#im gonna be stressed til i move

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

The horrors* are endless

[sometimes-stufful]

Hey guys. It's been um *checks watch* like 5 or 6 years since I've used this blog. How's everybody doing? Sorry for the unannounced hiatus all that time ago.

I don't know if this blog will become active again. However there is a good chance that it might! I'm starting to create a plot for the blog's characters (because I still love them dearly), so hopefully I can create that and get this show up and running again. I've also been updating everyone's refs. So even if I don't come back to posting here officially, I think I'm going to at least upload those. I also have some new characters in the works that I may post refs for if I don't go thru with returning/making this blog more plot-centric.

I really do want to return to sometimes-stufful. However I'm an adult now (I'm literally about to turn 25 in 10 days, holy shit), and the past few years have been rough as hell on my mental health. I've lost a lot, and am just starting to heal from everything that's gone down. And I work full time, and have a datemate now, so finding the chance to draw is difficult. But this blog helped me on my art journey before. And I'd love to use it as an excuse to draw more, which is the main thing that pulling me back into the pokemon ask community. Another thing that's been pulling me back is the strong af urge to create content for my characters. Because I still love them so very much. I think about them so often that I want to put them in Situations and share it all with you. Although first I wanna get better at drawing humans lol (its relevant I swear). But I could get back into the swing of drawing some 'mons if I really set myself out to.

Let's see how it all goes. I'll keep you all updated. For those of you who have stuck around waiting so long, thank you. I hope to join you in this community again soon.

In the meantime, here's where you can find me and my artwork:

Main blog Toyhouse Artfight

[wachi-delectrico]

Me, the three weeks I was home alone: Wow I'm eating on a much better schedule with a greater variety of meals and feel physically and mentally great, I haven't binged in forever and I'm able to hold back when I feel the urge to - why don't I do this when my family is around?

My family: *buys too much red meat, which I don't like much* *doesn't buy many vegetables and when they do they run out super quickly* *buys too much frozen and sugary food, which I don't like* *either nobody washes the dishes or they do but they keep stacking clean dishes on the countertop instead of putting them away, making the kitchen look super cluttered and hard to navigate* *they're downstairs all the time working and talking and yelling and doing a lot of noise and moving all over*

Me, starting to skip meals again due to the stress and lack of foods I enjoy: Ah,

[ace-with--a-mace]

so i went to the dr and it was alright

[pro-mammonologist]

girl, that mammon head cannon of him rubbing the tip on mc’s clit 😩

MAKE IT INTO A FANFICCCC URGSJSNELMD

Okay :)

Impulsive sex with Mammon tends to be needy, messy, and quick. For someone like him, quickies used to be the way to go, just get himself off and his partner and go on with it, but with you?

It’s like all that pent up emotion pours out when his mouth is on yours.

He was already half dressed when you left the shower, occupied by his DDD. You had entered his room and shed your towel to get dressed but you could feel Mammon’s eyes on you… and then you heard his phone click and his bed shuffle behind you.

“Mc.”

“Yeah?” You whipped your head around and saw him on the edge of the bed.

“Don’t bother gettin’ any clothes on.” He patted his thigh. “Unless you don’t wanna.”

You sighed and looked toward his crotch, the bulge of gym shorts getting larger. You stuck out your lower lip in a fake protest. “I just showered.”

“Like I said—“ He attempted to speak but you beat him to it. You shuffled over and planted yourself down on his lap and ran your fingers through his hair.

“Man, you’re so aggravating.” He blushed and held your face, pulling you to his lips. It didn’t take long for Mammon to start moving your hips so you were grinding against him.

You wanted to tease him for being needy but he was too occupied with trying to practically swallow your mouth. You could feel how hard he was getting, prompting you to pull his shorts down. He let you lift up so he could shed them, leaving the two of you to be ass naked.

You gasped for breath and giggled. “Commando?”

“Usually I sleep naked anyways.” He nipped at your neck and started palming at his cock. “Touch yourself, Mc.” He bit at your lip and looked to your face for approval. Intrigued by his idea, you slowly traced circles around your clit. “I love it when you go slow, Mc, it’s like yer tryna tease me.”

You looked at the smirk on his face, instantly feeling a throb in your pussy, memories of that look flying through your mind. Mammon looked down again to watch your fingers move while picking up his own pace. Mammon could feel himself throbbing along with you, his need to cum overwhelming.

He didn’t know what it was that made him a needy mess today. Maybe it was the buildup of all the stress from exams and Lucifer and everyone making him need release? Or maybe how you’ve spent almost every night with him in his own bed and have yet to fuck in it since sleeping with him in his room. Or maybe it’s just how you so shamelessly stripped in front of him fresh out of the bath as though you’ve been married for years.

Regardless, he was already close and it brought him shame almost, but he’s not the kind to stop when he���s started. “Mc, you’ve got me so turned on, it’s like I haven’t cum in weeks.”

“Mm. You’re already close?” You felt dazed, the idea of him cumming in less than 5 minutes just from you rubbing your clit a little made you feel powerful. “How many rou—“

“I’ll keep goin til you’re satisfied.” He read your mind. “Im gonna cum.” He furrowed his brows together and let out a choked breath. “All over your pretty pussy.”

“Give it to me, Mammon, cum on my clit.” The thought of your cum covered fingers and clit made his stamina kick in tenfold. You used your fingers to part your lips, giving him a better sight and more to cum on.

“Fuck, Mc!” He angled himself downward, ropes of cum coating his cock, fingers, and your pussy. You twitched at the warmth dripping down, feeling your cheeks heat from the sight.

Mammon pumped himself slower, letting out raspy sighs and whimpers. You could see more hunger in his eyes, the way his eyes stayed fixated on your lower half, watching how his cum slowly dripped down. He looked to your upper lips prompting you to lean forward and kiss him.

His kiss was still so desperate, so breathless. You went back in for another, sucking at his bottom lip. Mammon was so sensitive that your actions made him whine, ready for more.

“Mammon, I need you to make me cum.” You pulled away from him, watching his tongue sweep across his lips.

“Don’t worry.” He pressed his tip against your clit and kissed you once more. “I wanna make you lose it.”

He started rubbing himself against your clit even tho his body was spasming and too sensitive. Mammon whined and let out choked gasps, clenching his eyes shut and then rolling them back.

You were enthralled with his body, with him. You started to grind back against him, adding more friction. “Mammon!”

He threw his head back. “Mc, oh my fucking—fuck!” He let you grind against him, guiding your hand to press him against you. You let him lean back on his hands and set the pace for him and you. “Mm, don’t be too mean, please.”

You moved your hips up and down, pressing him against you just a bit harder after hearing him. “Thought you liked mean?” You chuckled at him, watching his face go red.

“Mc…” his mouth went agape and his thighs twitched under you.

“Can’t talk huh?” You moved faster, chasing your own orgasm now. You loved the way his cock felt sliding on your cunt, lubed up perfectly with your own arousal and his cum. He concurred, fixated on how it felt and how desperately he wanted to feel your walls squeeze him in.

“I wanna see you cum so bad.” He pleaded, repositioning so that he could whisper in your ear. “Wanna fuck you till you make us both a mess.” His words sent a shiver through you, reminding you of his ever present need for more. “Wanna make you—hng—make you scream from so much.” He reached up to your head and pulled at your hair, grasping for control as his body still moved through the shockwaves of overstimulation.

