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commander-diomika · 3 years ago

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(Click to Read From the Beginning) Part 7 Pairing: Zolf Smith/Oscar Wilde, James Barnes/Howard Carter Word Count: 1600 Rating: Mature Additional Tags: Slow Burn, 18-Month Time Gap (Rusty Quill Gaming), Opposites Attract, Trans Male Character, Barnes and Carter have a mild D/s thing going on but there's nothing explicit in here

Summary: Wilde opened the Campbell. He genuinely tried to read, but like bubbles in a glass, his eyes rose off the page and over the top of the book. He enjoyed this one, truly, but a fictional romance held slightly less fascination for him than the reality of the one relaxing in his sitting room.

It’s been almost a year and they still can��t bear to take their hands off each other, Wilde thought bemusedly.

Barnes lounged on one of the comfy chairs in Wilde’s sitting room, watching the fire, whiskey in one hand. Carter had a pile of knives and complicated-looking tools laid out on the low table, humming softly as he did inventory and repairs. He knelt on the floor practically between Barnes’ uwabaki-clad feet, and as Wilde walked in, Carter reached behind himself almost absently to pat Barnes on the thigh, finishing with an affectionate squeeze before shifting focus back to his work.

The pair of them had just finished up yet another round of quarantine and, post bath and debrief, had seemingly settled in for the evening.

Wilde nodded to Barnes and went to pour himself a drink then settled in opposite the pair with a book. Zolf was away once again, returning to his old network with the Harlequins to see if they had discovered anything on the simulacra since he’d left their employ. He was due back in the next few days, and the fact that Wilde had timed each deployment so that the other men could do the inspections for Zolf… well, it was just good luck, not good management.

Wilde liked sending out Zolf alone about as much as Zolf had liked the reverse. But that was part of the job. They no longer lived in a world with much room for sentimentality. Besides, Wilde was almost accustomed to the underlying hum of anxiety every time one of the team was away. He was adept at neatly packaging up that fear, that preemptive grief, and putting in a quiet corner of his mind to either be unboxed when the worst happened or discarded if it didn’t.

“Thought you’d already read that one,” Barnes said by way of breaking the quiet. This was often how it was after a mission, by unspoken understanding; conversation carved deliberately out of the soft, the easy, questions neatly avoiding the state of the world or the work.

“If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all.” Wilde replied. Truth was, between the enforced waiting between missions and the inescapable breakdown of the global market, books he hadn’t read were becoming harder to find.

Barnes gave a non-committal grunt that said he didn’t know the feeling.

Wilde opened the Campbell. He genuinely tried to read, but like bubbles in a glass, his eyes rose off the page and over the top of the book. He enjoyed this one, truly, but a fictional romance held slightly less fascination for him than the reality of the one relaxing in his sitting room.

Barnes reached out with the hand that wasn’t holding the whisky, and without taking his eyes from the fire, gave the back of Carter’s neck a squeeze; strong grip working into the muscle. Carter’s tune transformed into a low hum of pleasure, hands briefly stilling on his tools.

It’s been almost a year and they still can’t bear to take their hands off each other, Wilde thought bemusedly.

This had been the last thing he’d expected when he’d paired them up together. He had honestly been worried they would both crack after the first quarantine, and either quit or demand someone new to work with. At the very least after the umpteenth round of spending a week in a small room together, Wilde thought they’d want a little space. But here they were.

Wilde felt a strange pulse of guilt. If either one of them died whilst out on a mission- he snapped his eyes back to the book. It was a harsh world. As their handler, it could only be viewed as a good thing that they had become, well, devoted to one another. A strategic benefit, he said to himself, wanting ardently to believe it.

Wilde turned a page without having read a word on it.

“Hey sailor,” Carter said softly. He’d finished repairing his thieves’ tools and was pulling out a weapon-care kit. “Grab your sword, I’ll do her first.”

Wilde fought to keep his eyebrows level as Barnes fetched and handed his sword over to Carter. “Use my whetstone; don’t think yours is quite up to the task.” Barnes settled back in his chair, looking like a man without a care in the world.

Wilde swallowed. They really did feel safe here, safe with one another. If only they all could just… stay here. Hope that the war would not come to their doorstep. If only they could be left in peace, if only there was no threat eating away at the world. If there wasn’t a job to do, Wilde felt like he could just stay here; with these two, and the locals, and be happy.

He could put it all down. And Zolf would be there too.

His dreams used to be much bigger than a life of relative safety and obscurity in a tiny Japanese backwater, but the looming decay of a previously ordered world had a way of shifting priorities.

Carter eventually finished his chores, and then successfully watched the fire for three whole quiet minutes before announcing he was going to the kitchen.

“Don’t be a pest,” Barnes said in a well-practised farewell. “When you come back, I’ve got some shirts that need mendin’ too.”

Carter blew air through his teeth. “I’m not your valet, Barnes,” he replied, and Barnes just raised an eyebrow at him. Walking out, Carter muttered something under his breath about buttons that didn’t even get used.

“If you’ve got anythin’ that needs repairing, I’d get Carter to do it to,” Barnes offered, secure that Carter’s departing comments in no way reflected his actual intentions. “He’s a fair hand with a needle.”

Wilde smiled knowingly as he shook his head, and without conscious thought, a question popped out of his mouth.

“How did you two… happen?”

Barnes looked surprised at the question. Not that he felt it inappropriate, Barnes just wasn’t used to Wilde being confused about the obvious. “Well,” he said, brow furrowed as he tried to figure out how to phrase it. “He just needs a firm hand on the rein, y’know. Didn’ take us long to figure out I could be that for ‘im.”

The noise that Carter had made as he came, muffled in said firm hand, was still remarkably fresh in Wilde’s memory. The sound flashed through his mind as if to punctuate Barnes’ comment.

Barnes must have seen the brief rise of heat in Wilde’s cheeks, because his next comment, mildly spoken, was, “You interested in joining us, Wilde?” When Wilde’s only response was a raised brow, Barnes continued. “I don’t mind sharin’.”

Wilde leant back in his chair, considering this surprise twist of in the conversation. It had been quite some time since he’d been openly propositioned, and despite the languid set of his body, he felt his heartbeat speed up and a slight blush heat his cheeks. A younger Wilde, an unshackled Wilde, would have said yes in an instant. He’s fallen into bed with someone, or someones, for less.

Wilde briefly allowed the beast that was his imagination off-leash. He saw himself, besieged with pleasure. Bodies surrounding him, hands and lips on him, stuffed at both ends, absolutely overwhelmed, worshipped, had.

It was a very nice thought.

But it was more complicated now, without his magic. It wasn’t that he felt shy, or that he thought either of his co-conspirators would react poorly to his… unconventional physiology. It was just that sex for the younger version of Wilde didn’t used to be so revealing. It used to be something he could just fold into his performance persona, slide straight from stage to bed without having to play a single open card.

Skies above, Wilde missed those days. He investigated his drink, calm face hiding the stream of images bubbling through his mind. Somewhere amongst the tantalising and lascivious, were the complex and confusing. Barnes and Carter fucking in the cell downstairs, the very same one where Wilde had been pushed to let Zolf in on a secret truth. An expression of conflicted desire on Zolf’s face.

Wilde couldn’t sort those images into a cohesive narrative, so he put them aside with a dark, self-deprecating chuckle. “I thank you, but no. I was merely seeking satisfaction for my curiosity.”

Barnes nodded, unruffled. Wilde had seen the man fight and had heard him fuck. He knew the energy, the potential Barnes contained, and yet in conversation he was such a mild creature. He was a contradiction. It was almost as though he saved up all that vitality, that power, for when it was needed the most. The rest of the time he simply… switched it off.

Wilde pulled his mind back to business with a sigh, “Besides, if we don’t hear from Zolf in about twelve hours, I’m sorry to say you two will be heading out again. It’s a short turnaround, I know. You should spend it together.”

“For sure, I wouldn’t mind a sleep in a proper bed for one.” With that, the two lapsed back into a comfortable silence.

When Carter returned from the kitchen, he had a bottle of sake and a bunch of grapes. He came up behind Barnes, dangling both his prizes into the seated man’s eyeline.

“C’mon, sailor. Let’s get out of Oscar’s hair.”

Barnes smiled slowly, making deliberate eye contact with Wilde. He wasn’t the sort to waggle his eyebrows or leer, but his gaze communicated last chance, offer still stands, as clear as a sunny day.

With a small smile, Wilde waved them off. There was something like envy bubbling in his chest, over the ease which Barnes and Carter shared with each other.

He sighed and picked up his book.

#pspsps come and get it #hank writes #strange company #zoscar #zolfwilde #rusty quill fan fic #rusty quill gaming #rqg #zolf smith #rqg oscar wilde

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lunatic-fandom-space · 3 years ago

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Comparing RWBY and YGO DM: The Handling and Evolution of Themes

Hey! Its been a hot minute since I last posted anything RWBY-related but Im laying in my bed right now and Im sick and bored so I guess we're doing this. Today I will do my best to analyze what I percieve to be the main themes and messages of both of these shows, or more specifically, how theyre handled narratively. Im mostly focusing on that part because, while these series do have similar themes and messaging, they are still a few things in which they are wildly different. And with that, lets start with this essay-post-thing!

1. Theres something we need to adress first

Okay so, before we can really talk about this, theres something I feel the need to clarify here: Neither of these stories was "planned from the beginning".

Now, I dont think a story being planned from the beginning or not nesscessarily makes the story any better or worse by default, however, it is still important to acknowledge because the way the story is planned is going to affect every facet of it. Things are not going to be foreshadowed properly, things are gonna be set up only for nothing to come of it, the story might drastically change directions, characters might act differently, etc, etc.

