#im forcibly hitting post before i ramble on in the tags about how much i love him et cetera.

[carniistir]

finished that nicki sketch instead of working on my thesis. i have so many normal and well adjusted feelings about him.

[nekoabiwrites]

It’s (Im)possible

So, @not-so-innocent-bi-sander and I were doing a thing where we randomly generated a couple of numbers and used those to grab a couple prompts from two different lists. It was fun to theorise about the fics we could write, and then... I wrote one :)

It’s kinda sad, but it resolves at the end!

AU: Mutant Pairing: Roceit Words: 1395 Warnings: Implication of prior sex, implication of casual sex, mention of fuckbuddies, deceit is here. Anything else, please let me know!

Summary: Declan (Deceit) is feeling some stuff for his “friend”, yet he knows that because of what he is... he could bring him down forever.

---

Declan sat on the edge of the bed, the sheets pooling around his waist as he listened to the sound of the shower running in the other room. He caught sight of the somewhat familiar red and white jacket hanging on the handle of his slightly ajar bedroom door and an ache punctured his heart. He was still entirely naked, deep in thought. He had barely moved since his par- friend had left to shower.

“So, I’ll see you again soon?”

A voice broke Declan out of his reverie. He looked up at the man before him, fully dressed, bag in hand, ready to leave the house once more. Declan felt tears welling up but managed to drag a smile onto his face instead.

“Yeah, of course. Just message whenever…”

Declan’s eyes dropped back down to the floor. He waited to hear the footsteps taking that all-too familiar route out of his house. He waited to hear the door shut behind the man leaving him alone once more. He didn’t expect to feel the mattress beside him dip with more weight. Declan’s eyes flicked up to his side, catching the relaxed gaze of the other man who was looking at him.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, cautiously resting his now empty hand on Declan’s covered leg in a show of comfort.

“Nothing is wrong, Roman.” Declan retorted, a little too harsh and snappy, though it was clear Roman didn’t take offense from the inflection.

Roman instead moved the hand and rested it around Declan’s bare shoulders, his fingers brushing against the scales that trailed down that side of his body. “You can tell me anything, y’know? We are still friends.” It was said playfully, but the final words had Declan’s body tensing and his body threatening to release the tears that were just about being contained.

“Everything is fine. Nothing has changed.”

“I never said anything had changed.” Roman paused and his loose arm threatened to fall from Declan’s shoulders, “Do you not want to be friends, Dee?”

“No! I do, I just-!” Declan scrambled, doing his best to assure his friend. Yes, his feelings had progressed far beyond friendship at this point, but it wasn’t worth ruining what they currently had by bringing it up. Declan was doing a damn fine job of repressing all of that until today. He was content with laying in his room after Roman left and crying for an hour before picking himself back up. It was… not ideal. But it was the best solution.

“May I be frank with you?” Roman asked suddenly. Declan warily side-eyed his friend but nodded slowly regardless in response. “Over these past few months, I have realised that our relationship has… changed in my mind.” Declan tensed and dropped his head, readying himself for the inevitable response that he’d heard so many times. He was ready to be left alone again. But Roman surprised him. “My feelings are somehow far stronger for you. I feel a connection so much deeper than anything I have felt before, and I wasn’t sure how to act upon it. I wanted to ensure that I didn’t lose you as a friend, but I feel like today is the perfect opportunity to tell you all of this. And to ask you to try dating, with me.”

The scaled man grimaced. One of his hands was now grasped between both of Roman’s and the man was looking at him with starry eyes, as if he already knew the answer Declan wanted to say. He wanted to agree and live a life with Roman… but that was not going to happen.

“What you just asked for… is impossible, Roman.” Declan muttered, tears finally welling up in his eyes.

“What do you mean? It’ll be fine, we can do this! I know it’ll be hard; your mutation isn’t exactly subtle but-”

“I can’t do this to you.”

“What?”

“I can’t put this on you, Roman.” Declan turned slightly, putting his other hand atop Roman’s and avoiding eye contact entirely by staring at the pile of them. “I can’t burden you with all of what I endure. I would not be alright with letting you drop your career and social standing just for me. It would not be fair for me to do that to you, Roman. We should… stay as we are.”

“But-”

“No buts! I would not be able to live knowing I was the reason for your downfall! You’re an up-and-coming solo artist who everyone adores! You can’t be seen dating a mu-” Declan faltered, “someone, like me.”

“That’s it? It’s all on you?”

“Roman, that’s not what I-”

“Did you ever stop to think about what I want, Declan? Did it ever cross your mind that I was okay with all of that?” Roman ripped his hands from Declan’s loose grasp and grabbed a hold of his face, bringing up so close to his own to forcibly show the scaled man every single drop of determination that was pouring from his eyes, “All of that is unimportant. I don’t care about the fame, the money, the career. I would rather have that one person I deeply care for and who care for me the same, than be surrounding by people who pretend to. Please, at least let us try.”

The pair continued to go back and forth for minutes on end, neither budging from their position on the matter. Roman was slowly getting more and more frustrated, while Declan was getting progressively more distressed and upset. It was a stalemate that was only going to be broken by…

Declan shook his head again, fighting hard to stop the tears that had begun to roll down his cheeks. “No. Roman. I can’t. It’s my final answer.”

“Fine. Then I’m done.” Roman stood sharply, grabbing a hold of his bag. He stormed through the bedroom door and slammed it shut behind him, before doing the same to the front door.

The sound echoed through the space, both of them hitting Declan like a punch to the gut. He sat, motionless, his eyes wide. Thoughts raced through his head. He was truly alone again. He had no one. Roman was the only person who he spoke to, the only one who cared. Tears silently slid down his cheeks for a moment before Declan grabbed a hold of his head and screamed in anguish.

Beyond the front door, Roman heard it. He had not left just yet. Something inside of him wasn’t letting him. A part of him truly believed that Declan would come and give in to his true feelings; both of them had been aware of the mutant’s feelings for a while now. All the talk of society and the populace’s opinions had angered Roman, but it was all slowly dripping away as the rain pelted against his skin. Roman’s own tears mixed with the rain drops as he waited, his back resting against the door.

After a few minutes of listening to the loud sobbing, Roman couldn’t bear it anymore and slowly began the walk to his car. He was lost in his thoughts, so much so that he didn’t hear the splashing of pounding footsteps approaching. It meant that when something latched onto him from behind, the man was given a shock. He turned and was surprised to find the still sobbing Declan holding onto him so tightly, as if he were his only lifeline.

Roman’s bag was dropped as he wrapped his own arms around the scaled man, who was slowly falling to his knees in the dirt beneath them. Neither cared about the mess, as Declan was busy rambling to Roman about how he was sorry, how he didn’t want to lose him, how much he loved him and how long it had been. Roman was quiet and listened, doing his best to cover Declan from the pouring rain with his body as the only thing the scaled man was wearing was his dressing gown, which – Roman knew from experience – was not all that thick. Eventually, Roman managed to quieten Declan a little, rocking the mutant very slightly to calm him the tiniest amount.

“It’s okay. We’ll work this out, alright?” Roman spoke softly into Declan’s hair, arms tightening for a moment. Declan only nodded against the other man’s chest, still sobbing violently in the pouring rain.

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