consent(*COUGH COUGH* ANGEL *COUGH*)

Same goes for the wings DO NOT TOUCH THE WINGS, JUST DONT-

In his room, Husk's bed is literally a mound of blankets and pillows inside a box

Even he needs to get warm and comfortable after a long day

He never lets anyone in his room

Like n e v e r

Angel snuck in one night- Husk's half asleep drunken a*s shoved him out and yelled at him, waking up practically all the hotel staff and a few guests

In his defense, Angel, upon seeing the sleeping Husk, scratched behind his ears. Husk started to purr, but then snapped to somewhat conciousness, and realized what the f*ck was going on-

Yes, Husk is v e r y defensive

Give him a compliment? He wont accept it under any circumstances. He will probably be flustered and claim that the other is either lying or just kissing up to him

"You know you dont have to kiss my a*s to ask me something, right? The fuck do you want?"

Charlie honestly finds his reaction to compliments very sad

Has a kind of "well ya didnt need to point it out" attitude towards insults

Alastor insults him with the worst names in the book? He accepts it and couldnt give less f*cks

Even if its someone either than Alastor insulting him, usually even if he acts offended and p*ssed off, somewhere in his mind he just accepts it

Usually Alastor is the one insulting him, but in a "best friend rights" kind of way

He likes being creative when it comes to colorful language

"Look out to my sea of f*cks, and see how it is barren"

Doesnt have a "soft spot" for kids like Angel, but doesnt mind lessening the swearing a bit and doing a few magic tricks for the occasional child that somehow found their way to the hotel

He HISSES

If Husk is hissing at you you better f*ckin rUN-

He usually refrains from hissing- its part of him rebelling against his cat-like nature, but if he is openly hissing at you it means he is at his wits-end and is honestly P * S S E D .

sERIOUSLY, F*CKING R U N -

Crymini has a blog documenting all the cat-like things Husk does, and she sometimes does the classic "THIS IS A HUSK IN ITS NATURAL HABITAT" or "LETS SEE HOW THE KITTY REACTS TO THIS NEXT THING" bit, and Husk honestly finds it insulting as f*ck

Crymini pranked Husk with a cucumber(you know how cats on the internet are terrified of them) and Husk was actually scared of it, and he ran up a f*cking tree and wouldnt come down for a solid hour, partly put of legitimate fear, and partly out of spite from seeing the slightly guilty look on Crymini's face after the first 20 minutes of him hiding up there

Being a cat demon, alchohol is actually slightly toxic to him, and he is prone to alchohol poisoning. He usually drinks beer, which has low ammount of ethanol(5-7%)[ethanol is what makes alchohol so toxic to cats]

Baxter has a spray bottle to use on Husk if he is being particularly stubborn or bothersome. Charlie sometimes uses her own spray bottle for similar purposes, but she usually says something like "Bad kitty! No!" Along with it to tease him. Husk finds it humiliating and hates when his fur is wet, so surprisingly the spray bottle thing usually works.

He is demi-panromantic and asexual

H A T E S being touched, like under any circumstances

"The last time I voluntarily made physical contact with another being was in 1970 and it was while I was loosing a bar fight. It was also the day I was beaten to death and setenced to hell."

Bonus:

Angel: Hey kitty~! Wanna cuddle~?

Husk: The last time I voluntarily made physical contact with another being was in 1970 and it was while I was loosing a bar fight.

Angel: Oh really? *snickers* And how'd that work out for ya'?

Husk: Well, it was also the day I was beaten to death and put in hell. So I dunno. You tell me.

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas: Zookeeper’s Son

Also on AO3!

TL;DR: 

An iconic personality in the animal conservation scene has a popular zoo that people flock to from all over the world. But this isn't about him, it's about his son. And his son's massive crush. (Cheesy ShinDeku Crush) 

steve irwin inspired au, aka if you didnt know hamlet was australian, you do now

Ok but All Might is basically Steve Irwin in this au, Izuku is a huuuuuge animal fan

Allmight is Izuku’s dad and Inko is his wife and izu hung around animals loads when he was young, 1A are the zoo volunteers

is he like, steve irwin with crocodiles? or something like big cats or wolves. Honestly let's just stick with crocodiles

aizawa is the sleepy big cat handler

mic yells with the birds, mostly his job is actually the PA system but he teaches the birds to talk during his lunch hour, And he runs birds of prey shows

Shinsou comes to the zoo a lot cause he likes watching the tigers and their babies. shinsou giving a bottle of milk to a baby tiger because aizawa needed an extra pair of hands and our boy is crying actual tears because its So Cute

Todoroki was never allowed pets or to go outside much because he has to be a respectable rich boi tm, but he's always loved watching all mights ridiculous nature shows

w a  it

this means

,,,

allmight dies. Damn ok I guess this is getting sad now.

Todoroki goes to the zoo for the first time ever and sees a mural to Allmight and just starts crying

so aizawa has been working at the zoo since izuku was born and was honestly his babysitter a lot with mic and tensei because tensei, the onsite vet, had a little brother the same age. and when the news came in? aizawa's heart sank because this little 6-year-old ball of sunshine didn't have a dad anymore

inko is the badass but soft mum but shes not at home, shes actually on a shoot at the time

izuku is running around the zoo and aizawa just scoops him up and gets him icecream because the kid doesn't know yet and he wants izuku to have 5 more minutes before his world collapses. aizawa lets out a single sob because izuku picked the allmight themed icecream thanks

Aizawa helps Inko around the house as much as possible and drives Izu to school when Inko is having a rough day

All mights animals being depressed cause he's gone and blessed 6-year-old Izu sneaking into a fucking lion enclosure because 'dad would want to cheer them up'

there was a lion cub litter born really close to izuku and allmight dotted on these cubs because he was all soft because his wife was pregnant, there are photos of toddler izuku with these lions. izuku burying his face into one of their manes and crying while the lions lay around him

Aizawa has been interning at the zoo since he was 15 and is 22 when allmight dies. its his first year really "working" there because he just finished uni and hes on fulltime

aizawa thought allmight was going to be kinda snobby but allmight said hi to him every day, remembered his name and attended his uni graduation, told him he was proud and told him he'd never seen anyone as good with the cats as he was

aizawa babysat his kid, saw this man almost every day since he was 15

Ok but what if Inko wakes up in the middle of the night hearing All mights voice. She's freaking out, but then finds Izu rewatching old footage of his dad. Crying but also using them to learn how to be as good with the animals as him

animals a d o r e izuku, all of them

like, even the crows at the park will sit on his shoulders and give him little shiny things the wolves like to lick him and crowd him when he walks in, the crocodiles like head scratches

allmight was so proud of his son, because even he couldnt get animals to like him instinctually

1A are all the little highschool interns

Shinsou crushes on the cute zookeeper boy and Izu gets him an internship eventually, he just sees izuku hugging a lion and falls in love instantly

aizawa is his uncle and is complaining about this "kid that doesnt listen to safety protocol" and shinso is like ",, h im"

