#im forcing myself to have an adult perspective on things

[senshibignaturalz]

Coming to terms with childhood trauma is fucking insane because yeah I knew this fucjed me up but now that I'm thinking about it why the fuck did my uncle STAY FRIENDS with my dad after seeing me start crying after he called just to yell at me??? Bro what the fuck how could you be friends with someone who does that to a 7 year old??? Insane, and then having the audacity to, now that I'm an adult, be like "oh yeah I never liked him" man u used to hang out with him of your own free will???

[anonymouscheeses]

Obvious shit I noticed part 3 (spoilers for welcome to heaven)

Look at her! "Teehee"

Also she's nervous! Foreshadowing omg 🤯

STICKERS! Two pride stickers and a cute donut. Gives me an idea to draw Chaggie at a donut shop while everything is burning down <3 (I'll probably do it but if any artist wants to as well go ahead!)

*CHOKES ON COFFEE* I LOVE THEM. I'M SORRY I GET SO GIDDY WHEN THEY HAVE EVEN THE SMALLEST INTERACTION BUT UGHHH I NEED MORE, IT WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH 🙏🙏

KISSY! MWA! *SCREAMS INTO THE VOID*

Vivzie give me more, moar now. MOAR

DAMN. SHE CAN THROW- or maybe it just exaggerates the perspective in this frame but still- ZAMNNN

Cherri x Sir Pentious fans RISE UP.

I wasn't ever really a fan of it myself but I always thought it was CUTE. Like 3 seconds before this part I was already begging for them to kiss 😭

More foreshadowing!

AAAAAA CREEPY BIRD THINGS!!!

Oh wait- Sera's hot and Emily's already adorable

If heaven don't look like what this is in the show, I DONT WANT IT! (THATS A JOKE PLEASE DON'T SMITE ME)

JEALOUS GIRLFRIEND VAGGIE!! Can I just say how much I love Vaggie's face expressions? Not just here but like all the time. She's just made to be so exaggerated, out of all of them I thought it would be Charlie who would have the most dramatic faces but Vaggie wins it for me. I JUST GIGGLE SO HARD WHEN SHE LOOKS LIKE THIS BAHAHAH

Okay yeah. It's very obvious now. Vaggie is definitely an ex-exterminator. They don't close in on Charlie here so it's made to subtly nudge the attention to Vaggie. HOW DID THEY IMMEDIATELY NOTICE IT WAS HER THO??

Hot-

That's it.

SHARE THAT MOTHUSSY GIRL-

YOU'RE TELLING ME SHE GREW OUT ALL OF THAT HAIR?!? YEAH ITS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE THEN BUT STILL AJJSJD.

But overall the design is pretty meh. I always loved the idea of short hair Vaggie and even have seen art of it but it's just yknow, alright. Reminds me of Cassandra from Tangled: the series. IM LISTENING TO ONE OF THE SONGS RIGHT NOW HELPPP

THIS SCENE HERE! WOOOOO! SO GLAD WE KNOW WHEN AND WHERE THEY FIRST MET!! Wish we got it extended tho. And also probably push it to next episode so it would have a better impact(atleast I think thats when they'll have the duet). BUT WHATEVER SOMETHING IS BETTER THAN NOTHING! or uh whatever

Vaggie must've been a bit terrified at first. The only sinner she ever sent mercy to was a child. Then to see someone who to her is an adult sinner who just looks really human, that must be crazy. BUT THEN IF SHE WAS TOLD THAT CHARLIE WAS ACTUALLY THE PRINCESS OF HELL? HOOOO, LOCK IN AND STEAL HER. THAT'S SOME WATTPAD SHIT. Also, I wonder how long Charlie thought of redeeming sinners. It would make sense to be after meeting Vaggie, since it could have been a wake up call to the fact not all sinners are bad people. Even though Vaggie isn't a sinner technically, Charlie didn't know that at the time. But maybe Charlie was always like this but just needed to meet someone who could start her dream with her. Long rant uhhh

Haha penis 🫵

SCRAP WHATEVER I SAID IN THE FIRST PART. THEY PROBABLY DO FUCK- OR DONT?? I DONT KNOW- ANYWAY LESBIAN SEX (BOTTOM TEXT). WHY DO I CARE SO MUCH??? SOMEONE PULL THE TRIGGER.

Lute looks like a basic asf anime gorl. Adam doesn't ever take his helmet off, or maybe he just can't. OH HE'S DOING THE GAY SIGN 💅💅 Very appropriate for what he's saying

Mentor, apprentice. I love that Husk is just trying to help Angel grow but isn't going to force him into it if he doesn't want to.

Im not a fan of huskerdust and think they'd be better friends as I can't imagine a relationship with them at all. But it's still nice and they are supportive of eachother so that's like- yknow. Basic rules. Or something like that. (HELP. I ruined it all at the last part)

I- girl- WHY IS SHE GROWLING?? GRR GRR RR (INSERT TWILIGHT SAGA HERE)

VAGGIE'S FACE. SENDS ME. WHO GAVE HER THESE OVERDRAMATIC EXPRESSIONS, I APPLAUD YOU RGAGAGA

Ooo... I didnt like this part at all... Instead of making the choice she just runs off. Then because the plot demands it, Adam says nothing. Kinda whish she atleast avoided the question, maybe in some way that would require actual thinking? For a character like Vaggie, she could choose either way and it feel like it's still her. If she chose to protect Charlie's dream, she would still be perfectly loyal to her but in the act of so would reveal a secret that could harm their relationship(which does happen at the end but that's because the plot wanted it like that). If she chose to side with Adam, she'd be hurting Charlie emotionally, sure, but it would keep a secret that could make Charlie see Vaggie less than who she is to her already(atleast what Vaggie might think would happen). Imo it should've been her deciding to protect Charlie, since it would mean she's devoted to her at all times.

ANOTHER THING! IF SHE COULDN'T MAKE THE CHOICE, THAT IS SOMETHING INTERESTING TO GO INTO. Maybe it could go deeper into how Vaggie doesn't know who she is without Charlie. So when she has a choice to make, like here, she can't do it without feeling the need to ask Charlie. BUT NOOO, YA HAD TO GO WITH THIS!! Wow. That was a long ass rant. Wtf 😭

Maybe I'm a dumbass. Maybe they'll talk about that next episode, but still, atleast touch on it a bit to not seem rushed?

Angel looking out for his kids like a mom. We always did need the motherly figure, the one closest to that being Charlie but girl needs a mother in her life too(damn, wait, I did her so dirty).

Huh, so why does it work here then? 🤨🤨 if it was said in the contract that Valentino can do whatever he wants only in the studio, then why is this the exception? 🤨🤨

Yes I'm stupid. Why do you ask? (No genuinely what's happening here)

OH ITS THE IMAGE! I really like Sera so far, hope we get more of her soon or in season 2.

Now that we know the context of this, yeah, that's fucking insane. And badass. WOMEN.

HMM. THATS STRANGE. DID YOU NOT FOR ONCE THINK THERE COULD BE A POSSIBILITY SHE MIGHT HAVE BEEN AN ANGEL? Okay I probably wouldn't either but I have an excuse, I'm an idiot. Some girl with a standing out outfit, with one eye, looks unusually human, right after/during the extermination... that's pretty solid ass proof. But I'm dumb so don't take anything i say seriously :D

Imagine this. No- shit. Just-

JUST LOOK! THEY ARE SO CUTE! EVEN THOUGH CRAZY SHIT IS HAPPENING.

*SWEATS*

Vaggie is DESPERATE. PLEADING. That's obvious yeah, but don't mind me I had nothing to say for the last 3 images I just thought they were cool

I mean. Slay I guess. 😍💅

Do all the exterminators look similar or is it just Lute and Vaggie? 🤨

Even though Vaggie and Charlie may be going through this horrible thing with a hard punch in the gut, but Vaggie is always going to comfort her and I just think that's so adorable.

Also Adam looks like a chicken hah.

Everyone fears to be like Lucifer. If they don't do bad things they believe are for the greater good and make sacrifices that put them higher than those in hell, they could themselves be fallen. It's really interesting but I don't know if it's going to be fleshed out enough with the amount of episodes left. Which also worries me about everything else that still hasn't be concluded. There's gonna be loose strings I just know it. Hopefully though they rather do that then rush everything out y'know?

I want the next episode to be mostly focused on Vaggie and Charlie's relationship and the healing of what happened. Not for the entire episode of course, it would feel drawn out if it did, but atleast address the problem for the first like I would say 10 minutes? Then the rest would focus on one or two loose threads while also having Vaggie and Charlie acting upon moving on. That's just my idea but yeah-

[femmesandhoney]

Am I wrong for feeling like its possible to recognise the double stands between male and female rappers, having utmost respect for women like MTS, but for also feeling it’s fine to think songs like WAP don’t do women any favours, find it kind of offensive and that it’s ridiculous women (especially black women) feel like they have to make that kind of music?

I just don’t think men consider songs like WAP to be a gotcha, they just see it as soft porn? Women should be able to make music about whatever they like but until we’re out of the patriarchy I just don’t think songs like WAP will be seen as just another song about sex, and won’t be appreciated for the work/time put into it by the artist as it should be.

