#im dead in the eyes right now
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I just
I just read the HyperlaserDressing and Heart of Homophobia fanfics
I don’t know how to move on with my life
How I can see these characters the same again
How I can look at fucking SALAD DRESSING again
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I
I need to think
#ao3#ao3 is wild#These aren’t even rated mature or whatever this is a crime#phighting#phighting fics#biograft phighting#hyperlaser phighting#katanas like mentioned#Subtana#Yeah that’s very central to HoH#I’m not tagging Subspace because that’s too popular#Yeah#im dead in the eyes right now
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silly stuff i drew while reading Feel No Evil by @payasita , in which the Lamb does not know how to propose, Narinder does not know how to be alive, and neither of them knows what an obligate carnivore is
bonus? lmao
#my art#cotl#i am looking into your soul with my huge autistic eyes. read this fic right now. blease#hksfdjghdfghldkfg im sorry it just fucking kills me that for the first 4ish chapters narinder is just. so nasty#like all the followers are like There He Is. The Leader's Favorite Guy. and its this filthy half-dead cat that hasnt bathed in 10+ years#like he has hardly eaten the entire time he's been mortal and he looks like absolute dogshit#and their unbeatable normally serene and gracious leadergod is hovering around his stinky ass like omg nari hiiiiii#its fucking hilarious to me. and also heartwrenching bc this fic does also get into how hard it is to be alive when uve never learned how#gonna draw the twins desperately bringing him soap later i just had so many things i wanted to draw for this
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he literally main charactered too close to the sun. he used to be so invisible that the door physically wouldn't open for him to be part of the scene. he was out of focus, cut out of the shot. he was physically barred from stepping foot in the precinct. but he found a way to use that, to leverage his status as a background character to get a foot in the door. he delivered food, he replaced tech guy without anyone batting an eye. but he pushed it too far, because now he's The Character. everyone is saying his name and everyone knows his face and his story and they have control of it now. now that he's in the spotlight they have to prod pluck and primp and make sure everything is in it's rightful spot. the show must go on. the story restructures itself around him in order to get to the finale on time. and now they're casting him in the villain role and jamming together random pieces of the puzzle so it all adds up and the show has a satisfying ending..... I'm....
#are you listening.#and now he's taking the narrative by the throat and saying no. you don't get to define who i am;#and even the title of the episode like!!! he's not the waiter or the tech guy or the bad guy anymore. he's willis wu.#im going insane. everyone watch interior chinatown right now#he is LITERALLY looking the audience dead in the eye and saying I see you too. and this is not gonna be how this ends#interior chinatown
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sketchbook sillies
#took these in the dark . can u tell . i know u can (they look like shiart im sory)#i can draw javi with my eyes closed + studying him is easy and fun so i tend to draw him a lot. plus he comforts me. i’m sorry kieran i miss#u so bad and i want to draw u lots but i don’t have the strength to look at ur in-game model as much as javier’s …….. :(#i promise i’ll study him soon so i can get the hang of him again#still slowly trying to get back in the swing of things since getting out of the hospital … life is so odd for me right now :/ anyway …#i promise i’m going to get to the things in my inbox as fast as possible im just … a slow person ….. and im so tired ….. please be patient#with me ….. thank u very much to everyone who said anything to me tho i look at them and smile every day even tho i dont have the energy to#do anything with them outright yet :]#anyway … my pookies … trying to make drawing fun again and practicing so slow …. i’m scared of burnout bad#i miss them so bad#javieran save me … save me ………….#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#kieran duffy#javier escuella#javieran#image#art#hero draws sometimes#putting the art in shart with these i’m ngl but im just trying to have fun again :(
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FOR A BEAT OF HEART, THE BREATH IS SHOT. AND WITHIN A BREATH, THE HEART IS CAUGHT. THE PIPES ARE BURSTING, UNDER GREAT STRESS, BOLTS TORN ASUNDER, MAKING A MESS. A FINAL COUGH, A FINAL RETCH, A GOREY SLOUGH, CLAIMED BY WRETCH.