Aizawa thought that shinsou hated outdoors and animals, but is confused when suddenly Shinsou starts going to the zoo after school everyday

the way this family works

aizawa was a foster kid bc his family wasnt trusted with him but he still had contact, shinso's family was falling apart and aizawa didnt want his cousin to go through the same thing so he takes shinsou in age 10

they say uncle bc aizawa is so much older than shinsou

izuku like, doesn't tell shinso hes allmights kid and izuku wears a facemask and dyes his hair all the time so its fair that shinso doesnt guess

so izuku is on messenger and tells shinso to open his window izuku is sitting on his balcony. hes got a torch in his mouth and a swipecard in the other. he just kinda, grabs shinso and hauls him over the balcony. shinso is in pyjamas and all he has is a phone

izuku grabs his hand and they run down the street and shinso is just??? so lost. aizawa lives su p er close to the zoo and they get to the gate and shinso is like?? why are we here its midnight

and izuku o p e n s th e g a t e

shinso is crying bc he has every reason to think he'll go to jail

(izuku turned off the alarms and warned his mum he was doing this but didnt warn shinso because thats not fun)

so izuku takes shinso to the farmyard, wakes up the horse, which is his horse, a pulls shinso up on it too the horse has little lights on it

so its midnight and shinso is hugging izuku on this horse because its cold and hes in pyjama's and hes cold and its dark and he doesnt wanna fall off this massive horse

so izuku takes him around the zoo at night on this horse and its honestly great? bc loads of the animals are awake and the zoo is empty. izuku whispers that hes not really supposed to do this but hes going to do it anyway and shinso is like??? please dont im too young for jail

but izuku just giggles

izuku lets them into the back deer enclosure and its m a s s i v e

so its 2am by now, all the deer are awake so izuku ties up the horse and leads shinso over to his fave deer

"ok so, dad used to do this to me when i was litte, but i figure youre still light enough”

and izuku just hefts shinso onto this deer. shinso is laughing and clinging to this deer for his life and so izuku gets on another and they run around the paddock

shinso is yelling and cheering as izuku laughs, the other deer are running beside them because deer do that and its honestly the coolest thing that shinso has ever done

4am and the deer have all fallen back asleep and shinso and izuku are on the roof of the vet clinic because the vet-clinic is still heated at night so the roof is warm and they kinda,, fall asleep on the roof. izuku wakes up at 6, but doesnt wake shinso up for 20 minutes because hes smiling even in his sleep

they have to sprint back to shinso's house

izuku helps shinso climb back up his balcony and waves goodbye and shinso just watches him run back to the zoo and hes blushing and messy and cold but hes just so happy

aizawa walks into his room a minute later and asks shinso if he slept outside for some ungodly reason because his lips are blue and there are leaves in his hair

izuku doesnt like people knowing hes allmights kid when hes just out and about or working or honestly doing anything that isnt a show or interview so the only people that know are tenya, bakugo, tensei, mic and aizawa

Every year at the anniversary of all mights death they all bring Izu and Inko to his shrine and thousands of people come from all around to pay their respects and Shinsou finds a crying Izu after and takes him back to the zoo after hours so Izu can be with the animals

shinso still doesnt know izuku is allmights kid and izuku just sobbing and shinso doesnt know what happened

izuku just talks about his dad vaguely, shinso knows aizawa used to babysit izuku too

aizawa makes a tradition of getting icecream for izuku on the date every year, they both get the allmight themed one

bakugo isnt a massive dick in this au but hes still not a soft friend. he will roast you every 24 seconds but the 2 weeks around allmights death? he looks out for izuku, makes extra sure no one works out izuku from school is "allmights son" izuku, makes sure he eats lunch, helps inko make dinner

bakugo threatens to rip off shinso's dick and shove it down his throat and shinsou is like???? WHat dID i DO???

Izu is being bullied for crying in school around the date, Bakugo fIGHTS

bakugo gets suspended for a day and aizawa picks him up bc his parents are busy. bakugo looks angry but also kinda, embarrassed for being caught and for getting that mad. aizawa just parks on the side of the road just out of school and lets out a massive sigh

"you shouldn't have done that-"

"You dont think i fucking know that??"

"shut up and listen kid. you shouldn't have done that. and im not giving you a pat on the head for breaking the rules like that. but you did a good thing. hes got enough on his plate. youre a good friend"

aizawa lets bakugo stay at his place so mitsuki doesn't have to find out bakugo got suspended, izuku takes bakugo to pat the wolves as a "thank you for throwing down for me" present

[seblore]

everyday i wake up and you still havent posted your evermore rant </3

there u go boo 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

GDBDNSKDJHHDDNDS GIRL................ ok so i very cleverly avoided ranking folklore because every song REALLY HIT and the whole album was just SO.. SO.. yeah. i can however rank miss evermore. i dont want to compare the two album i do not get the point in that. both give off really different vibes. now what i will say is with folklore, AS AN ALBUM, it is just a master masterpiece. The songs flowed amazingly with each other and really held you close the entire first listen. at least thats what I felt like <3 with evermore however, the individual songs are OMG!!! THERE IS LITERALLY NO SONG I DONT LIKE FROM ANY OF THE TWO ALBUMS. but as an album on the first listen i did feel a bit disconnected from evermore which didnt happen to me with folklore. why i think that might’ve happened is BECAUSE taylor is just so brilliant m8.... the MASSIVE contrasting emotions between the songs was too much for my little brain to handle.

Ok so now that’s out of the way dhsjsk time for rankings :) i have no idea where im going to put each song im just going to make it up as we go <3 ill ALSO give you my fave lyrics from each if I remember it <333 (oh and also you’ll notice marjorie isnt here. im sorry but i never listened to it after the first listen because it hits a little too close to home and i dont want to unpack all of that now im sorry! it is a beautiful song)

14. Closure: she popped off <3 she really said dont treat me like a situation that needs to be handled 💃🤙💯 a beautiful song with beautiful lyrics HOWEVER its the first song i couldnt connect with thus it’s down here BUT I STILL WOULD LISTEN TO IT ON REPEAT THO... the last in my ranking but still fucks 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️ thats taylor swift 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

13. long story short: i have never been in a relationship ever BUT GODDAMN ‘pushed from the precipice, clung to the nearest lips’ hdjsksksjjddjnBbdns jddd ubebs!:!?:?:$3&39383$hzjs WOAH.... and this bitch really summarized the full 2016 drama with long story short it was a bad time. HILARITY. yeah not much to say here tho this is just the ‘at least one mandatory song to shake your tits to on each ts album’ song of evermore <3 and always remember that if the shoe fits walk in it TILL YOUR HIGH HEELS BREAK WOOH ANDIFELLDOWNTHEPEDESTALRIGHTDOWNTHERA—

12: dorothea: making a lark of misery :D RENt free. i had to listen to ‘if youre tired of being known for who you know you know youll always know me’ 113 times to finally understand it tho 😐 some of us are stupid and illiterate have you ever thought about that miss swift???? anyways TINGTINGTINGINGINGING THE STARS IN YOUR EYES SHINED BRIGHTER IN TUPELO <33333 such an innocent feel good song I LOVE!!!!!

11. ivy: the goddamn here and the hush of mirrorball ARE THE REASON IM STILL ALIVE 😽 another lyrical masterclass <3 ‘id live and die for moments that we stole on begged and borrowed time’ IS2G!!!!!!!!!!! anyways what if you cheated on your husband with me and i cheated on my husband with you and my pain fit in the palm of your freezing hands 😳 JK JK 😅 unless...... 🤪😏 hdjsks yeah this song is magnificently cursed and i am in love with it 🧎‍♀️

10. tis the damn season: this song is august but the other side of the coin. august but four months later. AUGUST SLIPPED AWAY LIKE A BOTTLE OF WINE- THE HOLIDAYS LINGER LIKE A BAD PERFUMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... she sounds so pretty goshhh! ‘time flies messy as the mud on your truck tires NOW IM MISSING YOUR SMILE hear me out we could just ride around and the road not taken looks real good now’ is on repeat in my mind. and as always the bridge ::::::::::::::.............:::::::::::::: how does she do this everytime. ‘and wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles im faking’ 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️ after every ts song i listen my expectations about true love grows exponentially and my chances of finding true love falls exponentially simultaneously ADIEU.

