#im convinced neither of them have any idea what theyre doing

[littlegalerion]

Gale stating he chooses you over Mystra's forgiveness right before the Ketheric Thorm fight took me by surprise.

Moon 100% didn't process what was actually said between them until well after the battle was done, they were in camp about to sleep, and then BOOM "...He chose me over a goddess..."

A couple of minutes later, Gale feels a nuzzle on his shoulder and hears awkward dragon noises as Moon has no idea how to express that kind of love in return.

[azulpitlane]

vicious I ln4

pairing: lando norris x reader, a little of charles leclerc x reader🫣 summary: lando's fans always attack you yet he does nothing to defend you, inspired by vicious by sabrina carpenter notes: if youre the anon that requested this sorry it took so long lol! but you were so sweet ty masterlist, part two

yourusername

liked by maxfewtrell, charles_leclerc and 1,829,392 others

yourusername lil getaway

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user wait is she dating lando??

user there's been rumors of them dating for months but neither of them have confirmed user hopefully not lol

user i had no idea she went on this trip

user yeah cause lando never posts her or even likes her posts lmfaoaofda

user am i the only one that finds her annoying...

user nooo everyone else does lol shes always leeching off lando

yourbff ur perfect babe liked by yourusername

user pls dont let this be a hard launch🧎‍♀️lando get UP

user of course she has to post lando🤣she needs him for the likes

maxfewtrell spent more time on the ground than actually skiing

yourusername SHHHH it was my first time

user why are all these comments about lando?? im only looking at her😍

f1gossip

302,837 likes

f1gossip Y/n Y/l/n spotted in Bali celebrating New Years at Martin Garrix's show, possibly with Lando Norris. The two have sparked dating rumors for a few months now but no confirmation has been made from either of them.

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user we might have to start accepting that theyre dating☹️

user I REFUSE

user wait im new to the fandom, whys everyone hating on y/n i love her music...

user shes always posting lando for attention and he clearly has no interest in her, he doesnt even like her posts user plus his ex >>>>>>> y/n

user she doesnt deserve him, he needs someone lowkey and y/n is such an attention whore

user not surprised shes there, always leeching on him

user right like girl give him space, he aint yours

user im a y/n defender idgaf. everyone in these comments are just jealous liked by yourbff

user yikes... user defending someone who needs a man to stay relevant lol ok

user i miss luisinha😭

user im convinced theyre still dating and shes using lando for pr

y/n hey lan, i safely made it back to the hotel

lando 👍

y/n i still dont understand why you wanted me to leave early though, its not even midnight :(

lando y/n, we talked about this. there was lots of paparazzi there and if they saw us together on midnight they would think we're dating

y/n we ARE dating... why are you acting like we arent?

lando yk what i meant im just trying to protect you from the craziness that comes from dating me baby

y/n im already getting hate, hows hiding me any different?

lando lets just not do this tn. yk how much worse its gonna get it if we confirm anything listen i love you, isnt that enough?

y/n yeah, ily too

lando ill see you later tn❤️

lando baby where are you? come on it was a drunk mistake, yk i only love you it was just martins friend, you know her

y/n oh the girl you told me not to worry about?

lando it didnt mean anything why are you acting like this?

y/n because you fucking cheated. im leaving and im moving out of the apartment

lando please dont, im sorry baby i love you

y/n you say you love me but you can never prove it you hid me away for a whole year, was it so you could hook up with other girls?

lando of course not wth but since there's clearly no trust in this relationship maybe we should end it i wish you the best y/n read

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, pietrapilao and 3,295,203 others

yourusername new year same me, wasnt ever the problem

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yourbff YES WIFEY liked by yourusername

user she unfollowed lando omg.

user WAR IS OVERRRR

pietrapilao out of sight out of mind🧘‍♀️ liked by yourusername

user is this about lando omg...

luisinhaoliveira99 😍😍 liked by yourusername

user ARIANA WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??? user WHEN DID THEY MEET??? user I NEED THE TEA RNNNNNN

charles_leclerc 🖤

user OH?

user what is going on in these comments omg??

user shes finally realized lando will never date a girl like her

user hahaha fr she finally deleted all her posts with him user probably gonna go for piastri now🤣

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, landonorris and 3,294,234 others

yourusername took some time off music but dont worry, im back and ready to prove i dont need anybody to stay successful

vicious is out now💌

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user OH NOWWW LANDO LIKES HER POST

yourbff sooo back baby

user this has to be about lando...

user the lyrics are heartbreaking omg

user you all owe her a big apology for the way you treated her

charles_leclerc you look good in red this comment has been deleted

charles_leclerc love it! this comment has been deleted

charles_leclerc congrats on the new song!!

taylorswift 💌❤️

user yall better not start switching up!! if you were hating on her, stay away

user are we just going to ignore charles' deleted comments??

user bro was NERVOUS

user we dont know if this is about lando!! they were just friends

user you toxic lando fans need to stay away🙄 she was never seen with anyone else this past year so its clearly about him. hes not some saint you paint him out to be user exactly!! you guys are acting like you know him

user her shirt saying loyal🫣thats gotta be a diss

landonorris

liked by carlossainz55, martingarrix and 630,402 others

landonorris pretty vicious life im living rn

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user the caption??? the hard launch??? oh thats not-

maxfewtrell bro. no.

user his own best friend doesnt approve of his behavior😬

user this winter break drama is something else

user lando i cant keep defending you. why would you caption it this.

user IS THAT NEW YEARS KISS GIRL ON THE THIRD SLIDE???

user yess i found her @ shes martin garrix's friend and she was at that party

user anyone else notice luisa unfollowed him??

user she chose her side HAAHAH user pretty ironic cause so many fans were comparing y/n to her and now theyre friends🤣

user whys everyone mad?? its his private life why do you guys care

user oh so now you guys are giving him privacy?? but when he was rumored to be with y/n you were hating...the hypocrisy

yourbff alexa play obsessed by mariah carey🥱

user OOP user the girls are fightingggg

user not even a y/n fan but this was a bit unnecessary...

user "you dont feel remorse, you dont feel the effects" 🫠

f1gossip

240,520 likes

f1gossip Despite hard launching their relationship just one week ago, Lando's new girlfriend has been spotted getting cozy with a different guy! The leaked pictures have already caused for her to go private on all social medias😬

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user karma is A GOD

user i know y/n is having a good day today

user omfg poor lando :(

user womp womp

user i bet he is regretting his decisions rn😭

user y/n nation won today, ln4 nation taking L after L

user we cant catch a break😩

user WHAT IS GOING ON WITH LANDO RN

user craziest winter break yet jeez

Instagram Messages

charles_leclerc hey y/n! i know we havent spoken much but ive seen how lando treated you the few times you were at races and i apologize for never speaking on it i just wanted to tell you you're a great person and your music is so amazing if you ever need anything please just shoot me a text!

landonorris y/n you blocked my number? im sorry about everything baby can we please just talk?

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, maxfewtrell and 4,204,214 others

yourusername im soooo sorry for your loss😊

my new single feather is out now!! special thanks to @charles_leclerc for helping me out in the music video, had so much making it <3

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user this mv was so hot omg

user I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS BUT I LOVE

user i know a certain someone is FUMING

luisinhaoliveira99 on repeat already!!

yourusername 💋💋 user im convinced luisa reached out after she saw all the comparisons with her and y/n and they became besties user wait that makes so much sense

user f1 twitter is going insane rn

user Y/N NATION KEEPS WINNING

pietra.pilao AHH youre so talented bby liked by yourusername

charles_leclerc had the best time on set with you❤️

yourusername ❤️ user i ship it........

user i want them both

user ofc now shes going for another driver🙄

user oh you guys are OBSESSED with her, get a job user y/n still has them mad LOL

user l**** would never agree to anything like this

user im literally never getting over this, ive watched it 5 times in a row already

landonorris

liked by carlossainz55, maxfewtrell and 940,240 others

landonorris a toast to my real friends

view all comments

user if this is a charles sneak diss i will cry

user we got carlando content....but at what price

user oh he definitely got blocked by y/n😭

user dw we're on your side lando

user who is we?

user just take the L and move on bro

user the way 2 songs got everyone to switch up on lando HAHA

user not just that but his shady posts too

charles_leclerc posted a story

Replies

user the girls are OFFICIALLY fighting oh gosh

user next season is going to be interesting...

user my roman empire

user IS THIS A HARD LAUNCH???

user what is happening.

user PARENTS

[thornswoggled]

yori is fumiki and heres why: my manifesto

or: wait, we werent all on the same page about this?

i should have written this when i first read chapter 98, but im only getting around to it now. this is less me trying to convince you, the reader, and more hoarding all my collected thoughts on why yori is absolutely fumiki, if its a red herring its a silly one, and if he isnt or if its left ambiguous forever i will eat crow. here we go:

before i start let me say most of my evidence is the way yamazaki frames him visually rather than solid "proof." comics are an artform, theres a reason things get framed the way they do, and her artistic choices in ch 98 (i feel) are meant to serve as a big blinking neon light that says "you should be feeling this way about xyz right now"

iic, there were rumblings of "the young auditor" being fumiki as far back as his introduction in ch 51 due to to his unique ability:

which is essentially a refined version of fumikis innate ability to keep fae away. we know yori is part of a "family business," and it seems appropriate that with the proper training, he would be able to freeze fae in their tracks rather than simply ward them off

unfortunately this is where "evidence" ends and "vibes" begin

chapter 51 didnt get adapted into what was otherwise a pretty faithful adaptation in season 2, and i understand why - theres a lot going on, and this chapter is fairly out of left field. but theres one other quip that got left out of season 2:

this is a one-off thought that wouldnt have been difficult to include in the anime. imo, i believe this line from ch 62 didnt get animated because we hadnt met fumiki yet like we did in the manga. now, onto more recent chapters... (under a read more because this is going to get pretty long)

chise and yoris first meeting is framed in a very purposeful way. in chapter 98, elias is preoccupied with ousting all the outsiders so that he and chise can be alone, stuck on the idea that "christmas is for family only:"

and three pages later, who do we meet?

im really struck by the way chise and yori are drawn together here. personally, i dont read this as "chise is meeting a new unimportant side character," this is "the strings of fate have pulled us miraculously back together again"

waiter! waiter! can i get an order of drifting sakura petals and sparkles with this panel? am i waxing poetic here or do you see it? the way theres no background drawn here, no other characters, even in later pages when we know elias is standing right behind chise, he doesnt get included in frame so that its just the two of them:

while im at it, can we appreciate how theyre wearing the same outfit? black pants and a hip-length dark coat/sweater with oversized pockets, a collar, and six left-sided buttons. yoris dark gloves also evoke chises cursed arm here but i dont want to risk looking like a maniac any more than i already do. i mean... dude, look at them, theyre matching

speaking of matching, lets pop back to 51 for a sec

both yori and chise have canine familiars! actually, it looks like yori might have multiple - look at all those pokeballs i mean bamboo tubes in his coat. if my memory serves, we didnt know yori was japanese at this point, but everyone assumed so because of the appearance of this familiar... which was another log on the "this might be fumiki" fire

fun fact: this little dude is almost certainly a kuda-kitsune, which were said to be kept in tubes and summoned by a soothsayer, who could use it to perform curses, or tell the past and future

and the drama with which we find out his "name":

"i bet you were expecting me to say fumiki, huh. good luck im not giving you that this early you have to work for it." as far as aliases go, "ri" could be derived from "hatori," but neither of the kanji in "fumiki" can be read as "yo," so its probably just random

after yori leaves, we get another repetition of "christmas is for family," which at this point feels like yamazaki is leading us to water and dunking our head in it:

i think its awfully convenient that ruth was absent for chises exchange with yori. do you think he would have been able to smell that theyre related? or whiffed the kuda-kitsune in his coat?

right after this, too, we get this line from elias which i have been thinking about a lot:

theres a few different ways this could be read, so im not married to any one interpretation, but it could be foreshadowing "if chise decides to pursue a relationship with her estranged family, what will i do then?" as gabriella would say, "i hate to be a third wheel"

given what we have seen of yoris aloof personality, i have to imagine there will be drama if/when the reveal is made. sadly i can picture him actually pushing chise away if she tries to reestablish a relationship with him

now! that is pretty much where my thoughts end, but i do want to share questions/doubts i have:

if yori read all of simons reports to determine he was an unfit observer, there is no way he doesnt know chises full name. i wonder whether he had any reaction to it? he may assume that its just a coincidence. i briefly wondered if the hatori name was an invention by yuuki, until i remembered that the family chise stays with in the OVA also has the same name. unless yuuki was adopted by another family like seth...? dont mind me, im going pepe silvia mode over here

have i mentioned i talked about yuuki before in another theory post? take it with a grain of salt, i already got proven wrong on one front now that jasper has been introduced

will yuuki be reintroduced if fumiki is? i desperately want chise to get that closure, but this scene from ch 42 has a sense of finality to it, a sort of "you will never get to resolve things with your father or see his side of things" stank:

... actually, now that ive mentioned the kuda-kitsune, can we look at this thing again?

another word for the kuda-kitsune is "izuna," which is read in modern japanese as "weasel." could the critter whos watching yuuki here come from the same place as yoris familiars? yuuki leaves his family immediately after this - getting summoned maybe?

okay, okay, let me stop myself here before i start looking like im ranting and raving. can we talk about the mail, please, mac? ive been dying to talk about the mail with you all day, ok? "pepe silvia," this name keeps coming up over and over again. every day pepe's mail is getting sent back to me. pepe silvia! pepe silvia! i look in the mail, and this whole box is pepe silvia!

