#im drinking and temporarily off my meds let me be weird

[dooplissss]

the thing is. the thing IS. is that i'm gonna be the last of my bloodline. I dont want bio kids, I never want to pregnant, I'll foster and/or help raise other peoples kids if I'm allowed the opportunity. but by and large this is the end of the road for my side of the family. so why not be a little selfish? why not get super self-indulgent? hundreds, thousands of people before have worked horrible difficult lives to give hope to the future, to giving a stranger like me a life without callused hands and a broken back (ok still not a great back but thats beside the point). so many people tilled the fields hoping someday, maybe, they'll have a kid or a grandkid or a kid far after they're dead who lives happy and content and the world isnt simple but i'm getting there. so i'm going to be weird and not get killed for it. i'm going to live lavishly within my means. i'm going to appreciate every moment i'm not suffering and try my best to stop suffering outside of me. i'm not going to waste the life my ancestors gave me, thats the point, thats always been the point, i'm going to buy these stupid silly earrings on etsy and i'm going to smile and i'm going to make my friends happy and i'm going to dress the way i want and i'm going to sit on my lazy ass and play videogames all day and love myself bc no one before me had the luxury of doing so

[murphysannie]

⭐︎ shadowhunters au mondays ⭐︎

    ↳ week one: coffee shops

title: flowers and pearls and pretty girls

pairing: clary/izzy

rating: G

summary: or, the ‘we’re not dating but you’re always my #1 cheerleader when im coming up with new flavours and toppings for cakes and let me try things out on you, what do you mean this menu is entirely composed of all your favourite stuff? coincidence!’ au

[read on ao3]

“Clary?” 

Izzy drops her bags down in a heap as she calls to her friend, piling them around the leg of a table in the bakery’s front of house. 

“Out back!” comes Clary’s reply.

Izzy winds her way through the various tables, tub chairs and couches sat in the front of the shop. It always looks weird after hours, with everything dark save for the light from the street and the glow of the kitchen. Clary’s usually in there working on her new creations, which makes it a sure bet that if she’s late for something, that’s where she’ll be.

Biscuit started off as Jocelyn’s coffee shop library, where customers could come and peruse the bookshelves for something free to read while they had their drinks. Then Clary had got into pastry school, and Biscuit morphed into a bakery too when she moved back home after graduation.

Izzy peeps through into the kitchen. Sure enough, Clary’s there, leaning over a cupcake with a piping bag in her hand and a look of concentration on her face. She has a smear of icing sugar on her cheek and her fingers are stained with food colouring. She smiles when Izzy steps into the room.

“Two secs and you can try it,” Clary says before Izzy can speak. She finishes piping — Izzy moves closer and sees a two-tone rose design on the top — and places the bag down with a flourish. Clary pushes the cake towards Izzy and nods.

“You just finished it,” Izzy protests, though the cake looks amazing and she hasn’t eaten since lunchtime. 

Clary jerks her thumb behind her. “I made a dozen, so losing one won’t hurt. It’s just a trial run anyway.”

Izzy relents with a smile and picks it up. “It’s almost too pretty to eat,” she says, half sighing. 

Clary laughs. “Hm, well, I can’t resist pretty things,” she says, and then her eyes dart away, a dusting of pink settling across her cheeks. Heart skipping, Izzy watches Clary as she busies herself with clearing up her workspace. That sort of sounded like…? 

But it wasn’t. The two of them are just friends.

“What is it?” Izzy asks, peeling away the cake case.

“Red velvet with cookies and cream frosting,” Clary tells her. 

Izzy takes a bite and honestly, it feels like she’s gone to heaven. The cake is moist and light and everything tastes incredible. If a little moan escapes her, she’s not responsible. From the look Clary gives her, Izzy reckons some kind of sound did come out, but it’s not a bad look. It’s kind of a…hungry look. Which is oddly appropriate.

“This is amazing,” Izzy says truthfully. She takes another bite and finds something cold in the centre. 

Clary nibbles her lip. “It has an ice-cream core,” she says. “I don’t know if that works? Honestly, it’s not really that practical, but it just kind of came to me in a flash of inspiration. And I mean, who actually bites ice cream —?” She breaks off, raising an eyebrow at Izzy. “Okay, apparently you do.”

Izzy swallows, shrugging. “Who doesn’t bite ice cream? You people are pathetic.”

Clary just giggles and returns to clearing up the bench.

Izzy finishes up the cake and wipes her mouth. “That was beautiful,” she says.