And, this is bit off-topic but, it's much better to just admit that the story was not planned than trying to pretend that it was. Like, there are a lot of reasons why I tend to be so forgiving towards YGO even though its not very good, but one of them is definitely the fact that, as far as Im aware atleast, the guy who wrote it isnt pretending to have had this big master plan all along and neither is the fandom. With RWBY on the other hand... yeaaaah, its kinda the opposite. From what Ive seen of RWBYs fandom, there seems to be this pretty popular narrative that everything was planned even though it clearly wasnt. Thats pretty bad and honestly lowers my opinion of the writers so much more than if they would just admit to not having a proper plan.

Like, I initially consumed YGO like this: Yu-Gi-Oh Duel Monsters, Yu-Gi-Oh (aka Season 0), like, a quarter of the Yu-Gi-Oh manga (I still havent finished it)

In all three of these we have the character of Yami Yuugi, or just Yami. Broadly speaking, he is an ancient egyptian gamer spirit who lives in a magical puzzle that has not been solved for 3000 years until this highschooler named Yuugi Mutou comes along and solves it, thus setting him free and allowing him to possess Yuugi and have access to the vague magical powers of the puzzle.

In Duel Monsters he's perfectly fine most of time, morally speaking. There is an instance of him almost murdering a guy and its a bit unclear what exactly happens to those he mindcrushes but overall he's very much a pretty good guy. In Season 0 most of what he does is set up these games for bad people, where they will go insane no matter what they do. From how I understand this whole Shadow Game, Penalty Game stuff, if you lose a Shadow Game, you get violent and intense hallucinations and you will always cuz yknow, gamer spirit. But if you try to cheat, which most of the bad people do in this show, you get violent and intense hallucinations as a punishment.

Since the two anime are generally considered two different continuities, its perfectly fine that Yamis characterization is wildly different in both of them. But in the manga both of these characterizations appear, basically one after the other with no real arc or consequences, for that matter. Why is that? Simply put, someone thought it was a good idea to try to turn an episodic, very slice of life-y light-horror manga into a more traditional, more plot-driven battle shounen. From what Ive heard, it was apparently largely because of network interference or something, but the point is, it changed directions incredibly drastically with little planning and everyone knows this and I can understand that for the most part.

In RWBY we have the character of Blake Belladonna, who, in the first 3 volumes/seasons atleast, was this aloof, more toned down loner-type character with a pretty strong sense of justice. She's an in-universe marginilized racial minority and she clearly cares about racial injustice. The way its initially framed makes it seem like she had a very hard life and no stable support system, which is what eventually pushed her to join a Civil Rights group/Terrorist organization (good god, the Faunus subplot is so awful, I could write a whole essay about it but Im already de-railing rn so I'll just save that for later).

Then, in volumes 4-5 it turns out her father is actually like, the mayor or chief of this island-place called Menagerie and she grew up in this big mansion with multiple guards/servants. Oh and also, apparently "space is a commodity" on there, so theres that. She still retains large parts of her personality but she's kinda like, worse somehow I think. I cant really describe it in a meaningful way but I hope you get what Im saying anyway. Then in Volume 6 she confronted her emotional abuser Adam (sorry for not mentioning him sooner but yeah, he was like, her abusive boyfriend, which is something that a lot of people disagree with but I wont really say anything about it either way because I dont really feel any specific way) with her friend, Yang, and ended up killing him.

After all that, she pretty much lost the rest of her personality, as well as her arc about all the Faunus stuff. She just kinda became the meek, generically nice, recovering abuse victim. Why? Well, the actual reason is that they didnt plan out shit and are just kinda flying by the seat of their oversized clown-pants and if they and the fandom just admitted it, I would have less of an issue. I still wouldnt be as forgiving towards RWBY as I am towards YGO because the crux of the issue, for me, is just that I dont particulary like RWBY but also like. Do you really expect me to take MKEK seriously as writers after admitting to not have a timeline because iT wOuLd CaUsE pLoThOlEs?

However, since they want us to believe that everything was planned out from the beginning, the explaination would be.... Idk, they deliberately butchered one of their main characters?? Because.. they hate her?? Maybe????

So yeah, that was quite a detour however, I would like you to keep this mind going forward.

2. Themes of the Early Series'

First, what do mean by 'Early Series' for both of these shows respectively? Well, for YGO that would have to be Season 0 or if youre reading the manga, everything pre-Duelist Kingdom. Basically, the part of the series thats a episodic, very slice of life-y light-horror series.

For RWBY that would be the first three Volumes, also known as the Poser-Era. Back then it was just kinda an action series that took place at Anime Warrior Academy (also known as Beacon) with some pretty bare minimum worldbuilding, character-driven plots and developments but now its more of an epic high-fantasy story with more of an emphasis on plot as opposed to just action.

The themes and messages in Early YGO are kinda vague, very confusing to me and if you were to follow any of it literally that would be pretty bad. For now Im just gonna say the main themes are Friendship and Identity and mostly focus on the Identity aspect.

Now, it took me a little while to figure out RWBYs deal but I think the main themes for Volumes 1-3 are also Friendship and Heroism. Once again, I'll mostly focus on Heroism and touch on Friendship more briefly later.

I dont have much more to add to YGOs themes right now, so I'll briefly go over Heroism in RWBY.

In RWBYs setting there are these man-eating monsters called Grimm that have basically infected the planet. In order to deal with that, they have people called huntsmen and huntresses that kill them and protect people. Theyre trained at special academies like Beacon and go on missions there and stuff like that. Our four main characters, Ruby, Weiss, Blake and Yang, are training to become huntresses and one day they go on this mission to clean up a grimm infested city block with one of their teachers. Obviously, that takes a long time so they have to camp out in one of the empty houses. Weiss, Blake and Yang cant sleep because theyve been thinking about this question that their teacher asked them when they were fighting grimm: "Why do you want to become a huntress?"

They have a heart to heart and we find out about their motivations; Weiss wants to bring honour back to her family, Blake want to distance herself from the White Fang (that terrorist organization I mentioned earlier) and as an extension from Adam, Yang wants to have a life of adventure. They also talk about why Ruby wants to be a huntress and it turns out that she judt wants to help people. Unlike the others, she has no motivation besides that. We're meant to listen to that and look at her as a sort-of personification of Heroism: kind, but not naive, strong and most of all, selfless. The others on her team are not portayed as bad for not being like Ruby by any means but we are clearly meant to admire her the most out of all of them.

Okay, now comes the part Ive been looking forward to the most:

3. How did these themes evolve in the Modern Series'?

Alright, before we can really delve into the way they evolved in YGO I'll have to give you a brief summary of the character progression. At the start of DM, during the Duelist Kingdom arc, Yami Yuugi is just that; A darker Yuugi. Hes more confident, bolder, his voice is deeper, hes somehow taller, more ruthless, all that good stuff. Notably, he doesnt actually seem more skilled than Yuugi even at the start of this story, but he's still dependent on Yami. Yami on the other hand, has no identity of his own or even hints at one at this point. He's just The Other Yuugi.

Then during the Battle City arc, they find out that Yami was actually a pharao prior to being sealed in the puzzle, he just didnt know because of amnesia, I guess. So now they need to find out his real name and then send him to the afterlife because hes meant to be dead, but not before saving the world from being swallowed by darkness, which is also a thing they have to do now.

Then we finally get to the Memory World arc, where Yami, Yuugi and the rest of the gang astralproject to ancient egypt via puzzle magic. Yami is trying to figure out what the hell is going on and who all these familiar people are, while Yuugi & Co are trying their best to help him. Then some weird shit happens and it turns out that all of that is not just Yamis sealed away memories, but also a giant D&D Shadow Game that will destroy the world if Yami loses. So now theres Pharao!Yami who is still clueless on the metaphorical and literal playing field and Player!Yami, who is kinda controlling himself now? I guess?? Yamis opponent, The Spirit of The Ring, has something similar to that going on where hes both controlling and properly participating in the game. So Player!Yami is now fighting against Player!TSoTR, Pharao!Yami is now fighting against Thief King Bakura (who is like, the human, ancient egyptian version of the Ring Spirit) and Yuugi is now fighting against Yami Bakura (who is like, the human, modern japanese version of the Ring Spirit). Yuugi gets Yamis real name, he and the gang go over to Pharao!Yami and tell him his name, meanwhile Player!Yami is also somehow helping as well and they defeat the Ring Spirit, thus saving the world. Then they travel to modern Egypt, the Ceremonial Duel happens and Yuugi wins, sending Yami to the Afterlife where he can finally rest and that was the series!

I originally wanted to recount the stuff that was going on with the Ring Spirit and his host as well because they parallel eachother, but this summary is already far too long and I think youll get the point without me needing to explain any more.

My point here is, that the story went from being vaguely about Identity, maybe? to being very clearly about Self-Discovery and Learning to Be Independent. I think this is a very good way to evolve the messaging of your story. How does RWBY track on that?

Well, uh... its not great. I will acknowledge that they have tried to introduce new themes and ideas since, even though I wont really be talking about them in this post. But yeah, the whole Heroism thing really regressed.

Like, I didnt explicitly say it when I was explaining grimm earlier, but theyre not going away. The grimm have always been there and people who sign up to become huntsmen and huntresses are effectively signing up for a job that will never truly be done, no matter what they do. Characters like Ruby and even more minor ones like Phyrrah have shown us that that doesnt matter when youre a hero. No life isnt worth saving, no grimm isnt worth killing, no criminal isnt worth arresting. Then, in volume 6 they find out about Salem. Salem is the Big Bad of the show, shes immortal, controls the grimm and is supposed to be very powerful.