“Fuck me til I beg for mercy, please Mammon. I wanna cum so bad.” You spoke some dangerous words, unsure of it was the high talking or something you really wanted. Regardless, it was enough to convince him he had to fuck you too.

“Cum, treasure, cum for me, so I can fuck you nice and good.” His breathing was beginning to calm, sending you a sign he was recovering dangerously fast.

“Yes!” You didn’t care about the danger. “Please Mammon! Fuck!” Your body tensed up and your head threw back. “Mammon, Mammon!” You came for what felt like a century, powerful enough to make you go dumb, not feeling Mammon’s hands grip your waist.

Watching you try to regain your strength, he waited for the perfect moment to flip you around so that your were on your back. You hit the mattress and instinctively spread your legs and put your arms above your head. He pulled you to his hips and eyed your cum coated cunt before pressing his tip at your entrance. You felt a tinge of fear but that only enhanced your want for him.

He could see it too. “I’ll make you feel like you’ve never felt.” He slid in slowly, savoring how you twitched around him.

“Oh god…”

“Mmhmm.” His self-control was impeccable at this moment, feeling how you were still so tight from the shockwaves of cumming so hard. “You sure you can take it?”

“I wanna.” You responded without a second thought. “Fuck me until I can’t handle you anymore.”

He didn’t waste any time, thrusting into you the way he’s been craving all week. You wrapped your legs around him and cried out. Clenching your eyes together you gripped the sheets above you, pulling at what you could. You reached down to rub your clit again, trying to add to your pleasure, but the shock of the stimulation was so much that your whole body spasmed.

“Ah!” You cried out again.

“Keep touchin’ yourself, Mc.” Mammon demanded softly but desperately. You did as he asked and struggled around him, your body moving wildly from the overstimulation. Mammon watched you hungrily, wishing he could touch your clit too, but he was too busy holding your hips in place.

“Mammon!” You cried out again, repeating his name frantically as if was the only thing you knew. He listened to you cry out his name, loving how praised him.

“Keep sayin’ my name like that and I’m gonna cum.” The sound of your skin slapping together on top of your whines and pleads made him almost ecstatic. He was moaning with you, loving how your pussy pulled him in so perfectly and how you never once took your eyes off him. “Oh, I’m gonna fill you up so fucking good.”

You were chasing another orgasm, pushing yourself as much as you could, knowing Mammon was getting close again as well. You were pleading with him, begging for him to make you cum. “Mammon, I need more please!” You begged like he was denying you, though he fully intended to make you cum as hard as he could.

“Mc, I’m gonna cum again. I’m gonna cum all over your pussy!” His grip on your waist was bound to leave marks, but you didn’t mind. “Mc, beg for my cum.”

“Please, Mammon, cum inside me, please!” You struggled to get the words out, breathlessly begging him.

“Yes! Good fucking human!” He released, filling you to his hearts content. “Mc!” He slowed a little but continued his thrusting. “I don’t wanna stop.” Mammon was a mess now, twitching and shaking, his thighs trembling as he continued to thrust.

“Mammon, you look so fucking hot.” You reached for his head that was now leaning over you, pulling at his hair.

He whined more. “‘M not stoppin’, not till you cum again.” He used all of his strength to increase his pace, but his cries by now we’re loud and uncontrollable. He didn’t care who heard, not in this moment. “Fuck! Mc! It’s too fucking much!” He didn’t stop.

“Mammon I’m so close.” You pulled at his hair harder, his eyes rolling back.

“Cum for me! Please! I need you to cum!” Mammon was so beautiful and desperate, so overwhelmed. “I wanna feel you, make me feel more.” Even then, he wanted more.

“Mammon!”

“That’s right, cum Mc!”

“Mammon, I’m cumming!”

“Fuck! Good Mc, that’s so—FUCK!”

You cried louder than you ever have before, almost screaming as you came. Mammon’s body lost its strength and he nearly collapsed on top of you. His scream outdid yours, your name filling the walls surrounding you. You pushed his chest, unable to form the words “I’m done”, luckily he was pushed far enough as well.

“Mc, I can’t take anymore.” He breathed, closing his eyes as he used his arms to prop himself up.

“Me neither.” You helped him slide out of you, moving so he had more leverage. His cum followed his cock as it left your pussy, dripping onto his bed. “Sorry.”

“I don’t care, it’s okay.” He laid beside you, legs still tangled in yours. The two of you laid there, breathing heavily and seeing stars. “You okay?”

You turned your head toward him. “Yessir.” You put your forehead to his. “Are you?”

“Mmhmm.” He closed his eyes and reached for your cheek. “You always fuck me to sleep.”

You smiled. “We need to stop asking for things we know we can’t handle.” You turned to your side and reached for the towel you tossed into the floor earlier to wipe yourself.

Mammon shuffled his blankets back so the two of you could bury yourselves under them. “We? No, that was you.”

You got under the covers with him and kissed his forehead. “You said you’d fuck me til you dropped.”

“Well, I dropped!” He protested and kissed your lips. “Stop accusin’ me and let me hold you.”

“I’d never object to that.” You nuzzled into him and he wrapped his arms around you making you tangle your legs with his. “Never.”

“Better not. You’re stuck with me now.” With one last giggle, the two of you closed your eyes and drifted off to sleep.

[amazingmaeve]

matt murdock fic recommendations

I know that this was already uploaded ages ago but the link that it was really weird and I couldn’t edit it so I just thought about redoing it and putting them here. also some won’t be on here because the link isn’t working and I couldn’t find it.

anyways these are fics that I just love and adore and deserve all the praise and attention they get. so you should totally give them all the likes and comments because the authors sure as hell deserve it.

also what i interpret things as fluff/angst might be different to other people and it's just an opinion based.

ೃ⁀➷ fluff/smut

a slow day by @solemnly-mischievous god it’s just so good and the writing is just *chefs kiss* no other words than amazing!

ೃ⁀➷ fluff/a smidge of angst

sleepless nights by @carters-things it’s just so amazing and great I love the boys of angst followed up by fluff and it will always be one of my favorite fics for matt.

ೃ⁀➷ fluff/smut/little angst

nighttime activities by @crazyxshit can feel the angst in this and it is so good that I would love to read it for the first time again because it’s so amazing. so if you hadn’t read it do it now.

ೃ⁀➷ angst/smut/teeny fluff

spawn ii by @elsolario it’s an au obviously and I love it because it is the devil!matt and it’s so great and it is executed so perfectly. it’s just so good and I recommend everyone should read it. (18 up of course)

ೃ⁀➷ angst/smut/kinda dark

blasphemy by @spencer-van-sunshine so it’s an au again I just love au and it’s a priest!matt au and it’s so good and the author is amazing. as the author states it has some dub con elements so if you aren’t comfortable with than you shouldn’t read it.

ೃ⁀➷ fluff/smut

im gonna ruin you by @aimerriarkle as the other fics listed here it is amazing and I love reading it, it just gives my stomach the butterflies.

ೃ⁀➷ fluff/smut

zip and rewind by @clints-lucky-arrow it’s just so steamy and I love it. the authors amazing and it’s written so beautifully. it’s just ugghhh these are the fics with the writing that i have strive to have.

ೃ⁀➷ fluff

heartbeats by @clints-lucky-arrow it’s just so fucking fluffy and I love it, I love pregnancy fics even though right at the moment I can’t even see my self with a child. idk why I just love these types of fics so much.