I don't listen to many popular female rappers, then ones I do listen to are much more obscure, since yeah they usually are hypersexual in their lyrics and videos as many popular female artists are. I think female artists are allowed to be sexual in their art and music, like they're adults they can write songs about basic human things, but its a fine line between oversexualization as your entire branding of yourself that men will see at face value and never care about anything else. it makes me sick seeing how many of her male contempories obviously don't respect megan and will do anything to tear her down in their songs, for example, and its likely bc shes a black woman singing about her sexuality unashamed as the focal point of her music. I think songs like WAP and similar are always never not gonna be about sex though, theres not other ways to spin a lot of those songs lol. Like yes there was effort put into making it, but it is just another song about heterosexual sex at the end of the day. Like ofc men won't take that seriously, they take nothing of women's sexuality seriously in a state where men want and use sex to dominate women in their eyes.

ofc then the question you pose and spin from it is if its even worthwhile to have music like that from a feminist perspective, i would say no. the songs really don't help women look better in the eyes of the patriarchy, but at the same time its a libfem take of feminism in that singing unashamed of her sexuality is empowering. radfems would look at it less kindly, considering how much of her music is just her wanting to fuck men (and correct me if im wrong, im using megan as an example and don't listen to her much), and it does make me cringe once I realize just how many songs of hers are like that. similar reason for why i dislike sabrina carpenter too, i just cannot stand when a female artists entire repertoire is constantly sexual and focused on men 99.9% of the time w little introspection or a break from the sexual themes and sexual branding/marketing of themselves.

theres more i could say, but idk i feel im not expressing myself with this topic how i want to, but to round it out i agree theres obviously gonna be a double standard within rap between men and women when women are forced to present as sexual as possible to sell their art and i hate the libfem branding of over-hyper/sexualization as a form of empowerment for women, especially as a means to fame that no man will or ever have to deal with and be told to do to sell their music and art.

[forlorn-crows]

Oh boy maybe it’s the fever making me brave but here we go! Cumulus!! Everyone characterizes her as super fem, very soft, care-giver type, very maternal. And I think it’s her shape. As someone with the same body type, I’m not that at all. I feel like she’s more the type to enjoy the finer things in life, be waited on hand and foot, step on someone’s balls if she feels like it. And if someone tried to latch on to her like they were nursing???? Annihilated. (I’m sorry I respect everyone elses’s HCs I swear please do not yell at me) I think she expects those around her to act like an adult and I am sure she is of course willing to be supportive, a shoulder to cry on etc like a normal friend. But NOT LIKE YOUR MOMMY. And expecting her to act like that while you’re fucking? No. NO! (Again I respect everyone’s opinions I’m sorry!)

i swore i saved all the cumulus specific ones to add to this one but alas, i guess i answered them all already lmao.

anyway. i think your ask is a perfect example of something i said earlier about trans ghouls, where one person's experience might lend them to liking something more than the other. and i hope the following things im gonna say a) make sense (lmao) but b) show a little bit of a different perspective or idea about this topic.

firstly, yes. it is absolutely true that cumulus has been deemed the 'mom' of the group. and i absolutely know that part of it probably does stem from internalized fatphobia, as well as societal stereotypes about fat women. that in order for them to be likeable they have to fit the traditional idea of femininity, to be maternal, to be 'done-up' and pretty and presentable at all times. that their worth is based on their ability to care for others. and thats fucking bullshit, and something i obviously, as a fat woman, dont condone.

on the other hand, the way i see cumulus, to most people, probably fits that mom friend type. and i can absolutely understand how you and others see that and go 'i look like her and im tired of being represented as such'. which is so fucking valid. but i cant deny that part of me projects that mom friend type of myself onto cumulus specifically because i look most like her. she's sweet. she's caring. shes supportive and loyal to her friends. she's got a beautiful, round, soft body that i wanna snuggle up to. and i know thats surface level shit. but i feel like i see her and she's just warm and kind.

but you know what? she's also a bit loud. likes to tease. DESERVES to be treated like the princess that she is. she's goofy. maybe shes clumsy. she gets crazy fuckin bedhead and has to spend so long untangling it. and i bet she serves a real sexy aloofness if you get her in the right mood. to me she's that mom friend trope. but thats not all she is, just as thats not all i am. and not at all how you would see yourself.

like i mentioned a little bit ago, i dont think there's anything wrong with having a character have a little bit of stereotype in them. but it does have to be balanced out. shes not JUST the mom friend. and something too that i do agree with you is, while i might label her that, she's not the pack's mother. she isnt their caretaker. they arent her children. i dont think they would treat her as such or assume that of her, if that makes sense. and yeah, totally understandable about the mommy during sex thing, or the nursing or whatever. a lot of that is more kink territory too, so if its not for you, then its not for you!

if anything, i always imagine aether to be running around making sure everyones got their shit together (even though we know he doesnt). and absolutely no ones forcing him to wear that damn frilly apron he always seems to be wearing in the kitchen . . . hmm . . .

but! i also see sunny as more of that warm, caregiving type personality too. as well as a boundless thing of energy. i def dont want cumulus to be pigeonholed into the 'mom' of the group either. but i still have certain ideas about how she is that could be labeled as such. you and everyone else is right that that's not all she is.

we just have to write her more. dig into her character. put her into those situations we want to see and that also challenge those two dimensional aspects of her trope character

i know that i push a little bit against that dislike of the mom thing. i dunno. but she's our lus and i love her very much, and would really like to see her more in the artwork & writing space <3

[weebsinstash]

the overturning of Roe v Wade happened and pregnancy felt disgusting and a physical threat to be defeated

I felt that. I an asexual person with zero intention of getting married or having a baby but seeing Roe v Wade, I just... feel the need to have my tubes tied? Which should not even be a thing I consider since I have no plans to have sex. Those radical religious/misogynisitc views that are popping up nowadays just make me feel very disgusted at things that are... Really not horrible. Nothing wrong about being a housewife, or getting pregnant, but the way those incels with a mic talk about women in their podcasts just create very unhealthy relationships between women and "womanhood"/traditionally feminine things.

What's so fucked up is like the exact same people saying shit like "oh these gross LGBTQRSTUV alphabet mafia freaks are trying to groom and molest our kids! How dare they try to say kids need to learn about safe sex and periods and not to send nudes or address sex in any way other than abstinence!" will then turn around say "wow, asexuals? How UNNATURAL. You aren't PROCREATING like GOD INTENDED. You're ALSO somehow grooming our kids" and it's just like. Fuck. Leave people alone about their fucking sexuality and gender presentation.

And then sometimes I try to discuss this with my mom because like we discuss politics a lot and she's, you know, a woman and has raised me and ill seek her perspective as my mom and a woman and an adult, and sometimes she'll just be "oh don't read all that, youre getting upset over trolls, people are just stupid" ok well these stupid people can VOTE and sometimes these stupid people ARE the ones we're voting for!!! Like! I'm so tired of seeing bullshit like Americans saying "haha good on Country XYZ for making it legal to beat those t slurs in public, this is just MODERN WESTERN PROPAGANDA" and I want to scream shit like "India has recognized trans people for over 3000 years you fucking bigoted moron"

Like!!! Ugh!! Should I be furious or sad!!! (Putting the rest under a rm because this gets a little long and I also discuss abortion/miscarriage)

Fucking idiots saying shit like "oh just use birth control there's like 30 kinds" and guess what motherfucker literally the only 100% effective ones involve SURGERY. Even my OWN MOTHER got pregnant on a diaphragm. Fuck you! Fuck you! You think abortions are being used as birth control? I know at least two people who've had them and they can be ABSOLUTELY EXCRUCIATING, I am talking SCREAMING TO STOP THE PROCEDURE KINDS OF PAIN. "Oh women just want to avoid accountability" bitch some of them don't want to DIE, some of them can't raise a disabled child, some of them have diseases and conditions that can't be passed on

I... may have had some risky sex a while back with, minor precautions, ok I'll be the dumb irresponsible slut and say the pull out method was used, and while nothing came of that, obviously, literally my game plan after it happened and post nut clarity hit was "ok well I know if I need an abortion there are people who literally terrorize you outside the clinics so maybe I'll just kill myself". And you know what, I wasn't even intending to do that kind of thing, the unsafe sex, it was just, you know, happened fast and in the heat of the moment, and it happened briefly. Even I, as someone who has never wanted children and FEARED motherhood all my life, made that kind of mistake. And I spent the following three weeks in absolute TERROR waiting for my period, thinking of all the people who would happily force me to carry a child that would no doubt inherit my physical disability, my genetic disorders, and wouldn't be wanted by me or the father (and im not saying that as anything against him we are both very anti kid lol)

It's so upsetting because like, people have different opinions, and in some cases can you really say if an opinion is right or wrong? But so often do I see things that are inhumane, grotesque even. I was reading a story of a woman who was forced to carry a malformed fetus to a full pregnancy where it passed that same day. Here you have a woman who was forced to deliver what was essentially a corpse, the trauma that must have caused her, not just in mind but also in body. 9 months, 9 months of knowing it was being born just to die. And. People were legitimately replying "better that than to be ripped limb from limb inside the womb" that's a specific form of third trimester abortion which wasn't even what she was asking for you fucking idiot. "Better for the baby to know its mother's touch" it literally didn't have a properly formed brain and we don't even know if it could have even SENSED anything besides agony. "I would have wanted to hold my baby before it passed" you would have let a fetus which had abnormalities discovered in the first trimester to fully develop into a child so it could die in horrible pain just for your moral closure?

