#im going to regret this and delete it as soon as i wake up im calling it rn | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ladybugsfanfics · 5 years ago

Text

Shut Up And Kiss Me [11/?]

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x reader

Style: Multichapter

WC: 2k

Warnings: mention of blackout, exstreme awkwardness,

Summary: You and Professor Hiddleston have been colleagues for many years now, and through those years the hatred for each other has only grown. Now, as a new school year starts, you’re being told that you have to share a classroom or a class. Neither are happy about the outcome, but knowing you’ll never come to an agreement, you let the class choose for you. Team-teaching is rare in 2019, but it is a lot harder to do when you can’t stand the person you’re doing it with.

A/N: aaaa, i have been so absent, I know. This has taken forever, but now I can promise you I’m gonna be back. Not only will this, hopefully be updated more often (I have inspiration), but I also got like a ton of writing mojo (wrote 4k words yesterday) and a Loki!Piarate au is soon done and i have other shits, my requests are becoming easier though turns out they’re getting long. Anyways, I hope this can please you and I hope to be able to post more in the coming time. I love you all so much ^_^ P.S. it’s close to christmas and a christmas party... ;)

Previous | Seires Masterlist | Part Twelve

You can’t place the feeling. Not really. All you know is that something feels… off. Wrong.

It’s Sunday, three days since halloween and you met Emma’s friends. Even though that was fun and all, the night could have been better had you stuck with the people you know. Not only would you be able to continue to get Tom being nice (which had your heart race a mile a minute), but you could also, maybe, have more fun seeing as you wouldn’t panic everytime you said something.

However, three days later, something feels off. You’re not even sure if it has anything to do with Halloween (if it has anything to do with Tom lending you his coat because you were barely dressed in your costume), or if it has something to do with the fact that you have no recollection of what you did last night.

All you know is that something is not as it should be.

You try to shake off the feeling and reach for your phone, where it lies on your nightstand. The clock on it reads 07.39 AM and you curse your annoying drunk self for always making sure you wake up early―it’s not that you go to bed early, no rather late actually (like you gotta stay up ‘til at least 3 AM), but more that whenever you do get drunk, you actually fall asleep right away and you actually sleep. Maybe that’s the cure.

Despite wanting to continue your slumber, you decide to get up. Maybe you can figure out what’s giving you this feeling of something being amiss.

One slightly wrong, though not that surprising, thing lies on your couch. Y/BFF/N has their face half planted in one of your pillows, though the angle works for them to breathe. One arm hangs loosely off the couch and their legs have tangled themselves in a blanket, where one is thrown over the back of the couch. You have no idea how that can be comfortable, and you bet they’ll tell you how much they regret it when they wake up.

Yet, you know that’s not the feeling that haunts you. Seeing your best friend crashing on your couch is not a rare sight, though it is becoming rarer as time passes.

Nothing is amiss in your apartment. Everything where you left it when you went out last night, even the now half-full bottle of wine you opened before leaving that sits on your countertop.

The mystery continues, but the answers are not in your apartment. One thing’s for sure, you’re not about to go out and find out.

Before you decide to check any messages or notifications, you find a glass, fill it with water and down it in seconds. Pulling your head back you become aware of the ache in it, and with the water helping you clear your mind a little, the pounding slowly creeps into a loud drum.

Okay, so you’re not getting away from being hungover. Good to know.

Not being able to focus with the drums really taking off in your head, you rush to the bathroom and find aspirin. You take two and swallow them with another glass of water. It’s gonna take a little while before they help so you slide down the bathroom wall and sit there to let yourself ease into the beating that keeps interrupting your thoughts.

It feels like it takes forever, but when you check the clock, the pounding starts to wind down a little after more or less fifteen minutes. You don’t have the energy to get up from the warmth of the bathroom floor, so you continue to sit as you open your phone.

You have three snaps, five messenger texts, two texts and eleven missed phone calls. The phonecalls belong to three people; three from Tom (your heart skips a beat at the thought that he thinks of you), six from Benedict, and surprisingly, two from Chris.

The two texts are one message of having voicemails (three), and one message from Tom; I heard from Benedict. He’s worried, are you okay? - Tom. You ignore it, making a note to reply and listen to the voicemails after checking messenger and snap.

It takes three seconds to regret checking snap. Two of the snaps are from people you have no idea who are, but who you probably added last night. The last one is a video of you from Y/BFF/N embarrassing yourself to the nth degree on the dance floor. You know they saved it, and you know there is no point in asking to delete it―no matter what, you know they won’t post it anywhere.

In a state of shock, checking messenger becomes more automated that anything else. You read the messages; one with a similar name to one of the snap usernames that you ignore and delete the friend request seeing as the message itself is not one you want; one that’s from a groupchat with you, Y/BFF/N and another mutual friend that you don’t see that often as they live abroad, but whom you trust fully and therefore has replied to your drunk texts about wanting to fuck a certain person whose name shall not be mentioned; three texts from Chris asking what’s going on, if you’re okay and if there’s anything he can do to help. You only reply to Chris’s by asking why he wonders, saying yes and asking him if he knows anything about what happened last night―you do not admit to having no memory of the evening.

Waiting for a reply you listen to the voicemails. All three are from Benedict; one he sounds mad in, one he sounds worried in, and one he threatens to call the police and tell them that you’re missing and that you might be in danger―it feels a little weird not knowing if that actually happened.

You sigh, blowing your hair so it falls in your face. Well, well, gotta keep searching.

In the living room, Y/BFF/N lies in the same position as before. You ignore them, instead focusing on the low rumble from your stomach.

Hopefully, some food will help clear the mystery.

The food itself doesn’t help. However, the replies from Chris does.

Chris: asking because you seemed very drunk and i wanted to know you’re okay, good that you are, and no, i don’t know since you never really gave me anything to go on

You: okay, well, there are no other messages between us, anything I did to alert you??

Chris: uhh, no, actually it was Tom that called me

You: Tom?? Hiddleston?? The dude who I teach with??

Chris: yeah… i was surprised too, maybe talk to him?

You: yeah, im gonna

Of course, that’s what you tell Chris. You know, with every ounce of your body, that you will not pick up the phone and either text or call him because you know that that would be the death of you.

You will wait, as long as you can, to ask Tom why he called Chris. The thought of it alone just has that feeling of wrongness expand. You shake it off, put away your phone and return your attention to your food.

Going into work on Monday is not on your list of fun activities, but it is something you have to do. You suppose it would have been on your list of fun if not for the looming conversation you need to have with a certain professor.

It takes little time after your first class to meet him. Usually, your schedules don’t coincide but you guess the universe isn’t on your side today.

“Hi.” Tom purses his lips and puts his hands in his pockets.

You nod. “Hi.”

“How was your weekend?” he asks.

“It was good,” you say and nod. “You know what, I can’t really talk right now. Catch you later?” You shoot him a pained smile and hurry away before Tom can answer. There is no way you’ve ever been in a more awkward situation (and the worst part is that you don’t even know what it is that made it awkward―what the fuck did you say?!).

You try not to think too hard about it as you make your way back to your office. With two hours of office time, you can get back to focusing on your research project and get your mind off Saturday night and your possibly very embarrassing utterance to Tom.

God, what the fuck did you say?

It takes a solid five minutes for your mind to rush back to what’s been circling around the last twenty-four hours.

“Okay, you know what?” you say out loud to the silence of your office. It does not reply back. However, in the need to say it out loud, you act as if it did. “I have to just ask. I’m gonna go to wherever he currently is and I’m gonna ask what I said and I’m gonna cut right to the chase and it’s gonna be alright. It’s gonna be okay. It’s probably not as bad as I think it is.”

However, you don’t get up. It’s like you’re glued to your chair and no matter how much the nerves in your brain tells your legs to get up, they don’t move.

For two hours, you just sit there. Almost so you’re late to class even.

“We’re doing a what?”

Both you and Tom frown at Dean McHallan who, though with a slight roll of his eyes, nods. “You’re going to a conference in Scotland. I know it’s sudden and it seems weird, but they specifically asked for you two to speak.”

You raise a brow. “They asked for us to speak about what exactly? Do I have to prepare some kind of presentation or something now because, honestly, I’m not ready for that.”

“They asked for you both to speak on team-teaching creative writing. They wanted input from your students as well so during the week now, ask them some questions that you can quote them on. And they wanted you, Y/N, to speak on your research project as they find it interesting and they weirdly enough hadn’t thought about it before. They would love to hear how you’re going about it.”

Your mind races as you nod along to his words. What are you supposed to do? Say no, nope, you can’t do that. You literally have no choice because he’s already said you’re going and McHallan makes the final decisions and he also knows neither of you really have anything that important going on currently.

“Okay, I guess we’re going to Scotland next week.” You’ve always wanted to go so maybe it’s an opportunity you should take anyway.

“It’s settled then. Tom?”

The literature professor nods. “I can’t argue with your reasoning so I guess we’re going. I have some inquiries. Accomodations? Travel? Food? And when?”

McHallan hands each of you a piece of paper. “You will be in the same hotel, though different rooms. I think they’ll be just across from each other or something. You’ll fly there on wednesday morning, together, and have all wednesday evening to settle in and make the last preparations and so on. Food will be accounted for unless you eat above budget. There are breakfast and dinner included at the hotel, and lunch is served with the conference. If you eat anything outside of that it will be out of your own pocket. The schedule for the conference is on the back of that paper and the information you need about your flights just under there.”

You nod, going over the paper as McHallan talks and making different mental notes. Some of those make no sense, and one of them is ‘get trapped somewhere so you have to ask Tom what you did on Saturday’, though you’re afraid that one might be the hardest one to see through with.

#tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston x reader #tom hiddleston fanfic #tom hiddleston imagine #tom hiddleston fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #thomas william hiddleston #twh #marvel #loki #rpf #real people fanfiction #professors au #professor hiddleston #tom hiddleston professor #slowburn #enemies to lovers #au

160 notes · View notes

flowers-by-the-bed · 5 years ago

Text

Just ignore this it’s just for me to try and organise myself because idk what to do right now aside from cut myself up and hit my head and I’m trying my fucking best to not do that. But as always I need the knowledge that my thoughts are “out there” rather than just writing somewhere private in order to feel like it’s helped me. Not that I have much hope for that anyway. I was doing so so well, moving on, making progress, taking control of things, finding good influences to be around and getting my work done and it all gets shattered over nothing or when my meds don’t work as well as they should. Everything in my life and everything about me is so fragile and built on such fragile foundations and however stable or genuine the changes I make seem, they are nothing. Even if my mood flips again tomorrow and things magically get better, it doesn’t make my emotions any less strong right now, and it would definitely flip back to this as soon as the next stressor happens. I hate it.

