#im feeling homesick do maybe this is me projecting

[damianbugs]

every month without fail i start writing a new alfred centric fic and everytime i am baffled by it. what is happening to me. what is this Alfred menstrual cycle i am forced to adhere to. i can't stop even if i tried. i don't even care about this man

[wizkiddx]

Congratulations on 500 followers!! Could you do nr 2 with Tom please <3

thankyou <33 im very in my feels abt friends to lover atm, so ik this is a completely unoriginal concept but here we are

warning: nothing much- maybe homesickness? (+ the fact tom has poor choice in popcorn )

^^^ sorry I couldn't not put this on here and I will reuse it lots n lots

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“Right I got two options annnnddddd there is only one correct answer.” Tom hummed up at you, pulling his tired gaze away from the phone screen and up towards the kitchen where you were standing triumphantly - having just raided his cupboards. From behind your back you whipped out a bag of popcorn in each hand.

“Sweet…. or salty?” Sighing with a small chuckle Tom shook his head at your playfulness. He didn’t know how you did it but you always always made his smile.

“I’m not a psychopath…” You huffed in relief, already turning around to throw the salty back in the cupboard where it belonged. “So salty of course.”

You were trapped in a house with an absolute psychopath.

You scowled at him, for having such poor taste, expecting some sort of argument to start. That wasn’t the case though, instead he just stared at you expectantly.

He must really really be unhappy.

You’d sensed it on set that morning - it wasn’t hard to miss. Not when it was your best friend, who for the past two months you’d been spending at least 6 hours a day with whilst shooting. Even when you were supposed to have a day off, when Tom had some solo shots or vice versa, you’d still come to keep the other company. It didn’t make sense but you both just sort of liked it that way.

This wasn’t your first rodeo working together either. Your first joint project had been almost four years ago, when both of you were barely adults, still figuring everything out. Ever since it had been bumping into each other every so often, always with an easy and effortless relationship.

Your current director had noted your chemistry at an awards show (the man never switched off) and decided in that moment he HAD to cast you together for a project. And a year later, here you both were, shooting in Australia for what was set to be a record breaking new release.

And it had been going great - better than great even. But as soon as Tom had shown up to makeup this morning, you’d known something was up. It was fair to assume it was something from home, maybe even just a bit of homesickness, or perhaps something more severe. Either way, the situation was probably exacerbated by the fact he didn’t have his brother or bestfriend or manager or normal syltist with him right now. Tom was pretty renowned within the industry for always having a massive entourage - which was normally made up with his family and friends. This time though he was going it solo.

Today had been long and you’d had to do press at stupid oclock in the morning last night for your current release - which meant your plan had always been to leave promptly and collapse into bed as soon as physically possible.

But Tom needed your company. So you hadn’t. Instead, you’d somewhat subtly invited yourself to his rented house for a movie night - blaming it on your director wanting you both to study the relationship dynamics in ‘out of sight’ (a J Lo and Clooney romance movie).

“You think you know a person and then they loose all your respect… just like that.” You sigh jokingly, gesturing to the bag of ‘foul’ popcorn your costar seemed to like.

“Well we’ve come to a crossroads.”

“It’s been nice knowing you but this…” you scoffed and dramatically rolled your eyes “… I see no way out.”

“Isn’t it better if we have a bag each? Then I might manage to actually get some before you scoff them all.”

You yelped in protest, though really you were just grateful he was still up for a bit of a laugh. He had been much less jokey the whole day, though was seeming to warm up a bit.

Once you had poured the two bags of popcorn into two separate bowels and prepared the film on TV; you plopped yourself onto Tom’s sofa, so your back was against the corner and your feet were over his lap (it wasn’t weird, just normal for the two of you). Instinctively, Tom lightly grabbed your ankles, repositioning you on his thigh slightly before leaning across the pull the blanket over the both of you. Whilst he smoothed out the crinkles in the fluffy navy fabric you took the opportunity to poke your toe into his side - garnering his attention.

“I take it you don’t wanna talk about it?” After he froze, Tom then nodded jerkily. “But if you change your mind, you know I’m here right?” His demeanour changed at your second statement as his body literally sagged into the cushions, with a grateful if small smile.

He respond by mouthing an ‘I know’ and that was enough for you. Shuffling down the side a bit you pressed play, settling in for the evening. Tom still had a hand resting on your ankles, occasionally rubbing his thumb up and down the bony bit.

Honestly you didn’t really see what your director was going on about when he raved about their on screen chemistry and it seemed that neither did Tom. It wasn’t a scathing commentary that gave it away, instead it was his silence. Which you quickly realised was the he had drifted off, his head lolling a little so he was facing you, palms now completely lax on your legs. It was whilst you were just taking in the sight before you, that a buzzing cut through the otherwise soft noise from the TV - which you had turned down for Tom’s sake.

It wasn’t your phone but you instinctively still reached for it from the coffee table and seeing that the name just read “Harry H” you thought it’d be fine to answer.

“Harry?” You whispered into the receiver, slightly cupping your hand round your mouth just to make sure you weren’t too loud for Tom.

“Hello?”

“Harry it’s me”

“Who?” You’d met Harry countless times, though given the fact Tom had been alone all shoot - you shouldn’t of expected the kid to be able to recognise your voice.

“Oh sorry Y/n um Y/n L/n”

“Oh no my fault sorry Y/n. How are you?” The conversation was jilted, you could practically feel the awkward energy radiating all the way from the otherside of the world.

“I’m alright thanks, how about you.”

“Yeh not bad I uhm… I - is my brother there?” Oooh. How to answer that question.

“Um sort of, we er… we were having a movie night and he’s fallen asleep. It’s why I’m whispering like a weirdo.” Harry laughed at that and you continued. “Is everything okay? You need me to wake him?”

“No no, mum just said he was having a rough time so was going to cheer him up with my exquisite sense of humour but if you’ve bored him to death then no need.”

“What can I say I’m just talented. Anyway I should be heading back to mine anyway so um I’ll let you go?”

“Oh yeh no worries, and uhm thanks-um thanks for keeping an eye on him.”

“Someone has to” You chuckled softly back, before bidding a final farewell to Harry.

Having hung up the phone, you leaned over to gently place it back on the coffee table but making a mental note to put it on charge before you left. Your next job was to manoeuvre your legs away from him without disturbing him but before you could even start planning the movement, you noticed his weary eyes blinked over at you. Freezing, your mouth made a little ‘o’ shape as you winced at yourself for disrupting his peace - today really wasn’t the day for that. There was a silence as Tom swallowed thickly, attempting to shake off the heavy lull of rest before he spoke. “Will you stay with me… please.”

Undoubtedly, your body didn’t play it as cool as you wanted it to. Thinking you’d heard him wrong, your chin protruded forward and his eyes widened. “ Sorry not like-not like that just um-just on the sofa… theres-theres spare blankets and I can-“

“-course T, no worries…Oh and um your brother just phoned if you-“

“I know.” He spoke softly and with a nod, but didn’t move at all, apparently no interest in calling his brother back.

With a stammered nod, you stood up, finally removing your legs from his touch in order to nip to the loo. You splashed your face with water, ate some toothpaste ( better than not brushing your teeth at all) before going to collect Tom’s quilt off his bed. By the time you re-entered the living room, Tom hadn’t appeared to have moved at all. The hood of his purple jumped was still up, the blanket still only half covering him, the excess lying cold were you had been sitting. He laughed lightly at you trying to wrangle with the king size duvet and get it in without tripping over yourself or knocking anything over.

“You sure you don’t mind? I’m just being stupid and-“

“Honestly I’m too tired to walk back to mine so this is perfect.”

“You live across the road.”

“Thats like 50 steps too far.” You deadpanned back, as he raised his eyebrows and locked you direct eye contact - which you very stubbornly returned.

The both of you sat like that for a minute, Tom eventually gave up with a sigh as he motioned for you to lie back.

There wasn’t an issue at all with space. A listers rental homes were never lacking in space - the grey sofa was a U shape, with ample space for the both of you to lie down. Each of you took a respective corner, your legs meeting in the middle and gently brushing against each others.

“Thanks for babysitting me today by the way.”

“I wasn-“ You were about to deny it, except one look and Tom saw straight through you.

“Thankyou Y/n/n” Seeing there was no way out of receiving his thanks, you instead opted to just shut him up. Nudging his leg with yours and leaving it touching you murmured you last words of the evening - eyes already closed.

