#im at the end of my rope here im not going to lie.

[brainrotdotorg]

oh today is just going to be a problem huh.

[tenderfxck]

just stumbled on your bottom haitham fic & loved it so much ahhh :') your writing's lovely! would you consider writing more bottom haitham? idk if you're alright with bondage, but I love the idea of tying him down and making him take it until he's a brainless mess... no touching allowed, he just has to lie there and be a good boy — should be simple enough for him, right? and yet he'd be such a brat about it <3

ty ; ; writing bottom haitham is my fav past time, and since im officially not in time out from tumblr anymore i can actually do just that.

haitham is no pushover. those muscles are there for a reason, no matter how much he stresses that he's just a "feeble scholar". he has a nasty habit of flipping the dynamic with those powerful arms, outplaying any scheme you may have dreamed up to trap him with the brute strength he happens to boast over you.

you're not sure if it's a small miracle or the folly of his certainty that he can still command you that ended with his hands tied fast to the bed frame. but you'll take these blessings when they're offered to you. besides, that self-assured smirk is taunting you to finally drop all pretenses and show him just exactly who is in charge here.

it started rough, all attempts to order him being met with snark, sharp replies, or just downright refusal. fighting every step of the way, al haitham didn't feel it pertinent to go along quietly.

not until his mouth was full of you, sitting on his face, silencing all of that back-talk you were staring to grow sick of.

he surprisingly still had a good amount of fight left in him afterwards, tugging harshly at his restraints. he had warned that you had better let him go, albeit in such a shaky, fucked-out voice escaping his messed lips.

it seems that shoving two fingers into him really did the trick though.

oh, he was so cute when you finally hit somewhere so sweet. how he arched and moaned so pretty for you as his brain finally shut off, floating off into the pillowy softness of subspace.

al haitham turned into such a good boy then, whimpering at each bit of praise you lavished upon his as he sunk further onto your length, fucking himself so eagerly upon you.

maybe, maybe if he begs good enough, pleads till there's tears escaping the confines of those pretty lashes will you finally remove the ropes from his aching hands.

(but don't tell him that it'll only be so you can hold his wrists as you fuck into him from behind, until he's sobbing and cumming hands free ;9)

[thaleleah]

ok. let's do this!

GREAT INTRO

/You think you should have - should have let him bleed to death on the clinic floor. Would God have abandoned you if you had?/ Oh my god, what's he going to do to you girl.

/“Don’t you worry,” You say. “The Lord is here with us. He will see you through. ”Whether he groans from your words or the pain, you’re not sure./

My favorite line 😂

the way she is always reaching out to smooth his face 😭 like they already have a connection.

God, she's hyping him up not to be bad but your warnings suggest otherwise 👀 (low key here for it through)

Not her having a sad backstory 😭 billy please don't be like her father.

"the clinic can't spare two" 😏 yeah...just has to be the two of them...alone in the woods...miles from anyone else...alone...together...forever.

Sister anne break your vows for Sam! god wouldn't have made him so perfect if he didn't want you to!

HE's awake! and speaking Spanish 😍 Charming as always.

Angel is such a cute nickname for her! and it suits her so well.

"Instead, he’s looking at you, head twisting so he can see your elevated frame from his laid out position. His eyes seem to pierce into yours, so blue and intense as he watches you that it makes your breathing hitch in your throat"

hmmmm ok thats hot. baby boy has already got feelings for her.

i am so nervous for the reader to be alone with him in the cabin! She seems SO sweet. I love her.

i just have a couple of questions to help me world build:

-does the reader wear the full nun outfit with the head piece and the cross?

-what type of outlaw is Billy in your story:

-poor/rich

-serial/ made one mistake

-alone/ in a group

-loving being an outlaw/ wanting to quit it'

If you're going to flesh this out in part 2, forget I asked. I can be patient.

LOVED this story, bestie! looking forward to part 2.

AAHHHHHHH IM GLAD YOU LIKED IT, BESTIE 🧡

God, she's hyping him up not to be bad but your warnings suggest otherwise 👀 (low key here for it through) She's so naive 😂 He plays her so well cause its like mostly truth but also a huge fucking lie lol. So far, in my mind, its like he's a good person - he tries to be good and wants to be good, but he's capable of being terrible and has these dark qualities about him too that make him bad. Plus with his severe lack of faith and near hatred for God, the fact that she's a nun is soooooo not a problem for him lol

"the clinic can't spare two" 😏 yeah...just has to be the two of them...alone in the woods...miles from anyone else...alone...together...forever. Seeeeee? You get it 😏

Sister anne break your vows for Sam! god wouldn't have made him so perfect if he didn't want you to! The way I made Sam so perfect 😩 Accidentally fell in love myself lolll. That man deserves the world but he settles for crumbs. AND he would give them away if Sister Ann told him too 😭

HE's awake! and speaking Spanish 😍 Charming as always. BILLY SPEAKING SPANISH MAKES MY THIGHS SHAKE I SWEAR

-does the reader wear the full nun outfit with the head piece and the cross? Yes! That's how I imagine her anyway. Not really sure what the outfit would have been during that time for sure, but I'm pretty sure it was something similar at least. So, basically the long tunic, the rope/cord tied around her waist, the head covering/veil to cover her hair, and then the rosary.

-what type of outlaw is Billy in your story? I don't think this is really a spoiler for my fic so I'll answer. (This IS a spoiler if you don't know anything about Billy the Kid's life though outside of the show sooooo idk maybe this is a spoiler for the show?) So I'm basing this off of after Billy is "killed". Irl, after he does the Lincoln County war and all that stuff, he ends up getting shot and killed by Sheriff Pat Garrett. Where he stumbles into the clinic shot is the aftermath of that scene instead of him dying. I changed the bullet wound spot to make it a little more likely that he would have survived and been able to make it to the clinic.

poor/rich So at that point, I think he would have been kinda in the middle maybe financial wise? Def not rich, but I think he probably would still have some money stashed away from the hefty paychecks he was getting when working for the House. That's my thought anyway lol.

serial/ made one mistake Billy's the definition of "good person forced to do bad things to survive". His family died when he was still in his teens so he was on his own with nothing and had to steal and rustle cattle in order to get money. Plus he killed people and escaped jail a couple times sooooo 👀

alone/ in a group At this point he's mostly alone, but he has a lot of friends or acquaintances that he can call on or stay with if he needs too.

loving being an outlaw/ wanting to quit it Little bit of both. He's wanted to be a good person and "go straight" for so long but life didn't work out for him like that and at this point when the fic starts, I'm picturing him fully embracing the outlaw life more as an inevitable and not fighting it

I hope all that made sense. Thanks for your comments, bestie! Made my day! 🧡

[lightlycareless]

CHAPTER 34 HAS ME RUNNING IN CIRCLES CLAWING AT THE WALLS LOSING MY MIND,,, HELLO?? HELLO??? naoya just absolutely losing his mind writhing in emotional pain,, incredible stuff i agree w the staff. it is exactly like a car crash and i can not take my eyes away. hes so cringefail mariya. girlbossing standing in between the two of them... very strong of her. i talk a lot of shit abt naoya but i hate conflict and i'd probably start shaking and crying if i had to deal with him so mariya being able to just put herself right in the middle of all that and act totally normal about it is VERY impressive. props to y/n too for acting so normally too-- either that or naoyas just extremely oblivious to body language and emotional cues and doesn't notice them freaking the fuck out. 50/50

naoya detective arc,,,, it would be charming of him if he weren't so deranged. in fact its KINDA terrifying how incredibly focused and driven he was to figure everything out no matter how far back he had to trace it. like-- it'd be INSANELY hard to hide anything from him unless absolutely everyone involved in it was able to be IN on it and know how to keep up a lie to him. kinda fucked!

tho on the detective arc part-- it makes perfect sense for HIS deranged ass to immediately jump to the worst conclusion that y/n lied to him, despite the fact i imagine its still possible the package could've been stolen from inside the estate by one of the staff? as in, the worker got the wolf stamp, but it could've been jumbled up or stolen after entering the estate. not like he's thinking that far ahead tho,,,

FINALLY he sees her w naoaki and we get a whole-ass confrontation-- im going NUTS here this was SO intense. naoya's arc here plays on one of my FAVORITE villain tropes, the 'villain who genuinely doesn't realize he's done anything wrong'. those are always so good but rarely do we get the moments of said villain realizing how badly he's fucked up im SO excited for how this is going

the way naoya is genuinely sure he's not done anything wrong and doesn't realize how badly he's hurt her vs. naoaki thinking he's just pretending to be oblivious to get out of consequences- DELICIOUS STUFF. naoaki pulling the "because you *love* her?" in whats probably intended to be a mocking way and then realizing "oh shit. he does actually. oh this is a fucking mess isn't it" and feeling kind of guilty about it... is it weird i want them to make up at some point too in all of this? god knows naoya needs some fucking friends (besides ranta)

"Naoya doesn't... *can't* care for me... because he doesn't care for anyone but himself." Y/N WITH THE STEEL CHAIR,, FROM THE TOP ROPE,, might as well have just shot him. definitely did the equivalent of knocking him unconscious considering he apparently doesn't remember anything that happened afterwards. i like to imagine he just dropped unconscious right on the spot and they just left him there.

the dream sequence part KILLED me i genuinely believed up until maybe midway through this was real. ALSO HE CALLED HIM BROTHER,,, my onii-san joke rings true,, at the funniest possible fucking time,, wish he'd say it outside of a dream,, the y/n sneering at naoya and laughing at him was i think what gave it away-- i was willing to believe her and naoki went off to finally fuck after all that but sry y/n i do NOT believe you're willing to make fun of him that hard to his face yet. yet. i think you should though some time

but fr this WHOLEE dream sequence is soo important to his character its so good at illustrating the fear of failure and rejection and abandonment-- they're SO crippling for him to such a degree he ends up making it worse on himself and making this fucked up self-fulfilling cycle houghhh its so much,,

naoaki getting woken up in the middle of the night to naoya slamming into his room demanding to know where y/n is-- i NEED to know what he thought in that moment he mustve thought naoya's gone fucking insane esp when he just LEAVES right after without explaining anything

and then y/n probably thought she was gonna fucking die when he just showed up out of nowhere. actual jumpscare moment. also her being intrigued by just how disheveled and awful he looks? me too.

