#im at a loss for words im so fucking happy im genuinely tearing up

[kolbalissh]

im sobbing carlos you are so loved you deserve so much more this win is yours my smooth operator, ferrari doesnt know what they're about to lose, that was the most perfect race win ever

[bratbby333]

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ [ blog update ! ] ࿐ྂ

+ some housekeeping and info on new writing

hello my loves !! i wanted to give y'all some insight on what's been going on in my mind palace lately. there's a lot...so...cmon, take a walk w me...and maybe bring some snacks.

ੈ♡˳ first and foremost ! my work has received a lot more attention recently and i am so excited. with actual tears in my eyes, im happy to report that i surpassed 1,000 followers the other day. i am at a loss for words...just...stuck in a perma-state of disbelief.

im sending out the biggest thank you to everyone who has supported me, who's interacted with my work, to the lovely friends ive made though this account and to the heartbreakingly beautiful anime that brought me here in the first place. i am genuinely in awe...overwhelmed, even...i didn't expect any of this to happen when i started this blog and i am forever indebted to all of you for getting me here. im actively fighting off the inevitable surge of imposter syndrome as i type this out...i just love y'all so fucking much. this community means the world to me and i wanna scream at the top of my lungs in order to demonstrate my deepest appreciation for each and every one of y'all.

ੈ♡˳ secondly ! a message for my little angel babies, my day one followers; thank you for taking a chance on me. for watching me grow. for sticking around as i worked to get better at writing. im sure a lot of you started following me for my gamer!bf sukuna series...trust me, i love him and i know y'all do too. but i feel like my writing is heading in a different direction...and with a heavy heart, i'm absolutely gutted when i say that i am taking a pause on that series. i am forever grateful for the support and may return to him soon, though i cannot promise that. i owe so much of what my account is now to that series and i will never forget that.

for everyone who joined me as i delved into dark/dead dove content, thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing me a safe space to explore different forms of story-telling. my choso fic was the first stepping stone and then i skipped every other stone on the path and jumped head first into the deep end with my dead dove gojo fic...i deeply appreciate all the positive feedback i received on both of those. after posting them, i realized that i am very into writing dark content. i know that taboo themes/dark content/dead dove subject matter isn't for everyone and i understand people's apprehension in regards to it. but with that being said, i will be moving forward with publishing darker content.

ੈ♡˳ so here's the writing update !

i did a poll asking y'all what kind of content you enjoy. a good chunk of people said long form fics (which is great, cause i do too !! mommy needs plot). so, i am migrating away from one shot writing. both because i've been thinking about it for awhile and because y'all are into longer stories, as well. but fear not, i will still write shorter stuff along with headcannons, drabbles, etc...it just won't be the main focus of my blog anymore.

ੈ♡˳ now, time for the big reveal ! perhaps it's a bit anticlimactic, but bear with me...

im so excited to announce that i have two new series coming ! it will be a dark, modern!au featuring choso (with a few other special guests) and a dead dove sukuna series.

i'm almost finished with the outlines, and have fully completed the theme layout + mood boards for both works. i hope to get the first few chapters wrapped up in the next couple weeks. if you want to be tagged in either of these (or both), just leave a comment or send me a message !

(also !! i may or may not be cooking up a dark medieval au series in collaboration with another writer on here...so be on the lookout for that hehe)

while i take breaks from writing my two series, i'll be working through my requests ! so if you've sent one in, i promise i will get to it, unless i literally cannot think of a good way to write it (im only human, im so sorry). also, im sure we already knew this, but im a slowww writer. i wish i could churn content out quick as fuck but i am too hypercritical of myself…it's both a blessing and a curse, honestly.

if you made it all the way to the end of this nightmare of a brain dump, i love you. if you've been with me for a while, i love you. if you're just now joining me, i love you. everyone who’s supported me in any way, shape, or form, i love you.

i present you with the sloppiest kiss with tongue (only if you want it, of course. i can also give you the tightest hug, the gentlest head pat, or my social security number...access to all my bank accounts? a mansion in the hills? my passport? hand in marriage? my first born child? literally whatever you want, babe).

okay !! i think that's all for the updates. feeling: very ambitious and motivated but also overwhelmed and mildly stressed but overall super excited for what's to come. im looking forward to this new adventure and i hope y'all come along with me ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

thank you again…for literally everything. yall hold a special place in my heart and always will. so, here we go !

see you on the other side, my loves.

— jade 𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪

[i-cant-stop-fandoming-help]

Hanahaki (Words better left unsaid(?))

Fuck it i'm splitting it into parts. this is part one. ALL OF IT IS IN ONE DOC THATS SEVEN PAGES LONG AND STILL NOT COMPLETE. HERE'S THE FIRST FOUR PAGES.

Anyways this is filled with headcanons because only the MSS demo is out. HERE YOU GO BORIS I HOPE YOU LIKE FUCKING. CHUBEE BEING ANTISOCIAL OR WHATEVER IDK HOW TO DESCRIBE IT.

EAT THE ANGST WHILE I GO AND MAKE MYSELF SOMETHING TO EAT FOR I HUNGER.

also a friend and I wrote a fic with our OCs that involved Hanahaki like. 2 years ago. And the resolve of that fic was that the sickly person lost their memory and thats how the hanahaki was rid of. and i liked that idea so Input "FORGETTING UR LOVED ONES WILL CURE YOU OF THE FLOWERS!!!" in here.

Uhhh tw for Hanahaki, memory loss caused by concussion, and idk what else. please ask me if you need something tagged cuz i genuinely have no idea what to tag.

also i had to replay all the routes in the demo so I could do my best to write the personalities. I mainly just like kicking chubee while he's down because. idk actually. ig its just cuz i like him as a character? I'm really tired

im going to stop rambling pls just read this so i can get back to working on the second part AND my other angst fics. and the singular happy fic in my WIP collection.

Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump. Chubee knew the feeling well. Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump. His heart was pounding, and his stomach was spinning about. Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump. Rongdien was snort-laughing at Matu, who had tripped over Aloiki’s fake tail and fallen flat on his face.

Rongdien was one of the hardest of the group to make friends with, it took the beekeeper a while to figure out how to make them grin. While everyone else was somewhat open with their interests, they had remained stone-faced.

That frustrated Chubee, although he hated showing it. Deep down, he felt that he was only good for jokes and “therapy”. Nobody really cared about him, nobody wanted to know what he was interested in, or what he had gone through in life. So when someone didn’t see him as good for either, he could only feel hollow. If he didn’t have a purpose, why should he live?

The red-head glanced at the blonde, gaze clouding with confusion. “You’re staring, ‘Bee. Why are you staring, Chubee.” Their voice wasn’t loud, but it was commanding enough to make Chubee stand up straight.

“Sorry, Mx. ‘dien.” He tried for a grin, but it was hard to manage. Their amber eyes were sharp, piercing him through and making his knees wobble, making it hard for him to stand.

“Why are you staring.” Rongdien repeated, making the beekeeper attempt to straighten up even moreso. 

“Don’t see you laugh often, is all!” There was something bitter rising in his throat, and his breath was growing hard. “I don’t feel so well, though.” He kept the grin up as he backed up, the bitterness growing.

He booked it. Chubee ran down the halls, ran towards his room. He slammed his door open as fast as he could, before his knees buckled. Petals flooded out of his mouth, that of the red windflower. Typically, he would’ve stared in awe, but they were coming from his mouth.

“No, no, no.” He whispered, tears welling in his eyes. He had this sickening curse once before, back before he graduated, and someone else had to tell him years later.

“You had this sickness. “Hanahaki”, I believe it is called. You were spewing up entire bouquet’s worth of purple petals. 

Chubee was unusually still. His hands weren’t patting his knees, his foot wasn’t tapping the ground, his eye wasn’t twitching. 

“It was weird that you were missing so much school, y’know. Everyone was worried, even…” the brunette paused, her lips pursing. “Even Pedro.”

The name hung in the air, and she stared at him like he was about to spew out an entire flower again.

“Maria, it’s fiiiineeeee!” He hated how his voice wavered, “I’m over it. You know how? I got a concussion.”

Maria’s eyebrows furrowed, and she looked at him quizzically. “How would that help?!”

The blonde just shrugged, taking off his gloves and touching his fingers to his palm repeatedly. “I had a talk with Carmen,” he tried to keep any and all emotion out of his tone. “ ‘Pparently, forgetting the one you love helps. It’s why I didn’t show up for the rest of the year, either.”

She still bore a concerned expression, and Chubee itched with discomfort. He never knew how to react whenever someone showed concern for him.

“Y’know, Carmen has a killer throw. Never trust ‘em with a tennis ball, you’ll regret it.” Shivers went down his spine, but he tried to sound like he was joking. “Knocked me straight out. Only knew he did it because he was next to me at the hospital.”

Maria glanced out the window– the sun was setting, and it caused a beautiful gradient to cover her face. Blue, pink, orange, and then yellow. “He said you got a bad concussion, and everyone wanted to see you… Many people are fond of you, Garcia.”

Chubee had no retort to make, as much as he wish he did. 

“At the beginning of the school year, when the teacher made us do an introduction assignment… a lot of people remembered your interest in beekeeping from that day. It’s why Jaime got you the bee plushie, and why Lucia and I saved up to get you those bee-themed pixie lights.” She raised a finger, pointing at his hat– the one he always wore. “It’s why Antonio got you that.”

Chubee snapped back to the present, he had lingered on that memory for too long. What purpose had there been to think back to it? He already knew that he just needed to forget. Forgetting was a lot easier than opening up about his feelings.

“You blood-havers are strange.” A metallic, squeaky, voice rang from above him.

He jolted, looking above and wiping his mouth. “Estelia.” He muttered, his tone bitter with hatred.

The robot just giggled, hovering in the air before staring at the petals. “That’s gross. Humans are gross.”

She began to ramble, but he cut her off as keeled over, pressing his palms into the hardwood flooring and cringing as more petals spilled out of his mouth, accompanied by dots of blood.

“You should see a doctor.” Estelia vanished after saying that, although her steel-cold giggles still echoed about in the halls.

Chubee ignored that comment. He was too busy thinking about who could help him forget. 

Maybe Carolia could hit him on the head, whether it be with fist or hammer. Carolia never did seem to like others, so perhaps he wouldn’t ask questions.

There was a knock at his doorway, and dread filled his chest.

“Nice petals.” The voice was monotone, uninterested, and yet somewhat amused. “I don’t see that every day.”

Chubee did his best to gain his composure, but it was difficult.

“Mina says hi, by the way.” the brunette crouched down, patting Chubee on the back. “I can see if any of Mina’s medicine can help with the petals. With all the medicine substitution needed in my field, I’m sure I have something that could aid.”

Mezsha stood up with furrowed eyebrows, pulling Chubee up by the hood of his jacket. “But,” she continued after a long inhale. “It won’t be a permanent solution. There are three ways to survive this. But there are four ways to come out of this sickness.”

His throat was dry as he spoke. “How can I survive?”

Mina chortled at Chubee’s voice, which stung slightly, but it wasn’t important at the moment. Mezsha seemed to be thinking.

“Well,” She said after a few minutes, “I’ll dumb this down as much as I can, for your sake. The first way you can survive is by confessing your feelings– but your feelings must be returned. Obviously.”

The bee-keeper buzzed softly, kicking at the petals and pursing his lips. His parents stopped showing care for him long ago, and it taught him something. Never, ever, be honest with your feelings. Even in a life or death situation, don’t be honest. It’ll just hurt you in the end.

“The second way is surgery. I’m the only one here capable of performing such a feat– at least, without you risking some sort of infection. Also, I don’t know if the others would be able to perform it right. This is the most simple way, especially with how you’ll lose your feelings after, but you’ll have to place a lot of trust in me.”

Mina squealed and swiped the air.

“And, no, Mina won’t be in the room for it. That would be unsanitary.”

The blonde buzzed in amusement, rolling his shoulders. “Thanks for the reassurance. Really makes the idea less scary.”

The veterinarian stared at Chubee, a small spark of entertainment darting through her honey-yellow eyes. “Do not use sarcasm against me, Garcia. Moving on, the third way to survive such a condition is to—”

“Lose your memory.” The words burst out of his mouth, and as soon as he realized he cut her off, he took a few steps back. “Sorry.”

Mezsha’s glasses slipped down the bridge of her nose, her eyes narrowed as she stared at the beekeeper. “Most people don’t know about that, how do you?”

Chubee had never been as honest as he had been in that moment. Words spilled out without a stop put to them, and it felt like he was going to crumple over. He explained everything, how he had had the disease once before, and how a classmate told him that memory loss would help, and how the concussion left him hospitalized for a month– the last month of the school year.

He explained how hard it was for him to be honest with his emotions, because it never felt like anyone would ever care. How all the tears he forced down were trapped because he didn’t want to be picked on for crying, how he was scared of anyone getting too close because he might become attached and he didn’t want to grieve when he was abandoned.

He could only stop when his hyperventilation became too much to speak through, and it was then that he realized how nice it felt to cry. To let all he bottled up, flow out. And his words hung in the air, only interrupted by his sharp sobs and sharp, uneven, breath.

Inhale, inhale, inhale, inhale, exhale, exhale, in. He could almost feel Mezsha’s pitiful gaze, he didn’t have to look up. Exhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. His heart was pumping, and tears dripped off of his chin and to the hardwood tile. Inhale, exhale, inhale, inhale, exhale.

A fluffy heap was pushed into his chest.

“Bah!” It was a tiny, yet high-pitched, roar. Mina.

He wrapped an arm around the bear cub, tears clearing from his vision as he spoke gently. “Oh, hello there, Mina…”

Mina chortled again, turning her head to stare at her care-taker. “Raaah?”

Mezsha’s jaw was tight, and her eyebrows were furrowed together. “Keep holding Mina until you calm down. Petting her may help.” Her voice was much softer than usual, even with a hint of sorrow in it. 

Chubee’s breath slowed down bit by bit, and tears were no longer welling in his eyes. His eyes stung from dryness, and his cheeks were burning from the lament.

“Thank you for opening up.” 

He looked up, and Mezsha was slightly crouched to his height. Her eyes were damp with sympathy, and her irises were much more of a marigold color.

His words caught in his throat for a mere second. “I shouldn’t have.”

Mezsha tapped her finger against the wall, her gaze clouding and growing distant. “No, it’s okay. Bottling up emotions will never do you any good, and it will only cause harm.” 

A snarky comment came to mind, but he let Mezsha continue.

“But you should not be forced to confess your feelings, or to let others know at all times how you truly feel. So perhaps we should head back to the original topic.” 

“That would be appreciated.” Chubee’s voice was nothing more than a whisper.

----

[midday0nightmares]

31 - a week later.

Previous chapter a rat.

m.list.

warnings: this series contains themes of yandere\mafia, blood, violence, mental health, drugs, non-con.

author note: this is pure fiction and it is not intended to romanticize any of the situations mentioned bellow.

3 days after.

“Jeno .. can I ask you something?” 

“Sure” he replied,

 jeno too has changed, he has become more caring towards you like he was stepping to fill jaemins place, while jaemin was occupied.

Jeno was more controlled, he didn’t show much, if you didn’t know what had happen you would have believed everything was fine.

“What’s gonna happen to me if..? You know” ,

you leave the questions unfinished, but jeno understands what you wanted to ask.

His mouth opens to speak but closes shut again, he takes a minute to think before he answers “I don’t know”.

His honesty although appreciated didn’t help at all.

 “but, I will do my best to make sure you’er taking care of” he reach to hold your hand over the table, gently squeezing it to reassure you.

.

.

.

5 days after.

You saw less and less of jaemin.

The stress of it all was getting to you too, you were agitated.. you blamed it all on jeno.

“Why don’t you just confess?”, 

your question was loaded with hostility.

He looked at you, a desperate look on his face, he told you over and over but still he tells you again,

”it’s complicated sera”.

You scoff, his answer seemed more like an excuse than a genuine answer. “what’s complicated? You did it, you are the one who should be facing life in prison not him” you pointed at jaemin’s closed door.

He exhales, his eyes close “you don’t know what you’er talking about”.

“You killed him!” You contain to argue but he gets up and leave, ending the conversation.

Tears of anger pooled in your eyes, this is another level of injustice. 

.

.

.

6 days after.

You were quietly munching on your cereal, jeno sat across form you sipping on his bitter coffee.

The mood was tense, unstable.

The neglected tv flashed a breaking news strip that caught your attention, it was about the murder in a diplomatic’s son house, “turn the volume up” you ushered jeno.

“.. it has been determined that the leased apartment falls under diplomatic amenity and no further investigations could be carried” 

You looked at jeno, “dose it mean that they’er closing the case?” You asked, carful not to get your hopes up, he remind quiet for a minute before he nods “ yup, I guess they are”.

You jumped out of your seat, squealing with happiness “yes! Yess thank god” you grabbed his arm to share the joy but he didn’t move.

He wasn’t happy, nor relieved.. he didn’t seems to feel any thing.

You top your small celebration, “what?” You asked.

“Nothing” he stood up ready to leave, “clean up when you’er done”.

he leaves you to your wild thoughts to run the worst case scenarios. 

.

.

.

Today

The week slowly rolled over with much tension and uncertainty, jaemin has been called to the police station couple more times, you swear each time he comes back, he has aged years.

You wanted to be by his side but he didn’t even look at you when you tried to call him this morning, if he’s not out then he’s locking himself in his room. you tried knocking on his door, to get him to at least eat a proper meal but he didn’t answer. Each attempt has been met with either complete silence or a sharp temper, he would lash at you then quickly apologize.

This is not how you wanted your first semester to begin, you attended the first week of your online classes but you couldn’t really focus on what has been said, not with a disaster hanging above your head ready to drop at any minute.

And as much as you wanted to blame it all on jeno, you couldn’t anymore. The case is closed, but why is jaemin still being investigated? Could it be because of you? Did the police knew you were taken? Was it your fault?.. you tossed and turned in your bed, it felt cold and empty without him, you missed him so much. After a long string of pillow thoughts, slumber finally took mercy over you.

“y\n..” 

An unfamiliar voice calls your name.

“y\n” 

the whisper gets louder, your body tip over and fall off of an edge to an endless darkness.. you jerk out of the nightmare, drenched in sweat and gasping for air.