9. willow: she really took the invisible string quartet and put it in huh..................... FUCKED IN THE HEADDDDDDDDDDDDDD. what can i say <3 its just such a pretty song <3 hashtag gorgeous hashtag i cant say anything to its face. WRECK MY PLANS!!!!!! WRECK IT BITCH!!! ‘wait for the signal and ill meet you after dark’ LOVE STORY WHIPLASH. also mate i cant even focus on the song she looks SO GOOD in the music video i—

8. happiness: !!!! what can i say.... one of the best songs of the album hands down. lyrical masterpiece AND musically rich. she really logged into tumblr dot com and typed out ‘THERE’LL BE HAPPINESS AFTER YOU’ AND ‘THERE WAS HAPPINESS BECAUSE OF YOU’ ARE IDEAS THAT CAN COEXIST and logged off...... h8 her and her insanity. the one word i have to describe this song is: picturesque. tis a picturesque song <3 oh and dfbhhffcbhDDVHHTRSDVJK when i heard ‘i hope she’ll be a beautiful fool who takes my spot next to you’ i audibly GASPED and then she says ‘no i didnt mean that sorry i cant see facts through all of my fury’................. i fell out of my chair. IT FELT LIKE AS IF SHE HEARD MY GASP AND TOLD ME SPECIFICALLY THAT NO SHE DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT... anyways yeah. ill write an article one day named THE SWIFT DECEPTION OF TAYLOR about how she keeps writing songs with deceptive titles and this will be the opening case 😈🤙 also the fact that this is one of my faves and i put it in number 8 says a lot......

7. evermore: i havent recovered from ‘motion capture. put me in a bad light’. i mean come on the whole goddamn song is a lyrical masterpiece. ‘writing letters addressed to the fire’. IS SHE OK!????????????? i think tf not. beautiful song beautiful arrangement. iver sounded really good too. and lol lol rofl WOOFWOOFbarkbark ‘HEY DECEMBER GUESS IM FEELING UNMOORED’ unmoored definition from google dot com: no longer attached. she doesn’t go back to december anymore. about2 faint oml. long story short: i did not survive. THIS PAIN WOULD BE FOR EVERMORE........ what i felt with this song is that she took the quarantine sadness we all felt at least once this year and made it into a masterpiece of a song. couldve been easily the top song on any album except this. no i will not elaborate <3

6. no body no crime: i cannot believe. she teased us with a musical number. this woman teased us with. a musical number. I THINK SHE IS WRITING A MUSICAL BUT I JUST CANT PROVE IT! when she wins that tony 16 years later call me prophetic xoxo. anyways yeah she literally wrote this to flex her storytelling abilities. send tweet 🐥

5. cowboy like me: YEEEHAWWW I’LL BE HONEST WITH YOU I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FULL SONG SOUNDS LIKE I JUST HAVE THE BRIDGE ON REPEAT!!!! OMFG!!! the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to fuck this up. AAAA!! ??? STFU. IM NOT EVEN TALKING ABOUT THE LYRICS MATE THE WAY ITS SUNG!!!!!!! GUT WRENCHING! the best bridge she has ever written musically. i cant stop listening to it. REALLYYY DID BELIEEEVE I WAS THE ONEEE. STORIESSS ABOUT WHEEEN YOU PASSSEDDD THROUGHH TOWN. y e l l. and then she hits me with ‘now you hang from my lips like the gardens of babylon.’ L ???? M !!!!! A $$$$$ O “”””” i had to pause it and sit there for 10 minutes to take in what i had just heard. case closed critical hit sustained yeedhawd.

4. tolerate it: i cried. the only reason it’s not 1 is because it hurt me too much. WHAT THE FUCK YOU MF YOU ASSUME IM FINE BUT WYD IF I BREAK FREE AND LEAVE US IN THE RUINS???? TOOK THIS DAGGER IN ME AND REMOV— m8 this physically hurts me everytime. if its all in my head TELL ME RN. aghhh aRghhhhhhh. pain. and lol she broke down sleep to its bare essentials ‘breathing with your eyes closed’.

3. ??? coney island: i know it’s a bit of a controversial top three but WHO CARES 🕴this is solely here for ‘AND IM SITTING ON A BENCH IN CONEY ISLAND wondering where did my BABYy GO’ im shaking. my bed is shaking. my body is shaking. my pupils are shaking. THE WAY SHE SINGS IT OH MY GOODNESS ME i have to lie down gimme a sec. ‘and if this is the long haul howd we get here so soon 😟’ SCREAM. and when i was hearing it for the first time and she said ‘sorry for not making you my centerfold’ i was like yeah and?? so what?? and then she hits me with ‘over and over’...... so she didnt make him/her/them her centerfold over and over !!!!!!! she is sorry she didnt do it over and over!!!!!! mannn.... the chorus.. i shall not speak. i am held at gunpoint i CANNOT SPEAK. the bridge tho dhdnsksksjsb I CAN SPEAK AND I SHALL SPEAK. BITCH WENT OFFFFFFFF. <3 this is the apology she deserved from her exes which she never got so she wrote it herself. podium. grey skies. birthday cake. ACCIDENT. im laughingggggggggggg <///3 and yeah so overall it is a really yummy song with yummy vocals and yummy arrangement 9/10 would recommend. also!! life lessons kids life lessons. disappointments? SIMPLY CLOSE YOUR EYES AND PRETEND YOU DO NOT SEE IT YAAAAAAAAAS

2. gold rush: ETHEREAL!!!!!! The last time i felt like this™️ whilst listening to a song was with mirrorball <3 the production of this song omg omg omg LOVE 💃 but what propelled it to number two status was the ‘i dont like slow motion double vision in ROSE BLUSH/ i dont like that falling feels like flying till the BONE CRUSH’ imagine how fucked in the head a person needs to be to rhyme rose blush with bone crush. yeah i have nothing more to say really this song is extremely gorgeous and ‘eyes like sinking ships on water so inviting i almost jumped in’ / ‘walk past quick brush’ ?:!:!&:8483 F A V E <33333 and the transition transmission transfusion from ‘... gray old tea cuz itll never be ᵍˡᵉᵃᵃᵃᵃᵐⁱⁿᵍ ᵗʷⁱⁿᵏˡⁱⁿᵍᵍᵍᵍ’ MADAME

1. champagne problems: are we surprised? ARE WE REALLY SURPRISED? when listening to new albums i normally listen to it at one go in order. i stick to that rule. HOWEVER after many years of my solid album listening self made rule tm i finally broke and immediately replayed this mf song after listening to it once. ‘you had a speech, youre speechless/ love slipped beyond your reaches’???? stfu???? VILE. PUNISHABLE. DEROGATORY. and welp the entire bridge ...... .... ........... what can i say. And the parallels to miss all too well??? WHAT WAS THE REASON???? your SISTER splashed out on the bottle- left my scarf there at your SISTER’s house 😐 she’ll patch up your tapestry that i SHRED- maybe this thing was a masterpiece till you TORE it all up 😐 your MOM’s ring in your pocket- your MOTHER’s telling stories bout you on the tee ball team 😐 November flush and your FLANNEL cure- PLAID shirt days and nights when you made me your own 😐 wHAT A SHAME SHE IS FUCKED IN THE HEAD IS2G........... and also why would she not rhyme POCKET with LOCKET?????? why with wallet???????????? slant rhyme why????????????? AND THE NOTE THIS MF SONG ENDS ON..... FUCKED IN THE HEAD

THATS IT. i really sat here and did this for the past 2 hours huh...... hhdjsms anyways LONG STORY SHORT: I HATE ONE INSANE WOMAN AND HER NAME IS TAYLOR ALISON SWIFT. GODSPEEED 🏃‍♀️

[thirstygirlclub]

A Boy Named Box - Part Two (2)

KozikxGayMale!Reader

(this is my second time writing this. i had finished this, all done, until my internet crashed and i lost all of it. hopefully, this one will be as good as the lost part.)