WHAT WAS HE GONNA TELL HER. IM WAILING AND CRYING DID HE EVEN HAVE ANYTHING HE WANTED TO SAY OR WAS HE JUST DESPERATELY TRYING TO GET HER TO STAY,, AUGH,, depending how loudly he collapsed to the floor and loud his crying was i wonder if y/n were able to hear him?? i think she should definitely see him crying at least once-- i wonder how she (or naoaki) would even handle him just breaking down into tears,,

ohmygod i wrote. a lot here. anyways. 20/10 chapter. im chewing on him. tysm for these incredible developments im foaming at the mouth to see whats next

Hello!!!!!

YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS JUST EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED HAHAHAHAH I THRIVE IN OTHER'S ANGUISH.... lol.

Ahem, anyways... 🤭 I'm glad you liked this chapter!!! This has to be up there, in my top 10 moments of the story (we still have others though... but yeah, still up there) and the one I was dying to write for the longest. I don't know if it was enough "punishment" for Naoya, but it's good to see him be reminded of his stupidity :)

His downfall is something that I think many were expecting tbh, or at least see him get kicked down a notch lol He was out there thinking himself to be the king of the hill for far too long, someone had to remind him he’s not that special 😂

I’m pretty sure the staff’s perception of Y/N changed drastically once again, into a more positive I mean. They’re out there admiring how she was able to do what many couldn’t and can’t help but wonder if she has the potential to ruin the Zen’in if she wanted to—of course, that stops when Naobito is added into the equation, but they still like to daydream about it haha.

Mariya is a character I would consider 100% fed up with Naoya’s (or just about anyone from the clan) shenanigans, so that makes it easier for her to stand up to him, although I’m sure she’s still intimidated by him. Thankfully her extensive knowledge of how everything works around the estate helps her out in these situations, it’s kind of like a… “gray area” for her to exploit—something she can use if she ever gets in trouble with Junko or Meiko for example, she can easily say “I was just doing what was requested of me” and they’d be like “unnnghhhh I guess!!”

Besides, she has job security in the sense that Meiko considers her to be the best worker there (after her, obviously lmao) so she wouldn’t dare lose the order Mariya provides; because she’ll whine and cry about it, enough for Naobito to intervene, making him wonder why she was fired, forcing Meiko to say “well, because Naoya–“ and yeah, I don’t think anyone to be in that situation hahaha so she’s safe.

I’d say Naoya is greatly oblivious to body language when it comes to… socializing? Cause he’s great when it comes to analyzing targets in a jujutsu environment, but even then, I think he’d still be somewhat bad compared to others 😂 he's the kind of person that believes brute force overrules everything else, so he shouldn't worry about those menial details. (Kind of like Endeavor from MHA? Like he's a great hero, but in the sense of crime fighting, he didn't really care about making a fan base or anything else really... OUTSIDE OF SHOTO OF COURSE)

And because Y/N has always been “coy” when he’s around, he doesn’t think much of it outside of being normal behavior from her, so yeah, he didn't get any sense of "something's going on" when she acted the way she did.

Naoya being derange isn’t a surprise to anyone at this point 😭 I’m telling you, he does things that under any normal context it would’ve been sweet, but since he’s… him, it’s not lmao. I can’t imagine how terrified Y/N was upon hearing he went all the way down to the post office just to find out what happened with his gift. He’s determined, that’s for sure, and it makes her wonder what other things he's done already—although at that moment, at the same time she was hoping she’d be able to escape this situation… well, alive, she was mostly worried that her letters might be uncovered too. Thankfully Naoya was focused on something else 💀

And yep, the way he jumped into conclusions was eerie, but I think it was because deep inside him, he knew that was what actually happened. He had enough of bad history with his wife to know that she, more likely than not, discarded his gifts. Did he ever wonder why? No. Would he dare to ask? I don’t think so. And even if he did, would he understand? I think he’d feel offended if anything, more so when Naoaki’s gestures had been happily received. Oof.

Maybe if he wasn’t so paranoid (or heart broken, let’s be real) he might’ve considered someone else from the staff, leading him into another wild goose chase; good, this is revenge for what he put Hinata through.

I’m glad you liked the confrontation!!! It was above everything, awkward, cause there’s no actual confrontation coming from Naoya if that makes sense? Like he’s not open to actual conversations, he just wants to know the why of certain things, and if it fits his ideals, good, if not, God help us.

I definitely believe Naoaki thinks Naoya is so… “isolated” from the real world that he might actually, genuinely not know what he’s doing—can’t blame him, he had Naobito and the rest of the family as guidance lol—but his inability to even consider other possibilities is what always frustrates him 😂 poor Naoaki, he can’t go on with his life without being constantly disappointed by his relatives. (Have Mai and Maki disappointed him too? I wonder...)

My favorite part, and I’ll never stop talking about it hahahah, was when he asked Naoya if he “loved” Y/N aughagaga DAMN the skepticism was there 100% for sureeeeeeeeee, he was hoping to hear his brother say something like “yeah, I do” so he could be like “bullshit!” and continue to take out his frustrations, but the way Naoya remained quiet, looking away almost as if embarrassed!!! Now that’s when he knew there were feelings for her—beneath the complicated layers that make him a monster, Naoya was still capable of harboring sentiments for someone else (Allegedly… all allegedly…) and Naoaki immediately felt bad for putting him on the spot like that. He still cares for his baby brother after all 😭😭😭

I certainly feel bad that their relationship turned into this—I can only wonder what occurred on the manga for Naoya to want them (more) dead lol. If he’s already unhinged at 19, imagine at 27 💀 Ah, but one can dream….

AHAHAHAH Him just spacing out immediately after Y/N said that is, ugh idk satisfying and sad at the same time—like sure I feel sorry that his wife was like “no, you don’t care” and I could’ve had her say something like “ewww” but Y/N isn’t that disrespectful; and come on what was Naoya expecting 😂?? For her to be like “omg I’m so sorry Naoya I should’ve known” please!!! She was appropriate enough to state the truth, that he doesn’t care for anyone but himself, he should’ve just taken it and left them (which he did: I imagine he remained quiet, spacing out as he stared at the two before turning around and disappearing into the hallways. Naoaki and Y/N look at each other, wondering what happened before wondering if he’s going to return. Naoaki tells her no, but that she should be careful nonetheless. Y/N goes with Mariya, tells her staff what went down and collectively decide to keep a low profile—Hitomi offers to keep a lookout on Naoya, only stopping when she overheard that he was in his room and has been for the past few hours. They go on with their day, or attempt to, and that’s when Mariya decides to let them know of her secret hideout)

To irritate Ren, I decided that the song that best fits this scene is this one. And just for a little, tiny part before the chorus and Mel B's part hahahahha. That's the only thing that actually applies to their whole dilemma at this point.

Now, the good part… The dream sequence was the one thing I’ve been wanting to show you for a while now hahah I just kept teasing you about it, and I’m glad it got the reaction it did hahahahhahahhhahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I was 99.9999% sure that most of my readers would immediately catch on to the fact that this was a dream, since I’ve never portrayed Y/N to be that crazy, you know? Like her making fun of Naoya is off the table completely; sure, she’s made some jokes here and there, but they’re always lighthearted—or at least I think that’s the impression one gets when reading them—never off the rails as this dream sequence 💀 leave that to Naohiko lol.

Either way, I tried my best to cover the fact it was a dream, and if someone saw right through it, it still served to show just how messed up Naoya is on an emotional at this moment.

But yeah, this nightmare worked really well ‘cause there was that lingering question of whether Naoaki and Y/N were finally going to do something more… intimate. I feel that if I hadn’t worked their relationship up to that point it would’ve easily been like “nah, this is a dream goodbye” 😈 glad it worked in the end hahahah!!!

Now that it’s mentioned, the scene where Naoaki is disrupted by Naoya is ironically funny—it was so out of the blue first he was like “I sleep” and then Naoya comes into his room to ask the most random question before leaving.

Naoaki for sure thought he made it up—he was worried for Y/N and overworked by all his duties that he was like “Man, I’m even starting to dream about Naoya wtf??” his slumber overtook him almost immediately after; had he not been that exhausted you can be 100% certain he would’ve gone after Naoya.

And I agree—Y/N for sure thought she was going to die at that moment, although it was a fear that quieted down a bit for the sake of her staff’s wellbeing… yet, the thing that surprised her the most was to see Naoya so… disturbed—he’d seen him angry, arrogant, a complete monster… but she’d never seen him so defeated. So yeah, I think she believed she was going to die, but more in a sense of shock of not knowing what the hell was going on.

Now, for your last question… Naoya desperately wanted to keep her there above anything else, but his broken heart also wanted to tell her that he did care for her, at least to some extent, if not then why would he have married her? A mystery for sure. If I had to boil it down to a singular reason, it was him wanting to tell her how much he wants to be with her. Happily, be with her.

(No one heard Naoya cry, outside of Y/N retreating as quickly as possible, I envision him to be a silent crier in a way, not wanting anyone to hear him out of fear of being reprimanded more than shame—Naobito as a father must’ve been really, really tough. And if anyone did hear him, they would’ve never thought it was him to begin with.)

Thank you so much for tuning in for another chapter!! 🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️ I really greatly, enormously enjoy your asks, they give me so much insight about things that sometimes escape my mind!! Kgagagkak I don’t know how to describe it, but they motivate me allot 😭❤️

I can’t wait to show you the rest of the story…. Another…. Specific part I want you to read (well, more than one, but that one is another favorite of mine) hahahahahaaa

Once again, thank you so much for your support 🥺😭❤️ I shall strive to deliver the next chapters to the best of my ability!!!