#cw gore#jrwi riptide#jrwi riptide spoilers#chip jrwi#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#I LLOOOVE POETRYYY I LOVE MAKING WORDS RHYME IN STRANGE WAYS AND DESCRIBING VISCERA AND VIOLENCE OR WAHTEVER. YKNOW WHAT ELSE I LOVE#CHHHIIIIIIIBBOOOOO MY BEAUTIFUL MAAANN WWHAT. WHAT HAPPENED. OH MY GOD. IVE BEEN SAYING FOREVER. I NEEED CHIP TO GET SCARIER.#HE HAS THE POTENTIAL! I KNOW HE DOES! HAUNTED BOY WITH THE HAUNTED EYES WHAT TRAUMAS HAVE YOU SEEN? AND WERE THEY YOUR FAULT? THINK ABOUT I#EVERY FAMILY HAS CRUMBLED AROUND HIM. HIS BIRTH FAMILY CRUMBLED BEFORE HE KNEW IT. HIS SECOND FAMILY DROWNED. THIRD BURNED TO THE GROUND#AND SHALL THIS NEXT FAMILY JOIN THEM? CHIIIIP YOU UNFORTUNATE BOY YOU HAVE WITNESSED SO MUCH CALAMITY#YOU ARE CALAMITY BOYYY AHAHAHAHA DONT YOU SEEE!! ZOMBIFIED AND DEAD. TRUELY MORE HAUNTED THAN EVER BEFORE. THIS WILL BE FUN#THE FIRE HURTS WHEN IT BURNS TOO LONG. BUT NOW YOUR NERVES ARE DEAD AND YOUR MIND IS FREE. BURN THIS CORPSE AS YOU WISH TO GET WHAT YOU WAN#CHIP IS NOT THE FIRE HE IS THE MATCH. I LOVE THAT IDEA SO MUCH IM SO PROUD OF IT. OHHH AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE CORRUPTION#bizly mentioned that chip wants to be a good captain. in his most corrupted state however. he would be the BEST captain..#thAT DOESNT MEAn hes gonna just suddenly be all controlling. the BEST captain keeps his crew safe. keeps them together. keeps them alive.#and chip is doing just that! he doesnt need to stop being a good captain just bc of the corruption! he just needs to be the BEST CAPTAIN#AND THATS SUBJECTIVE BABY!! im so excited to see where chips zombie arc goes. neeeed him to get scarier and just a little more fucked up.#neEED HIM TO PERFORM ABHORANT ACTIONS THAT HAVE JAY N GILL GOING ' dude woah what the fuck...'#RIGHT I SHOULD TALK ABT MY ART TOO. this one took TOO LONGGGstarted out witha sketch how did it end up like this...#the heart and the blood KILLED ME. LOOK AT MY RENDERING LIKE HWAAATT#better not see any more mistakes after i post this.... i cant fight withit anymore....STILL RLY PROUD THO..#I WAnted to make it visually LOOK like the grossest vomiting sound possible#i want it to make your throat feel uncomfortable. am i achieving that? i hope i am. thats tubes dude!!! like cmahn!
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Tell me if I'm lost, and all the days it took
I gave it all I had, without a second look
And I need breathing room, if I don't see you soon
I think I'll die inside, I'll blame it all on you
I think I'm gone for good, it happened faster than it should
And now it's upside down, I must've misunderstood
#dead eyes#you dont understand#on the verge#of#suicide#life sucks right now#my life story#tomorrow won’t be better#im depressed#ouse#powfu#gone#i wish i wasnt like this#let me go#SoundCloud#Promoting Sounds
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"Achilles wished all Greeks would die, so that he and Patroclus could conquer Troy alone. It took divine intervention to bring them down." - Hannibal Lecter
#IM SCREAMIN HOW DID I NOT NOTIVE BEFORE HANNINAL IS LITERALLY SKETCHING ACHILLES LAMENTING PATROCLUS AND HAVING A FULL CONVO WITH WILL AB IT#LITTERALLY JUST OUTTING THEMSELVES SO FUCKING MYCH FUCJ#patrochilles#hannibal#hannigram#hannibal lecter#will graham#achilles#patroclus#achilles and patroclus#hannibal s2 ep 12 tome wan#hannibal says this quote looking will dead in the eyes then will goes silent bc he needs a moment n then he legit says#“this isnt sustainable.” BABE OH MY GOD JUST FUCK HIM ALREAFY JUST ELOPE CHRIST I CANT RIGHT NOW#tHiS iSnT sUsTaInAbLE what the fuck are you talking about faggot
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ARCANE EPISODE 7!!!!
