#im aware this is just internet drama but we dont care

[st4rrygrl]

The blatant lies in plagues (@/blood.plagues) "explanation" and more allegations. (Part 1)

While reading plagues explanation on @/seireitonin's post, multiple people found the inconsistent lies on both his text messages and also the posts that his friends made to defend him. This post will be separated into multiple points.

1) Talking to minors inappropriately.

"The only other supposed proof of him being 'flirty' was towards adults who consented."

This is from one of his friends posts made to address the situation, while *some* of the images in seireitonin's post were taken out of context, there are MANY examples of plague making sexual jokes towards minors, even if they aren't moderators or his friends.

One of these examples was already posted by @/t4tesmuu (you can check their reblog for more information, it's really insightful.) and @/insomniac-shado.

The translation for the message was "Are you a guitar or why do i wanna grab you by the neck". Even if this was a joke, it's completely out of pocket and genuinely disturbing. There is no reason for an adult man to be talking to minors this way even if its a joke.

More screenshots down below. Some of the screenshots will say "yesterday" but the actual timeline would've been somewhere in July.

Keep in mind that turtle, cass, ? and Moew are all MINORS. There were more situations, specifically with one of his mods who is FOURTEEN but the channels and messages were deleted, I assume out of fear.

There is literally no world where talking to minors sexually or inappropriately even as a joke should be accepted. Some of the conversations we saw in his server that are now deleted were genuinely scary. It's insane how people will defend his behaviour because either he hasn't done it to them, or because he tells them it's okay because he "asked for permission". Again, if you have to ask permission to make a joke, then there's no reason to make it. I'd argue there's no reason for plague to be interacting with minors as friends either way, because of the major power imbalance. Many minors will see his behaviour and think its normal because they look up to him.

Again, there's no reason for him to make these jokes just because his humor is like that. If you can't control the things you say around minors, then you shouldn't be around them at all. All of this could've been avoided had he made his server 18+ or just.. kept his distance with minors. There are many more screenshots that I have, but due to tumblrs 10 image limit per post, you can ask for them in DMs.

And again, I'm sorry, but i can't state this enough, there is NO REASON for him to make these jokes. it doesn't matter if they're friends, it doesn't matter if they consented to it, because at the end of the day, MINORS CANNOT CONSENT. He could've just not made those jokes in the first place. I don't know what was going on in his head before sending these images. As an adult, you shouldn't even feel the urge to make inappropriate jokes towards/in the presence of minors.

To anyone who's going to defend this behaviour by saying "but minors make sexual jokes all the time!" there's a big difference. Plague is an ADULT directing these "jokes" towards his minor "friends". There's really no way i can explain it to tell people why it's wrong because it's literally common sense. Plague is incredibly immature for acting this way and doubling down on it instead of admitting his mistakes and deleting the server entirely.

Many of his friends in their borderline ai generated statements have mentioned that these jokes are "private", which is a fucking lie lmfao. You can literally find all of these messages in his server unless he's taken them down by now. There are probably so many more that we missed because plague just loves deleting chats and channels out of fear that people would take them out of context. No amount of context that he can give can explain WHY he wants to make these jokes so bad. It's so fucking easy to just.... not make a vore joke to a 15 year old.

2) His "Dark and Sexual Humour"

- Plague has admitted **multiple** (and I mean a lot like at the LEAST 20 separate occasions) times that he has "dark and sexual" humor. Some of his humor includes being weirdly obsessed with black men for some reason??? as I am not black, I got my friend Laila (who is black) to offer their statements on the images below.

"Hiii so im here to speak on the whole plague and his weird obsession with black men. This makes me feel like im a fucking joke to him, like "i head cannon toby to send pictures of black men while someone is venting" what the fuck plague. I am black and I take HUGE FUCKING OFFENSE to this?? like are we seriously a joke to you plague?? nothing is funny about fetishizing black people, like this is seriously so offensive and heartbreaking because genuinely what was going through your brain when making these jokes. And don't even blame this on your "dark and sexual humor" when this is just straight up racism?? The way you find black men literally just existing so funny is odd to me, and its really odd you did this stuff ONLY with black men. you could have chosen german or white men to make fun of, but NO you decided for black men to be the butt of your "dark and sexual humor". Also you joking about saying the n word??? Like thats not something to even joke about even if you meant "nitro". Like fym "I pause trying not to say the n word"...?? Plague be so serious with yourself, you aren't funny at all. Saying something like that is **EXTREMELY FUCKING OFFENSIVE TO THE BLACK COMMUNITY JOKE OR NOT PLAGUE.** ANYONE that tries to defend this is definitely not fucking black like I don't want to hear ANYONES say on this unless your black. If you're not black you get to have ZERO say on this. Plague, please leave the fucking internet and never come back you walking biohazard."

I also want to say that if you are NOT BLACK then you don't have a say on this. It is not your place as a white/non-black person to decide whether or not these "jokes" are racist. Stay in your lane because it had nothing to do with you. It doesn't matter if it was just a joke, it's still offensive and disturbing.

- Another thing he's done is just straight up say a homophobic slur towards lesbians. This was on August 10th, of THIS YEAR. This happened THIS MONTH. There is no way to explain yourself for this one, it's not funny, nor is it amusing nor does it fall under "Dark humor"; and you can't say you were "ignorant" either. Using dark humor as a way to shield yourself from being outed as a fucking freak will harm you in the long run. A statement from one of my friends:

"Hey, i wanted to talk about plauge saying a slur towards lesbians. Plauge is a boy, BOYS CANT BE LESBIAN, he should never even use that word at all. As a Lesbian, people shouldn't use those types of slurs, since it's only used to harm someone. If the slur has been said once, it sure has been said MULTIPLE times. Lying about others saying unreclaimable slurs while you say unreclaimable slurs is kinda crazy, since you were being so confident about!! Plauge is NOT a child, he's an adult. He should know better than to do these type of things, especially since he has a big following and most of them are minors. He should NEVER say slurs that he cant reclaim, even as a joke, because that's just offensive. There is no excuse. His 'dark and sexual humor' means NOTHING."

Also, for the uninformed people, bisexual people CANNOT say derogatory lesbian slurs. It's a very simple concept that is easy to understand. If you're not a lesbian then you can't say slurs against lesbians. I don't know how his friends are defending this because it's literally insane.

There is literally no way plague could justify these things. Borderline racism and homophobia is NOT dark humor, plague. the only way to get out of these is if you formally apologize and delete your social media presence. like please be honest with yourself, there is no way you could explain yourself for these other than you're legitimately dense and stupid.

3) Spreading lies about people.

