#im eating my monitor and when thats not enough i will eat my phone and when thats not enough i will print this out and eat it

[strangecowplant]

UPDATE

ill have to get to my replies later but i need to update right now

teddy was getting even worse, the meds were horrible to him and he just started to take a dive. he was dead weight, couldn't stand it was devastating to see him trying to pee or do anything really only to just fall. he was confused, scared, couldnt sleep for more than a couple minutes after having literally tried to calm him like a baby. this wasn't your typical sedative, calming med loopiness this was extreme, ive never seen a cat act this way before, let alone while on relaxants. its hard to explain but when you've experienced cats pass before you just know the signs and he was showing them rapidly later in the morning. i had another total breakdown so mom took the reigns and called them and absolutely ripped them apart. they're at fault for this getting worse, for this horrible medication, for not leaving the catheter in for longer like i said i wanted so he wouldnt have to go through that procedure AGAIN, its invasive enough ONCE let alone 2 or 3 times, for not ensuring he could pee on his own before just sending him off carelessly, for not communicating and hyperfocusing on money for issues that arent even an issue night now and could be done later. blockages are difficult to address as is, but the way they went about it made it even worse. the vet told us to get him in right away for the reaction to the new medication, and we were firm that we are NOT paying this is their fault I'm amazed teddy was able to make it through the night, he's so incredibly strong

as much as i dont ever want to go back there im doing everything for him and we raced him there, they're going through all kinds of checks to make sure he's ok and also working on his peeing. he had a wet bowl movement before i got the call, which couldve been from the sudden change to his prescription diet, the new med, the situation or anything, but was so weak he couldnt even stand so it got all over him, i had to wash him off and that seemed to kind of kick him into moving again, not much but a lot more than i had seen all morning after becoming exhausted, almost like it switched him back on to keep fighting.

so far he's doing well his bp is only slightly high due to the stress of being there but hes inflamed which also is making the urine they can push out tinged with blood. they're monitoring him constantly in fact she (this is a different vet from the owner, ive had good experiences with her) said he's being held almost all the time by another staff member, she will be giving him a boost of antibiotics as an injection and a single anti inflammatory since he got his bloodwork done and he doesnt have any kidney or liver issues or anemia/anything else. they offered for me to stay with them there so i can be with him but i needed to get back to my other babies to make sure they dont stress more either, i have to keep them healthy too so im getting updates over the phone. hes eating there hopefully thatll give him a boost of energy because though they can bring him out and walk him around/play hes still very sleepy. he hasnt peed but his bladder isnt full either, i asked why since he was drinking like crazy and she said its likely because he's dribbling tiny amounts almost constantly, his blanket has some small spots (i noticed when he was home his peepee was wet a lot but no full pees) im going to be grabbing him again soon before they close and then taking him back first thing in the morning for her to check his bladder again, if its full and hard again she's putting a catheter in again. she's also giving me a prescription for a bladder relaxer thats non drowsy, but its a gamble what pharmacies have it. we still are firm we are not paying, i'm still so scared because if they DO try to ding us with the bill we will absolutely be out of donations to help, the last bill was $606, on top of that all the gas needed to even get there and back is crushing, and i have no idea what will happen but its not something i can even think about right now

idk how its going to go we're just taking this one step at a time, my anxiety has made me so sick i want this nightmare to be over with and him at home safe and sound.

again thank you all so much for your concerns for my boy, all the help, the donations, the kind words its incredible how many are wishing and working for his recovering ill update again and get to replies as well when i can

please help me pay my kitties emergency vet bill!

ive never done this before but one of my cats just had to get an extremely sudden emergency procedure and i don't know what to do, my vet and i have reached out to a couple incredible programs here to help with the bill but one is less than half and the other hasn't replied back yet, i've already declined the blood work (CA$356) to lower the bill at the risk of possible underlying liver and kidney issues not being found but its still a monumental amount for us right now. i just feel so helpless

we had enough to pay the minimum deposit to get the procedure started in time thankfully, but we were already scraping by as it is and now we're in desperate need of funds to eat/pay rent/pay off any remainder of the bill. i am disabled without aid and have been unable to work/haven't worked since 2015 but am on track to hopefully start working pt this fall. i live with my mom who has 3-4 jobs including one seasonal job which needless to say is stressful and wearing her down. we unfortunately are stuck in the most expensive place to live in canada with the inability to save up to flee so the cycle is never ending.

this is Teddy, my typically very silly vocal happy boy who's not quite 2 yet, my comfort king, my little muffin who acts like a weighted blanket for me at night and eases my anxiety, his favourite toy is his pink unicorn poof, he loves car rides and he can shake paw!

he got a sudden urinary blockage last night with no straight answer as to why and progressively got worse as the night went on, i didnt sleep at all, i was panicking and bawling, naturally, and raced to the vet to get in as soon as the door opened. i assumed it was a uti which wouldn't have been as costly, but it turned out to be much more severe and life threatening. i never expected my usually extremely healthy boy to suddenly be at risk of that and im still trying to just process whats been happening

he needed to be sedated and given a catheter and some medication, the total bill came to CA$985.62, of which we were barely able to pay 500 of, and one program was able to donate 300 leaving a total of CA$185.62 for the bill. this, of course, leaves us scrambling for food and rent as well

i know there are a lot of fundraisers out there needing donations right now, and i really hate letting myself be so open and raw like this but even a dollar would help tremendously and i would be forever grateful for any help whatsoever, even a rb to signal boost is greatly appreciated <3

TLDR; my cat had a sudden life threatening issue and now we can't pay the full vet bill or pay for food/rent

Paypal

[terryboot]

+

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

Honeysuckle

hi i have no self control and really really really love tattoo artist!jaskier so here we are again. this is a prequel to the nipple piercings fic wherein geralt is absolutely smitten from day one. not the same vibe but im telling myself thats to be expected bc these take place like five years apart lol

Warnings: tattoos. if they make you squeamish this is not your fic, swearing, mild anxiety, not much else

___________________

Geralt’s palms were sweating when he walked into the little tattoo shop above his favorite deli. The artist he booked was nice enough in the email, and the front desk gal was sweet on the phone, but he’d never gotten a tattoo before and his anxiety was telling him to run home and bury himself under all the blankets he owned. 

A familiar voice greeted him when he came through the door, “Hey! Sweet, you’re early! Jask is just setting up the chair!” 

The coily brown haired receptionist gestured to a black leather couch across the room and Geralt just barely caught a glimpse of tattooed vines from under her hoodie sleeve. He nodded and smiled, taking a seat and trying not to look so stiff. The receptionist called another artist over and Geralt was surprised when the taller, purple eyed woman wrapped her arms around her shoulders and placed a kiss on her cheek as they looked at the monitor. It was the good kind of surprise, Geralt decided, the kind that sets you at ease when you were gearing up for a fight. The receptionist caught his unintentional smile and winked at him before he suddenly found his nail beds fascinating.

“You Geralt?”

His eyes scanned over the man asking from bottom to top and nearly lost his ability to speak, “Hm? Thats me.”

He looked like he came straight form the Seattle grunge scene in the 90’s, but showered and with beautiful floral blackout sleeves up to the wrists on each arm. It seemed the only color over his whole body was the few yellow buttercups scattered through the pattern, ending in a bouquet of all sorts of plants and flowers and herbs at his collar bones, only slightly covered by his Heathers on Broadway tank. 

He flicked his wispy brown hair out of his unreasonably pretty blue eyes and smiled so brilliantly Geralt had to remember to breathe, “I’m Jaskier. Come on back!”

Geralt gave him a curt nod and stood to follow. 

“I hope you brought shorts, it might be a bitch to walk home in that.” Jaskier said, leading him into one of the rooms down a long hallway.

Geralt was suddenly regretting listening to Lambert. He wanted to melt into the floor when he realized he would have to say this to the beautiful tattoo artist’s face, “They uh… they zip away…”

“Oh my god.” Jaskier breathed, finally looking at Geralt’s knees, “I didn’t even know they made those anymore.”

“I swear to god, my brother wears them for work and told me to-”

Jaskier waved his hand, clearly holding back a smile, “No worries, Ron Stoppable.”

Geralt rolled his eyes but couldn’t keep from smiling, “Do you make a habit of making fun of your clients?”

“Only when I’m sure they can handle it,” he teased, “Now off with the hideous zipper pants, I gotta shave your thigh before I start the drawing.”

Once Geralt was shaved and positioned every which way on the table/chair contraption, he finally got to see the rough sketch. The marker felt cool and tickled the back of his knee, but surprisingly to him, he kept up a relaxed conversation, almost flirting before he thought better of it. 

“Do you like where everything is? Want any more grass? Or flowers? Now’s the time for changes, don’t be shy.” 

Geralt turned his leg this way and that, looking at the little blue and purple marks in a band just above his knee in the mirror, “You’re the professional, what do you think?”

Jaskier took a step back and reached for a roll of paper towels and a bottle of rubbing alcohol, “You said this was your first tattoo right?”

Geralt nodded.

“Okay, one less flower on the back then.”

“Why?”

“It’s one of the most painful places to get tattooed.”

“Keep it. I like it.”

Jaskier raised an eyebrow, “Alright, Hot Shot. Face down, we’ll start there first.”

Holy fuck Jaskier was right. Geralt had a high pain tolerance, but this was a whole different kind of pain. He had his arms crossed under his forehead and was doing his best to take deep, even breaths but Jesus Christ, that little chuckle-fuck just kept going over what felt like the same spot. But hell would freeze over before Geralt tapped out, so he forced his breath out and kept going.

“Why honeysuckle?” Jaskier asked as he sat back to dip the machine in more ink.

Geralt took the opportunity to shift a bit and breathe easy before he lied, “Just picked it.”

Jaskier’s hands were back on his thigh, “You don’t have to tell me, it’s just not something I’m asked to do very often. Never for a first tattoo.”

Geralt’s smile turned into a grimace as the needles were back at his skin. Whether it was his sincerity, pretty eyes, or Geralt’s desperate need for a distraction, he bucked up and answered his question, “My- ah, someone told me to find a reminder of things I loved. My horse eats nothing but honeysuckle whenever we go on the trails.”

"That's so fucking cute," Jaskier sighed, still attacking the back of Geralt's leg, "Wouldn't have pegged you for a horse guy. What's their name?" 

The pain was easier to ignore when Geralt was rambling about Roach. Jaskier kept the conversation flowing, maybe indulging Geralt’s ramblings a little too much, but by the time he flipped Geralt over to do the inside of his knee they were joking and swapping disastrous college stories like old friends. They took a snack break where the purple eyed woman, Yennefer he'd learned, made fun of his zip shorts and Triss scolded her. It was nice, he felt oddly at home here with these people he’d just met. 

The front half of the tattoo was nothing compared to the back and Geralt was able to breathe and just chat. He did his best to convince himself that the feeling in his chest wasn’t disappointment when Jaskier finally finished and wrapped his leg in saniderm. 

Jaskier leaned on the front desk while they waited for Geralt’s card to run, "What are you doing after this?" 

Geralt's stomach turned with nervous excitement and he truly didn't know how he got his words to come out so casual, "Was just gonna get some ramen and watch reruns, why?" 

Jaskier worried at his bottom lip as he stapled the receipt to some paperwork, "There's a great ramen place around the corner and I don't have another appointment tonight…" 

Geralt positively beamed, "If you can stand to be seen with someone wearing zipper shorts in public, I'd love to."