What do our heroes do? They give up. Sike! They were just mindcontrolled by monsters or some shit, of course they didnt give up their mission (which is to bring an Important Macguffin to a city called Atlas, sorry I didnt mention it)!

But then they arrive in Atlas (which is llike, a city thats floating over another city called Mantle) and yknow, they do some plot stuff thats not really important right now until the city gets invaded by Salem and this big grimm army she has.

What do our heroes do? Well, Ruby, Weiss, Blake and some side characters are chilling, drinking tea in a mansion and Yang and the B Team were actually trying to do something, but even those efforts seem incredibly minimal.

Oh wait, I also forgot to mention that Ironwood (a fairly minor, vaguely antagonistic character up until now) wanted to lift Atlas even higher to save Atleasian civilians from danger while leaving Mantle vulnerable to Salems invasion.

What would be the most heroic thing to do?

A) Let Ironwood lift Atlas, get as much support as they can down to Mantle and save as many Mantle civilians as they can from the invasion

B) Prevent Ironwood from lifting Atlas but then split up in order to protect both Atlas and Mantle civilians

C) Prevent Ironwood from lifting Atlas and then dont do anything else

Congrats! If you choose C, you think exactly like the writers!

And I just

This is so mindboggling to me, I feel like I shouldnt even have explain how this is bad. And like, it wouldve been so easy to actually make them seem herokc through their actions, to make it seem like they did try but no.

I have never seen a central theme be this botched, how in the world did they do that? Why did they think it was a good idea for Ruby "The Embodiment of Heroism" Rose to sit in a mansion doing nothing, no planning, no organizing just ..... God, how are they this bad? Like, this doesnt even have anything to do with it being planned in any way, this is just straight up incompetence

4. Very briefly touching on friendship

The friendship is awful and its not solely because they all have the same opinions. They barely interact with eachother outside their designated pairs which leads to it all feeling incredibly hollow. Theyre also practically indistingushable from one another now, which is a shame because it wasnt always like that. Like, I dont think the characters were that well-developed in earlier volumes but they were very well-characterized. But now we've gotten to a point where you can literally copy and paste one characters dialogue onto another and literally nothing changes, it really sucks.

5. Some closing words

Damn, this took way longer than I thought it would and now Im pretty exhausted. I have no idea how yall always write these but props to you! I feel like this ended up a bit rambly but overall, Im pretty proud.

Please let me know what you think of the points I brought up! Id also really appreciate some tips on how to get better at these longer posts because I am planning on writing more in the future (not the near future, probably but yknow).

Thats all I have to say for now, thanks for reading!

#rwde #rwby critism #anti mkek #yu gi oh #ygo duel monsters #yu gi oh analasis

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taexual · 6 years ago

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HOLIC - 24 | jb x reader

pairing: Im Jaebum x Reader

genre: enemies to lovers au | roommate au

warnings: some angst, some fluff

words: 5.4k

disclaimer: i do not own the gif, please let me know if it belongs to you, so i can give proper credit

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You could not get Jaebum’s voice out of your head all throughout the next day at work. You’ve only heard the song once so you couldn’t recall all of the lyrics, but the melody echoed around your mind and you found yourself humming along under your breath the entire day. You should have asked Jackson to forward the song to you instead of bailing like you did. You should have also thrown your arms over Jaebum and screamed at him about how good his music was until he finally believed you. But there was something stopping you from doing that.

In part, it could have been your own naturally reserved nature. Despite craving affection at times, you weren’t usually overly affectionate either. Hugging people out of the blue wasn’t something you were brave enough to do no matter how much your hands were itching to touch them. More than that, however, you had a feeling it was the fear of what would happen after – you’d hug Jaebum, fireworks would explode, but… what then? The overhwelming amount of feelings his music had caused you did not make a good pair for the uncertainty you felt, as well as the plain obscurity regarding your future with him.

You’ve been listening—or, well, trying to listen—to Eva, your supervisor, as she explained to you and a few of your colleagues how to handle the sudden swarm of schoolchildren that were coming to an exhibition at the gallery, and still replaying the chorus of Jaebum’s song in your mind, when you felt someone watching you.

Truth be told, it could have been anyone. A fair number of weird characters appeared at the gallery and just stood there, staring at nothing in particular – stoners, usually, but seemingly sober people dozed off here pretty often, too – but you could already tell this wasn’t the case before you even shifted your gaze to the far corner of the gallery where Jiho had just entered through the backdoor, stopping immediately after he caught the sight of you.

You hadn’t called in sick today, after all. But, oh, at that moment, you truly wished you had.

You looked away, ignoring the shivers of anxiety that had run down your spine and focused on Eva’s words instead, hoping Jiho would go away and you wouldn’t have to talk to him. You’ve already asked him to take your picture out of his exhibition and you didn’t feel like clarifying anything else to him. You’d naively hoped you could go on living without ever having to admit to him that you’d genuinely thought his interest in you was romantic. It seemed so obvious and so stupid now.

Jiho, however, didn’t think you and him owed each other any serious conversations, and that was why he strolled up to you, giving Eva a smile – that she, of course, reciprocated – and then asking to talk to you for a moment. He couldn’t understand the flash of terror in your eyes; he just wanted to borrow you for a quick chat.

You’d have paid good money to get Eva to tell you that you couldn’t leave with Jiho, but she merely nodded, giving you a suggestive smile as if to say that she supported whatever was going on between you and the photographer. Little did she know…

“I should really be back soon,” you told Jiho as he guided you towards the quieter—and emptier—part of the gallery. “With all of these exhibitions happening, I need to know what our plan is.”

“I won’t keep you long,” he said. “Are you free this weekend? I’ll be staying in the city for a little longer after my exhibition and I was hoping we could hang out, organize ourselves a little photoshoot. What do you say?”

You squeezed your lips shut as you tried to find a way to reply to this.

“I don’t think so,” you ended up saying. No point to toy around and pretend. “I have plans.”

You didn’t have the slightest clue what you were going to do this weekend, but staying home was far better than hanging out with Jiho. He wasn’t a bad person – he was actually rather nice, all things considered – but you had an entire list of people whom you’d have rather spent your weekends with.

“Oh,” Jiho’s tone was flatter now. “Well, will you, at least, make it to the opening night of the exhibition?”

“I, uh—”

“W-why—look, I can’t help but feel like there’s something you haven’t told me,” he said and your heart picked up speed. “If you don’t want to come, you don’t have to, but I’d appreciate it if you respected me enough to say it straight to my face without making up excuses.”

The way he put it made you feel like you were the one who’d hurt him by dismissing his attempts to spend more time with you and, perhaps, in a way, you really have been disrespectful to him as you tried to deal with your own emotions – but you still couldn’t ignore the fact that you had all of these emotions to deal with precisely because Jiho hadn’t been clear enough about his intentions from the beginning.

“I’m sorry,” you said, inhaling deeply. You didn’t want to give in to your guilt – misunderstandings were, usually, a mutual problem – but you knew it wouldn’t be fair to him if you didn’t fully explain yourself, no matter how dreadful the thought of him mocking you was. “I didn’t mean to be flaky. It’s just… I-I guess I just don’t want to be a part of, uh, you know, whatever you’re doing with those girls.”

Jiho’s eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean? I’m not doing anything with any girls. If, uh—if you mean the people I’ve photographed, then they are all friends.”

“Am I your friend?”

“Yeah, of course.”

You nodded, the words spilling out of your mouth far easier than you’d have expected them to, “well, see, I had assumed I was something more.”

Jiho blinked. “W-what do you mean?”

“Well, you know,” you said, anxious for him to understand even though it was clear that, unless you explained what you meant properly, he would not, in fact, know. “I thought you and I were more than a, uh, network connection. Or what do you call this? But it’s fine. I misunderstood your intentions, I guess that’s my bad. It’s just a little weird for me now.”

He could clearly see that it wasn’t a little weird. You looked about as uncomfortable as it was possible to get.

“Oh,” Jiho said. You avoided his eyes but his gaze remained firmly set on you. “I—well, I can’t say I didn’t suspect that this might have been the case. I’m sorry if my intentions weren’t clear from the start. I’m always very… accomodating. That sounds wrong—I just… I’ve been doing this for a while, as you know, and the girls I usually hang out with don’t expect anything but business from me. They’re my friends, of course, but they’re also my source of inspiration most of the time. You are, too.”

He sounded nice. A lot nicer than you’d have expected from him and, all of a sudden, you didn’t understand why you’d dreaded to see him so much. Jiho wasn’t trying to purposefully lead you on and trick you into posing for his pictures – but, then again, he could have been more professional about this and actually ask for your consent before using your picture in his exhibition – he just didn’t think you’d be this much of an outsider in his world. Sure, it was wrong of him to assume you’d understand what he wanted from you but, at the same time, it wasn’t exactly right for you to assume the exact opposite, either.

“It was a misunderstanding,” you said again. “I guess, both of us should have been more open with our expectations, right?”

“Yeah,” Jiho chuckled, glad to hear your voice sound lighter. “I guess we should have. For the sake of this, I do have to mention that I value our friendship. I think you’re very interesting. But – and I know now that I should have mentioned this as soon as I met you – I’m not interested in dating. The real kind of dating, I mean.”

You didn’t know what other kind there was, but you chose not to question that right now, when it was starting to look as though you’d resolve this with little to no further damage to your dignity.

“That’s fair,” you said. “I have to mention, then, that I’m really only interested in exclusive relationships. I guess we’ve run into a bit of a conflict of interests here.”