- When a group of people first *tried* to come out with this information, plague immediately shut them down and started spreading fake allegations about them. He said that they doxxed people, they tried doxxing him, they sent gore to people, they make nsfw jokes towards minors (they're all 14), that they're n@z!s, and that they say slurs they can't reclaim. All of these are obvious lies, he got these accusations from one of his moderators who told him MULTIPLE times that it wasn't them, and that they were talking about other people. Despite this, he KEPT spreading this even after they apologised to him. When seirei came out with her post about this, he blamed it on that group of people while saying the same stuff about them and when someone corrected him, he didn't respond or elaborate.

- After seirei came out with her post and deleted the tiktok videos, plagues minions went out and made multiple tumblr posts "debunking" the allegations and essentially calling seirei ableist when that wasn't her fault, it was the anon's fault. They blamed her for "mishandling" the situation (which literally just means they didn't want her coming out abt this) and said that she was irresponsible and immature. They also just straight up said that seirei admitted that the situation was "petty" about this situation with no proof or evidence, so it's safe to say that they were lying about this as well.

- 2 specific people who had been part of this situation got ran off of social media due to the constant harassment from one of plagues moderators, Asher. One of these people was TWELVE. They harassed a TWELVE year old off of social media because they spread lies about them. That is genuinely disgusting behaviour. They lied about them making fun of asher getting groomed, which never happened, nor do they have proof of. Asher also made a video on tiktok where they basically dissed one of the people in the caption and people shit talked them in the comments. It's hard to tell whether or not he told asher to do this, but considering he made a server just to shit talk the people he doesn't like (specifically the people who are vocal about this) I wouldn't be surprised.

My final statement: there will probably be another post about this in a few days with MORE screenshots and evidence. if people want, I'll make a reblog with more screenshots. I'm aware that this is all discord drama but the things that plague and his company are doing and defending are NOT okay and shouldn't be left unchecked. These people have harassed and lied and gaslighted so many people that its genuinely terrifying. I will not be taking this post down nor will I hear any "explanation" about this. We have all the context we need and won't take this down.

Also, about plagues ridiculous conspiracy theory that everyone who's being vocal about this is the same group of people, I just wanna let people know that this is NOT true. A lot of people are working together to gather more evidence, and those people all have different experiences with plague and his server. Just because they're all cooperating doesn't mean it stems from the same people. The fact that there's 60+ people messaging seirei about this already proves that there's a lot of victims of his immature behaviour.

The only plague can make people let go of this is if he deletes his entire social media presence, including his server. If you're gonna defend this behaviour, just know that you're defending a legitimate freak. You will be blocked if you try to spread misinformation.

[golden-witch]

Yoooo i am rly regretful abt being super aggressive abt problematic ships. I was with bad ppl* and a bad person who suffocated me with their own baggage and traumas. I felt like everyone around me felt entitled to my emotional energy at accommodating their abuse history, but none of them provided me with a space to come out as a victim. There was just the assumptiom that if I was able to listen to their pain, I must have not been a survivor. I definitely dealt w that pain in unhealthy ways and became INSANE.

This is not an opportunity for yall to be like "LOL YEA WE ALL KNEW U WERE GOIN THRU THE MANIC BRAIN SHITTER XD" as ppl have been wont to do. At this point, Im aware that Ive had a rly bad problem w people pleasing until I just explode, usually on the internet, due to some unrelated drama that let me feel like I had some outlet to be nasty.

I think anyone who rly knows me realizes that I dont have such black and white opinions. I think the most fucked up part abt me was that I would bitch abt shit I dont even rly care abt deep down. Like ped shit is NASTY but fan artists + bloggers should be so low on the priority list, myself included.

*My roommates worked in the SA victim support industry so chatting w me abt their extremely fucked up clients or me hearing calls was a DAILY thing

[gryphsdeadbones]

hey from one nd person to another the comic where fm gordon says a slur seems kind of in poor taste. ik ur not intentionally making light of it and tht occurring in fm should be criticized but while you dont make it out to be a good thing making jokes about it and calling him a "slurboy" is kind of questionable? it makes it seem more like a plotpoint and angst rather than the creator of fm genuinely fucking up in the past (and having moved on from it)! i think exploring fm coming to terms with being nd is a good idea but this isnt the best way to do it. if you want me to explain my point more lmk if/when u post this and i will! someone already made a post abt it but it was kinda strongly worded and i wanted to approach you more calmly because i genuinely dont want to call you out or start drama or anything ;-;

first off thank you for being civil and patient with me i appreciate this ask a lot- also this got long- im not in a flying rage or anything when i bold or emphasis text, i just needed it also for my own readability and since im not the best at wording- hopefully this hellsite works and my response is under the cut

i would like to know how is it in poor taste when freemind explicitly gets clocked at the very end for saying it. the entire point of the comic was to show that saying the r slur has existed in his source and is bad

im not sure how much more direct i can get, with the disclaimer/warning list growing longer and longer and out there for a huge sign that says “this au can get dark as fuck and these subject matters are treated seriously/not something to mess around with.” Like yes, there are some jokes in the asks and other comics, but that specific comic is not supposed to be “haha thats funny”. it has a serious tone using a rough sketch style bc i was super tired and wanted to vent

was it just the direct reference to it that just made people uncomfortable? because thats 100% understandable, and i made sure i tagged it appropriately (although admittedly, a little bit late since i thought the filter would catch at least the main thing)

i think what some people somehow got from it is “exploring sensitive content = endorsing said content” which! that is not the intent! i absolutely do not want people saying that word! I don’t want people thinking that is any way okay for this character to say

its more of a damned if i do address it, damned if i dont.

if it never comes up, people are gonna assume that ‘oh this character says slurs and is shit, surely the creator or fan-creator MUST be okay with it and woobifies freemind and absolves him of any mistakes’ or something like that. no. this asshole has an arc and i want to do it right. its serious and i think it shouldn’t be shoved under the rug

and people just. dont want to read for context for whatever reason. theyll start watching it and get taken aback by the slur and start blaming me ‘hey you never warned for this’ when very early on i keep mentioning over and over ‘you dont have to watch it if you dont want to! This has slurs and 2000s internet brand humor/style’ You really dont, I’m not forcing you to watch it- Literally all you need to know is either canon half life or hl/vrai. thats it. fm mostly follows hl1 with very slight changes.

so i had to make something that:

1. warns people who arent aware and dont want to go through my asks or about/warning pages (for whatever reason) and just want to see the art

2. also NOT downplay freemind’s canon assholery. listen, i kinda despise writing mean and cruel characters, theyre hard to do, and a lot of people get shit for doing it wrong or people going “character = author”

i’ve also considered leaving the bubbles blank, but then people could fill it with whatever they want, then blame me for being vague. or they’d fill it in with a different kind of slur that freemind has never used, even if he MIGHT be the type to do that. I needed to explicitly mention that it is ableist slur. There are shitty racist and other problematic jokes, but never those kinds of extreme racial slurs to my knowledge.