if youre a fence-sitter, what are your thoughts? do you think we just dont have enough evidence yet? inquiring minds want to know

[lesvegas]

man itd be so fucking easy to make the synth narrative in fo4 good if any writer at bethesda knew what the hell they were doing. higher ups at the institute could genuinely believe humanity would be better off if most ppl were artificial, efficient machines (if this is the real explanation its straight up not given anywhere in the game lol). maybe a twist is that most of these higher ups are synths themselves and either genuinely believe it (if theyre sentient) or are simply programmed to. also what if with high enough charisma/intelligence you could convince certain synths that theyre sentient/'alive' and make them either 1: stop supporting the institute because synth slavery bad OR 2: make them double down on supporting the institute because theyve essentially created life? also instead of making a synth version of 10 year old shaun to fuck w you what if they made a synth copy of the player (theyve been watching the player since theyve left the vault right) and this copy also fucks with you. but in a way that matters beyond 1 little scene. what if this copy fucked around in the world and people blamed its actions on you? how would they tell the difference, right? what if after dismissing some companions and re-recruiting them later there's a chance they've become a synth but neither of you would have any idea unless something specific happens? idk im just throwing shit at a wall to see what sticks but it already feels like im putting more thought into it than emil did lol

[tigerdrop]

consider genderbent frenrey with me. please. yuri world. mentally ill pussy world

ive been really gripped with the idea of neither of them knowing the others a girl the whole time. on account of gordon freeman being "the player avatar" and benrey being "the ugly ass security guard model". like if we can say that dr coomer has been transgender the whole time then we can say that benreys been a he/him lesbian too. Whats it to ya

just think abt it. how much fun would it be if "gordon freeman" was a butch bitch who wanted to stream shit without people being weird so she never shows her face and gets Really into the role of gordon freeman to an unhealthy degree. canonically friendless gordon freewoman who wants to be known for being Funny instead of for being a Gamer Girl

personally. i think it would be cool if she was on that low dose T type shit. but a voice changer could do the trick too

consider how fucking insanely mindblowingly angry she would be if she found out that benrey was a girl too and every other member of the science team knew the whole time and treats her like an idiot. im going to quote my girlfriend bc she makes my ideas funnier than i do

and benrey would be fuckin sulky about it! gordon had him fooled too! where does she get off being so mad at him!

(sorry if the pronouns make this look straight to the viewers. He has a cyberpussy. which would also piss gordon off bc how does it even work when benreys a fucking video game character and doesnt even have junk. where does he get off having gender complexity)

its literally so funny to me that benrey would have interiority just to make gordon mad. this is true in any universe tbh

imagine a version of hlvrai where the player was streaming. like sorry i have to out myself real quick to argue with the computer. but her chats convinced that she just came out as a trans girl and theyre being very supportive . What does she even do now

ok. now that the preambles out of the way. the justification. i have to expound on some other thigns. In my mind she has a shitty ponytail and takes up wearing glasses and ties to look more like gordon freeman bc shes a freak. but she was already a "collared shirts and mens pants" type so its less weird than it possibly could be. "im just like him fr" says hikikomori lesbian who dropped out of college and has worn the same shirt for 4 days

shes the kind of person who gets really mad about "gamer girls" ruining her legitimacy as a "Girl Gamer". reach back in your mind to 2010 with me.......shes not like the other girls. shes not into dresses and makeup. shes into call of duty and esoteric energy drinks. she has something to fucking prove . undeserved sense of superiority ass

basically shes the exact same but with the extra layer of hyper-online gamer girl lesbian loneliness. a different take on the root of gordons friendlessness and lack of tact and bossy bitch attitude

youre getting the picture. now imagine if she reluctantly fell for the AI that became her best friend. Youre seeing

i think that benrey would still be into flirting with her and fucking with her when shes presenting as Gordon Freeman but with more of a jokey "i am baiting you into being homophobic" edge to it. and it would get weirdly intense after he finds out that gordons a girl too .

so its still got the same edge but i think he would start to develop real honest to god Feelings. the kind that makes him all sulky and jealous and needy

and at the same time gordons like. weirdly obsessed with benrey in the same way but in a way that kind of grosses herself out. like…….she wants so bad to have people take her seriously and respect her and especially so for dudes. as nearly anybody whos ever been "the single girl in a nerdy dude friend group" can attest to

does she have a crush on a fucking AI? or does she really want "the funny guy who pays lots of attention to her when shes playing A Guy" to be her friend without gender getting in the way?? who fucking knows. Or at least thats what she thinks until the big reveal

imagine gordon freedyke having an insane sex dream about benrey for the first time like the fucking day she realizes hes not actually a dude. I think she would develop a mental illness

hell honestly u could throw in some sexuality crisis stuff too. for fun. didnt exactly think she had a preference and didnt have enough self esteem to think it would ever matter. like at some vague point in the distant future shed have to find some tolerable guy to settle down with and go thru the motions. at least just to get family members off her case about "being 27 and having no real job or boyfriend or friends in general" and then benrey appear

itd be all the more embarrassing bc theres no getting around the fact that benreys model looks Like That. in this scenario there is no real sex appeal. but What If you were desperate and lonely and the person that talks to you the most is a video game character who is suddenly insistent that theres a girl under all the shitty textures. sure hes like polygons or whatever but hes also - theoretically, in the landscape of a repressed lesbian mind - a short and scrawny butch dyke with his hair cropped short and a snappy security outfit and bags under his eyes. and shes a pathetic bottom bitch who really likes being teased and has a bad habit of just blurting out her kinks in jokes

and benreys her best friend :) buddyyyy

shed be so mad at herself. like. even she is aware that this is a new low. but she cant stop herself from jacking off to the butch in her computer. "if he was real i would fuck him" turned very quickly in her mind to "if he could see this he would want to fuck me" turned to cum explosion

now consider how insane it would be if dyke benrey was calling her "dirty girl" in act 3 . if he were like a normal guy it would make her throw up. but shes imagining small tits and a tucked in collared shirt under his security vest and developing covid in real time

also you have to imagine that she starts to refer to herself as "gordon" outside the game too. on account of the mental illness.

its awesomefor lesbians to have guy names of course but consider: what if her last name was already "freeman" but her parents thought they were so fucking funny naming her "morgan". And she has to live with that every day of her life. "gordon" sounds close enough that she can respond to it without batting an eyelash and also doesnt embarrass her into the dirt

Anyway. See ya

frenrey yuri

[trashworldblog]

i think the "nice doing business with you" line from the s5 finale is definitely going to have significance to season 6. there are too many examples of innocuous lines that end up being foreshadowing to overlook it. it's also a general rule of genies that they can't bring things back from the dead, so i think that's going to end up playing into whatever the "deal" with ryan was. the genie could've said it was against the rules to bring prof back, so ryan made another deal to get him back (1/2)

[i think there's also going to be a conflict with time travel in season 6. it's such an integral part of the show, and ryan definitely screwed the timeline by bringing prof and his family back. if we hadn't seen the article with the photo of the prof and his parents' fossils, then i would be a little less convinced of this, but because its explicitly shown onscreen, its very likely that something will go wrong with the timeline (2/2)

oh i also think that the substitute survived defenestration, but i think he's going to be a minor antagonist next season. just a nuisance, if you will. like yeah he's still a problem, but there are much bigger fish to fry than a 1'2" puppet hologram with an obsession with murder (3/3)]

...

sorry for taking so long!! this has been sitting in my drafts and ive been slowly pulling my thoughts together on this so its taken me some time!! (plus ive been chillin with the holidays and such) i appreciate this ask so much!

!disclaimer! i may accidentally pull from shane's commentary on the season finale on pateron. im doing my best not to because i know some people dont have access to patreon content. (plus its fun to make it more challenging) all puppet history lore is like marbles in my brain and its hard to separate what ideas came from where. im doin my best tho!

ok lets jump into it!

i am So. Curious. on how ryan and the genies whole deal is gonna shake out. was that it? will there be consequences? i have a feeling we'll be seeing some kind of fallout from this wish. it feels like they cut their conversation very short for a very specific reason. theres gotta be something going on there.

I think that ryan didnt *technically* wish the professor back to life, he just wished the professor back to the present. i also like the idea used in @ask-the-substitute that ryan used his 3 wishes to bring the professor back and thats how the profs mom and dad got to the present. its so perfect, i love it. just the idea of ryan thinking the first wish didnt work so then he tried again, and again. incredible.

i am curious if there is gonna be any time travel conflict! im not sure what that would look like (my brain kinda melts when it comes to timey wimey bullshit). honestly this is the part im the most unsure of. like theyre probably is consequences, but i dont even know where to start for what that would look like. i still like to think that the article showing the professor's family's bones just faded away like how people in photos did in back to the future.

the substitute ABSOLUTELY survived the defenestration!! watcher hq is one story and im slightly convinced the substitute cant die (unless we go by hot daga hologram logic, in that case you would need a witch and a volcano to kill most holograms [and i dont have a volcano handy])

i hope the substitute turns into either

1) a minor villan thats more annoying/funny then anything.

2) character redemption arc. we really like this funky guy and it would be cool to see him chill out with the stabby stabby. (just a little, he can stabby stabby as a treat)

now it would be REALLY FUNNY if the substitute did ad reads for future seasons Especially for nord vpn and other online security stuff.

i think the bigger fish to fry is gonna be those puppets trapped in the wonderium arena!! we gotta get them outta there and back into their earthly bodies!! how is that gonna happen??? god is asleep, the devil isnt gonna help, and neither is the genie. how the hell do you even get to a purgatory like that? dorthy ruth has moved on even though her husband isnt really dead!!!

what im really curious about for next season is

1) who is gonna be the musical guest. if the professor cant time travel, where is he gonna get his musical talents? will he reuse the substitutes tech to make guests?

2) any new stuff to go with our new professor??

3) are dino mom and dad gonna be involved? casually mentioned? i really hope a guest asks if the professor has a family just so that he can excitedly say "yes!! i do :D"

those are most of my thoughts going into s6! pretty excited to see what next season is going to look like! not sure if its gonna be lore heavy. ill be keeping an eye peeled for any hints 👀 either way, im excited to learn :)

[larrythefloridaman]

Been rewatching bits and pieces of cpuk season one for fun and taking notes of funny stuff we dont talk about much in the discord and thinking abt it in the context of later seasons/information and its very fun. This is stuff from 1-5 (will likely update as i get further in this partial rewatch, under readmore for spoilers of later parts of the series and keeping the post short)

Hamhel and dadondorf apparently taught jimbo 'butt/butts' is a swear word but 'fuck' isnt. Jimbo is really interested in music as we know but also distinctly very bad at it. Jimbo's biological parents are dead, but left him a LOT of money and as a result spending too much money on shit he doesn't need became his favorite coping mechanism and, following the divorce, he used up all of his inheritance money and started dipping into the family funds, which is when Dadon and him start having Problems. Jimbo is extremely hamhel's kid neither of them should be trusted with any kind of power. Jimbo, i know you've been through a lot and the dad that was demonstrably better at connecting with you is being Fucked Up And Evil Right Now but honey, the shopping addiction is not gonna make your life any stabler. listen to zzzzzzoey. go to therapy. 'Jimbo tried to summon satan to kill his dad' is a thing thats said. Which. gestures in crimson's general direction. funny. Jimbo is peak 'remember when you were 15 and convinced you were evil and irredeemable but really you were just 15' except at this point hes like, 13 max im pretty sure and also hes Really stupid (affectionate.) (CPUK1)

Dadondorf is personal friends with Cranky Kong. Hamhel claims he threw a match in winners finals against Dad to give him a fighting chance and I think he's full of shit as ever <3 Dadondorf to Jimbo: "I'm sorry, It's just- I know you miss your other dad, but we'll get through this together." bro dont talk to me about to wring hamhel's dumbass neck, you dumb son of a bitch meat man abandoning your family for demonic power to recapture your glory days im gonna KILL Y- hes better now its fine im fine theyre fine. man imagining what the winners finals and championship match between dadon and hamhel at the end of cpuk1 would be like with season 2-3 style voiceacted storytelling has me fucked up. itd kill me i think .

