#im aware this means absolutely nothing in the story as is

[grovylelover]

people who know

[sereniv]

apologies are hard and can be embarassing

but life is too short to let your grandma go to bed sad

[luvvixu]

mind over matter pt. 1

synopsis: witness how your marriage was bound to fall apart with you on the front seat and your husband gojo had missed the show—now, he gotta figure out the story on his own.

tags: arrange marriage au, angst, husband!gojo, mean!gojo, mention of blood, miscarriage, strong languages, some unsettling scenarios, emotional trauma, read at your own risk

a/n: y'all, im back after ghosting this page for way too lonh cuz im on my process of taking psychology. yep! this random bitch is up for being a psychologist despite her mental health place amidst the fluctuating status. and you know what's crazy? my sanity is slowly decomposing! all thanks to that one mf and one chapter in which im not going to name about (gege and jjk chapter 261)

previous / masterlist / next

it all started when he started caring for you.

after being inside an arranged marriage for like five years, satoru was confident with himself that he doesn't need a wife to console his woes as he is perfectly capable all by himself.

to say the least, the start of your marriage was a definition of an absolute disaster. clearly, you and satoru were like a magnet in the same pole, it can never collide despite how many efforts you push on both magnets.

from fights, misunderstanding, up to almost divorce after you caught him kissing another girl when you decided to give him a visit during his mission.

you were hurt, yes. but you would always tell yourself that neither of you want this marriage, so being hurt when there's no even love is called invalid. yet, you can't still help it but to feel somewhat jealous because he was supposed to be your husband—but oh well.

your family begged you to stay as it was for the peace of mind and safety of your clan. you snorted sarcastically as you wondered if they ever cared for your personal peace of mind and safety also.

nevertheless, you still stay inside this loveless marriage and maintain the gojo surname. you forgive him even though he's not explaining himself nor asking for your forgiveness.

as for satoru, he's aware that he's being a dick to you. his reason is that this marriage was his least priority as it was a hindrance for him. so basically and truth may hurt, he thinks you're only a hindrance and a distraction from the higher ups.

there were times where he would bury himself with work so he doesn't have to go to his original home and breathe the same air as you.

there were also times where he spent almost two months without seeing you or even communicating with you. it was like you didn't exist in his life nor he doesn't have a wife!

although, he is not that cruel to the point that he would slam the fact in your face. no, he's just leaving his presence until you feel it yourself that he doesn't want you.

his shenanigans would continue for almost a year until that night occurred.

that night when it was your wedding anniversary and he came home very late after fighting some annoying curse. he took a swearing underneath his breath when the stinky smell of curse blood hit his nose.

scrunching up as he was about to proceed to his own room (despite being married, you two sleep in a separate room) to clean up when he saw you up by the garden. you are currently watching how your little seedlings grow into beautiful flowers swaying along the air with a calm look on your face.

your husband broke the silence by asking you what are you doing this late. in which you replied that you couldn't sleep as you slowly looked at him.

satoru watched your face, it did not even flinch with any kind of emotion—nothing, just nothing. you're basically acting like a robot to him, and he hates it.

"i'll prepare a warm bath for you." you mumbled, standing on your feet and was about to leave when he grabbed your arm.

"i heard what happened earlier." satoru said slowly, as if he's being careful on his words which was very out of character for him.

"really? great." detaching from his hold, you left him no chance and instantly left.

"y/n." the man followed you until both of you reached the bathroom. you paid him no attention and just did the usual things you do, prepare him a bath.

"talk to me, please." his tone becomes soft, pleading. turning the water on, you refused to turn around, you refused to make physical contact with him, you refused to let him see the tears brimming in your eyes.

"go on. say what you want to say. i'm listening." you mentally curse yourself for almost stuttering. satoru looked at you, eyes finally unveiling an emotion. he aches to hold you for some reason but to think that he doesn't want to upset you even further, he stops. all he can do is watch you serve him.

"do you want to keep it?" he asked quietly, his ocean blue eyes dropping on your stomach. getting uncomfortable, you tried to hide it.

splash, splash, splash, you did not answer him.

"i said, do you want to keep it?" satoru asked once again. this time, his voice was a bit louder than before.

"i don't know. do you want to?" you asked him back the question, quietly.

your husband went quiet. having a child is not part of your plan but you have to because that's your purpose of marrying him, to bear an heir. now, satoru was asking you nicely if you want to keep it when in the first place, it should happen this way.

"how many months?"

"two."

"and you didn't tell me?"

"do you want to know?"

"of course i want to know. that's literally my child in there." he pointed to your belly with a slight frustration on his face.

you did not say anything back, just continuing your duties as his wife—wife on papers. satoru was growing upset, tired, even angry at you. where was the talkative and fierce look that you have? where's the harshness in your voice? why do you look so vulnerable now?

"you can take a bath now. i'll be downstairs to prepare you dinner."

"y/n, wait—"

*slam*

before satoru could even stop you, you already left, leaving him in all silence. the husband heaves a deep sigh within him as he recollects the events prior to this day. he remembers how he acted when he discovered to ijichi that you went to the hospital and went back home with a pregnancy result in your pocket.

satoru remembers almost getting killed by the special curse when the news caught him totally off guard. you two only have intercourse when both are drunk after coming home from shoko's birthday and that's it. you also told him that you were on pills so he's relieved. but how?

what if—

no, no, no. you wouldn't. you wouldn't do that to him. you are his little loyal wife and even though both of you aren't on good terms, he trusted your loyalty…or was he? were you?

everything was so messed up that he couldn't think of anything even after taking a shower and now he's on his way downstairs to eat dinner. once he was in the kitchen, he saw you almost absentmindedly cutting the vegetables.

satoru took a seat, quietly. he was watching you as your back was facing him. his six eyes weren't dumb to notice how much weight you are slowly losing. unconsciously, satoru was clutching his fists tightly.

"i bought you your favorite milk tea. it's in the fridge, you can drink it later." your voice seemingly dropped him from his daze. satoru looked at you once more, only to find out that you're still not facing him back.

"o…okay, thanks."

minutes later, you place a plate of curry in front of him. satoru noticed that there's only one plate on the table, which was his.

"where's your meal?"

"i already ate." oh right, it was literally midnight now. you should be asleep by now, yet here you are, serving your husband. also, why does it seem like satoru was hoping to eat dinner with you? it is unusual, to be honest.

for your five years of marriage, you two would only eat together for formal matters. but with a simple domestic setting like this, there's no way a peace would occur if the two of you shared a table and a meal.

while he is eating, satoru watches you grab the said milk tea from the fridge and place it in front of him. "just leave the dishes on the sink. i'll wash them later." and with that, you left the dining room.

the food was great, it was very delicious. satoru can't deny that you're great at cooking, and you really have a specialty when it comes to curry like this. but why does this meal taste bitter? perhaps, was it because of the taste of his conscience? he doesn't know.

the six eyes ate in silence. he was planning to talk to you later about everything. but anyway, satoru has been eyeing the milk tea you bought for him. now this wasn't unusual. everytime you would go out, you would always buy him some of his favorites, mostly food.

like there's a time where you bought him his favorite mochi, crepe cakes, churros, ice creams—basically every dessert or food stalls you happened to pass by. it warms his heart, though. there's also a time where he anticipated what kind of sweet delicacy you would give him next.

anyway, satoru finished eating his meal. he was drinking the milk tea you gave to him while searching for you. he saw you sitting on the same spot when he first saw you this evening, by the patio of your garden. silently, satoru took a seat beside you with a mindful distance between you two.

"can we talk?" he started. in which you reply with a soft hum. satoru finds himself gulping, he sets aside his drink first before mimicking your posture—wrapping his arms on his folded legs.

"so um, since there's a baby now…i'd like to discuss this matter with you, properly. i was thinking about…moving you in one of the jujustu high's dorms." satoru nibbles the straw of the sugary drink, absentmindedly.

"it's for safety measures, since i'm not always at home and the risk will be doubled by now. but if you're inside the campus, a lot of sorcerers would be able to protect you." he added.

"okay." you did not even question him or even argue with him, you just simply agree without a second thought.

the man could feel himself gulping, the bitterness increasing despite the sweet liquid he was drinking. he's starting to get uncomfortable the way you are currently acting.

also, come to think of it, you agreed to temporarily live in jujustu high—does that mean you are keeping the baby? satoru couldn't help but to finally ask you.

"d…does that mean—"

"the baby has nothing to do with us. i'm not that cruel to take its life." before satoru could beat you, you already beat him.

"when will i be moving out?"

satoru gulped the growing rare anxiousness down to his throat. "probably next week. give me some time to deliver this news to the higher ups." you just mumbled an okay as your response.

"y/n, are you really sure about this?" the man couldn't really pinpoint your decision. although you made it explicit, he still couldn't comprehend you.

"i'm okay with anything. it's just you who didn't. also, if you are planning to ask me about keeping the child once again, go ask yourself instead. your decision is my decision." you replied.

satoru made a mental note that your voice sounds more tired than before. it kinda ignited something that he was not used to feeling before as literally a man-god himself who's full of pride.

"i'll be resting now. have a good night." he did not stop you, in fact, he thinks it's for the better. satoru could only follow you by his gaze as you enter your own room.

yes, your own room. the two of you did not share the same room. you two couldn't even bear to eat together, what more on sleeping together. this is not what satoru meant when he asked you to talk. but oh well, guess he should also call this a night. with that, satoru retreated to his own room and slept.

fast forward, you moved to jujutsu high and started teaching as a history teacher in a world full of related curses(suggested by satoru) since you're an alumni at this school like your husband. you like that idea too since it's a great way to distract yourself from everything.

currently, you are watching your third year students train themselves along with the second years and the first years. it was quite a good sight since all of them have a nice and strong potential as a sorcerer.

suddenly, one of your husband's students came to you with a big smile on his face. that must be yuuji, the vessel for the infamous king of curses. you always adored him, he's a good kid. but you couldn't help but to be saddened by the fact that he was literally carrying a big burden over his life.

"y/n sensei, good afternoon!" he waved at you before taking a seat nearby you. behind him, you saw his two other friends—your husband's students too.

"oi, you're being too loud." megumi scolded his friend. he was worried that yuuji's loudness was too much for your situation, your pregnancy.

"it's fine, megumi." you just chuckled. "i have some extra chocolate bars here, you three can have it." the trio thanked you happily, while you just smiled in return.

"by the way, we have a question for you, y/n sensei." yuuji said, munching on the chocolate. you asked him to shoot the question but he suddenly hesitated, looking at his two friends for support.

when he received the support he needed, he took a deep breath. "y/n sensei, we were wondering about your husband a-and…" yuuji trailed off. you already know what he meant, so you didn't wait for him any further.

"oh, i suppose you are curious because you haven't seen my husband even though i technically lived here?" the smile still lingers on your face as you watch them nod their heads.

there's something that you forgot to mention to them, they don't know that their teacher is your husband and the father of your child. you were prepared for a situation like this, though.

megumi on the other hand, could've known this beforehand since satoru took care of him during his childhood. then your marriage came through and your husband was already taking care of megumi, but it was kept a secret to everyone—including him.

stroking your six months belly, a recent hobby of yours when you want to seek some comfort. "he was a busy man. most of his job requires being out of town. but he never fails to shower me with love by making sure that we still communicate despite his busy schedule."