MY GOD I WASNT READY FOR ANY OF THIS!!! WHAT WAS THAT!!!
Also ekko wallpaper I got with my fries lmao
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#OH MY GOOOD!!!!!! POWDER AND EKKO!!! AND BENZOOOOOO#ITS LITERALLY WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN OMGG!!!!! POWDER LOOKS SO CUTE 😭😭😭😭 IM CRYING ALREADYYYY#VANDER WITH A BUN!! AND EVERYTHING IS SO FULL OF LIGHT!!! HER EYES!!! MYLO LOOKS SO RIDICULOUS AKDJSK THIS GIRLAAA#“where would you be without her” WELL BUDDY IF YOU KNEW HOW HE IS WITH HER!!! VI IS DEAD????? OR SHE WAS TAKEN FOR THE INCIDENT!!!#LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID JAYCE!!! MY GOD!!! THE GEMS KILLED VI SO THEY JUST COMPLETELY PROHIBITED THEM!!! JAYCE IS IN JAIL PROBABLY!!#the fact we are seeing exactly why jayce should be sorry about what he has done.... and we are seeing him suffer because of it... cinema 🚬#also mel fading into viktor.... also has he realised how she manipulated him in the beggining??? there is so much stuff...#jayce eating contaminated animals and his wound being infected with the arcane too..... is that what will push him....#omg.... ekko likes powder so much... he apologised by painting actual adult vi portraits where the fallen are in his universe 😭😭😭#“she looks so badass” if you knew... is he gonna ask her to help him make hextech.... that is so sick and twisted....#also jayce hurting his leg loke viktor and having to use a cane and brace.... damn and you know whats worse..... that ekko could be like#this with the jinx of his universe IF ISHA HADNT DIED!!! AND IT IS BEACUSE OF JAYCE!! AGAIN!!!!! THIS MAN!!!!!#the drawing with the anomaly and the two men and the inifite symbol... we get it... jayce and viktor forever intertwined by fate....#powder is sensing something is off.... omg time travel..... THE LIMIT IS FOUR SECONDS AFTER HEIMERDINGER EPXLODED ALDHAKSHSKSJSOJSOSLS#i dont want a time travel ending.... if its done for plot to an extent is okay but idk about solving it all.... it makes it feel worhtless#claggor looks so fine its not even funny..... i cant wait to see what everyone thinks. WHERE IS THE LITTLE LADY bc hes called little man 😭#and vander with arm tattoos.... why did they hipster fied him.... he looks younger somehow ajdhakj he went from taking care of 4 kids to 3!#SILCO!!!! AND HE DID TRY TO KILL HIM!! ALSJAKSKAK Ekko just laighing at it.... girl i would be pissed STROMAE??? OMG POWDER!!!!#I JUST REALIZED THE PINK IN HER HAIR IS FOR VI!! AND HER JACKET!! AND A DRESS LIKE HER MOTHER'S!! CRYING!!! FULL BODY CHILLS!!!#CAN WE JUST PRETEND LIKE ITS THE FIRST TIME!!! I GAVE UP ON YOU!!! WHAT HAPPENED BACK THEN I NEED TO KNOW!!! IM SOBBING!!! EKKO!!!!#NOOOOOOO THE ANOMALY NOOOOO!!!! HEIMERDINGER NOOOOO!!!! AND THATS JAYCE!!! IS THAT MAGE VIKTOR???? the monkeys......#the vi toy with the out love song machine.... my god i wasnt expecting any of this i need to breathe i am stil tearing up my god#what a fucking punch in the stomach christ i cant breathe right akdhsksso#the credits saying the deries has benefited from a spanish tax rebate in the canary islands??? you're welcome i guess lmao#animation production carried out there and has ben collaboration with the Spanish gov... alright another win for perro sanxe#talking tag#watching arcane#watching arcane season 2#watching this i dont think im ready for caitvi sex.... after reconciliation even like what will be of me.... now im scared#i am still scared bc idk what happened to jinx and vi and cait still... thats what worried me and boom!! ekko powder with the steel chair..
