#im completely normal about august

[monomoss]

AUGUST SLIPPED AWAY INTO A MOMENT IN TIME !!!! COS U WERE NEVER MINE !!!!

[art-o-gant]

what the fuck is the janissary motif doing in the new puppetshades. genuinely i. i've not stopped thinking about this. can anybody hear me

[mythmerth]

hello and welcome to the

mythmerth 2024 merthur fic reading wrapped 💫

I am your host mythmerth, and these are my merthur ao3 fic reading stats. when I say stats, I mean lists of numbers and histograms and pie charts and all that. like im so serious its a bunch of oddly color coded numbers that also happen to mean I read a shit ton of gay fan fiction. if that’s fun for you you’re in the right place!

Before we begin with the numbers there’s some things I want to clarify:

This is not going to be my favorite merthur fic reads of 2024 because god this is loaded enough as is. if you’re looking for my 2024 recs, go HERE !! (I will link when I have the post made!)

These stats are wholly collected and compiled by me. Whenever I read or reread a merthur fic this year, I added the word count number to my list as soon as I was finished reading. I’ve seen some ao3 wrapped generators hanging around and I’m here to say that that is NOT what I used, and in fact from what I can tell would’ve been wildly inaccurate for me; this is the sweet sweet old fashioned data collection and thus has all the pros and cons involved in that.

For my data, all numbers are rounded to the nearest whole and written in the thousands unless specified otherwise. If you see a ‘26’ in my data images, assume that means roughly 26,000. For fics at a 25,501 word count, I rounded up to 26. For fics at a 25,499 word count, I rounded down to 25. the hope is that these even out at the end!

I am so excited and I have 0 regrets. 100% of these fics are merthur fics (including a very occasional poly fic) and I have never felt more off my rocker in my life.

all that being said…

it’s time for stats.

let’s begin with the complete 2024 tally before we get into the nitty gritty.

Between January and December of 2024, I read a total of 14,489,000 words. Yes, that is 14.5 million words of merthur fan fiction.

Of those 14.5 million, ~4.6 million were from fics I reread and ~9.9 million were from novel fics (aka I’d never read them before).

I read a total of 239 fics this year (N is NOT in the thousands). Of those 239 fics, 52 were rereads and 187 were novel.

Half (~119) of the 239 fics I read were above 44k and half of them were under 44k.

The average fic length id pick up was about 60k, and the specific word count I happened to read the most often was 39k.

Funnily, the average length of the fics I reread was 88k, and the average length of all the novel fics I read was 53k, so I guess I’m inclined to reread long fics more ???

The highest <completed> word count I read this year was Sorcerer’s Bane by BeautifulFiction, clocking in at a very scrumptious 265k words.

Not depicted in the image, but the longest series I read was Footloose’s ever infamous Loaded March, giving a hearty 1.26 million words to my count this year.

Now for the fun part…. monthly specifics…

behold, the gay merthur donut

did someone say pie chart?? too bad, you get a donut. also hello to my pfp.

From my monthly counts, May was my lowest at 732k words read and August was my highest with a very normal and regular 1.8 million words. read. in August. 1.8 million.

(once I saw those stats i wondered if I’d really gone berserk cause… what the hell was I on. is this normal? I don’t know what’s normal anymore)

I read an average of 1.2 million words per month, so I hover right around there with some exceptions (looking at you July and August. and May.)

This is a look into how I break down the months

Each novel read is noted with the right skew within the cell, and each reread is noted with a left skew. So for January, I had 7 rereads. Then I add them up and do general stats when the month is over: I read 20 fics in January that averaged at 65k each, for a total count of 1.3 million words.

Sometimes I’d mark fics in other ways to keep track of them, I did this with certain series and also to denote if a fic was unfinished. In August, I’d picked up Loaded March again and you can see those in blue. I also read Accidentally my Companion which is an unfinished work by Nakyrah, shown in green in the image (this is also the longest fic I read this year if you count ongoing, it’s at 276k as of now so check it out tehe)

I messed around with some histograms too~

While this is set up as a ‘histogram’, this is actually all 239 fics I recorded one by one laid out as a chaotic strip of lines. Each line is a fic, the height denotes word count. I have a pretty typical rhythm; read short fics between the super long ones, nothing too insane other than that diabolical spree of reading long fics I went on at the beginning of the year. I was about to get my bachelors alright? I was doing anything. my average word count in February was 114k okay I couldn’t be trusted. clearly, cause the first thing I did with my degree was make a fan fiction stat chart

Now this is a proper histogram: each bar represents a word count category and the height is how many in the category I read. As you can see, I’m very inclined to read the 23k-63k category. There’s also a spike at ~115k and I think that’s a bit funny. like why that set specifically? they Speak To Me

Speaking of fics I’m drawn to. You’re probably thinking, ‘the numbers are cool and all, but of those 14 million words of godforsaken merthur fics, what ratings did you read the most?’ I’m so glad you asked!

I read the MOST godforsaken ones.

I have no charts for this because I painstakingly went through all of my bookmarked fics from 2024 and tallied their ratings on paper to the best of my ability.

Out of the 187 novel fics I read (I don’t re-bookmark rereads so if I’d thought of this category sooner I would’ve been MUCH better off but I didn’t and now we’re here)

131 of them were Explicit (70%)

39 of them were Mature (21%)

13 of them were Teen (7%)

4 of them were General (2%)

And I guarantee the rereads look almost identical to this, if not more explicit. something about merlin and arthur and their explicit antics heal me; it’s always the filthiest I start reading when I’m feeling my lowest. I eat that shit UP. So if you’ve come to my page looking for Teen rated fics I fear this may Not Be The Place For You. I’ve read quite a number of very good T and G fics!!! I just. the mature ratings. they call me.

and lastly, I’d like to post my scrappy 2023 stats cause the year difference is. kinda funny

they consumed me body and soul and I haven’t looked back once.

and that does it for this years mythmerth merthur ao3 wrapped!

I hope you enjoyed this breakdown as much as I enjoyed all the reading and data collection I did this year!!

Again, if you’re looking for my 2024 recs I’ll have them linked here as soon as I create the post <3

If you have any inquiries or questions or comments on what my merthur 2025 wrapped should include pls let me know I’m just having a good time with this, what did you think? what should I do next?

[feelingthedisaster]

im pretty sure its canon neil picks up photography on his last year at psu, so here are some of my hcs about it

nikon guy. dont ask why, but i know better than i know myself that he is a nikon guy

hates mirrorless cameras. reflex all the way

doesnt edit his photos

he would get to the most dangerous/risky/absurd spots to take the perfect shot

his favourite angle is the dutch angle. like, 95% of his photos are taken from a dutch angle

the 5% that it isnt are simmetrical pictures

okay, just picture out this one for me. neil taking a picture of andrew from the backseat (especifically the middle seat, a little to the right/shotgun side), dutch angle like 15° up to the left (or down to the right), andrew on the driver's seat with usual bored expression but with an eyebrow up driving but taking a moment to look at neil/the camera

if we are getting period accurate (like 2010/2011 when he starts) and following the nikon guy hc, i think he would have a D3100 (released in 2010 august, 500gr, 12×9×7 cm, more info here)

he cares about his camera the same way andrew cares about his car

gets really attached to his first camera (who doesnt?), he only replaces it when it broke after years of use

refuses to buy lenses and stuff for years bc it "isn't nessesary" until one day he complains in the passing he'd like to zoom in more but he already zoom the max possible with the normal lense, so the next day andrew appears with a new lense and leaves it in the counter for him. it spirals from there

the only camera paraphernalia he never and completely refuses to get is a tripod. neil josten hates tripods spread the word

only takes pictures, never videos, not even with his phone.

this one is maybe a little bit ooc, but at some point he makes a private insta account, no profile picture, no bio, no followers, not even the foxes, username is probably 12345, it just a little gallery for him to put his favourite photos. he only uses it to upload when he likes one or to look at the old pictures

prefers lighter cameras. over 1kg? thats a no

at first he was a little bit shy so he didnt went out with the camera much (also, he was somewhat afraid something would happen to it), but after a while he just takes it everywhere with him

+when he has away games and the team is not going back inmediatly to homecity, he dissapears for an hour or two to walk around the new city taking pictures

he uses having a camera to avoid social interaction. majority of people when they see you with a camera in public/in an event will leave you alone bc they think you are busy, and he definitely uses that on his favour. on the other side, there is a section of people who will see you with a camera and start bothering a lot about it. when that happens, he just lifts the camera a little bit and goes "sorry, kinda busy right now"

carries the camera like its a messanger bag

[lesgetittkookie]

redamancy - jjk (part iii)

⤖ genre: fluff, future smut, angst, gardener!jeongguk x rich!reader, okay but jeongguk isn't really a gardener like that but you'll see, kinda slow burn but not really

⤖ pairing: jeongguk x female reader

⤖ rating: 18+

⤖word count: approx. 14.1 k words

⤖ chapter warnings: explicit language, angst

summary: jeongguk is just a normal dude with a simple routine. wake up, go to the gym, work his job as a waiter at this posh upscale restaurant in the heart of gangnam before coming home to a night full of video games and ramen (it's delicious and cheap). that routine gets disrupted when he accidentally taps the back of an expensive sports car of one of the richest men in south korea. considering he's broke, he couldn't afford to pay for the damages so the man makes a deal with him by offering him to work at his house as one of the gardeners. jeongguk takes it but wasn't prepared to meet this beautiful young woman who's constantly lounging by the pool, you, the rich man's daughter.

author's note: hi hi hi pls don't kill me yall. i know it's been MONTHS since i last posted. there were many life changing events that occurred in my life and it really held me back from ever completing part 3. i had half of it written in august but it was left abandoned for a while because of my college semester. i also lost motivation to write for so long too. im gonna be honest, i hate this chapter. no matter what i wrote, i was not happy with it at all and im still not. but i didn't wanna keep you guys waiting. the only thing i ask from you is that if you can really give me feedback and thoughts on the chapter, it would be really helpful. seeing you guys enjoy it keeps me motivated to continue writing, the more motivated i am, the sooner i can post future parts. im on summer break so i would really like to finish this story if possible. pls don't be a silent reader. i hope you guys like this chapter. xx M.

taglist:@janedukiesworld@rjsmochii@mwitsmejk@jjeonjjk7@whoa-jo @linda-botello @dewamused @tearsdntfall617 @taehyungseggs @thoudailydeets @hobiiihope @miss-jupiter @petalsofink @imjustreadingig @guksunshine @iheartsvt @rainnyrh @axniyx @kookies-n-spice @carolsummerlove @rievjjks @dopedreamfireparty @

“You’re going to what?” Jeongguk asks, almost dropping the garden snippers on his foot. 

Dohyun jumps a little at the older man’s loud voice, almost dropping the flower bouquet. He dusts off his white button-up, fixing the collar. 

“I’m going to ask Y/N on a date,” He reiterates proudly. “I got her these chocolates from that fancy chocolate store,” He holds up the white box wrapped in a baby pink bow. “And some roses from my aunt’s flower shop.” His other hand props up the bouquet, plastic rustling when he shakes it. 

No way. There’s no way he’s actually going to ask you. Not when you literally just said last night that you don’t have any form of feelings for Dohyun. But you also did mention that you wouldn’t have the heart to turn him down, not wanting to see him hurt. 

God, why did you have to be so nice? Are you actually going to accept the date when Dohyun asks you? 

He looks at Dohyun who seems to be in a daze, probably daydreaming about you and him together. He shivers at the thought of you kissing Dohyun on the corner of his mouth as you did with Jeongguk last night. 

Gross. 

There’s no way you’re going on that date with Dohyun. Not when you’ve made it clear that you’re interested in Jeongguk. If that kiss didn’t mean anything last night, he’d be quite upset. 

“Uh…I don’t know if that’s…a good idea,” Jeongguk replies, voice honeyed. He’d be damned if he lets Dohyun ask you out first. 

The excited smile begins to fade, forming a firm line. He looks at Jeongguk in confusion, “Why?” He asks. 

Fuck, what can he say? There’s no excuse coming to mind. 

“Listen, dude,” Jeongguk walks up to Dohyun, putting his arm around the younger man’s shoulder. “Girls like Y/N, they’re not interested in guys like us.” 

Is he gonna go to hell for lying like this? 

“Guys like…us?” Dohyun questions, looking up at Jeongguk with a clueless pout. 

Jeongguk nods, pretending to look sullen, “Yeah, I mean look at us, we’re just a bunch of commoners,” Something you’ve made very apparent that you don’t care about. “Y/N’s family…they’re rich. She’s probably into guys who own sports cars and Rolex watches.” Lies. You’ve mentioned how you couldn’t stand materialistic guys. 

“So what you’re saying is…” Dohyun stares at the grass thoughtfully, “That I need to have nice and expensive things.” Jeongguk nods in response. 

Yeah, he’s definitely going to hell. 

“B-But I made reservations at that expensive French restaurant,” He tells Jeongguk, looking a little sad. 

Lame. Going to a fancy wine-and-dine restaurant for a date would not impress you, he thinks. You already seem to be sick of your high-class lifestyle. The last thing you would want is to be sitting in a place surrounded by other rich folks.

If it were up to Jeongguk, he would’ve taken you to his favorite street vendor for some tteokbokki and then to the arcade to play games. He thinks you’d enjoy that more. 

“It’s okay man. That wouldn’t have been enough,” Jeongguk shakes his head, putting a hand on the other’s shoulder in a comforting manner,  “She probably would’ve ordered the most expensive wine on the menu.” 

Dohyun’s bottom lip quivers and a look of despair etched onto his face. “I would’ve paid for it.” 

Jeongguk raises an eyebrow, “You could afford that?” 

Dohyun shrugs, “I made a deal with the manager to pay in installments.” Geez, he really had it all planned out. 

“I don’t think she’s worth it, dude,” Jeongguk’s voice is laced with fake sorrow. He hopes you never find out that he’s saying this shit because he does not mean a single damn thing he just told Dohyun. 

“I mean I guess you’re right,” Dohyun looks down at the flower bouquet with a dejected look on his face. “She’s just always been so nice to me so I thought there might’ve been something there.” 

You are a nice person. So nice that it shook Jeongguk to the core. There wasn’t a single bad body in your body it seems. You would never have any ill intentions towards anyone. He’s witnessed it firsthand. You’re damn considerate of others that you were afraid of facing the day Dohyun confessed to you because you didn’t have it in you to turn him down and witness his heartbreak.

If anything, Jeongguk is doing both you and Dohyun a favor. 

“I hear you, buddy,” Jeongguk clasps his hand against Dohyun’s back, making the younger man wince a little. “Guys like us never get the girl.” 

Except for Jeongguk. He thinks he might have a chance.

Too arrogant? 

“I guess I’ll just cancel the reservation,” Dohyun states in melancholy, and Jeongguk immediately nods.

Yes, cancel the reservation. Please. Cancel so Jeongguk can ask you out on a date instead. 

“Well I’m going to go put this stuff back,” Jeongguk tells him, putting the tools away in the bucket. He’s also hoping to catch you sitting outside again. He wonders what swimsuit you’re wearing today. 

“I’ll go with you,” Dohyun mumbles, walking alongside Jeongguk. 

God dammit, never mind, he prays you’re not sitting outside. 

The two men are heading towards the back along the concrete pathway, stopping in front of the shed. Jeongguk looks over at the sunbed where you’re usually sitting but fortunately, you’re not there. His shoulders relax at that and he lets out a sigh of relief. He can’t help but look over at Dohyun, only to see him already staring at the sunbed as well with a gloomy look on his face. 

“Come on, help me put these tools where they need to go,” Jeongguk suggests in an attempt to distract the younger man. He’s not going to lie, he does feel a little guilty for lying like this to him. 

Jeongguk is never the type to really feel guilty which is why his Jin Hyung calls him a dickhead sometimes. But right now, he can feel it just a tad bit. 

Dohyun glances over at the sunbed one last time before hesitantly following Jeongguk inside, placing the bouquet and box of chocolates onto the wooden table. He takes out the tools one by one, placing them onto the hooks. Jeongguk just watches the other, noticing how his frown isn’t going away, eyebrows furrowed. 

Once the tools are placed in their respective places, the two of them head back outside. Dohyun leaves first and Jeongguk follows behind only to bump into the other male’s back when he pauses in his footsteps. He clicks his tongue, looking up at Dohyun only to find him staring longingly at something a few feet away. 

Oh god, please don’t let it be. 

He turns his head and there you are, walking outside of the house in your swimming attire. There’s a book in your hand as per usual and it sounds like you’re humming to a certain tune, earbuds on. 

Jeongguk finds himself panicking, ready to steer Dohyun away from the back but it’s too late. 

“You know what, I’m still gonna tell her,” Dohyun says determinedly. “I’m still gonna ask her out on that date.” He’s got to be joking. “I’m gonna ask her out on that date and then tell her I’ve been in love with her since we were kids.”  Before Jeongguk could respond, Dohyun is already striding over to you, chocolate and flowers in hand. 

This is not going to end well. 

+

It’s a beautiful day out, you think. The sky is a bright blue, the sun is out and shining high, the garden is looking colorful and vibrant with the newly planted flowers and there’s a nice breeze blowing through the air. You have a smile on your face as you think about all the things that happened yesterday. 

The way Jeongguk kept making you laugh obnoxiously and smile like a fool. He’s unintentionally funny because he’s so honest and blunt. He wouldn’t even try hard to make you laugh, he would just say something casually and actually be serious about it when you think he’s joking. You hope that you can see him again outside of your house soon. 

You haven’t seen him yet and you’re hoping he hasn’t left yet. At least not without saying bye to you. Not that he has to but it be nice if he did. 

You’re listening to music when you walk outside of the house into the backyard, book in hand, ready to begin your reading for the day. You plan to read just for a little bit, drinking a glass of red wine while you wait for Jeongguk to come to the back. 

Luckily, your mother isn’t home, having gone to her company’s building after finding out about some setbacks with the clothing material for her latest fashion line. You have no idea what it was exactly but she was definitely stressed out about it. 

Plopping down onto the lounger, you open your book to the page you bookmarked before picking up your wine glass to take a sip. Before you can bring the glass up to your lips, you hear your name being called by a ringing voice. 

You flinch, almost spilling the wine on your thigh, and look up to see Dohyun striding towards you, a look of determination on his face. In his hands, he’s holding a bouquet of roses and a box of chocolates. 

Oh god. You were afraid of when this day would come. 

You set down the glass on the circular glass table beside you, closing the book as well. Mustering up your best (fake) smile, you greet him, “Hey,” You clear your throat, “Um you look nice.” 

The compliment immediately brings a bashful smile to his face as he looks down at the ground before looking at you once again. “Thank you,” He responds. 

“Mhm,” You clear your throat, awkwardly looking away. 

God, you were nervous. You already told Jeongguk you were never prepared for the moment when Dohyun was going to ask you out. You always hoped for him to eventually lose feelings and let you go. However, here he is, standing in front of you dressed in nice clothes while holding a flower bouquet. 

You felt like you were going to be sick.

“So I uh,” Dohyun lets out a deep breath. “I was wondering if you would,” No please no. “Sorry,” He shakes his head at himself. “I had a whole speech prepared but now I can’t seem to remember anything,” He tells you and a fake laugh escapes your lips. 

If he can just get nervous and maybe back out…

“Iwaswonderingifyoudliketogoonadatewithme,” He says it so fast that you almost miss it but you knew exactly what he just asked you. 

Your throat feels tight, eyes just staring at him in surprise. What do you say? How can you tell him no? Not when he’s staring at you with those hopeful eyes, hands clutching the bouquet and chocolates. 

How can you go on a date with someone else when you have a crush on Jeongguk? A major crush. Though you don’t know him very well, you know enough to like him. A lot. But maybe he doesn’t like you. He’s still a mystery to you. He’s made it clear that he finds you attractive but what if to him this is just some sort of little game to him? 

After all, he is only working here temporarily. He could just be trying to get into your pants and then disappear right after he gets what he wants. You don’t know. He genuinely seemed interested in having a conversation with you last night but at the same time, it could just be an act. 

“Um Y/N?” Dohyun’s call of your name causes you to snap out of your doubtful thoughts and look up at him. 

“Yes?” You say in surprise. 

“Wait, that's a yes?” An excited smile grows on his face. 

Oh fuck. That’s not what you meant. The smile on his face…how can you say no now? 

Letting out a regretful sigh, you gather a fake smile on your face. “Yes,” You can’t believe you’re doing this. “I’ll go on a date with you.” With those words leaving your lips, your eyes immediately snap to Jeongguk who you didn’t realize was standing a few feet away from you both. 

The look on his face causes your heart to drop into your stomach. 

Did he just witness you say yes to the date? 

Your eyes don’t look away from him, a guilty expression on your face as you stare at his now blank face. It went from surprise to blank in a matter of seconds, a way of showing you that he looks unbothered by what just happened. 

Maybe he is unbothered by it. 