You clam yourself and push the heavy covers off of you, dragging your feet to the kitchen for some water, you don’t bother turning the lights on, you open the fridge door and take a bottle. The icy water clears the clouds in your mind only for the grim reality to take its place, jaemin might be taken away.. you dwell on the scary thought. 

You turn your head to see the lights of jaemins room were on, your heart clinches, he’s still awake at this ungodly hour.

Opting not bother him, you head back to your lonely bed, but the dark figure in the balcony almost gave you a heart attack.

You recognize the man, it’s jaemin.. his tall figure was standing in the dark, the phone was pressed to his ear, his demeanor was agitated, shifting his weight form one foot to the other, you couldn’t hear anything but you can tell he wasn’t happy.

You turn to see if jeno was in his room, his lights were off and his shoes were by the door. you always had the impression that they were close, partners in crime. they did all their nasty work together, but why is it only jaemin who is in this mess right now?.

“You can’t be serious !” 

Jaemin’s loud voice comes clear through the thick glass, his hand running through his hair seemingly wanting to rip it from the roots out of frustration. You can tell he was angry, desperate.. he keeps shouting but you can’t make out what he was saying. you step closer, as close as you can without being seen by him, you try to decipher his muffled voice,

 “I am your son! Your only son” 

you’er not sure if that’s what he said.. 

He speaks in a lower voice before he removes the phone from his ear, ending the call. He punches the wall next to him, he was beyond pissed.

You move to hide behind the curtain to avid angering him more, he opens the door and steps inside slamming the glass door behind him.

“I can see you” he deadpan says in the dark, since there’s no one other than you, he must be talking to you and you make the quick decision of coming out before he losses his temper. 

“Im sorry, I had a nightmare and I got up to drink wa..” You try to explain yourself but he waves his hand with not much care “Yeah yeah” and you stop talking.. he walks to his room, the dull city lights illuminating his backside, his shoulders were slumped, his back hunched with heavy burden, the sight of him broken made your heart twist inside your ribcage.

“Jaemin” you call him without a plane, he stops and looks at you, “Are you okay?”, stupid question.. 

Although it’s dark, you can feel his eyes burning holes into your face.

“Do I look okay?” He retorts,

You answered him with a small “no”

he turns to walk to his room but you speak again, “I can help you if you tell me what wrong”, bold statement.

He stops again and heavy sighs, your heart thumbs in your chest as you wait for him to speak, but all you get was a scoff, “why don’t you just know your place huh?” he asks with much condecindence, although you know he didn’t mean it, his words still hurts. 

“Just stay out of my way, you have done enough already” he adds more sharp words, twisting the planted knife in your heart.

“I just wanted to help you and be here for you” your voice breaks and you hate yourself for it, but you chock and the tears starts to gather in your eyes, he huffs and looks up to the ceiling, impatiently waiting for you to recompose yourself. But his cold nonchalant demeanor triggers more eruptions inside of you.

 the words escapes your mouth before you have thought of them.. “all I wanted was to help you, but you keep me away form you! you don’t tell me anything, no one is telling me anything! I don’t know what is happing or if I will see you when wake up the next day” you rant through the sobs, your voice getting louder and louder, and when he was fed up with you he shuts you down with a loud scream “shut up”.

 Jeno comes out of his room, bewildered and alert.. he stands in the background watching the fight evolves.

“You are not my girlfriend” he walks towards you, making you feel small and insignificant, “I don’t own you anything” his tall stature looms over your short one, that cuts deep. 

you look at him, you stare into his eyes, challenging him to take what he said back but he doesn’t.

“Yeah?” Your voice barely comes out, “fine then I guess I have no reason to stay here anymore”. you turn and stomp to where your bed is to collect your few belongings, he follows behind, his steps shaking the ground beneath you.

“where the fuck do you think you’er doing?” He asks but you ignore him, more so you couldn’t speak due to the choking knot in your throat, but your lack or response angers him even more, he grabs your arm and turns you around with much force, that it almost dislocates your shoulder, you whimper at the pain but he doesn’t care, his grip tightening even more, his eyes glazed with a dark, sinister layer.

“Jaemin!” Jeno warns, but it does nothing as another screaming match breaks between you, with him asking you the same question, not really waiting for an answer, and you shouting whatever comes to your mind first, curses, accusation, anything to hurt him. you don’t know who started it first but hands were being thrown, jeno was trying to break you apart, but  eventually, jaemin overpowered you and threw you over his shoulder like a rag doll, your kicking and screaming did nothing against him.

 “Jaemin” jeno shouted at his friend who was in a trance, muttering the filthiest insults under his breath.

“Where are you going? Jaemin!” jeno tries to reason with him. at this point jaemin was like a robot, marching to his room, he kicks the door to his bedroom open, he slams you to his bed, knocking the wind out of you. 

“Jaemin! Calm down” jeno was trying to stop whatever jaemin was doing, he kneels and opens his safe, jeno’s voice getting louder, you were paralyzed with fear everything is happing so fast for your brain to form a response.

Jeno was trying to pry jaemin’s hands out of the safe, “come on! don’t do something you’ll regret”, jeno was almost begging him to stop.

jaemin finally broke out of his trance and turned to jeno “get out!”,

but jeno stood in his place like a pillar, his presence seems to clam jaemin, he takes a deep breath and pushes his hair back “I know what im doing” he speaks calmly this time before he turns back to you, you swallow the thick knot “jaemin please..” pleadings to spare your life were timid but loud enough to be heard, your body crawls as far away from him before the wall stops you.

He kneels down and reaches again inside the safe, for a second the time has stoped, everything moved in slow motion. 

He takes out a metal handcuffs out of the safe, the blood that was frozen in your vines moved again, you let go of a breath you didn’t know you were holding.. jeno does the same “fuck..” he must have thought the same, he too believed jaemin was about to kill you.

Your limbs fell weak and cold due to the withdrawal of the adrenaline that filled your bloodstream, you feel sick, dizzy.

The bed dips under jaemin’s weight next to you, your head falls back into his soft pillows, aimless tears rolls down your temples, you give him your hands to cuff. you are worn out, you surrender.

He takes both of your arms and cuffs them to the headboard of his bed, your eyes meet, you don’t look away and neither does he. He looks down at you.. his eyes pours inside of your soul.

Dark circles beneath his eyes, dry lips, heavy eyelids but still, still handsome as ever. he leans down to kiss your watery eyes, “for my sanity sake” he whispers between the kisses.

He throws his covers over you, and turns the lights off before he leaves and close the door behind him. 

[satorinnie]

love and war

pairing; gojo satoru x f!reader

genre; angst

wc; 3,6k

warnings; jjk manga spoilers

notes; i think its obvious the ending is a bit rushed but i still tried my best :/ got the motivation to write the ending but then lost it again...but i wanted to post it today so here it goes. would love to hear feedback on it!

it wasn’t meant to play out like this. no, he wasn’t meant to find out about it, not like this at least.

that was the last thing you ever wanted.

everything was going so fine, maybe too fine, but still, nonetheless, things were perfect between the two of you just this morning. how did it come to this?

he was looking at you, blindfold off, crescent blue eyes reflecting each emotion he held so so openly. the only times you saw him this vulnerable was when the two of you had talked about his past, his regrets, and what if’s. his eyes were full of adoration at that time, looking at you like you were a pure blessing from the heavens, an angel sent to save him from his drowning thoughts, to let him be himself.

but now, now they were looking at you with so much hurt, anger, regret, and oh so heartbroken.

you had seen, witnessed, first-hand what the receiving end of gojo’s furious gaze ended with. it wasn’t pleasant, that’s for sure, and you had sworn to yourself you would never be on the receiving end of it.

oh, how the tables have turned.

it was understandable why he was so mad; god knows you would be too. because you, who had delicately pieced back his broken heart and trust after the events of getou, had now broken it, by your very own hands at that.

how did it all come to this? you had no idea. you knew starting a relationship with him was wrong and off-limits from the very beginning, but the temptation had surpassed your rationality just like eve when she bit the apple. you never thought you’d fall this deep down the hole, so deep that you forgot–no, ignored your true mission.

to monitor gojo satoru and sukuna’s vessel and kill them when you got the order.

it was last year when the head sorcerers in england had given you this mission. if gojo was unbeatable and unrivaled in japan, you were the same in england. perhaps your curse technique wasn’t as strong as his, but it was versatile and a very reliable technique.

after itardori yuuji became the only sukuna’s vessel, japan wasn’t the only country sour about the thought of it; in fact, it had caused a panic in europe as well. and as england was the country that ruled the jujutsu world in europe, you were assigned with monitoring the vessel and the owner of the six eyes. they wanted their eyes and hands on the boy with the infinity.

but you befriending everyone there, joking with the curse himself, and becoming lovers with the one and only gojo satoru was definitely not how you planned for things to go. it spelled trouble from the beginning, getting close to the shaman who had an ego and power rivaling the gods. but, unfortunately, you were now too deep to just leave without explaining everything to him, and even hoping for a chance that he’d forgive the lies you fed him throughout your times together was a little farfetched.

how could you make him believe that everything you said was genuine, and out of true love? the answer was you couldn’t because the betrayal in his eyes was enough for you to gulp down those hopes, taking a deep breath to prepare for the argument that was about to come. “look–satoru, please let me explain and don’t jump to conclusions.” you lifted your hands in front of you as an act to calm him down, walking closer to him with a futile attempt to hold his hands.

“explain what?” a laugh escaped his throat, one mixed with desperation and madness, “that everything between us was a lie? a mission for you? how do you plan on slithering your way out of this now, huh?” his voice rising with each word he was spitting out of his mouth.

you were desperately trying to keep up the expression that you had everything together, when in fact, you didn’t at all. your hands were starting to shake because you were scared of losing the man in front of you whom you were utterly in love with. the boy with the infinity held your heart in his palms, and he had no idea about it. “nothing was a lie, alright! i know how that document looked, and i can’t lie and tell you that isn’t true, but my love for you is–”

“keep those fucking lies to yourself y/n–you know, everyone knows already. megumi, yuuji, maki, even shoko–”

“stop cutting me, gojo! i know it might be unforgivable, but you have to believe me when i say i forgot about the mission. i love you, okay? i am undeniably and utterly in love with you, and that’s why i’ve been ignoring every call, every message they’ve been sending me about the task because i can’t do it!” you were screaming now, hands in the air, trying to voice out every single emotion you were feeling in that moment.

“well, it’s too bad that i don’t love you anymore! you know, i’ve known about this for a few weeks now and was hoping you’d open up to me about it, but–”

you froze at his last sentence.

“–you what? so you’re telling me that everything that happened in between us during those weeks was an act? all fake? you were just waiting for me to open up so you could what, break my heart in a more grand way?” now you had to give it to him, not only was he secretly smart, he was also a great actor who had you fooled for weeks now. the room was silent after your words, both your eyes staring deep into each other; you, waiting for his answer.

and you watched as he opened and closed his mouth, not sure how to answer your question. but you knew what that meant; with his hesitance, you had found your answer. breaking your eye contact, you looked down at the floors of the home you used to share; you could hear your heart shattering into millions of pieces with just the sound of his breathing.

“alright,” you whispered into the air. running your hand over your face, you leaned back against the kitchen counter. “so how will this go? are you going to let me go or are we gonna have a full-on fight right now? or is everyone already waiting outside the door to capture me?” you were doing your best to avoid eye contact, it was already too heard keeping your tears from falling, and you knew one more look at the eyes you loved so much would break you.

there was silence for a few minutes, but in your eyes, a few minutes was an eternity long. the fact that he was debating the question you left was heartbreaking already. but you weren’t afraid to fight; you had come to japan prepared for the worst-case scenario, and getting to know satoru up close, you believed you had a fair chance at winning.

“–im giving you twenty-four hours to leave this country. if you don’t–you know what’s to happen.” this had you lifting your head in the speed of lightning, eyes wide mouth agape, you could only watch as gojo satoru left your shared house without sparing you a single glance.

he was oblivious to how he carried your heart out the door when he left you stranded in the middle of the kitchen.

it was an hour after your discussion, and you were still in the same spot he left you. still standing, still too paralyzed to move. the reality of things being over was just starting to weigh on you, but you knew you had to start packing because not only gojo; but england was going to be after you too.

you failed the mission. and you didn’t plan on returning back.

war is a slippery slope. what would you do? becomes what will you do? becomes what have you done?

looking around the now-empty home, you built with gojo; tears started falling from your hallow eyes. so many memories resurfaced in one moment; it was overwhelming. the day your first saw him when he was trying to crack a joke at nanami to get him to smile. or the time he first asked you out admitting he had found you a force to be reckoned with and how you had managed to bewitch him. the day you accepted, the day he made you see stars behind your eyes from pure bliss. the day he proposed living together. the day you danced around the living room with his obnoxious music playing at the back, head laid against his chest humming to the melodies. how you felt like a family when you saw him and the students act so close–

how long has it been? how long have you been pushing your actual task behind the lies and excuses you fed yourself. was that person you? the ever so stone-hearted y/n breaking her facade for the boy with infinity.

my god, my god, whose performance am i watching? how many people am i? who am i? what is this space between myself and myself?

it was all getting too much. when had you fallen down the hole to never leave again? should you be grateful, or should you curse the fact that despite all misfortune, you can still feel love and unearthly love but still for earthly objects?

finally getting a grip on yourself, your feet moved down the hall to your shared bedroom, and without wasting a glance at his side, you quickly started to pack your stuff to leave japan.

gojo wasn’t doing well himself. he thought he had finally found true happiness after all the loss he had to go through, and it all turned out to be nothing but an act built on lies. after he left your shared home, he had wandered around in the streets with no destination in mind and the cold chilly air blowing past him. his blindfold was still off, the moon making his crystal blue eyes shine even more, still with unshed tears at the brink of it—a dam about to break.

he knew he lied to you when he told you he didn’t love you anymore and only hoped the years of the facade he had to keep up was enough to fool you into believing his words when in fact, it was the very opposite. he loved you so much–so much that it broke him when he read the document that was mailed to you weeks ago. you and him were an inseparable duo–the strongest and his tamer. the boy with the infinity and the girl who held him down with gravity.

upon wandering the streets for god knows how many hours, he found himself in front of a riverbank. the light of the moon was radiating, creating a painting of a million stories for the broken boy. but while being so engrossed with the view in front of him, he had failed to feel someone creeping up behind him; with his infinity down, nanami was able to lend a hand on his shoulder. “i’m assuming you talked with her.” he broke the silence.

his silenced gaze worried his friend; they promised to keep it between themselves. while nanami believed letting the kids know would be the better choice, gojo was adamant about keeping your good image in front of them. he knew how much they adored you, and he would hate to be the one to break it to them. “i did.”

“and what choice did you go with?”

“i gave her a full day to leave, and if otherwise–” he gulped down the lump forming in his throat, “–if otherwise, i told her i would fight her.” tears now slowly starting to trail down his porcelain skin, an odd view to see for his foes.

“you did the right thing.” nanami tried his best to console him in a way. this was a new image for him; he never saw gojo break down like this; the last time he saw his best friend (he would never admit that to his face, though) like this was when he had to kill getou, even then he had managed to keep up the aloof facade. but he knew his feeling for you ran much, much deeper than that. he has witnessed what your companionship had done to him. it was what pieced him back, and now what broke him.

it’s been years since you left, but you were back now. back in japan after two years of staying away, traveling to many different countries, on the runaway from the higher-ups in england. you would’ve preferred your return to be on good news and such, but unfortunately, it was the opposite. your friends back in england had informed you about how they planned on ending gojo’s life once in for all today with a team of experienced sorcerers, and although you wanted to keep away from trouble as much you could, you couldn’t let the man you love die.

with your hood covering your face, you walked down the streets of shibuya, the once war zone that led to many disastrous events in the past years under your feet. you heard about everything; the culling game and the capture of gojo satoru, thank god those were all in the past now, and everyone was well–except nanami, and the new had broken you. just like gojo and the students, he also had a special place in your heart, his calm attitude always grounding you. you don’t think his last thoughts of you were good–considering what gojo had told you the night you left, but still, his death was unexpected news to you.

you didn’t know how you were going to approach the topic; there was a big chance they’d attack you the second you entered their line of vision, not allowing you to voice out the news–but it was worth the try nonetheless. taking your hood down, you entered a cafe; the need for caffeine after the long flight back here was strong, the anxiousness and stress not allowing you to sleep. what you didn’t expect was seeing the three first years–now third years–you loved so much sitting in the cafe chatting idly, not noticing you. you wanted to keep it that way, but on your way out, a feminine voice called out your name. “y/n sensei? is that you?”

your steps halted, freezing in your stop. the confrontation was inevitable now, causing a stir in a crowded place was the last thing you wanted so you turned around to see nobara staring at you with wide eyes, megumi and itadori behind shocked just as her. what you didn’t expect was her running straight at your engulfing you with wide arms; a big grin plastered on her face. “where were you! you disappeared out of nowhere, and gojo sensei wouldn’t tell us anything! we were really worried; you left me alone with these two idiots–you know you’re the only one who understands my pain–”

“–i’m sorry, i had to go on an abroad mission, and it took too long. it’s good to be back.” you hugged her back tightly, still trying to process the new information she threw at you. gojo had lied, and that made you question everything you believed in. had he also lied about his love for you back then? but that was for later–for now, you wanted to cherish this news and spend time with your favorite students, learn about their well-being and their stories.

“come on, let’s sit shall we? we got lots to catch up on.”

it was now midnight, and you were waiting somewhere in the middle of the forest for your dreaded meeting with gojo. you managed to convince the kids into telling gojo to meet you here without actually letting him know it was you. they were excited, to say the least, talking about how you and he were the epitomai of soulmates, two pieces meant to find each other, filling up the gaping hole you both had. you were very nervous, fidgeting in your spot, hiding behind the tree waiting for him to arrive, and when you heard footsteps nearing you–you knew this was it, heart pounding like crazy.

walking out of your hiding spot, you slowly made your way over to him, hands stiff at your sides anticipating his reaction. “gojo.” he looked at you, blindfold on this time. still, you could see his displeasure from how his body stiffened at your voice, looking at you with a straight face. “what’re you doing here? i thought i told you to leave.” you sighed, walking closer to him, “i know, and i am going to leave again, but before that, i need to tell you something–” you were cut off by the powerful shake of the ground, throwing you off balance resulting in you falling to the ground.

behind you were your old friends from england, standing tall and mighty together–a force to be reckoned with; you were once one of them, but alas, that was the past. “thanks you leading us straight to him y/n.” elizabeth smirked looking at your fallen state, “you made things a whole lot easier for us.” she continued. looking back at gojo, you were surprised to see his hands locked in some type of chain. how did they manage to get past his infinity–unless he didn’t have it on in the first place. did let his guard down once he saw you? why would he do that?