ೃ⁀➷ fluff

moving in by @darling-i-read-it matt is just…… a bit of a mess in this fic and you know what I don’t blame him, and it’s just amazing and I love it.

ೃ⁀➷ fluff/smut/teeny bits of angst

the devil of hell’s kitchen by @arahxdjarin there are multiple fics that I love that have the reader basically being matt’s personal nurse and this is one of these. it’s so fluffy with sprinkles of angst and smut it’s just too good.

ೃ⁀➷ fluff/smut

stress by @stranger-nightmare amazing, beautifully written a piece of art that should be praised til the end of times. so good and I recommend everyone who is of age to read it.

ೃ⁀➷ fluff/angst

the defense rests by @dameronology love the fics where they have to hide their relationship and this one of them and as said before I love it.

ೃ⁀➷ fluff

new case by @darling-i-read-it spoilers for spider-man no way home and let me tell you I got so excited for the fic while reading the synopsis because I had seen the movie and loved it. but it’s amazing. the fic and the movie of course. but if you hadn’t watched the movie watch it first.

ೃ⁀➷ fluff/smut/angst

let me hear you by @stranger-nightmare it’s just such a comfort fic for me. comfort fluff, comfort angst, and comfort smut and i love reading it when I’m in my feelings because it always perks my mood up.

ೃ⁀➷ fluff/smidge of angst

bad dream by @ola-elaina another comfort fic that just makes my heart flutter every-time I read it and it never fail to make me happy.

ೃ⁀➷ smut

stress relief by @fluffyprettykitty i LOVE dom matt fics and this one of many examples of those fics and it’s amazing.

ೃ⁀➷ fluff

heartbeat by @darling-i-read-it another fic where the reader is pregnant and matt finds out through his hearing. i love this fic as much as the other one and they’re not the same fic obviously but nonetheless you should just read it.

ೃ⁀➷ fluff

flirting at work by @pastafossa more tooth rotting fluff and god it’s good and foggys there and he is annoyed at the two and if you were in his shoes probably wouldn’t blame him. such a cute fic.

ೃ⁀➷ fluff

up against the wall kiss by @pastafossa it’s such a trope but it’s an amazing way at writing a trope that I adore so so much and it’s sfw so just go and read it if you like matt murdock fics.

ೃ⁀➷ smut/teeny fluff

no sympathy from the devil by @write-orflight it’s kinda enemies to lovers and set in the college time. just so good and great I love enemies to lovers when done right and it’s done so right here since they’re still kinda enemies.

ೃ⁀➷ angst/fluff

running red by @titan-sl8yer it’s such a role reversal where the reader gets attacked and matt has to clean her up and it’s amazing it’s just amazing.

ೃ⁀➷ smut/fluff

overworked by @writingdumpster this fic is just matt being a good boyfriend and the reader is just trying her best to get her work done and I love it.

ೃ⁀➷ smut/fluff

what’s your middle name by @thegingerwriter there’s a lot of humor in this that makes it even greater than it already was and it’s just the reader guessing matt’s middle name.

ೃ⁀➷ smut

justice is blind by @lovelybucky1 friends with benefits is another trope that i absolutely love and adore and this is again one of these fics and read it please if you’re of again obviously

ೃ⁀➷ smut

nsfw alphabet by @lovelybucky1 self explanatory and I always love these ones so please give it a good ole read.

ೃ⁀➷ smut/kinda fluffy

far from innocent by @singledadharrington as said before love dom matt murdock and this fic is just full of it so if you’re 18+ and love dom matt murdock smut this is the fic for you.

ೃ⁀➷ angst/fluff

fleeing moments by @titan-sl8yer god it’s just so fluffy with some angst that melts my heart every time I read it. amazing.

ೃ⁀➷ fluff

morning after by @spideyhexx this fic is the epitome of fluff and matt murdock and if you want to read all that good stuff don’t look any further it’s right here.

ೃ⁀➷ fluff/smut

woman ii by @petertingle-yipyip there’s so much flirting and teasing in these fics that make my heart skip a beat. and they’re ugghhh so amazing.

ೃ⁀➷ smut

client calls by @clints-lucky-arrow a lot of teasing matt in this one and it’s great I love it.

ೃ⁀➷ fluff/teeny angst

the seven stages of matt murdocks jealousy by @alrighty-matty this one is amazing because I usually fics of the reader being the jealous one and it’s swapped here and I love it and I’ll always love a jealous matt.

ೃ⁀➷ fluff/smut

I know you wanna go to heave but you’re human tonight by @2-fast-2-curious husband matt this time and with a breeding kink it’s great and paired with so much fluff and I can’t help but to love it.

ೃ⁀➷ smut

idle hands by @beyondspaceandstars just pure smut and as before I love matt murdock smut and I can’t help but to read every time I see it.

ೃ⁀➷ smut/angst/fluff

not again by @mvtthewmurdvck exes to lovers not a very appreciated trope and one I love and I think I love a lot of tropes fyi. it’s angsty but with a happy ending which I personally love.

ೃ⁀➷ fluff/smut(?)

the girl next door by @deceitfuldevil the reason of the question mark is due to masturbation that’s why I put that here but most of the fic is just fluff and it’s amazing.

ೃ⁀➷ smut

devilish by @foli-vora it’s a lot of teasing and smut which I personally love and this something that every matt murdock lover above the age of 18 should read.

ೃ⁀➷ smut

distractions by @milf-murdock movie night to fucking is an amazing plot ugh.

ೃ⁀➷ angst/fluff

sick twisted fantasy ii by @multiharlot it’s so angsty but with fluff and a happy ending and it’s also a fic where it doesn’t end up blaming karen. I know confusing just read it please.

ೃ⁀➷ angst/fluff

fragile by @devils-dares so angsty where matt needs a hug and he gets some comforting.

ೃ⁀➷ fluff

matching pairs by @peachiswritingg I love, love it when authors write love languages and this the matt murdock version of that and it’s so adorable.

[ipatrichor]

my thoughts on dead boy detectives after watching episode one

okay first of all i gotta say i love the vibe. two ghosty boys running around solving cases and helping trapped spirits move on? that's so fun i love them

tbh. i don't know whats going on btween these two if it's platonic romantic whatever and i don't think any distinction can be drawn that matters. maybe that's the aro in me but they are each other's most important person and who cares about the semantics!!!

charles trying to get edwin to learn self-defense is very sweet. however i will say girl how has this not happened sooner. you literally just got chased through london by a knife ghost and your next case involves fistfighting a possessed psychic Please learn to throw a punch minimum. i would say learning how to fall properly is more important but it's not like they can get more dead. so.