Take care, and hope to see you soon 🥺❤️

[kai4f]

Was showering when a hot thought appeared; "favourite positions to use on sub!skz with male!reader".... im pretty sure im gonna have fun with this.

《<----------------------------------->》

`` Hyung Line! ``

Maknae Line.

Tags/Warnings: NSFW, 18+ only, sub!skz, sub!hyung line, dom!male!reader, teasing, edging, mentions of orgasm, a bit of bdsm, bondage, mentions of toys, dirty talk, smut.

I swear i dont know what im doing but uh enjoy?

<------------------------------------>

Bang Chan ``

Would be the one where he rides you.

Imagine a movie night where he's sitting on your lap and constantly shifting because he was "uncomfortable"

But ofcourse you know its on purpose so you decided to "help".

And that ends up with a blabbering mess of a certain Christopher Bahng Chan, desperately chasing his 4th orgasm ;)

Lee Minho ``

OKAY SO. Heres a story for this;

Coming home exhausted from work only to find the house empty. So you decided to approach the bedroom for obvious reasons.

Arriving at the door, going to reach for the doorknob when suddenly;

Whimpers and moans of your name could be heard from behind the door.

Immediately, rage fuelling through your veins. Reason? Well..

You warned minho to not touch himself the whole day, and you would reward him if he did well. But i guess he got "a bit" needy.

And that results in you pounding minho from behind, his face pressed down on the mattress and his hips up in the air with his back arched deeply as he begs you to let him cum~ </3

Seo Changbin``

He's definitely the type to like being controlled.

So just tie him up on a chair and tease him a bit. Use his favourite toys and vibrators!

Don't let him cum though, he would immediately collapse when he does so play with him longer~

Put a vibrating cock ring on him and watch as he squirms and begs for you to let him cum

He likes it when you talk dirty to him do that too.

"You wanna cum? Beg more if you really want to" "look at you, begging for my cock" "you want me to replace the toy with my cock? Hm?" He will instantly cum.

Punish him after. He likes it rough~

Hwang Hyunjin ``

Probably likes being tied up too

Being tied up in red bondage rope makes him look so sexy and weak </3

Make him lie on his back with his hands tied up on the bed frame and hold his legs down. He squirms a lot-

Just eat him up. Suck his cock a little bit, tease his rim and fuck him with your fingers until he begs for his master's cock~

《<----------------------------------->》

End~

[bizzarehippie]

This shit crazy the way Im bouta explain me …my mind race crazy daily.

Like a subway going no where fucking lately. Just circling like the shit just don’t have a destination 🚏

Ain’t that shit insane?

Now listen closely as I explain when I break down this pain;

My thoughts be , fucking me up …..but

I gotta be honest, let’s talk bout it dear? You wanna ask what’s going on up in here. You truly concerned ?

A whole lotta shit , you prolly don’t give a damn to hear? & damn that’s crazy , cuz I’ve been going through it lately.

I’m just trying maintain, I’ve been broken & you have no clue what that could do to the mental of a patient trapped in her mind of her own enslavement.

Smh, I’ve Astro projected & sat watch myself be subjected to the dumb shit only a handful of you knew.

I flinch at the mere thought of loving someone new. Are you gone toss me to the side like old news too?

Are you gonna pound into my head I’m ugly & beat me, black and blue ? Or are you gonna , play me like a board game until you find someone new?

Theses are the webs of thoughts that enter my mind, Can you handle it ? Or is it too much for you too?

Cuz feelings to touchy , but not enough that it won’t stop you from asking to touch me .

Not enough to stop you from wanting a piece. & I share my pieces , then regret giving you any of me.

Because now, you own me. You done crawled your way inbetween my membrane & reprogrammed me, to think love was suppose to be this way.

You prepped and suited me for what ? Just to bury insecurities, deep inside me. To lie to me. Make me run a muck all damn day in brain? Overthinking my previous pain wonder will the next woman be the same.

I got to tell you this shit sucks ; trying to simply not give a fuck, but like I told you in the beginning, this train station is never ending. I’m going insane. I need someone to be my peace. I need these walls to fucking deteriorate so I can see clearly. 

Broken down demolished. I’m tired of fucking screaming and no one‘s acknowledging . What I gotta do for you to see me !

To love me my trust isn’t easy I have motherfuckers tell me they love me and then leave me.

I’ve been disgusted with myself for letting motherfuckers cheat me. Beat into my mind. I’m the reason for being needed.

But then turn around and come and go like the seasons. Because once I gave you everything you needed, ….we no longer had a treaty.

You did me dirty ; I must admit. Straight, looking at myself with regret like why the fuck I fall in love like that. At this point just hand me the fucking rope. I need to wrap it around my own neck , & tilt the chair and swing from my own neglect of putting myself through some shit like that.

Can you imagine sitting and watching yourself go through the same cycle of shit. Asking yourself, why do you want to be love like this? How did you replace love with toxic waste?  Meanwhile my psyche telling me :

Because being beaten, battered, manipulated and gaslighted don’t spell L -O-V-E boo

But I still do what I do & think what the hell I got to loose? Not knowing my subconscious is screaming you baby girl you’re gonna lose you.

Now you’re still stuck on this train Tiara Renee , how the fuck you get off someone please explain.

And while I’m searching for an answer, a louder voice is yelling at myself the only way off is to know your WORTH boo.



*sighs*

[wildestdreamsblog]

Hey, I'm so sorry I don't mean to push but each morning I check to see if there's any update on This love is bad. Your writing is terrific, I fear the day you'll post part 5 of This love is bad because I know it'll be the end of this amazing serie but I can't wait to know how it is going to go! xx

HI MY LOVEE! First of, tysm for appreciating my work! 🥹🥹🥹 AND U CALLED MY WRITING TERRIFIC I AM SMILING FROM EAR TO EAR AT THE MOMENT!

Okie so I’m gonna use this ask as a sort of update about why I’m writing slow. also I’m gonna talk about body dysmorphia so if this triggers u, you can just skip 🤍

So life update, I’m slowly working on the remaining 2 or 3 chapters of the series but as I said, it’s slow bcos of the workload of graduate school aaaaaand my how do I call this hmm inflammation(???) in my knees. I went to the ortho doctor today and finally had them check since they’ve been hurting for weeks now during my workout. Then I had my blood chem tested etc etc.

So even when I stand or sit or drive or walk or even lie down, they hurt but not constantly. The doc said I am lucky to not have that part or the knee completely destroyed bcos we don’t have transplant for that now. And so I have to rest for 4-8 weeks. I’m taking meds now. Also the blood chem thingy, my sugar is a bit low and my creatinine is a bit low. SO I NEED TO EAT MORE PROTEIN PER THE DOCTOR SKSKSK

so moving on to the body dysmorphia talk, I grew up thin. Like borderline malnourished thin bcos I didn’t like eating. But then my parents brought me to the doctor etc etc and I was prescribed back then a vitamins for me to eat more. Then I was borderline obese. Then puberty came and I slimmed down a bit but was still a chubby girl. Then only when I graduated college did I start loving my body bcos I was constantly working out. To the point that I run everyday, and did jumping rope 1000 times a day. Soooo my knees kind of took the hit. I didn’t like the feeling I get when I go on a long time without working out. I feel like i was gaining weight when in reality, i wasn’t. So long story short, I have to learn to love me and not the image i see in the mirror. It’s kind of taking a toll on my health.

Here’s me, still standing despite the pain mwahahahaha

Im not on a hiatus! I’m just taking this time to rest and love myself more. But rest assured I’m still writing and even have new series coming! I love u all and let’s all love ourself as hard as we love other people.

[tuberculosis-ridden]

Taken

I got up, I felt groggy like I was drugged or something. Everything was dark. I could feel a piece of cloth tied to my head covering my eyes. My hands were tied behind the chair that I was sitting on. I brushed my hand slightly on the rope, it was double knotted.

I shook my head trying to clear my mind

“hello?” I said, my voice sounding raspy. “are you serious this the third time this week, the whole kidnapping thing is getting old”

“where is Seok?” a voice asked

I am going to kill that idiot, how many people did he piss of?

“look dude, I don’t know what Seok did to piss you of but I have nothing to do with him. In fact I’d kill him myself” I said

“does that usually work?” he asked with a hint of laughter in his voice

“it was worth a shot alright” I said “what do you want? Revenge? Its not going to happen trust me. I haven’t seen him since he left without any explanation or warning.”

“ so, he’s actually missing?” he said

“yeah no shit. Hey if you see him beat his ass from my side will ya?” I said “now if you could please leave me, I have a test in like 20 minutes man and unfortunately a magical ancient being, being missing doesn’t stop it”

I could hear him stand up and walk towards me, I moved more back towards the chair with a million thoughts running around my head.

Slowly he pulled out the cloth from my eyes. Everything went hazy for awhile and my eyes finally adjusted to the light.

In front of me I saw a man, he looked , dare I say ethereal. But like Seok type of ethereal. 

Absolutely beautiful . His eyes , it shined like sunlight through a bottle of whiskey. I almost got lost in them for awhile.

“what are you staring at?” he asked raising his eyebrows

“Are you a vulpix?” I asked

“what the hell is a vulpix?”

“the creature that Seok is”

“well yes I am. How could you tell?” he asked

“you kinda look like him” I said tilting my head trying to picture Seok

“I look nothing like him” he snapped

“whoa there didn’t mean to hit a nerve, my bad.” I said “who even are you? I know most of the people who are trying to kill Seok but I can’t seem to recognize you”

“Why? Am I the only one not giving an evil monologue telling you who I am and why im trying to kill him?”

“yes actually, how did you know that?”

He scoffed and he looked at me. “why does he keep you around?”

“why did he keep me around, big difference also im the one asking questions here hello?”

He turned and looked at me, and I saw it. The scar. It didn’t take me long to put everything together

“no way, wow I thought you were a drunk man’s legend this whole time” I said

“what is that supposed to mean?” he asked sitting down.

“you are Sious. His brother, aren’t you?”