"lately, we've barely talked. yet, he promised me that he will finish all of his jobs and tasks before going home to me. probably that's when our child is about to be born." you sigh just to justify this facade.

the students seem to believe your story. although you're quite worried that they might tell this to gojo and your cover will be blown. you planned to talk about this to him, anyway.

"that must've been hard, y/n sensei." nobara mumbles out of sympathy. she was worried for you and your child due to the absence of your husband.

if only they knew that your experience was much harder.

"you could always come to us, y/n sensei. we will not hesitate to help you and your child." beaming brightly as the other two agreed, you really adore yuuji. the amount of softness he gave to you is something that your future child would like to possess.

"thank you, you three. now, you all better go back to training. i will be heading to shoko since i promised to visit her." watching as the three wave their good-byes to you, you couldn't help but to feel an urge to protect them at all cost. probably due to your maternal instinct but whatever, you just hoped they would stay safe.

another fast forward, you are on your way towards shoko's office to spend your free time. knocking softly on her wooden door, shoko opens the door with a smile on her face.

"how's my little mama doing?" she engulfed you with a hug, which you returned warmly.

"good. the morning sickness did not attack me today, thank goodness." you said as you took a seat on her sofa.

shoko also commented that she was happy too. as mentioned before, stroking your six month old baby bump is a must on a daily basis. you are now used with a thought and feeling of a growing child inside you.

"and how're you and dickhead gojo?" shoko changes the topic.

"we were just fine like i have said before."

your friend heave the deepest sigh you've ever known. "just fine? y/n, do you want me to say the like i have said before too?"

"sho, ever since we knew that we're having a baby, we really tried our best to be compatible with each other. but we just couldn't." it's true, on the exact tomorrow of that eventful night wherein gojo discovers your pregnancy, he tried to make it up to you by lessening the sparkling arguments, making sure you are well feeded, and even showering you with things your eyes would have landed on.

you are delighted, of course. even though he absolutely fails his duty as your husband, at least he's trying his best to be a good father for your child. you appreciate him for that and also start to open your heart and pour a little more trust to him.

however, you are not dumb to notice the faint smell of a female's perfume and lipstick stain on his neck whenever he's with you. your heart slowly closes once again and your little more trust shatters.

once you saw yourself crying silently—feeling betrayed and angry for yourself on trusting him shortly after that. guess old habits never die, you are crying about something you've already expected. self-blaming is an understatement for letting your guard absolutely down.

gojo's still a jerk even though you had his baby. i should've expected this. having a baby doesn't mean he's going to change for me.

"we both tried, sho—we both tried. but we just couldn't." your voice dropped its tone once more. you still felt bitter even if it happened way back like two months ago.

"or he just couldn't." she snorted sarcastically.

you both knew she's right, gojo just couldn't. for years of being married, you unfortunately learned how to love a man like him who doesn't even give a one shit about you. tragic. very fucking tragic. if only you could see yourself directly, you would laugh at her nonstop.

"maybe this marriage is meant to be loveless—"

*slam!*

"yo shoko, i need—oh…" the door suddenly bursts open as it reveals your hot issue for today and probably for the rest, your husband gojo. you could tell that he was also surprised (but he shouldn't be) to see you here in shoko's infirmary.

"learn to fucking knock, gojo." shoko hissed at the white haired male.

"oh sorry. am i interrupting something?" he asked, looking at everything but you. he refused to spare you even a small glance, which you kinda do the same.

"you're not. now what do you need?" shoko was the one who answered him.

before gojo could even open his mouth , you already excused yourself. "i'll be taking my leave now. thanks for the check up, shoko." and then you left, leaving shoko and gojo with an awkward silence.

"aren't you going to talk about your business or maybe you want me to kick you out?" shoko sarcastically made a comment.

"right…" satoru cleared up his throat. for some reason, he doesn't know why he's suddenly getting iffy.

"ho…how's the child doing?"

"you have to be fucking kidding me." shoko groaned loudly. somehow, she expected this, but she couldn't believe that she would actually encounter this.

"y/n was just right there moments ago and you didn't even bother to ask her that yourself?!" the doctor could feel herself getting really annoyed. the truth may hurt but she's getting annoyed by the two of you.

fight here, ignore there—ignore there, fight here.

"bet she told you that we're not on good terms even though we really tried to work it out. yet, you're seemingly acting clueless." satoru snorted sarcastically. he's not dumb that you're telling stories to your friend, shoko.

the doctor rolled her eyes. she was this close from smashing his old friend's face to the wall to wake him up and stop being an idiot. "every fucking time, gojo. but that should not be an excuse to not talk to her. you two are still married for god's sake, and now, there's even a child along the way. i can see how much effort y/n has put in your marriage, you must do the same."

"don't you dare to compare her efforts to mine, you know nothing." he growls.

"but i sure know how shitty you are."

something inside satoru snaps. "why are you being angry at me?! you've been like this since we got married. always defending y/n, but what about me?! i have been your friend since highschool and you just met that girl! wouldn't it be unfair to side with someone whom you just met?!"

"you're asking me that when you have six eyes and yet, you can't see how much she suffers from you?!”

“but what about me? am i not suffering too?!”

how did we get here? things are getting pretty out of hand. two friends getting fired up because of a marriage that was about to fall apart. one being inside the marriage while the other one has the eye inside the marriage.

both shoko and gojo have their own sides but it all leads back to one thing, you are involved.

“you don't know how much pressure i take just because of that fucking marriage. everyday that i woke, another constant nagging from these bastards of higher ups. i'm getting so, so tired and i just want to…”

“just want, what? end your marriage by divorcing her?”

the moment the last syllables escaped her lips, she already knew the answer.

“fucking gojo.” shoko mumbles under her breath. “if you want to fix your life, you better not act dumb.”

satoru was still caught silent. his wide eyes trailed on the floor and unable to move. shoko saw how she hit the point. sighing over herself, she motioned the door. “get out, gojo. if you're gonna rethink your life choices, do it in your home with your wife.”

and with that, without a word, satoru left her clinic feeling heavy and defeated.

along the hallway, he saw you. satoru saw you looking at him with horror in your eyes—for the first time in one month, you finally looked him in the eyes, but it's filled with fear and tears.

“y/n, i—” just like what he had done before he left shoko's clinic, you left without saying a word.

satoru felt everything become hazy, his knees were trembling, his six eyes were stinging, his lips were turning white on how hard he bites them. the man shuddered in disappointment, you must have heard everything.

his feet act on their own and chases you, holding you by the wrist. but it was torn away immediately after you forcefully snatched it back. while doing so, satoru didn't fail to notice the hot tears streaming on your pale face, in which you immediately wiped it out.

“y/n, i-it’s not what you think. i…” as much as satoru would like you to hear himself, he hasn't gotten the words. he was left stuck by his own thoughts and self-doubt that he puts himself into shame.

meanwhile, you thought you could've just walked away from the scene. but from the moment you hear shoko and satoru exchange heated words, it gets you glued to the floor and unable to move. despite her clinic being semi-soundproof, you hear everything. even if you're not there in the room physically, you seemingly know everything.

“you don't know how much pressure i take just because of that fucking marriage.”

“everyday that i woke, another constant nagging from these bastards of higher ups. i'm getting so, so tired and i just want to…”

“y/n,” satoru called your name. his tone was very far from you used to. you grow accustomed to him saying your name venomously, but now it seems like he's saying your name delicately and vulnerable…and satoru hates being vulnerable.

“i know what you're thinking. i accidentally eavesdropped but i didn't t hear everything.” you internally praise yourself for being a great actress. you thank yourself for not stuttering and not sounding so dejected.

but you lied. you're a terrible liar. you heard everything. you heard every single thing that escaped his lips during his argument inside your friend's office. and you feel like dying, his words hurt you so much more than any deadly curses.

“have you eaten already? do you want me to prepare you for a bath?” satoru couldn't understand why the heck you still care for your wife duties when your husband, him, just broke your heart not so long ago?

you're acting absolutely strange in his eyes and he hates it. he hates how you would just bury or bottle your emotions. you're creating a facade and a labyrinth where you keep it by yourself.

“y/n, it's not time for anything. let's just talk please.” you hate it how he sounds like he's begging, but satoru never begs.

“let’s go to my room. let's talk this out—”

“gojo sensei! yaga sensei was looking for y—oh…” yuuji trailed his tracks when he saw you and satoru together.

“dummy! why do you just yell like that?!” megumi bonked his friend's head for interrupting your talk.

wearing your mask again, you smiled at the duo then brushed yourself away from the scene. satoru couldn't stop you any further, you're already away from him.

either way, satoru does the same, he wore his mask just like you. smiling at his students, he let them navigate the way towards yaga and deal with all of his shits so he would have time and talk to you properly this time.

meanwhile, yuuji and megumi were dismissed after they had done their task. nudging his black haired friend, yuuji pointed out things earlier.

“hey, fushiguro. is it just me or did i just see y/n sensei…crying?” he questioned. megumi remained silent because even saw that you were crying—they’re also not dumb to notice the burst energy somewhere inside your body.

“whether she is or not, it's none of our business.” megumi replied.

“i know. but i couldn't help but to feel really worried about her. you know crying can be bad, especially when you're pregnant, that could stress her out.” yuuji surprisingly knows how pregnancy somehow works. but they both know he's right again. they're worried about you and your baby, so they both take a mental note to visit you later.

as you slam the door behind you, a silent sob escapes your lips as you slide your back behind the wooden frame. along with the sound of your cries, was also the sound of your heart breaking.

for some reason, the facade you just put up there early makes you suffocate. it burns your eyes and it makes you shudder in pain. the hyperventilating noise escapes from your lips while you clutch the handful of fabrics of your blouse.

“you don't know how much pressure i take just because of that fucking marriage.”

“everyday that i woke, another constant nagging from these bastards of higher ups. i'm getting so, so tired and i just want to…”

god, that feeling burns! his words keep on burning in your head, engraving the letters piece by piece. those words are not too cruel, it's a little far from what you had heard before. but it came out directly from your husband's mouth, the father of your baby.

maybe, you think you acted this way because of your hormones. but nonetheless, he's like blaming you for all of his misfortunes and that made you recall your past arguments with him before.

it was like a collection of puzzles coming up together, picturing a clear image; you were just a distraction, he wanted nothing to do with you, you were just a burden, he wanted to dissolve this marriage, you would never be his, he wanted to be free from you.

you put your hand on your baby bump, stroking it ever so gently. you swore to yourself that you would never let anyone harm your baby, you would never let this marriage harm your baby, you would never let satoru harm your baby, you never let yourself harm your baby. that's for sure.

because as the clock ticks, time passes. and as the time passes, more tears flow to your cheeks along with blood on your legs.

