#im going to be streaming tonight and probably tomorrow

[paranoidgemsbok]

im in bloodborne mode once again

[todayisafridaynight]

daigo-gets-trolled kinda fuckin panel

[bibleofficial]

my stomach hurts so bad i’m literally dying

[flyingspicerack]

Okaaaay daydreaming time then sleeby nienie eveyone!!

[ultra-raging-ghost]

I REACHED POST LIMIT SO HERES MY POST FROM 9:20 ONWARD

"Goodbye my three little ones, your father has to go"

"Im sorry chat, i guess ill just speak from the heart. the way i lost dapper and pomme i dont think i really.. had time to process, so losing him like this feels like losing all three of them at the same time"

Visiting bagis... poor zeno fucking died to a rooster LMAO i missed bagis place so fucking bad

searching for pepito.... where is my baby.... where is my little pepito, there pepito is

Bad doesnt really know what to do with himself, hes still sad but richas is like. Officially gone. Which is a crazy thing to process. I was having a hard time dealing with it but i think richas' final goodbye made me feel a lot better about it,it doesnt feel like theres a nail in the back of my brain now, im a little more content with this at least. Wont really be happy about it, but more content with it

We're gonna go leave a richas flower (blue orchid) at bagi's old base <3 just like how we left a cornflower at a place special to pomme.

hehehe agent 18/panks_ is in chat and theyre tormenting bad for fun

Offering pepito the opportunity to visit one last place, bad plans on coming back and visiting a couple final places sometime soon, not tonight but soon. Probably gonna end after pepito picks where to go

pepito cant think of anywhere, bads picking one more place to go

PEPITO TIME AT THE OFFICIAL DAPPER TIME SPOT??? LETS GOOOOO

Pepitos gonna be temporarily dapper while in the official dapper time spot <333

bads back, i got so comfortable in the old house that i forgot we have to leave. Just a wave of sadness washed over me, it feels like leaving home all over again, it feels like we should be able to walk into the old spawn from dappers train station and see pierre and pomme and etoiles again

pomme in chat... assuring bad she and dapper wont be leaving any time soon. Bad promises us he has some really fun stuff hes been working on he thinks we'll enjoy, this journey isnt over

while waiting for pepito we're reminiscing on when he had to triangulate the Dont have Your Gun thing that was playing that he couldnt find LMAO

currently visiting the old subway bad was building with dapper underground.... the new terrain generation generated a FULL end city RIGHT next to it!!!!

gonna visit bobby fields another day, thats another day issue, but dapper wanted to go see it with him lol

Bad found out Lullah and Richas were leaving yesterday, sounds like he didnt know chay was leaving till today

BOOOOOOOO BOOOOOO BOO IS HERE!!!! HELLO BOO!!!!!!

Pepitos playing around in the balloons Boo left <33

Bad: Yeah i remember when pomme and dapper came in one of these end cities and scared the muffins out of me Pomme: ?????? Pomme: bro you were dead Bad: I STILL REMEMBER.......

We're gonna go play Wordlos (or however you spell it) one last time before leaving the old spawn <3 gonna see if we can get it to work!!!

kinda works!!! Kinda!!! It mostly works!!!! gonna play!!!!!

"I am so proud of your spanish uncle bad!!! its a great advance to know how to explain something, its the most important thing"

We're looking at the paintings, this is it for the day. Richas logged off with bads statue painting so hes probably never gonna see that again LMAO "thats why we get screenshots"

Pepitos saying a little goodnight to the ghosties <33 pepitos gonna eat all of us up because we're so cute. "I see everything, too. EVERYTHIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG". Pepitos telling us to rest, eat, and drink water, and do our favorite things. We deserve it, to remember not to be sad it ended but be happy it happened at all <3

Bads planning on streaming tomorrow, hes not 100% sure what we'll be doing but he isnt gonna let this crank his steam

Pepitos planning on getting on tomorrow! or whenever! pepito doesnt know when pepito gets on LMAO

Thats all for todays stream, ending at 10:15, goodnight bad, richas, pomme, and dapper <3

[he4rts4alexis]

Can I request a Stan Marsh smut where reader got caught skipping class and got put in detention with stan

Detention

Pairing: best friend!Stan Marsh best friend!fem Reader

Warnings: profanity, smut and angst

I got a little into it I LOVE STAN S LIL TO MUCH🤤

You understood your relationship with Stan very well. You were nothing more than a best friend the best friend who he'd fuck if he was having a hard day or the best friend he'd fuck if one of his other girls cancelled on him. Some nights he would tell you he loves you and other nights he would go hook up with random girls but you were tired of it.