[lesbianstarlightglimmer]

so my valentines was spent...

at work in 4°F with basically a blizzard running out orders or handing them out of the window and constantly cleaning up slush bc the dumbasses who not only came to get some ~chicky strips and borgers~ in a blizzard BUT DECIDED TO SKIP THE QUICK DRIVE THRU AND WALK INSIDE TO GET FOOD AND HAVE TO CAREFULLY WALK BACK. and they couldnt even be bothered to TRY to stomp their shoes off on the welcome mat thing??? lmfao

but there really wasnt many customers which was especially weird for a sunday (yeah there was a blizzard but the people of my town are utter morons) so there was a lot of down time

that sounds nice but i then spent the rest of the time anxious af about not knowing what to do with all that down time bc ik the managers would start getting upset if things werent getting done like they do normally but like??? you can only clean so much and restock so much??? what do i do then??? fake clean or fake check stock????

anyways that lead up to me during my last hour suddenly realizing my anxiety at work is directly influenced by how my f*ther will get annoyed and snippy if he thinks everyone is sitting around or not doing the task HE thinks needs to be done (even if im working on homework he still acts annoyed that im not doing his thing) and is constantly wanting to know what we are doing/where we are going which leads to me constantly telling my managers “im getting the mop” so they know my whereabouts bc im just so used to being monitored ig

and also on days my moms at work i have to act as her stand in and constantly be at his side asking what he needs me to do to avoid getting passive aggressive remarks or his chihuahua growl or whatever (high pitched but still low and dangerous sounding) for not being his mom or whatever the fuck you wanna call the horrible relationship between him and my mother

and this is an old realization but the reason why im so good with customers is bc living w my f*ther for 23 years has made me exceptionally good at pampering and bending to every whim to pacify customers. im so used to hearing him pretend like hes the only one thats right and as soon as someone else has A Point he makes A Point of shutting us down and saying that hes right--end of story. or not reading the signs and acting like its our fault they (he) didnt understand

oh and he drove me to work today too so i had to spend an awkward 10 minutes w him and he was already in a foul mood bc he took my mom to work and ig when he got back he needed to let addie out to pee so she didnt make a mess of the garage floor and accidentally set off the alarm and was cussing at me to just close the door bc the dog was nosing her way there (never answering my question of whether he thought the roads were safe or not for him to take me) and then we kept having this back and forth argument on the way there (basically he wanted me to keep my phone on me at all times in case the weather got bad so he could call me lmao as if i could answer at work LMAO but i kept trying to explain my pockets were too small for my new phone and somehow he thought NOTHING fit in my pockets and THEREFORE i needed to give him everything except my license and credit card until i finally repeated it enough times ig he finally figured out my WALLET AND KEYS can fit in my pocket but my PHONE cannot but i can safely store it away in the break room.) that was making me nervous bc i could tell he was ready to snap and i was just trying my best to remain calm and explain. 

and i had my near-breakdown or panic/anxiety attack (whichever one involves shortness of breath/squeezing chest/feeling of dread/shaking) at the end of my shift and got scared shitless when i noticed his car in the parking lot about 15 min before i was scheduled to go and so i snuck back to the back to check my messages and make sure he wasnt needing me there asap so i didnt hafta hear him bitch about waiting on me. he said to take my time and “whenever” which is always a precarious place like “whenever you can” or “whenever so long as its like right now” and so once i left i was trying hard not to shake and keep anxiously dumping my day to him so there was no room for him to talk 

also the anxiety killed my stomach and so did the fact they put me on break early so only breakfast foods and the combo of early morning + eating = nausea and gagging through my food and then dinner was ribs which my f*ther took to DROWNING in bbq sauce for his own needs and the fact that those ribs make me sick bc of one time where i had a HORRIBLE headache and ate one bite before getting sick so now my brain associates the taste/smell w getting sick so theres that. oh and sauce in general makes me sick and like i said this shit was DROWNING in bbq sauce. oh and he made egg salad (which i dont eat) and when my mom got back from work he asked her if it tasted right and she said “more mayo and sugar” and he did and the mayo was SO DISGUSTINGLY STRONG SMELLING it nearly tipped my stomach over the edge.

 so all of that combined means i feel sick af...mentally AND physically...

[hardyshoe]

benefits- a roger Taylor series

part four

warnings- pregnancy and language

a/n; another chapter? yes indeed, I have far too much time on my hands and I enjoy writing this series even though its not any good. 

*phone ringing*

 “hello, is this miss y/l/n?”

“yes it it”

“just calling to confirm your appointment today at 2.”

“uh yeah thats good”

“wonderful we’ll se you later then”

you'd been waiting for the call for the last week, no earlier appointments were available. so in the meantime you'd been alone, well not quite you had the company of the baby but judging by your guesses it could only be about 6 ish weeks old. it felt funny knowing there was a little thing inside of you and found your hands resting on your still flat stomach from time to time.

 mary had promised to come with you to the doctors, she’d been wonderful the last few days and stayed true to her promise of not telling anyone. she came around one thirty to pick you up and the two of you made your way the the hospital on the tube.

 it took everything in you not to hurl at the smell of the cheese and onion crisps the man next to you was eating. your stomach had been awful, not letting you keep a thing down other than plain popcorn and celery. this caused you to loose a bit of weight and you'd fainted the day prior from hunger. it wasn't good for you or the baby but you couldnt keep throwing up four times a day.

 the waiting room of the clinic was full of women with their husbands cradling round stomachs and ultrasound pictures, your heart longed to be like that with roger. you had to stop thinking like that it wasn't doing you any good. a little boy ran up to you and Mary wanting to show off his action figures and you'd normally have played along but for some reason the exited look in his eye made you want to cry. the boys mother came and took him away and apologised to you just as your name was called.

 “miss y/l/n please.”

 smoothing your shirt as you stood up you began to walk over to the exam room where everything would be 100% confirmed, no doubt. 

 “good afternoon miss, I'm doctor Maria. how are you?” she had a smile on her gentle face which calmed you down a little.

“im not great if I'm being honest, I can't keep any food down and I've never Benn more restless”

 “well thats very common, the sickness should subside at about 12 weeks. and is the father here?”

 that question. you knew it would come at some point but you didn't know how to answer. thankfully Mary saw the pained look in your eyes and stepped in, “he actually doesn't know and its not a good time to tell him unfortunately”

“thats alright, no worries. now y/n when was your last period?”

“oh um I actually don't know, id not really keep track. maybe a couple moths ago”

 “well we can probably get a good idea from the scan so take a seat and we’ll take a look”

 you were a little reluctant in your movements but soon eased into the exam table, happy to rest for a bit.

 “cold gel alright?” you nodded and hissed at the coolness on your abdomen.

 it was silent at first but after a minute a sound like a train ripping past filled the room, and a blurry grey image popped up on the monitor. you couldn't tell what was meant to be what and for a while no one said anything, the doctor looked like she was seeing something that neither you or Mary were.

 Mary could see you were panicking a bit and asked the doctor what was wrong “is everything alright? you look worried”

“oh yes everything’s alright, y/n how far along do you think you are?”

“um 6 weeks maybe?” you were going solely of when you and roger last fucked and you'd read somewhere it takes a week or so for the egg to get fertilised and settle, though really you had no idea.

“ right well your actually about 11 weeks along”

“what!?” that seemed impossible. if that were true then you had been pregnant nearly three months and roger had knocked you up a while before he left.

“yeah I'm surprised you haven't started to show yet” 

this confused you as you were under the impression women didn't normally start showing until the second trimester. Mary spoke up and seconded your thoughts.

“well yes that is normally the case but if you look here,” she moves the scanner on your stomach and pointed to something unrecognisable on the screen. “theres actually two babies in there”

 you went blank at her words. sure you could handle one baby on your own, it was an even match but two? there was so much going on in your head. if roger wouldn't accept one how the hell would he want two. how would you afford two babies on your small income. where would two babies and their things fit in you tiny one bedroom flat? and how on earth wo-

“y/n? did you hear me?”

“huh? no I'm sorry I zoned out” your throat was dry and you wanted to cry again.

“I said its too early to tell the genders but they are both healthy and keep eating as much as you can. you should start showing in a few weeks and I’ve booked you in for an appointment at 20 weeks so ill see you then”

that was it, you left the doctors office and went home on the tube with Mary. neither of you said anything, there was nothing to be said. the whole situation just got a hell of a lot more intense; not only were you basically at the end of your first trimester but you were having twins, and roger didn't even know you were pregnant. fuck why couldn't you just stop thinking about him, he didn't care, probably hadn't even crossed his mind.

-a few weeks later-

the doctor was right, you did start showing and rather rapidly. you'd had to go buy new cloths already and sleeping was getting more uncomfortable. on the bright side though your morning sickness had subsided and you'd even felt a few kicks from the babies at about 16 weeks. you were 19 weeks along now and nearing the next appointment, you'd find out the genders of the babies you actually gotten very attached to. you were careful with what you ate and avoided anything dangerous to yourself, this included lifting heavy things so despite the want you couldn't rearrange your flat to make it more homely.

 roger still hadn't called, you resented him for it. he didn't know of course how could he? but you longed to pick up the phone to him cheeky voice again. the radio no longer got played in your flat because every time you turned it on one go queens would play and you'd start crying. they were over half way through the tour and when they got back you be coming up to seven months along, the thought made you shudder. you were already big and by then you be huge. but if everything went to plan he'd still have no idea.

 through it all Mary had been a saint, she brought you groceries and cloths when you continued to outgrow the new ones. you didn't want to leave the house for fear of bumping into someone, having the conversation about the father and how far along you were was just a bit too much, god back on roger again.

it was all a bit much to be honest and soon enough you'd start nesting and then all of what little savings you had would be gone on baby things. in two days you'd be 20 weeks, halfway through and it seemed like you'd never make it. not with the amount of times you doubted yourself or told yourself you wouldn't be a good mother or that you mess up and wouldn't be able to handle it. the time was going a little too fast for you to keep up.

[autisticmob]

HELLO everyone i am now ten days out from my tiddy surgery so i think while everything is still fresh-ish in my mind I should get a rough timeline of how things went for me, just so anyone having similar stuff done in the future can have it as reference?? 

so under the cut is how shit went down, warning we are gonna be tmi about it for Max Information Dissemination, i will be talking about IV placement, Needles, Bleeding, Bruising, Bathroom Stuff In General, etc. so like. Be Warned.

OKAY SO what did i have done and how did i get it:

- i got a bilateral breast reduction with a “T,” “keyhole,” or “anchor-shaped” incision. this procedure, unlike double-incision top surgery, does not detach your nipples at all, but it DOES leave a decent hunk of breast tissue behind to avoid the nip graft. this connecting tissue keeps your nip attached and supplied with enough blood to survive. that means with this one, theres basically a limit to how much they can take off, and it depends on how big you are to start off with. 

- i went with the T-incisions because as a NB person, I wanted to sidestep the “gender-confirming surgery” route with my insurance. technically, I believe it would have been covered if i had gone through the process of talking to a therapist and getting a note that the surgery WOULD help confirm my gender, but i suspect it would have taken much longer, and I was afraid that my doctor and community resources would not have ended up approving me FOR the surgery since I don’t exactly fit the typical trans narrative. and luckily for me i had Massive, Spine-Bending G Cup Tiddies to contend with. so every doc that took a look at me said “yeah, you need those taken care of for medical reasons.” so i thought hey, let’s see how far this will get me!

- i talked to my primary care doc about my back pain and mentioned i’d like to look into a breast reduction, and she referred me to a local surgeon who could do the procedure. at the time i was still entertaining the idea of double-incision, but as it turned out, this surgeon just didnt do that. but i knew for certain my insurance would cover him, his results were good, and he was local, so i said yes to the T-incisions, which he said would likely get me down from a G to at least a C. it wasnt my ideal scenario admittedly, but frankly the back pain was getting to be too much, and i needed it to be addressed sooner rather than later.

- i had a consultation with the surgeon in early december, and they took pictures and measurements to send to my insurance so they could confirm the tits WERE in fact Too Bomb To Live. Doc said that it varies between insurance companies, but most will have a minimum amount of tissue that needs to be taken off, in grams, from each breast. he was like, “your insurance needs at least 1000g total removed, which’ll leave you on the small side, is that cool?” and i was like “My Man, take AS MUCH as you possibly can, im sick of these” and he was like “cool, makes my job easy then.” 

- it took my insurance like 1.5 to 2 months to get back to me, but late january the surgery place called me and we set a date for february 5th, 2020!!

PRE-OP:

- before i went into surgery, the hospital made me go over my medical history with them over the phone, informed me of all the risks, and gave me a special scrub kit to shower with at home for the last 2 days before the surgery

- fun fact this soap will make your whole bathroom and body smell strongly and exactly like a hospital and it is gross as hell if you hate hospital smell

- i also had to go to my primary care doc to get the OK that i was healthy enough to go under general anesthesia, and also get some blood tests and a urinalysis done. i fucked up the urinalysis tho (which is a whole other story) so i had to redo that the morning of the surgery when i got to the hospital anyway. 

- when i scheduled my surgery they also gave me a list of things i had to NOT DO before i went in. this included stuff like avoiding herbal medications and non-prescription supplements and not drinking any alcohol for like 2 weeks prior to surgery, and not eating anything after midnight the night before surgery.

- then it was SURGERY DAY!!!

- i went in with uhhh a LOT of anxiety about what everything would entail, ngl. i knew i had to do it because staring down the barrel of life with tiddies forever was way scarier than surgery, but yknow whenever you go under general anesthesia they legally do have to let you know that you could die and thats just a lot to consider, PLUS the whole thing involves just, really mangling your torso so like. its a lot! its okay to be scared!

- both my parents went with me for moral support which i appreciated a lot, but i didnt actually see them much since they had to spend a lot of it in the waiting room.

- when i went back with the doc they had me Wash The Tiddy Off with some antiseptic and change into a gown. i got some grippy socks out of the deal which is probably not a universal experience, but this hospital did it so shoutout to them for the socks i guess

- then they asked me all my medical history stuff again and checked me for any like, rashes or open sores or anything. i had some Tit Zits but they did not seem to be worried about that.

- then the surgeon came in and drew lines on me for the incisions. bro when i saw how high up my nips were gonna be i was losing my damn mind. this is one of the really exciting parts, because you finally get to really visualize what your end size is gonna be!! 

- once he was satisfied with how everything looked, they started really Prepping Me For Surgery.

- they hooked me up to a blood pressure cuff, a heart monitor, and some compression leg thingies that would inflate and deflate intermittently around my calves to help me not get blood clots. this felt weird but tbh also like kind of a nice massage

- then the iv placement. bro im not lying when i tell you this is the worst part. the nurse numbed me with some lidocaine before placing the needle and let me tell you that shit HURTED. lidocaine Stings and Burns when it hits and this was arguably the most painful part. but the good news about that is it means nothing else after that is all that bad. and i got THREE lidocaine shots because these two nurses could NOT find my blood anywhere. they finally called in their ringer (an EMT named kirk, s/o to kirk) who got that sucker in my arm with NO numbing and NO pain in like, 2 fucking seconds. i pray you all have a kirk. kirk knows where your fucking blood is and hes not gonna fuck around getting to it because he JUST wrestled a drunk dude into an ambulance like an hour ago and compared to that this is nothing. kirk had sleeveless scrubs. im obsessed. anyway.