[part 2 is out now — ©luvvixu2024]

[faerieorbitars]

welll. grins

the basic premise i had for the overarching conflict was that all these completely independent fantasy worlds just exist as they usually would until the big bad of the campaign merges them all into One world through various means i havent figured out yet. its not any specific fantasy settings aside from a couple like neverland and wonderland . and oz bc i like oz. but its not based Strictly on that one map bc i wanna have the freedom to play around with different fantasy worlds if i want to. also if this was actually a campaign it would give players the freedom to pick any blorbo from a thing they like and then i can just stick their blorbos world in there somewhere. research pending

the idea im playing with for the big bad is a lonely god in a completely void universe figuring out how to bring all these worlds together somehow and then slowly draining the new world of its base magic in order to become more powerful. its not like All magic but like base magical principles of those worlds. so things like . animals in narnia randomly losing their human intelligence, people in neverland start growing up, over in hyrule the master sword becomes just a regular sword, etc. i havent thought through the logistics of this at all yet or how it effects things like spellcasting but i like the idea a lot

thats the basic gist im playing with currently. i would need a full cast to fully develop it but i dont want to limit myself to a cast in case it becomes an Actual campaign one day. but also i dont wanna put in the work to dm to make it one. not currentlyanyways. perhaps another time

im afraid the madness is setting in for me again (started thinking abt my conceptual fantasy crossover ttrpg setting based on that map where somebody put moominvalley next to middle earth)

[spitblaze]

Mouthwashing spoilers below cut, played through it again today bc i accidentally nullified all of my achievements through the dev console. oops

Okay so the first time I played through it I was high and it was very late at night. Already a great start but it means I missed some shit my first time through and I'm already not exactly stellar at more abstract literary analysis. LUCKILY this site is full of people who are way better at that than I am (and im convincing my partners who are also way better at it than I am to play it soon too).

Luckily I'm better at lit analysis than whoever the weirdo on the Steam forum saying this game is bad because it 'doesn't punish Jimmy for his actions enough' as if this isnt a horror game primarily about his guilt-induced mental breakdown and if i have to see anyone else say that anya is a poorly written character im going to poorly write them out of existence because I'm inclined to believe that if you think that you either weren't fucking paying attention or have subscribed to the Joss Whedon school of feminist writing which is 'good writing of women is when they are girlboss'. like sorry shes too much of a depressed traumatized Fawn Response rape victim for your liking. jesus christ

Anyway the game being short DOES lend itself well to multiple playthroughs, which honestly is for the best because its really one of those stories that reveals a lot more on a second viewing. There's a Lot going on here but as far as I can tell, the biggest themes here are what it means to 'take responsibility' as well as autonomy and the loss thereof. The responsibility one is for sure the most obvious one, how many times in the game does it directly say 'take responsibility'? How many times does Curly say 'I'll fix this', how many times does Jimmy say he'll 'fix this'? And ultimately, how successful are either of them?

Curly's a good leader, sure, but how much does he just let slide for the sake of 'the big picture'? Daiske was a last minute addition. He's a good kid, but he didn't make a stink about it. Gotta think about the big picture. Anya has told him about what Jimmy did to her. Nothing. 'What would you do?' 'Anything.' But nothing. Absolutely nothing. I'm not gonna sit here and say that Curly is 100% every bit as evil as Jimmy, if someone is raped the blame falls squarely on the rapist- but it's completely on Curly for not taking action against Jimmy for the sake of the big picture. He really could've done anything. Fucking anything. It's not necessarily on Curly to foresee that Jimmy's stress response would be to end it and take everyone else with him. But it was on him to do something about a known violent assault and its perpetrator before anyone else got hurt. He's not a perpetrator, but he's an accessory. He may not have deserved the punishment he got. But he's nothing if not agonizingly aware of the consequences for not taking responsibility for the actions of his crew.

Jimmy, meanwhile, is obsessed with responsibility despite the fact that he's incapable of actually handling it, from the very start. It's not clear when exactly he assaulted Anya, but I assume it was after Curly broke the news to the crew. The moment even a shred of consequences emerge, the minute Anya tells him that she's pregnant, his first course of action is to deliberately sabotage the ship. Murder-suicide. He says he's sorry. That he made a mistake. As if there were not multiple, deliberate steps at which he could've stopped and realized what he was doing. After everything, he tells the crew it was Curly's fault so he could have more of that responsibility he desired so much. Not that anyone respects it except maybe Daisuke.

But he can't handle even the most basic of responsibilities there, either. A handful of menial tasks and he fucking snaps at the woman he hurt to begin with, even when she only ever acts the way she does around him to avoid further hurt. 'Take responsibility'. But he can't. Over and over he'll tell the vision of Curly he's made in his heads that he's sorry, that he'll fix things, that they'll all make it. And then he just keeps making things worse. And worse. And worse. Anya's going to hurt Curly, she's suspect and violent. Swanson won't let them into Utility. That's suspect, he's going to get out of here and leave everyone else behind. They both have to be stopped. Don't you trust me, Daisuke? Don't you trust your captain? That's why YOU have to go through the vent. He cannot fucking take responsibility, only goad others into doing things and handling things as underhandedly as possible. No wonder Curly laughs when he takes the gun. Anya spent all this time trying to keep it from him. And he got it anyway, because that'll all Jimmy knows how to do. Take and resent and hurt. His own twisted version of 'responsibility'.

It genuinely pisses me off how many people write off Anya as being 'badly written' or write her off altogether, especially considering the VERY OBVIOUS character she's based off of, being Wendy Torrance in The Shining (Yes I'm aware there's baggage around that particular character's strength of writing too, but I'm not about to go off on a rant about a movie ive only absorbed through cultural osmosis). Like...she's not a perfectly written character, no- her arc is less about her as a character and more about the things that have been done to her. Sexual assault used as a narrative device, nothing new there- it's at least less egregious in a horror story, where fear and trauma and terrible things happening to good people is kinda the whole thing. My big issue with Anya's writing is that we didn't get more of her- more exploration of how Jimmy's actions affected her, more exploration of how her and Curly are that much more alike after the crash- it's not a very long game to start, and given her character and the situation I don't necessarily disagree with her going out the way she did at the time she did. It just would've been nice if they'd utilized the nonlinear structure of the whole thing to explore her more, y'know?

Given Jimmy's PoV it makes sense that he's more fixated on the consequences of raping her than on the woman herself, but from the Doylist perspective, like...c'mon, give us SOMETHING more to work with. And like I said before, it pisses me off that people see a woman who doesn't immediately fall into the 'girlboss' role when shit hits the fan and then write it off, as if the premise of the story isn't about everyone's reaction to a hopeless situation spearheaded by a violent, manipulative, self-centered shithead. Swansea's the most capable person here outside of Jimmy and Anya, and I've yet to see anyone saying his character was weak because he spends most of his time drinking and raging instead of taking action. I'm mostly just upset that I don't have much more to say about her outside of her relationship to the rest of the crew. One could argue that most of what we are is defined by our relationships to others, and the nature of the game means that we don't really get a deep peek into anyone's psyche besides Curly and Jimmy.

I like how she invokes the metaphor of that dead pixel, the detail that sticks out like a sore thumb to her, always in the back of her mind, ever-present, that Curly can't see and never will because he's too busy looking at the big picture. I like how they establish the nature of Jimmy and Anya's relationship without being too direct, putting up that brave fawn act while he's there- she has to, the ship is only so big and they're so off course that rescue seems impossible- but she doesn't sleep in the same room as everyone else, she won't confide in Jimmy, and his mistreatment of her was what finally drove her over the edge. Jimmy's more concerned about what she might do to Curly that what she might do to herself, and he KNOWS that she's prone to mental breakdowns- often caused by himself, if not by Curly's state. The whole thing is tragic, but Anya's case is particularly saddening. Even after her death, she's paraded around like a puppet so that Jimmy can have his macabre little party. He doesn't care about her. He never did. And yet he's haunted by her, the 'sexual thoughts of cartoon horses' intermingling with his strange psychosexual hatred of the nurse just trying to do her job, haunted by the consequences of his actions because he's too much of a fucking coward to really, honestly and truly, take responsibility.

Swansea and Daisuke I have less to say about, ultimately. They feel a lot more straightforward in their narratives, at least from my perspective. Daisuke's a dumb kid with a shitty internship and he's so upbeat and positive that it genuinely pisses Swanson off, which means that he does ultimately care about the kid. A+ dynamic. Seems like a prick on an initial playthrough, but on the second run through I get it. He's old enough, he's seen enough, he knows exactly what Jimmy is and doesn't buy his responsible act for a second. He's not a captain. He's just some shithead who acts like he can handle it but flees in the most destructive way possible the second the consequences rear their head. He's a man that, even in the throes of substance abuse, does a better job of taking responsibility than Jimmy ever could, and arguably better than Curly ever did. Instead of just shrugging his shoulders at a last minute intern, he took him under his wing and started training him. When shit hits the fan, his instinct is to protect Daisuke- the one person who IS his responsibility. When he really, truly does not believe there is anything else that can be done, he puts him out of his misery. Maybe he was saving that cryo pod for him, too. It's hard to say, but the fact that he's the only one who stood up to Jimmy and saw him for what he was makes him that much more likable.

Daisuke...oh, Daisuke. He couldn't have known this was coming. He was doing his best, he just did what he could, he tried to be helpful and kind and be a good person. And for that, Jimmy used him and got him killed because he was too much of a goddamn coward to apologize to Anya, to see her as anything besides a nuisance at best. I get why Jimmy is so fixated on his death- as far as he's concerned, his first real failure, since Anya was such a non-issue that he didn't even have anything to say about her lifeless body. It wasn't just his inaction that got this kid killed, it was his actions. He had every opportunity to use even a single ounce of his brain and recognize that there are other people on the ship besides him and Anya, to recognize that these psych evals aren't just for the sake of the individual. And for that, Daisuke died. Way to go, hero.

The autonomy shit...god. Psychological trauma can be just as incapacitating as physical harm, can't it? Anya completely changing her demeanor after being assaulted, her body no longer just her own. I want to see the horror of that from her perspective, the invasion and the terror and revulsion of having something like that growing inside you. How sickening it must feel, how just the knowledge of its existence makes living that much worse. How the man who did it is still nothing but despotic. Curly, finally seeing Jimmy for who he truly is firsthand. It's all well and good to believe in someone, to trust them and want to help them overcome their struggles. But being choked and beaten and abused by them, day after day after day, because you had the audacity to sit a little higher on the totem pole than they did, because you had what they wanted, because they couldn't stand seeing someone better off then they were.

It's kind of mind-boggling, honestly. I've...kinda been there, with people who I know are still there, they're fully in there and aware and the same person they've always been, but their means to communicate with the outside world is cut off. I was fortunate enough to have been listening to a lot of disability activists around the time my aunt started losing her speech. It seemed a lot of times that the only people who really recognized that she was still there were me and my uncle. Even my mom, her older sister, inseparable for life, started treating her like she was suddenly a different person, not capable of really understanding her or wanting or doing things for herself.

So, like- not trying to be selfish or anything, just doing the autistic 'oh i can relate to this' bit, particularly about Jimmy projecting all of this shit onto the captain when he barely has the capacity to laugh or cry, let alone speak. His savior. His best friend. His bitter enemy. Beating him relentlessly while giving him his medicine for having the audacity to be an inconvenience. Let's eat some cake. I want to go home. Curly is just a man, and Jimmy regards him as helpless, antagonistic, and a god all at once. He'll thank me for this one day.

So uh. Many thoughts, head full. After the end of the bizarro sequence with Curly heading to the cockpit, the door is very small. A black pixel, the one stuck in the back of Anya's mind. A graveyard full of mausoleums, every one of them with the same epitaph as the bizarro one for Daigo in ch 14, and the one you can enter with his face on it. Not a single one for Anya. The Polle at the end having the same blue text as Anya, haunting the narrative just as much as Curly, just less overt. I'll fix this. I'll take responsibility. God. God jesus fuck damn hell christ son of a bitch. Fuck capitalism for putting their employees on such tight strings and skeleton crews that a collective pink slip can send people into this kind of spiral (or rather can give Jimmy a good reason to convince everyone else that all of them are completely fucked except for the captain and Daisukle) and fuck Jimmy. Fuck him. My one other complaint besides the feminist critique above is that theres some sequences that go on a bit longer than they really should (ch. 14 getting the mouthwash, most of the vent segments).