(the second part of a request from an anon! where the reader is Juice’s twin brother that moved away from Queens to Charming for a new start and falls for a certain sandy haired son)  

also this part is dedicated to @marcus-demitri455 and @samcro-saint99 who were so lovely when i was so heartbroken about this, love you my angels! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

p.s legit thought that this was only going to be 3 parts max but I didn’t factor in the fact that i always get carried away and that this is all so cute that it is consuming me more than i ever thought possible? so this is going to be part 2 of 4 (for now but knowing me i’m going to turn it into a whole McFreakin’ book or some shit)

WARNING: CONTAINS CUTE STUFF

Tig was trying to rile you up, you knew he was, but that didn’t stop you giving him exactly what he wanted. You grabbed him by the front of his kutte and you couldn't give a shit about disrespecting the leather and sons of Anarchy colours when he was disrespecting you like he was. You had had enough of your sexuality being the butt of all of his jokes. You knew he was joking and he didn’t mean it, not really, but that didn’t stop it from offending you. Juan was getting sick of it too but he let you fight your own battles now you were both adults.

“Say that again,” you hissed lowly, “you bastard.”

“I said,” Tig said loudly with a laugh, “I’m not gonna let a gay kid beat me in the ring. Unless you’re scared-”

You bashed him roughly against the brick wall of the work bay while he grappled at your hands and work shirt; trying to get you to release him but his attempts proving fruitless. His eyes showed panic and pain, there was blood running from his nose and down his chin from where you had punched him to try and get him to shut up. Despite the expression on his face, he laughed as you were wrenched away from the older man. 

You struggled against Kozik’s grip. He had pulled your arms behind you, almost like a police grip, and was pulling you away. Even though he was strong, he was struggling to do so. Kozik practically threw you into the parking lot then pushed you back by the chest when you had rounded on him to get back to Tig.

“That’s enough!” Chibs commanded from where he had been watching the brawl and walking over to you, “Stop this now. You know he doesn’t mean it!”

“I don’t give a fuck if he means it or not,” you growled at the Scottish man, “I’ve had to deal with that shit all my life. I’m not dealing with it here, get it?”

“Alright, alright,” Chibs sighed with an understanding nod at you before turning to Kozik, “go deal with that dickhead. I’ll get the kid calmed down.”

“I’m not a kid!”

“Yeah? Then stop fucking acting like one!”

He grabbed you by the scruff of the neck and started walking you off but you fought him off. Chibs let go and put his hands up in surrender but followed you anyway. When you cast a glance back, Kozik grinned at you then turned back to go have a look at Tig’s face. 

“I’m takin’ bets on a fight night,” Chibs told you and took a drag of his cigarette, “first match is you against him. If you’re willing to clear the air in public.”

“If he’s not scared of losing to a fa-”

“Enough Box! Are you in? I’m sick and tired of you bein’ at each others throats all the time.”

“Yeah,” you spat, “I’m in.”

“Right. 2 weeks time, you and him in the ring then all this gets put to rest. Yeah?”

You had been sleeping peacefully, in a drunk and stoned stupor, snoring away when you were woken up by a voice in your ear.

“Box,” you heard them whisper in your ear, “time to get up.”

When you opened your eyes you saw Kozik stood over your bed, with his arms folded and that stupid grin on his face, you sat up with a gasp and pulled the blankets up over your naked body and stared up at him with wide eyes.

“What the fuck man?!” You shrieked hoarsely, “get out!”

Kozik laughed at your now bright red face but didn’t leave. When he didn’t say anything you shook your head in a ‘what the fuck’ kind of way. You knew you weren’t the most attractive person while you were sleeping, especially after a night of drinking and smoking. You hastily wiped the drool off of your cheek and tried to fix your bedhead.

“You know you snore?” He asked with a laugh.

“Yeah, thanks,” you said with a scoff.

“Get up now; we’re going training.”

“Training?”

“Yeah. I bet $64 on you winning and I’m not gonna get it back with that right hook so get up, get dressed.”

He picked some shorts and a black shirt from a pile of clothes from the pile of clean washing on the desk chair to throw them at you. He then stood looking around and the room that you were sleeping in.

“Uh, kinda naked here bro,” you said and held the blankets tighter to your bare chest, “you wanna leave?”

Kozik smirked, knowing he had already seen everything, but turned to leave anyway. Once the door was shut, you checked the time and groaned, standing up and pulling on the clothes.

“Are you joking?” You asked him as you stormed through to see him sat drinking coffee at the little dining table in the kitchen, “it’s 6-fucking-05 in the morning. What is your problem?”

“Gotta get there before the crowds. Come on. Let’s go, we’re jogging to the gym.”

He stood up and hit you on the bicep as he walked passed you and out the front door. You sighed and followed him, stretching and yawning as you went.

Evidently, you weren’t as fit as you thought you had been. You had been jogging for a total of 10 minutes and you already needed to sit down since you were puffing, panting and sweating profusely. You grabbed the back of Kozik’s shirt and braced yourself on your knees before collapsing on some nearby grass. Your running partner chuckled then same to sit by you. Luckily, it was still morning and reasonably cool out.

You had only been in Charming for about 6 weeks but you were already sick of the heat. You were so used to the chillier, grey weather in Queens and you hadn’t yet acclimatised to it like Juan had but then again, he was always a fan of warmer weather. You used to say he was like a lizard.

“Come on Box,” Kozik groaned once you had caught your breath, “we’ve been sat here for 20 minutes and I actually want to get to work today.”

“I still have to go to work after the gym?” You huffed then rolled onto your side and curled up in a ball when he nodded.

“Stop being a drama queen.”

“Who are you calling queen?” You asked venomously.

“You know I didn’t mean it like that! Fuck you’re grouchy in the morning!”

You sat up to glare at him and saw that he was already stood up and was holding his hand out you to help you up. You sighed in defeat, taking his hand and letting him help you stand and you weren’t sure but maybe he held it for a second too long when you were on your feet. And maybe there was that mischievous glint in his blue eyes but you couldn’t know for sure because as soon as you had thought you had seen it he had turned around to run on ahead of you.

Training with Kozik was simultaneously the toughest but most entertaining thing you had done in your life, kind of. You had got a chance to talk to him properly about everything you had been through and it was nice to open up to somebody that wasn’t Juan. As much as your brother loved you, you knew he was getting fed up of hearing about your ex. He would never say anything to you about it but you could just tell. That twin intuition, you know?

Kozik had listened patiently to your worries while you battered the punching bag. He eased your concerns that the guys hadn’t accepted you as yourself and still just thought of you as one half of The Juice Box, that they all thought you were running away from your past, that they didn’t accept you for your sexuality with them being a biker gang and all.

“You know the guys talk shit but honestly Box... listen to me. They love you, alright? We all do besides, we all got our thoughts on Tig. Nobody gives a fuck if you’re gay. And yeah, you’re Juice’s brother but you’re also Box. We get you’re a different guy all together. Got better hair for a start,” Kozik had told you, ruffling your sweaty hair and making you laugh; diffusing the tense atmosphere you had brought with you that one particular day, “and don’t worry about running from where you came from; we all got something we’re running towards. You know?”