“I am not his brother” he snapped

“holy shit, he said you’d say that” I said with my eyes wide in amusement. I tried to get up when I realized my hands were still tied.

“uh, can you please help me out” I said tugging at the rope. I should really learn how to free myself.

He sighed and leaned down to untie me.

He smelled like pine.

No I did not sniff him. Maybe just a tad bit.

“another dead end” I heard him-or Sious-murmur.

“so you’re looking for him too huh? Any luck?” I asked

He glared at me “does it look like it?”

I blinked. Ha right.

I looked around the place I was. It was an apartment. Not going to lie I was kind of disappointed. I thought Sious would live in some old classic house, you know like how you’d think an immortal would live? With fancy old artifacts and wine on display.

That’s how Seok said he’d live.

I turned around to see Sious staring at me. He looked like he was trying to solve a puzzle.

“what?” I asked

“nothing”

“it looks like something��

“don’t you have a test?”

Realization struck “oh crap” I said running to gather my things. “crap, crap, crap”

“its just a test” he deadpanned

“I wish” I said hurrying. I took a sticky note and wrote down my number and stuck it on the fridge

“that’s my number. I know there is no reason for you to contact me or anything, but if you find anything about him please let me know.” I put on my shoe and opened the door  “And if you see him, tell him im going to beat the shit out of him.” I said as I ran out.

[skiticus]

Cigarette burns, track marks

And scar spangled arms

attached to hands

writing his regrets

At best of a life

that has had me left shocked,

impressed more or less,

depressed and locked

inside a box of tragedy and distress

I just hope ill wake up soon,

because sounds that used to soothe me to sleep have come to haunt me

memories turned nightterrors

Taunting, keepin me awake in this nightmare

Blank Staring at the ceiling

sick and tired of being sick and tired

everything i am are feeling,

everyday suicide sounds more appealing,

Fuck the world no i don't think

anyone has a clue that of which

inside i am dealing with

because inside I've already died,

fuck man im not gonna lie,

its not like i don't want to try,

im just sick of the grind,

the two steps forward

shoved back nine,

the weight on my shoulders,

the bend in my spine

the fucked mental borders

dividing my mind,

because the cruelest of people

were the ones who were kind,

So my favorite disorders

afflicting my being and life

are the ones that tally flesh

with a razors edge or a knife,

stuns and make you feel like your trapped

on a narrow ledge

and your scared to look down,

no knowledge of what lies ahead,

Or if there's even stable ground

you just see more shame

behind you fillin every step

and more dark bitter days

that still lie ahead,

the disorders and conditions

that support bad decisions,

give into temptations,

and depletes the thing

they call my friends patience,

and im fuckin cold

i just want to be warm.

Im chilled to the bone

my hearts been shredded and torn

no blood left to flow

Just lightning in my viens

And the thunder rolling through the storm.

As im sitting here

with tears on my face

drying once again

I said Im sitting here

with fear on my face

smiling once again

as im pushing the syringe slowly in

to the vein right underneath the skin,

Self medicatin

concealing all my pain

As i bottle it up

yeah im keepin it in,

because it doesn't matter how hard i try,

in the end i never win

and i wont admit why,

so take me on away

to a schedule two delusional day

so i can forget the things that hurt

like oh idk... everything!

fuck it lets get high

So i can sit and wonder why

i cant think of the words that just pass me by

that mean what i want to say,

What im trying to describe

As on behalf of my mind

I try to Scribble to write

and transcribe these thoughts

On my mind

Without leavin any doubt

Still left inside,

That it seems you and me

are goin two separate routes ,

Two different ways

In 2 different rides

my spirits been broke,

shattered buried in the shallow ground,

Another pitiful demise

no burial marker

No mound for you too see

Like don't you see

Cant you see wont you see

Why don't you see

what this worlds doin to me,

what the fuck i am doing to me,

with a razor making me bleed,

i never knew shed be another one

to just so easily up and leave,

and even if we agreed

The sinking feeling in my chest

Is making me sick causing stress

As a growing lump in my throat ,

is constricting my breathing

no i cant take a breath only choke

like im already dangling from the ceiling

hanging from rope,

they say love hurts,

well if this is love then fuck i need to go

Cuz theres daggers in rain clouds above,

and one hell of a fall from a stagger

left to go just below,

when i was little

i couldnt wait to grow,

Learn the ways of the world

But little did i know

the best years of my life were almost over,

unaware of what would unfold,

As i dipped my toes in the h20

rough waters

did begin to flow with no end

Soon it became

the river of pain

that im drowning in,

as i get dragged into the sea of uncertainty,

as everyone turns just to watch,

come open your curtains to see,

another miserable existence,

Where every seconds an eternity

dangling still choking whilst kickin feet

till hes turning blue and maroon

Eyes bulging so i cant even blink

Yeah and if i go to hell

ima knock the devil out

And gather the wages

from the bets wagered

and placed on all your fuckin doubts,

Fuck my hopes and my dreams

And fuck familiar sounds

If this is what the future brings

and when you finally make it here underground

, im sure you'll say you were pushed,

when youve always been hell bound

my little lost lost but never found,

and im sorry im not feeling that well

, but im not sick,

Im just like the rest if you can't tell

another person on earth

what the fuck doesn't click

Oh wait isn't this hell,

But tbat doesn't mean i am well

When i said im not sick

living inside of my chest

never leaving this shell,

and even tho you didnt say goodbye,

I am still wishing you well

because you were the fire

and I was the wick,

if only you knew,

the ways that I felt,,

Whats keeping me sick

As im tightening up this old leather

belt likr a noose

so my viens they will show

as im pushing the syringe

Again on in rather slow,

feeling the pain from the prick

because its all that I have,

To remind me of home

Of what I once had

its all that i know,

when I sit here alone,

wondering when did you go

Man here i go again

Not a single soul Ill call a friend

Fuck em all I don't em in the end

Nobody will stick with you

through it when circumstances start to bend

waoting for a better day

when my life finally will begin

but by the time i. Realize

that my lifes been half spent

Running in a race

Thats only to the bitter end

will it be to late

to make every day

that better day,

could i find a better way,

, yeah thats the fuckin dream,

Still i seen better off men

who were guaranteed

a life of finer things

Fly to close to the fire

just to burn their fuckin wings

Fell into a hellish chemical dependence

unraveling at their seems,

But when we were kids and infants

You think we ever thought

wed grow to be dope fiends,

pin cushions for the needles,

pull it back till the blood gleams,

whats the difference

between bad blood and bad genes,

well you were born with one

and The Other

Your mother contracted intravenously,

Parallel with Overdoses, and diseases,

drug induced comatose, psychosis

And the paranoia never leaves

Like i know they probably watchin me

Shut up, i know i hear em talking G

i guess i get it,

anything just to rush

And feel free,

For a minute

before the return to to planet earth

and a life of misery,

i need some room

i need to breath

leave me alone

need to go

just leave me be

, why cant you see

yeah they dont see

im trying to change and redirect my mistakes, erase my past and rewrite the entire page,

creat an empire in its golden age,

where my family fuckin eats,

cuz we ripped apart addictions cage,

if you feel me then you feel my fuckin rage

You feel what it means to be

To be a monster chained up on a stage

But do not accept defeat

Last i fuckin checked every story has an end

And this storys end is up to you and me

Wrists lined with scars

cigarette burns on track mark

Spangled arms

Tellin me I need to find a better way

Back down from the stars

Before I drown in Half empty

cigarette packs, 99 cent cigars

and razor blades to chop my arms

and lines of methylphenidate,

To help get me through the day,

Ever Since the day you went away

If the chair was made of all your promises

and the rope was made all of my love trust

hope and faith, along with all the consequences

would you even cut me down

or just sit and watch me choke

Hear the gasping sound and watch

Stillness as it encompasses

The life fading from my face

after the legs snapped and broke

Addiction is a bitch,

And shes fucked us all no rubber,

lied and said she loved us all the same,

now aint it strange

before i woke up with this twitch

cold alone and and sober

i aomost believed her

in a funny kinda way

But thaat bitch deranged

She turns pretty good girls

Into dick suckin thots,

Who dont need diamonds or pearls

Just to get up in tbeir box

A point of heroin

or a bag of meth rocks

Bag hoes in the parking lot

Suckin cock doin shots

Sex trafficking aint no joke a lot of kids lost

Careful of the company you keep

Cuz what your people sow

is what your gonna reap

Quick to disappear and who will be know

When its normal for you to vanish randomly

And never say word for a couple weeks

This world is full of killers pervs and creeps

Who seem like nice folks

till your murdered

And they wanted bt police

If the chair was made of all your promises

and the rope was made

of my love trust

hope and faith,

would you even cut me down

or just sit and watch me choke

Hear the gasping sound and watch

The life fade from my face

after the legs snapped and broke

[sips-tea-cutely]

“I’m getting on the bus to the other world, see ‘ya!”

“What value is there to a life that wants to end? ‘That must suck.’ ‘I get it.’ Don't act as if you understand! In the end, after a few years, I'll still be suffering. So stab me, kill me, and take me away.

This is the only thing I thought to do, my first and final struggle in vain...”

a/n: basically just an emotional diary cause dazai’s the only thing my insane mind cam conjure up (cw: suicide duhh, overdosing, mentally ill pwp, im romanticizing my ideal partner)

dazai is so tired. acting as if being insulted constantly and getting bashed isn’t anything at all for the ‘second-most esteemed detective of the agency’ or the ‘mafia demon prodigy’.