Zzzzzoey's apparently like. 18 years old in cpuk1????? If thats still canonical shes in her fuckin. early 20s now. what the Fuck. more like a cool big sister to Jimbo convincing him to go to therapy and helping him reconcile with his dad like that than a peer. (CPUK1)

Patchman apparently worships some kind of obscure scarecrow harvest god called Scarny, and either his ratspeak was kind of rusty or he genuinely briefly forgot what science was because when he called Zapmouse the work of the devil and Zapmouse corrected him by saying he was a product of science he said he didnt believe in scientology. Zapmouse is explicitly an atheist. Zapmouse also likes to use elaborate threats to get his point across. Zapmouse ended a friendship and threatened to rip out a person's teeth for patronizing him by calling him their pet to explain why they were talking to a rat. (CPUK2)

Grundy, the Grunk's brother, has a confirmed skin, he's represented by the green bowser when they talk about him during the Grunk's intro! He and the Grunk lived in Tennessee, and he's a famous and respected restauranteur specialized in Southern Comfort Food whose critical opinion is so highly respected a bad yelp review from him can tank businesses. He, and I quote, 'sucks.' they talk about grundy so much in the grunk's debut episode it's kinda funny that he's never shown up. They even raise the idea of introducing him as a fighter at some point. although considering his brother died being part of kerfuffle and then he kept doing it and let his son participate too, i dont blame him for not wanting to get involved. People apparently start beef with the Grunk sometimes just for being related to Grundy, considering sauceboss. maybe they just don't. talk anymore. (CPUK4)

Home MD really likes fish and cares about the ocean as an environment, Alfred even throwing out the idea that he wears black in grim remembrance of the Mozilla Oil Spill. i wonder if this interest was present before the time loop or if it developed during. What im asking is what came first hackshifter aquarium dates or home md getting just like really into maintaining his doctors office fish tank as a coping mechanism. Did Larry frequently get into physical altercations with litterers at the beach growing up or is that new. They say Home MD saw Finding Dory and cried. they also, unrelated, say Home is so old he canonically uses internet explorer. Fucking mean to him!!! he's like 25ish at this point in the loop! I know he has the exhaustion in his eyes of a man twice that age but leave him alone!!!!!!! (CPUK4) (Sidenote its so fucking funny to me that even during the home timeloop larry was picking fights with hamhel. He wants to kick that old mans ass so bad but it'll never happen. I think larry greets hamhel every time they meet by trying to put him in a headlock and casually failing. Their weird frenemy relationship is so funny to me)

Firefox is a Mega-Corporation that has its fingers in lots of things, the browser's just the main thing they do. So in the kerfuffleverse mozilla as a company is kinda like google as a company is in the real world. Mozillas dead as hell and Nightly hates his ass and has understandably complicated feelings about family but it's unclear in my memory if he's still like, involved with the company or the rest of his family in any way. Is nightly a disowned out of touch ex-richboy or what (CPUK4)

it is funny that the lowkey bloodlust has been whats stuck about Corn most into the present from her debut. Alfred: "corn really just put a knife to this man's (home md) neck and said 'i'm here to take your blood.'" She craves violence and always has and i respect it (CPUK4)

ICEE was a huge superfan of ICEE who got sponsored as a result of him promoting the brand through his very public love of it abd as such has some amount of unofficial pull with the company. Spriteman is not sponsored. The coca cola company does not want to be associated with Spriteman in any way, shape, or form. his sheer violent feverish devotion to that citrus soft drink is completely fucking unmarketable to them. If cpu kerfuffle wasn't distinctly unaffected by the law he'd probably be getting sued for so aggressively stanning their product in such an intensely unflattering way on a public platform. Also christ in a clown car he was stuck perfect for SO LONG he went perfect between cpuk3 and cpuk4, and didn't recover until cpuk20. This man was in a feral state and not fully in control of himself for a bit under 2 years i think? he is So rusty at being a human. In the first episode he was 'Perfect,' he seemed fairly lucid, which is. Upsetting. because it implies that he slowly lost that lucidity until he was the 's-sprite' stammering beast he was by the time g2 rolled in. 

Yung Papaya's snake exorcist dad was described as being half demon before becoming a snake, and his name is actually Rod. These are some of the only things the snake priest dad remembers from his life before being transformed into a snake aside from his work as an exorcist. I have no additional commentary on this i just think its funny (CPUK5)

The Light Void is, apparently, a void of pure light and an entity that instead of consuming or encompassing things as one might imagine the maw of the void to do, allows things to take of it whatevers needed that it can give. a sort of metaphysical wellspring hammerspace of potential, it sounds like. One of the many odd, complex and multifaceted world-crafting forms of Spectrum's divinity, perhaps? its emissary, corrupted into the cbt demon, is described as having little sentience/autonomy to begin with, so it's tricky to exorcise because it lacks much of a will of its own to free, and doesn't have the capacity to desire to be freed, as it exists to serve whatever purpose its needed for. It can only speak occasionally, and it's very direct and lacks personality. (CPUK5)

In CPUK5's intros, ryan says dan is a geeksquad employee that was Sent Into The Game. Like A Normal Guy From Real Life Literally Sent Into The Video Game. Its compared repeatedly to scooby doo cyberchase. nccts stuff clarifies this is arguably pretty normal for the fighters origins but Dan was literally intentionally isekai'd here from Normal Actual Real Life to help try to deal with hamburger helper. Every Dan Is Explicitly From Another World. Also he seemed like he was having so much genuine fun fighting Al compared to his whole Comedically Tired Cosmically Tormented Everyman thing hes got going on now and also for like the whole rest of his time in even this tournament. Also apparently he fixed icee's ipod once and returned it and all the music was gone except 15 copies of ice ice baby with one under pressure. blows kiss love u dan <3

Alfred: "Alabaster Uppercut has been fighting for 27 years, and dedicated the other two to teaching children how to do the uppercut just like him" oh my god was Al already like 29 when cpuk5 happened. Is Al in his early thirties now. Also he says Al was already very respected and well-known in his home village and he was once ideologically pacifist and only signed up for cpuk because a group of other competitors viciously defamed him and his village and called him a pussy on social media and one of the village kids started getting bullied over it and that's what crossed a line with him, which is interesting. Ya boy loves the fight for the sake of the fun of the fight now but he supposedly used to Very Much Not Like Fighting Pointlessly At All? Originally more of a 'practices a martial art as a meditation and preservation of heritage' kind of guy before discovering The Joys Of Consensual Sportsman's Violence

[emetkoto]

good day mimi do you have any underrated emetkoto moments or little obscure facts you'd like to share? :3

okok im gonna use this opportunity to try and explain that little moment i was having trouble putting into a post bc it was just so small it wasnt working but like. in my head. i have this idea right.

yknow when you find emet-selch in the capital building in the tempest before the amaurot dungeon? i was thinking about how when they get there k'oto calls out to him but instead of using his little nickname for him (just emet) that hes always used he uses his full title for once and emet selch does a little double take and snaps back like "oh, not on a first name basis anymore are we?" or smth along those lines...its such a little thing but its just one of those things that makes go hHOOH every time ithink about it...k'oto trying to show respect in a desperate attempt to get him to listen to reason and just talk to him and emet selch weaponizing it trying to poke and prod and provoke him so they can fight and get it over with before he has to think about it anymore......weehee and by weehee i mean (SOBS)

The first time he calls him with no intention of banging him too is great emet selch tries to go through the motions as usual but k'oto is like 'hey can we just hang out actually' and emets like '?????? you want me to just stay here and do nothing????' and god he has complaints about it but he does it anyway even though he absolutely does not have to and can leave any time :) its almost like he wants to spend time with him or smth smh...he just chills in the corner whole k'oto does whatever, eating dinner, writing in his journal, polishing his weapons etc etc...the whole time huffing and puffing and occasionally complaining but also slowly inching closer and closer without even realizing it and helping him with things like cleaning up dinner and folding his clothes and such...by the end of the night theyre chilling on the sofa together reading a book and neither of them have even realized whats happened...k'oto falls asleep leaning on emet selch and thats when hes like 'ah shit. what the hell. im enjoying myself too much.' and tucks the catboy in before ditching 🥺

in kind of the same vein the first time k'oto wakes up and emet selch is still there cuddling him makes me feel feral to think about just.....ough at that time emet selch had started staying to cuddle after hours but he was always gone by the time k'oto woke up (or at the very least not in bed with him, possibly chilling at the table fully dressed waiting for him to wake up or smth) so waking up in his arms for the first time was just. magical :,) it was the first time he'd gotten to see him sleeping too upto that point he wasnt convinced that emet selch ever DID sleep outside of his 100+ year naps and it surprised him so much the dumbass was like ?! and woke him up like 'youre still here?????' and emet just kinda pulled him back down and was like 'be quiet and enjoy the peace before your friends show up' and so,,,,he did!! they both did....and from then on they always woke up together :,)

they wedding is extremely underrated only bc every time i try to talk about it i feel like im going to blow up and explode everywhere and die it makes me so happy so ive had. a very hard time making posts about it bc its just. so good. so very very very good someday i swear to christ ill finish that essay answer i owe it just makes me feel SO MUCH you get it. you understand me. as we've established you all comprehend my thoughts and feelings

these are just a bunch of jumbled separate thoughts so i might as well embrace that and keep going with it and go off about their pet names now bc i love them...obviously k'otos nickname for him is just. emet without the selch and at first it kind of annoys him like thats a big important title that was given to him and it seemed like the catboy was making a mockery of him but he kinda grows to like it as he gets to know k'oto bc like...yeah nobody ever called him that in his whole life not even apollo or hyth and it was strangely nice...probably my least in character emet selch thing i write for them but i stand by it :) i have more cringe things i could say about that but anyway. emet selch starts out just calling k'oto Hero (derogatory) ofc but as it goes on he throws in some other stuff like 'my dear' (also derogatory at the time) 'my dear hero' etc etc until they actually. yknow. start being together and then those 'dear's become more affectionate and he throws in some other stuff like 'my sweet' 'beloved' etc etc :,) never his name though...not until he drags him to the tempest to marry him and after that he erases his memories of it and doesnt do it again till ultima thule so </3 men will literally call each other 'love' and still run away at the slightest implication that theyre maybe madly in love. how embarrassing for them

[bee-calm]

Aaaaaaah love me new to the tbhk Fandom! Jfjfjes I wanted to know ur opinions on a few ships I'd that's ok! Ehehe so the first one is hananene, I really like the ship it's cute! And the second is aoinene! Oh man that one's my other djfjfkelrkkfsjf

2/2 SAmE ANON WHO ASKED ABOUT HANANENE AND AOINENE I HAD A TYPO FRICK I MEANT TO SAY AOINENE IS MY OTHER OOPS THAT IS ALL BYEEE 

hi anon !! as usual this is probably gonna get pretty long so i apologise in advance hhdgdhd

so this is the part where i get cancelled because i have to admit that i don’t really care about hananene all that much- i don’t dislike it or have anything against it!! it just doesn’t interest me that much personally, and i kind of prefer the idea of a platonic relationship between them (give me chaotic bi best friends rn). one thing i will say about them is that they need to have a serious talk at some point about this thing hanako does where he assumes what nene wants instead of actually just asking her- bc he’s made some pretty terrible decisions because of it and still doesn’t really seem to acknowledge that it’s maybe a bad thing to do. im very much rooting for nene to yell at him once the current arc has been resolved bc he kind of deserves it. anyway, i can definitely see the appeal, its the Main Ship for a reason, but it just doesn’t particularly get me, you know?? 

i dont think its any secret that aoinene is one of my favourite tbhk ships- one of my favourite ships full stop, even. you look inside my brain and it’s just full of aoinene thoughts 24/7. nothing else in there. i think my favourite thing about them is the fact that they can be cute friends-to-lovers who garden together and probably wrote letters to each other when they were kids, but they can also be super complex and painful (while still having the potential to work things out eventually.)  aoi and nene are both characters who have been lying to each other since the beginning of the series- nene has been keeping the supernatural stuff from aoi to the point that aoi was convinced nene hated her and was avoiding her, and aoi has been putting on a fake personality in order to fit in, and never mentioned it until she felt lost enough to want to disappear into the far shore. again theyre another two that have a LOT to talk about after this arc, and i very much hope that aidairo don’t skip over the the struggles they’re probably going to have to go through to repair their relationship. i guess the thing that really gets me about aoinene is the fact that neither of them are in the right, but nothing they’ve done is irreparable either- it might take a bit of work to fix things, but that sort of,, potential for growth is something that i really enjoy. i definitely prefer ships like that where both characters are a bit flawed bc it just makes it feel way more human despite this, aoi + nene do still clearly care about each other though!! (i will gladly fight anyone who thinks aoi doesnt care about nene.) some of the times nene has looked most distressed have been when aoi is in danger, and aoi openly worries about nene doing strange stuff by herself- and she looks up rumours and scary stories to tell her bc she knows nene enjoys them !! (also you cant tell me that aoi’s ‘i missed my chance to tell her’ didn’t seem at least a little bit romantic) i should probably stop here but aoinene has pretty much every single one of my favourite tropes, they can be super sweet while also having the potential for a lot of depth, and man i just want them to talk things out and start being more honest with each other,,

[mountain-of-divine-fire]

Crystal spirits, and how i work with them

Disclaimer. this is all my personal experience and beliefs. though this post is educational, take from it only what you believe. my word isnt the authority and neither is any other blog post. 

In my experience with crystals throughout the years, ive learned many things about them. i hope this post will help yall out there, who are maybe beginners, or just curious on how some things work, or how others like to do things. 

This post does not list crystal correspondences.

This will be a bit rambly, but i hope you get what i mean~

Obtaining your friends

Couple of options for this, i would suggest going rock hounding in a local area. Bring your companions, water, and your tools.

Maybe youre in a place with slim pickings,like me. you can just buy some online or in person

Crystal shopping online seems more convenient since you can look everywhere for whatever you want, and get to compare prices.But physical crystal shops are great because you can tell by feel who wants to come home with you. 

honestly, i believe nothing happens to a crystal that it doesnt want to happen. and if it does, it will end up fixing it itself. If you get a crystal that doesnt feel right, you will know who to give it to.

Im in the crystal shop. Now what? Well, just take a look around! see what catches your eye.I like to have a very loose suggestion of a shopping list, but it usually gets thrown out the window. If you feel like you need to touch something, do it. (unless the shop says no touchy ofc). Some things will practically jump out at you and scream “TAKE ME WITH YOU”. If you dont find something that really yells at you, and you still want to bring something home, just find something pretty. 

 How crystal spirits work

This is mostly based on what ive experienced. this doesnt come from any specific belief , but it does align with how some people practice animism. 

(much like in steven universe,if i had to give an example,) Crystals pop out of the ground, knowing who they are and what they do.They may grow and change with their experiences, but mostly, they know what theyre about. They are given energy and life by the earth, and they do their job. 

