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weareweirdpeople · 5 months ago

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I keep getting allianated because I don't fit in, even in the neurodivergent sense.

I just realized that one the reasons I've kept getting made fun of in groups for my whole life pretty much is that I am more "visibly autistic" then people feel comfortable with. That and my wild trauma and lack of ability for socialize with kids my age.

Ive been told by my autistic friend that I have the "autism accent", I "speak like a 5 year old". My autistic friend saw me stiming because I ate spicy food and really liked it and asked if I had never had spices before and made it about me being white. (I am not even fully white tho like kdmdndweree but anyways) and she made me feel weird about it.

Im not good at reading tone. Im not good at telling sarcasm. I'm not good at socializing as a whole. Even while in a group where everyone was neurodivergent of some sort (2 people with adhd and a different autistic friend who will be referred to as S) They still made me feel weird.

They chose to wait till some of the last days of school to tell me how annoying they thought I was, that they shouldn't have heard S out on me entering the group. Theat they made fun of how I speak. That im just plain weird. One of them kept implying that they never stopped making fun of me and no on disagreed. They would tell me not to call myself autistic because I hadn't be diagnosed even though that's barley an option for me and they know it, but they had no issue with criticizing how I interact socially. Telling me I need to introduce them to my new friends so they can tell me if they are good people or not.

My other friend compares me to a 5 year old or an animal a lot. I constantly feel like a bad person for showing any not situational "appropriate traits" but I don't know how to not show them. I have spent my whole life being unable to socialize properly. Until 5ht grade did I have a friend who didn't constantly tell me how weird I was. Who treated me like a person and not an entertainment accessory.

My ex just straight up sexualized my "cute and innocent" traits and told me to get rid of my "bad traits". He never wanted me to be near him in school. He never wanted me near his friends. He wanted me to be a secret for him. He didn't like being near me unless we were alone or it was a sexual conversation. He constantly treated me like this naive stupid little thing. Everyone treats me like a naive stupid little thing.

I get pissed off at offensive shti and social injustice. My friends call me sheltered and soft and sensitive. I'm not sheltered. I didn't get the opportunity of being sheltered. I just don't find racist jokes funny at all. I just don't find using slurs you can't reclaim funny at all. I just don't find shit that everyone can't laugh at funny. Its only funny to me if everyone can laugh at it and enjoy it. I aparently don't understand how jokes work. Maybe thats because the only "jokes" I know in my very neurodivergent family involve word play or spontaneous bullshit.

The jokes I learned at school involve me being the joke. The joke is how weird I am. People like them so sometimes I lean into them a little. I don't comment on if it actually does make me feel bad. But then they don't like it. Then they say I'm weird and uncomfortable to be near.

They tell me I need to be super understanding and Empathetic if someone shares something serious with me. I need to emphasize their feelings and make them feel better. But then the 2 times I actually needed support both times I was told "ehh, I've heard worse." "Its not that bad." "Yeah but you probably weren't bullied as bad as we were".

I can kinda understand the last comment given the context. 2 of the friends, including S were talking about bullying we've felt with. S is physically disabled and autistic and the other friend is also physically disabled and fat. I am also physically disabled but its invisible. I am also autistic. I can understand them assuming that I didn't deal with much.

It just doesn't feel good when thats every time I have a problem. Its always "well it probably wasn't to bad, your sheltered".

They made jokes about their trauma to and infront of me despite me not knowing them too well, so I did the same. But im bad when I do it. I'm too blunt. I'm weird. My trauma is weird. Its weird to even mention that stuff.

Im weird or something that needs to be contained if I stim. Im weir dand bad if I don't understand social cues and context. Im weird and stupid for having reading issues. Im dumb for not understanding "normal things" sometimes. I mean as they straight up called me stupid and dumb to my face.

I struggle with changes in my plan. I keep crying more often over things that shouldn't be cried over. Sometimes I stim when im really upset at home and my dad used to get upset at me for not controlling myself. Maybe I used to have autistic meltdowns at school, I don't even know. I already had so much trauma and everyone at that school scapegoated me anyways. I used to crawl under tables and scream or yell when I got upset and overwhelmed but maybe that was trauma. I don't know.

My family thought my male cousin was autistic. Not me though. It couldn't be me with weird speaking patterns who had to be put in speech therapy as a toddler because my mom was the only one who could understand even 50% of what I said. Not me who has constantly held better conversation with random adults than kids my own age.

Not me whos been a very very picky eater my whole life. Not me whos always been sensitive to loud sounds and a few textures. Not me who can't sit still or focus for the life of my but can tell you everything I know about teenage mutant ninja turtles non-stop sense I was 4. Not me, because im just a weird traumatized girl who's just sooo smart and needs to be challenged more. Only recently has the fact that I either need glasses or might by dyslexic had come up.

This isn't even on tract with the original point but qhat im trying to say is that there have been so many ignored signs of me being autistic because of me being a "girl" and even with other autistic people I get alienated for having said traits.

One of my friends told me that one of the reasons people dont like me if because I act "quirky". Well fucking excuse me. These same people are like "we understand people who joke around to cope with their issues" until its me. My bad. I didn't know everything applied to people other than me. My mistake.

I'll just let you keep calling and treating me like a fucking dog while shutting up about the fact that you randomly punch me as a greeting from behind with no apology or care for if it hurts or not. Ill just shut up until you tell me at the end of the year that im STILL ANNOYING APARENTLY, EVEN THOUGH IVE TRIED MY BEST TO FOLLOW YOUR RULES ON HOW I SHOULD BEHAVE. MY BAD FOR SAYING IM AUTSIC WITHOUT A DIAGNOSIS. ITS NOT LIKE MULTIPLE OF MY TEACHERS, THE SCHOOL PSYCOLOGIST, MY PARENTS, AND MY THERAPIST ALL SAY THERES AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE OF AUTSIM. MY BAD FOR EVER HAVING EMOTIONS ABOUT SOCIAL JUSTICE OR POLITICS THAT AFFECT ME AND MY LOVED ONES.

But its fine for you to fake claim people. Its fine for you, a trans person to make rules about who is trans or not. Its fine for you to make me really uncomfortable with that type of shit and for me not to say anything for your comfort. "You need to learn to just go with something you don't like and not say your opinion" I do that. I do that every single fucking day.

Its just that even with all the energy I have to put into trying to be normal, to focus on my work, to shut up so my friends can at least get their work done, to even with a modified schedule struggle to have my shit together, I STILL CANT FULLY PASS AS ALLISTIC. I DONT EVEN PASS FOR NEUROTYPICAL. EXCUSE ME FOR NOT WANTING TO DO THE PLEDGE OF FUCKING ALLIGENCE, AND THEN CALLING OUT THE TEACHER ON THE FACT THAT SHE CANT FORCE ME TO DO THGMAT WHEN SHE TRIED TO MAKE MW RE DO IT.

I guess I can't ever have opinions near people. Or be myself around people. Or be myself fully at home. Or talk about the things I like freely. Or exist without constantly having to put in effort to try to fit in even a little. Screw me for being born I guess. I'll try harder next time to make you more comfortable I fucking guess???

I don't know how to fit in and even around other autistic people I'm a freak.

It really hurts.

#How did this become a vent post #Autism #autism spectrum disorder #audhd #actually autistic #Autistic #vent post #Autsim vent #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #neurodiverse stuff #how do i tag this #i feel like a freak #Why am I so weird and stupid #Fuck people like this #not even sorry #I am allowed to fucking exist

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variousqueerthings · 1 year ago

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i went and read through all the scorecards and commentary you’ve written so far, and i just have to comment that i think you’ll have a much better time rewatching twelve’s era - it’s got its own problems, of course, but it’s such a breath of fresh air. i think m*ffat actually took some of people’s biggest criticisms of s5-7 to heart - the hamfisted sexiness is toned way down, and he did away with the whole “the doctor is the center of the universe and the most specialest guy ever” angle almost entirely. honestly, i almost have a hard time believing both eras were written by the same person.

hahaaa thank you, and idk why the below got so long, when your ask was relatively simple, blame it on the hyperfixation!

I acknowledge I tend to write m*ffat (mainly because im not trying to put stuff in tags to be a buzzkill but also as a joke about censoring him), but I do think he got... better

in the sense that he was overall less sexist and more character-driven later on and seems to have really run with a lot of what people wanted set up in terms of genderbending Timelords and queer lead characters, although I am finding s6 has some really good stuff... not.... his episodes so much lol...... but I'm liking it more than s5 which runs contrary with my assumptions/memory of his era, which is pleasantly surprising

I don't think he's egregious in the way writers like, say, Joss Whedon were, I've not heard stories of him being an asshole on set (except for that one story about him throwing a hissyfit about not getting the horse through the mirror in GitF back in s2), which may just be me missing stuff, so can let me know, BUT... nothing I know of. and while he's said some... Highly Dubious Shit About Women Especially and also asexuality, I genuinely think he's been working on some of those biases and fucking nonsense

we went from the Doctor kissing a lesbian without her consent to Bill Potts (who has some flaws -- the fat joke I've been seeing mentioned on Tumbls, the somewhat off-centre flirtation with the one-night stand she doesn't get to have that seems more like it comes from girl-on-girl porn than like a way lesbians might speak with one another)

from writing Rants about the dullness of asexuality that assumed a cis- and heteronormative perspective of the Doctor (he's a bloke of course he'd want to have sex was a lot of the Vibes of it) to in a "confused but got some of the spirit" writing about how the Doctor wouldn't understand human definitions of sexuality and monogamous relationship structures (there's a post about that somewhere in the depths of my blog @fabiansociety made some excellent points)

from describing the original first casting for Amy as "wee and dumpy" to... well, actually can we have some clarification there sir, also the shit you said about Karen Gillen basically just being cast because she was hot (I'm not saying I am super Yay Moffat after all), but at least toning down the sexy sexy talk on the show from what you say!

also maybe a smallish thing, and idk how much power he had and and and, buuut I appreciate how he went from the way he talked in GiTF about how Reinette was "worthy" of the Doctor because she was cultured and educated and whatnot... when Rose is literally the companion of the season and semi-textually Created Ten (regardless of youknow, reads of the relationship and all that, definitely important to the narrative and the Doctor), to having Rose appear as The Bad Wolf in the 50th anniversary special... haunting the naaarrative baybey

and I remember feeling like "Missy" when introduced was just a rehash of River Song rehash of Irene Adler (or whatever way around those characters existed) but then Gomez is actually amazing as The Master, to the point that she's the Number One thing I remember from that era of the show

and he's not an asshole about trans people, which, low bar perhaps, but not in this flipping country, especially not saying so out loud, which, like... Doctor Who is a big deal in this country and RTD is obviously a big ol' queer who's been yelling from the rooftops from Day One, but to not just have it be him, to have a cultural institution firmly in our corner, it's good feeling-wise, and Moffat is a part of that too

and what you're saying, which I cannot quite remember the details of but will eventually reach, the pivot from how the Doctor is portrayed in the Eleven arc vs the Twelve arc, and what the core of that story is, and the glory of Capaldi!

the limitations of this praise then come in the fact that he was learning this stuff while running two of the biggest British institutions, a version of Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Who, and so the above Things that he was a dick about, alongside the mocking of fandom during Sherlock and the weird "queer but not queer" stuff with Sherlock/Watson (look, the fucking... BBC marketed it through the lens of a ship, and then there was a whole idk... campaign to make fandom seem weird and over-invested, and then of course Sherlock actually sucked as a show for so many reasons...) means that he's managed to be a prat in real time and it's meant that what should have been fun engagement in storytelling wasn't so much for many of us wincing through the shit he was saying and writing in his shows

... that time he was like "people are accusing me of being sexist, but I love strong, sexually confident women who can step on me, and having a dominatrix kink that I'm projecting onto my female characters onscreen is the opposite of sexism actually Check Mate" (that paraphrasing was mean, sorry not sorry, but also.... I could find the quote or just a handful of handy videos that have aaaaalll of the quotes... because they were happening.... in national newspapers and in interviews and panels and twitter and.... like.... not in private... there's more I'm vaguely remembering but not sure enough to just throw out there, so yeah... but he did not shut up!)

also I will never think he's a good writer so much as Very good at thinking up cool concepts that others might be able to run with or work with him on, and he should never ever be left to his own devices and encouraged to do whatever he wants (... Sherlock..... Jekyll.... from what I've heard, Inside Man....) AND I think generally and hope that RTD2 is going to be about heralding in the next gen of creators, including perhaps... a future showrunner who didn't grow up when Classic!Who was in its infancy (I don't mean that as a diss, I just mean that we've had three of those showrunners so far), and perchance isn't a cis man, because I think a lot of cool shit that could have been better might have been if moffat wasn't learning the ABC's of third wave feminism at the same time

Gosh and he's the least sexy writer I have ever come across... maybe not ever, but considering how confident he was being about allosexual alloromantic Doctor, that man is as sexy as getting slapped by a wet fish (unless you're into that, in which case insert something else here)

ALL OF THIS TO SAY... yeah, I'm excited for Twelve. and I'm enjoying Eleven more by watching the way I'm watching and being able to set criteria for worse and for better!

#im watching nu!who #im watching eleven who #the measurement #long post #ramblerambleramble

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cyberrgirlsblog · 2 years ago

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(TW bad words, idk what else)

Not beta read so sorry if this is shit, or if there are plot holes im trying

Part 2

Walking into the garrison pub i look around it's not crowded only a couple people are in here today i walk up to the counter and ask the bartender were tommy is

“He's in the booth’’ the bartender said, not looking up from the glass he was cleaning.

“Thank you,” I said.

I walked into the booth where Tommy was. I assumed there were more people with him but to my surprise it was just him. Which confused me since usually arthur or sometimes Polly was with him.

“Who was that, y/n” tommy asked, his cold blue yes looking at me unmoving

“What?” i said

“The romani boy in the caravan with you, he dropped you off, who was that?” he asked with a monotone voice.

A part of me didn't want to answer, a part of me wanted to win this mind game that Tommy plays but i didnt i know what was good for me at this moment.

“Just a boy I met along the road. I was gonna have to walk here but he drove me here instead of his name duke.`` I said with hesitance in my voice. Tommy nodded his head then spoke

“Hm, well do you have the opium?” Tommy said, looking at my bag.

“Yes sir” i said with a joking tone

Setting down the bag on the table opened it up and took out the bottles of pure opium.

“This is about 3 pounds of pure opium. It should be enough for right now. We're trying to expand our inventory of stuff but it's hard. Also there may be less opium due to the stock crash so the guy we get are shit from is upping the price.” i said looking at tommy

He took one of the bottle to look at it

“Well that's to be expected when something like this happens.” he said while looking at the bottle

“If you want to make sure its pure you Should've brought Arthur he could have tested it out you know. Make sure it's pure.” i said in reality though it may not have been the best idea arthur has been spiraling because of this drug making a tasteless comment about it much less joke about especially in front of tommy. But you never cared too much about it Tommy didn't even flinch when you said it either which surprised you but it was also expected he was thomas shelby after all. A man with a heart turned cold as some would say.

“Well arthur has been clean for a week know” he said

“Has he, well that's good for him.’’ I said, to be honest though, I doubt it will last long knowing arthur.

“Well Tommy, how has your family been? I've heard from Lizzie that ruby has been running around the house a lot. I've also heard from Polly that adas pregnant. Tho she hasn't said who the baby's father is'' i said while pouring myself a cup of wine.

“Yes theyve been good, Adas has been okay, though i have an idea of who the father might be but i think it'd be better to ask Ada herself.” he said looking at me and noticed a little smile when he mentioned his daughter. “And what of your family Y/n how have they been?”

I smiled a little but a smile nonetheless.`` They've been good ash is out doing God knows what and fez is meeting new people, building connections i guess you could say. I'm not surprised though he's probably the one that will take over the family business. Once well…” I trailed off. I didn't like to think about it but I knew her time would come soon. She's already been doing less and less. I'm not mad at my grandma. If I was her I would want to go out without fear of responsibility. I would like to go peacefully. I just hope she's able to be here for me and ashes 15 birthday.