I read a comment just a few days ago that was legitimately one of the most disgusting things I had ever read and dear God I hope this person was lying but they said "I know a catholic woman who was pregnant and found out her baby would be born terminal and die shortly after birth. She carried it the full pregnancy so she could baptize it" THAT'S ABHORRENT. For you non religious folk, which I am too but I have some secondhand knowledge, the point of baptism is the idea that we are all born into sin and must be like cleansed to be children of God or something like that. And to be blunt I consider this woman an absolute monster and I replied as such.

"She let a newborn baby suffer in agony just so she could dip it in her magic fairy water? And she thinks she's the GOOD GUY?"

It's just. Ugh. I don't even know. I use culture and country as an excuse for religious freedom and sexual and gender expression (ie. Banning trans people from being visible is prejudiced to Indians, Native Americans, Samoans, Judaism, etc) but then people turn around and say "but it's my culture or religion to be homophobic/not allow abortion" and then I just want to say "well you're just an idiot who can't think for themselves then and you need to get with the fucking times :)" like obviously I am not perfect but I believe basic human rights transcends borders and beliefs. Like for example, similar but different, Malaysia is about to literally hang a man just for having a kilo of weed and people are happily saying "don't do the crime if you can't do the time" and its like do you understand it's inherently problematic to just say "their country, their rules" right. Like some places use that as an excuse to keep forms of slavery. Like to circle the argument back around states rights was an argument to try and keep slavery and now states rights is being used as an argument to criminalize abortion?

Like I try not to bring the vibe here down too often but these conversations are important. We as human beings should be helping and protecting each other and I feel a legitimate fear of society approaching some sort of social collapse or civil war. Like even if you're opposed to abortion you should actually still be voting in favor of keeping abortion because, if abortion is outlawed on moral and religious grounds, it will start the ball rolling for banning other medical procedures out of opinion and not fact. You know we already let the insurance companies do that right? Tell people their life savinf treatment isn't covered because they don't deem it medically necessary even though insurance agents arent doctors? Even on my main blog I boosted a post about a person with severe endometriosis who is being denied a hysterectomy because of their weight by the NHS but a private clinic will save them for a price, and meanwhile the endo is impacting organs outside their reproductive system

It's just. God. I'm sorry I guess I went all over the place in this post but everything is so scary now. Transphobia is on the rise, homophobia, racism, gun violence, they keep finding horrible child labor shit like 15 year olds cleaning slaughterhouses, even in my current blue state, red senators are arguing we should let young teens do construction, they're changing legislation on healthcare, on the internet, on student loans, inflation is HUGE NOW, rent is skyrocketing, homelessness is rising, just

It can be hard to keep your head up you know? I try not to be a doom and gloomer but there's legitimately scary shit happening? Like I didn't even touch on climate change and how all of these issues are going to intersect and snowball until our entire species is fucked. I know what I'm voting in 2024 but, it doesn't make anything less terrifying. If we weren't protected before, if we still really aren't now, can we really trust it to happen in the future?

[granhairdo]

A Comprehensive Review of A Little in Love by Susan Fletcher

Disclaimer: Everyone can interpret the original book however they want, this is just me comparing how I viewed the original book to this. You and the author of this novel might have interpreted Éponine quite differently than I did :)

Ever since I heard there was a novel from Éponine’s perspective, I’ve been very curious to read it. It took me a few months, but I eventually bought myself an eBook copy and read it. But to be quite honest, I didn’t really like it.

My problem with this novel isn’t necessarily an issue with the content, and more of an issue about what was promised from it, which led me to have issues with the content.

The Amazon description states that it stays true to Victor Hugo’s novel, which I find a lie. This could have just been the author’s interpretation of the character, but to me if feels more like fanfiction of the musical with some added novel characters than a full fledged published book based off the original novel.

Now, I can see why bits of the content was toned down a little bit. This was a novel intended for a young teenage audience (12-15) so some of the more adult themes needed to be cut, which is understandable as it’s for a younger age group. But it seemed like cutting wasn’t a problem with this, it really just got rid of mentions of sex or suicide, and that was about it. It even elaborated on the harsh realities of street life, which I did find enjoyable. 

I didn’t completely hate this novel, I did enjoy a bit of it. I really enjoyed the writing style, it felt as if Susan Fletcher was really experienced in writing these sorts of period novels (I’m not familiar with her so maybe she does focus on period pieces like this). I also really enjoyed how she took scenes that weren’t really shown in the novel and made them big moments in Éponine’s life. 

Now onto my issues. My biggest issue with this novel is how Éponine is portrayed. To me, in this she feels far too innocent and righteous. Don’t get me wrong, Éponine in the original book has a righteous and protective side to her, but it isn’t her entire personality.

At first, as this is in first person POV, I thought that that her righteous way of describing herself was just an act she was putting on in her own head, portraying herself as the hero in her own mind. Which that is a very interesting thought on its own, but that’s not what the deal was in this. She carries her righteous thoughts into her actions as well, not doing anything wrong, which to me turns her into more of a Mary Sue than a corrupt street girl.

They cut out the whole “Éponine leading Marius to the barricade” thing from the book, and turned it more into a “Im gonna follow Marius to the barricade to protect him” which is basically how it went in the musical, but the musical doesn’t promise to be brick-accurate.

I also just find the whole puberty side plot at the beginning of it kind of annoying. It just feels like super forced relatability. I mean maybe if I had this book as an angsty hormonal 13 year old, I might have found that nice and relatable. 

If you want to write a book about relatable teenhood… please write about Cosette. (It might be my ‘I love Cosette’ brain telling me this, though). But in the original novel, Cosette had such a relatable teenhood that can be applied in the modern era. Just give her her first period and some new boobs and throw that into a 300+ page book, now I’d read that.

This book feels like it’s targeted at a strangely specific audience. But the problem is that audience is 14 year old ‘Eppi-boppers’ from 2013, and honestly as a former Eppi-bopper, I would have loved this book. But the problem is that this was published far after the “Eppi-bopper era” from like 2012-2015, so it kind of missed its time. If this book were published like 4 years earlier it would have been a HUGE success.

Also, I nearly peed my pants in laughter at the end because the last line was “love never dies” and all my stupid brain could think of was the shitty phantom sequel.

But long story short, I wasn’t a big fan of this book, and I don’t really recommend it for someone who has a less romanticized view of Éponine. But, if you’ve never cared for the book and only like the musical, I think you may enjoy it! Go for it! 

If you’ve read this novel before, I’m curious to see if you liked it or not.

[mugeesworld]

Women

Little disclaimer: I've never got good grades in English. So this might not make sense/suck. Before you read this I would like you to know. This is not me shitting on men. This is not me shitting on every other gender. This is simply me telling what my definition/view on women is. If you take the time to read this I hope you enjoy. Ty.

This is literally just me blabbing about how women a beautiful and the shitty beauty standard.

A plural noun for: woman

Woman

Pronounced as: wom-an/ woomen

an adult female human being.

Synonymous/Similar: lady, adult female, female

If you couldn't tell by reading it, the few words above me is what is considered the definition to describe a woman/women.

It's not wrong. I would be crazy to say that the dictionary it's self is wrong, but that being said...

The few words labeled above to describe a woman to me are simply not enough. As it is correct, no words can truly describe what a woman is. For a woman is described differently by different people. Every persons perspective on what a women is, is different. Even by the smallest of detail.

But obviously I can't read minds and come up with a conclusion of the "true" definition myself.

But what I can do is share how I see the beautiful beings we call women. Not only as one, but as someone that also finds them attractive and appreciates them.

Women are elegant, gorgeous, even god like beings. Coming in all different forms. Ranging from different skin colors, to different body types. Those being their most obvious features at a first glance but really taking the time to savior and take in their elegance you can see that every single one has something truly special about them.

Every single one.

That being said every single woman is beautiful. The true definition of beauty it's self. Something so breathtaking and gorgeous that it is hard to hold eye contact or stare cause they are just radiating beems of light and beauty. But still staring at cause you can't bring yourself to look away. Scared that you will never see true beauty such as ones self ever again.

I can't imagine looking at a woman and thinking in my head that she is ugly. Out of jealousy or hate? Maybe. But I know that's not being honest with myself. To look at a woman and say such a thing is nothing but utter nonsense. Cause every single one is beautiful. No just for their looks. Not just cause they have a "curvy" figure. But because they are truly beautiful inside and out.

They might say hurtful things. But that's just a act. That's a self defense mechanism cause someone told them other wise. Someone lied to them so they say and act in such hurtful ways.

Beautiful women come in all shapes and sizes. From short and skinny, tall and muscular, or medium hight and plus size. Even though they have visible difference in their appearance they all share at least one thing in common. They are all beautiful women. Damn right they are. They should be proud to be also.

Cause the word woman it's self has been used as a insult for ages.

"Stop acting like a girl"

"You scream like a girl"

"It's not very woman like to-"

Etc

It's ok to act like a girl. It's ok to scream like a girl. That being said it's ok to not "act like a girl"

Cause the average girl has been stereotyped to be weak, small, frail, shy, vulnerable. It's ok to be those things but it's not ok to try and be those things. To force yourself to follow said stereotypes. Cause that's not you. You don't have to be all those things for validation.

And if you've been told that you need to then im here to tell you that you fucking don't. You're perfect. No matter what. No matter your looks or personality. You don't have to change to fit these ridiculous stereotypes. I can not preach that enough.