Although I do see your point that maybe joking about it outside of the serious stuff might not be the best route. The slurboy jokes are getting stale, and I will try a better way to remind people.

The thing that gets to me is that it feels people are more than ready to defend either Ross Scott or Gordon Freeman the fictonal character himself. I don’t??? really care for Ross Scott, so I don’t know if he’s ever brought it up specifically. I’m not really calling him out or cancelling him. Idc for some white man’s feelings, im only bringing the timeframe of That era and reworking it to fit in This current era.

And I hate to break it to people: Gordon Freeman is a blank slate character, you can project whatever the hell you want on him as long as it’s not freakshit illegal garbage. The machinimas (fm, hl/vrai) do have SOME characterization that I want to nail down. It fucking sucks when characters are ooc, and I’m trying not to do that, even if it means sacrificing some comfort. But still mostly staying in my comfort zone if that makes sense

Now about the callout that I do not want to engage with the op directly:

Honestly im very surprised the comic was called out when i just. thought my stuff is relatively tame on exploring the bad shit canon freemind does. ive seen him in fancontent where they really dont hold back and its still played off as ‘kinda funny’ tone.

I really don’t know if people just want any reason to hate me for whatever reason. That’s fine I guess, I can’t please everyone and they dont have to like me.

But like. isn’t it so much easier for the op of that to block me and the post and move on. Why kick up such a fuss. I can see that thinly veiled death threat of a vague. That’s pretty fucked up- Like holy fucking god, you do not have to like my stuff. I’m not holding you at knifepoint to like my stuff. I’ve specifically made two different tags (one general au, one specific au) if anyone wants to blacklist it for their own reasons I do not need to know. I don’t want to know.

You’re allowed to be uncomfortable. You’re allowed to unfollow/blacklist/block.

However you just don’t go ranting about it for something you horribly misinterpreted. If it bothers you so badly, literally just. drop me a message to clarify. thats it. or save yourself the time and block me.

I’ve blocked the op for both our sakes, but if anyone wants to send this post to them, then thats fine. I don’t want anything to do with them.

I don’t want to link the post and blow it up. I just want shit clarified, dropped and we can move the fuck on with our lives. 

If you’re reading this and don’t know what the post is, please don’t bother. I do not want people going after the op with threats, please keep it civil, I’d prefer if you don’t engage with the post at all on my behalf.

Despite this huge wall of text, I do not want this to be a big deal, so please don’t ask me about the details.

_

As for anon, feel free to dm me either on here or. Maybe on discord if you’d still like to suggest or have something more cleared up. I’m still willing to hear any kind of feedback, and i want to thank you again for being reasonable about this

[burnedbyshoto]

Somethings I feel like you have split personality. I see you really nice somethings and welcoming and awesome and I think I want to be your friend and I admire you. Then another time I see you lose it completely and just snap at someone even for a simple mistake and just tear them apart and I think "who is that person" and idk if you're noticed that about yourself but yeah....

maybe it’s because my campus just emailed us saying it’s shutting down after spring break and i’m in this weird anxious ball that I feel like I want to reply to this even though it could have been buried in my askbox.

(these were my test results for the big 5 personality test, just in case you really wanna delve into who i am as a person LOL)

anyways I think it’s pretty interesting about what you say about your observances on me because I don’t think you’re wrong in the slightest. I am a very nice, caring and nurturing person. i’m the oldest and eldest daughter in an immigrant mexican family. it’s been drilled into me to be that way. without trying to seem... braggy or egocentric??? I guess??? I think i’m a very fun person to be around because i’m always on the move and can make both extroverts, ambiverts, and introverts feel comfortable!!! (in middle and high school I was known for basically transforming shy kids into very loud and boisterous people). i’m welcoming and kind because I feel that everyone deserve kindness, everyone deserves to be treated with compassion and sweetness and love!

but people seem to forget that while I am this bubbly idiot who is annoyingly loud, trying to be the mom friend of the group (although i’m definitely more of the wanna be mom friend), I am a very observant, calculating, and albeit limited on patience person. i have a sharp tongue, i cuss so much that people find it weird when i don’t cuss, and i’m a very calm and collected person. i don’t jump to conclusions very often — because even i sometimes crack under monumentous emotions and stress — and tend to come off as unemotional because of it sometimes. I have pretty damn great intuitions of people in terms of their relationship to me. it takes one interaction for me to figure out whether or not we can be friends — and honestly it hasn’t worked out on the internet as easily as it does irl but that’s okay! I see things, I notice things, and by all means i’m fiercely loyal and don’t truly believe in second chances (to explain second chances I mean for seriously big issues. so like if I catch you talking mad shit about me behind my back you’re not worth it to me so I won’t bother with you anymore. there’s no logical reasoning behind actions like that. but if you were like keeping secrets from me because you felt insecure about what I would say and it caused a fight i’d forgive you because that’s something worth figuring out — if that’s something they want to figure out as well!)

because of these moral and ethical conditions of mine, and because I will literally die for the people I love with my sharp tongued persona — which again is shown in my welcoming and kind presence, it’s just ignored because I am a loud blubbering idiot for fun. I am kind, I am welcoming, but i’m no pushover and i’m not afraid of how I come off because in the end I do feel like my feelings are justified.

honestly though, i’m not really sure what i’ve snapped into for a tiny little mistake??? sorry I don’t mean to be rude or anything of that manner, i’m just genuinely curious as to when i’ve snapped like that here??? the only time i’ve had an issue here was surrounding the server which deals with a lot of background information. background information that I cannot fill you in on when you don’t experience it all for yourself on my server but only read about it for yourself be it on my blog or through the mouth or words of someone else. you must also remember that i’m an admin and there’s a bunch of things going on behind the scenes that we don’t always share because some information just isn’t worth sharing because it has nothing to do with you. and people be bringing bs drama to my askbox instead of dming me on discord like I say they should, choosing to instead bring private details to public light and except me to just take it??? nah that’s not me, especially since those words attack more than just me. I can deal with people not liking me, it happens, it’s life, but I don’t like when my friends get slandered. it’s just who i am.

but yeah... how I see it is that I don’t tear into people unless they’ve done something to someone I value highly in my life, or because they’ve screwed up entirely so.

i’m sorry you’ve come to think of me as an angel and this horrific demon, it was never my intention! I do my best with what I can and hell if you think I dont see how I am as a person I can confidentially assure you that i am aware of a lot of my flaws. I know that my reasonings and feelings above are flawed — I am 100% aware! but at the same time I don’t feel the need to change right now because not only does it work for me, but frankly I don’t think I deserve to be torn into and just take it. i’m a “popular blog” sure, but i’m not some prized animal for anons to try and take down and hang on their walls like some trophy.

oh and also!!! i am suspectible hangry and “im too fucking tired for this” moodswings which do very much sour my personality!