- then they put a plastic, inflatable, heated blanket over me? it was between two regular blankets so it wasnt as uncomfortable as you might imagine, but it was strange. warm tho so that was nice.

- THEN they wheeled my bed down to surgery. i was having so much anxiety at this point it was like... dreamlike. getting wheeled into the OR was just surreal. i was like, no thoughts head empty, just taking everything in.

- once i got there the surgical team was very cool about keeping me calm tho. they were playing their like, pump-up music and one of the guys was like “hey fyi about halfway thru the surgery we will be turning the lights off and having a rave, just in the interest of full disclosure. promise not to leave any glowsticks in there tho” and i was like what no i would LOVE glowstick tiddies

- i had to kinda roll from my bed onto the operating table, which was significantly harder and smaller. that kinda made things feel real, so i got a little more anxious at that point.

- to help me calm down they had me breathe in some straightup oxygen thru a mask while they hooked my iv to the fluids and such, and the guy was like “WHOA you got some lungs on you dude” and i was like yeah thanks im recovering from hyperventilating

- then they let the anesthesia into the iv, letting me know the whole time what was happening, talking to me until i was just OUT, which was not a lot of conversation time because i was out in like 5 seconds or less. they didnt make me count down or anything, but i promise you it was nigh instantaneous.

POST OP

- it really was instantaneous. i know everyone says that but it really is the truth, it feels like the whole thing takes seconds. like one moment youre laying there in the OR feeling the drugs Hit, and the next youre waking up in the little wake-up room feelin kinda groggy with a nurse talking to you, and youre still druggy so youre just rambling to her about how fucked your voice sounds right now and as soon as shes contented that youre basically lucid they start wheeling you to your room where youll ACTUALLY stay while you recover.

- THE THING I WAS THE LEAST PREPARED FOR WAS MY THROAT

- your throat will Hurt afterwards, but even more than that, you will be producing So Much Mucus. my surgery took about 2 hours and during that time, all my muscles were paralyzed by the anesthesia, including my lungs, so i was on a breathing tube. my throat, understandably, hated this, and started producing Gallons Of Fucking Mucus to protect itself. it then continued to do this for the next two days or so. the nurses were encouraging me to breathe deep and cough Hard to combat this, and avoid getting pneumonia, so i did. but THAT hurt the tiddies. it was really a vicious cycle. but its necessary because god if i had to have pneumonia on top of all the other recovery shit?? god. 0/10 wouldnt recommend. so it might hurt but dont worry your tiddies wont bust open or anything.

- i spent basically the rest of the day still hooked up to all the machines i listed earlier, PLUS a thing that would beep at me if my heart rate went too high, which it did a lot because i have anxiety, but luckily the nurses didnt seem too concerned. it really kept my breathing on track though because if i didnt breathe deep enough my heart would shoot up super fast and it’d beep and god that was just annoying and im pretty sure that was The Point. you kinda have to get used to breathing again, and the beeping trained me.

- they gave me like a bunch of crackers and a huge mug of water to work on at my leisure. i actually had lunch pretty quick after waking up? i know a lot of people have nausea issues from anesthesia but i didnt experience any of that. i DID move like a fucking sloth while i was eating tho. the pain meds and general grogginess of recovery slowed my whole body down sooooo much. my mom was actually like “are you okay??? like neurologically??????” and i was, totally, i was just. on slo-mo.

- anyway i didnt have to get catheterized for this procedure thankfully but they DID make me measure my pee every time i went to the bathroom. like i had to pee in a little bucket attached to the toilet and the nurse had to come check it every time and i felt really weird about that. so idk just be prepared for that i guess lmao

- also idk if it was the pain meds or the anesthesia itself but post-op, i couldnt shit for like a week. the constipation is real so get u some fucking laxatives asap when you get home, this is not a joke lmao

- they also had me put on a belt every time i got up so the nurse could hold onto me in case i decided to fucking biff it. they got me up a couple times throughout the day/night to walk up and down the hallway outside and get my body used to being upright again

- oh speaking of i never got to lie down completely flat, they had my bed locked at like a 30 degree angle minimum to help with... something. im not quite sure what, but im not gonna question it

- when i got up the next morning they had a couple nurses come in and help me un-bandage so i could shower and finally look at what the tiddies looked like for the first time!! and it was exciting but i didnt cry like i expected lmao i think i was too drained and too distracted by the bleeding

- the bleeding wasnt too bad actually, just little beads kinda coming out of parts of the incisions between the stitches. but once i got in the shower obviously stuff started getting diluted in the water and it looked like a lot more than there actually was, so dont be alarmed by that! 

- SHOWERING: its a little complicated. youre not supposed to soak the incisions, and youre not supposed to apply direct water pressure or actually touch them at this point. so what i had to do was get a washcloth wet and soapy (with antibacterial soap, i think it was hand soap honestly. hand soap’s what ive been using at home so........) and then just kinda. squeeze it at your collarbone and let it drip down over everything kinda minimally. its kind of a process but it works fine. washing your hair and like, tbh literally everything else is gonna be hard. reaching over your head is hard and scary at this point. i will admit my hair care Suffered the first week. 

- then i got bandaged back up and they got me back into my own clothes and ready to go home! they also put a bra on me over the bandages in my new size. i was only there for about 24 hours total, since i didnt really have any complications. 

- on the ride home i had to make sure the cross-chest part of the seat belt was NOT touching me. if whoevers driving you hits a pothole, your soul WILL exit your body tits-first for a moment. im sorry if you live somewhere like here in nebraska where the roads are garbage but its not gonna be fun.

ONCE YOU’RE HOME!!

- i live at home with my mom and sister and if you live alone, id try to have a friend basically move in for the first week. you will need Help with things. basic things. you’ll mostly want to sleep because of the pain meds but those made me pretty dizzy so it was cool having my mom around in case i like. fell on the way to the bathroom and died or anything like that.

- changing bandages is really kind of a 2-person affair too, and youll have to do it at least once a day post-shower, so keep that in mind. 

- the bleeding is like, not that bad after that first day honestly. i never had to change the bandages more than just the once per day. 

- basically from here the procedure is just to take it easy, get up every few hours and walk around a little to keep the blood clots at bay, and enjoy yr new silhouette basically

- worst thing about recovery honestly? im a stomach/side sleeper, and i cant manage anything other than laying flat on my back with my arms at my sides right now, and thats just like.... idk i really cant sleep like that. its not comfy. ive had to set up kind of a pillow fort around me to keep me from rolling over in my sleep bc im afraid i might hurt myself accidentally like that, but idk how well-founded that fear is.

- i will say as someone who did have back problems before this, the difference is IMMEDIATE. i literally had better posture like Day 1. im still a little hunched over because the stitches create a bit of tension in your chest, but like literally it was instantaneous. god. once i got healed to a point that i could like, kinda relax and not be so fucking tense all the time? back pain has basically just been GONE. 

- other fun things to notice: i had some pretty significant stretch marks before, and now they are running in a completely different direction. i crossed my arms over my chest the other day and they actually touched my torso for the first time in like, well over a decade. if i close my eyes and try to grab my tiddy from muscle memory, i stop like a full 3 inches from where my tit actually starts now. the size i am now, just like, freeballing it? this is how i looked when i wore a binder before. if i wore a binder now i imagine id be completely flat, and honestly if i layer up at this point you cant really tell that i have anything more than the average chubby dude’s moobs, which as a kinda chubby person is totally fine. 

its a trip relearning what i look like and what im supposed to feel like but its just. such a fucking improvement over where i was. absolutely no regrets, regardless of how hard recovery has felt at times. anyway i hope this information is at least interesting and maybe helpful to anybody considering anything similar!!

[mar-bluu]

How do you reckon Elmer and Buttons would react if Lucy got pregnant? Can just imagine how excited Elmer'd be, calling everyone like "im gonna be a grandad!"

Akdksoske ohmygosh okay!!! (This is gonna be my long, and incomprehensible ramblings, sorry!!)

So! One day Elmer's sitting in the kitchen eating his breakfast when Lucy walks in and just throws up right in front of him. Elmer's like "oh okay that's nice, you do that, yeah right in front of my toast, okay" and Lucy just walks out and leaves him to clean it up. So Elmer finishes up his toast and cleans up Lucy's mess when Buttons walks in. Elmer's like "Lucy threw up just before but i cleaned it up, so be careful, the floor might be wet." And Buttons goes "huh, she threw up yesterday as well." So they're a little concerned but chalk it up to her probably eating grass. The next day, however, when she throws up again, they're like "okay something might be wrong, let's take her to the vet" so they bundle her up in the car and drive down to the vets, Elmer's quietly freaking out because all he can think of is the absolute worst, and Buttons is trying to keep him calm, saying that its probably nothing as he tries to stay calm as well.

They pull up and head inside. As theyre sitting in the waiting room, Lucy throws up again, so the lady at the desk is like "okay, we should probably look at that like, now." So Lucy's brought into a side room and Buttons explains that she's been off her food and vomiting for the last few days. So the vet's like "is she spayed?" And Elmer and Buttons look at each other like "is she??" So they say that they're unsure and the vet's like "okay, well we're gonna do an ultrasound real quick" Lucy's whisked off to the back room for an ultrasound and now, Elmer's f r e a k i n g out. "Buttons, she could've eaten something really bad! What if she's been poisoned? Did we remember to give her her heartworm tablets? Did we check her for ticks!?" And Buttons is trying to stay calm and reassure Elmer, and theyre both too busy worrying about Lucy to notice the vet coming back. She opens the door to the two of them panicking, and just sets Lucy down on the examination table, waiting for Elmer and Buttons to notice. Lucy sits on the table with her tail wrapped around her paws and meows loudly. That gets their attention, and the turn to the table, holding each other's hands nervously. "Well," the vet starts "Lucy's gonna be just fine." Elmer and Buttons share a look of relief. "But," they begin to grow nervous again "you might wanna consider kiddie proofing the house, cause Lucy's gonna be a mama"

The two of them are completely silent, staring open mouthed between the vet and their cat, who stares proudly back. "What?" The vet just nods, giving Lucy a scratch behind her ears. "A mother of seven, actually. Or at least thats how many i can see." Buttons squeals excitedly as Elmer tackles him in a hug "we're gonna be grandparents!!" The vet laughs along before stepping them through the pregnancy process. She walks them to the counter and gives them a card to an all-hours house call vet who can help them if they're worried about or during birth. They thank the vet and bring Lucy home.

The second they got inside Elmer's on the phone to everyone telling them the good news as Buttons lectures Lucy about running off and getting pregnant. Everyone's so happy for them (especially Davey who's a big cat person, though he doesn't often show it and Mush who comes over as soon as possible with extra cat food and bedding) and Buttons and Elmer spend 110% of their attention on Lucy and making sure she's comfortable ("pregnant cats are called queens, Buttons, we should treat her like one!" "She has three beds stacked on top of each other and enough food to last her a life time, i dont think she needs another cat-box" "fine, but we need to get her a "world's best mum" cat bowl!")

Anyway! One morning at about 2:40 am Elmer wakes up to Buttons shaking his shoulder. "It's happening!" "What?" "It's happening!!" "Wha- oh, oh!" He springs out of bed as Buttons dials the emergency vet. Elmer sprints through the house, finding Lucy huddled in a corner, washing her fur. Elmer kept his distance, not wanting to annoy her, as he tried to keep his excitement quiet. Not too long after that the emergency vet arrived, following Buttons into the room. He said there wasnt a lot he can do, as Lucy seemed to be handling it very well, so they sat there and talked about Lucy, if this was her first litter, how well she'd been dealing with the pregnancy etc. They waited there for an hour and a bit, cooing over pictures of the vet's own kittens, before Lucy gave birth to the last of her kittens. The vet monitored Lucy for another half hour or so before heading off, ("make sure to take them to the vets within a week or two for a wellness check") and Elmer and Buttons move in closer for a look at the newest additions to their family. They count the kittens, finding another 2 the vet missed, and excitedly snap pictures and send them to their friends. As they continue to melt over the kittens, they notice that while a lot of them have the same black and white colourings of their mother, a few of them were a pretty orange, that looked suspiciously like the ginger cat who lived down the street. Buttons made a mental note to have a stern talking to with him the next time they saw him.

Already Elmer's thinking of names for the kitties, sending options to the groupchat (only Race is awake and his suggestions include Professor Cheeseball and Sir Meatball Daggertooth, which he reads out to Lucy who doesn't look too pleased with them) Buttons had already picked a name for one, Tigger, which they settled on giving to the biggest ginger fluffball. They settled on Gizmo for the kitty that looked like a little clone of his mum, then waited for the others to wake up and help (Race is officially banned from naming anything after suggesting Moldy Stink Rat) Elmer and Buttons sat on the couch and watched Lucy with her new babies, wrapped in each others arms, as they fall asleep listening to Lucy meow softly to her kittens.

After about three months, the kittens were all named (Tigger, Gizmo, Oreo, Luna, Willow, Sunny, Marmalade, Cedar, and after lots and lots and lots of pestering from his human counterpart, the last one was named Jack) and had their appropriate vet work done. Davey appointed himself as godfather and was over any time he could ("where are my babies? I want to see my babies!" *scoops up Gizmo* "And how's mama Lucy going?") Mush and Blink would come and visit them frequently too, always bringing little toys and things for the kittens to play with. Cedar had taken a real shine to Mush and Blink, and would always go running towards them whenever he heard their voices. (Elmer and Buttons had a feeling of who they wanted to give Cedar to when the time came) Jack couldn't come over as frequently as the others but would constantly text Elmer and Buttons for updates on Cat-Jack, and had a picture of his kitty twin in his wallet and would show it off proudly to anyone who asked.