unless they go to the afterlife or something i guess? interesting stakes, especially with the lady from the end of the episode who's looking for them. also the scene hanging outside the window was very sweet, with edwin promising he won't let them get separated. at this point i think it could go either way whether that was to establish their dynamic or to foreshadow, so we'll have to wait and see if the promise holds, but either way very touching moment

crystal my girl crystal!!!! i love her so much holy shit she is so messy!!!! i love love love her getting angry about her shitty situation bc. yeah! that's scary as hell having amnesia bc ur literal demon ex stole your memories and she's got no one except the boys, one of whom very openly doesn't want her around. that's really rough and i Love that she blows up at them about it in a moment of extreme stress instead of being unnaturally chill about an objectively awful situation like many mystical characters (especially when they're women)

anyway i think crystal should get a knife and stabbing privileges. she'd for sure misuse them but i think it'd be funny

edwin is so real for the 70 years in hell thing. girl if i was in the torture dimension for SEVEN DECADES i'd be awful to everyone, it's actually impressive that he restrains himself to being a petty bitch. good for him tbh, i think he's earned the snark. don't get me wrong it's unhelpful and sometimes downright mean, but it's also funny so i'm letting it slide

the witch... esther i think? god what do i say about her. ok im first gonna start with this: she's fucking chilling, it's so scary watching her body the group with ease until charles basically hail-marys and possesses her AND EVEN THEN it's for less than a minute til she forces him out!! it feels like encountering the bbeg when your party is level five- you know you can't touch her and have to play the situation carefully so she doesn't just end you, and the win is getting away with a different objective (here saving the kid) while knowing she's gonna be actively hostile to you now. scary stuff!

idk if this is the popular opinion or not but i just don't find her hot 😭 like yeah she's serving incredible cunt, but her awful pta mom energy keeps that from being attractive. idk if it's the mommy issues but i would feel unsafe and constantly judged in her presence which is usually a dealbreaker for me finding people hot. sorry ma'am i deeply respect your vibe and the cunt you serve i would just avoid u like hell if u were real

the whole snake in a bone dimension in her cupboard is pretty cool though, and i love that her blowing smoke in people's faces isn't just a power play but a paralytic that's So clever

any other thoughts.... the girl with long hair is pretty, and that interaction with crystal has me wondering if the show got cancelled for lesbianism. i feel like maybe not? idk, if it was the start of a relationship that seems weirdly at odds with the tone of the rest of the show, so im leaning more towards crystal was picking up a weird psychic vibe from her that might be important later. who knows though!! i'll just have to find out haha

anyway i got sucked back into reading a novel but i should get caught up on that sometime today and then it's on to episode two, lol. very interested to find out what's up with the cat's vague ominous warning and what esther's gonna do when she finds out they rescued the kid she kidnapped

[storiesofsvu]

CM 17.3

Alright!! 17e3 here we go!!

(I meant to rewatch the first 2 eps before this but didn’t get around to it, so a more in-depth review/more film student analysis is still to come.)

Enjoy this chaos with no context for now! (a lot of it likely isn’t gonna be fully fleshed out cause I have a full thought/reply and try my hardest to type it all out super fast before the show moves on but I have to stop to pay attention OR something else comes up and im just SCRAMBLING)

Absolutely hate there’s no subtitles right away for this but I mean.. I could wait a couple of days til its on Disney I just have no patience.

GOD why is it so fucking dark.

Thank you Emily for not letting luke spill the beans, like, kinda like Rebecca as a person, but can’t trust her as long as her job goes

Okay, em is in the right here, both in the sense of keeping it quiet originally but also making luke keep hush. Cause im sorry but she’s right. It would’ve 1000% drove the team to the brink and split them apart AND made them spiral so deep about what was on the site/other people seeing them/trying to cleanse the web of them (which obvi is impossible). Esp jj of all people? Like I’m not really sure *what* is on there, but jj is the one with KIDS, a full family, she’s still in contact with her parents (at least the mom?) she’s probably likely known in the circle of the boys friends parents? Like that’s SO much damage control to stress over??

Im so fucking excited for prentiss’ wacko neighbour to come back loool

LOOOOLL em’s “oh.. oh no…” reaction. I love this.

Did pen just say “tik tack” instead of tik tok? or was I not listening properly lol

“what are you gonna do?” “put out fires” that is LITERALLY a boss’ job. This being said as a boss.

“I don’t want to say no to your face…” SAME girl… same

GOD Emily is so fucking beautiful

This back and fourth with Garcia and her opinions on tyler is SO annoying. At first she hates him and doesn’t want to even look at him, then they’re flirting, then they’re fucking. Then she’s all twitterpated and wrapped around his finger. Then she AGAIN wants nothing to do with him?? Even though in the last ep she was all high school girlie about working with an “ex”?? I GET that the writers/showrunners are piling the comic relief onto her/the situation but come ON.

“I didn’t call you” “your landlord did” BRUH. COME ON. I don’t care how crazy things are, you ALWAYS double check that! I once saw a dude backing into my driveway with a ladder and immediately went outside to be all “uh..hello?” he immediately pulled out his phone, named my landlord, pointed out what he was there for (damage to the siding of the house, I hadn’t noticed cause I hadn’t left the house and live in the basement) AND offered to call my landlord. ALWAYS BE SUSPICIOUS.

WHY THE FUCK ARE JJ AND LUKE PAIRED UP!!!!????? Jj’s a profiler, she’s obvi gonna be able to get it outta luke, or press him for details, or whatever. If he’s supposed to keep shit quiet why tf are they off together. (or were they specifically asked to be together by voit? Cause that’s just him playing into his bullshit again)

“Emily practising deception isn’t a lie. It’s good leadership” THANK YOU.

Also...to feed all the jemily shippers out there… if this was a fic written by me.. it would be bundled into the AI shit, but there would be pics of Emily and jj hooking up that were very easily proven to be legit and the entire situation would out them and that’s what the actual issue was/is with the site…

I understand jj is outside with Sydney and luke’s job is to keep the girls distracted inside but of COURSE its himbo’s first reaction to pull out the soccer ball INSIDE.

Okay is that just some weird direction/camera angles or are we eluding to the older sister being a cutter?

Emily’s reactions to brian were perfection.

JFC NO! who’s out there stalking them? Uggghh (though I will say that the moment something clinked in the parking garage I said to myself “pls don’t let her get kidnapped in ep 3…”

I KNEW IT WAS CARBON MONOXIDE!! So smrt

Why does it feel like tyler knows more about gold star than the bau does?

Oooo but he cloned the phone! Good boy!!

Penelope: in charge of tracking down tyler

Tyler: texts Penelope “I need to see you”

Penelope: “NO!” doesn’t reply….

Ah yes.. I was right about the cutting… oof. Uugggh talk about heartbreaking..

LOOOOL tara teasing rossi! “I think I pulled… everything…” HHAH

Im not gonna lie, I absolutely HATE that they went down this AI *porn* route, as if these fucking poor characters haven’t been through enough, and like, again as I said, JJ… she’s got the most damage control to do no matter what, and poor girl hasn’t dealt with more than half her trauma so far…

“but I didn’t exactly get it legally, so you know what rebecca’s gonna say” THANK YOU. But also, like fuck that. cause this show has ALWAYS been above the law in that sense. I can’t remember if I said it in last week’s summary or if it was another random post, but CM vs like, SVU is WILD because we NEVER see things past the cuffs being put on/the unsub getting killed/killing themselves. We never go to court, we never see the legal side of it BECAUSE 99% of them would be not guilty due to mental…defect? LOL I know that’s not the right word/phrase but you know what I mean. CM is about the mind of the criminal and chasing them down and finding out the trigger and stressor and figuring out the pattern, not seeing things through to court and prison.

and while I love the addition of her character (Rebecca), it’s making other characters act in ways they never have before/never would simply because now the show is implicating the legal side of things. again, love having Rebecca and that boundary in line for the team but it is messing with the normal dynamics we are used to. Like..as IF Penelope would have any issue using an illegally cloned phone in the past. She was all “don’t ask questions” “well yes I *could* get access to that record, but it is technically sealed” and hotch would be all “I didn’t hear anything…”

LOL Emily with a full bottle of wine at her desk. Love her. god she’s SO annoyed with brian and I love it.