[anamelessblade]

🔥

Hi I love u sly. Sorry u get the long rant. and its not going under a read more im tired.

Deep breath– sorry if this pisses anyone off or if you lose all faith in me this has been stewing. 

Write whatever the fuck you want. Yeah, even that really shitty thing everyone is going to scream and yell about and call you all sorts of nasty terrible names for. Yeah, even THAT subject everyone says you should not touch with a ten foot pole.

im being vague on purpose. you know the type of subjects.

‘But Raive what the fuck that subject is awful and condoning shit and romanticizing–’

Let me be clear: Just because I’m saying this, does not at all mean I condone everything that is written. It does not mean I think everything should be written and put out there for public consumption. Maybe it shouldn’t be. Maybe it should be somewhere private or maybe it shouldn’t be. Honestly I’m not sure. All I know is that there are so many people here saying this is a SAFE PLACE and that it should be that for everyone--but this is the internet. It was never safe (i remember my parents telling me to never give my name out, be careful who you talk to be aware. dont give out your age. don’t do this. a lot of you need to realize that too because everyone is always asking for information and i don’t need to verify who i am IRL with you because that’s fucking scary in and of itself). You have to make your safe space by using the tools provided to you to keep the content you don’t want in your face out of it. If you see something you don’t like and it bothers you, that means you found something that bothers you. I’m sorry, I am honestly 100% sorry you have to confront something that you do not like and which may or may not trigger you in some way because of some other circumstance that occurred. Unfortunately, what other people do and write and how they act is entirely out of your control. You cannot make anyone do anything they do not want to--and that includes people who are actively out to hurt others. 

With that said.

 If two consenting adults decide to write something and they tag it and they put all the content warnings in the world and you still go to their blog and come out and tell them they are wrong and immoral and a horrible, horrible person, that’s on you. There is shit I won’t write and dont agree with and things I wouldnt tell anyone to write, but art and writing is not meant to be comfortable, it pushes boundaries, even the boundaries you think should not be crossed. And if it crosses your own boundaries, then you do what you have to make yourself feel comfortable

(please note I am talking about purely fictional things and events not when people come out rping ACTUAL N*ZIS)

'But Raive… what if its hurting people? What if someone uses that writing for something actually irl bad?’

I hate to say this, I really do, but if someone is going to hurt someone and has already decided go out of their way to do it, they are going to do it whether or not someone’s horrifying all-taboo, all squick rp/fic is out there. 

Dont get me wrong. Like I said, there are a lot of things that I think probably shouldn’t be written. But I’m not going to condemn anyone for it so long as they themselves outside of the fiction are a decent person. Contrary to what everyone rages about and shouts– there is a difference and a line between fiction and reality. No it’s not that cut and dry. Some things do affect people and change opinions, but it’s not such a simple thing as 'I wrote this fic and now everyone is going to think its okay’. The things that actually blur the line of fiction and reality (such as rac.ism and h.omophobia and things of that nature) it’s probably already in the hearts and minds of the people watching or reading that media and they will use it as an example of feelings that were already there, because it reflects them. I don’t think any well-meaning person would watch or read a scene with a murder and come out thinking that murder is alright. There is a line when it comes to specific subjects compared to others, and i think that encompasses most of the problematic writing and work that everyone so ardently opposes. Because, most of the people writing these subjects are not condoning it themselves, they’re just writing it as fiction. 

Again, I don’t know if that’s right or wrong, that’s not what I’m about to make a judgment call on. I’m just saying this black and white ideology of policing CONSENTING ADULTS who are NOT OUT TO HURT ANYONE needs to stop. They tag and put all the warnings and say out right in their rule that they write certain subjects you are not comfortable with and you still decide to follow or to interact or whatever-- dude that. is. on. you. and you need to realize that.

I know anecdotal evidence is not like the most scientific way to go about this kind of thing, but i’m at work/taking a break and can’t look up any articles on pyschology or whatever to ‘prove’ my point. Those of you who don’t agree won’t read or want to read it anyway. 

I spent around...almost i’d say ten years on this one forum. Back in its heyday when it was popular there were a lot of us writing shit that...should not have been written. Things I would not write now, but was okay with back then because I was young and not necessarily aware. My idea was it’s fiction. There’s nothing wrong with it inherently. and that’s how most of us were. Nobody came out of the woodworks to say this was AWFUL AND YOU ARE EVIL AND TERRIBLE FOR WRITING THIS because we all spoke to each other ooc and we didn’t conflate in character with out of character. Any time something bad happened ooc it was dealt with, the person removed and that was that. Because no one was hurting anyone IC, it was the ooc that mattered.

 IC drama was IC drama no matter how crazy and shitty it got (and there was a lot of IC drama that everyone watched and commented on and honestly it was insane)... but and this sounds odd perhaps, but writing and reading those things gave me a perspective I wouldn’t have had otherwise. I researched, I looked into things, I wanted to portray things right--and it gave me a really wide view and understanding of what people in certain situations go through. I’m not saying go write these awful things so you can understand the horrors of it. I’m just saying it taught me to empathize better and actively try to understand what other people go through, I guess. 

Anyway. this got long and a little rambly and I wish I could get my point across half as well as I formulated it in my head but...

TL;DR: write what you want, no matter what it is. Tag all the warnings. Put all the content warnings that you can so that those who dont want to see that shit can block it. and those of you who want to attack people who do all of the above, please don’t. Just block and blacklist and do all the things necessary for yourself. And be aware that the world and the internet is a scary place that does not cater to you. 

[jsalim-art]

Dont mind me venting and rambling about how being here has affected my mental health:

Hours ago it was the 8th of August which would have been my dog Buddha's 14th birthday (he crossed the rainbow bridge back in 2020). I like to think I am one to hold my composure/stoic about my feelings but I still find myself bursting into tears when I think of him. 2 years of not having him in my life still hurts like hell. If I wasn't stuck here in UAE and back in Canada I would make a dog friendly cake which I would present to Nala my current dog who would appreciate a treat even though she has no concept of time and is not aware of her brother having a birthday regardless and take her to one of the nice parks in memory of my old dog. But I'm not there and my sister and I are currently feeding the 4 stray dogs that like to hang around the family home. My sister and I bought some beef liver and some mcdonalds burgers that we teared up and put on some paper plates for them to eat which they obviously happily eat. We thought they should have something "nice" instead of the usual kibble and scraps we feed them. And for us humans got some small cakes that we enjoyed.

It's a small happiness for these animals. Otherwise while I'm happy about making sure these dogs (and cats too) are fed my heart is still breaking at the idea of the fate of these strays and im very aware about UAE's stance in stray animals. I'm aware this is the life they have always known and I made the big mistake of growing attached to them (considering my sister got me involved so i can't back out of this regardless). I didn't want to be attached but considering the proximity of me seeing them everyday guess who sorta tears up whenever the strays are being affectionate towards me?