Each crystal group, species, and individual type seem to have overarching personality traits and a group spirit. i think some folk call these “crystal devas” but im not entirely sure where that comes from and what that entails. also each vein, and individual piece, has their own spirit and personality, say, beryl and quartz are completely different. An amethyst and a rose quartz are both quartz, and therefore have a similar type of personality, but are different. Each amethyst also has its specific differences. A chevron would be different from a grape jelly. Two individuals broken off from the same cluster would be different but similar, and so would each half of a broken slab.

sometimes individuals have names, and sometimes they can be named by you. some like to work with each other, and some prefer to work alone. 

Each crystal has correspondences , but sometimes those general guidelines can be deviated from, simple because the individual just doesnt do that kind of thing. 

My crystal broke! what happens then? Well, now you have two friends to work with. Some folk like to keep one half and give the other to a friend, some keep both halves and glue them back together with super glue (i do this with show pieces), and some folk like to bury them and return them back to the earth. You dont have to get rid of your broken pieces if you dont feel like its time. The crystal will let you know

How crystal spirits communicate

Most of the time, unless youre just really closed off, you will just feel it. They usually speak in feelings. if one wants to come with you for the day, you will know. If one wants anything , youre gonna know it. Dont second guess yourself, and just do it on impulse, pretty much.

These spirits are from nature, and are usually not relatable to humans (theres exceptions to this, like lab made crystals, and carved skulls, more on that later.).  they can and will communicate in ways youre not familiar to, if you dont do spirit work.If a crystal tells you its name, like its TRUE name, you might not even be able to comprehend the words its throwing at you. dont try to decipher it, just let it be. also , try to keep true names secret unless they tell you otherwise. 

If you cant really feel what they try to communicate, you could also meditate. If they want to say anything at least. just get cozy and meditate as you usually would, once you get good and calm just hold a rock and sit with it for a bit. Usually this type of communication is more in detail, maybe fully formed thoughts and sentences, maybe images. Once i even got one that liked to speak through song lyrics!

If you cant do these, use a pendulum! Ask the pendulum where its yes is, and where its no is. (for me usually, non human or complex spirits like to go left and right for yes, and forward and back for no. for animal spirits and servitors, ive found usually they nod yes and shake no. not sure how plants respond just yet.)

Ask it some troubleshooting questions first like “are you an amethyst, are my eyes blue, do i live at XYZ” ect... 

A problem with pendulums is, if you try and use a crystal pendulum when working with any other spirit, the crystal itself may respond. Always ask if youre talking to the right entity.

What might a crystal communicate to me? It could be something as simple as “my name is  ⌷ ⌷ ⌷ ⌷ ⌷ ⌷ “ or   “you like to smoke cleanse usually, but i would specifically like sunlight ”, or it could be advice about a situation that you need help with. 

Can these spirits be malevolent?  personally, no. i dont think so. though it can be a grey area. most nature spirits want nothing but the greater good for themselves, nature, and maybe even you, if youre a good person in its eyes. 

there are instances where a crystal could be “angry”, maybe because the way it was obtained, or that it holds some kind of curse/hex/negative energy (maybe just even being around something awful that happened). Usually cleansing a stone will help with this. And if it doesnt? Try and see if you can do anything for it. 

Be careful about crystal runes, as you can piss them off. ive made a few mistakes in my time working with them(and by a few i mean a LOT, its not fun), in general just dont be a dick, and dont ask for things youre not ready to know the answer to. always thank them for cooperating, and cleanse them after use. 

What are the effects of this? for me, it was like a terrible panic attack, i was suffocating, my heart was going nuts, it was so hot, and i was so dry mouthed. i have never had panic attacks that bad. Tried to use some quartz crystals to ground myself, since i knew it was an attack, and they broke in half in the middle. This is completely my fault. I got scared and locked my runes away because it told me something i wasnt ready for, the next time i busted them out (and i hadnt thanked or cleansed them since,) is when they decided to teach me that lesson.. i was new at magic and stupid. and im glad my first big mistake was with something this forgiving. You probably wont ever have to deal with something like this if youre generally respectful. please learn from my mistakes. 

As with any divination and spirit work, you need to take protective measures. when youre speaking to a crystal spirit, you may actually be talking with something else. and it could be negative. use your best judgement please. 

Whats up with cleansing/charging/ect..?

 a lot of folk like to fight over whether or not you need to charge, cleanse, and bless or whatever else you need to do to crystals. Personally,i do like to cleanse crystals after heavy use, spellwork, or when i first get them from a shop. just to get rid of residual negativity. 

Crystals can hold information, but as far as charging them, im not so convinced. crystals arent a sigil, or something you made yourself. it has its own energy from the earth and its spirit, and will work perfectly fine without any of that.  Only do what you feel is necessary 

If its fine without charging, then why cleanse?  other than getting rid of stored negative energy, its just a nice thing to do every once and a while. It sort of works like an offering. showing that you respect the entity and want to work together in a mutual relationship. if you keep up your end as a guardian, then it will help you. 

How do i use crystals in spellwork and every day life? 

well heres some ideas! 

carry some around in your pockets/bag/bra/whatever according to whoever wants to come with you , and crystal associations

Gridwork. make a crystal grid

In spell jars/bottles/satchets 

As a decoration in your house to give the space a certain mood, feeling, or help. 

In meditation, to give advice perhaps, but also to help you according to its correspondences 

In divination, as help. 

As vessels for spells, enchantments, servitors, and whatever else (always ask it first!!! im using a large quartz as an astral tether, and a smaller one to house a servitor) 

As a friend. ever heard of pet rocks? well this is just an aesthetic step up from that. 

in your plant pots, to help them grow and thrive (be careful about water solubility) 

Pain relief and healing (only do this in congruence with actual medical care! keep around a fluorite for sinus issues, but definitely take your cold medicine) 

Important notes~

 As with any spirit, treat your crystals with respect. especially since theyre gifts from the earth. Dont act like you own a crystal. Like a piece of the earth, we really dont own land either. You arent its master and it doesnt have to do what you say. when you buy a crystal, youre pretty much signing up to be its guardian, and adding it to your team. be good to the earth, and to your friends, and a crystal will be good to you. 

if you have suggestions on other ways to work with crystals, comment! I hope this post was informational and not a complete rambling mess. have fun working with your rocks, yall~. Post about crystal skulls coming soon.  

Admin Fifa~

[rosepetalmark]

Not in the Stars

2.5k words

Renjun x Reader

warnings: alcohol mention

in which you plan to confess your love for your best friend to him at a party, but the universe has other plans in store for the both of you. 

You like Renjun. A lot. 

That was one sentence in your five years of friendship with Huang Renjun that you never thought you’d say to yourself, let alone admit to. 

You don’t know where these feelings came from, but all you know is that they’re strong and on your mind twenty four seven. Everything he says and does captivates your mind, causing your feelings for him to grow even stronger.

It’s as if these feelings for him suddenly hit you like a brick one day. You were strictly best friends last week, and now you have these unexplainable deep feelings for him, eating you alive and begging for you to confess to him.

It’s not that you’re opposed to dating Renjun, it’s just that he’s been your best friend for several years and he means so incredibly much to you. You just don’t want to risk losing him or making things between you two weird if he doesn’t feel the same. 

So you suppress your feelings. As long as you have Renjun as your best friend, that’s all that matters, right?

Jaemin always makes you second guess yourself, explaining that the dynamic duo that you and Renjun are would be ten times more incredible if you were dating. Since you’re already best friends and know everything about each other, why not date? Only bigger and better things can come from it he always says.

Although Jaemin makes strong points, you’re still scared Renjun will turn you away, mainly because you’re ninety nine percent certain that he only views you as a friend, nothing more and nothing less. 

Yeah you have sleepovers  and spend hours late at night talking on the phone with one another, but that’s what best friends do. If Huang Renjun has any feelings for you, you’re sure someone would have said something by now. 

You get the typical stares from old people when you make your daily trek to school in the morning, him waiting outside your house for you at exactly seven forty two, smiling so bright the second you walk out your front door.  

You constantly get mistaken as his girlfriend whenever you go out together on the weekend, which always causes a deep pink blush to appear on Renjun’s cheeks. He’s always quick to brush it off though, making it clear to everyone around you that you’re strictly best friends, and that neither of you view each other in that way. 

Boy is he wrong.

Everything about Renjun makes your heart flutter, and that’s something that scares you.

For starters, he excels so well in school. For someone who spends eighty percent of his time doodling instead of taking notes, he aces every test and can recite every piece of information that’s been discussed in class with no problem.

He’s caring and funny, and so unapologetically himself. He takes you to art museums on your spare time, talks about the latest conspiracy that’s on his mind, and always insists you go for milkshakes every Sunday night.

And boy was he cute. The way he tilts his head all the way back and crinkles his eyes when he laughs makes your heart absolutely melt.

Huang Renjun makes you happy and positive and there’s nothing more in this world that you want than to hold his hand and kiss him in public, as well as call him your boyfriend so bad. 

It wasn’t until you were out late with him, hanging out on the roof at Jeno’s house, trying to escape the loudness that was coming from inside. Jeno was throwing a kickback to celebrate the beginning of summer, something he does ever year, in which there’s always too many people inside, and you and Renjun find yourself on the roof trying to seek solace in the stars. 

Renjun looked so ethereal in the moonlight. There was nothing more that you wanted to do than press your lips ever so gently against his, and hold his hand while staring up at the stars displayed so brightly above you both in the dark sky. 

“What are you thinking about bubs?” Renjun asked, referring to the nickname he gave you when he found out that’s the name you gave your favourite stuffed rabbit when you were a child. 

God the way his voice sounded in this moment made you weak. The tipsiness you both experienced earlier was wearing off, causing your lack of hydration to become present through your raspy voices. 

But you don’t care. You’re with Renjun, and you are warm and comfortable and in love. 

In love. 

You’re in love with Huang Renjun and you can’t keep it in any longer.

Maybe this would be the best time to tell him. Every time you’re completely sober, you push the idea to the side, trying your best to forget your feelings for him even exist. What if Jun doesn’t feel the same? What if he does but months down the line you figure out you’re better off as friends, and then when you try to get back into your non-romantic routine, everything feels off? You always worry that things will go wrong and Renjun will eventually stop being your friend.

Not tonight though. Renjun looks gorgeous in the moonlight and the little bit of alcohol that remains in your system is acting as your source of encouragement, convincing you to confess to him right now and hope for the best outcome possible. 

“Love,” you reply nonchalantly. 

“Love?” he questions, staring back to you, seemingly surprised with your response. 

“Yeah. Just wondering what the universe has in store for me, you know?” you ask, turning your body to face his direction, criss crossing your legs over one another. “The idea of love both intrigues me and freaks me out. It’s exciting anticipating what will come from it, but the fear of something going wrong down the line makes me not want to pursue it, you know?” you say, staring innocently into his eyes.

He cocks his head, an intrigued look falling on his face. He purses his lips, looking as if he’s going to say something, but remains silent. 

You both remain in silence for the next several minutes, which causes your thoughts to wander. What if Renjun has caught on? Maybe he’s thinking of ways to turn you down gently. Or he’s trying to express that he somehow knows you’re talking about him, and he’s trying to do so in a similar manner. 

But the silence is killing you, and you want nothing more than for Renjun to say something. Anything to get your thoughts to shut up, and your heart race to stop rapidly beating.

“I think you shouldn’t be scared of love,” he finally says. 

Taking a deep breath, he looks off into the sky, admiring the many stars laying millions of miles away from you both. “I get that you never know what may come out of it, but I think it’s worth a shot to know you tried, and to experience something you’re not fully sure is going to work,”  he speaks softly.

“Take a look at the universe for example. It’s so big and undiscovered, yet millions of people are fascinated by it. We’re obsessed with the stars and galaxies and the possibility of aliens- which I know for a fact exist by the way, yet we’re not afraid to spend our time discovering them and giving them our attention. I think of love in a similar manner. Yeah the thought seems so broad and scary, as there’s so many things to experience and discover, but I think it’s worth it. You’re only going to learn new things about yourself and life, so why not give it a shot?”

He clears his throat, and pays his attention back to you. He has a look of determination in his eyes, and that only makes you grow even more anxious.

“Aren’t you a wise expert on love, Mr. Huang,” you chuckle.

“Well what can I say? I do a lot of thinking on my spare time when I’m not bickering with you,” he laughs, positioning himself on his arms so he can get a better view of the night sky.

“Hey!” you shout, pushing onto his arm, causing him to lose his newly comfortable position and to fall on his back. “What are you thinking about Ren? You have this sour look on your face.”

“Well your idea of love got me thinking,” he says softly, staring into your eyes.

Nervousness takes over your body. You have no idea what he’s going to say, and every second of silence is eating you up.

“And?” you say abruptly, eager to know what he’s about to say. 

“I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, and I don’t know, I never thought much of it because I’m a wimp, but I think I’m going to ask Yeri out” he confesses, a small smile forming on his face. 

The mention of Yeri makes your heart sink. Yeri. He wants to ask out Yeri. Not you. 

Of course he likes Yeri. What isn’t there to like about her? She’s really pretty and polite, and they’re both the editors of the school newspaper, so they spend a great amount of time with each other. 

God this hurt. 

“Oh really,” you respond, with a less enthusiastic tone replacing your prior happy one.

“Yeah. We’ve been getting to know each other a lot more ever since we got asked to do this editorial on the basketball team, and I think I may have feelings for her”

“Well, um I think you should go for it Renjun, “ you reply, looking off into the stars to help keep what’s happening off your mind. If you look into his eyes, you’re certain you’ll start crying.

If it’s not you, you’re glad he has an interest in a girl with a golden heart and personality. 

“You think? What if she doesn’t like me?” he asks nervously, fiddling with the rings on his fingers.