Who gives a fuck if you don't have a "beach body" or the perfect Kim Kardashian figure. EVERY BODY IS A BEACH BODY. Kim is pretty don't get me wrong but so are you. You know why? You should by now by I'll tell you again. Because you are you. You are different. You are special. For the love of fucking god. I feel like a lawyer try to state my case to the jury. Your honor my client is the most gorgeous person ever that's all I gotta say!

These fucking standards to be short and skinny and curvy are utter bullshit. Do you know who made those standards??? Do you? Fat old men. Trust me. Why in the hell should you care what a old man that's gonna die soon anyways think about your body.

And let me tell you something. This things we have that's called being "attractive" is bull crap. Cause all over the world. Their are different standards that are set. That you have to be this or you have to be that to be considered beauty.

Beauty to me is something that makes a person special. What makes them different? Are they trying to fit this standard or are they truly being themselves and having that special feature show. Cause if they do have that special thing showing its easy to walk up to any person and point out what Makes them special and different from the rest. It's like a game to me. Instead of just people watching. Look at a person and see if you can see something special about them.

Beauty is accomplished by being yourself. Around the world people go through crazy, sometimes torturous methods to be "beautiful"

To crushing your feet to be as small as a child's.

To have rings around your neck

To have a big gauge in your lip

I seen one yesterday that they make children starting at very very young ages eat insane amounts of food to make them gain weight. Forcing they to indulge in crazy portions. So they can find a husband when they are older. Cause being fat is the "beauty standard" for them.

If you think that's wrong then what makes it ok to flip that around and not eat. To torture your body by not giving it the nutritionts it needs to live. What Makes that so bad but what we are doing ok???

I could go on and on (this isn't me hating on cultures at all. This is me explaining that "beauty" is a mere goal that is set. I understand completely that it's tradition for some tribes and cultures. It's non of my business and ik not hating. Once again just a example.)

If you don't get it yet the beauty standard is a myth. It's something that is set to torture and brain wash you into thinking you have to be a certain way to be perceived as beautiful.

So why are you doing this to yourself? Why don't you make your own perception of beauty. I do. I explained mine. That everyone is beautiful in their own way that makes them who they are.

So why don't you just be you? Please tell me.

I know what I've said can be controversial but it's my opinion and I hope you can respect it. Actually. I don't care if you respect it or agree with it. Cause it's my definition. It's my true thoughts.

What's your definition of women and beauty?

I hope you enjoyed reading this if you got this far. And I hope if you don't already, understand that you deserved to be loved. You deserve to be cherished. You are beauty. You are you. No matter what. So please don't change that. Not for anyone. You're valid. In every way possible. And if you haven't heard it today yet then.... I love you and I'm glad such a beautiful person such as your self breaths the same air as me. So thank you. Thank you for being you and walking the same earth as I do. You rock.

I'm very embarrassed to post this. But. I'll leave you with this:

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

i think yaz&ryan and ryan&graham shouldve had episodes like the black spot or the girl who waited that centered their relationship and made them count on each other to save them, where like the doctor gets out from between them whether thats received well (black spot) or not so much (girl who waited)

i mean i can imagine graham might have some thoughts and feelings about the way the doctor - the other ostensible adult in the room - handles ryan and yazs - the kids' - safety. hes responsible for ryan and i can imagine he probably extends that feeling to yaz as like an honourary second grandkid

i would pay to see graham confront the doctor à la rory "you make people a danger to themselves" and "this isnt fair. youre turning me into you" (smth smth im one of the few who wont turn myself into you so you force me to idk not the point) not about the same subject of course but something like,,, well like you cant keep them safe

i think a lot abt like how graham literally doesnt have the skills or knowledge to keep ryan and yaz safe in alien environments so he has to count on the doctor for that. he cant do a whole lot of his own risk assessment in situations hes never been in before so he has to trust the doctor's are right. and from s12 onward it becomes clearer that sometimes shes Irrational As Fuck and when it's sometimes then it might be all the times and you have no way to gauge that and no way to mitigate it like shes going a little bit insane in front of your eyes and you still have to trust shes thinking clearly enough that she can keep the kids safe youre responsible for. like at what point do you just stop risking it and take them home?

in canon obvs graham never stops risking it but i think it would be really interesting if there was an episode where it's a bit too close and he confronts the doctor about that. about the fact that like, if youre denying everything you might be feeling then youre not gonna account for how those feelings might be affecting your decisions or perceptions. and then the doctor will freak out about being Abandoned and cover that up too so shes gonna say smth stupid and fucked up and diagonal like i just wanna see it. i just think it would be neat

and i want to see how like yaz&ryans friendship and ryan&grahams relationship would develop/change under stress and out of earshot/perspective of the doctor. like we get a lot of that - ryan and yaz on the veranda in australia or that time in tsuranga or the end of can you hear me - but i think it would be soooo cool to have like at least one episode just dedicated to each of those relationships. an episode where the doctor is,,,not an antagonist really but like, where we get to see their perspective, their situation, their relationship as its own thing that the doctor is not a part of

[quaranmine]

alright, stats time. numbers! percentages! analysis!

GO ME! i finished my writing challenge last night. though i have done them before, i have never had a 30 day streak--my longest was 11 days, previously.

NANOWRIMO "GOAL": 50k words in a month. lol nope i didn't even plan to do that but that's the perspective i'm putting the post in

MY GOAL: add 30k to IBW.

fail. i added 5.2k to IBW in the end, the equivalent of finishing just one chapter. basically, I completed 17% of my goal. not something I'm happy about but i did inevitably mostly get past a thing that was giving me trouble.

MY SECOND GOAL: add 30k aggregated to any projects

total word count: 21,366. that's techinically a fail but i'm not gonna count it because i reached 70% of my target wordcount AND THAT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME!!! 70 is a passing grade afterall :] if we want to put this in perspective of nano, i basically completed 40% of nano, which is great for a first-ever run (especially since i have never completed a 50k fic so far, let alone in a month. baby steps for me, i just do not write that quickly.)

MY THIRD GOAL: write something every day

SUCCESS! i did do that and i am very proud of it. it was shockingly hard sometimes. during the challenge i was like "i am never doing this again" and now literally less than a day after im like "hm i should do this again next year!" why am i like this? who knows!

So, let's look at other stats.

Number of fics worked on: four. (IBW, grumbot fic mainly, hitchhiker's au, and tumble town gothic)

Fanfic started and completed within the month: do you see no ghosts in me at all? (13,651 words). This means that ~64% of my time was spent on this fanfic, compared to any others (if we go by word count, as i don't remember which days specifically were used on this versus the others)

Average daily wordcount: 712 words. again, to reach the 30k goal i needed roughly 1k on average per day, so this is again about 70% of that. It is worth noting that my average for my last writing challenge in the spring was 548, so I did much better on average this month despite being forced to do it in a much longer streak. that's probably because the 0 wordcount days in the last challenge dragged the average down, so writing every day helped me a lot.

Lowest daily WC: 131

Highest daily WC: 1897

i think both of those were the same fic actually (grumbot fic.) the low wordcounts mostly represented lack of time, as i would stop writing whenever it got so late that i started falling asleep midsentence. however low wordcounts on IBW mostly represent lack of inspiration, except for the day 30, where it represented research.

all in all, i think it was a successful challenge. i'm still in writing mode and was already thinking about what i could do tonight, which is great because like...i am no longer beholden to this challenge but am still wanting to keep going (i'll just likely not force myself to do anything anymore if it's like 11:30pm and i havent done anything. i will just go to bed instead.)

the main lesson here is that i can Do Things when i want to really force myself to do, which is good because i often doubt my own abilities especially in connection with my writing. it's very personal compared to other stuff i do, so i very much love and appreciate everybody's support and kind reviews because i straight up would not be here or doing any of this without you. like i would have just gone back to hide under a rock lol.

i feel like completing these challenges gives me a lot more confidence in myself and my abilities, and gives me momentum to make consistent progress on my works even when things are a little rough. sometimes in writing you just Gotta Do It even if there isnt much inspiration, because it'll unlock the way for other scenes where you DO have inspiration.

now then. if someone can tell me why i was able to fully complete inktober for two years in a row, and pull off two of these writing challenges in one year, but CAN'T stick with actual responsible adult habits--

[jet-bradley]

i really fundamentally do not understand harry potter fans who defend their childhood self's right to like a book.

like--and please know im not trying to traumadump, i feel ambivalent about this--the things i went through as a kid caused me to forget huge pieces of being a kid. i know a lot of stuff happened to me that i have 0 emotional connection to and i cant place myself in my own shoes and recall or even imagine what it was like to be in those situations. so if childhood me liked harry potter--and i know xe did, because "i" pulled an all-nighter with a friend waiting for pottermore's release, and was very strongly opinionated about the books and movies--that doesnt really. affect me now. because im a different person.

and i dont think that's trauma, i think trauma forced me to speedrun that process of growing into a different person, but everyone does the same thing. you might keep a passion or two as you age but overall you should lose connection to a lot of your childhood interests as you age.

the big difference is that when i look at my life now, and my life as a kid, i don't know that i'd go back to being a kid. opening doors to my memories of being a kid can trigger really fucking bad symptoms. so i don't do it. because being a kid, maybe i didn't have as many responsibilities, but i also didn't have any agency and i don't want to give up what i've accomplished for myself as an adult. i don't regret that my childhood will never be back; i take comfort in it. it's helped me accept letting go of a lot of things from when i was younger easier.

so when i look at harry potter fans who refuse to let go of something that keeps marginalized people from existing in public--yes, even if you buy merch from etsy and pirate the movies--because it "reminds them of their childhood"? yeah they are speaking from an alternate dimension to me. i can't even really summarize what the difference in perspective is here. it's not just that they're determined to hang onto a period of time that's never coming back, it's that they'd want it back in the first place. like, must... be nice? idk.