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story wise im honestly not really expecting That much from shadows story in the generations remaster because generations already has nothing going for it in terms of story but also black doom being the main villain has me losing my shit because ive always thought shadow being part black arms was a really interesting concept and wished they did more with it and i also just really like shth and am happy to see them referencing it so openly instead of being ashamed of it and pretending it never happened because annoying youtubers and game reviewers decided it was bad. rips off shirt to reveal another shirt undernearth that says Number 1 Shadow the Hedgehog (2005) Defender
#idgaf about sonic generations getting a remaster i dont think it needs one and wouldnt be interested in it if it wasnt for the shadow thing#but man. i screamed when dooms eye showed up in the trailer because i wasnt expecting it lmao#im also wondering what the explanation for him being here is gonna be. because hes dead#im assuming that shadows stuff takes place at the same time that generations itself does#because it wouldnt make sense to put it in the generations remaster if it doesnt#so it probably has something to do with the time eater thing. it brings back a bunch of stuff from shadows past#and he starts experiencing the horrors or whatever#also wondering if there will be any maria or gerald appearances.....#the revisiting painful memories part of the description makes me think there will. but we cant know for certain right now
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Hey, you remember the Evil Clone Tim prompt? Yeah was thinking about it then:
In Amity univers (APu) there's already a Tim, who didn't come from Amity nor moves in the city but unstead is just passing by because he have some matters to do in the nxt city or something
This Tim is a straight up sociopath ( or whatever tf it is) who never feels anything, the perfect heir and son whove done nothing wrong in his life and thinks of everything and every single person he've as dull and annoying (life itself as bothersome)
He somehow get himself dumped into ectoplasm. The thing is he's not an Amity Parker, like everyone in APu he's sensitive to it but unlike Amity Parker's he doesn't have a natural resistance.
Interdimentional beings are made of ectoplasm. Tim had quite the reaction to it.
There's is no Justice League here. But there is also only one single power source on this earth, Amity.
Oh no, he's a bit power hungry now. Thanks to the other Tims, he now know what to do what not to.
There's just one thing standing between him and taking down the world. Amity's protector, Phantom.
I like to think of them as an enemy-to friend-to lovers. + the rehab for Tim, slice of life too I guess since they're living together (Danny have to keep a close eye on him(but you know human )).
#Danny fall first but Tim fall harder#Tim knows Danny wouldn't fight back against a living so he takes full adventage of it#I'm sure I've forget to add something but right now I can barely keep my eyes open so 🤷♂️#dp x dc#dpxdc#fic ideas#fic prompt#danny phantom#tim drake#Evil Tim drake#cause he's not really a clone#he just saw everything the other Tims had made#braindead#brain dead#i remember now#the draws#argh too tired now#do whatever you want with it Im goNE#ah yes Danny finaly defeat Tim afer using a *specific* power against him but dear god It was hard#wait a minute domestic slice of life#does the Dcu come in it? At some point maybe#just to let you know he will achieve he's dream in a few years but with Danny as his guardrail
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more asoiaf comparisons, parallels & antiparallels to the first dance of the dragons vs the second & final dance of the dragons (& possibly the sixth blackfyre rebellion): the blacks being daenerys i targaryen's supporters, the golds being aegon vi targaryen's supporters, tommen baratheon being a close equivalent to gaemon palehair & his mother essie & sylvenna sand which may be interpreted as a parallel with queen cersei lannister & taena merryweather of myr, trystane truefyre being a close equivalent to aegon/young griff & perkin being jon connington & the shepherd being the new high septon the high sparrow, dalton greyjoy being euron i greyjoy's ancestor & the latter surpassing him, alyn waters later alyn velaryon resembling aurane waters later aurane velaryon & finishing what their ancestors started. history repeats itself.