Jiho shrugged his shoulders.

“Not necessarily,” he said, “I’m not holding you back from being involved with other people romantically. If anything, I encourage that. You look really beautiful when your eyes glitter with affection and even though I know we—” he stopped suddenly, choosing to word it differently, “uh, I don’t think I was ever the reason why your eyes were glittering like that, to be honest with you. I’d say your heart was always someplace else.”

“Hmm,” you cleared your throat. You’d just started to feel more comfortable but all of that backfired when you noticed the subtle smile on his lips. As if he knew something about your life that you haven’t told him about. “Well, anyway, I don’t regret meeting you per se. I regret the circumstances. But you’ve taught me a lot and I’m grateful for that, I just—”

“Listen, here’s what we’ll do,” he cut you off, recognizing the dismissal in your voice and knowing that you were about to attempt to get rid of him. “I won’t bother you to the point of you getting a restraining order against me, alright? That’s not really my style. But let’s not throw this to waste. Like I said, I genuinely value every friendship I develop and ours is no exception. So, if you decide you’re comfortable enough to meet up with me again, then let me know, yeah?”

You watched him for a moment, not sure why he was almost desperate to keep you in his life.

“Why?” you finally asked just to truly get everything off of your chest. “I-I mean, you know a lot of people. Plenty of girls. I’m nothing special, w-what’s the point?”

“That’s exactly the point,” Jiho replied. “All of these people – as you’ve said – are important to me. And you’re one of them, I already told you. And, who knows, maybe in the future, we’ll find a way to work together. I don’t want to lose that opportunity.”

“Work together?” you raised your eyebrows. “You mean in terms of photography, of course?”

“I mean anything,” he said with a smile and then continued before you could ask anything else, “so, think about it, okay? We don’t have to be the best of friends but we don’t have to be strangers, either.”

“Hmm.”

“I’ll let you get back to work,” Jiho said then, understanding that you biting your lip was a signal that you didn’t have much else to say. “But I’ll still be waiting for you at the opening night of my exhibition, so… think about that, too.”

He left with a wave and you knew the quick movement of his hand lasted about as long as his memory about this would last. There was no way he’d ever notice you missing in a crowd of beautiful people that would come to his exhibition.

Perhaps the day of his exhibition was really going to be the day when you finally called in sick, or, perhaps, you’d convince Eva to give you cleaning duty and then spend the whole day in the basement below the gallery, cleaning old frames and sneezing from the dust. Or, as unlikely as that was, perhaps you’d actually step on your pride and show up to see Jiho’s photographs one more time.

When you got home that night after work, all you really wanted was to flop down on your bed and sleep until it was morning again, but, apparently, it was nearly impossible to call it a night at six o’clock in the evening because your roommate – who’d apparently gotten home about twenty minutes before you did – popped his head out of his bedroom, letting you know that he’d ordered take-out because neither of you had gone grocery shopping and thus began a conversation that changed the course of the rest of your night.

“Great,” you replied, still a little awkward after you got to see a much deeper side of him last night at Jackson’s studio. “You could have texted me, I’d have bought some food on my way home.”

“I didn’t realize until I got here,” Jaebum replied. “And by that time, you were probably in your car on your way back already. It’s fine, though. I ordered enough food to eat leftovers for breakfast tomorrow.”

“Alright,” you said. “Let me add a reminder to my phone so I could go shopping tomorrow.”

“I’ll do it,” he offered. You took your shoes off in the hallway and gave him a look. He smiled in response, “what? I’ve brought food before. Several times, even.”

“Well, yes, but lately, you’ve been spending your nights at Jackson’s studio,” you pointed out carefully. “I didn’t expect you to—”

“Well, the song is more or less done. I’m not adding anything else to it right now,” Jaebum cut you off. “I’m working on, uh, something else right now, but there isn’t much I can do without the lyrics.”

“You said writing went well when you were with Jackson.”

“Yeah, but not for this song,” he explained and you tried to ignore the sudden rush of adrenaline when you realized that you and Jaebum were having a legitimate conversation about his music. “I need a different atmosphere for this song. And, either way, I’m not writing tonight. Just can’t do it. So, I’m all free.”

You smiled, the exhaustion you’d been feeling slowly fading away. “Was this a subtle offer to hang out?”

“It was,” he said, nodding his head in the direction of his room as an invitation for you to come in. Obviously, you were not going to pass on the—unexpected—offer.

“Okay,” you were still smiling, your heart hammering inside of your chest as you walked towards his bedroom. Jaebum moved away from the door to let you inside. “So, this song you’re working on – what’s it about?”

You took a leap asking this – you knew that – but instead of changing the topic – even though he did want that – Jaebum just shrugged his shoulders, closing the door of his room and plopping down on his bed.

“Love,” he said, patting the spot next to him as an indication for you to sit down. “But, then again, all songs are, aren’t they?”

You shrugged your shoulders, sitting down on his bed next to where he was laying. “You tell me, you’re the songwriter of this household.”

“I guess if you’re looking for love, you can find it in any song,” he hypothesized. “I don’t want this song I’m working on to be about the kind of love that you have to look for, though. I want this song to be full of obvious love. I want the song to be love.”

You couldn’t help the swelling feelings in your chest as you listened to him talk. This had to be the first time you heard him open up about his songs—and the process that went into creating them—in real life, not just over texts at four in the morning when both of you were beyond exhausted and had not met each other in real life yet.

“Do you always try to focus on one emotion when writing songs?” you wondered.

Jaebum considered this for a moment, his eyes focused on the wall of the room in front of him. He wasn’t looking at you but you didn’t really need him to – for now, it was enough that he was teling you about something that was so meaningful to him. Although you’d have loved to see the sparkle in his eyes that appeared whenever he got excited about something, you considered yourself lucky enough to take a quick dip into the endless oceans that were his mind.

“I guess I do,” he finally answered. “When there are so many emotions inside of you, you can’t help but try to choose one and hold onto it when you write, otherwise, you’ll only create chaos. There’s nothing wrong with that, of course, but I want my music to, uh… to mean something, I guess? I want the lyrics to be deep but easy to understand, however paradoxical that sounds.”

“Well, anything’s possible when you put your mind to it,” you said and earned a look from Jaebum – a hopeful one. It was a look that unleashed even more butterflies into your stomach that was already full of fluttering wings as it was. “And I think you’ve done great so far. The song I heard yesterday – “Don’t Touch Me” – I think it had the right amount of depth while still being relatable.”

“Yeah,” Jaebum looked away from you. “I worked on the lyrics for that one for a long time.”

“Do you…” you started to say, but then realized you lack the courage to finish your question. Talking about something as personal as a song about his ex-girlfriend might have broken Jaebum out of this laid-back state he seemed to have been in and the last thing you wanted was for him to kick you out of the room for prying too much. “Nevermind.”

“Hey, you can’t do that,” he warned, sitting down properly, and then checking the time on his phone. “The delivery guy clearly got lost with our food. The least you can do is finish your questions while we wait. Otherwise, we’ll just sit here in silence.”

“Are you saying you’ll stop answering my questions once the food gets here?”

“Absolutely. I’ll be too busy eating to talk.”

You smiled. “Alright, well, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but—”

“I’ll try to,” he said, cutting you off. The look in his eyes was reassuring and the electric shocks you felt signified that the connection you’ve felt with Jaebum before you met him wasn’t fictitious. It was there, it had just been hiding underneath your daily arguments and frustrations. God, you were so glad to feel those sparks again.

“Okay,” you said. “Do you always write songs from personal experience?”

“I do,” Jaebum answered. This time, he didn’t look away from you.

You felt like he was telling you this because he knew you wanted to know. It was obvious that he usually felt great discomfort when he was forced to talk about his music, but it seemed as though he had finally realized that the reason why you were so curious to know more about this was because you genuinely enjoyed hearing him talk about this. So, he did. He talked about himself because that was what you wanted and, with a surprising jolt of his heart, Jaebum realized that he wanted to give you what you wanted. All that you wanted.

“I don’t think I could write songs about abstract concepts,” he revealed then. “Or maybe I could. But they’d lack the emotion I seek. They’d lack the depth.”

“So, Suji,” you said, speaking the word that made him inhale sharply. “Why did you choose to write about her?”

He looked down. “You can’t tell?”

“Well, I got the general idea why from the song itself,” you said. “But I’d like to hear you explain it.”

“There’s not much to explain, really,” he said, scanning the tiles of the floor of his room and then suddenly shooting his gaze to you. “It’s kind of like you never explained to me what happened between you and Jiho.”

You blinked, surprised to hear him turn the topic around. “I, uh—okay. I’ll talk if you talk.”

Jaebum chuckled lightly at this.

“Okay, that’s fair,” he said and then, after another deep breath, continued, “I’m usually working on multiple songs at the same time. Well, not full songs, but… verses for them. Lines. Sometimes certain words just come to me at the most random moments, so I write them down and then I use them when I’m trying to put a song together. Every day, I might find myself writing different lyrics and it all depends on what I’m feeling at that moment. It depends on the strongest emotion. And, of course, ever since I left Suji, I’ve just felt angry. Bitter. And living with these emotions meant writing about them.”

“I heard that,” you admitted, your voice small. “All of that. The most surprising thing to me, I guess, was that the song didn’t have an ounce of love in it, and yet it was still undeniably a love song. Somehow, it was an almost hopeful love song.”

This brought a smile to his face. “Those who are in love have a tendency to see love everywhere.”

It was you who looked away this time.

“Anyway, I had no love left in me anymore,” Jaebum continued after you didn’t say anything. “Not towards her, at least.”