“Fuck off Holland, ‘m tryna sleep.”

~~~~ let me know if you have any feedback or anything (but pls not too mean this isn't proof read so blame that) <33 ~~~~~~

tagging : @thefernandasantana @lovehollandy12 @hallecarey1 @crossyourpeter @hollandfanficlove @msmimimerton @thegirlwiththeimpala

[firelord-frowny]

sad blah blah

almost unanimously, people have only ever said extraordinary or at least good things about me. anyone who’s ever seen me do anything, whether it’s writing related, music related, performance related in general, or intellect, no one has ever reacted to me with “meh.” 

i went to college on a talent based scholarship that i barely even had to apply for. literally, immediately after my audition, i somehow wound up mentioning that i had missed the deadline for the scholarship application or something. the entire panel of judges FLIPPED OUT and basically demanded that i go complete the application right away because they wanted me bad. 

in my first semester, we had to work with some local ~professional artists~ in baltimore and one of our assignments was to complete some sort of art project that explored the concept of ~refuse versus environment~ or something like that. We were supposed to complete it over the course of a week and then bring it to our next meeting with the artist. i did my project ON THE BUS while we were on our way to that meeting. I scribbled a few stream-of-consciousy paragraphs about... something lmao i don’t remember. but i read it out loud to my group and then the artist spent like a solid 15 minutes gushing about how ~in all his years of being an art professor at some of the most distinguished programs in the world, he’s never heard such an elegant and artful take on blah blah blah~. 

the president of my university???? asked me personally to come and perform at his home for fancy events with other Important People like donors and politicians and researchers??? and like. this man had a whole “60 Minutes” special about what a critical role he’s had in using education to strengthen communities. this man sat at tables with obama while he was in office. he paraded me around to other Important People and talked about what an outstanding artist i was, my sparkly personality, my ~delightful wackiness~, blah blah. 

Not one, not two, not three, but FOUR professors who were all world-class musicians at a festival i attended, singled me out as particularly gifted. the kinds of shit they were saying to me in front of everyone did not get said to anyone else. 

when i was at Tanglewood, even though i fucking sucked because i clearly hadn’t practiced all the music, all my chamber coaches STILL made sure to let me (and the other people in my groups???) know that i was the more skilled player in the ensembles. I wound up having to sit last chair at one of the concerts because there had been some miscommunication that led to the directors thinking i was leaving the program (i was super homesick and had been asking my parents to come get me), and despite that fact, after the concert, the conductor - who had never even spoken a word to me personally - made sure to hunt me down in the crowd as everyone was leaving, and tell me what an outstanding player he thought i was, and that he felt lucky to have had me in his orchestra. 

i spent a summer at Summit Chamber Music Festival in upstate new york. the skill level among the students ranged from Laughably Inept to Why Aren’t You At The Curtis Institute. I was by FAR not the worst player there, but I also definitely felt like I was nowhere near the best. But the program director specifically, deliberately placed me in the highest level orchestra, surrounded by players who were fully capable of playing shit like paganini and weiniawski and whatnot. When he wanted to put together a small chamber group, he pointedly selected me to play 1st chair. My string quintet included 3 other string players who were lightyears better than me. Yet our coach frequently turned to me to demonstrate the ~right way~ to play a lot of the more difficult passages. And like... I was the 2nd violinist lmao. It’s almost aallllways the 1st violinist that coaches will ask to demonstrate stuff for the rest of the group. but he asked me. every time. our quintet was ultimately selected to close out the entire festival, a la Saving The Best For Last. The pianist in my quintet, according to his mom, thought i was incredible. this pianist was a bona fide prodigy and he thought i was incredible.

LITERALLYYYYYY everywhere I’ve ever performed, everyone has been so impressed with me. directors of major musical organizations have always made a point to get my name and contact info because “we’ll definitely be contacting you for more work.”  

Everyone who’s ever seen me teach violin thinks I’m uncommonly good at it. i mean, i’m no galamian, duh, but apparently i’m able to get students to sound better than the average teacher can.  

everyone who read my first screenplay claimed to be floored by it. i spontaneously read some of my prose at an open mic night and uh, accidentally snatched the show right out from under the featured artists' feet. 

I used to act???? and was pretty fucking good at it?? I starred in a small handful of local plays? i was cast in ~large roles~ in everything i ever auditioned for. 

my talents in visual art are decidedly Well Above Average. 

i have such a fucking long list of things people think are outstanding about me, and an incredibly long list of people who have bothered to tell me that i’m outstanding, and it makes me feel so fucking sad and frustrated bc like....

lmao why the fuuuUUUUCCCKKKKK does it continue to be so difficult to find anyone who feels like giving me any legit career opportunities?? Even when they’re aware that i’m available?? and willing?? 

i’ll have a 10 minute conversation in which a professor or a director or a coordinator is telling me all about how impressed they are by my skills at Whatever, and how i should do This and i should do That and i should go Here and i should go There and then they ask me where i’m currently working/what i’m currently doing, and i say, “oh, you know, mostly freelance gigs and lessons as i’m looking for full time opportunities,” and then they say “cool! good luck!” and leave. 

i feel sad and confused and delusional. if im so fucking great, why aren’t people reaching back when i reach out in search of a means to earn a fucking living?? 

i know the short answer is that i still don’t ~put myself out there~ and i give up too easily. but also like... i have BEEN out there. the total positive experiences i’ve had with influential superiors over the years have been plentiful and frequent enough that SOMEBODY should have wanted me to contribute something substantial to whatever programs they represent.

and since i feel like i must be delusional and that i must not actually be such hot shit and that everyone is lying to me to spare my feelings, it makes me not even want to try harder bc i’ll wind up discovering for certain that everyone thinks i’m trash. 

what do i have to doooooooo to find The Right Opportunity other than reach out to the same people who told me how phenomenal i am? i make sure Potential Employers see/hear me being fantastic. i apply for jobs in their organization if i know they’re hiring. if i know they’re not hiring, i at least convey that i’d be interested in possibly working with them. but nobody reaches back.

i’m so good at things and i feel like a fucking deadbeat loser lmaoooooo

maybe they don’t actually know that i’m fucking jobless??? lmao maybe they’re assuming that i must already be active in a real career? maybe i need to literally TELL them as they’re praising me, “i’m unemployed and i need a job, do you know of any full time opportunities you could point me to?” but i feel like people think it’s a ~red flag~ when a potential employee doesn’t already have a steady job??? but also... how the fuck is anyone ever supposed to get a steady job if nobody’s willing to hire them because they don’t have a steady job???

i feel Stupid and i think that whenever i finally get the fucking resolve to start therapy again, i’m gonna just show this whole ass rant to my therapist. 

[jocia92]

(Google translated)

Dan Stevens, who grew up in Wales and south-east England, spent his summer holidays at the National Youth Theater at the age of 15, and he was drawn to the stage while studying English in Cambridge. Since his big breakthrough as Matthew Crawley in the hit series “Downton Abbey”, he has also repeatedly appeared in films such as “Inside Wikileaks - The Fifth Force”, “At Night in the Museum: The Secret Tomb” or “Beauty and the Beast” . Most recently, Stevens played the Russian Schnösel singer Lemtov in the Oscar-nominated comedy “Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga” from Netflix. At the beginning of June, the German film “Ich bin dein Mensch” by Maria Schrader celebrated at the Summer Berlinale Premiere, which starts on 1.7. comes to German cinemas regularly. Stevens plays the role of a love robot in it. Unlike on the screen, however, the 38-year-old prefers to speak English in the zoom-conducted interview. He chose a brick wall with a lion motif as the digital background. No allusion to the song “Lion of Love” from “Eurovision Song Contest”, but a photo of the famous Ishtar Gate in Berlin’s Pergamon Museum, where “I am your human” was filmed last summer.

Mr. Stevens, in your new film “I am your human” you play a humanoid robot that is entirely geared towards fulfilling the romantic needs of a skeptical scientist. You yourself recently described the film as “delightfully German”. How did you mean that?

I wanted to say that here pretty big questions - such as what actually makes a person or how much perfection love can take - are negotiated in a very light-footed, elegant and sometimes humorous way. In my experience that is a very German quality. At least I have often seen with many of my German colleagues and friends that they are very good at not discussing difficult issues exclusively deadly serious and melancholy.

Where does your personal connection to Germany and the German language come from?

My parents had friends who lived in Bielefeld and we used to visit them in North Rhine-Westphalia during the school holidays. Traveled from England by car! That’s how I learned a little German as a child, and later I learned it as a subject at school. I even did a short internship there through our friends in Bielefeld. I really love the language. Funnily enough, I was later able to use my knowledge of German professionally, because my first film was “Hilde”, in which I was next to Heike Makatsch played the British actor and director David Cameron, who was married to Hildegard Knef. After that, I always hoped that there might be another chance to speak German in front of the camera, because playing in a foreign language is an exciting challenge. When the chance arose to shoot “I am your person”, I could hardly believe my luck.

Did you know the director Maria Schrader who gave you this chance?

Funnily enough, when the script for the film landed on my table, I had just watched the Netflix series “Unorthodox”, which she directed. I had also watched a few episodes of “Deutschland 89”. In general, I knew that she was a great German actress, not least because friends who knew their way around the German theater scene often raved about her. Working with her was a joy now. Her understanding of actors is quite instinctive and brilliant. I have seldom seen someone who can help an actor who is having difficulties with a scene with such simple means.

The fact that you had already seen “Unorthodox” shows, of course, how quickly “I am your person” must have been implemented in the past year …

Oh yes, that was really quick. In March I was still in New York and was about to premiere a new play on Broadway. But then the pandemic came, everything was canceled and I flew back to my family in Los Angeles. A few weeks later, Maria and I met each other via Zoom - and shortly afterwards I was sitting outside in a café in the Berlin June sun for the first time in months to discuss the upcoming shoot with her. That was pretty surreal because I hadn’t actually left the house since March.

Is it correct that you oriented yourself to Cary Grant and Jimmy Stewart to portray the romantically programmed robot Tom?

In any case, these were role models that Maria and I spoke about. When you think of the game between the two of them, you always see an enormous clarity and directness. Cary Grant, for example, was always quite funny, especially in his romantic roles, but also flawless in an almost artificial way from today’s perspective. I found that very suitable for a robot. Apart from the fact that the ideas that Tom and his algorithm have of romance and love are certainly also shaped by the classic romantic comedies from Hollywood. Oh, the woman is sad, so I’ll bring her flowers! Such automatisms from the stories from back then were very appropriate for Tom now.

Keyword role models: Who shaped you in your career as an actor?

There were of course many. Jimmy Stewart was certainly something of a role model. My mom and I watched a lot of his films when I was little and I was always impressed by the kind of sweet tragedy that went into all of his roles. But maybe Robin Williams’ work influenced me even more. I always found the incredible variety of his films remarkable. He could make his audience laugh hysterically like no other, but also move them to tears in other roles. I always wanted to emulate this range.

In fact, the range of your roles is enormous and ranges from the Disney blockbuster “Beauty and the Beast” to a comic adaptation in series format such as “Legion” to bulky independent films such as “Her Smell” or the horror thriller “The Rental “, Which we just released on DVD. Is there a method behind this diversity?

Not in principle. I like variety, but I’m not just looking for roles that are as different as possible from one another. Rather, there are always similar factors that I use to select my projects. Sometimes there is a certain director that I really want to work with. Or the role itself is irresistible because it presents me with acting challenges. And sometimes a script is just fantastically written and I am interested in the topics it is about. With “I am your person” it was definitely the latter, especially since the timing was just right. In 2020 there were so many societal questions that ultimately touched the core of human existence. Such a script, which deals with something very similar in a light-footed way, was just fitting.