#LIKE!!!! LOOK AT THE PARALLELS BRUH#it kinda makes me wonder who the hightowers would support this time...#its literally so wild how history repeats itself#i think the lannisters would support aegon after he takes king's landing bc they're lowkey fucked either way.#cersei lannister's probably either in hiding at casterly rock or will end up as aegon's political prisoner. maybe jaime too idk.#i have no idea who would lead the lannisters on the side of the golds now that kevan's dead killed by varys tho... maybe genna lannister?#cersei jaime & tyrion's aunt? to parallel johanna lannister who attacked the ironborn like a boss bitch??#i personally predict aegon'll marry sansa who would have the north the riverlands & the vale at her back—it'd be arranged by baelish & varys#i also think it's possible he'd take arianne martell as another wife to parallel aegon & his wives visenya & rhaenys.#so by taking sansa & arianne as his wives & queens both of whom are well beloved in their countries he'd restore honor to their houses.#bc aerys & later the baratheon dynasty was a terrible time for the starks & the martells so he brings the north & dorne back into the fold.#so by marrying sansa he honors & respects her given her past betrothal to joffrey & forced marriage to tyrion & mending what aerys did#particularly to her grandfather rickard stark & her uncle brandon stark & to her aunt lyanna stark.#& by marrying arianne he's restoring honor to house martell considering all the bs his mother elia martell experienced in king's landing.#(whether elia actually Is his mother or who he perceives her to be) & restoring the line of succession again in dornish hands#& they'd probably marry him on the condition that the northerners & dornish gets special rights & privileges that others don't.#& not to mention that the targaryens starks & martells have a common enemy.#polygamy's a big nono in the faith of the seven but that didn't stop aegon & his wives & im sure after everything w/ the faith rn??#w/ cersei & the sparrows?? & considering aegon's actually a decent person & he'll be foreshadowed to be popular & loved??#i don't think most would bat an eye tbh. i actually think daenerys would wanna talk to aegon first tho.#then everything & everyone around them goes to shit & they end up fighting bc like. daenerys wants SO BADLY to have a family.#so like i don't see her immediately perceiving aegon as a threat.#the starks & most of the north would prolly be wary of dany @ 1st due to aerys & having a MASSIVE army w/ three dragons until the long night#except for like. maybe jon. but anyway the martells could be slightly wary of dany bc of what happened with quentyn in meereen.#idk maybe there's a division in the north & dorne. i think sansa & arianne would actually get along personally.#anyway im presuming stannis is gonna be at the nightfort & i personally don't think he's ever gonna come south again. he'll die at the wall.#ooc.
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so things are not going well with my new elderly socdem friend unfortunately.
#she said this RIGHT after talking about how bad yt misinfo is... which she followed up w SO I WAS WATCHING A YT DOC ABOUT WW2 & LEARNED THIS#youtube 'historians' are literally the most fascist breed of youtuber. avoid the vast majority like the plague lmao#i asked if the video was sourcing the hollow dahmer & the black book of communism & she didnt seem to know what those are lol#to her credit i told her straight up that she was incorrect & she at least faked being curious about doing more research but i am doubting#she also 'learned' that lenin killed trotsky lol get your propaganda right lenin was dead by then STALIN icepicked him <3#anyway im making jokes bc the worst part was a different conversation where she spoke positively of israel#THAT'S gonna be the one to ruin our friendship. fuck you & your war tourist friend who fought in the 1960s landgrabs that youre now#telling me as if this is a cute story. nahhhh lmao i looked her straight in the eye & said i will NOT debate this#so she dropped it like the true enlightened centrist most socdem cowards are and i kept cleaning her house quietly#turns out You & Me We're the Only Ones Around Here Who Aren't Complete Fools was premature *kicks the poorly rendered gravel sadly*#shes otherwise a nice lady & i know i need to be more flexible in order to hopefully change ppls minds...#but also when people say awful & untrue things it makes me not want to talk to you 🤷♂️ srry 2 b a freak like that#also i know shes not transphobic but i havent sniffed her out well enough to know if shes safe to come out to#so its hours of misgendering (which isnt her fault she doesnt know) bc shes obsessed with neoliberal feminism and inappropriately brings#gender into conversations that it does not belong in#'did you know all the countries that handled covid best were ran by women?' 1) untrue 2) dont care finland still sucks#she also tried to tell me that european rich people learned to be nicer after the french rev & thats why europe is better than america...#girl shut up we learned how to be so good at racism and capitalism BECAUSE of europe. there is no such thing as a good rich person!!!#i pick my battles (genocide & anticommunist genocide revisionism) so i let her cook w that one & was not left convinced as you can imagine#ANYWAY rant about today's weird day done. gonna smoke weed & rim some skies 🥵 while listening to the Khrushchev Lied audiobook i found 😘