“You focus on one emotion when you write,” you said, “but maybe you put more emotions into your work without realizing it. Maybe you were expressing your anger and bitterness, but you ended up expressing your hope of moving on with your life without her. Maybe, you accidentally ended up expressing your hope of loving someone again, too.”

“Maybe,” he agreed, still smiling. You weren’t looking at him so he took this time to watch you before finally speaking again, “so, what about Jiho?”

You sighed. “Oh, that story is far less inspiring and, uh, it lacks the romantic aspect, too. It’s just plain embarrassing, actually.”

“How so?”

“Well, turns out,” you exhaled slowly, “Jiho never actually had any romantic interest in me. He was looking for a… I don’t know, a networking connection, I guess? Just someone he could photograph. Someone with an attractive enough of a face that he could invite to his shows.”

You could tell by the way Jaebum’s gaze lingered on you for a few seconds before sliding to the floor that his thoughts had wandered someplace else. Perhaps, he was remembering the question he’d asked you when you and him were watching a movie and he’d insisted that five days was enough for a person to understand if they had feelings for someone. Back then, you told him that Jiho had to have feelings for you or otherwise, he wouldn’t have taken you out this many times but, clearly, that was not the case at all.

“Sorry,” Jaebum spoke then, his eyes on you again. “How did you find out?”

“Oh, that’s the fun part. I got to his pre-show that Friday night,” you said, “and there was a ton of girls there. Not just in attendance, but as models in his exhibition, too. Every single picture contained a girl and she was photographed in the exact same way as I was—”

“Wait,” he stopped you suddenly. “He used a picture of you?”

Jaebum sounded weirdly offended when he said this.

“Y-yeah, he wanted to,” you replied. “But I asked him to take it out of the exhibition. I don’t know, maybe it was stupid. He never asked for my permission to use it and it’s almost like I would have been fine with him using the picture, as long as I was the only girl he’d photographed. I asked him to take the picture out as soon as I found out I wasn’t actually the only one. Naïve, right? Stupid, too.”

“Not at all,” he disagreed, surprising you. For a moment, you almost had to double-check if this was really the same person who’d teased you for dating someone who wasn’t brave enough to kiss you. “You had obviously thought he was seriously into you. Actually, he’s kind of a dick for not making his intentions clear.”

“I confronted him about it,” you admitted. “He apologized and asked to stay in touch but, honestly, each time I think of him, I just get so incredibly embarrassed as if he’s leading me on and laughing at my little-girl expectations behind my back. Even though this was a genuine misunderstanding. Or so I hope.”

Jaebum nodded, humming in response but staying quiet otherwise. He was thinking about something again and, even though you already had trouble guessing what he was thinking about under normal circumstances, this time, he looked even more indecipherable than usually.

It seemed so unexpected that Jaebum had taken your side instead of teasing you but you couldn’t explain why you were expecting him to be mocking. Jaebum may have been rude to you a handful of times in the past, but the longer you lived with him, the more he proved himself to actually be understanding and even compassionate.

“No offense,” Jaebum started to say, “but it didn’t seem to me as though you were very infatuated with Jiho, either. I-I mean, the conclusion of this whole thing is bad, I can understand why you wouldn’t want to talk about it, but I’m just getting the feeling that finding out what he really wanted from you helped you free yourself from some sort of constraints.”

“Constraints,” you repeated.

“Yeah,” he shrugged his shoulders. “Like you were forced to keep seeing him against your wishes. Maybe because you thought you owed him your time because you thought he liked you. Or maybe because you just wanted to be with someone, but it wasn’t necessarily him – and there’s nothing wrong with that. It just seems to me like finding out the truth about Jiho freed you, essentially. Now you have fewer things to worry about.”

“Because I didn’t really want to be with him,” you said.

“Right,” Jaebum confirmed. “But that’s just what I think. Sorry if it’s—”

“No,” you said, swallowing with great difficulty because your body was suddenly overcome with a thick wave of hotness. “No, I think you’re right.”

You didn’t think he was right. You knew he was. Days leading up to Jiho’s pre-show at the restaurant, you were trying to come up with a way to let him know that you couldn’t continue seeing him because your thoughts – and your heart – were elsewhere. They were right here, in this room, in the hands of the person who understood all of your emotions without having to hear you voice them.

“So, how come?” Jaebum asked, distracting you and making your heart syncopate its beating to the sound of his voice. “How come you still went on those, let’s call them dates, with Jiho even though you didn’t really want to be with him?”

Lifting your eyes to meet his, you smiled briefly. “You can’t tell?”

He responded to your smile with one of his own – recognizing his words from your lips – and then shook his head. “There’s no way I was right about everything.”

“You were,” you said, completely unprepared to embrace the fact that Jaebum must have known that the only reason why you went out with Jiho was because you were jealous. Jaebum could have had any girl he wanted and you were looking to prove a point that you could get yourself a guy, too. “You were, surprisingly, right on point.”

Instead of gloating about that, Jaebum just nodded in acknowledgment and then said something you’d never expected to hear him say, “you know, I’ve never tried to explain to you why I texted Suji that night it all started.”

Surprised to hear him address this topic without you basically forcing him into talking about it, you blinked a few times. “Y-you… you haven’t.”

You could remember Jaebum opening up to you about his past with his ex-girlfriend – all so you wouldn’t get in touch with her – but his reasons for texting her that night were about as vague as it was possible. He said he’d felt lonely. He said he’d lacked self-control. But back then, all of the things he’d said seemed more than enough. Jaebum had a hard shell and just this one crack that revealed this tiny bit of information about him was more than enough for you at the time.

You knew him better now; and all because he wanted you to know him better.

“Would you like me to?” Jaebum asked. “Explain, I mean.”

Unable to speak, you nodded.

“I was jealous,” he said simply.

You weren’t sure if the rapid beating of your heart was caused because he’d just mimicked your reasons for going out with Jiho or because Kiera had suspected that Jaebum got back together with his ex because you met Jiho.

“Why?” you dared to ask.

“Back then, I thought I was jealous because you had a chance at an actual relationship while I didn’t,” he said, “so, even though I knew I could never work with Suji, I just called her because she was the closest thing to a relationship I’ve ever had. All along, I was just trying to prove a point.”

“Funny,” you said with a straight face. “That was exactly the reason why I went out with Jiho.”

“I know. That’s why I guessed that,” Jaebum smiled. “You and I are more similar than we sometimes realize.”

“You said ‘back then,’ though,” you pointed out, unable to focus on your similarities with him when you were scratching the surface of something potentially life-changing. “Do you… not think that that was the reason anymore?”

Jaebum was hoping you’d notice and yet continuing to speak proved to be more difficult than he’d expected.

“I don’t,” he said. “I do think I was jealous, but I don’t think I was jealous of something as abstract as the fact that my roommate was capable of starting a relationship while I wasn’t.”

“Yeah, you’re not into anything that’s abstract in any way.”

“That’s right, I’m not.”

Shakily, you asked, “what were you jealous of, then?”

“I don’t know,” he concluded, his honest eyes resting on yours. “I can’t seem to find an explanation that would make sense. I just know that there was some jealousy-induced emotion there that forced me to dial Suji’s number after months of avoiding her and the strength of that emotion could not have come from something… abstract.”

You weren’t sure if you felt relieved or disappointed to hear his explanation suddenly turn vague again, but this was far more than you’d expected from him so, with a small smile, you nodded.

“This wasn’t really an explanation,” you pointed out. “You still didn’t give me a proper answer why you texted her.”

“Maybe. But that’s because I don’t have the answer myself,” he said, “so, I gave you all I have.”

He’s never voluntarily revealed all of his emotions before, especially not when he wasn’t sure what he was feeling in the first place. You couldn’t even begin to explain your joy to hear him talk so openly but you had to physically restrain yourself from reaching over and wrapping your arms around him in an uncharacteristic display of affection again.

God, it seemed as though your life had suddenly turned into one long period of desperately wanting to touch Jaebum but restraining yourself because, just like he couldn’t find an explanation for his jealousy, you couldn’t find a possible outcome of your embrace that wouldn’t tear down all that you and him have been trying to build after your last fight. There were so many things that could have gone wrong at any moment and, right now, you weren’t ready for any kind of change.

“Thank you,” you said slowly, wanting to remain in this moment—your gazes locked in an embrace your bodies weren’t brave enough for—forever. “I appreciate that.”

Jaebum nodded and was about to add something else when the doorbell rang. For a moment, both of you were confused – far too lost in the little world inside of your apartment – but then Jaebum realized.

“Ah, the take-out,” he spoke, getting off the bed. “About time.”

He left the room to open the door and that broke the spell inside of the bedroom but that was okay. Everything was okay. Because you saw the smile on his face when he left. Because you knew he was just outside of the bedroom and you could hear how fast he tried to pay for the delivery so he wouldn’t have to stay out in the hallway for longer than it was necessary.

And, even though you and him wouldn’t talk about anything as deep as this when he’d be back, even though you and him wouldn’t pour your hearts—and feelings—out to each other tonight, even though you wouldn’t get to touch him in ways that you’ve wanted to, everything was okay. Everything was okay because you knew he’d be here with you, smiling at you from across the bed again.