A few years ago you said in a questionnaire from the British Guardians that your greatest weakness was not being able to make up your mind. So every time you are offered a role, do you ponder whether you should accept?

No, no, when a script appeals to me, it actually does it very quickly. It’s such a gut feeling. If I’m unsure and skeptical, that’s a good indicator that this is not the right thing for me. That with the difficulty in making decisions related rather to something else. For example, it takes me forever to order in a restaurant because I can never decide what on the menu appeals to me the most.

You became famous with the role of Matthew Crawley in the series "Downton Abbey”. Did you immediately suspect at the time that something big was going on?

At first we were all pretty clueless. There are really many British history series, and we were one of them. When the first season aired in the US and was a huge success there, it was pretty unexpected. I never expected the impact the series would have on my career.

Barely ten years later, are you still being asked about the role?

Oh yes, regularly. Probably nothing will change about that either. I got out after three seasons!

In the meantime, however, the flamboyant Russian singer Alexander Lemtov from “Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga” should also be a character with whom you will be immediately associated, right?

Right, it has been mentioned more and more recently when people recognize me on the street. This charming, silly film obviously had a nerve with the audience last year in the middle of the corona pandemic. Especially since the real Eurovision Song Contest had been canceled.

The film was the number one topic of conversation on the Internet for a while - and Lemtov GIFs and memes were everywhere. Did you follow that?

It was really hard to avoid it. I wasn’t looking specifically for what people were posting. But of course my friends passed a lot on to me, and there were already some very funny Lemtov things. But he’s also a figure made for GIFs.

Another question every British actor under 40 has to put up with these days: Would you like to become the next James Bond?

Oh, of course, everyone gets to hear this question again and again who meets certain criteria. But it is completely hypothetical. Although a few years ago I read in an audio book by Ian Fleming’s “Casino Royale”.

You mentioned earlier that you and your family have lived in the United States for a long time. How big is your homesickness?

I actually feel very comfortable in Los Angeles. But every now and then I miss the sidewalk culture of European cities. People on foot, street cafes, things like that. Last year the longing for it was particularly great, although it was of course clear to me that there was a state of emergency in Europe too. In any case, I found myself reading books that were set in Europe and made me homesick. Which is why the unexpected trip to Berlin was really a boon.

You are also an avid cricketer. That’s certainly difficult in Los Angeles, isn’t it?

There are quite a few cricket clubs here. The only problem is that the few people who do the sport here are so good at it that I have problems keeping up. That’s why I always lose sight of the matter here a little. Even as a pure TV viewer, it is not easy to stay on the ball, because of course there is no cricket broadcast here at prime time. But as soon as I’m home in England in the summer, I really want to play again!

[words-for-holland]

Quarantine Series: Burnt Out

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Y/N has to work from home during Quarantine, but when she gets extremely busy it’s up to Tom to find a way to help her relax .

A/N: This is my second attempt at this piece. Last time I created this it was super long but it got deleted 😩

Check the Rest: Burnt Out | A New Look | Secret Cuts & Kisses | Breaking Friendships |The Birthday Week | Movie Night | Silence is Golden?|

All Y/N ever wanted was an opportunity to work from home. Then again, who wouldn't want that opportunity? All she could think about was how nice it’d be to work in the comfort of her own home, not have to dress up in business professional clothing, and most importantly be surrounded by the people she cared for the most. But as the saying goes, “Be careful for what you wish for.”

When a global pandemic decided to take over 2020, Y/N certainly got her wish. Her company was forced to work from home until further notice, but what she didn’t expect was the amount of work she would be given. Y/N was pulled from project to project with deadlines thin as paper, and was expected to pick up the extra work of those that were no longer with the company. There was no time to catch a breath, and there certainly was no time to spend with her beloved boyfriend, Tom. This only made Y/N more depressed and made the Holland boys only more concerned.

“Mate, you got to get her to take a break. She’s gonna overdo it.” Harrison commented to his best friend, as they watched Y/N type away like a zombie from the kitchen.

“You think I don’t know that?!” Tom responded with a defeated sigh. “Every time I ask her, she always brushes it off and claims shes fine. Don't get me wrong, Im proud of her and admire her work ethic, but damn its sucking the life out of her.”

Both Harrison and Tom continued to observe Y/N with a cup of tea on hand, wondering how long it would take before she snapped. Tom hated seeing her like this. To him this wasn’t fair. It’s not fair that her 8 hour shift now became a 15 hr shift. Its not fair that she had to work 3 weekends straight, and it certainly wasn’t fair that her company took precious time away to be together. It was hard enough already that he couldn’t spend time with Y/N like a normal boyfriend would because of filming. Now, that he has the opportunity to make up for the lost time, it’s taken away.

“What if you surprised her?” Harrison quipped.

Tom looked up at his best friend with curious eyes. It took a few minutes to sink in, until the brightest idea figuratively smacked him in the face. “Yeah...yeah!” he responded, a smile forming “And I think I know exactly how to do it.”

As Tom was working through the thought process of his brilliant plan, his younger brother entered the kitchen, looking for his usual afternoon snack. “Hey, does anyone know where —. Oh no...” Harry groaned as he looked up at Tom and Harry. “Whatever it is that you two are planning...Leave me out of it.”

“Come on, mate. You dont even know what were planning.” Harrison defended

“Believe me, I know enough and any plan that involves you in it, is likely to fail 99.9% of the time.” Harry opened up his bag of crisps as he continued to list out the other 99 possible reason why they should have left Y/N alone like she wanted. “Cmon guys, you know how she gets. When she doesnt want to be bothered, she doesnt want to be bothered.”

“You’re right Harry, but she’s so stressed, she’s homesick, and one day she’s going to overdo it. Id be a shit boyfriend, if I let it happen.” Tom reasoned. “Look, Im not trying to do anything crazy here. I just want to give her that sense of comfort and see her relax.”

Harry looked at his brother and then at Harrison, both displaying their best puppy dog eyes, in hopes that he’ll join in. “The face doesnt work on me...but I’ll help for Y/N’s sake.”

Meanwhile, Y/N continued her work in the living room, her eyes firmly glued to the computer screen. After being dragged into the kitchen and the Holland plan, Tuwaine slowly made his way to Y/N. “Hey Y/N.” he happily greeted. “I think it’s time for you get some fresh air, don’t you think?”

Y/N looked up, her glasses slightly shifting forward down her nose. “You know theres this thing called being stuck in Quaratine right?” she responded, continuing to code her project.

“I think the real question is do you really want to work here when there’s just nothing but CONSTANT NOISE !” Tuwaine yelled out, hoping the others would catch on.

“What?!” Tom yelled back. It took him some time to realize what Tuwaine meant by his statement. “Oh...Right!” Quickly, Tom grabbed whatever pot or pan he could grab his hands on and dropped them on the counter. Harrison and Harry gave Tom the strangest look. “What? I gave him some noise?”, he shrugged.

“See?” Tuwaine smiled back at Y/N. “You wouldnt want to distract that working brain of yours with all this going on, right?” Y/N furrowed her eyebrows as Tuwaine as she looked at him and the closed off kitchen. Did they think she was born yesterday? Of course she knew they were up to something. None of the boys were subtle enough to keep everything hush hush.

Y/N shook her head and decided to just go with it. The faster she complied, the faster they’d leave her alone, which only meant more time to finish her work. Tuwaine helped carry her laptop, mouse, and charger to the porch as he led her outside. “See, arent you glad your outside, breathing in fresh air with no distractions?”, Tuwaine spoke out.

Y/N took her time to admire the view. “Wow”, she whispered under her breath. Y/N couldnt remember the last time she set foot outdoors. Seeing the sunlight hit the flower beds, the gentle breeze rustle through the grass; it was beautiful. Of course, the moment was short lived with a simple ding, which only multiplied by the second.

Y/N dripped her head back, trying to rub out the frustration from her face. “Yes, well it was fun while it lasted. Duty calls.”

“Im sure they wouldnt mind if you just took five minutes for yourself at least.” Tuwaine commented, feeling bad about the amount of work he saw popping up on your screen.

“Yeah well that’s Corporate for you. Doesnt matter if you’re 500 km away or if a virus is hurting the population. If you’re not working, you’re useless.” Y/N shrugs. It wasn’t like her company was completely evil, this was just how business worked.

“I know Y/N, and we all see that you care deeply about your work but we’re all so worried about you too. We want you to be mentally okay as well. I know Tom is worried about you the most...He misses you, you know.”

Y/N’s heart dropped the second she heard him say it. She knew that all of this was gonna take some time away from Tom, but she hadn’t realized how much he would be missing her, even though they’re living under the same roof. “Yeah I miss him too, more than anyone will know. Believe me.” Y/N pondered for a moment as she stared at the work in front of her. Perhaps five minutes couldn’t hurt. “Maybe I will take that break after all.”

“Really?”, Tuwaine was surprised she had agreed so quickly, and at the same time he panicked. Tom and the others were not ready for Y/N’s surprise yet. “On second thought, Im wrong. You should keep going and try to finish up that project of yours or else you’ll never be done.”

“Excuse me?” Y/N asked as she tried to close her laptop. “You just spent a whole half hour trying to convince me to stop working, and now you want me to go back and work?”

“Yeah..I mean what do I know, right?” He laughed nervously. Tuwaine looked back at the door, for some sort of signal. Come on man it’s not like your preparing a break for the Queen of England.

“Listen Tuwaine, if I go back there and you boys break anything in that house...I swear— I’ll”

“Y/N!” Tom interjected as he stepped out to the porch. He wrapped his arms behind her waist, giving her a gently kiss on the top of her head. “How’s work, my pretty girl?” He looked back at Tuwaine and mouthed a thank you to him as he left the love birds alone.

Y/N turned around to face Tom, taking in his features and running her hands at the nape of his neck. “Busy, but what else is new? I’ve been missing you a whole lot”

“Me too, darling. Anyway, Im really hoping you can take a break from all this because I’ve got something special for you.”

“Oh no, babe. You know you didnt have to anything for me. Really Im fine..I-“

“I wanted to. In fact the boys wanted in on it too. So this is really from all of us, if you think about it.” Tom grabbed Y/N’s hand as he led her back in to house. “Come.”

As they both enetered the house hand in hand, Tom led Y/N into the kitchen, where the rest of the boys waited with diner burgers in hand and warm homemade chocolate chip cookies on the side of table. What seemed like a simple meal was a cure for any bad day..at least for Y/N it was. It represented a sense of home for her, while being far from Jersey. Even though she hadnt realized it, Tom and the boys knew she needed it. “Wow” Y/N breathed “I...I dont know what to say.”

“Dont say, just eat” Harrison laughed. “In all honesty this was Tom’s idea. We just wanted to make sure you had the support you need.”

“Yeah you deserve this, so please enjoy it.” Harry added. With that, everyone dug in and bonded over a family dinner, sharing laughs and stories. Tom leaned toward Y/N whispering in her ear, “I have a few more surprises after this.”

The next few surprises did not disappointment. He set up a nice warm bath for the two of them to relax and enjoy each others compny. A few subtle kisses, laughter, and silence was shared between the two. Y/N leaned back into Tom’s chest, feeling the water gently flow back and forth. Breathing in and out, she had forgotten how good this felt. Being close to Tom, was a different experience, one that no one could ever do justice. This was what she really needed.

After the bath, Tom led her into their shared bedroom. For a moment, Y/N stopped him as she pulled his head down to hers, giving him the kiss he rightfully deserved. Her lips crashed with his, his hands gently holding the sides of her tiny face. He picked her up as she wrapped her legs around his waist and situated themselves on the bed. Reluctantly, they both pulled away, catching their breath. Their foreheads touching and noses gently rubbing the others. “I love you. I love you more than you could possibly know.” Y/N whispered to him

“And I love you. I just want to give you the world because you deserve it all. My hardworking pretty girl.” Of course all good things must come to an end.

After a great well spent break was shared between Y/N and Tom, she was back on the work grind. Only this time she was working in their room as Tom was reading a script for his next upcoming project. The more Y/N coded, the sleepier she was getting. It onyl took a few minutes before she started leaning into Tom and her eyes started to flutter. Her breaths became slower and she was out like a light.

