#im convinced no one irl could ever love me. Every person ive dated irl has dumped me because of my psychosis or the fact im “offputting” and

[cuntryhuman]

dancing because eating all my food and stuffing myself to the point i puke and doing it over and over utill the idea of eating itself makes me nauseous is wrong

[bandomslayed]

I’m not saying you should focus more on racism, I’m just saying that that’s something that the community as a whole needs to focus on and try to repair, I’m sure they all already know that people don’t like their ships. If that’s an issue, then groups can have a strict age limit. Easy solve. The other things are things that can be taught and learned but with hostility all that’s going to happen is a deeper divide. You said you wanted to argue with people about the things you don’t like that they do in this community. I’m paraphrasing, but why not instead want to educate them. No one will ever react well to feeling like they’re being ridiculed or patronized. People worth spending your time on are the ones you can talk to without it being a shitshow. We’re having a dialogue. I’ve felt this entire time like everything I say, someone is going to search for one thing to deliberately misinterpret or magnify unnecessarily when, if there’s something that they have an issue with, it could be a perfect opportunity to educate me instead of people being hostile. I’m college educated and can think critically, I’m moderately well spoken, I’m open to instructive criticisms and discussing things that aren’t agreed upon so I’m just sort of confused by the fact that what I’m saying is being picked apart by other anons and to a degree, you. You all want to change my mind about age gaps, despite me being with someone older irl and feeling safe and genuinely valued for the first time in a relationship in my life so why do you think that calling my dead grandpa names, redirecting the conversation and then kinda mocking me when I attempt to understand wholly and agree with some of the things you’re saying? That’s not going to convince me or anyone else. It just makes people feel defensive. Reiterating here that I’m not saying YOU specifically need to talk about racism more, and I’m not trying to diminish your experience or anything like that In just saying that those topics (discrimination of any kind, abuse of any kind) in the community are things we should be discussing instead of ships we think aren’t comfortable. I feel uncomfortable with relationships in real life and in rp all the time but that isn’t up to me to say it’s wrong or bad. It’s no ones right to tell any two consenting adults that what they’re doing is wrong. But it is a human right to tell someone when they’re being insensitive, and that’s a flaw in the community that people can be educated on and learn to handle with more sensitivity and knowledge but we’re never going to reach that point if we’re all just hostile and cruel to one another. Also reiterating that I’m not using personal examples to get cred, I just like examples because I think using them shows where I’m coming from so that any person who wants to have a dialogue can have a frame of reference for why my opinions are what they are on any topic. If I’m wrong, or insensitive, or just kinda dumb I want to know that but simply telling me I’m wrong or insensitive or dumb doesn’t teach me how not to me. And this doesn’t just mean me, I mean the whole community. It will never improve if we all just talk about the things we don’t like and give no feasible solutions.

alright i see what you want so let me switch to my white pleaser voice and deliver since you're so keen on being patronizing and in the same breath, acting like me taking what you say "the wrong way" is the problem. in bullet points so next time u come back to keep going at it u can pinpoint exactly what it is i misconstrued because u will do it anyway.

you're asking the community as a whole to care more about racism but you're talking to me who's leading the conversation in the first place. i understand you didn't imply i specifically should care more about it, but you're still using racism to discredit my point of view on age gap relationships being an important topic to discuss as well, and watering it down to just me not liking people's plots when that is not the message.

nobody is telling anyone how to live their lives. im bringing awareness to the fact that this culture is not okay. it's dangerous to our young. it NEEDS to be uncomfortable to you (you, plural) to invite to this so called critical thinking.

im not saying your partner doesn't have a right to be loving or grandpa and grandma had abuse masked as a good relationship. im saying, since it needs to be spelled out with no room for misinterpretation; the culture behind someone 10+ years older finding it completely okay to pursue someone that much younger — especially when we're talking 18 - 30 age range — needs to be looked at more closely. it's not safe in general. do exceptions exist? absolutely, but the whole two consenting adults point is a terrible one to make when at 18, you're considered that when you're still essentially just a child.

a strict age limit, which most groups adopt now, does little to actually prevent age gap relationships within roleplays. moreso, uneven power dynamics within plots being glamorized. my boss is not over 5 years older than me, but he is my boss. kpop boybands don't have age gaps of 10+ years in groups, usually, but there is a leader most times acting like a father figure, not to mention korean culture is heavy on emphasizing age-related hierarchical order, so a literal still wet behind the ears child establishing a romantic connection with someone who is not their equal? dangerous.