You were tired of chasing him you were in love with him. You were definitely aware of that fact, even some of those around you were aware

He considered you his best friend you were always there when he needed you. You always let him talk about his girl problems or sex life. He also might be one of the top students in your college class, but he wasn't smart enough to see the signs and maybe to blind to see his own feelings. Everyone has a breaking point, and maybe you were reaching yours. You looked up at him through your eyelashes. He wasn't even looking down at you, his hand was just tangled with your hair as he fucked your throat. You don't know why you come back after you tell yourself not to. Time and time again you told yourself to stay away, but you always go running back. Maybe it's because of this little delusion you had created in your mind. The one where he loves you back the way you love him. The one where he means his 'I love you's'. The one where he doesn't have to complain about other girls, or have hook ups, because he already has you. But then again it was just a delusion.

You heard him talk, every once ina while being interrupted with a quiet groan or a whispered "fuck". he was going on about how his ex was liking all of his posts and how she swiped up on his instagram story. You were right there in front of him, you were the one making him feel good, yet he was still thinking and talking about someone else. Why?There was only so much you could take. You felt your jaw begin to ache from the stretch, and your throat was beginning to feel raw. Jeesh, how long has he been going at it? You don't know. You didn't even notice when the tears that had been pent up began to stream freely down your face. He finally looked down at you with a smirk, his thumb wiping away the tears. The lumnp that had formed in your throat made it harder for you to breathe, and before you knew it, you were pushing away. Coughing, sobbing, chest heaving as all the feelings you had pushed to the side had finally tumbled down on you. "Y/n-" "Don't." You put a hand out, gesturing to him not to come closer, "Im fine. i just

remembered that I had an assignment that's

due tonight," "Oh, alright," moving on, "Oh, do you think you can make it movie night tomorrow?" He asked, tucking away his still erect cock back into his sweats, he'd probably call someone later about that. You wiped your tears as you stood up. You winced as your legs cramped from having stayed in the same position for who knows how long. You nodded. You sniffled as you made your way to the exit. You swore you heard him say bye, but you didn't hesitate to shut the door. You cried on the way back to your apartment. You didn't really know if you would make it to movie night tomorrow. Pretending everything was alright felt like

detention. You were like a child being punished for

something you did. The "Something you did,", being in love with

your best friend.

edited: IM JUST NOW READING IT REALIZING IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH DENTITION BRO IM SO SORRY 😭😭

[jupitercl0uds-art]

i might start streaming on sundays so i think i'll do a test stream tonight! seeing as its a test itll probably just be general going on the puter activities so like dont expect consistency. i'll probably play sonic adventure, NiGHTS, parappa 2 etc and draw lol

ive had a twitch for a while but since one of my friends stopped streaming minecraft so i might change the profile

there'll almost definitely be music, probably mic but my mic stand broke so it'll probably just be my laptop one unless i can fashion a new one before then

EDIT: NEVERMIND IM GOING TO SUMMER SCHOOL TODAY I THOUGHT THAT WAS TOMORROW

[aimwigs]

love all your dad wig so much i could read it forever thank you for all the blurbs

IM GLAD YOU'RE ENJOYING!!! i'm having so much fun writing them. here's another that you can read below the cut or on ao3 about waking up in the middle of the night with a baby

When the familiar fussy cry comes crackling through the baby monitor on the nightstand, QT rolls over and screams into her pillow.

He honestly fucking gets it. It’s only about two weeks ago that Ryan started generally getting through the nights without waking and as of two days ago, they’re back where they were two months ago, with long nights spent switching off and trying to coax her back to sleep. According to her pediatrician, she’s teething which isn’t always an issue when it comes to sleeping through the night but since she already had some issues with sleeping through the night up until pretty recently. QT gave her Tylenol before bed, but they’ve still been up with her a few times tonight, the latest being when Ludwig rocked her back to sleep only twenty minutes ago.

“I’ll get her,” he offers, patting QT’s arm and climbing out of bed because he’s an awesome partner and an even better dad.

Without lifting her face from the pillow, she mumbles something incomprehensible in response. He assumes she’s thanking either him or some sort of higher power for the fact that she doesn’t have to get out of bed.

Ryan’s entire face is bright red when he picks her up, tears streaming down her cheeks and snot dribbling from her nose as she thrashes her arms and legs around violently. It breaks his fucking heart to see her struggling like this— as much as he hates getting up in the middle of the night he understands that it’s only because she’s hurting.

He picks her up and balances her at his hip, gently bouncing her as he grabs her blanket from her crib and pushes it into her pudgy hands, just so she has something to focus on. Her screams quiet to sniffles as she shoves it into her mouth and tries to gnaw at it— poor girl.

It feels almost robotic as he walks downstairs and grabs a washcloth out of the freezer, a handy tip that QT’s sister passed down to her when she mentioned Ryan had started teething the other day. They’ve done this so many times and sure, it helps, but it only soothes the pain for so long before the tears start up again.

Sitting on the couch with her, Ludwig carefully rubs the freezing washcloth against her gums, coaxing her to gently chew at it so the cold can numb her aching gums.

As she chews, quieting finally, he grabs a tissue off the coffee table and wipes her face free of boogers and tears before leaning down and pressing a soft kiss right where wispy blond hair meets her forehead.