I wrote out a huge post about all my feelings earlier and it made me feel better but I went to post it and the fucking connection got fucked and it deleted itself and that alone has sent me spiralling and im so upset and angry and that just says everything, i almost threw my laptop at the wall but threw my phone instead. I’ve been trying to remember what I said because it made me feel better but I just keep crying and hitting things and myself and I cannot shake it, and that’s my reality rn

_____

I’m so exhausted being me and being this mess and I don’t want to even try anymore. Whatever I do and however much I think I make progress, I always end up back in this situation with no triggers or warning. No progress or motivation is worth it because I will never be fixed or stable and there isn’t a guide to navigate this. Why should I try and move forward when within three days this can happen and I’m back at square one. Either my meds were faulty or this is just me but who the fuck cares which it is because either way I’m just a fucking incapable piece of shit. There is no reason I should flip this quickly and feel so strongly over literally nothing but tiny normal inconveniences and the level that I hate myself because of everything and just in general is too much. I hated myself anyway but EUPD moods make it so much worse and so much more intense and I literally cannot do anything close to normal functioning when this happens. My dad came round to check how I was and I cried for a while but then I was ready to try and go out the house with him, but I saw myself in the mirror and had a complete breakdown and cried in bed for hours and didn’t speak. I’m fucking pathetic but I can feel all of the fucking fat on my body everywhere and it feels like a disease, I disgust myself. I couldn’t move or even think about going outside because I couldn’t and still cant stand the thought of anyone seeing my body. It’s vile and I hate it and even when I have a few good weeks and start eating normal amounts again, seeing my body sends me back into a spiral and I regret ever eating at all. I’m crying now because it just feels like you can see the fat expand by the minute and it makes my anxiety and anger and sadness go haywire. I don’t want to try anymore I’m exhausted trying to pretend that one day I’ll get fixed and I’ll be stable enough for myself that I can lead a normal life but it just isn’t possible. I want to drop dead because this is not living. I am exhausted of my thoughts making me think of the most triggering things when I know full well I am already bad enough that I want to die and hurt myself, and just sinking lower into that spiral until I scare myself about what I’m going to do. Every single month there is something that brings me back to this place where I remember that no matter what progress I’ve made, it’s all fake and down to some fucking pills. And as soon as those get taken away, I’m back to being some pathetic waste of space and effort who’s almost 25 and unable to even control their fucking emotions even at the bare minimum level so I can function. I felt so guilty with my dad here and me just being a wreck and unable to talk or go outside. It’s pathetic. I don’t know why I deserve a head that hates me this much and can’t do it’s only fucking job. I’m tired of faking it and tired of hating myself and tired of knowing that for as long as my life lasts, this is all it’s going to be. And it isn’t a life. It isn’t fair and I don’t know why I had to end up like this. EUPD is ugly and it is vile and eventually, whenever it happens, this will be what kills me. The only things that distracted me even a little was my dad coming over and keeping me busy before I fell back into that hole and Matt messaging me, because it grounded me a little for an hour or so because it was nice to interact when it’s been months, but it didn’t work for long. Those aside, I just want to be someone else. It’s too much, I don’t know how to get my thoughts out, I can’t get the anger out even when I hurt myself or break things, it’s like drowning in self-hate to the degree that you cannot see anything else. I just want to sleep and wake up and have this whole stupid fucking disorder and brain gone or a bad dream. It’s not hard to see why I don’t achieve anything, I will never get to my full potential because of my brain and the boat has pretty much already sailed on me achieving the things I wanted to with my work anyway. Because of how incapacitated I have always been during education because of this. It’s not hard to see why people leave, why I am too much to handle. I flip so quickly and the anger expects others to understand what’s going on when in reality I don’t have any idea either. I need validation and then I don’t want a thing from them. It’s too much. I don’t blame anyone. I blame myself. Every aspect of my life gets fucked up by my inability to control myself or my thoughts or feelings and this is just a huge fucking pity party for me to try and organise my thoughts, just so that for the rest of today, I might be able to move my head away from them now. I’m exhausted. I’m angry. I’m upset. I’m detached from 90% of the people in my life and I don’t care. I just want to hide until I drop or until just one area of my life makes sense. If I could hate myself less and not want to puke and cry and cut every time I saw my body, I’d be able to come with the sad and the angry. If I didn’t react so strongly to the smallest triggers, or felt stable, or stable in my relationships, or able to trust ANYONE, I’d be able to deal with hating myself a little better. If I didn’t read meaning into everything people say and misinterpret things, or have such a strong emotional reaction to people speaking to me or whatever then I’d have more stable relationships and I could cope better with the rest. If I didn’t have such bad anxiety affecting most of my life, the EUPD in general would be easier to control. If I didn’t feel this inability or desire to share with the people in my life who actually do care, I’d find things easier to deal with and would have an actual support system. But by my own design and suspicion and refusal to overshare and burden people directly, I’m a fucking mess. Everything hitting me at the same time, at 400% power, it incapacitates me. I wish I didn’t have a personality disorder so I knew exactly what I’m actually like, and not constantly wondering what is me and what is an illness. I wish I wasn’t anxious so I trusted people’s intentions and could be myself instead of reining myself in and being terrified of being bad at things or embarrassing myself, and never making progress with anything or anyone because of it. I wish I had a healthy relationship with food. I wish I didn’t self harm. I wish I wasn’t depressed. I just want to be someone else and be a real adult. Life is hard enough without an arsenal of chemical imbalances and broken mental Schemas. I was doing SO well and it equates to nothing. I don’t want to be a 24 year old pathetic mess of a person. It’s too much. Although I do it to myself because I’m not someone who enjoys talking directly to people about my problems and I’d never want to burden them, it’s alienating and hard to try and function without explaining what is wrong.

#personal #eupd #bpd #mental health #illness #venting

1 note · View note

triumphorce · 6 years ago

Text

under stars that feel as far as

real does..

at the moment.

at any moment..

kidnap me.

any chance presented

& in moments prior.

spent alone

zone.

far from progress.

stasis,

stationed next to

hope & regret.

on either side.

stamina. breathe now

to breathe more.

no free will.

i got to survive.

i got to make it,

especially if i just change aim

change rim-height,

relate with reality

change chin height,

keep head up,

lower expectations

keep pen up.

can’t make shit up,

so i make this shit up

dig deep, drain soon as i wake up

from sleep, or conscious nap..

break up

buildup

of words

that

feel

millions.

euphoric

ultimatum;

write,

or just

waste.

can’t wait

to post, create.

post haste

long ass roads that really dont have

an end, or means to.

I just become more of

whatever comes;

whatever emotions

i allow;

however

i react;

whoever,wherever,

when tf ever

‘cause all i am

is now, here.

a little more conscious..

that’s it.

&the more i remember,

the more i forget.

gotta pick and choose.

careful.

careful, please.

carefully

cut ties, choose way

‘cause by the time it's time to remember

new knew's

once was' just can’t keep up

and i accidentally

delete something

important,

or distort it..

gotta

slow down

life...

ssssshhheesh

i once was in less pieces,

&I at least, once, knew peace, but didn’t know it,

more than likely still do

staring at sky blue.

so blue..

eyes find it soothes

waiting on.

bus late.

contemplating, mind rages

sea

lost in deep

hue pool

sharp, wind wrapping body.

waitin on,

waiting on.

contemplating. gone.

daydreamin way thru life.

thru the little things

i always belittled.

cause I thought I had what i needed. or what I had was mine to keep.

...just because.

i need a little more somethin

a little more new, more original stop cliches, tropes,& archetypes in general

droll,

repetition equals learning, well i'll just lurn-less

beg to differ, by beggin questions, even when forced to tread slow,&only do so in head.

we’re all middlemen.

just fiddlin’

‘round in world,

in universe,

riddled withh riddles,

that

trickle,

drip

complex

descent

from cognitive

beginnings.

ephemeral glimpses of outside-nighttime-world,

through blinds in bed, as a child to now, still just as far from.

as far as real feels.

feelin nothing like how I do now.

but pain passes,

so it just must be my brain's capacity for trust shrank. & elaborates time taken for to cross neural pathways,

not get lost, and make it back safe save, all at the same time, while i attempt to ignore age

pay mind solely to the idea i can do, &I don't have to prove.

to become honest, so potential growth is optimum to be one with me, and know I can't ever be anything but and no idea is ever done, no matter finished, no grey matter greyer, no more dr. bender's, no more directions, no more winners, reflect on self, &what it means-to be better, i deflect defects w/ skylark teeth,

a truer sense of.. truth

a higher level basic

newfound fundamentals

that all the world and creation in it,

then, now, or later

are truly small

no life was ever finished

nobody wants to give it up,but we learn to

and as a consequence return to world what we wish to see beyond our existence

to find trust again love again feel again believe again hurry up, clock's tickin

get it, grind look and find get inspired go inspire go perspire run a mile two three four

five seconds six seconds

gotta go for it gotta get better,

never listen only instrumentalz for me

in a room aspire to be able to define my every rhyme and reason behind thoughts had,

itchin to stay consistent, keep on writing and don't worry about why, keep on filing tomes of dreams, ordering guides to self, from one idea to a whole library of shit I did,

like,

"oh, damn kid, you wrote that?"

damn right I did.

conversations that I have in my head

while I reread pieces

an elixir, a pensive remedy

for when I feel reluctant toward

reality, when in reality

it's really just the people around me that I trusted, busted ass for, gave up past for filled up gigabytes, sticky notes, notepads for designed a whole world for,

put off parties, friends, a part of me I never gave a chance for. became an outcast for. put on mask for.

to be compared and not contrasted warned and not encouraged critiqued but not heard

made me want

to tell, create a story and not give a damn about glory.

although i worry how i come off..sometimes..

made me

change style time after time for some time, now..

made me have

to boost own confidence, own own ego; inflate like raft, & float to shore,

common ground with action &

focused on

how I'm amounting in life.

..apparently

im just climbing up invisible

mountains

but i don't let it make or break me,

used to,

but no more ,& nowit's just me.

&that's just crazy..

so im focused

on how im a mountain lion to moles tryna troll, but most the time, tho I'm...focused on settling score with where I've failed

& failed to respond to failure well

let go

of initiative, hung to anger

in orbit around regret towards doors left unopened, words unspoken to people gone, that could've changed life, if only They could hear these thoughts.. if only I had someone to talk to besides myself, & people that talk to high-five themselves; given approval never sought, advice for battles never fought, in a room for most of youth, stuck in head, so much to see, explore lore of stories never written, so much done even before i decided to pick pen up, before i decided I was ready for commitment decisions in head turn to an every 5 minute thing,

stuck in holes deeper than before

tell-tale signs around sub-subconscious that Im chasin nothin..

apparitions..

in front of people

waitin somethin fierce

for me to

summon what's already there

a mirror image of miracle from thinnest air from holes put in life for pride in pages of jumbled thoughts gaps in memories for drafts that define ironic, describing fine lines I believe are there, in thinnest mirror, between me and experience in eyes that remind me i am less, i am more i am worse, i am better everything in between all and nothing, not objective, but an object capable of observation, own purpose assigned no more worth than yours, no more than I have dealt my self chances missed to live for product tossed or lost in the end

x's & lines through a mind confused, backspaces scribbles procrastinating daily, delaying the inevitable, staring at.. ...coffee steam and letters linked in ink curves and ink in nerves

on nights only sleep's deferred as vivid as yesterdays and scenes in head of tomorrows mixed in with skips in consciousness obvious options almost always missed second guesses linger in gut like wtf

what the fuck am i doing everyday, if I don't contribute to future

to believe, or not to believe i was in control of will was the whole problem let go of all it hone on goals. fly low, that is...

as far a stretch as breath of desire to contribute to the world believing if chance exists, i will succeed I will fulfill promises thru notepads & audience

a caged bird singing

do or do not.

seems all I've done is try, it seems to try isnt good enough, seems what they want from me wasn't what I was told they want, which is for me to want from me & instead what they want to see is what they want to see

me to become this and not my own, no matter how many hours spent, no matter the font, text, or etiquette formed to gain attention, but apparently a proper use of improper use of prose prospered overtime & i kept my posture, keep me from losing self, going crazy, letting people make me think something's not okay, or wrong with me, or out of whack off top, not taken seriously

priorities of the majority of society made it difficult to captivate eyes, and garner respect, because of conflictive internal contradictions to set out for what I thought was spreading message, but was embedding judgment of self, & effort, looking at motives that been made a home in heart like they suspect, but they was who fucked with me when I wouldn't even fuck with me, wanna be someone else, something else, like what you want clave?

to wait for mine..

psh, nnn’eh, thinking I was good enough to be taken seriously ..

thinking there was nothing to do, but to do, but something changed course, one day,

one day atta time

thinking that I was right behind, could just lift up arm and touch but that wasn't the case, ever, constant race

couldn't hold on, couldn't hide the pain to psyche out greatest opponent, me

didn't want to, saw no point

repeating and repeating, over and again

so on and so forth, thus forth destroying self convinced I couldn't help it and still am

and still can't

accept I ever gave in, broke under pressure, buckled under what some would chuckle over, no pity, just recognition of jimity's petition to push when pushed, with thoughts into written gale force, in a position to always hope, so when foundation crumbles, there's another one up under

if not, I use earth to wander.

whether with excess of momentum or subsiding in subtle realization of sustenance behind life's work

purpose on course set to find reward I'm told I'm looking for..

fin

#poem #dps #clavevesari

1 note · View note

finalvlog-a · 6 years ago

Note

??? you're not allowed to post when im sleeping ???? whatever you did just know that you're great and i haven't had a muse click with another muse as john does with alex in a long damn time. i get the stale thing and i get the off characterization but remember man you only saw the tip of the iceberg with alex. who's to say he wouldn't act as he does in whatever fucked up situation he's in? luckily the ppl in this fandom are on fire and every interaction IS different. tl:dr you're rad

@gcdsaved // [ ALWAYS ACCEPTING ASKS! ]

YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I DO AT NIGHTTIME FOX YOU DON’TKNOOOW. I post things that I forget to delete first thing after and then thatleads into me panicking as I delete it as soon as I wake up and regrettingeverything. Mistakes were made. I am floored that people have taken the time tosend these messages tbh. This is crazy. Y’all are crazy, in the best of waysbut like, CRAZY GOOD. Only I’m struggling to not reply with ‘okay sounds fake but okay’, but I’m gonna try. It’s so humbling that multiple people with such differentcharacters are able to interact with Alex, be it in positive or negative waysand I am constantly shocked by the threads I have with you in particular and how easy it isto write with your John. So thank you for enabling me and humoring my writingcatastrophe here. You’re definitely pushing me to try and be a better writer.