“no, no, no– leave him alone, elizabeth! i swear to god i’ll rain hell upon all of you!” you stood up desperately trying to leave the makeshift cage your friend had put you in when a sudden idea came to you. it was risky, but it would save him, and that–that was all you needed, your purpose of coming here in the first place.

“lover boy is being quite over there. what is it? cat got your tongue?” she was taunting you and definitely enjoying it too. walking closer to you, she neared your face while the others were beside gojo, “you’re both fools believing you guys could be together in the first place, that’s how it works–” she was cut off by the stomp of your foot on the ground lifting a piece of rock–the one gojo was on, up to the air, away from your ex-friends. if you couldn’t save yourself, you could at least save him; apologize for your past mistakes.

from where you were, you couldn’t do much, but you used all your might to send rock flying in the air towards them meanwhile keeping gojo away from them. your cursed technique was called upon the tainted sorrow, the ability to manipulate gravity, and it was unrivaled in europe. you trained too much to reach where you were, the strongest just like gojo, but even the strong can fall, and all it takes is the blink of an eye.

you were on the ground again, but this time blood pouring from your insides, a deadly piercing through your abdomen. while you were so engrossed with trying to keep gojo safe, you hadn’t realized he was already off the piece of rock fighting the rest. and he had made the mistake of underestimating them, resulting in the struggle. but that distraction was enough for elizabeth to pierce the cursed knife through you.

one second you were on the ground; the next, you were in someone’s arms. looking up, you were met with the crystal blue eyes you had grown to love staring right back at yours. this reminded you of the moments where you used to lay on his chest, hands tangled in his snow-white hair, his hands keeping you tight against him, eyes staring at each other with nothing but love. how unfortunate things weren’t that way now. you bleeding onto his hands which hopelessly applied pressure to your wound in hopes of saving you, his blindfold now off, tears slowly caressing his face. it was a sight for the eyes. you lifted your hand up to cup his cheek, imprinting a red hand mark right where you touched him, “satoru–”

“save your breath, i called for shoko; she’ll be here any minute, and we can save you–” you silenced him with your thumb on his lips, “satoru, this was inevitable, even if you save me now, they’ll still be after me. it’ll be a never-ending cycle.”

“no, i can keep you safe, y/n. remember? it’s us against the world, baby. always has been and always will be.” he kissed your forehead, still keeping you close. his eyes were shut tight; he could feel your consciousness slipping away and knew he couldn’t save you. but can’t a man hope? and as you uttered your last words, body temperature turning cold, breathing stopping, he knew right then and there this was where he lost it all. this was how he lost the light of his world, in his own hands, between his arms.

“for what it’s worth, i love you, ain’t that the worst thing you ever heard.” and he knew those words would haunt him for an eternity. follow him wherever he went. the ghost of you will always be with him, never leaving. you will hold him down by gravity with just your soul. yet he still wanted to curse the gods for taking you away from him, his fresh breath of air, his anchor.

your love was strong, but the timing was wrong, and love decided that you both didn’t belong.

[petersasteria]

jealousy, jealousy || tom holland

sour masterlist || tom || sour taglist

906 words w: it's fucked up and it's inspired by some personal shit that i'm going thru, i mention some psycho shit italics are lyrics + important note at the end.

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Retweets.

Likes.

Reacts.

Shares.

Views.

Reblogs.

Followers.

Those are the main ingredients for relapsing in our insecurities. Those things make us drown in jealousy and anger. We claim that we’re happy for other people, but it’s hard to be happy for them if they get the things that YOU want. It feels unfair and it feels like being happy for them is rubbing salt in the wound.

We all have our winning moments, but sometimes we feel like our own winning moments aren’t enough to make us happy. So, when will we finally be happy? When we get a million followers? When we get a million likes, reblogs, and retweets? A billion views until it goes viral? Billions of shares until the app crashes? Truth is, we don’t know. We don’t know until we get there.

You knew that it was unhealthy for you to be jealous of some girl, but you were supposed to be in her place. The title of being Tom’s girlfriend is supposed to be and is rightfully yours. Somehow, everything became fucked up and Tom ended up with some other girl who clearly wasn’t you. You can’t help but feel as if the universe sabotaged you when in reality, Tom just met her and after a few dates, they’re now going steady. The universe had nothing to do with it.

Everyday, you keep refreshing her Instagram profile just to see if she posted a new picture or video or an Instagram story. You knew you shouldn’t do that, but you couldn’t help it. You wanted to be happy for Tom, but he was supposed to be happy with you.

She was perfect. She had perfect teeth, perfect sense of style, perfect hair, she’s basically Little Miss Perfect and it’s actually sickening to think about it constantly. Deep down you knew you were just as pretty and just as perfect because fuck society and their standards, but you can’t let your thoughts go. You were sick of being yourself because you were convinced that you weren’t fun or interesting. You wanted to be her and it became an obsession.

You would always compare yourself to her and you would think about her often. Whenever you pick out an outfit, you’d always ask yourself if it’s something she’d wear. If the answer is no, you’d put the outfit back and look for another one. It was so unhealthy and everyone was worried about you. Tom didn’t know that this was going on, but everyone else noticed how weird you were being whenever Tom and his girlfriend were around.

“She went to Brazil with her friends recently. Tell them, babe!” Tom excitedly nudged her before she told her amazing vacation story. You wanted to roll your eyes, but you didn’t want everyone to see that. She was talking about the vintage clothes she bought there and her phone was passed around for everyone to see her photos in Brazil. Admittedly, you thought you were crazy for thinking these things. You should be happy for her and Tom, but it was difficult.

They say we shouldn’t bring down someone during their winning season because we don’t know how much they lost in their losing season. As much as you believed in that, you can’t help but feel that her win is your loss. Even though it’s not true, you still thought that way. You were tearing yourself apart over someone who wanted to be your friend, but your jealousy was hindering you from doing so.

You wanted to be her so bad that you swore to yourself that if you were a psycho, you’d probably wear her skin just to be her for at least a day. The only thing stopping you from doing so is the fact that you’re not a psycho and you’re a good person. Technically, you were capable of skinning someone alive and wearing their skin, but you choose not to listen to the call of the void. It would wreck you if you did.

It’s karaoke night and everyone was there. To get this off your chest, you decided to sing ‘jealousy, jealousy’ by Olivia Rodrigo. When you sang the bridge, you meant every word. Only Harry seemed to catch on as he listened intently.

All your friends are so cool, you go out every night

In your daddy’s nice car, yeah you’re livin’ the life

Go a pretty face, a pretty boyfriend, too

I wanna be you so bad and I don’t even know you

All I see is what I should be

Happier, prettier, jealousy, jealousy

All I see is what I should be

I’m losin’ it, all I get’s jealousy, jealousy

When the song was over, everyone clapped and told you that you sounded really good. “Wow, I didn’t know you could sing like that, Y/N! You sound really good.” She smiled brightly at you. “I’m jealous. I wish I could sing like you.”

You wanted to tell her that you were jealous of her too because she got the man of your dreams, but you took the compliment because for once in your life, someone you’re jealous of is jealous of YOU. That’s so fucking rare and it doesn’t happen to everyone. For once in your life, you had the upper hand and it made you happy. Genuinely happy. In this round, you were finally better than her.

You stared at her and grinned, “Thanks.”

* * * *

i apologize to the writers in this site who im jealous of. there's so many of you, but i want you all to know that im sorry for feeling so jealous and insecure of my own shit that i let it get in the way of getting along with you. im sorry for cutting people off all bc i got consumed by jealousy and im sorry for being an asshole and i understand if the friends i used to have here won't want to talk to me anymore. it's all my fault and i'd be the cause of my own death, i swear. anyway, i wont tag any of you bc i want to avoid stirring shit up and also, none of you will see or read this. i hope you're all okay and i wish you guys everything good in this world. im sick of feeling this way. i need therapy.

to my friends @blueleatherbag @justasmisunderstoodasloki @hjoficrecs @allyz, i want to thank u for being super supportive and thank u for staying by my side when everything was rough. i love all three of you and im sorry if i dont say it enough.

𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @celestialholland @alinastarkrovs @piscesparker @prancerrparkerr @spideyspeaches @givebuckyhisplumsnow @blueleatherbag @theonly1outof-a-billion @hollandbroz-n-haz @starlight-starks @webmeupspiderdaddy @studiesinspanish @bi-lmg @minejungwoo @blossomhollands @markhyucksmells @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch @simonsbluee @itszulli

[burnedbyshoto]

strawberry milk & watermelon seeds

How to get through the worst summer heat: have a sweet drink, eat a sweet fruit, and have someone with the sweetest kiss around.

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pairing: todoroki shouto x reader

warning: fluff, cursing, one year later rewrite

word count: 2,855

a/n: so today is my one year anniversary of this blog. it’s been a rather weird and unknowing journey that I still cannot comprehend or put into words as to how this has changed me. one year later and I still love todoroki shouto the most, one year later and im still as invested into bnha as the day I first watched it. wild. anyways, thank you for watching my growth as a writer, and thank you for 14k followers in this single year. anyways, if you want to read the original to compare, here it is.

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“This day can not be any worse.”

With your sweating forearm thrown over your face, and the heat emitting from your face scorching your skin, your clammy skin provided small comfort from the overwhelming heat. Today, according to every news outlet in Japan, it was the hottest day recorded ever. At first, you didn’t believe it; your condo had cooled to near completion with your AC unit running happily in the background. You had spent your day free from work, merrily doing house chores while watching your old classmates text message thread blowing up with complaints about how torturous it was to be outside in this heat. (Even Bakugou who enjoyed hot weather because it benefitted his quirk was ready to go home and get into an ice bath.) That is, you were merry until your power went out.

“I thought you would be happy that you aren’t working right now?”

Ignoring the sweat the slowly pooled down your neck, you turned your head to look at your phone that stood against a stack of books. On the bright screen was Todoroki Shouto, who was wearing a shirt and a jacket despite the heat of the weather. Curse his fucking quirk. 

“It was a happy day until the power blew, and I was told that the power wouldn’t be back on until night!” you whined, fingers pressing to your forehead to wipe the annoying sweat on your face. “Now I’m miserable at home, it’s hotter than balls, I have no snacks, and I am not going outside like this!”

You lifted your legs off the couch, shuddering at your sweating thighs sticking to the material. This was the worst.

“I can come over in a bit; it’ll take me about twenty minutes.” Shouto hummed, his left wrist rising as he looked at his watch. His face had a small smile painted on; it was a new look he was trying as he had stated earlier. As part of being a hero that reassured everyone he rescued, he was working on his smile.

While you would never complain about seeing a kind smile on Shouto’s face, it didn’t help your hammering heart when he looked at you with it.

“What?!” you exclaimed a bit frantically, your hand snatching your phone on the table while sitting up on the couch. Your flustered face a bit too close to the camera while you watched Shouto stand up from his seat and gather his things without minding your attempts to have him not come over.

The thought of being horrendously sweaty around your crush was not something you wanted to do.

“Do you like strawberry milk?” Shouto asked you, his head tilting to the side. At the same time, he picked up his phone, leveling the camera, so it angled below his chin (and you immediately noticed that even with the awkward angle, he was still unfairly hot). “There’s a store on the way to your place that I like.”

A strange noise that crossed between a whine and a sigh emitted past your lips when his eyes locked on yours in question. It seemed that you didn’t have much of a choice.

“I love strawberry milk,” you begrudgingly admitted, watching with heating cheeks as Shouto’s face spread into a bigger, more full, and genuine smile. 

“Okay, I’ll see you in a bit then. Bye.”

You couldn’t say goodbye back, your finger immediately hanging up on him and your body shaking in your nerves. For right now, you couldn’t tell why you felt overheated: the record temperature or the smile that made your heart stop.

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If your mother could see how you cleaned your home in the twenty minutes it took Shouto to get to your place, she would cry in joy. In fifteen minutes, you had swept, mopped, and cleared the countertops of the slight messes they had been and quickly bolted upstairs to change into something less sweaty while reapplying perfume and deodorant because you would not make a fool of yourself.

“You look like a mess,” Shouto called out immediately as he stood at your front door. Despite his introduction, his hands lifted in front of him, and he showcased the bag of snacks and tea he brought. 

Despite the initial feeling of wonder at opening the door to see him standing there in all his glory, his words' sudden bluntness immediately made your eyes narrow. 

“I don’t come to your house uninvited and roast your appearance,” you scoff, turning on your heel and letting him in. 

“Oh, was I not invited? I assumed I was allowed to come over, sorry,” Shouto’s voice followed after you, but it did nothing to keep him from staying. The two of you had grown incredibly close as friends. It was without question that he was allowed over whenever he wished, a detail that had taken quite a while for Shouto to accept. 

“I wouldn’t’ve opened the door if you weren’t,” you sigh, your hands fanning the back of your neck as Shouto placed his guest slippers on and walked over. He put the bag onto the kitchen counter before walking over to you, taking your hands and pressing his right hand to the nape of your neck.

“Just making sure,” he said softly, his eyes meeting yours in a careful gaze before his hand dropped in temperature. For the first time since your AC broke down, a shiver went through your spine. 

You had no idea whether it was from the sudden loss of heat from your body or his gentle yet strangely warm touch. But with the loss of being overheated and reaching a better point of homeostasis, you realized that you had been wordlessly staring into his eyes. Falling deep into the blue and grey, drowning in the way they bore into you gently, intently. 

“So, uh, what else did you bring me besides your stupidly advantageous quirk?” you asked, your mouth feeling unbelievably parched. At the same time, Shouto’s fingers slowly pulled away from your skin, leaving behind nothing but an exploding heart and raised skin.  

To that comment, Shouto’s eyebrow lifted, and his lip quirked a bit too, a teasing look on his face while the two of you began to walk to the bag he had brought. He grabbed the bag before you, bringing it close to his chest as if to keep it from you.

“Sounds like you’re using me for my quirk, y/l/n. That wouldn’t be very heroic of you.”

“I’m off duty, I can be an asshole,” was your quick response, your heart beating faster at the chuckle that rumbled deep in his chest as he untied the bag. His eyes rose to yours, inquisitive and teasing, and an eyebrow raised.

Shouto seemed to debate whether he should say something or not, your locked stares never wavering. But before you could question what was running through his head, he pulled out the items from the bag. Your jaw dropped in your sheer love for what he brought you: two sealed cups of strawberry milk, half of a watermelon with two scoops, and an arrangement of other snacks you loved. There was nothing he could do to stop you from scooping up your nacks in your arms, tears misting your eyes because, at this moment, your lousy day had become good again. 

“I hope you still like all these snacks, you always used to talk about them,” Shouto rubs the back of his neck, his gaze falling onto the sweet pink drinks before him. He grabbed the straws and punctured the drinks for both of you, and you looked at him with a smile of pure joy and disbelief. 

“This is perfect, Todoroki, really! I love this so much!”

Maybe if you had been looking at Shouto and not at the bags of snacks he had bought for you, you would have seen the flush color climbing the back of his neck.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

It had taken Shouto precisely two seconds to bring your condo back to a habitable environment, a feat that had you quite literally jumping into his arms in your excitement. But in your sudden burst of emotional energy, Shouto had been taken back so abruptly by your arms thrown around him that he had iced over your entire living room. Both of you had stared at the iced room with shocked gazes, and while he looked on in horror, your face split into a shit-eating grin.

So despite his initial decision to defrost the entire room, you said it was fine. Grabbing the frozen watermelon (you had to tear the melon and the two scoops off the counter as it had also been frozen, not to mention you almost ate shit if not for Shouto easily catching you) the two of you retreated to your shaded patio, sitting on the brick and tasting the sweet melon while idly chatting between the both of you.

“You got the watermelon with the seeds!” you laughed loudly, letting the small black seed fall from your bottom lip and onto your await palm. “We have transgressed the need for watermelon with seeds! Have you never gotten seedless watermelon?!”

Shouto shoved you with his shoulder, his face grimacing a bit when a rather sharp crunch came from his mouth. Your laughter growing louder when a fractured watermelon seed fell from his tongue. 

“The sign said it was seedless, besides it takes two seconds to get the seeds out, stop complaining.” Shouto groaned, placing the seed onto the pile the two of you had created. You had been taking a drink of the sweet milk as he said this, and his smile grew into a crooked grin at the sight of your eyes widening with the need to speak. 

Tearing the cup from your mouth, you swallowed the liquid quickly before jabbing a finger into his shoulder, “Tell that to my face after I accidentally swallow a seed and a watermelon grows in my stomach!”

“The day that happens, I will personally let you dress me up in Endeavor merch.” Shouto wagers, his eyes watching as you scooped out a bit of the watermelon and shoving it into your mouth. You contemplated his words, thinking about the horrendous merch his father had and the humiliation he would have if he had to wear it.

Your teeth bit onto a black seed, and instead of politely removing it from your mouth as you had been doing, you turned your head toward the fence and spat out the watermelon seed. 

“Oh, that’s tempting!” you sing out, your fingertips dancing against each other, a very comically villainous sight. 

Shouto scoffed, his head shaking as he chewed his own watermelon before spitting out his own seed. You watched it soar through the air before falling somewhere near where your seed landed. Ever the competitor, your head tilted, trying not to take it personally as Shouto finally spoke.

“Is it? Well, we both know it’s impossible.”

You shake your head at his true remark, your mouth once again full of watermelon, and you concentrated on the two black dots on the grass. Rolling your shoulders, you spit the seed sitting on your tongue, and you refrained from sounding too victorious when your seed was now the furthest one out. So with the calmness of a child who had done something terrible and was attempting to not be caught, you turned to Shouto with a wink. 