If he isn’t, then he’s doing a great job at not showing it. 

You didn’t mean to say yes. In fact, you were ready to say no. But with the excited look on his face, you don’t have it in you to take it away. You just have to come clean later. You can’t get this far. 

Not when you know you can’t reciprocate your feelings for the man. 

“I’m so glad you said yes!” His smile is vibrant and it looks like he can’t contain his excitement, bouncing on his tiptoes. 

With a tight-lipped smile, you accept the bouquet of red roses he hands you along with the chocolates. Your eyes glance behind him again towards where Jeongguk is standing. He gives you a thumbs-up and a pursed-lip smile before heading towards the gate. 

You open your mouth to say something but Dohyun speaks before any words can escape you, your attention turning back towards him again. 

“So I can pick you up on Friday? How does 7 sound?” He asks you, voice sounding thrilled. 

The more you hear him speak, the worse you feel. There’s no backing out of this now. Jeongguk left without saying anything which causes you to question how he might’ve felt. Maybe he did like you back. Or maybe he just doesn’t care. 

Again, you don’t know. 

The overwhelming feeling of all kinds of emotions fills you and you just wish to disappear but instead, you just give Dohyun another fake smile and say, “Sounds good.” 

“Great!” He grins. “I’ll see you Friday!” He says before turning on his feet and leaving. You watch him walk towards the gate, no longer containing his excitement when you hear him whisper yes yes yes. 

“Jeongguk! Wait up!” You hear Dohyun shout, eagerness, and enthusiasm loud in his tone. 

You wince, looking towards the gate in hopes of catching a glimpse of Jeongguk but you fail to see him at all. He didn’t bother to come to the back and say. But you can probably understand why. You let out a sad sigh, holding up the bouquet of flowers in your hand and staring at them. 

Just one date. You just have to get through this one date. 

+ 

Friday evening 

The feeling of dread swirls in your stomach as you stare into the mirror with your hair and face ready for the date you’re about to go on. You’re not looking forward to it at all. Ever since you woke up this morning, you thought about coming up with some sort of excuse to back out of the date. Maybe lie and say you have the stomach flu or something. 

Then again, if you lie, you would just be postponing the date because you have a feeling he would reschedule it for another day. So you thought to yourself that it would be better to get it over with. 

Your plan is to go on the date, eat and then tell him that you don’t have any feelings for him. You know that if you lead him on further, it will end with a more painful heartbreak for him.

You’re also bummed because, for the remainder of the week, you did not see Jeongguk at all. Even when you sat down at the pool all day, constantly looking over at the door in hopes of catching sight of him, he didn’t come towards the back. 

Instead of Jeongguk coming to the shed to drop off the tools, it would either be some other gardener or sometimes even Dohyun who, of course, would wave at you excitedly and remind you about the time of your date on Friday. 

You think he might be disappointed in you and doesn’t want to see you. Or maybe he backed off because he probably thinks you’re giving Dohyun a chance when you’re not. 

You just fucked up by saying yes. 

After telling Dohyun that you don’t have feelings for him, you’re determined to tell Jeongguk you like him when you see him on Monday. And if he doesn’t like you back? 

Well then you’re just going to hide in your room in embarrassment until he finishes working his last few days at your estate

You’re wearing a black long-sleeved dress that has a square-shaped neckline and slightly ruffled sleeves. It reaches below your knees, a slit on the left side, revealing the skin up to your midthigh. You left your hair open in soft curls and your makeup is done minimally. 

You’re putting on your dangly earring when you hear your phone vibrate on the vanity. The screen lights up with a text from Dohyun telling you he’s out front waiting for you. You exhale deeply, attempting to calm yourself down, feeling slightly sick in the stomach. 

Just two hours. You just have to endure this date for two hours. 

Fixing the loose strand of hair in your face, you look into the mirror one last time before grabbing your clutch and walking out of the bedroom and down the spiral steps. You nod your head at one of the maids on your way out, giving her a polite smile. 

When you walk outside of your house, you see Dohyun waiting in front of the gate with another bouquet of flowers. He cleaned himself nicely, wearing a white button-up under a black blazer with matching pants. His hair is pushed back and he’s not wearing those glasses again. 

With an elated grin, he gives you a bow which you return before grabbing the flowers he holds out and muttering a small ‘thanks’ in response. 

He nods, seeming proud of himself before he holds out his hand which you hesitantly take. He walks you to his car, a red Toyota Corolla, opening the door for you politely. 

Your mind can’t help but wonder when you went out with Jeongguk that night at the bar and he told you that chivalry was dead so he wouldn’t open the door for you. You can’t help but smile at the memory, shaking your head. 

Once you’re sitting down in the car, bouquet in your lap along with your clutch, he gently closes the door before jogging towards the driver's side to sit down. His face is beaming when he starts the car again, the sound of a girl group song immediately playing on the Bluetooth loudly, causing you to wince at the volume. 

He looks panicked, cheeks and ears red as he quickly turns down the volume dial on the knob and mumbles a shy ‘sorry. You give him a reassuring smile before looking out of the window.

The car begins moving, an awkward silence immediately filling the air since neither of you say a single word. Dohyun is the first to break it, clearing his throat before speaking. 

“So how was your day?” He asks, attempting to make conversation. 

You shrug, watching outside as he drives out of your neighborhood towards the city. “It was okay. Didn’t really do much.” 

Other than hoping and praying for the date to be canceled one way or another. 

He nods, tapping his index fingers against the steering wheel as he says, “Cool cool. I didn’t do much either.” You nod, listening. “Well actually, I started this new Korean drama. It’s about this guy who…” 

He rambles about the drama, beginning from the first episode and providing you with details on how it all started, and for almost the majority of the car ride, he’s giving you a rundown on how each episode goes down one by one along with his personal opinions. You just nod and add in a few words to make yourself sound interested when really, all you wanted to do was open the car door and roll down the street. 

Unable to help yourself, your mind drifts to the time you were with Jeongguk and how you two talked about the most random things. He would tell you crazy stories about the things he’s done with his friends, always having something ridiculous to say which would make you laugh a crazy amount. 

Again, Jeongguk is blunt and careless about what he says and who he says it to. He never held back from telling you things that might sound absurd to others. 

For this one time when he and his six other friends had a competition on who can eat the most gamja hot dogs at a carnival before they all went on one of those spinning rides and ended up vomiting while the ride was still going. The whole ride had to immediately shut down and people who were waiting in line were not happy and covered in their puke. 

To make the night even worse, his friend Jin almost fought a little kid over the last alpaca plushie at one of the games and it resulted in them being kicked out of the carnival. 

The whole time he had told you that story, he had a smile on his face at the memories and you remember being enraptured by how beautiful he looked with his bunny teeth on display, the small mole beneath his rose-colored lips visible; the hand gestures he’d make to animate the story. 

You don’t realize you’re smiling again until Dohyun calls for your name, causing you to flinch in surprise. 

“Yeah?” You ask, smile dropping and you look at him questioningly. 

“I was um asking what you thought about it?” He wonders, glancing at you before looking back at the road. 

Fuck, what did he ask about? 

“I’m sorry,” You shake your head. “Can you repeat the question?” You look at him apologetically, mentally cursing at yourself for being distracted by Jeongguk again. 

Dohyun clears his throat, “I was asking what your thoughts were on the show so far.” 

Oh right, the show. The one you didn’t listen to a single thing about. God, you don’t know what to say. 

Think, Y/N, think. 

“It sounds…” You’re looking for the right word. “Like there’s a lot going on.” You slightly wince at that, hoping he doesn’t notice. 

Dohyun looks a bit confused, pursing his lips in thought before saying, “Really? I don’t know. I honestly think it’s quite boring. There’s no good drama going on with the characters.” He says and you nod. 

“Honestly you’re right,” You quickly add. “I don’t know what I was thinking,” You let out a fake chuckle. “It needs to be more dramatic.” 

You have no fucking clue what you’re saying. 

Seeming to be satisfied with the answer, he nods with a smile before moving on to a different topic. 

For the rest of the car ride, you try really hard to give him your full attention when he talks, chipping in on things when appropriate up until you guys reach the restaurant. You let out a slightly annoyed sigh under your breath when the restaurant comes into view. 

Pierre Gagnaire à Séoul. 

The French restaurant your mother absolutely loves meanwhile you hate. The food is not bad but it’s not to your taste. You’re also not a fan of the environment, surrounded by all the posh and stuck-up rich people. 

The restaurant has valet parking as well so when you guys pull up to the front, Dohyun quickly opens the door and runs to your side so he can open your own door for you, holding his hand out for you to take. 

You try not to think about how Jeongguk would probably tell you to open the door yourself because he wouldn’t do it for you. 

He hands his keys over to the valet before you both head inside, his hand holding yours. You try not to squirm when he tries to intertwine your fingers, letting out a breath to try and relax. 

He opens the door for you, allowing you to go in first and you give him a thank you before walking inside first, internally grateful that your hands are no longer clasped together.

The aromatic smell of the food immediately hits your nose. The sound of chatter fills your ears along with the utensils hitting against the plates. The sight you see with your eyes is one you are used to. Wealthy people dressed to the nines in their extravagant dresses and suits, sipping on expensive wine. 

“Good evening,” The hostess at the front greets with a practiced smile. “Reservation?” 

Dohyun nods excitedly, “Dohyun at 7:30.” He tells her and she nods, looking at the screen before grabbing two menus from beside her and nudging her head towards the tables. 

“Follow me please,” She says, Dohyun letting you go first before he follows behind you. You walk past other people, avoiding making eye contact with anyone you know. 

This restaurant is where all of the affluent people go, friends of your family that your parents are close to. You wouldn’t be surprised if you saw any of them here though you’d much rather not which is why you just stare at the hostess’ back as she guides you both towards your table. 

Dohyun pulls the chair back for you as soon as you reach the table before he sits himself down. The hostess places the menus down on the table before saying, “Your waiter should be here shortly.” And with that, she leaves. 

“I’ve never been here before so I’m excited,” Dohyun says, flipping through the menu with stars in his eyes.

You shrug, pretending to look through the menu though not really because you already know what you’re going to choose. “I’ve been a few times,” You inform him. 

“Oh,” He looks at you. “Do you like it?” He looks nervous when he waits for your response. 

You give him a pursed-lip smile and say, “Yeah,” You lie. “I like it.” 

He grins, seeming satisfied with the answer before looking at the menu again. You look down at your own menu again in order to distract yourself, waiting for him to decide what he wants to eat. 

“Good evening, my name is Jeongguk and I’ll be your waiter this evening.” As soon as you hear that husky yet gentle voice, your head snaps up to the person and the menu drops onto the table out of surprise. 

And there he is, standing in front of you wearing black slacks that accentuate his strong thighs while he wears a white button-up that hugs his chest. The sleeves are pulled up a bit, his inked arms slightly peaking out. His dark hair is pushed back to reveal his eyebrow piercing and strong brows, a single loose strand slightly falling forward on his forehead. 

His large doe brown eyes meet yours, shock evident on his face as he stares right back at you.  

“Holy shoot Jeongguk!” Dohyun sounds just as surprised as you look before a large smile overtakes his face. 

+

Jeongguk had no fucking idea that this was the fancy wine and dine restaurant Dohyun was going to take you to for the date.

The whole week Dohyun wouldn’t shut up about it and he didn’t bother asking the younger man which restaurant it was. He wasn’t interested in knowing because quite frankly, he tried not to care. 

To say that he was disappointed when you said yes to Dohyun would be an understatement. He knew you were too nice and didn’t want to hurt the guy but he really thought you’d muster up the courage to turn him down. 

Instead, he watched you say yes and take the flowers and chocolates from Dohyun with that pretty smile on your face. 

Now Jeongguk usually isn’t the type to get jealous. But that’s usually because there’s no one he’s really been interested in. Sure, he’s had a few girlfriends here and there but the relationships don’t last long enough because the girl either ends up batshit crazy or he just couldn’t return the same feelings. 

But seeing Dohyun all excited and happy about taking you out on a date would just piss him off. He wanted to be the one to take you out. He thinks his plan would’ve been more solid and fun. Taking you out to the arcade before eating at his favorite fried chicken spot with beer.

Jeongguk can’t deny that he holds these strong feelings of infatuation towards you. You interest him because you’re different. Sure, it might sound like those typical cliche things but he’s speaking the truth. You’re intelligent, funny, and so fucking kind to others. Let’s not also forget how immensely beautiful you are. 

Yeah, he’s got a gigantic crush on you. 

Too bad he’s standing in front of you as your waiter and not as the date sitting across from you. He can’t seem to take his eyes off of you right now. Taking in your wide eyes and slightly ajar mouth, he tries not to act just as surprised by keeping a blank stare. 

“Oh wow, didn’t expect to see you guys here,” Jeongguk says, voice flat and void of any emotion. 

Before you can say anything, Dohyun says, “Jeongguk, I didn't know you worked here!” Jeongguk tries not to wince at Dohyun’s loud enthusiastic voice. 

“Yeah,” Jeongguk clears his throat, giving his full attention to Dohyun so he doesn’t stare at you. “Usually the evening shifts now since you know…I work at the other place.” He informs him. 

Dohyun nods, “Cool cool.” He looks across at you. “Isn’t it funny how Jeongguk is our waiter, Y/N?” 

Jeongguk looks at you who’s just looking at Dohyun before glancing at him, “Yeah, it’s pretty crazy.” Your voice is shy of speaking and he thinks it's because of him. He holds eye contact with you, taking in the small pout on your glossy lips. There’s a certain emotion in your eye, almost looking apologetic but Jeongguk tries to brush it off. 

“Anyways, what would you guys like to start off with? Something to drink maybe?” Jeongguk asks, pulling out a pen and his notepad. 

Don’t fucking look at Y/N, Jeongguk. 

Dohyun looks at you first with a questioning gaze, “Y/N?” 

You clear your throat as you shut the menu, “I’ll just have water.” Jeongguk nods before looking at Dohyun. 

“I’ll also have water,” The younger man smiles at Y/N. 

Why the fuck is this guy always smiling? Jeongguk wonders. 

And why the fuck are they both just ordering water? If Jeongguk were you, he’d be ordering the overpriced wines for the hell of it. Maybe just maybe…he can make this date a bit more entertaining for himself. 

Jeongguk stands straighter and then looks at Dohyun, “Are you sure you guys don’t want to try the red wine? It’s Pinot Noir. A classic.” 

Dohyun’s eyes widen for a second before they glance at you and then back to Jeongguk. Jeongguk looks at Dohyun and secretly winks, almost as a way of communicating to the younger man that this is going to impress you.

Jeongguk knows it won’t but he’s bored and sad. Sue him. 

Dohyun nods rapidly and says, “We’ll have some of that as well.” 

Before Jeongguk can say anything, you cut in by saying, “Are you sure about that? It’s quite expensive, Dohyun.” You’re looking at him in concern, pointing a manicured nail at the price of the wine on the menu. 

Dohyun just shakes his head and tries to wave it off, “Don’t worry, Y/N. I can afford it. Order whatever you want.” 

You purse your lips, not saying anything else. Your eyes shift to Jeongguk slightly squinting at him almost in suspicion but he just shrugs, turning around to walk away. 

Is Jeongguk going to look like an asshole for trying to sabotage this date? Probably. Does he care? Not really. He’s trying to save your ass before Dohyun confesses to you. He needs to make sure that doesn’t happen otherwise you’re going to end up lying and telling the man that you like him back when Jeongguk knows damn well you don’t.

Though Jeongguk only really hung out with you once, he knows enough to say that you will feel extremely guilty for hurting someone else’s feelings. You’ve proven that just by going on this date with Dohyun regardless of the fact that you don’t hold any feelings for the guy. You just didn’t want to turn him down because you knew he’d be heartbroken. 

Jeongguk is not going to let you accept Dohyun’s confession. Not when Jeongguk likes you and you like him. At least he thinks you like him because if that kiss on the corner of his mouth didn’t mean anything he doesn’t know what the fuck that meant. 

Surely you weren’t leading him on. Or maybe that’s how you say goodbye to your friends? 

Wait, but then again you don’t have friends. 

This shit is going to give Jeongguk a headache. By the end of this date, if it doesn’t turn into a complete disaster, Jeongguk is going to stop being a pussy and say something. He doesn’t exactly know what yet. But something. 

Pouring the wine into the fancy glasses, he puts them on a tray and brings them back out to the table. The first thing he sees when he heads towards your table is your smiling face looking directly at Dohyun. 

Hell no. 

“Here’s your water,” Jeongguk places down each glass one by one. “And your wine,” He carefully puts down yours, making direct eye contact with you as he does. He notices you gulp and he tries to hold back a smile. When he’s setting Dohyun’s glass on the table, his finger accidentally knocks over the glass, causing it to tip over onto the table and a little bit on Dohyun’s slacks. 

Okay, that one wasn’t planned, Jeongguk swears. 

Dohyun gasps out of surprise, standing up with his pants slightly soaked in the wine. Meanwhile, you’re just staring with your hand covering your mouth, eyes wide. Jeongguk quickly acts shocked as well. 

“I am so sorry,” He picks up the white cloth napkin and attempts to dab it on Dohyun’s pants at the front. “I’m really sorry. I don’t know how that fell over.” He pretends to wince, facial expression feigning guilt. 

Some of the people at the surrounding tables are watching, talking amongst themselves as they stare at what just happened. It’s like they’re expecting Dohyun to lash out at Jeongguk or something but instead, he says, “Hey it’s okay. It was an accident.” He grabs the cloth from the Jeongguk, patting the pants himself.

This guy is so damn nice, Jeongguk hates it. Why is he so damn nice? 

“You sure you don’t want to go clean up?” Jeongguk hears you ask, watching the whole scene in concern. 

“No no,” Dohyun shakes his head and waves off. “It’s alright. At least I’m wearing black pants so it’s not that noticeable.” He laughs and you just nod in response. 

“I’ll get you another glass,” Jeongguk speaks, turning around to get him another glass. Once he returns with a new one, he carefully places it on the table. 

“Alright, so did you guys decide what you want to eat?” Jeongguk clasps his hands together, looking between the two, gaze lingering on you. 

Look away, Jeongguk. Look. Away. 

“Hm, I’m having a hard time deciding actually,” Dohyun pouts, brows furrowed as he studies the menu. “Do you have any recommendations?” 

Boy, Jeongguk sure does. 

Clearing his throat, he slightly cranes his neck to look over at the menu and points at one item in particular, “I recommend this filet mignon. Everyone loves it.” And it’s fucking expensive as fuck. 

Jeongguk hears you add to the conversation, “It’s almost 150,000 won…” You’re staring at him in ridicule, mouth parted and eyes wide. 

If there’s anything Jeongguk has learned about you, it’s that you’re not dumb. In fact, you are very fucking intelligent and he’s pretty sure you can see right through his actions. But for some reason, that doesn’t stop Jeongguk. Maybe he wants to have a bit of fun with this. In his defense, he’s trying to help you. 

“Don’t worry about the price, Y/N. I can afford it,” Dohyun acts nonchalantly, looking up at Jeongguk and confidently saying, “I’ll have that.” He then looks at you. “Y/N?” 

You let out a defeated sigh, closing the menu, “I’ll just have the risotto carnaroli de coquillages.” The way you say it so eloquently in French almost makes Jeongguk's dick hard. God, it sounded so hot. 

How much more attractive and interesting can you get? 

And also, where the fuck did you learn to speak perfect French?

It seems as though Jeongguk isn’t the only one affected by your French speaking because when he looks at Dohyun, the younger man is just staring at you with parted lips and stars in his eyes as if you’re the greatest thing he’s ever seen. 

You’re so damn nice that you ended up choosing the cheapest entree on the menu. You were just way too damn considerate. There goes that rich girl persona he was trying to paint to Dohyun. 

Trying not to physically drool, Jeongguk looks away and nods, “Got it.” He walks always so fast, almost bumping into another waiter on his way. 

+

You have a feeling that Jeongguk is trying to fuck up the date you’re on with Dohyun. You can see right through him. Having the poor guy choose expensive menu items so he can impress you when Jeongguk knows damn well you’re not about it. 

At least this can kind of confirm that he was affected by the whole date thing. That answers some questions but not all. 

Also, can you just say that Jeongguk looks fine as fuck in his uniform? 

If you had known that he works here as a waiter, you would’ve definitely joined your mother for the sake of seeing him. The sight of him wearing that tight-fitted button-up with those slacks hugging his ass almost had you drooling. 

You tried so hard not to just dead-on stare at him the whole time while he was standing right in front of you. You just couldn’t help yourself at times, eyes trailing down from his perfectly structured face to his chest and down to his tattooed covered hands and forearms that were peaking out from beneath his shirt sleeve. 

Your mind was steering away to some…unholy thoughts. Especially because of those damn thighs. 

Why did he have to be so damn hot? 

