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philipkindreddickhead · 4 years ago

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I often seen critiques of make up from an existential/philosophical perspective, but I rarely see criticism of cosmetics from a stand point of the very physical bodily harm it does. I think this is because the number of dangerous ingredients is so massive, and overlapping its an absolutely daunting task. So I've compiled the information I've found and bear with me its a lot. (This is from an American perspective. Sorry, thats what I know. However I would love it if people from other countries had things to add.)

First I want to get the "simple" stuff out of the way. I think almost everyone has heard about bacteria and fungi in makeup and that makeup causes acne from clogging pores. Makeup has a pretty strict shelf life, yet consumers are entirely supposed to self-police as Ive never seen a single expiration date on any cosmetic packaging. (I guess consumers are meant to pull this knowledge out of the ether or something. I only found out about it in a tumblr PSA. I did read that expirys are on products in Europe.) Beauty blenders are the worst offender because theyre almost always moist. When I was taught makeup I was told to wet my sponge so it would soak up less product. If you apply makeup daily your sponge is likely constantly damp. USA Today had an article which said that 96% of sponges had fungi and over 60% had E. Coli in them. But I think what people talk about less is the complication of problems from using other products in conjunction with dirty beauty blenders. USA Today warns its especially dangerous to use beauty blenders if you have damage to your skin like acne, cuts, or dry skin. However the most popular beauty products for washing your face contain walnut pieces for literally scrubbing your skin and creating microabrasions. If youre a frequent makeup user you probably know about the cyclical nature of applying foundation, breaking out, and then applying more foundation to cover the breakout. You may even be using scrubbing cleansers more frequently to combat the acne creating more tears. This can lead to "blood poisoning" and, though neither USA today or Forbes mentions this, blood poisoning (not a medical term btw. Its sepsis.) according to numerous medical sites has the potential to be extremely lethal. The symptoms are so similar to a regular flu its nearly impossible to self-diagnose.

The very first thing I was told when a friend handed me a jar of finishing powder- popular with many beauty gurus for the "baking" technique and considered a must have- was a joke about "clown lung." This was a reference to the main ingredient talc. Talc causes lung problems including cancer and respiratory illness. If anyone remembers the large Johnson and Johnson lawsuit from 2019 it was because theyd been putting talc into baby powder. Talc is dangerous because it's impossible to mine and seperate from ASBESTOS. Some high-end finishing powders will try to sell you on safe talc-free formulas but all the products I looked into contained mica instead which causes pneumoconiosis, colloquially known as "black lung disease." Like fucking coal miners get. Its not just present in finishing powder either. In my research it turned out that talc/asbestos are also present in many eyeshadows and other powder products. [Googleable, evidenced in J&J lawsuit]

Another industry to examine is nail salons. Toluene, Formaldehyde, Dibutyl Phthalate, and Methacrylate compounds are all dangerous ingredients and present in various salon products. These ingredients cause a range of problems from dizziness, drowsiness, birth defects, slow fetal growth, future intellectual disabilities in the fetus, eye skin and throat irritation, coughing, allergic reactions, asthma-like attacks, short-term memory loss, nausea, dermatitis, cancer, and misscarriage. Some nail products advertise that they are 3-free meaning that toluene, formaldehyde, and DP should be absent but often the labels are found to be completely inaccurate. It should be noted that the risk is mainly to salon workers and not patrons but ask yourself if it is right to place other people at serious risk for your aesthetic. OSHA does make an attempt to mitigate these risks however not once in my years of makeup queen did I see a salon following these directives which include constant air monitoring, half mask respirators with chemical cartridges, gloves, long sleeves, and safety glasses. (And Im not even going to touch issues of human trafficking/slave labour out of nail salons one case of which occured 5 days ago two hours away from me) It should also be noted that formaldehyde can also be found in hair relaxers and hair dyes. [Found articles in Scientific American and NYT]

I also found on the FDAs website that many cosmetics include heavy metals like arsenic, mercury, and lead. (Usually accompainied by a picture of lipstick so I assume that is the product most likely to contain it, however campaign for safe cosmetics lists foundation as containing heavy metals, and The Guardian has an article about skin lighteners from Asia and Africa containing mercury.) The website stated that the amount of these heavy metals in cosmetics is "safe" if used as intended. (and I'm going to come back to the concept of "intended use" later because thats a can of worms too) However, when searching for info on heavy metal safety I found this quote in regards to metals in food:

"Certain metals, such as arsenic, lead and mercury, have no established health benefit, and have been shown to lead to illness, impairment, and in high doses, death. Understanding the risk that harmful metals pose in our food supply is complicated by the fact that no single food source accounts for most people’s exposure to metals in foods. People’s exposure comes from many different foods containing these metals. Combining all of the foods we eat, even low levels of harmful metals from individual food sources, can sometimes add up to a level of concern"

So like, which is it? Is it a "safe amount" or is no amount of metal safe? I understand that in the case of certain foods like fish some amount of mercury poisoning is always expected but fish is also something you feed yourself and nourish your body with while cosmetics are completely unecessary to your survival. The mercury problem in fish is also mitigated by health warnings when mercury levels are particularly high but cosmetics have no such warning. Another warning on the site indicated that children should ingest NO amount of lead AT ALL because it is particularly harmful for kids yet theres no effort to stop children from using lead-containing cosmetics. I worked next to a Five Below where I was shocked to find they sold Jeffree Star and Anastasia eyeshadow dupes for five dollars which amounts to fucking pocket change for a lot of kids and kids do buy that stuff. I also think its ironic the FDA would have anything to say regarding cosmetics because in the very same article about heavy metals in cosmetics the FDA says that they DO NOT REGULATE cosmetics beyond the color additives.

Mascara, eyeliner, lipstick, and brow tint often contain carbon black. This is a color additive that is an incomplete combustion of carbon-based products. It can cause lung disease, cancer, and organ system toxicity, and eye, nose, throat irritation. The effects are mainly studied in rats and those at biggest risk are industrial workers but why do other workers have to endure lung problems for something so unecessary? [Easily googleable, NIH, CDC, WHO Europe]

This next bit I only want to mention briefly because I didnt find any particularly reputable sources about it, but its a claim that cropped up repeatedly and I think its an interesting one. Parabens, estrogen, phthalates (again), and pesticides in cosmetics are apparently linked to endocrine disorders and hormone dysregulation. Im not entirely sure what is meant by this accusation. Endocrine disorders include female diseases like PCOS and possibly endometriosis. None of these diseases is very well studied and the female endocrine system itself is not well studied either. Im not saying "cosmetics cause PCOS" because we dont know if PCOS or these other endocrine/hormonal disorders are genetic or environmental or both (it appears that PCOS is largely genetic and Endometriosis is likely autoimmune related) AND we dont appear to know for sure that cosmetic ingredients cause endocrine disorder. But I include anyway for a number of reasons:

If you happen to struggle with hormonal problems you may want to know cosmetics is a potential environment factor.

These conditions are incredibly painful. It will be a battle getting your doctor to even acknowledge that pain for diagnosis. PCOS is linked to diabetes, and heart disease. [Thanks @mother-of-pearl ] There is no cure and the treatments are often throwing hormonal birth control at it and hoping for the best.

I dont anticipate the link between cosmetics and endocrine disorders being studied any time soon or any endocrine disorders studied at all because the medical/scientific field is sexist. I dont want women to suffer in the mean time.