[the-resurrection-3d]

hey mootie craziest ask ever but do u have any General writing tips bc on god. i have ideas i iust Cannot sequence them or put them on Technological paper im at a loss here

Oh for sure! This post ended up being rather long, but I wanted to be thorough -- feel free to let me know if I need to re-clarify something.

Anyway!

Usually, I have to write myself into the good writing -- by which I mean I begin a session with essentially artist's warm-ups, such as scribbling out a few words about the images that are coming to me, or starting my first sentence with some throwaway introductory phrase like "Thinking about..." and then describing the thing in whatever barebones form comes out -- "and then X, and then Y," and so on. It's not pretty writing by any means, but once I have those creative energies flowing, eventually I'll start to naturally slip in more description, more emotion, even dialogue. The "real" opening of the story is usually not the opening you first write -- Anne Lamott in her book Bird by Bird, for instance, mentions that, in her drafts for her three-page food reviews, her real opening usually was on page two of the first draft. I've had essays published where I had to literally revise every single sentence that was not a quotation from somebody else. By the end of last semester, I was struggling so badly to finish some first drafts of my final papers that I legitimately could barely finish my sentences. I'd write down half a thought, hit the enter key, and start a different thought entirely.

Which leads me into my main point, which is getting a draft done by any means necessary. To be as blunt as possible: you can't edit shit you didn't write. To quote the dancer Martha Graham:

"There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expression. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open."

So I have first drafts littered with Wikipedia summary-tier scene descriptions, huge quotes from other writers, half-baked ideas, completely context-less dialogue, and even abrupt swaps between first, third, and second person, because nothing else matters but simply getting it done. This is not to say I never edit as I write, but you have to give yourself the leeway to write bullshit. (For longer projects, @bettsfic in her most recent newsletter discusses writing out a "gauge" to figure out the project's writing style before committing to it, saying that:

in knitting, a gauge is a square you knit before you begin a project to make sure you’ll end up with the dimensions you intended. that way, a sweater you meant for a grown-ass adult doesn’t become a baby sweater by accident. a gauge makes sure you’re using the right yarn and the right needles so you don’t have to unravel the whole thing and start over.

Thus, she says she writes and rewrites the first chapter however many times it takes to find a perspective and "voice" that works so she won't have to, say, change an entire novel from past to present tense-- I dunno how long your ideas would be, but this could be helpful, too.)

Since you mentioned sequencing, I'll admit I also struggle with that a lot, so I find writing out of order pretty necessary. Once you actually have more story material out in front of you, though, thematic threads become more apparent and sequences can start to suggest themselves. Tying themes to specific reoccurring actions and symbols can also suggest organization, both on the more global story level and the more microscopic sentence-by-sentence level. The 5+1 fanfic form is a great example of this.

John McPhee goes way more in-depth with this thematic organization idea here, though he's talking specifically about narrative nonfiction. Peter Elbow also discusses in "Collage: Your Cheating Art" that, if you have a fragmentary draft of an essay, you can always essentially use it to reverse-engineer a more "professional" outline. Again, not fiction strictly, but I use the same principle a lot (alongside Kurt Vonnegut's suggestion to start my short stories as close to the ending as I possibly can, lollll).

If you have a general sense of what plot/genre you'd like to write, you can also try what I've seen Brandon Sanderson call scaffolding, wherein you look at the basic plot beats and structure of a novel in your genre and essentially use it as the traced deviantART anime base on which to design your new OC. You don't have to be completely beholden to that plot structure, of course, but this can be a great way to cheat-start making an outline or first draft.

I tend go back and forth between collage and scaffolding since I'm a mess, lol. After the draft is done (or even just 80-90% done, because sometimes I know I'm not finished, but I won't know exactly what to finish until I'm into the revision process), I find it particularly helpful to print out my drafts and physically cut them up and rearrange them into lines and piles, so I can test the flow of certain sequences more easily than on a screen.

I was flipping through my copy of Bird by Bird while I was writing this, and I think I'll end this (very ramblingly) post with a small but encouraging quote from it:

I hope that helps! It's 2:47 am right now, lol, so I apologize if this is at all messy or a little scattered.

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

from an anon, about parents and school

(it's just long, that's why it's under a break XD)

here's my proposition: make parents understand that not every child should conform to whatever traditional career paths that exist. as an asian, i could feel the pressure to take science like a fucking boulder on my body. i have to rant a bit.

i am the younger sibling, my brother is two years elder to me. i was never instilled any curiosity in anything science related, i was kinda left all by myself lol. my brother tho, maybe because he was older or because he was a guy (yeah LMFAO), was encouraged AND involved in a LOT of coding, mechanix (its a construct-ur-own-stuff thing).

i guess i never really noticed until i was leaving middle school, that i was not as smart as him, and would probably never be. but i had other strengths he didnt have. i love writing, im pretty good at it. i am analytical and subejctive, i like thinking and making conclusions about things. i mean i guess i've figured out what i could be better at, right? but the problem?

its that my parents dont see it. its as if they dont know me or they DO know me and are just forcing the things they need onto me. it feels selfish of them to completely forgo my actual strengths. like YES OK i UNDERSTAND i can never be as smart as my brother, but u dont have to pretend like i can. because pretending that i can achieve whatever he has, is just going to affect YOU. because i have accepted long ago that some things arent for me.

they think i dont want to put effort into anything i do. that im lazy and want the easy way out. god, every time they say this i want to honestly show them that its the things IM interested in, where i put in the work. its so belittling.

ive written articles abt bts, their music, about how carl jungs theory of archetypes and i occasionally ask a lot of questions about the world to you (hi lol). i just dont get why they want me to waste energy on something im clearly uninterested in.

short answer, point to BTS and say, "They're Asian, they make tons of money. Leave me alone."

just kidding XD

If I'm being serious, I don't think they will change their mind. They will continue to force their ideals onto you, because they believe in certain career paths had assured success and that is what they are after. They either want you to make a certain amount of money, have a certain status in life, or simply know that you can obtain a stable job. To be honest, these are not really traditional career paths at all if you think about it. Becoming a doctor takes many, many years and it is hard ass work. Parents just make it seem as if these are the only jobs available to you, even if you know it's not true.

Men vs women in Asian countries, well, I feel everyone knows this, but many Asian parents born in their respective countries put more effort into their sons than daughters. Firstborn son? He probably walks on water to them XD

I understand what you mean when you say your parents do not understand. This might sound egotistical (it does now that I'm writing it, I am very sorry) but I was the one in my family who got the best grades. None of my siblings got better grades than me (basically I had a 4.0 from middle school to university), and do you think with all that I would be immune?

Nope.

I am good at the sciences and I am good at the humanities as well. I had an interest in reading, writing, and drawing. Reading fiction, I could pass it off to educate myself. Writing? I could pass it off as something for school. But drawing?

Woo, boy.

This was a constant fight. I do not back down (a rebel, wcyd) and I drew and it would get ripped apart. I drew and it would get torn up and thrown away. I drew and and would be beaten, yelled at, constantly belittled for my interest in it even though I was good at the sciences and math. To my mom (my dad doesn't count, he had zero interest in parenting) - if she did not think it was going to make money in the future, it was useless. If I could not spin it into profit, I should not be doing it (very fun childhood I had, yes). The most ironic thing is, after I became an adult, she suggested I start drawing again and sell it to make money.

Hello?

You literally forced me to stop drawing because you constantly connected it with negativity???

(not now, I have since stopped talking to her and started drawing again and it is purely for myself, not to show anyone else, I do not even post it on social media or show anyone irl)

Not saying your parents will act like mine, btw, only sharing my experience.

The idea that you'll never be as smart as your brother? That's bullshit lol. That's like saying intelligence is only valuable if it's science or math, which, as you know, is not true. You are you. He is himself. It is not you cannot do those things. It is that those things are not what you want to focus on. You have a limited amount of time in this life and you have chosen the things you want to delve into and explore.

You don't have to be good at everything. Everything is just not good enough for you.

I am of the mindset that you should try and learn everything you can about this world. I love learning, personally. I think knowing everything I know, from the humanities to the sciences, enriches my life and gives me a broader perspective.

But I totally understand how you feel, because being pushed into something makes you end up hating it. Parents push their kids to learn this or that and kids end up resenting schoolwork because it doesn't feel like something they wanna do anymore. It's just adults yapping in their ears and it feels pointless. Grades aren't everything. You think anyone cares that I aced Physics with Calculus I and II as an adult? LMAO, no one gives a shit. You passed, good enough XD

Here's how I think you should treat school. It's not the content that matters. It's you understanding how you learn each subject. Every subject is different and how you learn them is different. It is not because you are bad at the subject, it is because you haven't figured out the best learning style for you. Teachers have to teach a mass of students and, yes, I understand this seems very tedious to have to "teach yourself".