The most I feel we could do other than feed them is at least get them TNR spay/neutered so they won't multiply they are pretty well fed for strays since other than myself and my sister feeding them the locals around the neighborhood feed them to.

And I guess we want the impossible to happen as in to get them adopted/fostered back to Canada or so if not UAE (since we have reaally bad luck for a shelter to take them in since all rescues and such are full). I have actually gone to every social media I have (I'm not proud I have those but my sister thinks since I am more immersed in the internet more than her has been urging me to do it which I have and felt like I made a fool of myself but I did the best I can).

There is a 95% chance we may never find someone to take them in at all and it saddens me. It's sad because I feel these animals deserve a good life that doesn't involve surviving for food and staying away from the heat. I dont know how destroyed I'll be mentally after this cause I've gone too deep with this considering it's just my sister and I helping them and everyone family wise around us are basically making us feel we are wrong helping these dogs and cats instead of like ignoring them considering they are within proximity of the family home that we regularly interact with them so it's impossible to ignore them.

Maybe because I had the privilege of living in a western country (Canada) that probably cares more for animals than where I am right now (UAE) but but is it wrong of my sister and I to want to help them? Even if it's at least to spay/neuter them? I don't know what's going to happen to them but I sure as he'll that my sister and I are going to do the best we can that these strays are fed well as long as we are here in UAE. Regardless I probably need to get therapy after this considering not only the stress of dealing with the strays there's also stupid family drama bullshit that I contemplated why I even bothered to agree to coming here in the first place when I know I'm going to be facing heartbreak and sadness all over like slap some clown makeup on me and call me Bobo the fool....I just wish things were easier cause I can't compart my feelings and priorities in boxes out of this.

[fe16]

okay. im going to make an explanation post cause im tired of people lying about me and propagating things that arent true cuz it suits you.

first up, the goddamn “mikhail stole my so and lied to him to get us to break up”. this is about soma, for soma, and whoever else i dont really care about it but id rather have you people talk and ask me directly about these things more than anything else. im gonna use names cause shit will get confusing

you cannot steal a person. i was not trying to steal, or lie, or cheat my way into a relationship for the sake of a boyfriend. all of my relationship stuff with nate and alex happened after all three of us cut soma off because nobody liked the way nate was being treated by soma. hes 20 years old, nate is 17, and since this isn’t a damn callout im not going into details nor is it my business to but for the record nate has trauma pertaining to soma himself. nate almost relapsed and attempted during the breakup. after soma and nate broke up, a week later, he’s cut off because of the stress soma caused. nate confessed to us. i didnt have any feelings for nate or soma before they broke up, and the loveposts i was making were about alex/isiah. soma knows this cause i was gushing about him on call and alex and i had matching usernames (or tried to get them) and i thought it was cute, so the feelings stemmed from there. i told nate about alex, and he supported me in it and this part is kind of irrelevant but i wasnt trying to attain anybody else’s happiness, i genuinely wanted it to be the four of us going on double dates and shit. isiah was just a friendship crush in the end. i did not lie about who i had feelings for. i told nate about somas personal tweets about him the morning they cut each other off and i didnt take advantage of either of you, just nate had no reason to lie to me and the more he told me about you, soma, the more i realised you were the one lying to me. what you think i did is fucking nowhere near my character at all, and for the record from what ive been told it seems more like a you thing than anyone else.

 part two is the cam thing. i would never willingly date an abuser. i go online as a form of escapism from my irl abuse, and it makes no sense for me to continuously seek out people to harm me. cam put me under the impression that it had changed, and all of its shittiness had been dealt with and that it was a different person now, and had apologised for its actions. at the time, in february, i was having a really bad drawn out psychotic episode which made me susceptible to people telling me things cause i was already unstable enough as it was. cam told me we should be 100% honest with each other and i believed it, and because i had nobody else to believe but cam, i did not think of anything less than that, and didnt really bother to question it because i didnt have the energy to. i cut cam off.

part three is that i didnt “cheat” on mello. mello and i were fwbs, nothing more, nothing less, and you cannot cheat on a fwb. what ill admit to is that i also became friends with cam during this period, and was unaware it wasnt okay. i admit to the fact it was miscommunication on my part which i apologised for. mello forgave me. during the cam drama, when i was attempting to cut cam off, mello befriended cam and was going to help it, but i myself was not told the details. i did not ask mello to do this. mello came to me asking if it was okay to sext cam, i said yes, then changed my mind and told him i wanted to cut him off for this too. mello said that was fine. he then told me cam wanted to “revenge sext” with him, and apologised for not saying no to it. i said that was okay and we continued to be friends. i dont know how i fit into getting mello hurt by cam because i didnt ask anyone to help me. i was appreciative of the help, yes, but it was all of other people’s accord. don’t say you got yourself hurt for me when i told you not to martyr yourself.

and for the antiblackness, i was not aware of haru saying the n word. the posts about me joking about being antiblack were an in joke with me and an irl friend. i apologised to her for that, and she accepted my apology, which is why i didnt make any further posts joking about it. i am sorry for joking about that, and using AAVE. i didnt know, and have stopped that now.

if there’s anything else that needs to actually be addressed that isnt just chalked up to me being an asshole on the internet, remind me and ill either apologise for it or explain it as well as i can. for the record i was not run off tumblr, that was a joke ask my irl friend sent and there’s proof on my twitter. i deleted the app because i am studying for exams. thanks

[st4rrygrl]

The blatant lies in plagues (@/blood.plagues) "explanation" and more allegations. (Part 2)

Welcome back to the series of us sharing what we love about plague /sar. In the time period between this post and the one before it, we've found out more things that are either insane or just questionable.

1) Ableism.

This made me laugh when I first saw it as literally one simple google search and maybe 15 minutes of research could easily disprove this. According to this article by Mclean Hospital,

"BPD is a personality disorder that has historically been diagnosed in adults. However, despite the common misconception that BPD does not occur in those younger than 18, a significant body of evidence suggests it is possible for children and adolescents to begin to develop BPD before age 18.

Neither the current Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) nor the older versions of the DSM prohibit the diagnosis of BPD in young people.

According to BPD expert Blaise Aguirre, MD, “It is outrageous to think a clinician would not diagnose BPD when a person is seventeen years and 364 days old and then diagnose it the next day when the teen turns eighteen.”

Because teen personalities are still forming, young people may undergo many changes before they’re considered an adult. Mood swings, instability, and other symptoms may be a sign of hormonal fluctuations, stress, or anxiety.

Those who are experiencing symptoms of borderline personality disorder need help—don’t wait to seek care in the hopes that a behavior is “just a phase” or “they’ll grow out of it.”"