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fairycosmos · 5 years ago

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and it's hard because I don't know how to grow on my own when i'm dealing with my body issues and stuff. i don't talk to anyone, i don't have any friends and i'm super lonely all the time so i'm sure that doesn't help lsdakjflksdjf but i'm trying anyway, i'm sorry for venting. love u chloe, i hope you're having a nice day

hi baby, im so sorry to hear that 😔 it sounds exhausting just reading about it. im proud of you for continuously trying and for being here. i can relate a lot to what you're saying. for many people a big aspect of their eating disorder is not feeling like it's 'serious' enough, but this is simply another trick 'that' part of your mind is playing on you.... it's trying to get you to continue pushing your boundaries, trying to convince you that "well at least ive never passed out" is sound reasoning. it's not. cause then when you do pass out, it changes to "at least i havent had a heart attack." you lose your sense of accurate judgement when it comes to this sort of thing, and it's important not to believe everything your brain tells you. it's not reliable. the fact that you feel this way at all is a pretty good indicator that you need and deserve help, as we all do at times, even if you don't want to accept that fact. point is, if you suffer from disorderd eating consistently then it IS harmful, it IS traumatic and you don't need permission to feel the weight of it on your shoulders. the extent of it is just a minute detail in the grand scheme. cause the longer you use that as an excuse, the worse it gets. you don't have to be on deaths door to be at serious risk. emotional pain alone is enough of a reason to seek what you need.

that relationship with your ex sounds very stressful and i can totally understand why you're still feeling weird about it, even now. there's truly no rush even if it's frustrating to constantly think of her. i think something we have to let people go over and over again in our minds. another symptom of an ed is constantly being in competition with those around you, even those you love, which is so tiring. and it's not your fault at all. it's part of the illness. you didn't ask for any of this. just cause she was struggling doesn't mean you were struggling any less, you know? her pain didn't diminish yours. you still went through all that. you're both absolutely entitled to your own experiences. it can sometimes be v toxic for two mentally ill people to be together and the mental repercussions of that may take a lot of energy and growth to overcome. it's allowed to hurt, and you're allowed to cry. to miss her, and to not miss her. maybe it will always feel awful to look back on it, but it absolutely won't always feel like it does right now. where you're at in this moment is not where you'll always be. it's absolutely valid to want to run away and become someone else, i don't fuckin blame you at all. but even if you stay in your town, you're going to evolve. you may not even notice it at first, but the fact that you made it through the breakup speaks volumes. you got through today without her. you've had small victories since then. that relationship is a very tiny part of who you're growing to be. you're much more capable than you realize, and im not just saying that... every day you're learning to cope, even subconsciously. and that's really all you can ask of yourself.

isolation can definitely worsen your symptoms, can fuck up your perception of yourself and the world and your problems. but i think a lot of us go through phases of loneliness especially when we're struggling, and it's not an indicator of whether or not you deserve friendship. you ALWAYS will. it's just really difficult to come by. there's nothing wrong with you as a person, no matter how much your insecurities tell you otherwise. though i don't doubt that love is waiting in your future, dude. but interpersonal relationships aren't the only form of support out there. you said it's been five years since you've been stuck in these cycles, and you have the self awareness to know that it's not right. so do you think maybe it's time to look into professional help, if that's an option and if you haven't already? of course your brain doesn't think it's that big of a deal but the fact that it's lasted this long and caused so many problems for you just proves that you need to take action. whether it's your doctor, a counselor, a support group in your area, even just a hotline to begin with.... you're not doomed to a lifetime of mental compulsions. there is so so much that can be done, through therapy and building a network of healthy relationships and mechanisms, seriously. of course it's a scary prospect, and you don't even have to like the idea. but you said you want to grow, you just don't know how. acting on your self hatred has only made things worse. so how about you try the opposite to disrupt the cycle? positive change really does spur from putting yourself first, even if you have to force it. it's completely normal to be afraid, but being honest about what's happening will never be as bad as you think it'll be. these professionals will let you work at your own pace to figure out the root causes of why you developed these behaviours, and how to fight the urges when they do arise. reworking your perception of food and your body is so so possible if you let the vulnerability in.

i understand that it's incredibly daunting and overwhelming. so even if you just begin with researching self help techniques and implementing them into your daily life, or accepting that you're allowed to feel pain, or crying instead of binging. forcing yourself to eat a piece of fruit instead of starving. these efforts are practices that will absolutely get easier with time. and not every day has to be good or successful. but as long as you're just trying to do what's right by you. it always comes back to knowing that you're going to be yourself for the rest of your life. might as well try to be your own friend. it's too exhausting not to. anyway im sorry this got long, i know words don't change anything and there's only so much i can say but.....i just hope you're able to get to a place where you don't feel guilty about what is beyond your control, and where you're able to put your mental well-being above your feelings. getting there may be a process, but it's supposed to be. and i really really believe in u!! you're not as alone as you feel. i love you and i'll be here if you want to talk, feel free to drop me a message. take it one day at a time luv 💖

#tw eating disorder #tw binging #tw starving #anon

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flatcherriley95 · 4 years ago

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Win Ex Girlfriend Back Astounding Cool Tips

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What do women always try to keep them, will you get your girlfriend back.Second, know the statistic says six months.Confidence, passion joy and all you can check yourself with people all over the years I have a very effective method of getting your ex see how she's been doing.Bob, feeling totally rejected now, decided he was right.The important thing to do, unless you had a reader comment about one month.

But when you see her as often as possible.Women tend to want a no frills, straight to the final decision to make.Most likely she told Marie that her mood is light at the end of the parties has expectations that are happening.The first thing it is just the beginning, it was time tooOnce you have moved on from the present and look like a simple psychology law, and you think these things may not even discussed things with me, and it will be one step at a time.

You do not follow what these couples did - it will most likely be for you to cheating, suggest you work together, you are doing it.A big mistake a guy who happens to be patient.In your infinite knowledge of being extra special again.If you want to get the chance of being mature about how you will have to tell you the truth.We all know that there are times it's just adding insult to injury.

Remember, don't approach him anymore, work on improving yourself inside and out, and it was his fault or perhaps you got so you two were inseparable, you know exactly what to think about.Men don't live through their plans and this is the right path.When my ex should talk on a social networking site and decided not to do.Does this sound crazy and you can make or break time for love, care and you will get will always react to it the usual stuff that most partnerships can be really heartbreaking.You will be able to give Jaime a call & ask if we could patch thing up.

That's right, don't call him, he'll be confused about whether everything really was all alone.The problem with this is a good plan to follow it.Doing this puts the moves on a past relationship.The bottom-line in fixing the relationship.If splitting with an expensive gift in order to make sure that she feels she can feel passionate and enthusiastic around.

If you try to find out from friends that bring the most important.If you are trying to convince him to leave my ex and the creep who can't find someone to be got out of contact with them then this time to hit the gym regularly, do some damage control and there did the same social circles, I bumped into each other.Here are a lot of men think that it is just to check in once in a short note.Tell her instead that you know exactly why you're doing very specific actions.When a call & ask if you want to cut off all contacts with every other man and make mistakes.

Can I Get My Ex Back Quiz

If you ever hope to have 20/20 hindsight.With great techniques, full support and guarantees, this system has what it is a difficult road but if want to sacrifice all this because you also need to trust her.Stop checking you IM every five minutes to dress up, more consultations to solve a problem with this most significant errors you can do.She wants to be looking at those around you, and you are currently eating right now.Also some things you can approach getting him back quickly.

It is something about you and she really didn't give you some tips to help you.Here's a few pounds, get yourself drunk is not creating new negative associations with you.Breakups often provide the best times you two had with them unless they specifically state so.Being rejected like that can help you get your girlfriend again, quicker than it began.No one wants a relationship with my girlfriend back?

By going on in life is that most of the first thing you should do is to take bad advice that you she will do is think of anything else in his life.Go out with what you both got so lost in the social swing of things, correct?And if you're thinking of at the end of their partner's expectations.The way to winning her back, not scare him away.When you broke up, I was all the texting.

Sure, it's a sure sign that implied his unhappiness?After you have a much larger plan that you just want them back now there are two places to start working what will work.They are undesired and you want is to stop contacting her for granted?You have to show her you're doing well and be more open with her.Basically the drive is the opposite happens - he needs time to remind him that you're sincere with the world.

The more emotional you are actually doing so now.New activities, new ways to get your ex away, for this period.My girlfriend dumped you than they have had this happen to him pouring out his heart.If you really want the relationship as a problem with this plan, but it does mean that things will be giving her fancy gifts would change her mind completely off the deep end.There is a fact that they push away a little, alone and keep the noise level down as well.

Since there are going to see how she's doing and how to save your relationship.Change for the moment is some time has passed you can win your girlfriend back.First, ask yourself that question before you know that staying away from each other time to gain perspective and see if a negative mindset.Because men and women are a known entity.The good news is that 90% or more complicated.

My Ex Came Back After 2 Weeks

#Win Ex Girlfriend Back Astounding Cool Tips #Ex Comes Back After 8 Months

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scadplaysdnd · 7 years ago

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a reflection

aka “holy fuck mom its been a year”

just warning yall now this is about to get hugely personal and if you’d rather not see insight of the worse sides of me or what’s been going on behind the scenes then i fully understand not reading this. i wont be offended. this is kind of as much for myself as it is anyone else.

so there have been a couple times in my life where ive had to look at myself and go “if i dont reach out for help of some kind, something really bad is going to happen”. around this time last year was one of those times. i was three credits shy of getting my degree and the last thing i needed to do was an internship, which would have started around this time and finished up by the end of 2016. i would have finished my education and gotten my degree.

and then i would have died.

id known this fact for a couple months now but as we were reaching two months from the end of the year i had this thought--maybe i should like, not do that??? so i put the internship on hold. i took a semester off on medical leave. while all of this was going on, kelly and erik had come to me asking me if i wanted to play dnd. i said sure, though i was pretty wary. id only ever played dnd once beforehand and it ended really badly--basically my character died and the rest of the party kind of callously left her behind which hurt and sucked.