I guess in a weird roundabout way the lack of solidcanon to go off of for Alex is now making me concerned about what I have done. It’sso easy to slip into a far-fetched backstory and characterizations that aren’t believableor realistic. So I’m really turning a critical eye on Alex atm for that, mydoubts about him are in full force. It’s weird. I’m weird. But thank you forpointing out the normalcy in different interactions because that’s very true to real life. Even with differentfriends we all tend to change our personalities so that helps normalize my fearof ‘THIS ISN’T THE SAME PERSON THREAD TO THREAD’. Same character just differentsides maybe.

AnywayIloveyouthanksforsendingthisI’mgonnagonowbye.

#gcdsaved #✪ SAVE FILE … memories #//aaaaaaaaaaaaa #aaaaaaaaaaaaa #y'all are killing me here

4 notes · View notes

missduplicities · 4 years ago

Text

Chapter 3: Drunk mistakes

She now remembered why she had tried to quit drinking. It was fun when she was younger, but now, in her mid-20s she couldn’t keep up. Her roommates, however, didn’t seem to have any trouble waking up at 7:00 on a Saturday morning. Sooah, who shared rooms with her, was already warming up for her morning practice.

“Are you awake?” Sooah asked as she heard Eunha grunt. “You should get up, we’re hiking today, remember?”

“What?”

“Last night we said we were going hiking since it’s our first day-off together in a while.”

“Are you crazy? Who plans a hike on a free day?” Eunha covered her face with a pillow and tried to go back to sleep.

“You did!” Sooah threw a towel at her. “Take this as a lesson and don’t do things you’ll regret when you’re drunk.”

Just as she said that, Eunha remembered something she did regret doing the night before. She jumped out of the bed, looking for her phone. She found it under her pillows, unfortunately, it was uncharged. Now that she was up, Sooah was trying to convince her to change to go for the hike.

“There’s no way I can do that. I’m hangover, my head is about to explode!” she tried to go back to bed, but Sooah stopped her. “Let’s stay home and watch movies or something.”

“At least let’s go to the park,” Sooah seemed to have finally surrendered. “I really need to go outside.”

They agreed to go for breakfast to a fancy café downtown; it was Sooah’s idea. Ji-Eun was driving (as usual), Eunha insisted she was better at giving directions, so Sooah was sent to the back of the car. As soon as the car started moving, Eunha plugged her phone and saw the +20 notifications from the dating app she downloaded the night before. She was relieved to see no inappropriate behavior, not from her at least. She blocked the accounts that sent unsolicited pictures and deleted the conversations, then she saw the picture of the cute Pomeranian dog and the unread messages she received.

03:12 am: what is your name?

03:12 am: never mind, it’s on your profile lol sorry

03:14 am: sorry if im freaking you out, it wasn’t my intention

03:14 am: I honestly was just trying to talk

03:15 am: I guess it’s a weird place to look for a casual conversation

She was about to click delete when she decided to look at his profile one more time. He didn’t seem like a weird guy and he wasn’t bad looking, but something about the second picture (the one where he was with a couple friends) was upsetting her for some reason. They seemed familiar, but she was sure she didn’t know them. Just then, she received another message.

08:03 am: Hello, I just woke up and saw that I drunk texted last night, which wasn’t nice. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I’ll delete the app. I have a bad habit of downloading when I get drunk and it always ends up bad.

She felt guilty for some reason, even though they barely even talked.

Eunha: Nothing to apologize, really

Eunha: Well, not to me at least. Maybe to Yeontan, he doesn’t seem like an asshole to me.

She locked her phone. Buzz.

Jimin, 08:05 am: No, honestly, he’s really annoying.

Jimin, 08:05 am: I’ll apologize anyways.

Jimin, 08:06 am: I did and he bit me. He really is a dick

“Who are you talking to?” Ji-Eun asked, turning to see her when they got to a red light.

“Er- My boss.”

“Why are you smirking like a creep? Please tell me you don’t have a crush on your boss.”

“What? No! I don’t-” she locked her phone, “he just sent me a good meme.”

“Your boss sends you memes? How nice!” Said Sooah from the back seat. “Let me see.”

“No, you wouldn’t get it. It’s an inner joke from the office.”

Her phone buzzed again but she didn’t unlock it. The other girls looked at her until the red light changed and they got distracted.

“Sooah, can you play that song you showed me the other day?” Eunha asked, trying to change the subject. It worked. They talked and sang until they got to the café. She had almost forgotten about the message when the phone buzzed again. She checked again and saw another picture of the cute dog and one last message:

Jimin, 08:08 am: Listen, I’m really deleting the app, I don’t want people to get angry at me.

Jimin, 08:14 am: I can add you on Instagram or something

What did he mean by people? Was he dating someone? She felt wrong and impulsively deleted the app. Now the chat was gone forever. Maybe it was better that way, she didn’t even like him so she shouldn’t be talking to him. It wasn’t like her.

Before she realized, it was Monday again. She took the usual bus to work and got there just in time. As soon as she got to the office, her boss called her to the studio to give him his morning coffee. She was surprised to see he was already there that early in the morning. Eunha prepared the almond latte he asked for and got to the third floor, where she saw Mr. Min dressing in sweatpants with dark circles under his eyes. He seemed exhausted, but he still offered a smile when he saw her come in.

“Coffee! Right on time, thank you.” Even though she had worked for him only for little over a month, she could now see he wasn’t as mean as she first had thought.

“You spent the night here, Mr. Min?”

“I spent the weekend here.” He said as he took the first sip of coffee.

“You did?” she asked with a trail of concern. “Is something wrong?”

“The opposite, actually. I finished the album.” He proudly explained. “Here, look.”

He played a couple songs and explained the details after. It was quite impressive to see everything getting put together, and even more to see him talking more than five words in a sentence.

“What do you think?” he asked.

“It’s amazing, it really is.” He didn’t seem to like the answer.

“You need to look past the details. Haven’t you been reading the books I gave you?”

“I have!” She defended herself.

“Well, you have a lot of work for today. Finish the reports Mr. Cha gave you last week, make sure the meeting room is clean and ready before lunch. Please clean the studio, too. People from the label are coming later to listen to the tracks.” He said all this as he saved his work in four different hard disks. “I’ll send some tracks to you, and I want you to give me some notes when I come back. I also want you to be here for the meeting in case we need something.”

“Yes, sir.” She simply said. He drank what was left of his coffee and left the empty cup on the couch before leaving. She started working as soon as he crossed the door.

A couple hours passed before Mr. Min came back to the building. He seemed like he had gone to his house to freshen up, and even seemed like he took a nap since he was more relaxed. Eunha had already cleaned the meeting room and studio and was now finishing the reports when he called for his afternoon coffee.

“Did you listen to the tracks?” He asked and she nodded. “Well, tell me about it.”

“Well, even after listening to it a couple times, I still like the first one a lot.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, it’s refreshing. You don’t get tired of it.” For some reason, he started taking notes, which made her self-conscious.

“What about the other one?”

“I liked the beat.”

“The beat?”

“Yes.”

“What about it?”

“It was simple and steady, so the bass got more room to do different stuff.”

“Was it too much?”

“No, I don’t think so. It went well with the melody.” He kept writing, she felt like she was taking a test.

After she gave her opinions, Mr. Min explained even more details about the composition and production of the songs. She appreciated that he took the time to answer her questions and take her words into consideration. They seemed to get closer after that. He was still his boss and she respected him as such, but he seemed much more approachable now. For the rest of the week, they were just as busy with re-recordings, adlibs, and meetings.

On Saturday, she had to work at the coffee shop. Her shift started early in the morning, which she preferred since it meant she would finish early. The first hours went peacefully by with few customers, so she had the chance to keep reading one of the books her boss had asked her to read. After a few hours, when Eunha was returning from her delivery shift, she saw a customer drinking a strawberry lemonade outside. What caught her attention was not the order, but the companion: a small Pomeranian dog. She was tending the cash register and looking outside the window at the guy and his dog. She couldn’t really see his face from that angle, but she found him kind of cute. The guy was peacefully reading and occasionally closed the book to play with the dog or pet them. After a while, the guy walked inside, taking her by surprise.

“Excuse me,” he said, “could you watch over my dog while I use the bathroom?”

“Sure, don’t worry.”

“Thanks.”

Eunha felt her ears getting hot, why was she blushing? She walked outside and stood next to the dog; she was even nervous about being there. The dog got all excited when Eunha looked at him, so she finally gave up and played a bit around. As she got close, looked for a tag to see the name (and saved the owner’s number just in case something happened). Then, she felt like a bucket of ice-cold water had been dropped over her head.

Yeontan

if lost, call 312-1599

It had to be a coincidence. She had completely forgotten about the guy from the dating app. This couldn’t be the dog, even though it looked identical to the one in the picture and even had the same fancy name.

“Oh, you didn’t have to come outside. I meant if you could look over from there,” the dog’s owner had returned, and she was blushing even harder. “Did he give you any trouble?”

“No, no. He’s really cute.” she didn’t dare to look at his face. “Do you need anything else, sir?”

“Not at the moment, thanks.”

As soon as she went back inside, she pulled out her phone and looked through her deleted photos. There he was, that was the same dog. Or maybe it wasn’t. She looked outside again and saw the face of the guy. He wasn’t the guy in the pictures, so maybe he wasn’t the dog. Eunha’s inner debate soon ended, when two guys arrived at the café and joined Yeontan and his owner at the table. She gasped when she saw the guy from the dating app in person, and almost cursed when she realized that the third guy was her boss’ younger brother, Jungkook. He was the one she recognized from the picture but didn’t remember who he was. So, if he knew Jungkook, he probably knew Mr. Min, too.

She was too absorbed in her thoughts she didn’t realize the guy was looking at her from the table, and he seemed just as surprised to see her. She pretended to be busy cleaning; when she looked again, the three guys were looking at her. She went to the small kitchen, where the other worker was busy.

“Hey, can you change my shift? I can make the sandwiches.”

“No, I’m closing today, this is the only time I get to relax.”

“Please, I will-“ she was interrupted by the sound of a voice calling from the bar. Her coworker pushed her out of the kitchen; she was now face to face with the guy she tried to avoid.