SEE this is why luke never should have said anything. Cause it doesn’t matter how hard you try not to look, you’re never going to be able to resist being able to look it up, no matter how bad it is, how fake and evil and ugly it is, you’re still gonna want to know and jj didn’t need to see that/know about it. How is she supposed to go home and act ok now??

“okay they’re here… somehow” DUDE YOU KNOW BETTER EM! Doesn’t matter that youre in an fbi parking garage, no cop gets there that fast!!

Also..that red coat is TRENCH COAT. YEESSS

Oh FUCK YOU BRIAN

“FUCKING BRIAN!” thankkkkk you em

THAT’S HOW IT ENDS SEERIOUSLY? Ffs.

Also…in all seriousness. Em was in HER office at the BAU, somewhere you (I assume) need clearance to get on property, much less in the building or into the parking, so WHY/HOW the FUCK were both brian, the guys who beat him up and whoever took the pictures get clearance?? SHOULDN’T QUANTICO HAVE SOME PRETTY FUCKING HIGH SECURITY LEVELS???

[iid-smile]

#09 ୨ৎ ⸝⸝ 🦢 @hocchans ⋆

bibi my beloved ☺️ i indeed had a great day writing this AND congrats on 500 👏👏👏 im gonna send an ask later to formally congratulate 😌 anyways... i knew sanemis girlfriend would req for sanemi (surprise surprise!!!)) 3 is a drabble, 9 and 21 are headcanons 🫶

#3 🍰 | your anniversary

"wake up."

your sleep was rudely interrupted when you feel the mattress dipping, as well as a voice you're very much familiar with shaking you out from the dream realm. while adjusting to the dim light, your first set your sight on your boyfriend sat by your side, a neutral look on his face.

there's an urge to hide yourself from the world, but you reluctantly keep your head above the surface of the blanket, the light chill in the room suddenly becoming so apparent. "it's early morning... the sun hasn't rose yet." you mumble, turning to lay on your side, facing him.

"i know." sanemi's voice is clear, a sign that he's been awake for a while. "but i want to avoid the crowds that will form during the day and later tonight."

only for a moment do your eyes squint as your brain finally picks up on what he's hinting at. "i don't mind it. it adds to the atmosphere."

"i mind, bibi." he quickly replies. you giggle, memories of his subtle annoyance in past years rising to the surface. between the two of you, he's infamous for being on edge whenever people accidentally bump into your shoulders or overwhelm you with too many voices in such small spaces.

dropping the topic, you move on to your next question. "where are we going?"

in a rare moment of hesitation, he looks off to the side, mindlessly placing his hand on your form, which just so happened to be your upper arm. "...places."

you can't help but raise an eyebrow in suspicion, now knowing he probably has something planned. "can't enjoy our anniversary if we don't get a few cuddles in first. then, i'll possibly think about getting you to spill the beans." you retaliate, holding eye contact and not looking away.

he returns your stare, his expression seeming slightly bored, but he eventually relaxes his body and furrows his eyebrows. "really?"

"really. it's a requirement." it's a well known fact that he can't refuse when you're adamant about something.

with a sigh, he gives in and lifts the edge of the covers, sliding into bed. you happily indulge in his warmth as you shuffle back to make room for him, arms coming up to wrap around his neck. a small shiver runs through you as his fingers roam over your lower back, tucking you in closer to him.

it's quiet, no words exchanged, yet you enjoy it, as being near him on this special day is more important than anything else.

by the time you look up, sanemi's eyes were closed and he was breathing steadily. seems like he fell asleep before you even got to get up. after admiring his peaceful appearance for a bit, you glance over his hair to the bedside table, and you see a bouquet of flowers, as well as a slice of cake on a plate sitting on the surface. the day has barely started, yet he's already expressing his love for you. he treats you too well.

#9 🍓 | comfort when you cry

sanemi is one of the most gentle guys out there, mark my words

since he's had younger siblings, he's used to helping people out when they're upset. with you? it's different

his smile is so gentle too... he looks totally different when he does and it's comforting seeing how soft his eyes are

he chooses between telling you not to crying and saying it's okay to cry depending on the reason

if you're feeling worried or scared, he tells you not to cry. he wipes your tears with the back of his hand or a handkerchief because he knows his skin is rough from handling a sword

if you're upset about something else, like someone you care about being in poor condition or stress, he lets you cry. he'll sit with you from the start til the end, rubbing your hands with his thumb

most of the time, he isn't too sure on what to say. he's afraid it may come off as insensitive or blunt, but he's relieved when you tell him afterwards that his words were really helpful

at the end of either situation, he gives you a big hug because he knows you need it. or if you're not a fan of physical affection, he respects that too, and makes sure to say how much he loves you

#21 🍦 | love language

acts of service

he prefers to lighten your load when you're asleep or not aware of it.

he washes your clothes before leaving for a mission at night, has your clothes laid out for you after he returns, and still manages to wake up before you (most of the time)

he plans solo vacations or relaxing days off for you if he'll be busy for a while, or if you've been overworking yourself

tell him that you're going to do some chores, and he somehow manages to finish them off before you even got to make a start

gift giving

the day after he leaves for a long mission, his crow sends over a bundle of ohagi for you + there's always a sweet letter attached

he doesn't indulge in luxuries per se, but he only buys gifts of high quality for you. you won't find this guy lacking, because he's aware of what's good and what's not

sometimes he buys unexpectedly cute items because they remind him of you. a notable one would be a plushie similar in nature to a maru one (toro and friends) and his reasoning behind it is your faces look similar when you're smiling

physical touch

not the type to initiate it himself, but accepts it with open arms, and quite literally

he enjoys hugs the most. at first, they're light, but as the relationship progresses, they get really tight

always leans down so you can reach him for hugs, kisses, whatever you want to do. it's very, very rare that he teases you for your height if you're showing him affection, because he treasures every single interaction

he needs a hand on you in public, just to protect you. pda isn't necessarily his thing, but this is for safety reasons. it puts him at ease, even though he's always keeping an eye on you

event masterlist

[wolfisland]

hey do you have any first time concert tips

YES!

just as a disclaimer, im physically disabled, australian, and i live in a large city, and those can definitely make a difference here

but heres some tips or things i generally try to follow for myself, under the cut!

⭐ always carry portable chargers. multiple if possible

⭐ stay hydrated. enclosed venues get hot and sweaty and gross and if youre moving around a lot you WILL get dehydrated. some venues offer free water, take advantage of it. also stay masked bc i cannot stress enough what a perfect breeding ground for illness venues can be

⭐ protect your ears. there are loads of noise reduction earbuds marketed towards concerts and loud environments in particular, and honestly in my experience theyre kind of overpricer, but protection is absolutely vital, ESPECIALLY in smaller venues in my experience. noise over 70db over prolonged periods of time will start to damage your hearing and ive seen 90db as the LOWER end for concerts ive been to.

⭐ if you have any headphones or earbuds with active noise cancellation these are also great options, i actually prefer wearing my headphones just with anc on than i do my silly little specialized loop earbuds.

⭐ try not to go to these events alone if you can help it. most concerts are at night and most concerts are at licensed venues and whether youre drinking or not, there will likely be people acting like fools around you. it goes without saying to NEVER accept a drink you didnt watch be mixed or opened yourself.