“I see, well y/n here's the money, about 100 pounds.” Tommy said, placing the money down on the table. I took the money and put it in my bag just as I was about to get up and leave. Tommy spoke.

“My cousin is coming into town. He's Polly's son.” Tommy said, I looked at him with confusion. I didn't get why he was telling me this. Until i put 2 and 2 together

“Oh shit he's the dude that didn't take out the stock right. And now yalls business is a lil bit shook from that.” i said, i started laughing until i remembered who i was talking to “hm i'm sorry i didn't mean any offense but my question is why are you telling Me this why not fez.” I said looking up at him.

“I'm telling you this because he will be at the station. I want you to go with Polly and Ada to meet him. He's a part of the Shelby family, his names michael. You don't have to go but tell your brothers he's coming at least.” he said

“And one more thing don't over step with your jokes about my family.” he said looking at me with a voice you would use to scold a young child. I knew it wasn't a threat but it was a warning that I did know. All I could do was nod my head and walk out the bar.3

30 minutes later

Once I was able to see my house I started to do a light jog. Reaching the door I opened it only to hear yelling. I assumed it was fez scolding ash for some shit he did again. In the end though fez always took the blame for me or ash when we did something wrong. Walking to where I could hear the yelling more clearly I walked in the room to see fez on the phone.

“I told you to leave us the fuck alone man. Okay i dont know what your talking about but i dont have them, we dont have them dont call this number again you fucking hypocrite ass bitch.” i heard Fez yell before slamming the phone back into place. Definitely gonna have to check if he broke it later.

“Fez who the fuck was that.” I said , looking at him with concern but a stern voice.

“No one you have to worry about.” he said, walking away. I clenched my hands and dug my nails into my hands until I felt a sharp pain and blood roll down the back of my fingers. I try to understand why people do the things they do. I try to stay quiet and not question what people do. But when it's my own brother I can't understand. But I know if I ask him he'll just say some shit like.’it's for your own safety’ or ‘ I don't want to get involved’. But if that was true he would've never let me in the family business when I asked.

I shook my head, walked up to the phone and dialed in the garrison's number to make sure the phone didn't break. I heard a ringing sound from the phone and then a voice.

“Hello, who is this?” It was the voice of Finn shelby. Finn was always silly to me hes was fun to hangout with but his new friend billy i didn't really like i could tolerate him but not like him and it wasn't just me it was the same with ash, i swear even though we're not blood related i feel like we have some type of twin thing with our minds. Sounds dumb ass fuck but i cant hellp think of dumb shit sometimes.

“Hello???” finn said again

“Hi finn sorry i was just checking to make sure the phone wasn't broken” i said with a laugh.

“Oh hi y/n, why would your phone be broken? Also ash is here at the garrison do you want to come to me ash isaiah and billy are here.’’ Finn said, his voice sounding a bit slurred.

“Shit um i'll see if i can go if i can't though please make sure ash doesn't do some dumb shit again. I don't want another call from Tommy and I don't want to hear fez and ash yelling at each other. Also don't worry about the phone i think the wire tripped that's all i'll see though if i can go, bye.'' I said before hanging up the phone I heard Finn say something but whatever it was it wasn't important to me. I paced around the room. I haven't gone out for fun in a while. I haven't seen Finn or any of them for a little while so it would be fun. Once I stopped pacing I set the bag of cash on the table.

“Fez can you drive me to the garrison ash there.” I yelled, a minute later I heard footsteps and saw fez leaning on the doorway. He looked at the bag of money then me.

“Sure but if some du-’’ i cut him off

“Fez ash finn isaiah and..billy are gonna be there besides i'll be fine. Also I wanna make sure Ash doesn't do some dumb shit. It's weird. I know he's got critical thinking but he's always doing some dumb shit.” I said walking to the front door.

“Nah Ash uses it thinking he just makes dumb decisions sometimes.” Fez said, opening the door and walking with me to the car.

“Hm, doesn't seem like it but as long as he doesnt kill anybody or do some fucked up shit then well i dont know to be honest as long as hes safe and not putting others in danger im good. '' I laughed, as much as I scolded Ash for his shit he was still my brother at the end of the day. But sometimes I feel more like his mother than his sister even though we are the same age.

—---- timeskip at the garrison

Once Fez parked the car we got out and walked to the garrison. Opening the doors I immediately went to the front of the bar and ordered a drink for me and fez.

“2 whiskeys please.'' I said to the bartender, his back was facing me as he grabbed glasses and poured a bottle of whiskey into each glass. Turning around he handed it to me

“Here you go ma’am” he said handing them to me

“Thank you” I said but just before I could get out the money to pay the side window opened.

“Hello y/n don't worry about paying i'll cover it” i looked over and saw finn i grabbed the two glasses and handed one to fez and walked into the booth with fez following close behind me. I smiled once i saw everyone i walked to finn and gave him a hug

“It's been a little hasn't it, hows your wound huh. First ever gun shot wound your real peaky know aren't you finny” i said looking at him my voice light hearted. I heard laughing and looked to see Isaiah and billy.

“You could say that y/n but when are you gonna become one.” Billy said jokingly.

“Yea that's not gonna happen as long as i'm alive.” I heard Fez say. I looked over to see ash glaring at billy.

“Relax guys, it was just a joke.” Billy said, the room became thick with tension.

“Well know that everyones here, let's all drink.” Isaiah said, defusing the situation. I looked over at him and smiled.

We all sat down and started drinking after about 6 drinks of hard whiskey most of them were shit faced. I was still on my first cup not cause I couldn't drink. Trust me I could. I just wanted to make sure nothing happened. I was dazed out of whatever conversation they were having. As my mind wandered I thought about the boy I had met. He was funny but also seemed cunning. I hope I'll be able to go to the fair. I really do want to meet him again. Even though it wasn't a strong feeling, I still felt a warm feeling in my chest when I was talking to him. I wondered if I felt like that with others I had met. I hope I see him again. He seems nice and would be a good friend to have.

I was pulled out of my daze by Finn calling my name.

“Oy y/n whats on your mind” he said this time his voice extremely slurred to the point i had to lean forward to understand what he was saying. I sat back

“Nothing just tired, that's all.” I said quickly. I internally cringed at myself for how hasty my reply sounded.

“Hm well that's not what your face said, I swear you had a smile on your face so big I almost mistook you for the Cheshire cat.” Isaiah said laughing. I could feel my face heat up in embarrassment. I looked down at my drink and drank the whole thing. Soon enough I was as shit faced as everyone else. Talking about random shit and laughing at the dumbest jokes.

—------------------ 1 week later

“Look fez all im saying is we get a house in small heath but keep this property to but like that way we can be able to send shit easier. You know”

“Y/n are you high?” fez asked but it wasn't really a question.

“...no, this is a thought I've had for a while dude. Anyways it will be easier for me cause i can like stay there and well have a place to stay if it gets too late at night or some shit like that ya know.'' I said looking at fez with eyes that looked like I hadn't slept in three years.

Fez sighed

“Go back to bed y/n”

I looked him up and down

“Whatever man, also have you seen ash?”

“Ash is upstairs,” fez said, sounding irritated at this point.

‘Mhm, oh also there's a fair going on this weekend do you think i can go”

“No,” he said, looking down at a piece of paper.

“What why it's only a little away.'' I was annoyed.

He didn't say anything, clearly stressed with whatever he was reading

“Look y/n just no”

“Hm, yell you let ash go out and do whatever he wants why cant i go to a fucking fair.” i said my voice was rising in volume.

“Because there is less risk for ash, if he goes out” Fez said, looking up from his paper.

I looked at him with a perplexed expression

“The fuck are you talking about, one ash is the fucking risk and two what do you mean by that. Also i never said i was going by myself.`` I said I was yelling. I could feel my breathing become uneven with panic.

“Okay then whos going with you huh, who cause last time i checked you have barely talked to anyone out side of us and the peakys so who huh y/n fucking tell me.” he said his voice know rising, he sounded stressed but i doubt it was from this conversation.

I panicked. I couldn't say duke hell i didn't even know if i would see him there for god's sake.

“Ada, ada and her son Karl are coming with me okay. Look people may fuck with me but they wont fuck with Ada, she may have the last name thorne but everyone knows who her family is.'' I said walking closer to fez. Not breaking eye contact.

He paused for a minute seemingly thinking it over.

“Shit y/n fine but if your lying to be your fucking done okay.” he said running his hand down his face.

I smiled and gave him a quick hug.

“Thank you, thank you.” i said to him

___________________________ saturday

After arriving in a small heath I walked over to the barnyard. My hands are slightly shaking. It's not the first time I've lied to fez before but when I did it was usually whenever me and ash went out to terrorize one of the kids that would either make fun of one of us. A lot of people say me and Ash are different but the reality is we're really not. Sure ash may act out alot and I may be more quiet but it's just because I keep my actions to myself. I keep the words I want to say to myself. When we were younger we would do the same exact thing as each other but getting older we changed. I would like to say I have more self control but that would be a lie.

I could feel the skirt I was wearing tighten around my waist. I was nervous but I knew that whatever happened today would be fun.. I hope so.

“Curly do have have her.’’ i said walking up to him

“Hello y/n y-yes I do.” he said, his accent was hard to understand, same with arthurs but i never said anything. Because most of my life I've been used to a US accent.

“Here you go, does your brother know?” he said, handing me the horse. I rolled my eyes and smiled

“Yes of course he knows okay so you don't have to ask me okay. Anyways, here's the money.” i said to him handing him the money

“Thank you curly.” I said before getting on the horse and riding off.

After a little while of riding I could see the top of the striped tents behind the trees. I quickened the speed of the horse and started to smile, excitement building up inside me.

Stopping by the entrance of the fair, I tied the horse around a post where other horses were being held. Walking into the fair I started looking around. I could see a vending station selling roasted cinnamon almonds. Going up to it, I ask the worker there for a bag of them.

“Here you go miss, that will be 0.10.” they said handing me the almonds.

“Thank you” I said , handing them the change.

Walking around the fair I kept my eye out for Duke. I hoped I would see him soon but who knows. A couple kids ran past me accidentally hitting me in the legs almost making me fall over. I was able to catch myself by putting my hands between me and the ground, unlucky though my food had scattered on the ground.

“Shit” I grumbled under my breath getting up. I dusted off my skirt and picked up the bag to see if there were any left in it. Thankfully there were but not many

“Are you okay ma’am” I heard someone say I jumped before turning around and looking at the person.

“Duke!” I said a smile appeared on my face as I instantly pulled him into a hug. I felt him go a bit stiff and realizing what I had done I pulled away. My cheeks are burning with embarrassment.

“Shit i'm sorry I don't know why I did that, uhh.” I said, grabbing my arm and looking down at the ground embarrassed.

“Hello to you to y/n” Duke said i looked up at him and saw his face plastered with a shit eating grin before he laughed.

“Didn't know you missed me that much.” he said with a laugh, i hit him in the side arm softly.

“No, I just do that with people i meet and feel a good vibe with them ya know.” I said , looking at him, keeping straight. I could see his smile drop a little.

“Well um anyways how have you been it's been a little.” I said while I started to walk, asking him to come with me.

—------------------------------------

“So duke, what do you usually do here?” i ask curiously looking at him

“Well i'll watch the horses and just do maintenance really nothing to interesting.” he said looking ahead

“Do you like working with horses, also do you like working here or nah.” I said this time looking forward.

“I like horses but I don't like working here. I want more for my life. I want to visit every mountain and go everywhere. I don't want to be here. I'm tired of working here.” he said with bitterness in his voice but a hint of hope.

“Well that sounds fun but be careful where you go. I don't know if there's still that like war between the irish or something but just be careful there. Ya know. Actually just be careful.” I said looking at him, I tried to hide the concern in my voice by masking it with humor.

“Hm calm down im gonna kill myself.” he said with a little laugh while looking at me.

“That's what they all say Duke but then they get carless, think they're all that then piss off the wrong people anyways if you wanna see the mountains who knows what's up there.” I said looking back at him. This time laughing.

“Hm, you seem to know a lot.” he said this time his tone was undetermined.

“Nah just knew people that did dumb shit either got locked up or killed. Not saying seeing nature is dumb is not.” I said trying to defend myself from nothing.

“I know what you. Tell me do you always worry this much for people you just meet.’’ he said looking at me. He had a little smirk on his face.

“If ima be real no, but you're my friend? Were friends right duke.” i said looking at him with a hopeful expression on my face.

“...I mean if you want to be friends then yes.” he said he sounded caught off guard. But not in a bad way. I hope not in a bad way at least.

“Damn for real, okay well friend tell me more about yourself.” I said looking at him. A warm feeling spread throughout my whole body. Giddy with excitement and something else.

“You know duke you're the first friend i made that's not been through a business connection ya know.” I said excitedly.

“Business connection?’’ he said. Tilting his head slightly.

“Yea.. uh me and my family after we moved here we started making books and getting into stocks. Thankfully we pulled them out before the stock crash in the US.” I said looking at him covering up my word slip with a lie I was taught to say and rehearsed multiple times with ash and fez.

“Ooh okay okay. Well you're my first friend i've ever had.” he said with a serious voice. Looking back at me now we were walking out of the fair.

“You for real cause if I'm so kinda sad I'm not even gonna lie to you.” I said with a little smile on my face. Duke put his hand to his heart with a shocked expression.

“Do you think that lowly of me huh.” he said with an amused voice.

I turned to look at him and walked backwards.

“I was only joking, my prince.” I said with a sarcastic voice.

Duke smiled at me before running after me. I screeched before running away. I got about 20 feet away from him before I felt a pair of hands grab me by the waist and slightly pick me up before pulling me into the chest of someone. I was about to scream before a hand was put over your mouth.

“You're really bad at running in grass, you know.” I felt Duke say into my ear his breath tickling my neck. I froze for a second feeling a slight shock up my spine before wiggling out of his grapes and laughing to the point my knees buckled.

“Alright Duke you win but Jesus dude I couldn't even hear you. If you were an asian i'm pretty sure big crime dudes would for sure hire you.'' I said getting up from the ground and whipping the tears from my eyes.

Dukes pov

I chuckled a little. “Who's to say I'm not one.” I said with a bit of humor in my voice.

She looked at me for a second and her eyes seemed to sparkle in the moonlight.

“Wouldn't be surprised if you were a duke. If not no but…” she said trailing off before checking her pocket watch.

“Oh shit I gotta get it, I'm sorry duke I really am but you see i may or may not have lied to even be here so i gotta go cause the person i said i was coming with doesn't even know i told my brother about them coming with me.” she said with a bit of panic in her voice. I felt a ping of sadness in my chest

“Oh uhm yea no no you should go. I'll see you…” I said this time it was me trailing off.

“Hey uhm… thank you for meeting me here. I guess I met you here i dont really know but it was nice to see you again, Duke . Hopefully we'll see eachother again soon.” she looked at me, her eyes filled with hope. I felt my heart skip a bit. I shook it off as nothing special.

“Yea yea for sure i don't know when we'll have another fair here but when we do i'll probably be here. Also, are you sure you're good at going to your house by yourself?” I asked a hint of worry in my voice.

“Yea i should be okay. I'm armed just in case anything happens you know.” she said, with a reassuring smile. I wanted to question why but i didn't shit i mean i could see why seeing as where she lived and shit.

“You sure cause I can-” I said before she grabbed my hands and looked at me.

“Duke, you are too worried about me for only knowing me slightly and I'll be fine… also my brother would question why some guy is bringing me back home. Also I may have bought / rented a horse. Ima be honest though i don't really know.” she said, looking at me before disconnecting our hands. I missed the warmth of hers. His hands weren't rough but they weren't soft either.