“Good afternoon, what can we get you?”

“It’s you, isn’t it?” He asked. “This is crazy! I deleted the app after a few days and thought I’d never hear from you again and then here you are!”

“Yeah, how crazy!” She nervously laughed and drank water, trying hard not to blush even more. “I lost my phone, so I couldn’t answer or anything.”

“It looked like you deleted your profile, I couldn’t send you any messages.” She almost choked on the water. “Anyways, I apologized to the dog. As you can see, we’re fine now.”

She looked outside again and saw that, just at that moment, Jungkook was walking to them. She grew even more nervous.

“Did you get my espresso tonic?” He asked.

“I haven’t ordered yet, sorry. Can I get one espresso tonic and an iced tea please?”

“Sure, that’d be all?” She asked in her best effort of pretending she was okay.

“Oh, Ms. Seong?” Jungkook asked when he finally looked at her. She awkwardly smiled and greeted him. “What are you doing here?”

“I work here.”

“You know each other?” asked the other guy, genuinely surprised.

“You know each other?” asked Jungkook.

“I work for his brother.” She quickly answered the first question, before Jungkook asked for details.

“Brother?” asked the other guy, she couldn’t really remember his name.

“She means Yoongi.” Jungkook explained, then looked at her, “but he’s not really my brother, though. He’s a close friend.”

“He’s my friend, too!” Great, she thought. Just what she feared. “This is really crazy isn’t it?” She just laughed.

“Would you like to order something else?” She really needed to end the conversation.

“No, thanks. Sorry, where’s the bathroom?” Jungkook asked, and she quickly regretted telling him when she was left alone with the other guy.

“It’s a shame you lost your phone. Good thing I know now where to find you.” He joked.

Yeah, good thing.

(Previous chapter) (Next chapter)

0 notes

killcapitalizm · 7 years ago

Text

the louvre; peter parker

request; can you do an imagine where reader has a crush on peter even though he and michelle were dating in high school (which makes the reader distance themselves from the group) and after they graduate, peter finds them and says that he and michelle didn't work out? then the reader finds out it was because he liked the reader the whole time. sorry if this is confusing and super long!!

word count; 2,990

warnings; tw self harm, here’s a no tw version. also i didn’t edit this as always

a/n; YALL IM SO SORRY IM TAKING CENTURIES TO WRITE I SWEAR IM TRYING SFSJGLJ; wheezes im still in the middle of writing the next part to this, it was originally gonna be one big fic but its taking too long and i have enough for a part one at the very least so i decided to break it up. listened to the louvre by lorde while writing. gosh im sorry this took so long

tags; @kaliforniacoastalteens

Your name: submit What is this?

You had supposedly gotten over Peter a few months ago, when you'd accepted the fact that he and MJ– or rather, Michelle, you remembered, she's Michelle to me now, isn't she– were dating and you'd finally ceased intentional contact with him after painfully long weeks of being too busy, too sick, too tired, too hurt; and you have yet to admit that last one. With Peter's absence of course came Michelle's, they were a couple and therefore somewhat of a packaged deal. That was no surprise to you, when you regretfully unwound yourself from Peter you had known that you'd lose Michelle, too. What you hadn't expected was the sudden absence of Ned– someone who you had grown quite close to. Even Liz was separated from you, so subtly you nearly hadn't noticed she was gone. In the first few seconds of hurt and loneliness and confusion, you were awfully lost. But then you considered: you met Ned and Liz through Peter and indeed they were closer to him than you'd ever be, ever been. And so you start from scratch.

You tried your absolute best to make some friends in each of your classes. You swallowed that familiar feeling of fear-filled blankness and managed to talk to one person in each of your classes. They all had their own pre-established friend groups that you knew you wouldn't be able to be a part of, but you gratefully settled for acquaintances that would give you a partner in class and someone to ask for notes when you were out for a day or two. You lived without a friend for the last four months of your senior year, right up to graduation where you saw Peter and Michelle kiss under the shade of a city tree in front of the school and then you caught Ned's eye later and his mirrored yours, but softer. Never before had you weeped over being unable to text a friend about how entirely shitty you felt because your mother was angry again and, more importantly, you missed them, but in that summer you stained your pillow at midnight as your back and legs and chest ached as if they were holding your bruising sorrows. Your parents weren't home that night when an impulsive thought seemed sensible for a second too long and you threw your gentle arm against the turn in the kitchen wall with a force that was everything but gentle. Instantly, you regret it– just like you regretted deleting all of your old friends' numbers from your phone all those months ago. You sobbed harder, cradling your pulsating arm and retreating back to your room for five minutes, then the bathroom for ten, and back to your room for the rest of the night. Those kinds of nights don't happen often but you hate that they happen at all.

On your first day of your new job at a popular bookstore, you were glad it was chilly because last night left you with bruises that were deep and dark. You wore long sleeves and hoped they'd fade soon then told yourself that if they did then you wouldn't do it for another two months, and when you walked in you saw no one you knew until you turned your head and saw Ned, you saw Ned in the soft yellow light of the morning and you nearly cried because you saw him like that many times before, with Peter at sleepovers when you'd wake up early and again with Peter when you'd walk to school with them. He saw you and smiled at you, and didn't look away in that don't-talk-to-me way but instead he glanced down at the empty area next to him behind the register then back up at you. You were terrified in that anxious, empty way but you yearned for a familiar friendship, so you walked over to him and spoke too much right away.

"I've missed you." You didn't sound polite or happy and that's what made it sincere.

"Oh, thank god," Ned says. "I thought it was one-sided."

"Is it?" You ask still, but you're smiling brightly for the first time since you cleared your phone contacts.

Ned snorts. "I would assume you'd infer from what I said that it's not, but whatever. I've missed you, too."

It was in that moment that Ned forgave you; in the same moment he realized there was anything to forgive you for. While Peter had dejectedly told him you were probably avoiding him because of something he did (Ned knew it was because he was together with MJ), he had still missed you without an answer, missed you in the same way you'd miss a friend the night after a sleepover, when you turn in your bed in heavy solitude and whisper to the wall that they hadn't slept next to, because if you'd look to the space where their mumbles had been then you wouldn't sleep all night. Your absence had him turn over to the wrong wall, and that hurt him.

You remember the time Ned had accidentally tripped you in gym class back in your junior year and you saw him nearly cry, then you spoke again. "I'm sorry." For what, Y/N? You try again, "I'm sorry for leaving you and not talking to you. That you had to miss me. I missed you a lot. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," says Ned, "I forgive you." He forgave you twice, because he hadn't realized how satisfyingly pleasant it feels when someone doesn't have to apologize but they do with their heart.

"Thank you," you say, because he welcomed you after you had cut him off for so long and he shouldn't have smiled so dearly at you, and you're grateful.

Ned helps you with your new job that day, then that week, and into the next week. You add his number back onto your phone and write it down in your journal that you've stopped writing in ever since Peter told you with so much joy and love that he was dating Michelle. You try not to think of them, just of how much you missed him and her each as their own. If you think of them, then the next time you bruise yourself you always end up with deeper and more plentiful bluish-purple spots. You don't tell Ned about the bruises and you don't ask about them, you don't ask about Peter at all but you know he's talking about him when he says "my friend," or more often, "a buddy of mine."

But Ned is smart, and he knows you had liked Peter back then and because you never ask about his friend (he knows that you know who he's talking about), he knows you like him now. He also knows that Peter and MJ broke up, he knows why and how and when and where and the boy was a boy of the Earth, he is rooted to the ground and because of that he knows it's not his place to tell you all of that. Ever-growing with the kindest smile, he knows that Peter needs to tell you himself if you're to ever know. And he wants you to know, so he decides that five weeks of talking daily with you, after reattaching yourself to him and him to you, that he'd start to reconnect you and Peter. He starts off conveniently.

"Look, dude, just get it over with and you'll feel better… What? Peter, no, you need a job, you're eighteen now–" Ned spots you walk in early one Thursday morning and talks just loud enough into his phone so that you could hear him say Peter. Surely enough, you duck your head as if you hadn't been listening. His name out of Ned's mouth, so bright like you remembered it, twists your heart. "Hey, man, I gotta go and you do too. You got this, I know you do. See ya'."

You stop beside Ned as he hangs up and tucks his phone into his back pocket. As always, you greet him with the biggest smile you can manage. These days, it's been some of your brightest, full ear-to-ear grins, but today you barely show your teeth. He notices and for a second he rethinks his plan, but you still love Peter and he knows he loves you too so he keeps going. "What was that all about?" You instantly regret that, but it flew out of your mouth before you could think of another conversation starter.

"Peter, actually," he does his best to sound gentle, but you inhale sharply at his name anyway. "He's going for a job interview later today and he's panicking again. As always. But I know he'll do just fine."

You were silent for a second too long, quickly spitting out something when you realized it. "Uh, yeah. Yeah, he was always like that… panicky. 'N stuff. Before things. He always did good and… yeah." You straighten your back and shift your weight from leg to leg, a poor attempt at looking casual that really just made you look just as nervous as you felt. You were looking down at Ned's shirt with a pleading gaze that he surely saw, begging him silently to just leave it be, to change topics, to not say his name again. He saw all of that, but he knew he had to.

He looked sympathetically at you as he spoke again, "Speaking of him, I think we should all meet up sometime or whatever. It's been a really long time since we hung out." He sounded like he was hurt, feeling awful for putting this on you but knowing it'll end up better in the end if you're willing to work with him.

You, on the other hand, sounded genuinely wounded. "Y-Yeah." You nearly wheezed. Unconsciously, your hand rested on your hip, angled so that your palm was more on the back of your hip. Ever since you could remember, emotional stress would center at your back and slowly start to crawl down your limbs. Always starting in your lower back, it ached with whatever you felt, then burned its way up, making the spot between your shoulders sore, then shooting down to your legs. If Ned insisted on talking about this for very long, you'd have to bring a stool to the register with you today. "I mean, I don't really think… he'd want to see me. After what I did."

"Actually, he really misses you." Gosh, he was trying so hard to be soft, but it felt like he was smothering you with a pillow. While he wasn't lying, he hadn't actually told Peter he's been hanging out with you. "He'd love to meet up sometime– I'll ask him later today. You can set the date."

"He…" misses me? you finish in your head. You can hear your heartbeat in your ears, blood rushing up your neck and kicking your brain, then rushing back down before starting again. You were growing a bit of a headache, maybe from staying up late last night but maybe the aches were skipping your limbs today and getting right to your head, towards the back where it wouldn't let you lay down on your back later. "Uh… Yeah. Y-Yeah, I'll– I… Sure. Sometime."

Ned watched your discomfort with a wince that went unnoticed. He reminded himself it would get worse before it got better. "Anyway, we should start preparing. We open in an hour," he said, trying to edge you away from the topic, although it was too late to stop the images and memories of Peter from firmly planting themselves in your head. You nodded once, slightly, then again with more motion. That day, you made sure to never be seen without a water bottle so that you had an excuse when someone asked you why you were going to the bathroom so much. You'd go when your started thinking too much, to the point that it interfered with your ability to shelve books and even think to yourself a single, coherent thought. You'd excuse yourself, rush in, and find yourself gasping for air that you hadn't realized you lost.