“you know i’m human too, right, chūya?”

why could no one acknowledge how much he needs love, any kind of love— a miserable rope ties around his heart, pulling on it tighter every single second of every day. does no one truly care for him?

ahaha! how funny— to believe that someone really cared for him? with all of the wrongdoings he has committed and not to mention how utterly inhumane he looks. that could not possibly be him, right?

someone with such a dreaded mind and a pessimistic view could not possibly look like him, no, it must not!

the people he calls his allies are merely lying, of course! kunikida wouldn’t care at all if one day he had just dropped dead, in fact, he would probably sigh from overjoy that the annoyance known as osamu dazai has left the living world— chūya has always despised his partner in crime, he’d probably do the same thing that he had done when dazai left the mafia, open some expensive wine and celebrate the death of the maniac.

why has he continued living? the goal entrusted to him by his departed friend has started to stray from his mind; why must morals divide what is good and bad? why is it a so-called sin to kill yourself? what good is a life that has no aspiration of living if it’ll die anyways?

as he sits in his dorm room, empty bottles of sake and soju are all over any surface he was able to find, he lies in his futon, clothes and bandages soiled from sweat and tears.

he stares at the bottle of anti-depressants mori had given him four years ago.

“here, dazai. perhaps this will cure your burdens.”

what shitty advice. it was blatantly obvious that mori had only wanted him to live as his little mind toy, someone he could play with until it broke and he got bored.

opening the bottle, he shook around, looking at the ivory white tablets. “haah, fearing death— how silly of me.” he laughed to himself.

throwing each tab into his mouth, he watered it down with the little bit of sake left in his bottle.

slowly, his vision started to blur as his head became lightheaded. the heartbeat that dazai had normally been able to control started beating out of his chest— as if the tight rope around it had torn and burst from the sudden highs of dosulepin.

‘i’m sorry, odasaku. i could not keep my promise to you.”

white, the alcoholic scent of disinfectants, the flow of IV through his wrist, could this be doctor yosano’s office? no, yosano is definitely somewhere here but it’s not her office.

he’s in a hospital, and he’s still alive. lost in his own thoughts, dazai didn’t even hear yosano walk in.

“dazai, you’re awake. glad to know, s/o was worried sick when they found you in your dorm.” she explained, of course it was you who had brought him. although the both of you were often busy with your jobs, you still fawned over him and sent him endearing texts throughout the day— to let him know you cared.

he couldn’t believe it though. he truly believed everything you have told to him was a complete and utter lie. you were probably laughing about him in private, that’s the only way he could stay sane in his cruel version of reality anyways.

“i feel like i already know the answer but— why would you do this?” she sighed. “when s/o had found you, you were trembling and your heart was going over 80 beats per minute.” she said, reading through her diagnostic charts.

“isn’t it obvious, doctor yosano? i wanted to die. that’s all.” he said meekly (as meekly as someone outspoken like him could). obviously annoyed with his ideation for death, yosano had walked off into the waiting room, where you were waiting.

how shall he explain something such as this? you hated every self deprecating joke he had made, you hated how he had lied and deceived even people who trust him with their life, because you are the only one he has let know he is a fraud to humanity.

what would you say? something as idiotic as ‘i understand that the pain you’re going through is unbearable but—‘? haha, how hopeless that would be, wouldn’t it?

snapping out of his thoughts, your hand rests on the bed he’s sitting in. he didn’t even notice you walk in, the drugs must have done some sort of number on him, ahaha!

what will you say? why won’t you say anything? for once, dazai is scared. the painfully agonizing silence is the only thing that fills the bright room as he predicts your words.

will you break up with him? it wouldn’t be a surprise, dealing with someone as ‘sensitive’ (as mori would put it) would get annoying eventually.

“i hope you know i’m here for you, osamu.”

“what?” he responded. you’re here for him? …

“i’m just saying if you need someone to help you when you’re overwhelmed by your emotions, ill be here for you. i get that you don’t want someone to say ‘you’ll be okay’ when you probably aren’t. i’ll be here for when you’re exhausted, i don’t want you to die soon.”

the long rope clenched around his heart once more. this time it wasn’t from depression like it has been for years, it was from endearment, panic, adoration, love. osamu dazai loved you.

you weren’t able to instantaneously fill the hallow hole in his heart but slowly, you’d help him fix it and replace it with memories of you and him.

you could not fix his ideals but, you could make him stay— just one last time, and another, and another until he has spent so many nights he has almost completely forgotten of his grievances.

dazai was tired. but with you in his life, his burdens have felt just a little bit lighter. and he couldn’t really kill himself now and leave his light all alone, could he?

[ohmykazuha]

happier

order: MECHA (芽茶)

from the customer: childe x gn!reader (breakup)

warning: angst, hurt no comfort, crying, jealousy

a/n: inspired by my bae sarah and her unending love for happier. if yall need to cry tonight ig. fsdjkfghjsfd

We broke up a month ago

"C'mon, Childe!" You cheered, dragging your boyfriend along with you. The two of you were hanging out at the park, when you saw an extremely adorable dog you just had to chase after.

"(Y/N)! Slow down!" Your ginger laughed, running alongside you.

Your friends aren't mine, you know, I know

So why, why does it hurt so much? You curled into yourself, dragging the covers over yourself. The pain, the heartbreak – the hurt consumed you. When he left, so did all the connections, the socialites, the functions – you were nothing in society's eyes. As much as you hated to think, he was the one that made you special.

You've moved on, found someone new

"Childe... you won't leave me, right?" You asked, hopefully. Childe laughed lightly, kissing your cheek.

"I won't. You're too lovable." He replied, pinching your cheek.

"Aww, that's- AAH! Painful!"

One more girl who brings out the better in you

Your heart shattered, scrolling through the page you were too emotionally attached to block. All his posts, all the ones of you kissing his cheek, cuddled on his lap, making breakfasts with you... it was all gone. All the pics were replaced with that blonde girl you hated. She was so much slimmer than you. Prettier than you. Did he mean all the compliments?

And I thought my heart was attached

"I swear I'll never leave you, (Y/N). You mean too much to me for me to do so." Childe buried his head in yours.

"And I'm too stubborn to leave you. I don't care that you've been roped into the Fatui, it's alright. I'll be with you every step of the way."

For all the sunlight of our past

Looking through the albums and polaroids made your heart ache. Promises unkept, hearts broken, a love once so deep ended at the expense of a significant fear and insecurity.

Why did you leave me?

Was I not enough for you?

But she's so sweet, she's so pretty

That stupid blonde. Relationship ruiner, boyfriend stealer! She hurt you, you hated her. It was as simple as that. Her stupid dirty blonde hair. Her stupid, kind face. Her stupid.. her stupid... argh! You hated everything about her... or did you just hate her because she was with him?

Does she mean you forgot about me?

"I'll always remember you."

"I'll be here for you."

"You can come to me for anything, alright? I'll be here!"

Lies, lies lies, stupid lies. Everything that spat from his mouth was a lie.

Oh, I hope you're happy, but not like how you were with me. I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go,

Tears rolled down your face as you recalled each and every hurtful word that hurled from him, breaking your defences and leaving you helpless.

"Why can't you stop being so emotional all the time?"

Stupid, emotional, obsessive little me.

"Why can't you be better? I'm doing so much already."

And all I ever wanted was to be enough for you.

"I can't deal with this anymore. We're done, (Y/N)."

I knew from the start this is exactly how you'd leave.

So find someone great but don't find no one better... I hope you're happy, but don't be happier.

Have fun with her, Childe. I loved you.

aha now cry /j anws this was cool!!! im really proud of this! lets try to get it past 100 notes :D like/rb if you liked this!

taglist: @bookuya, @mikachuchu, @dilucbar, @starglitterz, @cherubbic, @noirkkat, @the-gayest-sky-kid, @ajaxeology @eternism, @icecappa, @almondto-fu, @gnyuvile, @yeetmeoffjueyunkarst

[that-one-weeb-buts-its-the-main]

Thoma Dating Headcannons

Genshin Impact Masterlist ♡♡ Here's the Dump

TODAY! WE EAT! HOT POT!

Just about everyday you both eat hot pot

Wearing his head piece when he's sleeping.

Matching earings

Best loveable affectionate boyfriend ever

You'd be lieing if you said you weren't jealous of Ayaka

Jealous silent treatment

He will purposely make you jealous a few times just to tease you

So you made jealous

Jealous make out session afterwards

Someone ask "what do you like about her" ropes them into a whole 3 hour convo

Likes to sleep with his hand up your shirt because your warm

Also gives him an excuse to spoon you tightly

Hand holding

Slipping your hands into his gloves makes him blush

He asked if you could kiss you constantly in the beginning of dating

Makes sure your well fed and hydrated

Secret make out session in the back room of the tea house amongst other things

Couldnt imagine not being with you once he has you

If you decided to leave with the traveller he'd determined to follow you, bur you tell him you'll be back; you just have to figure out somethings on your own.

You came back alright in a casket he couldn't be any more glad to see you.

Would and will wait till days end to hold you if he has too

Such a sweet soul

Loves when you brush your knuckles in a carassing matter across his cheek

"I love you and I'll never stop."

Likes to playfully drop his weight on you if you're messing around.

Man he wanted to marry you from the day he laid eyes on you

Proposed to you in the sweetest way, he knows your obsssed with his headband so he got you a ring that looks just like it with a line of diffrent gems in small thin strips, simplstic yet colorful

Told him not until he meets your dad can she say yes, but told him yes still

Old dad comes along and Mans shaking in his boots.

"Y/n my little gem. Who is this brute-" ouch zhongli ouch

"Meet my dad. Adoptive...Zhongli..."

"My daughter with absolutely destroy you in battle"

Thoma can't keep up with the info dump

"Daddy pass the salt?" -both zhongli and Thoma go to hand it to her- Thoma covers it up as a "oh sorry I wanted some salt too! Ha!"

He's not fooling anyone

"I want to marry your daughter" "no you're simply not good enough for her. My daughter is like a godess, that is above everything else and nothing can compare to her radiance and beatuy-" "he makes me happy" "...fine..."

Happy wedding

Probably like 5 kids +

All around though? A 5 star partner, a sweet kind being that gives you his heart and loves you through thick and thin, a great supportive boyfriend that'l sit back and eat tubs of icecream with you when watching horror movies.