The skill in learning to learn becomes so, so valuable as an adult. It is how you maintain interest in things, how you develop new interests, and how will come to find meaning (in whatever you want to focus on finding meaning for). I'm not saying that you will be able to find your perfect learning style in every subject, but I am encouraging you to simply see it in that light.

And, you might find certain things to be not that important to you, in which case, just pass the class, it's totally fine if it's not going to help you for the career path you're going for XD Nobody asks me about the themes of William Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet" (tbh, a pair of overdramatic loons) or how I feel about Sigmund Freud (actually a twat, but that's neither here nor there).

Let them talk. That one that walks your path is you. Focus on what you want to focus on. They are set in their ways and they way to show them there are different paths is to walk them.

[mr-and-mr-dameron]

Learning to love ALL of Star Wars

I’ve grown a lot the past few years, and with that I’ve came to appreciate a lot more things about what I love. I’ve went from bitter and spiteful about what I don't have to appreciating what I do have, and at the centre of that storm is Star Wars. A franchise I’ve only really been invested in the last year. 

The beginning

So I was always a “fan” of Star Wars, sure. I grew up with the prequels and I was excited when Disney was releasing their new movies. But the past year is where I really got invested and found a whole new love for the franchise. And strangely enough, it was through the simplicity of Lego.  You see, I started watching videos by Brickvault about Lego Star Wars minifigures, and something about seeing the toys I loved as a kid from a modern perspective took me right back to wooshing my Jedi starfighter around my room. From there, I started moving away from Lego and dipped my toe in theories, lore videos and eventually discussion and review videos, the turning point being Cosmonaught Variety Hour.  Now, I have some opinions on the guy now, but Cosmonaught was perfect for me at the time. He was opinionated, entertaining, but most importantly knew his shit, and I liked that. His videos on Star Wars are pretty good, and really helped form my opinions back then... In a bad way... Now I’ll make this clear, this is NOT on Cosmonaught, it was just how impressionable I was as a person back then. I’m just saying how his video affected me on a personal level.  Up to this point I didn’t really understand the hate for the prequels besides the fact they were “bad movies” and “people don’t like them”. Cosmonaughts video on the prequels gave me those reasons, and I finally felt like I got the distaste for those films. However, like they say... A little knowledge can be dangerous, and boy was I about to learn that lesson the hard way... 

The fall

So here I am, knower of all things, the CORRECT things... I’ve watched my fair share of videos from a handful of sources, I know my shit. I’m making my opinions known, and I’ve become that friend.  But whats this! A dissenting opinion!? My boyfriend actually likes the prequels more than the Original Trilogy!? SACRALAGE!! I must prove him wrong! And prove him wrong I...! Did not... In fact, something rather bizarre happened... He convinced me.  I was stubborn at first, but I’ll admit, my wall got broken down at long last. He (bless his soul for dealing with me) managed to get through to me exactly what it was he loved about those films, and it wasn’t just the nostalgia. I had always seen the politics of the Galaxy like most other people did, some boring preachy nonsense that had no place in Star Wars, but I came around to it.  Granted with a little help from the Clone Wars I managed to piece together just what it was there was to like about these films... I wont say they’re perfect, far from it. But internally they have so much more going on compared to the Original Trilogy. The Era has some of the most fun and expandable concepts and ideas in all of Star Wars, and while it may not be as iconic, the visual artstyle of it all is still its own recognizable brand of Star Wars.  And almost like magic (or my phone spying on me) youtube started recommending videos that disagreed with Cosmonaught, and I got my first taste of how his video wasn’t as sound as I thought. Now as a side note: I still like Cosmonaught. He’s a funny guy who like I said knows his shit, but he obviously isnt the be all end all right and wrong which I hadn’t quite learned. I can enjoy his content while disagreeing with it, and I think thats just fine. I find myself disagreeing with a lot of creators I watch now and he’s just joined them.  But hang on, we’re missing something here... A certain... Mouse? Perhaps?

The dark times... The Disney Empire... 

So hop back to modern day for a sec, this timeline pretty much lines up with the end of the Disney movies right? So how do I feel about those? Well... When the first three came out, I liked them. Like everyone else I was loving new Star Wars. As a young art student, I loved Rogue One and TLJ for their stunning visuals, deeper themes and their attempt at something new and fresh. I loved the throne room fight scene, the light speed ram and how Rogue One had such a bitter sweet ending.  But ho ho no one else felt that way! And whether it be peer pressure or my love of dumpster fires my opinions changed like that. I laughed at the Rose Tico and Snoke memes, I hated the Canto Bight subplot and poor Luke being butchered on screen like that, and then there's Rey...  Solo came and passed. I refused to go see it, as I did with TROS which came out around the time I was getting back into Lego, and along with the prequels I was watching video essay upon video essay about why the sequels sucked and how to rewrite them. Some of them coming from a positive place, others... Not so much..  And so my hatred for them grew as I got back into the franchise and came to appreciate the originals for what they done great, and loathing the new films for lacking that same spark. And unlike the prequels, I didn’t really get enough pushback to change my mind. But what I did get was the full brunt of spite and hate the fans had for these new films, and honestly? It was depressing. 

Hate leads to suffering. 

I finally reached my rock bottom. I genuinely reached a point where I debated giving up Star Wars for the sheer amount of negative feelings I had towards the state of the franchise (which might I add is valid if you ever end up feeling that way about something you’re meant to be enjoying). 

I struggled to get past how Disney “ruined” Star Wars, and clearly nothing was going to change. 40 Years of history had been wiped out and the new timeline was a contorted mess, and the amount of discourse and disagreements in the franchise honestly did not help at all. 

Nothing was simple, everything had a catch. You like how Kylo was irredeemable in TLJ? Well he’s redeemed in TROS. TFA is a fun film but it sets up a lot of the things people hated about the sequels so you cant even just head canon that the other two never happened. And then...

Saved by Lego

There was Lego, making the best of a bad situation. It didnt care if you didn’t like that Palpatine was back (somehow), it didn’t care about the clunky prequel dialog, and it didn’t care about the thousands of retcons from the entierety of the franchises existence. 

Whether by contractual force or not: It was pure, distilled Star Wars. 

I loved how a set with Rey could stand beside a set with OT Luke and thats just how it was. It put into context that this was reality, and I could either be bitter about what could have been or accept what was, which wasn’t easy and I’m still not really over it. But I reached a place where I could accept the fun in all of Star Wars, that I liked how some of these characters looked, that these characters all existed in one Galaxy, and it was nice. 

And it led me straight back into... 

Learning to love Star Wars

One of the most important lessons I learned in the past year was trust your gut. Sure, hear out other peoples take on something, and if it changes your opinion all the more power to you. But don’t fight the fact you felt something in that initial reaction. I liked the prequels as a kid, so why don’t I as an adult? Is it because i outgrew them and see them for the disasters they are? Or is it because a someone who watched them as a fully grown adult that grew up with the OT was underwhelmed? 

And to that extent... I rewatched TFA and TLJ with an open mind and an open heart. The result? 

Im indifferent towards TFA. It has fun character moments and has a decent adventure, for what it is its good. But I actually found myself enjoying TLJ after all these years of hating on it. I liked their take on Luke, I liked the mutiny subplot, it didnt push the story forward leaps and bounds but it was a more methodical take on the franchise and for the I liked it. It wasn’t perfect, its biggest flaw is how bleak it can feel and its lack of doing anything interesting with its setting, but it does do a fair amount of decent things and I’ve come to appreciate it for that. 

I’m planning to watch TROS at long last soon, so maybe I’ll update it here. But what I will say is that I hope Lucasfilm don’t give up on the sequel era and characters quite yet. There is still a lot to love here as much as you may not like it, and I hope that they can explore more interesting meaningful themes and narratives in external media that they couldn’t in mainline films cough cough Stormpilot cough cough...

I know not everyone will agree with how I feel now, heck a lot of my problems I had still stand, but I’m at peace with it all now. I just want to sit back and enjoy this franchise for what it is. While I might not forgive Disney for its severe mishandling of... everything (a rant for another time) I’m content just not them supporting to the best of ability.

Star Wars is in such a unique position where each generation has a different stance and appreciation for different parts within the franchise. The prequels were hated until its fans grew up and started defending it, The Clone Wars was hated until its fans grew up and started defending it, and the sequels ended last year, their fans haven’t quite got their voice yet. But I’m interested to hear what they have to say. 

[weebsinstash]

I’m new to this blog a bit but I came across this blog from your Valentino x readers, idk if anyone has asked u this and I’m sorry if they did 😅 but do u plan on continuing them or any other Val x reader fic?

Honestly I've been having tons of ideas for him and other things I want to write, it's just become a big, motivation and depression issue. I keep having days and weekends off where I just sleep or smoke and do nothing and then I have anxiety that I didn't get anything accomplished and it's become a negative loop of "do nothing bc im stressed or unmotivated>feel bad for doing nothing>do nothing bc I feed bad about doing nothing>wash rinse repeat>live in constant disappointment and self hatred"

Honestly I've been trying to encourage the mindset of "dont force it! You aren't obligated! You're ok to take it easy" but I actually think I've been taking it easy for so long its just becoming easier to. Not write at all, so, im thinking it might actually do some good if I DID try to sit down and force it on my next day off. Just to get the ball rolling a little more

But uh... I still feel really stressed and messed up over stuff that's happened to my sister and unfortunately a lot of the ideas involving Valentino usually have to deal with.... you know, being taken advantage of while under a substance or things that are similar enough to her story i just. Feel bad.