You went home that day feeling more alone than not, despite the sudden vague reconnection with Peter. But you shouldn't be surprised, the thought of the boy has been a presence of loneliness for a while now. When you think of him, it's as if you're thinking yourself into a void, where you detach from the Earth, as if you exist in your body but your body does not exist in the world and it simply moves around in it. Sometimes you suspect that because you feel something so drastic and real that Peter wasn't the only cause of it, but it did you better to not think too deeply so that you don't wake up the next day with bruises from frustrated confusion. You went home that day and asked Ned to call you, because you hid your bruises from him and knew that if he were with you in any way that you would be able to keep your promise of two months of freedom. When Ned was gone, you moved to the TV to distract you. Then you pulled out your phone and decided to read something, then opened up your laptop to watch a YouTube video, and after a minute you retrieved a book to read and a comic to look at– you were doing everything and nothing at once but what you weren't doing was hurting yourself and that was, in the end, what you wanted. You cried when you settled in bed that night, your body detached from the Earth for a while when you panicked in your (too) many thoughts of Peter and other things, although you don't remember what those other things are because its easier to just say one thing, despite him being the hardest thing to say at all. You had to stumble out of bed and lay on the ground– on your side because the very back of your head still hurt– look at things in your room one at a time, then listen to things outside one at a time, tell yourself what apricots and your favorite tea taste like before you could finally feel the carpet beneath you again. Your head spun with busyness and contradictions as you got back in bed, but you slept right away and that was all left to touch in the morning.

And Ned was true to his word; when he had to hang up to catch a bus, he made sure to text Peter when he got a seat. It took him ten tries, but he decided to bluntly tell Peter that he's been talking to you, and then gently ease into his proposal of hanging out again. Then, because he stayed with Peter in those months you were gone, he felt it was right to hook another text onto that one: he knew you felt something for him, and he told Peter that he didn't knew exactly what you were feeling (and that you probably didn't either) but that it was something reminiscent of strong love, broken love, fear, and a lot of missing him. You had looked bewildered at the mention of Peter, and he told him that, too. Told him that he should try with you. Told him that you needed him to try with you, or, at the very least, you needed him (not him, but him there, you needed his nearness, the familiarity Ned had fulfilled had to be filled by more than just him). And Peter answered with time, so he went back to the usual, being the Earth boy he always was, sleeping close to the ground on the first floor of a cheap apartment that looked magical later that week when he taped up all of his posters and switched out the bright, fluorescent white lights for the yellowed lights he always preferred because they look more like sunlight.

So Peter, in his dress shirt and nice pants and new shoes, sitting with his back straight against the wall near the entrance of his apartment, still sweating from the conversation that had happened hours earlier, closed his eyes and remembered you in the moonlight like you had remembered him and Ned in the sunlight, he remembered those many late night conversations he had with you in which he was filled to the brim with nothing but nerves and stress and anxiety, he remembered how you'd remind him all night and day and week that he was important and needed and okay and here, on this planet, in this town, living and breathing and growing and that he's not as small as he felt nor as big as he fears. He remembered how you'd call him sunshine, sunshine and he told Ned that he needs you because he wants to hear that again. A sky boy he was– he was constricted and bound by his own breathing so he threw off his clothes, pulled on his suit of red and blue, and sprinted across the roof of a long, tall building so he could jump off and then web himself to the next building. He toppled over and rolled along the hard surface of what was probably some apartment complex, he stared up at the last sky blues for the day and panted. His throat burned with his wheezes, but soon he smelled the city and smiled, deep in his mind he was sure that you'd call him sunshine, sunshine again soon. He slept long after you and Ned had fallen to slumber, after flying around buildings and waving at an infant and helping an older couple catch their bus.

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #peter parker fanfic #spiderman #spider man #spiderman fanfic #spiderman homecoming #spiderman x reader #my writing

49 notes · View notes

loudthunderxheavyrain · 4 years ago

Text

May 18th, 2020. 2.

What a night. You went out to that little Italian bar that you’ve been hanging out at with your mom and whoever else and you posted a story and I ssw what you were doing and who you are with. I didn’t text you that night but I had already text you 1 million times that afternoon and made an ass of myself so I didn’t text you after like 5pm. You called me at 2:18am. And you wanted to talk and I was sound asleep. So you called again three minutes later and I picked up because I heard it.. and you were talking to your roommate but I didn’t realize it was speaker phone.. so when you asked me about kissing I said I kissed you sober. Rommate heard what I said duh shit got weird for a second but you didn’t hang up on me.. surprise! Roomate “went to bed” at that point bc I’m sure he couldn’t didn’t want to hear anymore of our conversation. We continued. Why idk but you went pee with me on the phone a few times. Went into your room. And we had an INCREDIBLE but awkward conversation. You call me a bore and im having a hard time keeping myself together. You make me like nervous flustered where I say shit and do shit I normally wouldn’t. Last night got a little bit freaky. You want to be in control. And I see that. I felt that off the bat. You’re in charge. You can have ANYTHING you want. And apparently, it would be me if things were different with the homies... And we need more compatibility this is just a sexual attraction. We both know that. Then, we stayed on the phone and FaceTime for almost 4 hours. 230-almost 630am. I did something I’d never do and you made me want so much more. I’d let you destroy me. You told me you wanted to in my mouth. And I crave nothing more than you. You literally stay on my mind constantly. It’s almost annoying. And I am here acting annoying. It’s annoying. But i want to annoy you.

May 30th, 2020

You blocked me on Facebook. We got into it about the post I made- America is lucky black people don’t take revenge on America. Started with race and you went off.

You didn’t want to be wrong so you just kept going and going until you blocked me. It didn’t bother me first but I laughed. It really bothered me that you would do that once I realized why. You said I referred to America as (K k k)America and no I didn’t. And to the end of times I’ll always say I didn’t. Because I didn’t. But still you deleted me for it. So I text you and asked you “you really did delete me you did. You fucking blocked me”. I was so upset I actually cried but I went to Instagram and saw you didn’t delete me there. So I didn’t really panic. We were going to the boneyard that night. It was just supposed to be like the four of us. But it turned out to be a party like so many people so you didn’t show up until a little after 10. Of course I noticed but tried not to talk to you. I said hi and didn’t say much else the rest of the night. We definitely locked eyes at least three times but I’m always staring at you. You literally have this face that just makes me want to stare at you. Anytime I’m around you I constantly want your attention. I want you to talk to me. I want your intelligence. I don’t want you to think I’m stupid. Because I’m not. But you are probably right, I have been misinformed and haven’t made the conscious effort to make politics a part of my life. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t change direction and care about your passions. It’s funny that you think I could have nothing to do with it now because why? Because I don’t talk about politics all the time or no everything that you know? So strange. But Saturday you, your roommate and The Homie were hanging out at your house and The Homie passed out. So your roommate called me and told me to come over and “wake up The Homie” so I said no. Within five minutes he text me come over. I asked if you were joking. But you said come so I did just like every other time.

May 31st, 2020

Took lyft. I came over late around 1:25 in the morning so it’s Sunday at this point and we hung out at the house until around 5:30 in the morning. After that we left and went to The Homies gmas house to continue. We left around 930/10 AM. But you and I weren’t tired. You literally had me passing that back to you all night and I couldn’t believe I was even doing it. As soon as I got home when The Homie drop me off I checked my phone and you had text me maybe I could sneak in. I was not down with that idea it was super sketchy definitely scary I said no like five times but it’s not like I wanted to say no! That’s why I came. I hate saying no to you. I don’t know what it is about you I really don’t. And I know that you probably just consider me someone you want to fuck but it’s hard to explain the way I don’t get it myself. So after about an hour of back-and-forth, I came over. I parked down the street near the elementary school like you told me to and walked down the block to see you standing outside waiting for me. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to try to be with you. I think you’re the most complex person I’ve ever met and you make me better just communicating with me. We were trying to hide it and obviously we got caught By roommates mom and we just went into your room laid down cuddled I fell asleep. You woke up and I woke up in an hour of sleep to put on my glasses look at your phone there wasn’t much else that happened.. your room small your bed small you have a lot of stuff. I was grateful to be in your space. That close to you. I couldn’t really go anywhere I finally woke up around like 530pm to pee and it was awful. I saw The Homie and roommate was there and that’s all bad. I put my stuff on to leave and you asked me not to leave you said “please don’t” so I laid back down with you until about 730/8 maybe even 830. My mom had been texting me to do something for her so I had to leave. We had woken up around like 4pm to the pit bikes and went right back to sleep. You had your back turned to me a lot and I took that hard. You used your weighted blanket and I used an entirely separate one. I was so sweaty, so uncomfortable in my skin, and my heart was facing a mile a minute so I was shaking. You always make fun of me for that. But you also make me nervous as fuck. So I couldnt calm down for hours. When I finally look at my phone my mom wasn’t the only one that text me. The Homie did too. And I fucking tripped. I didnt text back. Got up got dressed and ran out the door. But guess who saw me leaving? The Homie. I got the text as i was on the block still. Fml. I immediately regretted coming. He was so mad but i just kept telling him nothing happened because that’s our m.o. we never claim one another. I say I hate you and you do the same. Then we got caught. I text you when I got to the car. And said I’d “talk to you later” and little did I know I wouldnt be talking to you again. I had to talk to The Homie all night I had to reassure them over and over that nothing happened and I really had a hard time with it. But we didn’t talk the rest of the night and we wouldn’t talk again.