Now again, take this with a grain of salt because I couldnt find scientific or news sources for it. Dont fucking come for me. Im not gonna respond to you. [Most reputable source was a paper from the library of medicine at the national institutes of health but it was behind a paywall and I dont have 39 dollars to be right on tumblrdotcom]

Avoiding these ingredients is not as simple as scanning the label for them. As many beautubers and the community are no doubt aware considering multiple scandals over veganism. Products advertised as vegan or cruelty free but contain non-vegan carmine or are sold in China which legally requires the products to be animal tested. Cosmetic companies will hide ingredients claiming they are "trade secrets" or they will be placed under "fragrance." Many ingredients will be known by six or seven different names and asking consumers to be aware of seven different names for multiple ingredients requires consumers to be aware of innumerable different, often complicated ingredient names. I shouldnt have to point out that's a ridiculous burden to place on women. The EU banned 1,300 hazardous ingredients that the US did not. Cosmetic companies rely on women being unwilling/unable to bring in a list of 1,300 ingredients- with multiple names- every time they pop in to the drug store, sephora, or wherever. Buying "natural" products will not help you either. Theres no established criteria for natural/organic in costmetics, the FDA doesnt test these products, and "natural"=/= safe anyway. Plenty of plants and minerals are poisonous. One good example is traditional kohl products which advertise their natural status but also naturally contain lead and reiterating that natural powders contain mica. US courts are rarely on the side of consumers either. I found an interesting lawsuit against St. Ives for their apricot scrub taken to court for their "dermatologist tested" label despite it causing breakouts and cuts to the skin. The courts ruled that this label was fine because it only indicated that the product was TESTED not APPROVED by dermatologists. However I think any rational consumer would look at this label and assume the tests concluded it was safe for use or else why put the label on there?

[Googlable XMONDO drama, googlable laws wrt china and eu, already stated about FDA, FDA website about Kohl. Googled St. Ives lawsuit.]

I want to return to the idea of "intended use." This is sort of a fucky concept a lot of companies have ways of getting around. My "last straw" with makeup had to do with a run-in I had with Anastasia over their "Riviera" eyeshadow palette. In this pallette they had two colors that were the real feature of the palette, an electric neon purple and a radioactive pink I mean every photo, every promotion has these two colors swirled together around the eye. Because again, its an eyeshadow palette. When I buy the eyeshadow palette of course there's a little insert warning in the package that says these two shades are not intended on the eye area. In an eyeshadow palette. Contacting their customer service they told me that these two shades were meant to be used as a blush. neon purple blush. Not only that, but their website and instagram featured NO models wearing the shades as blush while EVERY model one or more of the shades as eyeshadow. When asked about this discrepancy ABH stopped responding. What I find egregious about this is the amount of people who dont know, and then more staggeringly; dont care. The sephora clerks didnt know, the in store abh representative didnt know, their customers didnt know, and when I told them they would respond with "oh, [brand] did the same thing with their [shade]." Sure enough, when I demanded that store clerks open the packaging to look for warnings nearly every product had an "eyeshadow" that was not intended for use on the eyes. Relegating dark, red-toned teal to "contour" and neon grean to "highlighter" US-based cosmetic junkies will say that these pigments have been approved for use by the EU however I found absolutely NO evidence of that. I googled it a thousand ways but all I ever found were blog posts, reddit comments, and one quote from an apparently nonEuropean layman in an Insider article. I even changed my location to France on ABH's website and the Norvina palette still contains the same warnings (not to harp on ABH in particular. I just know which shades in particular are the problem there). The Insider article noted that brands who were selling pressed pigments declined to comment. If the pressed pigments were EU friendly, I would think companies would be clamouring to say so. It also still makes their market as eyeshadow colors illegal in the US. (If any Europeans would like to chime in I'd love that.) Another problem I find with cosmetics companies and their reps is the claim that the worst thing that could happen is eye irritation for those with sensitive eyes and staining. How could they possibly know? The FDA doesnt test, or approve these cosmetics in the eye area, so ostensibly no one should be using it that way.

The next one is a bit of a "duh" but I'm going to talk about it anyway. Counterfeit cosmetics are a booming market full of untold dangers. Untold primarily because these products could contain literally anything. Ive read about glue, arsenic, lead, feces, staph, and horse urine to name a few. The labels and ingredient list on these products are fake. Legitimate brands often unintentionally play into the counterfeit market. They create artificial scarcity by making less of the product than is actually needed for consumer demand to create an even higher demand. If consumers miss out often their only chance at getting the product is to turn to counterfeits. I found examples of women who had their lips superglued, lips "turned to goo" and burned to blistering, throat closures, women with stys, contact dermatitis, eye infections. I think we as a society turn a blind eye to this problem because we think "hey, if youre buying counterfeits for a discount and you get hurt you deserve it." We imagine idiots buying products for 4 dollars from ebay or perusing Canal street for FEИTY beauty. But these counterfeits can be really convincing. I myself received a gift of a huda palette that I only recognized something was weird about it because I'd swatched it at sephora about five times earlier that month. The person who bought it for me actually paid MORE than the usual cost for the palette because it was advertised as a newer, better edition. The websites can be disturbingly similar. For instance Kylie Jenner's legitimate website is KylieCosmetics.com but you can find fakes at kyliecosmeticsshop.co.uk. These fakes can buy ad space and be one of the first sites that populate when you google the products instead of typing the legitimate site into the address bar. Counterfeits can also be bought and sold through third parties on websites like ebay, wish, and amazon. (My gift actually came from Amazon.)

[Netflix doc "Broken" ep "Makeup Mayhem" Corroborated by personal experience and google]

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hyunjilicious · 4 years ago

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what is and what should never be [bucky barnes]

A/n: ok, so. Im really fucking insecure about this. I literally poured my heart into this fic. I'm genuinely unhappy with the beginning, but I promise you, it gets better!! I don't have it in me to rewrite it for the 4th time. I really hope you'll still like it though. If you ask me, this is the best fic idea I even had. Please, please, if you enjoyed it, let me know!!!

Summary: It was you and Bucky. An unlikely couple that shared equally disturbed pasts. When you get a day off, your paradise turns into hell as Bucky's nightmares return, leaving you alone to deal with The Winter Soldier. (FLUFF, SMUT, ANGST) 12k

Warnings: 2 smut scenes - they're graphic but not extreme, fluff, angst, violence, mentions of death and suicide, blood, a fight scene - also quite graphic but it was written to serve the angst. I don't want to spoil the ending, but if you really connect with the characters, you will not hate me!!

This day had been long awaited. After months of back to back missions and endless efforts to climb up the greasy pole of US social standards, words failed to describe how ecstatic you were to know, that for the next 24 hours, your whole schedule would fully be in your hands.

You had the freedom to do just about anything you wanted, and the simple fact that the rest of the avengers left to deal with some paperwork excited you to no end. You woke up when it was time for them to take off, and made a snarky remark about heading to the gym - something along the lines of having a productive day centered on self development.

Just about 20 minutes later, you and Bucky, now also alone in the Stark Tower, decided to start off your day on the right foot. He offered to make protein smoothies as you changed into something comfortable and fitting for a workout, but neither of you got their job done.

You had no idea how that happened, but before you knew it you were wearing your sports bra and still had your pajama pants on, moaning on the counter of Tony's kitchen as Bucky had lodged himself between your legs, hungrily exploring the heated skin of your neck, peppering you with bruise marks that represented his adoration for you. "You heal fast anyway" he shrugged, pulling you closer and digging his teeth into your flesh, sucking profusely and eliciting an erotic moan from your lips.

With every new hickey he left, another one would disappear, which in turn would make him even more frustrated, “The hell should I do? Tattoo hickeys on you!?” he groaned, moving up your neck. You caught his cheeks into your palms and kissed him back, smiling as he kept getting more and more aggravated.