Unfortunately come month 4, Buttons and Elmer had to make the tough decision of giving away their precious babies. Lucy was just as upset as the two of them, but they couldn't keep looking after all of them, they'd already lost a pair of shoes, two pillows and several cups and glasses. So they needed to make sure the kitties went to the best of homes. Naturally Davey offered to take two (Oreo and Marmalade), Katherine took Willow, Barney adopted Luna, and Albert got Sunny. Elmer and Buttons asked Blink and Mush if they wanted to take Cedar, but they were slightly hesitant as they didnt want him to be overwhelmed by all the other animals (though they seriously had to restrain themselves from accepting right away) So Elmer and Buttons held onto him (tho they had a feeling that in a month or so he'd be living on the farm) Jack obviously adopted mini him, and Gizmo and Tigger stayed with Buttons and Elmer

Every month or so, they would all organize a meet up together, usually at Buttons' and Elmer's house so Lucy could see her babies again, and have kitty hangouts. Lucy, Elmer and Buttons miss the other kittens a lot, but they're happy knowing that they're with good families and good homes :)

Also Lucy definitely got spayed after bc they couldn't deal w the heartbreak of giving away kittens again, and also to help keep kitties off the streets, and the cat from down the road got a very stern talking to

[keelywolfe]

Fic: Hearts and Hopes

Summary:  It's been a long week and Edge is tired. His husband still has a trick up his sleeve but that's okay, he keeps his heart on his sleeve, too. It's a fair trade.

Notes: If you thought to yourself that I couldn’t possibly get more fluffy with this, brace yourself.

Tags: Spicyhoney, Established relationship, Fluff, hurt/comfort

part of the ‘by any other name’ series.

Read it on AO3

or

Read it here!

~~*~~

The monitor screen was starting to blur in his vision and Edge rubbed at his sockets irritably, trying to focus. It was late enough in the day for it to be close to pointless and the stacks of folders at his elbow were a clear sign that he hadn’t gotten nearly enough done over the course of the day. Janice was sorely missed and as much as he wanted her to take her time recovering, he’d be relieved when she finally came back. Working without her was like trying to type with a hand tied behind his back, doable but slow going.

Edge sighed tiredly. He was being unreasonably annoyed with himself and he knew it. Along with missing his assistant, he hadn’t slept well, nightmares lurking in the corners of his sleep. Those dreams always came back when he was stressed. He hated that particular weakness, didn’t allow his nightmares to follow him into his waking hours but still, his sleep was interrupted, and it left him drained.

It was endlessly irritating that his subconscious mind refused to leave the past in the past. Underfell no longer had a hold on his daytime life, when would it leave his nights in peace? The probable answer to that was not one he particularly liked.

A knock on his door made him jerk and Edge swore under his breath. It was nearly time for him to go home, he wasn’t in the mood to deal with anyone else’s problems today and without Janice to run interference, he was going to have to put his own diplomacy to the test.

“Come in,” he called, trying to keep his irritation from his voice.

To his surprise, Stretch poked his head in the door, grinning cheekily. “heya handsome, you about done?”

Edge could only sigh in a mixture of fondness and exasperation. Days after Stretch had promised him to be careful coming down here, if he came down here, which he rarely did, of course that would be when he showed up at his door.

“okay, you can stop with the look,” Stretch chided. Not that there was a look, Edge was certain of that, but Stretch could always read him better than anyone. “i shortcutted into the lobby from the bus stop, as per. no one saw me outside. i even called reception before i did so no one would have a shitfit about me coming out of nowhere.”

“Thank you for your caution,” Edge said dryly, masking his relief that Stretch was at least taking him seriously. “Can I ask why you’re here when I would have been home shortly anyway?”

“you can ask and i’ll even answer,” Stretch grinned happily, rocking on his heels, and Edge waited, suspiciously. “i want you to drive me someplace.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem,” Edge gave him a narrow look. “Where am I driving you?”

Stretch’s grin turned sly and he tapped the faint protuberance of his nasal bone, “now, see, that’s where you’ll need to be patient, babe. you’ll see when we get there.”

For one moment, he considered begging off. Whatever game Stretch was playing was surely heartfelt, but he was tired and wasn’t really feeling up to a mysterious road trip. Janice was supposed to be back next week, and even so they’d be days catching up to the backlog of work.

Tempting, but to do so would steal that look of glee from Stretch, his visible delight in whatever it was he had planned. Stretch would accept it if he asked, Edge knew, he wouldn’t complain or protest, and whatever disappointment he felt would be held back, muted into nothing but dimmer eye lights, his normal exuberance only slightly subdued. Nothing that most people would notice.

But Edge would know.

“Let me pull the car up to the sidewalk,” Edge sighed. “You can see it from reception, and you can shortcut to it.”

“Whatever makes you happy,” Stretch said agreeably, bouncing on his toes as he waited for Edge to put on his coat.

You make me happy, Edge didn’t say, though he did reel Stretch in for a quick kiss, one that was happily given.

He did hope it wasn’t a long drive.

~~*~~

Stretch really hoped this wasn’t a mistake.

For one, he could tell Edge was tired. That was fucking disturbing as it was, Edge was usually a six-foot energizer bunny, his baby could go and go, and usually did. He wasn’t used to seeing lingering weariness in him, the way his eye lights were dimmer than normal.

Yeah, that and the nightmares he’d been having this week, thanks, if Edge thought he was hiding those, he was ever-fucking-wrong, and maybe he didn’t wake up screaming loud enough to peel the linoleum but even still, he wasn’t sleeping well.

Tempting as it was to play the hypocrite card and point out that he’d gotten dragged to a therapist when his nightmares were bad, eh, even he couldn’t pretend it was quite the same. His own issues had always been a little deeper than just a few bad dreams. Not that Edge probably wouldn’t benefit from a therapist; fuck, between him, Sans, and the Fell brothers, they could probably see about getting a group rate, but it didn’t feel like a battle worth fighting.

Not yet, anyway.

So, after spending a few days wracking his brain, trying to come up with something to do for Edge, he’d finally had an idea. Good idea? Time would tell, but he was hedging enough on it to have Edge following the GPS on his phone without letting him see the final address.

The building they pulled into was unimpressive, only two other cars in the parking lot and there was no sign to betray him.

Edge followed him up the walkway, waiting with silent wariness as Stretch knocked on the unassuming door. They didn’t have to wait long for a young Human woman to answer, smiling warmly even though she’d only met Stretch face to face once before, that very morning. They’d known each other on Twitter for a long time and had a pretty good working relationship, and she’d been eager to help when he asked for this very particular favor.

“Hello,” she said brightly, holding the door open, “Come on in, you’re right on time.”

“deena, this is my husband, edge.” Stretch told her as he toed off his shoes. Edge did the same, slower, though he nodded to her politely, shaking her hand when she offered it.

“It’s good to meet you in person, Edge,” Deena smiled. “Just follow me.”

“What is this?” Edge muttered, low enough to only carry to Stretch. His confusion deepened at the sound that was getting louder as they walked down the hallway, whimpers and whines. At the end was a doorway blocked by a baby gate and behind it were crying balls of fluffy puppy, all of them piled together in front of the gate.

“Get back, you little beasts,” Deena laughed, stepping over the gate. She made her way to the back of the room where there was a table laden with items. “You’ll have to excuse their manners, they’re hungry.”

Stretch followed her and, more reluctantly, Edge. The puppies milled at their feet and Stretch reached down to pick one of the squirmy bundles up.

“this is the hearts of hope animal shelter,” Stretch told his husband, petting the eager puppy in his arms. “i post for them all the time on my twitter for donations and adoptions. someone found these little guys in a box behind a dumpster and they’re fostering them until their old enough to adopt.” Without waiting for any protests, he thrust the puppy into Edge’s hands, waiting only long enough for him reflexively catch it before letting go and snagging up another.

“Rus…” Edge murmured warningly.

“it’s not what you think, i promise. i’m not angling for another pet, the chickens are good.” He grinned, nuzzling into soft fur. “but come on, look!”

The puppies looked like little toasted marshmallows, puffy white overlaid with tan, the leftover little ones tumbling around their feet, whimpering and crying. Deena came back carrying a box of filled bottles, handed one to Edge and Rus before gathering up a puppy of her own.

“Here you go, greedy Gus,” she laughed as the puppy latched on to the nipple instantly, suckling hungrily. “They eat so much at this age.”

Stretch offered the bottle to the puppy in his arms, sinking down to sit on a clean spot on the floor. Another puppy took the opportunity to clamber into his lap, and Stretch laughed, snagging another bottle and trying to feed two at once.

It was worth all the effort, all the worrying and planning, to see Edge shifting to sit next to him, inexpertly handling his own puppy, but soon each one of the floofs had a bottle and were eating with blissful eagerness.

It didn’t take long for them to drain the bottles and that left them with a lapful of sleepy little critters, their tummies round and full.

“There we are, you little troublemakers,” Deena crooned. She gathered up her puppy and sat it fearlessly into Edge’s lap where it curled up with his sibling. Stretch loved her a little for that, but then, she had a lot of experience in dealing with bruised souls, didn’t she? “Hold them for a bit, could you, while I clean up?”

“I…all right,” Edge agreed, a little helplessly, as Deena gathered up the empty bottles and left. He stroked a tentative hand over his puppies, petting gently. One of them kicked a foot, whimpering indistinctly and sighing as Edge scratched behind one tiny ear. Softly, he asked, “What made you think to bring me here?”

Stretch shrugged a little, petting his own sleepy fluffies. “you told me once how loyal the dogs of your Snowdin were. i just thought…you sounded like you maybe you missed them.”

“They were very loyal,” Edge agreed. It did not escape Stretch’s notice that he didn’t say anything about missing them. “But puppies of Aboveground are not the same as Monsters.”

Stretch only shrugged again. No, they weren’t, but Edge didn’t stop petting them, either.

He did slant Stretch a narrow look. “We aren’t taking one home.”

“nope, not even asking,” Stretch agreed, gathering up one of his puppies to nuzzle soft fur. “these are more like…therapy dogs.”

“I don’t—” Edge began and stopped, biting off the words.

“don’t what?” Stretch settled his drowsy puppy back into his lap, trailing his fingers through silky fur. “don’t need therapy? you can say it, i’m not offended.”

A flicker of something like guilt tinted Edge’s expression. “I don’t mean to imply there is anything wrong with needing it.”

“you aren’t,” Stretch said firmly. “now c’mon, these little guys need your help.”

It was deliberate phrasing, and even if Edge knew what he was doing, it tended to work. Edge was hardwired somewhere in a way that made him like helping. Even puppies.

“My help?” Edge said dubiously, but he took the sleeping puppy Stretch handed him, gently adding him to his pile.

“yep. he needs pets and loves.”

There was something indescribably precious about seeing his fierce, proud husband with a lapful of sleeping puppies curled against him. Petting them carefully, heedless of the shed fur clinging to his expensive trousers. No wonder Edge had so many clothes; married to Stretch, he sure as hell went through them. Their drycleaner was going to be able to retire in the tropics.

He couldn’t resist snapping a picture of it, planning on making it the background on his phone. Only to blink in surprise when Edge asked him, hesitantly. “Do you think posting a picture to Twitter would be helpful for adopting them out? My appearance is sometimes…unnerving for Humans.”

Well, that was an unpleasant realization to sneak in amidst all the adorable. Was that really why Edge didn’t like Stretch posting pictures of him online? It was on the tip of his tongue to say it wasn’t true and even if it was, he didn’t give a flying fuck. Edge was fucking gorgeous, sexy as all hell, and he didn’t give a shit what any coldhearted Humans thought about it.

He choked it back. That wasn’t going to help and Edge preferred honesty, even if it was unpleasant. They were using his Twitter and Instagram for propaganda, that was a fact, and Edge did look fierce sometimes to people, no, to fucking idiots who couldn’t look beneath the hard crust to see the marshmallow filling beneath. A picture didn’t give context; Stretch knew his love, knew how tender, how gentle and caring he was.

Stretch took a long, slow breath, and considered his words carefully. “tell you what, i’ll get a few shots that’ll let me post about the puppies online but still protect your privacy, yeah? so people don’t stop you on the street to ask for your autograph. and you can see them first, get veto rights.”

Must not have done too badly, because Edge’s smile was easier, his hesitance falling away, “All right.”

They stayed for a while longer, cuddling the puppies. One of them woke up enough to gnaw on Stretch’s fingers a little too enthusiastically with his needle-sharp little teeth, making him curse and Edge chuckle. It woke the rest of them and soon they went from snoozing balls of fluff to playful, tumbling ones, tugging eagerly on a rope toy as Edge held it or clambering into his lap for more pets and scritches, until they both were laughing, Deena staying tactfully away for the time being.

Not a cure for nightmares, Stretch knew, not an answer to his husband’s troubles, but it was hard to be too miserable when you were covered in puppies.

