#im gonna try and clean and self care tmrw i think. i want to explode
Text
went to the bathroom. cried. came back. checked the time. ten minutes after med time. ah. so im just crazy i can work with this.
#im taking extra meds bc i need the big boy stuff#i still have not slept im just not gonna sleep#me trying to explain and talk myself thru my thinking process. starts crying bc the thoughts are just so scary#i think my major fear is being a bad person who does things to hurt people like ive heard of others doing#and then i get rlly focused on wondering if IM that person#if somehow all of my actions are lies#my thoughts are all manipulations and im just delusional about trying my best#maybe im really bad#and it just gets worse and worse and i stop being able to believe people#when they tell me its not like that#and i just. bangs my head against a therapists door.#please.#answer already#another biggest fear is becoming anti recovery for bpd bc idk.#i know i a lot wonder about how many more options do i have?? how much more can i take? before its too much#how much can i handle how much damage can i take#and how many treatments can fall through#i dont know how other people w bpd do this#i genuinely am at a loss at how they do this i want to know i want the answers i really do#i shouldve agreed to talk to my friends friend with it when they offered months ago#i think about it a lot. or was it a year ago or more than that? idk#but i just. i wish id talked and learned stuff. or maybe i wasnt ready but i am now? i dont know.#i dont know anything#my brain goes to mush so easily and i start questioning if anything is real or is everhything evil am i evil#it gets rlly bad. idk what to do. im hanigng on. im waiting for that therapist.#im gonna try and clean and self care tmrw i think. i want to explode
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
ps-pandakochii
P a n d a ★彡 ちゃん !
queenofconstellations
Queen of Constellations
chara0104
Chara Chen
prros
Sin título