Okay, you’re getting a little too carried away right now. You need to focus. Focus on Dohyun. The man you came on a date with. You have to try and at least make some sort of conversation with him. He’s always asking you for your opinion and thoughts on what he’s saying but you end up stuttering your way through the conversation since you have no idea what he’s asking you about when you’re not listening. 

Jeongguk being here as your damn waiter does not help the situation at all. Although you think he’s trying to help you in a somewhat cruel way you need to get him to stop. You’re beginning to feel guilty as fuck when you see the man do something that is the total opposite of impressing you. 

“Um Y/N?” You’re snapped out of your thoughts when you hear Dohyun calling your name. 

“Yes? Sorry,” You apologize, feeling bad for being distracted again. 

Dohyun shakes his head, a small smile on his face, “No worries. I just wanted to talk to you about something.” 

Your heart races at that and you gulp, beginning to feel a little worried at what exactly he wants to say. No no, you didn’t think it be this soon. You need to tell him before he tells you. You can’t let him tell you first. 

Before you can say anything more, he continues, “I don’t know if you remember that before you left for college I was going to–” 

“More wine anyone?” Jeongguk cuts in, holding up the bottle and acting oblivious to what he just interrupted. Your shoulders relax in relief and you nod rapidly. 

You really need a fucking drink to get through this. 

“Yes please,” You hold up your glass and he pours it in for you. 

“There you go,” His fingers brush against yours which ensures the glass is in your hand’s grip when you pull it back and you try not to shiver at the tinging feeling and his eyes directly looking into yours.

“Dohyun?” Jeongguk looks at him with a questioning gaze, holding out the bottle but the other just shakes his head in response. 

“I’m good thanks,” He looks eager for Jeongguk to leave right now, knee bouncing in anxiousness. 

“Okay well your food should be here shortly,” Jeongguk says before turning to leave. He looks a bit hesitant to leave, glancing over his shoulder to look at you and you just send him a fake small smile, looking down into your lap. 

What the fuck do you do? 

“As I was saying Y/N, before you left for college I was going to tell you something,” Dohyun’s voice sounds a little shaky when he speaks. “But you had to leave and I never got the chance but for so long I–” 

“Bathroom!” You blurt out, eyes going wide. 

Dohyun looks confused, “Huh?” 

You let out a nervous laugh, “Um I just really need to use the bathroom,” You stand up, grabbing your purse. “Can you give me a few minutes? I really gotta pee.” No, you don’t. You need to go freak the fuck out and possibly climb out of the window. 

“Oh okay,” He nods understandably before flashing you a sweet smile. “I’ll wait.” 

You give him a fake smile in response, pushing into your chair before walking towards the bathroom. You maneuver your way around a few waiters, avoiding eye contact and rushing inside. Luckily no one else is in the bathroom so you just stand in front of the sink, taking a few deep breaths as you stare into the mirror. 

You don’t know how to turn him down. He’s getting so close to telling you about his feelings. You didn’t have the heart to turn him down for the date. What if you can’t reject his feelings for you either? 

If that ends up happening, you’d be absolutely fucked. 

You don’t even fucking see a window in here otherwise you’d escape right there. 

“You okay?” You hear a familiar voice ask, causing you to flinch in surprise, hand resting on your chest. 

“Holy shit,” You exhale. “You scared me.” You look at Jeongguk, wondering how the hell you didn’t hear him enter the bathroom. 

The women’s bathroom might you add. 

“Yeah yeah,” You try to wave off. “I’m fine. What are you doing in here?” You quickly ask, looking away and pretending to look into the mirror and fix your hair. 

“I saw you come in and you didn’t look too good,” He shrugs, hands in his pocket as he leans against the wall. “Just thought I’d check up on you.” 

Your heart swells a little at his concern. You’re in awe at the fact that he cared enough to come to see how you’re doing because he thought something was wrong. God, he’s making you like him more and more. 

“I’m,” You clear your throat, “I’m good.” You’re not. “I think.” You add before letting out a shaky breath. “It’s not every day that someone is about to confess about being in love with you for years.” You let out a humorless chuckle. 

“Well you’re right about that,” Jeongguk says and you look at him with a raised eyebrow. He clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “Sorry, not helping.” 

“Not at all,” You respond, turning around so you can lean your back against the counter of the sink. “Aren’t you going to be in trouble for being here?” 

Jeongguk shrugs, “Not my first time being in the women’s bathroom during a shift,” He smirks and your chest slightly tinges in jealousy at what he’s implying but then he adds, “I once had to help an old lady clean a stain off of her dress.” You relax at that, causing Jeongguk to smirk. 

“What did you think I meant?” He teases and you roll your eyes in response. 

“Was it a wine stain cus’ you sure seem to be quite clumsy for a waiter,” You ask with heavy sarcasm, watching how he pushes himself off the wall. 

“Hey! That was actually an accident,” Jeongguk tries to defend. 

“I’m sure it was,” You remark, arms crossed over your chest. You try not to notice how he’s slowly walking toward you. 

“It was,” He answers before saying, “Look I’m trying to help you out over here.” 

You pout, avoiding eye contact with him by staring down at the pristine tiled floor. “I don’t need help.” 

You’re lying. You really fucking need help. 

Jeongguk lets out a sigh, “Y/N, why’d you say yes to the date if you knew you didn’t like him?” He asks, pierced brow raised in question. 

Unable to meet his eyes, you fiddle with the rings on your fingers and say, “I just felt really bad because he just seemed so excited,” You look up at him, “I just didn’t know how to say no.” 

Jeongguk nods and you notice how he’s standing directly in front of you now. You swallow at the sight of how good he looks in his button-up that shows off his small waist and strong chest. The sleeves are snug around his biceps and the black dress pants accentuate his strong thighs. 

“Yeah but now look,” His hand gestures towards the door to refer to Dohyun. “You said yes to the guy, making him think he has a chance or that you might like him or something.” The guilt weighs down on your chest and you stare down at the floor in shame. 

 Jeongguk is right. You made the mistake of saying yes and it probably made Dohyun hopeful that the feelings he has for you are mutual in return. But that’s not true when the man standing a few inches in front of you is the only one you want. 

Seeing the uniform hug his body in a way that shows off his toned muscles almost has you drooling and you try not to shiver at how his dark eyes give you a once-over. You know you look good with the way your black dress is hugging your body, the slit reaching your midthigh, showing off your smooth skin. His eyes seem to linger on that area in particular and you try not to smile. 

“I just couldn’t say no,” You whine, pouting at the floor with your arms crossing over your chest. 

Jeongguk dips his head a bit, bringing it closer to yours with just a few inches of space in between, and asks, “And why couldn’t you say no?” 

Your eyes can’t help but wander to his rose petal-colored lips that look so soft at the moment. You’re curious to know how the piercing would feel if you were to just kiss him on the mouth. There’s also that cute little mole he has beneath his bottom lip. Swallowing, you look up to find his doe-brown eyes staring at your own lips as well. 

Clearing your throat, you answer, “Because he brought me flowers a-and…” You shyly look away from his intense gaze, cheeks flushing as you look behind him. “And he got those expensive chocolates. I just didn’t know how to say no.” 

“What about me?” Jeongguk inquires, causing you to snap your head to look at him in surprise. 

“What about you?” You raise an eyebrow in question. 

Your heart starts to race when you notice his right hand come up to your face, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. His fingers lightly brush against your exposed neck, causing you to slightly shiver at his touch. 

If he can just wrap those hands around your throat you don’t think you’d mind at all. 

“What if I brought you flowers and overpriced chocolates and asked you out to dinner?” He asks, eyes watching how you grab his right hand, fingers tracing over the tattoos on his knuckles. 

“I would’ve said yes even if you didn’t bring me flowers or overpriced chocolates,” You tell him truthfully, enjoying the satisfied look on his face. 

“Well,” He looks down at your joined hands before intertwining his fingers with yours. “Good to know I don’t have any competition.” You snort at that, suddenly feeling brave and pull him closer to you. 

You know you shouldn’t be doing this right now. Not when you’re literally on a date with someone who’s been crushing on you since you were kids but you’re in the bathroom with your waiter slash gardener slash friend? Acquaintance? Whatever he is, what you know for sure is that you want to kiss him right in the mouth because he looks too good not to. 

So you do. 

Forgetting about everything else going on, you make the move you’ve been desperately wanting to make since you saw the man standing in front of you. 

You grab the collar of his shirt and tug him down so you can press your lips against his in a lustful kiss. A small noise of surprise leaves his lips but he quickly reacts by putting his hands on your waist and returning the affection.

The feeling of his lips against yours was nothing like you’d ever felt before. They felt almost silk-like and pillowy as they moved against yours in the heated kiss. Sparks ignite, in your chest, buzzing throughout your entire body as his large hands slid up and down your back before moving down toward your hip. He squeezes it softly, causing you to inhale sharply.

His lips move against yours in a soft but sensual manner that has your knees slightly quivering and your heart pounding. You feel breathless when you pull apart for a few seconds with his forehead resting against yours. His right-hand cups your face, thumb playing with your bottom lip.

Jeongguk smirks, “You look good with your lipstick smeared.” You roll your eyes playfully but you can feel the heat in your cheeks at his comment. 

“Shut up,” You pull him until your lower back hits the counter behind you, his hands caging your body against it which causes a rush of excitement to run up your spine. You can’t help but give him a once over, noticing how pink his lips look now, hair slightly unruly from your hands. Jeongguk watches as you bring your hands to his chest, fiddling with the collar before letting them trail down his chest to feel his pecs. 

The muscles feel hard and firm beneath your hand as you trail them down toward his abdomen. When your hands dip a little too low, he quickly snatches your hand and holds it up against his chest, tugging you close by the waist with the other arm. 

“Nuh-uh,” Jeongguk clicks his tongue, “As much as I’m into the idea of fucking you in a public area, you are not about to start this in the fucking bathroom at my job.” Your cheeks flush immediately and you try to shove him away but he hardly moves. 

God, you just wanted to devour him right here. You couldn’t handle the sight in front of you right now. You know this is just his work uniform but you never would’ve thought that he can look this good. You just wanted to get on your knees and… 

“Y/N.” You immediately snap out of your horny thoughts, eyes wide and face warm. Jeongguk has a stupid smirk on his face as if he knows what you’re thinking about right now. 

Despite wanting to tackle him to the ground and have him take you right here, you remember you have a whole date waiting for you outside at the table most likely wondering where you are. 

“What?” You clear your throat, pushing those lustful thoughts aside. 

Jeongguk holds a teasing smile on his face, “Are you dreaming about my dick?” 

“What-no!” You deny, pushing him off and turning towards the mirror to fix your hair. You notice how your lipstick is smeared, courtesy of Jeongguk. You take a tissue and clean it before opening your clutch to pull out the liquid lipstick so you can reapply it. 

You can feel Jeongguk’s eyes on you the whole time as you’re bent over the counter, looking closely in the mirror. You try not to make eye contact, gliding the applicator across your bottom lip. 

Your breath hitches in your throat when you feel his hand slide on your hip but you pretend to like it doesn’t affect you even though your heart rate starts to increase and a feeling of thrill runs up your spine. 

“You were totally dreaming about my dick,” You glare at him through the mirror, elbowing him in the abdomen which causes him to slightly groan. 

“Why would I be thinking about your dick when I’m on a date with someone else right now?” You ask. 

Jeongguk snickers, “You weren’t saying that when you had your tongue down my throat a few minutes ago.” 

Your jaw drops and you turn around, pushing at his shoulder, “I did not have my tongue down your throat.” 

He has that smug smile on his annoyingly handsome face that had you contemplating whether you wanted to smack him or kiss him again. 

“It’s okay, you’re too shy to admit it right now. You’ll get comfortable eventually,” He shrugs, avoiding the little punch you were about to deliver to his chest. He grabs your hand instead and pulls you towards him once again with his tattooed arm around your waist while the other cups your cheek. 

“You’re annoying,” You mumble, playing with the top button on his shirt. You notice ink peeking out from where the shirt is unbuttoned which you somehow haven’t noticed before. 

Can this man get any more attractive? 

“I’d say charming,” Jeongguk responds before asking, “We’ve been here for quite some time now.” 

“You’re the one who followed me,” You retorted. 

“I had to make sure you were okay,” Jeongguk defends, thumb stroking your cheek. “What are you going to do now?” 

You let out a dreaded sigh, letting your hands rest against his chest as you say, “I’m going to have to tell him I’m not interested.” You shake your head. “I shouldn’t have said yes in the first place. It was a mistake from that day but he just had this hopeful smile on his face. I didn’t have it in me to deny him.” 

Jeongguk looks at you with a nonjudgmental gaze, nodding his head. “You can’t let this drag out any longer.” 

“I know,” You agree, thinking about how crushed Dohyun is going to look once you tell him the truth. 

“He’s going to be heartbroken,” Jeongguk adds. 

You pout, “I know.”

“But I’m going to be one happy man.” 

“I know–wait what?” You almost missed what he said and he just chuckles in response. “Why would you be happy?” 

“Cuz then I can ask you out on a date,” Jeongguk says with full confidence, wrapping both arms around your waist and swaying you side to side. 

“And you’re so sure I’d say yes?” You ask, eyebrows raised in question. 

He narrows his eyes at you playfully and says, “With the way you were about to get on your knees I’d like to think–” 

You slap his chest, “God, you’re so annoying! See if I ever give you head now.” 

“I’m kidding,” Jeongguk pouts. “You can’t take away that privilege already. You haven’t even done it yet.” 

Rolling your eyes at his response, your hand plays with the piercing in his right eyebrow. His hands rest on your lower back casually as if you guys have done this a million times. Jeongguk is definitely a touchy person but not in a way that’s made you uncomfortable of course. You’ve enjoyed the feeling of his hands on your body and you wonder what it would feel like on your bare skin. 

You’d definitely like to find that out. 

To say that you’re surprised he’s even talking to you would be an understatement. Especially after the day he saw you accepting Dohyun’s little gifts and proposal to dinner. He had left so abruptly much to your disappointment. And even after that, you didn’t even catch wind of him when working around the garden. 

You really thought you lost your opportunity with him but his actions and words say otherwise. 

“You didn’t answer my question,” Jeongguk’s statement breaks you out of your thoughts. 

“What question?” 

He raises an eyebrow, “If you’d like to go on a date with me.” He runs his thumb over your bottom lip, staring at them as if he wants to just devour them again but he’s restraining himself. 

You didn’t even realize he asked you that question. 

With a snort, you say, “Are you seriously going to ask me this in the bathroom while my actual date is waiting for me outside?”

Jeongguk rolls his eyes at you, “I’m sorry would you like me to shower you with flowers and expensive as fuck chocolates? I can also ask Bill, who is playing the violin in the dining room right now, to play you a song while I ask you out.” 

This time you roll your eyes at his response, “No need for flowers and expensive as fuck chocolates,” you emphasize his words. “And his name is Bill? He doesn’t even look like a Bill.” 

“That’s what I’ve been telling my coworkers. He looks more like a Marvin to me.” Jeongguk says and you nod your head in agreement after a quick thought. 

“Tell you what, give me your number first and then I’ll give you a response,” You don’t know where this confidence suddenly came from 

“You know you could’ve just asked me for my number if you wanted it so bad,” He laughs and you ignore him, handing him your phone. 

“Hush, I need to leave now so hurry up,” You watch as he types in his number, an amused smile pulling at his lips which causes you to narrow your eyes at him.

He hands you back your phone, an innocent smile on his face while you’re looking at him suspiciously. When you glance down at your phone, you understand why he has that look on his face. 

The contact name for his number is My super hot gardener &lt;3 <3

Can he get any more annoying? 

“Are you kidding me?” You ask him but don’t change the name anyways. 

“Not at all, love.” He pulls you forward once more, cupping your face with both hands this time, causing you to look up at him. “Listen, don’t worry about how Dohyun is going to feel, and don’t beat yourself up about it either.” You nod sadly. “You can’t keep leading him on like this. Neither of you deserve that. So just be honest about your feelings towards him.” Jeongguk tilts your head up to look at him. “You have to put yourself first okay?” 

You nod understandingly, hands going behind his neck to pull him down for another sweet kiss because you just couldn’t fucking help yourself. The feeling of his lips on yours was just so damn addicting. The way he was gazing at you with those soft doe eyes and the comforting words he provided had your stomach fluttering with butterflies. 

Your lips move in sync, arms tightening around one another as if you didn’t want to let each other go. His tongue prods at your lips, asking for entrance which you grant. His tongue slides into your mouth, hands digging into your hips as he fights for dominance with your own tongue. The kiss becomes more and more heated, your hands tangling in his wavy hair once again while you’re pretty sure your lipstick is smeared over both your lips as well as his own. 

The sound of your phone vibrating has you pulling back from his lips with a loud POP. Your chest is heaving, slightly out of breath from the intense kiss. Jeongguk runs his thumb across his lip to clean the faint lipstick while you’re opening your purse to see a message from Dohyun. 

Dohyun: Hey Y/N, are you okay?” 

Great, he must think you’re fighting for your life in the bathroom or something. It’s probably been well over 20 minutes so you can’t blame him. 

“I really have to go now.” You tell Jeongguk and he nods understandingly. 

“It’s fine,” He grabs a tissue and brings it up to clean beneath your lower lip. “Your lipstick smeared again.” You smile at the gesture in a thankful manner, letting him clean it for you.

He’s going to kill you. 

“Remember what I said okay?” He tells you and you nod in response, your throat feeling tight already at the conversation you’ve been dreading the whole night. “And I’ll be nearby in case you need help.” You nod once again, feeling reassured by his words. 

“Okay, thanks.” You give him a sweet smile, leaning up on your tiptoes to kiss his cheek which catches him off guard.  

“Yeah…” He clears his throat, “No problem.” 

With a small smile, you turn around and walk out the bathroom door not without looking over your shoulder at Jeongguk one last time. 

Here goes nothing. 

+

“Hey, sorry I took so long,” You apologize to Dohyun, straightening out your dress before sitting back down on the chair. 

Dohyun just gives you a sweet, understanding smile in return and says, “It’s okay. Jeongguk hasn’t even come by with the food yet.” 

You cough, taking a sip of your water to hide the flush of your cheeks. If only he knew Jeongguk was too busy with his tongue down your throat in the bathroom. The thought of what just went down in the bathroom had your stomach swirling in excitement. You hope the small smile on your face was not too obvious.  

“Is everything okay?” Dohyun’s voice is filled with concern. 

You’re snapped out of your thoughts at the sound of his question, looking up at him with wide eyes. You need to focus on the fact that you’re on a date with Dohyun right now and that you only have to endure this for a little bit longer before the food comes. 

Then you actually have to let Dohyun down politely. Honestly, you don’t even know why you don’t just get it over with right now. 

Jeongguk’s words echo in your head, telling you that it’s okay to think about yourself and turn Dohyun down. There’s no reason for you to be stretching this time out even longer. It’ll save him the heartbreak. It’s not like he was wrong. The further you lead Dohyun on, the more hurt he’ll be in the end when he finds out you do not reciprocate mutual feelings.

You also can’t forget the soft look in Jeongguk’s eyes. It was a look that you’d never seen on his face before and one that you didn’t think he was capable of showing considering his intimidating aura. But if there’s one thing you learned, it’s that Jeongguk is far from intimidating underneath all those piercings, ink, and black clothes. 

God, you just wanted this date to be over so you can tell Jeongguk to fuck off his shift for the night and go somewhere so the two of you can spend some time together. 

“Uh yeah, I’m okay,” You take a sip of your wine this time. “I’m fine. It’s just a little hot in here.” You’re praying he buys that excuse for your flushed face. You exaggerate it by fanning yourself with the menu listed with the different alcoholic beverages. 

“Oh no,” Dohyun looks worried. “Do you want to go somewhere else?” He asks seriously. 

“No no,” You wave off. “I’ll be okay. Thank you though.” You reassure him with a small smile. You are not about to drag this night out any longer. 

Dohyun nods though he looks a bit unconvinced. You fiddle with your fingers, unsure of what else to say. The silence between the two of you is awkward. You’re staring down into your lap while Dohyun opens and closes his mouth as if he wants to say something but holds himself back. 

“So Y/N,” You look up at Dohyun. “You probably already have an idea why I asked you out to dinner.” You try not to make it obvious when your eyes become a little wider, your heart dropping in your chest. “I mean..” He chuckles a bit, scratching the back of his neck. “We’ve known each other for so long. I remember watching you as a kid, thinking you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.” You try to smile but you think it looks more like a grimace. 

“I remember when one of the kids your mom would set you up with for playdates was being so mean to me  but you just…came to the rescue and told them to leave me alone.” The memory was quite vivid to you only because ever since that day, you noticed how Dohyun would start bringing you small gifts like a flower from the garden or pieces of candy. “That’s when I knew I started to develop feelings for you.” 