“Nothing is impossible!”

Shrugging, Shouto took another mouthful of the watermelon before sending a seed flying, landing what seemed like a centimeter further than yours. Your eyes narrowed at the taunting victory.

“Oh, but some things are,” it felt like he whispered that in your ear, and you turned onto him. Your fiery glare matching his while he took yet another bite of the watermelon. He did it without breaking his gaze with you, and an astounding grin spread on your face at the pure childishness of this all.

“...are you… are you challenging me?!” you accused, your eyebrows shooting to your hairline and your finger connecting with his nose.

Shouto smirked, his face turning back to the grass, and he spat out the seed, sending it much further than it had gone before.

“No. Not at all,” he said smoothly, his sight coming back to you, and as if to rub in the salt, he added, “We both know who’ll win.”

So, under the blazing hot sun, both you and Shouto sat with sticky sweet watermelon juice dribbling down your chin and black seeds soaring as far as they could go to only pathetically landing on laps. Slandering words were thrown about, but the echoing laughter told anyone who tried to overhear just how unserious this entire predicament was. 

Your fingers wiped at the bottom of your chin again while tears streamed down your face from the laughter. Shouto was in a similar position, his head leaning against yours as three black seeds failed to leave his mouth and chose to stick onto his chin. 

“Imma - holy shit STOP - Imma fucking pee my pants!” you wheezed, trying to focus on anything that wasn’t Shouto right now. “You look so dumb right now!”

“Your insults mean nothing to me because you’re jealous I’m winning,” Shouto forced out, his voice wavering with his own laughter and fleeing concentration.

“Only because YOU CHEATED!” you exclaimed, your fists weakly pounding onto his arm. “Who the hell burns a watermelon seed flying in the air if not to keep me from winning?!”

“Because you took five steps closer! That’s cheating!” Shouto pointed out, the back of his hand, wiping the sheen of watermelon juice and seeds from his chin.

“Whatever, I’ll end this all right now!” you rolled your eyes, and the both of you directed your attention to the nearly empty watermelon. Almost empty, save for one part that would be enough for one last scoop.

“That’s the last of the watermelon…” Shouto spoke softly, his hand grabbing his spoon the same time you did.

“Yeah, and?” you pressed, your gaze narrowing as he lifted his spoon, moving it to push against yours.

“You were the last one to spit,” he said, trying to box you out of the melon.

Your jaw dropped, and you pressed against his again, trying to keep him from doing as he pleased. “I called it first!”

“You can’t go twice!” he pointed out, his hand wrapping around your free wrist to keep you from potentially hitting him with that arm.

“You went twice earlier!” you countered, pushing forward, leaning on with all your weight in hopes he would back off. You had to win.

“I’m the guest at your house, be better accommodating!”

Push.

“Oh yeah?! Well, ladies, first!”

Shove.

“Clearly, I am acting more ladylike right now, so it’s not you!”

But in an unequal push, you sent Shouto and you tumbling off the patio and onto the floor with a thud. Your eyes were squeezed tight as the earthy ground made contact with your back, and you sighed, knowing you hadn’t been hurt. You saw the watermelon on the floor, the last scoop of the sweet fruit ruined with dirt and grass, but you froze when you became aware of the way Shouto had landed.

His forearms were planted onto the ground by your head, his eyes wide and his mouth parted slightly. His warm and minty scent easily carried into your nose like this, and the smell of the strawberry milk still clung to his lips. Immediately your face exploded in heat, and your sight went dizzy in the situation you were in.

“...the watermelon… um, you dropped the watermelon, Todoroki,” you painfully whispered, unsure if speaking would send him away from you, acting like this didn’t just happen. 

Your beating heart was loud in your ears, almost washing out the summer day's sounds as Shouto studied you carefully before turning his head to look at the indeed ruined watermelon. Still, he made no attempt to move off from on top of you.

“We can go buy some more in a bit.” 

“I… but Todoroki--” you almost shuddered, unsure as to why that simple sentence ignited something profound from within you.

“Don’t-” Shouto interrupted, his brow furrowed, and his eyes dark while he looked down. Shaking his head, your breathing stopped when his eyes met yours. There was no hesitation, no doubt, and something you never knew you would see in his eyes: adoration. “Shouto. Call me, Shouto.”

“Shouto…” you breathed out, the sound of his name on your tongue foreign yet otherworldly pleasant.

And his eyes warmed at the sound of his name, and you could do nothing when his sugary sweet lips connected with yours, pressing thoroughly and gently against yours. Today had been a mix of goods and bads. Still, the moment his lips claimed yours, everything in the world quickly faded away. There was nothing to focus on except Todoroki Shouto and the way that you would forever crave the way his tongue and kisses tasted like strawberry milk and watermelon seeds.

[sukirichi]

— LOVE LETTER FROM ANON ; 💌

this is from an ask i received. i copy pasted and replied here as a text post since i can’t put “read more” on anon asks and it’s quite long hehehe. to the anon who sent me this, i give you loads of my love, thank you so much for everything !!

[ the ask ]

hi lovely,

i just read earned it and i have a couple things i’d like to say to you if you don’t mind. before i start, i completely understand if you don’t want to share this ask or even read at all which is fair. but if you do decide to read it, i know that one person such as me cannot change the decisions a writer had made such as discontinuing a series but i hope that this allows you some sense of peace or happiness towards your creation and end of earned it. i’m actually writing this is my notes before i send it to you so that’s how you know i truly mean it. buckle up baby!

i’d like to start with this; i just read and finished all the remaining chapters of earned it. i don’t know how to say this without sounding arrogant or cocky which truly isn’t my intention here, i promise so i’ll just say it as is. i swear to ever loving god, i’ve scoured the entirety of tumblr, ao3, fanfiction.net, wattpad, everything and anything, and it still isn’t very often that i find works like these, far and few between dare i say. ive looked through almost everything i could get my hands on to read in the jjk fandom and dear god, do you manage to keep on surprising me. i’ve read majority if not all your works along with following you on ao3 and tumblr, and i must say. i truly am so fucking impressed. completely and absolutely fucking floored if you will. the amount of plot twists and pure emotion you managed to put into this is only something i can dream of ever creating.

i cannot lie, it truly my hearts to think that people gave you so much shit over this to which ended in you deciding to discontinue along with your lack of interest which at least, is understandable unlike the hate. i literally cannot comprehend how people would be unhappy with the outcome so far after reading it since it was beyond fucking magnificent in my eyes. it kept me on my toes the entire time whilst never managing to bore me once and as someone with adhd, thats fucking hard to do, i’ll admit it. props to you. and as much as i want to grovel and beg for crumbs, something, anything to know about how it ends, i know that that will most likely accomplish nothing to both you and i so decided to just say this.

thank you for writing this. thank you for not only writing it but dealing with the experience of unwanted and negative criticism to the point you had to stop and discontinue it whilst also being generous and amazing enough to keep it up so other people could still read it. i really hope your proud of earned it and how it turned out so far, because if i were you, i’d be so bloody fucking proud i wouldn’t know what to do with myself.

my friends often tell me i overstep my boundaries and i really hope i aren’t doing that with this but i just really, truly, wanted to express my genuine appreciation and thanks towards your writing and towards you as a writer that puts out content, not to mention for free!!!!, for people like me. i also don’t want to seem as if i’m glorifying earned above all your other works, because that’s not what i mean. your writing is just… just fucking chefs kiss. sorry, my brains starting to run out of words at this point but oh my god. thank you for letting me experience the experience of earned it even though there was no proper end. i’d rather have that than nothing at all. and maybe i misread this entire thing, maybe you are goddamn proud of your work, which you fuckinf should be considering the pure quality it is. once again, chefs kiss!!

i just… i don’t know what to say anymore. your writing, quite literally, has made me completely fucking breathless in a good way of course. anyways, i hope this wasn’t too much of a ramble and at least managed to make you smile or something. have a lovely day sweetheart!!!! <333 :*)

OMG ANON PLS FORGIVE ME IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME DAYS TO RESPOND TO, I DIDN’T WANT TO GIVE YOU A HALF ASSED RESPONSE SO I WAITED TO GET MY MENTAL ENERGY BACK TO A HUNDRED PERCENT SO I CAN SEND BACK MORE LOVE TO YOU WHOLEHEARTEDLY !! FIRST OF ALL UHM… 

you really made me speechless with this one, you have no idea. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve reread this and teared up a little bit because you know… I’m so shocked like I really have no idea what I did to receive such a sweet message because I’m just writing silly fanfics when I’m feeling it yknow? Or at least that’s what it seems like because it turns out I have a huge impact on others and I’m able to make people happy like I’ll never EVER get used to that feeling and I mean that in a good way !! Like I’m in a constant state of disbelief that people are this affected by my content and I’m just… 

I’m so thankful truly PLEASE can I give you a hug I’m so happy sobs sobs sobs

also baby, thank you sm for this again AAAAHH. I’m not sure if you really mean ‘Earned It’ the mafia! gojo series or ‘Reckless’ the CEO gojo series though ?? Both are discontinued but Earned It was discontinued bcos my dumbass killed Naoya there and he was my favorite so I lost the motivation and it was all my fault SOBBSSS. as for Reckless though, yeah I’d say it was mostly the hate I got for it that demotivated me into continuing it :// but if this ask is meant for Earned It, then yes thank you so much for the kind words as well, though I didn’t really receive hate for it so no worries !!

and aaah anon im…I’m at a loss for words lmao but the part where you said where you would be proud if you wrote it, that’s really…LIKE IDK it just hit me bcos oftentimes I look at something I poured my heart into, but then I’d have days where I’d be like YIKES that wasn’t a good one. its so easy to forget the effort we put into something when we’re affected by external factors. and yeah even though I really don’t want to continue either series anymore, thank you for leaving me the important note of being proud of myself <33 

although the series (earned it) wasn’t really something I’d properly executed and planned for, I do remember being passionate over it and feeling truly excited to update. even if it didn’t end out the way I wanted it to, it’s still something I poured my heart on and that’s magnificent on its own, so I’ll be prouder of myself from now on <33

no worries bb you are not overstepping any boundaries at all !! believe me when I say this ask truly do means a lot to me – more than you’ll ever know. messages like these are what keeps me going, as feedback is important to writers, but most of all it’s the genuine support and sincerity that gets to me. 

I’m truly humbled and grateful right now. thank you for this again and again and again.

THIS MADE ME MORE THAN SMILE !! there’s a lot of things I’m struggling with even if I don’t publicly express it, but messages like these will always have a special place in my heart. I’m sincerely grateful for everything, and I’ll continue writing here and sharing my works!! It’s supportive people like you that make these moments worthwhile. I’ll never forget this message anon AAAAH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANK YOU THANK YOU YOU HAVE AN EVEN BETTER DAY OR NIGHT, you have me weak in the knees for this

OKAY BRB SOBBING IN HAPPINESS

[theonlygamergost]

A familiar team - a Mcc 10 fanfic

I just really like the Lime Llamas team, I was supposed to write a very angsty moment of Techno feeling abandoned by the Sbi but I needed up writing a fanfic for all of the team! Kinda proud since I wrote this right after waking up while still being half asleep XD

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Thank you @im-default for correcting this fic for me uwu)

Enjoy~

Techno approached the small building in the middle of the Minecraft Championship plaza, dragging his suitcase along, his sword, shield, and bow were strapped on his back.

Scouting the monitor for his name, he swiftly dropped the Aqua Axolotls dorms key in the tiny holder with the name of the team, after doing so, his attention was back on the monitor:

Tapl... The_Eret... Technoblade!

He clicked his name to find the name of his new dorm/team:

Lime llamas huh, Dream was always on Lime Llamas, he sighed, there is no way they’re letting me and Dream team again.

He looked at the small key holders to find that his new team’s keys were all still there, meaning no one else was at the dorm yet: he was the first one in.

As always I may add, Techno usually changed dorms a day or two after the previous event ended, in fact, many keys were still missing, people took it way slower than he did and usually changed dorm just as their team was announced.

Grabbing one of the Lime keys, he headed for the dormitory.

When he, Wilbur, and Phil started teaming together, he had studied the disposition of the buildings in the server, he knew exactly where everything was, all of the dorms included.

He passed in front of the Green Guardians and the Yellow Yaks dormitories to arrive at his, unlocking the door a wave of lavender detergent welcomed him into his new temporary home.

Choosing the room on the far right, he placed everything down and started to unpack his suitcase.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One text from Nihachu:

Hey Techno, I'm at the lobby, can

you please come pick me up?

Nikki and Techno had been texting each other recently since she had decided to join MCC, Techno offered himself to go get her at the lobby and escort her to her dormitory since he knew the place like the back of his hand.

They met up and he immediately took her to the team announcing building to get her keys: she was probably tired from packing all of her things and getting here, it was better that she knew where her room was.

”So… What's your team?” Techno was leaned against a pillar, waiting further behind her not wanting to see her team before her.

”Lime Llamas..?” She read out loud slowly, Techno’s eyes widened before laughing in joy ”You're on my team, Nikki!”

It took her a moment to process the information, but when she did she covered her mouth, cheering as well. ”Oh my God really?! That's amazing!” The two of them high-five and started walking to their team’s dorm.

Unlocking the door, they found Eret on the couch with a laptop on his lap, as soon as he noticed them entering, he bounced in his seat and quickly got up to hug Nikki, all of them beaming with joy.

After Nikki chose the other room on the right, Techno and Eret sat down to talk.

”It’s been a while, my dude! I was wondering for how long Scott could avoid teaming us together” Eret took the laptop back into his lap without paying too much attention to the device, ”Yeah, it was bound to happen at some point” silence fell, the last time they sat down and talked was ages ago, an initial awkward moment was normal.

”So…” Eret broke the silence, Techno was very glad he did, ”It's been a while since SmpEarth huh” the two of them started talking about many things, from when they used to talk on SmpEarth to when Eret teamed with Vikkstar and Pete, they also shared strategies on various minigames until the conversation became a genuine, how have you been dude?

After Nikki emerged from her room, she asked if anyone wanted an infusion or tea, both of them thanked her and asked for an infusion.

As the boiler started making noises, the door opened behind them, revealing the last member of their already perfect team.

”No fucking way” a Jordie accent swore as he saw the three people in the room, turning to the door, Techno couldn't believe his eyes.

He bolted as fast as he could to the blonde man who had entered the door, hugging him tightly.

”Wooh, Jesus Christ Techno, you're going to break me” he let go of the deadly grip as tears started building in his eyes.

”Hello Technomate~” Phil peaked at him from underneath his green and white hat, ”I’m happy to see you too”.

Techno was at a loss of words, what were the odds? His new team were people he knew and cared about, this was just amazing!

Phil closed the front door and went on to greet Eret and Nikki, who were also very happy that Phil was the last teammate.

“This is probably the best team I’ve ever gotten after the Sleepy boy’s team” Techno whispered to himself loud enough for everyone to hear,” I don’t even care if we win, I’m just so happy”

Phil, Eret, and Nikki all smiled at him gesturing to stop standing at the exit and instead, sit on the couch with them.

Was this a dream? He didn’t know, but if it was, he hoped no one would wake him up.

[roseworth]

Only Fools Do What I Do

listen i know i said i wasnt going to make anything for today but i started thinking about this last night right before i fell asleep and i really wanted to make it :) 

word count: 2055

relationship: eugene/rapunzel

description: Right after Eugene "left" Rapunzel, they both need to come to terms with their separation and loss of hope. Rapunzel travels back to her tower, and Eugene is stuck in a prison cell. All they can do is think of each other and reflect on where they went wrong.

@autumn-ravenclaw @gleamful-lanterns for new dream appreciation week day 3- date (he calls the day they met a date so im counting it lol). 

title inspired by FOOLS by Troye Sivan

AO3

Rapunzel felt like an idiot.

Mother had told her that the world was cruel, yet she still had the nerve to be surprised. She should have known better. If she had never left her tower in the first place, she wouldn’t be hurting like this right now. It would have been better to just listen to what her Mother told her.

She could have given Eugene his satchel back as soon as she realized that he wasn’t after her hair. She could have even gone back on one of the many instances he tried to convince her to. She was stubborn and didn’t listen to anything but her own naive thoughts about the world.

And look where that got her.

She hadn’t slept all night. She and her Mother were traveling back to the tower after the disaster that was her trip outside. Mother had tried to tell her that he was just using her, but she refused to listen.

She realized she was still gripping tightly onto the small flag of the kingdom Eugene had bought her. She hid it away, making sure Mother wouldn’t see it and take it away from her. She just wanted one small reminder that it was real, that she really did leave her tower.

But was any of it real? Had he really been manipulating her that entire time?

The previous night at the campfire had felt genuine. She thought that they had truly connected. And they had spent the entire day in town together. That had easily been the best day of her life, and she knew she would keep that memory held in her heart forever. She just thought that he had felt the same way. Every time he had smiled at her and she felt her heart flutter, was that really all part of the ruse?

As she ran her thumb over the small piece of cloth she held in her hand, she tried to be angry at Eugene. Of course she should be mad. He had left her behind, and had told those ruffians about her hair. The memory of him sailing away, crown in hand, was burned into her mind. He had made her trust him just to betray that trust.

Mother told her that she shouldn’t have expected anything more from a conman, and maybe she was right. He never really cared about her, and he had sold her out at the first opportunity he got.

It just didn’t add up. He had the crown, she had given it to him. If that was all he was after, why tell the thugs about her hair? Did he really want to add salt to the wound that badly? Eugene wouldn’t do that. Or maybe he would. Apparently he had been lying to her the whole time, so she didn’t even know what he was really like.

Her mind wandered to their moment underneath the glow of the lanterns. 18 years of dreaming culminating into one perfect moment, and she spent it with him. She remembered everything he had said to her, and the way she felt alive, maybe for the first time, sitting near him and looking into his eyes.

She had misread the signals. Mother had told her time and time again that she was too naive to be in the world, and this was why. She had thought Eugene could really care about her, but it had all been a scam.

Just that thought made her eyes well up with tears. She tried to blink them away, but they were already quietly streaming down her face.