Plus he's a titty squeezer

That was out of pocket Im sorry not really but hey

[momoshin]

omg wait one more i promise lol BUT itzy taking ryu to a strip club for her birthday and her taking a liking to stripper!yn :( like the way she’d be so touchy and blushy when it was her turn for a lap dance or watching yn dance :(

you know as soon as she walks in the door who she is, mostly because of the description her friends gave you when setting up the appointment, but also because of the red ribbon across her torso that spelled ‘birthday girl’ and glowed under the entrance lights.

“that’s yours?” your coworker asks, reapplying lip gloss as she looks at the four girls walking in, one of them more nervous and giddy than the rest, watching as you nod without even taking your eyes off the birthday girl. “looks fun”

“oh it’ll be fun” you chuckle, fixing your long robe, making sure the slit opened perfectly for your leg.

you can tell she’s overwhelmed as her friends run the names of the drinks over to see what she wants first, it’s probably the combination of how loud the music is with her friends screaming in her ear. so you give her a couple of minutes to calm down and finally order, watching as the bartender tells them they can wait for their drinks at their table, which to her surprise is in their own little booth secluded from the rest of the public and dancers.

“how much did this cost?” she gasps as they push her through the red velvet rope that divided both places.

“shhhh don’t worry, lia’s got it covered” the brunette laughs, she’s the one that came to u first, with the short one who you assume is lia as she flips her hair dramatically to keep the joke going. there’s another friend you havent seen before though, she has red hair and a body to die for, she was tall, and for some reason you assumed she was a dancer, maybe it had something to do with her thighs, who knows. your boss will probably find her way into talking to that one about working here later.

for now, you just have to concentrate on the black haired one, which if you wanted to lie, you could just say she didn’t look stunning in the tight dress that didn’t sit longer than her thighs, which looked plump enough to make nice earmuffs even in the summer, so yeah, you could say she wasn’t making you think about everything else than the thing at task, but you’d be lying to yourself and everyone else.

“im assuming you’re ryujin?” she turns around so quick at the mention of her name, just seeing it made u a little dizzy.

“i am?” its more a question than a reply, and you catch her friends chuckling behind her like school girls watching their friend interact with her crush. “who are you?” you act like you cant see the way her eyes look you up and down, how her gears are turning probably asking herself what you’re wearing under the robe.

“my name’s y/n” you extend your hand enough for her to catch on and do the same, shaking it and hoping you cant feel how sweaty her palm is. “why don’t you sit here? while the drinks come”

her friends have already sat in the booth behind her, and she doesnt have time to wonder why she has to sit in a chair in the middle of the salon while her friends get to sit way back, because they’re pushing her to do it anyways. she watches you pace around her in a circle until she sits, and then you finally stop in front of her, making sure to watch her reactions when you untied your rope and slowly let it slide down your arms to swiftly toss it at your side.

“can i sit there?” she instantly looks down to where you’re pointing, cute. but she just as quickly looks up and nods, not knowing what to do with her hands until distracted from her thoughts by your leg that swung over her thighs, making sure you were comfortable when straddling her.

and the two of you just lock eyes for a couple of minutes, so long that her friends got bored of just watching and the red haired girl finally spoke.

“you can touch her ryujin, she wont bite” you look at her when she talks, her legs are crossed and she’s leaning over them, her elbows resting on her lap as she stares “right, miss?”

but the slight change in her voice when she called you miss, that just made you tilt your head in deeper thought. you like the idea of her under you next better than her working here at all. but alas, ryujin pulls you back from your thoughts as she looks back at her friend and probably curses her out in silence

but the birthday girl is even more surprised when you use your hand to cup her jaw and turn her face so she was looking at you again. “eyes on me babe”

“but she’s right” you continue, brushing her hair away from her face. “wouldn’t you like to touch?”

“y-yeah” she fails to notice the server coming in with the drinks, your regular order also in there even though you didn’t ask for it in the first place. she only notices when you take her drink from the tray, not even sparing a glance to the side and making sure to maintain the eye contact with her, even when you took a sip of her drink before she even had a chance to try it

ryujin gulps audibly, even through the music, and only whispers an “im good” when you offer the drink to her after. she took the liberty of putting her hands on your waist, but eventually with the way you rocked back and forth after giving the drink back to the server, they ended up more on your ass than anywhere else.

it goes from that, to you moving her hands to touch wherever else you wanted her to, to her finally getting the confidence to do it herself, you can hear her friends giggle every now and then, but you’re too focused on her and thankfully, she’s just as lost in you.

soon enough, you take a break, after wiping the corner of her mouth from the little bit of alcohol that had spilled from the glass when you poured it in her mouth. “i’ll be back” you get up and off her lap, winking at her and making sure to sway your hips enough for her eyes to be glued on you until you disappeared from her eyesight.

[help-i-need-a-cool-username]

So the day after i was looking up The Witcher and Merlin crossovers (there was not many) i stumbled along a post on here that was asking if those two fandoms worked well enough together bc they were thinking of making their own. And since both my witcher posts are getting tons of notes and some of my older merlin posts are resurfacing, heres how i think theyd go together. I didnt see anyone go this route in any fanfic that i read

So a bit of a disclaimer. I know very little witcher lore/have only watched season 2 and i still dont fully comprehend the sphere things, and i havent seen a episode of merlin in about 7 years

So first off locations. Albion is the island of Britain. Camelot is a kingdom on a island that will become known as Albion "under Arthur's rule" (which was a lie because he DIED but whatever). The land the witcher takes place in is called The Continent, which conveniently has a lot of not solid canon maps so we can do almost whatever we want with locations. So... we make the island of Albion (and therefore Camelot) as a island off the coast of The Continent.

Camelot's magic policy = no magic users of any kind except druids (but that was temporary). So no sorceresses, mages, and probably no witchers. Camelot does tend to either go to war against kingdoms who allow (some) magic or enter tentative alliances with them. The Continent has magic users in some places/all over the Continent. So im thinking Uther never had significant contact with the mainland kingdoms/The Continent. We also only ever saw the sea in ONE episode of merlin so i think its safe to assume Camelot is also landlocked.

So that leaves the question of how do these two sets of characters get a chance to interact? Heres some various ideas:

Arthur travels to the mainland The Continent for political matters. He can be Prince or King at this point. Merlin (magic known or unknown) hasnt encountered many of these creatures and hasnt read much on any of them (since Camelot's books are on native creatures) so he's at a bit of a possibly major disadvantage

Morgana hears about how theres several powerful sorcerers/esses over on The Continent, that they even have schools. She goes over to The Continent in search of allies and soldiers for her army

If u want a slight AU same as above but its Morgana looking for schooling for herself. Either Morgause sent her there/died before she completed Morgana's High Priestess training. Or its when Morgana first discovers her powers and after the druid raid she or Merlin or someone else suggests she go to The Continent for training, because Uther has no control there

Because Camelot has no witchers and has banded sorcerers, they eventually have a monster terrorizing its citizens that they cant defeat. Uther can't trust any sorcerer, so he figures he can make a exception for temporary use of a witcher (kinda like how he was able to excuse using a dragonlord). Geralt is the unlucky witcher who got roped into going to Albion (and as per usual Merlin keeps trying to solve the situation himself...). Maybe Uther wants Geralt watched so Arthur (and therefore Merlin) takes that upon himself

This one is less likely considering how well known it is that Jaskier hangs out with magic people, but in the first episode of merlin Uther did invite and transport a singer to play for him in Camelot

Merlin (and friends?) accidentally transports himself to The Continent/Morgana transports him away and "away" turns out to be The Continent. He is now stranded

Yennefer/Geralt/whoever ends up going through a portal that drops them off in Camelot. They are now stranded

Do we know which kingdom Lettenhove is located? If not you can place Lettenhove in Albion/close to or in Camelot

Merlin goes to The Continent in search of [Magical Object] that Gaius or a Conveniently Placed Druid tells him he needs to save Arthur/stop the Big Bad Of Season __ (Nimue, Morgause, Morgana, etc)

[ayanna-wild]

Devil Don't Go

Word Count: 1679

Pairings: Lucifer Morningstar x Reader

Warnings: angst, violence, sad fluff, fluff, mentions of drowning, near death experiences

A/N: Request from Wattpad

Summary: This case should have been open and shut, it wasn’t supposed to go this way.

..................................................................................

Your world was spinning, well more accurately you were spinning, in a chair at the LAPD. To be even more accurate Lucifer was spinning you. The case you had agreed to help Chloe with had hit a snag, and every lead you thought you had was coming up a dead end. Which is why you were sitting in a chair, letting your devilish companion lazily twirl you around.

"I still say the manager of the victim's store seemed rather suspicious, are you sure we can't question him again?"

You hung your head back staring at the ceiling, thankful he wasn't spinning you fast enough to make you dizzy.

"He lawyered up, besides he had an alibi."

Lucifer huffed, clearly bored with how slow this case was moving.

"Oh yes, he was with his lover, was it? People lie darling."

You shrugged, placing your feet on the ground to stop yourself from spinning as you turned to look at him. Lucifer smiled when your eyes landed on him, and the corners of your mouth twitched up.

You and Lucifer had grown close since your transfer to the LAPD, and you found yourself helping Chloe on cases she could have solved easily herself. If she noticed she hadn't said a thing, you suspected it was Lucifer who convinced her to ask for your assistance.

This case however, they really did need help on.

"Why do you think they're lying?"

"He barely remembered their name, and his so called significant other, took far to long to recall him." Lucifer reasoned.

You frowned a little, unable to refute his logic, you leaned back in the chair.

"Well...you're right..."

"Of course I am, now put your feet back up, unfortunately this is the most interesting thing I've done today."

Before the two of you could continue your pointless entertainment, Chloe rushed over to her desk, grabbing her car keys. Both you and Lucifer perked up.

"What's got you in such a rush Detective?"

"Ella found us a lead, it might not pan out, but we should still check into it."

You jumped to your feet, grabbing your own keys from Lucifer's hand, who'd been carelessly tossing them back and forth with you earlier.

"I'll follow you."

"Allow me to accompany you." Lucifer beamed.

You raised an eyebrow as you headed for the exit.

"I don't let him press the buttons." Chloe explained.