“Right well I'll see you again someday Duke , be safe and I hope you get to achieve your dream.” she said before walking away to the entrance of the fair. I watched him walk away, air in the wind lightly blowing her hair.

I took one last glance at her before walking to the feeding area for us workers at the fair. Walking into the tent I saw esme right outside of the tent. Looking into the distance.

“Hello Duke.” she said bluntly, turning her eyes towards me. “Who was that person, thought you said you didn't have friends.” she said

“No one,” I said , looking at her. The truth was y/n wasn't no one to me but she didn't have to know that.

“Hmm we both know that is a lie Duke. What's her name?” she said looking at me

“Y/n” i said quickly, she seemed to freeze for a second like she was contemplating something.

“No last name?” she said

“Not that I know of,” I said looking at him before walking into the tent to get some food.

"Duke be safe okay." she said before leaving even thought i dont talk to many people esme is one of the people i can talk to she's gone through a-lot loosing her husband to a mafia and some gang related shit.

after getting my food i walked to my caravan. i thought about y/n i didnt know if i would see her anytime soon but i hoped i would

-------------

it would be a while before they saw eachother agian but the way they would meet agian would not be expected for either of them....

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sorry thats corny ash but i didnt know whta to put

—------------------------------------

Part 3 coming soon

not beta read.

#duke shelby #thomas shelby #duke shelby x reader #peaky blinders #peaky blinder headcanon #fezco headcanon #ash #ashtray #john shelby #finn shelby #tommy shelby #polly gray #tommy x lizzie

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aliteralsemicolon · 3 months ago

Text

I was going to go to bed but I'm so glad I stayed up to read one more. This is the hardest a fic has ever fic-ed for me to this day. God do I have something to say to YOU!!!!!!!

Spoilers and yapping below the cut

You both mutually agreed to end things out of the fear of things ending.

Okay, so we're starting off really strong. I'm just going to tell you rn how much I love the way you use the english language.

No longer amused because it was less amusing when he was amused as well.

GOD NONE OF US WILL EVER UNDERSTAND WHY THIS GAGGED ME. Like it seems silly on the surface but I understand how romantic the way this is written is!!!

“You inferred it.” You said, matter-of-factually, although he didn’t, not really.

“You assumed.” He said in the same tone. “I didn’t infer anything, I simply made an observation.”

“Can you observe from elsewhere.. you’re still in my way”

He let out an amused laugh, “Im still waiting on that magic word”

“You are creating a hostile work environment. I feel unsafe. I feel targeted and threatened. How do you feel about yourself, after treating me such a way? You are a horrible evil person. Im going to take this to corporate.” You babbled off into a dramatic tangent which only furthered Spencer’s amusement of the current situation.

god the banter is just so beautifully done, top tier amazing, talented, brilliant, just chefs kiss!!! I can quite literally feel the tension you may have felt as you wrote this!!!! they're joking but then tension, it's there and it's consuming me. please please please, god I need this fic injected into my veins.

“Please” You started before you let out a gentle sob, not of pain, you weren’t in pain, not anymore. “Please don’t let them use a bad— photo of me.. at..- my funeral”

THIS IS SO REAL, YOU REALLY JUST PACKED EVERYTHING IN HERE?!?!?! romance, angst, fluff, comedy, I think I'm in love with you.

“-I didn’t say anything because I was scared of losing her and i lost her anyways.”

I'm not even going to explain why this is important to highlight, but just know that I know!!!!

“Why do you do that?” He asked, squinting his eyes as he looked up at you. You furrowed your eyebrows, “Do what?” There was a number of things he could pull you up on, your avoidance, your jokes, your way of downplaying everything and anything. “Plan the end of things when they have hardly started. You were planning a breakup for a relationship that was doing perfectly fine. You needed space, I gave you space, then you decided you wanted to break up? Why?” He huffed out.

not to be cringe or narssistic, but, I am reader and reader is me.

You hyper fixated on everything that could go wrong and got yourself out of those situations before giving anything a chance to work out itself.

I have never ever ever related more to a reader and have been too scared to write this narrative, but reading it in your fic has inspired me so much.

I'm so grateful you're a kind person and chose to make this a happy ending, because any other way and I truly might have never recovered.

I'm also sorry if I'm coming on too strong btw, I promise I'm not usually like this xx (lie).

cedar | spencer reid

summary; breaking up on good terms and remaining friends is difficult, especially when you and spencer work together, its even harder when your life is put at risk and spencer is faced the possibility that he might really lose you.

warnings; exes who cannot stay exes, angst, fluff, they flirt w each other, fem reader, mentions of being stabbed, all cm minds things, happy ending, avoidant!reader, self sabotaging reader. BUT THERES SOOO MUCH FLUFF GUYS, they flirt and banter so much, reader is sarcastic and very playful, shes lowkey lorelai gilmore coded a little idk

an; cedar is my song. i love cedar, i love gracie abrams. thank u and goodnight. not proof read bc if i read it i probably wont post it. thank u so very muchly to @gghostwriter for all the advice on this fic and letting me yap about it.

‘Breaking up is funny, I forget you aren't mine, I forget you aren't mine. It's impossible to acclimate, every time we talk, we understate, how I know we both could die, we both could die. But you told me that you felt the same, when I told you how I needed space, but I think it was a lie, it was a lie’

“You know pointing is rude.” You mumbled, crossing your arms over your chest as you leant back in your chair. The room went silent as everyone turned their gaze to look at you. Was the timing of your statement the best? No, did you care? Also no. Hotch was in the middle of going on the details of the case you had traveled out to Louisiana for, he was pointing at the screen and the thought just slipped passed your lips before you could help it.

Spencer turned his gaze to you, eyebrow rasied, “Do you ever think before you speak?” He asked. Your lips parted before shutting again, then you let out an amused huff and shook your head, lips pulling into a half teasing smile.

“If I did that I’d lose my sense of humour— you all would be miserably bored.” You sighed back, the smiling pulling further on your lips as the messy haired brunette sitting opposite you raised his eyebrow further and let out a half hearted— almost sarcastic chuckle in return.

He tilted his head slightly, “Humour? Is that what we are calling it?” He asked. You nodded instantly, a wide, half proud smile taking over your features. He hummed, clearly amused.

“Why is pointing rude?” JJ spoke up, your eyes widened in almost excitement to be able to talk about why the thought had crossed your mind in the first place.

“Well when you point you kill all the fairies.” You replied, matter-of- factually. You knew it was technically silly but it was a sweet childish thought that had been engraved in your mind since you were younger and you heard it from a distant relative, probably as a way to you from stop pointing at someone (because that was rude but explaining that to a five year old would be useless so they settled on something more interesting for an adolescent)

Spencer let out an audible laugh, “You are a child.” He said, almost teasingly.

Your head turned away from JJ’s to meet his eyes, this time you sat up a little straighter, “What does that make you?” You teased back, raising your eyebrow at him.

Seemingly, that made his lips part then close, and he resigned, yet there was still a slightly amused smile on his lips, which he bit his lip to try to hide, as he turned his attention away, making your smile only widen as you settled back in place, slumped against your chair as you turned your attention back to Hotch. who was standing arms crossed, clearly unamused by the interruption.

You however just smiled widely at him, “You may continue now. Without pointing, don’t be a fairy murder.” You huffed out. Hotch stared at you for a moment, no emotion evident over his features before he shook his head, turning his attention back to the case at hand.

Your eyes caught Spencer’s for a moment. In those moments it was increasingly difficult to remember you weren’t together, it was further difficult to remember why you had broken up in the first place. The way you interacted, the looking for one another in a crowded room, the soft touches and the teasing taunts went against every breakup ‘rule’

The breakup wasn’t messy. Not really, Not at all. It wasn’t mean, there was no big argument, no mind changer, no feelings lost, it just.. happened. It started when you had admitted to Spencer you were getting overwhelmed with the fast pace of your relationship, and he agreed he was too. You both agreed to take space, time, to reevaluate on what you both needed at this point in time.

When the conversation finally happened, you told him you thought it would be better to end things now, while everything is good so theres no chance of things going bad. You explained your reasoning by saying you didn’t want to lose your friendship with him if that feeling in your chest never went away, you didn’t want things to be awkward at work.

He had agreed, and it was mutual. You both mutually agreed to end things out of the fear of things ending.

It had been a month since the breakup, there was no awkward phase between you two. There was no tension, bitterness. It instantly fell into the same rhythm that had always been there, playfulness, teasing, lingering glances. The only difference was now he didn’t steal kisses to cut off one of your dramatic rambles, or wrap his arms around your waist at the end of the work day to signal he was ready to go.

You hadn’t decided yet, if the breakup was the right thing to do, if keeping this close knit bond with Spencer stumped any chance of you moving on — not that you planned to right now.

The breakup wasn’t messy, but everything after, everything now and everything in your head was.

“Spencer” You poked at his arm as you approached where he was standing, leaning over a desk reading over something, you weren’t sure what it was, you didn’t really care. He didn’t look at you as he let out a hum of acknowledgment, making you smile. “Spencer” You repeated, poking his arm again, and then again, until he turned his head to look at you.

His raised eyebrow and the way his lips pulled into a tight thin line showed he was unamused, not annoyed. You smiled widely at him, “You’re in my way.” You said, something you could have told him when he was half paying attention, but that took all the fun out of it.

He stared at you blankly for a moment, before crossing his arms over his chest, leaning his body against the desk further, turning towards you. Which only further blocked your path. “Thats unfortunate.” He sighed, you squinted at him slightly.

“Can you move.” You huffed. No longer amused because it was less amusing when he was amused as well. Maybe that was silly but you couldn’t help it.

He raised an eyebrow, pretending to think about it for a moment, before looking back at you. You glared at him, crossing his arms over your chest before he spoke. “Whats the magic word?” He mumbled, tone laced with faux seriousness.

A huff left your lips, as you glared up at him, squinting your eyes slightly, “Chivalry is dead?” You suggested sarcastically.

He grinned, “No. And that’s a sentence. I said magic word”

“You know what? I will just go the other way.” You decided, turning on your heels to walk away. A laugh left his lips as he reached out to grab your wrist, stopping you from getting too far, he dragged you back to stand in front of him.

“Stubborn.” He mumbled, shaking his head as he looked down at you, you returned the gaze, tilting your head slightly as you looked up at him, trying to keep the smile threatening to make way onto your face.

“You just noticed?” You replied in the same tone. Although you knew he had known this for a while, he never failed to mention how stubborn you were throughout your relationship, whether it was playful or in the middle of an argument, he constantly reminded you just how stubborn you were.

He shook his head, not bothering to hide the amusement on his face. “No, No. Trust me you make it very known.” He said, emphasising his words to make it clear that not only he, but everyone was aware of your stubbornness.

You smiled, “Being stubborn isn’t a bad thing, you know.” You mumbled, gently pulling your wrist away from his hold, not because you didn’t enjoy the touch but more-so because you felt an undying urge to cross your arms.

He hummed, looking down at you, “I didn’t say it was.”

You tilted your head, the same entertained look in your eye that mirrored his, “You inferred it.” You said, matter-of-factually, although he didn’t, not really. He actually didn’t give any hint to what he meant by his words, but you were okay with that. It kept things lighthearted, easy.

“You assumed.” He said in the same tone. “I didn’t infer anything, I simply made an observation.” He said, raising his eyebrow as if he was trying to figure out how you were going to find a way to reply — he assumed something witty, dramatic.

“Can you observe from elsewhere.. you’re still in my way”

He let out an amused laugh, “Im still waiting on that magic word” He said, clearly enjoying this and the light hearted banter between the two of you.

You rolled your eyes, in a huff of frustration you ramble, “You are creating a hostile work environment. I feel unsafe. I feel targeted and threatened. How do you feel about yourself, after treating me such a way? You are a horrible evil person. Im going to take this to corporate.” You babbled off into a dramatic tangent which only furthered Spencer’s amusement of the current situation.

“I feel pretty great actually.” He shrugged, you glared at him, staying in place for a moment to see if he would move, he didn’t, instead he continued smirking slightly. You groaned dramatically before turning on your heels and walking away. You could hear his laughter as you walked around the opposite direction to get where you wanted to go in the first place.

“I hate when my job actually requires me to do my job.” You huffed out, shaking your head as you tightened the straps of your vest. It wasn’t true, you loved your job, you loved what you did and that wasn’t a question. It was just the dramatics and the emphasis on how tired you were today, although that didn’t stop killers from killing, or kidnappers from kidnapping.

Unfortunately this case was particularly tough, it had taken an abundance of days to just figure out the victimology and connection because of how random the killings were, then it took another day to figure out the MO, then the profile was completed, then the next day, today, you had finally gotten the location of where the unsub was keeping his victims.

“Yeah, Such a struggle, poor you” Spencer mumbled out as he came up behind you, readjusting the straps on the back of your vest to make sure it was on properly, his voice was laced with tease, you just hummed in acknowledgment.

“Make sure you’re careful, and cautious.” Hotch reminded you. You didn’t think much of it at the time, it was the same reminder as always when catching an unsub, don’t do anything unnecessarily dangerous, don’t split up unless necessary, don’t put yourself in a situation that you cant get yourself out of, the words you had heard probably a million times.

You wished you paid closer attention this time.

You and Spencer walked through the house, it had an ominous feel to it, the air in the house was colder than outside, and it wasn’t a particularly warm day — but it wasn’t the temperature that made the house feel as cold as it did.

Instead it was the guttual sobs you heard from underneath the floorboards that made the hairs on the back of your neck stand, and goosebumps to line your arms. They weren’t sobs of pain, instead just ache, a cry so loud begging for someone to hear. Before that you were about to whisper a stupid joke to Spencer, now you felt as if you couldn’t breath.

“Stay here.” He whispered to you. There was something unfamiliar about the look in his eyes and any wit you could muster up was thrown out the window at the sound of his voice. It was a stupid request, you couldn’t just stay here in the hallway while he wandered around. You had a job to do.

When he turned the corner, gun pointed protectively, his movements were calculated and careful, every step he took he knew what he was doing, You thought you did too. The first step you took was quiet and your gun was pointed, your finger hovering over the trigger.

Spencer moved towards the sound of the sobs, you moved towards the living room, trying to clear the downstairs area of the house. There was a pull in your stomach for a number of seconds, a twist of anxiety you pushed to the side to focus on the matter at hand.

That didn’t last. Ignoring the feeling in your stomach turned into gasping at the feeling. A gasp of pain leaving your parted lips as you stumbled forward, the gun left your hand and hit the ground, the sound of the contact blurring as a ringing swindling sound took over your sense of hearing.

You were stabbed. You could feel the metal, more than you wanted to admit, you could feel the way it pressed into your skin, the coldness of it against the warmth of you. A sob of pain left your lips before you could help it. There was someone holding you, wrapping a tight arm around your chest and a hand over your mouth to silence your cry.

The arms weren’t comforting, in any sort of way. They were too tight, too suffocating for the lack of air you were able to breath in between the hand covering your mouth and the pain in your stomach, you wished adrenaline would kick in but it seemed to dwindle out as your head spun, then the knife was ripped away from your stomach.

That hurt.

More than it did when it first went in.

Then you were released from the mans arms and your body collapsed in pain, eyes squeezing shut as your hands scrambled to press against the open wound now bleeding out. You didn’t know where the unsub was, you didn’t hear footsteps, you didn’t really hear anything. Everything seemed blurry, not your sight so much since your eyes were squeezed shut but you could feel your mind blurring with every second that passed, any first aid training you had learnt flew out the window.

You missed it at first, the sound of the door opening, the sound of back up coming in, Derek, Emily. They were in the house now but not in the living room, not where you were lying on the floor in a helpless pool of your own blood. You wanted to yell out, or sob but every sound got stuck in your throat.