#wasted time #office bartender #six months lost

0 notes

licensedlesbian · 7 years ago

Note

1-102

Damn... alright1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?- it was probably my grandma or grandpa and yes they did2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?- mmm under very certain circumstances. If they were a senior in high school I think that would be okay, but if they were a freshman in college I’d be pretty cautious about it and probably wouldn’t go for it //3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?- done!4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?- yea, cute ones 😉5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?- I have no love life and the only person mad about that is me 6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?- I don’t think so7. What exactly are you wearing right now?- I’m literally wearing what I wore in the last selfies I posted lol8. How often do you listen to music?- everyday. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t and I usually do it for 6 hours a day on average 9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?- jeans!10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?-... this is a little outdated and I can say these past 4 years have been a very dramatic change lmao 11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?- I’m super social!! I love people and being around them!12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?- I don’t think so13. What about ‘R’?- yep. She was kind of a bitch :/14. Can you drive a stick shift?- no but I think it would be really cool to learn!15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?- I try not to bc some people are just shitty, but sometimes you can’t help the way you feel :/16. Are you going out of town soon?- nah :/17. When was the last time you cried?- like last week after my math final that I thought I failed... I got a 79 but it took my grade for that class down by two grades :/18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?- yes but I don’t do it often :/19. If you could change your eye color, would you?- I think I would like for my eyes to be like a warmer or lighter brown but that’s kinda it20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?- my best friend Emory, he’s my bitch and I love him 21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.- I work at 7 and I’m going to be doing drive thru in negative digit weather :/22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?- nope. Disgusting. Revolting. Horrible. Don’t touch me. 23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?- I’m dating no one :/24. What are you sitting on right now?- a booth in a restaurant25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?- uhhh man my family rarely tells me they love me and no one else sure ever does 26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?- have u considered... the trajectory of my entire love life ?27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?- uhh I think it was my pal Shelbey 28. Do you get a lot of colds?- not really but I’m usually always congested because im allergic to the literal air 29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?- I got it from a show I was doing freshman year. We had to do a dance number and we all got plain black tee shirts 30. Does anyone hate you?- yea probably lmao 31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?- no I don’t drink and I don’t like it :/32. Do you like watching scary movies?- no I’m the biggest scaredy cat like ever33. Do you want your tongue pierced?- I’d pass34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?- probably 2015. That was a really fucking awful year. 35. Did you have a dream last night?- yes and I don’t remember much but it was really weird 36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?- uhhh I probably told my mom I loved her yesterday bc she bought me sushi lol 37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?- I don’t think so bc I think getting married at 21 would be super early 38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?- no one in real life, maybe someone on here 39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?- probably not 40. Did you have a good day yesterday?- yea Christmas was okay until I started having cramps and bloating up and feeling like death 41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?- nope 42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?- I mean I work and there will be girls there lol but I don’t have any social plans as of right now 43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?- I don’t think so44. What’s the best part about school?- probably seeing friends!45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?- barely. I never really use Facebook. 46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?- I haven’t since the third grade 47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?- lmaooo yea all the time, welcome to anxiety my friend 48. Were you single over the last summer?- yep49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?- no. Not at all. It’s changed really dramatically 50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?- nothing! (:51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?- I mean sometimes, but he’s my best friend and I lov him 52. Are you nice to everyone?- I try to be 53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?- yea54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?- yes of course! I would literally never cheat that’s just a super fucked up thing to do55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?- it depends 56. Do you think you like someone?- ehhhh, kind of have feelings but they’re fading and I’m ready to really like someone again 57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?- I don’t think so but it’s kind of hard to remember all the people I’ve kissed as bad as that sounds58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?- girls! They’re a lot sweeter and they’re very thoughtful59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?- one of my friends. That’s it. 60. Do you hate anyone?- ohhhh boy, some of my coworkers are grade a assholes61. How’s your heart?- she’s doing her best!62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?- many shitty and horrible things have happened to me that I don’t like to talk about because it’s important to move on and forgive because holding grudges and hurting about the things you can’t control will only make you hurt more ):63. Have you ever cried over a guy?- nope64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?- some of my coworkers lmaoo65. Are your toenails painted pink?- I haven’t painted my nails in forever 66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?- I don’t really regret people I kiss for the most part, hopefully I’ll be going to a New Year’s Eve party and I’ll kiss some cute girl just cause 67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?- girls love it when they don’t have boyfriends is the correct answer 68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?- i don’t think so? Maybe as a little kid?? Idk 69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?- my mom?70. How do you look right now?- I look adorable, I’m serving up looks for real (;71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?- probably like one person, my best friend em 72. Can you commit to one person?- yea hopefully, although I don’t have much experience and I’m really bad at not being nervous about everything ever 73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?- yep. My best friend 74. Have you ever felt replaced?- haven’t we all?75. Did you wake up cranky?- ehhh that’s debatable 76. Are you a jealous person?- I really can be honestly77. Are relationships ever worth it?- if you don’t have love in your life, you truly have nothing.. and I don’t mean purely romantic, I mean platonic too 78. Anyone you’re giving up on?- yea :/ some people aren’t worth the fight 79. Currently wanting to see anyone?- not particularly 80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?- work ://////81. Last person you cried in front of?- my therapist probably 82. Is there someone you will never forget?- I’m not sure.83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?- I wouldn’t say I really have feelings for anyone right now 84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?- probably just talking and hanging out.. I just really lov being with my friends 85. Are you over your past?- for the most part, healing is a long process but I don’t let the past hold me back. 86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?- nope 87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?- yes88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?- I don’t think I’ve romantically ever loved anyone 89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?- yea that’s gonna be a hard no... I kissed this 19 year old lesbian at pride fest and that was the last time I saw her, I still have her snap but that’s it 90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?- I don’t think so91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?- that’s gonna be a very likely no 92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?- I used to go to school with some kids named Michael93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?- hell no lmao 94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?- nope!95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?- mmmm no not really :/96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?- my best friend is fucking attractive as hell and I hate him for it bc all the girls like him over me ://97. Who do you have texts from?- no one right now and I hate leaving notifications unattended to so I usually answer pretty quickly 98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?- go for it99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?- yes... by 4 years whoops 100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?- just me!101. Ever kissed under fireworks?- nah 102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?- yes... tragically

1 note · View note

fullmetalhimbo · 7 years ago

Text

Yo. I’m bored as hell.

THE LAST:

1. Drink: coffeeee

2. Phone call: My mama

3. Text: my squad in paramedic

4. Song you listened to: are you ready? - Taylor Swift lmfao

5. Time you cried: Ahhhhh shit. I️ really don’t remember. I️ think a video from the Vegas shooting got me.

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: nahhh

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: I’ve kissed a lot but I️ haven’t regretted any that I️ remember. It is what it is.

8. Been cheated on: not that I know of

9. Lost someone special: I️ think everyone has at some point.

10. Been depressed: again I️ think everyone has gone through some kind of bout of depression.

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: haha too many times

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14: Blue, red, orange

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: I️ don’t know yet tbh.

16. Fallen out of love: yeah lol.

17. Laughed until you cried: yeah

18. Found out someone was talking about you: not anytime soon

19. Met somebody who changed you: not yet that I️ know of.

20. Found out who your friends are: a lot of my navy friends.

21. Kissed a tumblr mutual: nah, but Im down

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Tumblr friends do you know in real life: I️ had one. But she deleted

23. Do you have any pets: a dog! She’s great!

24. Do you want to change your name: nah i’m good

25: What did you do for your last birthday: I️ think I️ went out to dinner and then to bed. It was wild.

26. What time did you wake up: 0630

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: yo I️ passed TF out.

28. Name something you cant wait for: moving to Colorado

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: I️ saw her this past weekend! I️ miss her already.

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: my procrastination in school. It really bothers me.

31: What are you listening to right now: a podcast of my favorite radio show.

32. Have you ever talked to a person named tom: Yeah actually I️ was talking to one Tuesday lol

33. something that is getting on your nerves: reference #30

34: most visited website: probably Facebook

35. mole/s: Yeah from sun damage. Thanks Florida!

36: mark/s: like scars? Yeah I️ got a couple.

37: Childhood dream: to own a tiger. and it’s still true.

38: Hair color: brown

39: long or short hair: short

40: Do u have a crush on anyone: right now? Nah

41: What do you like about yourself?: im pretty rational. I️ don’t let stress affect me too much. Im a pretty caring person but at the same time I️ don’t deal with bullshit from anyone.

42. Piercings: I️ used to have my septum. But not anymore.

43. Blood type: O+

44. Nickname: Will, agg, aggy

45. Relationship status: single afffffff

46. Zodiac: Aries

47. Pronouns: He/Him

48: Favorite tv shows: GoT, friends, I️ have a lot but those are def two main ones

50. Right or left hand: Righty

51. Surgery: ya boi has no tonsils

52. Hair dyed in a different color: nope

53: Sport: football

55. Vacation: Take me to the mountainssssss

56: Pair of trainers: I’m guessing you mean running shoes? Rn I’m killing these Nike free’s.

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: An hour ago ate grits, eggs and pork belly bacon. And tbh I’m still thinking about it.

58. Drinking: water

59. I’m about to: study. Or take a nap. We’ll see.

61: Waiting for: motivation

62: Want: to be in Colorado

63. Get married: that’d be dope

64. Career: in medicine would be ideal

WHICH IS BETTER:

65. Hugs or kisses: kiss

66. Lips or eyes: eyes

67. Shorter or taller: shorter

68. Older or younger: younger

70. nice arms or nice stomach: I️ want nice arms

71: sensitive or loud: this is hard. Depends on the situation. Because if they are overly sensitive or overly loud I’m going to be annoyed all of the time either way.

72. Hook up or relationship: I’m more of a hook up stage of my life rn. But I’m not opposed to relationships.

73. troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant is cute in a SO

HAVE YOU EVER:

74: Kissed a stranger: lmao yeah. Multiple.

75. Lost glasses/ contact lens: all of the time

76. Turned someone down: yeah, it sucks. But it is what it is.

78. Sex on the first date: uhhhh yeah lol.

79. Had your heart broken: I’ve been hurt. But never really heart broken.

80. Broken someone’s heart: a couple times. I️ hate doing it tho.

81. Been arrested: nope

82. Cried when someone died: definitely

83. fallen for a friend: that’s my MO.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. yourself: depends on the situation. But I️ doubt myself more than anything.

85. Miracles: yes

86. Love at first sight: no

87. Santa Claus: nah

OTHER:

90. current best friend name: Marc, Sara

91. Eye color: Brown

92. favorite movie: Fight Clubbbbbb

#about me #this one didnt have anything really good in it #sorry

2 notes · View notes

elizajane-morley · 7 years ago

Text

i was tagged by @bellamybalke. thank you baby ♥

rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people

i tag: @jasperjoordan, @morleybob, @bellamyslaugh, @blyedeeks, @stardust-blake, @oh-haseena, @425am, @octanakin, @sherlockvowsontheriverstyx, @madisondavenports, @insideimfeelinpurrdy, @japril, @starboybellamy, @clarketoearth, @bl-ake, @rick-grimes, @morleybell, @istilldothiseveryday, @chancellor-reyes, @gendryblake and anyone who wants to do it.

the last:

1. drink: diet coke

2. phone call: my grandma

3. text message: my friend kalman

4. song you listened to: gorillaz - andromeda

5. time you cried: i don’t remember, late july probably :/

have you ever:

6. dated someone twice: yes and it sucked

7. kissed someone and regretted it: no

8. been cheated on: no

9. lost someone special: yes

10. been depressed: yes

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: no, i always keep it moderate

3 favorite colors:

12. cyan/blue

13. pink

14. grey

in the last year have you:

15. made new friends: yes

16. fallen out of love: no

17. laughed until you cried: yes

18. found out someone was talking about you: no

19. met someone who changed you: no

20. found out who your friends are: no

21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: i don’t use facebook anymore

general:

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: before i deleted all of them

23. do you have any pets: i have a ginger baby (a cat)

24. do you want to change your name: my last name is kinda hard to pronounce (and spell), so yeah it has definitely crossed my mind

25. what did you do for your last birthday: invited my friends over

26. what time did you wake up: 8.00 am

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: eating, watching tv, making a new coloring for a new gifset

28. name something you can’t wait for: starting driving lessons soon, i’m pretty excited about that

31. what are you listening to right now: music wise im listening too humanz by gorillaz and occasionally some frank ocean, other than that my next door neighbor’s parrot is making some noise rn

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes

33. something that is getting on your nerves: waking up in the morning and having to continue my existence

34. most visited website: tumblr, twitter

35. hair colour: brown

36. long or short hair: long

39. piercings: only in my ears

40. blood type: A+

41. nicknames: just lili

42. relationship status: single

43. zodiac: aquarius

44. pronouns: she/her

45. favourite tv show: the 100, sense8, shameless, greys, sex and the city

46. tattoos: none and i don’t want any

47. right or left handed: right

48. surgery: haven’t had any

49. piercing: i answered this already

50. sport: swimming, ice skating

51. vacation: im going to sri lanka next year c:

52. pair of trainers: i’m not sure?

more general:

53. eating: pretty much anything, i’m a very adventurous eater

54. drinking: coffee, diet soda, water

55. i’m about to: clean my space

56. waiting for: summer to be over

57. want: a will to live

58. get married: maybe one day, but very very far in the future

59. career: no, i don’t like working, but at the same time i love expensive shit so i have to be successful

which is better:

60. hugs or kisses: hugs

61. lips or eyes: lips

62. shorter or taller: taller

63. older or younger: older ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

64. nice arms or nice stomach: both

65. hook up or relationship: hook up

66. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

have you ever:

67. kissed a stranger: no

68. drank hard liquor: yes

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: no

70. turned someone down: yes

71. sex on the first date: no

72. broken someone’s heart: yes and i regret it now

73. had your heart broken: yes

74. been arrested: no

75. cried when someone died: yes

76. fallen for a friend: yes

do you believe in:

77. yourself: yes, i can do anything i set my mind to

78. miracles: not really

79. love at first sight: no

80. santa claus: lol nah

81. kiss on the first date: yeah why not

82. angels: no

other:

83. current best friend’s name: my irl bestie is evelin, my online light of my life is julka also known as @bellamybalke

84. eye colour: brown

85. favourite movie: le fate ignoranti (the ignorant fairies)

#tag games #personal #about me

8 notes · View notes

kinghelmsley · 7 years ago

Text

I was tagged by darling @newjapan 💓 💕 THE LAST:

drink: water

phone call: my brother

text message: “okay”

song you listened to: Tell-Tale Heart by Alvarez Kings

time you cried: OMG I actually can’t think of the last time??? Maybe that’s a good thing??! wow I’m honestly shocked.

dated someone twice: no

kissed someone and regretted it: no

been cheated on: no

lost someone special: my uncle. and my dog two days before.