⭐ make sure people know where you are and make sure you always have enough money easily accessible to you (either in cash, or in your bank account) to pay for an uber or cab or whatever. if its a big concert theres a decent chance itll fuck up public transport. ive left shows at 11 pm and not gotten home til 3 am just because of how crowded shit is and how fucked public transport is after like 10-11 pm

⭐ get your concert merch before the show starts. like every time i am so serious if you wait til after the show 7 times out of 10 whatever you want will be gone.

⭐ if theres an opener i can almost promise you you will not see your headliner for like half an hour after the opener finishes. go pee now

⭐ in some areas if youre disabled just call the venue and ask for accommodations. i can usually make sure i get seated (for free) because im disabled and it makes such a huge difference its not even funny. like just ask. theres no harm in asking, worst case scenario is they say they cant help when you were gonna to to the show anyways. some venues will also make sure security keeps an eye on you so you can exit safely after the show too.

⭐ if youre trying to get close to the front at a show, barricade for example, youre almost always gonna need to show up way earlier than you think you are. an hour? try three. get there early and make yourself comfortable. itll suck and you might not even get close but when you do it fucking rules

⭐ dont be that person who has to get told to shut up. dont be rude or heckle the artists if they arent taking the piss themselves. dont throw shit at them. dont try and climb up on the stage. dont keep yelling while theyre talking. dont interrupt them while theyre talking by showing requests for stuff that isnt on the setlist. if youre close to the stage you might be able to see the setlist (and you might even get the setlist after the show if youre close enough or linger around) OR you can probably search up sets the artists have played recently to get a better idea. dont be a tool.

⭐ pit etiquette sucks rn. covid has made people forgot how to fucking behave and if the artist themselves doesnt set some boundaries dont trust that the venues rules around pits will be respected either. i am so serious. people die in pits so be careful. also tbh almost always unless youre like BIG VENUE big, if you call for a pit and wont get in it yourself youre nothing to me sorry

⭐ if you can, support the openers too! if youre lucky theyll be at the merch stands themselves after if the stand is selling their merch too. definitely go say hi and grab like a shirt or sticker or poster or cd or whatever if you can.

⭐ you will get charged like $20 for a vodka redbull. dont let them charge you $20 for a vodka redbull. pre game elsewhere if youre gonna drink.

⭐ if i think of anything else ill come back here and drop it, feel free to dm me about any of this

[fallen-soul-starz]

I’m so close to just distancing myself til I go insane atp, like it’s either I watch myself rot because I get emotionally neglected and get left because I’m so overwhelmed that I can’t focus on conversations anymore..staying motivated to move from my bed was already hard, I want people to care so badly but I don’t deserve it in the slightest.. I’ve continued to fail these people and upset these people because I just can’t do it anymore.. I want to rip my skin off my bones and be burnt alive before I have to do this same thing in the next universe.. I don’t want people to leave..that’s all..I can’t deal with being left anymore.. I’m so scared to have relationships anymore because it means I may fuck it up like every time before and they abandon me..and all that weight and baggage isn’t pretty so I’m a lost cause to people who I want relationships with. I’m so sick of myself..I’m so sick of how my brain works..I need to find a way to make myself great again.. I can’t sleep at night again.. the whispers are only getting louder.

I feel so terribly bad at one point on call with people that I thought noticed and cared but idfk. I can’t say anything and even if I do it gets ignored, hell, I’m in a friend group of 2 systems as a singlet and the hosts are dating each other (so is a lot of other relationships) what did I think would happen? Im so sick of it all, I can’t escape from it because I don’t want anyone else and who would deal with me otherwise? Im too overwhelmed to have people care anyway..to stressed for that.. every way I put it i still feel horrible and overwhelmed.. I’ve got too much going on to start over + too many trust issues and attachment problems, to talk about what’s going on would take both of them to listen and understand and to not promise me lies that they’ll break in 2 days, I can’t get any type of help bc my family thinks I’m okay, and if I distance myself, I’ll end up dead from insanity anyway.

Idk, when is it my turn-? I’m ready to be set free, reincarnate as a butterfly with no worries for the future of the world or how and when you respond.

Im starting to hallucinate so im gonna stop it here and cry myself to sleep..- yeeeppp. Great. Bye guys

[ashsparagusawesomeblog]

Aug 4, 2024

3:15pm - I'm realizing sculpting is an entirely different skill from drawing. There are similarities in the know-what but the know-how is like learning to draw all over again: it's muscle memory and repetition. It's like learning to skateboard. Or to play an instrument. BUT! The first step to being good is to suck! And if it's anything like drawing, I'm going to suck for a while... But since I'm entering 3rd Year Animation, I'll see if I can at least make something decent... there's less than a month left til school!

4:45pm - I scrolled on my phone for an hour... BECAUSE IM SCARED OF SCULPTING BECAUSE ITS HARD but I need to be stronger than that !!! Gonna try to follow along YanSculpts tutorial (but also it's not that serious if I can't keep up the pace/get the same quality! Because it's NORMAL). I need to get back into the mindset of a kid: making shit just for the sake of making shit. The quality of the result doesn't matter.

5:03pm - I'm rewatching YanSculpts quicksculpt of an ear. I'm really analyzing his habits: the sculpt-smooth-sculpt-smooth pattern is like: draw line-liquify-draw line-liquify. Make a big ugly change, then smooth it out to get your intended look. Every stroke is placed so the smooth tool can finish it up/make it look polished. His strokes are like sketching too, no back-and-forth scratching. He also changes his brush size very often, adjusting it in quick scratches rather than measuring it out slowly. He hits f and scratches (changing brush size) every time he zooms in/out. All this analysis is for some reason stressing me out. My mind and thoughts are clear and logical but I physically feel anxious. I'm intaking new knowledge and it's physically affecting me?? How do I fix this? I'm gonna google.

5:18pm - Okay so apparently subconscious anxiety is a thing. I think because I'm working on a self-set deadline, my body automatically kicks into anxious mode (probably due to habit from school stress). I think I should 1) take a break from learning today. I didn't do sh*t today, but maybe I need it. and 2) change my mindset about my summer schedule. I made a plan to make a CG film in 5 weeks. Instead of trying to FINISH 3 YanSculpts courses in one f*cking week, I need to just touch on all 3, NOT FINISH them, and then move onto the next week's courses. Alright. I'm gonna go skateboard, make popcorn, and watch The Bear.

[spidercookie18]

I'm having a crisis. And im going to talk about wanting to die.

Know first that no matter how scary this post may be, I've moved past seriously attempting to unalive. I promise I have a support group, and this is not anything like that.

It is 5 a.m. when I started writing this. I woke up crying, and now im worried I'm gonna be having an existential crisis for the next few days til I can get my head on straight.

I. Am.... turning 24 in less than 3 months. And I am freaking the fuck out about it. I woke up with my ears ringing in pain, my joints aching, and my stomach and head killing me. Yes, I did it to myself, but that's not the point.

I realized, now that I am going to be.... living past my 'expiration date', that I have to live inside this body. And to live inside this body is painful.

Now that my life plans don't stop at 24, I don't know what to do.

For the longest time, it was: who cares if - - - -, I'll be dead at 24.

And now, that's not the case.

Now, I have people in my life who love me, and that would not survive hearing I died. I've never had that before, and I've never had people to live for before. It's terrifying.