Tom turned to look at Y/N, smiling to see the sight of her finally at peace. He removed her glasses and set them by her table side. Tom made sure to clock her out of work abd checked to see if her work was saved. Just as he was about to turn off her laptop, another message popped up. “Great”, he muttered, rolling his eyes at the fact her team is still working at this hour. He couldnt help but read it though. Just how badly did they need her anyway?

We all know how hard you’re working and going above and beyond to get these projects out the door. For that, we thank you! On behalf of the company we’d like you all to take a day off on us!

Tom smiled, relieved that shell finally get some time for herself. Feeling triumphant, he shut off her laptop and set it aside. Crawling back into the bed and covering themselves under the blanket. His arms wrapped her waist once again. “Goodnight, my love. Im so proud of you.” he whispered.

[bubmyg]

hannah this is anon w/the bf issues, thank you so much for your thoughtful response 😭 i do really love him and i think that's why i'm worryign about everything so much more than i usually would. and i know he loves me. and i do rly trust him, its more like,,human emotions i dont trust? im an american citizen but not from the USA either and i feel really homesick sometimes and i guess i maybe i project that on him i guess. like i think if it's an issue for me itll be the same or worse for him(1)

even though he's never said anythign that should make me think he wants to stay in Busan permanently or something. and we have talked but i guess i do need to disucuss my feelings with him about it in more detail. i just overthink everything, and he knows that and is rly good with working throughit with me. but thanks for listening. 💙(also LANY is one of our favourite bands and i woke up today to a link he sent me to an english/korean duet of ILYSB and when i tell you i cried like a baby...😭😭

~

of course bubs no problem at all!!! 🥰 i hope everything works out for the two of u and also I hope u have a good day today 🥺 (eeeee that’s so sweet omg!!!! what a present to wake up to 🥺🥺🥺🥺)

[luvdsc]

hi! you probably get alot of asks already sorry for flooding it even more but i just wanted to talk about this somewhere? uni (or college as some people call it?) is starting for me soon and honestly its pretty terrifying? i don't rly adapt well to new environments and i really dislike changes :') plus i'm feeling the pressure to do well? don't want to waste the time and money put into my uni so it hasn't even started but i'm already unknowingly putting pressure on myself :( also one of my -

- close friends who i've worked super closely with during my pre-uni education isn't going to the same uni as me! i've gotten pretty used to studying with her & having her in every project group i was in for over the past 2.5 years. so now that i'm furthering studies without her feels like i kind of lost my pillar of support and comfort zone? i have another friend with me going to the same uni course as me, and im thankful that at least i do have a comfy friend with me but it still does feel -

- very different from having the other friend who i've gotten so used to being in every aspect of my studies for the past 2.5 years :') anyways i really hope i do well in uni and make myself + the people around me proud? but i also hope that i have fun and don't end up losing myself and over-stressing myself in the process. i don't wna risk my mental health lmao hahahah it sounds so hard to balance :(( aaaa just needed to get these off my head :") thanks for listening!!

✿ ✿ ✿

hello, honey bee!! 💓 it’s completely okay, you don’t have to apologize for sending me a message! regardless of the number of asks I get, that doesn’t mean that yours is any less important and please don’t ever hesitate to send me one!! 💕💕 starting uni is definitely a scary feeling since for the first time, you’re starting somewhere new by yourself without your friends and family there. everyone who’s starting feels a little scared, even if they don’t show it outwardly. It’s a big step into adulthood, but I know you can do it, lovebug! 💖 As for adapting to a new environment and the changes, something that really helped me was texting my parents everyday. I didn’t text them constantly throughout the day, but every morning and every night, my parents each sent me a good morning text and asked about my day before they went to bed, and that honestly kept me grounded and I felt less homesick and scared. I called my mom when I aced my exam or passed a class or got a job interview and just hearing her be genuinely excited and supportive of all those little things made me feel better 💓 Additionally, if you’re not living at home, you can decorate your dorm with pictures of your friends and family! Bring your favorite stuffed animal! 💞 make your dorm your safe space and your home away from home 💘

I definitely felt the pressure, too, but as long as you put in your best effort to study and don’t skip or slack off in class, it is well worth the time and money you put in for your education! 💘 getting a barely passing grade won’t be the end of the world, lovebug (even if it feels that way). In one of my classes, a 28/150 was the class average on a midterm! I got a C in several classes that I tried my hardest in, and I still graduated with a 3.5 gpa. So please don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re going to do great, and make sure to have fun too!!! 💞 yes, make sure to prioritize studying, but I also hope you enjoy the college experience, make new friends, go to parties, and join clubs! 🌸

I’m sorry to hear your friend won’t be with you for your next step ): it’s scary to step out of the comfort zone, but your friend is always a phone call or text away! Maybe you can have weekly FaceTime sessions with her 🤍 and I’m happy that you still have one friend with you!!! They might not be as close to you as your other friend, but it’s nice to have some source of comfort still there 💕 it’s like you’re taking baby steps because as scary as it is, this will help you prepare for the real world after college ✨

I hope you do have lots of fun in college, honey bee!!! 💛💛 college holds a lot of my favorite memories, and I sincerely hope it’ll be the same for you 💞 I’m proud of you for taking this huge step in your life!!! 💝 you’re going to do amazing, and the fact that you already put so much thought into this shows that you care and are trying your best!!! 💓 also, your mental health is always the most important and way more important than education, so please don’t push yourself too hard! I wish you the best of luck with uni, and you’re always welcome to come talk to me whenever you’d like, sweetpea 🌸🌸

[thepisslordofgaming]

got tagged by @the-mf-beef, so here it goes :)

Rules: answer 20 questions and then tag 20 people you want to get to know better

1: Nicknames?

Uhm...none i can think of? 

2: Zodiac sign?

Scorpio yo

3: Last thing I googled?

The proper spelling of Bidet 

4: Favourite musicians?

Fuck man, so goddamned many i cannot even begin to name them

5: Song stuck in my head?

I’ve had both Retrograde by James Blake and Homesick by Alice Merton stuck in my head for WEEKS

6: Following?

Since this is a side blog, none, but on my main, close to 1,000 people. 

7: Followers?

1...173? When the heck did that happen?!

8: Do you get asks?

Rarely 

9: Amount of sleep?

Somedays its 1-3 hours some days its none. Flip a coin

10: Lucky number?

Nahhh, but i do like the number 13 a  lot. 

11: What are you wearing?

Jeans and a tshirt, also my banana socks! 

12: Dream job?

Something on a farm. I wanna be near animals and doing honest work. 

13: Dream trip?

Africa. Literally anywhere in Africa. 

14: Instruments?

I can sorta play the Viola and can sing pretty well...does that count? :0 

15: Languages?

English, Basic ASL, extremely broken German

16: Favourite songs?

You Lie Down with Dogs- The Alan Parsons Project

Dirty Harry- GORILLAZ

Who am I now- Chills (YES! THAT CHILLS, FUCKING FIGHT ME)

17: Random facts?

Im a bomb ass gardener when it comes to flowers and strawberries and I let spiders just live in my room because I love them and they is good spiders who eat the flies in here. 

18: Aesthetics?

Candles half burnt, black tea, smoke, and copper.

I counted the questions and appearantly two went missing somewhere so I making up some to get back to 20

19: Favourite animal?

Goats or Ravens :3c 

20: How many stuffed animals are in your bed?

Like...an exact number...uhhhmmm....like...15 or 16? Maybe even more? 

I’m a wimp and am not going to tag anyone to this, but if you wanna do it feel free!! :D

[usagiomega]

Get to know me

Rules: Answer 21 questions and then tag 21 people who you want to get to know better

Tagged by: @dreaming-of-butterflies​ 

Tagging: @osamudavai​, @sosekiisbae​, @eus-mylus​, @thechillicount​, @dazaaaai​, @im-always-a-slut-for-soukoku​ (I’m sorry you guys I don’t have many people I talk to on Tumblr to ask!) ;-;

Nickname: Miri, Rocky, Lee

Zodiac: Capricorn

Last movie I saw: Mandy

Height: 5′0″

Last thing I googled: Rothko Chapel

Favorite musicians: Radiohead, Ulver, Rose Kemp, Mogwai... mostly post-rock, black metal, and sludge. I can’t live without my 90s grunge and post-grunge either. But then I like really quiet reflective things, like the soundtrack to Homesick.

Song stuck in my head: For once, nothing! But usually one of the intros/outros from BSD.

Do I ever get asks: Not at all.

Following: 733

Amount of sleep: Either like 14 or none. Not much in between.

Lucky numbers: Not necessarily lucky (or unlucky), but 13 shows up a lot.

What I’m wearing: Oversized t-shirt & pyjama bottoms.

Dream trip: Japan, Iceland, Norway.

Dream job: Someone paying me to do what I want. Which I realise is, like, super vague, but if I could cobble together an existence teaching, running projects, continuing with my personal art practice, and still have money left over for bills, living expenses, and a chance to maybe dine out once in awhile I’d be a happy bunny.

Do you play instruments: Unfortunately no. I used to sing in a choir (would that count?), but that definitely doesn’t mean I have a nice voice. I can just blend it in with the rest of the altos.

Languages: English. I’m trying to learn Japanese. Probably not the smartest choice for a first second language, but I’d like to be able to read Japanese literature in its original Japanese one day.

Favorite songs: Brian Borcherdt - Motel, Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah, Wintersleep - People Talk, Radiohead - How To Disappear Completely,  Department Of Eagles - No One Does It Like You (Went a bit maudlin there, apologies! But I do recommend a listen, haha.)

Random fact(s) about me: It scares me when I’m confronted with my existence, so I prefer to observe rather than directly participate. I either feel things too much or not at all. I like taking blurry photographs. I don’t participate in shipping and I don’t really fully understand it (but that doesn’t mean I don’t support it!) I enjoy reading fanfic so so so much. I enjoy metas and critical analysis and discourse when it comes to my favourite manga, I look forward to reading them after a new chapter comes out. I’m actively reading about 3 novels at the moment, but all in different places (The Wind-up Bird Chronicle in bed, Rashoumon & Seventeen Other Stories in my sitting room, and Kusamakura when I’m out.)

I have a terrible habit of double spacing after a sentence, much to my supervisor’s chagrin.

Describe yourself as things: Tarnished silver, faded photographs, cattail seed, seaglass.

[dramazones]

Oh Wow! Im finally here with a headcanon birth chart and analysis for jamie!

i'm on mobile so I cant even put this long ass post under a read more i am so fucking sowwy but anyways a lot of this was inspired from dewmie-in 's meta posts and also i rlly love astrology so pls follow them first of all or else ur a fake fan shhfhgjsjkfkd

☀️ ♓︎ Pisces Sun ♓︎ ☀️

There is no doubt that Jamie is a pisces sun. Some of the well known characteristics of a piscean are being the artistic ones, the ones more in touch with their emotions and the absolute dreamers of the zodiac, I can assure you this as a mercury and moon piscean!

And it’s quite obvious that these traits 100% match up to jamie’s surface character being a big theater nerd, writer, poet, and as an actor, he HAS to understand emotion in all its forms! While being the more compassionate of signs, that also comes with sympathy, and maybe even empathy.

to which he expresses when he tells steven that a good story with a quality protagonist HAS to include said protagonists struggles as well, now this might be a reach but perhaps this was self projecting after his own struggles in kansas, maybe even foreshadowing ooOoOh

(“a real hero must struggle” jamie struggles living in kansas, moves back to beach city, nails his first production and gains management position @ the theater, aka his heroic ending i guess idk, then more theater related accomplishments as mentioned in letters to lars ofc)

☽♎︎ Libra Moon ♎︎☽

One of the biggest desires for any libra placement is balance, And the moon sign being the emotion sign, Libra moons desire an emotional balance as much as they do in their environment. Libra Moons can also be known as a “people person” while typically depending on the study of others to lean their own nature.

Jamie fits the Libra moon description being a sort of people person himself. Though he’s capable of keeping a friendly conversation with just about anyone, There’s also no doubt that this guy has severe anxiety that affects his communication with others along with his emotional stability (even affecting him physically). The thing is that he’s managed to keep the anxiety and his social skills much more balanced the more we see him or i guess as time passes, not one of them overpowering the other. (see venus in scorpio as to why he limits himself socially as much as he would his anxiety)

While he desires emotional balance that also comes with a feeling of frustration and defeat when things are even slightly out of balance (also a symptom of anxiety ; easily irritated/defeated) such as his improv performance in letters to lars, ending his performance within a minute after feeling overwhelmed as it started going south.