And there it is. The expression on his face is filled with admiration and love as he stares at you intently, pouring his heart out to you and confessing his feelings. Something you’ve always feared because you knew that by the end of this, he was going to leave with a broken heart. You let yourself get way too far and led him to this point. Now it’s your job to end it. 

“I just really want to tell you that I’ve always loved–” 

Dohyun gets interrupted when Jeongguk arrives with a tray carrying your entrees. “Alright you guys, the food is here.” Dohyun’s face drops, falling silent at the interruption while you’re filled with relief, exhaling out a breath. You look up at Jeongguk only to catch him already looking at you, giving you a small wink that Dohyun isn’t able to see. 

“Filet mignon for you,” Jeongguk sets down the plate in front of Dohyun who thanks him in response with a polite smile. “And risotto for the pretty lady,” Jeongguk emphasizes pretty and you bite your lip to hide the smile that threatens to form on your face. 

“Thank you, Jeongguk,” Your foot brushes against his ankle purposely when you uncross your legs and he just looks at you with a certain glint in his eyes, a pierced eyebrow raised at the gesture. 

“No problem,” He clears his throat, breaking eye contact so it doesn’t look so obvious to Dohyun. “Is there anything else you guys need?” 

Dohyun looks at you in question and you shake your head as a no in response. He then looks back up at Jeongguk and gives him a grateful smile, “No, we’re good. Thanks, man.” 

“Yeah, no problem. I’ll be back to check on you guys,” He informed you and it sounded like he was mostly talking to you from the way he looks at you, eyes lingering before leaves. He needs to stop making it so damn obvious. 

“So…” Dohyun is about to start talking but you interrupt him. 

“Let’s eat, I’m starving,” You immediately pick up the fork and dig into the feed even though you had no appetite to consume food. If anything, you felt nauseous. You’re dreading the conversation that you’re about to have. 

“Wow,” Dohyun’s eyes are wide as he chews his food. “This steak is amazing.” He gushes, cutting into the meat with his knife and fork before holding it in your direction. “You need to try this.” 

You shake your head, “Oh no, I’m okay. Thank you though.” You politely decline and give him a grateful smile. 

“No seriously,” He responds. “You have to try this.” He seems persistent, wiggling his fork towards you with a bite of the tender-looking steak. You gulp, noticing how he’s leaning forward in anticipation with an eager look in his eyes. You’re about to lean forward, lips parted to take a bite but Jeongguk being the savior he is–God, you can just kiss him–comes back. 

“You guys look like you’re running low on wine so I brought some more,” Jeongguk chirps, moving Dohyun’s arm back so he can pour into the glass. You bite down on your lower lip to keep yourself from smiling widely, meeting Jeongguk’s eyes with a thankful expression. You opt to stare at his beautiful inked hands pouring into the wine glass as you try not to make it obvious when your hand secretly strokes his thigh. You hold back a laugh when you notice him slightly flinch out of surprise, jaw clenching, and eyes narrowed when he glances at you.

You feign a look of innocence and say, “Thank you for the wine.” You’re grateful that the table is high enough that Dohyun can’t see how Jeongguk takes his left hand while the right is still holding the bottle and squeezes your hand. 

Jeongguk clears his throat, 

“Thanks, Jeongguk,” Dohyun gives him an appreciative smile, “I was just trying to get Y/N to try the filet mignon.” 

“Oh yes,” Jeongguk says, attempting to sound professional and you bite back a laugh, “Many customers rave over the filet mignon. The cows were fed organic grass which is one of the reasons why it’s so delectable.” 

Organic grass? What the fuck is he even saying? 

You know damn well he’s trying to be funny but the way he said it with a straight face would make one think he’s serious. For example, Dohyun looked utterly fascinated by the thought. 

“Wow, are they really?” 

Jeongguk snorts but quickly covers it with a cough, “Yeah man. Don’t you know? Those cows are living their best life. Better than you and I,” Jeongguk takes the fork out of Dohyun’s hand and the other boy just stares at him, eyes wide in curiosity. He grabs the piece of steak that was originally meant for you and slides the bite into his mouth before giving Dohyun the fork back. Jeongguk scrunches up his face in delight, almost looking angry as he chews before he lets out a sigh and looks back at Dohyun. “Dare I say the cows are living a better life than Y/N too.” 

You cover your face, unable to hold back your giggles while Dohyun just looks confused now. Jeongguk has a small smile on his face as he glances at you, feeling accomplished for making you laugh so cutely. 

“I have to ask my uncle about this if it’s true,” Dohyun shakes his head, expression full of surprise as he looks deep in thought. “He owns a farm so maybe he can start doing that too.” 

Jeongguk looks like he’s trying not to burst out laughing this time but instead nods, “Yeah let me know what he says, man.” 

“Jeongguk, Suho is calling you to the back,” A waiter whispers into his ear, “Like now.” 

“Now?” Jeongguk asks and the other waiter nods. He looks back at you and sees you swallow nervously. This means Jeongguk can no longer save you from delaying this any further. It’s either now or never. 

You look back at Jeongguk and give him a reassuring nod in a subtle manner to tell him it’s okay if he leaves. He glances over at Dohyun, noticing how the other boy is tapping his foot impatiently beneath the table as if waiting for Jeongguk to leave so he can pick up where he left off. 

“Alright,” Jeongguk clears his throat, “Looks like I’m needed in the back. Are you guys good?” He asks, mostly directing the question at you based on the direct eye contact he makes, eyebrow raised. 

You give him an appreciative smile, “I’m good. Thank you, Jeongguk.” 

“Me too. Thanks, Jeongguk!” Dohyun says a slight eagerness following his tone. 

“Okay cool, be right back.” He tells you, sending you a small comforting smile. You let out a deep breath, looking over at Dohyun who’s already staring at you with a nervous expression on his face. 

“Y/N, there’s something I need to tell you. I’ve been meaning to tell you for so long but…” Dohyun twiddles with his fingers resting on top of the table. “I would just get so nervous and chicken out,” He chuckles at himself with a shake of his head. “I’ve always admired you and your kindness. Your kindness is what drew me to you more than anything. Comforting people when they’re upset and going out of your way to make them feel better.” Your lips turn up into a small smile at his words but your chest aches out of guilt with what you’re about to do. “Basically, what I’m trying to tell you is that…I uh really really like you. I’ve liked you since we were kids. Maybe even love.” Dohyun lets out a quivering laugh, avoiding eye contact. “I was wondering if you’d give me a chance.” 

Your throat feels like it’s closing up as you hear his words, processing them clearly. The feeling of your heart pounding against your chest and beating in your ears, your face feeling warm and flushed. You look down at your hands in your lap, playing with the ring on your index finger as you let out a shaky breath through your lips. 

“Dohyun…you’ve always been a sweet guy,” You begin, “So selfless and always thinking of others.” You add and he nods, a smile playing on his lips from your compliment. “But I…I’m sorry,” You feel your eyes stinging as you notice the smile vanish from his face, lips pursing in despair. “I don’t see you that way.” You finally say. 

His face crumples a bit, shoulders and head dropping as soon as the words leave your lips. He looks down into his lap and you swear you can hear him sniffling a bit. The silence between you two is almost deafening, the sound of other customers and cutlery being the only thing you hear. 

“I’m really sorry,” You say again, eyes welling up a bit because of how bad you feel. “I probably shouldn’t have even said yes to you because it seems like I’ve led you on but I just didn’t know how to tell you no.” 

Dohyun just nods in response, not moving a single inch from his position and his lack of words is killing you. You notice Jeongguk peeking at you from behind the door, locking eyes with you. He immediately notices the sorrowful look on your face, stepping forward to approach you but you quickly shake your head. 

Not yet, you try to tell him. You think this conversation needs to end with closure. You don’t want to leave without making sure he’s okay. You know he’s not okay and he probably won’t be for some time. He’s had feelings for you for so long, he must feel so crushed by your rejection. 

When Dohyun finally lifts his head up to look at you, you feel your chest ache at his red-rimmed eyes and quivering lips. “Y-You won’t even give me a chance? Like… not even if I take you on more dates a-and maybe let you get to know me better?” He wipes his nose with the back of his hand, sniffling. 

You shake your head, a sad smile on your lips. “I’m sorry…I just,” You look over at Jeongguk who’s talking to another customer while constantly glancing at you in concern. “I like someone else.” You tell him, feeling like absolute shit. You just didn’t know what else you could’ve told him for him to completely let you go. You had to tell him the truth. 

His face shows pure anguish, looking completely defeated. “So I-I don’t stand a chance against him?” He asks, voice hoarse. 

“I’m sorry,” is the only thing you think you can say in response to that. 

He just nods, head hanging low and lets out a quiet. “Okay.” 

“Everything good?” Jeongguk decides to cut in, saving you from this painful moment. 

Dohyun just looks up and Jeongguk in response and nods solemnly, “Yeah can we get the check please?” 

“Uh yeah sure,” Jeongguk responds. “Boxes?” 

“No thanks,” Dohyun immediately says, his voice cracking. “Y/N,” He looks at you properly for the first time. “Do you think I can get a r-ride home? I-I just don’t think I can…” He looks like he’s about to have a breakdown so you immediately cut in. 

“It’s okay. Don’t even worry about it.” Your voice is soft, feeling like you need to speak to him in a delicate manner because he may break any second. “I’ll call my driver.” 

“Okay,” Dohyun nods. “I’m gonna go. I’ll see you on Monday.” He says quickly before getting up swiftly. There’s a fresh set of tears in his eyes and he nods at Jeongguk. Head hanging low with his feet dragging across the floor, he walks towards the door without looking back. 

You stare at the door, never feeling this much guilt and regret in your life. Guilt for turning him down but also regret even accepting this date. You think saying yes to the date probably gave him high hopes that you had feelings for him in return. You should’ve come clean at the pool when he asked you out in the first place.  

“Oh god,” You cover your face with both hands. “I feel so awful. I feel so fucking awful. I can’t believe he cried.” Your throat feels tight and painful, unable to get the image of your head. 

“Hey hey,” Jeongguk looks around before kneeling beside you, hand on your arm, “It’s okay. You had to do it okay?” You nod but don’t move your hands away from your face. 

“I know I just can’t forget the look on his face,” You whisper into your hands. “I just feel so bad.” 

“I know Y/N. That wasn’t an easy thing to do,” Jeongguk acknowledges, rubbing his hand up and down your back in a comforting manner. 

Not only do you feel like a total asshole right now, you’re a little embarrassed at the fact that Jeongguk is seeing you on the verge of bursting into tears but you cannot help yourself. 

“Hey listen,” His voice is gentle and you feel him move closer to you, his chest pressing against your knee. “A lot of these people are looking at us and I don’t know if they know who you are but I don’t want it spreading around that you were crying in this boujee ass restaurant in the headlines tomorrow.” You chuckle a little taking the napkin he’s holding out for you, patting it beneath your eyes. 

“Thank you,” You say quietly, unable to look him in the eyes. 

“Of course,” He clears his throat. “I’m about to finish my shift soon. Um if you want, I can give you a ride home?” He offers before quickly adding. “Only if you want to. I won’t be offended if you just want your driver to pick you up.”

You finally look at him for the first time, taking slightly widened doe eyes, face looking soft. He’s tugging at the piercing on his lower lip, a nervous habit you’ve noticed from the time you’ve spent with him. 

“I would really appreciate that,” You inform him with a grateful smile. 

His shoulders visibly relax at your answer, a sigh escaping his lips. 

“Thank God you said that,” He pretends to wipe the sweat off his forehead, “I don’t think I was ready to handle the rejection.” He tells you and you feel like there’s some underlying truth to that. 

“The dude I’m crushing on is offering me a ride, who am I to say no?” You say bravely and he freezes, eyes wide and full of surprise with how you say that without a single stutter. 

“D-Dude you’re crushing on me?” He repeats, bringing his hand up to point his index finger at him. “Am I the dude you’re crushing on?” He asks in disbelief. 

You give him an ‘Are you joking’ look, pushing at his shoulder. “Who else is offering me a ride home here?” You ask him. 

“I’m sure tons of people would. You’re beautiful.” He says easily and you flush, not expecting that response at all. 

“Oh,” You look down at your lap with a smile on your lips. Feeling so flustered by his compliment, you change the subject. “Is it wrong to do all this after I just broke someone’s heart?” You ask him. 

Jeongguk shakes his head, “No, you did what you had to do, Y/N.” You nod, a slightly guilty expression appearing on your face once again. “Here,” He pulls out what looks like car keys from his back pocket. “Do you want to wait in my car while I finish up here?” 

You nod, grabbing the keys from him with a smile, “I’ll wait.” You grab your purse, pulling the strap onto your shoulder. Jeongguk also stands up from his kneeling position, brushing his black pants. 

Once you stand up, you have to peer up to look at him. Even with your heels on you, you’re still barely reaching his damn shoulder. 

Are you really that short or is he just super tall? 

“By the way,” You start, causing him to immediately pause from picking up the plate and giving you his full attention with the way he turns his body to look at you, eyes meeting yours. For some reason that makes your heart flutter. “Can you charge the dinner on my card?” You open your purse to pull out your tiny card holder. “It’s the least I can do for Dohyun.” You add, handing him the card. 

Jeongguk looks down at the card in his hand as if it’s the most fascinating thing he’s ever seen, eyes squinting before widening. He holds the card up to the light as if inspecting it before bringing it back down and closer to his face again.

“Um, is everything okay?” You ask in confusion. 

“Did you just hand me a black card?” His voice is full of surprise, mouth slightly ajar. 

“Yeah…” You trail off, looking down at your feet. 

Great, he must think you’re a spoiled brat. 

“Do you know the amount of unnecessary and useless shit I would buy if I had one of these?” He holds the card in his fingers as if it’s fine china. 

“I mean you can,” You respond and he just looks at you in disbelief.

“Baby you’re too sweet but I never thought about getting sugar mama.” He smirks before adding, “At least not anymore.” Your heart flutters and you try not to squeal at the fact that he casually called you ‘baby’. 

This man is trying to kill you. 

You pretend to act unbothered by his words with a roll of your eyes, shoving at his shoulder, “Shut up before I make you pay for this dinner.” You threaten and he immediately closes his mouth, turning towards the table. You laugh in response, shaking your head at him. 

“I’ll be out in 10 minutes,” He tells you and you nod, a smile on your face as you step towards the door already feeling a lot better just by talking to him. 

[yenqa]

APPLE CIDER (bedroom sessions)

Sparkling apple cider. Once a sweet, refreshing drink you could easily enjoy. Now everytime you’re reminded of that cursed drink all you get is the sour memories that came with it. One memory including the fallout of yours and (now ex) boyfriend, Jay's relationship. But, it just so happens Jay is determined to win your heart back once again. Will he be able to restore the sweet taste? Or will apple cider ruin your life once again?

read part one here!

genre : exes to lovers, written fic, angst, fluff, dual pov (but more y/n, highschool au

featuring : enhypen, chaewon of lsfm, kwon eunbi, ocs : hyun-woo, mrs. lim

warnings : swearing (lots), ignorant parents (only mentioned), crying, food, parties, groveling??? idk, reader has the same bad habits, blood/injuries

wc : 7k

pairing : jay x fem!reader

YENQA : i worked really hard on this and im really happy with the outcome!! i hope you guys like it as much as i do :) also!! everyone thank @yeokii and @redm4ri for proof reading this!!

000 FIRST HEARTBREAK (prologue)

It was junior year when you first met him. Just last year (2022), Hyun-woo walked up to you in the library with a charming but sweet smile, he sat next to you and introduced himself. At first you were skeptical, unsure of your new friendship. But his stupid cute smile and his enchanting eyes lured you right in.

That night you had left with his number and a smile on your face.

The next few weeks he barely ever talked to you, sufficing with a small wave in the hallways or small talk about classwork. But when spring was just around the corner, that had immediately changed.

Hundreds of messages came through in the span of two months. You two would talk for hours and hours on end about anything really. His sweet smile would stay throughout all those facetimes, sometimes you wondered if his face would fall off if he smiled any longer. 

After months of talking, you figured out you were hopelessly falling for him. And there was no way out. But you also figured he must’ve liked you back—I mean those hundreds of calls weren’t for nothing were they?

At first, they weren’t. He eventually asked you out in May and you dated happily for three months. 

Since he was your first you didn’t know how a relationship should work, or how one should act in it. You thought him ghosting you for weeks on end was normal, and that everyone went through it. Even if it wasn’t normal, he came back to you, showering you in gifts such as stuffed animals and gold jewelry. So, you continued on with the relationship, knowing he would come back to you anyways.

But then, he didn’t come back. It was September and you hadn’t talked to him all August—to say the least you were confused. Where had he been all this time?

The first day of school you had immediately ran up to him, you remembered you had said, “What’s wrong? Why have you been ignoring me all last month?” 

And he laughed.

He laughed straight at your worried expression. 

And you want to cry.

It was all a bet, he said. One that involved completely playing with you to win some money.

You couldn’t cry in front of him, nor could you run away from him like a fucking loser (which you really wanted to do but you wouldn’t want to see the pleasure on his face). All you could do was say “Okay,” and walk away. That’s all you did—So hopefully to him you seemed unfazed. But that facade didn’t last long.

You almost tripped over things or even people on the way to the bathroom, sobbing your eyes out until they had wrung dry.

You were sad—Yes, but you were also frustrated by how stupid you were.

He didn’t even talk to you half the time, he barely even knew what you liked or disliked, he didn’t even pay attention to the kind of jewelry you wore—he bought a gold necklace for you as a loyal silver wearer, and overall you were just stupid. Stupid to fall for the role he put on.

Crying usually didn’t take long for you, usually an half an hour at most. But that day you had sobbed and sobbed in that stupid toilet stall for one hour and you didn’t feel like going back to class with your crusty eyes, so you accidentally skipped your first three periods. 

You remember that day as vividly as possible. Your parents were furious that you skipped three classes—So angry they didn’t even look twice at the dark circles under your puffy eyes or the red tint that had covered your face.

One thing you knew was that you never told them, the only thing telling them would get you was a scolding because you skipped three classes over a boy. A boy who was your “first love”. And as stupid as it sounds, they wouldn’t understand. Honestly you wouldn’t be surprised if they told you that they thought your feelings were just little pranks you were playing on them.

If your parents thought that, everyone probably thought that. So, you put on a happy face for Chaewon, even if she knew you were sad she probably didn’t even care. I mean if Hyun-woo didn’t even like you, who would?

001 REALIZING THE OBVIOUS

Jay never thought he was stupid. Actually, he found much pride in how smart he was. He was always the kind of person to think before they say something. He was never impulsive—Well until he met you that is. But that didn’t really end well did it?

It made it even worse that nobody seemed to care. Sunoo didn’t even send a sad look his way (which by the way—Was totally deserved even if he did mess up).

“Why the long face, Jay? You lose another cute girl?” Jake teases, a grin appearing on his face. 

“Who was it again? Hyun-woo’s ex-girlfriend?" Sunghoon's smile grows, “Finally played her?”

Jay groans, “Yeah, i did, but i messed up, bad.”

“What- did Hyun-woo threaten to jump you again?” Jungwon's eyebrows furrow, almost worried that Jay would lose in a fight with him—which he definitely wouldn’t.

“God, you guys are so ignorant, think about the poor girl for once.” Sunoo sighs, rolling his eyes at his friend's fuckboy-ness.

Jay almost rolls his eyes at Sunoo's comment. Were you thinking about Y/n when you blurted his secret out? But he knew he had to take accountability, whether he liked it or not.

“No way. Does the Park Jay feel bad about a girl? The Heartbreaker Park Jay?" Jake asks. And Jay wonders why he’s even friends with them. “Okay, I do feel bad. How do you apologize to a girl? Also Sunoo?" 

He tilts his head.

“Never get drunk again.” Jay warns.

He scoffs, “Weren’t you planning on telling her anyways? I just ripped the bandage off for you.”

The group of boys burst into laughter but Jay couldn’t seem to figure out what was funny. “I didn’t come here for you guys to laugh at my misery.”

Niki gasps, “Jay, you’re actually serious about this one? This is a first.”

This time Jay actually rolls his eyes, “No dumbass- I’m just mad I can’t play around with her anymore.” The group seems fully convinced, some nodding their heads in expectancy. Jay’s eyebrows furrow seeing them be so blind to his problem, “I was kidding.” He deadpans, “I’m serious about her.”

His nose scrunches ever so slightly, “Oh. Well then you’re in huge trouble.”

“I know.”

“Okay—But seriously,” Jay asked, “How should I apologize?” A sudden wave of silence washed over them, looking at each other and shrugging.

-

Apologies, apologies, apologies was what went through his brain that night. What could he do that could fix the mess he had made?

People say real apologies came from the heart, but what even came from the heart? It’s an organ.

Jay’s mind felt like it was about to explode. It’s been an hour but his mind was empty, completely hollow. How could he fix this situation? Well first he could say sorry—Not that you would forgive him easily but it was a crucial part to his fix.

Until it finally clicked.