It didn't come as a surprise when the blender went berserk, splattering fruit pulp, almond milk and protein powder all over the pristine walls of the room - both of you have long forgotten about it.

The way Bucky cleaned the mess was the epitome of not giving a shit, and you couldn't find it more endearing. He bitched and whined his way through the whole process, and tears formed at the corners of your eyes at the ridiculousness of the half assed job he just did.

You eventually reached the gym - of course, against all your pouting and begging to put off this session. "Doll, you're the only avenger who can't fight. A punk on the street could snap your purse and there would be nothing you can do"

Wrong, he was not. You couldn't fight - but at the same time that didn't mean you were defenceless. It was your immense power that for months on end made your teammates consider you a liability. The energy that surged through your veins had been too great for you to handle, and in fact, it still was, but now, thanks to the joined efforts of Tony and Bruce, there was a way for that power to be contained. Their solution came in the form of two massive shackles wrapped around the length of your forearms. They were made of dimeritium and kept all kinds of energy from leaving your body. But, even so, that energy was in full form, buzzing inside every fiber of your being. And so, while wearing them you couldn't attack anyone, but there wasn't a way for them to harm you either. That field of energy protected you from every kind of damage and wounds you had ever encountered, ranging from fist fights to automatic rifles to guided grenades.

"I'm the only one that doesn't need to know" you huffed and puffed, annoyed but still determined to get this first training session done with.

But that never happened. Halfway through your warm up rounds, your teasing side awoke and it took you about ten minutes to go from batting your eyelashes and flaunting your ass, to nonchalantly cupping his cock into your hand.

No one could blame Bucky for not even trying to stop you. Bless him, he did everything he could, but he was never able to resist you. And probably never will be.

By the time you were done at the gym, both your bodies were coated in lecherous layers of sweat, no of them being from actually working out. It was only a matter of time until you managed to break his self control and he had you sprawled on all fours in the middle of the boxing ring, moaning your soul out as he pounded your pussy.

The momentum made your whole frame rock back and forth, your hair falling around your face, "Holy fuck-"

The room vibrated with the vulgar slaps he afflicted on your bare ass. You arched your back and cried his name out loud, "Come on, Bucky- I- harder please-"

"How are you already so needy?" he chuckled, caging your waist between his strong arms and pulling you up until your back reached his chest. "I ate this pussy this morning before we got out of bed"

"You know I love your tongue-" you giggled out of breath as you tried to look at him over your shoulder. "But it doesn't compare to your cock"

"What does?" Bucky rhetorically questioned before picking up his pace. He kept slamming his hips into yours, fucking you at full force as with each thrust, his cock rammed against your walls hard enough to make you see stars.

"I'm really fucking close, Buck" you whined, feeling your knees start to refuse to maintain your weight any longer.

"Don't cum yet" he panted, "Wait for me"

"Fuck, fuck, fuck-" you cried out loud, liquid pleasure seeping out of you in the form of fresh tears streaming down your cheeks. "Please-" you whined, "I can't hold it anymore, I'm-"

"Not yet, baby" Bucky groaned, easily stopping you from wiggling around in his hold. His thrusts became sloppy and the orgasm got the best of him. He buried his face deep in your shoulder as his high forced guttural moans to rip from his throat.

As he filled you up with his cum, as much as you wanted to comment about him making you wait and then not even bothering to tell you you could cum, you couldn't. Your eyes rolled back in pleasure and your chest heaved as the spiral of bliss seemed to go on and on, tons of ecstasy propagating in long painful waves across your body.

"Fuck-" Bucky panted as helped you up, "I could get used to days like this. We should retire"

"I'm not retiring-" you teasingly shook your head, "not until you find a way to give me a baby"

"I'd give you all the babies" he retorted, tugging your hand.

It caused you to lose your balance and stumble into his chest, "I love you"

"Love you" Bucky kissed the top of your head and spun you around. With his palms on your hips, he started guiding you towards the door, "Let's get you cleaned up"

And then, another wave of unproductivity followed. You showered, ordered pizza, whined about how there was still some smoothie left on the floor, and after you warned him about it, your face fell as Bucky stepped directly in the middle of the puddle of almond milk. He was fuming, the incident wiped any traces of happiness off his face. He mumbled something about that being the last pair of comfy socks he had left and something about Tony's devices being a constant pain in the ass.

He went on and on until you ambushed him with kisses up his neck and shoved your hands under his shirt. In an instant his bickering turned into soft giggles as he innocently relaxed under your touch. You eventually cleaned up the mess and tried to make yourself busy. Nothing worked, you weren't in the mood for anything and at the same time, even though you did absolutely nothing all day, you felt a wave of tiredness envelop you.

At about 4pm, and you Bucky had already been lazily laying in bed, a mess of tangled limbs under the fluffy duvet. Your conversation started from the tactical gear he swore would look better on you than on him and then wondered how you didn't know how to sow.

"I'll hit you" you threatened.

"I'm sorry" he laughed, holding onto your forearm as it was resting on his chest, "But you know how much I love it when you get angry at my misogynistic jokes"

"It's rude" you scoffed - you didn't mean his jokes, but the fact that when he grew up, women were not anywhere near where they are today.

"You know I don't mean it"

"I know you don't" you laughed, "Otherwise I'd have actually hit you"

"Don’t worry" Bucky said, "I'd hit myself if I was that stupid"

"Cute" you smiled, kissing his shoulder. Looking up at him, you promoted your chin against his chest, "Do you miss it? The 40s i mean"

He thought about it for a second. "Nah" there was a bit of nostalgia in his tone, but you believed him. "I've kinda made my peace with the fact that everyone from my old life is gone. I wouldn't want to go back now. I got you. I got all of you guys. I'm good now, really good"

"I'm glad" you beamed, feeling yourself warm up from the inside just thinking of the progress he made. After a few seconds, you spoke up again, "But what about the society? Like the day to day life? How do you like the 2010s?"

"I can't lie" Bucky laughed, "I liked Romania better. Much simpler."

"You lived in a dead beat apartment, hiding everyday" you scoffed, "How was that better?"

"I don't know… maybe it was the simple life. Apparently I'm all about that"

"You'd move back there?"

"If you came with me?" he questioned, looking down at you. There was genuine sincerity in his eyes and a hint of a smile at the corner of his lips. "Wouldn’t even think twice"

"Maybe one day" you sighed with content. You snuggled back against his side, and closed your eyes. "We're not done avenging yet" you mumbled.

He didn't say anything to that. You didn't know whether he was getting lost in thoughts or if he was starting to drift off, but you would have been fine with either. When he spoke up again, you didn't expect the conversation to take this route.

"About Romania…" he sighed, "What made you come with Steve back in 2016?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean-" he muttered, rubbing his light stubble, "I know why Steve came-" Bucky chuckled, "And Sam's all up his ass, so there's that. But what about you?"

"I-"

"I'm aware of the rift I caused between you guys back then. So that's why I'm asking. What made you stand by Steve from the beginning?"

"I knew how much you meant to him. And I know how this is going to sound, but I felt sorry for you, Buck. I know what it's like to be alone, to have everyone turn against you. You deserved better"

"Love-?" he called softly, his voice nearly breaking. "What do you mean you know what it's like to have everyone turn against you?"

As you maintained the eye contact, you felt tears prickle, "I know it wasn't fair of me to keep my past a secret, but-"

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to-" he said softly, his eyes warm. The pain was readable on his features, he hated how your whole demeanour changed.

"It's not that I don't want you to know, it's just that I hate talking about it. Gives me nightmares."