Then you felt a larger hand pressing on top of yours, placing more pressure against the wound than your tired arms had allowed, you made out frantic talking but nothing your half conscious mind could string together coherently. It didn’t matter, you could recognise the roughness of the gentle hand anywhere.

“Spencer” You gasped out, panting.

Had you been holding your breath? You didn’t remember but you knew breathing was getting more and more difficult.

His hand pressed against yours, other hand coming to brush hairs out of your face. “Im here. Can you open your eyes for me?” He almost begged, his voice gentle and reassuring and laced with panic even though he tried his hardest to remain calm for your sake.

You didn’t reply, only letting out strangled gasps for air, eyes remaining shut, squeezed tightly, as if the harder you squeezed them shut, the more your pain decreased. Unfortunately thats not how anatomy works.

“Open your eyes for me angel, look at me.” He now did beg. If you were conscious you would’ve given him a look for the use of the term of endearment in your current broken up state, but you could hardly process anything else he was saying, and you were bleeding out so there was clearly more important things.

You struggled, but after a moment peeled your eyes open to look at him. Vision was blurry and fading in and out even few seconds even when your eyes remained open, you couldn’t make out his features, you couldn’t see the tears he was trying to hold back. God you wished you could see his face.

“Good, thats good. Keep looking at me, Okay? We’re getting you help, you’re gonna be okay” He reassured but it was more of a slight reassurance for himself, trying to convince himself as such. His voice became a ringing in your ears, along with every other sound around you.

“Wh- Where- Is—“ You words came out mumbled, muffled by gasps for air and whimpers of pain. “He.” You finished, trying to keep your eyes open, trying to focus, trying to stay alive.

Spencer spluttered for a moment because he didn’t know— He had no idea. Whether the unsub was right behind him or whether they were being taken into custody by Derek or Emily, whether he was lying dead on the floor somewhere. Spencer didn’t know. He couldn’t. How could he focus on anything else?

“I don’t know” He said.

“Go away” You mumbled, eyes now fluttering closed, even in the state of half consciousness you knew Spencer was still in danger, more danger by keeping his back to his surroundings and his focus on you. That was putting himself in an unnecessarily dangerous situation.

He shook his head. “Im not going anywhere. Keep your eyes open.” He repeated.

“Spencer” You huffed out a breath of air, your eyes remaining closed because you were so tired. “Go. You- You aren’t— You aren’t my boyfriend anymore” You huffed out the words that came across way harsher than what you intended them, “Staying- With.. Me isn’t your.. Responsibilty” Your words came out laboured along with the way your chest rose and fell, the breaths that left your lips.

“Don’t say that. Open your eyes.” He shook his head as his other hand trailed down to your neck, fingers pressing against your pulse point. You couldn’t feel it, every part of you and every inch of his touch felt like a lingering sensation over the numbness of your body, your eyes remained shut.

“If i die” You huffed out, your voice quieter, more rushed as you tried to get more air in, “Please” You started before you let out a gentle sob, not of pain, you weren’t in pain, not anymore. “Please don’t let them use a bad— photo of me.. at..- my funeral”

It was the most you things to say before you stopped replying, before your body tensed slightly. To joke, to be playful at a time like this. Spencer wondered if it was an attempt to calm him down, to relax his mind a little bit, to sooth the ache in his soul with the wit that was unforgettably you.

The cream coloured walls seemed taunting, they were warmly lit, contrasting how cold the space felt, how daunting it was. There was different people scattered around, some crying, and grieving, some reading newspapers, others celebrating. There was really no contrast of emotions quite like a hospital waiting room.

“She just got out of surgery. Shes in the ICU.” Hotch said as he stood in front of the few members of the team that were sitting by waiting. Everyone wanted to stay at the hospital and wait throughout the time of your lengthy surgery, not everybody could.

“Is she okay?” Emily asked, sitting up a little straighter as Hotch spoke, Spencer remained silent in place, every part of his body relying on the ache in his chest to keep his heart beating. He didn’t know if he could form words even if he wanted to, he didn’t know if he could speak without his voice breaking.

Hotch was silent for a moment, which caused Spencer’s head to snap towards him in nothing but pure dread. Hotch realised and shook his head. “Shes— Shes fine. Shes alive. Shes still asleep, they said it could be a few hours before she wakes up. The surgery went fine - She will be okay” Hotch sounded relived as his spoke, an unfamiliar sense of emotion in his voice.

“Can I see her?” Spencer spoke urgently before he had even fully understood what he was saying. If he had thought about it for a moment more, he wouldn’t have bothered asking. He wasn’t oblivious to the inner workings of a hospital. ICU. Family members only.

Hotch seemed to know that Spencer already knew what the answer was, “Reid..” It came out regretful, apologetic, empathetic. Spencer didn’t reply, instead re-slumped back in his seat in defeat.

There was hours. Hours before you were awake. In those hours Spencer was nothing short of a mess. He tried to work, reading over case files, trying to summarise what had happened and then the memory of your blood painting his hands came back and he was left in a state of overwhelming thought.

“You alright, pretty boy?” Derek asked, despite the playfulness of his words, his tone was serious. It wasn’t a secret how much you meant to Spencer, it wasn’t a secret how much he cared about you. Spencer looked up from the hospital seat, the room had grown more absent of life as the hours passed, families came and went, the crying stopped and started again, the celebrations happened and passed. Yet spencer never stopped feeling so lost.

He shook his head, saying he was fine would be a lost cause to the knowingness of his best friend, and his current state. He was so evidently not all right that saying so would be humorous. His cheeks were flushed, hair a mess from the amount of times he had run his hand through it, tugged on the strands stressfully.

“You know what she said to me?” Spencer mumbled out as he pulled his gaze away to look at his fiddling hands, “She was laying on the floor, dying, and she told me to go away because I wasn’t her boyfriend anymore” Spencer huffed out the memory.

Derek sighed, taking a seat next to the mess of his best friend. “I don’t think she meant it like that. The situation was still dangerous and you were putting yourself at risk.” Derek said. Spencer wanted to cry.

“I know— I know. She said ‘it’s not your responsibility to stay with me anymore’ — I don’t— I can’t—” Spencer couldn’t articulate the emotions swamping his mind. Everything was overwhelming, every time he closed his eyes he saw you on the floor in a puddle of deep red blood, anytime his fingers remained still for too long it was like he could still feel your pulse running flat against them.

“Breathe.” Derek reminded as Spencer got himself worked up.

“I lost her— I lost her.” Spencer shook his head as the words came out, his hands pulling to his face to rub over his eyes, maybe as to hide the way they’d begun to water, maybe to feel anything besides the heat of his cheeks.

Derek sat up a little straighter to rub Spencer’s shoulder, “Shes okay. They said she will be fine. They just want to look over her for a while. She was in a tough surgery, I don’t know much about hospitals but I’m pretty sure being in the ICU means shes getting all the care she needs to recover better, and faster.” Derek tried to comfort.

“Its- No- I already lost her Derek. I was an idiot and I didn’t say anything — I didn’t say anything because I was scared of losing her and i lost her anyways.” He rambled, an overwhelming force of regret lingering in every word he gasped out.

“Your breakup? I thought that was mutual?” Derek furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Spencer wanted to laugh, because technically it was. Technically they had both agreed, technically this is what he wanted as well.

He just wanted you.

“She wanted space— I thought.. I thought everything would be okay. Then she suggested we break up while things are still good enough for us to end on good terms and be friends. I just — I didn’t want to lose her; I wanted her to be happy and in my life so I didn’t say anything.. I- I settled for being friends because it meant — I thought it meant i still had her” Spencer was a mess and it was evident in the stammer of his words in the midst of his ramble.

“You don’t think you do?” Derek asked, Spencer shook his head as he brought his hand down to rub gently over his chin and bottom lip, a shaky breath leaving his lip’s. “I think you do.. I mean everyone does. You two still act like you’re together.” Derek said, furrowing his eyebrows.

Spencer sighed, “Thats just— Thats how it was before we started dating. Sometimes it feel’s like we are still together.” Spencer mumbled, Derek opened his mouth to speak, but Spencer cut him off. “Shes going to wake up, alone. Her family is in a different state and I’m not allowed to see her? I- This is bullshit.”

“Just say you’re her husband” Emily said, catching both of the boys off guard, they hadn’t heard her approaching. Spencer lifted his gaze from the ground to look at her, eyebrows furrowed. Any other time, if it was for any other person he would probably go over how that went against so many rules, but he couldn’t find himself caring.

Not when it came to you.

He broke protocol. He wondered how many times that had happened today as he sat beside you, his hand on of yours, thumb gently running over your knuckles as you laid still unconscious on the bed. He paid attention to the beeping of the machine, the rhythm of your heartbeat, making sure it stayed consistent like his life depended on it — like your life depended on it.

You mumbled something, causing his gaze to break away from the screen to your face, watching it twist slightly. Your eyes remaining closed, then your hand twisted to interlink your fingers with his. You were evidently in pain.

“Hey- Hey don’t move too much. Do you want me to get your nurse? They can give you some different meds” Spencer ushered gently, leaning closer to the bed as you stirred awake. He wasn’t sure if your lengthy amount of time spent unconscious was purely because of the antiseptic leaving your system or also the need for sleep but he was glad you were awake.

“No” You rasped out. Whatever medicine they had been pumping you with since you got out of surgery did its job. You weren’t necessarily in pain, just uncomfortable. Even with your eyes closed you could feel the brightness of the white hospital lights. You knew where you were.

Spencer squeezed your hand gently, making you now very aware that he was holding your hand. “What the fuck happened?” You huffed out, voice groggy and full of confusion. You knew where you were, you knew it was something that happened on the case, you knew you were stabbed, but everything after the knife made contact with your abdomen was a blur in your memory.

“You were stabbed.” He stated. You opened your eyes to glare at him, “Yeah- Spencer, no shit.” You shook your head, he smiled. “I just— Is everyone else okay?” You asked.

He nodded. Derek and Emily had saved all the victims and the unsub was in custody, he explained that to you softly, mapping out every detail so you could make it out enough in your mind to satisfy your need to know what was going on.

“Next time can you tell him to do better? This bed sucks” You referenced to the unsub stabbing you, and leaving you alive and uncomfortable. It was a joke. You tried to move without causing yourself any pain over the uncomfortable thin mattress of the hospital bed. Spencer smiled and let out a breathy half hearted laugh.

“I’ll be sure to let him know” He returned your playful tone but it was heavier, quieter. It was filled with something more, something unsaid. His eyes dropped from your to back to your hands that were twined together, rubbing his thumb gently over the webbing of your own.

You tilted your head slightly, “What’s wrong?” You asked, it didn’t take a genius to read Spencer. You had memories the is and out’s of his head, or you thought you did. You knew enough.

“I thought I lost you.” He said, shaking his head slightly. His voice was so quiet and filled with guilt. “We broke up and.. because of what? Because we didn’t want to lose each other— I almost lost you.” His words held so much gravity it felt like it had all been taken from your surroundings and you were floating on everything left unsaid and unfinished.

“But you didn’t. Im alive.” You smiled playfully. He said your name, serious, showing he wasn’t playing around about this, that it went further than just this situation. You sighed, and shook your head. There were only so many jokes you could make to downplay the weight of the space between you.

“Okay. We broke up.” You mumbled, looking at him. “Because things were weird and it was too much and if things kept going then if we ended later it wouldn’t be on good terms and then we wouldn’t be able to be friends and thats horrible for everyone” You said, recapping your mutual decision to break up.

“Why do you do that?” He asked, squinting his eyes as he looked up at you.

You furrowed your eyebrows, “Do what?” There was a number of things he could pull you up on, your avoidance, your jokes, your way of downplaying everything and anything.

“Plan the end of things when they have hardly started. You were planning a breakup for a relationship that was doing perfectly fine. You needed space, I gave you space, then you decided you wanted to break up? Why?” He huffed out.

You furrowed your eyebrows further at his words, but he was right. Of course he was right. “You said you felt the same.” You mumbled, maybe if he had called you on your bullshit a month ago things would be different and you would’ve worked things out, you two would be together and maybe everything would be different. You also knew it wasn’t his responsibility to try and understand emotions you couldn’t comprehend or communicate to him.

“I didn’t want space, I didn’t want to break up — but I didn’t want to lose you all together.” He admitted. You suddenly felt the wind knock out of your chest. You wondered if the way your heart beat increased showed on the monitor, which seemed all too revealing.

“You didn’t say that.” You muttered.

He sat up a little straighter, not letting go of your hand, his fingers stayed tangled with your own. “Would it have changed anything if i did?” His voice was quiet, as if a question that didn’t need an answer.

“It was going.. too fast” You huffed. The relationship did go fast, but maybe it was because the two of you spent way too many years in this flirty banter phase before either of you actually made a move; maybe because you were both already so comfortable with one another.

“We could have slowed it down.” He said, rebutting.

“And if that didn’t work? If it was all just too much? Then we argue and we end on bad terms and then not only is it awkward for everyone at work but then we can’t even be friends” You repeated your point, the fear engraved in your mind.

“What if it did work?” He shut you up with his point, before he continued. “What if it did work and then everything was fine. What if you told me when things are getting too much or overwhelming you and we work together to fix those issues so we don’t end at all.”

“That’s optimistic.” You mumbled sarcastically. Everything he was saying made sense, everything he was saying was ideally how a relationship would go, but it wasn’t as simple as that for you. You couldn’t help the way your mind thought the worst.

Spencer huffed shaking his head, “You’re stubborn.” He said. And he never let you forget it.

“Im realistic.�� You resorted, but you weren’t: You hyper fixated on everything that could go wrong and got yourself out of those situations before giving anything a chance to work out itself.

“You’re an idiot. And I love you.” Spencer exhaled. It wasn’t a crazy love confession because you knew this. He made it known everyday. Even everyday you were broken up. He didn’t need to hide it. “Can you give us a chance? A proper chance without planning our breakup before theres any actual reason for it, please.” He mumbled, half playfully and half so serious.

You considered his words. Honestly your last thought before falling unconscious was the fear that you would die without Spencer knowing how much you loved him, how much regret you lived with for the state you had got yourself into with him, the fear you had of not having him in some way, none of these thoughts you could voice aloud when dying.

“Okay.” You settled.

“Okay?” He asked, repeating it back as if he didn’t believe you. You nodded, repeating it again. He breathed out a sigh of relief.

“Okay good, because everyone on this floor thinks I’m your husband and it would’ve been really awkward if you just rejected me.”

#; fic recs #mix #*!