now let's halt. i already told you, i don't give a shit about respectability politics. it is not my job to be nice and educate anyone. and i don't mean just on this blog... most of you whites have come to assume and expect, even, that poc will be subservient, docile, and always willing to switch and nicely explain to you why the very core of the way you think about the world because you grew up sheltered w/e is not the whole picture for everyone. the worst part? most of them do. most of them do put their thinking caps on and write these novel worthy, intelligent, respectful, calculated think pieces only for the white in question to turn around and still deem it aggressive, etc. i don't do that. that is labor that most of you do not deserve.

the implication that there are feasible solutions for these problems that don't require for people to literally rework their entire mindset is naive at best. what am i supposed to do? be like nooo don't be racist, racism is bad BECAUSE it hurts people. i think all of you are old enough to know that by now. you definitely have enough internet exposure to know that, even if you grew up in all white sundown town america.

i explain my points. i actually explain my points more than the average person, yet here we are still saying im not doing enough to educate those around me as if it was my responsibility to change the way people think with sugar spice and everything nice so they feel their hand is held and it's safe to make a mistake that will consequently hurt other people as many times as they need to make it to finally grasp the reality of it and be able to just... not do that in the future. when no. no. when you hurt me, im allowed to react emotionally, not intellectually. when im angry and upset and still explaining why, its YOUR job to swallow it down and listen to what im saying, because YOU hurt me. i don't owe you civility (again; you, plural). i especially don't owe you civility when ive given you nothing but in the past and the end result is still me being an aggro freak who doesn't care for your precious feelings.

you're also assuming things. for example, assuming that im mocking you specifically when i really have not done that. if im going to mock you, im going to reply to your anon and say "okay stupid", then yeah, im mocking you. otherwise? don't assume im directing anything at you.

we're having a dialogue and this whole time all you've done is tell me to stop talking. your messages have all, in essence, said, if people want to date other people who have a shitton of years on them, that is not a problem and you look prettier talking about something else. yes, that's also paraphrased. you didn't say that, of course, but why are we still here if not because you feel personally scrutinized over the reaction to the life examples that you willingly provided?

nobody is trying to change YOUR mind, you're just not willing to consider that your age gap relationships that have been beautiful and loving and safe coexist within a culture that is wicked. a person who's 10+ older than me, 24, has no business seeing me as a potential partner. it's not appropriate. yet if they do, and i also see them as a potential partner, there's nothing inherently evil about that specific instance. it is the circumstances (past), that lead to this kind of thinking in the first place what im asking everyone to analize and understand. and it does matter. it matters as much as racism, abuse, ooc mistreatment of rp partners. again, issues do not queue and wait for something to end so they can begin anew. every conversation i choose to have i consider worth having. you're free to stay out if you don't deem it important.

you're exhausting me thinking by turning my inbox into ap debate we're achieving grand things sooo hope this helps 🖤

[kyufiber-main]

92 Question Tag

I was tagged by @wannabl  AGAIN TYSM DFSFDLJ and @extraongdinary (i was literally typing this when you tagged me haha)

(wow ok this is the refined version lmaoo)

THE LAST

drink: cranberry juice hehe

phone call: my dad bc he wanted to know where the dog’s collar was LMAO

text message: if we are counting tumblr messages, then @extraongdinary  - if we aren’t, @hwaiting-hoe

song you listened to: Burn It Up by wanna one lmaooo

time you cried: yesterday because airport security pulled aside my bag lol

dated someone twice: nope!

kissed someone and regretted it: nopity nope

been cheated on: nahh

lost someone special: my dog?? cat???

been depressed: nope

gotten drunk and thrown up: nope

3 FAVORITE COLORS

aquamarine blue

white

purple/lavender??? or maybe pastel pink

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

made new friends: holy shit like 50+

fallen out of love: well i’d have to be IN love to fall OUT so,, no

laughed until you cried: YES omg so many times

found out someone was talking about you: both in good and bad ways, yes

met someone who changed you: not really??