"Then we can just drop it" Bucky murmured, gathering you closer.

"I wish you could know without me telling you" you laughed, "You make everything better and easier. I should've told you, I know. It isn't fair to you. We've been together for almost two years but as far as you're concerned I didn't exist until I joined the avengers. I don't even know how much they know. We never talked about it"

"Love, listen to me. I'm here whenever you want to talk about it. You didn't do anything wrong. There are a lot of things about me that you don't know either. We're not those people anymore. No one can blame us for trying to escape out past"

"Yeah, you're right" you sighed.

Gathering your power, you pushed yourself up and settled beside him, with your legs crossed. You grabbed his hand pulling it into your lap, and intertwined your fingers with his as you spoke.

"Forget the official story, there's no truth to it anyway"

"I really didn't believe your mum was a criminal and that you were in a mental asylum" he joked.

"Good-" you smiled, his words lifting the atmosphere a bit. "Truth is, I don't know anything about my parents. But I have my assumptions. I grew up in that soviet facility so I never met them. I was told it was owned by a group of socialite scientists who wanted our help"

"Our? Who's we?"

"There were 7 of us"

"Did they have the same power as you?"

"Approximately. When we were younger, we used to comply and do everything we were told but as we grew up, things started to change. We weren't happy. Who could be? Considering we were being held in cells and studied like lab rats. We started to act differently and some might even say we tried to rebel, but that didn't work obviously, and that's when the restrictions began. For the last 3 years I spent there, there hadn't been a day where the temperature passed 0°C."

Your skin crawled as you recaled the endless nights you spent shivering your way to sleep. Everything around you was ice cold. But it wasn't for the sole purpose of torturing you. It was your only weakness. As the temperature dropped, so did the movement of the atoms that made up your body - eliminating your powers to the point where you were barely alive.

"One day, as spring came, we wanted to break out. We made a plan, and figured that as soon as we were out, we'd be fine. We were wrong. We were off about the weather and they got us before we even exited the perimeter. That's when the avengers heard about us."

By now, Bucky's eyes were wide with genuine curiosity, his mouth agape as he took in the information you provided. With every word you spoke his grip tightened around your fingers and his eyebrows gathered even further. There was discomfort and anger in his features, but he didn't interrupt you once.

"After that, the restrictions got tougher. We realised there was no way out. A lot of things came together in that small time frame. I realised what that place actually was days after we tried to escape. My friends - or that's what I thought they were, figured out another plan. Why fight when you can just eliminate the premise?"

Bucky moved his lips but no words came out. He cleaned his throat and sat up a bit, "What- what do you mean?"

"They tried to kill me" you said, plastering a sympathetic smile on your lips, hoping it would make it easier for him to hear.

"What the fuck. Why?"

"I think my dad used to be part of that team. And I think he made me the way I am. Now I don't know why he wasn't around anymore, but that team wasn't trying to get us to do anything. They were trying to make more of me. So if I was dead-"

"There would be no reason to keep the other kids…" Bucky finished the sentence for you.

You nodded.

"And what happened?"

You bowed your head trying to find a way to put your words together. Bucky didn't rush you, just reassuringly rubbed his thumb across your knuckles, waiting. When a tear from your cheek slipped and landed on the back of his hand, you looked up and took a deep breath. "I killed them. All of them."

He didn't say anything. Didn’t move a muscle, as he waited for you to continue.

"I didn't even want to do that, Buck" you sobbed, breaking down. "I killed over 20 people because I was afraid. I didn't even move. I was in the corner of my room the whole time, but everyone who approached me was fried to death. I don't even know how I did that. I was just scared"

"Oh, baby" Bucky cooed, pushing himself up to wrap his arms around you. You fell against his chest, crumbling in his embrace. "I hope you know that was not your fault, ok?" he asked, rubbing your back. "You were just a kid, alone and afraid. It breaks my fucking heart, those bastards. Please don't feel sorry for them"

"I feel sorry for the other kids"

"They tried to kill you, Y/n" Bucky countered, "If you hadn't killed them, I would've gone after them. All of them"

"They were desperate..."

"So were you!"

"I can't help but feel like a monster sometimes, you know? Like I'm reckless and out of control. There are times when I'm all happy and excited about what tomorrow would bring, and then i remember what I did, and I have a hard time fighting away the thoughts that try to tell me I don't deserve that"

"What you deserve is the fucking world ok?" Bucky said, tilting your chin so you could see just how serious he was. "This past couple of years, you saved hundreds of lives and I know for a fact you did it out of the pure kindness of your heart, not because you wanted to make up for anything in the past. You're a fucking angel. You're the embodiment of good, you hear me? I know you. You'll never understand how much respect I have for you, and how in awe I am with the kind of person you are. Please, don't ever think less of yourself. Ever, ok?"

Tears rolled down your cheeks as his words proved to be much more than you were able to hear at that moment. "Thanks, Buck. That's sweet of you to say-"

"It's not sweet of me to say, it's the fucking truth" he scoffed, but he somehow managed to make it sound loving. "You didn't even fucking try, but just being around you made me feel like a person again. You're amazing, Y/n. We're all lucky to have you. I'm lucky to have you."

"You're gonna make me cry" you sniffled, curling yourself into a ball against his chest, "I know you were in a dark place when we met. I'm glad I managed to help you through it"

"You pulled me through it" he sighed, tightening his hold around you. "I went from wanting to die, to thinking that I didn't even deserve the easy way out. Look at me now."

"Buck, stop"

"I love you so fucking much" Bucky laughed.

His whole frame shook as he pulled you back down, safely holding you between his arms, "You're amazing" he added, kissing the top of your head, "Perfect"

"I said, stop" you chuckled, slapping his side, "I get it, you like me, can we-"

"I adore you" Bucky cut you off after grabbing the sides of your face between his palms. "And thanks for trusting me. I know it wasn't easy for you to talk about your past, so thank you. I'm always here for you. If there's anything ever, I got you, ok? Forever"

"I got you too" you added, kissing his cheek and then moving along his jawline, "No matter what happens, you'll always have me on your side. I'm all yours, Bucky"

"Yeah, you are, doll. All mine"

After that talk, how you managed to fall into a deep sleep will always remain a mystery. Nightmares didn't make their way into your mind, and you settled for a dreamless slumber, actually fully content for the first time in a long while.

But not everybody processed grief the same way. And if Bucky mentioned earlier that he was lucky to have you, as you were pulled out of your sleep, you realised that he wasn't as lucky as you were when it came to the mysteries that creep up on you when you least expect them.

"Wake up sunshine"

The sound reached your ears, but it wasn't Bucky's voice, so you just groaned in response and rolled over to the other side, completely pressing your face into the pillow.

"Buttercup, it's time to wake up"

The voice seemed uneasy, as if the person speaking was actually terrified. You opened your eyes wearily, and were met with the usual, complete darkness of your room.

"Come on, Y/n" they spoke again. You turned to see one of Tony's maintenance robots hovering above your body, one small screen lit up on its front. Blinking a few times to rid yourself of the sleep still lingering in your eyes, you managed to make out the faces of Tony and Steve, both staring at you.

"What's going on?" you mumbled.

"You've got incoming," Tony announced, and then shook his head at whatever someone next to him had said. The microphone wasn't performant enough for you to hear what the other person said, but it was not like you cared.

"Incoming what?" you questioned, still confused out of your mind.

He turned his attention back to you, "The asshole"

You frowned and Steve scoffed, "Y/n, it's Bucky. He's not well"

"Wh-" you mumbled, your head snapping to the side, only then realising his side of the bed was empty. You shuffled your arm around the sheets, still warm. "What- what happened?"