So while there are several moments of him maintaining an emotional balance he also has another side of the scale that’s less balanced (astrology word play lmao) such as a general lifestyle balance, also nonexistent for jamie (even though your lifestyle heavily affects your behavior) in a sense that he lacks of a healthy sleep schedule being a mailman AND an actor, one occurring from the early morning to the afternoon and the other job occurring at night. Probably irrelevent but its MY sleepover and Ill add as much necessary info in this birth chart reading as i please.

Im also including buddys book as an example because though it was only jamie being the faceclaim for buddy theres no denying that since historical friction theres at least some parallels between the two characters sharing the same traits (being writers, returning to beach city to prosper in their careers, being absolute drama kings)

♀️♏︎ Scorpio Venus ♏︎♀️

One of the biggest aspects to Jamie’s character INCLUDES being an absolute sucker for romance so lets get this bread and talk abt his relationships w/ everyone and his views on love uwu

Scorpio being a water sign means healing is one of the largest aspects to the sign. Healing nonetheless comes with a relation to trauma being from the planet representing death itself. Life and Death go hand in hand to define each other, ya feel me.

while were on the topic of death lets bring back the parallelism between jamie and buddy thats been around since historical friction. in the play buddy is presumed dead up until william reaches beach city. ok. so hear me out. perhaps that was foreshadowing for jamie’s traumatic near death encounter with topaz and aqua. remember how I said the water element represents healing as well as trauma??? It all kinda ties in yall...

ANYWAYS It’s safe to say that Jamie is a person that’s been through his rock bottom AND trauma already (his death if you will), struggling to live a happy, or even regular (lets face it as far as we know the only thing he came back to beach city with was sunglasses, bitch was broke) life in kansas, the abduction, its not something you can heal from overnight. While he does show symptoms of severe anxiety (to say the very least) even after the abduction he’s also grown closer to working on healing, moving on from his overwhelming fear of rejection by prospering in theater (him coming back to life if u will), and as for anything directly related to the abduction is unknown, but its very likely he’s working on moving on from that on his own as far as we know!!

which brings up the next trait of a scorpion venusian! They prefer to be a mystery in order to protect themselves as a result of fear of getting hurt for trusting/opening up too much. The first time we see jamie since the abduction is during the re-election in dewey wins, where he doesn’t seem affected at all. Yes, Jamie is a pretty open book for the most part (see dewmie-in’s analogy to in/out of the closet in historical friction) however theres also moments where he limits himself, or perhaps another side to himself, a far more passionate side…

Holding back tears during his drama zone and waiting until hes alone to be excited abt delivering his letter in love letters, playing it cool when earning theater director position in historical friction, not to mention his room SHOULD play a very huge role in his secretive side. (see brodingle’s post on jamie’s room, his casual side vs his passionate side)

the venus in scorpio (or any scorpio placement rlly) also remains a secret not truly by choice, but theyre also studying others of interest. being an actor, Jamie should know a thing or two on body language and raw emotion as he sees it.

And finally, The venus is scorpio is a devoted, passionate, and emotionally attached lover. in love letters he falls for someone easily, and even if he learned in the end love at first sight isnt real he is most definitely the type to fall easily based on emotional connection alone! Also, his fear of rejection can easily play into his love life as well. Being in kansas getting constantly rejected and returning back home out of not just defeat but most likely homesickness as well. He missed his stable job. he wants stability, loyalty, commitment! yeah ok thts all i got for now ladies!

♂️♍︎ Virgo Mars ♍︎♂️

Mars being the planet of impulsiveness, energy, initiation and “doing it” being born under the sign of doing it efficiently and orderly gives a handful of traits that completely match up to Jamie and the way he puts out his energy into the world

Jamie has been the type to not just instantly put his energy into something new, but he’s also put his energy into mastering said thing! While Mars is the planet of impusiveness, Virgo is the sign of patience, the Virgo mars is a firm believer of practice makes perfect, and striving for overall perfect, which does in fact get overwhelming for Jamie the perfectionist.

In historical friction, though hesitant, he was not afraid to critique and analyze dewey’s writing skills. And although he was anxious again to go against deweys script and use pearls version instead, he went with pearls because he desperately needed to execute his first play flawlessly. this also occurs again in letters to lars, when his improv performance doesnt go as planned he doesnt just end it from there, in fact, he still has that sense of patience to critique his cast members on stage before getting completely irritated when they dont comply. imo its important to note this duality of patience and impulsiveness because this is an anxiety inducing combination that heavily matches up to Jamies energy.

it’s also important to bring Jamie’s room back in this, because while it was creepy as shit its also FILLED with books, and has really fancy stationery meaning he is in fact a writer. The Mars in Virgo is an attentive to detail oriented person, and being a writer, Jamie not only reads others’ works, he records his own with plenty of detail as seen in his love letter to garnet. Its in his nature by now to have an eye for detail as seen in his room, his costumes, his writing, etc.

Its very likely that his venus and his mars sign do sort of relate in a sense of the way he will present himself. The virgo mars wants a deep connection as the next person but refuses to express that “passionate side” as much as others, preferring to remain casual or present a “cool exterior” which plays into the venus in scorpio’s preference for a secretive side or to remain a mystery.

lets also not forget Jamie’s mime performance in Sadie’s Song. His body language easily read as excited and desperate for perfectionism. Theres no denying he spent time and energy into his act, probably studying mimes and all lol

plus the virgo mars being an attentive to detail type of person, scorpio venus’ silent study on their person of interest and libra moon’s dependance on the study of others to learn how to express emotion when and where and how all tie into each other. Jamie depends on detail before well, doing! he is the type to not just think before acting but hes also gotten quite anxious overthinking as well!

The Taurus Ascendant is a sucker for stability, loyalty, especially to their passions with change being their biggest weakness, very fitting to Jamie. Stability is what made Jamie return to beach city from Kansas because he was not used to such a drastic change in an unstable life, doing the absolute opposite of prospering in his acting career, another big desire for a taurus rising btw, they thrive for success!

They also need a sense of security and any chance at risking that security is a big no-no for the Taurus Ascendant. Jamie’s constant fear of rejection, his anxiety before a production that could make or break his career, he desires a sense of reassurance and security that will assure him that things will not turn out as horribly as his anxiety’s (cough drama zone cough) made it out to be.

⬆️♉︎ Taurus Rising ♉︎⬆️

now, in Reunited, hes completely moved on from garnet at this point. This takes places after the abduction, the only thing that would really be on his mind rn is healing and finding peace again with himself and in his surroundings. while hes handled this healing process alone (as far as we know) hes also learned about what he wants for himself including his love life. seeing garnet extremely happy and married and all makes him defeated for a moment not because “uUuuUUhH shes the one that got away!” its because he truly desires a passionate and devoted relationship as ruby and sapphires! which brings up the next topic!

In relationships, the Taurus Ascendant won't easily break up with someone they gave their heart to. Jamie wants a partner thats going to be as devoted and passionate as himself. He needs that sense of commitment and loyalty from someone and probably wouldn’t handle something as emotionless as one night stands for example! Any taurus placement has the same desires for romance as scorpio placements to be quite honest here, im just sayin as a venus in taurus and scorpio rising lmao.

🌊 Water Dominant 🌊

Ok so the thing is heres the thing. Out of all four astrological elements, Jamie exudes water energy the most, then earth, then fire, and lastly air. He’s not just an emotional person, he’s also an optimistic person, even when he overthinks things, he continuously looks into the future rather than his past so I think its important to note he also has that “psychic” aspect to him as well as having a strong sense of someone else’s emotions as much as his own.

let me also add in dewmie-in’s post where they point out tht jamie does in fact have a literal reocurring theme with water so even if he turns out to like not be a water sun sign in canon (highly doubt there will ever be a canon bday for him lmao the entire point of this post tho) theres no way hes gonna not be associated with water coincidentally. so if u didnt read their post tldr: being a fucking buffoon in the literal rain, throwing letters into the ocean, staring at the ocean on his free time, (aka during working ours, worlds okayest mailman) cries easily, buddy dying in water, jamie nearly being killed as instructed by a gem named aqua, jamie surviving in water after being THROWN off the ship. (i added a few more btw hshfhhdjd)

so yeah thats that on that, theres plenty more planet placements than that in a birth chart but i just felt like doing the usual ones i guess :P

[saportuh]

ok panic concert highlights

(plus some personal adventures)

this was the portland show on the 12th k

so it was a fuckin hour and a half drive bc where i fuckin live now is far away from everything i hate it anyway that sucked & i ran my phone down to 80 percent during said drive which proved problematic

we get there (me & my lil sis) & our dad drops us off & we run up & im bitching about how weird the fucking venue is (it’s normal, it’s just not what i’m used to - in vegas the venues were typically in the casino/resorts so you lined up inside the halls & sat against the walls & tourist-watched, in this venue u stood outside in a line???? ughhh)

so we approach the line & something happens, i’m gonna make a separate post about it because holy shit

befriended two excitable gay kids, maybe 8th or 9th grade?? & i was like woah i was u once. now im old & jaded. eugh. then they bailed on me so.

we got into the arena & were on the wrong fucking side so we had to JOG all the way AROUND THE WHOLE FUCKINGN PLACE UGH

THEN WE GOT IN & SAT IN THE WRONG SEATS so the guy next to me (dad w a thick accent, maybe ukranian?? it wasn’t russian but it was close) politely informed me & i was like fuck well until they get here we’ll stay, but i had anxiety so during an arizona song i pretended to go to the bathroom & came back to look for our actual seat, someone took it so i pussied out & went back, had hella anxiety about it, then before hayley the ppl showed up so we had to move & i had to kick some preps out of their seat & they called my lil sister a bitch ;-;

OK SO ONTO THE PERFORMERS

arizona was cute, gotta check them out... singer kept getting emotional & wiping his eyes, it was sweet, and he was hella feeling himself dancing & stuff lmaoo. idk em but im proud of them.

HAYLEYYYYYYYYYYY her dancing & drumming & outfit??? also all the lesbians/wlw getting crunk in the crowd was so damn good haha

ALSO shout out to hayley’s band, they were so cute??? the guitarist & her kept having moments & he seemed like a cool dude, & the girl on synths was so pretty omg??? & smiley i loved her. & the drummer, they were goin so hard i couldnt get a good look, but they had kewl hair

“if you don’t know anything about me, there’s one thing you should know: I LOVE GIRLS” there was so much gay energy at that show i was teary the whole damn time

k confession, i love everything about hayley but i find her voice a little grating on the ears, something about it, but it was super angelic live & didn’t bug me once, & wanna be missed fucked me up cuz it’s my fucking f a v

SHE DID THE DRUMMY IT WAS HOT 

her oufit was so damn iconic rlly tho, the pants & shoes totes fit her but wouldn't look good on anyone else, but that shirt, the hot dad look w the open v & all the jewelry, holy fuck that’s how im tryna be

during girls like girls, everyone had their lights out & there was a bunch of pride flags out, and i got this gorgeous shot of a gay pride flag illuminated by lights (i posted it)

most of the songs they played between the breaks were gay themed too which was powerful dude i was so damn emotional

then during the countdown to panic, they played the next episode by dre (the “smoke weed every day” song) & then africa by toto jsfndjfndjskfnjdk

THEN PANIC CAME OUT 

WHOLE ASS STRING & BRASS SECTION BDEN RLLY WENT THERE WOAH

KENNY & NICOLE WERE SO CUTE THE WHOLE TIME THEY KEPT GOOFING AROUND ESPECIALLY KENNY IT WAS ADORABLE

THEN BREB POPPED OUT THE DAMN FLOOR

ok several things about breb

one, i never was heavy into panic, but considering how obsessive i was into bandom a few years back, i still know a lot about early panic, livejournal shit, ryden bullshit, etc, so it was really weird being there with normies who were just like “he’s hot & sings good” when i was like “yall lucky fucks never heard of myrtle beach ” dsjfnjsdnfds

two, four years into panic & i never was attracted to brendon, but dude, EVERYONE fell in love with him at this show, myself included, & i was starin at this bitch ass motherfucker in a trance before i was like “wait ur a bastard STOP U ENDEARING DICKWAD” he was so fucking endearing it was ANNOYING cuz i’ve seen some of the shit he’s pulled damnit. srsly tho, so absolutely charming, wow.