Fuck you, Jimmy.

I hope that gunshot hurt.

[microtyalm13]

How would your ocs react to a partner whos very vocal and loud in bed, like every moment they can't go without spouting some type of praise. . . ask, totally not based on a chat im having - 🐠🎩

mmmhehehhe... < З I LIKE THIS QUESTION DEAR FISH ANON. okaaaayyy lessgooo.... also feel free to send me more questions like this one, it was fun to write for everyone <3 deity, naga, monster under the bed, kikimora, fallen god, mothman x reader. derzena x fem!reader, the rest is gender-neutral. there could be mistakes and im npt s orrty

gavriil. — the louder you are the better, honestly. gavriil here is a provider, he cares about your pleasure more than his own, so there's nothing more rewarding than to hear your voice break so deliciously. sex with him is a praising galore... loves receiving it too! he's very talkative and mostly breathes heavily or hums in amusement/delight. if you don't want to make noise on principle, that's a whole different story. will take it as a challenge. will fuck the noises out of you. breaking your indifferent facade until you're nothing but a drooling, whining mess always makes him so smug and proud.

xiaolong. — prefers it if you're at least somewhat vocal because he want to hear how good he makes you feel, so you being so unashamed is perfect for him. loves cutting off your never-ending stream of sweet words and whimpers by kissing you. will remind you to keep it down sometimes though, because "you don't want the whole inn to hear your pretty moans now, do you? they're reserved for my ears only, isn't that right, dear? mmhm, that's it". can't get enough of how lovely your voice sounds when you call out his name. will probably tease you about that later...

taisya\tasechka. — when he's balls deep inside of you, he would absolutely not care. he won't even hear you probably, driven blindly by his instincts and desires. that's why when you want him to stop or give you a second for whatever reason, you need to show it with your body language. give him a pat, a punch (he won't mind), a squeeze. he pays much more attention to how your body moves and shudders underneath him, how your breathing patterns change. values your physical participation more than anything else. this guy is also pretty loud himself, though his noises are not very... pleasant on the ears and sometimes his voice morphs in funny ways, giving that uncanny edge to his low whines and growls.

derzena. — she will be... a bit surprised. she didn't have many lovers, and most of them were pretty quiet and/or shy in her presence (no wonder, bc she has a very... intimidating stare). at first she will think she did something wrong, or, heavens forbid, hurt you. derzena is a very careful woman, mainly because she's very aware of her sizes and strength. but once you reassure her and tell her that you're just very vocal in bed, she'll except it and will move on. she'll learn to love it very quickly, silently relishing in your gasps and loud pleas. she might lose herself for a good while between your legs, eating you out for hours and pushing her thick, smooth tongue deeper into your pussy to see if she can make you even louder.

veniamin. — oh he is so mean. likes it when you're loud just because he gets to shut you up. a hand clasped tightly over your mouth or pushing your face into the pillow, he doesn't care as long as you're keeping up the volume and writhing under him. when he's feeling gracious enough he'll let you ride him and babble all you want. until then, he'll keep calling you a desperate little thing, mocking the noises you make <З despite that, he also loves it when you talk back or insult him in return. it's the "missionary, so we can keep arguing" for him. smug fucker wants nothing more than to rile you up and then make you whine in disappointment by ruining your orgasm... for the fourth time in a row.

livy. — he hasn't had much experience with humans before, so he thinks it's perfectly normal for you to express yourself the way that you do. livy thinks it's very pretty actually, and won't stop you, because no one will hear you in the middle of the forest, where his cave resides. except for him, of course <з lets out happy chirps and clicks in return, or hisses sweetly when your little hole squeezes him so tightly. will ask how you feel very frequently, seeking your approval. might get too excited and get a bit rough, fucking you into the ground, trying to stuff you full of his cock despite you being so much smaller in comparison to him.

[hotchtits]

go on bby. talk about hotch. as much as you want ill read it all

*kisses you on the mouth sloppy style*

How I feel about this character

AAARGSHHSIDK AA AAAJDJEJ AHHHDJSJSJ

uh i mean he’s cool i guess.

no all jokes aside there are very few characters that are doing it like him.

he’s the leader of one of the most elite teams in the FBI. he’s a wet cat. he’s the epitome of traditional heterosexuality. he’s a boy kisser. he’s cold and distant. he loves his team more than anything in the world. he’s the next best profiler after gideon. he’s a massive idiot and a dork who collects coins. he’s got the skill level of a sniper/marksman. he does most of his team's paperwork so they can focus in the field. he’s no nonsense and straight laced. he seriously considered using web shooters at the FBI. he frequently catches an attitude with his boss, bigoted cops, and generally people in higher positions of power than him (and they just kind of take it). he has enough connections to get the italian government to revoke diplomatic immunity of a vatican priest. he's on a first name basis with the attorney general. he's kind of (at first) an absent father. he's a single mother of 6. he killed a man with his bare hands. he's so unbelievably gentle. he’s a white guy in a basic ass suit. he serves unprecedented levels of cunt.

what i keep coming back to is how much he cares. he cares about victims, he cares about unsubs (the ones that had justifiable reasons for being the way they are), more than anything he cares about his team.

the lengths he goes to to protect them or even just let them know he's there for them. he doesn't raise his voice, even when he's furious and when they lash out at him, he just absorbs it. aaaaaaugh. even roy, who hates his guts, he still cares about and still tries to make nice with for the sake of his son still having a grandparent in his life.

long story short i love aaron hotchner for all of his fucked up ways, big wet eyes, and self sacrificing demeanor.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

am i insane for saying the whole team? poly bau has a special place in my heart. i think he should get to have several boyfriends and several girlfriends. and his boyfriends are boyfriends and his girlfriends are girlfriends and they're all just happy.

hotch x happiness thats actually my favorite ship.

i mainly go for hotchgan, though, they make me want to rip my hair out. their push and pull, their similarities, hotch's head vs morgan's heart. kill me please.

i feel like him and rossi couldve also had a thing back in the preshow days. they give The Subway by chappell roan when he comes back in season three there is nothing casual about them.

hotchley before the divorce was so sweet :( i have such mixed feelings though because i can see how both of them would be frustrated with the other.

john blackwolf gets to be here as a treat because i think they would be absolutely destroy a buddy cop comedy thats actually a slowburn enemies to lovers. im aware this is just the plot of The Tribe.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

jessica brooks. im being so serious she stepped up in a way that very few others did. her offering to look after jack after hailey dies, staying with him when hotch gets called away, defending him against roy. also their banter is wonderful they r sooo siblings to me.

him and garcia are a very close second. obviously her and morgan are It but we gotta start putting some respect on him and garcia because

“i know you see the best in people, and i’d never want you to change that”

and the way she stayed with him when he collapsed in s9 aaarggh.

also hotchniss but as a wlw/bisexual friendship. they both agree that hotch has awful taste in men and that emily is a useless lesbian.

My unpopular opinion about this character

i mentioned this in someone else’s ask about unpopular HCs but i dont think he’s this #daddydom character in bed that people write him as. (disclaimer, headcanons are headcanons and im not bashing them, this is just what i think)

i can see him being dominant in bed (tho im a sub!hotch truther) but i dont think he’d go in for sadism or degrading or anything like that. given his childhood abuse, i cant imagine he’d enjoy hitting his partner or making them cry (even if it is consensual). in the show, he's very overtly gentle, especially with the people he loves.

i also dont think he’d enjoy a big age gap relationship with a subordinate either (i also see this being floated around). my man is a stickler for the rules and if theres a fraternization policy, i doubt he’d break it. im aware i sound like a massive hypocrite bc i ship him w the team but im mainly talking about x reader pairings here.

i was actually gonna put a different headcanon here but i saw a stepdad!hotch x reader fic and i,,, just,,, no. again write whatever you want but he Would Not Fucking Do That lmao.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

PISSED BEYOND BELIEF WE NEVER GOT AN “AARON” EPISODE

i guess 100 was kind of in the same vein but Reid got both “Revelations” and “Spencer” so i think we deserved an “Aaron”

for the love of god expand on his backstory. he was sent off to boarding school, he was a lawyer, a federal prosecutor, he was on SWAT, he's an accomplished sniper, he was with the BAU for something like 8 years before the show started i think. where is he finding the time for this?

[springlock-suits]

(Agreeing w Milo btw)

I vaguely made this point earlier when intentionally trying to fuck up Michael's character as an example, but all the "hints and foreshadowing" we got for this hallucinogenic gas aren't hints or foreshadowing at all, they're small unrealted details that the Tales writers saw and decided to make a story out of. And they're hard to contradict due to the nature of. Yknow. Hallucinogenic fear gas.

And also the fact that fnaf lore never felt the need to prove that isn't what's happening, which isn't because it's always been this, it's because this is a completely out there story that fnaf never had to prove wrong. It's looking at a page of connect the dots and deciding that there should be a line connecting dots 5 and 10

As mentioned above, Circus Baby's closed before opening due to gas leaks, which were a cover up for the child murder that happened there and they didn't want investigated. It is significantly easier to sweep everything under the rug and hide evidence if authorities aren't aware any sweeping under the rug is happening

And fnaf 3, calling it "a bit stuffy" is a vast understatement of what was happening there. Just because "some poor ventilation" cant explain it doesn't mean it was secretly gas or hallucigenic fear gas. Because first of all. Why the fuck what that be there in the first place. And second all, bad ventilation isn't the only factor here. Fazbear's Fright is filled to the brim with relics from original fnaf locations, which many could've been moldy in some way. There is a literal moldy rotting corpse walking around from night 2 onwards. Extreme stress can cause hallucinations. Hearing or vision loss can cause hallucinations (though admittedly it has to be a bit extreme from what I can tell) Fazbear's Fright is a sensory nightmare with constant noise, stress, and your equipment breaking, when the ventilation is off lights start blaring and you're immediately gasping for air hyperventilating

Now, I actually can and am willing to accept fnaf 3 mightve had a gas leak of some sort. But yknow. Just because there's gas in a very poorly maintained building that later caught fire, doesn't mean. That this was in anyway trying to hint towards fear gas being something that was always there and hinted at from the start. Now I get that I'm going off topic and golden's point is that the vague mentions of gas throughout the series were meant to show gas being important. But that's just. Poorly done. The incidents are completely unrealted to the story in dittophobia

honestly? im mostly irritated by the fear gas stuff because if its actual intention is to explain fnaf 4, then my main reasoning for why william actually cared about his kids in the game canon is out the window. if people are correct, and the monitors didnt exist to watch them to make sure they were safe (considering he was never home or working on shit relating to his career) but Instead existed to monitor them when their rooms were being pumped with fucking. hallucinogenic gas. god. pulling my hair out

[ch3rryb0mb3rr]

Tldr; please put warnings on smut and have it below the cut and stop sexualizing minors in media. Especially if they just came out of middle school thats weird. Write what you want but tag and put warnings when needed.

--

I get so pissed when im going to read something about my favorite character, and it's smut WITH ZERO WARNING.

No 18+, no NSFW, no MDNI and it isnt even in the fucking tags. I dont wanna read that shit. Put the damned warnings there for the love of all that is green on this earth it takes two seconds. maybe a bit more, but if you could pump out 3.4k words of pure porn, I think you can handle a couple of tags and warnings

I am a minor, and i use those warnings, so I dont read straight-up porn!! I also dont need to read about incest accidentally because there was NO warning, and it was NOT in the tags!!