"He's gone rogue, Y/n" Steve announced, genuine worry and guilt audible in his voice, "You need to make sure he doesn't leave. You need to stop him"

Tony's workstation. You needed to get the shackles off your arms if you wanted to stand a chance, "Tony? How do I take these off?" you asked, pointing to your cuffs.

"Already taken care off" he nodded, "Get to my desk, it's unlocked. All you need to do is actually get there. If you can"

"If I can-?" you began asking, but a loud explosion sound cut you off, causing the bed to shake as a wind blew through your room. "What the fuck!?"

"He may have found the grenade launchers" Tony smiled bitterly.

"Y/n," Steve called for you, "Please, be careful. And call us. Me and Nat will take the jet but I don't know-"

"Don't worry" you shook your head, jumping off the bed and rushing to your closet. You chose the first clothes you saw laying before your eyes and put them on, ready to go look for Bucky. "I got this, I promise"

"Oh, and Y/n?" Tony said, making you turn to him at the last minute, "Try not to fry my tower"

You nodded and refrained from making any promises you didn't know you could keep.

As soon as you walked out the door, the sound of automatic rifles going off became deafening. Stepping over piles of broken glass, you made your way to the emergency staircase, heading to Tony's lab. You did so with maximal caution, knowing that if you were spotted, there would be no going back.

Descending the last remaining flight of stairs until his work station, a rush of adrenaline surged through you, knowing just how close you were. Silently rounding the corner, your eyes landed on Bucky's frame, easily holding one of the remaining SHIELD agents up by the neck.

He turned to look at you, eyes cold and empty. Not even rage. There was nothing there. No expression, no empathy, no feeling. It was as if he was dead. This wasn't him.

"Buck-" you panted, raising your hands up in the air, signaling surrender. You eyed Tony's desk, determined to stall him until you managed to free yourself of the cuffs.

You took a cautious step to the side, hands still up in the air. Bucky watched you as the man struggled against his hold, legs spasming uncontrollably as he kicked and squirmed, even though it was so clearly in vain.

"Don’t mind me-" you smiled, sweat flooding your pores as you slowly approached your destination. "I'll just-"

"You'll just what-?" Bucky groaned, flinging his victim with impeccable ease. The agent's body flew across the room, crushing into the only device that had the power to help you get through this. As the work station crumpled under his weight, so did your hopes of getting out of this.

"Bucky, hey-" you mumbled, afraid of pissing him off, "I-"

"Who the hell is Bucky?" he frowned, starting to march towards you. Your blood ran cold, knowing you didn't have what it took to keep up with him. You were never able to dodge anyone's blows, let alone his. When he reached you, his hand instantly reached around your neck, lifting you off the floor, "SHIELD?" he asked after taking a look at your attire. Although not carrying the emblem, it was probably the only explanation that made sense to him.

"Well, um-" you huffed, holding onto his wrist in hopes of not running out air, "No, not SHIELD"

"Then who are you?" he growled, tightening his hold on your windpipe.

"Fuck-" you gasped, kicking your legs, even through he didn't even flinch when you hit him. "You're not gonna believe this but, um-"

"Try me"

You looked into his eyes, hoping it would serve as some kind of a memento, that maybe he'd remember you. "You know me, Buck. It's Y/n, I'm- your girlfriend?"

Even saying it made you feel weird. This killing machine, apparently hell bent on wrecking havoc, was not the man you loved, and you cringed just imagining his reaction to hearing your words.

And it did turn out to be worse than expected, as he spun around, doing a complete 180° with your body before slamming you down on the floor. The wood cracked under your bones, knocking the wind out of you. The pain of the impact was excruciating, propagating along your body in waves of some physical agony you had never felt before. The sound of your bones cracking made you sick to your stomach. Your ears caught the sound of your arteries being torn as your organs collapsed.

And if you felt every inch of your body being shattered and destroyed, it was God's way of making you pay for your parent's mistakes, as when your wounds healed mere seconds later, the pain did not go away. Your nerve receptors still registered damage to the tissues, and no matter whether you were actually as good as new, your brain couldn't process that.

What consumed you the most was the fact that as you struggled to stand up, the pain of broken limbs lingered on. But you fought through it, gathered yourself and stood up, facing him again.

You winced with every muscle contraction, but eventually your eyes met his. He showed curiosity, along with something else. Something else which you wished wasn't determination to finish you.

"Can we-" you whimpered, extending a hand, "Can we talk?"

"Talk!?" Bucky raged, grabbing your wrist and twisting your arm to the point where he spun you around, your back pressing against his chest. "Not here to talk" he growled into your ear.

The hairs on your body stood as you heard his voice. Even though it was technically the same voice you loved more than anything in the world, it made you now shiver with a fear you've never experienced before.

You didn't get a chance to sink too deep in your thoughts before Bucky raised your arm, dislocating your shoulder and busting your humerus into pieces. The pain cut your legs at the knees and you screamed in agony, falling to the floor at his feet.

"Stand up" he commanded, slamming his foot into your side. The momentum made your body roll away, until you settled back on the ground, face deep in the rubble. Your muscles pulled you to your feet with ease, but the pain coursing through you was immense, nowhere near close to what you thought bearable. You felt the skin being ripped from your body and when you looked down, your clothes were torn, soaked in blood, but your skin was intact. It was what you needed to keep going - to get inside your head the fact that you were fine, because at this point, the pain was one bruise away from making you faint.

"Bucky, please-" you cried.

"Stop calling me Bucky!" he yelled, starting to approach you again.

With every step he took, you slowly backed away. "Please, listen to me, just a second, please!"

He shook his head no, a demented smile on his lips as he closed in on you.

"Bucky-"

As a reply to your question, his fist flew up, slamming into your jaw, hard enough to throw you to the ground, "Why do you keep calling me-"

"What else do you want me to call you, huh?" you yelled at him, vision blurred under too many layers of tears. "Tell me, and I'll do it if it'll get you to listen to me."

"I don't want you to call me anything-" he cocked his head to the side, unstrapping a handgun from his thigh. He loaded it as you barely managed to crawl away, "You can take the pain. I respect that. Let's see how well you do with these lead bullets"

You saw them in slow motion, barely managing to duck your head behind the remains of what once was a heavy wooden bookshelf. The bullets missed your chest and face, but you saw them, felt them penetrate your skin, ripping through your muscles.

The sound of your tissues being pulled to shreds made you feel sick to your stomach. As the bullets left your body, your wounds closed back up, leaving you a crying mess on the floor. Your throat constricted due to the wave of shock that hit your body, and your lungs started hyperventilating. Lightheaded and gasping for air, you struggled to crawl away from him, tears marching down your face and ending up on the floor, nothing but diluting the droplets of blood that had fallen from your body mere minutes before. Your heart was in overdrive and your vision blurred as every fiber of your being threatened to let you down. "Please-" you screamed, your voice breaking as you raised your hand for him, "Let's talk, please. That's all I want. Give me a minute"

But he didn't. He didn't even consider it. Instead, the force that controlled the body of the only man that ever managed to make you feel safe, tortured, destroyed and consumed your body for what felt like the better part of an eternity.

You had been thrown through walls, shattered windows, had glass shards lodged into your body from all angles. He unloaded cannon after cannon on you, used up all the ammo he had on him, only growing more and more annoyed when you refused to give up.

There was no way to know how much time had passed. Now you were standing by the window, inches away from the spot where two nights ago, you and Bucky clicked your glasses, smiling at how far you both had come. He laughed, saying he wouldn't have made it without you. And then he kissed you, confessing that the thought that maybe you couldn't have made it without him either, was what kept him going.