“You’re okay,” he whispers, wrapping her in her blanket and hugging her to his chest. “I’ve got you.”

She starts to relax a little, allowing the washcloth to fall from her mouth, and he reaches up with his thumb to gently massage her gums in the way that he saw in some YouTube video he watched about this.

When he hits a bump on the bottom, he freezes and withdraws his thumb so that he can look at her mouth. Sure enough, barely visible near the middle of her mouth is a tiny pearly white tooth. Her first fucking tooth.

“Oh my fucking god!” he says, loud enough that Ders peers over to them with interest from the cat tower across the room.

He debates waking up QT for this. On one hand, it’s definitely a big first. Teeth mean chewing. She’s literally going to be chewing her whole life! But the tooth will also still be there when she wakes up tomorrow and she did seem pretty fucking exhausted.

Fuck it. He’s pretty sure that she’ll be more excited by the tooth than pissed about being woken up at four in the morning. She probably hasn’t even fallen back to sleep yet. Moments like these are meant to be shared, so he stands back up, bouncing Ryan at his side, and walks back upstairs.

“Babe?” he whispers, creeping back into her bedroom.

“What?” she mumbles into the pillow, still immobilized by being woken up in the middle of the night for what feels like the millionth time. Parenting is seriously fucking hard.

“I need to show you something,” he tells her.

She flips upright and turns on the light in an instant, a  panicked look on her face. “Is something wrong?”

He looks from Ryan, half-asleep in his arms, to her. Okay, he can see how that might have sounded slightly worrying after they literally just woke up to her sobbing.

“No, no, no. It’s a good thing,” he tells her, sitting on the bed and handing Ryan over to her.

Ryan smiles a little and reaches up to grab at her nose, making QT laugh and press a kiss into her hair, even though she seemed frustrated by being woken up just a few minutes ago.

“Look,” he tells her, reaching over and carefully pulling down her bottom lip so that QT can see the tooth.

QT’s eyes widen. “Holy shit! Is that?”

“She has a tooth now,” he confirms.

She turns to stare at him for a moment, looking absolutely stunned. “I’m going to fucking cry or something. That’s an actual fucking tooth!”

He nods. “Logically, I knew that teething meant her teeth were coming in but I don’t know why I figured she’d just sprout a full set in a month or something.”

QT snorts, reaching down to run her finger along the tooth. “Lud, that’s seriously fucking stupid.”

“I’m not a baby expert. I’m learning, okay?” But he’s barely even focused on what he’s saying, he’s just watching his little girl, sleepy and confused about why her parents are so excited right now.

“You got a little tooth now,” QT says in her baby voice. “Soon enough you’re gonna be able to eat all sorts of stuff just like your Mom and Dad. I’m gonna make so many tasty little treats just for you one day.”

She reaches down and boops her nose, earning a giggle.

How did I get this fucking lucky? he thinks as he watches his partner and his daughter. It’s the middle of the fucking night and all he can think about is how grateful he is for everything he has.

Being a parent is seriously fucking hard. Babies are so fragile, and there are so many little things you have to do for them, and it makes balancing work harder, and it puts an extra strain on your relationship. It’s all fucking worth it, though, because he gets to have little moments like these, sitting in bed with QT celebrating Ryan’s very first tooth.

[the1975attheirverybest]

sat waiting for tonight’s show so i’m back to tell you about last night!!! matty looked so beautiful without that fuckass moustache🥺

that setlist was actually insane like the birthday party 4 songs in???? i thought of you ofc it was so good😭 and MENSWEAR when he was like “let’s see how excited you can get” and i heard that intro i went absolutely mental

also he did the whole love jt if we made it dance!!! we were literally doing it in sync i was so in shock he was doing the whole dance

and carly coming out for about you!!!! i genuinely couldn’t believe it when i say her on the stage, and polly jc2005gba was so beautiful omg

will probably be back tomorrow with more details i’ve currently forgotten about lmao, and i get to do it all again tonight ahhhh!!!!

-🪩xx

OH MY GOD BESTIEEEE im so so so HAPPY FOR YOUUUUU 🩷🩷🩷🩷 you got such a wonderful set list!!!!!!! And omg roadkill too which he did not sing ONCE in the US HAHA. Oh and IAWD(S) 😭 what a beauty. Idk he seemed really pleased with the energy of the crowd. Like more so than normal. Looked like a gorgeous show in so glad you ended up going. And now you get to go tonight as well 🥹🥹🥹🩷 I’ll def be watching the stream and rooting for you.

Menswear was absolute madness. Totally unexpected where that came from!!!! Even I screamed at home hahaha. And he’s looking so sexy and so good. Hann fuckin killed it. George. Polly. Fuckin John Waugh. Jamie and gabi everything and everyone looked like they were having the best time. And you know it was filmed so you’ll get to relive all of it once the Amazon prime thing comes out it’s gonna be so great!