This is both the best and the worst feeling in the world... to know that I get to live for them and that I'm not allowed to die.

Now that my plans include growing old, which is such a WEIRD fucking thought for me. I mean fuck, I've tried to die and begged for death for so many years. I can still feel the pain of my kidneys shutting down, and now I take daily vitamins to stay 'healthy'????

FUCK

No one ever talks about how FUCKING ODD life is after ';'

They just tell you.... fuck, they don't tell you. People have always avoided talking about this. They just talk about how 'greateful they are to be alive' and all the bullshit about how great life is!

And it is, but it's also, it is terrifying. I go to work and talk and smile to people in passing glances. I have a regular, schmegular life, and in the back of my mind when having a conversation about something so insignificant like "do you like pineapple on your pizza?" While I'm thinking about how I thought about walking into traffic that morning.

YES I DO LIKE PINEAPPLE ON MY PIZZA, AND I CAN EAT WHAT THE FUCK EVER I WANT NOW BECAUSE ME AND MY BODY DESERVE GOOD THINGS!

...I'm looking at all the scars on my body and... idk man, I don't hate them anymore, but I wish I had been kinder to myself. When I think about making new ones I just have some water and a granola bar instead.

Such a stupid fucking internal dialog too 'hey you wanna do something bad to your body?' "Nah, lets have a snack instead" lmao

And 90% of the time, it actually works!

I love my support group, and I know I stress them out. I never thought I'd be the kind of person to say they were loved. I mean, my friends are flying into town for my "congrats on beating your record for consecutive days alive" birthday party 😂 and ik its gonna make a lot of people uncomfortable, but its not for them. I like living for me.

Anyways... Now that my plans include growing old, I have to take care of my body. And I'm so fucking excited to grow old that I can't even express it in words. I get to live and watch my friends live. I can have a family and make it as big as I want, fill it with all the love and kindness the world never showed me. I want that. And I am so excited to experience the days as they come. I'm ready to be the kindness for others that no one was for me.

I still think about it all the time. And sometimes, it's really hard to push those thoughts away. Some days, it still feels like I'm drowning. Some days, I think how easy it'd have been if the thoughts had won.

And other days, I get to smile at strangers, or have a yummy drink, or feel the warm Sun on my skin in the cool autumn breeze, or eat sushi, or gossip with someone that loves me. Hell, even getting to write the damn stupid vampire fanfics is a good day for living, lol.

I am so excited to help other people live, too...

But also, fuck. Now I have to take care of myself??? It's not just "dang, i got tenitus?" *shrugs in suicide*

GAH

But also, yay. Lol.

Life is so fucking weird man. But it's good to be alive. 🩷

[i-have-bees-in-my-brain]

Personal rant or some shit bc i just wanna get this out rn. yeeeee this will be long

So today i had a vit of a stressful day with uni n all bc ive been sick and admittedly lazy over the last week up til like tuesday and i had to turn in an Interpretation/essay tonight and prepare a group presentation for tmr (saturday seminars should b illegal but ok i literally chose this). N e way so ive been procrastinating like hell up until this morning so i didnt rly eat before showing up to seminar at 12am and afterwards i had to check with my one remaining presentation groupmember and finish the interpretation and tgen i had swordfighting class at 5. I didnt Really gave time for it but its fun and im very behind bc i misses several lessons already and am generally. Not good at it lol. n e way i turn up to swords and we peactice some routines ig and heres where the peoblem rly starts. Basically i am a huge crybaby, always have been (im older than firestar btw for context), esp when i feel criticized or yknow. Make mistakes or anything and since i was a sports h8er with 2 left feet n hands all my life n cried often during school pe bc i kept messing up n git embarrassed, it was an important step for me to sign up for this uni extracurricular swords class bc. Doing sth sporty in front of others tgat. Isnt very easy and i gotta learn from scratch is a bit out of my comfort zone. But normally its all v fun, im not good/easily the worst in class but thats ok i learn and move my body and talk to ppl! Proud of myself! Well today not so kuch, i noticed i was getting tense bc of not understanding how to do a movement and everyone (3 experienced fighters bc the main teacher was sick plus 2 other beginners that r learning faster than me) lookimg at me and trying to give helpful pointers and me still doing it wrong... H8 dis feeling bc i kinda freeze up instead of being able to take the tips n try again. Its hard for me to translate input like verbal instructions and demonstsations into my own movements as is. In this state i cant do anything properly and i feel the cryings abt to start while wanting nothing more than to MOVE ON NORMALLY. Well my eye started to get itxhy n teary so i excused myself to "take care of my contacts" (lie) (why am i even so ashamed that i feel i have to lie/make up excuses?? Bro???? That just made the situation Actually cringe?????? Im normally not an ashamed person and cryings just a state/expression but idk) so it was better for a bit until it wasnt. Then i full on cried in class while 2 ppl were actively showing me things/helping me do em right n everyone else kimda watched, kimda practiced. They did ask if i was ok and i said yes like a liar. So at the end of class i normally take the bus home with one of the other new guys but i today just didnt feel able to keep talking to him. So he also asked if i was ok/why i cried and i said i just do that under stress and why i am stressed (uni) so that was also a bit of a lie but only kinda. I said i was gonna go to the livrary instead (another lie, was gonna call my bf to calm me down abit n then take the next bus) so i did tgat n it kinda worked and this genius asked if i had eaten. Bruhhh of fuckin course im sensitive ive only had 3 baked goods all day and hadnt even noticed!!!!!! So then it all made sense, mans gotta get some freakin noursishment to keep their composure in swords class! So i went to another bus stop than normally bc i needed sth from the store and bruh the guy i normally take a DIFFERENT bus with is there (awkwardly votta tell hik i changed my mimd abt the library) and we talk a bit (i feel like i talk to him wayy too much in comparison to him, like we dont know each other that well at all, idek his real name and yknow. If he actually enjoys talking to me) and yea

So now everyone in the 14th century peasant larp class knows my terrible terrible secret:))):)

[cd-i]

Like my grandma who was basically my mom is just gone. It’s the most numbing feeling ever and I don’t even know how to cope with it. Just turn on the tv and watch shows or movies til my brain turns to mush and then force myself to sleep and repeat the next day

Then we’ve been in custody of my two baby sisters since august and it’s so hard and draining I love them but I’m not their mom they know that and that’s what hurts

Then my uncle has a horrible back injury and the chronic pain has just completely altered his personality. And I live with him so it’s just really sad to see him In constant pain

Then my other uncle back in November who I haven’t seen in years came over to visit and had a long conversation with me about how he cared about me since I was little but I was stuck in the house and it pains him to see me the same way now that I’m 21 and he went on how he’s gonna help me get out and get me into college and help me move but then a few hours later he fell and his head got spilt open and he’s been in a coma since. Like literally 4 hours after that emotional conversation that happened

My aunt’s grandson was murdered and then she died of a broken heart due to it.