You hadn’t been ashamed to wipe away a few tears when he told you that; you needed to hear that and it meant so much coming from him. But as he patted you comfortingly on the shoulder you couldn’t help wondering what it was that he was running to. 

On the plus side, you hadn’t been in better shape for a long time. You were waking up at 6am every morning without needing him to barge into your room and drag you out of bed. He had given you special instructions not to drink, smoke, do drugs for the entire 2 weeks you had been training with him and he had even put you on a special diet. This mostly consisted of you sharing his lunch, normally some kind of salad with lean meat or pasta, while you were working and him bringing you the food for your dinner. It was nice to have someone looking out for you every now and again.

You had a good little routine going too, wake up at 6 then run to the gym with Kozik at 6:30; work out and train until 8 so you were all ready to hit the showers and seeing him in just a towel afterwards was always a bonus, not that you would tell him that of course; he was already big-headed enough. 

The buzz around TM and the club house was electric on the day of the fight. Word had got out that Kozik was training you up and teaching you the way that Tig fought so he had enlisted the help of Chibs. This meant that it was no longer just a competition to see who was the better fighter but also who was the better coach too. The animosity and fighting talk was so bad between the two teams that Clay had to schedule the shifts so that neither team was mixed together. You had tried to defend yourselves and say that it was all friendly but Clay was having none of it.

You had also been promoted to “mechanic’s assistant” which essentially meant you were Kozik’s own personal go-fer boy and he was loving it; he was asking you to get any number of different things that he could easily get for himself. Every time you complained about it, he would remind you that Clay was keeping an eye on you to see if you were worth keeping on the team which would make you grumble but kick him the wrench that was about 3 inches away from his hand.

The sound of a motorcycle drew you out of your angry thoughts and you turned to see Juan climbing off of his motorcycle wearing his Sons of Anarchy kutte and sunglasses. He carried himself differently when he was wearing the vest and you kind of wanted one too but you had a feeling that regardless of how accepting they were as people, the other charters and club rules probably wouldn’t allow a gay man into the club. It didn’t stop you craving the sense of belonging that your brother had found with them though.

You were leaning casually against the front of a green dodge charger, beside Kozik as he was under the hood of the car, as you ate the rest of the blonde man’s chicken salad, when Juan came sloping over to you with his eyebrows raised and a smirk on his face. You sent your twin a quizzical look which he returned sarcastically.

“You ready for tonight little brother?” Juan asked you, “you think you’re gonna win?”

“Uh yeah,” You scoffed, stuffing another bite in your mouth, “why? You got no faith in me?”

“Nah, obviously I do. I just mean that Chibs is a good coach, that’s all.”

With that comment, Kozik raised himself from under the hood of the car and stepped in front of you, between you and Juan, with his arms folded and his chest puffed out. Juan tried his best not took look threatened but his small step backwards betrayed his smug face. You peeked over Kozik’s shoulder and smiled around another bite of salad. Your brother looked between you and Kozik with a knowing smile but said nothing, turning to head into the clubhouse.

You knew Juan knew about your teeny tiny, minuscule crush on your fighting coach. Again the twin intuition, but knew better than to call you out on it. 

“You wanna pass me that wrench?” Kozik asked you once you had clipped the lid back on his tupperware tub.

He was pointing to a black handled tool in the tool box. All he had to do was bend down and grab it but he really was loving having you as his personal servant. With a sigh, you bent down to grab it and give it to him but he stood with his hand out stretched until you had placed it in his palm but even then he didn’t close his fingers around it.

“I meant the other one, the one next to it,” he said, that mischievous glint back in his eyes.

You sighed and raised your eyebrows at him before grabbing the other wrench and swapping it for the next size down. 

“No, the other one,” he grinned.

“Are you fucking kidding?”

“Less of the attitude mister,” he hit you in the chest with the wrench you had just given him before turning back into the car, “Clay is always watching you. You wanna be my butler forever?”

“If I don’t kill you first,” you muttered but turned away when you saw Clay peering at you through the blinds in the office.

“What?”

“Nothing man, just saying how much of an honour it would be.”

“Yeah. That’s what I thought you said.”

You laughed with him and brushed your shoulder against his as you lent under the hood to watch what he was doing, sharing a look with him before he turned back to his work with a smile on his face.

(legit have no idea how to write guys, i’m sorry!!)

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 2 | “GET ME OUT OF HERE ” - Devon

okay so i filmed a video confessional earlier which is uploading where i basically talked about dealing with being a winner/the tomb and having an idol/potentially wanting to go to tribal pre-swap/deliberately choosing the puzzle/how much i love jake so that'll come at some point after this but just KNOW that came first. anyway just wanted to talk MORE because i have more thoughts. last round i was really conscious of needing to micro-manage my threat level and i think im putting in work to do that? im very concious that i cant play the same game as montenegro because im coming into it from a very different perspective/position. However, one thing I can do this season is transfer my prejury game, because i think it still works. What I need to do is to some extent take a backseat, where I'm not actively messaging people first, and keeping game talk kinda limited (but acknowledging it when people talk to me). Like I have the safety cushion of my idol, and my connection to jake/jordan, and to some extent dan and lovelis? like im not gonna be a target (touch wood) and hopefully if i am my men tm going to keep an eye out for me.... hopefully? it also means im not gonna be pushy about votes im gonna hear names and run with it (as long as its not jake/jordan, or lovelis tbh i get real good vibes from him). but yeah id really love the beauty tribe to go to tribal this round ive literally never spoken to a single one of them so i'd love one of that tribe that is a complete unknown quantity to go home DJDKLFSF. but yis so im feeling good taking a backseat but im gonna ejector seat myself forwards at some point, just got to figure out when to push the button

Okay so Bodhi left last night and that was really sad. We had nice conversations but i told him that if the rest of the tribe wanted him out i wasn't going to campaign for him. He ended up making his rounds but at the end of the day, no one felt strongly about keeping him. He speaks so well that it took me a night's rest to get my head straight. Also Trace got an alliance together of himself, myself, Scott and Isaac. Bitch i was SHOOK! I am so glad to be likable enough to be brought into someone else's core. So this kind of perfectly positioned myself and Scott between 2 alliances. I believe we're both more loyal to the one we formed before we found out we were going to tribal, but who knows. I did tell Autumn of the news because i figure if we were to lose again. Whichever of Isaac of Trace remains is going to feel on bottom and blow up that Scott and I were two-timing the DADS. Btw that is the dumbest alliance name I have ever been a part of but whatever. The rat pack has also formed and now him and I are in a good spot. I will say that i am nervous that MISS ALYSSA spoke the comparison into existence, but i really hope we don't continue to flop like Luzon did on Cagayan. But hey! If Denise can go to every tribal council in one season and win, maybe i can too. (PS i pissed myself with my score in winterbells but also F*CK WINTERBELLS, thats all, ty) 

Honestly I’m really regretting not participating in this challenge because I feel like our scores are.......not great. I feel like I could have turned out the puzzle and even winterbells. The flag Lovelis made is super cute and i think will fair well bc it’s very clean and neat. It’s not super creative, but it’s definitely well made. I think even if we went to tribal I would be okay though. Liam seems like an easy enough boot for us. No one seems that dazzled by his contributions to the tribe. 

i literally am the biggest clown who ever clowned for continuing to overdo it in challenges, if i'm allowed to make it to merge at this point it will literally be a miracle.