[justinefrischmanngf]

hiiiii nessa i like hanging out in ur ask box it’s comfy in here ! bought this record for $4 the other day at a bookshop :) me and charlie did a deep dive to find it and turns out this version is not on discogs (the american release is 😮‍💨) anyway how are u i forgot to ask ! also did u end up having work? ur probably finishing work if u did and then gym soooooo if u see this like tomorrow then thats cool too. i think a lot about ask boxes as a concept and how theyre so good for me to say hi into. i also like phone numbers but theyre not the same 🤠 ive been listening to welcome to nightvale and thinking about the long monologues cecil does. he kind of talks like he uses tumblr…… like he’s the original girlblogger :^) i just ate delicious curry on a wrap and i’m looking at my empty coffee mug from this morning thinking about coffee and how good it is. the powerpuff girls decal is rubbing off because i microwave it when it says do not microwave. any day now it could explode. actually ill show u a photo of it too. email voice see attached ! im listening to lil nas x right now i love lil nas x so much :) sorry i dont text more i like hearing from u the days just blur together so easily……. oh also u dont have to answer every single one of these thoughts theres a lot here 💗

omg hiiiiiii paris v v happy to have you in my inbox i'm glad it's comfy in here ! <3 what a cool record omg i love that for you <3 i'm sure i've asked you before, but i have a weird memory so: do you have a record player? i still haven't bought a cd player..... i am pretty good ! i think i'm going to try and watch gentlemen prefer blondes tonight because i have a lecture on it tomorrow so that might be fun ! how are you !! i did not end up having work, but i did end up asking my manager if he needed me to come in and he said no but "tomorrow's gonna be fucked so we'll have fun then" which is slightly terrifying, but i'm somewhat insane and am kind of looking forward to it as well (i'm intrigued mostly because i know why it's fucked and i am looking forward to seeing how the Dilemma is going to be solved) & i was in fact at the gym when you sent this :^) ask boxes are so good for saying hi into i agree <3 i need to get back onto welcome to nightvale.... i say this every time you bring it up but i promise i will do it sometime! i have been thinking that i need to get back into history podcasts, i miss them, do you have any recommendations? + back to your point, LOVE a good long monologue, sometimes you just need to stream of consciousness-it fr !!! yay for delicious curry on a wrap that sounds lovely <3 as does coffee <3 i love your powerpuff girls mug it's so fun!! i hope it doesn't explode lkdjnfgb & woo for lil nas x ! i don't actually listen to much of him perhaps i need to listen to him more.... i'm listening to girls can tell by spoon rn...... don't apologise for not texting it's okay ! my number is always there it's all good <3 and i am also not the best texter.......... it is so difficult to keep track of time truly </33 i hope your night is going well !!

[adifferentisaac]

some thoughts // some media (01)

when i had originally started writing this post homer radio episode 4 had just released (10PM). by the time i’ve restarted this post it’s now 5:12AM. i spent the last 6ish hours diarizing emotions as best i could and romanticizing the various things i was able to focus my attention on over the course of the night. i don’t really know what happened nor do i have the mental capacity to explain how the original post was lost but it was. a good place to start would be what this is. i guess posts like this are a bit like diary entries. ideas and thoughts that i have. feelings and emotions i feel. to me it’s a little more introspective than it sounds as my fingers click these words into existence through my iphone keyboard. i’m high as shit.

homer radio is fun. these caught my attention.

in the episode there’s a heavenly transition between a dialogue with gravity and give you the world. i think the same sample is used for ye’s life of the party (I THINK)

at this point is it even worth introducing myself

i’m isaac i’m blogging again i’m 24 allie brosh, theRadBrad and frank ocean are the blueprint i stream i’m everywhere just like the air u kno that’s why i luh tomorrow iykyk baby idk what to tell you im probably as close as you can get to gym rat without being gym bro. i hope.

it was around here in the original post that i’d been monologuing about mental illnesses & health, trauma and depression but i’m way higher now and a lot lot less willing to go over everything again but i hit my brother on the signal around the same time and the message reads pretty similarly albeit much shorter

one day at a time

twitter was hot earlier in the night i don’t know if they still are that website is upon calamity apparently that hoe boutta get shut down i was getting cooked for not knowing that anteaters were real animals i’m not sure where i would’ve seen one be fr? disovered capybaras earlier this year in much the same fashion.

this interaction stuck out to me

also seagull management i think this phrase is really funny i got a good laugh out of it

not twitter but the rabbit shaking his head and frowning at the ferret got me bad. idk why the shit was so funny but it brought me joy

anyways

i should’ve streamed tonight. i was tired after the gym. i feel bad for not making the effort. frustrated.

that new call of duty game is cool by the way. it pisses me off really bad and i’m not very good at it but it has moments. the frenetic style of gameplay is engaging.

since i started typing this like an hour has gone by i need to be asleep so i’m gonna wrap this up

i have feelings and thoughts and they’re in my head and really i don’t have anyone to share them with in such an intimate way as this so i figured why not share it to my little audience of none or everyone depending on how you look at that sort of thing.

flowers for u babe xoxo

-Isaac

ps.

