#im dealing with them and learning to cope with them just like everyone else

[unfortunate-songbird]

emotional issues in the batfam

Bruce: guy who never learned how to identify process and express emotions so he just…. doesn’t and he doesn’t get why that doesn’t actually work

Barbara: needs to prove to herself / everyone else that she can do it herself so she never asks for help when she needs it like on one hand she’s super competent but also she still needs to s l e e p 

Dick: *surface pressure from encanto plays* ‘talking about your emotions is great I won’t do it but you guys definitely should’ 

Cass: someone make this girl watch inside out and tell her negative emotions are real and she can have them and she is allowed to ask people for help with them

Jason: leaps to the worst possible conclusions then gets mad about it and prevents any actual communication. dude needs to watch some movies and ugly cry tbh violence sucks ass as a catharsis

Tim: ‘no time for emotions im on that grind’ but instead of a regular burn-out breakdown he does something completely insane and then never tells anyone or processes it

Steph: ‘pft i don’t need to prove myself to you’ *constantly trying to prove herself* finger-guns as a coping mechanism

Duke: all those new kid struggles, frantically trying to pretend he knows what he’s doing ‘haha dont even worry about it im all good’ *screaming internally* 

Damian: man imagine having to unlearn assassin conditioning and slowly internalize emotions aren’t a weakness you have to hide and just when you’ve mostly done that then you have to deal with going to middle school this boy is braver than any us marine please help him

Alfred: he’s either worse than all of them or the only vaguely healthy one but it’s impossible to tell because he conducts himself with the composure of a gotdang statue

In conclusion: therapy

[invidiia]

Hello! 🙃 Do you mind if I request a platonic yandere Dazai with a reader who used to be his subordinate in the port mafia but then they cross paths on a mission?

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ "i watch the rising sun!" 𖤐 p!yandere dazai // reader.

platonic yandere dazai meets his old subordinate.

m.list // now playing..

[ a/n ; THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING!! if something doesn't make sense, please god just ignore it because it's 2am, i'm dehydrated, half asleep, and i really need to continue writing on this blog. ]

[ warning ; platonic yandere, dazai himself needs a warning, mentions of abuse (not towards reader), mentions of the abuse cycle, user is about 18, mori is present, there's literally more backstory/explanation to this than the actual point, im sobbin ]

It was years since Dazai left the Port Mafia.

You were his other subordinate, besides Akutagawa. The ways he treated you both were entirely different - it usually ended in you being forced to watch Dazai 'train' Akutagawa, while he later patted your head, praising you for being good, which was standing by his side and watching as he mistreated others. Of course, after that, you would treat any of Akutagawa's wounds. Dazai treated you so well because you were like him, but why didn't he treat Akutagawa the same? You never understood.

Dazai spoke to you once before leaving - ordering you to stay put. He even injured you, breaking a few of your fingers and telling you to say you had gotten into a fight before he left, so you wouldn't be suspected in aiding his treason.

While you were glad that Akutagawa would no longer have to suffer by his hands - you were somewhat upset by him leaving. While some of the others were fine with comforting you, it wasn't the same as when Dazai did it. You couldn't help but miss the times he would praise you and pat your head for doing well.

But over time, you changed. You'd learned how to cope a much better way, and instead of wanting his praise and affection, you grew colder to anyone who tried showing you any kind of love. When others in the mafia tried to comfort you over him leaving, they'd watch as you became cold to them, not letting yourself be vulnerable to anybody anymore. Akutagawa had also changed - however, he was.. worse. The abuse cycle that had started from Mori had yet to break.

It was about a month after Kyouka had been taken in by the Armed Detective Agency. Mori never told you much about the agency, nothing about who was in it aside from Fukuzawa, Yosano, Atsushi, and Kyouka, and that they were different in many obvious ways, but had a form of alliance to defeat the Guild, none of which you'd been involved in. Everyone else was a mystery to you, since you were never given jobs involved with the agency anyway.

It came to your surprise when Mori presented you with a brand new mission of sort, to go with him while meeting with the leader of the Agency. That was unusual - usually Chuuya or Akutagawa did jobs like this, or when you were given one, they took it anyway, just to 'be nice to you'.

But Mori insisted you go, even though he gave you a choice to give it to Chuuya, Akutagawa, or anyone else. Even Chuuya suggested he take the job, not explaining himself, just insisting you let him take it. But this time was different - you were offered this, given an actual chance to be involved with the agency's dealings with the Port Mafia, something you were never given.

Of course you took the job.

You trailed closely behind Mori, following him loyally as you two had walked to the meeting place. If it was held in secret, then why the hell was it outside, anyway?

"[Name]," Mori called to you, turning to meet your eyes. He continued speaking after he knew you were listening. "Fukuzawa-san brought another of his own for the same reason I am bringing you. Just a heads up," Mori cheerfully spoke. Why didn't he tell you beforehand? It didn't matter now, though.

Both you and Mori approached the place to meet with the leader. You could see there was another person with Fukuzawa, but you stood behind Mori, and their upper half had been blocked out. No big deal.

You stepped out from behind your boss, arms crossed above your chest as you eyed the leader of the agency. He looked so kind, a part of you wondered what it'd be like if you were with the agency instead.

But Fukuzawa wasn't the only person you saw.

Standing close behind him was a tall man with dark, wavy chestnut hair, in a long, tan trench coat. He wasn't just any man. That was the familiar face of Osamu Dazai. The youngest executive in the history of the Port Mafia.

And you were his ex-subordinate, right there in front of both. Both of your eyes widened, but you were much more surprised to see Dazai than he was to see you, Like he expected this.

You barely listened to the conversation between Fukuzawa and Mori, only making out a few words - 'Guild', Defeat', 'Fitzgerald', 'Agency', and 'Mafia'. None of them mattered to you as much as they should have. Your eyes flickered between the pavement and Dazai, who stared at you intently, not bothering to hide it. He had an expression that you just couldn't read precisely - it was impossible to tell what he was thinking in the moment. You on the other hand? Your thoughts were clear, a beyond frustrated glare was evident on your face.

It felt like an hour standing there, listening to Mori and Fukuzawa talk, if you could even say you were listening. But it was over only twenty minutes later.

Mori smiled at Fukuzawa, while the other just nodded calmly. Your boss began to walk forward, looking at you to signal you were to walk with him. Fukuzawa and Dazai did the same.

However, when you and Dazai were next to each other, he stopped, turning to look at you. Out of curiosity, you sighed and looked up at him. His eyes were not kind, but a slight smile was etched onto his face. A bandaged hand took your shoulder, and Dazai spoke to you for the first time in years.

"My, how you've grown." Verbal surprise was clear in his voice. Dazai was about to speak again, but you cut him off before he could get a word out. "Don't fucking touch me." The taller brunette sighed, turning his full body towards you this time, not just his head.

He smiled at you, closing his eyes. "You've changed so much. We'll meet again, I'll make sure of it." After finishing his sentence, he began to catch up with Fukuzawa. You stood there, looking at Dazai as he walked off calmly.

While you were upset about how he left you, it wasn't your main concern. Was he not sorry about the way he treated Akutagawa, making you watch as he made him suffer for so long?

Part of you wanted to run after him and punch him, but it wasn't worth it, not now. Even so, the thought seeing him was upsetting, and meeting him again wasn't in your best interest.

[ extra // i'll do a part two sometime later.. it's 3:51am rn lmao km sobingmgkgkgm ]

[arandomnerd810]

personal TADC character analysis

uh warning this is long lol

autism time let’s go (/not in a negative way i have autism) stretches hands * I’ll go in order of the character episodes cause why not we have it (see below) i’ll put periods but it will just be to make it more readable not to be intimidating lolll

btw im completely open to interpretations of characters changing throughout the series this is just for fun

Gooseworx has said this series is mostly focused on characters rather than lore, and from what we know, i truly believe it. I don’t think any of the current characters will abstract because of this.

(I put a version of this in the glitch inn discord theory thing so if you recognize it that’s why)

Pomni: we already know her deal pretty well, as we’ve already had her episode. uuuh if anyone’s going to do something important lore wise it will probably be her as she’s the main character but can’t rlly tell what that may be. to review ep 2 though she’s an outcast who has felt like she was nothing and is a logical thinker.

(Kinger and Zooble will there their focus episode but i put it in order of who was revealed to be the ep 3 focus first)

Zooble: From their design (the entire motif is it can be changed at any time) and the fact she doesn’t know his gender, we’re dealing with some pretty clear identity issues. Friends with Gangle seems cool excited for next episode to learn more about them!