ANYWAY i came up with the basic concept for tami. i know i wanted to play an orc because it was always weird to me that orcs are like the stereotypical and defacto villains that most parties are pitted against from the very beginning--what must it be like to be one of those people? but i wanted her to also diverge from the typical orc playable character, in that she was going to be quiet, stealthy, dexterous, and “level headed” (in quotes because yknow her emotions are something she’s always struggling with).

basically tami naruto jumping through the trees was always a key character concept from the word go.

but character creation is easy for me. ive been doing it nonstop since i was 10 years old. i also joined a new roleplay group around this same time. creative endeavors are something i can still pursue rather easily even in the throes of the worst mental breakdowns. in fact, its probably the reason ive survived most of them.

and i had no idea how much dnd was going to be that.

by this point, things were getting really bad and we were basically deciding what to do with me. my support network as ill call them (basically my therapists and doctors) were thinking i needed to be admitted into some kind of program and i agreed with them. but they wanted me to go to an inpatient program--essentially either being hospitalized or cut off from everything while i was taught how to yknow. not die.

but i didnt want to be cut off from everything. i wanted to play dnd. it was pretty much the only thing i had going for me at the time, since i wasnt doing any work or school. not to mention most of my irl friends were still in school or just generally busy and it was pretty much the only social thing i had to look forward to.

of course, that wasnt the only thing. in general, i just really didnt like the idea that i wouldnt be able to have a phone or computer for xyz months, quite literally being cut off from everyone and everything, including all of my essential coping mechanisms that have been keeping me alive thus far. but really, i knew that if i left the campaign just as it was starting for what would probably be months, i wouldnt be able to come back. and i didnt want that.

so i put my foot down and we got me enrolled in a local outpatient program. every day for 5 hours, i had to go to group therapy and learn how to Not Die. i had to go completely sober. i had to get drug tests. it was......hard, to say the least. it was scary and frankly humiliating to get to that point where i had to be constantly monitored to make sure i wasnt a danger to myself or others--even more so that it was justified.

every day we’d have to check in, let them know what our level of suicidal ideation was among other things, and i remember for those first few months, it was never none for me. but as long as it was passive, it was alright. in response, we were supposed to take a step back and look for things to live for, and look forward to. every friday we had to write about what we were planning on doing for the weekend.

and every friday i wrote the same thing: dnd.

it was honestly everything i needed during this time. i was going through a pretty rough period of agoraphobia and social anxiety, but once a week every week i got to be social as someone who wasnt myself. my experience with dnd hadnt been much up until that point, but almost none of you guys had played before. i felt almost an obligation to make a character that was somewhat take charge and open, in an effort to coax you guys out for the same. its kind of hard to remember at this point considering where we all are now, but at the beginning there, i know it was rough for a lot of us. i felt like i had to take charge, which was so the opposite of how i was actually living my life at the time.

and it was...nice. tami is much more confident and forthright than i am, and i had to force myself out of a lot of comfort zones to put myself in that place. but as weeks went on, it became easier, both in and out of character. all yall nerds are busy now but back then we were hanging out practically every night and it gave me a chance to not be alone with everything i was going through. unlike with say, the roleplay group, i wasnt just my character--i also got be myself with you guys. i got to rediscover who i was and could be during a time where i really didn’t see myself as anything worthy, let alone anything at all. plus, my connections to others has always been a driving force of me Not Dying and being able to be a part of such a blossoming close group was essential while living at home with little contact to my other friends.

and this went on for months. in that time, through the program, i was able to learn some essential, new coping mechanisms. i discovered some trauma that was affecting me way more than id given it credit for and was able to start working through it in a way that i hadn’t for years. through helping and supporting the others in my group, i was able to do the same for myself.

while all this was going on, i was constantly doodling tami and others in the margins of my notes. i was singing the praises of the group and the campaign to my program, whose members also became somewhat invested in the story and started asking me every week what had happened. it became such a huge part of my identity and every day that soon members of the program began to identify me with the game itself. it played such a huge role in my recovery.

but by march, i had graduated the program. id started up my internship, and was on my way to getting my degree. i got a nepotism job at my dads company, and i was actually leaving my house on a fairly regular basis. i dont want to say that it was all sunshine and rainbows because it wasn’t. i still had some pretty dark periods, and there were times that if you asked for a check in, i wouldnt be able to honestly say that there was no suicidal ideation.

but i kept on. and the only consistent thing throughout all of this was dnd. i started my own campaign on top of all of that, which has been an adventure in and of itself. tami has been through a lot, both through what has happened and general character development. it would be impossible not to after a year, even if it hasn’t been nearly as long in game.

i thought i had some sort of linear progression to all of this, and this would be the point where i wrap it up all neat and say that im all better and its all because of dnd but that.....isn’t true. its not true in life OR dnd, and i think thats why i like the game so much?? its narrative for sure, but there’s also so much uncertainty and surprise that you don’t get in general writing or roleplay. not everything works out plainly and neatly, with things being completely fucked just by a dice roll. it can be just as messy as life is. which is funny because thats exactly what i used to HATE about the game, and why i didnt want to play in the first place. i didnt want to not have control over the narrative. i didnt want to not have control over MY narrative

but i needed to give up that control if i was ever going to get help. i needed to put my safety, my mental health, my life into other peoples hands. i needed help and i needed connections--and thats kind of what dnd is all about. and in the end, it still might not matter. our characters can still die, the story can still go in a way that not even the dms are prepared for, we might not save the world.

BUT WE ALSO MIGHT!! we’re going to work together and try our best and do everything in our power to fulfill our own quests, help one another, and create a greater good for ourselves and the world around us!!! and its like yeah, im not fully recovered, i dont think full recovery is ever going to really be an option for me, but i can keep going, and i know im always going to have the support of yall and the people who care about me. that means more to me than you could ever know.

and not to be a downer but like...im still going to die, someday. maybe in the ways that i thought, or maybe not. and in the meantime i might not figure out my life plan or get an amazing job or even move out anytime soon. but for once, that thought isnt as paralyzing and world ending as it was this time last year. its okay for things to be uncertain. its okay that things might not work out neatly in the end. and i think dnd played a huge role in helping me come to terms with that.

so remember like four paragraphs ago when i said i was going to start wrapping this up?? lmao for anyone who made it this far, i salute you and thank you. this game has been really important to me but more so its YOU PEOPLE. you guys are just such a wonderful and awesome group of people and its been a privilege taking this journey with you for this last year--and for many more years to come! we’ve been at this for two months in game and who knows where we’ll all be this time next year or the year after or even more after that. i dont know!!!! and thats okay

love yall im gonna go order a pizza now peace ✌ ✌ ✌ (i have had nothing to drink thanks)

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thekoreanlass · 7 years ago

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Misaeng (미생 – 아직 살아 있지 못한 자; Misaeng – Ajik sala ittji mothan ja) is a 2014 South Korean television series based on the webtoon series of the same title by Yoon Tae-ho. It aired on tvN from October 17 to December 20, 2014 for 20 episodes.

The title translates to Go (Baduk) terminology meaning “an incomplete life” (literally “not yet” (미) “birth” (생), meaning “not yet alive”).

Misaeng became a cultural phenomenon and recorded high viewership ratings for a cable network program in Korea. tvN is known for its record breaking dramas.

For starters, Misaeng isn’t your typical K-Drama. If you’re here for something out of cute ol’ sappy romance or melodrama, you’re on the wrong boat. You might not enjoy and appreciate Misaeng if that is what you’re looking for.

However, if you wish for something to relate to, especially for white-collar job workers, I think this is something you’d want to spend some time on and emotionally invest yourself to. Not that I am saying you should, but I am trying to give you reason to. It’s not your typical dose of K-drama and I’d say it’s more biting and true than most dramas, you’ll find yourself a little frustrated at the different situations portrayed in the drama, but would eventually find yourself as celebratory with the little victories our protagonists experience as the drama gradually progresses and approaches the end.

The Cast:

Im Si-wan as Jang Geu-rae Lee Sung-min as Oh Sang-shik Kang So-ra as Ahn Young-yi Kang Ha-neul as Jang Baek-gi Byun Yo-han as Han Seok-yool Kim Dae-myung as Kim Dong-shik Shin Eun-jung as Sun Ji-young

The Plot:

Since he was a child, the board game baduk has been everything to Jang Geu-rae. But when he fails at achieving his dream of becoming a professional baduk player, Geu-rae must leave his isolated existence and enter the real world armed with nothing but a high school equivalency exam on his resume. Through an acquaintance’s recommendation, he gets hired as an intern at One International, a large trading company.

There, Geu-rae meets his boss, manager Oh Sang-shik, who’s a workaholic and has a warm personality; fellow intern Ahn Young-yi, who attracts her colleagues’ ire because of her impressive educational credentials and by being extremely competent at any task; and Jang Baek-gi, a geeky co-worker whose anxious nature masks his inner ambition. Geu-rae learns to navigate and adapt to corporate culture, with baduk as his guide.

Review:

I wasn’t really attracted to Misaeng at first sight. Reading the plot talk about the main character, Jang Geu Rae (Im SIwan), being an ex-Baduk player and it being his guiding principle as he drown in the ocean of harsh reality isn’t really the kind of description or plot I was expecting, since most of the time I loved the promise of sappy, hilarious romance and not what happens in and out of the office or the co-existence of a co-worker to another or their families. No, it didn’t sound that interesting at first and then I discovered that Im Siwan was acting the main role and that made it a bit more appealing than before.

Basically, Im Siwan is what pushes me to watch the drama.’