[madisonrooney]

i saw rent again in august (and rewatched the proshot last week), i saw on your feet again tonight, and im seeing aint too proud tomorrow, so i think after that might be a good time to reevaluate my musical top 10.

there are no new contenders but the problem is my 3-6 are so close and i just really dont know how i want to order them.

like #1 isnt changing. that goes without saying. that goes without saying that it goes without saying. (i dont even need to name it i dont think)

#2 is mamma mia and thats not changing either. tho i havent seen it in a couple years, i read that super long vogue article about it last month and it just reinvigorated my love for the show for the umpteenth time. im seeing it again next month and im sure thatll just solidify it more.

3-6, in order, are bronx tale, on your feet, aint too proud, and rent. bronx tale i saw again last year and i rewatched the movie in august so its fresh enough in my mind. i love them all on roughly the same level so i just dont know what to do. on your feet and aint too proud flip flop bc they have similar premises. i feel like i was more...vocally annoying about aint too proud lol but idk something about on your feet feels more personal. i learned a ton about gloria, emilio, and their family after seeing the show and theyre just very down to earth on social media, and i even saw emily estefan in person about a month after i first saw the show so something about it is very tangible. but aint too proud is super close bc its the era i love and its even more similar to jersey boys (damn you des mcanuff). itll be interesting to see how seeing them back to back effects my opinions if at all.

rent is the outlier tho. its the main reason im even thinking about doing this. brainrot for that show has been coming and going for almost 5 years and every time it hits, it hits hard. with the production i saw in august, rewatching the proshot, and seeing anthony rapp in concert this week, it hasnt been off my mind in a while. im thinking it could move as far up as #3, but im just not sure. on one hand, theres so much more content for it, but that also isnt really fair to the other shows since they havent been around for nearly as long. plus, it having been around for so long and having been such a massive hit, it becomes less personal to me. but that hasnt been all that much of a problem to me, probably bc the "hype" was over long before i even got into it. its far from an obscure favorite to have, but its not like hamilton or wicked or something if you ask me. the other three tho are much more niche to have as favs. plus its just so different from them!! with on your feet freshest in my mind, im trying to compare them rn and its just so hard to!!

anyway as most of my posts like this are this is mostly for personal record and just to let out a stream of consciousness but. if you care there you go. well see how i feel after tomorrow.

[atiny-piratequeen]

Hey, Miss Fie!! I know it's been a little while since I last sent an ask but I've been suuuper busy! Between finishing my coursework for my professors and getting ready to start up a small business I've been soo distracted hehe. But!! I just posted a super fluffy OT7 nct dream fic here on ao3!! And I'm proud of it :3

How have you been lately? I know my asks have been few and far between (I doubt you've really noticed but y'know!) and that's just because of how busy i've been and how nct dream practically rules my life at the moment ehe! But I gotta say,, I friggen love bouncy!!

All this blabber to say,, I hope you're doing super well :3 ily!

~ AJ 🧸✨

Trust me baby, i noticed. I just figured you were doing school work and such.

CONGRATS ON POSTING!! Ill probably read it tomorrow. I have to finish drawing and get ready for tonight's twitch stream but tomorrow I'll sit down and give it a read! Good job!

I have been. Hm. Having a series of mental battles but yknow. We here and stuff. I think the most exciting thing going on around here atm is building up the Ataraxia verse.

Im glad you're having a good time with the Dreamies and i hope you're being fed well content wise!

The whole album is a banger. Ateez does it again. My babies i expected no less.

I love you too bubby ❤️ i hope you're doing well, too. Stay hydrated!

[thoughts-and-gayers]

holy shit there is NOTHING scarier than the fire alarm going off in an apartment building and youre on the third floor and its midnight so you desperately grab for your comfort item and your phone and slip on shoes (it wasnt hot or smokey at all so it didnt feel urgent) and going to wake up your stepmom who doesnt even want to bother with evacuating and then leaving the building clutching your things and texting your dad (whos at work) and best friend about whats happening and then two fire trucks show up and you see people streaming out of the building (but not as many as probably live there) and dogs are barking and you can still hear the fire alarm while in the parking lot and its so fucking loud and grating and

then

the two firetrucks leave

the alarm is turned off

and youre still in your panicked state, trying to figure out how the HELL youre going to get to sleep tonight because for FUCKS sake youre playing trumpet in a PARADE tomorrow AND you have your favorite class (math) and you dont want to seem like a bad student even though you KNOW that youre a "pleasure to have had in class" because youre autistic

fears im so fucking tirwd

[keefwho]

May 14 - 2023

10:33 PM

This evening is very lonely, no friends or streams to keep my occupied. I dread tomorrow like usual and don’t know what to do with myself until bedtime. It’s hard to relax which sucks. I don’t want to spend a night stressing just to wake up and have to stress over commissions. Just one of those nights though I guess. 