Just due to this constant horrific things in me and my family’s life the stress and pain it caused me stressed out my closest friends to all just cut off contact with me even though all I wanted was just to watch a show or movie and do drawpiles

im just tired I don’t have time to take care of myself or do anything soul healing for myself I can’t draw but at least by august I’ll be able to go out again and finally learn how to drive. But it’s so hard to just go through this all and wait for the late year

I can’t ever get out of the house. It’s all soul draining. I’ve been through it all. I’m getting more numb to the pain so whatever. I’m emotionally stunned and broken I don’t care about anyone anymore outside of half my family

Relationships of any sort are stupid and not worth it because people are meant to constantly change or you can love someone and then they’ll be dead the next day. That’s life

[nicegaai]

Ch 8: 

I get so nervous every time I start — did I ever tell y’all I got a killer migraine after I started this reread and it lasted like 4 days? there’s no need for that level of stress but here I am all tensed up again. whateverrrrrr. exposure therapy. 

(Paragraph like 3) YUUUUP I already want to go in and tweak the dialogue. this is not quite it. Im itchy im itching to do it but I won’t yet. editing is a trap that will stop me from moving forward…

WHAT. Holy fucking jjjjhjjjhh you would not believe the sitcom level of reaction I just had to realizing I left in actual genuine Editors Notes. This is my worst offense by far this is the worst thing thats ever happened to me in my whole life (lie) I can’t go on  … Im gonna take a break

(2 and a half months later)

Hiiiiiii…where did I leave off… jk im starting over

Chapter 8 the final published chapter huhhh! I don’t remember what kind of cliffhanger I left u guys on but im looking forward to finding out

Wowow I like the beginning dialogue again!!! this is cute and I love them I love dennor when im doing it the way I like them!!!!!!!!!! Thank god im back on my meds ive been so neurotic over little things for like years and for what… I luv my story, I don’t need 2 be afraid…

Llmaoooooo im genuinely enjoying this reread how is that possible!!! This is fun im having fun!

Wtffff Im feeling like a genius for coming up with this and not like I need to kms for once. Brand new emotions for me. Chat did you know life can be beautiful?

LSKDAJKLSLDK I FOUND AN AUTHORS NOTE IS THIS WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT 2.5 MONTHS AGO? That I almost cried over? I laughed at my own bad joke but it is NOT that serious … I do want to take it out later. but girllll

I wonder if stabilizing emotionally will ruin the quality of my writing x_x oh well!

I DON THAVE A LOT OF COMMENTARY THIS CHAPTER BCZ I DONT REMEMBER WRITING MOST OF THIS TBH AND IM GETTING SUCKED IN  BY THE PLOT WTF WTF. Again this is a new experience for me ive been so miserable rereading this up til now

Went “NOOOOOOOOOO” out loud when I realized I established a specific timeline. Its already June 15th???????? Fuck me man I was gonna space this out more than that . it was supposed to be like June 3rd at best, in my head …

Changed my mind—The quality of writing is guaranteed to go up if im not dry heaving at the thought of rereading my own drafts. It’s going to be FINE !!!!!!!! Its going to get better!! I may even be able to respond to all the nice comments soon … Ive been scared of ao3 comments I can’t explain why I don’t know myself

UGH THE WRITING IS GETTING CHOPPYYY this could have been avoided surely but it is too late now. I can sense I struggled with beginning the scene and wrote very Point A To Point B just to skip around to the parts I wanted to write. I mean it functions.. but not well.  Ick

Okay... more author’s notes. I messed up stylistically when I decided to leave in so many parentheses bc then I lost the authors notes in the mix. Nasty. Ech. Im annoyed

OH. THAT REALLY WAS A CLIFHFANGER HUH. NO WONDER PPL KEEP ASKING IF IM COMING BACK. OH H H H. IM SO SORRY I SHOULD BE JAILED FOR THIS X_______X

I HAVE THE NEXT SEVERAL CHAPTERS PLOTTED OUT MORE OR LESS AND THE REST OF THE STORY'S EVENTS ARE ON PAPER I PROMIS E I AM TRYING I WILL NEVER GIVE UP

kind of insane ive left u guys off on that for like 6 months. bc ive been obsessed with the events of the next few chapters just like turning them over in my head,.. . and no one has even seen them yet. this needs to be fixed

im attempting my fic reread today. im announcing this bc i will be liveblogging to keep my morale up, NOT THAT anyone cares but i personally need this, like ill only commit to do the thing if theres an imaginary audience holding me accountable. & i like to have fun :3

anyway. captains log, its a beautiful sunny july weekend. i just finished my morning coffee, and, i am dreading this so much. i dont like rereading my own writing but i shall get over it. ok here we go.

Þetta Reddast vagueblogged directors commentary edition

Ch 1:

*opens fic and starts convulsing immediately* god i wish i smoked weed rn. i cannot chill out ever for the life of me

My Mission For Today Is: to remember what plot threads I’ve left hanging so I can resolve this story properly. And also try n remember where the flow is going. I have the end plotted out, I just am a little lost … it’s been a while :-(

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Abrupt beginning!!!! I’m not mad because I have . I HAD. Almost no writing experience when I started this. it isn’t ideal but I refuse to be one of those fanfic writers that starts rewriting early chapters without finishing the last ones. Ive never seen one of those types actually finish a longfic. …I’d already rather yap than actually read LMAO AHH

Oh this is worse than I remember. thats cool that s great ok alright *coughs up blood*

"20 somethings" WOW I really did not know where I was going with this when I started huh

LKJSDLKSJDLGKGDJSLDGJK ??? Who authorized this. Who let me cook. What the hell

I could write this better now. I could edit this into something beautiful. <- devil on my shoulder

FORGOT I WAS MAKING RICE BRB

"generously offered nothing to the exchange." wait STOPPPP. I’m so funny

GRAMMAR ERROR DETECTED why is there two periods. I’ll be coming back to fix that …………………. :-(((

Fuck. This is a lot. Marge Simpson Hiding Her Face dot Png

Oh this is stupid this is gayyy this is fukcinnn . Who fucking did t his. What was wrong with me,. This is so good actually. what was i ONNNN. 

Im gonna throw up and I don’t know if thats like/. A complimentary thing or if im just cringing that hard . Im feeling emotions. I love my OTPs..OT3~5? I love them so so much

Ok as much as im like “eww bad writing” this is .. dare I say, rly good in places. Not to suck my own dick but maybe all hope isnt lost and imposter syndrome is an illusion

Grammar mistake #2. Goddddddd. they should ban me from the archive for this

EMILLLLL EMIL EMIL EMIL HIIIIII BABYYYY EMILLL I LOVE UUUU AWWHUUGHH everyone clap for my bewoved baby bruvver right FUCKING now

Urghhh gritting my teeth… Im fully expecting the flow of events to start not making any gd sense. There’s no way this came together the way I hoped in my head and .... For real I was never able to read this all the way thru. this is my first time, lol. and it was all disjointed on the authorial end to say the least. Im scared T-T

Jlxjvklsdkjfsjlkdkjlsjklkljzsdkjlgaskljdgjklasljkgdljkasljkdgjklasjlkdgljkaskljdgjakl?????????? 

Im not liking the ratio of dialogue to whatever the other stuff is. scene-setting I guess. prose maybe. i could have dragged this out way longer... By which I mean made it a more satisfying read. But WHATEVER !!!! 

TIMO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TIMOOOOOOOOOO NUMERO UNOOOO DO MUNDOOOOOO I really need to utilize him more. As soon as I finish this fic I need to write a Timo POV spinoff where he gets cancelled on furry twitter for proshipping in real life

Hmmmm chapter ending didn’t hit as hard in practice as it did in drafts. Oh well. God damn that was a lot to happen in one chapter LMAOO???

OH SHIT MY RICE IS STILL COOKING ——