Kinger: One of the most interesting characters so far. I feel like we will get to learn more about abstraction though Queenie, the X-ed out door that looks like a female version of him. If i had to guess, since Gooseworx said they were not siblings, they were a couple. (Also judging by his age and the fact he could have been married, he may have been a father yeowch imagine that) I can see the common theory of the insect collection implying he was a coder before getting trapped, but i could also see him being some random guy who just likes bugs lol. He seems like really sweet guy behind his constant anxiety and disassociating.

 Gangle: (My faveorite human rn) Her mask design can be interpreted in a lot of ways but it’s clear that the happy mask isn’t her real personality. My take on it rn is she doesn’t wana bother people with her stuff so she pretends she’s happy? She seems easily embarrassed and def has self esteem lower than the last circle of hell. What’s interesting though is she’s willing to stand up for herself from time to time, even though she’s easily shot down after.

Ragatha: Waaaay too nice for her own good. Also probably has self esteem lower than the last circle of hell and bases her self worth of others approval.  Though she’s been here the second longest, she seems a lot more normal than Kinger. Makes me question how long apart their introductions have been. Probably copes via escapism.

Jax: I can see why everyone is very interested in him cause me too. He seems like the only fourth wall breaky guy (unless you count Caine cause of his intro at the pilot)which is rlly interesting how did he figure out more than everyone else? what’s with the keys? i have no clue lmao. He’s an asshole who makes the best of his situation by torturing everyone else. At the end of the day though, he’s a human and was sad at kaufmo’s abstraction but he probably isolates himself so it would probably be the same for anyone

but waAitTt a moment

that’s 6 humans but Gooseworx said we would look into 7 (cause of the “other” part) in her twitter post talking about the character focus timeline so we know our fav character won’t be left behind ⁉️⁉️⁉️ I hear you not asking well my dear hypothetical person, who better to fill the 7th character than Caine?

Why you did not ask? Too bad i’m info dumping. First, he’s the main antagonist and alongside Pomni, the commercial face (or lack their of haha teeth and eye joke) of the series. he’s an important character and loved by many. (and hated equally if not more aside the point lmaooo)

Yes, gooseworx can lie about stuff but I think she’s smarter than to lead this heavy into Caine depth/ angst territory if there wasn’t going to be anything On top of that, the entire purpose of the timeline post was so we know our faveorite characters weren’t getting treated poorly. It’s unlike for a character based show to suddenly drop such a major character for some random other guy were introduced to later or smth. i mean cmon there’s three episodes after all the humans at least one of them has to be focused on my boy.

Caine: I believe he really does have good intentions and wants to help but just does not understand people at all. This means he’s like an anxiety disorder; it wants to help, solves some issues but creates 500 more. Judging by the Tumblr post, loneliness may play a big part in what’s to come? I’ve always had a feeling his front was extremely fake and his VA saying “breaks keyfable” (an act that pretends it’s true) supports that theory. Episode two gives some insecurity vibes when Zooble didn’t want to go on the adventure. I find that pretty interesting cause he didn’t care at all if people went on the gloink adventure or not. Maybe he puts some adventures over others and he could have been proud of the candy adventure cause more time and care was put into it and he made a new AI. Why did he blue screen? i feel like he could have some blockages on what he can say built in though im not sure why he was blocked then if he even was. one of the biggest questions i have ab him currently tbh. what’s with him grabbing his cane like that in ep 2? if i had to guess simply be nervous = that? His VA also knows some depth to him even though his focus episode is likely going to be at least one of the last 3 episodes, which they have not gotten to recording yet. You know what this means Caine angst solidarity club? Sad Caine so more fan angst appetizers before the main cannon feast let’s friccin go‼️‼️⁉️⁉️

(try to guess my fav impossible /j)

[dreaming-of-barbi]

That's so fucked up that people are romantizing Franco, because even Red Barrels are showing him as a total creep and disgusting person. In Outlast Tag I have a feeling that some artists are making him completly different character, making him charming/safe/lovely. I even have seen some people who were drawing him with normal face (without big forehead) and you couldn't tell them that it's the right character design! I feel like Franco enjoyers are more agressive than fans of other Outlast character. Even with Coyle/Eddie simps they seem to understand that they are evil and they murder others, but with Franco I feel like they can take it when someone tell them that he's grown up, murder people in very brutal way and his voice lines are just disgusting... it really seems that people are getting agressive only because someone tell some shit about 🎀✨️Franco🎀✨️. I know his fans isn't the only one that have stick in their ass (cause I seen a lot of shit bout Coyle/Big Grunts/Easterman etc.) but yall need to understand that FRANCO IS A GROWN ASS MAN and you would run for your life if you'd meet someone in irl as 1% fucked up as he is. Saying that he's just a Baby and he made nothing wrong is just 🤮 and problem is in yall if you justificate him and things he made.

idk how to tell you this ,,,, but this game is fictional. The characters are fictional. You're free to feel however you want about them, just like I and anyone else is.

I partially agree with the part about changing his appearance to make him look more "normal" or whatever, but at the same time people are allowed to interpret their favs however they want to. They can draw / write for him however they want to. I don't like "fixing" his face, just because it (personally) feels like saying "he's too ugly", but again, that's just me. As an artist, I know that people are going to have different interpretations of a character I like. It's just part of other people existing in the world. Not everyone thinks like you do, and that's okay.

Do you know how many posts I saw (and STILL see) about Eddie Gluskin, doing essentially the same thing as what you said people do with Franco?? That man would cut you open to "make a baby in you" no hesitation and people still ""romanticize"" him (me fuckin included I LOVE YOU EDDIE). Its just part of liking fucked up characters, some people are going to want to make them more "normal".

Personally, I see the normalization as more like wanting to give him some normalcy in his life, because of his past / lore. I love the idea of letting Franco have a normal life, be a normal person. A life where he never had to deal with the stupid Mafia stuff, had a decent father and never ran into Murkoff, having a normal, happy life. But, I also seriously adore his original, fucked up character.

Honestly, who actually cares if people are "justifying" his actions??? None of them are real. He is not real. I have never understood the sentiment that you have to make sure people know you don't justify a fictional characters actions... they are not real. It's not a real person. None of the things he did happened.

Maybe it's just me, but I would not run from someone like him. That's not some edge lord "im so evil and dark" bs but because of my real life experiences. Been with and around people in my life / family who are quite like him and I didn't run.

I imagine some of us are using it as a sort of coping mechanism, because (at least for me) some of us dealt with people who treated us like he would. Though, that's getting into personal territory, and I won't try and speak for others.

All I can really say is either learn that not everybody's going to have the same ideas as you or block the tag. Sorry if that's too harsh a response, but life is too short to really give that much of a fuck about someone /something other people like.

And I've said this before but this is literally Outlast, all of the characters are this fucked up, it's not just him.

Like does no one remember Outlast 2??? Does no one remember the pile of dead burnt babies, or the hundreds of other fucked up things in that game?? I really feel like Franco does not compare.

So, can we please just be over with this now? I mean, drama is totally fun and I love it, but I can imagine others don't.

[selectivechaos]

thoughts on support and the meaning of coping.

if hotlines don’t have a text service, i can’t access them. if support groups and drop-in centres ask you to email and introduce yourself first, i get anxious.

just because support is available, doesn’t mean it is accessible.

then again, sometimes when you’ve been in an area or institution with no support services, you just assume that, when you move elsewhere, there won’t be any available. don’t assume that; always look for help.

“support is available” and “i’m here if you need to talk” are Not empty phrases made to comfort you; they are true.

if you’re like me, you may get the feeling of “it’s not bad enough; i’m not actually struggling; i can’t articulate it so there must be nothing wrong; making a big deal out of nothing” kind of panicked thoughts right before accessing support. don’t listen! you deserve help, there is no ‘bad enough’. if it hurts you, then you deserve help because you don’t deserve to be in pain.

long post ⚠️

recently someone supporting me told me that i should seek help for a specific problem i have with studying in classroom settings (im a uni student), related to my social anxiety. i never had support in school, so it shocked me because classroom settings are everything and just the accepted organisational status quo in schools; they are seen as the brick and mortar of ‘teaching and learning’. i knew there was more freedom and flexibility in university, and that ‘support is available’. but i had always thought of ‘support’ in an individualised, neoliberal, medical-model way (ie. “we’re gonna fix you to fit with the system, and, if we can’t do that, we’ll just support you through crises as you’re tormented by something not made for you”). but actually the way this person phrased it was in terms of ‘Fairness’ and a ‘Level playing field’. they said “it’s not right for you to be feeling anxious and frozen in those learning spaces because it harms your studies, when everyone else is feeling comfortable and able to learn better”. i always considered it with the gaze of internalised ableism (ie “this is my problem; this is my flaw; i’m too sensitive is why i’m anxious”) and i focused so much on treatments for my anxiety as a prerequisite for fixing the problem of falling behind others in academia. but actually i needed support not only to get better, but to get accommodations in the meantime.

coping isn’t settling for an environment that bulldozes through your illness, ignoring it and (intentionally or unintentionally) triggering you. coping is not an individualised repression of symptoms until you burn out. coping is the act of doing things while having an illness that you could not do without support. bad definition but im tired. 🌹🌹

[tyranitarkisser]

Im thinking about Hinabuki in the context of right after the events of sdr2 where everyone who died is in their death comas and the survivors have decided to pretty much spend the rest of their lives on the real Jabberwock and become one anothers found family. I think at first Hajime would be ashamed of the talent he was given when he became Izuru Kamukura and swear off using them just on principle. Or, if he does use his powers he feels obligated to use them to clean up his mess somehow. He could be a doctor or surgeon, a professor, or something else that would help bring hope back into the world. Except quite frankly he couldnt give a rats ass about hope and the world, even if his alter ego was responsible for the apocalypse... that stuff is more Naegi and the Future Foundations deal anyway. He cares about himself and his friends who are responsible for all the same fucked up things he is. Theres no telling what the world would think if he were to show his face again, and he really doesnt care to entertain that thought anyway.