He never cared about her. All their time together had been a lie. Their time together at the campfire. Their day in town. Their almost-kiss under the lanterns. It had all been a part of his scheme to get the crown back.

Her Mother had stayed quiet their entire walk home. Rapunzel knew she was disappointed. Not only had she betrayed her Mother’s wishes, she had also forgotten everything Mother had ever told her about the world.

She tried to wipe away the tears that continued to fall down her face, but they wouldn’t stop. Every breath hurt to take. Every step felt like a mile. The grass she had been so excited to walk on now seemed like it was mocking her from under her feet.

The world was just as cruel as Mother had described, and she had fallen into its trap. She was stupid to believe she could be any different than what Mother had always told her she was.

When they finally arrived back at the tower, the sun was starting to peak up in the sky. Mother took a deep breath. “Here we are, safely home again!” she singsonged.

Home. The tower was the only home she had ever known, but it didn’t feel like home anymore. She had felt so at home with Eugene in just the span of a few days. Now that she was back at the tower, it felt distant and foreign. She couldn’t remember a time that she really felt happy inside the tower. At least not as happy as she had felt outside of it.

She took a shaky breath, wishing that she could stop crying. It felt like there was a hold in her chest as she remembered what the past few days had been. She was so happy. But none of it was real.

Her Mother groaned beside her. “Oh, please, Rapunzel, will you stop crying? It’s very unbecoming,” she berated. “Besides, you have no right to be upset. I told you what would happen, why are you surprised?”

Rapunzel sniffed and nodded, trying to brush away her tears yet again. “I’m sorry, Mother.”

Mother hummed in acceptance, then started leading her back towards the tower. “Come, come, My Flower, let’s get that dreadful braid out of your hair.”

-

Eugene felt like an idiot.

She was in danger right now, and it was all his fault. He should have known that the Stabbingtons wouldn’t be very accepting of his change in heart. If they hurt her, he was the reason why. She would have never gotten caught up in this mess if it weren’t for him.

He could have just thrown the satchel towards the Stabbingtons and left, not bothering to make conversation with them. Hell, he could have thrown the satchel into the water the second she tried to give it to him.

He should have at least told her where he was going. Now not only is she in danger, she thinks that he had given her up. Maybe he didn’t deserve for her to know the truth, though. No matter his intentions, it was his fault that she was at the hands of the Stabbingtons now. She had every right to hate him for that.

He hadn’t slept all night. Distantly, he realized his hand was stinging. He was pretty sure he had punched a wall in frustration earlier, but his mind was racing and everything that had happened since he had woken up tied to the boat was a blur. He had been pacing this tiny cell for hours trying to think of a solution. He couldn’t escape, not for lack of trying. He had wanted to pick the lock to get out and find her, but there were guards on every side of the corridor. He had no chance of getting out unseen.

He had even tried to talk to the guards and try to get them to let him go, but they refused to hear him. He honestly couldn’t blame them though. Saying that he needed to leave because the Stabbingtons had kidnapped a girl for her magic hair sounded a little bit crazy.

She didn’t deserve any of this. She was the best person he had ever met. She could light up the world just by smiling. She had just gotten to experience the world for the first time, and now she was going to be torn away from it. All because of him. 

There was no way for him to know where she was, or if she was okay. He hoped she was able to get away from the Stabbingtons, but he honestly doubted it. The Stabbingtons were not above hurting her to overpower her if she had something they wanted. And clearly, she did have something they wanted.

How did they even know? Were they following him the whole time? Maybe they had been there when she healed his hand and told him about her power. But if that was the case, why would they wait so long to reveal themselves? Surely it would have been easier to take them by surprise at the campsite.

Nothing was adding up, but his thoughts were too clouded to try to piece everything together. The only thing he could think about was the fact that Rapunzel was in danger and there was nothing he could do about it.

He wanted to take a breath, but his body wouldn’t let him. He just continued his nervous pacing back and forth as if that would help him come to a solution. He couldn’t stop imagining her, lost and hurt somewhere and wishing for some way out.

He hoped she was cursing his name right now. He hoped she was angry, wishing that she never met him. He hoped she hated him as much as he hated himself. Because he deserved for her to hate him, and he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he thought that she didn’t hate him for everything he has done.

A lump started to build up in his throat. He tried to ignore it or swallow it away, but it was overwhelming all his senses. It had been years since he let himself cry, and he didn’t want to start now. But his face was heating up and the tears were making their way out.

All at once, it was like all the feelings he had kept at bay for all these years were flowing out of him. He cried because he was alone in this cell, he cried because she was in danger wherever she was, he cried because there was nothing he could do anymore. He had fucked up, and there was no turning back.

He tried to quell his sobs to no avail. The universe kept dealing out more blows, and his brain was screaming at him. Every decision he had made led to her getting taken by the Stabbingtons. If he hadn’t even started thieving 15 years ago, she would be safe and okay right now. It wasn’t fair that she was paying for his mistakes.

The tears rolled down his face and hit the dusty cell floor below him. His entire body was shaking, and all he wanted to do was scream and cry and curl up in a ball until everything was okay.

He couldn’t help her. He couldn’t do anything. He had been useless all his life, and the only good thing he had ever done was help her see the world outside that god awful tower, and even then she did most of that on her own. If anything, he had been a hindrance to her.

He furiously tried to rub his eyes to stop the tears that wouldn’t stop coming. Why couldn’t he have been better? Why didn’t he do more to stop the Stabbingtons?

One question had been running through his mind all night, and he had been chastising himself over and over. Why didn’t he kiss her when he got the chance?

That was the least of his worries, but the question was still haunting him. He would likely never get the chance again, and he had the opportunity to right there. It was the most simple mistake he made, and it might not have made a difference, but now he just has to live with the fact that he could have and he didn’t.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard the door to his cell open. He turned to see the Captain standing in the doorway. “Let’s get this over with, Rider.”

“Where are we going?” he asked, though he was pretty sure he already knew the answer. The Captain’s silence confirmed his suspicions. “Oh.”

[sebspocketsquare]

Wishing you were here.. 6

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (chatroom)

A/N: Hey guys! here’s the sixth installment. I hope you enjoy it, and please let me know what you think. Part 7 will be posted next monday! ps: if you want to be tagged, please inbox me directly!

Warnings: language, flirting, pet names, feels, nerves, fluff, angst, kissin’

masterlist

Upon waking up, you keep your eyes closed, replaying the memories from just hours ago.

Bucky had stayed up with you until nearly dawn, just talking and laughing. Genuinely getting to know each other for the first time. Sure, you’d spoken over the phone and through IM for quite some time, but.. it was different. Actually being able to see him, to watch his lips move when he spoke.. well, it was like walking through a dream. He’s so beautiful when he smiles, you had to pinch yourself a few times to make sure it wasn’t so. 

When you finally open your eyes, you’re disappointed to find that you’re alone in his bed. Reaching over, you find that the sheets are still slightly warm, the only sign that he really had been there with you.

In the distance, you hear the shower start. You realize that you need to do something to distract yourself before you spend too much time thinking about what he might look like while he’s showering, skin glistening and wet.

You’ve almost made it to the guest room to change when a loud knocking pattern hits Bucky’s front door. You’re planning on ignoring it, because why would you answer? This isn’t your home.. but when the knock comes again, followed by a, “C’mon, Barnes. Open up”, you realize it must be someone Bucky knows, someone he’s expecting.

Letting out a nervous breath, you make your way to the door and carefully unlock it, revealing a man that you realize looks all too familiar.

He looks shocked upon seeing you answer the door, his dark, bronze eyes scanning your entire form before finally landing on your face.

“I uh.. is Barn—Bucky, I mean.. is Bucky here?” He straightens up when he’s finally able to speak, and the empath in you picks up on his sudden change in demeanor.

“Yes, he’s um.. he’s in the shower.” You open the door further to allow the familiar-stranger inside.

The man enters the apartment slowly, and out of the corner of your eye, you catch him watching you once again. “I didn’t realize he was expecting company.” You explain to him, to which the corner of his mouth twitches.

“I didn’t realize he was seeing anyone.” 

His response makes your stomach drop.

“I’m um.. I..” You’re trying your best to form a response, but luckily you don’t have to.

Bucky comes out of the bathroom, towel drying his hair with sweatpants hanging low on his hips, giving you a full view of his bare torso and that shining, metal arm he’d kept out of your sight until this moment.

If you weren’t at a loss for words before, you sure were now.

You’re trying your best not to ogle him, but your eyes beg to trace each line of his abdominal muscles, each ripple under his skin. Your gaze glides over the angry scarring on his shoulder and all you want is to rush forward and press your lips to it, to kiss away the pain that seems trapped in the flesh.

The familiar- stranger between the two of you keeps you from doing so.

“Sam. I told you I couldn’t do breakfast this week.” Is all Bucky says, keeping his eyes on you while he speaks.

The familiar-stranger laughs, but the sound is dry, mocking even. “I didn’t realize it was because you had company..”

Bucky’s eyes finally leave you and focus on Sam, an unspoken question in his glare.

“Can I talk to you? Alone.” The tone in Sam’s voice leaves no room for argument, and Bucky spares one more glance at you before nodding. “I’ll be right back.”

Not sure why, but your stomach does flips and turns as they both walk in the direction of his bedroom.

You find yourself feeling uncharacteristically nosy when the sound of raised voices come from the room.

You creep closer to the door, despite your conscious screaming at you to keep out of it, that you may not like what you hear.. looking back, you wish you had listened. 

“You’ve done a lot of shit in the past Barnes, but this? This is a whole new level for you. Steve would be ashamed of you.” Sam’s voice has an edge of malice, the words are meant to wound Bucky. 

“I don’t even know what you’re talking about, Wilson! What the fuck have I done now?” Bucky’s voice is exasperated, and you can tell he’s genuinely confused. 

“You have a girlfriend. So who the fuck is this girl in your living room?” Sam’s words have you inhaling a sharp breath, tears stinging your eyes. He has a girlfriend? 

“You’re many things, Buck.. but I never expected you to be unfaithful.” Sam’s voice is softer now, as if that’ll show just how disappointed he is.

You don’t stick around to hear Bucky’s response, you’re all too quickly moving to the guest room and shoving your belongings into your suitcase. 

Though you can barely see through your waterworks of tears, you manage to throw everything into your bag within ten minutes. Slipping on your shoes and grabbing your phone from the nightstand, you leave the room, fully intending on walking straight out the door.

You don’t expect a happy looking Bucky to be closing the door behind an equally grinning Sam.

When he turns to you and sees how red your eyes are and the tremble in your lower lip, his smile falters. “Kitten..? Are you..” His gaze moves to where your hand is tightly gripping the handle of your suitcase, and then back to your face. “Don’t.. don’t tell me you’re leaving already, I..”

“You have a girlfriend?” You spit the words before you can stop yourself. “I heard Sam. You’re cheating on-on her with me.”

Saying the words out loud sends a fresh wave of emotion through you, forcing more tears from your eyes. “I-I thought you-you were different, Bucky, but.. you’re just the s-same as all the others.. this was a mistake. I-I shouldn’t have come.”  Your want to get out of his presence has grown into a need, and you grip the suitcase tighter.

“Wait-wait just one goddamn minute.” Bucky rushes forward, hands ready to cradle your face, but when you flinch away from the contact, he drops them to his sides in fists of defeat. “Kitten, I..” he sighs, shaking his head, “I’m not seeing anyone else.. I just.. can you let me explain, please? Let me explain before…” he sighs again, chewing the inside of his cheek. That’s when you take the time to look at his face, and realize that he’s also holding back tears.

“Sam he.. he knew that you and I had talked.. he was with me on the mission that kept me from you.. I-I had a really bad night and I.. I told him about you. Everything about you. It made me feel better, to talk about you, when I couldn’t talk to you..” He smiles softly, sniffling just a bit before he speaks again. “He knew how I felt about you.. how I feel about you.. and he’s the one who encouraged me to reach out to you when I got back.. he said that if what we had was real, you’d understand.. we’d work it out.”

Bucky lets out a shaky sigh, reaching out to take your hand away from the suitcase and into his own. 

“He didn’t put two and two together, because I.. I didn’t tell him you were coming, Kitten.. I’m so sorry, it was a selfish decision, because I.. I only have one week with you, and I didn’t want him to.. to take away even a second of the time we have together..”

His left hand comes up to your cheek hesitantly, cradling the warm, stressed skin and humming quietly when you don’t pull back. “There isn’t anyone but you, for me, kitten. I promise. There never has been.”

He rendered you speechless.

Your mouth opens, closes, and opens again, you’re gaping like a fish, but no sound comes out. Tears are still brimming the edges of your eyes and your face is flushed with warmth up to your ears. You don’t know what to do, what to say, so your next course of action comes as a complete shock.

You lean forward, quickly and with purpose, slanting your mouth over his pillowy soft lips, and that’s when you know without a doubt, you’re in love. The way you fit together is as satisfying as finding the final missing puzzle piece, and his tongue tastes like honey.

He hums into the show of affection, hand moving across your jaw and down to the nape of your neck, tilting your head just a bit, to deepen the kiss with another small moan of appreciation. 

Your hands find their way to his bare chest, nails dragging lightly against the still damp skin, but memorizing the heat and softness they find there. 

And it’s over all too quickly. 

Bucky reluctantly ends the kiss, nipping at your lower lip as he pulls back and rests his forehead against yours. His eyes are closed, chest heaving, and suddenly, you find yourself craving him in a way you hadn’t expected. 

When you reach out to trace his mouth with your fingertips, he smiles and presses a sweet kiss to each one, opening his eyes slowly. “That was uh.. that was nice, Kitten.” 

You bite your cheek to keep from smiling too big, a sense of bashfulness running through your veins at his observation. 

He chuckles, pressing one more lingering kiss to your lips, “As much as I’d really love to do that again, I uh..” he pauses to clear his throat, a light blush scattering across his cheeks, “I promised Sam I’d bring you by to officially meet him, and I um.. I don’t trust myself to not lay in bed kissin’ you all day, so..” He finally looks up to meet your eyes, “We gotta do this first.”

xxx

Breakfast with Sam turns out to be much more pleasant than your first encounter with him. The three of you share memories, smiles and laughter. 

They tell you about Steve, about what had really happened to him after the incident with Thanos, and how much they missed him now. Through his loss, their bond had grown and solidified. 

They became the most important people in each other’s lives, that is, until you. 

Sam expresses how grateful he is that Bucky found you, how happy he is to finally see Bucky happy. He tells you how much of a mopey son of a bitch Bucky was before you, and how now, that side of Bucky is nowhere to be found. 

He’s honestly thrilled that you’ve finally met and wishes you the best.

You both leave breakfast feeling as giddy as can be. When Bucky asks if you’d rather walk or take a cab, you’re all for walking, as long as it means more time spent with him and his glowing smile. 

You’re walking for maybe five minutes when he reaches out to lace his fingers through yours. The simple action has nerves fluttering in your stomach, but you squeeze his hand gently, flashing him a small smile.

“Is this okay?” He wonders, eyes darting to your hands and back. You nod, squeezing once more. “Of course it is.”

It would be a lie if you said you didn’t find it endearing, the way he was always so careful, so cautious when it came to you. As if he was afraid you’d disappear if he touched you or spoke to you the wrong way. You also hoped that one day, he’d see that you were completely and hopelessly smitten with him. If there ever was a moment that you could’ve been scared off, that time was well past.

xxx

You return to his apartment with arms full of groceries, but completely, sopping wet. You’d both been too enamored with each other to bother taking a look at the weather when you chose to walk home, ending with getting caught in a mid-day storm with no cover. You’d laughed at the time, and Bucky had even made a joke about dancing in the rain, but by the time you’d made it back, you were shivering and the soles of your shoes made a squish noise with each step you took.

“You should, uh, take a shower, kitten.” Bucky says to you, coming back to the living room with two dry towels in hand. “Your lips are startin’ to go blue.” He murmurs once he’s close enough to really see you, placing the towel in your grasp.

Trying not to be too distracted by his sudden closeness, you make a movement that’s a half nod, half shiver and excuse yourself to the bathroom.

When you’re finally alone, behind the closed door, you rid yourself of your clothes faster than you ever have. You’re desperate to get under the scalding water of his shower.

Your hands are beginning to prune when you finally shut off the water and force yourself out of the stall to dry off.

It’s only then that you realize you’ve forgotten a change of clothes, and all you have to cover yourself are either your soaked outfit from earlier or your just-a-little-too-small-to-cover-everything towel.

Heat floods your cheeks as you weigh your options..

You did have feelings for Bucky.. 

He is an incredibly attractive man..

You had kissed him mere hours ago..

You suppose him seeing you in such a compromising position wouldn’t be so bad, would it..?

Taking a deep breath in, you pull the towel around yourself as tight as it’ll go and open the door, peeking your head out first. 

You don’t see or hear him, so you take a chance and quickly move towards the hallway, silently hoping you can get to the guest room before he sees you. 

If only you were so lucky.

You’ve barely rounded the corner when you bump into him, causing you to release a shriek and grasp your towel tighter, while his arm goes around your waist to keep you from toppling over. “Jeez, sorry, Kitten, I-I didn’t see you there..” His voice falters mid sentence as he takes in your appearance. 

Wet hair, water droplets still clinging to your eyelashes and dripping down your neck. His eyes follow one in particular, as it makes it’s decent over your collarbone and down your sternum.

He doesn’t even seem to realize he’s making eye contact with your chest until you clear your throat nervously.

“I-I’m sorry, I was so cold, I forgot to grab clothes before I took a shower.. I-I just need to change.” You explain your lack of attire, but you’re not sure if he hears you, as his eyes are glued to your lips.

When a few moments pass with no response other than his breathing quickening, you smile and carefully step out of his embrace. Your heart thunders in your chest when his fingers tighten around your towel and then release the fabric all together.

“I’ll be right out.” You promise, and he smiles, but there’s a faraway look in his eyes. 

“Of course, kitten. Take your time.”

You practically slam your back against the door once you’re inside the guest room, murmuring a quiet holy fuck to yourself. 

It seemed that your surprise kiss this morning only made the sexual tension between the two of you grow, and you weren’t sure how much longer you could go before surrendering to it.

You weren’t sure you wanted to wait much longer. 