-finis-

[jwnbwnjwn]

Entry 9 (05.09.2021) - (06.04.2021)

Before I get into things, I cant believe I haven’t been on here in almost half a year. Well, to be fair I do get on here, but just for a quick minute to see my small feed and then get off, or whenever I get those notifications from tumblr desperately trying to get me to open their app again. I actually have been meaning to get on here and write, but I guess it became one of things you say and never do. I just felt that there was so much on my life to update on that I kept pushing it back further and further. I know I don't have to, but someday I’d like to see what was going on in my time back in the day - both good and bad, Besides, it’d be an interesting thing for my kids and for my older self to look back upon and see what bullshit went on. Reading off my last entry, I see I brought up that keto diet again. Yeah, that shit never stuck. It was one of those things that I tried once and it went great, and then I kept trying it time after time and it failed every time. Even now, this month, Im still trying to get back into it. And by “getting back into it”, I mean I told Mr. that I was gonna do this diet with him, and then i continued eating like crap - but wait I have an excuse. My sisters birthday was the week that we were supposed to start, so I mean, I couldn’t step out on my sisters birthday bro, I had to eat that good good you know? 

Covid is still a thing. Update on that though, I did get vaccinated. My university opened up vaccinations for students and so me and Mr. The first vaccination didn’t hurt at all, to be honest I didn’t even feel the dang thing go in. And it was so funny because after you get the vaccine they monitor you for fifteen minutes and Mr. legit had the worst luck and sat in the only available seat which was in the corner between an Asian girl who was on the verge of throwing up and someone who was laying down in a bed about to pass out. I mean, it was hilarious imagining if they were to throw up on him, and besides with the jokes we made, It was so hard to keep in my laughter. The second vaccine was about two weeks after the first, and there was some sting to that one. I didn’t get any crazy symptoms, but my head was spinning and i felt very tired, the best way I could describe it is when you’re really sleepy and you just wanna sleep all day and your eyes are heavy, like that. Like, the best type of sleepy where you’re about to knock out. The only bad thing to it was your head spinning but thats it, I guess it made you feel very weak aswell. 

*Sidenote: It literally took me almost a whole month to come back to this draft and finish it. It is currently 06.04.2021.

Last thing I was talking about was the Covid vaccine. Yeah, the symptoms weren’t too bad, it was just the dizziness I guess. My sister got the vaccine this past month and she experienced the same symptoms as well, and so did Mr., Ice, and my mom. I already finished with my spring semester, and summer classes just started. I’m taking a Crij course this summer just to get it out of the way already, and I am retaking Biol 1 in Summer 2. Aside from this, it has been really shitty. I guess the least worst thing that’s happened so far is that my older brother came to visit back in March this year. I haven’t seen him in a long time, but it wasn’t all exciting. I’m not sure if I’ve talked about him before on here, but long story short, he’s caused my siblings and I a lot of trauma from when we were at a younger age. When he came, it was just one of those things where it was really awkward at first and then it just kind of became a “faking everythings good” type of thing. After this, shit really hit the fan. 

I never thought this would be anywhere near a part of my story but,

*Trigger Warning: child exploitation*.

I believe I have mentioned before that I had gone to couples counseling with Mr. This was back in early-midway 2020. We had gotten better, so our counselor saw fit that we stop going. It was scary at first, because we felt like things were just going to collapse again now that no one was going to be there to help support our relationship in a healthy way, but it was actually great. Individually, I was really scared too. I mean, I was used to things blowing up eventually over and over again, so you could imagine the hesitation I had when I had to actually trust Mr. again, and I mean like actually trust. I was practically forced to put my walls down and trust him, and I fought him and our counselor so hard on it, but it was like the whole world was against me because left and right people were telling me to trust him, so I did. I was really worried at first. The first couple of months were normal, but there was several times where I would overthink things, and look for things to go wrong. I’d stay up and stalk his social medias, his friends social medias, like, I was looking everywhere. I guess this is what gave me the slightest hint about what was going on. I had gone through his likes on twitter and saw that he had “hearted” a photo of a girls onlyfans. And it wasn’t just a regular girl, It was someone we knew and went to highschool with. This girl was someone that Mr. and his friends would always tease and bully, and I don’t know why, maybe it’s some misogony, but there is always going to be something sketchy when it comes to a certain group of guys and girls they tease. They say all this stuff about them, but once that girl is exposed in the slightest, they are all there jerking their meat to them. Anyways, I confronted him about it and he said that he had clicked on the profile just to see what it was and once he realized what it was he exited out. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and moved on. Towards the end of the year, I’d say around late October, I started believing that things were okay. I even talked to my friends about it and stated how weird it felt for things to be okay, almost as if it felt wrong, but they assured me that if I had nothing to worry about, then don’t. To just be free, be happy. And then my world was crushed. In early to mid December, I woke up to several messages on my phone from a girl I recognized, but never had any contact with. I had previously known her because she was an ex to a former friend of mine. However, because she messaged me on messanger and deleted the messages before I had the chance to read them, I couldn’t see what was said. I was only able to see that I had gotten messages and that they were deleted. I replied to her and asked what was up, because I was extremely confused as to why this girl was messaging me in the first place. Her reply was, “Do you know “Mr.”?. This legit shook me to the fucking core because it is what I had feared all along. I was so tense for months, and once I had finally relaxed, this shit gets thrown in my face. She started asking if I knew my own boyfriend, and said that I might want to talk to him. I remember I kept asking her what was going on, but she just kept repeating the same thing; to talk to him first. And it was really odd because the night before, Mr. had messaged me a long paragraph explaining how he loved me, and how he’s made mistakes, and how life is so hard on him, and just basically explaining himself to me in such a vague way. But I took it to heart, because he opened up to me on his own after months of me asking him to. I didn’t wait to think of it as an apology for what was coming. That was the last message he had sent me before I got the message from this girl. Lets call her Desert. I was spamming Mr. with calls, texts, I even tracked his location and he had turned it off. Eventually I came to the conclusion that he had gone back to doing what he used to, which was something dealing with nudes or that he had cheated on me, or both. I ran to my friends scared half to death; I couldn’t eat, talk, I was freaking the fuck out. It’s almost as if my body knew, and was preparing itself. Mr. got back to me later at night, but he didn’t want to tell me anything about what was going on until I threatened to leave him. I recall telling him that I’m done waiting, and that I needed answers now or I was going to bombard Desert with them and hear it from someone else and leave. This is when he told me. He told me that months ago, after our couples therapy had ended, an old friend of his, someone we went to highschool with, lets call him Bucket. For some insight, Bucket is some bad fucking news. This guy is the last person you would want any of your family around. And I remember he had started talking to bucket and some other friends from highschool again, but I don’t know why my peanut brain didn’t think exactly who he was getting involved with again. Anyways, he told me that Bucket had reached out to him and asked if Mr. had any lewd photos of girls. Reminder: this was something they had been doing back in highschool. Mr. told him no, and that was that. Bucket kept coming back and asking, over and over again, and after Mr. gave some more thought to it, he remembered that he had his old SIM card from his old phone and that he might have something on there. He checked it, and sure enough there was. Let me pause you right here. When we were in couples counseling and as it was coming to an end, I expressed my worries about the SIM card. I had known that Mr. was doing this stuff back then, so I knew he had photos on this card. I think his phone had cracked or something like that, so thats why he got a new phone. When I asked about the SIM card, he said he had given the phone and SIM card to his sister, and that they were gone. I thought it was super weird because not long before that he said that he was hesitant to give the phone to his sister and idk what, it was weird. Anyways, back to the story. Mr. sent the photos to Bucket, and from there was the start of our downfall. Mr. got invested in it, and he got back into trading nudes and lewd photos of girls. This already sounds bad, but the worst part is that these were old photos. This SIM card went years back, and I mean years back to when he was in highschool doing this. What I am trying to get at is that he had photos of girls from highschool, meaning underage for the most part. Mr. is 22, and he was 22 at the time he got invested into this again. I didn’t even know what to think of it. I felt like throwing up, like my intestines were going to come out of my mouth and like I was going to die. I literally had a feeling of disgust and anger, not only for him lusting over other people, but the ages of the people he was lusting over. I, as well as many others, consider this child p^rn. I now had this idea that I was dating this pedophile for years, and was barely finding out. I felt like fucking dying, all those sacrifices, are for this? That was at worst as it got. Desert reached out to me to tell me about this, because Desert was Buckets ex girlfriend, and now babymomma. She had found out and let me know. However, Mr. found out she was doing this and talked to her, and convinced her that he would let me know and that it was for the better, and she let him. Desert sent me screenshots that she had found through Buckets account between him and Mr., and I can’t even begin to describe how hard my heart fell through my ass. It hurt like i just got shot in the throat. It was through her and these screenshots that I also found out that he had previously planned to hook up with one of our old friends, as well as other people. I’m not even going to go into the degrading words he had said about the fellow girlies I (used) to be friends with. It was a fucking mess when I met up with him. I told him that he was a pedophile, and it went to hell from there. I’m talking massive breakdowns, crying, yelling, you name it. I was telling him people were going to report this, hell, I told him I was going to report this. I’ll save you the hours of repetition, I didnt report shit, well, not at this moment. He also let me know that he had been buying this girls onlyfans, remember the girl I mentioned earlier, the one who I caught him hearting photos of? Yeah, he had been buying her onlyfans, and his friends and him were pitching in for it. What ended up happening was that Desert had told me and let me know that she was going to be notifying the girls that these pigs had photos of, and that it was up to them what they wanted to do. I let her know that it was fine, and that I would support whatever it was they did, meaning, if they were to make a report on them, so be it. He’s a grown man, he dug himself in this hole. What ended up coming of it all; I believe she is still notifying the girls about the photos and the pigs, because it’s still being brought up recently. I’m still with Mr., if that’s what you want to know. It hurt a lot, hearing it all, and I took some time for myself to figure out what I want to do, to figure out how to go about it, hell, to catch a breather. We didn’t spend valentines day together because of this. I was there to support him though, because he was scared that each day was going to be his last, meaning either the cops were going to get to him first or he was himself. I was there for him, I supported him, cared for him, even though I was supposed to be the one to receive that treatment. But I did it because I love him. I know it sounds stupid, especially if you consider everything. But I do love him. I’ve known this man for about 5 years, and even though he is such a fucking stupid person, I could tell this wasn’t the way he wanted things for himself. I could tell that he never wanted to be in that place, but it’s where he ended up. Mr. has been going through a rough time lately, I know how difficult things are for him. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it before, but he’s at home all the time taking care of his very ill father. I can only imagine the lengths that something like that would take you through. I know many people suffer with many different things, and many use different outlets to release themselves of this pressure and stress. I believe because this was something that Mr. had previously been involved with, and because Bucket reached out at the time, this was the path that led him to the biggest mistake of his life. He found his comfort in these photos, this environment, these people. I know many struggle with porn addiction, drinking, sex addiction, intrusive thoughts, etc. I just think the demons caught him at the “perfect” timing. I believe he had been suffering through intrusive thoughts for a while. And with the stress and pressure from his family duties and his friends, it led to this. I know it hurt, and I never would’ve pictured ourselves in that situation, ever. But, I also knew that that person I was dealing with, was not the Mr. I knew. I knew he was somewhere in there, but I also knew that he was dealing with something greater than just stress. It was a whole mountain of ugly things. And yeah, I could’ve walked away and moved on with my life, but once you get to know somebody inside and out, and get to know and fall in love with them for every ounce of their being, I don’t believe the choice to “walk out” is there anymore. I believe at that point they become a part of you, they become family. It’s not that I didn’t have the strength or the choice to leave, because I did. It’s more that I couldn’t leave him to suffer knowing that’s what he was doing; suffering. I wanted him to get better, I didn’t want to see him behind bar cells, or even worse. I needed him to get better for himself, and for his future. I know many won’t understand, but that’s alright. As long as we understand, that’s all I needed. We stayed together, and overtime we took care of one another. We now stand in a better place, one where forgiving has been a big part of. It’s going well again. We tried going to couples counseling, but our counselor had a waitlist and pushed it all the way until the coming fall, and I mean im not going to be here so there is not going to be any couples counseling to begin with, but thats alright. We did do it for a week before she had to push us back, and in that week when I opened up to her about what had taken place, she believed it to be the extreme measures to involve cps and make a report. She made a vague report, and since I was the one to speak on it, it was as if I had made the report. However, nothing came out of it because it was not ongoing and cps didn’t think it was extreme enough to open up a case about. I think we have come to a place where were good now though. Recently, one of the explosive girls that they had photos of reached out to Ice, my very close friend, and warned her about the people she was involving herself with. She was talking about me, and how I am involved with Mr. I guess she warned her because people are starting to look at me weirdly for being his girlfriend. Ice let me know, and I told my friends that I would never put them in such a bad situation where they have to like who my partner is, and I let them know that if they felt like I was someone they no longer wanted to be associated with, then I would understand if they left. They didn’t leave. I don’t really care for people to start looking at me weirdly, because it simply isn’t like that. We know the truth, Mr., my close friends, and I, and I am okay with that. He started going to counseling again, and I have found myself at peace with the world. I understand how crazy it can all be y’know? I don’t know how I’ve come to be the person I am today, but I’m thankful for it. I know peace, I know life, and I know what love is. I strive to fill my life with these and live as comfortable of a life that I possibly can. My relationship is good, work is still being done, but it is good. I can ask for nothing more but for us to be blessed with another day of being together. 