Enough time passes and eventually Ibuki and Nidai wake up and recover. Well, mostly - Nidai is paralyzed from the shock of technically dying twice but being a robot the second time so it didnt quite register in his brain as quite real enough to kill him in the real world? Idk. Id just like to see more of him, and Akane can help him take care of himself. But i like Nidai and Ibuki waking up because they are both relatively low stakes characters that wouldnt really take away the narrative impact of everyones deaths in the Neo World Program and the lesson it taught the survivors - at least, not as much as if, say, Gundam or Komaeda woke up. Teruteru, Impostor, Mikan, and Gundam pass away after a year or so. Kuzuryuu is still hanging onto a thread of hope that Peko will wake up soon, and no one really knows what they would do if Komaeda woke up and theyre kind of dreading it if it does happen.

Anyway Ibuki wakes up, and not really having made any friends before she was killed, Hajime tries to offer her company and the two get close. Lets say in this canon he did all of her freetime events and knows her more serious side when she isnt playing an exaggerated caricature of herself, and through time together they start a relationship! He learns that she has trouble making genuine connections with people and her nonserious personality is both a coping mechanism and also partially the reason why she cant make friends, but luckily she has Hajime who is interested in her for who she really is, and eventually, the other survivors get to meet Ibukis more serious side thanks to Hajime. He assures her that who she is is fine and it isnt so scary to allow people to know the real you after all.

Conversely, Ibuki finds it ridiculous that after all that trouble Hajime doesnt want to use the talent he was given, because whether or not he used it for evil as Izuru that doesnt change the fact that he has them now so he might as well use them. She encourages him to use his abilities selfishly, as a creative outlet. She inspires him to make art and music he never would have imagined he would be capable of but somehow it comes so naturally that it blurs the lines between his artificial talent and his raw feelings. He takes on a more punk/alternative look and lets Ibuki pierce his ears (she wants to pierce his face but thats where he draws the line NO face piercings for Hajime)

I think an alternative look for him would be fitting not just from Ibukis influence but also consider his more edgy and skeptical personality... i dont think it would be so unthinkable that kind of aesthetic would resonate with him. How many kids in high school have no concept of style but as adults learn how to better express their personality? Even still he isnt exploding with personality like Ibuki is, hes still the same serious and apprehensive Hajime Hinata hes always been, only now hes okay with that. It took destroying the world for him to be comfortable with himself but hey, whatever works right?

[orpheusilver]

I am asking about your spiderverse dimension 🎤

yippeeeee okay id better explain what exactly im trying to write here lmao so like. this whole au was originally just an experiment in mapping the spider-person story onto a morbius variant as a joke bc i liked the idea of him being like "i was straight up bitten by a radioactive animal and started doing vigilante crime fighting can you please let me into the multiverse" and miguel going "NO youre literally a villain How did you get this number" but then it kinda spiralled and now theres like themes n shit

so long story short morgan michaels gets bitten by a radioactive vampire bat on a uni trip and wakes up with some weird mutations but doesnt really take much notice, he just goes about his day as normally as he can until he Fucking exsanguinates someone to Death. and takes it Badly. so then while hes trying to cope with that and adjust to the whole "vampire(?) thing" like. finding a non-homicidal way to get blood. he encounters spider-man and goes Hey! You know what would make me feel less shit about that whole murder thing? Doing that!

so he pisses off to try become a superhero and accidentally gets stuck with the name morbius, fucks around w/ doc ock and almost finds out until spidey saves his ass and morbius goes Hey. Im bad at this. Youre good at this. Can i be your sidekick until i figure out what the fuck im doing? and peter goes Hhhhhmmmmm bc He knows morbius is a villain. hes wearing one of them watches hes all caught up on how his canon works. but maybe this one is different..maybe he can fix him.....as in hes literally floating there in front of him asking to be fixed. so he says Yeah okay ill make sure you dont get yourself killed probably

so theyre doing the whole superhero mentor thing for a while, morgan learns and grows amd theres some cool contrasting moments where he handles shit completely differently than spider-man would and changes the trajectory of some established arcs, until eventually hes off doing basic superhero stuff all on his own and goes Hey that guy doesnt have a pulse. Thats kinda weird. so he tracks the guy to this weird secret rave in a factory basement with all these other dead people and at one point they turn on the sprinkler and its full of human blood? which hes so normal about ofc (<- the lying liar) and then this COOL GUY with a COOL JACKET and a COOL SWORD shows up and starts annihilating everyone and morbius goes Whoa cool! and then this guy tries to kill Him and he goes HEY WAIT IM LITERALLY ALIVE and blade goes Thats fucking weird cause youre definitely a vampire so whats your deal. Come with me so i can figure out what your deal is. so then morbius meets blades cool hematologist friend and cool butch biker mom and finds out abt Actual vampires which, it turns out, he definitely isnt hes something else which just seems similar bc [INSERT COMIC-TYPICAL MUTATION BULLSHIT]

they both get tied up in plot stuff and even though it takes a loooong moment for blade to trust him theyre actually a pretty good team, morbius is used to spider-man treating him like a student and, implicitly, a child so its neat that blade treats him like an Equal (albeit an annoying inexperienced equal w/ bad jokes and a worse costume but still) and turns out they actually have a lot in common? and kinda bond really easily? and maybe this whole "edgy-hero-who-kills-things" deal is working wayyyy better for him than the spandexed paragon thing spider-man has going on and that guy is super out of his depth in these circumstances and needs to stop pushing in assuming he knows best just bc hes a """hero""" and actually hes maybe being a total uptight prick about the no murder thing and who died and made him king of new york anyway?? fuck off spider-man i have a cool new friend who Gets Me and will absolutely definitely never judge me for killing someone or succumbing to bloodlust which is definitely totally 100% true and Not a fundamental misinterpretation that will come back to bite me in the ass.

[suzie-guru]

Heey Suzie, im a big fan of your writing! Including “Between the Shadow and the Soul” , which is easily my favorite fanfic lately, and I wanted to ask you if you are still going to continue it because I, and many other people, love it very dearly, and it would be a shame for a master piece to go unfinished. Please think about continuing it for you fans. Love you 🥰

This is an incredibly old ask and I’m relatively sure you’re into other fandoms and things now. First, thank you for the love and the kind words. However, I wanted to answer this because of something specific in this message:  “Please think about continuing it for you fans.”

I’ve been thinking about some things that I need to get off my chest here, the reason why I’ve been away from Tumblr and, honestly, why I will continue to be pretty minimal in my activity on the site. 

First and foremost, there’s something I should state - almost everyone in my family, including myself, is in a service career. Nurses, teaching, the clergy…those professions are very normal to go into in our family. And it’s also very much the norm in our family to put others before ourselves, to help whenever we can. I’m not saying this to brag, it’s a fact. And it’s also a fact that we are so ingrained to perform services for others above anything else that we often neglect our own personal needs and health and self care. 

One of my biggest struggles is being a people pleaser and needing validation from others. Unfortunately both of these traits have led me down some very detrimental paths, and I turned to very unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with it. I’ve grown enough and have learned enough to understand that self care is just as important as service, that setting boundaries isn’t selfish, and that one can be compassionate without letting themselves be consumed in the process. 

How does this relate to this ask, to me not being on Tumblr? 

Tumblr was where I got almost all of my social interactions, the one place I could cut loose with other people. I had genuine friendships on here, very close relationships. The Strange Magic Fandom experience was a heady, loving and beautiful one, and it was a huge part of my life, as were the people I met through it. It was my everything, even through the longest, darkest depressive period I’ve ever had. 