Im also starting to sink into that sulking mindset. Pitying myself for not being enough and feeling jealous about all the things my friends do that I can’t. I feel left behind. As shitty as I feel hopefully I can be strong and put in the effort to be who I wanna be tomorrow. 

10:54 PM

Tonight is just gonna suck and I gotta accept it. Lonely, depressing, whatever. It is what it is and it probably won’t change. 

I feel so strongly that I’ve fallen off as an artist and keep failing to pick myself back up in the way that I want. I don’t prioritize canon character drawings as much as I should. Things that would benefit more people and bring in more attention. I don’t draw enough of my own ideas in general and I’m too afraid to explore new things. I have been for so long. I feel like I used to be so much more creative and daring. Now I’m backed into a corner where I do the same things over and over. And I’m spread thin considering how much 3d work I do now, and that stuff feels like a total waste of time given how much effort goes into it and it bring in no income. Sure it’s fun, I actually like doing it and that can’t be understated. But I know how I am with fun things. They all seem like a waste of time until I can figure out how to treat myself better. 

11:19 PM

Im just sitting by myself in Sky and watching Bluey tonight. 

Sometimes I’m just sad, and very angry. Angry at all the things I can’t control and all the ways I’ve been mistreated by others and by life in general. Tonight I just want to be upset and get it all out. I know I’ll pick myself back up and be strong again, I have to because I have a lot of work to do. But right now I feel indescribable upsetness. I curse everything that bogs me down and makes life shittier. I curse myself for not being able to handle it sometimes. I hate everything right now. 

Have a cry, pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep going. 

12:40 AM

Why the FUCK is it so late. 

Also of course the only streamer I almost kinda like that I was gonna fall asleep with starts playing the most dogshit game that I do not want to be tuned in for. The night is ruined. I know nothing but despair. I AM ALONE NOW. I just wanted to be cozy, damn. 

[my-lunaberg]

OKAYYYYYYYY okay, Im about to watch Tommys The Last Stream vod after I go for another quick walk, after that its just Tubbos stream which is probably just the same thing but from a different pov anyway, then its just the Syndicate End vod and then its just a two minute video of Ranboos end and then Im finally free. I really wish I could do this properly on my blog instead of having to do this in my notes app but I simply cannot wait another day. Im so hopped up on adrenaline rn i dont think I can sleep tonight, especially if I dont finally finish this. Also I have therapy tomorrow when Im writing this and I need to calm tf down before I show up at the therapists office all shaky n shit because of some minecraft roleplay. Its almost 6 pm rn and I shall be free of this nightmare before the clock strikes midnight. Amen.

*

Tubbitch boi

*

I dont even have anything to say man

*

This is so upsetting dude

*

I made it through these first 15 minutes with basically no pausing and I just wanted to take a moment to appreciate that bc I just know the second that joker starts talking to Dream I'll be pausing every 5 seconds

*

Why the fuck does the prison look like it was under water for like a decade and now theres just barnacles n shit growing on everythinh

*

YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND BABEY RIGHT ROUND

*

DREAM

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Alright I took two minutes to mentally prepare myself now Im ready for this

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Wait why the fuck was he just hangin out in the main cell if he wasnt even expecting Tommy. weirdo behaviour

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PUNZ IS THERE AS WELL??? WERE THEY HAVING A DATE IN THE TORTURE BOX

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"IM READY TO FUCKING KILL THE BOTH OF YOU"

*long uncomfortable pause*

"Uhm... okay"

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It looks like Tommy is doing a good job stalling them so far so Im very curious how it goes from this to the stuff Ive read spoilers about

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Ouhhhhhh I wonder how hes gonna react to that dig at Spirittttttt.........

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Okay, no like verbal ouward reaction but that is what got him to start attacking Tommy

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I dont think Punz will care that Tommy tried to kill himself bc of Dream, I think hed find that kinda hot

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"The world doesnt fucking revolve around you"??? Bro Punz Boomer arc??? "Those darn zoomers wanting compassion and kindness after almost killing themselves

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"Youre insane to think everything revolves around you" hello?? says the guy who fancies himself a god and also thinks everyone but him and his boytoy deserve to die because theyre "simple-minded"

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OH NO i completely forgot, the nuke is not gonna hit them. this is allpretty much pointless

DAMN YOU JACK MANIFOLD

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Okay listen, Im a huge c!Dream sympathetizer and I know this is gonna end with him being presented in a sympathetic and pitiable light and Im gonna fall for it no matter what because of course I am but like, he has been so comically awful throughout this entire finale I am not expecting this to end in an actually satisfying way at all

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Oh that sly dog got him monologuing

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Girl help I dont remember pre-rp dsmp well enough to tell if Dream is embellishing shit and victimizing himself or not

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OKAY dream smp from Dreams pov lets gooooooo

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??? what.

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Bro Dream is not in his right mind hes so far away from his right mind he might as well be chillin in lmoonberg that guy is so mentally ill (source: I have like atleast 90% of his mentall illnesses for sure)

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what do you MEAN "know more"???