been depressed: oh man. the reason I left school basically.

gotten drunk and thrown up: no

FAVOURITE COLORS :

grey

pink

pale blue colors

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

made new friends: yup

fallen out of love: no

laughed until you cried: yes

found out someone was talking about you: no

met someone who changed you: yes

found out who your friends are: definitely.

kissed someone on your facebook list: lol no

GENERAL

how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: I deleted my fb when I was in like 10th grade??? but I knew all of them lol

do you have any pets: Nope, but I’m living with my brother again and he has a little boston terrier named Olive and I love her dearly. Even though I am VERY allergic I play with her and we watch tv together.

do you want to change your name: no

what did you do for your last birthday: Went to brunch cause it’s my favorite and I had chocolate french toast that I think about everyday.

what time did you wake up: like around 10am

what were you doing at midnight last night: watching old Chikara King of Trios matches.

name something you can’t wait for: ROH FINAL BATTLE CAUSE I GOT SECOND ROW AND I’M SO EXCITED!!!!

when was the last time you saw your mom: Like an hour ago

what are you listening to right now: All I Wanted- Daughter

have you ever talked to a person named tom: no.don’t think so.

something that is getting on your nerves: My brother who has no consideration for other people, complains about everything and nothing is EVER good enough. Like tiny complaints about everything, even insignificant things. I’m so doneeeee.

haircolour: brown

long or short hair: Long, too long maybe.

do you have a crush on someone: No

what do you like about yourself: My taste in fashion/clothes. My eyebrows. My eye lashes.

want any piercings: Nope

blood type: I don’t know..maybe I should know?

nickname: Lex

relationship status: single

zodiac: Capricorn

pronouns: she,her

favorite tv show: Master of None, The Mindy Project

tattoos: Four, one on my ribs, my ankle, behind my ear, and my arm. Getting ones on my hand soon! I’ve drawn all of them.

right or left handed: right handed.

surgery: wisdom teeth

piercing: just 3 in each ear lobe

sport: lol none. I was an artsy asshole who didn’t wanna do sports until senior year when I wanted to join the wrestling team (also the teacher was my favorite and very adorable) but I didn’t cause art and I got in my head about it. I also did cheerleading when I was little, does that count?

vacation: I went to Florida a few months ago, and camping that’s it lol

pair of trainers: vans, and nikes oh and adidas..all I wear is sneakers.

MORE GENERAL:

eating: dark chocolate covered pretzels. my favorite.

drinking: water

im about to: watch Candice vs. Tessa from that Bar Wrestling show.

waiting for: idk a lot..

want: Just things to get better, where like both I’m in a good place in life and also my brother. Sometimes I think my mom is like yikes my kids are a mess. but we could be worse.

get married: I’d rather nottttttt god no.

career: idk man I’m going to school to work in nutrition and training soon so this should be a good thing, I’m excited. It’s somewhat the dream. WHICH IS BETTER

hugs or kisses: hugs

lips or eyes: eyes

shorter or taller: taller

older or younger: older

nice arms or nice stomach: either...doesn’t matter. both are nice.

hook up or relationship: relationship

troublemaker or hesitant: maybe hesitant..but that could be frustrating HAVE YOU EVER:

kissed a stranger: no

drank hard liquor: yes

lost glasses/contact lenses: YES

turned someone down: yes

sex on the first date: no

broken someone’s heart: Maybe

had your heart broken: no

been arrested: no

cried when someone died: yeah..

fallen for a friend: g o s h. YES. ah.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

yourself: lol no. this is maybe my problem all the time.

miracles: I mean I went to say no but then I thought of stuff so maybe I guess a little

love at first sight: No. idk man I don’t think so.

Santa Claus: lol

kiss on the first date: eh no idk

angels: no

OTHER:

current best friends name: martinique

eyecolour: brown

favorite movie: maybe of all time Grease? I don’t think any other movie provides the memories I have from watching Grease as a kid.

#about me stuff

2 notes · View notes

starbitstudies-blog · 7 years ago

Text

92 questions

tagged by @stevenstudies thank you!!!

rules: answer these 92 questions and then tag 20 people!

last:

1. drink: water

2. phone call: uhh i don’t remember i don’t really call ppl aaa

3. text message: something about hating when people think a bad character = a bad person because that’s not the case!!! or that one bad action done by a character makes them horrible!!

4. song you listened to: well i’m currently listening to lollia’s cover of “cymatics” by techniken!

5. time you cried: i think two or three days ago!!

have you:

6. dated someone twice: nope!

7. kissed someone and regretted it: never kissed anyone so nope!

8. been cheated on: fortunately, with me having not dated anyone, that’s not possible. hopefully this answers stays ‘no’

9. lost someone special: our family dog died a while back... i mean also my father left a long time ago but tHAT’S HEAVY SO UHH

10. been depressed: yeah, since it’s likely i have depression

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: nah

list three favorite colors:

12. PERIWINKLE!

13. pastel pink

14. cyan!!!

in the last year have you

15. made new friends: yeah!! a few tbh

16. fallen out of love: idk i don’t think i’ve been in love hahhaha,

17. laughed until you cried: TWO NIGHTS AGO

18. found out someone was talking about you: ye

19. met someone who changed you: people here (positively) and people at school... also people on other sites (both pos and neg)

20. found out who your friends are: yes i think?

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: whats facebook? (jk but no)

general:

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: i deleted my facebook sorry pals

23. do you know any pets: we have so many u dont even know

24. do you want to change your name: PLEASE can i change it to zia?

25. what did you do for your last birthday: i played video games, helped babysit my nephew for a few hrs, then ate chinese

26. what time did you wake up: technically like 7 but i got out of bed at 8

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: i think on tumblr

28. name something you cant wait for: MY OWN LAPTOP TBH

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: right now

30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: PRACTICE ART MORE AS A KID!!! UR NOT GONNA WANNA BE A WRITER WHEN UR OLD ZIA NO FOCUS ON ART

31. what are you listening to right now: all we know (chainsmokers) this is after the last music post bc time has passed rip

32. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: my ex-best friend’s dad! (we’re still friends but not close anymore, because we don’t live close to each other anymore)

33. something that is getting on your nerves: myself

34. most visited websites: tumblr, twitter or insta probably. maybe even yesstyle because GOSH i love clothes more than i ever knew

more random info:

35. mole/s: face moles that’s all i know of

36. mark/s: idk dood

37. childhood dream: i once dream i was at like a disco thing and then there was water and i was DROWNING my dreams were and are weird.

38. hair color: black! (but i wanna go for blue-black or black w blue on the bottom and tips really soon!!)

39. long or short hair: LOOKS SHORT (bc super tight curls) but it’s really medium length

40. do you have a crush on someone: i mean kinda but its like a ‘admiration’ crush bc i don’t know them at all so i’m disregarding it.

41. what do you like about yourself: sometimes my eyes look ok uh

42. piercings: just ears!

43. blood type: idk dood

44. nickname: bob the builder can he fix it yes!!! he!!! can!!!

45. relationship status: single and too focused on college apps to want to mingle.

46. zodiac: aquarius

47. pronouns: ANYYY but most refer to me by she/her by default so!!

48. favorite tv show: rwby!! but i love a good spongebob for giggles

49. tattoos: ehhh .... not unless its hidden good im too worried about jobs

50. right or left hand: right (trying to learn to write w my left hand as well)

51. surgery: never have, maybe someday i will, who knows

52. dyed hair: a few times, purple streaks, purple on the bottom and tips, a few times black.

53. sport: i used to play volleyball but uhh bye

54. subtitles or dubbed version: when it comes to anime either way!! i’ve never rlly watched anything else w subs i dont think

55. vacation: nothing nada

56. toenail color: plain plain plain

more general:

57. eating: i had some harvest snaps and non dairy ice cream thank u ben and jerrys

58. drinking: water

59. im about to: think about my life

60. ive been putting off: my entire life

61. waiting for: SCHOOL i miss the routine and i hate this anticipation stop it summer stop i

62. want: more stationery and CLOTHES FROM YESSTYLE OR H&M OR SHEIN

63. get married: maaaybe???

64. career: VIDEO GAME ARTIST PLEASE or animator

65. hugs or kisses: hugs?

66. lips or eyes: eyes

67. shorter or taller: uhhh

68. older or younger: UHHHH

69. can you wiggle your ears without touching them: no im a weenie loser

70. nice arms or nice stomach: ARMS ARMS ARMS A

71. sensitive or loud: depending on the situation..

72. hookup or relationship: relationship!

73. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

74. kissed a stranger: nah

75. drank hard liquor: whats a hard liquoryall

76. lost glasses: yes im HORRIBLE ive also broke them mmm boi some spicy troublemakin

77. turned someone down: ONCE AND IM STILL SHOOK I FEEL SO BAD PLEASE DONT EVER DO THIS TO ME AGAIN @ GOD !!!

78. sex on the first date: oh no sirree

79. broken someones heart: i mean KINDA?? idk

80. had your heart broken: proBABLY IDK

81. been arrested: nope

82. cried when someone died: yes

83. fallen for a friend: HJFKSHFKJDHSKFHDSKJF

do you believe in:

84. yourself: NOT ENOUGH

85. miracles: YE

86. love at first sight: NOT RLLY LOVE but like a crush yes???

87. santa claus: I DONT THINK I EVER HAVE

88. kiss on the first date: mmmmaybe if u know them

89. faeries: MMAYB

other:

90. current best friend name: KHALO AND BRANDON AND VAAN!!!

91. eye color: dark brown but they look like the void yo

92. favorite movie: MOANA ATM!!!!!

ANYBODY I TAG U ALL AND DON’T FORGET TO TAG ME I WANNA KNOW U GUYS!!!

#zia.doc #tagged

1 note · View note

cilyhairstylist · 7 years ago

Text

😭😍😱 episode 1 - SNOW GIRL | SECRETs OF A RESPECTABLE TOWN | ORIGINAL YOUBOOKY|

WARNING: this is a story about domestic violence, secrets, incest and crazy love. Romantic and disturbing. It's a reading for adult and guys from sixteen years old.

https://booky-italia.blogspot.it/

A story written by Ryan Shepherd

SNOW GIRL

Secrets of a respectable town

Preface: Your start with your end.

“Close your eyes, my friend, and breathe very deeply. Imagine a different world from these days, so clouded by the cynical human grudge. Imagine being free and being able to fly across the pure simplicity of words and feelings. Imagine living passionately each moment of our survival. When you'll open your eyes again, promise not to forget the place where your mind has brought you... because if you did, it would mean you're not able to dream any more. And you know, dreaming is the most beautiful and tangible thing we can do.”

In that freezing winter morning, I understood deep-down that I had lost you forever. I remember snow dancing silently around you,

while falling gently. I remember everything being slowly covered by a pure and icy-cold white. Blurry and far images fluctuating in my mind as solitary ships in an icy-cold morning. It's been so many years since that day; maybe that's the reason why I can't remember it completely. I feel it vanishing little by little; I feel it dissolving just like the snow around you. You were so beautiful, so lively... And then him, the one who carried you away from your loved ones, away from me. I still miss you and I still wonder where are you now. If I ever knew it, I swear I'd run so fast that I'd tear apart violently the winds: I still miss your bright smile, your hands, the pieces of sky which replace your eyes. If only I hadn't hurt you so bad... I remember you were shattered, when you ran away from my house. I was the only one you ever trusted and I betrayed you, turning myself into a pathetic beast. You slammed the door impetuously, while I was sitting on the bed, staring desperately into space. In that moment, I couldn't realize that you were moving your latest steps on the snowy path away from my house. When I opted for running after you and apologizing, it was already too late.