Time went on, as it does, and people came in and out of the fandom, but I had my close friends and all was good. Until I noticed after a few weeks that they weren’t interacting with my personal posts like they used to. They weren’t as constant as they had been. 

I felt left behind, rejected, overlooked. I was asking myself, what I had done? Did I fail them in some way? What way? Was it the fact I wasn’t creating content? Did they finally realize I wasn’t worth their time? 

I was deep in an anxiety spiral, and my self loathing was in full force. Each time I went on Tumblr and saw these people interacting and posting with others but not me, it hissed at me that was reminded how I was no longer important, how I would always be left behind unless I was putting others first, “you can only use the depression period as an excuse for so long…” 

For my mental and emotional health, I stepped away from Tumblr. I spent the next few months reading and working out and drawing and hiking and working and living my life. Those months turned into years. And I didn’t feel the need to come back, dive in as deeply as I had. The hurt had caused the departure, but now I recognized something else. 

I was making Tumblr my haven of validation. My whole self worth was tied to it. And when I didn’t create fanfics or update them, I thought I was failing my friends, exposing myself as a subpar artist, a bad person. 

When I wasn’t. And I’m not. 

My stories are deeply personal, and I pour myself into them. And that takes time. And I have a life to lead along with all that.

The saying “write for yourself” is an odd one - I believe it and I don’t. Creators need feedback, interactions with what they create. It helps their process and inspires them. When I read a book or go see a movie, I’m inspired by it. Creativity fuels creativity. 

Fanfiction has a blessing and the bane of being able to directly communicate with the author. The comments of those who read my fanfics are deeply deeply deeply treasured by me. I can’t even begin to say how much they mean to me. 

My stories are personal but I share them because I want to. People see themselves echoed in stories, and that’s why they matter. I want to share my stories because I want to give others the same experiences I’ve had reading stories. 

So I do write for people in that I share my stories. But I also write for myself. I write because the words won’t leave me, because the scenes keep playing in my head, because I want to chase after all the questions. I write to get the damn thing out of my head and onto the page so I finally have space in my skull. I write to satisfy my soul, hungry hungry hungry thing that it is. 

But I have learned a hard lesson, and I know myself better now then I did when I started posting fanfiction. And while I’m absolutely certain it was not intended in such a way, “continuing it for you fans” is something I will not set store in because I’ve been down that path. I don’t like what it did to me, what I did to myself.

I plan to continue my stories. But I will no longer apologize for taking my time with them because it is just that: mine. 

[br1ghtestlight]

best gene focused episodes of bob's burgers (in my opinion):

boys just wanna have fungus (s10ep2) AMAZING bob and gene episode he's so cute and funny in this episode AND he ends up saving the day at the end in a very non-confrontational way :) i love him wearing his lil rain jacket and going shopping for groceries for bob ("we'd probably last three days in an apocolypse with you around, gene" "a long weekend :D" makes me CRY they're so sweet)

the laser-inth (s7ep18) another great bob and gene episode!!! gene was so sweet and excited in this episode and bob was a great dad too :) love them bonding over their love and enjoyment of music and bob explaining the show to gene

a-sprout a boy (s12ep19) gene's passion for his game was so cute and he just loves playing!!! his game where he dresses up a cat in cute outfits!!!!! and i love the ending where he shows bob the song he was writing with the help of his game and bob is like wow thats actually really impressive (and i love that he goes on online discussion forums for his cat game and he was planning to make an account to post his song) really good parenting from bob in this episode in a way that isnt just the usual "supportive and chill no matter what his kids do" but actually challenging them. bob and gene grow vegetables in this episode also :)

mr lonely farts (s11ep14) this episode is such an interesting look into how gene processes negative or scary emotions and how he copes under stress like everything with ken was SUPER interesting to me!!!! him getting trapped in the basement and making his bun burger :') his song was really great and as a bonus both subplots are entertaining too

drumforgiven (s10ep11) cute episode!!! focuses mostly on louise feeling the need to protect gene and how gene deals with conflict and disagreements differently from other people, its always interesting to see him get into an arguement with one of his sisters :0 also his drum machine music was kinda banger

y tu ga-ga tambien (s8ep9) this barely counts as a gene focused episode but im including it bcuz his speech at the end is very good <3 i have felt exactly like him MANY times in my life and feeling like you're being excluded from something everyone else is doing is so hard. he's such a sweetheart

large brother, where fart thou? (s7ep5) amazing episode focused on gene and louise's relationship and how gene doesnt act like a typical older brother. him trying to be responsible when they were left home alone and he was in charge of watching louise was cute he tried so hard omg!!!! obviously the ending where gene stands up for louise is like one of the best gene moments in the show. anytime shrimp :')

stand by gene (s6ep12) once again BARELY a gene focused episode but he's in the title so it counts!!!! love to see all the kids friends hanging out together and going on an adventure and gene giving everyone piggybacks was nice to see :) just a very enjoyable episode tbh

the gene and courtney show (s6ep7) very sweet episode and i love the ending!!! i love their chemistry in this episode and the awknowledgement that they're better off as friends. gene's song for courtney at the end of this one is very sweet and kinda heartbreaking but it really shows how emotionally mature he is and how he deals with relationships <3

itty bitty ditty committee (s5ep17) i disagree with this episodes premise that gene isnt a real musician BUT its great to see him learning to play with the music teacher and him forming a band that continues to be a thing through later episodes and the movie!!! also louise and tina are great sisters in this episode

lil hard dad (s5ep14) gene saves the day once again!!!! not one of my favorite episodes tbh but gene is great in this episode and he's so funny when bob is like no i dont need a ladder and gene is like ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT and obviously the ending with him is great solid gene episode 10/10 (and him wanting to be brave and strong so that he can protect his sisters like how bob does is adorable)

best burger (s5ep5) GENE EPISODE OF ALL TIME episode that confirms his adhd also..... love him trying to help his dad and apologizing for screwing everything up and getting distracted. love bob saying that he loves gene for who he is and he doesnt want him to change. "im sorry i screw up today dad im sorry i screw up all the time" still gets me. he is so Little :(

gene it on (s4ep20) cheerleading episode :D honestly gene is just so funny in this episode i love how he's clearly Not into whatever linda has going on and bob is also so supportive its great. lives were changed

the unnatural (s3ep23) nobody expected me to put an early season episode on this list but gene is so silly in this episode i love him dearly <3 he's just a baby boy and he sucks so bad at playing baseball

oh row you didn't (s13ep12) OKAY LET ME EXPLAIN this episode is like a solid 6/10 and the moral at the end is okay but something about seeing gene's shitty green origami frog hung up in the restaurant next to the article about the rower is so sweet it almost made me cry when i was rewatching it.... also he's so funny when he and bob are rowing the boat In ocean super safe Just remember the good times

also bonus shoutout to the plight before christmas (s13ep10) which is NOT a gene episode but his subplot is so good it had to be mention he's such a talented musician!!!! also v for valentine-detta (s8ep8) which is a tina episode but i love his subplot with bob. their relationship is sooo special to me

[stillmonsterz]

god i love u fr

anw so— birds of a feather quite literally fucked up my day (in a good way) like im so invested into this story and im just in awe of the level of literacy in the way u write and im kinda taking some notes and learning from u in a way?? i mean that in a very appreciative way and i think ur genuinely one of a kind absolutely gem writer on this app like i could go on and on abt the way you write your characters and their chemistry w each other like ugh im eating it up im so full

so onto the actual fic, WHAT THE FUCK RIKI?? when i catch u riki istg, my heart SANK at that last part like i knew something was up bc he hasn't caused anything in a while and that was like a bullet sized dagger straight through my heart jfc. he had me all bamboozled and im actually feeling rage at the way mc showed vulnerability to him only to be backstabbed by him and now he's like dragging her w a noose around her neck— it's insane how he immediately dismissed mc and jumped the gun at how she could only be lying like that part just made him go from my fav character to my most loathed character. also suddenly the few mentions of riki being 'cute and evil' compared to everyone else makes so much sense, and tbh i don't trust that he'd stay quiet abt those ss he's just gonna be bored and leak them after a while i feel like.