And then there you were. 48 hours later, again, just the two of you. But now there weren't any champagne glasses between you, just his metal arm, wrapped around your neck, this time, as he said, for the last time.

"I don't get it-" he scowled, teeth gritted and frustration in his voice, "Why don't you fight me?"

"I can't fight you" you whimpered as your tears poured down against his cold hand, "And even if I could, I wouldn't."

"WHY?" Bucky screamed, and for a second, you thought you saw a crack there, a glister of emotion hidden deep in his otherwise beautiful eyes.

"Because I love you" you cried.

But there was none. He rolled his eyes and pushed you back, your body slamming into the window. You should've thought faster, been more witty and considerate, but terror washed over you and in the heat of the moment, you grabbed onto him for dear life, pulling him down with you, plummeting to the ground from what looked like the 70th floor of the Stark Tower.

If until now you had been afraid of what you'd have to endure, it was now that you met true terror. You'd survive the fall, but he wouldn't.

Even in the air, approaching the ground at a dangerous speed, he kept fighting you. Even in this state, you admired his determination - he had a job and wanted to get it done - even if that job was killing you. A man of his word.

By now, the pain was unnoticeable. If you wanted to keep him alive you had to act fast. Clinging to his body despite his vicious protests and ruthless blows, you used your momentum to turn the two of you around. And you did so at the last second, as before you knew it, your bodies crashed into the boulevard below, sinking down into the asphalt as it crumpled under your weight.

The impact cut your breath away and there was a gnawing feeling all over your body, as if you had blades under your skin, pulling your body apart fiber by fiber. But you snapped out of it.

"Bucky!" you yelled, slapping his cheek.

He had fallen completely on top of you, his head pressed against your chest. He didn't move and the continuous buzz in your ears made it physically impossible for you to tell whether he was breathing for not.

"Bucky, please-" you cried, trying to move him so you could see his face.

Nothing.

"No, no, no!!" you screamed, "You can't die, baby, please! Not like this, love. Please come back to me, Buck, I'm begging you!!"

You remained there and wailed, with him glued to your chest. Your arms had wrapped around his motionless frame, keeping him as close as you could. Nothing could have gotten you to stop. Tens of people gathered around the crater your fall created around your bodies, police showed up, cameras were pointed at your faces, but you didn't care. If he died, so would you.

"You're all I have, baby-" you muttered, voice hoarse and dry from all the wailing and crying, "Please, you can't leave me. This can't be the end of us. Please, I don't know what to do, Bucky, please!"

You were soaked. In blood, and you didn't even know whether it was his or yours. God, how you hoped it all belonged to you, how the pool of blood you laid in was all yours. Tears soaked your face, pouring down your temples as your whole frame shook with your sobs, that was the true agony. You'd rather spend the rest of your days fighting for your life if it meant he got to see the sun again. You wished he'd hate you, rather than not feel anything at all ever again.

"Please-" you said again but this time your voice didn't even reach your own ears, you didn't hold that power anymore, "Please, you need to come back! You deserve so much better than this. You're the best man I have even known, you can't die like this, not today, Bucky. Not today!"

By now, the people around you had scattered. They knew your identities and for all the wrong reasons, feared you both. You were grateful for that now, you were alone with him again, as the sun began to set and a chilly New York night began to settle.

Still, you didn't move. You still had faith. Or you were just stubborn. There was no way you'd pull away until someone either pried him off of you against your will, or someone that you trusted showed up promising they'd help.

None of them came, and you remained there, cradling his frame to your chest begging whatever God was listening, to bring him back. You didn't know if one of them heard you, or if it was just blind luck or fate, but you only realised his metal arm was lodged under your body when he moved it.

"Buck!" you cried, cupping his cheeks in your bloodied palms as literal life cursed through your veins. "Oh god, you're ok, you're alive!! You came back to me!"

You managed to hug him close one more time, before he pushed himself off of you. In the process of standing up, his eyes met yours for the briefest second. Again, nothing.

He gathered himself to his feet, wordlessly bending down to grab your hair. He forced you up and you instantly obliged, following him back into the building.

Once inside, he knocked you through a glass door, your body once again absorbing his fury. The pain had dissipated into a dull ache, and this time, you stood up faster. "I can do this all day" you sighed, the lie slipping past your lips with such ease, as if the energy inside your core wasn't running dangerously low.

"What did you just say?" he questioned.

He seemed taken aback, "I said that I can do this all day"

"Who are you?" Bucky yelled, marching towards you, determined to get answers out of you through nothing else but brute force. He slammed you back onto the floor, only to straddle your thighs and pick you up by the collar of your shit. "Why won't you just fucking die!?"

Circling your fingers around his wrists, you searched for his eyes, "Wanna know what keeps me alive?"

"Are you stupid enough to tell me?"

"I might be" you shook your head, "but I'll still tell you"

"Why?"

"Because I know you won't kill me" you cried, "I know you know me. I know you're in there somewhere. The man I love. I know you don't have it in you to kill me"

"Try me" he laughed, drunk with the power you were so willing to give him.

"These-" you panted, raising your arms in the air to show him your cuffs, "These are what's been keeping me alive but I know you won't-"

But you never finished the sentence. He didn't even think twice before ripping them off your arms and throwing them onto the floor, along with all the other mess you two had made.

You never thought he'd actually spare you. So it wasn't a surprise when the first thing he did after freeing you, was reach for his knife with the sole purpose of driving it through your chest.

But you were faster. You framed his face into your palms, releasing the energy from your body and allowing it to flow through his. It felt weird, wrong and chaotic, and the power surge wiggled itself out of your control, until a blast between your bodies sent you both flying back across the room, falling down onto the floor.

And this time none of you stood up.

"I leave them alone for what, a day?" Tony sighed, walking out of his Iron Man suit.

"Holy shit!" Steve cried out, his knees betraying him as he tried to rush to you.

"No, wait!" Nat stopped him, "You can't wake them up until we get them somewhere safe. We need to make new cuffs for Y/n, and find a way to keep Bucky contained in case, you know… he's still not Bucky"

Steve was fuming with anger, nostrils flaring, "These are my friends you're talking about!" he exclaimed, pointing to your bodies on the floor, "Your friends too, Nat. You see them like this and the first thing you think about is restraining them!?"

"We need to make sure we're all safe" she sighed with sympathy, grabbing his hand for a comforting rub.

"You make sure you're safe-" Steve scoffed, "I'll make sure they're alive"

"Hey-" Nat stopped him, "If you touch her and startle her in any way, you die!"

Her words hurt him but he knew you never would. Steve felt his heart shutter just imaging what you must have gone through. He was ablaze with pure determination to prove Nat wrong, and to do right by you and Buck. "I carried her in my arms while she was passed out when we rescued her from that facility-" he fummed, pointing at you, "She never knew a man that didn't try to hurt her before. And when she woke up, she was afraid. Scared for her life. She cried in my arms and begged me to not let them take her again! She was never anywhere close to hurting me! She's good. So good. There's only good inside of her, I trust her to not hurt me more than I trust myself, ok? If I'm wrong, so be it. I die. I don't care. She deserves someone to look after her. If I had to chose, saving her would be the way I'd want to go"

His rant left Nat speechless. She just gave him a simple nod and stepped back.

Carefully, he picked you up and carried you upstairs, as Tony put his suit back on and carried Bucky.

Never in your life had you woken up this fast. Your eyes snapped open and you sprung to your feet. 3 pairs of anxious eyes watched you, all of them ready to jump into action in case the situation called for an intervention.

