#im carrying so much guilt for many reasons and foreal it feels like dissapearing its the only way i wont feel so shitty
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#no one reads my blog but whatever tw suicidal thoughts#im carrying so much guilt for many reasons and foreal it feels like dissapearing its the only way i wont feel so shitty#hadnt had ideations this bad in at least 4 years#but if i were to carry out my death#how do i do it so its not messy#what will my mom do -in the middle of her cancer treatment#barely processing the deatb of both her parents#what will be of my sister#she has barely been in a good emotional place ever#what will be of her if her sibling kills themself#what will be of my mesage of oh wow life is beautiful and so worth loving#how would my partner cope with me dying#he hasnt had it easy either#not even my death is mine#do i leave a mesage#it would be my one shot to tell the truth and everything else comes to the grave with me#how much do i say#i dont want it to hurt either#i could cope with cutting myself again but i dont want the pain#i feel like a coward#i wish i could sh right now but it would be noticed quickly#if i tried to cover my partner would know somethings off inmediately#and except for him i dont have anyone to talk to#i feel so incredibely lonely sometimes#no money for therapy either#i wish i could have some drug to sleep for a couple of weeks or similar#so i could get some relief#but i have to be careful with drugs as i hate puking
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