“Like you said Ren, you never know what will come from love. Why not give it a shot if it’ll lead to potentially greater things not only within yourselves, but life in general? And if she ends up only seeing you as a friend, it’s okay. You’ll find someone one day who loves every part of you.”

And you can’t help but know deep down that that person is you. If Yeri rejects him, you’ll be right here to help him pick up the pieces, if not, you’ll still be here. As his best friend. Renjun deserves all the love and happiness the universe has to offer him, and despite being sad he shows no romantic interest in you, you’re glad he finds it in an amazing girl. 

“Alright cool, I guess I’ll ask her out on Monday when we meet up to discuss the paper then.” he says, smiling to himself. 

He looks so happy. Ecstatic even. You haven’t seen him smile this big since he won first place in your school’s art show.

“She’s here you know, at the party,” you say to him. “You should do it now.”

“You think?” he asks, eyes wide. 

Renjun was never one to act on impulse. He’s a man with a plan, and always has to do things by the book or else he’ll lose his hair. He likes structure and time, a complete flip from your bold and impulsive self. 

“Yeah, why not? You’re both here, you look really cute right now, and the stars are out in your favour, shining bright to provide you with the courage to do so.” 

This makes Renjun smile. You’ve always been a help in boosting his confidence, and you’re glad to be of assistance in such a nerve-wracking yet exciting period in his life. 

Standing up, he dusts the possible dirt off his legs. He crouches over, looking into your eyes and grabs your hand. “You’re the best y/n. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“As I with you,” you reply, a soft grin forming from your lips. “Now go downstairs and ask her out before she leaves.”

Standing back up, he begins walking to the door. “I’ll let you know how it goes!” he half shouts, pressing his hand to the door handle,  and making his way back into the house. 

You’re now left alone, on the rooftop, with just the stars and your thoughts. 

Why didn’t you bring up your feelings to him sooner, you thought. Now you’re only left sad and alone, because you were too scared to tell your best friend you’re in love with him. Confessing to him seemed so perfect in your mind a couple minutes ago, but sadly the universe has other plans in store for you. 

You decide to get comfortable and lie down, and begin to look at the constellations that are possibly present within the night sky. You can still hear the loud, most likely drunk people just a floor below you, and the vibration of the music hitting your body despite being away from the noise. But you don’t care. It’s just you and the sky, and you’re doing everything in your power to forget about the party below you, and to focus on the stars. 

As you point out the orion in the sky, you feel a buzz in your back pocket, indicating that you’ve got a text. Reaching for it, you unlock your phone, and see a notification stating that Renjun messaged you. Pressing on the messages app, you click on his name and read the following:

jun bug: she said yes!! we’re going out on tueday after we’re done editing :) (2:17 AM)

“Yes.” Yeri said yes. 

You’re happy for your best friend, but for yourself, you’re heartbroken. The possibility of dating him is now slim to none, especially since a potential girlfriend is in the mix, only making you more sad for yourself. 

You make sure to reply quick, and in a way that’ll make him happy, and hopefully provide you with the positivity that everything will be okay.

y/n: i’m so happy for you ren <3 (2:18 AM)

As you press send, you feel the tears start to slide down your cheeks. You’re happy for him, you really are, but you can’t help but wish that things went differently, and that you were in Yeri’s position. 

But as Renjun said before, love can be scary. It’s a learning experience, and if it doesn’t work out, you just need to take what you can from it, and hope for the best in the future. 

So you’ll take his words, and you’ll try your best to move on. 

It’ll be tough, but you hope to god that one day he’ll just be your best friend, and that this heartbreak won’t last with you forever. 

[writingdreamdaddy]

Oh! A new blog! Hello, im glad people are still producing ddadds content :) Id like to request maybe, like. How the dads spend a free day woth dadsona? Like. Theyre all busy and have their own things going on, but what happens when its just a random day, their kids are away for whatever reason (maybe a sleep over or something) and they suddenly find themselves with unexpected free time?

Ahhh i love this kinda stuff! I hope i did the ask some justice. (All the kids are out of it except River because she’s a baby and the best thing in the game)

Robert—

               Theoverhang’s beauty never ceased to amaze you. Every season, any time of day, itwas the most beautiful spot. Usually Robert would take you here late at night whenhe couldn’t sleep or needed a distraction. Lately he took you up here just tospend time with you and recollect himself. As he recovered, you two came uphere earlier and earlier as his sleep schedule slowly started to get back in rhythm.You two hadn’t been able to spend much time together as of late with Amandacoming home for break and Robert making trips up to Val’s, but eventually youtwo found time; when you did, he took you to the overhang. Spending time withRobert was always cherished. It was simple, it was calm, and today it was 7pm.The days were shorter, and the sun was setting, covering the dying leaves in agolden hue. Many yellow and orange leaves still clung to trees, some mixed onthe ground with the brown leafs or floated in the bay below. Robert told youhis favorite season was fall because the dead wood was good for whittling andplentiful. Definitely not because he kinda liked the color yellow, thedrive up to the overhang was breathtaking with the color change, and watchingBetsy play in the leaf piles or eat them was the cutest thing in the world. Youtwo were sitting in the back of his pickup truck with an ugly thick wool red blanketcovering you two. He wanted to come up here to spend time with you, so he wasn’twhittling or broodily staring off into the distance. Instead you two had discussionsabout this, that, and the other thing, with long breaks of silence in between. Hewas healthier and happier and laughing. Nothing made you smile bigger. When thesun nearly disappeared into the bay, you scooted a little closer to him andrested your head on his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around you and pulled youthat much closer. “Sorry we haven’t spent a lot of time together,” your voicewas raspy and tired. When you looked up at Robert, he was watching thecity light up with a small smirk on his face. With that, the two of you sat in silenceonce more, enjoying the time together.

Matt –

               Matexited his kitchen with two steaming mugs and handed one to you. The roads werecovered in ice with an overnight snow storm and nearly every shop and everyschool was closed; that included the Coffee Spoon. Camensita wanted to spendher snow day playing outside with the other kids, and Mat wanted to spend hiswith you. Nothing special was planned since it was so last minute, but a Pixarmovie was picked out and he put extra marshmallows in your hot cocoa. It was aday spent on the couch wrapped in several blankets, eating left over Chinesefood, and laughing at the movies you two picked out. Spending time with you wasthe most relaxing thing Mat could do. He didn’t get many days off, and eventhough you visited him at the Coffee Spoon often, time like this was stillprecious. You couldn’t cuddle up on the couch the entire day at work. He couldn’tlaugh loudly and critique every movie that played at work, and he most definitely could not kiss you the way hedoes at home, at work.

Joseph—

               You andJoseph were on the dock. It was mother’s day weekend so the kids were with Marytoday. It was the first day Joseph had nothing to do in weeks. This Saturday was the only day he had off until Churchservice tomorrow. You both had your pants rolled up and your legs were hangingof the edge as you looked out into the water. He was exhausted and stressed outbeyond belief, which is why you dragged him out here. You were going to forcehim to relax damnit. Usually when youtwo had free time like this you would actually go on the boat, or go out fordinner, or just sit in his backyard and talk by a fire. Today was different. Atfirst it was nice and silent, just sitting next to each other and enjoying oneanother’s company. Then you scooted closer to him and you two exchanged a kissor two and you’d tell a fact about whales every now and then. You two startedgossiping about the neighbors and Joseph would start venting about everythingand everyone. You two talked the day away before retreating to the boat forsome drinks and much needed sleep. The free day wasn’t spent doing anythingextravagant, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t perfect.

Hugo—

               Springbreak was a blessing to Hugo. He had nowhere to be and nothing to grade, andthis year was his ex-husbands turn to take Ernest on vacation. That left himwith a little over a week to do whateverhe wanted, within the legal system of course. That mostly meant watching old wrestling matches he had recorded or writing like he usually does, but this time he was only in hisunderwear, and he was only in his underwear all the time. He got boredimmediately though and anxiously waited for your day off to come. When it finally did,he wanted to do everything. He justwanted to get out of the house. So you two went to the movies, the museum, shopping,and ended it with a lovely dinner. It was an exhausting day for both of you.The two of you wound up at your house since Hugo was still a little stir-crazy.You had changed into pajama pants and a t-shirt, and Hugo changed into a shirtyou lent him. The two of you laid in bed, you were playing with his hair andlaughing at the comments he made, or the facts he told. You curled up next tohim and shut your eyes but continued to talk about why The Undertaker and JohnCena were overrated with him. And this was the part of the day he remembered.Sure, the movie was fun, and the amount of useless knowledge you had aboutrandom things was entertaining in the museum, and yeah the sunglasses youbought today were absolutely ridiculous and made him laugh on the ride home when you wore them proudly. But it was watching you tiredly smileup at him, attempting to braid his hair and failing horribly, and you gentlykissing him goodnight. That’s what he took away from today.

Damien—

               Tonightwas date night and Lucien had left to spend the night at some friend’s house;the stars were aligning. It had been weeks since you two had gotten together todo something stupidly romantic and he was going to make it special. He cleanedthe house, cooked your favorite meal, and set his table with the finest thingshe owned. The night went by smoothly; eating and drinking and enjoying theothers company as if no time had passed. He didn’t want it to end so quickly.Dinner was done, the dishes were done, and the closing hour of the date wascoming up. He dreaded the thought of you leaving. The animal shelter has beenbusy as of late, which is great! It just eats up any available time he has, andthe chance of your schedule lining up with his, on date night. It was a miracle that was going by too fast. You werechatting away on the couch, talking about Amanda, work, and everything thatcame into your conscious stream of thought. He missed this, missed you. So when you got up to leave, heimmediately asked if you wanted to spend the night, to which you gladlyaccepted. That’s when Damien realized he spent most of the date worrying aboutit ending rather than enjoying it, so he was going to soak in every momentforward. You two got ready for bed together and made it as extravagant aspossible. The two of you would take a bubble bath together with face-masks onand wine in hand. You laughed together and talked about life and how busy it hadgotten. When you got out the conversation would continue while laying on top ofthe bed. It was well past midnight by the time you two finally got in thecovers and went to sleep with smiles on your faces.

Craig—

               Heneeded a day off. Even after the talk you guys had about him working himselftoo hard and not doing enough for himself, he was still the busy workout dadwho did everything. Just a little less than he did before. You had convincedhim to take a day off the weekend the kids were going to softball camp. Theidea of another camping trip sounded fun but needed some time to prepare for itwhich neither of you did. Nothing was packed, and finding a babysitter forRiver on such short notice would be even more stressful. He needed to dosomething other than work at his house or work at the gym. It was nice outsideso the thought of going for a walk crossed you lips, going out for dinnercrossed his, and so on and so forth. You sat on the deck chairs in Craig’s backyard trying to come up with a plan. Craig had River bouncing on his knee whileshe played with her stuffed capybara and you watched from where you wereseated. You two were always on the move, always going somewhere or doingsomething. Granted, it was fun to go to softball games, to smugly tell the momsafterwards that Craig wasn’t single anymore, going out for dinner, all of that.It was rare to get free time together, but it was rarer to get free timetogether and use it doing nothing. Soyou laid back in your seat and talked with Craig and occasionally babbled withRiver. You two lounged in the backyard well past Craig’s/River’s usual naptimeas he would tell you over and over while taking another sip of his drink but never doing anything to further the protest.Stories were told, River was played with, and time was wasted perfectly.

Brian—

               Youwanted to give mini golf another shot. It was embarrassing how bad you did lasttime you went with Brian, Daisy, and Amanda. To redeem yourself, you droveBrian back to the Mini Golf Place while Daisy was at a sleepover and Amanda wasin school. The kids were the real reason you lost, they were a distraction iswhat you told Brian. You two spent hours at the golf course, you lined up everyshot you made and used extra precaution before doing anything. By the time thegame was over, Brian lost and it was definitely not because he let you win. Theride home was you reliving your highlights from the day and Brian smiling andcommenting how great you were. You were something else, but Brian wouldn’t haveit any other way. Seeing you proud of yourself was look he’d love to see youwear every day.

[rhinointherain]

28-8-2020

if this type of high was a color it would be pink, deep dark hot electric pink, the color of romanticization, the color of everything you wish should have been but never was and never could be

-here i watched a video about physics-

physics is the study of our “existence”/“reality”/physical universe within the Everything (and thats why the study of Everything that “outside of” this “existence”/“reality”/physical universe is called metaphysics)

by studying physics/the physical world closely enough, we begin to see “properties” of the Everything, like we can understand the “background” within which it/its “properties” are situated by learning about how and why the physical world acts the way it does

“Life” is just really really complex physical processes, technically there is no “difference”/inherent distinction between “living” and “nonliving” “things”, some “things” just are more of these processes happening at once and some other “things” have less. when a living thing “dies” most of its more complex processes stop occurring and so the complex web of interacting processes which classify one as being “alive” cannot function anymore. and then eventually it starts to literally decay until all of its processes, even the ones that continued after it “died” such as its maintenance of its physical structure, no longer happen as their materials have been taken up by/used in other exterior processes. So by this logic Harris was right, there is no “consciousness” and there is no “self”, when the processes of thought (neurons firing in networks) aren’t happening there is no inherent “being”, at least physically there is not a “self” and the concept cannot exist, what we think of as the “self” might be a sort of “ blueprint “ of what about one “human”’s (human=series of chemical processes that make up what we consider to be a “human”) processes different than any other human’s. if i think of something does it not “exist” just because I conceived of it? what does it mean to be real, can things that are not physically real be “real” in their own way, so I guess it depends on what we consider “real” to mean.

and this is particularly why it’s difficult and awkward to address the question of whether the ideas i write down in my journal entries are “real” as in they are true or if theyre “fake” because I’m high and am convinced that things that are not true are true. how could they not be “true” if I think them, me thinking them means they are being perceived, even if they are not being perceived in the way that physical phenomena are. what does it even mean to “perceive”? is “reality” contingent on what is “perceived” and what isn’t? Is two atoms bumping into each other the atoms “perceiving” each other in the same way that touch receptors “feel” touch, or taste buds “taste”, or vision receptors “see” by “perceiving” light? why don’t i know virtually anything about what protons and neutrons and electrons are made out of. i mean i know theyre made of quarks and their differences become from the ratios of like different types of quarks that are in them but i have actually no idea what that means. i need to know a lot more things to fully understanding these ideas, like I need to find out what light is and what energy is godsh i feel so foolish and uneducated how have i been content to go through life thus far not even feeling the need to know????