oh and i cant forget abt the jay scene in the hotel GOD i had such a viceral emotional reaction to every dialogue they said— my brain is thoroughly jumbled, a smut scene on ecstasy could never compare to the gut wrenching situationship break up that was. if i may be honest, jay's a pussy lmao wdym you can't be wrong and admit you're not even half as bad as u thought lol anw he's going straight into the complicated men box. sorry that was me trying to cope w the fact that all of the progress jay and mc made was just gone like that and it's all back to square one now, i can't deal w that loss rn im fr mourning over it. there's just a lot to say abt that scene it might be my all time favorite piece of fanfic i've read in my life, im losing my mind at the contrast between mc wanting to savor the moment and make it last longer while jay's trying to get it over with bc i know that he knows if he takes as much time as he'd like, he'd actually realize he loves her and that's just too much of big boy feelings for him (im bullying him too much bc im so sour rn)

also the reveal w jake dealing w addiction was eye opening, like now im rethinking back to all the times he's been fidgety and including that recent scene w mc when he comes out of the restrooms, god i was dying for the mc to just get in there and ivestigate around BUT SHE DIDN'T im so pissed. jake's definitely shown some cracks in this part and i can't wait to see him be vulnerable to mc and be honest for once, he's hiding too much and i still don't trust him i can't lie.

and i think we might be only skimming the surface w the other members, i weirdly adore sunoo lmao he's such a cryptid being, and tbh the only good thing that came out of this was sunghoon and lily being a maybe healthy couple, i love love that scene w him and lily it's such a sweet and cute moment in between all the shit mc's digging herself in lmao. i don't think i have an opinion on heeseung yet other than he obviously cares for his members, or at least the kc's reputation, and has his bearings together enough to tell the mc straight up abt all of that. also jungwon.... why do i hear boss music.... LMAO but honestly the bit where it mentioned that he got shit on everyone combined w the ending had me clawing at the walls, he's gonna be important later on and im feeling the nerves crawl up my spine even though he's never shown up once in this part, im that scared of him 😭

im terrified at what's to come, like actual dread on if riki's abt to spill everything to jay and if jay will find out and— this is too overwhelming and my mind's so cluttered lol. anw im not gonna speculate anything rn for my health but im gonna write this last paragraph in appreciation for the way you write morally gray characters, like just completely blown away by how complex and unpleasant they were written, and i mean unpleasant bc i fr know some ppl who'd act this way, it's bone chilling. granted not to the extent these characters are but it's still enough to take me back into the headspace and social circle in my younger years, just the deep regret crashing all over me again lol. not to say this was horrible no no quite the exact opposite this is the most fun and absorbed i've got from a fic in a long time, this left such an impression on me that it sneaks into the back of my mind all the time, which amplifies everytime i open this app just to scroll and i always unconsciously search ur user to see if you've updated or not.

last one i promise, thank u sm for writing this fic and all ur other fics, i know and i can tell when a writer has literacy in their heart ur up there w my forever favorites. can't wait to see it all unfolds and im hoping the mc have some sort of a good ending, fingers crossed 🥲 (sorry for this wall of text also lol)

Putting my answer under a read-more

First of all, please don't apologize for sending large asks like this. I honestly love it when people have a lot of things to say about my works. It makes me feel as though I've created something rich enough that it can be discussed.

like im so invested into this story and im just in awe of the level of literacy in the way u write and im kinda taking some notes and learning from u in a way??

Thank you so much for this...I think I can attribute this to me reading. I read almost every day, and I only read things that I enjoy.

also suddenly the few mentions of riki being 'cute and evil' compared to everyone else makes so much sense, and tbh i don't trust that he'd stay quiet abt those ss he's just gonna be bored and leak them after a while i feel like.

I sort of wanted to emphasize that anyone who would join the Karma Club would inherently be predisposed to doing horrible things for their own enjoyment. Also, as in real life, sometimes the nicest people can do horrible things. People are far more contradictory than we give them credit for. That being said, no spoilers on what he'll do with the screenshots. It's been fascinating to see the revulsion towards Riki's actions compared to what Jay has done to the MC.

if i may be honest, jay's a pussy lmao wdym you can't be wrong and admit you're not even half as bad as u thought lol anw he's going straight into the complicated men box. sorry that was me trying to cope w the fact that all of the progress jay and mc made was just gone like that and it's all back to square one now, i can't deal w that loss rn im fr mourning over it.

If it makes you feel any better, they aren't really at square one. Square one was Jay harassing her nonstop because he truly was disgusted by her, in as equal measure as he was fascinated by her. Like he said, he now doesn't even know if he hates her anymore. So even though it seems like they've gone to the beginning, this is new territory for both of them. Jay is a huge pussy, though. He calls Jake a pussy, but Jake has made more genuine attempts to get close to Y/N than him LOL

god i was dying for the mc to just get in there and ivestigate around BUT SHE DIDN'T im so pissed. jake's definitely shown some cracks in this part and i can't wait to see him be vulnerable to mc and be honest for once, he's hiding too much and i still don't trust him i can't lie.

It's good that you don't trust him. At that point, Heeseung had already told Y/N to just be nice to Jake, so she didn't want to bother him. Heeseung essentially told her that she was part of the reason why Jake relapsed, so she doesn't want to toe the line.

i don't think i have an opinion on heeseung yet other than he obviously cares for his members, or at least the kc's reputation, and has his bearings together enough to tell the mc straight up abt all of that. also jungwon.... why do i hear boss music.... LMAO but honestly the bit where it mentioned that he got shit on everyone combined w the ending had me clawing at the walls

No spoilers, but Jungwon will come into play. Something happened in the earlier part of birds of a feather that will have an effect on what happens in Part 3.

im gonna write this last paragraph in appreciation for the way you write morally gray characters, like just completely blown away by how complex and unpleasant they were written, and i mean unpleasant bc i fr know some ppl who'd act this way, it's bone chilling. granted not to the extent these characters are but it's still enough to take me back into the headspace and social circle in my younger years, just the deep regret crashing all over me again lol.

Thank you so much! And yeah, I definitely drew from my high school experience for some of this. The only other time I've ever done that is for Tired of What We Are, and I think you can see some of the parallels. Not to say that fluff is unnecessary (I do plan on writing something cute) but it's just fun to play round with people who are morally questionable, and who revel in their bad traits at times. Not so fun to experience it yourself, though.

thank u sm for writing this fic and all ur other fics, i know and i can tell when a writer has literacy in their heart ur up there w my forever favorites. can't wait to see it all unfolds and im hoping the mc have some sort of a good ending, fingers crossed

Thank you so so much. I took a long time to answer this because I wanted to keep this ask to myself. Whenever someone sends me a longer ask, I read it over and over again. I wanted to hold onto it for as long as possible. I really do love writing fics, and I'm grateful that people are willing to read them. Thank you for all of the kind words you've written, and for taking the time to read my fic!

[usernu11]

okay ive calmed down

some thoughts on the website content dropped today

The brothers true feelings

honestly i don't know why i wasn't thinking of this in the first place. i mean, of course a lot of the brothers would feel absolutely terrible falling. we know mammon looked up to lucifer a lot and has stated many times that he was with lucifer the whole way through when it came to his decision. he might be really trying to be there for his brothers and that's why he's not crying on his image. i'm really curious as to how he handles everyone, since it seems like he'll be butting heads with those that aren't happy with the outcome of their choice. i'm also curious how he'll deal with satan.

lucifer oh lucifer, where did your pride take you? i'm curious what his quote is talking about and honestly i can only assume that its dealing with lucifer and lilith. i mean, of course he feels terrible for keeping the lilith issue a secret, but i think what hurts the most early on is the fact that he had to tell his grieving brothers that they were to follow diavolo and that their eldest brother they risked it all for seemingly is completely on diavolos side. it must hurt all the more since the last person they were loyal to hurt them in the worst way possible.

levi and asmo seem miserable lol. i'm honestly really curious why them in particular seem to be regretting their choice? did they not know they would fall? it did seem like, at least in the flash back in lesson 15-16, that even lucifer wasn't aware he was a demon at first until it was pointed out to him. maybe they didnt realize the consequences would be so permanent? i wonder if they feel mislead, since they seem to hate it in the devildom.

satan!!! omg!!! satan!!! how you're the most i want to learn about!! i knew he didn't get along well with the brothers at first, especially since he came at a really traumatic time. if i had to guess, the person he'll probably have the most contact with is mammon and lucifer since they seem like the ones who take control while everyone goes through the motions. maybe the reason he's so into cats is cause he was lonely and the only ones who really 'got' him and gave him comfort were the strays :(

beel!!! my beloved don't cry :( !! his quote is definitely because he's absolutely guilt ridden about his 'choice' and how he feels that he chose belphie over lilith when he should have saved both. the fact that i still think his sin plays directly into his feelings and how he's probably absolutely ravenous because the guilt eats away at him constantly. he's totally gonna be really protective during this time as well, especially when it comes to belphie. talking about belphie-

belphie, oh how i want so much for you. his quote clearly indicates that he'll be struggling with how the pin the 'blame', whether it be his father or the humans or maybe someone else? himself? i really wouldn't mind if he's still his little shitter self, i just want better for him and his characterization!! i don't want another lesson 16, i want him to go through the motions!! and i want him to fight with beel!!! i feel strongly about this honestly, i get they have a twin thing going on and i adore it but they have moments where they're 'i'm my own person' and this needs to be one of these moments!! if belphie is gonna have another 'ew humans' moment with mc there then i need beel and honestly, the brothers, to have some push back on his actions and to TALK ABOUT IT. PLEASE. TALK ABOUT HOW HE'S COPING UNHEALTHILY.