If only you knew what was going on inside his mind as well.

xxx

Two hours finds you dressed and back in the living room with Bucky, both of you lounging back on the couch with your feet on the coffee table. Empty wine glasses and bottles sit on coasters in the center of the table, and you feel a familiar, warm buzz working its way through you. 

He hadn’t said much after seeing you practically naked in the hall, and you noticed he couldn’t quite make eye contact with you, either. 

It was beginning to bother you. 

“Hey..” you say after a while, pulling his attention from the tv, “Is everything alright?”

He hums, chewing his lower lip as he nods. “Of course it is, kitten. Why wouldn’t it be?”

You let out a soft sigh, shrugging as you avert your gaze to your feet. “I.. it just feels like you’ve sort of.. pulled away from me since this afternoon..” you pause to clear your throat, “you know, when I ran into you in the hall..”

You brave a peek at his face, only to find him still chewing his cheek, but with a blush spread across his face this time. You couldn’t be sure if it was the wine that did it, or the memory. “I.. I don’t want you to.. to be mad or think I’m weird, kitten, that’s all..”

You crease your brow in confusion, “What do you mean? Have I done something to offend you..? I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—“

He cuts you off with a gentle finger pressing against your lips, before his hand slowly drops to your exposed shoulder, tracing the skin there softly. 

“You haven’t done anything wrong, it’s just.. You’re so beautiful, you know?” He stops to smile, his eyes following his fingers as they move down your arm, to your elbow. “When I saw you earlier, in nothin’ more than that damn towel, I..” He sighs, and the wall goes back up as he retracts his hand from your skin. “It reminded me that I’m not so pretty to look at..” 

He absentmindedly strokes the digits of his left hand, the only part of the metal appendage that’s visible with the long-sleeve shirt he’s wearing.

Your eyes zero in it. 

“Can I.. can I see it?” You ask before you can stop yourself, nodding at his arm. 

He looks up, eyebrow raised, “You saw it earlier.. wasn’t that enough?” 

You know he’s nervous, you can tell by the way he shrinks away when you reach out to touch him.

“Please?” Your pleading comes out in a whisper.

He stares at you for a long moment before nodding with a loud sigh, standing up, and carefully removing his shirt.

He stands with his back to you for a few moments. You can see the skin stretch over his muscles with each breath he takes, his spine lengthening as he straightens his posture, and his biceps flex, before he finally sits back down beside you. His arm is mere inches from you, and you have to remind yourself to take it slow, to not spook him.

You only look for the first few minutes, then you raise your hand and skim your fingers across the dark colored plates that made up his forearm. They twitch beneath your touch, causing you to look at him abruptly. “Can you.. feel it..?” You wonder, but feel stupid as soon as the question leaves you. You’re about to open your mouth to apologize, but he speaks first. 

“Yes.. but, it’s not like what you feel..” he watches your fingers as they move further up his arm, across the bulge in his bicep and up to his shoulder. “It’s more.. intense. Heightened, I would even say.” 

He flips his hand palm up, tickling the soft skin on your inner arm as he does so. He smiles as he speaks, moving his fingers back and forth in slow lines. “I can feel how warm you are.. how you’ve grown warmer since you first touched me..” He cocks his head, looking at you intently as he continues to speak and explore the skin on your arm. 

“I can feel your heart.. how your pulse quickens whenever I get too close to you.” As if to prove his point, he ducks his head down to brush his nose over your cheekbone, stopping when his lips brush your ear to whisper, “Just.. like.. that.”

You can hear your heart beating in your ears, and in your nervous state, you blurt out, “does it hurt?”

He knows you’re referring to the scars, and he pulls back slightly so he can see the ley lines of pink flesh, “Not anymore.” 

You trace the biggest scar lightly, waiting for him to flinch as a sign to stop. When he does nothing, you lean forward and press your lips to the spot you’d touched moments before.

He releases a shaky sigh at the contact, his free hand coming to rake through your hair. “Kitten..” he gasps quietly when you continue peppering kisses along the seam of his arm, each one softer than the last. 

“You-you don’t have to do this.” His voice is strained, you’re not sure if it’s out of pleasure or pain, but you raise your head from his shoulder to meet his eyes, “I know.. I want to.” 

He exhales another shaky breath, hand moving to cradle your cheek as he smiles fondly, “C’mon.. let’s go lay in bed. I.. I want to hold you.”

You’ve never agreed to a proposal so quickly in your life.

TAGS: (IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED, PLEASE INBOX ME, ITS GETTING DIFFICULT TO KEEP TRACK OF TAGS VIA NOTES).  @mindingmyownbusiness @plumfondler  @buckybarnesappreciationsociety @loricameback @tinaferraldo @geminimoonbeamx  @preserumsteverogers @moderapoppins @lowkeysebby @buckyshattergirl  @jayattemptstoruletheworld    @the-observant-fangirl @moondancewrites @moonbeambucky @trinityjadec  @stevieang  @bionic-buckyb @eyecandybarnes @propertyofpoeandbucky @promarvelfangirl @ballyhoobarnes @bucky-plums-barnes @cate-lynne @witchymarvelspacecase @imaginingbucky @theimpossibleg1rl @babygurl8840 @wonderlandmind4 @buckysthing @formulafun @curvybihufflepuff @fanficsformarvelkillme  @shadyskit @lostinthoughtsandfeelings @reading--mermaid @fuckmestan @siliverin @verygraphicink @sallyp-53 @thatsbucknasty @steadyphantomcat @booktease21 @kiki5283 @lostinspace33 @drayshadow @theperditioncrasher @mmyepic @feelmyroarrrr @alien-beans

[e-vasong]

Me, scREECHING AT THE NEW CHAPTER ! I went to check for a new update and there wasn't one, so I started rereading and!! bEFORE MY EYES THE MIRACLE HAPPENED SUDDENLY IT WENT FROM 5/? TO 6/? CHAPTERS THANK YOU I swear I nearly died @ Izuku when he was IN TOSHI'S HOME and he's like "wow I love all might he's the greatest but I don't think I'll ever be able to meet him" and Toshi! I'm sobbin imagining him sitting there, touched, the child is too pure,, f ather an so n bo ndin g (1/4)

And wOW I HATE/LOVE VICIOUS BECAUSE HES AwFuL and the WORST and needs to be slaughtered but he’s!! such a well-written interesting character!! I love all the ocs in this fic they’re just. So good?? Especially Ren and Ms. Nakayama. Kindest souls,, i want to hug them both so badly theyre so sweet Also?? Izuku is literally: “wow I’m the worst most selfish person alive” he says, as he performs countless selfless acts and constantly risks his life or even agonizing torture over stuff like… (2/4) from his kindly neighbor lady’s groceries to saving people’s actual lives,, the boy is too kind and too good to be treated this way, hello server can u give this plate of ‘Izukus happiness’ to that green-haired gentleman over there I’d like my son to be okay please Also also every time I envision izuku once he’s been caught I think of Present Mic… (¾) four-part anon here, im stupidly embarrassed about the last part not sending… I believe what it said was basically about Present Mic coming to talk to Izuku after hes found out and being disappointed and concerned about him, all quiet and calm and just lacking his usual grandiose and Izuku just sinking down in his seat with tears in his eyes because his sensei is disappointed in him, he can’t even explain himself, hes trash. So sorry about any confusion, and thank you for such a good chapter :) 

Ah! Hey, don’t be embarrassed!!  Tumblr eats asks all the time, I just wanted to make sure that I could answer your message as fully as possible! :D

Hahahha oh my GOD that’s always such a fun feeling.  I love it when the universe just lines up so that there’s a coincidence like that!  

And oh man, I had so much fun writing the scene where Izuku was at Toshinori’s place?  I’m really glad you liked reading it.  The dramatic irony of it was great, and it was really fun to get to explore their dynamic as Toshinori and Izuku.  Also, I’m a big sucker for the trope where one person doesn’t know the true identity of the person they’re speaking with, so I got such a kick out of writing about Izuku being like “:’) All might is the fucking best” while Toshinori sits on his couch like, internally weeping.  Especially since I don’t see Toshinori as the sort of person who has let his fame get to his head… at all? (like, in canon, he mainly laments losing OFA bc it means he can’t serve as the symbol of peace and protect people anymore.  Not once does he get upset over the loss of fame and fortune.)  So I imagine All Might as the sort of person who takes genuine compliments like??? Really intensely???Someone: man, i really admire all might, he makes me want to be a better person!toshinori, already in tears: i see! thats amazing! good for you!

Asdkjlasjdjadll this scenario you’ve presented is especially sad to me because….I don’t see Present Mic meaning it in a bad way?  I can see him going “I’m disappointed that you didn’t come to us for help.  You put yourself and others at risk, and you really worried all of us.”  

And Izuku’s just like *immediately tearing up* “I know, I’m sorry.  I’m the worst”

and Present Mic’s like ??? “thats not what i meant at all, oh my god, no, don’t cry, i’m begging you the others are going to fucking kill me”

on the other hand, I could see him being the best person to break it to Izuku that Izuku’s way of handling the situation was incorrect?  Izuku’s hero worship of All Might is so strong that I feel like any semblance of reprimand from him would be too upsetting, and Aizawa, for all his best intentions, is definitely not the sort of person to sugarcoat his words and I think?  Probably just comes off as a bit harsh at times?  Maybe even at times when he doesn’t want to.

Whereas I see Present Mic as the sort who could be straight up with Izuku about the stuff he did wrong while also having the sensitivity and tact to make sure that ultimately Izuku doesn’t come out the other side of the conversation blaming himself too much?

I’m tired, and I haven’t proofread this, so sorry if it’s incoherent.

[octannibal-blake]

Prompt 'im sorry i accidentally kissed you after playing house for bellarke

For you, nonny! This one got away from me, too. I’m not good at short drabbles apparently, but hey, who cares! Enjoy!

*

Bellamy’s life is perfectly together for the first time since he was five and his sister was born. She’s off at school and he’s only working one, stable job that makes enough for him to live comfortably. It took a while to get here, but he’s enjoying the freedom and the lightness. No longer does he hold the weight of the world on his shoulders. So leave it to Clarke Griffin to completely ruin his bliss.

He’s cooking breakfast for himself on this fine Saturday morning when she barges into his apartment (why he thought it was smart to give her a key, he doesn’t know) and asks him to be her fake boyfriend.

Which is problematic for him because he’s spent the last three years wanting to be her real boyfriend. They met in college, forced to work together on an art project (he took it because he needed another elective, and she’s an art major) and despite not getting along at first, they became best friends. Mostly because she’s a spitfire and he’s a dick and somehow the universe just knew the two of them would cause chaos together. It works. He’s been half in love with her for most of their relationship but the timing has never been right, whether one of them isn’t available or he just completely chickens out. Not to mention she calls him her friend all the time and while he’s not the kind of guy to believe in the friend zone, sometimes it’s really hard not to.

“What?” He asks stupidly, holding his spatula in mid-air having been distracted from his egg flip.

“My mother is coming into town and I need to prove to her I have my life together despite having not gone to med school,” She hops onto his counter and reaches over to his plate of bacon to snag a piece.

“But you don’t have your life together,” he says before swatting at her hand as she goes for another piece, “Quit eating my food!”

She pouts her lip and pulls her hand back with a sigh, “Thanks for reminding me. I just need to create the illusion I do, which includes using you as my significant other.”

“Why would having a boyfriend somehow mean you have your life together?”

She’s batting her eyelashes at him now, which always means she wants something ridiculous, “Well…maybe not just a boyfriend. Maybe a boyfriend…i live with?”

He drops his spatula with a loud clang, “You can’t be serious.”

She grasps his arm with both hands, “You’re my best friend, Bell! Help me look less pathetic!”

He still feels a slight twinge at the word friend but pushes it down, “Let me guess, you don’t want your mom to see what kind of travesty you live in?”

She lives in a small studio apartment that has no working air conditioning and also tends to get a mice infestation every few months. It’s pretty awful. They usually always end up at his place to hang out and, okay, she’s slept over on more than one occassion but always in the guest room!

“Also that.” She confirms for him and he shakes his head at her antics. He knows he’ll regret it, but if he’s completely honest he misses the company. He’s not fond of living alone and his place has felt eerily empty lately. It’s a dangerous line, doing the whole fake boyfriend thing especially when feelings are involved on his end, but she makes it very hard to say no.

When he agrees, the smile on her face makes it all worth it. God, he is so screwed.

*

It’s surprisingly easy to fall into domestic bliss with her, which doesn’t exactly help his case at all. The day before her mother comes, Clarke comes over with a bag full of items to make the apartment look more ‘equal’. She’s going for a very convincing argument. Pictures of them have been scattered around the place, some in the living room and a couple in the bedroom. She always forces him to take picture when they’re out so most of them are drunken one am photos. She’s taken over his bathroom placing her hygiene products all over the shower and hair products on the counter.

“Is that necessary?” He asks as she hangs a few dresses in his closet for good measure.

“I’m trying to be thorough,” She replies. By the time she wears herself out, it definitely looks like they live together. He has to admit, she’s dedicated. He also doesn’t mind having her stuff around. Having her around…

Things go relatively smooth from there. Her mother arrives and is friendly enough to him. She actually seems impressed which makes something like pride swell in his chest. It’s a nice apartment in a nice part of the city and while Clarke has mentioned her mother being a snob, he’s still satisfied by her approval.

Being best friends has given them a comfort around each other that has only been beneficial. They touch each other freely and it’s not weird and quite honestly, from the outside anyone could see they are a couple. He tries to build Clarke up to her mother, mentioning small successes she’s had with her art and okay, maybe, fabricated a little. Clarke beams at him as he dotes on her and everything feels natural.

It gets a little weird when they remember they’ll have to sleep together in the same bed. When she walks out of the bathroom in an oversized t-shirt he genuinely thinks about throwing himself out the window because she looks so beautiful standing there and yet they aren’t like that. Pretending to be her boyfriend has been easy but her mom is asleep and they don’t need to pretend anymore.

“I can put shorts on,” She says awkwardly tugging on the end of her shirt. Clearly she hadn’t thought this through before walking out.

“I’ve seen you naked, remember?” He tries to ease the tension but that might have been the worst thing to say, “Remember when I had to carry you home after the whole Finn dilemma?”

It seems to work, “Ugh, don’t remind me. That was not my finest moment.”

She had managed to get so drunk, standing was nearly impossible and he had to take her home. She puked on herself and like the knight and shining armor he is, he managed to bath her and change her before putting her to bed. She told him she loved him that night, but he’s not sure she remembers. He definitely didn’t bring it up.

She crawls into bed with him and they fall into an easy silence. He lies on his stomach and is just beginning to drift off when she says, “Thank you again, by the way. You didn’t have to help me, you know?”

He’s groggy when he responds, “You’re lucky I love you.”

His eyes snap open when he realises what he said and holds his breath.

She laughs gently, “I love you, too.”

Too bad, he thinks to himself, if only she meant it in the same way.

*It’s gets weird. And confusing. The following night he is in the kitchen cooking dinner for everyone when Clarke gets back from her walk with Abby. She joins him in the kitchen while her mom showers and he laughs when he sees the newly formed sunburn tainting her pale skin.

“Forget the sunscreen, princess?” He teases and she smacks him playfully on the shoulder.

“I didn’t think we’d be outside all day…” She mutters miserably, poking at the skin on her arm.

“Clearly,” he laughs before moving to the refrigerator to grab some aloe. He squeezes the goo onto his fingers and gently rubs it onto her skin. She watches him carefully, like she’s surprised by the intimate gesture.

“All good,” he says wiping the excess onto the dish towel next to him.

“Thanks, honey,” she coos and before he can react she pecks him on the lips.

He’s frozen, his lips burning from the contact. It was an innocent kiss but he felt it all the way to his soul.

Her eyes widen, “Shit…I–”

His mind is racing. Did she mean to do that? Does she know how he feels about Her? Does she feel the same? She regrets it, doesn’t She? He fucked up. This plan was stupid.

“Smells good!” Abby compliments as she enters the room and suddenly the moment is over. They step back from one another and he clears his throat awkwardly.

“I interrupted something, didn’t i?” Always the perceptive one.

He tries to make light of it all, “I was just telling Clarke about the benefits of sunscreen.”

Just like that, the moments over. Things go back to normal, he and Clarke continue the charade and he can’t help but wonder what happens when it’s all over.

*

By the end of the trip, Abby Griffin seems to be very pleased with the way her daughter has turned out, even asking that she paint something for her office at work. Clarke nearly bursts into tears. He’s happy to see that their relationship is on the mend, even if it’s partially based on a lie. It’s not that Clarke isn’t successful, just that she’s not that successful. She’s not living the dream like she hoped and she isn’t in some perfect relationship. He should be bothered by it, but he does get it.

He remembers how upset Abby was to find out her daughter was pursuing art. That was toward the beginning of their friendship and he’s seen their relationship go back and forth since. He’s glad to help, but he’s starting to wonder at what cost. How long can he continue to just be friends with her? He has to tell her.

When they go back into the apartment after seeing Abby off, things are quiet. She’s wanders idly about the living room, running a hand over the picture frames she brought with her. Now or never, he thinks.

“So…” He leads with, and it’s not the best thing he could say but he’s kind of at a loss.

It seems to work, though, because suddenly she’s wringing her hands in front of her and word vomiting all over the place..

“I’m sorry I kissed you, I just got really caught up playing house and it’s been nice and, I don’t know, I thought you were my boyfriend for a second.”

She looks so small and innocent now. Guilty, even. Which hurts because he doesn’t want her to be sorry about it.

He decides now is the moment. It was bound to happen, hell, it’s been building for a long time.

“I’m not sorry,” he says simply and moves towards her, “I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time.”

She releases a long breath, like she’s been holding it in this entire time, “Really?”

He laughs and reaches out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear, “I’m so in love with you, Clarke. I have been for a long time.”

It feel cathartic to finally say it. Even if she doesn’t feel the same, he’s just happy to have it out there. He didn’t realize how heavy it’s been, but he feels lighter now.

When she laughs, he worries for a second that maybe it was a mistake and he’s ruined their entire friendship. But then she throws her arms around his neck and kisses him, really kisses him like her life depends on it.