And/or should be a word in the dictionary, it’s its own word with its own meaning not just two words stuck together

also remember to think about how your emotional and idealistic associations with being high affect the ideas that you have while you’re high, although now that i’m thinking about it, it is probably quite good to write about these emotional associations as i have been doing because then i can understand and analyze them more fully

I went back and read the paragraph i wrote earlier in this entry about what physics is an what the difference is between it and metaphysics, and it made me think, how could there not be a “GOD”? If physics/our physical universe/“reality” exists, then doesn’t “not that” also have to “exist”, just because it exists as a concept?Like what i was just talking about with what it means to be “real”?

Oh I sound JUST like saint anselm ! Didn’t he already say the exact same thing???? He totally did.

But anyway god IS metaphysics, at least the God that judeo-christian religion is referring to. God is everything that is not physics/the physical universe. so I think that with dualistic religions, like Catharism (the one i actually know enough about to feel comfortable discussing esp because there aren’t really any people today who follow it whom I risk offending if I misinterpret something about it), the two “gods” are the physical world (the “bad”/material/“corrupt” cathar God) and metaphysics (the “good”/“pure”/“heavenly” cathar God). the “gods” of Greek mythology and i guess norse mythology and probably many polytheistic religions (but i definitely cannot say that this applies to most or all polytheistic religions because i dont know enough about most or all of them) are, in the view of their believers, part of the physical world, so comparing deities/“gods” like these to the metaphysical judeo-christian “God” is kind of useless in a way because they are too different. i am not highly informed about the terms “yin” and “yang” but from my knowledge of them (like a few online articles or whatever) what i am talking about very much falls into this concept. yin and yang are physics and metaphysics. {i realize in earlier entries ive very foolishly used the term “cosmos” when what i really meant was “metaphysics/metaphysical reality/metaphysical “existence” (and once again, i am trying my best to use the right words to describe what i mean but as l keep saying over and over again, the words existence, reality, being, etc. need to be a lot more rigidly defined before any actual productive discussion about these ideas can occur)}, but anyway, “metaphysics” and “physics” are yin and yang.

so yes sure i guess the greeks, for example” “worshipped physics”, although that’s not to say they didn’t have a lot of things “wrong” (according to our modern perspective) about how it worked, but according to their understanding of the physical world lightning bolts got made by a dude named Zeus, that was physics to them. Christians, Muslims, and Jews, as example, “worship metaphysics”, which is no less “rational” than worshipping “physics” because like how stupid to you have to be not to “believe” in metaphysics right? they are both “things” that “exist” because they “exist” as “concepts”. they are just different, and either “religious” approach may be varying degrees of “right” or “wrong” in their ideas of things and how they work (although again, what does that even mean, what does it mean to be “true” or “not true”, but anyway), but like one example is the question of whether the way in which ppl use these religions to interact with physics or metaphysics (like setting up altars, making sacrifices, consulting oracles) is “effective”, like does it “do what they think it does” ie have an effect on either physics or metaphysics and how the two “interact”, or help you learn something about it etc?

So i guess by this logic a dualist outlook on “religion” resemblingthe Cathars (and i THINK the zoroastrians too from what i understand about their beliefs), ie metaphysics and physics and the interaction between the two, is the most all-encompassing perspective on what “Existence” “Is”. Thats not to say anything about the ritual aspect of any faith, i really don’t know which one is most “accurate” or if any of them are at all. So guess i am a Dualist now??. But then again, it would definitely be also helpful to explore the outlooks provided by other religions to see what they have to say, and whether they incorporate elements into their understandings that are useful to think about. like i feel like i know some facts about hinduism as in i could tell you some things that hindus believe, but i don’t have a “deep” enough understanding of the religion to tell you what aspects of their belief deal with physics and/or metaphysics. like what i would guess about it from my understanding is that it kind of deals with both? like Brahman is almost certainly metaphysics {and actually in many ways has a more “accurate” and wide-encompassing understanding of what “metaphysics” “is” than most other religions i have heard of}, and nirvana is attaining the union of the two? {like obviously not the union of the whole entire physics and whole entire metaphysics but like, within one’s self? [again, im not sure if the “self” does “exist” in the physical world and am inclined at the moment to think that it doesn’t, even though the things that “make it up” (ie your neurons and the “thoughts”/firing patterns they create) are part of the physical world. although AGAIN that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t “exist”, because one can conceive of it, or because it is part of metaphysical “existence”, or both? Or neither??] Or is nirvana like, you become aware of where “you” are within the whole conglomeration of the two, and are able to understand more about everything because of this? In a way i think it might be both, i should think about that more in the future.} Isn’t Brahman said to like, “be present” in the physical world, like in each individual thing ?does this mean that hinduism deals primarily with the interaction between physics and metaphysics? Rather than focusing on the two as “equal” but “opposite” concepts like the Cathars or zoroastrians. Again I’m really not comfortable making a whole bunch of analysis on hinduism, even after learning a bunch about it i still have a hard time understanding what their gods/deities are supposed to be/represent in relation to all this.

Ok yeah i had a helpful thought: I think the reason I am struggling with the definition of “existence” is because im not sure whether im using that word to refer to physical existence, or the combination of both “physical” and “metaphysical” existence. Same with “reality”.

i NEED to establish a glossary of terminology in order to be able to analyze anything further in a meaningful way! i think i am at the point where i can actually start to do this or at least try!

am realizing now that one of the chief questions i’ve been grappling with in these entries is “what is metaphysics”, as have scientists, shamans, theologians, priests, psychonauts etc for centuries and millenia before me. idk being able to concretely state what i am asking might be helpful in charting a course of thought

So how does the idea of physics vs metaphysics relate to the “space-time continuum” that i was talking about in earlier entries? So we have our physical universe that you and i “exist” in, and the “multiverse” which is every other possible universe along an infinite infinity of infinite axes, but is metaphysics the “multiverse”, or is metaphysics somehow what is “outside the multiverse”? how could you even understand what it meant to be “outside the multiverse”? fuck this is really difficult to think about. hmmmm i don’t think there can be an “outside” the multiverse because the multiverse is already everything that is “outside” the universe. right, because the multiverse is infinite in an infinite number of directions and not “bound” so it is not something outside of which anything can be conceived.

yeah okay and this makes sense with the saint anselm thing, because if you can think of “something”, your conception of what that “something” is is bound by your definition of what you conceive that “something” to “be”. and if you define metaphysics as “the Stuff that is Not Physics/Not Our Physical Universe”, that mean metaphysics exists because it is the like, antithesis of physics, so it doesn’t exist in the same way that the physical universe does but that doesn’t mean it isn’t “real”. Like how in a mirror there can’t be a reflection of something that isn’t physically there to be reflected, but that doesn’t mean the reflection “isn’t real” too.

I’ve been typing for over two hours, i think i should take a rest lol.

Do you think its possible that certain elements of fashion, popular culture, etc come back into style every 20ish years (?) because the people who are the most influential in determining trends at any given time internalized the trends of 20ish years ago as what it meant to be “cool” when they were at the age of learning what “cool” was and so they bring those trends back either consciously or subconsciously?

[britishb3atlemania]

ive been stressed tf out since last night bc my friend invited me to a new years eve party downtown and my ma would gaslight the shit outta me so i wouldnt b able to go (im super easily manipulated even as an adult and bc my younger brother has been a complete asshole to the whole fam recently i dont wanna ~add~ to that and theres just a bigger expectation for me to b perfect) but my dad talked to her and last min let me leave after dinner to catch a train downtown (40min away) but it was like... a lil late notice basically i spent midnight at the subway lmfao but thats whatever like i got the the party fine and friend was already sloshed

which was nice to see her have a good time and i started drinking but keeping in mind not to b too fucked just to make sure she ok bc i love her right

but she gets so disastrous (drunk and high on weed AND two bums of coke) and calls this shit white guy she had a crush on 3 yrs ago who ghosted her and she now HATES and basically drunkenly tries to convince him to let her come over to have sex

and like her friend (lets say Doug) and I are here hearing this and know she caNNOT go out is in NO condition to let alone go fuck someone atm bc its hella fukin yikes...

we keep pipping over the phone (she was on speaker) to this white dude named Asswipe that she is too intoxicated on a lot of stuff to go out, and this is a terrible idea and as the sober one on this he should give her a definite “no” so she can leave it be. 

He doesnt (bc men are scum lmaooo)

Basically makes me extra anxious for many reasons, from less to most important:

-My ma/grandparents are pissed at me for ditching new years for the first time and my abuelita has depression and when shes rlly upset will call me crying and manipulate me so i was terrified of that lmao

-I have terrible social anxiety and I begged fam to let me come to be with my best friend for a special night, even though its at her friend’s house with so many ppl i dont know. Also bc the plan was i was allowed to crash the night there with her but now shes trying to run away ALONE to this dudes house and leave me. And im selfish and felt rude and anxious to spend the night at a strangers house w/o her.

-I reminded her i came here for her and im anxious if she leaves and she just told me ~jokingly~ that she cant fuck me bc im taken and neither cant Doug bc he’s also taken so at least with Asswipe she can fuck someone. Which i think is like... a ginormous low but she was sloshed so i tried not to let that get me all upset

-I had a p similar experience of a ~friendly acquaintance~ taking advantage of me when i was drunk and it has fucked me up since and i told her abt this in confidence so she knows how bad that is and it was rlly getting to me thinking my friend could go through that tonight

-Additionally, if someone is so fucking intoxicated they CANNOT give consent in that state SORRY but idc how many times u say ur consenting “despite being high/drunk” if you keep stumbling over ur feet and about to vom all night and drop ur phone every 2 sec, etc, u ARE NOT in a condition to make such a heavy decision

She ends up tricking us and runs away ALONE to this guys house who I DO NOT KNOW the address of. Asswipe knows perfectly NO ONE approves of this, knows she is PLASTERED, and hes not, heard me say this is INCREDIBLY YIKES AND TAKING ADVTANGE OF SOMEONE

So 3 of us at the party rlly care for my friend and are super pissed/concerned/anxious, Doug, her friend who through the party, ie. Karla, and I. Doug has to go home, Karla and I take an uber with friends to a house party someone overheard her talking about going to. turns out she tricked them and didnt go there obvi

Karla has Asswipe on fb, messages him and demands him to call her an uber and send her home, even offering to pay it herself. He gave a bs answer of “idk if she wants to/// she’s fine”

My friend basically ignored all our calls/texts for 1.5 hrs, finally mssgs back Karla (bc even tho weve been friends forever i know and am self aware shes closer to Karla now and her uni friends which is an insecurity but i get it lol), then me. Mostly interacts with Karla but barely says much.

Wont call us when we ask, tells us not to blame Asswipe, thats shes fine, some happy new yr bs

Idk i was so worried and pissed and anxious so i just flat out told her that i love her but if she thinks she is sober enough to make that decision then she should be sober enough that it was a shitty move on her part to leave us like this when she knows we’re worried sick.

Hasnt replied to me since lmao. But she DID mssg back Karla in the morning to tell her shes fine. I leave Karla’s house early bc fam stuff, but she shows up later to pick up her stuff. I guess theyre fine now

But she hasnt replied to me all day, hasnt mssgd shit.