“Thanks,” Clary says, though she still seems a little doubtful.

“Seriously,” Izzy says. “I mean, I might be biased because it was like, all my favourite things in a cake, but I loved it.”

Clary sort of freezes momentarily. “Huh,” she laughs. “Lucky guess, I guess.”

Izzy sends her a weird look. “Clary, you made my birthday cake. You know red velvet is my favourite,” she says, smiling. There’s a beat before Clary smiles too. “Not that I’m complaining,” Izzy adds, pulling out her lipstick to reapply after eating the cake. “I love trying everything you make.”

Clary hums. She seems a little despondent.

Izzy places a gentle hand on Clary’s arm. “Hey, don’t doubt yourself. Your new menu? It’s perfect. Literally, it’s like someone took all my fave things and put them into six different cakes,” she says. “I love it, and so will everyone else.” 

But instead of cheering Clary up, Izzy’s words seem to make Clary’s face fall further.

Clary sighs, then places her hand on top of Izzy’s and forces a smile. “You’re here early,” she says, and the change of subject is less than subtle. “I thought we weren’t meeting the others at the bar till nine?”

Luke’s recent promotion to Sergeant has given them all an excuse to get together — not that they need it — and celebrate, and Izzy’s looking forward to seeing people. She’s been squirrelled away studying for her final med school exams for a long time, so it’ll be nice to see Clary’s parents, along with all their friends.

“We’re not,” Izzy says. She licks her lips. “I just wanted to have you to myself for a bit, I guess. It feels like I haven’t seen you in ages.”

Clary lets out a little huff of laughter. “Yeah, sorry about that. I’ve just — it’s been super busy around here, and I’ve been doing overtime so Mom doesn’t have to, and…”

“No, I get it,” Izzy says, rubbing her thumb soothingly against Clary’s hand. Even though Clary’s doing what she loves, she has been putting in a lot of extra hours — with a baby on the way and Luke studying for his Sergeant exams, there haven’t been as many hands on deck recently. “My classes have been so hectic, too. We should definitely schedule in some time together, though.”

Clary stares at their hands, then closes her eyes. “Iz, there’s a reason why I’ve been avoiding you,” she says suddenly, and Izzy’s world stops.

“Did I do something?” she asks, heart in her mouth.

“No!” Clary says immediately, shaking her head wildly. “No, you haven’t done anything wrong, it’s all my fault. It’s — I —” She lets out a ragged breath. “The thing is,” Clary says, “I have a crush on you.” She says the last part in a rush and Izzy blinks to try and make sense of the words. 

“And I just, I don’t want this to ruin anything between us, ‘cause you’re one of my best friends and I don’t want to lose you because I made things weird or whatever,” she continues. “So I thought, if I try and spend some time away from you, maybe I’d get over you and then things could go back to how they were before.”

Izzy can’t help staring at Clary open-mouthed. It’s not often she’s lost for words, a witty comeback or a sharp retort dancing off the end of her tongue, but Clary’s confession has rendered her temporarily speechless.

“See?” Clary says, and she pulls her hand away to run it through her hair, face written over with guilt. “This is exactly what I didn’t want, and I just shouldn’t have said anything —”

“Clary,” Izzy says, catching her hand in her own again, “it’s okay.”

Clary sighs and she looks so sad as she glances at Izzy it makes Izzy’s heart squeeze.

“You mean a lot to me, and I wouldn’t let this come between us,” Izzy says, heart beating rapidly as she says her next words, “even if I didn’t have a crush on you too.”

Clary’s lips part and her eyes go almost comically wide. “What?”

Izzy smiles. “I like you too, Clary,” she says.

Clary seems a little dazed as Izzy steps closer to her, but there’s a smile tugging at her lips. 

“There’s a chance I might have overcomplicated this,” Clary says, and Izzy laughs. She pulls Clary into a hug and sighs happily as Clary buries her face in her shoulder. “Would you like to go on a date with me?”

Izzy squeezes Clary tighter. “We could go to this bar I know of,” she teases. Clary makes a sound somewhere between amusement and exasperation. “I’m not having a first date when my parents are there,” she says.

Izzy hums. “I guess we’ll figure something else out,” she suggests. 

Clary pulls back from the hug but stays close. Izzy reaches up to thumb away the sugar on Clary’s cheek.

“Can I kiss you?” Clary asks.

Izzy smiles slowly, nodding, and the last thing she sees before she closes her eyes is Clary smiling right back at her.