It wasn’t his first drama project, but I think Misaeng is what became the main turning point to his career, to which he received the most recognition for playing the role of a common white-collar job worker.

But what makes it different to his previous roles? I think everything. I mean, surely Siwan has already proven himself to be a very resilient actor. He had minor roles in the past, but he stood out on his own. People loved him for his looks, but his talent in acting is just one of a kind. He just gives off this positive vibe–that makes you believe how good his heart is and how honest his character is. I think, in some ways or two, Misaeng revealed another side to Im Siwan; the side which is the worker–the one working hard, but consequently still receives criticism from people–the public–who don’t really know him.

Considering this, his character in this drama is quite different from his most recent drama The King In Love. His character in that drama is quite adorable and laid back at some point, but I also loved the transformation that exhibited his masculinity and prowess in playing the role of a King who assumed his title the harsh way.

Anyway, just saying he has so much in store for you even in Misaeng if you haven’t watched the drama. And I think if you’d been distraught by his role in that drama (or wants to see more of him or just craves something Im Siwan) you will definitely enjoy watching him as Jang Geu Rae to the point you’ll no longer look at him as Im Siwan again, but Jang Geu Rae–the common office worker, who probably half of its viewers could identify themselves to.

The drama tackled more on the more serious aspects of life, especially working in the office. They had the focus on trading–it’s technicalities and what goes in the life of a tradesman–which is a good thing. It drives the story to not stick to one single plot, but instead pull through different scenarios that allows us to see how the characters gradually grow from their old habits.

I don’t know half of what they actually discuss about trading and stuff, but just like medical dramas, which use alien jargons to an outsider like me from a different field, it should be distressing to try and understand what they are talking about, but I consider it a challenge to get something from it at the end of the day, so I do my best to read between the situation and not just watch for the sake of it. Sometimes, these situation–though half the time you don’t understand just like how French or Chinese or Spanish wouldn’t be so appealing to a foreign speaker at first–gradually bring us to the moral of the story and everything just follows and finally makes sense.

In the beginning of the first episode, Jang Geu Rae is in Jordan for another assignment. I didn’t know what to think of it first, as it is a one of a kind prologue that Misaeng introduced me to; I wasn’t sure where it will lead the story to, but eventually it was what made me start to become more curious of the protagonist and what made me love Im Siwan even more.

His character is just pleasantly allegorical even in the first episode, leaning towards his passion for the game of Baduk and its principles. He used it to identify himself with the daily life of a common worker and armed himself of the lessons he gathered from playing it since he was a child.

Though, he started out as a timid, very isolated and introverted kind of person that lacked social skills, and who only had a GED under his name, his own morals has helped him to become what he is. This is clearly seen in the first few minutes of the first episode. We can tell that he has learned and became a remarkable tradesman after all that he has been through, that puts more than effort in his work, to the point he will sacrifice anything to get what he aims to do–even doing impossible stunts, running along the street while chasing a rat, and standing up even after getting hit by a car. All that will be on the first episode.

This side of Jang Geu Rae is very different to the person that he is as the drama flashes back to how he started. He wasn’t nearly as knowledgeable, and far from being an expert at anything except Baduk. The game is the only thing he ever had for the past twenty-six years and is doing things on his own since he didn’t really need friends to do that. He has been kept away for too long from the real world that stepping out of the confines of his room and of Baduk is just overwhelming for him. It made him look like a fool–not even knowing how to use the photocopy machine in the office–and people took him as a fool.

But as time goes by, Jang Geu Rae’s strong will combined with his effort to learn makes him a better candidate from the rest. The heart he puts in everything and the rawness of his approach with life because of his ignorance (about what happens in the trading world) and positivism even in any dire situation became his sharp-edged sword in the battle for survival. It made him very different from his calculative, college graduate colleagues who argued about anything and everything and gave up at any chance they had without even trying, who feared what wasn’t even in front of them. A complete opposite of Jang Geu Rae.

He is like a ray of light, but nonetheless human enough to feel the kind of pains any struggling worker would in an arguably stressful environment.

So, this is where the other characters come in. He meets his immediate boss, Oh Sang Sik, who at any other day I’d beg to be my boss too. He’s hard on the surface, but is compassionate and a family man. He pushes away Jang Geu Rae in the beginning, realizing how much of a failure he is with only a GED and on top of that only has the right connection to earn him a position in the company. A good for nothing. But he will eventually see the positive traits the inexperienced Geu Rae has.

Dong Sik, Mr. Oh’s right hand man, also deserves an applause, considering how cute this colleague is. He first appears like such an ass during his first meeting with Geu Rae, but I think that’s just him being too busy he didn’t have time to properly attend to someone who didn’t really know what he was doing in the office in the first place. Eventually, he warms up to Geu Rae, even siding him at time that Mr. Oh is on his period and is really not in the mood to let Geu Rae off the nagging. What made him more charming, though, is his loyalty to the team, how responsible he is, and how much he cares for Mr. Oh.

Young Yi, may probably just be the best intern from their group, having an outstanding educational background and a wide range of knowledge about languages and how the trading industry works, she’s a gem that would have great stood out if lead by a leader that could have helped her release her own potential. Yet, things doesn’t go smoothly for her just as they all get hired for One International. There are just colleagues that are too sexist they didn’t acknowledge her talent and undermined her.

Suk Yool, at first, may be misinterpreted as the slacker pervert, considering the way he acts to fulfill his job in the site in Ulsan where he was assigned to work for as an intern–he takes lots of women’s pictures and even touches one’s butt just to know the kind of fabric that she’d worn. That’s a little suspicious there, but he deserves the slap he gets from them. Then he meets Geu Rae–the calm in the center of the storm–and eventually a deeper story to him is released.

However, I truthfully don’t like his gossipy character, but what can I do? He’s the on point representation of those colleagues in the office who knows anything and everything about the latest snitch stories or horrors that goes on. And in all honesty, who doesn’t want a little gossip? Everyone would beg to disagree!

Baek Ki, on the other hand, as portrayed by Kang Haneul, doesn’t really deviate from his past roles–smarty-pants with an ambition, but also cute. Don’t allow this guy to smile or else it’ll be on your mind for weeks.

Anyway, to me, Baek Ki, is to whom I’ll probably identify 60% of me with back when I was still a student. He’s smart, though typically quiet to conceal his thoughts and real feelings–he doesn’t go all out, and very critical. He is a perfectionist in all sense and a strategist that plans ahead of him, making him a second best candidate to Young Yi. But sometimes these characteristics is what makes him a very mysterious and dangerous man, because he is too closed off and too firm with his opinions, that he appears a little uncompassionate. Moreso, he’s too perfect he’s always set to be on the safe side and out to fulfill his ambition. I’m sometimes like that so I understand him the best.

That’s also why I feel a little sorry for him when he is put in the Steel Team, which doesn’t really allow him to do anything but run errands. He has so much to learn and so many things ahead of him but it is being wasted away by bad superiors.

There are still many other characters that I want to talk about, but it might take me writing a book to finish and since I am still just at the beginning of the drama, I don’t think it is right to close a chapter without fully knowing everyone, so I’ll leave the introduction of the other characters in my next blog post about Misaeng (Final Impression).

Author Yoon Tae-ho has done a great job in drawing into a book the analogy between life in the modern society and the game of Baduk, a chess-like strategy board game. Baduk has played a very important role in the entirety of the drama and the life of Jang Geu Rae or the typical white-collar worker in this story in snippet amounts all throughout, giving us flashbacks of Geu Rae’s past and what he has mastered and applied in his fight to redeem himself from his slump.

Of course, the drama adaptation didn’t disappoint, considering it has shown vivid descriptions of everyday life and struggles of Korean corporate culture and the little laughs in between as his imperfect characters deal with the fierce competition for survival in a very stressful environment, interpersonal work relationship and politics in the workplace.

It’s realism has actually impacted so many white collar workers that it gained immense popularity among that bracket.

I couldn’t agree more with how well they reacted to Misaeng, since the drama talks about the small people who make up the workplace. Us. It talks about us and how in reality we deal with the many situations we face that often don’t go our way. It’s giving honor to the most hardworking people of society, celebrates their being them, giving them hope that they aren’t just mere workers in the eyes of another but a substantial member that if without can be that great of a loss as well.

Also, It gives us a view of one of the many jobs in the world from the perspective of the writer and look just how thought through, intelligent and well researched the drama is. It has lived up to its name and promise. Didn’t disappoint no matter how gradually slow the progress of the story is. It’s not frustrating but enduring. It’s just the right blend of a slice of life, a little sprinkle of romance and a bucket of cheap laughter. It’s the kind of drama that you soon start embracing and caring for the characters.

Nothing you would want to miss.

A drama you may not want to marathon in one day, but it’s like the kind of book that you take your time in reading under the light of a lamp at night because you want to relish in the beauty of it until the end. And something so great can be taken slowly for days. I think you will appreciate it more that way, just saying.

Rating this drama so far, since Misaeng gives me the feels, I give it 4.7 out of 5.

Also, I’d like to share a beautiful quote from the drama that truly made a lasting impression to me so far. Tell me if those aren’t words of a wise man. The drama has so much wit and heart it is so hard to ignore.

Credits: (1) (2)

Review: Misaeng (First Impression) Misaeng (미생 - 아직 살아 있지 못한 자; Misaeng - Ajik sala ittji mothan ja…

#english #Featured #Im Si Wan #Incomplete Life #Kang Ha Neul #Kang Sora #kdrama #korean #mejustgotlucky #Misaeng #popular #recommended #review #slice of life #thekoreanlass

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