Going through the motions

i love obey me, i love the brothers. what im abt to rant about is because i love the series so much and i really really don't want the same mistakes to be made. honestly, i would love if throughout a good majority of the game, the brothers to be dealing with a GOOD majority of their trauma and to still be going through it when we get sent back to the present. i want it to be ugly, gross and painful and i want to feel what i SHOULD HAVE felt during lesson 16. i want to feel the brothers struggling to come to terms with their own decisions, thoughts and differing opinions when it comes to major life altering decisions.

MC and their impact

i'm actually pretty okay with MC going back in time, I feel like there will be a lot of opportunities for more time for some of the other datables and side characters since the brothers will absolutely be a little busy dealing with everything going on. it's also really nice that we can, at least, comfort them even if it won't mean anything in the long term, they definitely deserve it :( . I'm a liiiittle worried they might try and have it affect the main, current storyline which would make the already messy timeline situation even messier in my opinion. i wouldn't mind like, an event or some mentions but reaaaaally just want the second game to be about making the characters have a more deeper characterization since the format and ever increasing cast makes it a little hard.

[knifegrrrl1312]

is cognitive behavioural therapy just a fancy term for gaslighting??? Watch this:

>i'm angry because people are forced into homelessness and poverty and i will have to endlessly work for a living to even live and it makes me depressed and angry that i feel like im forced to live this way to endlessly make profits for evil people at the expense of my and everyone else's health

>you need to try mindfullness! and change the way you're thinking! You need to learn coping mechanisms for when youre angry and depressed! Theres nothing you can do about the worlds problems so just focus on healing! :)

>i'm depressed about people being racist and fascist and ignorant on purpose because it obviously benefits them and i'm angry all the time just by being surrounded by fascist settlers

>You need to stop hyperfixating on politics and making everyone around you uncomfortable! You are ruminating and making yourself depressed by focusing on other people disagreeing with you, people disagreeing with you is part of life! If you continue to be this way you will become more radical and start thinking others are bad people just because they are racist!

btw this is all advice i constantly get told and i am constantly feeling like im being gaslighted out of doing something meaningful and keep getting told "if you keep up this whole sense of justice thing and dont let go of it soon it will be bad for your health" making it like its my fault for the fascist world which is actually whats badly affecting my health but therapy and people who give you advice based off what they heard in therapy (specifically cognitive behavioral therapy) will str8 up just gaslight you.

My mom got a book for her depression and adhd that gave you cognitive behavioral therapy methods to deal with feeling depressed and am i just insane? or does this shit keep people passive? Is therapy just a tool to make everyone start "changing their thinking habits" so they arent threatening the status quo? Bc alot of therapy is literally just ignoring the status quo as a factor in the first place. But whatever maybe im just crazy!!

[galileosmaria]

Hello dear Maria.

I just wanna say, that I think I did it. I think after that, I did it. I was able to give the very last bit of you left-- back to you, and I think I'm okay. I think I'm okay with the idea that I did everything I could've done. I think I'm okay with the idea that I could no longer do anything for you anymore. That's it. Its done. I'm done, and I'm happy. It didn't hurt when you didn't show up anymore. Maybe that's all I ever actually needed. To give it to you. To remind you and show that I was there for you until that very moment. And now that you saw it, I'm actually okay. It was good. All the times we spent together. I never regretted any of it. And you, you will always have a special spot in my life. Who knows? Maybe I would still continue writing here. Maybe I would still write about my thoughts in this blog. About life, about how Im doing, how Im coping up with everything. But I know one thing, what I will be writing, will no longer be about you. I love you, I do. But I guess, that's just not enough to keep me from doing everything else and meeting new people. I know you are struggling so much about life right now, but you know what? Gabbie is right. I'm fvcking struggling too. And Im still thinking about you even when Im actually carrying my whole world in tip toes.

"Some infinities are greater than other infinities," I always say. But I guess I forgot that even though that's true, I have to keep in mind, that maybe my infinity is important too. I've been so kind to everyone that I forgot I have to be kind to myself as well. You became the center of my universe that even though the world hurt me badly, I would still think its okay because its not hurting you. You've been all I think about lately that even when people break me so much the scars of it will haunt me forever, I still think about the amount of pain it will cause you even when it already broke me apart.

We all have struggles. And we all have certain ways to deal with them. Its true, maybe the world keeps giving me hard times because it know I can deal with it. Maybe life is so hard because it knows that no matter how much it breaks me, I would still think of you guys. But you know what, it hurts so much too. There are moments when I wake up at night crying and thinking why I have to exist too. There are days when I would find myself looking at the mirror and see disgust. I know I only have myself ever since I was a little girl. And Ive lived with that. Im not saying all this for you to appreciate me or pity me or be sad or anything. Im saying all this, for you to know that Im here for you guys. Because I know how Isolating this world can be. And I dont want you to feel everything I felt because all those times, all I really wamted was someone to understand me. But no one was there. The only person I had was myself. But you have me. I will always be there for you.

So, I hope you find the strength to cope up with yours. To see that you have people out there willing to help. I too do not know how to swim. But It doesn't mean I'll let myself drown. The universe is a vast ocean for people who cannot swim. But just like the ocean, the waves will keep you afloat if you learn to ride with it. Thank you for keeping me hooked up this far. I wouldn't have realized all this without you. Remember when you said you'd help me find myself before? I see that now. Thank you for everything, my Maria. You will always mean the stars and the moon to me. But for now, its time for the dawn to rise and for my moon to rest.

Yours, little dipper.

[rxmxa]

random astro observations pt. 9 ✨

✨just for fun im just talking random ass shit based on PERSONALL observation ✨ PART EIGHT.

one of my friends is a teacher and she has a pisces mercury and I was joking with her about how good she is at translating little kid talk haha (like the joke with moms translating for their babies) BUTT then it did hit me that it could be a pattern for pisces mercuries to be able to understand accents or dialects or forms of communication (mercury) that might seem confusing (pisces) to everyone else.

^ speaking of teaching, she told me theyre learning about galielo in her classroom and how he was condemned to be imprisoned for life for discovering new things about space. and i was like damn he must have some aqua placements in my head😭 and i check and he had an aquarius sun-mercury conjunction. AQUA PLACEMENTS AND forever being ahead of the crowd but never being praised for it until much much later (in galielos case, 300 years later)👍🥸

AND he also had a jupiter-saturn conjuction, the very thing that made him famous and well known (jupiter) also led to his imprisonment (saturn). This conjuction is all about embracing what is not talked about. With jupiter-saturn aspects there are no short cuts when it comes to ur success, but when u finally win, ITS BIG and it will last.

its so fascinating to see how saturns influence comes through in such different ways. my aqua moon bestie always got in trouble with her family for expressing herself or “talking back” by questioning everything. BUT her capricorn moon brother instead internalized his emotions, decided that if he just followed the direction he would be okay even if he internally disagreed. saturn will push you to decipher the difference between MORALITY versus OBEDIENCE in your life.

^ but regardless, both of them are saturnian moons and they had to deal with a lot of heavy expectations and restrictions growing up. they just coped in different ways.

without a doubt you can see so many patterns in the charts of siblings (that derivative astro also supports). My other friend is a virgo moon, her brother is a cap moon and her sister is taurus moon. THEY ARE ALL EARTH MOONS and the mother was always very critical of her (virgo), disciplined her brother A LOT (cap), and very possessive & stubborn with her sister (taurus). earth sign energy can be practical and loyal but it can also be inflexible and stubborn and you can see thru their lives how that earth energy manifested itself.

^ they also ALL have moon-pluto aspects. the youngest, the cap moon brother has a moon Pluto conjunction and she is attached to him the most. Moon-pluto ppl can have an insane relationship with the mother where she refuses to relinquish control.

^ MOON pluto aspects and plutonian influence in families can also be generational, as the mother has a scorpio moon herself and she has admitted herself how controlling and vindictive her own mother use to be (the shadow side of this energy).

if you’ve seen the show Malcolm in the middle, its a perfect example of generational moon-Pluto aspects and also what a mars dominant family looks like 😂😂😂

you know who we always joke about being emo and shit (scorpios) but virgo placements r the ones that are gonna sit there in all black, blinking at you in disgust, drinking their coffee and annoyed at you that ur in their space. David from schitts creek is the perf example of that, he gives off major virgo energy.