After the fourth or fifth time of him turning on the siren to frighten unsuspecting civilians you forbade him touching anything as well. He muttered under his breath the rest of the drive.

~

You'd never understood the appeal decrepit buildings had in the criminal world of LA, but here you were.

"Couldn't they ever choose a nice little café, or someplace not run by rats?" You mumbled to yourself, stepping over what you hoped was an oil stain.

Leaky pipes and moldy smells filled the air as you careful walked along the walls, gun ready and senses on high alert. Your suspect, who had in fact turned out to be the manager, had opened fire as soon as the three of you walked through the door. It forced you away from Chloe and Lucifer, who you were now trying to find.

The platform you were walking on creaked behind you, and you whirled around, gun raised. Chloe froze, raising her hands, and you let out a sigh.

"Find anything?"

She shook her head, and you placed your gun back in its holster.

"Where's Lucifer?"

Her question chilled you to the core, and you stared at her in confusion. Your voice caught as you spoke.

"I thought he was with you..."

~

You refused to leave your desk, or even take any breaks as you searched through file after file. Called anyone even remotely related to your suspect. Lucifer had been with Chloe, he'd been vulnerable, he could be hurt, or worse.

You shook your head, that line of thinking wasn't going to do anything but make you panic.

A heavy, frustrated sigh left your lips, and you leaned forward, resting your head in your hands on the desk in front of you. Your eyes strained from hours of reading.

"I found something!"

You whipped your head around so fast it almost hurt your neck. Ella ran in, waving a paper around wildly. You and Chloe quickly crowded her and Ella explained everything.

"Okay, so I called around, you know places he frequents, old jobs things like that. There's an old swim center he used to run, a few workers there say he still comes by after hours to do laps."

"What does this have to do with finding Lucifer?" Chloe asked.

"Well I just off the phone with an employee who works there. Mr. Manager man is there now."

~

You couldn't drive fast enough, flying through red lights and recklessly taking turns. Chloe held onto the dash, shouting out warnings now and then, but she never told you to slow down. She was just as eager as you to find the king of hell.

"Y/N! We need a plan!"

You almost forgot to put the car into park before you got out. Chloe followed after you, calling for you to slow down, but you ignored her. The doors to the pool slammed open when you kicked them, smacking the wall just in time to see the murderous manager shove Lucifer, who was unconscious and tied to a chair, into the pool.

You screamed his name, dropping your gun as you dived into the pool without a second thought. You spotted Chloe running after the suspect just seconds before you hit the water.

The pool was so deep, and the chlorine burned your eyes as you swam towards Lucifer. You didn't know how you were holding your breath this long, but you weren’t really focusing on that. You struggled to untie the ropes around him, but your lungs were beginning to burn.

He's been down there for too long already, you were down there too long, your head growing light.

With no other choice but to surface, you took a large breath before diving under the water again. It wasn't enough time to really catch your breath and your chest tightened, but you finally loosened the ropes. You thanked the adrenaline rushing through your veins that you were able to pull him to the surface and out of the pool.

Violent coughs shook your body as you struggled to breathe again. You were light-headed, but you needed to focus, you had to check on him. Turning your attention to Lucifer you rolled him onto his back checking the injury to his bloody temple, it was sallow nothing to serious, and then you checked his pulse.

Only... there was no pulse.

"No no no...."

You got to your knees, placing your hands in the center of his chest as you began to push fast. You went back and forth between pressing on his chest to blowing breath into his lungs. You weren’t sure how long you kept this up, but you really didn't care to keep track of time right now.

"Come on...Lucifer, please..."

Tears clouded your vision and your arms gave out, you collapsed against his chest, checking his pulse once more, but there was nothing.

"Damn it wake up!" You slammed your fists down on his chest. Your tears ran down your face mixing with the pool water still clinging to your skin, but he didn’t move.

"You promised we'd go out for lunch tomorrow, and you always keep your promises, right?"

You brushed his wet hair from his face as your hands shook.

"So you have to wake up." Your voice broke, and you pressed your forehead against his, crying freely.

"Please don't go."

You almost slammed your head against his when his body suddenly jerked, and he sat up. You jumped back staring at him with wide eyes as he coughed out water from his lungs. He wheezed a moment clutching his chest, before looking around until his eyes landed on you. He gave you a tired smile and a weak chuckle.

"Well that was a wonderfully terrible visit to Hell."

With that joke your worry evaporated, and you fell back against the wall behind you. You ran a hair through your damp hair, and you laughed through your tears.

"You're alive..."

Lucifer looked at you curiously, and he moved closer to you.

"Darling are you alright? Why are you crying?"

He let out a surprised grunt when you wrapped your arms around his neck.

"You were dead you idiot, of course I'm crying."

"But I'm not dead now..."

You huffed, shaking your head as you tightened your hold around him.

"You're missing the point." You spoke lightly.

Lucifer carefully held you, frowning a little when he felt your body trembling.

"You're shaking." He pointed out softly.

"Just cold from the water." You lied.

You smiled, nestling closer to him, you needed to feel his heartbeat his breath on your skin. You pulled back to hold his face in your hands, eyeing the cut on his temple.

"You're bleeding a little still..." You muttered.

He grabbed your hand as your fingers ghosted over the wound. He smiled squeezing your hand a little.

"I imagine my situation would be much worse if not for you."

He smiled, and you slowly realized you were sitting in his lap. You cleared your throat, shifting to move off him, and he sent you a wink.

"Anyway, I'm really happy you're okay."

Lucifer's expression softened, and he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

"Well I couldn't very well stay dead now could I? A promise is a promise."

You looked at him surprised.

"You heard that?"

He chuckled, moving a wet strand of hair away from your eyes.

"It was hard not to, you were practically praying to me."

You rolled your eyes, but you still couldn't help the smile that stretched across your face.

"Just promise you won't go dying on me again."

"I'll try my very best darling." He chuckled.

..................................................................................

Tag List: @sallyp-53 @mizzezm @adira-secrets @we-are-all-alittle-strange-here @gingernarwal @im-just-along-for-the-ride @lifeshortbro @measure-in-pain @emiwrites3reads @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @kelly-n-russell @aiofheavenandhell @beththedemonhunter

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Eleven

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: first chapter after acosf!! im sorry for how short this one is, but acosf wrecked me and writing this put me back together. i hope it does something similar for you ❤️

***

“You say you’ve been doing better lately?”

The therapist’s office is plain, a little gloomy, but big windows overlook the center of town that make Nesta feel less suffocated.

She nods, “Yeah.”

“How would you describe ‘better’?” Dr. Bond— Lana, she insists on being called— has been endlessly patient with Nesta’s non-answers so far. Nesta almost feels bad and decides to throw the woman a rope.

“I’m not alone anymore,” she says. “I used to be alone all the time, but now I have friends, sort of… and a boyfriend.” She still loves that word. It’s never tasted so exciting before.

“You were always alone before this, then? Or were there just people that you didn’t consider noteworthy?”

A scowl rises to Nesta’s mouth. Damn, she works quick. “I was raised with two sisters in a one-bedroom apartment. I never got to be alone, but then I grew up, and…” Her mind wants to skip over the time she spent in college. “For the last couple of years, I holed up in my own place. Never wanted to talk to anybody or see them. If people took an interest in me, I shut them down because I didn’t have an interest in them.”

“You missed a few years,” Lana notes.

“What?”

“You’re twenty-four, and you moved out at eighteen. Where were you before getting your own place?”

Numbness seeps through Nesta at the question. She knows she can ask Lana to change the topic, but that will only bring it back later. “I had a boyfriend in college,” she says flatly. “I lived with him for a few years, but like you said, it isn’t noteworthy.”

“As a fellow lone wolf, I disagree.” Lana’s clinical polite face is unchanging. “Any person who you trust enough to let into your life is noteworthy.”

Nesta says nothing.

“I’m interested in these people you’ve chosen to trust,” her therapist continues after a beat of silence. “Why don’t we start with whoever you trust most?”

Nesta snorts. This she can talk about.

“His name is Cassian. I’ve been living with him ever since my apartment got flooded a couple of months ago, and he’s always been a good friend to me.” She sits there, thinking about what else to say. “I think I like him more than I’ve ever liked anybody.”

“This is the new boyfriend?”

Nesta nods.

“Do you compare him to the old one?”

Nesta doesn’t know what this lady’s angle is, but she answers carefully, “I used to. Back when I first moved in. I haven’t done it in a long time, though.”

“Why not?”

The answer is simple. “There’s no need to. He’s not comparable to anybody.”

“Is that why you opened up to him after two years of self-imposed isolation?”

Nesta looks away. “It wasn’t isolation,” she defends. “It’s just… after a lifetime of being subjected to the gaze of strangers, I wanted to hide. I liked hiding.” Mostly.

“What does that mean, the gaze of strangers?”

Question after cool question, this one. Nesta struggles to find a proper answer.

“You know how,” she starts slowly, “as soon as you start school, you’re placed into this bubble with a bunch of people who don’t know you and have no reason to care about you? There’s a shift in how you view people, and how people view you. And I thought I could leave it behind once I graduated high school, but it followed me to college and to parties and into everyday interactions.”

“What is it?”

“It’s this—” Nesta waves her hands, “judgment. It’s that thing you do as soon as you meet someone, and you try to determine whether they’re worth your time or not. Whether they’re above or below you in this made-up social hierarchy in your head.”

“Explain that more,” Lana says.

“We want to hang around people we find cool. And when we meet someone new, we inspect them, look them up and down, to see if they fit our definition of cool. We take them apart. Everyone does it, even you. And with me,” she shrugs, “I’m pretty, I wear the right clothes, I do my makeup. So at first glance, people think, ‘Oh, I can see myself getting to know her better. I can see myself liking her.’ But then they take a closer look at me, and it’s like…” Her fingers flutter in the air, trying to support her thoughts. “I can see their minds changing. ‘Nevermind, I was wrong. Nevermind, there’s something off with her. She’s a little quiet, a little weird, a little bitchy.’”