three, and what stuck with me most; brendon loves what he does. a little bit of exhibitionism, i think; he likes ppl looking at & admiring him, he’s that type of person, a showman, but also, i think he just loves making music, people singing along to the music, etc. ive been to eight concerts now, and i don’t think i’ve seen someone who clearly loved being on stage so much. a lot of ppl act like it’s a chore to tour, but brendon clearly loves it, and it made me happy, especially as an aspiring musician. 

four, the straighties drooling over him and the gays drooling over him was truly straight/gay solidarity

ok what else happened... brendon would throw in random ass high notes towards the ends of songs... my sister looked at me super alarmed when he first did it during dtmwagt lmfao... ppl would cheer & it was impressive, but kinda piercing & i was like “show off” lol

HE DID THE ‘I MAKE THESE HIGH HEELS WORK’ thing, i thought he retired tht?? so i was pleased lmfao

i dont rmr anything that stands out about ready to go or la devotee but the lights & backgrounds during them were very pretty & i got some good pics of brebbois face (i finally got semi decent quality pics im rlly happy abt tht, concerts r so hard to photograph)

hallelujah was cool cuz there were, like, those catholic(?) church windows projected on the top part of the stage, it was pretty af, they rlly outdid themselves with the visuals

and mona lisa had like pipes & industrial stuff?? idk it looked dope, and it contrasted rlly cool it was super pretty

nine in the afternoon,,,, the only pretty odd song... i dont even like pretty odd but it was like,,, damn. & he had the piano, total live in denver vibes ;-; but he wasnt dripping sweat this time lmao

golden days, brebweenie knows hes hot, kept winking & doing mic flips & shit & i was like u fucken weenie ive seen that pic of u w a bowl cut in a bra, die

k he’s a fuckin bastard but hhe’s pretty & talented fuckin big ego bitch ... can yall tell i hav a lovehate relationship w him bc i do

I GOT THIS ONE PART ON VIDEO DURING GOLDEN DAYS WHERE KENNY & NICOLE R FUCKING AROUND & MAKING FACES & GOOFING IT’S SO CUTE

during casual affair in the chorus, the mic would echo each word (just lay (lay) in the atmosphere (sphere) & the ‘lay’ was rlly good on my ears idk sometimes certain vocal notes sound GOOD & that was one i keep replaying it

SO VEGAS LIGHTS as yall kno i was born & raised in vegas & a vegasfucker69 it’s my fucking home i moved last november (not my choice) & miss it violently & i was CRYING during vegas lights hard & it was so beautiful im gonna watch the video i got over & over & over that song means so much to me IM SO FUCKING HOMESICK

speaking of which, im pretty bitter i didnt see panic in vegas, this was my first panic show & that kinda bothers me, like i should’ve seen them in vegas a few yrs ago but it never worked out.... still, im grateful i saw them at all & im glad i saw the song live. i had my fob snapback on too, it says ‘las vegas’ on it cuz i got it there haha, wore that on purpose

he did the fucking running man thing towards the end & everyone cheered & i was like dONT ENABLE HIM

sat down during dancing’s not a crime cuz im a bitch who doesn’t like half the new record & also my knees hurt cuz im old apparently, anyway this chick glared at me then sang every word wat a fuckin prep lmao

o yah i forgot, in golden days he got in the crowd & let a girl sing the last chorus it was amazing i bet that made her life

AND DURING DOAB HE WALKED THRU THE CROWD that was SO FUCKING ENDEARING i was like “wow what a guy” then i was like “HE’S A BITCH U KNOW HIM” & i was like “hmm??? what a guy” but omg he made so many people happy it was really beautiful & sweet & i was like... half in love & then i came to my senses jksjfhjsdhfkjsdn

RLLY THO HE WALKED THRU THE CROWD & HIGH FIVED PPL & SHIT & GAVE HUGS & TOOK ART/LETTERS IT WAS SO DAMN GOOD HE WAS SO SWEET & LEGIT EVERYONE WAS FALLING FOR HIM & I WAS LIKE SUFFERING

legit guys, like it’s weird i used to watch his parascopes in 2015 or w/e & he’d say some Bad shit on there sometimes, like ik he does some messy shit BUT HE ACTED SO FUCKING LOVELY BLEH

also he’s very short, like he’s 2 inches taller than me but he looked so little in the crowd i was like... aw

the piano thing ;-; it was rlly pretty but my paranoia & anxiety was off the charts i was like that things gonna fucking fall & crush the crowd it’s gonna fucking fALL but it didnt ofc but i was stressed bleghh

but ok on a positive note, that was soo fucken lovely, bden stopped to try to make eye contact with as many ppl in as many places of possible, like he made the effort to get to everyone & make them have a special moment & it was ... magical ok thts fucken cliche as shit but it rlly was

ok i did smth lowkey embarrassing, i doubt he saw, but when he faced towards us i was just overwhelmed w like.. gratitude?? ive had a bad 2 years in every way, so being somewhere filled with love & fun & kindness & joy & all around good vibes, i was so grateful? i just wanted to thank him for creating that kinda atmosphere. so i like,,, blew kisses but not in a weird way, like later i was like oh that was kinda weird whyd i do that, but at that moment i didnt use my head & it was jus my instinctual way of saying thank u idk it’s lame but it happened so there ya go idfk

fun fact, my vid of it is out of focus cuz i was so enamored watching him & watching the crowd react it was pretty fucking magical it rlly was

once he got down from that piano he went “wow i feel so fucking inspired now” & i was like “bitch me too tf” 

legit it was absolutely indescribable, even watching my vid now.... wow. and u can hear me lightly crying in the back of my video too lmao, and i was shaking p hard, it was so fucking magical. like im getting emotional rn cuz it was exactly what i needed to remind myself that there is good stuff in the world thats worth staying for. 

i never was super big on panic or breb like i said but if i ever meet him im gonna thank him bc that. wow. transformative.

also that transition from the piano cover he did to dying in la was smooth af. it was all around gorgeous.

OK GIRLS GIRLS BOYS, I WAS SO CONCERNED W FILMING I COULDNT PUT MY LIGHT ON (i had a red heart) BUT OMG

he got a bi flag first, then a rainbow one, then another rainbow one... one was those hayley ones lol, and one ended up on the stage out of his eyesight & he never saw it & i felt so bad fjdnfds

G-D ALL THE GAYS SINGING WAS SO EMOTIONAL & THE RAINBOW BEHIND THEM ON STAGE (AND PAN FLAG COLORS AT TIMES?!??!?!)) IT WAS FUCKING MAGICAL & BRENDON LET A FLAG DRIFT IN THE WIND FOR A SEC BEFORE HE PUT IT ON IT WAS GORGEOUS

AND ALL THE RAINBOW LIGHTS IN THE CROWD FUCK DUDE

breb might be a turd but he’s the only one of these emo dudes who parades around draped in flags & so aggressively empowers gay fans through it, and for that, i respect him. ik the song has more perverse origins but now it’s a bi anthem that rlly connects w lgbt fans & it’s rlly beautiful, AND i got another gorgeous shot of a pride flag surrounded by lights & im just. wow.

after, breb said “that is gorgeous btw” about the rainbow lights, and “thank u for participating in love” & giggled, i got this shot of the lights in the dark lookin incredible ;-;

also said “this a record number of flags tonight, very cool” so portland is rlly gay apparently, kewl

nicole doin the nicotine bass line slayed me dead wowie u can hear me go “WOO” on the vid lmfao (im a bassist so i lov her double)

ive seen miss jackson live twice now cuz at my monumentour show, new politics brought lolo out to cover it so that’s dope lmfao

anyway bden did the fuckin valley girl voice for “the scenery is so loud” which was delightful

he had us do the ‘ayyyy’ bit woo

NICOLES BASS,,, SPARKLY

drum thingy ;-; speaking of monumentour, andy & patrick famously did a drum off & i MISSED IT cuz the stage at my venue wasnt large enough to fit both sets ;-; so they didnt do it ;-; but bden doin his own drum solo kinda made up for it a little bit

fuckin show off tho he played like 3 instruments & i was like u bitch stop

there was some kinda audio sample that went “i got a fever & the only prescription is more caffeine(?)” & bden mouthed the words along, and some girl behind me went “SAME” 

UPDATE: googled it, i knew i recognized chris walken’s voice, he says cowbell not caffeine & it’s a skit from snl that i’ve SEEN im a disgrace anyway that was fun also woo cowbell

the big screen kept cutting from bden drumming to a shot of the crowd & someone holding a pride flag & i was like yah drumming is gay now

lmao i only filmed like a minute of a song unless i rlly liked it so i could spend the rest of the song gettin funky right?? & i like king of the clouds but not a ton, but i filmed the whole thing cuz the visuals were so pretty lmfaooo i jus was staring at them like wowwww prettyyyyy

during the ‘i dont feel anything at all’ he looked rlly sad & i couldnt tell if it was genuine or if he was goin for like a pouty look djfdsjfndjks then right after he winked so ig pouty thx breb

at some point he introduced nicole&kenny plus the strings & brass ppl as “his friends” it was sweet & he was like “these lovely ladies” about the strings & “these handsome men” about the brass & i was like WOO GAY RIGHTS

FIRE DURIN CRAZY EQUALS GENIUS. BOZ FLASHBACKS. FIRE ON MY FACE HUNDREDS OF FEET AWAY. FEAR. DONT LIKE FIRE. SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION. KENNY WAS TOO CLOSE. FEAR.

a whole arena singing bohemian rhapsody 25+ years after freddie mercury’s death was Incredible, i dont believe in afterlives but if there is one i hope he was watching & enjoying & knowing his legacy was staying alive bc wow that was powerful

THE END WAS CRUNK AF HOLY SHIT BDEN GOT DOWN

i cant believe i remember the day emperors came out like,,,, jeez. so lit live tho

I HAVENT MENTIONED HIS SPARKLY SUIT YET. KING OF SPARKLY SUITS

BRENDON DOIN HIS HIGH NOTE BIT & THE STAGE LIGHTING UP FULLY ON FIRE FUCK DUDE

bitchden took his shirt off when he came out for the encore..... bitch

SINS,,, FUCK DUDE,,,, MY CHILDHOOD WAS CRYING HHYSTERICALLYYY, 

in the background of my vid u can hear me do the ‘ily’ ‘ily’ from the mv emo ass

my lil sis got fucken turnt to sins lmfaooo??? danced her ass off???

us: W H O R E bden: ily

VIOLINISTS GETTIN WILD TOO

they played footage of the music vid & breb & his fuckin iconic outfit & i was a lil emo kid again omg i cant believe i saw it live

he did funny voice durin calls for a toast nerd ... least he’s not entirely bitter abt songs ryan wrote anymore tho lmao... or maybe he is considering theres only two on the 30 song setlist ;-;

i gotta listen to afycso again damn it’s so iconic

oh yah at some bit he said “ive been doing this for 14 years, im 31 now” & it reminded me like.. most of these emo bands, they started so young. & got successful at such a young age. it’s so crazy. idk. wow. 

he got growly during the chorus, that’s pstump’s thing beeb dont steal it lmao

CONFETTI fitting ending, & i got him walking off which is cool, other bands it goes dark & they just kinda disappear & it’s unsatisfying ;-;

so yah i finally saw breadman live, i got 400 pics and 30 videos so that all got spam posted over the last few days lmao

[askmymylittleponyocs]

Quick Post!

I apologize for not uploading as much from my last update I have been very busy with everything around me especially my first biggest move I have ever experienced by leaving my home state to another.

Ive lived in California all my life for 27 years and now I am in my new home and state being Texas. Its very new, im still adjusting here and I still often get homesick. we do plan to go back to California for a visit since MOST of my family lives in California, and my boyfriend also lives in California as well. few of my friends I believe are still living in Cali. I know at least two of them are. Two of my other IRL friends are planning to move themselves.

It was a extremely stressful time that started being way super stressful in september and we moved in our new house on the week of christmas. I will say- eating fast food maybe a few days or so was good but yeah you get too stressed about the move that you just feel sick and cant eat like you normally do. i couldnt eat fast food once we got to our new home for a long while because of being so gosh darn stressed out.

I still enjoy it now as im not as terribly stressed but still..it was a very very hard time. california is all i know, i know where everything is from places ive been to so many times...and a new change of things is difficult. i know where a few places are now but still.

I thought I give that update to you guys, and ive been trying to get things in order and on schedule. I plan for this years resolution to actually kick my ass into starting my stories up even my original project stories as well..which you'll get most of the updates on my main tumblr blog and social media as well.

my main tumblr blog: @awoken-artist

I plan to get my MLP story going on the mlp fanfic site and also post on Archives site too.

so look out for that.

All questions for my ocs you guys have sent WILL be answered i just want to give that big update to you guys. I have MLP arts coming in now so expect them to arrive any second after this post is made.

hope everyone had a awesome christmas and have a good 2022 so far. quq

[myhellbyhiku]

Friends [Bang Chan x Y/N]

I couldn’t find myself a place to work. Wherever I sat something was disturbing me. Obviously I  was oversensitive. It was 3 am, I have already had three coffees and still there was no idea In my head. They told me to prepare about three versions of a poster. I made so many of them this month and I feel like I’ve already ran out of good ideas.  To tell the truth  I love this job but sometimes I hate all the people around me. They aren’t even able to use half of the graphic programs we have here but the boss still keeps them at work. Ok, I should be working… I don’t want to spend here all the fucking week. Do your job, gurl.  After next 30 minutes I made some outlines and collected the ideas in one place. I started to feel better about this whole project when at the one moment it got dark inside the room.  I looked around to check what happened and then I realized it was power outage.  I looked at the dark screen of my computer and before I realized I screamed

-Oh, fuck this shit! What I’ve fucking done to desreve this!