That's it: the gentle dance of the snow. There it was, the pleasant dye which was covering everything with white. While your footsteps were covered and deleted little by little, you got in front of the one you really loved unconditionally, the only one for whom you could ever feel something of pure and authentic. Long since he needed just a gaze to succeed in enchanting you. You said you liked the sinister air you could breathe only around him and his stunning, inexpressive, blue eyes. I've loved you so much that I spent each moment of my existence bleeding for you, although I knew I could never have you. Idyllic love is a double-edged weapon: it falsifies reality, it compromises souls, it sets fire to your bowels with suffering feelings. I remember your disappointed look getting relieved when you met the man you loved. Not even all the pain I had caused you could discourage the love you felt for him. Then, there I stood, hidden in secret, while observing you and drowning in my grim love. The wind was interrupting your talk; I could only hear a few words he said: «Come with me. Leave any white thing is chasing

us... And love me forever» Come with me... You hinted me at his idea, before running away from me. You were running out of breath because of a stroke you did, when you told me he asked you to go away from our village with him. He even proposed to you. If only you had managed to keep yourself from telling me, from rejoicing... But our paths catastrophically interlaced, so that my dark and insane side overwhelmed you and just like a wave of incandescent lava it burned all the love you could feel for me, leaving you empty and lonely. If only I hadn't betrayed you, If only I hadn't hurt you so bad, you would have been still here. Your existence moved out of our snowy heaven for ever, and all you left me is a bitter awareness. Now, lying on this bare hospital bed, five years later your leaving, I recall all the beautiful things I've done in my life. Obviously, I still recall the moments we spent together, you and your charming ability to overwhelm anyone beside you. I get lost in the dark and abstract oblivion created by my closed eyes. I get far from reality, recalling our first meeting and each moment of our enchanted and miserable story. We were happy,

until I hadn't soiled in vermilion the deepest part of my frail and anxious soul for you.

Carry me away with you

September 20th, 2005

Time flows gently and silently over my beloved village, riding upon the cold wind in this Tuesday morning of September. Lightdark. That's the village's name. Legend has it a foreign bishop gave the town this name, during the darkest Middle Ages. Inhabitants of Lightdark, indeed, are characterized by this perpetual interior struggle between darkness and light: often these two sides of men blend so as to create a colourful shades of gray. Whether someone lives in Lightdark or not, inside of each of us there's not just good or evil, light or darkness: they both coexist in an odd balance inside everyone. The village where I live stands on a hill enclosed by thick forests. It faces mighty and huge mountains which hostilely and arrogantly obstruct the rosy dusk. Therefore, Lightdark is a never-never land: it actually exists, but nobody can see it; not even maps show it. Also, this is the reason why many truck drivers get continually lost when they have to carry here necessaries. We don't regret the solitude, which characterizes our life in this village, encircled by majestic and imposing firs: thanks to this each of us can experience a natural life-style. People don't need anything more than what this place offers to its inhabitants, who can dream a different existence every time they want to.

The alarm rings in a sudden haste, waking me up from a long and full of content images night. I rub my sleepy eyes, then I turn to watch the clock: it's 8.30 am. so I close my eyes again just for a few moments, before opening them back soon after. I stare at the boards supporting the ceiling. It's just the beginning of a new high-school day. It would have been a day in the life, if I hadn't been turning 20 years old. Just now I'm able to realize how time is passing by so quickly. I'm getting older every day, without realizing it properly and, what's more, soon I'm becoming an adult. Today I'm leaving behind my teen-years, turning twenty...

I'd like to rest a little more in bed, letting myself go through these apparently rambling thoughts, but as soon as I hear my mom's voice – as respectable as an opera singer – I decide it's really time to get out of my bed, covered with cobalt blue. I sit on my bed, placing my feet on the bright and shiny hardwood floor, while looking for my soft and yellow slippers. After wearing them and stretching my back, I go to the cheerful kitchen downstairs, where I find my little brother sitting down on his favourite chair, as always, while eating star-shaped cocoa cookies with milk and egg yolk. My mother says it's an energizing and helpful mixture to get through the cold weather. Unluckily, cold winter is coming up again. Lightdark is covered with snow for most part of the year. While summer is leaving and is making room for the cold autumn, pure white clouds bringing snow will cover again this village and I'll cheer up thanks to their usual work. That's true: I adore everything around me. I'm similar to an old tree which got rooted in his birthplace.

I briefly look out of the streamed up window and I notice old houses' roofs and green gardens

covered by drew points, under the bright grey sky. «Happy birthday, my boy» my mother says, drawing my attention. «You're becoming a man». She nods towards my cup of hot barley coffee. As soon as I'm about to sit down, she kisses my cheek warmly. I smile. «Thanks, mum» I say, then, looking at her. «I just hope to become a sensible man». «My boy, no one ever is» she replies, unexpectedly apprehensive. «Being judicious is something hardly anybody knows what really means. That's why it's hard to become truly sensible. Getting old doesn't mean becoming mature, intelligent or right-thinking. You'll make mistakes, my son, and you'll have to pay for it. Everyone at your age has got through it» I listen to her words which seem to be a little bitter, while drinking my hot barley coffee. «Really? Then, why you and dad seem to be so sensible?» I ask her, with curiosity. She starts cutting the soft home-made bread to prepare my snack for school, while she answers: «Well, maybe we seem to be so right-thinking because we've already made our mistakes...» I hope she's not talking about the fact she got

pregnant of me when she was eighteen. She had to run away from her parents' house, because of her pregnancy. Her parents live in the south of the country and she always describes them as a typical narrow-minded couple. I've never known them and, probably, it's better this way. Thinking about it, my parents didn't have an easy life: they made their mistakes, probably because of their lack of sensibility. Despite this, they found here in Lightdark the needed peacefulness and tranquillity. Snow acted like a cure for their wounded hearts.

My dad fell in love with my mother when he went living in the south of the country, during the years in which he did military service. They had to escape because of her unexpected pregnancy, but once they got here, my dad's parents welcomed them with open arms. They live a few houses down from our home, and I usually spend enough time with both of them: I admire their wisdom and their empathy. I find it really helpful to dialogue with them: they're able to calm my rebelliousness. I finish my barley coffee and put the empty cup on the ovoid table. I look briefly at my little

brother, who's still eating his star-shaped cookies. I smile toward him, stimulated by his tender and amusing face. He's got curly and blonde hair, similar to an arid bush; his eyes are dark brown: he totally looks like daddy, no doubt about it. He's only five years old, but he's quite intelligent for his age: he can perfectly deal with our computer and can perfectly access to everything through passwords. «Hey, Michael» I tell him, while ruffling softly his hair. «Make sure you'll be careful with my computer» He nods, smiling and looking at me. The cookie he's eating now stained his lips with chocolate. I stretch my arms, before going back to my room and getting ready to go to the haughty highschool. It would be nice if today something of unexpected prevented me from studying. Who knows, maybe something or someone will show up – or, at least, I hope so...

By the way, as every single day I take my roving rattletrap to go to Leto's railway station. Leto is a village slightly bigger than Lightdark and to get to school I usually need to get the train there.

I park Mr. Rattletrap, an old Fiat Uno which most of the times breaks up and leaves me on my feet. I lock the car and run into the little station, before discovering that the train is delayed as always. Great. I'll be late at school also today. The same school where I've already failed two times... I can only wait in silence, in front of the empty rail. I start walking back and forth to avoid further freezing. I've learned how to partly defeat cold thanks to the weather of the hill where Lightdark is placed. All of a sudden, I stop and my eyes set on the rails free from the snow as I realize there's something strange wavering around here. My gaze becomes consciously suspicious. I must admit that until now my intuition has always been infallible: indeed, everything around me seems like it's following an intriguing and arcane symphony. Suddenly, wind starts blowing heavily, hitting my face and shaking my long and curly hair. I'm forced to close my eyes because of the violence of the cold wind, but when I open them again that's it: I see you for the first time. You are the one who I'll have learned to love more than myself, thereafter.

You're just arrived to the railway station and you look around confused and insecure. Your bobbed hair, dyed in firecracker red, stands out in the station covered by the white snow. Though we're far enough, I can notice your big blue eyes: both beautiful and lost. You're that sort of new attraction which draws the attention of my soul. I'm sure you had never been here, because otherwise I would have noticed you at first sight. You're one of the most precious darlings I could have ever found, just like a ruby. For a few minutes you keep staying where you are, still, without moving nor narrowing the gap between us. You don't seem to be bothered by the cold, even though you wear just a jeans jacket and summer trousers. Damn, compared to you, I look like a roll, in my scarf, cotton gloves, a sweatshirt and a double-bedded jacket to hold as much heat as possible. And finally, you move, after having been so still for a while: the cold temperature forces you to rub your hands very quickly, while letting mist out of your mouth. Then, all of a sudden you stop and turn, looking at me with a strange frown. No doubt about it: you have something to ask me. You turn the other way, while outside it's snowing

again. You put your hands in your pockets and at last you move towards me, biting your lips delicately. As you get closer, I turn back to you and crack a smile, while looking at you carefully. You look so sweetly frail and insecure; it's clear you're trying to be brave to talk to me. «Excuse me». That's it. I can read the uncertainty in your eyes. «I'm looking for a place... but... well, I don't know how to get there.» Your voice is so delicate and fine, your pure white skin flawless. The blue in your eyes seems to be stolen from a faraway sea. Oh boy, I'm adoring your good features, your high cheekbones. Also, I'm quite pleased you're shorter than me – therefore, at first sight you must be five feet six. «Which place?» I ask, both kindly and firmly self-confident. You look away from me for a moment, because it clearly makes you uncomfortable talking to me. Godness, you look so lovely when you blush. «It's a small village...» you murmur and it's like you don't want to say anything else. «Which village?» I ask, then. «Lightdark, the snowy hill's village» I crack another smile, as I think that this must be

a fate's trick. Then, I look at you, pleased. «What a coincidence: I live just there. I got to Leto because I've to take the train... You know, school» What an idiot! At first, your face suddenly lights up, when you got that I live in Lightdark, but when I went on talking you grow sad, faking a smile and asking with kindness: «Well, do you know how to get there, by chance?» and then, looking around quickly: «I can't see any bus or taxi, you know...» «I'm sorry, but the only bus who gets to Lightdark stops to this station at eleven in the morning» I can see your sorrow because of that news. Despite the roof of the station can protect us from the snow falling down, cold rules the air unperturbedly and stings violently our bodies. You look at your watch. It's nine o'clock and you should wait two ours here, before taking the bus to Lightdark. Then, after biting again your lips, you move back, saying: «Thank you so much for the information, I'll wait till then» While I answer politely and sadly «you're welcome» you turn your back on me and go to the gloomy lounge, sitting on the only one bench and regretting the absence of any radiator. People, who are not used to this, can be upset by

discovering the poverty of godforsaken places. Time goes by, and after thirty minutes I start not feeling my legs any more because of the furious cold. By the time it's too late and the train is not likely to arrive any more: at last, I've found an excuse to play truant. So, I decide to join you in the lounge, saying: «It's cold... Really cold» Maybe, this isn't the best I could say; your eyes are on me, making me feel nervous, therefore I stutter: «You know, it's cold and late, and probably the train is not going to arrive this morning» You crack a smile in silence, before staring into space. «I'm going back home, in Lightdark.» Hearing this, your attention is completely focused on me. I enthusiastically recognize you're wishing I offer you a lift. «But, how are you getting there if there's no public transport?» you ask impatiently. It's clear curiosity has tied up your heart. «I have a car, in the park» «Oh, and... Could you-» «Could I give you a lift? Yeah. Sure. Do you trust me?»

You nod, standing up quickly. All of a sudden, you're in front of me and you look lighted up by happiness. «Yeah. I think I trust you...» you say in the end, making me already cheerful. I nod you to follow me, adding a joyful: «Let's go, then» Meeting you this way is probably the best present Fate could ever give me.

TO BE CONTINUED....

Do you want to buy the book? Click here⛆⛄⛄

#snow #girl #romance #free ebook #story

2 notes · View notes