So Bodhi left on a unanimous vote yesterday and I'm glad that it worked out as planned! I definitely felt bad lying to him about it all and stuff, but I think it was the best for the tribe going forward. What does suck however is that we lost AGAIN! And it was actually close this time! I'm actually annoyed that we lost this time because I submitted my challenge at 4PM and the reason why we lost was because the last submission was at 8 :/ like... y'all couldn't get it in any earlier? Plus I'm annoyed because I find myself in the swing position between the DADS and The Rat Pack. Personally I don't trust Trace after finding out he tried to play the Rat Pack off as my idea when it was really his all along. To me, it shows that he'd betray me later on down the line. And the only purpose for "The Rat Pack" is so they feel like they're in the majority. So since we lost, I don't mind voting out Trace. Duncan and I called to confirm that we're on the same page. We also found out that Devon is telling us the same things about loyalty and allegiances and I don't like that. He also told Duncan that he would throw immunities and play idols for him if he needed it, and that Duncan was his number 1 ally. But he said the same exact thing to me. So... that has me a little sketch. But I also think that Autumn/Duncan are a close pair, so I may need to stick close to Devon for the long hall. But if Autumn/Duncan think I'm more with them than Devon, I'll take it. I'm supposed to go on call with the Dads soon. Duncan wants to tell them about the rat alliance so that Isaac doesn't use it as motive to get us out. Which i agree that it'd be a good idea as long as devon/autumn stick with us. Duncan and I both feel like Devon might be thrown off since he always likes to be in control, but not actually being in charge. So we'll need to do damage control when that happens. But for now it seems like Trace is going unless things change. If things go how I would want it to, then Trace leaves tomorrow. 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1JKqH3EQMlugIe-lwHMYMG2qoVZ7dvIzr/view?usp=sharing

Omg!!!!! Another win that makes me so happy . The tribe is all getting along great and I couldnt all for better ppl. I'm hoping soon to get some kind of solid group together. Kendell adam and amiry are ppl I def wanna work with long term at the time. Just gotta see what happens. 

Not much has been happening lately so I might be able to keep this short and not ramble on and on like i usually do (ill still end up writing a novel probably) yippy yay it's day 5 and everything is still all smiles and giggles over here because we've won yet another immunity!! kinda boring tbh but obviously im happy we won immunity because now that buys me one more day and at the end of it that's all i care about. I kinda did want the brauns to go to tribal however instead of the brains because i just really would like my beauties to get a nice foot hold and a lead in the game, i actually enjoy taking to some of these people, and im trying my best to talk to as many people as i can, which anyone who knows me knows isn't the easiest thing for me, i was reading some of my old confessionals from both my past games and the one thing i consistently got dragged for was not being as present with people, which granted i did improve a lot on last time around for sure, but i still got work to do and im realizing that more each day when i have no urge whatsoever to talk to anyone (don't worry, it's not you, it's (crippling depression) me! I understand socializing is part of the game and i do think my social game is my strongest asset but to me i like to think of my social game as a more distinct kind, im more elusive and i like to be that, if you leave them wanting more dahling they'll keep you around, i dont like to show all my cards, and that's a quality that i reflect in both survivor and life, and it has advantages and disadvantages in both but ANYWHO despite all that dare i say i think im still doing *decent* ? I'm making it a priority to reach out at least once a day to *most people (AJ, Augusto, Amir, Austin) are the ones ive probably had some of the best conversations with where it was the most natural and just flowed you know, and still is on day 5, and with kendall ive had some talks with her i do like her but idk i get this vibe she's kinda holding back when talking to me, and ESPECIALLY same with connor? we only had one private conversation and he gave me about a 3 word response, and if you havent guessed by now i like elaboration or at least a lil bit of personality when you talk, no shade just an observation, so that's a small red flag im very much a person who matches energy, one of my go to's in survivor is being open to the possibility of anything, ill always work with anyone who will work with me, and i think thats how everyone should play so hopefully the people ive been talking a lot to feel similar but i guess we'll have to wait until a vote of some sort to see about all that.. I still havent heard any idol talk or even game talk quite frankly so im guessing people are just still keeping the friendly facade up..... or ...... is it me?? am i the one on the outs looking like boo boo the fool or is that just my paranoia getting to me??? im not gonna send myself into a tizzy about getting voted out when we're not even going to tribal i- lemme calm down. If i had to guess I'd say Kendall, Connor, or Amir have the idol probably but sounds like a mystery for another day because im DONE im clocking out for the night until other people wanna wake up and play the game too oop final note: ok but it would be sick and twisted if it turns out they are all playing the game just without me and im the first boot of the tribe 

Waking up on this glorious Day 5 with a new perspective. I originally applied to be on the brains tribe and was shook when I got brawn because let’s face it, my arms are akin to overcooked spaghetti noodles. BUT my tribe is so much stronger than the brains. I’m hoping for a big name to go to shake things up. AND I’m not really looking to swap onto a tribe with Trace or Autumn due to our past game history. Love them both dearly, but it’s gonna be a no from me. 

okie so! update from me is i think im doing okay. like i think the benefit of no dua lipa cave is you can just build connections with everyone, you aren't voting someone out every round so why not capitalise on that? i'm so afraid of the fact that i'm overdoing it in challenges like i really need to calm. down. but im reassuring myself with the fact that in the first challenge i only was top because i did like... one more thing than others like its not thattt big of a deal? my puzzle time was clownery but hopefully people don't pay attention to it? im getting very anxious about overdoing it in challenges, but my thought process now is like. i need to act like people have an awareness of it, without getting kinda consumed by my anxiety about it? idk im hoping since most of these people don't know me, they wont notice me doing good in the challenge but truly who can be sure also am really just liking my tribe? like jake is ofc a king, i love jordan (who im gonna talk to later, he is the only one i feel like i have to talk to today), i also really like TJ who i was super harsh on at the start for no reason, i get good ally vibes from lovelis, liam m is super sweet even tho he is kinda inactive and dan is so fun (plus he told jake that he speaks to me one of the most so we love that!!). i've been trying to figure out what i even do about a lot of the super old school players that i have no connection/point of reference with? like people like scott, adam, kendall, aj i have truly no basis with? thats whats so scary about a swap, is at this point in the game i know 10/20 people left aka the brawn tribe + duncan/isaac/autumn, and like 10/20 isnt bad... BUT then the other 10 aka the beauty tribe + trace/scott/devon i have literally no connection to which is super scary JAKSDFA. im just real afraid of a swap. just swap me with jordan/jake/autumn/isaac PLEATHE. im just a pile of anxiety this season idk what to do im like frozen because of how scared i am... maybe it'll be all fine

Well, that was a close one. I struggled with that comp all day and I feel like absolute shit that I only got our team that 1 point. To me, it's inexcusable not to have be able to help my tribe as I wanted to contribute and make sure I made my worth known. So now I'm just this paranoid mess that I would have been in trouble had we gone to tribal. It's been hard to talk to some of these people or for most of those who I do talk to, I just don't really know where there head is at. I'm not sure if this is just a really guarded tribe, or if I really should be concerned. So I don't know what to do just yet. And that's not a feeling I like when playing TS.