(And for those of you who do put warnings, i thank you and wish the best in life!)

(I am also well aware that a lot of people dont listen to dnis like that, but it's helpful for the people trying to avoid reading stuff like that)

Also, while im on the subject, let's not sexualize minors in media. Yeah their hot, i can see that. But i dont want to see the start of an NSFW alphabet for a 15/16 year old. Aged up my ass. Just put the beginning below the cut?? And not after the first four letters??

I do NOT need to know a fav characters preferred body part is the tits thank you very much. I definitely do not need to accidentally read that they wanna suck on it like a damned bottle.

--

'This character as your friend is soo perverted he wants to steal ur panties hehehe' NO HE DOESNT. HE'S A TEENAGER AND LIKES CATS. TF?? theres adults in the majority of the show that are reasonably attractive. Write that shit about them.

'Oh, they have this list of kinks,' and its shit only someone who has read hardcore smut would have. They are 16 and most probably haven't had sex because the creator cant give them a fucking break from trauma.

'He would be soooo toxic and blahblahblah [insert romanticised assault and abuse and trauma]' NO. that boy is my age and is a nerd. Motherfucker wants to study at princeton and has absolutely no flirting ability. You're only saying that because he's black, most of that shit reeks of racism.

--

These characters are kids, CHILDREN, and you as an adult (if you are one) should not be writing smut about them, aged up or not. You should not be thirsting over a sophmore when theres PLENTY of good looking adults that you can be.

Theres a difference in growing up liking a character and having a crush on them and growing out of it when you're an adult. And being an adult thirsting over a teenage boy. It's not cute. it's not 'oh, it's fine because he/she's not real'.

Its really fucking gross actually.

--

At the end of the day just tag your stuff correctly. That way its easier for everyone else to find EXACTLY what they wanna read. Because at this point im just gonna start reporting fics with no warnings at the beginning.

Someome younger than me with no parents looking through their devices could stumble on that, and not know what it means, read it, and be scarred for life.

I was reading that stuff way way way too earlier and its fucked up my mental state a bit so if we collectively start putting in the effort to help prevent this from happening to another 11 year old or younger than we should do so.

--

Start gatekeeping fandoms like creepypasta from young kids, start tagging shit correctly

Another child does not need to end up somewhat hypersexul with very violent intrusive thoughts by the time they hit high school because their parents wouldn't look out for them, and the fandom did NOTHING to try to prevent it.

Its not your job to parent the kid, and to look over their should. Thats not what im saying.

It IS your job to, again, tag shit correctly, put warnings for gore, bluring violent images, saying outright that a certain game/book/story/etc your recommending is NOT for kids due to its violent nature/sexual content/etc. Reporting accounts of children under the age limit for social media (i.e., a 10 year old with discord or instagram) (it is breaking the T.O.S)

Act like that one lgbtq+ chat room website I was on for a couple weeks where all the adults kinda looked out for me a bit. And supported me figuring out who I was and collectively riped a guy to shreds after I blasted him at a failed attempt to groom me. (And told me I had done exactly the right thing in this situation. Also, hi, if you know who I am from there!!!) (Story time if ya'll want I look back and think its the funniest thing ever how I dealt with him 💀)

[sticks-stones-sonic-insanity]

I JUST FINISHED SONK ADVENTURE 2 IM NOT OKAY OMG

The scene with Shadow falling to earth was funny at first and it all happened so fast i was still trying to wrap my head around it. Ppl talk about that scene a lot which theyre so right for, but i need to talk about the scenes after because oh my god they broke me!?!??!

Sonic, coming back onto the ark, completely silent. Everyone asking if Shadow made it back and he just slowly shakes his head without a word.

The scene where Sonic gives Rouge Shadow's inhibitior ring hold so much more weight to me after actually playing the game: In the short time they knew each other, Shadow saved Rouge's life. Twice. This is the only possession she has to remember him by. Knuckles asks her what shes going to do now and she actually stops to reflect and remarks how shes thinking of changing jobs, something else on her mind now(What exactly shes referring to in this moment isnt stated but theres a fair few connections to draw there). After almost getting killed during a heist and never getting a chance to thank the guy who saved her from it, that's a pretty good and strangely mature call to make from a writing standpoint. This whole scene has a similar feeling like that, like the jokes and the extravagance thats typical of the cutscenes have really been toned down with intention.

This one genuinely shocked me, and im really surprised i havent come across anything about it yet because the scene between Eggman and Tails was actually super deep?? There are a lot of different Sonic medias as far as I im aware that have touched on the paralells between Eggman and Tails: their small similarities and how well they work together when they have to, but the scene here really stuck out to me. Eggman is talking about how much he admired his grandfather as a child, how much his work inspired him to learn and create and strive to be great like him, drifting off to question whether or not he really wanted to see them all fall. Tail's response is very chipper and optimistic, but i really like the idea of Eggman having almost this turning point here, having to face something so saddening as watching someone you love curse the world and everyone on it(including you). After arguably some of the most dangerous and threatening feats have been accomplished by Eggman in this game as the story's primary antagonist, is this moment a nod to him maybe stopping to think about what he's done? Im amazed by how much meaning can be taken from these few seconds of dialogue!!

Finally, the last two moments. Amy, despite having had her own short heart to heart with Shadow before the final battle and ultimately being the one to spurr Shadow on to fight alongside Sonic and the others, doesn't seem as upset by Shadows death as Sonic is. This is genuinely, in my limited knowledge of Sonic media, one of the only instances i have seen Sonic be thoroughly shaken up by something and brushed it off when someone asks him whats wrong. In most cases, he's just relatively unfazed from an emotional standpoint like that, so theres nothing to brush off in the first place. But here, the ever-yapping blue blur remains silent for a while, just staring at Earth in a similar paralell to how Shadow used to. It isn't until Amy comes by that he looks away. Its the really subtle details here that get me: Sonic doesn't look or respond to her right away. There's a prominent pause of silence before he turns to her and says its nothing, switching the topic immediately to rush her along. Sonic, typically impatient and eager to move to the next adventure, slows down and is the last to leave the deck, delivers the farewell line to end the game. Again, the contrast in how slowly and soft he speaks here in comparison to literally anything else he says in the game is insane. The pause between "Shadow" and "the Hedgehog" is still very funny to me and im not lost on how the delivery does end up being chopped up quite goofy like that, but if that isnt an absolutely insane way to end off the game with such a somber, emotional moment...

Sonadow or no sonadow, take it as you will, its undeniable how impactful this adventure in particular is to Sonic. How much Shadow meant to him by the end of the game. How much his sacrifice meant. I really see his discussion with Rouge as both a way to comfort her, and to comfort himself. To say out loud how heroic and brave he'd seen Shadow to be, regardless of the intention that came from his creation. Sonic is big on freedom and giving people the opportunity to live how they want to, and Shadow's sacrifice in that regard means even more to him. He had just come to understand what he had truly promised Maria he'd do, joined Sonic whole-heartedly to help save the planet, and never got to experience anything beyond that. Given Eggmans continuous antangonistic streak at that point (I'm not fully aware of the other villain's Sonic had faced up until that point), it's rare that Sonic actually gets to see someone who opposed him change for the better!! And not only was Shadow one of the first to do so, but he was a speedy teen hedgehog!!! Just like Sonic himself!!! Its like Shadow said, there was so much more to them that they never got to find out about each other!! The fact that Shadow gave up all of that possibility, all of his own personal freedom to help Sonic save the planet and the freedom of all the people on it? That hits. HARD.

Im not familiar with the full canon of how Sonic actually managed to get one of Shadow's inhibitior rings to give to Rouge, as he's actually not shown in any scene taking them off during the final battle(i actually dont even think their mechanics are properly explained which is more confusing but yk), but getting into more headcanony, sonadow adjacent space for a second? I like to think Shadow actually took two of his rings off/had two break off before he fell. Sonic gave one to Rouge, and secretly kept the other for himself. He obviously didn't want his friends to ask him more questions about how he was feeling, so he hid it in his quills before he greeted them back on the ark. Shadow ended up meaning a lot to Sonic, and it's really interesting to think about what was running through Sonic's mind when all was said and done.

Uhhh anyways good game very very infuriating at times but very good game i have a true taste for the appeal of Sonic games now and i want to play them all. If you actually made it this far, thank you for reading my silly sonk rant! If you have any information you know of to patch the spaces where I'm lacking or just want to discuss your own thoughts on the ending feel free!! Have a good day or night wherever you are :]

[louscartridge]

hii can you make a how you arisu and met/started daiting and can you possibly add smut to it 🤞🏽

i do not give permission for my fics to be posted claiming to be yours, translated, or posted on another platform without credit.

arisu x gn reader

cw- not rly proof read, swearing, arisu being a little bit of a stalker in a cute way if you squint, karube and reader being close, karube being a teasing shit, eventually established relationship, death, crying, kissing, arisu having a slight panic attack, the heart game arisu played :,(

A/N- unfortunatly, i coppied the intire story after i wrote it so it was like on here twice to if you read something more the once or something lmk so i can fix it lmaooo. also i got a liiiiitle carried away lmfaoo sry. also also theres no smut in this (because i got carried away) however you super duper cool favorite writer is going to make up for it by writing super duper cool smut headcanons n shit for arisu xx. edit- heres the smut

❥ you and arisu had met on a video game tbfh

❥ well no that was a lie

❥ you saw each other at the bar karube worked at, but like quite literally NEVER said jack shit to each other.

❥ you were just aware of each other but never rly thought about each other until you would see each other at the bar

❥ but then, you needed help on a paper for school and arisu was right next to you. you would ask karube, but you knew he wouldnt understand anything you wouldve said, and youve heard from karube that arisu was pretty smart so why not? you asked arisu the for help which he gladly accepted, he was bored anyway. soon enough you got the awnser. (which earned a snort from karube)

❥ then you like MET, MET in a video game

❥ karube and you knew each other fairly well and arisu knew that

❥ so instead of arisu talking to you himself, he seriously asked karube for your instagram

❥ after karube poking fun at arisu for ‘liking you’ he finally got it.

❥ you instagram led to your discord

❥ your discord led to your playstation (please idk if arisu played playstation or xbox.... or neither. kill me.)

❥ he saw you were in a game so he took that as his chance to add you as a friend cause if you were in a game you most likely wouldnt accept or deny it right away

❥ he joined the game you were playing and kinda just like did absolutely nothing

❥ he just watched you play

❥ he ended up being really impressed with how good you were doing tbh

❥ when you were done with the round you were playing you quickly accepted the request from arisu, knowing it was him since karube was laughing his ass off when arisu first texted him about you. 

❥ when you went to meet the guys at the mall the next day you immediately went up to arisu seeing as he was right where he said they would be, talking with karube and chota. 

❥ when you walked up to them karube whistled

❥ slowly turning to face arisu karube said “woooowww! look at that! someone is talking to you man!” 

❥ after another teasing remark towards arisu karube patted both of you on the sholder with a wink before walking away, chota frantically following behind him.

❥ “so..how’d you get my gamer tag hm?” (this is so stupid) you smirked

“i- what? i- i  didnt?” he would lie his thumbs safely tucked into the straps of his backpack over his shoulders. 

 “god your such a bad liar! look at you, not making eye contact at all, squeezing onto the staps of your backpack like im gonna kill you. karube wasent even trying to shut up when you texted him. i mean quite literally, laugh and reading me the text messages.”