002 JAY’S “MASTER” PLAN

Last week you couldn’t bear the thought of coming back to school after the party, but here you were, driving yourself to school after a very sad three week mid winter break. A band aid now covering the tip of your finger that you had picked off. And—Of course. You forgot your water bottle again.

You sigh, fixing your silver necklace, you brush your hair behind your hair and open the car to—Oh fuck.

Why did Jay just happen to look like a fucking angel fallen from heaven at 7am in the morning?

And why was Jay here so early at school? You usually arrive much earlier than him.

You compose yourself, walking past him. Holding yourself to not even slightly slow down or look back. 

Finally arriving at your locker you open it, looking at the light pink bag in it, one that you never put in it. Your eyebrows furrow as you pick it up, opening the mysterious bag.

You smile at the small snacks inside. A small bag of your favorite chips and a few of your favorite candies. That smile drops when you see an apple shaped sticky note with familiar handwriting inside. 

Some gasps behind you, you jump,  quickly turning around to see your beloved friends. “Someone’s got a secret admirer?” Eunbi teases, both Chaewon and her walking up to you.

You sigh, “It’s from Jay, do you want it?” You offer to both of them. They both grab it, sharing whatever snacks are in there. 

“Oh!” Chaewon lights up, “Here’s your coffee.” She smiles with guilt. You smile back, gladly taking a sip of the slightly bitter drink to quench your thirst.

“Did the note say anything?” Eunbi pulls out the slightly crumpled sticky note in there. You glance at it, noticing Jay’s very asymmetrical heart.

You unconsciously laugh, quickly covering it up before grabbing the small note, reading it.

To My Apple,

I was stupid to use you to get back at him. Honestly the most stupid thing I would ever do and I deeply regret it. I’m sorry. I know you probably don’t want to see me right now and I understand that you want your space from me. I just want to make it clear, I really do love you and I would never ever do something that horrible to you again. And I'm willing to do whatever it takes to be on good terms even if you don’t fully forgive me for what I did to you. I truly am in love with and honestly I can’t live without you. Fuck I just miss you, you don’t have to respond or anything I just want to make it clear that I’m sorry, and I love you so much.

Jay

And your lips tug up just a bit.

“Y/n are you okay? You’ve been quiet since you’ve read that. What’s on there?” Chaewon asks, moving next to you to read from the flimsy paper.

Your eyes widen slightly, “Oh—It’s nothing.” you fumble with the paper a bit, “Nothing important.” 

Eunbi laughs, “You’re such a bad liar, Y/n. But if it’s from Jay then you have to tell us.” Chaewon nods.

“No! I mean, it’s not from Jay. Let’s just go to class?” You smile at them shoving the sticky note into whatever pants pocket you have.

“You’re lucky you have your first period alone Missy.”

Throwing them a cheeky smile, you quickly walk to the nearest trash can, quickly tossing it in before looking around. You make eye contact with Jay and quickly look away again.

God—Why was the universe never on your side?

Though you try to ignore the small frown on his face, it runs through your head all day. Until, suddenly you're walking to your math seat again.

“Y/n you’re lucky that this is the only period I have with you, and that we spend all of lunch with our mouths stuffed” Eunbi groans, unpacking her notebook. She places it down neatly on her desk, before leaning forward to you.

“So, was it from Jay? Weren’t- like apples your thing?”

You let out a sigh, turning around “Apple cider was our thing. And maybe.”

She frowns, “Maybe? Y/n tell me, yes or no.” 

You shrug again, turning back to the front making eye contact with the man himself again.

Does this man ever stop looking at you? Because you were almost certain his eyes were glued onto you. You look down at your notebook, trying to act as unbothered as possible—Which doesn’t really work since you hear Eunbi snickers..

You roll your eyes even though Eunbi can’t see it, she can read you like a book, whispering “If you keep rolling your eyes they’ll fall to the back of your head.”

Leaning back, you whisper, “I don’t think that’s how it works, stay in school Eunbi.”

003 PLAN IN MOTION

Getting out of the car the next day you hope and pray to every fucking god you know that you won’t see his familiar face again. But nothing ever seems to go well for you, because you see his sad smile through the window of his car.

You repeat what you did yesterday, walk away as quickly as you can without looking weird. But your legs quickly pick up because of your nervousness, speed walking to the entrance doors instead. You lean on the door, pushing to open it before walking in the same pace to your locker.

Then you finally slow your pace, opening your locker to see another light pink bag.

This time, the same snacks but with a plastic water bottle inside, with a little note saying “Make sure to drink lots of water <3”. You subconsciously smile, fishing out the piece of paper neatly tucked in.

Unfolding the paper, your jaw drops at the pencil writing that manages to cover the whole page.

Apple, my love, I might not be the best at words but I think seeing your lips tug up at my other small note motivated me to write this. Did I ever tell you that your smile brightens up my day? As cheesy as it sounds at night I used (I still do btw) to think about whatever stupid joke I made when we were on a date and how you would laugh happily at it, even if it was the worst joke ever known to mankind. And as embarrassing as it is to admit it I would giggle about it. Before and after we started dating. But you always cover your mouth when you laugh. but you shouldn’t. Your smile makes me feel like everything going wrong in my life will fix itself. When I was with you I had no worries, you made me feel free. But I’ve only brought you worries. I’m sorry. 

Recently, I’ve been noticing you’ve been smiling less and yesterday you forgot to bring your water bottle to school. Please stay healthy and eat well, okay? Even if you hate me, I still care for your health. Don’t skip meals and drink lots of water, please. I’d do anything just to have a five minute conversation with you. I understand that what I did was unforgivable and that you shouldn't trust me again but please, put your trust in me one more time and please come to Azalea park at 3pm tomorrow and I’ll explain everything. I know you're angry but I beg that you be angrier at a closer distance. I’m sorry for the mess I’ve made, and I promise I’ll fix it.

Jay

Your eyebrows furrow. Was he serious? Was he trying to publicly embarrass you? Why did you want to go so bad?

Opening your phone to quickly text up Eunbi and Chaewon, who mysteriously hadn’t shown up yet.

You

bitch jay just wrote me a long last letter abt how hes sorry and how he truly loves me and wants to meet up and make things right????

where tf are yall btw

eunbi mlll

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

ARE YOU SERIOUS??

YOU HAVE TO GO

also chae cant drive me so bus it is…

chaechae

sorry ill be late to school 2day bc doctors lolsies

but r u sure eunbi????

y/n i love u but idk if this is a good idea

wait what did he say

eunbi mlll

NO U HAVE TO GO

but let us see the letter to confirm if hes sincere

You

im not about to show U guys the letter

Omfg guys i almost giggled reading it. this is Bad.

he said that he would do anything for a five minute talk with me and that he knows im mad at him but to be mad at a close distance???

now… i am Nawt your strongest soldier.

chaechae

shit if he wrote me that i wouldve folded too

changed my mind i say do it

You

so…. 2/2 votes yes?

thats kinda nerve racking idk if im ready to face him

eunbi mlll

y/n i am ready to get down on my knees and beg for u to go

you got this girl!

worst case scenario u slap him and embarrass him

chaechae

or maybe slap him when you get there, saves you the time

Just Kidding!!! Hahaha

You

Not funny at all.

hate u all

FUCKK now i have to text him and say im going

eunbi mlll 

why not let him suffer???????

You

ill feel bad

chaechae

Oh

i mean did jay do that when you guys met??

You

fuck u

You exit your group chat, looking several spots down and spotting Jay contact, wincing at your last messages.

You

i’ll be at the park by 3. don’t fuck this up park

jay

wouldn’t even think about it 

004 THE MEETING

Why did I agree to this again? 

You glance at the clock, 2:58, I should head out now. 

Sighing you open your door, walking to—From what you can distinguish from his back, Jay. you walk around the bench, brushing whatever dirt was on it and taking a seat.

Jay gives you a relieved smile, glasses framing his face perfectly-

“Glasses?” You blurt, studying the frame of them.

He coughs awkwardly, “Yeah- I um—I got them yesterday, forgot to wear them to school.”

Awkward silence washes over you two. Well was he going to say something or not?

And it’s almost like he can read your thoughts, because he starts, “Look—Apple. I just wanted to apologize in real life. It was a shitty move of me to use you-”

“Yeah- very shitty.” You interrupt, “Sorry, go on.”

“Oh okay, um- it was a terrible decision I made and I totally messed with you at the beginning, and never told you, I’m sorry.”

He pauses, choosing his words carefully.

“And—I regret it so much. I mean, you were the best thing that ever happened to me and I didn’t want to fuck it up, which would’ve happened anyways. I should’ve told you earlier on before I asked you out but I was afraid. Afraid that the only good thing in my fucked up life would vanish. So I ran away from the problem instead of talking to you about it like I should’ve. I’m sorry for running away and I swear, I would never hurt you—ever again. You don’t have to give me an answer yet, but just know that I still love you with all my heart.”

You take a deep breath, Fuck—what do I say? Should I ask him what he had against Hyun-woo?

Deciding to ask, you look at him with a hint of disappointment, “So why? What do you have against him that made you play with me?”

His eyebrows raise slightly, surprised you didn’t slap him and leave. 

“Oh— it’s kind of stupid.” He says, pushing up his glasses slightly.

“I mean he both kinda fucked us over, right? I won’t judge, I hate his guts anyways.”

Jay lets out a breathy smile. “I used to be on the rugby team, remember?”

“Of course I do.”

“Well—I sound like such an egotistical jerk when I say this, but he took the captain position from me by sweet talking his way to the top. It wasn’t mine to begin with, but everyone thought that I deserved it the most, but of course, he took it from me. I wasn’t super mad or anything, I actually thought I was too cocky for um—thinking I deserved the position. It didn’t really help that he also kind of made fun of me any chance he got for not being captain. Blaming me for every loss we had then I just- snapped I guess? I quit then and there and here I am now. Even after I quit he still talked shit about me and I couldn’t really do anything. And I saw you and…” he trails off, “You know what happened.”

You swallow hard, trying to take it all in. “I’m sorry that happened to you.” 

You nervously start picking at whatever skin on your ring finger you could find, looking down so you wouldn’t have to look at his expression.

“It’s not your fault, don’t apologize, Apple. Plus I’m over it.”

He suddenly scowls, grabbing the now bleeding hand. 

“Stop doing this. It’s not good” He pulls out a bandaid from his pocket, carefully placing it around your finger.

You laugh at the sight, “You carry around band aids now?”

“Ever since I met you, yeah.” He slips out and you both go silent.

Was that true? He noticed it?

You clear your throat awkwardly, yanking your hand away after he finishes. “Thank you for the band aid—uh, about your apology, I appreciate it, but I need some time to think about it, if that's okay?”

“Yeah, take your time, I understand.” He gives you a soft smile, which you return. Waving at him while walking to your car.

You sit in the driver’s seat, calling the group chat while backing out.

Chaewon joins first, “So…. How’d it go? Did you slap him? Or did you forgive him?”

Eunbi joins just after, waiting for your answer.

“I don’t know how to feel.” You answer, sighing.

“Hey, you’ll figure it out Y/n! Don’t worry, everything will be fine.” Eunbi gives you a thumbs up with a soft smile.

You nod, returning her smile, and you try to believe it too.

005 THE CALL

As soon as you were out of view Jay pulled his phone out, noticing the ten text messages from the man himself.

sunoo 

jayyy

hello

where r u

wait r u two meeting today

OK IK U WONT SEE THIS

so i just want to say sorry for… kinda ruining ur relationship.

IM SO SORRY I WAS DRUNKK PLEASE FORGIVE MEEE

anyways.. text me back whenever u can!!

have fun with y/n

hope it goes well

A smile grows on Jay’s face, he presses his contact photo, bringing his phone to his ear.

“Jay! I didn’t think you would answer so soon?”

“It’s been fifteen minutes? I feel like that's a good amount of time to have a conversation.” Did you just want to leave him as soon as possible? Fuck maybe he didn’t have a chance to win you ba-

“Oh! It’s been fifteen minutes? I guess time flies when you’re on your phone right?” Nevermind.

“So! Did you and Y/n kiss and make up? Or was she angry?”

“No, we just talked? Like I said we would?” 

“Are you sure?” Sunoo says in a teasing tone. With that simple sentence, Jay could tell Sunoo was probably giggling to himself about you two meeting up.

“Yes I’m sure? Why would I be lying?” Jay feels the wind pick up some speed, an indication he should go home. He walks himself to the car while talking to Sunoo.

“So you’re telling me, all you did was apologize and she left?”

“Yeah.”

Sunoo groans, “That’s so boring! Totally thought you would have a movie moment then.”

“I mean the only thing unexpected I told her was what happened with Hyun-woo and me.”

He dramatically gasps, “But you never tell anyone? Why does she get to know and not me?”

“She asked.” Jay shrugs, starting the car.

“But you never told me, I only know that you two hate each other! This is straight favoritism. Can’t believe you.” Sunoo angrily exclaims, deciding to hang up the call.

Jay sighs, driving back home.

006 DAY RUINER 

Today, you smile as you leave your car. Instead of walking as fast as you can to the doors, you even wave at Jay’s car pulling in. He waves back, a big smile on his face that catches onto yours. You happily walk to the entrance, pushing open the entrance door and walking to your locker.

Getting your first period textbook, and closing your locker, you quickly spot Eunbi and Chaewon walking towards you. 

“Someones happy, did you get a good morning message from your lover?” Eunbi teases.

You take a sip of the coffee Chaewon gave you. “No? Can’t a girl just have a good day?”  You twirl around.

“Okay you’re acting really weird. Is something wrong?” They exchange glances, waiting for your answer.

“Yeah, somethings wrong.” A male voice comes up to you. Your smile immediately drops. Hyun-woo looks at you, standing between you and Eunbi, he grabs your hand dragging you away.

“What the fuck? Get off me!” You exclaim, trying your best to yank your hand away from him. But apparently his rugby muscles could keep you in his hold, but definitely way too tight for comfort. Hopefully you won't get a big ass bruise there.. He leads you to a hallway which is surprisingly empty.

“Can we talk? Y/n?”

You scoff, “Are you crazy? You drag me here and expect me to want to have a civil conversation with you?’ huffing, you turn back around.

“I want to get back together, Y/n!”

You stop in your tracks, turning around at his conflicted face before bursting out laughing. You only laugh more looking at his hurt face.

“Y/n are you laughing? I’m serious! I want you back! And I know you want me back too!” 

You finally stop laughing, taking a deep breath “Gosh you’re funny Hyun-woo. Okay, I’m leaving.” He grabs you again. Does this guy think he’s in a kdrama or something?

“Y/n. I didn’t mean to hurt you, and I miss you. Can we get back together?”

“So… you played me, and you want to get back together?”

“I wouldn’t say played-”

“Oh but I would. And can you get your hand off me? I can feel your odor latching on to me.” Yanking your hand away, you look at him in disgust.

“Y/n please. Can we-”

“You’re insane Hyun-woo. If you haven’t gotten the hint yet—Which I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t, I’m not interested in dating someone who’s a lookalike to the hunchback of Notre Dame. Actually, maybe that would be an improvement to you.” You shrug, walking away. Shivering in disgust at the thought of him grabbing your arm.

How did I even like this guy? Also what is it with men these days? A scowl is very obvious on your face as you walk back to your lockers. Before you get back to Chaewon and Eunbi, someone taps you from behind.

You turn, “I swear to god Hyun-woo if you-”

“Not Hyun-woo, just me.”

You turn to see Jay, a frown present on his face. Your mouth widens slightly and you close it right away. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize for that, but are you okay? Why did he do that?” He checks your wrist for any forming bruises. Tsking at the slight red tint on your arm. “I’m fine, Jay. It was for something stupid anyways.” you answer, grabbing at his hands to stop.

“What’d he do?” You can hear the genuine concern in his voice and you know you’ll feel horrible if you don’t tell him.

“He just,” you cough awkwardly, “asked to get back together.”

His face changes slightly, but you can’t tell how, “Did you agree?”

“Oh god no—oh my god I wouldn’t even spare a single thought thinking about it.” You laugh, squeezing his hand slightly. A wave of relief washes over his face, “I’m glad. Call me if he does it again, okay?”

“Am I supposed to be your damsel in distress?”

“I was thinking we could kick his ass together.”

You let out a giggle, “I’ll make sure to let you know then,” waving goodbye, you walking back to your beloved trio.

“Oh my god, I didn’t know the talk went that well, you guys were flirting so hard!” Chaewon whisper-yells.

“We were not flirting.”

“Oh you so were. You literally giggled while talking to him” Eunbi agrees.

“I did?”

“See it was so natural you didn’t even notice! I wasn’t really a fan of Jay but he clearly makes you happy.” Chaewon admits, putting her hands up in surrender from Eunbi’s offended look.

“I don’t know. I mean he did kinda use me. So who says he won’t do it again?” 

“Me, I do. If he does I’ll literally punch him to oblivion” Eunbi and Chaewon start pretend boxing, the bell interrupting their match. They both groan, giving up mid match.

“I’m glad I’m friends with the next Muhammad Ali, but I’m going to go to class now.” You laugh, waving goodbye and walking to your first period.

007 CALLS AT MIDNIGHT

Your math class gave you time to think about everything going wrong in your life, because who was actually listening to Mrs. Lim’s blabbering? You doodle little hearts in your notebook, now noticing that you hadn’t written a single note and the whole page was just covered in your drawings.

Does this class never end or something? You wonder, checking the clock. 

Twenty minutes left, you internally groan, how is it that time moves so slow during times like these? You bring your hand to your mouth, biting the nail off your ring finger. Feeling a vibration coming from your phone, you quickly take a look at the board, making sure the teacher was still writing before checking it.

jay

stop

You

whatd i do???

jay

stop biting your nails

i can see you doing it yk

You

thats none of your business

jay

it’s not

but i still care ya know

You

oh really?

jay

really.

You

fine whatever 🙄🙄

The smile that had grown on your face quickly fades the moment you even notice it was there. Why are you folding so easily Y/n? You have to give him a hard time! You sigh louder than you realize, quickly feeling embarrassment when Mrs. Lim stares right at you.

“Is something wrong, Y/n?” Mrs. Lim asks, a cruel eyebrow raised.

Oh, fuck me. “No Mrs. Lim, nothing is wrong.” You smile as sweetly as you can.

“Then I guess you won’t mind answering one of these questions?” She showcases three equations on the board.

Your smile falls slightly, not this shit again, you complain, walking up to the first equation staring at it blankly while she picks the next two students. Holding the marker up and pretending to think, knowing damn well that you hadn’t listened to a single thing she said that day.

Looking over to the person next to you, Jay, seems to already be looking in your direction, a small smile on his face.

“Looks like you need help this time, Apple? What a twist.”

You roll your eyes, “You didn’t even need help last time. But yes, I do. Could you please—like give me the answer or something?”

“X equals four point five seven.”

You finally return his smile, a small thank you coming out as you write it on the board.

After another long twenty minutes the bell finally rings, indicating that school is finally over. Your usual after school routine was, 1. walk to your car with Chaewon and Eunbi (sometimes you hung out, but today you weren’t) 2. Go home (duh), and start your homework,  3. Eat dinner, and 4. Go on your phone until you fall asleep. You didn’t mind this arrangement, it kept you comfortable knowing that you had some free time later in the day. But today, you were dreading it more than ever.

Why? you ask?

Every couple of days, whenever your phone wasn’t doing your boredom justice you put it down for a good three minutes. And those three minutes entirely made up of you staring at the ceiling and thinking. That was the problem. You didn’t want to think about a single thing that happened today. You didn’t want to think about your upcoming tests that only got you nervous before you were about to go to bed or your love life (which it sometimes went to but you always dreaded even bringing up the topic to yourself).

Tonight was one of those nights you would stare at the ceiling.

The topic you always first thought of was what you did earlier that day. But unfortunately for you, half of the day you had thought about you and Jay basically holding each other's hands. And the other half was thinking about if you forgave Jay yet.

You wanted to say you didn’t. That you would have to take at least two weeks after the apology to even think about the apology. But two days after the apology, here you were. Staring into space about how you think he would react to you forgiving him.

I mean you had basically already forgave him, I mean you wouldn’t have squeezed someone's hand you hated, right? And you definitely don’t miss the voice of someone you hate.

Staring at the ceiling clearly wasn’t a good idea. Because you were already grabbing your phone, looking at his contact. Just above it is your group chat with Eunbi and Chaewon. Maybe you should get a greenlight before you decide to call him.

You glance at the clock, making sure it wasn’t too late to text your friends. The clock hits 11:52 as you look at it. Typing out the texts, you wait until the message sends before closing out of the app.

You

hey guys lawl

r u awake 

pls say Yes!

Luckily, Chaewon answers just a few seconds after you close the app.

chaechae

hi im awake

is eunbi awake around this time???