"What-" you gawked, scanning the room, "Where is Bucky? Is he- is-"

"He's fine, Y/n" Steve assured you. He stood up and slowly approached you, arms outstretched. Your first instinct was to go for it, but when you reached him, you placed both your hands in his, and looked up at him with teary eyes.

"Are you sure?" you whimpered, "Can I see him?"

Sympathy took over his features, but Tony jumped in, "Absolutely not"

"What-" you turned to him, "Why? Did I-?"

"You didn't do anything wrong" Steve hummed, engulfing you in a hug even though you remained stiff in your spot. He rubbed your back, eager to soothe your worried mind, but you were too out of it.

“Can I just go?” you whispered, pulling back just enough so that he could see how serious you were, “I need to see him, please”

“Are you mad at him?” Nat asked with caution and your face fell.

“No!” you gasped, stepping away from Steve’s embrace, “No, not even one bit. I know that was not him, I know it’s not his fault. But when Bucky wakes up-”

“If he wakes up-” Tony sneered, roaming around the room. He nursed a glass of whiskey, as a mixture of disgust and exhaustion was readable on his features.

“When he wakes up!” you spoke through gritted teeth. Determination coated your words and the hairs on your body stood as you refused to even think of the alternative. “He will wake up. And I have to be there”

“What if the Winter Soldier wakes up?” Nat asked.

“That didn’t stop me last time”

“Oh, no!” Tony butted in, stepping in between you and Nat, arms outstretched, “You know I’m not one to cry after money, but you and your pal left me with $37 million worth of damage. You two are one broken cup away from getting thrown into the streets”

The sum he mentioned made the skin on your back crawl. You didn’t even have $37 dollars to your name, but it made sense. Your body alone crashed through three TV’s, one gamma ray projector and if you thought about it, you remembered Bucky pulling apart one of the Iron Legion robots, and only the thought made you flinch.

“So-” Tony said, “You two? Never in the same room again!”

“Take these off then” you suggested, pointing at the cuff on your wrists.

“Ha” Tony exclaimed, “A big chunk of that money comes from you frying all my electronics up until the 12th floor. Absolutely not”

“Tony, I’m serious” you whined, “He will hate himself. I need to be there! I need to make sure he doesn’t take all the blame on his shoulders”

He frowned, and sighed. He wasn’t an unreasonable man, and you hoped that core deep inside his chest really made up for a heart. And… it did. None of them were happy about it, but they finally accepted. Nat and Tony would have never probably given up if it wasn’t for Steve - right now, like so many times before, he really did seem like your guardian angel.

They ended up monitoring the room, and Tony waited for your signal, one hand on his cigarette, the other on the Iron Man suit. He was all talk - if anything was to go down and you would actually be in danger again, he wouldn’t even think twice before tearing his towers into pieces if it meant he could get you out alive.

And so you left, thanked them in the form of a simple nod, and headed down the dark hallways.

Oh, how you hated this.

What consumed you now had nothing to do with the pain you had endured in the past 24 hours. Its source was not physical, yet your whole body ached. You felt the weight of the world on your shoulders - and in some way, it was - Bucky was your whole world, and the fear of losing him breathed down your neck.

It had been about 20 minutes since you stopped in front of the door that led to the room he'd been confined in. When FRIDAY announced that Bucky woke up, you rushed over, only for a hazardous sense of anguish to stop you dead in your tracks. Judging by the way he sat in the corner of the room, his fingers aimlessly tracing every indentation in the handcuffs Tony had restrained him with, you had no problem telling which one of him woke up. He broke your heart. His room was equipped with 5 different cameras and 2 microphones. Completely unaware of them, he sat inches away from one, and your heart shattered, sinking 3 stories below when you heard him whimper.

It was soft and quiet. His whole frame shook as he wiped his nose with the back of his sleeve. He was hunched down, brown hair covering his perfect face, but still, his sadness brought you to tears.

You heard him again. He sniffled as he laid back against the wall. His eyes were bloodshot, lips almost white and dry as his chest raced up and down. His muscles clenched and his feet bounced against the metal floor, it was a sight you never wished you see ever again.

Softly, you raised a hand, and thought twice before finally knocking.

"Go away," Bucky called, voice all hoarse and dry as it broke halfway through.

You were able to see him on the small screen next to the door, but he had no idea who came to visit.

Out of instinct, you knocked again before typing in the password and ever so slowly walking inside.

Instantly, he looked up. He was surrounded by an air of darkness and despair, ever so obviously tormented to the peak of his capability.

He stared at you for a few seconds as his eyes watered, and then he gathered his lips into a straight line, shaking his head. "Please, go"

"Bucky, I-"

"Please" he cried, head falling forward as he toyed with the metal edges of his prosthetic arm. He shook his head, "Please, don't do this. Just, go"

You took a deep breath, only then entering the room far enough to actually be able to close the door behind you. Slowly turning back to him, your palms sweated as you had no idea what to say to him.

"Can you talk to me, Buck? Please?"

He chuckled, "About what?"

"About whatever it is you think you did wrong, I-"

As he heard your words, his hands instantly flew up to cover his face. He was, however, stopped, as the cuffs on his left wrist kept him from moving too much. While a new row of tears flooded his cheeks, his eyes met yours, "Look at me.. I need to be restrained while you're alone with me"

"Those cuffs would literally do nothing to stop you from escaping, and you know it"

"Maybe it's just a sense of reassurance"

"To who?" you scoffed.

"To them" Bucky responded, nodding his head towards one of the cameras. "I'm a monster" he added, wiggling his cuff restrained hand, "I'm a danger to everyone"

"Oh for fucks sake" you rolled your eyes, marching up to him. With absolutely no remorse, you grabbed his hand and harshly pulled apart the metal that had him restrained to the bed. Before he got a chance to say anything, you bent down, unclipped the microphone from the foot of the bed, threw it on the floor, and stepped on it, until it was nothing but a small pile of shattered plastic.

And you kept going, destroying the second microphone along with the 5 cameras on the walls as Bucky watched you with surprise. You finished by going for the door and locking it from the inside. "You think I'm afraid of you?" you asked softly, "For 6 hours you did your best to kill me and failed miserably. Look at me, I'm unscathed"

"Did you hear yourself?" he cringed, shaking his head, "I tried to kill you"

"Ok, I know I said that you did your best-" you said, mentally scolding yourself for the error in communication. "We both know that wasn't you. That wasn't you, Buck. It was Hydra. It was the winter soldier, not you. My Bucky would never-"

"Y/n-" he stopped you, "I know you don't see things the way I do-"

"But I see them the right way"

"Listen-" Bucky sighed, driving his hands through his hair. For the first time that night you actually saw his full face, his cheek and signature scowl, his blue eyes and the tilt of the corner of his mouth - your soul melted when you associated the picture with the words that came out of his mouth. "I can't blame you for being here. I can't. If the roles were reversed, I'd be doing the exact same thing. But, holy fuck-" he sighed, pausing to gather his thoughts. Bucky looked you up and down. His lips quivered and his head fell to the side as a sad smile appeared on his lips. "Remember this morning? How we talked about our hypothetical child?" he laughed and shook his head, "Even if I know we could never have a kid because we're both sterile, it was still the most beautiful thought that ever crossed my mind, Y/n''

"Mine too, Buck-"

"And what did I do?" he dismissed your empathy, "Two hours later I was unloading an AK-47 into your stomach, like the brainwashed maniac that I am!"

"Don’t say that!" you exclaimed, "Don't you dare think about things like this!"