But anyways I gotta tell myself what happened to her is none of my responsibility and honestly she even weaponized it to make me feel horrible so, I dunno, maybe I've recognized thst the entire reason she even told me came from a manipulative mindset and I'm coming to terms with... enjoying my own stuff again, if that makes sense. Kinda had to absolve myself of the guilt, even though it has nothing to do with me

Kinda everything above has to do with me writing in general but anyways, to get back to like, this big fluffy asshole specifically

99% of why I haven't written more for him is that I feel like I have to do more research to get his character down, and specifically? His manner of speech, since I found out a lot of fics I want to write usually deal with him making a lot of threats and being very dialogue heavy. He's only verbally spoken in the Angel Dust comic, and his Instagram can only be found through archived tumblr posts (because antis reported the account for misogyny, because that's the level of nuance and understanding adults have on the internet now I guess) and like, what if that's not reflective of his personality, what if that's just his online persona. What if I create some sort of weird cringe offshoot that isn't very canon correct.

Like. From my perspective Val is usually very, sassy and flamboyant in a very "fuck you, im being myself, im the boss, eat my shit, fuck with me and I'll cut you" kind of way, but he's also basically a mafioso and deals with drug deals and the mob and shit like that and can obviously be very threatening and serious. So I guess it's finding that balance? Like what's the ratio of Mean Pimp vs Sassy GNC partying slut, kwim. I guess that's an idea in of itself I keep having for a Reader x Val fic; Reader having so much fun partying and indulging in the worst parts of themselves with Val that they forget who he is and where they are until some sort of horrible epiphany or consequence is staring you right in the face

Like. Im definitely reading too much into it. Its 100% I dont want to write something and then the show comes out and my stuff seems like, cringe. I mean, even more cringe than me writing yandere content in general but 😅

TLDR: yes, I have a lot of ideas, im just an easily embarrassed little cringey baby who's reading too much into it and wants it to be enjoyable but accurate and im also having motivation issues

[demonytekav]

Katsuki Fucking Bakugou

Got myself thinking today. Well…every day.

FYI these are my personal thoughts - so take it or leave it I guess I’m not stating this as a fact and your do opinions matter. These are just my thoughts….

So like I’ve seen his home life be taken 2 different ways. A lot of people see the more comical aspect of his mom being aggressive and yelling at him, which to be fair YES it can be fucking hilarious. And I see that too, I find it funny he’s aggressive like her and they fight yada yada.

But I also see the other side of this. The accidentally abusive side. I say accidentally because I do not think his mom is purposely abusing him.

See I grew up in a house with a very dominant and aggressive step dad. He yelled, cussed, and was controlling as all hell over everything. He was always aggravated by me (just breathing was enough let me tell you). And his feelings ALWAYS came first. He CARED (very difficult to see unless you look for it) but has ZERO idea on how to be someone who puts others first. We were always on his timeline. He doesn’t know the meaning of the word “sorry”.

The difference here I think is that my step dad beat me down. Didn’t challenge me to do better just out right told me I was shit at whatever I was doing. Or bitched when I didn’t know how to do something. Vs Katsuki’s mom seems like the person who would say “My kid wouldn’t suck at this” and proceed to PUSH her little shit of a son in an aggressive way to do better. And she’d talk him up so much so that he’d get an ego boost about it.

I don’t even want to imagine what it might have been like had he messed up or wasn’t that good at something. I wonder if his mom would give him hell about it unintentionally. And I can almost guarantee the word “sorry” was never uttered to him by her. One thing to note too, is that Katsuki himself is unapologetic about his own behavior and that stems from his own ego/confidence as well as his environment. He grew up in a space where it was natural to yell, cuss, and be violent when getting a point across. For me it was similar but my confidence was never cultivated and instead it was crushed - so I learned to handle others in a softer way but I still come off as stiff.

It’s why I find myself half the time identifying with some things Katsuki does. I have a HORRIBLE time connecting with people and would often rather NOT deal with people especially if they are friendly and nice. Sometimes im inexcusably over confident and arrogant, and have down right asshole-ish behavior on some things. I pick on people I like (friends or romantic interests) in a way to get attention on me for even just a moment. I don’t have the intention of being mean but can come across that way. Or I tend to stay away all together. I get irritated easily over small shit and I have resting “I fucking hate you stop talking” face. Sound familiar?

Getting side tracked. I feel like Katsuki is very similar to me and yet different. I can SEE why he would have been a bully especially to Deku. I can see why he has a complex about being the best and not wanting help. It’s how he grew up, Katsuki doesn’t necessarily understand being the victim, only knows the stance of the abuser and thinks he’s “right”. Where as I have been given the unique perspective of both, I have been forced to understand my step dad as well as be the bully victim (mostly the victim).

Just like Katsuki I CANT STAND asking for help and I HATE people thinking I need it. Abuse does weird things to you and messes with your perception in these things. Help comes across as a weakness or being made fun of. Or as leverage against you. Sometimes you even feel like a burden and that shit just don’t fly.

Katsuki got arrogant as a kid being around those who weren’t as ‘brilliant’ as he was and especially having a home life like he did only fueled that. So it’s understandable that he WOULD see Deku as a cry baby or weak. His perception of strength came from his mothers unintentional abuse and over inflated ego he was given by the adults around him. It doesn’t help that he IS a natural leader. His suspicion of Deku is also pretty on point for this.

I won’t lie here. I didn’t trust ANYBODY growing up. I can imagine Katsuki being very similar, thinking people are wearing masks. Seeing Deku smiling so happily and being constantly nice and helpful would definitely confuse him. Why? Because growing up in an abusive house means at times the abuser is kind to you, sometimes for lengths of time, usually with a goal in mind, before ripping the rug out from under you and they show their true intentions. Katsuki was /is afraid of Dekus selflessness because Katsuki can’t afford to be that way. Cant afford to let his guard down and he probably was afraid of what intentions Deku had. In other words “looking down on him”.

Katsukis anger toward others is another thing I find interesting especially when as a little kid he smiled all the time and walked with his head up high. After the issue with Deku trying to help him as a kid it gave him a very specific (and incorrect) reality check. It also made him even more angry/suspicious of Deku specifically. In high school he wanted NOTHING to do with other people other than for them to worship him and his skills (in a way). He was entering a school where he would have to compete to show he was the best, it was a new experience for him as he has ALWAYS just been the best being as they grew up around all the same kids and nothing ever changed.

But people want to get close to him. It’s a distraction and waste of time, it makes me wonder if this is partly because he knows when school ends they won’t be together anymore. Maybe his separation from Deku as kids (their friendship I mean) actually impacted him in such a strong way even if he was the one to end it. It hurts to no longer have that friendship that was built- he probably saw Deku as a lifelong companion up to a point as a kid- when they discovered he didn’t have a quirk Katsuki probably had another boost to his ego about being better than Deku and at the same time knowing they were not longer on the same path. After the log incident and they were no longer friends in his mind (due to his insecurities and thinking he was being played?) it probably hurt him a lot internally but he didn’t realize it. And maybe later during high school he looked at Deku as actually betraying him, again probably thinks people are nice to get something out of it (thinks he’s being made fun of or looked down on like my point from earlier) and to learn that Deku hid his quirk only solidified that Deku might have been playing him all along (until he learns the truth), and doesn’t want to feel like that again? So he pushes people away? Regardless he is rude and mean to everyone but over time he gets closer to people.

Another thing to note, I think the more un-confident he is the more aggressive he is in regards to some things, so I feel like the way he snaps at his friends is a good tell that he’s not comfortable being close to others. Especially with how he refuses to acknowledge the word “friends”. (Small thought but is he afraid to use the word friend because of losing Deku as friend in the past and the pain/hurt that caused when he thought he was being looked down on and they went their separate ways? Like I said, he may have thought Deku would be his companion running along behind him all his life at that point and then they realized he didn’t have a quirk AND Deku tries to help him and etc that happened so is he afraid to get close to someone again - be ‘played’ - and worried he will just get hurt?????)

I get like this too. My initial response to unknown or uncomfortable situations is to be on guard and prickly. Katsuki when embarrassed would be explosive because that’s much easier to understand. When there are things I don’t understand I get mad or irritated immediately. It’s easier than crying or smiling. Don’t even fucking get me started on hugs because I love them but I HATE them because they make me too emotional and I cry and then I get pissed. Katsuki probably gets weird about physical affection because to him the only affection he’s known is the angry kind. He probably doesn’t understand fundamentally what being in a normal and close friendship is and thinks his way has been right this whole time and everyone else is wrong. Which is why he act like a rabid bear when confronted by affection to him it makes NO sense.

I saw people be ANGRY over him goading Deku in the latest chapters. Calling out his behavior as regressing back to his old ways and how it’s proof he’s not changing.

Personally, I don’t see that. Just from my own self indulgent take on Katsuki here is what I think is happening.

Katsuki is angry. He finally UNDERSTANDS everything and realizes Deku was NOT trying to hurt him and has been genuine this entire time. He understands his behavior/treatment of Deku was misguided and WRONG.

But he’s ANGRY that after everything HE isn’t being trusted (Deku has always had blind faith in him before now). HE is being looked at as weak, we know he’s not but imagine it from someone who is just out of the hospital and had just risked his life and is basically being BENCHED with Deku being in the same state he is in. He probably feels like he’s being viewed as weak. HES worried about Deku 1st and foremost because he knows it’s going to end badly, maybe with loss of life and he can’t STAND to be benched when he could be helping his friend. Yes friend.