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Maybe Im just a simple minded nihilist but why does that matter man. Why die so you can "know more" when you can live and have like, a party with your buddies

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Honestly, I feel like Dreams motivations are so stupid at this point, like literally just make him someone who worships XD and is favoured by him or whatever and then also have him have this morbid curiosity about the stuff beyond the server and have him try and become god while appeasing his actual god in the hopes that he'll reveal his otherworldly knowledge to him or whatever idk man

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Hows Dream gonna grow old with the people he loves when he doesnt have fucking friends HAH got im

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No offense but why has most of this finale been Tommy philosophically waxing about how you should accept death even though all thats waiting for you on the other side is eternal torment with Dream responding by being like "but why though?? :(" when that has like, literally nothing to do with any of the Dream SMPs themes? Like, okay, theres been a ton of storylines obviously but the two main ones are definitely Tommy vs Dream (its essentially the throughline to all this bullshit) and Wilbur, Lmanberg and every single attempt at a country after that. Because of this I would say that the dsmps themes are Cycles of Violence and Legacy and when they intersect you occasionally get glimmers of this idea of History Repeating Itself.

The Legacy theme is insanely well executed, no notes, Im in love

The Cycles of Violence theme.... less so. I'll probably make a more detailed post about this in the future since I dont wanna waste too much time with this liveblog. But I personally think that if they wanted to pull this theme off while also making Dream sympathetic, he absolutely needed to be affected by the violence he inadvertently caused and the audience needs to actually see it in atleast one (1) scene that would be impossible to twist into something unsympathetic unless you were looking at it in bad faith. Dream being thrown in jail and subsequently physically tortured wouldve been a great opportunity for this kind of stuff like, I remember lurking in the fandom around this time, this was the point where plenty of people were starting to sympathize simply because of how inhumane the prison was. Like, if they werent gonna show him break a little in front of others for their perspectives, the least they couldve done was make like, a few short videos of Dream being alone, doing whatever, you wouldnt even need dialogue and then pepper those throughout the post-prison arcs. You could have one like two or three minute video right after Tommys visit where he maybe tries writing those stupid essays out of boredom before burning them and then some potatoes plop into the pool and you really get a sense for the emptyness and isolation of it. Another good one would be one showing how Quackity tortures him, or maybe one taking place right after one of the torture seassions with him starving and shaking and maybe trying to write a log or something but failing because everything hurts. Him being in the prison after hes escaped and made it his base again, watching it slowly decay and fall apart with him in it. They really dont have to be long, again, two or three minute videos wouldve done a lot of good here imo. And then you could also sprinkle in some monologues because as much as I like to make fun of the snake monologue in my head, it did give some much needed insight into Dreams perspective on all of this while making him a bit more sympathetic.

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Honestly, Dream is making some pretty reasonable points here (if you completely disregard all the context of the entire dsmp but still) but like dude, you cannot go around calling your teenage nemesis a pest that such obvious villain behaviour dude

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Im not gonna lie, i thought the very last final scene between Dream and Tommy would take place in a more, idk, intimate? place. Thats not the right word but whatever I cant think of anything else that fits. But like, they absolutely do not have a reason to leave so I guess this is just gonna continue with Tommy and Dream talking in this fucked up room of this fucked up prison while Punz is also right there

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Okay, I just got to the bit where Tommy says 'Im sorry' to Dream and I know a lot of people were upset by that bc they took it as him apologizing to his abusers for being 'abuse-worthy' if you wanna phrase it like that and thats not what I got from that at all. Like, its technically part of a very earnest emotional statement so his tone was kinda soft and apologetic but it really came across as an 'Im sorry you feel that way' kind of apology to me

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BRUH HE JUST KILLED HIM??? WHAT

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What the fuck is happening now

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Is this hell.

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NO ITS THE EARLY DREAM TEAM STREAMS THIS TRULY IS HELL

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Oh my god please tell me this wont go on for much longer I already watched like 30 hours of these boring ass guys dicking around back in late 2020 i cannot take a second more

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Bro why did they pick the part of the stream thats just Dream trying to figure out his fucking minecraft settings for this this isnt doing anything

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Please bring me back I dont wanna watch this boring shit

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What is ahppening

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Okay they revived him, are they gonna explain why his afterlife hell is just him watching the most boring minecraft streams on planet earth

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"It doesnt matter if I get horrifically traumatized because I'll just live forever :)"

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Okay I think Im starting to understand Dreams motivations here a bit more and they make more sense but its like, if you care so much about eliminating suffering why did you go out of your way to torment Tommy like that in exile. Like, i know its because you did want him to be your friend at some point and maybe you still do but you didnt like how he would never listen to you so you figured itd be better to just break him down mentally but like, I dont think that would be necessary for the long term goal of eliminating all death and suffering at all so, what

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Dude, he was not happy he was adjusting his minecraft settings