Working with Venusians (especially a lot of taurus risings) has showed me that VENUS is truly all about the small details. like we think of mercury being all organized but as a mercurial myself my organization is not as in depth as my Venusian coworkers at all. I admire the dedication. they go back to fix a crooked picture frame, or squint and dust off the little ass dust bunny u didn't notice. or rip the paper up and start over if they didn't like their hand writing.

Its like mercurial (virgo/gemini) organization is focused on having all the things in one OVERALL order. But Venusian (libra/taurus) organization is about having EACH thing In a specific order. it reminds me of a kid putting all his toys in one box and cleaning up (mercurial attention to detail) but then a kid organizing each toy and putting them in diff boxes (Venusian attention to detail). idk if that makes sense, maybe its their libra 6h as taurus risings and focusing on the aesthetics side of their work. Venusians/ mercurials what do u think??

4th house synastry can be so comforting when there is no distrust among each other. For ex: me and my best friend have 4h and 11h synastry and we’ve grown up together our entire lives and are part of the same social circles (11h) to the point we are family (4h). I call her my sister.

Someone’s placements can tell you a lot about how they comfort you if there is 4h synastry. For example someone’s Gemini sun into your 4h and their versatile energy, ways they communicate with you, their humor can all be ways in which they make you feel better. Who they are (sun) can instantly make you comfy (4h).

4th house placements are immensely private people though. These are the people that don’t like you touching their stuff or being in their room unless they trust you. They enjoy their solitude and peace and quiet. These are the ppl that get very upset when you barge in and leave the door open. They’ll grit their teeth all like close. the. fawkingggg. door. 😤 my friend with a 4h stellium is a very considerate host when people are over but no one is allowed to go into his room, its his ultimate safe space

I also have saturn in the 4th house and one time my friend took a pic of my room bc she thought it was cool and she put it on her story and I was like DELETE IIEEETT RN!!

4th, 8th, 9th, 12th house placements are the ones always silently asking the universe for a sign. A butterfly gently flying across their vision, a rose crushed on the ground beneath their boot, the rain pouring and pouring on an important day, leaving them drenched… they see and believe in these signs and interpret them in deeply complex ways. I think it’s amazing. And it’s very helpful for them. Like to someone else the angel number they saw on the license plate is nothing but to them its an answer to a question they had weeks ago lmfaoo.

6th house placements (especially Saturn, sun, and mars) can be very impatient with distracted people. They’ll snap at you all like HELLOOO??? we need to get this done these are the people always rushing someone like girl relax 🤧 they can be very tense and have their jaw clenched or shoulders bunched up without noticing. my bestie with a 6h mars is always SPEEDING (mars) when running errands (6h) im like GIRL BE CALM ENJOY THIS STROLL THRU TARGET.

^ so if u wanna give a 6h person a gift, make it a trip to a spa or a massage or running an errand for them instead so they can stay in bed and relax <3

those with moon in the 6th house can be great working with animals, women or even children. They have such a nurturing touch. My friend has a 6h aqua moon and animals adore her she wanted to be a vet as a child. Now she’s working at non-profit helping refugees. She’s literally in a humanitarian organization (aqua) helping women and children (moon) get settled (6h) in a new country. 💜

8th house and 12th house placements (especially the sun in these houses) are the people that barely post on social media or flat out delete their accounts & use burners (or have rant pages).They hate the feeling of being watched LMFAOO or having to “perform.” They also despise nosy people haha & on top of that they are already incredibly suspicious of other people in general. Usually it’s rooted in some trauma in which they actually HAVE been fucked over so now they can’t help but see ulterior motives. 😅

^ its a delicate balance bc the 12th house is the house of hidden enemies but with 12h placements sometimes the person in your way is just you and your thoughts spiraling out of control. my cousin has a 12h stellium (in taurus) and she takes EVERYTHING as A PERSONAL attack. She'll b like hmm and what do u mean by that??? What are u trying to say?? but in a more passive aggressive way lmfao not direct. And ik its bc of a past of being targeted and now not being able to decipher the difference. god rlly be giving her hardest battles to her 12h soldiers

7h placements really benefit from taking note of social media breaks we all know that in some ways social media can be harmful to our mental health, but the 7th house is the house of projections and 7h placements can find themselves even more susceptible to feeling scrutinized about social media or anxious about what they post. FOR example, my little cousin has her sun, moon, Venus and Mercury all her in 7h aka a stellium. That is A LOT of energy being placed on her relationships with others and can lead to codependence.

^ She’s said, “I feel like I am what other people tell me I am” and when she posts something she spends a lot of time asking ppl if it’s nice or not. 🥺🥺🥺 she can redirect that energy by focusing on her FIRST HOUSE aka validating HERSELF. Taking breaks from social media, learning to do things on her own, not asking for permission or validation when she rlly wants to do something etc. 💕

and a 7h sun myself ik that the way I shine (sun) in this world cannot be separated from my relationships (7h) and I have to acknowledge I am going to be influenced and molded by them. I mean everyone is ofc but 7h placements gotta take that initiative to not let other ppl see u as just a character in their lives. like I saw this post that was like "didnt mean to act like myself in front of u my bad bro let me get the personality I made just for u" and my 7h sun was attacked lmfaooo. IT CAN B SO UNCONCIOUS dont let other ppl make all ur choices, u can be influenced by others bUT IN A POSITIVE WAY. u know its not heading the right way if ur feeling like a sim

It’s truly so fascinating to me how the house a placement is in can alter so much the energy of it. For example, my cousin that I just mentioned has her 7h stellium in gemini but since it’s in the 7th house (libra) there is a lot of libra energy to her demeanor and personality!! She loves to dress up and she deeply values her relationships. Or I have another cousin who has Pisces mars, sun and mercury in the 10th house (Capricorn). And she is very commanding, direct and straightforward in her demeanor and ways she communicates. She’ll call us out but in a very empathetic way when we’re doing something wrong lmfaooo.

When you feel drawn to someone and have no idea why 8h and Pluto synastry can come into play. Times where I’ve been incredibly drawn to someone or we can’t stop making eye contact…. only for later to find out we have 8h synastry (especially sun, moon, Venus) or Pluto synastry (the squares can feel much more obvious as well). 12h synastry could feel like that as well but it’s in a much more subconscious sense where you could be like am I making this up orrrr is there something going on here?

SPEAKING of 12h synastry it also made me realize that the planets there show up when being drunk or high with the other person. like with sun 12h synastry (drunk texting the person how much u care about them and admire them, shit u wouldn't say sober lmfao). Or with 12h venus synastry (its giving omg ur sooo pretty, u actually bring so much beauty to my life, I actually care about u deeply all while being under the influence). I have 12h mars synastry with an acquaintance and I always thought she was so attractive and I kept debating if I acc had a crush on her or not. But we made out (mars) for the first time when we were both drunk (12h) lmfaooo. it also did make me realize I don't have a crush on her but I do think she is gorgeous <3

btw doing personalized astro observations in the style of the way i usually write my random ones but instead based on your birth chart 😙🥰

[slowdiived]

oddly specific kurt kunkle request? reader works in retail and one day they complain to their boyfriend kurt about a regular customer (a creepy old man who keeps hitting on reader and making them super uncomfortable), so kurt kills the creepy dude?

i have a guy at my job that is literally a fucking perv so i had some ideas LMFAO

“it’s just really pissing me off,” you ranted as you paced around the living room. “this dude has to be like 60 years old, i’m telling you… and he wouldn’t stop putting his hand on my back every time he made me bend down to show him the stupid iphone chargers.”

kurt watched you, his head turning every direction you went in. he was sitting on the couch furious, his arms crossed against his chest. he was sick with the thoughts of some creepy old man taking advantage of your store’s customer service policy just to get close to you.

“that’s so messed up,” he sighed, laying his back against the leather cushion. “did you tell anybody?”

“yes!” you threw your arms up in anger. “i told like two of mycoworkers on the registers and they just tried to tell me he was ‘being nice.’ it’s a load of bullshit.”

you hated your retail job. you hated it so much. you worked at a failing business that tended to only attract older people with no clue of social norms. mostly it was just having to deal with out of touch people, mean and grumpy at your explanations, and help. you learned to deal with it, your benefits were nice and you got a decent paycheck, but some days you wanted to just chop your head off in front of the whole store to scar everyone in sight. maybe that would make people start to change.

you just learned to cope the best you could, but today was different.