Katsuki took it upon himself to atone for what he did and right now his charge has left him behind. His FRIEND left him behind and is doing DANGEROUS things and tying in what I mentioned above. The fact that he didn’t outright attack Deku when their eyes met says it all for me. Katsuki is FURIOUS. But he’s not the little kid who would have tried to beat Deku up because of his anger.

So, he smack talks. He goads Deku. I mean FUCK, I’d bitch out my friends too and antagonize them (it would come off as me making fun) but Katsuki KNOWS it would get to Deku. Knows it would press buttons and he does it BECAUSE he knows Deku isn’t going down without a fight. And also, HES MAD and he’s probably HURT at the least he’s offended.

He is allowed to be MAD at his friends. How many times have you sat and complained or royally bitched out a friend in your head because of something dumb as hell they did? I’ve done it so much.

Thing is, I’m not saying he is doing the RIGHT thing. No no. I’m just stating a fact as to what he is DOING. But he’s not doing what he WOULD have done in the past which would have been to immediately and literally fuck Deku up and yell at him and BRING HIM DOWN verbally and mentally for the sake of BRINGING HIM DOWN.

No he’s mouthing off to show he’s mad plain and simple. He’s wanting Dekus attention on him and Dekus acknowledgement of his mistakes/Katsukis anger.

(Side story, in freshman year of high school a friend of mine made some DUMB as fuck choices. I found out about it between classes from another person. I literally RAGED out loud in the hall way, got some interesting looks, and STOMPED MY FURIOUS ASS 3 floors down to cuss and spit at her like a demon child for it in front of everyone because of how dumb she was. I then spent the next several periods of class steaming and fuming before walking *stomping* her ass home and bitching at her the whole way. Yes we talked about it. But the point still stands that I get why Katsuki rages because I fucking do it too especially the more I care….I’m a lot older now and I don’t yell anymore nor do I let my anger control me)

Katsuki in my opinion is growing, slowly, but he’s growing. This is different than the past. In fact he came with the class as a whole. That itself says everything because he’s always about doing things on his own. It also makes sense that he isn’t dramatically different…..I think that would be almost to disingenuous to his character and wouldn’t show the growth or show he EARNED anything. It would come off as almost….fake. If he acted any differently. I think the only other way I would accept him behaving is for him to be completely SILENT until the right moment and say very specific things. But again, that might also be too far out of his current character.

Katsuki is a tough one. The only reason I feel connected to him is because I can equate my own circumstances and feelings to his due to the similarities of his upbringing. I feel like we are the same coin but each a different side.

I guess I’m saying it’s understandable why he’s such an aggressive ass and why he was a bully and is still being a mouthy shit. He didn’t grow up in a fluffy loving household. So it makes sense for him to be this harsh.

Another thing to note: 1st. He’s a fucking kid. And kids sometimes can not distinguish between right and wrong. 2nd. He IS showing maturity in his actions and growing but again, it’s slow LIKE IT SHOULD BE. He’s learning. In fact, it’ll probably take him years to learn certain things and I bet some stuff he won’t really get the hang of. I know I fucking didn’t. I still come off as an ass. And I’m emotionally constipated. I still can’t fathom certain social interactions and I can’t not be suspicious of peoples kindness. I can’t be outgoing and show affection (like seriously don’t cry near me because I don’t know what the fuck to do with you). I’ve learned how to handle people better and treat others better but unfortunately when you have lived with an abusive parent there’s no telling how exactly you will come out of it or how long it will take you to UNLEARN that garbage and input the correct things.

And it’s going to take him some years to make some corrections. I don’t think he will ever be a fluffy touchy feely guy. And I bet he will still snap and snarl at times. But I can see the way he is being written and it’s showing growth. Subtle as it is. But it’s there.

I’m just saying that if my perspective has any truth to it for this character, then cut the kid some slack. Not too much because hey he still needs to grow and we don’t want to see him regress.

Idk…what do you think? I’m always curious about others perspectives because everyone is so different yet similar. Even in writing I can easily channel Katsuki (to an point) but Izuku or some of the other more friendly characters are VERY difficult for me.

[seaslugg7]

anon from this evening who asked about a statment i made in 2013, here is my final statement on the subject. please read the whole thing because im too up front to have anything taken out of context. 

 im not publishing your ask but i have apologized for that, several times, including immediately following the incident. but those screenshots didnt get around. this is how i saw it then: out of all the creeps in the industry he was the only person to not only get consent but get written consent. i saw him as a scapegoat for an entire corrupt system. i felt like agents should be held accountable for urging models to do things they are uncomfortable with. the photographer in question was always respectful of me, even when i was a practically a nobody. i clearly communicated to him my standards and my boundaries which he respected more than i can say for a lot of people in the industry, if not most. while all my friends were taking off their tops in front of him, he would be knocking on the bathroom door telling his assistants to pinch it so i could use the restroom to change. i felt like people were using his name to get famous and throwing him under the bus. i felt like the whole concept of getting consent goes out the window if an adult can give written consent to something, sober and then blame anyone but themself. i too have done things i regret and wish i could blame someone else but as adults we are responsible for our own decisions. I had many chances as a model when i was beginning to do things that crossed my boundaries, and it would have got me places, but that was not worth it to me. I felt like there was no way anyone could go to his studio not knowing the type of material he shoots. i’ve never witnessed him be pushy in ways SO MANY PEOPLE in the industry are, so i figured anything done with him was done by people who were, not only were aware before doing it that they might do stuff like that, but also signed release forms, sober. The article i had read stated the girls didn’t want to say no to him because it would be like saying no to all of their cool new friends or something like that... SO from my ~mind u this was in 2013, not present~ perspective, he was being used as a scapegoat. I had only ever experienced a kind version of him who respected me and treated me like an artist and adult. He was someone who valued my opinions on things and made me feel seen and valid in an industry i was just starting in. He was one of the only people in that world who treated me like they “got” me in a time when i was so, so isolated.  But now, i see the situation differently. I’ve apologized about it several times. During that time of my life, i wasnt sleeping much at all, i was traveling constantly, and was being berated 24/7,  called faggot bitch lesbian slut whore everything under the book constantly by my partner and was also a total idiot from PTSD. i was literally fucked up all the time and people at work thought i was on drugs because i was just so out of it, (for the record i’ve come a long way since then). Working in the industry, I have had so many people ask me to push my boundaries, or try to force me to, and i've heard of so many awful stories of rape and molestation by bigwigs such as alex wang (he pulled out my t girl friends genitals at a party and laughted- and thats just one story of many) that i thought the negative attention terry was getting was unfair because in my eyes, he had never done anything with anyone that was non-consensual or with anyone who wasn't able to give their consent. as im older i can see the nuances of the situation much more clearly and i really need to distance myself from that statement.  I’m not someone who doesn't stick up for women, and although i’ve been terrible with my words i have done plenty to physically protect models, and women irl, the kinds of things i could never share or you would never hear about on the internet. i’ve kicked ass for women. i’ve beat photographers over the head w their own camera and exposed film, broke cameras of anyone i’ve seen take pictures of girls changing backstage. i’ve refused lots of money to work with rapists and abusers, and i’ve lost a lot of great opportunities for this. I’ve called out creepy famous photographers in front of large groups of people to embarrass them. I could tell you so many stories, as could my lady friends, that would show you how much i do care about protecting women. that’s the problem with the internet is that no one knows you in real life, or speaks to you on a daily basis. I’m not a misogynist, i am just a contrarian, and a devils advocate. I will stick up for someone who doesn’t have anyone in their corner, that’s just the way I am. I thought he was totally misrepresented. I got it wrong once because i connected with someone who i thought was just misunderstood, as i have often been. I’m loyal, he gave me my first paid job when i had NO money, he believed in me when i needed people in my corner. I feel really bad now for all the women who had bad experiences with him now that they are all uncovered and listed on the internet. if i had been aware of all of those experiences then, i would have never worked with him. i feel bad for endorsing someone who could have given so many women negative experiences and i wish i could take it back, but thats in the past. i can’t change the past. it’s an icky feeling, but eventually i have to move on and forgive myself. i’ve been tormented over one stupid statement enough. 

I do think it should be said that women in this industry need more support in learning how to say “no” and being empowered to make their own decisions. Agents, stylists, photographers can be bullies to often MUCH younger-than-them models and intimidate them to appease their will. I would love to see more strides made in this direction in the fashion industry, and to see more dark subjects such as pimping and rape (none of which my agency has ever been accused of) come to light. There are actually many people out there that think the risk of being sexually abused is part of being in entertainment industry and that is not ok. 

 I’m sorry if i let anyone down, it was a really stupid thing to say and i didnt even totally mean it at the time i was just having a manic tumblr moment (while working nonstop) and was being a stupid edgelord/contrarian or w/e. when someone like azealea banks posts a rant people are very offended by, imagine the type of headspace she was in when she posted it, and how she got there. I was going through some shit from 2009-2014, and it took me years to heal. I don’t hold the same opinions as i did in 2013, i’m a VERY different person now, and I don’t deserve to be held accountable for this 8 years later. thanks for understanding. People deserve to be able to grow, i hope we can extend that chance to others as well.