You

no shes never awake past 10 LMFAO

shouldve messaged u privately

chaechae

HELPP FR

wait so what did u want to talk abt

You

Uhmm

so uh

do u think its weird that i’ve forgiven jay so easily and should i call him.. lowkey miss him

chaechae

BITCH U FORGAVE HIM??

WHEN

ok but no??

i mean anyone could literally see how hard he tried to make it up to you

and call him!! Yolo

You

ok Thx!!!!

chaechae

yw 😘😘

Closing the chat, you look at his caller i.d, noticing how big his smile was in the contact photo you never deleted. Smiling, you look down at the call button, wondering if this was a good idea or not. You hesitantly lift your finger, hovering over the rectangle before clicking it.

The phone rings twice, before he answers.

“Y/n, is everything okay? Why are you calling at midnight?”

“Everything’s fine, don't worry, but sorry, did I wake you up?”

You can hear shuffling on his side of the call, before he answers, “No no, I was awake. Why did you call?”

“Honestly? I just wanted to hear your voice.”

He lets out a low chuckle, “Really? That’s it?”

“I also think I forgive you and I want to be your girlfriend again.”

A wave of silence washes over you two. Not a single sound comes through your phone, not a single shuffling or anything. Maybe you shouldn’t have called him, this was a stupid idea. Who let you make important decisions past ten o’clock?

Until he starts up again. “Wait, really?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“You don’t have to answer that right now if you’re not ready to, I can wait eternity for you.”

“No it’s okay, That’s my answer. Let’s give this thing another try.”

“Thank you, Apple. I’ve missed you a lot, you know?”

You smile, “I’ve missed you a lot too.”

008 FOREVER

“Jay, it’s a Saturday.”

He has a huge grin on his face, he very proudly presents what’s in his hands. A bouquet of white and purple roses with a mix of some unknown flower sit in his hands, the brown paper wrapped by twine making him loudly announce every move he’s about to make.

“So? I missed my girl.”

You sigh, rubbing your pried open eyes. “At nine in the morning? I wake up at like eleven.” His smile never falters, not a single bit, “I got you flowers.” Jay says, handing them to you.

“Thank you, Jay. But these are so bright they could literally blind me.”

“I put a lot of thought into this, you know? ‘Made sure to pick the prettiest one for you.” He points to the unknown purple flower. “This is called a Heliotrope.” 

“Is there a meaning to it?” 

“You’ll figure it out.” He smirks. Rolling your eyes, you invite him into your house. placing the bouquet carefully on your desk before inviting him to sit on your bed.

You lay back in the spot you were before you had opened the door. About to tuck yourself back in when you realize you have a guest with you, you toss the blanket open, gesturing for him to lay next to you. Jay gladly accepts, laying next to you. Closing your eyes you feel the dip in the bed  right next to you.

You two both move to get comfortable, finding it best when you’re facing each other, arms lazily thrown over each other.

“Did you just come here to cuddle?” You ask, the words barely coming out of your throat. A soft chuckle comes out of him, you can feel the vibrations of his chest when he says, “Would you mind if I said yes?”

You shake your head no, pulling him impossibly closer. He wraps his arm around your head, softly caressing it until you fall asleep.

Later, you wake up to Jay still sleeping soundly. Checking the time you realize you’ve been sleeping for at least an hour. You grab your phone from the bedside table checking your notifications and social media apps. 

In your peripheral view, the bright purple flowers stand out brightly to you. You quickly switch apps to look up the meaning of the flower.

Pressing enter you read the first box you see.

“In the language of flowers, Heliotrope symbolizes devotion and eternal love.”

A smile grows on your face, Eternal love, I could get used to that.

009 TO DRINK SOME APPLE CIDER (extra timeskip)

Sitting down at your vanity, you look over at Jay to see his familiar dyed silver hair, and a nice dress shirt. You turn back to the mirror.

“Can you believe 2024 is over?” You ask Jay, blending out the eyeshadow you’re putting on. He walks next to you, wrapping his arms around your body, laying down on you. “I’m glad I’ll be spending it with my girl.”

You cover your face feeling the warmth grow on it, slapping his arm, and he quickly pulls away, hissing at the contact. 

“Hey! What was that for?”

“For not letting me get ready.” You jokingly roll your eyes, he quickly kisses your cheek before going back to fix his shirt.

Once you finish you showcase your look, you decide to wear a satin green dress, matching Jay’s dark green shirt. You both look at your full length mirror admiring how you look.

“You look so pretty, Apple.” He says, pressing a soft kiss on your forehead.

You smile when he does that, “You don’t look too bad yourself, Park.”

He frowns, “Don’t call me Park.” he says. You smirk mischievously, “I’m sorry, my big baby.” You tease, pinching both his cheeks. A knock to your apartment door sets you apart. You quickly let his cheeks go, a red tint fills them as you run to open the door. Chaewon and Eunbi greet you two, both holding food of some sort.

Later everyone arrives and the sound of the room grows. Laughter and banter fills the air as the clock continues to click to midnight. 

You stand off to the side, wanting a break from everyone for a little bit, taking a sip of the sparkling apple cider you’ve had in your hands the whole night. You look back up to see Jay approaching you with a smile, showcasing his matching cup.

“We both have apple cider!” He exclaims, gesturing to the amber colored drinks in both of your hands.

“What a coincidence.” You laugh, enveloping him in a hug. “Where have you been all night? I haven’t seen you since Jungwon arrived.”

“Sorry, I was just talking with them. Got caught up and then suddenly it’s minutes to midnight! Couldn’t miss my new year’s kiss with my girl could I?” 

The seconds count down as the crowd of friends all join to count down from ten. 

“Ten!” They exclaim.

“Who said you were getting one?”

“Nine! Eight! Seven!”

“I’ve been hoping for one. Would you like to be my New Year’s kiss?”

“Five! Four! Three!”

“I’d love to.” You respond,  he barely hears it before the friends scream in excitement. 

“Two!”

You close your eyes, smash your lips into his, tasting the sweet apple cider from both of your lips. He smiles into the kiss as the whole apartment celebrates. He wraps his unoccupied hand around your waist, as you wrap yours around his neck, being careful to not spill.

You finally pull away and he looks at you with a love sick gaze. You let out a breathy smile, “Happy New Year, My love.”

“Happy New Year, Apple.”

Giving him a huge hug, you look at everyone chug down their champagne drinks, laughing when Sunghoon spills on his shirt. 

“I love you.” Jay whispers.

“I love you too, Jay. I hope we spend the rest of the year together.”

“Maybe even forever.” He replies.

You look back at him, tilting your head slightly. A huge smile still plastered on your face. “Forever and always.”

taglist : @jwnghyuns @ja4hyvn @trsrina @redm4ri @badmuni @yeokii @enhastolemyheart @softpia @s00buwu @ox1-lovesick @flwoie @kjrcrz @hsgworld @boyfhee

yenqa © please do not copy, steal or translate.

[yueisyum]

“You don’t get it do you” Valentine’s Day special

College au❤️Jeno x Reader

|| 🧸Basically, you’re trying to help jeno find a fake girlfriend to invite to his parents dinner next week. He’s been telling them that he has a girlfriend and they decide that they want to meet her on Valentine’s Day. Sounds cute right? But he does have a girlfriend, so you make it your mission to save his dignity. But for some reason he’s being really picky with his decision. Your not sure why?

“She literally perfect for you”

“But She’s not you”

Authors note🎈: HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!! I’m not completely proud of this as a whole, BUT if I add the fact that I only had like a day and a half to do it, it’s not that bad. There so no smut in this, BUT!!! As you know. You can’t just ask 😏. I’m hoping to maybe do something like this for some other members so if you are hoping for a specific member let me know!

[9:32] February 12th

“She’s also a no” jeno says from next to you on his couch. You slouch even more into his chest. “Jeno- this is the 5th girl I showed you. You didn’t even read the profile yet!” You complain.

You and Jeno are currently sitting in his living room looking through [app] profiles of women that had reached out to you. You got together after your run, and he had just got home from practice. You took a shower and told him about your plan to help him find a date for Tuesday. You had gotten closer to him so you can both see your phone screen clearly, and he ended up pulling you into him. Your back pressed against his chest. This would usually look weird to anyone else, considering you two are just friends, it’s natural between you two. It’s normal. Not weird. Not intimate.

“My parents know I wouldn’t date someone with that hair colour” he explains, shrugging it off. His arm that’s around you moves to swipe to the next profile. You slap his hand away and go back. “No no no, she could wear a wig or dye her hair or something” you continue to the profile and looked at the description. It was quiet short. It read:

[hi! I’m Eunchan! Im 22 years old, my birthday is august 4th, 2000. And I love to work out (do yoga) and I work as a creative writer]

You read the profile out loud, and you can feel Jeno shaking his head. “Jeno-“ you begin.

“Yoga? Absolutely not, yoga isn’t working out, it’s expensive stretching” you giggle and roll your eyes. “Jeno, just get her to tell your parents that she lifts weights or something.” You bring your knees up to your chest to make room for his cat as she lays at his feet. he takes a moment to think. “No, I have to get her to wear a wig AND lie to my parents? They would be able to tell she doesn’t lift weights by her build.” You sit up to look at him.

“You are being ridiculo-“

“-realistic” he interrupts and you scoff. You get up from the couch and walk toward the kitchen. “Where are you going!?” He gets up to follow you like a lost puppy. “If we are going to do this all night I’m going to need a drink.” You answer grabbing a glass- two glasses from the cabinet and he looks for some wine. You could faintly hear the kdrama he played from kitchen while he pour the drinks. You lean into the counter and continue looking.

“Oh here! Listen!”

“[hello, my name is minchi-“

“Hello? Who says hello?”

“Jeno shut up and listen..

[hello, my name is minchi, I’m 21 years old. My favorite colour is blue, my favorite smell is mint and I love Naruto]” you look up at him in anticipation. He loves all those things-

“That sounds like a child’s profile, she can’t even describe herself or hobbies proper-“

“Ughhh” you slouch into the counter. Grabbing the glass of wine her poured and took a long sip. He watch you with a smile. “Jeno, the point of finding you a ‘fake girlfriend’ is that it’s not real! It’s one night and she can be anything you want her to be” you explain, making your way back to the couch. Stopping to let another cat walk past you. This is their palace after all. Then take a seat at the sofa. “No they can’t” he mumbles. “Huh?” You look over at him, he’s making his way to you again. “Nothing, but my parent will be able to sniff out a liar, and I don’t want to take my chances with someone who can’t even tell people what she does for a living.” He sits next to you and places his wine on a coster.

You nod in understanding, this must be really important to him, especially since he’s being so picky. “I have an idea!” You turn to him and he gives you his full attention. “How about we pick a couple of girls, and then you can try going on a date with them. Just to see how they can act in person” he looks at you. It almost looks as if he’s examining your features but you shrug it of. “Please? Come on, this is the best way to find out how they can talk with your parents!” You fold your hands together and give him your best puppy eyes. You can’t help but love playing match maker, even if somewhere deep down you feel an unsettling gush of sadness. You push it aside.

He continues to look at you for another moment. And you swear you saw his eyes flicker to your lips once or twice. “Fine. I’ll do it- if your there with me” he leans back at takes his phone out. “What? Why? It would really be considered a date if I’m there” he looks up from his phone to glance at you. “It’s not supposed to be a date, it’s supposed to be an interview” you deadpan at him. “You really are ridiculous” you then pull your phone back up to look through more profiles with him.

•••

It’s currently [1:47] in the morning and you and jeno had ended up in the same position you started in. Except this time you cuddle closer into him and he pulls you as close as possible; complaining that “it’s cold”.

“Ok here, we can add this one too. It says [hi, I’m Hyebin! I work as an interior designer, I love bike rides and jogging. My favorite season is autumn, I also love watching anime and cars, I have a terrible sense of direction and I’m allergic to ca….ts]” your voice was sleepily and almost at a hum. It was music to jeno’s ears. Your head pressed to his chest and your hair smells like rain wood, probably your shampoo.

“What! No, how can you be allergic to cats?”

You laugh at his reaction. “Jen… your allergic to cat, besides, Shes never going to meet your cats, it’ll be fine- you two have everything else in common. I’m adding her” you add the profile and shoot her a text about meeting up tomorrow afternoon for an ‘date’. He didn’t like that you kept calling it that, but he wouldn’t say anything. It began to get quiet. The faint sound of rain hitting the glass. The dimly lit room and the air conditioning was blasting for some reason. The mood felt so cozy and his heart began to race- along with yours.

When you send the text you put your phone down and wiggle to get comfortable under the Blanket he has you two wrapped up in. “You tired?” He asks warping an arm around your frame. “Mm no” you’re already dosing off and he chuckles lightly. “All these girls seem perfect Jen.” You add.

He loved when you’d call him that. It felt so intimate to him. But it wasn’t, it was normal between best friends. Normal. Not weird.

“I don’t like her” he argues, closing his eyes. You can feel him trying to match his breathing with yours. You continue to lull yourself to sleep as jeno begins to rub your back. “She’s literally perfect for you” you whisper. You’re basically asleep now. You mouth open and your body limp, all you weight was on him and he loved it. He loved the feeling you you against him. He loved that fact that you feel safe enough to fall asleep in his arms.

He loved…

You.

“But she’s not you” he replied. He knew you couldn’t hear him, to far gone in sleep to register his words. But he felt a load of weight and worry leave his body when he voiced those words.

They aren’t you.

•••

[6:36pm] February 13th

The next day you met up with Jeno at modern cafe. When you walked through the door your eyes immediately find him. He’s dressed in a buttoned up shirt and slacks. It wasn’t unusual for him to dress like this, but you noticed his hair was given more attention then what your used to. You slide into the booth across from him.

Jeno looked up from his phone to see you smiling at him. Your cheek bones lift and your eyes squint. He can’t help but do the same. “You look nice” he compliments and you smile wider. “Me? Your the one you did your hair all.. fancy” you laugh when he reaches to touch the strains that fall in front if his face.

“Okay! So I’ll be at the table over there..” you begin. “So you know where I am if you need anything. Eunchan is the first to come, she should be here in like five minutes” you show him the texts between you and the other girl he couldn’t care less about. “No, no stay at the booth with me. This isn’t a date remember? It’s just an-“

“-Interview I know, but it’s between you and her. This has nothing to do with me”

It has EVERYTHING to do with you actually.

“I’ll leave…” he threatens, his arms crossing over his chest, and you can see his sleeve stretching to accommodate his arms. “You are such a child! Why can’t you have a 30 minute conversation alone with a women?”

You cross your arms to mimic him, but it only pushes your chest up. And he smirks at you. “If that women is you or my mom, yes. But other then that.. absolutely not” he shakes his head. You narrow your eyes at him, foot taping at the floor as you think. “Fine.” Your tone was sharp. And he can tell your getting frustrated.

How have you not put it together yet!?

[6:58pm]

You quickly slide out of the both and next to him. He watches you move and smiles and you slouch next to him. He absentmindedly leans into you. “You smell good”

It was a simple comment, but it had your heart skipping multiple beats. You clear your throat and sit up. “Thank you… your cologne smells good too…” you don’t look at him, but his eyes are on you. “Just my cologne? Not me?” He chuckles, but when he realizes your eyes are not on his, he followed your line of sight. you nudge him in the arm and squeal. “She’s here! Okay okay, relax!” You take two deep breaths as a beautiful women makes her way towards the table you and Jeno both sit up.

“Hi! You must be Y/n?” She sits down. Her hair was long and light, almost a orange colour, but it looked natural. She was gorgeous, her makeup simple and done to perfection. She sat with confidence and her earrings dangled when she moves her head, you admire her as she greets jeno, missing the words they exchange. She’s so beautiful, prettier then you; you thought. “Hi! Yes I’m y/n and this is Jeno” you gesture toward Gina ms he smiles to her. You can tell she finds him very attractive, and how could you blame her?

“So, I hear your looking for a “girlfriend” for a dinner with your parents?” She asks looking to Jeno. He looks at you then back to her. “Yes, I’m trying to find someone before tomorrow night”

“Valentines day?”

“Yes”

You watch them talk for a couple minutes. The feeling you had been stuffing down seemed to be overflowing.

She is literally perfect. They would look so perfect together. They might even end up getting together for real after the dinner. His parents would probably love her. And Jeno would probably come to you for advice with her all the time. And even if it killed you, you would give it to him because you love him. And if they ever got married- you would be there to cheer him on even if the sight of him placing a ring on another woman would literally kill you. Your best friend Jeno would always talk about how he found the ‘love of his life’ through fake dating. It would be a cute story to tell at parties or celebrations.

The thought of him spending his life with another women made the best of your neck hot. And your head hurt thinking about how he would be an Amazing dad…

Why do you even care!?

Why would him being with another person hurt YOU!? Your his best friend nothing more- But why do you wish it was you sitting across from him? Why do you wish it was you he wanted to bring to meet his parents? Or wishing you could be the one he would put a ring on?

Oh…

Oh

You’ve truly been avoiding it, because you didn’t want to face how he makes you feel… but here you are. Lost in thought- bathing in in your feelings. They’ve always been there, but now they are downing you.

You want him.

Like really want him.

Realizing that your not just attracted to him, but you can truly see a future with him.

Him.

Jeno.

Your best friend jeno…

You find yourself fidgeting with your rings while they talk, your brain feels foggy and you can’t bring yourself to look up. You tried to pay attention but your mind would just build with thought of them being together and you felt as if you would throw up.

But you have done it. You have realized that you love Jeno… now what? What do you do now? Say something? Confront him? Be honest?

“….Well this was fun anyway. I’m glad I had the chance to talk to you. And I wish you good luck with your parents” you lift your head to see the different, darker haired women make her way out of the cafe. You then turn to jeno, who’s looking at you. “What the hell happened I spaced out for two minutes!?”

Actually it’s been almost an hour; he thought,

Fifthy three minutes of you spacing out. Something was definitely wrong. he began to worry when he nudged your foot mid conversation, but you didn’t even flinch. Decided he should end it quickly with Hyebin, giving the second women a random excuse as to why she wouldn’t fit.

“She said she was a terrible lair, can’t have her revealing info, ya’know?” he shrugged and slouched down in his seat. “We should order food” he adds before you can scold him. Hoping food will fix whatever headspace your in right now.

You would never say this out loud, but your glad she’s gone. Her presence made you want to jump out if the nearest window and run home- never to be seen again. “Jeno…” he places down the menu to look at you. “Hm?” You finally turn to him. “Why are you being so difficult? Why won’t you pick a girl? It’s so simple, but you seem to care a lot about it” you ask genuinely. He thinks for a moment and you wait patiently.

“I don’t want just anyone meeting my parents. They mean a lot to me, and I don’t need a random women meeting them” he explains, while continuing to look through the menu. “Oh” you nod. Not wanting to ask him too many questions.

You can’t seem to focus on anything. Not when the only thing going through your mind is Jeno.

‘Jeno’

“Yes?” You turn to him when he responds to what you thought… were your thoughts.

What?

“What?”

“You said my name?” He leans in questionably, trying to find your eyes, but you refuse to look at him. “I did?” You turn away from him, grabbing a menu form the table to act like your looking for food.

“You did… are you feeling okay?” He continues to move his head in Front of yours; so you’ll look at him. When you finally do, your heart stops. He is so handsome so beautiful- no, breathtaking. His eyebrows pinch together, you can tell he’s worried. You don’t want him to be worried about you, not right now. “Yes I’m… No actually I’m not feeling well and I should probably get going. You seem to be doing well without me anyway” You place the menu down on the glossy wooden table in front of you and begin to get up.

You stop when Jeno’s hand wraps around you forearm. “Wait, do you want me to come with you? Is it your stomach? I can make you some ramen” He looks desperate and worried. So you put on your best ‘I’m fine’ face and tug your hand away. Your skin felt tingly where he had touched you, and the thought of him making physical contact with you again gave you butterflies. And you can’t think straight. “Nope, I’ll be fine. Your next runner up should be here in like 15 minutes? She’ll text you” his jaw tightened and his brows knitted.

“I don’t want to do this without you” he grabs at your wrist this time. The tension slowly raising with each respons.

What the heck is going on with you?

“Why? What changes whether I’m here or not?” You try to laugh but you can’t. So you just fake a smile. “Y/n please, don’t go. Your hiding something, I’m not stupid” his voice seemed more stern this time. “I’m fine. Text me after- and let me know how it goes” you smile once more before running of.

“Y/n-“

Jeno won’t chase you. He knows he can’t get you to stay and he wouldn’t want to force you, but it doesn’t stop him from trying to call out for you anyway.

[7:46pm]

•••

When you opened the door to your dorm your faced with your roommate Harim and her boyfriend jaemin. They were watching tv on the couch and you smiled to them before turning to your room.

“You okay y/n?”

Harim, is a nice roommate, really! But sometimes she can be a bit nosey. Not it a bad way, she just wants to know how I’m doing. She’s very empathic or whatever. So when she asked that question; you were scared to answer.