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vzyee · 1 year ago

Text

gonna collect my thoughts on on earth we're briefly gorgeous since i finally read it after four years of it being the biggest thing in every sphere. preface is that i know this was like landmark literature & i can acknowledge that while also you know griping.

so first of all i thought this was straight up memoir when i read it due to assuming it was an extension of his more autobiographical poetry.

i made a joke abt how it reminded me of barry s3 but its like, the comparison is nearly there. turning from just depthless ancient sadness to like, extremely contemporaneous colloquial language and stylings. which isn't to say that the depictions of generational trauma in gorgeous (ancient sadness) are necessarily more remote/removed of course & in a lot of ways the early aughts details are alienating when you'd expect them to be grounding.

i also noticed how neatly this fits into the like goldfinch genre which im always going on about. obviously it borrows quite a bit thematically from the big gay dark academia epics (art trauma and memory) although crucially the academia element is sort of plucked out of the story. he goes to college this seems like it would have major implications in the narrative of americanness and yet it's barely factored in. and further barbara kingsolver totally did the whole first day on the tobacco farm thing in demon copperhead down to the gloves being too big. i'm calling dc a big etc gay novel even though it barely is because it also to me derives from that same tradition. However. and the point is. it disrupts that genre primarily by not being an epic. Like the prose is actually very efficient. a lot of the scenes are precisely what they are. to my taste i actually like a very long unwinding of every mood and development from one stage of life & being to the next & i do think. gorgeous accomplishes a lot of that even if nonlinearly. but for instance in the "sometimes being offered tenderness" scene, that felt to me like a moment that could have been more thoroughly arrived at as something that fundamentally changed the terms of little dog & trevor's relationship and their understanding of their place in their own & each other's lives. but instead it is so distilled. which is interesting. in a lot of other ways obviously it doesnt seem like theres a ton of disruption as with the dramatization of violence, drugs, intense angst etc and the very knowing floaty tone of the narration. which i did not appreciate as much.

last big point had to do with like, maturity of voice. to me this still seemed absolutely like . well a debut novel. an early work. i've read some of night sky with exit wounds and i have some familiarity otherwise with vuong but i don't think i've read anything more recent than gorgeous. i really like ocean vuong in interviews and i think he's immensely quotable which is a gift some writers have whether due to insight & reflection or just composure both of which are very impressive. vuong i think has both. however i think the impression i got over and over in gorgeous was that his voice either hasn't fully developed or he's still coming to terms with how to use it in practice. i think about this a lot, like what the metric is for a "mature" and "developed" individual voice vision style whatever in writing. basically it's when your conviction matches the level of your ambition & i did not see true conviction here. which is not a bad thing in and of itself in a novel of fragmentation disorientation and resistance. but amid the confusion and the immense efforts of the narrator to preserve recollect and reassemble there are still these grand poetic gestures of generalization summary and aphorism. once again "sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that we've been ruined" (one of the most successful attempts at generalization i think).

also he says somewhere in an interview that he's working against legibility which i'm not entirely sure he does. he mentions genre bending and the inclusion of for instance butterfly and opioid trivia, he mentions nonlinearity. all of this though is honestly more or less digestible, and the novel is actually fairly rigidly structured. Especially with the amount of im gonna call them tropes maybe cliches. that dictate the general plot progression. quite legible. & i feel even stronger abt that now that i realize those actually were conscious authorial placements and not like, real life experiences that just happened to follow a highly exaggerated narrative arc. which genuinely confused me when i was reading i thought he had to be at least embellishing. and he was

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embraceyourdestiny · 1 year ago

Note

About your tags- I dont think the issue is that the film oppenheimer exists. Films are made about horrific acts and people all the time- any WW1 movie, plenty of historical movies, and plenty of movies about real life horrific evil people exist in film (off the top of my head i think of Bronson (2008), which is about a guy whos still alive, unlike oppenheimer!).

A story like oppenheimer informs the public consciousness- how many people today know so much about the titanic because of the movie? How many are aware of the events at hacksaw ridge bc of film? Movies serve as entertainment first and history lesson second, so are sometimes less accurate to serve a narrative. But they also help audiences relate to historical events through the screen, and keep history alive in public memory through good entertainment.

Oppenheimer is interesting and im excited to see it. What i DONT LIKE... is people taking this movie and making it into a teehee funny joke. Its sick and disrespectful. Luckily i haven't seen any official marketing be insensitive. But the barbenheimer meme has gone too far at times- portraying the inventor of the atomic bomb with pink sparkles and hearts is very tone deaf. Turning a film like oppenheimer into a flashy meme and drawing him with barbie shows such a lack of understanding and respect and it makes me sick.

Support the movies if you like, but for fucks sake man, cop on.

Not reading all that and never said it shouldn’t exist. I thought ppl were hyping it up bc it was a movie that was gonna play with industry standards like shutter island or fight club and be a weird mindfuck bc of the guy who plays the main role but people are kkikking and making jokes without paying any respect to the severity of this moment in history. I do have a problem with movies like these bc often times it’s a “retelling” from the perspective of someone that wants to even the slightest bit change the reality of the situation in Their Image, even if it’s just framing to be like “it wasn’t bad, it was necessary!!” But you really just assumed a lot for no reason so.

#og

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beann-e · 4 years ago

Text

Haikyu Characters Reacting To Their S/O Screaming Back At Them

Aoba Johsai

Read Part Two Here

kyotani Kentaro

-everyone knows kyotani for his anger and how he doesn’t suck up to people so when they found out he was dating someone they had to assume this someone had the ability to put him in his place and right now that’s just what they needed

“ mad dog-chan you can’t do this not right now“ oikawas voice rang through in annoyance

“ yeah we need you to go in “ iwazumis voice sounded tired as if he was exhausted by trying to convince the boy for the past 5 minutes during their halftime (long timeout)

kyotani grunted as he turned from both of his teammates looking to the wall as he sat on the bench

“ coach seriously — we need him and he’s just on the bench doing nothing “

“ he said he’s tired of you guys only calling him in for 5 minutes and then sitting him back out like an animal— that you use to show off and then send outside when company’s gone “

“ well he’s our secret weapon “ oikawa screamed “ that’s literally what you do “

kyotani grumbled as he rolled his eyes at oikawa who huffed as he moved to turn to the bleachers “ oh forget this he’s not even listening to iwa-chan “

“ well you know what to do flatty-kawa “

“ duh you see i’m doing it iwa-chan”

oikawas hand came up in a wave as he moved to the referee whispering to them as they spoke on the speaker their voices crisp sending a chill through kyotani’s spine

“ we need a y/n l/n to come down to Aoba Johsais Bench — A y/n L/n to come down to Aoba Johsais bench “

you stood up smiling widely as you jumped your way through the crowd voice heaven sent as you screamed “ that’s me “

moving through people talking sweetly “ oops — sorry — sorry have to go take care of a loose hothead—whoops—you should really watch where you place that drink “

you hopped down the stairs waving at the team and the referee as you came to a stop in front of kyotani who was even more mad than he was initially

“ babe whats up why are they calling me down here again “ you sighed “ it’s only happened five other times and I thought we got past it “

“ they say that like it’s nothing “ kindaichis voice came out small as he rubbed the back of his head

“ kyotani “ you called confused usually he would answer you by now and comply and go play for a little while just to make you happy so you could go sit down on the bench to watch his game closely

“ uh somethings wrong iwa-chan “

“ yeah somethings off he’s not responding to her this time “

“ kyo what— “

“ if anything he looks like he’s gonna snap “

oikawa laughed at his comment “ yeah right y/n ‘ s too nice he’d feel horrible if he snapped at ‘em —they’d probably cry he wouldn’t do it “

oikawas face dropped as he heard the loud voice ring out inside the gym “ GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME“

you shuddered at his voice “ your even more fucking annoying than that dumbass over there “

your mouth dropped “ all you do is come down here and bother me everytime and I only go in for you — i’m not doing it this time i’m gonna stand my ground”

he screamed “ they use me for those 5 minutes and then toss me out i’m not doing it — like I said i’m sitting right here on this bench and standing my fucking ground “

your face went up in shock as you felt your body flinch at his voice kyotani and the rest of his team immediately feeling bad at what the whole gym just witnessed everyone listening closely feeling sorry for you

Oikawa moved to glare at kyotani as he walked over to wrap his arms around you “ aw y/n-chan it’s ok to cr— “

“ YOU SCREAM AT ME ONE MORE TIME LIKE THAT AND IM GONNA KNOCK YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF WITH THE BAT MY DAD WACKS INTRUDERS AT HIS STORE WITH “ your screams came out louder than his as you stared down at the boy in front of you

“ I don’t care if you go out there and wipe the floor down with fucking towels or scrape it clean with a toothbrush but your going out on that court kentaro“

your voice was stern “ you better be glad they even give you 2 seconds on that court you love so much with your shitty attitude —if it was me i’d make you a bench rider the whole season while you watch shittykawa smirk at you everytime he goes up for a set that you won’t get “ your screams catching the whole gym off gaurd

“ so your gonna go out there and stand your fucking ground on that court “ you mocked him hand pointing from him to the court

Kyotani’s body shaking at your tone “ kentaro “ you spoke his name like a curse as he jolted and race to stand in his position on the court head never turning back to look at you again as you continued

“ You will score everytime you go up for that ball — everytime you hit something or come in contact with it— I want a point on that board do you hear me“

“ yes “

“ kentaro “

“ yes ma’am “

you moved to fix your clothes as you stared at everyone in the crowd “ everytime my boyfriends feet leave that ground you better clap your asses off do you hear me “

everyone shook their heads in a yes motion afraid of you and how such a big yell could come from such a small person

You smiled at the team before you took your seat on the bench near the coach who read off all his plans for kyotani that hed never listened to

“ oh trust me we’ll do that plan “ you said as you shook your head ignoring all the whispers from the males around you

“ do they know the game doesn’t start back up again until 5 minutes from now “ mattsukawas voice came out in concern

“ I —uh I don’t think they care “

“ oikawa what’s wrong with you “ iwazumi turned to see oikawas face made up in a frown as he sulked

“ pretty y/n-chan called me your stupid nickname “

oikawa

-oikawa never liked losing especially when it was to someone younger than him someone he didn’t like so you can imagine his anger when he lost to Karasuno

-no one expected the hallway to erupt in his screams so soon

“ tooru what’s wrong “

“ i’m just a little tired y/n i’m ok “

“ no but you — you look angry “

he took a deep breath as he shook his head in annoyance moving to walk off you standing in front of him stopping his exit

“ ok then if I look angry why the fuck would you stand in front of me “

“ because I “

“ because your fucking annoying that’s what it is “

“ tooru”

“ no don’t baby me y/n I don’t need you or anyone else to tell me I played good and I was amazing obviously I wasn’t if your standing here talking to me in a hallway and not in front of me while I celebrate on the court “

“ it’s ok baby — you can still win a volleyball nat— “

he lost his cool as he screamed looking down on you “ WHEN Y/N WHEN HUH “

he screamed harshly “ it’s over — are you fucking stupid there is no next time shitty kageyama took it there’s no next time for me — fuck we’re— we’re third years “

his voice sounded bloody by his screams that sounded throughout the hallway his team coming in to check and see if everything was ok receiving their answer when they turned the corner to you taking over

“ if I knew you were so fucking stupid I wouldn’t have dated you you were probably the bad luck charm that made me lose my shitty gam��“

“ the only thing that made you lose this game was you asshole “

your voice was laced with venom as you shot at him screaming constantly “ you and your shitty need to keep working endlessly maybe if you didn’t have a hurt knee — oh wait howd you get that “

you pretended to think “ oh I know FROM OVERWORKING YOURSELF “

you pushed a finger to his chest “ when I say your gonna make it to a nationals someday your gonna make it to a nationals someday you don’t doubt me is that clear “

his face was in fear as his mouth opened wide in a o form unable to process an answer

“ is that clear tooru oikawa “ you screamed

the team letting out yes’s for him as he moved to look back at them before he turned to you shaking his head like a puppy whod accidentally peed in the house

“ I need words “

“ y-fuck y—yes y/n — baby I mean ma’am — shit I mean yes baby “

you moved to stand straight as you cracked your neck and let a smile play on your face as you turned away from him walking to the entrance of the gym “ ok — babe I meant to tell you i’m gonna go say good game to kageyama- kun you go to the busses and make them wait for me ok “ you waved at him as you opened the door “ love you “

“ they wouldn’t dare leave ‘em “ kyotani’s voice came out in a laugh

“ fuck leaving them — theyd let ‘em drive“ hanamaki joked with mattsukawa who was screaming in laughter

your body entering the gym and walking over to kageyama who straightened up turning to speak to hinata who stood in fear

“ you speak nothing of what we heard to y/n-senpai“

“ y-yes ka-kageyama “

“ kageyama-kun youve grown up so much I love it“ you said holding your arms out to him speaking like he was a baby

“ h-hi y/n-senpai “

“ DID YOU KILL THE GREAT KING “

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jaesvelvet · 3 years ago

Text

anymore — sim jaeyun

warnings: cursing, reader got slapped i think that’s it...also not proofread! lmk if there's typo

words: 5.7k words

pairing: sim jaeyun + fem!reader

genres: friend to lover, angst, fluff

tags: @meinapricity @hoonstrology

author note: ah! i’m back, im sorry for taking a lot of time of writing this :((( uni life is so hard and i have no time to continue this!!! i hope yall enjoy reading this!!

series masterlist

"Oh God, you made my morning" you giggle, naturally hitting Jake's shoulder as it is one of your habits when laughing. You came to school in not so good mood when the first thing your mother said to you in the morning was about your future. you get that your mother is worried about your life, but it's 6 in the morning and your brain didn't fully wake up yet.

Jake, your deskmate for physics class noticed your sour mood and decide to pull a joke on you. The truth is the joke is very bad but you laughed when you saw his shy face after cracking the joke.

"You should be grateful, you're the only one who can hear my jokes!" he chuckled, not minding your palm land on his shoulder as he already used to be hit by you whenever you laughed. You clear your throat as you noticed some students eyeing you– perhaps annoyed at you for being loud. Quietly you took out your physics books and revised them by yourself. Jake holds his laughter seeing your frustrated state, you're so cute when you're awkward.

"Shh! Don't play around!" you whispered

"I'm sorry you're so funny," Jake said, covering his mouth using his hand to prevent him for laugh out loud

"Yeah yeah, very funny" you mocked him and focus on your book.

People in your physics class would assume that both of you are best friends– seeing how comfortable you are with each other and sometimes everyone could find you and Jake in the library, studying together. To their dismay, your relationship with Jake is like a business. Both of you only interact in physics class and contact each other on a business day— only for studying physics together, nothing more. It's really weird how you get so comfortable within a year since you prefer to do everything alone without socializing with others. Meeting Jake was a turning point in your life, you gain one new friend and you find yourself becoming comfortable interacting with others, thanks to Jake's extrovert side, he helps you a lot.

He also cares about you making your heart flutter whenever making eye contact with him. You realized you are falling for him because every time he's around, you felt a fluttery sensation in your stomach. Of course, you ignored the feeling as you didn't want to break your friendship apart. Besides, Jake is a popular guy at your university. Many girls are queue to get him, there's no way you have a chance with him.

"I can't lie to myself anymore" you whined, putting down your pen to the side and massaging your temples. Your best friend, Jangmi looks up to you with confusion drawn on her face.

"You good?" she asks and you shook your head as respond

"I think I like Jake..." you muttered, you don't know why your tone came unsure, but your heart already confirmed your feelings towards him.

"Jake? Sim Jake?"

You nod your head, there's no point hiding your feeling anymore as Jangmi quickly catches up on things.

"Girl, he's walking red flag" Jangmi uttered, sipping on her hot chocolate while peeking on your shocked face. It's hard for you to believe Jangmi's word as you knew him for a year, he is kind and respectful.

"Ay, no way!" you insisted

"It's true! I heard that he used girls and ignored them when he was done with them. He is a guy you should stay away Y/N" Jangmi warns you but still, it makes you remorseful that you didn't believe anything she just said, you can't picture seeing Jake act like that when he is so sweet towards you.

"You did not believe me, aren't you?" Jangmi could guess your visage, she's been your friend since the high school year, and you really can't hide your expression well.

"I– I'm sorry, it's hard for me to believe you"

"It's fine, it's up to you. I warned you, Sim Jake is not a guy that you should stick around"

You realized that you don't know Jake, you only know him as your physics deskmate, both of you will contact each other for educational purposes. He could act sweet towards you because there's a possibility that he is using you to pass his physics, but the thought didn't seem to convince you that he is walking a red flag when he is good in physics.

You can't help but waste your weekend thinking about him. He seems nice, why would Jangmi declare him as a red flag? You saunter across the hallway searching for your best friend but she is nowhere around. You decided to meet her on lunch break, you were about to turn away only to stop when you heard voices in an empty lecture hall. You want to walk away but the male voice you heard is so familiar. You didn't notice when your body walks towards the lecture hall and peek at the two students in the hall, the silhouette of the male is common to you along with his blonde hair.

"I don't want us to stop seeing each other" the girl complained while crossing her arms. From behind you could tell that the guy seems frustrated by the way he pinches the bridge of his nose using his thumb and index finger.