And that's just the first thing that comes up on google. Even if plague didn't know about this, it's reckless behaviour to fake claim someone who you aren't even in contact with, and double down on it when a simple google search would've told you that getting a diagnosis at 12 is in fact, possible.

This screenshot is even more disturbing than the last ones, he's straight-up mocking someone with down syndrome for literally no reason. There is no way to justify this, and the only way you could try to is if he was "ignorant" which would be a disgusting excuse, and mean nothing at the same time.

He cannot keep blaming everything on his "ignorance", his "dark and sexual humor", or the fact that he asked for permission. These need ACTUAL explanations describing exactly what was going on through his head while saying these. It doesn't matter if these were private conversations either-- it's still sickening to look at. Again, there's literally no way you could explain or defend this screenshot, it's actually heinous.

2) Plague's ignorance/Our statements.

In response to the screenshot of plague saying a slur he cannot reclaim, @/twproxy made a post addressing it. In the post, they shared this screenshot:

And I just wanted to offer my thoughts on this since this seems to be a very common pattern with Plague.

Even if these were private dms and that according to @/twproxy, people (lesbians) can't feel offended (even if the slur is offensive) because it wasn't directed at them, it's still reckless behaviour. Just the idea that he said a slur and had to be educated by people a decade younger than him is ridiculous. He's not a kid, he should know better. He could easily blame all of these screenshots, and this ENTIRE situation on him being ignorant, but we all know that's not true.

The slur was clearly said in a manner that meant it to be derogatory, anyone who can critically think can see that. Also like... it's clearly referring to lesbians (meaning that bisexual people can't reclaim it). Unless he's actually dumb and dense, he would realize that "hey! maybe that's a slur, let me search it up first to make sure!" but no, instead, he called a minor a slur that he cannot reclaim. What I'm trying to say is that he could easily be lying about this and just say "that he didn't know" to get them off of his back.

I'm not involved with this situation, nor do I know anyone who is, so maybe, just maybe there is in fact context I am missing. Maybe they said that he can call them slurs, which would be fine I guess. But to a regular person, this entire situation is just insane. From calling a 15 year old a derogatory slur he cannot reclaim, to pretending that he didn't know what it meant.

I wanted to talk about this in the post about him replying to his racism allegations, but I let Laila handle that one first. What I wanted to mention was how absurd it was that Plague saw a video of someone crying their eyes out about racism, and saw how clearly it affected them personally, and instead of apologizing like a normal person, he decided to "defend" himself by lying through his teeth.

I can't even find a word to describe that behaviour other than UNREAL. You SAW how your words affected people. and you wanted to double down on it and defend yourself instead of just admitting that you made a mistake and apologizing????

3) Plague using minors to defend himself.

It's also ridiculous how plague has minors writing posts defending him on tumblr instead of just addressing the allegations himself. It's pathetic and predatory to have minors do your dirty work. We won't share the screenshots unless we absolutely need to, to keep the people involved safe; but we were sent a pretty alarming piece of information. Plague has allegedly repeatedly asked one of his moderators to make a video about the situation to defend him.

I'll state it again, this is predatory behaviour. Minors shouldn't be fighting his battles and deal with the backlash. The longer Plague stays silent about this, the worse it's gonna get.

[perfectionistincrisis]

Day 83, 84

Didnt post for awhile cause I needed to get some thoughts straight in my head. Idk if i could get them totally straight and i dont even know whether i will ever be able to get them to but its okay i think. I mean it just comes with the baggage of life and inshaAllah I will deal with it along the way whenever it is in action. 

So theres been many thoughts coming in my head but then all of it can be connected and related to each other so its just more like one big massive ball of thoughts. I will try to mention whatever comes in my head for now. But hmppphhhh where do i start *wonders* 

Okay so i have 2 start points, ill pick the one which is currently still a thought cause the other one is kind of resolved :3 

So this is about this conversation i had with him a year ago, exactly around this time last year. I will not talk about our conversation on the internet :3 but just what it was about so that I can get to what it is in my head 

Well we werent really going through a good phase back then and once he told me something about ‘love’ & ‘duty’. Like there are things you do out of love, and there are things which are ‘duty’ but you do not love doing them but have to anyways. 

The thing is, it is kind of hard for me to understand the relation between ‘love & duty’. To be honest, i did get what he meant back then, and things were different back then (meaning, we were going out) & if not so much, but you could put what he said into context at least a little. 

But now, I just dont understand the connection, nor can i appreciate the difference between these two terms. When i say i dont understand the connection - i mean to say i dont understand it, but i believe they are more related and similar than they are different. 

When you love someone, and they mean the world to you, and you put them before yourself. You can do anything for them, to protect them, to make sure they are ok. Their happiness matters to you so much. It is so important for you - because you love them unconditionally. and also because when they are not happy, you are not happy either. So you want the best of the best for them, for their happiness,

 “and in turn - for yourself too” 

“and in turn - for yourself too” ---> this is why I dont understand this difference. You see when you love someone and you want all of that, you always wish you could do something for them. and you actually do everything “possible for you to do” for them. And when you cant, it kills you and you ‘wish’ theres something you couldve done. Now all these wishes, all these wanting to do something, all these prayers, all these urge, these pain - these are just a package. They come along when you fall in love. And they are there. 

Now in other words ^ I think i can simply say - “you feel like its your duty to take care of them, to do whatever you can for them” 

Now what is “duty”? Idk what it means front he dictionary point of view, but for me it responsibility - and responsibilities/ duties - i think i can come up with 2 types right now - one that is enforced upon you (you dont like doing, maybe) BUT then there is another one - One that you enforce upon Your. Own. Self. because of your affection for someone/ something. Now i really want to point out that there is no “pressure” here in the second one. You are doing it to yourself, technically you can snap out of it but you actually can not. YOU wont let yourself do that. YOU will bound yourself to care, to love, to worry, to act out - you believe its your responsibility.

AND there is nothing bad in it. In fact i think it is amazing! 

Why i am pointing this out is that  - this is the only way i seem to appreciate the connection between ‘love and duty’/ love vs responsibilities - I think they are are the same. atleast for ME, they are the same. So i have been trying to look deeply into it, and find out something that ive been missing out to appreciate the difference but every single attempt to do so leads me to this same concept which i just mentioned. and it is more like something being solved even before i sat down to figure it out. it all seems so simple. 

now how this plays in my daily life right now is how i always wish i could do something for him. now idk much about him obviously cause we dont communicate. but still wondering if he is okay - and worrying about him, and thinking of him - i dont need to make myself do that cause its there by default - and on top of that this tiny feeling of guilt engraved at the bottom of my heart because im aware that there is only so little or lets say nothing much at all i can do ----- that, i believe is the duty/ responsibility i was talking about. something i brought onto myself and i dont mind it at all. but this is the very same reason why i dont get the difference between love and duty at all. i dont think you have to give someone your word in order to have a responsibility towards them. I believe if you love someone, you automatically feel like its your duty to take care of them. 