My relationship with my father has plummeted. I had reached out to him early in the year about what was happening in my relationship, and I did find my comfort in my own dad. However, what I failed to realize was that my own father was a man who had misogynist views of his own. I forgot that he was a creep, and someone who Mr. would end up like if he didn’t try to make himself better. Along with this, I realized the absence he made in my family and the way he treated my siblings. My sister and mom have talked to him, and oh man, did my sister and I let him have it. He knows why we aren’t speaking. He constantly apologizes, says he’s been “joking” about the way he sees woman, as if joking about it for the last 20 years is even possible. It’s just gaslighting, and it’s not working. That’s why we don’t talk anymore. He can’t even realize how sick he is, and tries to save his ass from losing his daughters by calling it “joking”, which evidently makes it worse. 

I have reached out to a former professor of mine to be my mentor, and he has said yes. This man is someone I highly respect who I took for an Engl course for my basics. He’s an older man, who just recently retired from teaching. I’m just glad I can be able to remain in contact with someone who I see myself in. 

I can also finally say that I am finally moving to my dream university this coming fall. It has all been approved, and I have a dorm and all. I’m very excited, but also saddened to be leaving my family and friends. I also have to share that I have a job now! I am currently a hotel receptionist working night hours, which is where I am writing this blog at right now. I love this job, and I love the people and the hours. It’s very peaceful for a college student like myself. 

Well, I’ve finally caught you guys up. I hope it brings you a giggle to say that through writing this, I have a slight lag to my typing because of all the shit I had to say. I’ll try to write more often. I hope you guys remain safe. See you soon. 

Ended this at 06.04.2021 at 5:28 AM.

-jen

[breezles]

Really lengthy life story thing under the cut..a lot of negativity and just a big fat idk what to do anymore. But I got a bunch of cleaning supplies to deep clean the house tomorrow because nobody touches it in cleaning but me!!!! 

You know I am really tired of living with the people I do now. My mom, my dad, my brother(is okay in some ways lazy fuck in others) and my moms boyfriend. It’s a horrific combination because of so many different reasons. 

One being my Dad ALWAYS having something to say, muttering asshole things under his breath about everyone. Has anger issues, flips the fuck out if shit doesnt go his way, complains on everything that is or isnt. Yells all the time if he’s not stoned. Gives me emotional whiplash, and never was a “Dad” or “Father figure” in my life. Not contributing to household things, like the list can go on and on honestly. He’s an angry asshole all the time. A good example for the sake of this; “Did you put the clothes in the dryer yet?” and I respond “Not yet but I will” and it only being an hour since. “They’re going to smell like mildew now” or “Did you feed your cats yet?” and if I answer no because I have a specific time I feed them every day that he is clearly aware of, he goes “They’re starving, they’re meowing at the door, why do you even have them?? You dont even care.” He thinks they need food every time they meow and thats why they’ve gained weight after the fifty fucking times I tell him to leave the feeding to me so I can monitor how much and when they eat. (Not 5min later he literally asks me to go put the clothes in the dryer) He also comments about how shitty it is here, and how he wants to leave. Kudos bro go for it. (Also while typing this is when the laundry shit happened, and it’s been about 10min and he finally got up to do it himself because I wasn’t moving fast enough) Also aggressive and patronizing, only talks a certain way to me, and like a normal person to my brother or moms bf. 

Moms bf; Constantly stomping through the house huffing and grunting like a wounded animal, slamming doors or cabinets, making inhuman noises that sound gross and disturbing, because he has no sense that other people live here that don’t have doors or a room to sleep in. Has no consideration at all.. Constantly calls off work at least once a week because he doesn’t want to get up. I wonder how he’s not fired yet. He’s admitted that he has nothing to look forward to anymore, when he gets home from work so he sleeps for days on end, getting more and more lazy. Has anger issues also if Mom tries to get him up for work. Has thrown things before, not at anyone but in general. Also doesn’t do any household chores like cleaning, unless on the very rare occasion dog shit outside. (Same with dad on this) 

Mom; I love her, she has a lot of health issues to deal with that I have tried time and time again to help her with but she sleeps so so SO much that it’s pretty much negatively effecting her health when she should be more focused on maintaining her condition. Never calls to make appointments, avoids it, runs out of her medication then freaks out when she can’t get it because she has to make a follow up appointment for the doctor to represcribe it. She also has whiplash anger, always complains about something being eaten that she goes to eat, which over time has pretty much made me not eat anything in the house except for an occasional sandwich or quesadilla so I’m not to blame for it. (Sounds shitty doesnt it) Doesn’t clean anymore except when she feels like it, can’t remember the last time she made dinner. Hoards up in her room taking pain medication(thats not the prescribed ones) for her Neuralgia. I feel like her mental structure is also declining because she forgets a lot or gets confused easily. Suffers from, diabetes, no thyroid, high blood pressure, possible past stroke, and congestive heart failure and gum disease. Takes medication for all of it, but diet and activity are counter active. Someone with CHF won’t live very long unless they take good care of it Even then the life expectancy is less than 5 years. It keeps me up at night, and often cry because I have to prepare for Moms death at any point from here on. 

Brother; He’s not really here a lot of the time, in a sense he’s sort of lucky he has friends and a social life to get out of the house until he comes home to sleep for work at 12-3am at night. When he is home he doesn’t do anything but sit on his phone and bitch if I ask him to help me clean anything or need something. Forgets to pick me up from work all the time, forgets a lot if it doesn’t involve his friends or his car. Doesn’t do his own laundry and hasn’t cleaned his own room in over a year. Hasn’t washed dishes or taken the trash out or anything home/chore related in months to a year.  Thinks that his share of rent and utilities is all the help he needs to do. (which I am greateful for him helping me help the house financially because his job is a good one). I often tell him from the bottom of my heart everything that I think about, tell him about Mom, tell him it’ll only be me and him down the road for each other. In hopes it sombers him if only a little. I just wish he’d improve as a person in some places. 

Myself: I don’t do much myself, except for working as much as I can. Each night I get home I do a routine of taking care of the animals because Moms bf has stopped feeding the fish he said “were his” even though I maintain and keep the tank clean and running. Dad feeds the dogs, but I bathe them and walk them, brush them etc. Same with the rest of the pets. After they’re taken care of I clean the kitchen if its gross from everyone being in and out of it all day. Take the trash out because it gets piled and everyone thinks “Fuck it” After that I do laundry if needed, and then hop on my computer to do my usual browsing. I’ve started looking for a 2nd job because I can’t afford anything except the bare basics and it leaves me broke 20days out of a month. I’ve also figured out a financial plan to keep the bills paid and rent on time because Mom got us 1000 behind on rent and our utilities would get shut off now and again. We’ve been fine for 3months straight on everything now and have caught up and everyone now pays equal amounts for everything. (Now if I could only get everyone equally sharing housework,  but i’ve barked up that tree before)

In a few hours I plan to deep clean the entire house because it smells like body odor, dog and dirt and dog hair has accumulated since the weather is changing doggos are shedding so it’s a given. I also can’t remember the last time the house was thoroughly cleaned, and not just a tidy and wipe down so it’s due and I know nobody will want to help and think what I’m doing is stupid. But i’m just tired, im tired of feeling like im taking care of child adults, of living in so much negativity I want nothing more then place myself in my own home/apartment/studio whatever I can. I want to take care of myself and my cats. I want to be a functioning person not fighting depression. Everything has built up and piled and piled and I feel so worn down and defeated because I feel like I’m the only one who gives a shit and is trying to maintain some sense, but at the same time I just want to fucking quit. 

I’m afraid that if I leave, if ever, everything here will fall apart. Dogs won’t be cared for, the house will fall into further disseray, Mom won’t be properly cared for and die quicker than she is already. But I keep telling myself you can’t help those who wont help themselves, or dont want it. Just think about myself I say, get out of here build your own life in comfort and security and peace of mind. 

I financially cannot get anywhere in life, I’ve had to teach myself to be an adult from the age of 16 to be responsible, but no one ever taught me financial health. Or security or w/e. I dont know what I’m doing wrong, I dont know where to even begin, I dont know how to get out of here on my own anymore. I’m scared I’ll be stuck in this sickening environment. I dont know who to turn to, where to get to that takes my cats. Even if I found them homes, or placed them in foster care, I still can’t afford to live anywhere on my own because of my own bills. 

what the fuck all of this circulates in my head. I dont know what to do anymore or where to go or what to fucking research I just want help, but im scared I wont know how to take any help, because I’ve engrained in my fucking head that I need to do anything I can to earn the right for someones help that I cant have it unless I’ve earned it. 

I just want to cry, I dont know what to do..I just dont know anymore. I’ve lost touch with my sense of self, I don’t see friends anymore, the only people I see outside of home are the people I work with, I have no life except the one I keep for my pets here. Thats it. 

[chipsanddespair]

Clinton Naik

Argh, Im so angry today.

I dont know where this anger came from, but Ive just been cranky all day. I woke up and I just felt bored, and angry because of it, and so complacent and dissatisfied. My whole life, those who are in my life, my body, my bank account, where I stay…just, e v e r y t h i n g made/makes me unhappy. I want it to be better than it is right now. I just wanted some fun activity to wake up and do this Saturday. I wanted a partner to get up with me and motivate me. I wanted a house to myself to wake up and dawdle around in whilst I still woke up. I dont want a dog but I cant let him go. I do everything I can to make sure he is well taken care of still, but at the expense of my own happiness. He is a handful. He is too active and eats anything for any reason. Hes a bulldog but looks like a pitbull, so people judge him by his breed and I can tell they look at us like we are a part of a gang or something and it really pisses me off. It hadnt even reached midday yet and the downward spiral was beginning. I dont have that much money in the bank thanks to my obsessive need to pay back things and not be in debt. Even though Ive set it aside, as in most of what I earned this payday, I still feel snowed under and I will have to use my credit card and thus in turn, pay that back in the future. Earlier I was shown a bit of attitude from Beau about sending him some money to pay back for the times hed paid on my behalf. I thought I sent enough, I cant be sure because I didnt keep track of all the times and what that added up to in the end. Just know this, I have spent well enough on behalf of him too and havent seen compensation for that - it just set me right off to notice this ungrateful trait. I gave what I had left to him. He is the one that quit his job to pursue his passions and cannot control his impulsive preference for fresh cooked food (i.e. take out). This is a personal rant that probably wont make sense. Im not writing it to make sense to anyone. Im just letting whatever needs to come out, come out. Im still pissed off. I dont feel like this relationship works anymore. I dont want to take care of anyone else except myself, maybe I should re home the dog for my well-being. I try my best with him but its just getting too much. It does not help that we live in a small place unsuitable for dogs and we make do with the space we have but its just, no backyard equals poop stops out on the roadside. Anyone reading this would probably judge me, people tend to do that, and I totally get it. I kind of walk the same line as well sometimes. But argh, I just need to complain, pettiness and all. Because Im feeling better as I do it. I had a long phone call today with my Dad. I hadnt spoken to him in ages and it was nice to catch up. I got mad though, he has a knack for not listening. Or you say something and hell say something different as if he wasnt listening. Or hell retell a story hes told a thousand times. I need to be easier on the people who retell me stuff, I just have a big ego and that ego doesnt want to be seen as stupid. Im still mad, but better. I just want to get out of here, I want to drive a thousand miles in one direction and not have to worry about anyone else or any responsibilities. I caught my reflection in the mirror, I exhaled and relaxed my stomach and it spilled out. I look like Im pregnant and my back hurts because of all this weight. Does anyone ever get caught in that pit of despair where they just cant talk. I dont want to cry for help because Im angry at every single person I think Id meet, but I most definitely need some kind of help, or something, I dont know. Conflict is the worst. I need to hold on to hope, and cut this rage in half. Sit down with it for a bit and let it tell me what it needs to. Im not mad at anyone, I truly am not. Im disappointed, maybe, that people cant read my mind, or they arent empaths so they cant understand what I feel and give me what I need. So in turn, I need myself. This is just a slump. A rough patch on the windy road to happiness. They say happiness is a choice, and okay, I choose to be happy now. I have identified my anger, I have identified my dissatisfaction with my current relationship. I have identified that what I am doing now makes me feel somewhat better. I go back and forth still, angry and okay, angry and okay. An annoying song always played on the radio echoes in my head and it only serves to irk me. Is it wrong of me to want the hurricane to come down here and devastate. If it were only me, I would be all for it. No one else would have to get hurt. Im weird like that. I feel like I have such a mundane life that anything like fire drills, floods, tremors, anything that will rip me out of everyday life, those things will liberate me and I will have something else to live for. My basic needs will be more important than my need to go to work and pay bills and expenses. That I will have to survive and experience the thrill of survival rather than crawl through this oppressive corporate world. When I had a freak out like this, mid-January some time, or February. I remember just collapsing in on myself. I couldnt speak, I couldnt feel anything good. I lay down, I wasnt even sleepy, I cried and cried and every emotion was just desolate and I couldnt get up or eat. Beau was there however he could be, but its never quite what I think I need? I appreciate what he does, in all his limited knowledge, but theres something thats missing, compared to someone who has had years in this world and lived an involved and rich life, does that make sense? I need someone, who knows what its like to suffer and have come to terms with their torment, not someone who has known anxiety all his life and not fully reflected upon it. Its not his fault though. Nothing that happens to me is anyones fault, I must remember that. I choose who is in my life, and because of how I have chosen to go about things, I have no one close to me anymore. They are overseas, and available by message but I cant bear to be askedHow are you? How are things? Because I have so little going on right now and I am just not in a mentally healthy space to hear about all the great things others are doing. Does that make me horrible? If it does, Im quite used to being horrible.