"Which part you didn't understand? I have no feelings towards you Lia!" he fumed

"Well then Sim Jaeyun, then why would you hang out with me every day and make it like you're in love with me?"

"Oh, you don't get to call me Jaeyun anymore, It's Jake for you and I was bored, okay? And it was fun to hang out with you but not anymore"

You gasped at the male's words. It's Jake, your physics deskmate Jake! You immediately step away from the scene and run towards the bathroom. Holding on to your tight chest, you couldn't believe you witness the red flag side of Jake. He seems so nice to the point you didn't believe a word that Jangmi said.

You slowly exhale your breath and relax, you felt relieved for not confessing to him, who knows he will reject you in front of the class with a remark 'I friend with you because you're great in physics, nothing more.

However, it's still broken you see his true side. Why would he use girls to fill his boredom? You sigh and make mental note to yourself to avoid him, he is not worth having your affection.

You realized how hard it is to get rid of your fondness towards him when you saw him for 4 days in a week. Worst, he is your deskmate and he always cracks dumb jokes that never fail to make you laugh even you try your best to hold it. Not to mention his contagious laugh, you love hearing him laugh, it's like an ASMR you heard when you were anxious, it calms you a lot.

"Y/N did you watch the Modern Family's episode where's Phil and Gloria kissed? It was so funny when Claire—"

"Jake, I finished watching all seasons. You are 10 years late!" you blurted, you still feeling nervous around him and it's no good sign when you try to avoid him.

"I'm not sitcom kind of guy, chill" he uttered, mouth pouting hinting that he is now sulking at you. You hold your smile when you see Jake's sulking, it's really cute you just want to pinch his cheeks and give him a warm hug but you can't, he will break your heart if you are not careful.

"Before the class end, I will assign a project for your final marks. Your deskmate will be your partner and you have one week to research any topics. That's all for today, thank you" Mrs. Lee announced and left the class leaving you in pure shock. Where does your luck go when you need it? Having Jake as your partner for sure will give you hard time unlike him as you will meet him for a week.

You sigh and put all of your books in your bag, peeking at Jake who's laughing on his phone now while his fingers typing fastly on the keyboard.

He must chat with the new girl he randomly found

You didn't want to think much about it and leave without saying 'Bye' to Jake— it's like you and Jake's tradition when the class ended both of you will bid goodbye to each other. After a few seconds, Jake realized you were gone, leaving him alone without saying anything. He rose his eyebrows in confusion, why did you leave without noticing him? Did he do something wrong? Did he just offend you? It makes him anxious knowing you leave him without another word.

He grabs his bag and turns on his phone to call you, lucky for him you answer his call after two beeps.

"Y/N where are you?" he asked

"In my class, why?" He struggling to identify your calm tone– is there's an unnoticeable angry tone or sarcastic tone? His mind flashback to this morning from the way he greets you until you leave him alone. He tried to find out, where could go wrong?

"Jake? You there?" your soothing voice made him back to reality, Jake cleared his throat and slick his blonde hair to the back.

"Oh yeah, do you want to go to my house this evening?" he asked but quickly realized it's sound so weird to suddenly invite you to his house.

"For... For the project!" he quickly corrects himself, not wanting you to creep out.

"Okay" you notified him, you can't avoid him if you want to since both of you should cooperate on the project. The sooner the project end is better!

"So I guess, meet me at my house at 4?"

"4 it is" and just like that, you hung up on him earning a scoff from him, he did not believe this happened. Usually, you guys would joke or chatter on the phone for a while but it's different now when you are like avoiding him.

Jake put his phone back in his pocket, he confirmed that he did something to make you act like this and he will talk about it this evening.

"Y/N!" Jake greeted you awkwardly as he knows you aren't excited as him. How does he know? Well easy, you've been avoiding him today, and your expression seems unimpressed, unhappy, anxious?

You give him small smile while your inner self screams because of his cuteness, he looks like a puppy– a soft one, a way more different from his real personality. You act cold in front of him thinking it would be the way you would fall out of your feeling towards him and let him notice that you're not interested in him. That's the plan for now.

Both of you guys straight towards Jake's room, his room is neat despite being a teenage boy. His room smells like the usual cologne he wears to school and you're not surprised seeing his room full of science stream books along with the football club's jerseys since he shows a lot of interest in it.

The silence in the room is too loud, it's disturbing Jake since both of you always chattering while studying together, seeing you so into your works and didn't glance or talk to him even for a second killing him. Jake straight up his body, clearing his throat– he wants to know what's wrong with you or is there something wrong in him making you like this.

"Y/N, can we talk?" Jake asked

You look up to him, raising both of your eyebrows.

"You alright?" that's not the exact question he wants to ask, Jake just thought that it would be awkward if he was straight to the point.

"Yeah, why?" you asked him, you bite your inner cheeks nervously. You know he already sensed something wrong in the air.

"Seems like you've been avoiding me today, you know? You don't bye bye me after class and that time I called you earlier, you hung up on me just like that!" he confesses.

Truth to be told, you want to hug him– confess your feelings right in his embrace and he accepts your feeling then happily ever after. However, you are quick to realize, your fantasy will always be living free inside your mind. You need to understand that he's out of your league – there's no way he would fall for an ordinary girl like you.

"I'm sorry, I need to pee so that's why I just ran to the toilet and about the call my professor came in so I panic and ended the call" you lied. You are grateful for your poker face talent, in this way he couldn't read your face to tell that you're lying or not.

Like your plan, Jake failed to read your face, it's too blank to guess anything. He let out a small sigh, choosing to trust your words although he could sense that is not the real reason why you acting like this.

"If I'm doing anything wrong, I'm sorry" he trailed off, slowly bringing his physics textbook closer to him.

"Hey" you grabbed his shoulder and force him to look at you, his big eyes stared right into your eyes, for a second you noticed he looks deep into your eyes as he's afraid you would disappear from his sight.

"You doing nothing wrong Jake" you whispered.

Lie. Everything he does is wrong, why does he make this hard for you? You have liked him for a long time and to witness him break a girl's heart and use the word 'bored' as an excuse is enough, he is not in the stage of taking a relationship seriously yet. You secretly pray that all the words he said to Lia are being said to you right now. So it'll be easy to move on from him. But his loving eyes, adorable stare, and everything about him make it's hard for you to throw your feelings away.

Jake doesn't say anything but continues to stare at your face, he takes a glance at your lips. You're not that dumb, you know what is he thinking. You slowly remove your arms from his shoulder and back to your project, as much as you want him to kiss you, you need to stick to your plan.

Jake bite his lips seeing you move away from him, he didn't feel embarrassed after you lowkey-ly rejected his kiss, instead, he browned off with the way you keep holding yourself back.

"I don't know the exact reason why she's been avoiding me" Jake muttered, playing with his straw in the plastic cup. Sunghoon and Jay– his best friends, laugh at his frustrated state, usually Sim Jake will pull off any girls on the campus without any trouble. However, you. You are different, you seem interested in him but then you avoid him as much as you can.

"This is harder than physics quizzes, right Jake?" Sunghoon sneered at the male making him roll his eyes.

"Don't embitter me, Hoon. I need your help" Jake fumed, finally drinking his iced Americano through the straw.

"Well you come to the wrong person, Hoon is bad with girls" Jay intercepted, ignoring Sunghoon's glare towards him.

"Alright big Jay, spill your plan," Jake said, raising his eyebrow towards Jay

"I don't have any plan?" Jay answers, more like a question earning a big laugh from Sunghoon and a cursing from Jake.

"Chill Jake, you're gonna get her. The difference is you need to work hard to get her since she is not the same girl you used to date with" Sunghoon blurted. Jake sighs, what Sunghoon said is right. All he needs to do is work hard to get her, he doesn't need to be a different person just to get her attention. Well, he used to get your attention in class as Sim Jake, so why would he be nervous now?

Jake's lips form a small smile as his mind already plotting 101 ways to get your attention– making you stop avoiding him all day just being Sim Jake.

Since you entered the physics class, you noticed Jake has been glued his eyes towards you, first, you felt frustrated but now you start to feel annoying by his stare, he makes you feel uncomfortable studying beside him. You want to ask him what's wrong but nothing comes out of your mouth, you didn't know why you can't bring yourself to talk to him– maybe you are afraid of stuttering in front of him or you are just afraid you would compliment him? You don't want to think about this matter deeper than it should be.

You should refrain from paying attention to him, he is the guy that you should stay off and you need your degree. You tried to focus on your paperwork, ignoring Jake's presence beside you but who are we kidding here? It's the Sim Jake sitting beside you and keep staring at you like he was scared you would disappear from his side. Eventually, you give up and turn your face to the side, finally meeting his big doe eyes.

"You looks like a creep now Jake" you ranted, earning a short giggle from him.

"Sorry. Couldn't focus, not when I've got a pretty girl sitting next to me" if you have no feelings for him, you would slap him due to the cringe nevertheless, his word made you gain trouble maintaining eye contact with him. You quickly look away and focus on your paperwork again. Jake smirks in victory, knowing he succeed in making you frustrated. He took a glance at your paperwork, a short chuckle came out from his mouth after reading your answer.

"Y/N, the answer is B. This is basic physics, what is wrong with you? You never answer basic questions wrong" he uttered in a teasing tone, holding his laugh seeing you close your eyes– cursing to yourself.

"Maybe if you didn't disturb me, I would get the right answer" you spat.

"Woah. What's with the harsh tone? Okay, I'm sorry. It's just I have something to talk to you" Jake announces, your siren eyes now slowly transforming into doe eyes, annoyance now replaces with anxiety. What is he gonna talk about? Feeling? Avoiding him? Or worst Feeling?

"Uh, Y/N?" he waves his hand in front of your face, a slight worry on his tone. He knows what you were thinking, and he is not dumb to make things awkward by talking about personal feelings in class.

"Hm?"

"I want to invite you to Layla's birthday party," Jake said

"Layla? Your... Dog?" you questioned, you heard Layla's name every time Jake talks about his free time, you found it adorable how he loves Layla more than himself he once said that he wants to be a dog in his next life just to understand what Layla's been barking all along.

"Uh yes, this Saturday" Jake is dumb. He is making things more awkward than they should be because Layla's birthday is in October and now it's far away from October.

"Oh. I will come if I'm not busy" you said, feeling amazed by how special he treated Layla. A birthday party for a dog? You wowed at that statement, the last time you had a birthday party is when you were 13 years old with your celebrity crush's face on the cake. Oh God, you want to forget that.

"Please make yourself free because Layla will be sad if you're not coming." Jake persuades you for the last time before finally focusing on his paperwork.

You know better than everyone else that you should not be here, why did you dress up and take an Uber to go to Jake's house for his dog's birthday party? Worst, you bought a dog bed for Layla. A sigh came out from your mouth, no matter how hard you avoid him, you always found it hard to resist him when he use his doe eyes technic on you. With hesitation, you pressed the doorbell.

Seconds after you rang the bell, Jake appear with a big smile on his face. You could sense he felt so excited seeing you in front of his house with a medium-sized paper bag in your hand.

"Y/N!!" he greets excitedly, without waiting for your response he grabs your arm bringing you into the house. You wrinkle your forehead causing your eyebrows to furrow. His house is empty. There's no party in here all clean and silent. You are about to ask him, but a sudden loud bark cut you off.

"There she is, the birthday girl!" Jake cooed, he bent over to carry Layla and kiss her face numerous times, unnoticed by him, your lip form a genuine smile seeing he is so adorable and perfect.

"Jake, where are the others?" you asked, placing the bag on the coffee table in his living room. Jake put Layla down and turn to you, biting his lip before smiling nervously at you.

"The others couldn't make it" Jake cursed to himself, that is the fastest answer that his brain could think of right now. You mouthed an 'O' to him and awkwardly stared at each other eyes.

"Uh but we can still celebrate Layla's birthday right?" Jake asks you, be afraid if you change your mind and go home, that is the last thing he wants you to do. For a few seconds, you have a battle in your mind, eventually, you nod– agreeing to celebrate Layla's birthday even it's just two of you.

Jake finally could let out a big smile. He instructs you to sit and wait in the living room while he prepares something for both of you for the night.

Yesterday at Jake’s, he appears as a gentleman he is. The entire night, he makes sure that you are comfortable around him, surprisingly both of you chattering until the clock hits 1 am, Jake not once talking about his social life however he is more interested in knowing you. From what’s your favorite food to your family’s hierarchy. Is it dangerous to say that you felt safe and secure around him yesterday?

You start to have a second thought, you accuse him as the bad guy when you didn't know the whole story, it could be some possibility that he is doing nothing wrong, right? Maybe you’re the one who overreacted. A sigh comes out from your mouth as you felt so awful towards yourself, Jake must be sad when you suddenly avoid him, when he doesn’t know anything.

You decided to confront him tomorrow at school, you’re not gonna disturb his Sunday, besides you also have been quite busy today, helping your mom with chores and studying for the upcoming exam. Feeling slammed today, you finally leave your small room and get fresh air for a moment.

You take a stroll around your suburb– you squint at the new cafe in front of you, you heard it’s gonna open anytime soon maybe you spent your entire life being in school and home to the point you didn’t notice the cafe already operate two weeks ago (according to passersby that just left the cafe earlier)

Well, it wouldn’t hurt to try... You thought. You are not the type that loves to try new things you always stick in your comfort zone maybe that’s the reason why you don’t pull any guys.

As you are about to enter the cafe, you caught sight of Jake and Jangmi kissing at the corner of the cafe. Your immediate reflex was to leave the scene as soon as possible, you ignore that one staff that greeted you with a big smile turns to a confused one when you leave the cafe in a rush. You don’t know why but you run like someone is chasing you from behind, your heartache at the side of Jake and Jangmi kissed in the cafe.

Now you realize why you love to stay in your comfort zone– because you are afraid of the consequence. Your step decreased as you saw kids at the playground, running and squealing everywhere. You sit on the nearest bench, the tears that you didn't know you've been holding on finally fall. You could feel your cheeks wet and you're breath getting uneven. How are you so stupid to have thought that you will have a chance with Sim Jake? Jangmi is way better than you. She got the looks, fashion sense and she’s not socially awkward. You shut your eyes tightly and slowly exhale your shaky breath. Maybe falling in love is not your thing yet.

With a heavy step, you walk across the hallway that seems quiet every Monday due to dejection. Well, you can’t blame anyone it’s normal to feel a little depressed every Monday morning, after all the energy that has been poured out yesterday.

As much as you want to skip classes today, you can’t the exam is around the corner and you can’t let your personal feelings relinquish your future. The thought of meeting Jake would make you cry on spot but you’ve been through this before, it's not like this is your first time having one side-love. The feelings will go away eventually. Just go with the flow.

As you’re about to take a corner, where your physics class is, a loud and high-pitched screaming for your name makes every student in the hallway glare at the owner of the voice, definitely unpleasant to have their Monday morning start with some loud voice echoed across the hallway. You turn around, your eyebrows raised as you saw Jangmi flounce to you with her loud heels could be heard from a distance.

Before you could ask what happened or greet her, her soft palm hit your cheeks till your head turns around, you’re not gonna lie her slap is powerful because you swore you saw stars for a second. Your hand slowly touches the part where you’ve been slapped by furious Jangmi. After a second you realized, people already surrounding two of you didn’t expect to witness some drama on Monday morning.

“What was that for?” you asked, your eyes becoming teary. Everything is just overwhelming for you now, from the Jake things and your best friend suddenly slap you in public?

“You traitor! You took Jake away from me!” she yelled at you, you squinted at her words, too much for you to sink in this morning.

“Jangmi, I don’t understand– since when I took Jake–”

“Why did you and Jake do in his house alone that night?” she asked, cutting your words which cause multiple gasps from others. You widen your eyes at her statement, how did she know?