Not gonna lie, I’m pretty sad that Bodhi left the game like he was so active pre-season so I was expecting him to do his best to go super far and maybe he did? I don’t know, but I did want a chance to actually get to play with him in TS but we keep passing each other by! I hope he is doing good despite how he might feel being the first boot yknow but yeah <3 

The way I absolutely flopped with the idol system stuff is all types of funny and sad at the same time like I REALLY thought I did something only for it to be part of the challenge… That being said, Amir did tell me that he has a theory the idol system might be based on numbers which is interesting! I am super thankful he decided to tell me and we went on this long talk about how we are each other’s #1s which is super cute! I really do trust Amir and I do want to go far with him because he’s awesome but that being said, my #1 is me like I promised myself that I’d be selfish this time around just because being the selfless person I am hasn’t gotten me a win but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. We did go over a lot of stuff in terms of tribe dynamics and we both kinda agreed that AJ would be the first boot from the time if we went to tribal, we like our alliance with Kendall/Connor, we both like Adam and we both think Austin is sweet/genuine even if we don’t talk to him tons so yay for that too <3

I am SO trying to sell the fact that me and Kendall are a duo to Kendall which is funny to me idk hjfkds like she did approach me super early on about aligning but I do have the tiniest feeling she did that to mostly everyone but I’m trying to pin us with each other to her so she trusts me more, especially since I do feel as though she is the best connected on the tribe. I even called us Crystal Cox (me bc blazing speed and challenge flop ofc) and Ken(dell) ghfjdksl, I’m doing the most but yeah, I just want Kendall to see me as her #1 in the game on the off chance anything happens yknow?

Austin thinks I’m his #1 which is really sweet? I do like Austin even if it is hard to talk to him sometimes but hey, that happens. He told me that he’s really glad I’m on this tribe (which I have heard from basically everyone especially Adam and Amir which makes me feel cute omg) and that we might need to get a group going soon. I was like…. Tea but I also don’t know how quickly I want to get an alliance including Austin going just because it’s like… do I reveal that Austin and I are close-ish and be seen as a social threat? That just ain’t cute sis! But yeah, Austin told me he also really likes Kendall and Amir and that’s awesome that the two people I feel the closest to are ALSO doing THAT but at the same time, I want to be the one doing THAT the most because I’m greedy (by Ariana Grande) so it’s something to keep in mind! 

The way I absolutely flopped at that puzzle… this is why I’m a Beauty cause a sis ain’t smart to complete a puzzle and I’m not brawn-y enough to do well in a challenge hgjfdk BUT that being said, Hagthor beat the thots and apiss and I couldn’t be any happier! I do wish Brawn lost over Brain but yknow, you can’t have everything go your way (‘: it’s funny how I slayed the last challenge and flopped this one tho like a bitch really lacks consistency huh ghfjndmks

Ugh fineeeee since I've been called out... by myself. I guess I'll do the bare minimum. So we won immunity!!!! Wooo!!!!!! Low-key though through out the entire process of making the flag, I just kept thinking darn I wish we voted out someone last tribal because drawing 7 people is annoying... watch me get voted out next tribal council lol. That would be quality foreshadowing. Today I have two goals. 1. Figure out what the method of entering the tomb. I intend on getting in contact with Augusto or Connor for that one. Augusto because he is low-key my number one. Connor because I feel if anyone can solve it he probably could. 2. Set up group chat with me, Augusto, and Austin. So Austin can feel a false sense of reassurance and Augusto and I have options. Write more later maybe.

Honestly im feeling kind of trepidatious going forward which is a little wierd, i just dont feel like ive gotten my footing yet in this game. I think like, im in a good spot to be fine on this tribe because of my social game and how I contribute in challenges, but I dont know if I feel good about anything longterm just yet. What really is bothering me is the tomb. Its gonna be round 3 tonight and I haven't made any more progress on getting in than I have night one. I feel like I have a lot of pieces to this puzzle but nothing is fitting together and its bothering me. I'm also a little upset that if we lose, I could see Liam being the target and I can't see my self risking my position to save him if he cant save himself. He has my name on his wiki page its an obvious association to me, and while I think hed be loyal to me, I'm just wondering honestly if him as an ally is worth the target it may bring. Im cautiously moving through the beginning of this game with a lot of unnease and hopefully I find some steady ground soon.

I am annoyed that we are yet again at tribal. I played so fucking hard at winter bells but of course someone on another tribe got like 238593277 billion which threw us back into tribal... So annoying truthfully. But it's alright, I should be able to make it out alive. I want Devon to go home. But I also don't want to let my guard down. This vote is important for a few reasons. The first reason is that our tribe is very close, so I am nervous that lines are going to be drawn in the sand. The second is that, after this vote, we will be down to five, making 3 the majority. We have an alliance of 4, and lord knows that when you are down to 5, whoever feels like 3 and 4 of the alliance are most likely going to try and rope in the 5th person to get rid of each other. So my plan is to make Isaac and Scott BOTH feel as though they are my number 1s so that they actually stick to our alliance of 4 thinking that I will be keeping them both if we lose again. This is the only way that i can see it working, but idk. I feel bad if Devon ends up going because he's a nice guy, but we have to make choices about strengthening our team, and then I have to make a choice about strengthening my place in the game. Hopefully this doesn't come to bite me in the ass.

Things have been going pretty well for my tribe! We won the first immunity challenge and that really seemed to boost tribe morale. Granted, these past couple of days I've been quiet since I'm trying to boost grades that are literally 0s into something manageable before I graduate hehe. I've tried to keep up with people through small conversations, which seems to work better for me at the moment until I get myself together. Adam wants to create an alliance with Augusto and Amir, which I'm totally for. I understand, though, that he doesn't wanna do it immediately since there's really no urgency to? We didn't go to tribal, so why did it matter! That excuse aside, I do hope that us holding our breath to say something doesn't bite us in the ass because these are people I want to work with! I wanna get something going with Kendall as well hopefully, since I adore her! Earlier, I stated that Adam and I (Adam, really) found our way into the tomb and both flopped in the questions. Adam took another stab at it and found out we've been bamboozled! Someone beat us to the punch and has whatever contents were inside the tomb. I'm assuming it was an idol, but who knows what else is in there! It kinda made me lose motivation to keep searching inside but when in Rome? I'll probably end up trying again despite knowing the end result just because I wanna prove I can be a smart cookie as well. I also didn't gloss over this but I'll mention it really quickly, but I'm sad Bodhi went! He was one of the few people I was familiar with on the other tribes so it's unfortunate we aren't going to be able to connect with each other this game. A king has fallen. In lighter and more recents events, my tribe crushed the second immunity challenge. Kendall stunned with her artistry and I'm still gushing over how cute everyone's character was. I kinda like decimated Winterbells, but I've always been good at the game, and Amir did really well in the scavenger hunt. Augusto and Austin did really well in the puzzle also, despite their lack of confidence in offering a strong performance. We appear to be THEE tribe to beat honestly and I'm loving that. I love our tribe! I LOVE OUR TRIBE! It really would be a tragedy if we aren't able to keep up this win streak we're manifesting. 

Sorry for not writing this sooner! Been having a bad depressive episode for the last couple days and it makes me unmotivated to write c': I feel like a flop so far in this game, not because I submit shit scores, but because I find it exhausting to connect with some of these people. They're all very nice in their own special ways, but interacting w some is like pulling teeth, and I guarantee they feel the same about me, which I would expect. That being said, I hope we keep winning, cause I don't have the energy to go to tribal right now.