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they were born in the wrong generation 💔 (they were meant to be annoying lovers online)
this is th3 og pci i'm sorry i didn't feel like drawing javi;s profile </3 maybe some other day
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#it legitimately took me HOURS to find the original to this#i genuinely had to get on twt to ask for it it was making me insane#but i HAD to do it because it was so cute#they're in their normal outfits because i am far too tired to come up w modern au outfits for them right now#please enjoy them im so fond of them they make me want to cry my eyes out#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#kieran duffy#javier escuella#javieran#art#meme#image#hero draws sometimes#hero's not funny
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what if. Amy “fix-it” because hallucifer makes sam so paranoid about dean leaving for no reason that sam gives in and follows him and is witness to the whole thing
#hallucifer: wow. big brother really trusts us. (beat) so something’s up right? we know it’s never this easy.#sam: (visibly restraining himself from saying shut up. about to grab his scar.)#hallucifer: (aware he’s about to be banished) don’t listen to me if you want but. I’m just trying to help.#don’t blame me if you look in the papers tomorrow and find a obit for your brain-eating girlfriend. and… what was her kid’s name again?#sam: (touching the scar. not pressing down. face all screwed up.) || hallucifer: :3 it’s not like it’ll hurt anyone#if he really does trust you he doesn’t even have to know we’re following him. *and* you’ll know your brother still trusts you.#even when I’m here. maybe he won’t even punch you again. that still hurting?#sam: (grimace. because yeah. it does.) || hallucifer: door number two - he thinks you’ve lost it and he’s going to stab that woman to death.#so what’s it gonna be Sam? ready to gamble your friend’s life on if Dean gives a shit about your opinion?#[and that’s the point where sam goes to follow dean. still doesn’t talk to Lucifer. not there yet. but oh hallucifer is sooo pleased with#himself about this. because he’s Sam. and he picks up on what Sam doesn’t. and he could see all of Dean’s little giveaways that Sam was#turning a blind eye to. and now here’s the perfect opportunity to put a wedge between them and get sam to trust him more <3)#GOD. FUCK. IM UPSET NOW. WHY WASNT HALLUCIFER IN THAT EPISODE. MOST OF THE EPISODES?#such a good fucking concept. squandered.#anyway. idk if sam saves Amy but he DEFINITELY here’s Dean’s little speech to her about how she can’t change.#hallucifer with faux sympathy like (sigh) damn. well. i always told you what he was like. Michael. Michael-sword. no difference.#both of them want us dead the moment we step out of line.#and Sam just frozen there in horror with Lucifer’s voice sinking in. and he believes him. how can he not. with dean proving him right#hallucifer#spn#sam winchester#amy pond
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In my JD era
#heathers the musical#jason dean#jd heathers#heathers#freeze your brain#ive been through ten high schools/they start to get blurry/no point planting roots/'cause your gone in a hurry/#my dad keeps two suitcases packed in the den/so its only a matter of when/i dont learn the names/dont bother with faces/#all i can trust is this concrete oasis/seems every time im about to despair/theres a 7-Eleven right there/each store is the same/#from las vegas to boston/linoleum isles that i love to get lost in/i pray at my altar of slush/yeah i live for that sweet frozen rush/#freeze your brain/suck on that straw/get lost in the pain/happiness comes/when everything numbs/who needs cocaine?/freeze your brain/#freeze your brain/care for a hit?/does your mommy know you eat all that crap?/not anymore/#when mom was alive#we lived halfway normal/but now its just me and my dad/we're less formal/i learned to cook pasta/i learned to pay rent/#learned the world doesn't owe you a cent/you're planning your future veronice sawyer/you'll go to some college and marry a lawyer/#but the skies gonna hurt when it falls/so you'd better start building some walls/freeze your brain/swim in the ice/get lost in the pain/#shut your eyes tight/'til you vanish from sight/let nothing remain/freeze your brain/shatter your skull/fight pain with more pain/#forget who you are/unburden your load/forget im six weeks/youll be back on the road/when the voice in your head/says your better off dead/#dont open a vein/just freeze your brain/freeze your brain/go on and freeze your brain/try it#Spotify
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ngl i think i kind of was a genius for being like 'yeah this character is a scary killyou cannibal scary killer who scary kills you' and then realizing that the way my worldbuilding works out is that there's a nonzero chance that if you leave literally any body parts over they can just come back, depending on what they believe in their heart of hearts can kill them. Of course she'd start eating her kills. She probably tried normal stuff first and then realized it didn't work and she had to try harder if she wanted to actually keep them dead.