 “well seeing as you dont have a problem with any of that.. could i maybe- possibly get your line? or- or something” 

❥ he was so shy it was adorable

❥ who were you to say no? (not like you wanted to)

❥ and so for a few months, you guys were inseparable.

❥ every time karube was with arisu so were you.

❥ every time you were with karube so was arisu.

❥ yet, you were both still oblivious to your feelings towards each other.

❥ karube was obviously not, still taking ‘sarcastic’ jabs at the two of you.

❥ playing games together, calling, sleeping, going to school, not going to school, pretty much everything was done together. 

❥ however, that included the borederlands.

❥ you were with karube, arisu, and chota when everyone but you guys seemingly disappeared. 

❥ at first it was fun, just you and your best friends with you and not needing to worry about anything at all.

❥ until it wasent.

❥ now it wasent pretty much everything was done together. it was absolutely everything was done together.

❥ but it still wasent until the hearts game that you guys didnt anything officially romantic together.

❥ you had gotten split up from everyone else during another game, earning you to miss the hearts game.

❥ when you went back to the apartment the five of you were staying in you expected to see everyone. chota, karube, arisu, shibuki. everyone. 

❥ instead, you were met with no one. 

❥ panic hit you right away thinking the worst of the worst. ‘they couldve just been getting food right?’

❥ quickly whipping towards the door, you didnt know if you were safe or as you heard the door to the apartment open hurriedly. 

❥ luckily you were.

❥ “oh my god arisu! where were you? wh- wheres everyone else-”

you were cut off from arisu walking towards you, pulling your face to his. his pull was harsh, though you knew he didnt mean it. the feel of his hands on the side of you cheeks were the opposite though. gentle, caring, loving, but.... they were..slightly shaking? before you pulled away, you felt a tear touch your cheek.

“why are you shaking? please tell me something..” you said to him looking in his eyes, trying to find anything other then the tears and almost numbness.

“theyre gone. y/n everyone is gone. but your not, oh thank god your not.” arisu cries. he puts his hands back on your cheeks but he doesnt kiss you this time. his eye just keeps darting all over you almost as if he was questioning if you were really there. “please- please will you be my partner?” he quickly asks breathing heavily.

“what?”

“loosing the others made me realize how much i actually love you i cant loose you i didnt and if i do i cant have you die not knowing how i feel about you” 

“yeah- yeah! yeah ill be your partner” you conform as you drag him over to the couch in the middle of the room. when you guys lay down you end up spooning, him being the little. your arms get rapped in with arisu’s and he tightly grips both of your hands in his, burying his face between his chest and your arms. you press light kisses to his neck and into his hair as he slowly starts to get his breathing down. 

you werent going to make him talk about anything. you figured if he wanted to he would. right now the two of you were fine like this. you tried to imagine what arisu went through, what happend, what happend to karube? he was your best friend. if you couldnt thank him for that you wouldve liked to at least thank him for getting you and arisu to where you are now. 

you eventually get snapped out of your thoughts as you hear soft, even, quiet breathing. arisu had fallen asleep. in your arms. you sniffed slightly thinking about how karube would be making fun of you guys right now and the amount of sex jokes he would try.

you kiss arisu’s head again whispering a ‘i love you too’ into his hair before drifted off to sleep yourself. 

[aftgficrec]

This is the first time I’ve ever caught you open! Can you send fics of just neil being put through absolute hell. I only need it to be finished and to have a not totally sad ending. Im good with canon post canon and aus so really whatever. Thank you so much I find literally all my fics on your page <3

This kid just can’t catch a break, can he?

There’s plenty of fics we can offer you where Neil doesn’t have a great time (physically or emotionally), just see our list of recs from previous posts.  You’ll find more under our raven!neil, dark and angst w/happy ending tags (not all fics in those tags are complete).  

Please be aware of the trigger warnings though, due to their nature some of these fics deal with some heavy material.

Hope you’ll find what you’re looking for here! - S

A selection from previous posts:

‘Black As Is The Raven, He’ll Get A Partner’ and ‘Timeless’ here

‘hawk in the raven nest’  here

‘Take to the Wing’  here

‘Oh Raven’  here

‘Die Free or Die a Failure’ and ‘Night is the Raven, Day is the Fox’ (both completed) here

‘Scared to Live (But I'm Scared to Die)’ (completed) here

‘Not Damsels, Not Knights’ here

‘what it takes to survive’ (completed) here

‘Heartlines’ and ‘This Is What Hollows’ (completed) here

‘If Only I Were Enough’ (completed) and ‘don't break the glass’ (completed) here (part 1 of the glass series) 

‘Double Trouble’ series here

‘Out of the Ashes’ series here (Part 1 and 2 completed)

‘Make A Believer Out Of Me’ here

‘what if the butcher hurt neil permanently in baltimore’ here

 ‘here and where you are’ here

‘Pause and Restart My Heart’ series here

‘The Bones of You’ here

‘and in a flash, it’s gone’ and ‘(don’t fear) the reaper’ here

‘Creatures We Find in the Forest’ here

‘There Now, Steady Love’ and ‘Except When It's No’ here

‘I Hope You Lie To Me’ here

‘The Story After You’ here

‘and you thought i hated you’ here

‘The Morning AUs, Chapter 14: The Bodyguard AU’ here

‘If all else perished, and he remained’ here

‘stifle my choice and the air in my lungs’ here

‘Purple Skies’ here

‘Monsters on the Top Floor’ here

‘The Reaper’ and ‘TALE OF A MARTYR IN XII PARTS’ (both completed) here

‘The Nameless Monster’ here

‘Through our memories, we live’ (completed) and ‘Hold Each Other, Chapter 24-31: Go or Go Ahead’ here

‘Hold Each Other: Chapter 5: The Gun Still Rattles’ here, ‘Chapter 7: Nothing Always Means Something’ here

‘Calling Me Back Once Again’ here

‘Amor Vincit Omnia’ (completed)  here 

‘Run to You’ here

‘Ghost of You’ here

You may also find something in these posts:

Neil with depression/mental health issues here

Neil attempts suicide here

Christmas at Evermore here

What Lies in Wait by starwarned [Rated M, 23419 words, complete, 2023]

Neil is being haunted — or else he’s losing his mind. All he can hear are the screams echoing in his head. But he and Andrew have made it this far, haven’t they? Can’t they survive a little more? Based on What Lies Beneath.

tw: violence, tw: psychological torture, tw: kidnapping 

Pull Up The Ladder When The Flood Comes by WinterFrost250 [Rated M, 3248 words, complete, 2023]

“Neil-” Kevin paused and looked around the room. As if only just realizing they were surrounded by people, he began speaking in vehement French. “I’m sorry Neil I didn’t mean to look, I just-” Kevin glanced down at his phone, “It was just there when I opened it. I’m sorry.” OR Kevin gets sent pictures from an unknown number of Neils's time in Evermore and shit hits the fan.

tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: panic attacks

the boy in the basement by iriswords [Rated M, 3376 words, complete, 2023]

Part 21 of Febuwhump 2023 The Wesninskis are a well-known family in town. A macabre one, with only one survivor: Nathan Wesninski. Every day, Andrew likes to pass in front of the house on his way back home. He observes it distantly, taken over by morbid curiosity. It's how he notices the eyes watching him through the windows of the basement.

tw: violence, tw: torture, tw: blood, tw: major character injury, tw: implied/referenced abuse

next best thing by iriswords [Rated M, 1546 words, complete, 2023]

Part 13 of Febuwhump 2023 Mary and Nathaniel are caught by one of Nathan's enemies while they're on the run. Said enemy doesn't have anything against the two of them, but he deeply desires revenge on Nathan. And in the absence of Nathan, he chooses the next best thing.

tw: violence, tw: blood, tw: major character injury

keep telling me that it gets better (does it ever?) by phan_taloon [Rated M, 15415 words, complete, 2022, locked]

Except the cool steel felt too much like the cool cement of a dirty basement, it burned and numbed his back too much like- He wasn’t fine. But his meds could fix it. He scrambled to his feet, stumbling down the hall to the bathroom and yanking the cabinet open and grabbing the pill bottle in a fist tight enough to hurt. He shook one of the pretty little pills into his palm and he swallowed it dry. But one wasn’t enough. Or, AU where Neil never met the Foxes, with a little less mafia and a little more pain for Neil when he ends up captured by Nathan for months, and has to deal with the consequences by himself. He ends up in treatment for chronic pain with opioids, and let's just say opioid use is tricky when you're alone and in pain; one thing can lead to another more easily than it seems.

tw: drug addiction, tw: drug overdose, tw: withdrawal, tw: suicidal thoughts, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: vomit

no matter when and where, we'll be alright by jingerhead [Rated M, 11611 words, complete, 2022]

Of all the night’s events, there were only three things that Nathaniel really remembered clearly: the moments before the riots, being questioned by Lola in the car, and watching his father walk down the stairs to the basement. The last thing Nathaniel could remember was the way the light caught the blade of his father’s axe, blinding and terrifying as it was raised towards the ceiling. He couldn’t remember it coming down but it had to one way or another, right?

tw: amputation, tw: nightmares, tw: panic attacks

are we whole or just two halves/reaching out to the unknown? by Raphael_Stantiago [Not Rated, 18881 words, complete, Aftg Big Bang 2022]

An informant/defence attorney au, where Neil never left his father and was sucked into the family business, and gave them all up as soon as possible. However, when Neil meets his attorney Andrew, it gets a little more complicated. Cue them falling in love across various court cases, arrests and one on one meetings, all with the threat of witness protection hanging over their heads. NB: fic art by @oliviaillustrations here

tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: implied/referenced violence, tw: dissociation 

All Alone, I've Lost the Hope by phan_taloon [Rated T, 6873 words, complete, 2021, locked]

Even now, lying in the cold concrete floor of wherever he is, surrounded by armed men and women, drowsy from a concussion and drugs, and body pulsating in pain from several places, he still doesn’t believe in regret. Even at the face of the bastard in front of him, the cruel smile and the hungry glint of his eyes, he’d always choose to stay. Even if the FBI may have been right to say the Witness Protection Program was the only logical path to choose with so many of his father’s men and allies still out there.

also available on tumblr here and here 

tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: kidnapping, tw: nonconsensual drug use, tw: blood, tw: suicidal thoughts, tw: depression

It never comes from your enemies by spectaclesandbooks [Rated T, 19408 words, complete, 2021]

"Name?" "Andrew Minyard," he pushes out through gritted teeth. “Well well well,” the man on the other end sounds amused, smug. Andrew waits for him to continue, his feet pounding against the pavement. “If you’re the one coming to meet me, I have to assume you’ve finally found a way to keep Josten on a leash?” The clink of metal, rough breathing, unseeing blue eyes, panicked pleading. When Andrew doesn’t answer, the Raven presses further. “Either you’ve found a way to keep him subdued or you’re not coming alone like you were told. Which is it, Minyard? I told you what would happen if you didn’t do as you were asked.” “Neil won’t be bothering us,” Andrew spits out, “he’s staying at home for this one.” There’s movement on the other end of the phone, presumably the Raven preparing to leave and come meet him. “Excellent,” he says easily. “That means you and I can conduct our business in peace and no-one gets hurt."

tw: violence, tw: blood, tw: panic attacks, tw: implied/referenced self harm

That one party series by Thegaydepression [Rated T, 13872 words, 2 complete works, 2021]