Heading into a second tribal council, there is becoming less and less room to hide. I am struggling to hold my own against the other tribes when it comes to competitions, but thank goodness it's a numbers game. If everything goes accordingly, I am taking a backseat this vote and allowing a 4-2 vote out when it comes to Trace. I appreciated Duncan coming to me with the alliance chat information with him/Scott/Trace/Isaac, but didn't like how Autumn needed to tell me first. Shows that I really can't trust Scott/Duncan after a swap comes up. In regards to Scott, he outright didn't say anything. I like him and all, but it was a slimy move to say the least. He only said something because he HAD to vote out someone in one of his two alliances. This group will be dumb as hell if they let me swap. I'll flip on them as soon as possible and invite anyone into my alliance. The tribe swap is where I made my 'Slithers' game infamous last time, so I'm hoping for a similar output. Don't forget: I swapped with the minority last time in Guyana (shout out to Jess), so I'm not worried about the numbers and how its split. ALL I NEED IS A SWAP OR TWIST. GET ME OUT OF HERE. 

Thank God we won that based on the tiebreaker, but yikes I didn't think my flag would've tanked so hard. Guess I've gotta get better at perfecting my craft huh, but at least we're safe. I feel nervous on this tribe to be honest, because I think I'm the second to bottom on the totem pole after the other Liam, so it isn't reassuring that if we lose twice I'll either be gone, or I could even be gone at our first tribal if he's got a solid alliance going...the only alliance I have right now is with Jordan and I don't really know where I sit with everyone else, but I'm afraid of overplaying... ugh so annoying! I think I just need to force a couple of game related conversations with people to build up some trust, just hope it wouldn't paint a target on my back for trying I guess...

oh gorl, some of these people on my tribe really think im just the clown of the tribe and cant put two and two together, well guess what, IM NOT. So Amir messages me, which nothing out of the ordinary there, ive been talking to him every day so far for the most part like i said we're a little familiar with each other from our pasts, but i was VERY surprised today at what had happened... what had happened was....he starts talking the smallest bit of game with me, basically he just said, "is it me or is everyone really quiet here?" and so i just agreed with him and i said yeah i dont think people are talking game yet which is a little weird, and then i threw the TINEST tea crumpet out there and i said "yeah ive talked to some people so easily like you, but then there's others who.....i cant say the same for" and i was absolutely hinting at connor/kendall just because i havent had the longest convos with them, which no biggie, but THEN about 20 minutes later i get a message from CONNOR of all people saying "hey adam!" ..... obviously im glad to talk to him and im all for getting to know everyone, but my instincts immediately went off and told me it's a little sus....how not even a few minutes ago i was saying how some people never talk to me and then out of no where the one person i was mainly talking about messages me?? Coincidences don't exist in survivor. Now I really have no choice but to think that amir in someway mentioned to connor that i said theres some people i havent talked to at all and that he probably needed to work on that.. which is true, but cmon. i know the tribe brain cell is missing but at least put a little thought into this and message me later tonight or not right after i say it?? I'm not sure if they have any type of past connection and while I definitely do wanna keep building my relationship with Amir, this will definitely make me question him a little bit at least until i see how some votes fall when we eventually go to tribal. Amir also told me he's had the most convos with Augusto, which is funny because thats exactly how both me and aj feel about augusto, which tells me augusto is really playing the game rn, and while thats someone i want to work with, it's also someone i need to be extremely careful with if we're still playing together down the road. plot twist: connor messaging me has absolutely nothing to do with amir and i just made this whole conspiracy for nothing but idk.... it's a conspiracy IM interested in.

***last add on because i forgot to say how the hell im gonna HANDLE this amir/connor situation... im keeping my eyes on it incase theyre in kahoots and also if they think im that dumb then clearly they havent watched me play before, which is great for me but bad for them, you cant trick a trickster try all you want, There's nothing I love more than being underestimated in survivor because it kinda makes it a little easier to play and gives me more options, so sure ill keep up my fake smiles and act like we're all fine and dandy, ill play dumb and wont even act like im onto them but i absolutely am and ill be ready to make my move the second it seems right 

Ugh I feel so DIRTY. I feel so GROSS. Poor Devon, truly. I spoke with Autumn and told her about Devon, and she was in without a fight and told me that it should be 5-1. And then Devon came to me and was like... we all good for the vote tonight? And I'm like ................yes? Lol. I'm good, you're probably not. ugh, this is the part of this game that I hate. I want to never lose immunity ever again, let someone else break someone else's heart!

Something about Kendall is so chaotic and terrifying and I can’t put a finger on why.her aligning was her talking to me for the first time in a day saying “let’s align” and created an alliance chat without even asking who else should be in it which leads me to believe her Augusto and Connor already have a trio and I was the 4th. Are all these focking people playing me?? Like i still cant tell if this is a real alliance but i want to believe it is and not a bluff to vote me out. But also like why even do that, the only person on this cast that I trust and have played with, bodhi, has just been voted out. I’m a free agent and I can help that alliance make it far in the game, but they also have lots of relationships on other tribes so like I might not even be that valuable to them. I mentioned to Augusto about the numbers on the blog, hoping to create more trust because I really really love him and want to trust him but I’m still just so damn unsure. if we lose this immunity and I get one bad signal from any of those 3, if they slip up even once, I won’t hesitate to align and gather the minority. But if they are playing me properly, then kudos to them! 

I am just happy i have the idol i am going to put it in my ass. 

me when the brains tribe only has 5 members left http://prntscr.com/s8y76g

You know what? https://66.media.tumblr.com/b7b4accba586ad321141b6ba80d69044/tumblr_omule3fwZC1w1swfno1_250.gifv I'm mad but I'm not tight because that same alliance that Duncan and I orchestrated is the same alliance that will get us through. So do I enjoy going to tribal? No. And do I enjoy knowing that Trace created an alliance w/ everyone except me and Devon? No. But the Dads will prevail and I trust Scott and the gang. I mean Ducnan is family so as long as we don't go it's fine. But Devon is my baby so absolutely gotta kill for him. That's what keep em close hahaha But no the Trace vote is a dream come true that I only crossed my mind once and STILL got manifested. Like Duncan suggested it and I said you got it because Trace will be the FIRST to rally all the white boys against me in a swap. Cute or not, Trace will kill me I'm convinced. Like something in my spirit told me not to trust Trace and low and behold: Duncan reveals that alliance to me on Day 3. So confirmed, Trace is leaving so that I don't fall to the bottom of the tribe. But it's all good- Isaac listens to Fleetwood Mac and watches Schitt's Creek so he's a good guy. And Scott is literally a cinammon roll who's too busy to snitch or flip. I don't have time to discuss how much I love Duncan or Devon so we're tabling that. Anyway If y'all need me I'll be doing this 4 part immunity challenge that determines whether I make Final 3 in the other org I'm in so try not to need me lmao

okay so... we aren't going to tribal but its still kinda messy on brawn beach. i kinda have felt this energy for a while, but i don't think jake and jordan have enough trust between the two of them for us to be a continual three person alliance. jake is a very reactive, gut-impulse kind of player which is honestly to his benefit since he is super perceptive. however that also means he is quick to be anxious about stuff in the game, which is the same as me and that is why we click. BUT. he thinks something is up with dan/jordan and honestly i see that and feel it. jordan keeps hinting at dan being the one to loop in and i think that does say something about them having some sort of game dynamic. however, jordan is maybe downplaying that relationship which is scary KLAF tbh i still like jordan and wanna work with him, but i do 100% have to keep tabs on him, his social connections could definitely become a problem if he has other priorities over me! so i think i just have to make sure im a continuing priority for him, so i have to find some sort of information to bring to him (maybe when dan proposes the alliance of me/jordan/jake/dan to me ill run to jordan and be like hey did dan suggest this to you how do you feel) to solidify that sort of trust? idk... i want my j-men to stick together and they ARENT. maybe i need to solidify stuff with TJ specifically more, he gives good ally vibes? but ya... its a mess tm