“I swear I didn't do anything!” you defended yourself, it’s broken you seeing Jangmi’s eyes full of hatred towards you. Is this how your friendship end? Because of a man? Fresh from your memory, isn’t Jangmi the one who warned you about how red flag Jake is? You couldn't process anything at this moment, all you want is Jangmi to calm down and not to create anymore scenes.

“Could you calm down Jangmi, we’re gonna talk about this later” you tried to calm the furious girl but failed, her whole body shaking and she grabbed a fistful of your unstyled hair harshly which made you wince in pain.

“Calm down? You took Jake away from me you fucking whore—”

“Jangmi!” a familiar voice could be heard across the hallway, Jangmi slowly let go of your hair and finally you’ve been able to breathe and take a moment to process what is going on now.

You are surprised to see Jake and his friends in front of you. Your eyes landed on Jangmi, she looks like she is on the verge of crying, and your eyes back to Jake, his visage contorted with rage as long as his jaw is tensed. you have never seen this image of him and you are terrified. You are very sure the next scene is not gonna ending well.

“J-jake” Jangmi’s confident voice drops to scared one. She bit her lower lips and looks down, you frown seeing her sudden change. You knew Jangmi for good years she is a very kind and lovely person to befriend, you have no idea what possessed her to pull an act like a maniac just now.

“You should learn to respect someone feeling when they're not into you. Don’t take your anger out to others!” Jake fumed, glaring at the sight of ‘sad’ Jangmi. You stood there like a fool, you don't understand a thing of what happened here. Jake turns at you, his face turns soft and his puppy eyes are back. He was about to grab your hand but Jangmi’s words made everyone gasp for the second time.

“What about her? What is so special about her Jake? She’s not pretty and rich! She barely fit into your society! She’s no good for you” she spat. Her words were like a knife stab at your heart. Is this what Jangmi saw you for? Some poor low-class girl hanging out with her? You never once ask for her money or took her popularity from her, you always stay behind the curtain, you never stole her spotlight. It’s hard for you to find a friend in university since it’s so overwhelming to approach people and her being your only friend makes you happy.

You’re about to open your mouth, to stand up for yourself but Jake holds your wrist tightly signaling you to hold whatever you want to do right now and you obey him. Maybe it’s not the best choice to say what’s on your mind when you are angry or upset.

“The reason is, you’re not her Jangmi. And never be” with that, Jake grab your wrist once again and leave the crowded hallway. You could hear some of them wooing at Jake’s words. You didn’t ask him where he want to bring you when both of you entered his car. Frankly, you also felt too idle to do anything today. So you just let Jake drive you anywhere he wants to go.

Jake turned off the engine as he parked in front of the lake that was quite far away from your university. You unbuckle your seatbelt and amble towards the lake. You inhale the nature that you’ve been craved for, although it’s not that smell good at least the nature’s smell calm you a lot.

“I’m sorry about earlier, you must have a lot in your minds” Jake speak up, for a second you forget you came here with Jake and not alone. You take a seat beside him on the bench.

“It’s not my ideal morning to get slapped and insulted by my best friend” you tried to joke but he didn’t find it funny. You pressed your lip together, maybe staying silent is better.

“I like you Y/N. I didn't expect Jangmi to attack you when I rejected her yesterday” Jake said, looking at you straight in the eyes, proving how sincere his words are.

“But I saw you guys kissed yesterday...”

“I swear she’s the one who kissed me, if you stay longer you will see I pushed her” he smiles at his last words, he doesn't know why he does that maybe because your tone seems off,

“Jangmi said you are walking a red flag,” you thought this was the best time to open up, you are ready for your friendship to end today for a second time.

“... And you trust her?” his doubt, there’s no way you avoiding him because of her words?

“No! I don’t trust her at first but when I accidentally saw you rejected a girl and said you are bored as an excuse made me believe her words and that’s the reason I've been avoiding you” Hearing your side of your story makes him giggle. You turn your face towards him, what’s so funny about this?

“Lia is a dangerous woman, she could do worse than Jangmi does to you” Jake blurted, naturally he take your hand and kiss the back of your hand with confidence.

“I used to hang out with girls and leave them hanging, but then I stopped when I realized I might have developed feelings towards you” Jake added, his voice is deep and there’s no playful expression on his face.

You know he is serious

“I can’t say that I like you to Lia, she will plan 101 ways to get rid of you. I don’t want you to be hurt because of my shitty past” you awed at his words, it felt bizarre to have your crush return the same feeling to you.

“I’m sorry Jake, you must hurt a lot when I distance myself. And I also like you, a lot” you mumbled

“Can I kiss you?”

You laugh at his question, find it adorable. You nod your head and he cupped both of your cheeks, bringing his face closer to you till you could feel his breath. His lips brushed yours softly, you felt tingles in your stomach as he deepen the kiss. Both of you got lost in the kiss and soft whimpers that came out from your lips making Jake slowly break the kiss, afraid if he can't control himself.

“Wow...” you breathe out, you did not expect to kiss him so soon.

“Yeah wow...” he giggles, caressing your cheek that got slapped by Jangmi.

“I’m sorry Y/N—”

“Can we please not talk about the past anymore? It makes my head hurt” you confessed, you just want to forget about everything for a moment.

“Uh one more thing”

“What?”

“Layla’s birthday is in October, I lied because I wanna spend time with you, to get to know you more” your eyebrows raised at his statement, so that is the actual reason why there’s no one home that night.

“I have no words for that” you utter, grinning as Jake leans forwards to kiss your forehead.

“Well, we need to work smart not harder”

#enhypen fluff #enhypen imagines #jake sim #jake imagines #enhypen jake #enhypen jake imagines #sim jake fluff #sim jake imagines #sim jaeyun #jake x reader #sim jake x reader

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rommahh · 3 years ago

Text

{Harry in sparkly black….Harry lemme **** *** *** for free}

You hadn’t talked to Harry all day. Not that you were mad at him or anything but your therapy this morning left you feeling a little spacey. There was something about talking about your emotions that left you feeling emotionally drained.

You missed Harry terribly and though it’s only been a short week, you felt very lonely. But on another note, your anxiety wasn’t as bad as it was. You were starting to feel like your normal self again but missing something.

You loved the tight knit life you have with Harry. You like being around him most hours of the day. You two were inseparable. If you were in the shower, he was in the bathroom reading a book from the lounger chair in the corner. If he was writing music on the beach, you were somewhere on the shore collecting shells. If you were going to the grocery store the least he could do was go for the drive with you. You two were close and it was something the both of you were ok with.

Some couples don’t like being so close but it worked for you and Harry. Being away from Harry was a weird experience. It’s only been a week but you feel like it’s been a lifetime. You haven’t minded being on your own but you wanted to be with the person you felt most connected to.

So being you, you purchased a ticket to Chicago. You didn’t know how Harry was going to react but you could only assume it would be a positive reaction. You told Jeff that you were coming so he could get you a hotel key and backstage pass.

As you sat in the airport you felt your back pocket buzz- your music pausing for the call. Your hand slipped into the pocket roughly pulling out the small phone. Harry’s icon, him in a fluffy robe looking as grumpy as ever, met your eyes. You cursed because you were quite obviously in the airport and if he saw you, the surprise would be ruined.

You answered anyways but only for audio. You made sure that your airpods were snug in you ear and there was no chance of them falling out.

“My lover!” Harry greets you a in sing song voice. You could hear his humph as he recognizes that you didn’t answer with the FaceTime video on. “Turn your camera on.”

“Can’t, I’m not feeling good.” You fib nervously. Harry frowned, nervous that he may have done something to upset you.

“Oh, alright. What’s wrong then?” He asks. You chew your lip trying to think of an answer.

“Uh, period.” You stammer.

“Your period doesn’t start for another few day…saw it on the tracker.” Harry may have your period tracker on his phone but it was because he wanted to make sure he was able to comfort you the best way he could when he needed to.

“Must be the meds-“ The sound of your boarding attendant sounded over your head cutting you off. “Hey bubs, I’ve actually got to go but we can’t chat later.”

“Sure, that’s fine I guess. Love you.” He mumbles, confused by the phone call. You hang up leaving Harry a little lost in his thoughts.

Later, Harry sang through his rehearsal carelessly, his head clouded with thoughts. He even sang through TBSL and though he was in the worst of moods, fans waiting at the venue thought he never sounded better.

You on the other hand had just sat through the worst flight of your life. There was a woman in the flight who didn’t want to wear her mask causing commotion before the flight could even take off. You had the worst headache halfway through the flight and because of the lack on supplies, the flight couldn’t give you any ginger ale or accommodations.

You didn’t let any of it get to you though as you directed for the chauffeur Jeff sent for you to go to the venue for show.

Harry sat in the common room backstage with the band and Jeff eating dinner grumpily. His fork was stabbing every little piece of lettuce of his salad, everyone watched worried that he may break his bowl.

“HS3 is trending on Twitter today, pretty exciting.” Jeff says to Harry breaking the silence. Jeff just received a text from you saying that you arrived to the venue and were walking towards Harry’s dressing room.

“Mmm great.” Harry grumbles. Jeff rolled his eyes at the diva.

“Someone’s a little pissy this evening. How about you go fix that mood before you greet your fans with a bad attitude.” Jeff scolds him like a child who just got caught doing something they shouldn’t have. Jeff really didn’t care about Harry’s attitude, used to the moods at this point, but he needed a way for Harry to leave the room and see you in the dressing room.

“Fine, didn’t want to be around anyways.” Harry shrugs.

Back in Harry’s dressing room, you rolled your suitcase into a corner where Harry’s outfit for the night resided on a hanger. You smiled at the sparkly black top that you helped pick out. You walked around his dressing room from the hair and makeup table, past the bathroom/ dressing area, and back around to the couch’s and coffee table where you took a seat. You snagged one of his green juices needing the boost of energy from being on the flight.

You heard the door knob jiggle but stayed planted in you seat sipping on the juice. You never made a peep as Harry barged through the room, scowl covering his face. He stormed past the couch not batting an eye at you. He went to the mini fridge where his juices were before letting an exasperated sigh.

“Who fucking took my juice?” He whines. You quietly giggle in your hand at his tone.

“Im sorry, thought I could have it.” You chuckle. Harry leaps from where he stands letting out a yell. He turns to look at you with wide eyes, hand over his chest as if his heart was going to explode from his chest. You stood from the couch waiting for him to react more but he just stood there in shock. When the realization of you actually being there kicked in he let out another yell before bounding over to you.

Before you knew it, you had two strong arms wrapped tightly around you. Your wrapped around his neck, hands and fingers spread through his hair. His face tucked into your lower neck peppering desperate kisses all over just to feel something.

“What are you doing here?” You hear him cry. You pulled away from him to wipe his eyes of the tears that streamed down his face.

“I needed to see you.” Was all you could muster. He pulled you down on the couch, your body cushioning his larger frame. He laid in between your legs, your back flat in the body of the couch.

“Im so happy your here.” Harry couldn’t even put his excitement into words. He knew you were coming in a week but to have you here earlier than that made him feel things. He sat up from suffocating you into the couch, allowing for you to sit up beside him. “What about your therapy? I hope you’re not jeopardizing your mental health to be here with me cause I would much prefer if you put me on the back burner and took care of yourself.”

You rolled your eyes playfully. “I’m ok. I still will see my therapist virtually, I’ve got all new meds that are working fine, and if all goes to shit I will go back home. It’s ok bubs.” You reassure him.

He grabs your face with both hands pulling your face to his. Your lips meet with need. His lips slotting with yours, moving slowly but with rigor as if he was scared you would slip from his fingers. Your bottom lips fit between his lips leaving for him to suck on it slightly. You moaned at the feeling making Harry pull you in tighter. You sat slightly upon his lap, chest against each other tightly. Your tongues pushed at one another, lips loving in tangent.

You pulled away when you felt his lower presence awaken. He whined at the loss of contact making you giggle.

“If we go any further you’re gonna be late for your show. I’ll give you more back at the hotel, yeah?” You say lowly trying to catch your breathe. He groaned resting his forehead on yours chasing your lips with chaste kisses making you smile.

“Fine, you owe my though. This is level three apology situation that can only be resolved with these things; sloppy blowies, butt stuff, or face masks if you catch my drift.” He chastised. You let out a deep belly laugh pushing yourself away from him. You two still sit facing each other, your legs slightly on top of his.

“You’re so nasty, but I may be able to arrange one of those.” You wink making Harry let out a triumphant laugh.

“Are you staying for the show? I understand if your not.” He questions fiddling with your fingers.

“Think it would be best if I didn’t. I’m really tired and I obviously need a nap if I’m going to be up for your post show antics.” You joke giving his nose a poke. He jokingly pretends to bite your finger in retaliation.

Harry went on stage that night happier than ever. He started plotting proposals from the second he walked you to the car with your suitcase and waved goodbye to you. You went to the hotel room and “accidentally” fell asleep wearing one of your most recent purchases curled up in your tour bus blanket.

Let’s just say that Harry not so accidentally woke you up after that concert ready to love all of his adrenaline off in you.

Part 2👀

#harry styles love on tour #hslot #hslot Chicago #harry styles angst #harry styles smut #harry styles x y/n #harry styles fic #harry styles x you #harry styles x reader #Harry Styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles one shot

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meatcute · 9 months ago

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its actually really hard to go into detail about whats bad about this show because of the sheer volume of things; literally every decision made in the creation process was bad, and a LOT of decisions are made. im gonna go into it under the cut, cw for sexual/domestic abuse, sexual assault, antiblackness, trafficking/slavery

so i want to talk about how, for an edgy and crude cartoon set in hell, the messaging and storyline is incredibly in line with christian values and reads almost as christian propaganda. i dont believe vizvie identifies as christian and she maybe considers herself atheist or otherwise not christian, but she was definitely raised as such and it shows.

the GOAL of the main character is to help people in hell show remorse from their sins and become "redeemed" so they can escape eternal punishment and death. this is the express purpose of the titular hotel, and it is very reminiscient of how real life churches and christian organizations advertise.

the tone of the show is incredibly dissonant. its an adult cartoon because it has content about sex drugs & violence, but its actual maturity is comparable to steven universe. and if steven universe was bad about handling heavy topics, lets get into how hazbin handles sexual assault and abuse in a way it considers serious.

episode 4 goes into the character angel dust, whose soul belongs to an abusive man who pimps him out and makes porn of him. this episode shows this abuse very seriously, including repeated assault of angel dust and verbal/physical violence. of course, all of this is shown via musical number, and in the midst of a show that delights in crude childish humor. the writers couldnt be bothered to dedicate the full contents of the episode to this topic, and it all severely undermines any notion that they are treating this respectfully.

not to mention the double standards about abuse. hazbin hotel does not know whether it thinks abuse is funny, excusable, or terrible. for example, angel dust himself sexually harrasses another character (husk) in almost every single interaction before this. the show fully admits this but its treated as a joke. furthermore the next episode makes a joke where the punchline is another character is dragged off to be assaulted.

husks situation in particular is shown very little respect by the show. like angel, a greater demon owns his soul and he is bound to do that demons bidding. the demon also is shown to verbally and physically abuse him, and he is constantly shown as depressed. however, his owner/abuser is alastor, who is in the main cast and vizvie's obvious favorite, so its portrayed as acceptable. when he opens up about this, it is only to service angel dust's development, and not his own story.

this becomes so much worse when you consider how vizvie racially codes characters. supposedly, if a character is voice acted by someone of a certain ethnicity, you can safely assume they are coded to be the same. this means husk, the only black coded character of the main cast, is a literal slave. despite being on the main cast he is treated as a side character, and the story prefers to focus on angel dust over him. he is forced to work for the hotel by his owner, whose involvement in the hotel is treated as good and helpful -- "we are so glad you enlisted slave labor in our establishment," in other words. (he is also a gambler and alcoholic, which are both antiblack stereotypes featuring in minstrel shows. for now i am going to assume this is an instance of incredible carelessness and unintentional, though that doesnt make it better.)

this is all to say im shocked that this show got as popular as it did and that people praise it. it bears strong resemblance to a fucking disney production, but if all the direction was from a 14 year old on deviantart. (no respect to 14yos on da, but vivzie is 31 years old.) behind the unpredictable and garish visual direction and the awkward, forgettable musical numbers is a steaming pile of shit story, and i cant think of a single positive thing to say. dont watch this show. you would have a better experience getting high enough to cause brain damage and watching baby sensory videos. (the pilot is genuinely cocomelon levels of disjointed.)

is it ok to be a hatewatcher here? is this a safe space..?