When she pulls back, lips swollen from the activity she brushes a thumb across his cheek, “I love you, too, by the way.”

*

A month later she moves in with him for real this time. Half her belongings were already there, anyways.

[markleetrashh]

Fool;Jaehyun

Genre: extreme angst im ready to make y'all cry

Request: I'd like to request an angsty Jaehyun scenario where he starts dating you bc of a bet he made with his friends and you find out and breakup with him but he actually truly loves you. Sorry if this was confusing.

A/N: okay so i used fool by winner for this scenario because it's one of my favourite songs and it fits this scenario perfectly so!! and this is quite long and im proud of myself for writing this so i hope y'all like it too!

------

I was a fool

Nothing is gonna change

Even if I’m sorry now

I know

He hesitantly looked at you, remorse and sorrow filling his eyes. Your cold and intense gaze was set on the book you were holding in your hand, as you tried to ignore his presence.

But a part of you wanted to be back in his arms- even after 4 months.

You miss him.

And you loved him.

Out of all places, you had to coincidentally meet him at the small little cafe down the street.

It's not like he had not been clinging on to you and trying to win you back for the past few months.

But you resisted.

You didn't want to be with someone who didn't love you as much as you did.

"Y/N... Um.. How are you?" he asked in a soft tone.

You ignored him and flipped the page of your book.

He sighed, then bit his lips. But not giving up, hs asked again, "Are you busy these days? You haven't been replying my calls or texts"

Your heart ached a little.

But you pressed on.

You ignored his words again, your eyes fully focused on the words on the page.

Jaehyun ran his fingers through his hair, then took your hand in his. You tried pulling away, but he held it tightly, and you could see clearly the eyebags that formed under his eyes and amount of weight he loss as you struggled to pull away.

"What are you trying to do right now?" you asked him sternly, keeping a straight face.

He flinched a little, then sighed, and you saw his eyes becoming teary. "I'm really sorry, i only just realised how much you mean to me and i know i shouldn't have done it but i really do love you and-"

"It's already over anyways, is there still a point in saying all these?" you cut him off, a look of frustration on your face.

He bit his lips again, "I just really hope you can forgive me and i just... really love you"

You shook your head and scoffed, "If you really did you should have put in more effort, but you didn't. It's too late Jaehyun, you need to let everything go"

You grabbed your book and bag, the shot him one last glance, "If i can, then you can too"

But in fact, you couldn't, and didn't.

But you had to lie and convince yourself.

Jaehyun sat back in dejection on the back of the seat, his tears rolling down his cheek.

He knew it was going to turn out this way.

He took in a deep breath as his hands rubbed lightly against the screen of his phone, where a picture of the both of you shone brightly.

He misses you.

If only he didn't do it

------

Stupid bastard, foolish bastard

I know now that it’s all my fault

Jaehyun had his arms all around you, as he lazily gave you a peck on your forehead. You giggled softly to yourself. His chin was resting on your head, as he used his phone, humming in response to your words.

"How cute would it be if we stay together till we die?" you asked innocently, your fingers in his soft locks, as you admired his beautiful skin and features from below.

He let out a small laugh, his dimple showing evidently. "That would be very cute" he replied with almost no sincerity, but you ignored it anyways, since all you cared about was being with him.

He made you happy.

Never did you think that you'd be together with him, considering the fact that the both of you had total opposite personalities and interests.

One fine day he started hitting you up and talking to you at the library, the place you like to go to.

And all his friends were so supportive of his actions, it seemed to you like his feelings was sincere.

After two long months of getting to know each other even more, you realised you had already fallen for him.

Only he had the power to make you happy.

Small dates at cafes and carnivals led to lazy cuddling and movie marathons at each others' house.

And it was not until when you realised Jaehyun's lips was on yours, his hands under your as your legs wrapped around his lean body, that you realised the both of you were madly in love with each other.

At least you thought so.

Until that one day you heard everything, which left you in devastation and pure agony. But you said nothing about it, because you loved him too much.

You were helping him to fold his clothes and laundry at his house, waiting for him to come back from his short meeting with his friends.

At the side of your eye, you caught a glimpse of a family leather black wallet sitting on his bed top, and it occured to you that he had forgotton to bring his wallet- which had almost everything he needed inside.

He didn't pick up your call.

You remember him telling you the name of the restaurant they were going to meet up at, and knew that it wasn't far away from his place.

In hopes that he'd smile and and thank you upon seeing how you made your way down to pass him his wallet, you were faced by another sight.

"So... How's she? Dude i didn't know you could last more than 3 months, are you starting to have feelings for her?" the brown-haired man asked Jaehyun with a big smile, hitting your boyfriend's back lightly.

"Honestly not yet? But she's really nice and sweet though, do you think it's right to do this?" Jaehyun asked, then shook his head.

Was 'she' referring to you? What was happening?

You frowned as you stayed well hidden, as you pressed on to continue listening.

Another man spoke up, patting Jaehyun's head, "Who was the one who was so hard up on this bet three months ago? Don't regret your decisions Jae"

"You're right Johnny"

"Oh, someone even set her as your lockscreen, you sure you don't have feelings for her?"

You saw Jaehyun blush a little, but kept his cool and scoffed a little, "I have to let her know i love her right?"

You knew that his lockscreen was you.

He had taken it while you were doing your work.

"You look cute"

You wanted to break down so badly.

So all of these had been a lie?

You wanted to confront him, and you had many questions.

But you couldn't do or say anything.

Something was pulling you back.

You didn't want to lose him.

So you acted like you didn't know anything.

You lied to yourself and told yourself he would at least have the slightest feelings for you.

If not, why was he able to give you a big warm hug and a long kiss everyday without fail? Why would give you small little compliments and pecks on the cheeks after, and blush everytime you called him cute?

------

I’m selfish, I’ve always been

I only think about myself

I think I’m crazy

The person who pushed you away is me

After the 6th month, he became to grew distant.

Skinships became lesser and he spoke to you even lesser now.

It was as though he wasn't interested at all.

And you knew why.

You engulfed him a big and tight hug in your arms as soon as he stepped into the house, but his arms didn't wrap around yours like they used to, his head simply just resting on yours.

You tried to ignore the aching pain in your chest, the one you had been feeling for the past two months.

At least seeing him everyday made you happy.

But it killed you internally too.

"How was work?" you asked lovingly, your hands making their way to his. He moved slightly away, and you looked at him as your heart sank.

He replied with almost no emotion, "It was fine"

His eyes were glued to the television screen, and he didn't look at you even once, as compared to when he would always stare at you with those doe-like eyes, lighting up as you smile.

"Had a bad day? Or..? Can i do anything to make it better-"

"No, thanks"

You couldn't deal with this anymore.

A rush of anger ran up your body as you threw the pillow on the floor, as you watched Jaehyun stare at you in confusion.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Can you at least show me that you care for me? Jaehyun i'm already suffocating and hurting on my own everyday, can you please make it better for me?"

Jaehyun scoffed, and he gave you the most intense glare he had ever, "What do you mean? Why are you pushing everything to me right now?"

You bit your lower lip as you rolled your eyes, "You know best Jaehyun. Here i am trying my best every single day for you, hoping that you'd share the same feelings i have for you but your actions right now clearly shows it isn't working."

"I'm just tired, of course i love you, what do you mean by 'share the same feelings'?"

You scoffed, "The bet. I know everything, stop pretending."

His eyes widened, "Y-You knew...? How did you-"

"I'm done with this bullshit Jaehyun. I hope you had fun on this bet while i was here suffering alone for 6 months, being fooled by you and your bunch of oh-so-great friends for dating me, thinking that you actually had genuine feelings."

And with that, you walked out of the house, and never once looked back.

You needed to let go.

------

If I can see you once more

A last glimpse of you even for a short moment

But Jaehyun only got worst.

The night after he found himself missing your presence, the familiar and comforting hold around his body as you would wrap yourself tightly around his body.

The day after that he found himself staring and looking at all photographs and pictures of the both of you, as he'd smile and laugh, reminiscing all the memories of the both of you. But would start tearing up and crying unknowingly when he realises what he had done.

He found himself texting and calling you constantly, trying his best to apologise and make it up to you.

He realised how happy he was throughout the months he was with you.

And he realised that unknowingly, he had started to have genuine feelings for you.

He loves you.

You found his waiting at your doorstep one day, his arms behind his back, head hanging down as he waited patiently for you.

"Y/N... I-"

But you walked past him and unlocked the door to your house, and without saying anything, you slammed the door in front of him.

You heard his breath fasten a little, and you heard his soft and small little cries, but still tried to say a few words to you,

"I really do love you and i'm sorry, i know it's hard but please give me a chance?"

Upon these words, you broke down as you fell weakly onto the floor, pulling your legs closer to your body.

You wanted to forgive him, but at the same time, you wanted to forget him.

It was too much for you to handle.

You’re radiating and you go far far away

I try to feel the scattered memories

I miss you every every day

Yes I know I’m late

Come back to me like nothing ever happened

Jaehyun grabbed onto the piece of cloth in front of him and brought it up close to his face, as the comforting and warmth scent of you caused his tears to roll down again.

It was the only piece of you he had left.

"I'll be leaving for a few years, don't bother finding me anymore. Please let go"

He clenched his heart tightly as the last few words from you rang through his mind, as he took even bigger breaths as his crying got worst- he was a mess right now.

"Jaehyun.. Please call us when you see this, we're all worried... and sorry"- taeyong hyung

Jaehyun felt a pain in his chest, as he let out a frustrated yell, then threw punch to the wall beside him.

He hated himself.

Why didn't he cherish you while he could?

He threw another punch, and soon enough, his knuckles and hands were filled with scratches and cuts, as small bits of blood started to be more visible.

He didn't care.

The pain in his heart hurt more tham anything else.

He wished everything was back to before.

He wished he hadn't done anything at all.

He wished he could turn back time and make up to you.

He regretted everything.

And it was already too late to realise that he genuinely loves you,

because you were already gone.

You are such a fool, Jaehyun.

[perry-the-deer]

It was all fine. Things were fine. I was happy. Green and Yellow and Blue were happy. After we finished up stuff helping in Hoenn we ended up all rooming together in Viridian, close enough to Pallet that our moms wouldn’t flip out, and Yellow loved the forest.

I’d been out training again, and gotten hurt, a stray thundershock there, a vinewhip hitting me too hard left a bruise, hell, even Vee fucked up a bit and left those unique psychic move bruises, along with leaving me woozy. But it was fine. Nothing i wasn’t used too. Green would probably be annoyed though.

Annoyed was an understatement.

I walked into the house and immediately felt my wrist get grabbed, leaving me to flinch slightly “Hey dear-” I kept my calm voice on, but hearing Greens immediately become exasperated and shocked made me think that there was no point to that.

“What happened this time?!” He started tugging me towards the kitchen, thats where the medkit was after all. I just gave a quiet chuckle 

“I was training, Green-” “Training my ass! You don’t get hurt when you train! If you were training you’re being too rough about it!”

I sighed softly, trying to pull away from his grip, but it only tightened at my attempts. “I know- can we stop having this argument please, its for the sixth time this month, i don’t like fighting with you-” 

“If you didn’t like it, you’d learn not to mess up and get hurt all the time!” “its not my fault!” My voice was raising by now, and Green was already practically yelling, he always was rather quick to anger.

Green let go of my wrist finally and took the medkit out from one of the top cabinets, I tried to dart off, only getting the back of my shirt grabbed and yanked to stop me.

“For fuck’s sake Red, listen to me for like five seconds! I’m just trying to keep you safe!” “I don’t need to be kept safe! I’m older then you, you can’t act like you’re my mother!”

“I am however, your boyfriend, meaning right now its my responsibility to keep you as safe as i can!” “No its not! You can’t control what i do and don’t do, asshat!” I pulled my shirt out of his grip, turning to glare at him. Him being a bit taller then me made this weird, but i shoved the thought out of my head.

“You’re right, but i can atleast try to keep you safe, be quiet!” I opened my mouth to shoot back another smart remark, before closing it, letting him try and fix the bleeding mark left by Pikachus stray bolt. “it happens, get fucking used to it” i mumbled.

Green pushed my head up a bit “Say that again.” “It happens.” I hissed, glaring harder at him then before. “No it doesnt!” Greens hand moved from my arm and instead slammed down on the counter, which got Blues attention, she peeked into the room. 

“It doesn’t just happen, asshole! It happens because you don’t know how to command your damn pokemon properly!” “Me, not knowing how to take care of my pokemon?? are you sure you’re talking about me and not yourself!”

I saw Green wince, we both knew well he used to practically abuse his pokemon, he wasn’t the best at nurturing them and getting bonds with them, but he was better now. That was cruel of me. I opened my mouth to apologize and instead felt hands on my chest, shoving me back a foot or so.

I stared at Green, more shock entering my emotions then anything else “Thats not important right now, love, you need to understand that you need to take care of yourself!” “I take care of myself just fine!”

“No you don’t, you open your big mouth or do something wrong over and over and over atLEAST once a week and you get hurt!” “im fine! Im always fine i end up fine can you leave me alone!” I heard my voice crack, my slow working brain only just processing that Green was genuinely angry at me.

“Shut up! You shut the fuck up- You end up fine sure but you’re always in pain for days or weeks or months if its bad enough and you continue to go out while it still hurts and one of these days you’re gonna get yourself killed!” “Its not that bad Green, i do take breaks, contrary to your statement!”

Blue went forward quickly, a quiet but stern tone in her voice “Boys. Stop fighting, now.” We both shot a glare at her, and Green pushed her back with a hand, leaving me to grab his arm “Don’t touch her! She didn’t do anything-” I got shoved back again, harder this time, he got my bruises that time, making me flinch in pain and glare more angrily at him.

“Don’t touch me!” My voice raised louder then i meant for it too, tears sliding down my cheeks as i yelled. Green seemed to hesitate for a second, but his anger was leading him more then anything else right now.

“Oh so now pain hurts? Now you’re gonna be a big baby about it? Stop being such a fucking kid, Red! Grow up!” Blue puffed up her cheeks, grabbing my arm and trying to pull me behind her, shooting Green her signature look. “You’re the one acting like how you did when you were a child. You’re hurting your boyfriend, think about that!”

Green stopped for a moment, staring at Blue, before shaking his head, “Blue, stay out of this!” “No.” “Blue!” Blues eyes trained on Greens, and she frowned “Shove him again and i’ll show you exactly where you can stay for the next month.” She let go of my arm and looked at me sympathetically

“I’ll get you something to drink after this” She muttered, leaving the room. I nodded a tiny bit, wiping my eyes and glaring back at Green, trying to level my voice “Green, can we stop please- i don’t want to fight anymore” 

Green shook his head, starting to slightly pull at his hair, i tried to go forward and grab his hand, only getting my arm swatted away “I want to keep you safe, Red!” His voice was still bordering on screaming, and i hung my head slightly “you dont have control over me green, i can do what i want” i repeated, taking a deep breath.

“if 'what you want' is going to get you fucking killed or hurt then no you cant do it” His voice was shaking slightly. I don’t know if it was out of worry or anger. 

“you cannot say i cant when you do shit like it all the time too-” “atleast i protect myself and make sure i dont end up blacking out or crying and leaving myself vulnerable when i lose!” I flinched, he was right, i was.. not the best at taking losses.

I’ve learnt recently to just sprint out of view before crying however. “Green-” “Know what?  if you wont fucking listen to me and want to get yourself hurt, then go out and get yourself killed and see if i give a shit” 

I stared at him for what felt like a solid minute, it took a reasonable few seconds to realize the my boyfriend, the person i loved with all my soul, the person that kept me safe, had just told me he wouldn’t care if i died. I opened my mouth to try and reply, only getting cut off.

“Dont say another word to me, i fucking hate you right now, get out and dont come back unless i say you can” I took a step back, seeing his eyes flash with regret, and he reached towards me, i just flinched, scared i was going to get hurt again, and made a run for it.

I slammed the door behind me and ran blindly into the woods, tears going down my cheeks faster than i could realize i was even crying. I hit a tree and felt pain jolt through my entire body, leaving me to just turn around and press my back against it, sinking to the ground slowly. 

One of my pokemon burst from their pokeball, and i felt Pika crawl into my arms, pressing his head against my stomach and making what sounded like a purr.

[survivorarabia]

FINALE “#PerceptionIsReality” - Richie

Ruthie

I had to change my vote to Emmott because he was all over the place, I adore him so much though and I hate that mine and Alex's plan got messed up because of my big mouth about Lena's idol, rip me. </3

Ruthie

I FELT THIS COMING.   I really hope Alex and Nicole win, I was so right about taking them to final 3.  PLEASE WIN YOU GUYS. <3 

Emmott

when you create enough paranoia and drama.... people play idols for you :-) THAT WAS THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD LITERALLY LIKE 10 MINUTES BEFORE TRIBAL LENA AND RICHIE ARE LIKE "come vote ruthie" and SO RUTHIE IS LITERALLY MY MUM AND I GENUINELY LOVE HER! she is the sweetest human being to ever graced the planet!!!!! lena and richie have promised me f3, and i am sticking to that LIKE SUPER GLUE! BUT if they break it, the will hear from my laywer!!!!!!!!! THIS IS CRAZY I CAN'T BELIEVE IM HERE. i think the jury hates me a lot, but i think i can swing enough votes at the end against lena and richie to maybeeee have a shot? omg im so shook i cant even explain it

Lena

Honestly I am at a loss for words right now... I cannot believe Richie, myself, and Emmott blindsided Ruthie. Alex had immunity otherwise it would have been him. But we have to make sure Alex doesn't win this next challenge... We have to. I was just talking to Ruthie and Nicole about a final 3 earlier today but then I realized, to get Alex.. we have to get Ruthie out too. I thought Nicole and Ruthie were extremely close but they apparently weren't.. I wish I had known that, because I could have just approached Nicole and saved my idol for next time. I have a chance at winning this game now as long as Alex is next to go.. I can't believe I beat my Palawan placement, though. I am in a total state of shock over this.

Emmott

HOW DID I END UP WORKING WITH LENA OMG WHAT A QUEEN I LOVE HER SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!!

Alex

This is so fucking ugly Lena, you can go and fuck yourself.