found out who your friends are: errrr yes? i suppose

kissed someone on your Facebook list: no lmao i don’t even use fb

GENERAL

how many Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them

do you have any pets: 1 dog, my cat died last month :(

do you want to change your name: nope!!! i love my name :)

what did you do for your last birthday: i had a cookout + pool party w/ my family, plus i visited my home town :D

what time did you wake up: 11:30 am

what were you doing at midnight last night: scrolling through tumblr, convincing myself to SLEEP (spoiler: i didn’t)

name something you can’t wait for: to like,,,,, unlock my future potential lolol ik that’s super dorky but honestly my future has so much potential right now and i’m just excited!!

when was the last time you saw your mom: 20 min ago??

what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: my fuckin scHOOL which is like,, trash

what are you listening to right now: Heartbreak Story by the wanted

have you ever talked to a person named tom: sort of?? ive mostly admired him from afar tho *cue heart eyes* bc he’s gorgeous

something that is getting on your nerves: my school administration lmao they are dumbasses

most visited website: tumblr or youtube lol

LOST QUESTIONS

mole(s): not really

mark(s): i have two birthmarks, one on each leg and a six inch long scar on my thigh from my cat from when i put her in the bathtub with me LOL

childhood dream: beome a fashion deisnger haha NOT ANYMORE THO

hair color: dirty blonde to the point where some people think im a bRUNETTE BUT BITVCH NO

long or short hair: hella long tbh

do you have a crush on someone: nope and it’s AmAZING

what do you like about yourself: my love for music, my loyalty to people i love, my honesty, and also my writing ability :)))

blood type: A+ unlike my grades HAHA

piercings: none hehe

nickname: 12.5 and also nerd lol

relationship status: single and livin the good life B)

zodiac: cancer

pronouns: she/her

favorite tv show: teen wolf, friends, and for kdramas: splash splash love, go ho’s starry night, weightlifting fairy, and father is strange

tattoos: none but maybe in the future

right or left handed: right #basic

surgery: i had a small oral surgery on valentine’s day in 2014 lmaooo

sport: none bc iM A LAZY UNATHLETIC SHIT

vacation: i wanna go somewrere rlly beautiful (hawaii, oregan, etc) or south korea

pair of shoes: i have converse, sneakers and flip flops and basically that’s the only three pairs i wear

MORE GENERAL

eating: i love eating and i love seafood and mashed potatoes and seaweed and lots more lol

drinking: grape soda, ginger ale, shirley temple, cheerwine,,,, i love it

I’m about to: do aNOTHER question tag i was tagged in lmao

waiting for: school to start *sigh*

want: school to not start hahaha no actualy recently i’ve been wanting to meet one of my tumblr friends irl i doubt it’ll ever happen tho and i also want to start writing on my writing blog

get married: i do yes but not for a very very long time

career: something involving the korean language or psychology or music

WHICH IS BETTER

hugs or kisses: depends tbh

lips or eyes: eyes

shorter or taller: i’m good with medium height to tall

older or younger: sage age or older like,,, i aint doin that younger guy shit unless it’s yoo seonho

nice arms or nice stomach: both lmao 

hook up or relationship: relationship definitely

troublemaker or hesitant: it depends but i usually like somewhere in the middle leaning towards troublemaker

HAVE YOU EVER

kissed a stranger: i haven’t even kissed anyone at all so

drank hard liquor: ,,,,,,,,, yes

lost glasses/contact lenses: i don’t need those yET FUK

turned someone down: yes bc every guy that likes me is usually a perverted gamer guy who doesn’t know what personal hygiene is DFSDF

sex on the first date: noPe

broken someone’s heart: i hope not lol

had your heart broken: nope

been arrested: almost lol

cried when someone died: yep but like,,, not for people i know irl bc i’ve only know one irl guy who died and like,,, i wasn’t close enough to him to cry

fallen for a friend: yea lmao 

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

yourself: yes for the most part lol

miracles: yeah

love at first sight: nO LMAO

santa clause: nope

kiss on the first date: sure why not

angels: yeah

OTHER

eye color: grayish to lightass blue

favorite movie: pirates of the caribbean series, jason borne series, and twenty (korean movie)

I tag: @heochannies @hwaiting-hoe @baejangtag @swoojin @baejinie @yoonjsung @jaeminnana @lovinsoftboyz @sunnysidewrites @rinacchin @renjunsrealm @dae-vil @wilderye @thegentlemanukulele @jiminie-fiminie @memeseoul @nct-would @our-kpopreact @jenowhat @mmargarie @princess-megz @cinderflamewc @dxnghyuns @jinjins