#i ended up yapping a lot...#screaming nightmare era

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strawberrymilkgeorge · 4 years ago

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Part Sixteen. Quackity’s Call and Karl’s Hoodie

warnings: swearing word count: 2.7k

behind the screen (irl dream x f!reader) series masterlist ultimate masterlist bts is now on wattpad!

a/n: sorry it's been two weeks since the last update T-T I was just swamped with school but I'm back with regular updates babeyyyy!! hope you enjoy this chap!!

"What the hell did you just tweet?" Dream laughed from the other side of the FaceTime call and Y/n covered her face with her hands.

"Words," she replied vaguely.

She smiled at the unamused face he showed the camera before a smile fought his way to his lips. "You're so annoying."

"Take it back right now. I'll cry."

"I can't see you so I wouldn't know if you did, so doesn't really bother me," he joked. "Go cry to Quackity..."

"Hey, don't make me feel bad about still not showing my face. I told you not to expect anything," Y/n sighed out.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I... sorry. I don't care if you show your face or not. Not like that! I mean, I would like you to because I think you're pretty... but I don't want you to think you have to! I just like spending time with you so whatever makes you feel comfortable is totally okay with me. As long as I get to talk to you and you aren't annoyed when I go on long tangents like this, geesh."

Y/n giggled and cuddled into her blanket. "You're cute when you ramble."

"It's cute that I make a fool out of myself?"

"Mhm."

"Thanks a lot," he said sarcastically before hitting his head on his desk.

"What was that sound?"

"Shame."

Y/n laughed and opened Discord as it made sounds at her. "Hold on a second," she requested before answering a call from Quackity.

"BUGSY!" he yelled with a laugh. "I'm live! I'm live!"

"Hello Quackity and his chat," she greeted.

"Quackity called you? Tell him to go away!" Dream begged from the FaceTime call, his face consuming the screen with a pout.

"Dream says hello too," she lied and Quackity laughed.

"Tell him I said you're hot."

"Shut up!"

Quackity cackled and Dream, who had pulled up Quackity's stream to hear both sides of the conversation, spoke up. "Tell him that I already know! I know! I want him to know that I know."

"Why is it such competition between you two?" Y/n rolled her eyes fondly.

Dream smiled at the camera. "Don't worry, there's no competition."

Y/n's face heated up and she shook her head.

"Just let me relish in the fact that I know something about you that he doesn't," Quackity said, not able to hear what Dream said.

"I'm telling him," Dream warned before pausing. "Are you okay if he knows I've seen you? Because his whole chat will too. I really wanna brag but I won't if it'll make you uncomfortable."

She quickly muted on Discord and nervously said, "I'd rather you didn't for now. You just saw a few days ago. I'm already overwhelmed, I don't want to see everyone freak out about it."

"Okay, I won't. I still wanna yell at him for hitting on you, though."

"What, why—?"

"Why is Dream calling me?" Quackity asked. "Dream, I'm live! I'm live! And talking to your girlfriend. What's up?"

Y/n unmuted on Discord as Dream joined the call. Chat was going to have a field day with what Quackity just called her.

"QUACKITY!!" Dream yelled.

"What?" he laughed.

"DON'T HIT ON BUG!"

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, MOTHERFU—"

"YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO HIT ON HER. BACK OFF!"

Y/n laughed as the two went back and forth, insulting each other without getting too personal.

"Dream! Dream, you're just jealous— SHUT UP! You're just jealous because you don't know what she looks like! That's it! So admit defeat because I do and you don't and-and I win!"

"First of all, that doesn't matter!" Dream rushed out. Y/n watched him through FaceTime as he talked passionately to his computer screen, his hands flailing in the air. "It doesn't matter what she looks like because she's beautiful anyway but second of all..." he paused and put his face in his hands before pouting at the FaceTime screen. Y/n laughed at him and the corners of his mouth tugged upward.

"Second of all, what? What, Dream?" Quackity challenged.

Y/n could see it on Dream's face: he wanted to tell Quackity but he wasn't going to. Y/n loved seeing him get jealous but she also loved seeing him brag about anything having to do with her, whether it was him telling everyone how they were best friends or about how good she was at GeoGuessr. So she grabbed her phone and showed her face. He sat up a little taller and beamed now that he could see her. "Hi," he said softly to her.

Y/n nodded and he raised his eyebrows for clarification. "Tell him the second thing, Dream," she said. "Go ahead."

"Yeah, tell me!" Quackity taunted. "There's literally no way for you to win this unless you—"

"I'm literally FaceTiming her right now, Quackity," Dream said, not taking his eyes off of her smile.

"Yeah, but you guys said before you FaceTime without showing your faces."

"Nah, we are. I'm looking at her right now," he informed, his voice now laced with a dazed tone.

"W-well I still saw her first!"

He snapped back into his defensive need to prove he was closer to Y/n than Quackity was. "Because you visited KARL!"

"Oh my gosh, you both have seen me, so calm down!" Y/n laughed. "It's not a competition."

Quackity laughed abruptly and Dream smiled. "I definitely win this one, dude."

"Bugsy, run away with me," Quackity suggested and she shook her head.

"HAH! SHE'S SHAKING HER HEAD! SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU, QUACKITY!"

"SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU EITHER, DUMBASS!"

"Chat, this is what I have to deal with," she said to Quackity's chat as she pulled it up. "Multiple times a week. They're so annoying."

user53: pretty girl problems user42: do they want a tape measure to compare dick sizes like damn calm down guys user29: THIS IS SO FUNNY AND CUTE user72: BUGSYYYY user10: ARE WE IGNORING THE FACT THAT DREAM AND BUGSY FT user82: I KNEW he has seen her face user22: I mean they're def dating, ofc he's seen her??? user56: I want to have this type of problem user80: there should be a twitch section called "yelling about bugsy" because "just chatting" ain't cutting it user46: DREAM DESCRIBE HER PLS user39: "at least i got to hug her when i visited" "let's be clear, you did NOT hug me" she really isn't touchy huh user66: how is dream gonna have a non-touchy s/o that man exudes touchy energy

"Quackity, why did you call me in the first place?" Y/n asked, interrupting the new argument that had come up, which was about their heights of course.

"Oh!" He laughed. "Do you want to—Actually.... I should ask off stream. Chat, I'm going to mute for a few minutes. So hold on." He paused and laughed. "Okay, so... wait, Dream get out."

"What? No," Dream protested.

"GET OUT!"

"Why can't I listen??"

"It's a secret."

"That's not suspicious..." Dream scoffed sarcastically.

"It's not, just leave. Or deafen. Please."

"Please, Dream. Humor him," Y/n said.

"Fine! I'm deafening." He deafened and Quackity paused.

"Can he hear me on FaceTime?"

"I don't think so," Y/n said as she glanced at Dream's face on her phone.

"I'll test it. Bugsy, I'm in love with you!! Did his face change?"

"No," she laughed.

"Okay good. So," he started and she looked at his stream to see him with his hands pressed together like he was about to propose a business deal. "I wanted to ask if you wanted to read Bugity fanfiction together."

Y/n laughed abruptly and Dream looked up at her through the screen. She kept her words vague so he didn't know what Quackity had said. "Why on Earth?"

"For a stream, I mean! Not just us by ourselv—HAHA! It'll be funny!"

"I don't know..."

"You don't have to but I definitely think it'll be really fun. I've done a stream like that before and chat loves it. Also, it'll make Dream super jealous."

Y/n glanced at Quackity's chat to make sure they didn't hear what he was saying.

user39: CAN ANYONE READ LIPS?? user52: it looked like he said FANFICTION??? user68: DID HE SAY FANFIC?? PLEASE READ FANFIC TOGETHER user32: PLEASE HAHAH user51: as long as dream is there to yell at everyone user4: IN FRONT OF DREAM? QUACKITY IS BOLD AND FEARLESS user10: do you think he kicked dream out first because he looked like he was yelling when he first muted user72: not quackity forcing bugity to be real when we know dreamsy is

"What are you guys talking about, Bug?" Dream asked softly. "I'm bored."

"Hold on, Dream. Quackity, why would I want that?"

"Don't act like you don't want to make him jealous. You cannot fool me."

"Quackity!"

"Seriously, Bugsy! HAHA! Come on, it'll be so funny and he'll be so jealous and then one of you will have to admit to the other you like each other."

"That is not true."

"Bugsy..." Quackity said condescendingly. "I know. I know."

"You don't know anything," she told him.

"Fine. Then we'll do it to make chat entertained."

"As long as it's nothing sexual..."

"What are you talking about, Bug?!?!" Dream asked and she ignored him.

"Yeah, yeah, of course!" Quackity assured. "I'll make sure nothing is sexual or nsfw or bad in any way. Just the regular, like, regular ones."

"Then, yeah, sure. I don't see why not. When do you want to stream?"

"Are you free tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I can do that. It'll be fun."

"YES!"

user41: IF THEY ARE TALKING ABT FANFICS READ FOXTROT PLEASE HAHAHAA user57: most bugity fanfics are CURSED they're just crack fics user44: he's been muted why do you guys just assume that's what they're talking about geesh go touch grass chat user18: WHO SAID FOXTROT, NO DO NOT BRING THAT UP I WILL CRY IM STILL UPSET user99: "Poppies and Cornflowers" supremacy (dreamsy fanfic)

"Okay, I won't announce it until the stream starts so don't tell anyone. Especially Dream. I want him to be surprised too."

"You're obsessed with the idea of Dream and I being together."

"Bugsy, everyone is."

"Whatever..." she mumbled shyly.

"Okay, I'm unmuting stream so don't say anything. Tell Dream he can get back in here."

"Dream," Y/n said and he perked up. "You can undeafen."

"Thanks Bugsy, that's all. I'm going to end my stream now so I'm gonna leave but do you guys wanna do something after?"

"No, Bugsy and I are hanging out without you," Dream said.

"You know what? Just for that, I'm banning you so you can't watch my stream tomorrow."

"Like I want to anyway," Dream scoffed.

"You do. Bugsy will be there." He laughed mischievously.

"Bye, Quackity," Y/n said with a laugh. "Let me know what time tomorrow."

"Okay, okay, I'll make sure. Bye!"

He disconnected and Y/n looked to Dream, who was already looking at her. "Hi," she smiled. She disconnected from the Discord too, turning off her PC and focusing on the FaceTime call.

Dream stuck out his lower lip childishly. "What are you guys streaming tomorrow?"

"He told me not to tell you."

"And you're going to listen to him?"

She shrugged. "Yeah, it makes things interesting."

Dream paused and frowned deeper. "I'm jealous."

Y/n's heart quickened in her chest and she shook her head. "You have no reason to be jealous, bud."

He raised an eyebrow. "Oh yeah?"

She set her phone up so it was leaning against her monitor and tucked her feet up on her chair. She nodded and rested her chin on her knees.

"Wait, what are you wearing?" Dream asked, squinting slightly and leaning towards his phone. "Is that a Mr. Beast hoodie?"

Y/n looked down. "Oh, yeah, it is! It's Karl's actually," she explained as she kicked away from her desk slightly, dropping her leg and raising her arms to show off the logo on the front.

"Oh."

"Oh? What's wrong with it?" she asked as she looked down at it and back at Dream. "You don't think it looks good on me?"

"No, it does." A mischievous smile pulled at Dream's lips before he said, "I just think you'd look better in one of my hoodies."

Y/n's hands immediately dropped to her collar, pulling it over her face to bury herself in it. Dream chuckled before whining lightly. "No, don't hide."

"You're annoying."

"Give me your address so I can send you one of mine."

"No, I have a perfectly good Karl nearby that I can steal hoodies from. He doesn't even notice," she dropped the soft material from her face. "The other day he asked where this one was while I was literally wearing it in front of him."

"Well, okay, but you'd look better in mine."

"Don't mess with my system."

"Bug," Dream pouted.

"Yours wouldn't even fit me! I bet they'd be too big."

"Only one way to find out..." he trailed off with a cheeky smile. Her silence prompted him to continue. "And if they are too big, it'll just be cuter. I don't see how this is a bad idea. Come on, let me send you some."

She deadpanned into the camera and he sighed.

"Fiiiine. Can I at least send you some of my merch?"

"Using me as free advertisement?"

"Yeah. That, and you apparently need other people's hoodies and I'd rather you have mine. But sure, we'll go with free advertisement."

"Well, I don't use face cam and I don't go outside so it's not really much advertisement."

"Then I'll send you some so I don't have to see you wearing Karl's hoodies?"

"Are you jealous of Karl?" Y/n teased lightly and Dream rolled his eyes.

"I'm not jealous of him."

"You so are! Dream is jealous, Dream is jealous!" she sang and his cheeks turned light red.

"I'm hanging up."

"Baby rage! Piss baby is baby raging."

"Y/n!" he protested with a laugh.

"Clay!" she countered. "It's okay if you're jealous of Karl. You know why?"

"Why?" he humored her with a fake disinterested voice.

"Because I'm jealous of Sapnap."

"What? Why?" he asked genuinely.

"He gets to see you baby rage in person."

He threw his head back. "Stop bullying me—"

"I'm kidding! He gets to cuddle with you anytime he wants," she said before she could think about her words.

Y/n's eyes locked onto Dream as he tried to contain his smile, but he lightly bit his bottom lip and shook his head as it spilled onto his face despite his best efforts. "You're such an idiot."

"I'm dead serious right now. I bet you give really good hugs."

"Stop it..." he whined as he rubbed his eyes.

"What? You can offer me your hoodies just so you can see me wearing your clothes but I can't say you look cuddly? That's some bullshit, dude."

"No, you just—you can't say things like that."

"Why not? Are you actually not a hugger? I thought you were touchy but maybe not. Guess I'll just have to cuddle with Sapnap when we visit—"

"No," he said suddenly. "No, no, no."

"So you do give good hugs? Looks like it. No one that attractive gives bad hugs."

"Y/n!" His blush only deepened and she laughed.

"What is wrong with you?"

"No, what is wrong with you? Why— when did you get so bold?"

"What do you mean?" She laughed again, marveling at the fact that he was hiding his face now. "Hey show me your pretty face. What did I do wrong?"

"Stop saying things like that," he laughed, his voice shaking lightly. "What do you mean what do I mean? You never flirt like that!" He lifted his head again and looked at her.

"Sure I do!"

"Not to my face!"

"What, so when I go to Florida I'm not allowed to flirt with you? Only on Twitter? That's stupid. I'll get bored so quick!"

He shook his head, a sly smile creeping into his lips. "No, we won't get bored. I'll make sure of it." His smile gave her the feeling that there was a double meaning in his words.

"Oh, now you're being bold," she mumbled to herself.

Dream paused before saying, "I'm actually very excited to see you, Bug."

"Me too."

"I've been tempted to just fly out to you now but Sapnap stops me every time. He says it'll be a waste since there's only, like, two weeks until you guys come here."

"That's rude of him. I don't think any time spent together is a waste."

Dream's smile consumed his entire face. "I agree. That's why you should hang out with me instead of being on Quackity's stream."

"Oh, no, the stream is happening."

"At least tell me what it's about."

"Nope!"

"Then I won't send you my hoodies."

"Your merch hoodies," she clarified. "I'll just buy them then."

"Ugh, fine, you got me. I'm still sending them."

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other a/n: in case you couldn’t tell, the title is things dream is jealous of this time lol

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