-Hi, Y/N. It is nice to see you too. Im glad that I’m not the only one ‘happy’ person here right now.- It was Bang Chan. I looked at him with angry face and sat back on my chair.

-Hi, Chan. Sorry for this, but it took me a lot of time and now I lost it all just because of this stupid problems with electricity.  

-Oh, I feel you bro.  I don’t get why they still have not finished rapairing this. By the way, what were you doing?

-You don’t wanna know.- I sighed

-Oh… So it was THIS?- He looked at me with understanding  

-Yes, it was… Was…. Great that you  have noticed.

-It is late, don’t you want  to go home?

-I do want, bro. But I think you are the one who needs some sleep. You don’t look good. You got skinnier and you really look tired all the time. – I looked at him with care.- We are friends for a long time. You can tell me if something is bothering you.- I friendly patted his arm

-Don’t worry. It is nothing serious. I Just have some problems with sleeping.

-What kind of problems?

-You know… Even when I want to sleep I can’t.

-Chan, this is quite serious. For how long you are like that?

-Maybe 3 months?

-Chan! Why you didn’t tell me about this earlier?- I looked at him a bit angry but more than this I was worried

-Y/N, it is not like you can help or something.- I saw that he had remorse

-You are wrong my friend. I know a lot of ways for insomnia.

-Oh…- he looked frustrated

- Have you been trying walking before sleep or drinking a glass of hot milk with honey?

-Y/N…. I knew that you are going to tell me something like that. I tried it all, bro.- he smiles softy

-Oh…- this time I was pretty much surprised and crestfallen

-You see…

-I really want to help you, Chan.- he softly patted my head

-I know, I know. Don’t feel bad about me, Y/N. You act like my mom.

-Oh! What your mom did when you couldnt sleep?- I asked him with hope in my voice

-Oh….She always hugged me and ruffle my hair very softly.- He looked sad and homesick for a moment

-So I can try to help you!

-What?- he looke at me shocked

-I know that I’m not your mum or something but I think I’m better than I.N or Felix….

-Do you want to sleep with me?- I looked at him all red on my face- I mean sleep, nothing like hmmm…. erotic.

-If I can help you like that… It is not a problem for me if this is not a problem for you.

- Su-sure… If you feel ok about it.

 It is how I finished on the uncomfortable sofa under one blanket with Chan. I’m really a good friend. At first I just hugged him softly, his head was on my arm and I played with his hair gently. I didn’t realized when he closed his eses. We didn’t talk at all but I feel fine. We have known each other for 5 years, he was my first friend when I came here for the first time. He looked soft and fragile in my arms. He worked so hard for his band all the time. When I looke at him again I noticed that he had been sleeping. It is time to sleep, Y/N.

I woke up tangled in the blanket and somebody’s arms. It feelt so warm and comfortable but my back hurted as hell. I remembered the previous night and look at the arms, then face. It feelt strange. I looked at the clock, it was half past ten. I tried to stand up from the sofa but he was hugging be too strong.

-Chan, Chan…. It is late. I have to go.- I patted his chest

-5 more minutes- he murmured

-No Chan, I really have to go, bro.- I pushed his arm stronger than before

-Y/N, it was nice. Thank you.- he put my hair behind my ear- Can we do this again this week?- he asked completely sleepy

-Sure, but let me leave right now. I don’t wanna be late and I’m sure you want to see the poster promoting your concert.

-Visit me here today, if you don’t mind, naturally.- he smiled different way that he did before and I felt like I have to help him sleep not only for his good but for my own good too.

Due to Chan’s problems with sleeping we spent a lot of time with each other. I worked at his studio at nights and then when we both felt tired enough we just were going to sleep. It felt so normal and good that we both started to like it more than we had expected. Something changed. I didn’t hug Chan anymore, he hugged me and played with my hair. He began to behave different around me, he cared for me but in other way than before. He was softer then ever. He even bought me flowers when I finished my project and it gathered good reviews. We started to hold hands when we were watching things during our breaks from work. Everything was so natural that we both felt that it was right. There was one thing I wasn’t sure. Are we still friends? And who am I to him right now?

 ‘’ We're not friends, we could be anything

If we tried to keep those secrets safe

No one will find out if it all went wrong

They'll never know what we've been through’’

                                                                           -Chan, we have to talk.- I caught him somewhere on the corridor

-Sure, what’s up?- he smiled warmly

-Not here and not now. Lets meet up at your studio as always.- he looked insecure

-Something happened?- he held my hand

-Yes and no.- I patted his arm, he relaxed a bit

-Ok. I’m going to wait for you, Y/N. Keep in touch.- each of us went in their direction

 ‘’ So I could take the back road

But your eyes'll lead me straight back home

And if you know me like I know you

You should love me, you should know’’

 -I thought you would not come.- he opened the door for me

-I had a lot to do, sorry.- I smiled fleetingly

-Have you finished everything?

-Yes, it went quite good.- I sat on the sofa

-Are you ok, Y/N?- he was worried and I knew it very well

-I’m not, Chan. I’m sorry but it is not ok, i’m not ok, you are not ok, we are not ok. I can’t be like that anymore.- i hide my face in the pillow

-What do you mean? I don’t get you right now. Can you explain or something?- he sat right next to me totalny lost in this situation. I felt sorry for him.- We are friends, you know that you can tell me everything, Y/N.

-We are not friends.- I looked him in the eyes

-What? Have I done something wrong?- he looked sad and scared at the same time

-Chan, friends don’t act like we do. They don’t treat me like you do, they don’t buy flowers and hold my hand, they don’t sleep with me every night. I don’t fall asleep in my friends arms.- I breathed a sigh of relief because I finalny threw it out of myself. Before I realized i felt something soft and warm on my lips I opened my eyes. He kissed me. He kissed me gently. And the most important part I kissed him back. His hands held my face and when we finally finished our eyes sparkled as bright as stars.

-I hope you don’t let your friends kiss you.- he kissed my nose and I smiled- and I hope even if we are not friends you can still be my sleeping partner. Not only sleeping partner but my life partner, Y/N.- he held my hands.- I wanted to ask you out not as friend but as a woman but sure…you were first as always…- he blushed

-You don’t know if I like you back because your lips didn’t let me finished what I was trying to say.- I teased him

-I know you pretty well, I can read from the movement of your lips. Especially when they are so close as they were that moment, Y/N.- he smiled nonchalantly. I kissed him softly.

-So what I was trying to say now? Hmmm?- he looked in my eyes

-‘I’m hungry, buy me a pizza’. Am I right?- He played with my hair and I smiled

-Wow, you are pretty good.- I hit him with a pillow

-Wow, I’m pretty good in many things. I will show you if you let me.- He pushed me back and kissed me again

-I will but I guess we both need some energy for this ‘show’.- I kissed his nose- Get up, and bring me this pizza!

[It is my first time I wrote something in english. At the first time I wrote something since 4-3 years. I hope someone will like it. Comment, plz.]

[transtrendhumanity]

a week feels like a very short period of time but we do want to do weekly system check-ins, so let’s do one now. on time for once.

callon is fronting, as has been the usual lately. for a while we thought cilla would become longterm core, but i guess that was just a stress front. overall we’re doing very well right now, but we’re spending a lot of time at work etc acting as a singlet, so it’s been slightly difficult to keep track of everyone. i think that documenting front shifts on our recovery twitter has been helping.

aren arrived this week. or like, stepped out of the shadows, more accurately. he’s been ghosting around for months. he’s dueling venic in the back room of the main house now. i think vaccine won the chess match, so by all means it should be them playing the next game, but they left to set up their own office in azdien’s basement.

vex is still brainstorming about scrapbooking. jace has moved on to contemplating knitting projects. i wonder if we still have our smuppet crochet pattern memorized...

moving into the main room, perien is on the couch with amelia and floret now. i feel really bad for skipping over kyr in our last roll call. we’re commissioning a short fic for kyr, so kye’s a bit emotional about that. amelia still seems very tired, but i think sea’s slowly recovering. we’ll probably have to discuss system roles again soon.

gabbi is bringing over dessert squares and tea for them. floret encourages nir to borrow ethan’s chair and sit with them. cilla and echo are curled up together. echo is sleeping, and cilla is keeping an eye on the nearby conversation.

i think nitexx headed to the treehouse to talk to kayden. upstairs, remm’s room still seems to be in sleep mode. haze is sleeping as well, and seems restful. im knocking at riley’s door.

nessie answers but tells me to hush. i guess riley is sleeping? si’s been somewhat active wrt searching tumblr for other kin though.

raliel doesn’t seem to be around.

heading outside and looking down at the shoreline, rayn is very quiet. maybe it’s asleep a- oh nope, it woke up, it’s excited to see gh0st again soon.

there’s noise coming from the treehouse. the ladder is down, so i climb up. questioning what “i” look like, i start wondering if elster is cofronting with me.

nitexx has somehow converted the tv stand into a makeshift stage. zir and kayden are standing on top of it, singing along to some of kayden’s favorite music. it’s really nice to see zir up and about again, even if it doesn’t feel like ze’s particularly able to front lately, even now. i thought ze had been coming to talk to kayden about his robot life, but i guess they got distracted.

kitt, surprisingly, has shifted back into is human form to heckle them about having shit taste in music. they are completely unphased, it seems to add to the mood if anything. kei is leaning against the back wall fiddling with their knife, but they seem pretty amused. vite is really into it. nero seems less so. tobias has come to check it out, and is standing with nero towards the back of the room. i think nika is on sier way as well. i ask after jody, but i think they’re asleep.

by the time i leave the treehouse, nika is singing a ballad. ethan looks on curiously. trysten is coming up the hatch to watch, but i’m not sure sie intends on participating much.

i head to the mansion. azdien is clearly awake for once, sorting the books in vaer reading room. drohen is helping vaer out. darion let himself out of the room to smoke, but he’s just in the front hall, instead of actually being outside. for shame. no one seems to really mind, though.

asking after kisoquine, i get the sense that xe’s in a place that actually suits xyr, but i have no idea where in headspace that actually is. it’s not in any of the known levels of azdien’s mansion, but it might be in a secret second basement? i get the impression that the entrance is more of a portal than a door. drohen might have helped.

yeah i think it’s like, under the mansion, significantly.

vyrn is in there, too.

phasing up through the floor to the actual basement feels weirdly slimy. vaccine’s study looks very proper.

upstairs, i catch sight of someone in the kitchen. to my surprise, jody is making kraft dinner. they sheepishly say that it’s a midnight snack, despite it being lunch time. it actually does seem to be slightly dark outside though. maybe an 8pm feeling. i guess time passes differently in headspace.

asking after micah, i catch them slithering past my feet towards the front door. i guess they’re interested in the treehouse karaoke party as well, although i suppose they’ll just be watching if they’re unable/unwilling to change back into a human form.

oh i forgot to mention yacinthe. i did get the impression of someone else like actively enjoying the party along with vite, but i couldn’t recognize cer at the time. my apologies.

since elster is cofronting with callon in taking survey of everyone, ze’s not in the library, but their section of it looks as luscious as ever.

we trek to corian’s cabin. corian offers us tea, and makes a backhanded comment about the noise from the treehouse. i think they’re just upset that nika left them alone with nine, who is sleeping. tyto comes upstairs shortly after we enter, apparently intending to console corian before they decide to start oozing slime. eir eyes are still a bit red-edged, but ey seems calm.

kestrel and ailecent aren’t in the basement. they’re actually out on the roof today. kestrel’s wings stretch majestically behind aer. ailecent is also looking majestic and notably non-human. ae seems to really have kinned deep-eyes white dragon, but like, a bird form of it. ae has five wings sprouting from a large halo. and ae has more eyes than fit on aer head, blinking in and out of holographic existence around aer head. ae seems angelic in a very biblical sense, and is, just slightly more than usual, radiating white light. i feel like i can sense xykiel nearby, but cae’s still no more than a glimmer of light, so it’s hard to tell.

skye is in faer less tangible form as well. faer northern lights illuminate the slowly darkening sky. rayn waves up at faer, and fae leans down to kiss its forehead, light dancing across its spots.

i ask after raliel. wav turns out to be out on the cliffs again, watching skye’s light show with a sense of serenity, and maybe a tinge of homesickness.

aloe is hiding inside. ae had a sort of intense experience just after aren showed up, blogging cleancore for an hour while the rest of us tried very hard to let aer front without letting aer connect to our physical setting. we didn’t entirely succeed, but we kept aer from outright having a panic attack. ae is in a glass box on skye’s counter, which we know instinctively is sterilized both chemically and magically. we don’t do more than stick our head into the cabin before leaving again.