POSITIVE. Got to remain positive. Things that are getting me down is: EVERYTHING. BUT, what can I do to fix it?

I am okay for funds. I need to buy me food for the week but I can try and make that a total cost of $50. In that case, I will only have to repay the credit card $100 and that is doable for when the time comes. I will have to pay for gas soon, $60, $160. That is okay. Im taking Beaus rainy day fund for a ticket he racked up using my car and I will also use that for board and pay it back slowly because Im still mad he even dared call my contributionlittle given our circumstances. I will check out the gym tomorrow, have a look around, and when I have the funds, I shall join asap and proceed to go to group fitness classes after work. By the looks of it, the best classes start from Wednesday through to Sunday. Four days of seven is okay! Monday and Tuesday can be swims or dog walks. I need to get my Fitbit charged so I can monitor my calories burned. That being said, before even going food shopping, I need me a caloric diet plan and I will stick to that like no other. Its funny, my biggest personal growths are always from moments between Beau and I that further separate us. I dont know if thats actually good or not but personally I feel motivated to get myself sorted the more he makes me regret wanting to be associated together. That does actually sound really toxic, well see how we are by the years end. I should do a weight loss progress report after this. I need my weight and measurements, do some calculations for calories and then think about what I like eating and fit that into my caloric diet. What I learnt when I was having fun with this last year was that even though 1700 calories is pretty hard to stay at or under, if you go and burn a few 100 at the gym, youre all sorted! You can eat more, you dont feel like youre starving and you get to ride the wave of endorphins because of the exercise - win win!

I feel like theres something missing.

I could tidy the room a bit. I need to buy more tights - they are usually $6 a pair. I think I could get three. $178.

Oh my gosh. I owe a friend a banner designed on photoshop, and because I take a long time to do things, especially creative things since Im not bursting with ideas, that is low key stressing me out because I dont want to let him down. Oh wow, maybe thats why I have such salty feelings :o

I have to set aside some time to do that tomorrow.

On an consistency achievement note, I have been diligently salt water soaking my piercing that was giving me trouble and it looks like its settling down :)

I already feel better. You know what would make it even better, a nice hot shower. Oh yes, I feel way better. Oh hey, and why not stop there, Im going to make me a perfectly tempered hot cup of tea and tune in to a Netflix movie before I say goodnight to my subscription. I feel like rewarding my eyes and brain with the talents of Heath Ledger and his amazing portrayal of the Joker.

So, tonight:

caloric diet to be made

weight and measurements to be taken

tidy room a bit

shower

watch The Dark Knight after cup of tea is made

Tomorrow:

design banner for friend

scope out gym (maybe sign up if they offer something beneficial for me in my circumstance)

check out this yoga/pilates place near house

laundry! clothes, sheets and blankets

give $200 board to landlord

Next three days:

pay off $150 ticket

cancel Netflix

pay car rego $13

Letting out the bad unfiltered helps to clear way for the good. And planning how to get the good gets your mind thinking of how to be productive.

Thank you, blog <3

[trendingnewsb]

25 ways to save $250 a month that everyone is messing up

Image: Faberr Ink/shutterstock

When it comes to saving money, not every way is the right way. A lot of it depends on your lifestyle and the goals that youve established.

At the same time, there are plenty of mistakes we typically make when it comes to saving like the 25 ways listed below.

1. Not monitoring your budget

When it comes to saving some cash each month, nothing beats a budget. Heres the problem. You base your budget on your fixed expenses like rent, insurance, and utilities. But, what about those unexpected or variable expenses like a trip to the dentist, replacement of your broken iPhone, heat during colder months, the invitation to go on a last-minute weekend vacation, or gifts for birthdays or holidays?

If youve created a budget based on only your fixed month-to-month expenses, then its going to be a lot harder to save accordingly. Instead of saving money each month, youll actually be eating into your savings.

To successfully budget, you have to pay attention to trends and then reshuffle as needed. This way, youll have enough money to cover those unexpected or variable expenses without dipping into your savings. Remember, budgeting is a process. Dont expect to create a budget based on solely on one month. Track your spending over the course of a couple of months so that you can paint a more accurate picture.

2. Spending too much time on being frugal

Another way to save money each month is by being frugal. But, if youre spending more time on monitoring your budget, clipping coupons, or scouring the Internet for the best deal instead of enjoying your life, then its time to reevaluate the situation.

The purpose of saving is so that you have the money to take that family trip, make home improvements, or invest in new business. That doesnt mean that you eliminate the important things in life, such as spending time with your family, just for the sake of saving. By all means, be frugal but not when its consuming too much of your life.

3. Loyalty

When you think about saving money, you most likely think about reducing expenses like going out to dinner less often. But, when was the last time that you compared the rates and deals of your bank, insurance company, the Internet or cell phone provider? Theres a good chance that there are better options available. Switching your cell phone provider, for example, may not save you $250 alone per month, but you may find a plan thats $25 cheaper per month. Add that to your other saving methods and youll be on track to that $250 goal rather easily.

4. Youre uncomfortable

Being frugal doesnt mean that you have to sacrifice the things that you actually need or enjoy occasionally. It means that youre more cognizant of your spending so that you can make better financial decisions. It doesnt mean that you have to be uncomfortable and miserable by missing out on the things that you enjoy or need like that new mattress to replace your uncomfortable and torn-up mattress.

5. Buying on sale just because its on sale

Weve all been guilty of this. We purchase items just because theyre on sale. But, do you really need that new pair of jeans just because theyre 15% off? Instead of spending your money on the things that you dont need just because theyre sale, make a note of the what you do need and then wait for them to go on sale.If youre like most people, this adds up to be over $250 a month.

6. Cooking at home

Make no mistake about it. Cooking at home is definitely more affordable than eating out every night. But, what about the times that you want to make something that calls for ingredients that youll rarely use. Take Paella, for example. While its delicious, theres a chance that the saffron you purchased is going to go to waste.

When grocery shopping, try to think of meals that use similar ingredients so that nothing is going to waste. Another option would be to join something like Blue Apron or Sun Basket since they provide the right amount of ingredients needed for each recipe. Best of all? Plans start at around $10 per serving.

7. You cant let go

Do you have a house full of stuff that you never use but hold onto them because you might need that snow blower even though you live in Florida? Its time to let some of that clutter go. While I understand that you dont want to buy something if you already have it, take stock of the things that you know youll need.

If you keep accumulating stuff, youll potentially run into a situation where you need to rent storage space because you no longer have space in your home to store it. How is that going to help you save money each month?

8. Buying coupons youll never use

There are some incredible deals on Groupon or LivingSocial. But, are you really going to take that yoga class or eat at that new Italian restaurant outside of town before the voucher expires? If so, then purchase the voucher, but if youre uncertain, then skip the deal.

9. You jeopardize your safety

I dont enjoy throwing away food. However, Im not going to put myself or my family at risk by cooking dinner using expired ingredients. If something is bad, its better to chuck it then risk getting a bad case of food poisoning.

10. Signing up for a new credit card just for the rewards

In some instances, credit cards have perks like rewards, cashback on purchases, and 0% percent APR for balance transfers that make them worth considering. Before applying for that new card, review all of the fine print. This applies to businesses as well. The cost of annual fees and high-interest rates may not be worth those perks.

11. Cutting out all activities and socializing

One of the most expensive expenses youll incur is socializing and participating in activities. Instead of becoming a hermit and isolating yourself from your friends or family, make an exception here and there. If you go out for drinks or attend a concert on Friday night, then stay home on Saturday night. Youre still socializing, but youre also being responsible with your money.

12. You never indulge

Just like with socializing, its alright to indulge now and then. It can be used as a reward or help you experience new things. So, if youve brewed your own coffee at home all week, go ahead and stop by Starbucks on Friday morning. You earned it!

13. Youve taken DIY too far

Thanks to Pinterest and YouTube, weve been tricked into thinking that we can do anything from building furniture to repairing our cars. The problem is that this can lead us to potentially do more harm than good.

For example, changing the oil in your car may sound like a good idea, but by the time that you purchase the oil and filters, it may cost you more money than going to a mechanic. Even worse, if youve never changed the oil in your car and make a mistake youll now have an additional expense: paying a mechanic to repair the damage that youve done.

14. Cord-cutting

One of the most popular trends when it comes to saving money is through cord-cutting. The thing is its not for everyone. If you enjoy watching local sports or shows like Game of Thrones, you may end up paying more money each month since youre still paying for Internet service, a local TV package, and a premium channel subscription. Unless youre not a TV-watcher, cord-cutting may not be your best option.

15. Not calculating your retirement

Saving for your retirement is never a bad idea. Going into it blindly is, however. You wouldn’t purchase a car or home without knowing how much its going to cost you, right? In order to plan and save for your retirement, you need to first calculate how much youre going to need to set aside each month. NerdWallet has a handy retirement calculator that can help you get started on the right path.

16. Putting money into modest growth plans

One of the biggest mistakes that even the savviest savers make is putting money into modest growth plans, such as low APR savings accounts, CDs, bonds, mutual funds, or simple 401(k)s. Thanks to Fintech, your bank or financial adviser will be able to send you personalized investment recommendations so that you can get the most bang for your buck.

17. Not harnessing the power of Fintech

Speaking of Fintech, financial institutions are using this technology so that you can also automate investing and savings by adjusting your budget and notifying you of any changes in your accounts. You can receive customized financial advice through chatbots to make more informed financial decisions.

18. Avoiding cash

Theres a belief that if you have cash on-hand youll be tempted to spend it. The thing is if you only have $45 in your pocket, you cant spend more than that. However, if youre carrying plastic or a digital wallet downloaded onto your phone, you may be tempted to spend money on stuff that you dont really need. In the end, cash may be the better option to keep you financially disciplined.

19. Not automating your savings

Dedicating a percentage of your paycheck to your savings is a given. However, what happens when you place that echeck into your bank account? After your expenses have been paid, you may be tempted to spend that excess cash. To prevent that from happening, you should automate your savings where a small percentage of your paycheck is withdrawn and transferred to your savings account. This way, youre not spending that excess money since its already been placed into your savings account.

20. Buying cheap, not value

You may think that in order to save $250 a month you have to buy products or service that are the cheapest. Just remember, you get what you pay for. For example, if you need a new pair of sneakers and purchase a pair from a local dollar store, theyre probably not going to last as long as a quality pair of sneakers. Sure, spending over a hundred bucks on a pair of shoes may seem like a tough pill to swallow, but theyre more likely to last you several years.In other words, always go value over price. It will be worth it in the long-run.

21. Buying in bulk

Buying in bulk can be a smart move when it comes to items that you use frequently and wont spoil. For instance, household items like toothbrushes, toilet paper, or light bulbs are cheaper when bought in bulk. Food items are a different story. In fact, food waste costs between $1,365 to $2,275 per year for the average American household.When it comes to perishable items like food, buying bulk isnt always the most cost effective solution.

22. Linking your checking and savings accounts

Gone are the days having only one bank account. Today, there is a wide range of ebanking options for your specific needs. For example, you could use one bank for your main checking account because you arent charged any maintenance or minimum balance fees. However, there could be another bank that has a higher interest rate on saving accounts. By separating these two accounts youre not only avoiding fees and getting a better return, but youre also preventing the chances of spending the money that you’ve set aside for that emergency fund or savings plan.

23. Assuming theres a quick fix

When you start saving you first look at reducing your spending. Chances are that reducing your trips to Starbucks or changing your cell phone plan arent enough to add up to $250 in savings each month. After that, you make another cut, then another, and then another until you’ve reached your goal.

The point is when it comes to saving, there aren’t just one or two quick fixes. Its a process that takes time.

24. Focusing on saving while considering how to also make more money

Income is arguably the most important factor when it comes to saving. If youre living paycheck-to-paycheck, then how can you put aside a couple hundred of dollars each month? Reducing the amount of money that you spend each month is only part of the solution. The other part is having additional income that can be placed into your savings account.

Thankfully, there are hundreds of ways for you to make some extra cash on the side even if you have a full-time job. Here and there, working some evenings or weekends can help you easily hit that extra $250 per month and maybe even more!

25. Saving solely for needs

Most financial advisers suggest that you save for needs like a new car, health emergency, or college education. While thats sound advice, when you only save for your needs, you tend to get frustrated and resentful of the entire saving process.Instead, set aside some of your savings for something fun, such as a dream vacation or new TV. You earned that money, so make sure that you enjoy from time-to-time and reward yourself for becoming more fiscally responsible.

John Rampton is serial entrepreneur who now focuses on helping people to build amazing products and services that scale. He is founder of the online payments company Due. He was recently named #2 on Top 50 Online Influencers in the World by Entrepreneur Magazine. Time Magazine recognized John as a motivational speaker that helps people find a “Sense of Meaning” in their lives. He currently advises several companies in the bay area.