Richie

i did........ that http://68.media.tumblr.com/0cb56c37723d7349c4e2f9ee90ac112e/tumblr_of3p98IyeO1vzwwmeo2_250.gif it was like 30 minutes before the vote and ruthie said that she was on call with emmott earlier and something inside me just... light up... ruthie and alex were playing the jury so hard and i wasnt going to just sit there and let it happen.... so i went to lena and was destroyed alex and ruthie's game and just went for it i was like fuck it if this goes bad at least im making a move to try and better myself and i just told lena how ruthie was the glue bc of her relationship with nicole and her relationship with alex so if we went to final 5 with those 3 we would be fucked and i just kept emphasizing how crucial of a role ruthie has played in every relationship in this game and lena 15 minutes before the vote was in lena said "Hear me out, okay? I think we should vote for Ruthie...."  and i was like http://68.media.tumblr.com/f0127660609c51a34bdfa74033903285/tumblr_of3pd5e6Md1vzwwmeo7_250.gif so that was amazing but then lena followed that statement by saying  "I have a plan....... and an idol" and it was like the gates of heaven opened and i saw the light that this was actually going to happen i actually pulled this off and huge shout out to lena bc whew!!!!!!! this was super hard bc the family alliance was such a great thing personally and strategically and i loved every moment of working as a group but fuck it sucks that that was the move i felt had to be done..... now i have to deal with the clean up which is nahhhhhhhht gonna be pretty but whew it was exciting ;)

Nicole

WHEW. OKAY. THIS HAS BEEN A CRAZY ROUND AND I HAVEN'T MADE A CONFESSIONAL IN FOREVER SO HERE IT GOES. Ruthie was my #1 in this game, she is so sweet and honestly one of my favorite people in this community! BUT, she did have a really good game and I can see why people would want her out. Anyway, I don't know where I stand all I know is the immunity being Maverick Bird literally stressed me tf out and I'm glad it was changed to endurance 

Alex

http://img.ifcdn.com/images/c9f3d0124cac6fe0da52957cfff351bd749537fafbd3106156ed92780d73ea2d_1.jpg

Alex

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the passing of Ruthie Motta, who was tragically voted out exactly one (1) round before I was planning on doing it, how dare you Lena, you stole my kill So.  Uh.  Last night was a time.  Good news, flushed the idol!  Bad news, Ruthie died.  So, uh, that really sucks.  And it's mostly because I wasn't around so now I feel like I'm on the bottom all of a sudden. I feel like I had so much I wanted to say about this and now I don't have any of it any more.  It sucks.  This sucks.  Ruthie and I have been together this whole game, 32 days.  And now she's gone, and I...I don't know who to lean on, who I can talk to, who I can even trust at this point.  Does Richie want me out next?  Does Lena?  Is Nicole really still with me or is she about to drive a bus over me? The Family's dead, and without Immunity, I don't know how to pick up the pieces.  I don't know how to talk to Lena without wanting to shout at her.  I just...I don't know.  I'm adrift, and I'm not giving up, but it's...it's gonna be a new game now.  And every round from here on in.  I'm much less confident about making the end than I was before.

Alex

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen and variations thereupon, to Alex's last stand. I thought I would have had that Immunity, but obviously Lena and Richie wanted to make sure I didn't have it, and it worked.  Congrats to them. The only thing I can do now is throw myself on their mercy and point out what a jury threat Emmott is.  Do I believe it?  Not necessarily.  But I'm not wrong that he has a couple votes on lockdown, regardless of who else is there, in Issy and Aren.  The only thing I can do is sell that I just want to make 4, that Nicole and I aren't together, and that Emmott needs to go now. Will it work?  Maybe.  But Richie & Lena hold my life in their hands, and I hate that.  I hate not having any control at all.  In some ways it's my fault because I burned my bridges sufficiently with Emmott to the point that I'm not getting shit from him, but that's also on him too. I wish I had more to say here, but I don't.  It's not up to me anymore.  It's all on them.

Richie

its been like 2 days since the last tribal council where me and lena did THAT and i'm still not over how simultaneously iconic and heartbreaking of a move that was... ruthie is the epitome of genuine kindness and alex is someone i have enjoyed having a genuine connection with since day 1 so betraying them sucks but like also its a game and what i did and what me and lena pulled off.... whew!!!!!!!! i knew that alex was going to feel super betrayed and go HARD af in this immunity challenge and i am an endurance flop, i love sleep it's my #1 priority, but like i knew i wanted this win and my body hates me but i somehow pulled out a win so holy shit im going to final 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! http://68.media.tumblr.com/73479bdb2a4e827a39fa094ecc4d5759/tumblr_of3p41DFQy1vzwwmeo4_250.gif but let's be real yeah i'm happy and all but of course it wouldnt be a richie confessional without a Meltdown™so lets just jump right into the spiraling :D i dont know what to do.... lmao... how many times have i said that in this game? but literally i don't know what to do britney_spears_"shocking".jpg.... voting out alex is the obvious thing to do right now because me/lena/emmott just formed a final 3, alex is capable of winning immunity if he stays around, and from the start of this game everyone has pegged alex as this huge threat whos in control of this game and since #PerceptionIsReality if thats what people on the jury have been saying if he gets to the end that perception could hand him the win even if theres some bitter jurors who dont like him.... buuuuuuut if he leaves there goes my meat shield like if he's in final 4 NO ONE is going to take him to final 3 so its like a guaranteed all eyes on him as the target and i can slip right into the finale.. if he's gone these of 3 might look at me and think i'm a threat and im fucked because i cant deflect but if i keep him around as a meat shield and he wins final 4 immunity im fucked too so its like..... UGHHHh http://68.media.tumblr.com/8fc26ad4738d3292b68f2e6cf5195ec7/tumblr_of3ougvqUC1vzwwmeo5_250.gif

Alex

I gave it my best go.  It just wasn't enough.  They've shut off the side of themselves that would respond to my emotional pleas.  It's cold, but I understand. It's the right move for them, strategically.  I can't fault them there.  I just can't pretend it doesn't hurt. We had this.  No, fuck that.  I had this.  I was so close I could taste it.  I've never been that close.  But I made one mistake and it all spiraled. I don't regret how I played.  I can't.  I don't know what I could have done better. I'm tearing up now, sorry.  I'll get over it, I know.  Eventually.

Lena

I cannot believe everything has gone off without a hitch. Ruthie went. Alex went. I actually believe I have a chance at winning this game. Even if I don't, I want it to be Richie and Nicole sitting with me at the end and they both have played wonderful games. I'm at a loss for words right now, I cannot believe I made it this far.

Richie

http://68.media.tumblr.com/a1c42de3eca8896fdcf68bd083a2a0b8/tumblr_ogtaabu79Y1vzwwmeo8_r1_250.gif so i voted out alex at the last tribal council which killed me as a person bc i was still not over voting out ruthie and then to vote out the other person in the alliance that i loved being a part of…. that sucked!!!!!!!!!!!! but i did it because i knew that letting alex get to the end was handing the jury someone that they had been talking up all game and i couldnt do it…. and he told me that he would throw the f4 immunity challenge if i didnt vote him out he just didnt want emmott to get to the end and i said that he was too much of a game player to mean that and i voted him out because i thought that i could take out emmott at f4 bc he has votes locked in but here we are in the final 4 and emmott has immunity and im just………. im fucked and it sucks because it means that there’s a good chance i’m getting voted out and if somehow i magically mist my way into staying this week theres an equally good chance that i won’t win this game with emmott having friends on the jury so its like…. fuck dude im an end justifies the means type of person and i played hard and i fucked over everyone in this game and its very very likely that it was all for nothing http://68.media.tumblr.com/d70acd9f7d12febd8c49717661e19834/tumblr_ogtaabu79Y1vzwwmeo6_r1_250.gif   

Emmott

I FUCKING MADE IT TOO FTC AND I WON AN IMMUNITY CHALLENGE WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL IT TOOK WAS A NEW IDENTITY AND 4 SEASONS TO GET THERE THIS B*STON R*B TEAS AAAHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!! honestly this is the worst game i've ever played and i honestly don't think i'd have a shot at winning if i was up against another 4 people winning is such an amazing concept tho and my game is trash so i guess the rule is you don't put a bumper sticker on a bently sooooo i will probs lose BUT I THINK I HAVE A SHOT BECAUSE THESE 3 ARE ... ????!!! NOT great??!! nicole was a goat lena peaked really late and was innactive af. all she did was play the idol on me which could have been her stupidest move idk?????? richie i am worried tho. he was a kinda goat this entire game and people might vote for him if they were REALLLYYY SALTY AT ME and i have a feeling fawz might hate me i think i have ruthie, issy and aren's vote but the rest i'd really have to give it a shot and put myself out there. when alex left he said "the last time i vote for you. and that's a promise" lIKE DOES THAT MEAN HE WONT VOTE FOR ME AT FTC ??????? IM CONFUSED i think i can maybe get ci'eres vote or jay's IDK im realy fucking stressed coz i wanna win so bad but i think people are gonna be salty coz i flipped on that fawz bullshit but like ???????? its there own fucking faults! if they added me to their alliance  and ACTUALLY TRIED making an effort with me it might be different??? people management GOALS <3 <3 <3 <3 but then i can't say that in my Q&A with the jurors coz  I NEED THEM TO LIKE ME so i might try it in a real passive aggresive way coz like its there fault i flipped so dont be fuckwits to me i just really hope people are forgiving, COZ I THINK I HAVE A SHOT!!!

this is also the worst possible final 4 to go with because they're all almost always OFFLINE !!!!! 

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Richie

i’m either literally voting myself out of the game tonight or making a move that will guarantee me a spot in the f3 and there’s no way of knowing which it’s going to be until the votes are read so http://68.media.tumblr.com/e23df711439b4fc6670037aadf007dea/tumblr_ogtaabu79Y1vzwwmeo5_r1_250.gif i’m really mad at nicole bc she’s in a great position right now and i’m not and i dont like when other people do well.. like ya i like her and good for her being in a powerful position in this game but its rude and i hate it because i want to be that person so its ugly!!!!! nicole came to me and told me that she went to lena saying to vote me out and i was like interesting….. because if lena wasn’t going to go along with that plan she would have come to me and ratted nicole out to ensure that i vote out nicole so i was like hmmm okay…. so the plan right now that i’m taking a gamble on is that emmott votes nicole, lena votes me, i vote lena, and nicole is the deciding force on who goes home and i hate it like all of this could be a lie from nicole to pit me and lena against each other so that we vote for the other one and she stays safe and gets to choose who she goes to the end with, frankly its genius and if this were a different situation i would this theory to lena and turn her against nicole so we would vote out nicole 3-1 however i feel like i have a better shot at getting more votes sitting next to nicole than i do sitting next to lena so its like i could come in 4th from trying and failing the 2-1-1 plan or come in 3rd by voting out nicole 3-1 so i’m hoping if the 2-1-1 plan succeeds and nicole doesnt vote me out i have a shot at trying to secure some votes in the jury and thats all i want…… THIS IS LITERALLY KILLING ME I HATE THIS SO MUCH!!! pretty much this entire game up until 24 hours ago i havent been in a position where i truly felt like i was even remotely in danger of being voted out and now that i’m here staring at my own mortality it……..isn’t fun? i’m hopeful that i’m staying tonight i’ve been working on nicole telling her how much i want to go to the end with her and also telling her i was going to vote for lena in the end (oops lmao) but im a realistic person so i’m not expecting to stay so if i leave tonight and become the final juror to my fellow players sorry i backstabbed and lied to yall for no reason lmao and to the 2 people cheering me on in the vl im sorry to have failed you http://68.media.tumblr.com/5a88f6553fb76a93d3627ae16a5fc278/tumblr_ogtaabu79Y1vzwwmeo7_r1_250.gif && with that… richie OUT! (?????????)

Richie

A MOTHERFUCKIIIINGGGGG TIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I caaaaaaaaan't go on like this FUCK I want to make it to final 3 so bad but this tie breaker is literally made for Lena to win I'm a literal ball of anxiety that cracks under pressure and she's a fucking speed typer who has found an idol from getting a clue and going to a page so like... I'm doomed but I'm trying to remain positive and not go in with a defeated mindset because then I'll definitely lose but fuck Ive tried so hard and got so far and in the end it doesn't even matter bc I can see my game ending because of emmott and being stupid and a slow typer and I HATE IT UGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH http://68.media.tumblr.com/3fd3702c9cdf15d2ac464436c8be0dbb/tumblr_oelryngZFq1vzwwmeo4_250.gif whewwwww okay positive thoughts :) I am going to kick ass in this tie breaker, I want to win, I want to win this game bc if i dont then I singlehandedly destroyed my alliance that I loved and made it so we all lost but if I win that means that I'm a cutthroat strategist that did what I had to do to win so that's what I'm going to do :) :) :) :) :) :)   ...........fucK

Emmott

nicole is literally so irrelevant and she thinks she's made it to the end because she got game. she is literally the worlds biggest GOAT AHAHAHAH omg what a hoe im sick of her. anyone would have taken her shes dead weight! she's made zero impact on this game like she can't even get an idol play right !!!!! don't come for me nicole because you have nothing to support yourself fuck off i hate this game and coz of that hoe im probs gonna lose and i get this is completely emotional and i shouldn't be fighting her in the tribe chat but i hate when unintellegent, dumb, naive, idiotic people act like they smart and got nerve. its my pet peeve. hate dumb people wow. have fun coming SECOND AGAIN HAAHAHAHAHAH

Emmott

LIKE I HATE THE SNARKINESS OF THESE IDIOTS that send memes and instigate fights and are sarcastic and ridiculous like they reckon they're all big online because they can send a shady meme WOW hope those shady memes get you thru life hun <3

Emmott

RICHIE FUCKING WON THE TIE I WANT TO DIE

Emmott

this final 3 is a mess....

Emmott

now im a fucking richole thirdwheel get me outta here

Richie 

FUUUUUUCK!!!! AHHHH!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I JUST WON THE TIE BREAKER AND IM IN THE FINAL THREEE?!?!?! THAT WAS SO STRESSFUL FUCKKKK!!!!! http://68.media.tumblr.com/72c85b4a2d82c49580e83a8a74ce83a1/tumblr_of3p41DFQy1vzwwmeo6_250.gif I hate everything I'm so overwhelmed i was bored and stressed out so I facilitated?? drama between Nicole and emmott in the main chat while I waited for Lena to come back so that was the most fun I've had in this game in a while lmao but somehow not as exciting as winning the tie breaker!!!! i  dont know why Nicole kept me because I was passionately trying to vote her out from like f8-f6 but okay cool im happy I didn't WHEW I can't believe this.... Now all that's left is the jury which scares me because I played a weird game like for a while it was intentionally UTR and trying to seem weak to the point where people may think I wasn't playing which could cost me but also looking back I played the middle and literally lied, back stabbed, and voted out every single person on the jury and I had a good social game but that could just make people feel more betrayed rather than being good jury management so I'm nervous and i dont know what approach to take with my speech should I be the unapologetic bitch or should I try to pretend to be likable lmao FUCK I love this game and hate everything about it at the same time it's truly wild richieWHEWWWWWWW these jury questions? fUCK... i wrote a long as jury opening bc hello youve seen my confessionals im obsessed with myself and cant stop talking and apparently that pissed people off bc of their own egos and i get that but also fuck you?????? like alex saying that i took credit for things i dont deserve when firstable BITCH a direct quote from my speech is "I felt grateful to be part of an alliance that worked so well together and functioned off of genuine teamwork I don’t want to take full credit bc it was truly a team effort for a good chunk of this game" and in how many of my confessionals did i talk about how much i loved being in the family and how its literally a team effort? i never once in this game genuinely took sole credit for anything HOWEVER... I'M the one thats here and i'm going to talk up my fucking game to get people to see that i played hard, yes i didnt make some of the moves alone but did i not still make those moves? the family is not trying to win this game I am so thats what i'm going to talk about me..... like i'm literally so annoyed i'm probably going to lose this game because going to come off as such a bitch in my answers but im pissed ofat alex and lena trying to bring me down just because of their own egos like yeah alex made moves and i didnt do the fucking ruthie vote alone but it happened because of ME, it wouldnt have happened without lena but it happened BECAUSE of me so i have those 2 saying that move isnt mine and then julia saying i was alex's sheep??? like fuck you?????? if i was alex's sheep he would be here still and he's not here because its called being in an alliance and working WITH someone and using their threat status as a shield and then cutting them so that youre the one thats at the end like literally i'm so annoyed i want to fight them ALLLLLLLLL... except ciere bc his question was actually really nice and it was the first time i felt validated and im emotional... like alex had 9 minutes of a video dedicated to dragging me and discrediting my game like F U C K  Y O U ! !! ! ! !! ! ! ! !! ! (dear future players, i dont mean this personally but if you get a chance to vent so do i <3) UGHHHH I CANT BELIEVEEEEE i have to keep replaying this 9 minute video of me being dragged to filth which is 94% bullshit, yeah i may have talked myself up a little bit but its the fucking jury speech and im trying to win what the fuck do you want me to do be humble???? no! like if i went back in time and told 13 year old me that 10 years in the future i'd be broke, single, no job, living with my parents, and mentally ill i'd believe it because that part of my reality is realistic... if i went back in time and told 13 year old me that 10 years in the future that i was playing in an online version of the show survivor, yes that show that you watched like 5 years ago is somehow still on, in a CHAT ROOM with STRANGERS and in order to try and get these strangers to give you the NONEXISTENT prize you must watch a 9 minute video of someone from OHIO talk shit about you because of things you strategically said and did, 13 year old me would probably assassinate bill gates to make sure the internet DIED and that reality couldnt exist bceause FUCK!!!!!!!!! emI Deserved To Win: A New Musical ~ Coming Soon richiehttp://68.media.tumblr.com/f60a84f5748d15f8a1625f64c461082e/tumblr_of3p41DFQy1vzwwmeo7_250.gif http://68.media.tumblr.com/72c85b4a2d82c49580e83a8a74ce83a1/tumblr_of3p41DFQy1vzwwmeo6_250.gif http://68.media.tumblr.com/73479bdb2a4e827a39fa094ecc4d5759/tumblr_of3p41DFQy1vzwwmeo4_250.gif