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What if he just started sobbed. Hes all smug like "well, im happy now :)" and then the dam jist breaks. wouldnt that be grand

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Hes fucking psychoanalyzing the green bitch this rules

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Im sorry man I was not envisioning this emotional final scene to be accompanied by Punz occasionally saying some bullshit in the background

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"George and Sapnap are still here" uh no, George literally isnt and last time we saw Sapnap he was making a deal with God to sacrifice his own life and afterlife to ensure that Dream would die and stay dead forever

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Oughhhhhhh this is great I can practically smell the insecurity coming off of him rn

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Oh god why is Tommy being like "you just wanted things to be simple [like they were in the past]" giving me a more complete understanding of myself as well this sucks I dont wanna be a c!Dream kinnie anymore >:(

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I dont think Tommy is wrong about what hes saying abt Dream at all here and I think this is a smart angle to focus on for making Dream seem more sympathetic but right now I definitely feel like its missing the crucial element of "yes, Dream just wants friends, friends who will do what he wants with minimal resistance because hes a control freak" yknow? Like, his need for absolute control all the time is one of his most prominent traits and him wanting to gain some understanding and control of death and other things beyond his comprehension actually lines up quite nicely with that, its just kinda getting muddled with Dreams statements about wanting to make everything better. Granted, he probably wouldnt want to admit that his version of "making everything better" is just making everyone listen to him bc hes god basically but still, I think his control freakiness needs to get addressed more explicitly and maybe it will be, weve still hot a few minutes but ehhhhh. I doubt it

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Honestly, ive grown to like Punz quite a bit eventhough he really hasnt done much but like, why the fuck is he here

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I realize that the dialogue in dsmp is always overwhelmingly improv but its just so odd and kinda bad in this conversation. I think its because out of context, the way both Dream and Tommy are phrasing things makes it seem like they were on more equal footing and both suffered equally during their conflict when thats just not the case and Im not a fan

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I think Ill tentatively take back all the stuff I said about how Dream shouldve been a worshipper of XD but i still think its a neat concept so I'll probably do something with that later

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Oh god why did they do that crown, Dreams skin already looks bad and silly enough. Oh well I take solace in knowing that all the fanart of this scene probably slaps

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OH I FORGOR ABOUT THE NUKES

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Punz is still there is he gonna say anything about the nuke thats about to hit

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Lookat these guys, never heard a nuke about to hit before

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Ohhhhhhh I thought that previous 'sorry' was the one Ive seen people upset about, but Im pretty sure its actually this one

Honestly, I still dont see why you would be upset about it outside of the fact that it is an abuse victim apologizing to his abuser but its like, idk man. I dont think a piece of media featuring a scene where that happens within a very specific context is doing abuse apologism, although I guess a lot of people would argue that the fact that Tommy is even reaching out to Dream after everything he did is abuse apologism and. Im not even gonna try to argue with them. I'll just say that I disagree and try to explain my perspective in some amount of detail, this will get pretty personal though, so watch out:

I was recently semi-diagnosed with a personality disorder and i probably have a bunch of other bullshit going on as well and not to armchair diagnose a fictional character but c!Dream definitely has that personality disorder and whatever other shit thats hiding inside my weird brain. His irrational, defensive thought processes, his contradictionary wants, his persistent need for control, his detached nature, his manipulation, the way he uses actual emotional pain as a tool for manipulation while keeping that pain at an arms length, even his weird monotone way of speaking, I relate to all of it. I have seen and related to a lot of mentally ill and neurodivergent and neurodivergent-coded characters and I have never felt as seen as now. He embodies my worst qualities turned up a few notches to make them even worse and then he has a weird god complex on top of all of that and yet, he still ends up being given sympathy, someone tries to understand him and offers him help. And idk, that just means a lot to me so I look at this whole thing a bit differently.

Also, while I get why some people are upset and I get peoples desire to critize this from a Doylist perspective because real people came up with this story in real life and that still has implications, even when the line between fiction and reality is thick enough to be considered a wall, from a Watsonian in-universe perspective its like, Dream is not a bad person for accepting help (or trying to accept help) when its being freely offered to him

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Okay wait but if the nuke still hit the prison and blew everything to shit what the hell did Jack do when he rewired the redstone at the launch thingy. Is the prison that close to the main smp I dont remember

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Oh man this is gonna take a hot second huh

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Okay we're back in Minecraft, Tommys punching a tree

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I hate the fact that Tommy doesnt atleast punch the entire tree down before making a crafting table

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OKAY IT IS DONE

I was gonna finish the whole series today but its almost 11pm and I a sleepy gal so i'll watch Tubbos pov tomorrow and the Syndicate vod and all that and also I'll probably give my thoughts on the ending in more detail after that. Right now I dont think I cant bare to write any more man, I just wrote like three or four decently detailed (for me) analyses about fucking bullshit basically in a row, my head literally hurts

So yeah, goodnight I'll be hopefully posting all of these posts tomorrow and I'll hopefully be peoperly liveblogging everything again