And i hate it bc i just hope she was fine (Karla says shes good) but i know my friend and she is more attached to her than me and it just kind of breaks my heart that they can make ammends but me who was worried sick and was with her the most to make sure she was ok and all the same jazz as Karla and Doug, she wont mssg me. I already caved and sent her a mssg asking if she was ok and she still hasnt replied and im just... not doing ok now lol i turned this into a selfish thing abt me but i am so worried for her and i just hate that im not allowed to be worried for her or be angry ever bc its like... any excuse for her to stop being my friend...

this was so long and if someone read it i love you ugh im just so... lost idk what to do. usually i apologize even when something is not my fault bc i dont want us to not b friends. But this fuked me up and i just sincerely hope it doesnt fuck her up wtvr the fuk went down with her and asswipe so i dont think its an ok situation to make myself into the one that is wrong... bc i dont think i am... but ugh idk second opinions gr8ly appreciated

[unproduciblesmackdown]

yallnve realized by now that this is a fulltime 100% narnia blog...and as i havent slept since finding out someone somewhere was set on making "the silver chair" into a movie & the dynamic world of narnalysis is the best i can offer,

first of all im like.........ya rly gonna just jump into the silv chair!! im not really interested w the details on what anyone plans to do with the content b/c i donno, ive never been really interested in the book. not because its like bad or anything, actually it's probably the most cinematic in terms of things actually happening at a steady rate. i just like what i like, maybe because its sort of lower scale? whatever. its not like its hard to make into a movie i dont think, is what im saying. that would be either the horse and his boy or prince caspian, probably the latter b/c like a genuine 1/3 of it is an expository flashback. but all of the books are bit tricky to adapt coz theyre just short, you have to pad basically all of them in some way or another. but sure. silver chair. w/e

the thing is that you Have to assume despite starting afresh that theyre doing this one since the first three books have been recently filmed? and this being the fourth. but How Are You Going To Just Jump Into This One. thats an awful lot of exposition thats being built on, at this point in the game we're neck deep in the Lore. you'd really just have to have read the previous books or at least seen the movies. are they counting on the audience to have done that? but at the same time its really not fair to fully rely on that. in the book you can go "read the other books" and wave it off in a sentence of "and then they explained it all" which does tend to happen in the actual text a fair amt. its a bit awkward in movie form though? its a plot point right off that eustace knows who prince/king caspian is. so then you have to sum up dawn treader. and that has to do with what happened in prince caspian, in which the plot of lww is pretty important. like, alright, possibly you could just explain tvotdt & take it from the perspective of the girl who doesnt know crap about narnia yet? but thats not nearly as good a starting point as lww. on account of that ones meant to be a starting point! i'll see scholastic / any publishings that try to push magician's nephew as the first book In Hell, frankly. strongest narnpinion right there. the published order over the chronological order

anyways i'm sure it can be figured out, its just.......Interesting to think how the silver chair intro might be made into Intro To Narnia v.2.0? will they even try or will it be "ok but seriously just have read the books or whatever before you come in here." mystery unfolds

another thing thats interesting is that lww is clearly abt like, hey kids here's a version of the resurrection for you. whereas silver chair doesnt have anything to do w any Biblical Events at all (tho of course neither does prince caspian, tvotdt, or the horse & his boy). it is instead about how atheists will try to steal your firstborns for.................reasons. (no reason, theyre just evil.) this one is just a major amplified version of another particularly ridiculous CS Lewis Apologism Favorite that runs through the books: that when it comes to having no Faith (in aslan but you know also the abrahamic god) everyone who doubts aslan/god is like, actively lying to themselves, because they have that Gut Feeling telling themself that their faith is not only whats righteous but also whats true. the gut feeling of truth is a big theme in the books, shit hinges on it all the time and makes doubt all Clearly Sinful instead of a reasonable result of aslan effing off for centuries or whatever. and speaking of, god only knows if lewis is really suggesting that real life doubt or nonreligiousness is 100% populated by people who are clenching their fists like "i know in my heart jesus is real but i dont want to believe it so i won't, damnit!" which yknow makes no sense for like....life, and uh? i dont know what its supposed to mean for like....other religions? i dont think he's about putting the nuance that not every concept of religious Faith is the same as in christianity into this book, i dunno abt his thoughts irl. lord knows its a mystery how he thinks that "if jesus wasnt lying and jesus wasnt Insane then christianity is real" argument means anything. nothing in the world fits that argument for finding out if something is true or not........and also it hinges on that concept of "insanity" which......like.......i'm sure is all about nice 1940s ideas of how "insane" people act. its shit, throw it out, i mean. and besides? as though theres a Logic argument to prove christianity as truth? have you just Solved religion, lewis? have you? sometimes, i swear..

anyhow so in the silver chair its just a big ol festival of his "atheists are lying to themselves" and "atheism starts by someone who Knows The Truth (jesus is real) lying to others, likely aka the devil or whatever, and the stand-in for the devil is a witch again." and lewis really seems fond of the allegory of the cave. smh! like, in that allegory "knowing" that your faith is true is impossible! but youre also out here arguing its logically provable? and don't forget the gut feelings thing. but it makes NO sense for him to drop it into this book universe because in this allegory the prince captured by atheists & the protags are people who have hopped into the cave and seen the sun and shit!! they dont need to be the people who have only ever seen shadows who need to be convinced that an outside world can exist!!! bitch!!! get your allegory in order. silver chair just.....lord. the lying babysnatching atheists

a n y w a y s . . . thats a weird conflict to put in your third act, and its also a weird argument to make re christianity, that even though you acknowledge its impossible to know that your faith is in something thats real, you're willing to risk it? its sort of like that idea that you might as well be religious even if you dont "believe" any religion is true, because you lose nothing and potentially gain both comfort in life and reward in an afterlife. but its kind of a big deal in christianity that you're supposed to believe that what you believe in Is Literally Real. maybe apologists are allowed to do that sort of thing in their arguments, i suppose. its like in the last battle where he has a dude who believes in another deity accepted into the christian afterlife b/c despite a lack of belief, his virtuous nature is, from a practical standpoint, accepted to be for all intents and purposes to be equivalent to having believed in the christian god, like if he happened to follow all other rules except the Believing In Jesus one then he's good to go anyhow. interesting in that its also supposed to be pretty vital in christianity that one has to accept jesus as god in order to be Saved all up into heaven! i suppose that guy in the book was meant to have been converted right before death or whatever. at that point its very unclear who is exactly dead or not, but probably everyone. still, aslan clearly makes the argument that "basically you might as well have been believing in me, so you're good to go." fascinating stuff. another one to ask lewis abt

uhhhh another point is that i think theyre intending to make other movies also? but not all four remaining ones!! and if i had to guess which one they'd be leaving out uhh lets say....the horse & his boy....................which conveniently is the other sort of sparsely plotted one. two kids ride horses towards narnia, briefly have to have a shenanigansy undercover sneak through a crowded city, ride towards narnia some more, and then one of them stays at some guys house while the other kid goes into narnian battle where he himself doesnt actually do anything, but that fact is described pretty funnily. its still sort of a fun one, on account of the sneaking around hijinx, and the fact that it happens to give ANY of the details of what tf the pevensies did for like the twenty years they reigned over narnia's golden age which the lww just tells you absolutely n o t h i n g about! the answer is: a lot of battling probably, on account of narnia went from being ruled for a century by someone who could kill you in a second and also why would you have invaded narnia at that time, it wouldve been like trying to invade russia. but then a bunch of kids took the throne and upended the whole system and the snow went away, it seems like a destabilizey time to invade or whatever. imo. but then again they mightve bought themselves a few years on account of aslan having shown up and all. but lbr, they were just put into battle right off and coronated three seconds later, theres no reason on that front that they wouldnt shy away from having more battles. and the books said there were a lot of battles. and in thahb, its like, well we've been battling a lot lately and now we're in shenanigans and we'll just have to battle our way out of it, which they absolutely do. edmund straight up decapitates a guy. how ARE they supposed to just transition immediately into english schoolchildren after a couple decades of that mess??? they even have the fancy courtly speech. its magic i suppose

the point is its kind of a fun book, oh also, aslan is TOP shenanigans in this one. he straight up actually attacks one of the protagonists, for Reasons, but still. not that he doesn't murder the pevensies in the last book. i mean, i guess you could argue that its just like Divine Coincidence where what with the unaligned timelines betwixt england and narnia, aslan couldve just picked the moment everyone was gonna die anyway and just tossed them over to X point in time in narnia. but I Donno.....im kinda with that university student who's stressing about whether aslan cause ww2 for the purpose of sending the pevensies to the wardrobe. like, that train accident that killed everybody killed four people on the platform & five people on the train in different carriages and everything, or maybe the numbers are switched because i dont remember where lucy was. im saying, that was a hell of a crash. but sure. anyhow, even more fun, aslan appears as a cat to the Other protag while he's spending a night on the edge of the wilderness, and scratches him for saying he once threw rocks at a stray cat. like, hard #same, aslan!!! wtf dude why arent YOU being claimed by satan

whats also fun is that it doesn't really take place in narnia, which is also the reason besides pacing that you wouldnt really want to make this one into a film? because uhhhh the whole worldbuilding lewis crapt upon everyone for calormen is clearly racist as fuccck. if you arent already familiar with all the books (namely this one and i suppose the last battle) then its like.....i guess its some sort of vague notion of the ottoman empire? its really just a mashup of any number of white-english-variety racist notions. everyone is brown, is it an inaccurate stab at an amorphous amalgam of middle eastern culture? east asian? are people islamic or hindu? just try and guess what he was going for because its just. not based on anyone needing to know anything about reality. lewis was against seasoning food i guess, because it will mention i guess like, people cooking with onions like the heathens they are. (spoilers: this country just exists in the narniaverse to represent Those Heathens). its not necessarily an Evil place, they are noble savages ok!! with their formal seriousness and cutthroat customs.......b/c they are not as advanced and peaceful as the white northern christians, see. closer to the less developed violence of their inherently backwards ways and Cruel Society reigned by violence DONT CONVERT OR YOU'LL DIE, KIDS. but also.....you wont be white? the reason of calormens existence is really never explained. telmarines came from englandverse on accident thru a magic portal just lying around, possibly thats whats meant to have happened there too? its never attempted to be explained. anyways its basically the intro to the disney aladdin.

lewis is entirely inconsistent and self contradictory all throughout the series for the sake of the authors convenience. this is part of what makes the stories fun and the worldbuilding charming. it is also what allows him to pull stunts that have you pinching the bridge of your nose in exasperation and writing out essays to try to figure out how narnia is supposed to work. it is also what allows him, five books in, to be like, "here is the country to the south where the demon-worshipping gross scary brown uncivilized folk sit around hating narnia and confirming any racist notion you have about any nonwhite nonchristian country or culture." thanks, clive

its of course ludicrous and, of course, the protagonist shasta just so happens to be white despite being raised calormene. spoilers, he is narnian. or really from archenland, which isnt narnia but is still white and pro-narnia so its alright. i mean, technically narnia is allied with calormen at all points in time of the series? calormen just quietly tries an invasion in that book and also in the last book. so thats interesting. i suppose lewis is anti-crusades, which is big of him. the pevs arent out here trying to conquer calormen and convert them to narnianism. so that must not be the Destiny of the true christian? or are we meant to believe calormenes are beyond help? shasta who is of course secretly not "really" calormene is still representing someone undergoing "conversion," yet again, the guy is white. i suppose being brown is whats hopeless?

theres an inadvertently laughable line at the start of the book where a calormene expositorially points out that shasta is white by comparing him to the "accursed but beautiful" narnians. who are all white? is he just talking about the pevensies? the archenlanders (i cant remember where theyre meant to have come from either.) are like, all humanoid narnian natives white?? wtf, aslan. anyways, the dialogue is unnatural and funny enough, but its also like.....ok lewis, we got it, whiteness is the standard for all universes and everyone wishes they were white. stupid, sexy narnians.

what alllllmost suggests that being a poc isnt an automatic fastpass to hell is that im fairly sure the second protagonist aravis is a nonwhite calormene?? i dont remember it ever saying she was "fair" like the narnians the way the book immediately points out that shasta is. she is of course escaping an arranged marriage (the calormene plot to sort of vaguely try to invade narnia is also based on forcing susan to marry a dude she doesnt like yet who she apparently genuinely considered as a suitor when he wasnt acting like a jerk? so not only a dude who isnt white but a dude who isnt aslanian christian. its a whole complicating element to just toss out in this otherwise flat af worldbuilding, dude!! not to mention? despite the battles and shit, susan was out here considering marriage? how absolutely fucked up would it have been if any of them married and then effed off back to england. moving along) but she is from the start portrayed as equally sympathetically as shasta and nothing about her is pointed out as being Bad and Reprehensible, which the narration has no qualms about doing. she even gets to spend some time with her calormene friend, who is not exactly meant to be as sympathetic or noble but certainly isnt portrayed as at all evil. like...theres at least the occasional exception apparently, in which maybe not every person is inherently evil and violent and cruel. who knows

also aravis definitely later marries the white protag?? but apparently interracial marriage isnt entirely Unthinkable here. wait, also, aravis claims to be somehow a direct descendant of the calormene god tash? first of all, is that true, comma, possible? in the last book its confirmed that tash is real, albeit, like, a demon. dunno what c.s. is telling us with that one. is aravis related to a demon. we can only guess on account of the theme of Inconsistency

anyways. i suppose you could make it into a movie if you just threw out the racist shit. but the "calormen is also distinguished from narnia via its religion" element is also a touch janky. can it be thrown out too? if they intend to produce the last battle, will it be thrown out then. it kind of comes up again. if you get rid of those elements though, the stakes get a little blurrier and more political and more "wait well why would they have any beef with each other in the first place" if you cant just easily point out that the calormenes are shaking their fists at the narnians and their demon worship and their jealousy at not being white. again, are all centaurs white or something? wtf

truly calormene is the most racist ass shit in the whole series, but the concept comes up in less painfully direct ways other times, too. why are there native species in narnia that are considered inherently evil?? sure, the white witch as the stand-in for the devil wasn't originally from narnia. was she creating shit too? i dont remember what she was up to on account of i havent read the magicians nephew in a hot minute. i know they had to take a pegasus into a garden of eden type shit to smoke her out of wherever she was lurking for some reason or another. still. whys there whole types of creatures who are universally and unilaterally condemned? i know we're meant to believe that they just have evil intent according to their nature, but uh....theres no point at which any of these creatures are given a chance? maybe they served the white witch because she was nice to them for once. you're not given the chance to know. EXCEPT for the fact that you get shit like: giants are evil save for the occasional exception, like in lww when a "good" giant is described as having like, a long family line, and "traditions." not like Those Sorts. they do talk in like prince caspian and shit, when their numbers are miserable and theyre discussing tactics, whether to get help from the gross hags and harpies and etc and ppl will talk about Those People and Sorts and Rabble and its like...jfc. b/c apparently sommme of them can be decent! if theyre a giant or whatever. and meanwhile the dwarfs are always chaotic neutral or whatever. not believing in aslan but not necessarily being anti-narnia coz they live there. but sometimes being good guys!! but sometimes being bad guys, and jadis was cool to them apparently. like.................theres definitely cases of Types of narnians who fall outside the "born good / born bad" system, and thats pretty fucked. wolves too? theyre the Talking Beasts aslan definitely created, but on the side of the white witch? how was she having trees be on her side, too? whats going on around here. whats the moral meant to be. smh