“I’m all good, just a little overwhelmed… need to be alone with my thoughts” you wave too her and jaemin. He gives you a look before smiling back. “Okay! If you need anything we are here”

…

You close the door to the bathroom and turn on the faucet. Then you lean against the counter to examine yourself in the mirror.

This is ridiculous…. Why is this such a big deal to you? The feelings have always been there… but now your freaking out like a child because you decided to address them!? You feel so stupid.

Telling him could possibly ruin Everything. That’s what everyone always says in movies… but now you truly understand the feeling.

‘Fuck this is so stupid.’ You thought.

…

When you finally leave your room, after what felt like hours of you contemplating on whether or not you should tell jeno the truth; you walk into an empty living room. Your roommate and Jaemin must have left. So you find yourself on the couch to relax and watch tv. Searching through shows that don’t involve the main character falling in love with her best friend. You end up watching some cheesy old chick flick that you’ve never seen before. You feel your phone buzz, the vibration affecting the rest of the couch. It was jeno, you pick up the phone and open the text.

You didn’t even realize how late it was again. [12:13] have you really been doing absolutely nothing for almost 6 hours!?

Man child

_____________________________________________

|| Man child -

Hey, interviews are over

|| Man child -

lm omw. I got takeout

- You ||

Alright!

_____________________________________________

You sit up and look around the living room. You’ve never cared wether or not it was clean before he came over before… so why now?

You spring to your feet and begin picking up plates and some cups to put them in the sink. Busying yourself with cleaning the dorm when you hear a pin being entered into your front door and the sound of the handle clicking. “Y/n?”

“In the kitchen!” You yell out to him while place the last cup on the drying rack. You can smell the food before you even see the bag. When jeno spears from behind the corner you shoot him a smile. He grins at you then places the food on the table. He’s wearing sweatpants and a hoodie now. But he looked just as good as he did at the cafe. “Are you feeling better?” He asks turning to you while leaning on the granite counter.

He’s hoping it’s not awkward after that weird conversation at the cafe. He had wondered what had gotten into you. To busy with that thought to care much about the girl across from him.

“Mhm much better” you examine every inch of him. His face, his hair, his hands. And he watches you space out. “So what got you feeling unwell?” He asks, pushing himself off the counter and slowly nearing towards you. “First, how did the interviews go?” You place the towel you were using to dry your hand in the counter

“No, Why did you leave me?” He insists and you give in. With a big sigh you ready yourself to tell him the truth… tell him what he wants to hear*

“Sorry, I was just feeling a little overstimulated, I’m not sure why” yes the hell you did. “But I just needed some time alone” you continue and he listens with a soft smile.

“Don’t apologize pretty... Did you figure out why you were feeling overwhelmed?” He asks, his hand coming to move hair from your face. The action wasn’t supposed to make you feel the way you did. This is normal between you two… not weird… you aren’t supposed to be this affected.

You are so beautiful; he thought. Your in comfortable clothes now, but he thinks you look ten times better then at the cafe. If he didn’t have half a mind, he would kiss you right now.

“Yeah” you unintentionally lean into his palm when he tucks the hair behind you ear. Your eyes close in the process and he freezes. You looked like a cat, feeding into his touch. He caressed your face while smiling down at you.

“Yeah? … What was it?” He ask, taking his chances and taking a step closer. Your thighs touching his, before he wraps his arms around you, bringing you into a warm hug; which you reciprocate.

“You…”

You didn’t mean to say it, but you didn’t really seem to care what left your mouth when he was holding you. You felt safe.

“Me!?” He tries to pull away but you refuse.

“Please don’t let go” you grip tighter around him. Digging your face into his chest. “I was overwhelming you!?” He asks. His hands stay open, no longer loading into you. Jeno just watches you closely, but you won’t move.

“No, I mean.. it wasn’t anything you did”

“What does that mean? Are you upset with me? Is that why you left?”

“No. Jeno please just hold me for a moment” you finally look up at him. Your eyes pleading him to hug you. How could he refuse. His big arms wrap around you, squeezing you into him further. You can hear his heart beating, faster then normal. He continues to look down at you. He watches you stare at him.

“Jeno?”

“Y/n”

“Can I be the one you bring to meet your parents?” He can’t help but beam at the question. He felt giddy and light. He doesn’t care about anything right now, the only thought in is head is you.

“Finally…” he muttered. You feel like his head is moving closer to yours, but maybe that’s just your mind laying tricks on you.

“Finally? What does that mean? Is that a yes or a no?” You punch your eyebrows together and try your best to keep eye contact with him. “You don’t get it do you?”

“Get what?” You are about to pull away to ask another question, but Jenos hands move from your back to your hips and you can feel your body heat up. “Y/n you are quite oblivious” his head is definitely moving closer to yours. His eyes are stationed on your lips and yours on his. “Jeno?” he getting unbelievably closer, you begin to hold your breath, grabbing his forearms for leverage. “Y/n”

“Are you going to kiss me?” You watch his face closely.

“As soon as you say the words princess”

You let out a sigh and lift your hands to hold his face. “‘The words’” you whisper and he didn’t even get the time to laugh, your lips attached to his immediately. One of his hands come to cup you face. His lips are soft and it feels like a movie. I know it’s sounds cheesy, but the moon was so bright through your windows and the sound of wind could be heard from inside the apartment.

[12:59]

He tries pull away but you won’t allow him. Your lips chase his and he smiles into you. “Y/n”

“Yes?” You look up at him when he pulls away completely. “Your going to be my valentine.” You laugh at his seriousness. “Is that a question?”

“No”

He leans in again to peck a your lips

“Please. Let. Me. Take. You. To. The. Bedroom.” He asks between each kiss. “I haven’t even said it yet jeno”

He pulls away. “Said what?”

“That I like you, and I think that there’s definitely something between us” you joke, bitting your lip, and being as dramatic as possible.

“Congrats… You were the last to realize” he laughs when your face drops.

“Wait- are you serious?” He lets another laugh leave him.

“Happy Valentine’s Day y/n”

[1:01am] February 14th

[synthshenanigans]

I'm curious as to peoples idea for what he'd do for the next power hour so

[These all being popular ideas or ppl he's mentioned]

This was all just a ploy to get you to read my info dump theory on the concept of a Chonny Jash Power Hour loser HAHAHA

Im joking tho. Not about my CJPH theory, that is very much real but I'm not forcing you to read it lol

However if you're curious, my inane rambles are further down :}

[Long Rant Post Below]

Okay so I'm gonna start with the basic idea I got it from; that being Nerd. Nerd already foreshadowed the THDPH & the WWPH [Even down to the last song for each of them] Not only that, but he references the stuff hes done in the past as well with a break/pause inbetween.

[This is what I mean]

The first three being all stuff he already did. BDG with Pocket, Tally Hall with Vol.1 & then Cage by Tim Minchin being the start the power hours.

The next two being the power hours he would do after this song [Memento Mori & Charlie's Inferno-Will Wood & That Handsome Devil]. But those are the only songs he would reference in Nerd, leaving no more clues as to what the last one would be. The only thing left in it is the video game references & Stairway to Heaven in the ending. [Which oddly enough also fit the pattern in a way. StH being about dying and the afterlife like Memento Mori & Chonny's Inferno and the video game references being all covers he made on his old channel]

While the VG refs could be a hint at a Videogame or Toby Fox Power Hour, I think at most, if its a clue at all, hinting at the next thing he does is recovering old songs.

----

Next, a couple of his songs reference his past stuff. Fine, I'm Fine has a good amount of lines that vaguely refer back to songs from the before [heres a post that goes more into it that's pretty cool!!]. And more importantly Dear Machine references Pocket, Dream (Outro from Calamity) & wings of wax. Pocket being later used in Nerd & the mention of Icarus coming back in Art. Not only that, but the voice in the very end Thermodynamic Lawyer is the exact same [if not very close to] voice filter/effect he uses in Dear Machine. Even down to the British accent he does in it. [Tho it is fairly normal for a music artist to reference their older songs in their music so it could be nothing]

Speaking of Dear Machine tho, quick thing to add about it is that it shows he not against covering his own songs. While yea technically its just a different version of Ode of the Cog, DM,HtC in a way counts as a cover of OotC. Same goes for bargaining/compromise & The Ballad of Dr. Jekyll.

----

Another idea with a CJPH is that in the CJFS discord theres a "Question of the Day" Channel. Where, as the name says, a Mod or Helper will ask a CJ related question & everyone can give their idea/imput on it. For Day 100, as a special fun lil thing, they asked Chonny if he wanted to give a question for that day. His question being:

And yes he does say that he doesnt plan on doing anything like that in future [if he even were to do it]. I fully believe he wasn't lying there & honestly I never saw him redoing any song ever until I had the idea of a CJPH [aside from stuff like Spring and a Storm & Storm and a Spring obviously]. But this is the best idea I could ever see him doing that. Also that question was from early August so a fair amount of time has passed. Whether thats enough time to equal "at least in the near future at all" I have no clue, but it is a thought.

----

One of my last points [that I remember atm lol] is on how he would end the power hours. Cos like, while yea he does whatever he wants & doesn't rlly follow what anyone says or asks [which I 100% agree with & is completely valid btw], I'd imagine he'd still want to end the PHs with a bang. Which is why I originally didnt think the recent one would be Will Wood.

He's stated a couple of time that hes one of his favorite artist & he definitely knows that a huge chunk of his fan base listen to WW as well. So why not end with that? Why not end with one of the most requested artist people wanted him to cover? Why wouldn't he end with a power hour of the artist that was his #1 on his Spotify Wrapped? What else could he do after that? Well maybe he'd go with his #2 artist? WHICH IS JUST HIMSELF BBYYYY

Plus, the name Power Hour already comes from this:

So it's very likely he's had himself play multiple times in a row & had a "Chonny Jash Power Hour".

Of course theories are just theories so there's always the chance I'm wrong & just insane. And again he does whatever he wants whenever he wants so who knows what it'll be. I just think id be an interesting idea for him to do.

As for how a Chonny Jash Power Hour would look? Maybe each song being a cover of a song from a past album or single? I'd imagine one from the before. & Covered in Discontent [maybe Gothic Whore?]. Like remake Pocket since its been referenced so much, tho that's still just a BDG cover so who knows. the before. would be interesting just to see how his perspective has changed since he originally wrote those songs. Gothic Whore he already has 2 songs that have a story version & a him version so I can see him doing another.

I HIGHLY doubt he'd do anything related to Vol.1 as its his completely separate thing & he doesn't rlly wanna touch any song that's TH/HMS related until whenever he feels like starting Vol.2 [which is valid lol]. If anything I could maybe see like TWWAY, Special or maybe Greener? Or go a different route with the og I'm Gonna Win or like a more outta the box one with like Just a Friend [only cos be did a 20 second "cover" of it in Mucka Blucka]. Again, I do not see him touching anything Vol.1 related but still something to entertain ig? [4th TME cover; The Chonny Electric when/j]

Tho maybe he'd just remake songs that he he fully made [like the before. or Gothic Whore], since those are more of actual Chonny Jash songs rather than the others just being covers. Would be very cool to maybe see a remake of some of his Majora's Mask song tho [no this isn't me coping over HEAL not being on spotify shush]. Or maybe he'd do songs from his old stuff like Don't Take it Personally? [also not me coping over wanting that song on Spotify too]

Idk these are just my thoughts on the idea of a CJPH [or even a Can of Soup Power Hour/j]. Either way I am gonna say idc what he'd do, BDG or Streetlight Manifesto are my other guesses, but anything he makes is always rll good & fun so I'll be interested to see whatever it is.

But ya know considering I typed all this out in the span of an hour & a half I kinda hope im not wrong PFFT

[jiminjeonging]

I think the winter, karina, giselle instagram live they did in august 2023 is peak jmj angst yearn

So in my personal timeline headcanon (and I think shared by a lot of others) 2023 was a patchy time for them - early on going into a more platonic / no sex era (due to arguments that came from over complicating their friendship, but they still felt romantic + sexual things for each other, which then became more intense the longer the tried to stay away from each other). I think the tour was what made them start hooking up again- the freedom of being away from Korea, the adrenaline from tour, the being together constantly. So at the time of this live, we have a jmj who hookup in secret on tour, pretending to themselves and to each other it’s not romantic, which is then making them unconsciously tetchy and on edge with each other when they’re not hooking up (on stage, in rehearsal- this again is also enhanced by the being together all day everyday with tour rehearsals and the performances themselves).

Now in the live we see

- a kind of off energy the whole way through. Of course they’re still friends and acting like such but also compared to their 2022/earlier lives where they were clingy + affectionate to this? It just makes the whole vibe a bit.. it seems like jm is less comfortable than when she did lives alone or with aeri in this era (see: her hiding her face, her wanting to go off camera occasionally, her needing a break to “get sweets”)

- despite this, jm is clearly staring at mj a lot this live. When she does turn her head from the screen, it’s nearly always at mj even when she’s not talking. And there is a very noticeable point where she is looking at mj through the screen (she smiles to herself when mj pulls a face)

- kind of jealous jm? Whenever aeri and mj are interacting or joking or laughing between them jms face falls completely flat. I wouldn’t say she looks angry or jealous persay but she just stops talking and smiling and stares dead faced - maybe more dare fetched but her completely out the blue calling out that fan that said they wanted to date mj 😭

- maybe fits with the jealousy thing but it needs a point of its own bc it makes me laugh- mj talking about snails and goes “unnie can’t eat snails though”, then jm immediately going “I can ?” and then getting corrected when mj reveals she was talking to giselle instead 😭 she assumed she was in mjs head as much as mjs in hers

- and speaking of! The classic jm mid conversation laughing to herself about a conversation her and mj had and then awkwardly having to explain it

- mj as well just seems not very interactive with jm? When it was conversations of the three of them they’d all talk, and yes it probably was hard for them to interact with giselle in between them- but again going from mj who would lean over people just to hold jms hands to an mj who didn’t even really look at her much? Combined with jm just giving a kind of sad energy

- jm making a comment that she hoped nn scared winter through the hotel walls in the middle of the night. The joke itself was normal but that whole section seemed so odd again. (Theory is jm was practically begging for mj to invite her to stay in her room and using her being scared as an excuse)

Anyway sorry for such a rant im just rewatching it now and going crazy. As the live progresses they do both seem to get more into it and interact a bit more and are giggly more but it makes me think it was tense between the two of them before they started

omg this is actually such a good analysis that made me want to rewatch the live bcs i felt that mj wasnt really interactive with jm back then too! also i agree with the timeline in your head the semi hate-fucks went hard during the tour🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesdaypost year in review

this year brought to you by viewers like you. thank you! i still do not know how to thank everyone for their incredible generosity during the Late July/Early August Moving Catastrophe Badtimes and im still feelin some kinda way about it. thank you.

took eight weeks completely off, more than any other year so far

overnight traveled for work for the first time

moved cross country with Mack to face dangers untold and hardships unnumbered

bought an actual for-real couch and not a futon

got Phil

(unrelated to Phil) i got spayed after almost ten years of begging and pleading various medical professionals, (also unrelated) got covid and RSV back to back

listening

fallow weeks: 8. i almost always have a tuesdaysong bc i am almost always listening to something. all of the tuesdaysongs are here:

particular favorites were Peel Me A Grape (Anita O’Day), top spotify song of the year Yeah Yeah Yeah (Blood Orchid), Yeah Yeah Yeah’s Wolf remixed by Sextile, Father Finlee (Spence Hood), A Minha Menina (Os Mutantes).

the very last tuesdaysong of the year is Sugar Rum Cherry by Duke Ellington, one of the few christmas songs i tolerate.

special shoutout to the austin underscore walker universe of podcasts, bc i mainlined A More Civilized Age (clone wars/star wars rewatch) while packing, and devoured P/alisade (the newest scifi season of F/riends at the Table) this month.

-

reading

fallow weeks: 11. pleased that i am killing the invisible rules in my head and including more articles instead of feeling guilty about Not Reading A Real Book!!! every week when i sit down to write the tuesdaypost. read a fuckton earlier this year bc i was procrastinating moving prep, have not read much since i moved.

article sources:

inoreader (the best free RSS feed/app imo)

The Markup (gold standard usage of data to show how various technologies are being used to harm the public good: you may have heard of the recent American bills to equalize internet service and fix organ donation grift. that was them)

Web 3 Is Going Just Great (crypto disasters)

404 Media (technology reporting, internet culture, also break a lot of data/legal/privacy scandals)

Remap (formerly Vice's video games division Waypoint, more active on podcasts and twitch but do have great personal essays about gaming longreads)

Retraction Watch (an important academic service but platformed a particularly virulent transphobe and let the comments devolve into a free for all. yes im still mad about this)

Krebs on Security (~once a month extremely long and thoughtful infosec writeups)

Data Colada (cover academic data whoopsies, currently being sued for their journalism)

the two authors i spent the most time with this year were Alexis Hall (romance novels and novellas) and Raymond Chandler's noir detective novels. i read 90% of Raymond Chandler's work in march and went insane about yet another sad bisexual man. Philip Marlowe the cat is named after his pet detective, the human Philip Marlowe.

march was kind of a banger for this category bc in one of what i consider the best tuesdayposts this year, i tried to break down why i fucking hated Frank Miller's Sin City comics so much.

other comics, but ones i loved: Spy X Family, Berserk, weird noir DC miniseries The Human Target.

-

watching

fallow weeks: 10

notable stuff i watched for the first time (according to letterboxd) that will stick in my head for a bit. some (The Night of the Hunter) i am so glad i watched once but do not feel the need to revist. some (Slipstream) fascinate me with how good they could have been. some (Twilight. all of them) were fun bc of the people i watched them with. the two i went particularly deranged over are The Big Sleep and Day of Anger. still feel very normal about them.

very heavy on crime and courtroom films this year!

television: very excited for s2 of Blue Eye Samurai, Interview With The Vampire, Spy X Family.

i should loop back and finish Black Lagoon, Adventure Time (completely forgot i rewatched most of that this spring), and The Big O. that last one is throwing me a little bc (since i last checked) there is no freely available version with subtitles (i cannot find subtitles Period) and i'll be damned if i have to import a dvd. i can find the dub with subtitles but! i want to hear spike spiegel as mecha-batman :(

sort of lukewarm eh-i'll-get-around-to-it about s/tar wars shows. i have not watched a/hsoka At All or wrapped up the animated Resistance show. i'll pay attention when ando/r is airing again.

-

playing

fallow weeks: 10. way fewer than i would have guessed!

the trouble with this category is that it is exceptionally hard to find new good games (either ones i already own or ones that are free). it is almost completely prohibitively exhausting to trawl through the free category on steam. there's simply a lot of cruft out there. a very good thing (but also incredibly timeconsuming thing) i started this year was throwing games into various folders so the eight bajillion libraries i have are less overwhelming. i can safely ignore 80% of my epic games library, for example. the itch.io library is a whole separate weekend project i think.

got back into genshin for good or for ill, which took up most of the back half of the year.

go play ABZU. i am no longer asking.

i would like to go back and finish the RPG Gamedec, un-softblock myself in the RPG Weird West, and finish the visual novel Dead Man's Rest. i think i stalled out in Call of Juarez: Gunslinger bc there was a mexican standoff that my reflexes are simply not fast enough for/too much to pay attention to. i am excited to pick up that spooky fishing simulator DREDGE when i have fun money again.

completely forgot i spent most of jan/feb/march being annoyed at fallou/t 4 but having some fun in Far Harbor, also forgot i spent an entire month playing through Wolfenstein: The New Order but i am not compelled to play through it again. it was fun! but like many games after one playthrough my time with it is done!