Part 1: Orange (T (we say M), 9237 words)

"Orange is for someone who doesn’t suffocate. But Neil does. He suffocates and he feels it clawing at his throat and beating in his ears and pounding on his chest" ----------------------- Neil thought he was fine, but then he goes to a stupid, loud, bright party. Neil thought he was fine, but he isn't. Not at all.

tw: rape/noncon, tw: violence, tw: panic attacks, tw: depression, tw: anxiety, tw: nightmares, tw: implied/referenced self harm

Part 2: Maybe Orange isn't Suffocating (Not Rated, 4635 words)

A second part to "Orange" ---------------------------------- Andrew is (not) coping Aaron is a surprisingly good brother Neil is not fine

tw: rape/noncon, tw: violence, tw: kidnapping, tw: dissociation, tw: panic attacks, 

hold me close (don't let go) by cake_lovin_ace [Rated G, 4123 words, complete, 2021]

Part 2 of weight of a martyr night by night memories of his childhood flooded his mind’s eye, all the things neil had tried his hardest to suppress. all the times he had been hurt; gotten the scars that littered his torso; been betrayed by the very people meant to protect him. it was like reliving everything all over again in vivid technicolor, and when he managed to claw his way out of the maze his mind trapped him in it was all he could do to remain upright and not crumpled on the floor; on the bed instead of hidden below it; dry-cheeked instead of sobbing hysterically. or neil struggles with memories of the past. andrew helps.

tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: panic attacks, tw: dissociation

what comes after nightmares by moth_writes [Rated T, 10146 words, complete, Aftg Big Bang 2020]

Father won't accept anything less than the best. Nathaniel shuts his eyes and wills himself to a dreamless sleep. Or at least one without knives and blood and pain. He's not successful, but the next time he wakes it is to an alarm and the sun in his window. It's the best he can hope for. ... Neil falls asleep easily, and he knows he has someone with him to battle the darkness back where it belongs now. Neil is thirty, and he is wrapped in his husband’s arms with two cats purring next to them. He fights his own nightmares, and he has his family at his side to help. He’s home. (Neil's nightmares and what happens after, ages 5-30.)

NB: find art for this fic by @i-did here

tw: graphic descriptions of violence, tw: nightmares, tw: child abuse, tw: implied/referenced torture

👑 ROYAL AU WRITING MASTERPOST 👑 by @emry-stars-art [tumblr, 2023]

(especially the posts concerning Neil’s (Abram’s) treatment at Evermore)  e.g. Abram’s return from Evermore, Pieces of his recovery, Andrew taking over Abram’s care

👑 ROYAL AU TUMBLR LORE MASTERPOST 👑 by @emry-stars-art [tumblr, 2023] (comprises both text and art posts)

e.g. Abram's brands pt1 / pt2

tw: violence, tw: injuries, tw: scars, tw: panic attacks, tw: dissociation 

“Perhaps you’ll take me out one day — or do I have to make an appointment?” prompt fill by @ravenvsfox [tumblr, 2017]

His morning is a string of disasters that begins with covering the ER in the Sunday rush of hypochondriac elderly and fussy children. It’s one long stretch of kicked over paint buckets, a mess you can’t ignore, splattering the walls and getting on his shoes.

Art

andreil post-baltimore by @intradaya

It’s over. You’re going to be okay. We’ve got you. by @rainbowd00dles

"All that time fighting and you never learned how to duck?" by @rainbowd00dles

Sunrise, Abram, death: these are truths. by @boydsjosten

Neil Josten art by @runningwithhellhounds

Neil & Wymack after Evermore comic by @rijirain

Neil in the Wymack’s bathroom after winter holidays art by @eggpy

“Help me,” “Let me” by @rainbowd00dles

And if you make it out alive, hold that bloody head up high art by @pearsfears

I’m fine art by @laurafromnowhere

Nathaniel/Neil gif by @queen-of-perplexity

hurt Neil by @rhyva

[ak-liano]

HIHI tell me abt your video game idea I beg 🙏🙏

Also I love your art it’s colors and posing is GORGEOUSSSS im OBSESSED

HELLO I SAW YOU IN MY INBOX you're so sweet ;;; thank you so much 💕

Its a long long story and maybe I'll post my development of the worldbuilding on here if you're interested 🥹🥹 but!!

The story's called Seventh Day! I tag all the art for it under that name on here

The general idea for the videogame itself is that it's open world mixed with clicker game, so open exploration with breadcrumb playstyle (lots of stuff to click and analyze) and you pick up stuff to make "spells" with mixology mechanics and its all used for both the thrill of collecting and also because you can use these spells to solve puzzles

It would be a story game and I'm not sure if there would be any combat since the protag is more of an alchemist than a fighter

I just recently had these ideas so nothing at all is very descriptive but I have general ideas for the look which is those 3 arts I did on the post you saw where the spells would be unlocked via skilltree that looks like a notebook in the menu!

The story itself is complex and I don't wanna give spoilers here cause I'm passionate abt turning it into something but the general gist is that it's a fantasy (sci-fi ish) world with architecture and characters paralleled with real world cultures, so a lot of the architecture is reminiscent of ancient structures with retro futurism twists since most places have technology

The protagonist is Borda (that poofy redhead that plagues my profile) and at the start of the story she's lost her memories and so has to pick up the study of alchemy while taking on a journey through the world to remember her past

There's a ton of cultural, religious, illustrative and color symbolism in this thing lol

The lore is locked away in doc files so this is a very very small syponopsis, I hope it was understandable and I don't sound absolutely crazy

I'm aware it will probably never happen but I might as well try to make all the concepts yk :'D

Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to talk about this, it means the most!! If you have any other questions feel free to ask (I hope I didn't scare you off lol)

[storiesoflilies]

HIIIII LILY!!!!!!!! ok ok for your game :))

✿ did anything major change when you started writing [fic] to when you finished? - for ‘as we fall, time is broken’ !!!!!!!!

(can you tell i literally have not stopped thinking abt that fic HAHAHAHAHA im so curious how you came up with the idea vs how you started vs the final product !!!!!!)

ok also im cheating and asking 2 >:) but WHAT WAS YOUR FAV LINE FROM IT???? i have a few [many] but i wanna hear yours :’)

HOPE YOURE HAVING A GREAT DAY LOVE YOU MWAH

AHHHHH QUINN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH N I’M SOSOSOSOSOSO HAPPY THAT YOU STILL LOVE THE FIC <3333

now to answer the ask!!!

no, nothing major changed during the writing process. i was absolutely in love with the idea of the whole story, and i knew i did not want to deviate from the final outcome.

more under the cut to keep the post short lol :3

ask game.

as for how i came up with it, i dont even knowwww hahaha. i don’t know why, but the song ‘wake up call’ by nothing but thieves really inspired me shape up the ideaeven though the lyrics n most of the song (except the chorus) dont really fit the vibe. but you know what, it worked haha, and you asked how i thought of the story so there you go. and honestly i have always wanted to write a vampire story that explored how unfeeling they are as creatures. how some of them feel too much or too little. i wanted readers to really question just how much of the love was even real in the first place, or if it ever was love.

now the only thing i suppose i changed was i didn’t write a smut scene. and the only reason why i didn’t was i simply wasn’t in the mood to write one!! i think allusions to smut are sexier anyways :3

AND NOW FOR MY FAVORITE LINES!!!

• he offered her his hand like salvation, his palm facing the heavens.

(the first woman from long ago screamed.

you will not survive this - him.)

- i’m aware this isn’t one line but oh wellll i adored this part!!

• the darting squid would watch her with their bulbous, intelligent eyes. they used to speak to her once, wrap their tentacles around her throat and tell her stories of creatures from the depths even she had dared not go to.

- i think there’s something so mystical and inspiring about how the squid once spoke to her, and idk the part about their tentacles wrapping around her throat really shook me to my core (and i wrote the damn thing lol).

• she was sparing him from the fire and silver, so eager to take his place and save him from haunting the seas.

i mean, enough said really haha. i felt very big brained writing this one :3

now what are YOUR favorite lines my darling?!?!? i musssssst know!!!

much love,

Lily xo

[thebearemoji]

Me talk about minthara now? Nnyes

Hhhhhhhhh I revert to a whiny little baby whenever I think about the fact that some portion of the bg3 player base will simply never encounter minthara in any capacity hhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I am aware minthara is believed to be "rushed content", and that accounts for many of her bugs. But I don't really care about why she's a mess, im more interested in talking about the result of that reality.

So I've finished 2 runs of bg3 so far, one in which I played a generally very good character and one in which I played a generally pretty evil character. After completing the latter run, I'm left with several qualms about what felt like a simply inferior experience to my first play through. The most frustrating being that Minthara, who became one of my favorite companions, is completely chained to the much less satisfying "evil content" with no way to see her story otherwise.

For context, minthara can only be recruited if the player helps the goblins attack the Grove in act 1. This alone is enough to stop plenty of players from ever seeing minthara beyond that single misleading conversation in the goblin camp. Some players don't enjoy role-playing being mean/evil, and attacking the Grove is unfortunately about as despicable as a game can get. For some reason, you can't tell the tieflings to leave despite the fact that they're only collateral damage in the attack on the druids. You gotta kill every druid, and every innocent refugee, or no minthara.

But the deck stacked against my beloved drow doesn't stop there, not only do you have to kill the tieflings along with all their associated content and side quests, in order to recruit minthara you have to forgo recruiting Wyll, Karlach, and Halsin because all 3 object to the attacking the Grove.

3 companions for 1, a frankly unpleasant task of slaughtering tieflings even for someone who enjoys role-playing evil characters, not to mention she's been plagued with bugs that cause her content to fail to trigger. All those things considered, why would anyone go out of their way to recruit minthara...?

Well... i just think she's neat.

After the first encounter with minthara in the goblin camp I was not necessarily looking forward to recruiting her. I assumed she was a murder hobo and nothing more based on first impressions, but at the very least I was looking forward to getting a third companion who wouldn't nag at me for every choice I was making. At the very least, she would be another character in my corner.

However, much to my shock, she turned out to be far more nuanced then she seemed at a glance. Because the person the player meets in the goblin camp isn't minthara, but rather a puppet of the absolute wearing her skin. She has little to no control over her actions, including the roll she plays in the attack on the grove.

I really struggle to wrap my head around this choice to tie her completely to the grove. Especially considering she's being mind controlled, but there's no way to know that. Minthara is a bait and switch, someone who (despite still being evil) is nowhere near as bad as the game inclines you to believe. But you can only discover this if you help her do something truly despicable. So there's a companion who's a better person then she seems, but you can only find out about her better side if you're evil. Why? Why can't a good tav save her? Why doesn't she get the same opportunity at redemption that laezhel, astarion and shadowheart get? I know the reason is probably time constraints, but I'm mad about it.

I really think she's worthy of a closer look, i love me some good lawful evil energy. Minthara is a good example, I believe. She takes no pleasure in killing or violence, but she will also eliminate anyone who remotely impedes her without hesitation. And she weaponizes grudges like her will is sharp enough to kill on its own. She's fierce, eloquent and cunning, and also managed to make me laugh out loud with how dead pan she can be (see her response to dribbles: "Say the word and I will kill the clown. We will be heralded as heroes." with a look of pure distress on her face).

She's a lolthsworn drow who is now exiled after falling under the influence of the absolute. The place she comes from is harsh and punishing, and yet she was a noble. She describes the beauty and majesty of menzobarenzan (sp) in the same breath that she discusses battle. I wish she would've gotten a flash back cutscene like shadowheart. Either her home or Ketheric betraying her.