At least thats how it is for me! 

so yeah, theres that. i always feel this way. everyday. I really pray that day comes soon where i can do way more than just sit and worry about him, inshaAllah

Now thats that! like i said all the thoughts are related. So now ill move onto the “fear”. Now about the fear. well 

misunderstanding and misinterpretations

misunderstanding and misinterpretations - these are always there. always. even when people ‘communicate’ they indeed fail to communicate well. Now just imagine how ‘cool’ it gets when you dont communicate - not so cool 

I mean it scares me - is something giving the wrong? anything i do, or anything i say - is it something he’d like? does it seem not right? i mean i have no intentions of hurting him or doing anything negative but it is only human nature to make assumptions - or to misinterpret something - or to misunderstand - and it is not anyones fault - because although there may be a million reasons why one could get a wrong message - one of the main ones are fear once again or being worried, or caring. 

So yeah, theres always this fear at the back of my head, trying not to be irrational. and when things are bugging me, trying to shut up, stay shuttttttt instead of acting out. because, this moment will pass, but something i express just out of current volatile mood could get to him and do i ever want that? nooo

^ so that is one of the reasons why i dont always blog. and also the same reason for this weekend drama! 

Okay so this is the other stuff i could start my post with. this is fun loll. so i still am not sure whats up but this is my solved case lol - as in what i figured out myself and think is actually what happened. so i woke up on friday and i saw one of his tweets. it seemed to me like it was the time when someone last checked into some social media. UH WELL. and yeah thats it :) that is what got in to my head. a lot of things at once actually. i guess ill just point a few -

1- someone lucky enough to get that much attention from him that hed tweet something like that. i mean its definitely not me, cause all i could think of was whatsapp and well i have the time thingy hidden there AND ALSO, honestly i never had any real conversation, like a real one where im instantly replying to someone and shit with anyone i think after we stopped talking - basically i cant communicate well with people - i feel like having a normal conversation where i sit with my phone and talk to someone and actually bother to give them instant replies is too much of commitment & no i cant put that much effort for anyone ------ so yeah, that kind of made it clearer that obviously its not me, i dont even go to whatsapp! Bleeeeeh - well yeah later i just think i figured its some other app - idk - or maybe there just is a special new person :) 

2- It just started to seem really really disturbing - how the tweet bothered me so much. I mean i have no right to get bothered. Like what am I? I mean we’re definitely not together right now. And we dont talk. And even if we were together just saying, i definitely dont want to be a creepy chic who has a problem with things like these. like, woah hold your brakes. who are you to feel bothered by stuff like these :) 

3- And then i realised that i really need to take a BIG BIG step backwards - like Breathe, honey. chill. dont let every little thing get to you. EXPAND your mind, think bigger. i mean im not thirteen anymore and this is not a teen fiction novel where teenage girls get jealous over stuff, and everything bothers them, and blabla shit. Ugh hindi movies and tv series are the same too lool. ---- Wel anyways long story short - i was just - “Training my mind and soul to just let go and think bigger”. I shouldn’t be getting bothered by things like this in his life, thats not my place right now i think! 

SO YES THATS IT - UH i finally got to jot down this stuff! Such a relieffff ~ 

So lets re-cap :3 

~ Aha, so turns out im basically always thinking about him, theres guilt wishing i could do something, theres fear hoping i dont screw up in ways im too stupid to even realize, and theres me being a little girl, but one badly in love! ~

Ok bye :)

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Jack: everyone on the internet calls it a miracle that,we're alive

Me: really?

Jack: babe. Remember how I said earlier that sometimes you just look really stupid?

Me: it didn't seem like a miracle to me...

FBI: Well you should ask one of the cops then. Cause I ain't ever seen anyone deader or a room more filled with natural gas to the point where ee could not see for over two hours. We had to feel along the walls with a hope and a prayer we were doing it right to get them off the wall, using night vision goggles on our gas masks.

Me: well I don't have access to the tv channels... That's how I do it every day... Blind..

FBI: what did you do that day any way besides listen to their hearts to see if they would live?

Me: that was all... Well i burped at one of them... Sometimes they don't like to just be living they like something funny. I only did 2 tho... Brian was already awoke.

FBI: yeah he did that on his own. But Sabrina they didn't need any medical treatment. They just came back to life but how?

Me: some dead hang around their body until it's safer to get back in. Some that have had training.

Jack: IDK what I did baby but I was just there

Me: you remember where you were before?

Jack: the wall. Then just watching you but out of body like I sometimes do when I'm sleep but that was all. I seen you go to the store and I tried handing you your purse but you didn't seem to notice

Me: well I didn't know you were dead in the car

Jack: well you didn't even say thank you but you seemed to notice i was there when you got down. You said "well that was weird but not so much. It will be better when you get done being an ass hole and actually get the nerve to come see me. But let's go jn the store." I think. Did you?

Me: probably when I shut the door. I say it so much.. I don't really notice.

FBI: So what about the other 4?

Dinah Julie. My dead mom: i did. This momma. I said "well let's get back in now. Your girls are waiting." She knows how i do it. just gently glide over and shove them in at the light of speed.

My dad: so you just shove them in huh?

My mom: well they don't go. She just listens to their hearts. Oddly they took D down first and she just happened to go down and she knew he was on the floor and that was that.

Me: its weird that i didn't know it was him.

My mom: well shit you should had you seen his whole torso and all

Me: i just wasn't expecting him. I think i would wanted to know why he was there and

My mom: wanted to control

Me: cause a scene more... Get in the way. I Just shut up and work around things that I dont realize... That aren't that important... At that moment... Like i would had mommed out and been all why the Hell did this happen this way and WTF. Not control but know and then people will have to stop and deal with my drama and it causes more of a mess.. Because had i realized i would been upset. I knew there was a certain set of people up to 6... But the extra 2 i was not aware of

Jack: so excuse me ma'am

Me: i was mad at yoh.

Jack: haha.

Me: apparently for getting kidnapped!.

FBI: i don't wanna laugh but..

Me: but so the fact that there was more people didn't really matter because they were being taken care of.

Mom: well you didn't even take care of any of the Germans! It was the old guy you burped at!

Me: the people I'm closest to. I know them and i know their soulmates. And i can't watch their soulmates suffer any more because I've watched it a lot and iy hurts me a lot to see it. Not that the other people aren't important or significant but those two impact my life greatly and most often.