gail is prowling nearby. it seems disapproving, but unlikely to act on it.

our connection to ooze ocean is very limited right now, but not in a bad way. void simply doesn’t think we need voids presence, and void is uninterested in the party happening in headspace.

we head back to azdien’s mansion to investigate the new rooms.

[woluf]

1, 6, 18, 25, both 26, 30, 31, 34, 39, 41!

1: what color do you talk in? green maybe. I think earthy colours but nothing too dark

6: if people floated instead of walking, how far off the ground would you be? I think maybe a foot or less like in Röyksopp’s What Else Is There cause I like the idea of being able to run my hands through leaves and stuff

18: if you could breathe music, which artist would you choose to inhale and which would you choose to exhale? I’d love to inhale Radiohead and exhale Nils Farham & Ólafur Arnolds collabs cause they’re so beautiful (maybe vice versa, depending. Like Radiohead in the day time)

25: what are songs that make you want to become the sky? I think most of this playlist  I originally made for @withmyheadfullofstars ! then added lots to. But probably off the top fo my head:

Four Tet - Heim - Pole remix, She Just Likes to Fight, Slow Jam, Hands, Unspoken (unreleased version)

Explosions In The Sky - Your Hand In Mine

Damian Jurado - Silver Joy

Radiohead - Subterranean Homesick Alien

Nick Drake - Cello Song

Ben Lukas Boysen - Golden Times I

Tori Amos - Cooling (2008 live version)

Phil Selway - Coming Up For Air

I could make an extensive list on this idea because I have a lot of songs that make me feel this way. I could break it down into two different types as well, like songs that make me want to become a clear, blue and endless sky and ones that make me want to be a thunderous downpour. The above are definitely more becoming a blue and endless sky

26: would you rather be the night sky or the day sky? I think day time. I love the clear night sky but stars are very far away and the blue of the day seems more...tangible somehow.

26: would you rather be the sky or the earth? earth I think! Imagine being the earth, plants and trees. That would be kind of cool

30: are your hands cold? warrrrm. Apparently I am warm person. Whenever I sleep next to people I get told Im like a small hot water bottle which is funny cause I get cold really easily

31: if you had to choose three articles of clothing to keep for the next three years of your life, what would they be? I mean, I kind of already do this lmao but my red shoe DMs I wear all the time (and have...more or less for the last 2 years). This baggy dark green polo neck jumper I have, my torn painting jeans, brown leather jacket, cropped t-shirt I wear my axolotl pin on

34: if you were a teacher, what would you assign to your class as their first project? I think I’d only ever teach art higher up like degree level but I’d love to ask students to pick a song that they find to me moving on whatever way (joyful, aggressive, peaceful) and try to paint that. I’d love to see how people would translate what they heard to what they saw. I generally hate art projects though, I find them really confining, so I’d also just like to give people paints or a medium of their choice and just tell them to go and Make Stuff.

39: do you hear things in layers or all at once? I think both depending? I remember when you answered this after I asked you said similar. I think I like to try to hone in on particular sounds sometimes in songs or outside (like filter out the traffic or voices of people). I like trying to listen to something in layers too, then pick out certain sounds.

41: if you could choose one instrument to master overnight, which would it be? piano for sure! I used to try to play but then I ended up stopping. I never got very far and I can’t read music but I always always really good and learning by ear. it’s something I’d really love to try to learn properly. I have a real soft spot for music with piano in it.

[complexmagrparchive]

                                   JE SUIS PARTIE LÀ-BAS

NAME › Im Sowon D.O.B. › 02 18 1992 (25) OCCUPATION › Picture Editor at Complex INSTA › @sowonim

PORTFOLIO

EMPLOYMENT

The Star – Assistant Picture Editor (May 2015 - July 2015) Complex – Picture Editor (November 2015 - Present) INTERNSHIP

The New Standard Edition – Photographer/Social Media Intern (December 2013 - February 2014) Blanc Magazine – Fashion Assistant Intern (June 2014 - July 2014) 10 Magazine – General Editorial Intern (August 2014 - December 2014)

SKILLS

Proficient in using latest photo editing software and high-end digital cameras

Ability to handle multiple projects simultaneously and independently

Excellent coordination and communication skills

ACCOMPLISHMENTS

Completed summer intensive in Paris at Parsons The New School

Traveled through Europe for fashion trend research

Various humanitarian experience working with and leading diverse teams

EDUCATION

Paris College of Art – Bachelor’s Degree Study Abroad Program FIT (Fashion Institute of Technology) – Bachelor of Fine Arts in Photography

DETAILS

She’s born to a young but ambitious couple: a woman in her late 20′s who works as an English teacher and a man in his mid 30′s who works as a U.S. diplomat. Their career choices has brought them together on this joyous day to not only celebrate their Parisian experience, but also their first and last child: Im Sowon.

The first decade and a half of Sowon’s life is spent as a traveler, as she doesn’t have a place to really call home. They’re always moving, leaving–and it happens so frequently that eventually, Sowon just stops trying to make a home out of places altogether.

Her parents value cultural diversity, so she’s given private lessons about heritages, languages, and everything in between. Somewhere along the way, the United States becomes a mandatory subject because “That’s where our home is, back in New York City.” But before Sowon can even process that there had been a Statue of Liberty before an Eiffel Tower, she was already taking in Spanish verbs and conjugations.

Sowon’s heart breaks every three years. Because it is every three years that their family has to relocate, because it is every three years that Sowon loses friends and loved ones, because it is every three years that she is reminded, agonizingly so, that nothing for her is permanent.

They’re snuggling on the back of a pickup truck when she realizes that Prince Charming does exist and he’s right here, in Bali. He’s only sixteen–a year older than her–but he already has life figured out and wants her to experience it all with him. Sowon is taken aback by the concept of commitment, however, and dismisses his proposal for the stars above. (“They’re so pretty.”)

Memories are kept by her in photographs. On her last day in Jakarta, she uses her father’s digital SLR camera to take sentimental shots of the people and places of Indonesia. Despite it only being her first attempt, her mother considers–and even insists–that Sowon take up one or two photography lessons as soon as they land in Italy.

Italy is short-lived, but it’s also where circumstances for Sowon begin to change. Here, she falls in love with the culture, the scenery, the wide avenues, and then ultimately, photography–all within a year. It’s only meant to be a hobby, really, but Milan Fashion Week kicks off and she finds herself sitting in front of the television, gaping at the magic unfolding right before her eyes. Maybe this is her calling. Sowon decides she wants to study fashion photography.

They return to the States shortly after. She finishes the last two years of high school in New York and attends the Fashion Institute of Technology the following semester. By then, her parents are already abroad. It’s in these crucial years of independence that Sowon develops a sense of identity, all the while balancing school and internships.

Although her mind is in the right place, her heart is not. She wants to stay committed, find something worthwhile to keep her in New York–but alas, Sowon is ultimately homesick. Not for France, Brazil, or Indonesia, but possibly for somewhere she’s never been to. (Her heart doesn’t break anymore. It’s still in pieces, waiting to be put back together, and maybe that’s why she can’t stay still.)

10Mag hires her and she leaves for Seoul the morning of.

Lesson One: Sowon le Fou.

“They’re stealing my shit.”

It’s one a.m. when Sowon phones her friend from New York. Their conversation is supposed to go something along the lines of, ‘You’re getting married?’ and ‘No way, congratulations!’, but the festive atmosphere quickly fades ten minutes in and all that’s left, really, is a distressed Sowon, who isn’t much of a happy person to begin with.

“Who?”

“The picture editor at The Star. He’s taking advantage of me because I’m only an assistant.” Sowon emphasizes the word ‘assistant,’ because she knows that’s the root of the problem. “They would respect me more if I wasn’t new.”

“Have you tried confronting him?”

Sowon laughs, dryly. “You really think he’d admit it? That guy? Anyway, the company has his back,” she deadpans, sinking into her couch, “I hate the seniority customs they have here. He’s older than me, so I don’t know if I can do much.”

“Right,” her friend responds, “and it’s The Star you’re working for as well. I doubt anyone has the time to deal with image theft.”

“I should still do something about it though, right?” Sowon asks, seeking moral support.

A short pause, and then: “Yes.”

Lesson Two: Le Mépris.

Seoul is expected to have a thunderstorm sometime around noon. Sowon suspects, as lunchtime is approaching, that maybe that’s a sign for doom–a foreshadowing that her confrontation with the editor-in-chief won’t end too well.

She almost backs out of the plan too, until her thief throws a look her way that screams ‘Tu es completement débile.’ – And that’s all it takes for her to barge into the editor-in-chief’s office, honestly.

“Sajangnim,” Sowon begins, and she feels her confidence withering the longer she waits for a reply.

The editor-in-chief looks up from his desk and gives her a pointed look. (The disrespect.)

Sowon continues, “My work has been stolen by Mr. Lee for the third time. I wish you would say something about it to the staff so that I don’t always look like-”

“But aren’t we all working together?”

She swallows her words.

“We’re in the same team, Sowon-ssi. I don’t see a problem when our number one goal is to attract our readers.”

“Excuse me?” Sowon asks. She has to mentally run through a list of French conjugations to diffuse her anger, but the more she stares at the editor-in-chief, the more aggravated she becomes. “I just want credit, is all.”

“Is this really something we should be talking about right now?”

Sowon doesn’t answer.

“Yah, why aren’t you working? Is it even your lunch break yet?”

It’s one thing to be disrespected by her colleagues, but to have her boss of all people stare at her and treat her with disdain is both damaging and degrading.

Sowon hates the way he looks at her–hates the way all her seniors look at her, as if she hadn’t worked hard enough to get here.

Her employment status is still fairly new (three months since she’s been with The Star), but the lack of recognition irks her, gets under her skin. She can’t stand the seniority customs, the mindset that elders are automatically right, no matter how wrong they are. They say it’s best to pay no heed to their words, because what do they know? But sometimes, ignorance isn’t bliss. Sometimes, it just hurts.

Sowon feels herself crumbling. She wonders, for a split second, if Korea is the right place to be.

(Will there ever be a ‘right place’?)

“Merde!” she exclaims, “C’est des conneries! Va te faire foutre!”

There’s a downpour in Seoul for the next hour.

Lesson Three: Tout Va Bien (Pas Vraiment).

They tell her she’s such an American Girl, like it’s supposed to hurt. You Americans are so spoiled. And if it hadn’t been for the pojangmacha over her head, she’d have mistaken this situation for a night out in France. (The French people badmouth Americans, too.)

It’s all so amusing to her, though, how different people around the world think of Americans in the same light–as if there’d been an international consensus that the majority are utter babies.

Sowon can’t deny that her six years in New York has made her pompously entitled, especially in situations where things don’t go her way. And, maybe–as her friends had put it–she was being a little too sensitive that day.

“What do you suggest I do then, oppa?” Sowon is genuinely curious.

“You’re how many years old? 23?”

She nods.

Her female friend chimes in, albeit tipsily, “I think you need to grow up.”

Lesson Four: Hélas Pour Moi.

August and September disappear as quickly as they arrive. October settles in quietly.

Lately, everything feels humdrum blue–empty and eerily still, like the calm before a storm. Days of isolation and desperation turn to hours, weeks, months, driving nothing but schisms and fissures into her chest, hollow where her heart is. It’s all so draining, and it doesn’t help that Seoul feels lonelier than usual.

Maybe she’s homesick again.

“Or unemployed?”

The cheeky remark earns a playful smack from Sowon.

“No, oppa. It’s something about the cold,” she says, honest, “feels… nostalgic.”

He half-chuckles, stares off into the distance like something’s there. “What are you homesick for anyway? France?”

Sowon doesn’t say anything, because she also doesn’t know. Not really. Not yet.

—

“When are you leaving?”

“What, all of a sudden you care now?”

“Maybe I can give you some advice.”

“Soon, like in-a-few-weeks-soon.”

“Oh.”

—

Something is missing.

Sowon realizes this on the morning of oppa’s departure, when her apartment is colored blue and indigo. Something is always missing, and she can’t figure out what it is.

Lesson Five: Faut Pas Rêver.

November rushes in with new beginnings and miracles.

And a letter from Bern.

Grüezi, it reads, I know you probably hate me more than anything right now—in fact, I’d be lucky to have you even read this. But Sowon, listen to me. My moving had nothing to do with you. I couldn’t tell you this in person because I thought you needed some time alone, and—

Sowon skims through the first half of the letter, drops her gaze toward the very last sentence.

I learned a little French for you. “Faut pas rêver.” I hope you never give up your dreams of being a picture editor.

Yours truly.

She stills momentarily–and then trashes the letter altogether.