Lana narrows her eyes. “And Cassian doesn’t look at you like that?”

Nesta looks away. “He doesn’t look at anyone like that.”

It’s what used to make her so uncomfortable about him. She was incapable of fathoming his honesty, his genuineness, his kindness. She thought he was even weirder than her for it— she placed him beneath her on her social hierarchy for it.

Lana frowns thoughtfully. “And now you two live together?”

Nesta nods, then shrugs. “For the next twenty-four hours, we do. He’s helping me move back into my old place.”

Because that was another conversation she and Cassian had on Thanksgiving night. It was a long time coming, but also the perfect time.

“You’re saying your apartment has been ready for weeks? Why are you just telling me now?”

Nesta pillowed her face on his chest, not as upset at revealing the news as she would have been some days ago. “Because I was scared that if I moved out, I would lose my friendship with you.”

“That never would have happened—”

“We wouldn’t see each other every day anymore. Even if we didn’t go back to being complete strangers, the closeness would be lost.”

“You must not know me, then. I would’ve texted you every fucking hour. You’d never hear the end of me.”

“I couldn’t guarantee that back then.” She looked up at him through her lashes. “I can now.” She crawled higher up his body, lowering her voice to a secretive pitch. “Want to know why?”

“Why?” he whispered.

“Because you’re mine now. And that’s what I was waiting for while I made Lorene hold that shitty empty apartment for me. I was waiting for a catalyst, a revelation.” She pressed a kiss to his sternum. “And I most definitely got it.” The pleasant ache between her legs was proof enough. “Also,” she added, “it would be weird if you lived with your girlfriend before even having a first date with her.”

Cassian huffed a laugh. “You have a point there. We have been moving backwards, haven’t we?”

Nesta nodded into his skin.

He got a little quiet. “Still,” he said after a moment. “I’ll miss you.”

“You’ll see me every day. I’ll be fifteen minutes away.”

“I’ll still miss you.”

“I know.”

“What does talking about guys have to do with my therapy?” Nesta squirms, getting restless with the topic.

“Lots of things,” Lana says, putting down her notepad. “It gets you comfortable with expressing your feelings to me, and it teaches me about how you view the world. Besides, therapy isn’t just a rehashing of past traumas, you know. We can talk about whatever you want here, especially if it makes you feel good.”

“Well, I want to talk about something else.” She’s not spending this much money by the hour just to talk about how much she likes Cassian— she can go to Cassian for that for free.

“Like what?” Lana asks smoothly.

She’s offering an opening, finally, to the real reason that Nesta’s here.

Nesta pulls at the sleeves of her sweatshirt, wondering where to start. “I feel like I’ve been growing up lately,” she says carefully. “I have all these new people in my life to be responsible for, and I’m— I want to do it right. But I’m worried I won’t have room for new things until I pack up some of my old shit, so that’s why I’m here, I guess. I don’t want to hold on to all of my old shit anymore.”

At Lana’s encouraging silence, she continues, “I spent my whole life stuck in a suffocating town, and as soon as I left, I got stuck in a relationship. By the time I knew what freedom felt like, I— I’d been left behind. Everyone I knew was moving onto bigger things and all I had was this shitbag of a past. So I got a new place and started law school and called it a fresh start, but now I’m here and I’m not sure if I ever got better.”

She takes a sharp breath after everything that’s spilled.

Lana purses her lips, letting the room absorb Nesta’s words. After a long moment, she says, “Just because bad things stop happening to someone, doesn’t mean they instantly get better. It’s a good thing that you’re recognizing that before stepping into new relationships, Nesta.”

Lana glances at the clock on the wall. “I’m afraid that’s all the time we have for today, but this was a productive first session.” She offers a small smile. “Same time next week?” She says it as if it isn’t already a done deal.

Nesta nods gratefully anyway, unable to say anything else. As soon as she’s out the door, a pent-up sigh escapes her. That wasn’t so bad.

***

Later that night, Nesta doesn’t miss Cassian’s wistful stare as he takes down the painting he got her from the fall festival. Nor does she miss how slowly he packs it away.

Once the bedroom she made her home is as sparse as the day she moved in, all her things packed away neatly in boxes, Nesta wraps her arms around Cassian and pulls him to the bed. There, she lets him hold her close, their breaths and limbs intertwining as they lie in thoughtful silence.

“I can’t believe I’ll never see this room again,” Nesta says quietly.

Cassian’s eyes widen in alarm. “What do you mean, never again?”

“I’ll be staying in your room whenever I visit, remember?” Her underwear already occupies a drawer in his closet.

Cassian visibly relaxes when he remembers, then smiles. “Right. Of course.”

She lets herself sink deeper into his embrace. “I just realized you’ve never seen my apartment before.” He was waiting at the front door of Lorene’s place while Nesta collected her things all those weeks ago, but she cringes at the thought of him visiting now. The clear wealth gap between her and Cassian doesn’t usually show, but it’ll be undeniable with the cramped room she calls an apartment. “Maybe it’s best if I move back in without your help. There might not even be space there for your huge body.”

“Sounds more appealing by the minute.” He’s not joking. He tilts up Nesta’s chin so she’s forced to meet his eyes. “I can’t wait to start partaking in your life the way you took over mine. Spending nights at your place, meeting your friends, riding in your car instead of mine.”

Nesta swallows.

“I’m gonna miss you like hell, but it’ll be for the best.”

He’s right: this is what’s best for their budding relationship right now. Moving out, creating even a little bit of distance— all of it is so they can finally learn each other as lovers instead of roommates. So when they do come back together, which Nesta firmly believes they will, it’ll be stronger than ever before.

Some of their shared sadness flits away at the truth of it. She only places her hand on his cheek, content to appreciate this view— this beautiful, hazel-shaded view— without further chitchat or goodbyes.

Cassian is not as fond of the silence. “I need to tell you something,” he says seriously after a few minutes.

After only a handful of days dating Cassian, Nesta knows what he’s going to say. “Don’t,” she warns, unamused.

He grins conspiratorially and leans in even closer, until their mouths are almost brushing. “You’re my everything, Nesta.”

“Oh my god, stop it.” She squirms out of his hold and gets up, tossing the blankets off herself.

“No, come back!” He makes a grab for her sleeve. “We have to use the bed one last time—”

But she’s already running off.

***

Cassian carefully arranges the canvas painting on the wall, taking a step back to determine if it’s hanging straight. The ruby and amber leaves of the landscape stand out against the dull teal walls of Nesta’s basement apartment, but he’s just getting started.

The rest of Nesta’s things are half-unpacked from their cardboard boxes, but instead of going for the important shit first, he finds the box he specifically marked FAVES in bold letters the night before.

While Nesta wrangles to get her clothes back into her old closet in the background, Cassian crouches and rips open the small box. There, lying atop his girlfriend’s favorite trinkets and personal items, is the framed photo he snuck in without her noticing.

It’s of the two of them at the fall festival, taken mere hours before their first kiss. Nesta is pressed up close to Cassian (her excuse being that it was cold), and a genuine light fills her eyes, one that Cassian never thought he’d be able to capture on camera. Cassian himself isn’t looking at the camera, but down at Nesta with wind-flushed cheeks and a distant smile. Making sure she’s having a good time, that she truly wants to be there with him in that moment.

He never realized how close they looked in that picture until he had it printed and framed, not long after Nesta announced she was moving out. He can’t believe he didn’t see it sooner.

Standing up, he places the photo on Nesta’s wooden dresser. Nesta still has her head in the closet, moving things around, but Cassian makes no announcement of his gift to her. She’ll notice it sooner or later.

He clears his throat. “Wanna take a break and order Chinese?”

Nesta pops her head out of the closet, her ponytail ruffled and eyes narrowed at him. “Have you even been helping this whole time?”

“Standing here and looking pretty is harder than it seems, but I don’t expect any credit from you,” he jokes. “Just let me buy you lunch.”

Nesta grumbles something he chooses not to hear, but straightens up and rubs her spine with a wince. “I need a fucking chiropractor,” she mutters.

Guilt shoots through Cassian at that small wince, and he resolves to finish organizing Nesta’s closet for her before the day is over. Nesta goes on, “So? Still determined to split your time between here and the cabin?” She gestures to the apartment with an arm.

It’s really just a glorified single room, with a rusty kitchenette in the corner, a hallway near the stairs that holds the bathroom, and Nesta’s bed pushed against one wall. It’s nothing special, but Cassian loves it. Mostly because he can already envision each new nook and cranny to take Nesta against, and how he wants to wake up in that too-small bed on days that he’s too lazy to drive home.

“It’s perfect,” he says simply. Thank you for sharing your home with me, is what he really means. Speaking of homes—

Cassian digs around in his pocket, finding and pulling out a newly-minted silver key. “I almost forgot to give you this.”

Nesta frowns, coming forward to take the key from him. He uses the closeness as an excuse to wrap his arms around her waist while she inspects the object.

She glances up at him, eyes softer than they were a moment ago, lips slightly parted. “You’re giving me a key to the cabin?”

He shrugs casually. “You should’ve gotten one a long time ago.” She used either Cassian’s key or the spare while she lived there.

Her mouth is still open, and she closes it once, twice, before finally saying, “I don’t have a key to my place for you.”

“But I can get one,” she adds quickly. “If you want it, that is.”

Of course he wants it, but he keeps his face carefully neutral. “Only if you want me to have one. We’re still new, and this is your personal space.” He emphasizes your.

Nesta purses her lips, then says, “I’ll think about it.”

Cassian’s shoulders slump in relief— relief that Nesta is being honest with him instead of doing something she isn’t yet ready for. He’ll take her honesty over an apartment key any day.

Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he smiles brightly and shoves her toward the bed. “If we’re getting dumplings again then you can’t steal mine.”

***

a/n: fair warning that ive never been to therapy, but in stories therapists are usually a mode for character exploration and development, which is what nesta's therapy will be for.

also im so glad i got to meet gwyn in acosf and im so excited to introduce her into this fic too!! if you have ideas for her origin story feel free to share because nothing is planned yet

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