Honestly I wish every character had gotten a flashback cutscene like shadowheart. It's a win/win of exploring the social aspect of the tadpoles by sharing memories and also adding a visual to the events the characters describe. But I digress.

Minthara's character trope may not appeal to everyone, she is still not a good person. But neither is astarion, and he's fandom favorite. Surely people wouldn't hold minthara's morality against her while also praising Astarion for some weird reason i cant put my finger on???? HaHA-

I wouldn't blame anyone who doesnt do an evil play through. The game didn't let me have fun with it, and playing games is about having fun. Why try to be evil and get nagged at by the game for 70 hours of gameplay when I can instead save everyone and enjoy myself?

So the reality is, Minthara may remain a cryptid for many players, riddled with bugs and cursed by the narrative to lose so that many other characters can win. But at the very least, I want to draw attention to one snippet of her dialogue. This is from a conversation after Orin is defeated.

I can't shake the idea that the minthara I know and love is trapped within the person you meet at the goblin camp. In a similar vein to gortash's mother in baldurs gate, trapped behind eyes she no longer controls. At the mercy of the tadpole and the whims of the brain and the 3. A helpless victim desperate to get her chance at vengeance at those who wronged her.

And that knowledge will haunt me every time I play a "good" character. I will know that even though my goal may be to save them all, there is one that I quite literally cannot save. Because the game won't let me. And God damn it, she's too interesting for that to be her legacy in this game. Minthara worries that no one will remember her, but I will think of this dialogue every time my journal flatly instructs me to "kill the goblin bosses".

[qvrcll]

hello! firstly, ur writing is heavenly. no joke. i devoured ur entire discography within seconds of finding ur page. twice. i was wondering if u could write some longer elaborations on lo’ak with particular emphasis on his love for physical touch/affection? i would love to read smth that encapsulates the essence of the relationship between him + reader. esp like the dynamic of the relationship. wether or not u think his insecurities implore him to constantly seek touch. if u think he’d pine for it or go to extremities to receive it. possibly even before an established relationship. his jealousy, possessiveness, his thirst for affirmation. any form is fine! wether u’d like to give it a story line (one shot typa thing) or just a long elaboration on the topic in itself. tbh im rlly hungry to hear ur interpretation of it. i adore ur representation(s) and how u flesh out the characters. esp lo’ak. ur mind is so pretty. n ♡

LO’AK + AFFECTION ♡ㅤ°.

synopsis: lo’ak had always chased and chased and chased. so when you finally gave, he found it difficult to catalogue the multitude of touches and stares all at once… well, not completely.

auth notes -> UM HELLO oh my god this ask is just so so so amazing + thank you so much for your interest in my works / thoughts! most of the time they’re nonsensical babble or unorganised lines of hoo haa but i’m glad people enjoy my writing :,) i hope i’ve done your req justice! + let me know if you want more, i absolutely love writing for lo’ak <3

warnings -> slight angst , gn ! na’vi + metkayina reader

characters -> loak sully

gif creds. -> ♡

lo’ak is an overachiever with just the largest slightest urge for approval and affirmation.

he’s so motivation driven to excel his golden-gift of a brother, he’s often caught in imperilment. half of the time, he doesn’t even catch his siblings at his tail, trailing after him precipitately — when did this become a group thing? he’ll think. but eventually, he’ll admonish the thought and rule it as a way to spend quality time with his siblings, away from the poundage of home.

but the sun will discolour and pulse between a mix of a ripe valencia and a pool of mauve coiling just behind the spread of colours in the sky. by the time he’s home, it’s incredibly late — jake is the first to reprimand him. harsh words. hard words. words that make him teeth his lip and fiddle with his fingers till his ears pin against the weight of his braids. in bed, he’ll ponder and turn over the words and make sense of them — i’m just a disappointment. a failure. that must be it, or else i don’t understand why i.. i’m so incapable.

this poor boy definitely misconstrues jake’s words and takes them for justification of his existence as mere fodder — often times, he’ll exclude himself from his family in attempts to find more of what’s different. that means ultimately seeking out friends, connections, approval. love. he’s a confused kid in a big world, far too thin to offer him the space and time for an explanation. the reason for his affliction.

so when his family first seek refuge from the metkayina clan, bodies swollen with days of unforgiving rain and sleepless nights of mummers, he’s a little less aware of who, what, where, when and exactly how.

so when you, the chief tonowari’s child materialises out of thin air in his eye, mouth dilated with a purposeful smile, he registers your position — right, they’re here to guide us. me.

he’ll take it a blow to the gut when his father wrenches him to one side, stabbing the futile words into him, the don’t make me look like a fool boy. be on your best behaviour.

it sullies his mood and strings him somewhere far from the marui pod, feet slack with hurt. wanting nothing more than a rest.

it’s then that there’s more of you with him — “lo’ak sully?” a thin voice branches from the foliage and thickens with purpose when his feet strike against the ground uncomfortably. he’s greeted with you — the chief’s child, golden and emitting from the leaves like a imprimatur from ewya herself: “oh… sorry, i didn’t… i didn’t know-“ he fumbles the the words in his hand, like those countless nights. the heatless nights that ring in his hand, unwarranted remindings of his ineffectuality.

and you’ll sense it, this overpowering tension rooting from every inch of his skin — “i’m not here to nag you, don’t worry. i’m here past curfew hours as well… come…” you signal to your feet.

at first, he’s confused. and then, he’s swollen with happiness that flows straight to his head: for once, he’s not shot down and schlepped home in shame. he’s noted and affirmed — it makes his heart squelch comfortably in his chest.

after that, it’s simple — he looks for you in places he shouldn’t. his family’s marui pod; he’ll unwittingly find recognition in your voice from outside the thin walls. he’s less capable in affirming himself to stake right near your toes — they’ve known me for, what, a couple of weeks. it was probably pity.

yes, that’s right. excuses are his best friend. his companion. an intimate, an option to choose through the blur of confusion.

so that’s why its exalting to him when you first praise him: it had been something with little worth. probably carrying a heavy load off your hands or supporting you when the two of you are habitually tired from training all day: “thank you, lo’ak. you’re incredibly sweet.”

booooooyyyyyy. his ears will nip and crease at his braids furiously, tail whipping around to bind loosely along your waist. you find the gesture incredibly cute — “you think so?” he teethes, eager and raw and fully lo’ak. and who are you, to deny any attempts of it? “i know so.”

other times, it’s less verbal and more strained on eye-contact / body language. to me, he values words. but actions serve a separate design.

actions spring from every nerve, every inch of skin. any bearable bone in a body. so its like a seal on your relationship when you strive to do things with sole senses: squinted, smiling eyes when he successfully holds his breath for more than five minutes. soothing, tender fingers etching circles on his back when he chokes on sea-water. on one occasion, upon his eminence at being able to breathe in water, you had kissed him on the cheek, soft, smooth, lips battered on his skin for less than a second. he’d captured the memory vividly in his brain, somewhere, still idiotically rubbing the area on his face for some revival of the same feeling.

but lo’ak also strikes me as someone who tries awfully hard to gain sympathy, love, attention… pretty much any gateway of endearment. that would include the amplitude of (but not limited to) simple pleasures: words of affirmation, yes. a MUST. he would adore the sound of sweet promulgations from his favourite person, you, when doing the most mundane of activities, i.e. successfully amassing the bond between himself and an awfully obdurate ilu. he’ll be so discoloured with pride and glee that he’ll forget he’s still straining to train and that causes his ilu to flip someways and send him hurdling downwards. still, it’s worth the press, he thinks.

but deep down, he’s blood and flesh and bones. he’s the carnality his parents created from love — he’ll often find himself letting loose in order to garner more scratches and bruises than normal. it hurts, more so, but he’ll carry enough wounds to you for him to feign indifference. he’ll dispel the thought of harassment and put it to blame on the shrubbery and roots of a tree — still, it pays off.

his smile is aching to stay secret when you wrench a woven basket racked with ointments, herbs and other remedies.

he’ll purposely wince and grovel to soften your fingers on his skin

he’s airy and thoughtless when he gazes at you methodically work his misgivings. tongue poked out and hair slightly disheveled from the day: you’ll glance at him and flush—“you’re so close, lo’ak.”

he’s instantly inching away, muttering apologies — he’s seen that he’s over-stepped. and he’s small, again. that boy, in front of his father, eyes and ears downcast at yet another reprimand. but your fingers are… interlocking with his?

“you idiot. i never said… it bothered me,” you push the words out.

it takes a minute to register, like that day he had arrived with sand in his toes and water on his back, gazing at you through the thick of shoulders and faces: “it doesn’t?”

“no, it doesn’t. should it?”

“you tell me.”

“oh, shush lo’ak.”

he’s also jealous — more than his siblings. he’ll grit his teeth more and frown more and tense more when he sees you next to other people. he’s irritated less with you and more with himself with this inconsolable feeling of abandonment. he almost feels sickly with the dwindling hours between each other, hearing your castaway laugh ringing behind him—he escapes to the forest. and you, on cue, find him. he’ll resist first, refusing to make contact. but then, he’ll notice your infelicity, your downturned ears. your low, immobile tail between your legs. and he’ll nearly burst into tears — “i… i was jealous.” together, you work through the exact moment of dissatisfaction, his feelings, this raw and red feeling that was jealousy brooding in his chest.

on cue, to soothe his aches, you’ll rest his head on your lap and curl a finger around a braid. he’s accustomed to your speed now, he’ll briefly stiffen but then melt on your skin, curling into you. he just wants to feel love through himself, not some silly demand or order. so this action hits him best — you loving him through the grime.

once in an established relationship, there’s sooooo much open room for physical touches. it’s more intimate, so you’re shy when hugging him and throwing an arm around him — he finds it cute how you resist and purposely holds you more. definitelyyy a teaser. come on, a son of jake sully? you got me twisted.

he’ll tilt your chin to face him, kiss your neck in close proximity and almost ALWAYS sit with your fingers or his on you.

he loves your voice / eyes. also loves them best, the way they curl and twinkle when you’re drilling compliments into his skull for anything short of mundane or exalting — “my yawne, you did so well”, “my sweet boy, look how well you did”, “i can’t think of anyone better.”

he’s insecure, so some days are harder than most. when he fails on a particular task or fails the skills to attempt one, he’s curling into himself. it’s not visible — it’s internal. it’s in his head, the numerous cogs working to remind himself of his hollowness, his futility. he’s non-verbal by the time you find him, tail crimped between his legs. his eyes are shining and wet, full with unshed tears. when you make your way close, he’s already surrendered himself — “why can’t i do anything right?” “i’m pathetic,” “my dad was right.”

you want nothing more than to eat that terrible feeling lurking within him, diminishing it for his happiness. but this was lo’ak. the bright smiles, eager and welcoming. this was lo’ak, the anger and frustration. this, too, was lo’ak, the grime and jealousy, the stubbornness. this and this and this. you learn to hold him upright—you’ll have lo’ak whole than halved into parts. it’s him you need, you tell him, not a warrior. him.

and he’ll cry, because it’s, too, his first. his first at learning love and compassion. of acceptance and honesty. he’ll see the reflection of him, whole and fully lo’ak, in your eyes and the delightful push of your lips against him melts with his tears.

that, too, he’ll store in his memory.

© 2022 qvrcll ! do not repost any of my works on any platform.