-

making

fallow weeks: 17 (unsurprising, pretty low energy year as a whole as i recovered from covid rounds 1 and 2 and the frankly insane stress of moving).

wrote exactly one fic: some matters at the heart of cowboy western snap shirts: why they are so and some of the implications of their being so, i would like to write more next year but i don't really have the brainpower. i hope this changes soon.

the baby blanket i started last year is still not done but the baby is still under a year so i have a very narrow window of time.

dyed some couch covers im still very pleased with

wrote an extremely long but very well received gallery wall guide

recipes: 12. sort of shocked by this? i am becoming an incrementally better cook and slowly finding recipes i both like and can successfully execute. found the fortitude to caramelize onions, for example. quick pickled red onions, for another thing. big year for protein or greens on top of beans and rice. faves included: cuban-style pork shoulder, hellofresh peruvian chicken, red lentil soup, white bean/kale/rice bowls

i would like to be less terrified about cooking fish. i would like to eat more fish.

and of course, the biggest project of all, acquired Phil. here is my very favorite photo ive ever taken of a cat

[luvo27]

im going to talk about my mythical creatures batman au now:

first of all damian is specifically eastern dragon on his mother's side because eastern dragon mythology i think would be fun for like, immensely powerful and immortal protectors of nature. also they're usually described to have the antlers of a deer and i think there's something that could be fun about the origin of the name ra's al ghul, because for the purposes of i want them to, they have full dragon forms and mostly human forms and in the mostly human form they still have the horns and it could be fun if some human saw him in his human form with the horns and ra's was like you know what sure that's my name now

bruce and the waynes are phoenixes but like way way way way way back so they appear completely human and only have like one or two traits. it's inherited from thomas's side of the family and i think it would be fun if there's like a component of, their nature makes them compelled or some other more fitting word than compel but my point is they're predisposed towards helping people and that's why thomas is a doctor and then why bruce is batman. anyways the only phoenix trait bruce has is that when and only when he has received a fatal wound he heals just enough so that it isn't immediately fatal and that's it. there's like something in there about healing tears that he does not have and crying desperately over his family anyways and it not doing anything as well

jason is a sphinx because i think the idea of like, the sphinx as a protector but also the sphinx as someone who challenges the hero fits in fun ways. oh and the thing about the sphinx guarding tombs specifically is very fun

stephanie is a centaur because i think that fits her personality-wise althought i don't have the words to explain but i love it a lot and i will live and die by this.

i don't have anyone else nailed down (i have ideas but my heart isn't set on them) but i've had a lot of thoughts about the general world this takes place in: namely modern with magic in the sense of like, it's normal and well known that there are just these mythical creature people and they're just a normal part of society and naturally discrimination exists but not worse than like real world bigotry (so like. look at the history or less accepting parts of the world and it gets more dire) anyways since the waynes are part phoenix and big names in gotham it's one of the most welcoming cities. because of location there's also a large mer population. i lost the tabs i had open because i was thinking about this au in like. august? but i was looking up atlantic city nj census information because as a coastal city you'd have to imagine that gotham is a not insignificant immigration hub and i was wondering if there might be anything interesting there but we definitely know there's a large chinese population and so follows that there are a lot of chinese mythical creatures and there's probably something in the ghost dragons about claiming you actually have dragon heritage. other than that by virtue of having large populations, indian immigrants and hindu mythological creatures represent a sizable part of the population, and also south american mythology! this is just a general worldbuilding thing but there's probably a lot of added contention about like, the nitty gritty of cultural origin of various mythological creatures, stop lumping all this region's mythological creatures into the same mythological origin, just because this myth from one culture looks like this one from another they're actually not the same, yes these creatures use the same name but are from different cultural origins and are actually completely different, you get the picture.

anyways i think centaur culture has a big house shoes thing. i think they've got cute house slippers. honestly most of the worldbuilding is completely unrelated to batman. you could go down the road of like city infrastructure (there's like, mechanized water bubble type things for merfolk at things like the bike rental stations you can find some places and centaurs need to get like. driving licenses but it's for just being able to do horse things in regular traffic flow and how does that work and how does seating at restaurants work or public transit. what's the standard doorway height because of the greater variation in body size. dietary needs and specialized stores? what does the medical industry look like.) i'm a big fan of this kind of stuff!

[pyropethedragon]

i heard there's some guys not fully caught up with the shit gremlin did in the chip fandom in 2022, so i'm gonna make a mini list of what happened

everyone involved will remain anon unless stated otherwise

february 2022: gremlin makes her first half-assed apology. fandom beats her ass for this, admittedly i ALMOST fell for it, but luckily i had people who knocked some sense into me, thank god

march 2022: one of the members speaks out about not forgiving them, condemning their actions. gremlin + her friends make alts to harass this person into locking their account temporarily. this goes on throughout april + i think may as well

may 2022: gremlin creates a fake account pretty much used to block evade + groom me. see this for what she did there

early june 2022: gremlin drops the bomb on the account + ruins me in the process. i fell into a really deep depression that took me months to get out off

late june 2022: one of gremlin's ex-friends (they're one of my closest friends now!! :o]) cuts her off + speaks out about their experiences vaguely. this chucked me into a rage (not towards the friend ofc. towards gremlin) so huge that i literally had to have someone else calm me down

september 2022: said person speaks out about their experiences with gremlin, they get completely dogpiled by her friends for it. this continued on into january 2023

throughout february 2023 until august 2023, i was heavily struggling with the shit that happened. i felt completely lost. UNTIL....

august 2023: this account (the one blu reblogged from, although he was one of the guys who went to beat her ass lol) appears and beats gremlin's ass. she gets her ass beat for ages LOL (the chip fandom finally had some normality and everyone in the chipcord came together to beat her ass too)

november 2023: i find out that yuzu was gremlin. see "may 2022" for that shit

i dunno why i still fight, despite it destroying me. maybe its cuz im too stubborn lol

[bellybiologist]

September 2024 Patreon Announcements

September rolls around (again)! This month is notable because it's been a bit more than a year since I started streaming again. Time keeps on flying, for better and worse. :V

After the usual announcements, I can go into more detail about How Things Are Going at the end for those who are interested!

=====

September's Poll will be up Shortly! The winning theme is "Crop Tops," and I will go into detail on the poll post.

The Next Sequence has been Decided. It is a David (from Lilo and Stitch) Stuffing sequence! I will attempt to find time to at least start it this month.

Commissions are still Open! Comms are still a bulk of my monthly income, so i'm still accepting submissions, even if you're already on the list! I understand the wait time is long, but all commissioners are free to add to, adjust, or change orders they've already made at any time! Just contact me to discuss it. A new Reward Request Post will be going up! Patrons are free to leave one in there even if you already have one from last month's! July's requests will have expired though! So if those haven't been drawn, you will need to re-suggest them. August's will expire when October rolls around. See this document to see whats on the list, what expired, and what has been done!

===== As always, thanks for the support!

Those are the normal announcements! The following is not particularly important and more just info on how things are going.

=====

I've managed to get all the appliances that needed replacing replaced, (ie. the fridge), but I still got a few months left on the bigger dental bills. The final payments for those are in november, after which, I can focus on paying off the credit card bills that have been piling up, and possibly to have some savings at some point. Others will be done in January, so it'll be a good while before I'm free from those. :V

All patreon fills were made free back in May, and I'm pleased that decision didn't reduce patreon income by a huge amount (roughly 100 bucks monthly, which was in reasonable expectations). It's much easier on me, having a less strict deadline, while giving me less to do in regards to making pieces available and whatnot.

I'm enjoying streaming, and really appreciate those who are keeping me company. Ya'll have been great support~, which has been great at keeping me working more consistently.  As for commissions progress... I'm roughly halfway down the list! Which, honestly, is not saying a whole lot when the list must get longer every month by necessity. We're getting close to passing the 1 year waiting time for some people, which im very sorry for, but I'm still doing my best to keep a steady pace! I'm shooting for 3-4 commissions completed a month. Thanks to everyone whose been patient and supportive.

That said, my aunt is still job hunting. We're hoping she'll have meaningful employment by this month. Not 100% sure about how this month will go, but i guess we'll have to see! I'll have to pick up more slack if things dont go our way. Still no news from the landlord, so im just assuming they are satisfied with our work so far with the apartment.

And that's about it! Thanks for reading if you did!

[honkaistarrailsorter]

Sorter Changelog

Upcoming Updates

None currently besides keeping up with character releases!

There may be a delay for newly drip marketed characters to be added to the sorter. Please be patient and wait a few days as HSR drip marketing happens across different days.

2025 January

(1/1/25) Added [Tribbie] and [Mydei] to Upcoming and their respective rarity/path/element. Moved [The Herta] and [Aglaea] to playable (preemptively). Moved [Caelus • Rememberance], [Stelle • Rememberance], [Herta] (4*), [Tingyun] (4*) to Character Alts and will be treated as Character Alts from here on out, [The Herta] and [Fugue] will be treated as normally. Moved [Sunday] from Penacony to Cosmic. Added [Micah] to Notable NPCs on request.

under the cut is old updates

2024 November

(11/27/24) Updated Images for [Dr. Ratio], [Feixiao], [Lingsha], [Moze], and [Rappa]. Updated Images to [Caelus • Rememberance], [Stelle • Rememberance], [The Herta], [Aglaea] because I initially forgot about their rarities on the images.

(11/22/24) Moved [Sunday] and [Fugue] to playable (preemptively). Added [Rememberance] and [Amphoreus] as sorting options (yayy new path and new world!!). Added [Caelus • Rememberance], [Stelle • Rememberance], [The Herta], [Aglaea] to Upcoming and their respective rarity/path/element (+ faction for Aglaea). Added [Tribbie] (Female), [Anaxa] (Male), [Hyacine] (Female), [Mydei] (Male), [Cipher] (Female), [Castorice] (Female), [Phainon] (Male), [Cyrene] (Female, elysia i love u in every universe) to Amphoreus and Notable NPCs. Added some NPCs (Cirrus, Woolsey, Hoolay, Mr. Reca, and Profnana) to the sorter on request. Added [Mythus (Enigmata)] to Aeons on request.

2024 October

(10/10/24) Moved [Rappa] to playable (preemptively). Moved [Sunday] from NPC, Penacony to Upcoming, Penacony, Male, 5★, Imaginary, Harmony. (I know about the story leaks unfortunately. no im not gonna add it until i see it myself) Added [Fugue] to Upcoming, Xianzhou, Female, 5★, Fire, Nihility (I’m pretty sure this is tingyun but i actually havent done the 2.5 story update yet lmao so im not entirely sure)

2024 September

(9/17/24) Moved [Feixiao], [Moze], [Lingsha] to playable. Added [Rappa] to Penacony, Female, 5★, Imaginary, Erudition. Added an NPC to the sorter (Richard_Knowitall) on request. Added two more NPCs to the sorter (Velite and Wilder) on another request.

2024 August

(8/26/24) Added a singular NPC to the sorter (Giovanni) on anon’s request.

(8/13/24) Added some NPCs to the sorter (Oti Alfalfa, Huaiyan). sorry chat i forgot about the old people

(8/12/24) Major update!! Added the cursor used in game! Made the information box a little prettier and the sorter counter less generic. Added Sorting Categories for 4★, 5★, and Character Alts. Updated all icons used in the sorter to a different design because I think the previous one is ugly and it was bothering me, mentioned in Anniversary Post. New icons now show Character’s [Rarity], [Path], and [Element]. Changed icon images of some characters because.. It looks nicer. Added [Yunli], [Jiaoqiu] (my beloved), [March 7th • Swordmaster], [Feixiao], [Lingsha], and [Moze] to the sorter and their respective rarity/path/element/faction. Added some NPCs to the sorter (Dan Shu, Master Gongshu, Hamster Ball Knight, Boss Stone, Origami Bird, Skott, the other Ten Stonehearts shown in that trailer). Moved [Firefly] and [Jade] to playable (i’m so sorry this is late).

2024 May

(5/9/24) moved Robin and Boothill from upcoming to playable, removed Robin and Firefly from NPC, added Legwork, Tiernan, Razalina, and Siobhan to NPCs

2024 April

(4/25/24) added new charas, added categories, updated categories for some charas, updated chara elements, updated images for some charas, changed sparkle name to just sparkle because firefly is just firefly itd be weird to have only one of them diff, sam is taken out of the sorter completely (im sorry), added Imbibitor Lunae back into the sorter by popular request (ive gotten like. 5 messages asking to add him back who am i to deny the people), firefly best girl happy anni. also thank you for using and supporting the sorter! :)

2023 December

(12/15/23) added Sunday (Male, Penacony), Robin (Female, Penacony), Firefly (Female, Penacony), Gallagher (Male, Penacony), Duke Inferno (Male), Aventurine (Male, Cosmic), and Owlbert (bro i forgot about him) to NPCs, changed images for Black Swan, Hanabi/Sparkle, Misha, and Sam

(12/13/23) added Hanabi/Sparkle (Quantum, Harmony, Female) and Misha (Ice, Destruction, Male) to Upcoming. // Note: Sorter will display Hanabi/Sparkle’s name as Hanabi (it’s her name in JP)., moved Black Swan (NPCs, Cosmic) from NPC to Upcoming + added the following categories; Female, Wind, Nihility + changed image to her Warp Illustration, moved Ruan Mei (Ice, Harmony, Female), Dr. Ratio (Imaginary, Hunt, Male), and Xueyi (Quantum, Destruction, Xianzhou Luofu, Female) to playable // Note: so i don’t have to do it later </3

(12/7/23) added Acheron (NPCs, Females, Penacony) to Upcoming, added Penacony (World 3) and Cosmic (Catchall Other) as sorting options, added Tail to NPC, added Stelle (Female MC) and Caelus (Male MC) to the Astral Express category because they are also part of the Astral Express family <3, added Argenti and Topaz to cosmic category, moved Huohuo (Wind, Harmony, Xianzhou Luofu, Female), Argenti (Physical, Abundance, Cosmic, Male), and Hanya (Physical, Harmony, Xianzhou Luofu, Female) to Playable, changed Jingliu, Topaz, Huohuo, and Argenti to their lightcone image because it looks nicer than their wish art

2023 October

(10/31/23) removed Imbibitor Lunae (Destruction, Imaginary, Xianzhou Luofu, Male) because it's still just Dan Heng, added Dan Feng (Dan Heng’s Previous Incarnation), Baiheng, Yingxing (Blade but w/white hair and a bf), and Phantylia to NPC, added Oroboros (Voracity), Ena (Order), and Long (Permanence) to Aeons + Added the respective path for each Aeon, changed Tayzzyronth (Propagation) image to a better image, added Huohuo (Wind, Harmony, Female), Argenti (Physical, Abundance, Male), Hanya (Physical, Harmony, Xianzhou Luofu, Female), Ruan Mei (Ice, Harmony, Female), and Dr. Ratio (Imaginary, Hunt, Male) to Upcoming, moved Xueyi (Quantum, Destruction, Xianzhou Luofu, Female) from NPC to Upcoming, moved Jingliu (Ice, Destruction, Xianzhou Luofu, Female), Topaz (Fire, Hunt, Female), and Guinaifen (Fire, Nihility, Xianzhou Luofu, Female) to Playable

2023 August

(8/19/23) moved Jingliu (Ice, Destruction, Xianzhou Luofu, Female) from NPC to Upcoming + Changed Image to Gacha Splash Art, added Topaz (Fire, Hunt, Female) and Guinaifen (Fire, Nihility, Xianzhou Luofu, Female) to Upcoming, added Numby, Sam, and Elio under NPC (Note: Sam and Elio are also under Stellaron Hunters), moved Imbibitor Lunae (Destruction, Imaginary, Xianzhou Luofu, Male), Fu Xuan (Quantum, Preservation, Xianzhou Luofu, Female), and Lynx (Abundance, Quantum, Belobog, Female) to Playable, changed Fu Xuan and Lynx image to a better image

2023 July

(7/23/23) added Imbibitor Lunae (Destruction, Imaginary, Xianzhou Luofu, Male), and Lynx (Abundance, Quantum, Belobog, Female) under Upcoming, fixed Dan Heng name; Danheng -> Dan Heng, changed a few character’s images to a better image

2023 May

(5/28/23) added Luka (Nihility, Physical, Belobog, Male) under Upcoming

(5/9/23) added Jingliu under NPC after the release of Jing Yuan’s animated short

(5/6/23) added all Aeons because i was asked too- they have their own category. added Peppy, Diting, and Cocolia to NPC. also the day this sorter started getting used lmao?

2023 April

(4/25/23) Sorter released! also the game’s release :)

[rodolfoparras]

I'll be fine, I'm used to being chronically exhausted and running next to no sleep (which is uhhhh not a good thing probably?) But I know it's bad when I resort to taking a nap just so I don't crash because I usually never take naps 😭 I wanna try that sleepy mocktail thing I saw on tiktok again because it did help me last time but it also made my stomach hurt horribly because I didn't have the very specific kind of magnesium you need for it.

And yeah since everyone is talking about hot temperatures, I am such an avid summer hater and have sun sensitivity and burn so quickly because I'm pasty little ghost and you know what our country is like ugh 😭😭 hate being from one of the hottest cities in Europe, why is 45 normal and usual temperature for August?!?? That's why I prefer to escape to Germany during summer.

ALSO- I finally got a job?!? It's the same thing I did last year, betting place, just different company and while I hate that damn customer service job from the bottom of my heart, I'm just happy to work again.

Since I see that anxiety has been kicking your ass, I'm sending you lots of love and hugs and good energy ♡ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ♡

-🔮

Oh sugar bee I’m so sorry that it ended up giving you tummy ache but yes it’s super important to not alter recipes you see on tiktok bc you don’t know if you can trust the original less alone the altered versions 😭 im sorry but the amount of time I’ve tasted tiktok recipe only to have it taste like poop 😭 but also I’ve even seen people spray magnesium on their feet and even put weighted sleep masks on their face!! They say it knocks them out in minutes!!

My god I feel so old when I say this but sometimes it’s not even the heat that’s awful it’s the sparina 😭 like it doesn’t help when it rains, it doesn’t help to open windows or use fans bc you’re just swooshing the same humid air around and idk I hate the heat love everything else though 😭

HELLO SUGAR BEE IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!! I completely understand what you mean, it’s so hard to get a job nowadays and money is so important atm wishing you the utmost best🫶🏻🫶🏻

[tunisian]

just me venting

my mom has been so fucking unbearable since i told her i want to go to tunisia.

she thinks im only going there for my crush (he lives there) despite of me telling her im not even going to see him and me wanting to go on excursions to explore the country.

a list of things that happened ever since then:

she got angry at me because i said 'okay then let's meet up there' instead of 'going there together' (i wanted to go by the end of the month, she wanted to go in october with my dad)

she yelled at me for 'never going there with them again' and how it's been '2-3 years since we flew there together'. like. she completely FORGOT that we were there together a year ago. and we did so many things AND went to a wedding of her cousin. but she just 'forgot'

the day after she thinks shes being very petty and slick by talking to me out of nowhere going 'isnt it better if you spent that vacation money on your drivers license instead?' and i go "i have money for both'. she made another dumb remark after that that i just blocked out

this needs its own list:

yesterday she started our last conversation with 'oh im soooo tired....' and because i didnt reply she continues: 'ive been up since FIVE/FIVE THIRTHY AM!!' and i go 'okay? me too? and i had to go to work.' and then she says that she couldnt sleep because she had a 'prophetic dream', you know those dreams people swear will come true like its an omen.

she dreamt about 'something bad happening to me'. i ask what it was about, she says 'oh i cant tell you bla bla if i tell you it will come true'. so i go 'let me guess. you dreamt about something bad happening to me when im there'. and she says 'YOU KNOW I CANT TELL YOU'.

i tell her 'let me guess. i got it right. you know what? im not going there in september. i'll go in november then.'

she replies with 'THEN IM GOING WITH YOU (AS WELL)

at this point im very, very fucking tired. so i say 'you want to go with me in november after going in october? alright. but first find a way how you're going to give me the 500 euros you borrowed from me. then find a way how you're going to pay for your 'upcoming trip' in october since you want to stay in a hotel and go on excursions with me so bad. then find a way how you're going to pay for all of those things as well for november. then we'll see.'

her: 'wowwww im your MOM. remember what i did for you last time so you could go in may? and you're going this to me?'

me: 'in may you asked me EVERY DAY where your money was and to pay you back. i paid you back at SOON as i got paid. today is the ONLY time i bring up the money you borrowed from me and its been two weeks. YOU made it a problem. so yes. pay me back and then we'll see about november.

i go to my room, not even a couple of minutes later shes in there too and gave me back my money saying 'im never asking or borrowing money from you again'

i didnt talk to her for the rest of the night + she told my dad about it im some fucking way because when i greeted him this morning he went 'STAY AWAY FROM ME IM ANGRY AT YOU.' im 25 dont make me fucking laugh

and today she 'sat me down' and said 'you're not going to tunisia. forget about it.' like i still want to go when you've been doing nothing but work on my fucking nerves about it

shes also convinced herself that 'its very suspicious i want to go see more of tunisia NOW' as if september doesnt have the best fucking weather over there and tickets are much cheaper now (i couldnt go in july because of work, august was too hot and too expensive)

once again she also convinced herself im going there for my crush and she said 'you are bringing yourself DOWN [for others]' like at this point she's just delusional.

besides this shes also been pushing me to find another job and to find 'my own place' but not even in a normal amount. she literally said 'im pushing you to motivate you' and i told her today that the only pushing shes doing is pushing me over the fucking balcony (we live on the highest floor of this apartment building) and then she called me 'weak'

she even brought up one of my close friends for no fucking reason like they owe me to help me? + she truly thinks i dont have any dreams that im working towards or something and im not amounting to anything because im not working myself to the bone at some fucking company to get a minimal wage check by the end of the month. she also went "so? what do you want to achieve?" she even grabbed a PEN AND PAPER to write it down and i go "you know what? i DO want to get a better paying job and i DO want to find my own place so i dont have to come back here ever again :)" and then she threatened me with "if you cut us off YOU wont have any family. you wont have this, you wont have that. dont trust on YOUR friends to be there for you like your family." girl all of you can go fuck yourself.

i truly dont understand what her fucking problem is.