“maybe bring it up with your general manager?” he tried to propose a solution. “i don’t know, i-i’ve never really worked retail before.”

“i wish it was that simple,” you sat down next to him. “he comes in every week and is normal to everyone else, except me. i just feel gross, like i want to cut off the chunk of skin he kept touching.”

“i’m sorry,” he put an arm around your shoulders, bringing you closer and touching his head to yours. “it will get better, maybe just bring his name up to one of your managers and maybe he will get banned.”

“i guess you are right,” you turned to face him. “thank you for letting me rant to you, i know that was probably annoying and all.”

“no,” he kissed your cheek. “it wasn’t at all, im glad you told me.”

he had so many thoughts racing through his head, he could see this man touching you, your face of pure disgust and worry. it made him so enraged, his fingernails digging into his palm as he tried his best to contain himself. he got pretty good at masking his anger, especially in front of you. he never wanted to scare you off with the dark thoughts and actions that ran through him.

he had a plan though. he knew this guy’s routine from all your stories you had told him the last few weeks. he thought about stalking the store, seeking out the guy, following him home, and then beating the ever living shit out of him. watching the older man’s frail bones break as kurt just broke him into a million pieces.

-

“hey uh, it’s (y/n), was just calling to see if you are okay, it’s been like three hours since you got done driving and you said you were bringing dinner. just call me back when you get the chance, just a little worried.”

it was already eight pm and you hadn’t heard anything from kurt since he got off of spreeing for the day. you texted him a few times, shocked when he wasn’t quick to answer. that boy practically lives on his phone, he texts you a billion times a day checking in on you, but today was different. you tried to just tell yourself that he got caught up in something, maybe his dad needed a ride somewhere. he usually begged kurt to take him to the most outlandish of places so you tried your best to believe your made up story.

you had taken a shower once you got home around four, made yourself look good for your boyfriend. you were gonna eat dinner with him then hope you guys would get to messing around a bit, maybe show off your new underwear you hadn’t had a proper chance to debut to him yet. it was really bothering you that he hadn’t said a word for hours.

before you could worry anymore, kurt had stumbled through the door, slamming it once he got inside. you ran from your room to the living room to see him, happy that he was alive. you were about to report him as missing due to your dramatics.

“hey is everything okay?” you had thrown yourself around him, his arms tightening around you.

“oh yeah,” he spoke into your ear. “just had to take care of something a-and my phone died.”

you pulled away, hands now holding his. he smiled at you, his eyes bright and happy. all your worries went away, his face being enough o make you feel okay.

“did you get dinner?” you asked, starving from not eating since your lunch.

“i was thinking i could take you out,” his grin made your heart flutter. “anywhere you want to go, it’s on me.”

you nodded.

“honestly can we just sit inside taco bell?” you giggled. “i just really want a beefy burrito right now.”

“yeah of course,” he kissed your forehead. “anything for you.”

you told him you would be right back, going to your room to get a pair of shoes on. he sat on the couch for a moment and let out a huff, his mind fuzzy.

he would do anything to make you happy, he loves making you happy. he wants to be your saving grace, your only hope. he looked down at his jacket, smiling at the tiny bloodstain that was left on him. it was all for you, it’s always going to be for you. he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“okay i’m read-“ you stopped for a moment as you noticed a blood smear from the side of his temple down to his ear. “… hey are you bleeding?”

his hand shot to the side of his face that your eyes were fixated on, his fingers grazing the dried blood. he pulled down his hand to look at it and sure enough, there was dried blood that bunch up on his pointer and middle finger.

“oh uh,” he pretended to look as shocked as he possibly could. “i hit my head on the uh… side of my door today w-when getting gas. i was trying to uh… hurry for my next passenger, i didn’t notice i was bleeding.”

he stood up and went to your bathroom, quickly turning in the sink. he pulled out a washcloth from your drawer, soaking it then scrubbing at his temple.

you followed in shortly after, nervous that he had really hurt himself. you tried to get up close to inspect the suspected wound but he pulled away from you.

“oh i-i’m okay,” he finished cleaning it off. “it’s just a tiny scratch on my scalp, nothing major.”

“are you sure?” you tried to reach for him again. “let me check it for you-“

“no it’s fine i promise,” he put the cloth on the counter. “we should get to t-taco bell before they close.”

you nodded and turned around, heading out the restroom door. kurt looked in the mirror one last time, the events of the day playing through his head.

he punched the guy in the face, as hard as he could. the man stumbled to the ground of his front lawn, groaning at the impact. kurt through another hard hitter, the man passing out.

he had put him in his car and drove him to the junkyard, his usual place for his victims. he layer his body against the gravel in front of his car, waiting for the man to wake up again. he was growing impatient, the pocket knife on his key opened and ready to be used. kurt decided to stab him in the side repeatedly, the old man awakening to the pain. he looked at kurt with eyes of terror, his hand reaching for the bloody wound.

“this is what you get m-mother fucker,” he stuttered, stabbing him again.

the man tried to grab kurt with his bloody hand, the liquid smearing against the side of his head.

“are you coming or what?” you asked, breaking him out of his memory.

“y-yeah,” he turned off the light and head to you. “just wanted to say i love you.”

“i love you.” he gave you a kiss on your cheek.

[soulofarat]

eating disorders need to be handled differently. Im going off, sorry in advance.

In high school, i was sat down with the rest of my health class, instructed by our gym teacher. This is where i had my “education” about eating disorders, though i was dealing with one secretly. 

He talked about them as if they were a crime. He told us how to know if someone has an ed (they’ll wear baggy dark clothing, they’ll avoid food), and to tell on them. He told us it’s for women only. We made jokes about it. We had to watch a terribly inaccurate movie portraying eating disorders.

This movie was full of tips on how to hide an ed that i remember 7 years later. He must not have interpreted it that way. 

I learned to be a better liar and i learned that people will hate me and pity me and find me revolting and call me ignorant and force feed me with a tube in a hospital if they ever found out. 

So i kept quiet. 

When i was 16 and my family found out i was purging, they sat me down intervention style and SCREAMED at me. My uncle, my aunt, and my grandmother all sat at a table and yelled at me about my biggest secret. They called me gross, immature, and compared me to my birth mother who struggled with the same thing.

They made me feel some of the most intense shame i’d ever felt. I felt stripped naked.

They took away my coping mechanisms (internet, tumblr account, certain TV shows, scale). They didn’t allow me to heal by choice or leave my coping mechanisms behind on my own because they thought my ed was a silly girl thing that I could quit whenever. But it wasn’t ever that simple.

Without my coping mechanisms, I turned to self harming.

To this day, the memory makes me shudder and reminds me to distrust them. They handled it horribly.

PEOPLE NEED TO STOP HANDLING THIS HORRIBLY. NOW.

The only thing that ended up helping was when i was forced to go to therapy. I was resistant at first. But my therapist was educated on the topic, took me seriously, and helped me handle my ed safely to slowly and comfortably to recover rather than shame me to shreds so i could stop being a nuisance. 

Recovering took YEARS. It was not a simple decision like everyone told me it should be. But even with my current relapse, I know how to be safe about this and how to avoid hurting myself.

Here’s what i wished they told me in high school.

Eating disorders are treatable. You are not too far gone to try to get better.

Someones weight is not an indicator of whether or not they have an eating disorder. Anyone, regardless of size or shape or weight, can be dealing with an ed.

NEVER lower your goal weight.

Eating disorders will manipulate you. They are not funny, they are not cute, they are not just for girls: they can affect anyone and they want to hurt you. Eating disorders are not your friend, even though it will sometimes feel like it. 

Bottom line: at the end of the day, there aren’t many endings to this aside from recovery or death.

Eating disorders can stem from other problems in a person’s life possibly regarding a lack of control, mental health issues, or other personal struggles that aren’t really centered around the way one looks. It is putting one “controllable” thing (your body) into your own hands and making it the center of your life so that the other uncontrollable problems don’t take up as much space in your head.

In other words, an eating disorder is typically a SYMPTOM of something else. Trying to “fix” someone by focusing on the eating disorder alone can just make the person turn to something else to cope (alcohol, drugs, impulsive buying, sex, anything addictive.) I turned to self harming.

Focusing on the ED alone is the equivalent of pulling weeds out, but leaving the roots.

You don’t have to drop your ED all at once! It can be slow. You may have relapses. But you can do it at a comfortable pace. As long as you recognize that you have to try eventually.

Having an eating disorder shouldn’t be such a shameful thing. No wonder people rarely try to get help on their own when it’s framed as a joke or when people can handle it so horribly. 

It needs to stop. 

We need knowledgeable people in schools teaching students these things so we can create more understanding eventual adults and overall, a less stigmatized culture.