uhh well anyhow, you could do a nice essay on gender re narnia. on account of sometimes its staleass typical sexist tropes like uhh, say,, the devil stand-ins keep being women? witches, ok. and the idea of "women need to be protected as pure creatures" as a basic sexist notion, and even lewis taking a relatively subdued jab at the idea of calling that sexist. susan being the miniature mom character type, and of course the infamous last battle bit where, in an attempt to describe her lack of spirituality as a self-insert of what lewis considered his own period of fake maturity via rejection of christianity, she's of course not only described as not believing in narnia (which????? what is anyone supposed to make of that. again, in the allegory of the cave shit, she's been outside the cave!!! she lived in narnia for YEARS AND YEARS and then WENT BACK. how are we supposed to believe she just convinced herself it wasnt literally real? its not quite the same as someone losing their faith in christianity.) but as like, wearing makeup, damn her. even if he wasnt trying to make the point that "look at boys and go to hell" which, i suppose he couldnt, as in narnia susan was being courted just fine as queen, yet i suppose also she didnt marry anyone—anyways, of course its still sexist to slight the way she decides to dress as some form of false maturity, even if its meant to be metaphor. just clumsy af & not great when again, devils are always witches around here. and being younger is to be more spiritually pure which like............mmm ok. this is sort of another one of those weirdly sexless fantasy universes, why do those keep happening. i mean sure this is a christian fairy tale for kids. but nobody even gets married save for in the last paragraphs of a couple books. its left a bit ambiguous whether thats even spiritually acceptable in the narnia rules, unless its to Continue the Line a la the telmarine monarchy from caspian the first to tirian the whateverth. hm

but also of course you get the young girl characters being...somewhat almost allowed to fight (archery mainly) but anyways at least being given equal status to the boys who are there also. theres even mention of once apparently narnia being ruled by a queen w no kings around. fantastic. and theres some non-witch lady characters on occasion. the human characters are where the dynamics are most at, i suppose, but anyways this at least has some nuance & at times seems to go just a bit beyond what you might expect from some old dude in the 50s. still not that surprising or innovative, but not completely flat, and seeming to contain at least a little reflection upon the topic

the essay of race re: narnia would be really short though. Its Racist Af. if you threw classism in too, you might get a bit more length out of it. but really its just so flat in this subject, and totally needless. there's the fact that even narnia is ruled by white english people but.....you can really do without juxtaposing this with the heinous nonwhite country somewhere over there. the rest of the books operate just fine w/o this

tolkien mentioned HIS scary brown backwards civilization to the south a lot more fleetingly in lotr but its....v much the same worldbuilding as narnia??? aka middle earth is pretty much an imaginary proto-england where you dont want to go too far east or south or you run into dangerous &/or inherently evil territory!! ok, jrr.....who was the other people in the inklings?? what did they write. could no one rein these guys in. coz lewis is over here with his Alternate Universe england. with uhhhh wilderness to the north and west and the dangerous evilish racismland to the south. and the ocean and dont forget narnia is a flat earth to the east. also? why are the lone islands like that. can aslan take care of some of that shit. for gods sake. anyways. the all-white good guys / evil poc should be thrown out of everything, thats not what makes the worldbuilding in either lotr or chronarnia at all interesting. yet is it is surely a subsection of the inherent Englishness of both examples........it warrants analysis but not "carrying on into films or anything based on either's precedence in the fantasy genre."

god who knows what im talking about at this point. im just saying "if they arent looking to even bother trying to wrangle the horse and his boy into something not ludicrously racist then i wouldnt be at all surprised." still, do you suppose theres like a curse where unless all narnia books are given some sort of film adaptation, the world won't know peace? more likely the world would end, maybe. the curse of clive. i dont really remember but that elder bbc series sure didnt cover the whole saga

well this is long enough but lets all set off in more endless, doomed narnalysis, such as

my thesis on trying to figure out what. the Fuck any reader is supposed to make out of edmund's role in the lww

whats the deal with merpeople?!

where are all these witches coming from, anyways

seriously if the narnians were just less murderous to the Undesirable species would they have been on the pro-aslan side all along

if there was only two humans staying in narnia at its birth, wouldnt their line like, die out immediately with their kid.

where did the archenlanders come from

where did the calormenes come from

oh yeah and like. are we seriously meant to believe that, at the end of the world, when aslan reveals that being goodnatured supercedes having the Wrong Religion, there is only one calormene in all of a) current existence and b) history who fits the bill? really. why even bring it up, then.

how did narnians react to their four monarchs completely disappearing......for real.....and what happened to the line to the throne?? was there just no ruler until the telmarines came in and took things over for the rest of the few centuries or whatevs.

when was that deep magic in lww written? at the start of narnia? coz thats the magicians nephew. again, how tf did the white witch get any leverage in that one. how was that supposed to be a good idea. wtf. see my thesis

whats the white witch supposed to represent as a stand-in for the devil? not helping that i dont remember the details of magicians nephew for shit, but she's definitely in the Multiverse lore of narnia as being from a different world as narnia and england. wtf is like...her nature

how weird is it in narnia that you have a god who drops in confused alien children to both go on personal journeys and save the world? is narnia-aslan/earth-jesus also dropping other children from other worlds into other other worlds? via other forms? hmm

lewis is all but inviting us the readers to be filling in the blanks with narnia fic. he's basically like, outright actually inviting fic with people wanting to speculate what happens with susan, who must inevitably return to narnia as lewis intends her to represent his own departure from (and obvious inevitable return to) christianity

a weird detail that is also never elaborated on: in addition to the narrator freely inserting loads of opinions into the narration, there's a time or two its made clear that like, the narrator has gotten this info from interviewing the characters. how'd you know about that last battle, "they all died and this happened in the afterlife" shit, huh. just another weird element

sussing out other lewispinions, like how he hates all schools apparently

narnia vs middle earth!! both quasi englands, both pre industrialization, both with christ figures running around some more than others, both with the need for rightful kings, totally different roles for humans tho. well, thats the whole comparison

and, inevitably, more.

[bangzchan]

au where isak is moving out and even’s the guy who helps with that/taking his stuff to his new place and while theyre outside packing into the car, isak hears a familiar voice greet him and he freezes and turns around and its julian, his ex, holding another boy’s hand and isak screams inside but puts on a smile “hey julian. what are you doing here?” and julian looks at his boyfriend, “we’re on a house hunt. moving in together” and isak clenches his jaw bc fuck that, THEY were supposed to do that months ago before they broke up. then he looks back at isak “and you? moving out?” and isak panics and doesnt think twice about what he’s saying, “yeah actually im moving out to move in with my boyfriend” and he wishes he could take it back or just run but he stands still and julians like “boyfriend?” and isak wants to wipe that smirk off his face, “where is he then?” and then isak hears the car door close and then even is walking towards them with a smile, work finished, and isak just. “here.” and even stands next to isak and is looking between him and julian, “hm?” and isaks like “this is even, my boyfriend. im moving in with him” 

and he’s SO glad he remembered his name when he introduced himself that morning and even, without any hesitation, holds out a hand for julian to shake, “nice to meet you, uh sorry, who are you again?” and julian clenches his jaw, “julian. his ex.” and even smirks, “oh! didnt hear that much about you” and puts an arm around isaks waist and okay wow. he’s really thankful for even but also his hand holding his side feels weirdly good. and then julian’s boyfriend introduces himself too and then theyre just looking at each other until julians like, “how long have you been together” and isak and even a different length at the same time and fuck, isaks not convincing enough (and he shouldnt be, why is he trying) “we dont really care about that. we just enjoy each other” and julian hums, “we should have a double date” and even’s thumb presses deep into his skin, but isak is too quick to reply with a “yeah, totally” and he hates himself and julians boyfriend is furrowing his eyebrows but they leave with afterwards with “see you on friday then. i’ll text you the place” and then when theyre alone, even is looking at isak, “not sure i can do friday” and isak shakes his head, “no,of course, i’ll just make up an excuse. sorry for dragging you into this”.

and then on thursday morning isak gets a call and its from even, “so i got tomorrow off and..i could go to that date with you?” and isak has been pacing in his new flat for hours and he’s so thankful but tries to be chill, “i mean if its not trouble” and even laughs, “should be fun, honey!” and isak groans, “dont call me honey” and evens like “okay then, can i call you ..hm..baby?” and shit ,that sounds really good coming from his mouth. so isak nods, then realizes even cant see him so he chokes out a “that will do”.

and come friday, the four of them sit in a restaurant, silently and awkwardly waiting for their food and then isak and julian start talking about an old thing and even grabs isaks thigh under the table and isak faces him and even leans in to whisper in his ear, “if you want to get over him dont talk to him like youre still together. now act like i said something sexy” and isak is flustered and a shiver makes its way through his whole body as evens lips brush isaks earlobe and he doesnt have to act. even turns back to the other two, “sorry i couldnt resist. he looks so hot in this buttonup” and julian squints his eyes with a forced smile. 

then later when even is walking isak home (”its okay, i have time”) they are laughing about the whole date, even making fun of julians jealousity and isak is over him (or he likes to think so. he’s really not, though) and then theyre standing in front of isaks flat and evens like “is this where i kiss you?” and isaks eyes widen and even chuckles, “im just kidding” and isak wishes he wasnt. even walks away with a “thanks for tonight, baby” and laughs and isak spends the night trying to fight the grin spreading across his face

a week later then when isak has almost forgot about all this, he’s walking down the stairs and runs into julian and theyre both taken aback and isaks like “why..are you here?” and julian chuckles, making isaks heart ache, “we rented the flat on the second floor..didnt know you live here?” and isak swears in his head but smiles, “what a small world!” and then excuses himself and almost runs out the building, texting even, “hey sorry for bothering but im in trouble if you know what i mean” and even texts him back like 10 questions marks and a “did you kill someone??”and isak laughs out loud, getting looks from strangers on the street then tells him what happened. and they meet up later that day at a café and before isak could take a sip of his coffee, even talks “so you want me to continue be your fake boyfriend?” and put it that way, it sounds silly and childish but isak nods, hiding his face behind his cup. and even sits back in his chair, “do i have to live with you or?” and isaks like “you could come over only a few days a week? or something..” and even seems to think about it long then laughs, “why the hell not. im looking for a place anyway”

so he comes over a few times, but that turns into 5 days a week when julian comes over on a wednesday and friday and even’s not there both times, and then sometimes he spends the whole week (totally only because julian could knock on the door any time and isak isnt strong enough to be alone for that) but they sometimes (most of the time) forget about the reason even’s staying. they become really good friends and its surprising but in a good way and isak really likes even, and he finds himself not thinking about julian that often but when isak comes home one day to even cooking in only his sweatpants with the radio on, he realizes why he hasnt been thinking about julian that much. because he’s been thinking about even instead and he tries to shake that off and act as casual with him as he’s done before but it doesnt really work, especially when theyre having their movie night and evens head ends up in isaks lap and isak has to fight the urge to run his fingers through his hair. even doesnt seem to realize how isaks breath hitches each time he steps too close.

then one night julian and his boyfriend invite them and a few other friends over and isak ends up drinking a few shots and even has a few beers too and then theyre sitting in a circle and before isak realizes, they are in the middle of the “make out game” andwhen its their turn, evens eyes are telling him its okay ,they dont have to do it but isaks drunken mind says fuck it and he leans in and theyre kissing and isak is dizzy and doesnt want to stop and evens hands are on his neck and holy shit its the hottest kiss isak has ever had in a long time. he drinks after that and somehow forgets that happened

until next day when even brings some water and painkillers in for isak and isak cant look into his eyes and his heart feels like its gonna jump out his chest and even is sitting on his bed and then hums, “so last night was interesting” and isak downs the whole glass of water slowly, trying to gain himself some time and then he looks at even, “yeah? dont really remember anything man” and he sees evens face drop and isaks heart does the same but then evens lips quirk up in a painfully fake smile, “yeah me neither” then leaves the room with a “hope your head is okay” and isak is ??confused. bc he doesnt think even ever felt the same but this did make it look like he did but isak doesnt know what he’s supposed to do about it. so he doesnt do anything and ignores the topic, acts like nothing happened.

and then even stops coming over and doesnt answer isaks calls or texts and isak is mad at himself for fucking up whatever they had and julian asking where even is makes it harder and he’s annoyed and sad and still confused but mostly in love with even. so when on his way home he sees even putting furnitures and boxes into a car at a house, he steps up to him with a racing broken heart and when even sees him, isak feels his heart break into more pieces and he misses the smile on evens face. and he wants to talk to him but evens just “i really gotta work, we’ll talk another time?” without looking at isak and fuck, that really hurts. but isak goes home.

and after he finds out from evens best friend that even kept talking about isak and how that kiss made him sure that he loved isak, he goes over to even’s and that night even tells isak he’s bipolar and isak has an idea of what it means, though he’ll make sure to learn more about it, and he tells him its okay and his arms wrapping around evens worn out body that night makes even believe that it IS okay and when they go back to isaks flat, even is bringing more clothes than he’s brought before. and isak running into julian two weeks after that feels funny bc isak realizes if it werent for him turning up in his life this many times, he wouldnt have even waiting for him in their flat and isak just pats julians shoulder and greets him with a wide smile and almost skips while walking out to the street, going to the nearest bakery to bring some food home, for him and even