#red rambles#im working on a character who i made up years and years ago and wasnt even happy with then because he didnt seem to have enough like#interior thoughts he was just like a guy who killed people when he was stressed and his life was constantly stressful and then he killed on#person too many and they were like 'this is fucking untenable and he has to die' and then they killed him#which is soooooooooo absolutely nothing honestly. Like it works as a barebones summary but i want to stress there was actually straight up#nothing else there. the entire rest of his whole whatnot was just being entangled with Haven who is a different character who at the time#ALSO felt unsatisfyingly lacking in interiority but at lesat he had really complex motivations and action flowcharts. that werent just 'i#get grumpy and i just go kill some random person with no regard for what the consequences will be and then i am so mean and i kill you'#now theres a lot more happening. i really didnt. like.#okay so i had a Backstory worked out but it was vague because i didnt know what the fuck he WANTEDDDDDDD right like. i had no motivations a#literally all except 'oohhh i kill people ooohhh i like killing people ooohhh im erratic i kill people' and the background i HAD was like.#Upper class scion of some rich family whose family honest to god just did not like him very much and also [gestures vaguely] i guess he#maybe kicked dogs or something and then he ??nebulous timeline meets haven and then kills his sister or kills his sister and very quickly#thereafter meets haven but i usually lean toward the former because haven LOVES convincing people to kill their whole families its like#cathartic for him because he would love to kill his entire family but physically cannot do it. but like kind of the implications of this#as far as i was concerned given this is set in the mid 1800s was like. ehhh he's getting away with this because he's rich white and male an#it pays to turn a blind eye to his indiscretions or w/e. a genderswap means that she'd be subject to a lot more scrutiny on basis of like#misogyny. LOL. and i already had the preexisting 'hates half sibling' (i genderswapped the sister into a brother because why not) and 'hate#parents' and 'parents strongly dislike her' and 'unsettling' and it worked nicely to start giving me actual fucking. Literally anything to#work with there. because it means that by going off with Haven she walks out of one situation where she has like 0 agency into another one#and like to be clear i respect anyone who is sitting around in haven's general vicinity for snapping and just starting to kill people. me t#but this works. SOOOOOOOOOO much better for real#im still working the kinks out but like also this means that she wins. she wins like multiple times actually. she comes closer to killing#haven than anyone since he learned what fucking species he was and causes him more trouble in the interest of getting the FUCK out of there#than anyone else has and then she fucking gets what she was going for against literally every effort haven could've made over ~five decades#get owned loser.#every time i draw her i cant help it i write some shit like PLEASE JUST GET DIVORCED on it even though i wrote the fucking narrative i know#it will never fucking happen and thats why she does all this shit instead#in another world she'd be like the wildly capable owner of Raytheon 2 or some other shit like that. like she'd never be a nice or good#person but she wouldn't be dead. god she could be in charge of a country or some shit. Alas. Please get divorced.
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