Jack: every single time i get kidnapped all you do is get pissed off at me. Time before last you fucking yelled at me "fuck you and your fucking Dali lllama that you rode in on!!" And you were so fucking pissed and your eyes were red, your brown part. And I was all... "Fuck idc what you say. I'm gonna live" and I felt really stupid because I was sure i was gonna die... Because I was shot in my lung and i thought it got ky heart. And you said that. Fuck you and your fucking Dali Llama you rode in on. I never heard that shit in my life. And i just saw a llama all clean and fresh snd i knew i was dead and you said "the whole fucking world seen that! Shut the fuck up! Go to sleep you're on my fucking nerve" next thing i knew I was in an American Chopper... And i said "thank you" and you said "yeah fuck off" and i said "fuck you bitch!!" And i started to cry and you smiled this slick sick smile all sly... Tilting your head so no one around could see it. And i knew. You said "you're welcome" and i started laughing and i said "i hate this bitch. I'm gonna fuck her hard" then about 6 weeks later after i got out of the hospital in Germany I was at Circle K in Belen and I was just got into town the day before and i smelled this girl in line and i was explaining to you "babe this girl ... I haven't smelled you in so long but she smells just like you where did you say you were?" And this girl did like you and reached back and scratched her head and when all uggghbbhh and i thought no way is that you. So i said it again and you flashed your left arm up your back to scratch it. And you said "oh my fucking God I'm going to kill something" and the cashier said "bad day?" And you said "no. Some stinky boy who is about to --" and i had grabbed your hand you had behind Your back and you didn't move or try to kill me or scream or even pull away. And so i stuck my head up next to you and said "she means me"

Me: and you smelt fucking good although your little beard was ragged... And i was all Fuck this goddamed ass hole sniffing chicks and shit like he's a school boy in love so I kissed your fucking face. But i didn't know it was you.

My mom: his point is that she actually saved his life then, too. I gave her his coordinates and she emailed every person she could think of and even posted it public so someone could find him ASAP. And they found him within 15 minutes. Not next to alive. But completely dead. And i told her. "Uh Your soulmate is dead you know" and she said "oh" "reached over metaphysically and shook his foot and said "dead people don't have sex, don't you know?!" And the first thing to come to life was his dick! I swear to you! I even asked him "did you miss your legs jumping into your feet and put both feet into your penis?" And he's still got no blood pumping in his other head and he says "i think she'll like" sick little bastards. Ive seen her walk into a McDonald's and find a shot gun victim shot in the chest and lean down and whisper "hey im gonna get some food. I think they got hot fries" and shoowm they come right back to life! Talk about enticing a fellow! She does that a lot. Just give Some one the thought they left off on is the best way she always says but if you can't figure that out, bribe.

Me: McDonald's is always easy. Food. If that don't work. Shopping. Sometimes its back to work or home but that yoh can usually tell. Most the time in reality it's the hospital... But I remember that one dude. He was all bleeding and all sat down and ate some food he had ordered. A quarter pounder big Mac they had them back then and some fresh medium fries. And a large soft drink. Coke with a small ice. He wanted the ice for a small cup not the large. He had just got off work. See he just got up off the floor all "where my food. Get. Out the way miss" and sat down and ate. Man he needed a transfusion... I wasn't sure what all went down. I just sat down near him whistling and all.. And he wolfed his food down and he said "man i don't feel so good" and fainted. Man i felt bad. He fell in slow motion just halfway... I went to help him sit up and slipped on this puddle of blood... He must had bled out half his blood. Most of the time i didn't go to the hospital with them. But him i did. He died. A lot. He didn't have enough blood. So i stopped the dude cause he kept zapping him. I said "you can't do enough electricity if he don't have enough of the joints -- the jolts are too much you're gonna fry his self and he already ate those fresh. He ain't got no juice in his wires.... I see you're not an electrician.he ain't got no blood!!! See You're gonna need 3 bags of saline for there to be enough liquid in his veins for his heart to even pump. Hes empty. How you gonna run a car without no gas?!" Finally the EMT eyes lit up said "you meant zapping him won't do no good. You called me froggy and i been lost since then Cause you know that ain't my name" "its because your voice. Like you got a frog in your throat. Well juice him up, Vince!" "Man you act like you aint from the Bronx, i swear. You didn't think you would get shot in there?" "You can't shoot an angel my buddy" "well what did he do that was so wrong then?" "That's not what I meant" "but you did get shot and it bounced off" "oh that's just my mom. She's my bullet proof vest"

Jack: how come I didn't get your mom?

My mom: cause you got your own and she saved your. Cranium! That's why you got shot in the lung. But tree said not to save you from it and we got upset! Until you got a boner and we thought it was funny

Jack: you know how i got kidnapped and shot?

Me: checking on a "homeless shelter" and they thought you were an actual kidnapper and they kidnapped you and held you hostage until your time was up and no one saved you so they killed you?

Jack: what the fuck babe

Me: i told you I'd kill your dam horse, too. Did you know that's what happened?

Jack: not until this fucking second "DAD"

Me: I told you all that shit about what he did in Iraq with that barbaric guy. And how he was in on 911 And how he used drones to shoot Iraqis for no fucking reason. I wrote it. I told everyone.

My mom: that's not Jack's fault so why.

Me: he was supposed to know. I wasn't supposed to leave him at Circle k. But who else was there? Alex Laughlin And I couldn't stand the sight of him. I got sick and i had to leave

Jack: well you told me to get the fuck out the car

Me: because I thought you were him! And you got out and every one went over and including Matt Hagan and i was all fuck this shit. I'm not doing this, I'll get myself killed.

Jack: well thanks a lot "dad" for getting me fucking killed and pretending to care

Me: i fucking told you. I hated you Jesse and I meant it. You fuck with me one more fucking time you're gonna eat fucking dirt. Do you understand?

Jesse: no

FBI: Sabrina so you're telling me that Jesse You're always emailing is a terrorist?

Me: yeah why didn't you know that?

FBI: because hes a dam liar. Mother fuckers of God. He calls them homeless shelters. That you run. But you don't do that shit you build them their own houses

Me: exactly. I don't fuck with home less people. They dont want homes. I bought some and then the homeless rented out the houses and moved back oj the streets. They explained to me they prefer to live outside. So i don't fuck with homeless. Take them food. Make sure they got umbrella and plastic sheeting for rain storms and blankets and so on and feed them but don't touch them. Leave them where they be. I teach my daughter that "they are homeless because they want to be" granted that isn't all. Some have other circumstances. But I dont fuck with homeless. They live under the stars. No rules, the truest most free people in the world. I dont fuck with them and it PISSES ME OFF YOUD USE MY NAME on a HOMELESS SHELTER, how fucking dare you. When its KIDNAPPING.

Jesse: well what do you want me to do? I'm here to please you!

Me: choke to death and die. Choke on your lies. And die. What the fuck do yiu think.j

Jesse: no