John Rampton

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[lesbianstarlightglimmer]

hey hi guess who wants to die?

my asshole of a father is wearing me thin. i came home at dinner and we always talk about how school went that day and i had my day interrupted countless times by either 1.) my mom getting upset my youngest brother for messing w the cat at the dinner table 2.) my dad yelling at him for same reason 3.) one or both of my brothers ‘jokingly’ complaining about how long me talking about my day is and so on. my youngest brother decided the entire meal he was just gonna ignore what he was told to do and thus got his phone taken away. 

all the yelling and fighting made my other brother stressed so he took a drive through the neighborhood. before we got ready for bed my dad asked him why he was feeling stressed and he said the fighting was stressing him and i chipped in (because it happens every fucking time im home) saying it stressed me out too and how its chaos every time i come home.

my dad informed all three of us we had no reason to be stressed bc we’re not parents and how its ‘optional’ i come home on weekends bc i COULD be forced to pay rent AND THEN he said that the ‘so called chaos you feel when you get home is caused by you’

fuck. you. you worthless abusive piece of shit. ive wanted to die like 7 times this week alone and fridays not even over and this bullshit aint helping. im not the one shrieking at the youngest brother every other second bc hes doing whatever bc he never went through the bullshit i did that made me the timid soldier fucked up ass i am today

you know what? i dont come home for my fucked up family. i come home to get away from school, eat food thats different from the same 5 fucking things they have to eat there that doesnt make me sick, and to see my cats. i cant spend more than maybe 30 mins before i wall myself up in my room until i leave because they stress me out so badly

AND THEN THIS ABSOLUTE BASTARD had the nerve to say how i never thank my mom for doing laundry/cooking/cleaning/etc. OH HO DO NOT GO THERE! whos the one complaining about how the foods not the right temperature or that its not what he wanted to eat or wasnt at the time he wanted? whos the one who gets mad when she gets home from work bc something didnt get done that HE could have done? 

Now whos the one who went 18 years of her entire life not complaining about how much the taste and texture of sausage makes her gag because she was being grateful her mom cooks? You wonder why i only tell my day to mom? its bc u dont give a fuck. i can hear it in the disinterest or how it becomes a life lesson. i say thank you like 4 times throughout a meal and every load she brings in (oh and btw most of the time im doing my own laundry and i would do it at school except i dont have the soap and stuff) i say thank you. they beat it enough into me and yet im still punished because NOTHING i do is enough for them. but yes I’m the selfish prick

and then they had to bring in how im always alone (wow idk my 2 friends from hs were dead ps im not counting skye bc they dont know about her/tumblr for my safety and hers and my hs friends’) and he used the fucking b*st fr**nd bullshit fuck you fuck you fuck you. and then the ‘i want you to get married and have kids’ FUCK YOU!!!!! you wont want me to if i decide to marry a woman!!!!! i dont wanna have kids bc ill fuck them up like YOU DID ME AND MY BROTHERS.

and then he guilt tripped us by saying how ‘we work our jobs bc we’re paying for what? (directed at me).’ “college” i hiss. “dont you spit it through your clenched jaw” Youre fucking lucky you were on the other side of the room motherfucker ooooooooohmygod. Ohoho and when he ‘opened the floor’ once he was done telling us how shitty we are and how hardworking him and my mom are, he asked if i had anything to say. i wanted to spill all of the above but i cant. i dont have a job bc i can barely get out of bed in the morning for school let alone more of a job than i have now

you know at one point i was grateful for them helping pay for college. now its just a burden bc they hang it over my head whenever i show the slightest (and fair) complaint i have like how i come home and everyone just complains about me, makes me do their jobs for them, the youngest hits me (but oh no thats how boys show love right ‘hE sItS iN uR rOoM wHeN yOuRe GoNe’) or otherwise physically or verbally/mentally abuses me.

i need therapy. i have no time no money and my parents obviously dont give a shit about my mental health period. he even had the audacity to ask if it was ‘something they did’ parenting wise. uh you want the list in fucking alphabetical order or by year or...?

anyways this is long and its passed midnight and they placed a baby monitor outside my door to hear one brother for night terrors so ik they can maybe hear me typing so yeah

[trendingnewsb]

25 ways to save $250 a month that everyone is messing up

Image: Faberr Ink/shutterstock

When it comes to saving money, not every way is the right way. A lot of it depends on your lifestyle and the goals that youve established.

At the same time, there are plenty of mistakes we typically make when it comes to saving like the 25 ways listed below.

1. Not monitoring your budget

When it comes to saving some cash each month, nothing beats a budget. Heres the problem. You base your budget on your fixed expenses like rent, insurance, and utilities. But, what about those unexpected or variable expenses like a trip to the dentist, replacement of your broken iPhone, heat during colder months, the invitation to go on a last-minute weekend vacation, or gifts for birthdays or holidays?

If youve created a budget based on only your fixed month-to-month expenses, then its going to be a lot harder to save accordingly. Instead of saving money each month, youll actually be eating into your savings.

To successfully budget, you have to pay attention to trends and then reshuffle as needed. This way, youll have enough money to cover those unexpected or variable expenses without dipping into your savings. Remember, budgeting is a process. Dont expect to create a budget based on solely on one month. Track your spending over the course of a couple of months so that you can paint a more accurate picture.

2. Spending too much time on being frugal

Another way to save money each month is by being frugal. But, if youre spending more time on monitoring your budget, clipping coupons, or scouring the Internet for the best deal instead of enjoying your life, then its time to reevaluate the situation.

The purpose of saving is so that you have the money to take that family trip, make home improvements, or invest in new business. That doesnt mean that you eliminate the important things in life, such as spending time with your family, just for the sake of saving. By all means, be frugal but not when its consuming too much of your life.

3. Loyalty

When you think about saving money, you most likely think about reducing expenses like going out to dinner less often. But, when was the last time that you compared the rates and deals of your bank, insurance company, the Internet or cell phone provider? Theres a good chance that there are better options available. Switching your cell phone provider, for example, may not save you $250 alone per month, but you may find a plan thats $25 cheaper per month. Add that to your other saving methods and youll be on track to that $250 goal rather easily.

4. Youre uncomfortable

Being frugal doesnt mean that you have to sacrifice the things that you actually need or enjoy occasionally. It means that youre more cognizant of your spending so that you can make better financial decisions. It doesnt mean that you have to be uncomfortable and miserable by missing out on the things that you enjoy or need like that new mattress to replace your uncomfortable and torn-up mattress.

5. Buying on sale just because its on sale

Weve all been guilty of this. We purchase items just because theyre on sale. But, do you really need that new pair of jeans just because theyre 15% off? Instead of spending your money on the things that you dont need just because theyre sale, make a note of the what you do need and then wait for them to go on sale.If youre like most people, this adds up to be over $250 a month.

6. Cooking at home

Make no mistake about it. Cooking at home is definitely more affordable than eating out every night. But, what about the times that you want to make something that calls for ingredients that youll rarely use. Take Paella, for example. While its delicious, theres a chance that the saffron you purchased is going to go to waste.

When grocery shopping, try to think of meals that use similar ingredients so that nothing is going to waste. Another option would be to join something like Blue Apron or Sun Basket since they provide the right amount of ingredients needed for each recipe. Best of all? Plans start at around $10 per serving.

7. You cant let go

Do you have a house full of stuff that you never use but hold onto them because you might need that snow blower even though you live in Florida? Its time to let some of that clutter go. While I understand that you dont want to buy something if you already have it, take stock of the things that you know youll need.

If you keep accumulating stuff, youll potentially run into a situation where you need to rent storage space because you no longer have space in your home to store it. How is that going to help you save money each month?

8. Buying coupons youll never use

There are some incredible deals on Groupon or LivingSocial. But, are you really going to take that yoga class or eat at that new Italian restaurant outside of town before the voucher expires? If so, then purchase the voucher, but if youre uncertain, then skip the deal.

9. You jeopardize your safety

I dont enjoy throwing away food. However, Im not going to put myself or my family at risk by cooking dinner using expired ingredients. If something is bad, its better to chuck it then risk getting a bad case of food poisoning.

10. Signing up for a new credit card just for the rewards

In some instances, credit cards have perks like rewards, cashback on purchases, and 0% percent APR for balance transfers that make them worth considering. Before applying for that new card, review all of the fine print. This applies to businesses as well. The cost of annual fees and high-interest rates may not be worth those perks.

11. Cutting out all activities and socializing

One of the most expensive expenses youll incur is socializing and participating in activities. Instead of becoming a hermit and isolating yourself from your friends or family, make an exception here and there. If you go out for drinks or attend a concert on Friday night, then stay home on Saturday night. Youre still socializing, but youre also being responsible with your money.

12. You never indulge

Just like with socializing, its alright to indulge now and then. It can be used as a reward or help you experience new things. So, if youve brewed your own coffee at home all week, go ahead and stop by Starbucks on Friday morning. You earned it!

13. Youve taken DIY too far

Thanks to Pinterest and YouTube, weve been tricked into thinking that we can do anything from building furniture to repairing our cars. The problem is that this can lead us to potentially do more harm than good.

For example, changing the oil in your car may sound like a good idea, but by the time that you purchase the oil and filters, it may cost you more money than going to a mechanic. Even worse, if youve never changed the oil in your car and make a mistake youll now have an additional expense: paying a mechanic to repair the damage that youve done.

14. Cord-cutting

One of the most popular trends when it comes to saving money is through cord-cutting. The thing is its not for everyone. If you enjoy watching local sports or shows like Game of Thrones, you may end up paying more money each month since youre still paying for Internet service, a local TV package, and a premium channel subscription. Unless youre not a TV-watcher, cord-cutting may not be your best option.

15. Not calculating your retirement

Saving for your retirement is never a bad idea. Going into it blindly is, however. You wouldn’t purchase a car or home without knowing how much its going to cost you, right? In order to plan and save for your retirement, you need to first calculate how much youre going to need to set aside each month. NerdWallet has a handy retirement calculator that can help you get started on the right path.

16. Putting money into modest growth plans

One of the biggest mistakes that even the savviest savers make is putting money into modest growth plans, such as low APR savings accounts, CDs, bonds, mutual funds, or simple 401(k)s. Thanks to Fintech, your bank or financial adviser will be able to send you personalized investment recommendations so that you can get the most bang for your buck.

17. Not harnessing the power of Fintech

Speaking of Fintech, financial institutions are using this technology so that you can also automate investing and savings by adjusting your budget and notifying you of any changes in your accounts. You can receive customized financial advice through chatbots to make more informed financial decisions.

18. Avoiding cash

Theres a belief that if you have cash on-hand youll be tempted to spend it. The thing is if you only have $45 in your pocket, you cant spend more than that. However, if youre carrying plastic or a digital wallet downloaded onto your phone, you may be tempted to spend money on stuff that you dont really need. In the end, cash may be the better option to keep you financially disciplined.

19. Not automating your savings

Dedicating a percentage of your paycheck to your savings is a given. However, what happens when you place that echeck into your bank account? After your expenses have been paid, you may be tempted to spend that excess cash. To prevent that from happening, you should automate your savings where a small percentage of your paycheck is withdrawn and transferred to your savings account. This way, youre not spending that excess money since its already been placed into your savings account.

20. Buying cheap, not value

You may think that in order to save $250 a month you have to buy products or service that are the cheapest. Just remember, you get what you pay for. For example, if you need a new pair of sneakers and purchase a pair from a local dollar store, theyre probably not going to last as long as a quality pair of sneakers. Sure, spending over a hundred bucks on a pair of shoes may seem like a tough pill to swallow, but theyre more likely to last you several years.In other words, always go value over price. It will be worth it in the long-run.

21. Buying in bulk

Buying in bulk can be a smart move when it comes to items that you use frequently and wont spoil. For instance, household items like toothbrushes, toilet paper, or light bulbs are cheaper when bought in bulk. Food items are a different story. In fact, food waste costs between $1,365 to $2,275 per year for the average American household.When it comes to perishable items like food, buying bulk isnt always the most cost effective solution.

22. Linking your checking and savings accounts

Gone are the days having only one bank account. Today, there is a wide range of ebanking options for your specific needs. For example, you could use one bank for your main checking account because you arent charged any maintenance or minimum balance fees. However, there could be another bank that has a higher interest rate on saving accounts. By separating these two accounts youre not only avoiding fees and getting a better return, but youre also preventing the chances of spending the money that you’ve set aside for that emergency fund or savings plan.

23. Assuming theres a quick fix

When you start saving you first look at reducing your spending. Chances are that reducing your trips to Starbucks or changing your cell phone plan arent enough to add up to $250 in savings each month. After that, you make another cut, then another, and then another until you’ve reached your goal.

The point is when it comes to saving, there aren’t just one or two quick fixes. Its a process that takes time.

24. Focusing on saving while considering how to also make more money

Income is arguably the most important factor when it comes to saving. If youre living paycheck-to-paycheck, then how can you put aside a couple hundred of dollars each month? Reducing the amount of money that you spend each month is only part of the solution. The other part is having additional income that can be placed into your savings account.

Thankfully, there are hundreds of ways for you to make some extra cash on the side even if you have a full-time job. Here and there, working some evenings or weekends can help you easily hit that extra $250 per month and maybe even more!

25. Saving solely for needs

Most financial advisers suggest that you save for needs like a new car, health emergency, or college education. While thats sound advice, when you only save for your needs, you tend to get frustrated and resentful of the entire saving process.Instead, set aside some of your savings for something fun, such as a dream vacation or new TV. You earned that money, so make sure that you enjoy from time-to-time and reward yourself for becoming more fiscally responsible.

John Rampton is serial entrepreneur who now focuses on helping people to build amazing products and services that scale. He is founder of the online payments company Due. He was recently named #2 on Top 50 Online Influencers in the World by Entrepreneur Magazine. Time Magazine recognized John as a motivational speaker that helps people find a “Sense of Meaning” in their lives. He currently advises several companies in the bay area.

John Rampton

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