"Why wouldn't I?" he threw his hands up in the air, "What does it matter whose fault it is? I get to live with the consequences."

"But-" you breathed out, "We can work through this. You did it before. You can't let something that hydra did dictate your life, Bucky. You deserve so much better. You deserve to be happy!"

"I tried to kill you!" he screamed, for the first time losing his calm and standing up to be at the same level as you.

"That was not you!"

"So what?" he huffed, "I was there, Y/n! I will never, NEVER get the feeling of crushing your bones out of my head! I felt your neck snap! I choked you with my arms! That is not something I can live with! I can't live a life by your side if every time I look at you I'm reminded of those horrible things I did to you!"

"Buck-" you cried, looking at him from behind too many layers of unshed tears, "Please, don't say that"

"I'm sorry" he responded in the same fashion, his pain coating every word he said. "When I close my eyes I see you laying in a puddle of blood. I can't stop hearing your screams of agony. Agony that no matter how you put it, was caused by my hands. That's not something we can live with, Y/n. You were not made for this. You really do fucking deserve someone that won't wake up one day and try to murder you in cold blood"

"And what do you deserve, Buck?" you quietly asked, searching for his eyes, "To live your life alone? Forever? If you had been with anyone else, this would have turned out so much worse. That cute barista three blocks down that always scribbles a heart on your coffee cup? She's cute, yeah. You deserve to be loved by someone, but if that someone was her, you wouldn't be drowning in guilt right now, Bucky, you'd be mourning her. Yes, you got troubles. Yes, you've got a past more fucked up than anyone else I have ever heard about. That's the kind of shit you can't change. But whatever you do from now on, is in your fucking hands and yours alone. Don't try to tell me you're not worthy of having someone, because that's the fattest load of crap I've ever heard. You're a good man! With a fucked up past! And a dark side that you need to fight! And you have me! I don't care you dropped Tony's piano on my legs, apparently I can take it! I'm here for you no matter what! You don't want to be with me anymore? Fine. But don't you dare push me away, thinking that a ruined future makes up for a ruined past"

"Who's to say I won't try it again?" he asked, "I don't know what triggered the transition. But what if once a week I end up trying to kill you-"

"Apparently you can't!" you laughed bitterly.

"Ok, so I can't" he nodded in approval, "Is that what you want? I should be your rock, your best friend, I should always be there for you. Do you want to have your whole world turned upside down whenever my brain decides to go berserk?"

"See, Buck" you sighed, "Of course I don't want that. I can't fucking stand here and tell you that I do. What kind of credibility would I have then? But you know what I want? You. You and whatever nazi shit that comes along. I want you. To help you. To have you with me. To see you everyday. If every Saturday at 10am you decide you want to kill me, you best believe I'm sacrificing my morning coffee just so we can kung fu around the living room"

He looked at you for a long second, the corners of his lips fighting a hard battle against the hint of a smile that started to show on his features. Eventually he caved and chuckled, shaking his head, "That was a bit funny"

"And fucking true," you cried, going for his hands and bringing them up to your chest. He winced, but you spoke up again, determined to not let his mind torture him.

"I love you, Bucky"

"How do you not hate me?" he choked, shaking his head in disbelief. "Can you seriously look at me and not get even the slightest instinct to run away?"

"Bucky..." you breathed out, cupping his cheek. "How could I run away when I've never seen you in more pain than right now?"

"You're an angel, you know that?"

"I've been called a lot of things" you giggled, "Angel isn't one of them, but if that's what you want, I'll take it"

"Come here" he whispered, wrapping his arms around your frame. He had you nuzzle against his chest, his hold keeping you tight and secure. His heart beat against your cheek and your eyes watered again. There wasn't one thing in the world you wouldn't do for that heart - to make sure it keeps beating, and that it keeps the man you love alive. And content, above all. All you wanted right now was for him to accept the things that happened. You wanted to take whatever weight he was carrying on his shoulders, and put it upon yourself. "I love you so much, Bucky" you cried against his chest as your hold tightened around him, "I hate to see you torn like this. I don't want anything to ever happen to you. It terrifies me. I love you with all that I am. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you. You deserve the world, baby"

"So do you" he whispered, kissing the top of your head.

You felt his chest shake, a deep rumble echoed from the depths of his lungs. You looked up to see him fight back a sob, his eyes wide open, glossy and red, trained down on you, "I love you too much to do this, Y/n. I'm sorry, I don't think I can"

"No!" you gasped, pressing your face back against his shoulder, "Don't do that. You can't do that. No"

"We won't work, Y/n" Bucky said as he brought you even closer, "I can't look at you anymore. I can't look at you without dying inside. You don't want to live with me like that"

"Yes, I do!" you sobbed. "I'll work with anything you give me, I swear there is nothing more I want. Just you. Just you and me. Bucky, please don't do this"

He held you close for what felt like half a second, but rationally speaking, your legs were getting numb. You just stood there, clinging to his body, taking in his scent and listening to his breathing even out until he pushed you away. Oh, how you didn't want to let go. Ever. But you did, and choked back a sob as soon as you felt the cold air of the room brush against the part of your body that had been pressed to his.

"We should get some sleep, Y/n"

"Are you coming with me?" you whimpered, afraid of the answer he might give you.

Bucky shook his head, "I think I'll just sleep here tonight"

That broke you. The shock and terror cut your breath away. It felt impossible - the feeling of losing him. The amount of pain that surged through you. At that particular moment, you felt like cracking your chest open to grip your heart into your hand and pick apart the broken parts. But not even that felt good enough, you were fairly sure you'd be left with nothing. It felt like a slap across your cheek, like a cloth had been placed over your mouth and your legs cut at the knees. It felt like the end.

Optimistic by nature, not even you could deny the reason he wanted to sleep alone. It was clear as day.

"If-" you mumbled, tears coating your face at their own free will, voice shaking as you barely managed to articulate the words over the violent sobs that ripped their way out of your throat. "If I promise to not do anything to try and convince you to stay… can you promise me that in case you decide to leave, you'll come and tell me first?"

"Oh, doll" Bucky broke down all over again, throwing himself at you again. He collapsed on top of you, molding his body around yours. "I promise, angel"

You just nodded. That was all you could do. It took another few moments for you to gather yourself and stop wailing, but you did, and then, with nothing else other than a sad smile, you left.

Your feet carried you to your room, and you were ready to collapse on top of your bed. Eager to cuddle into his pillows. They smelled like that shower gel you got him and you hated it. You wanted his scent. Not even caring how ridiculous it sounded, you padded over to the chair in the corner of your bedroom, the one Bucky uses to discard all his worn clothes.

You wanted to find a shirt he wore, one that smelled exactly like you knew him, but before you reached the clothes pile, your attention was drawn to the window.

Steve was standing there, facing the busy streets outside, hands in his pocket and his head turned in your direction.

"I didn't see you, sorry" you gasped, as your eyes accommodated to the darkness.

"It's fine" he shook his head, "I just figured you'd turn on the lights, you know, like the normal people. Didn't think I'd scare you"

"Yeah, sorry" you sighed, plopping down on the edge of the bed. "I did even think about turning the lights on"

He didn't say anything, but you saw him nod. He knew your pain. He lost enough in his life, and seeing his best friend sink back into his darkness was surely not easy for him either.

"Is he ok?" Steve eventually asked.

You shook your head, "He's too good of a man to be ok"

"That is Bucky" he laughed, and you couldn't help but do the same. The irony.

Steve's curiosity was palpable in the room. Words could not describe the appreciation you had for him for respecting your boundaries and not pushing you in a moment like this. But he deserved to know.

You opened your mouth to explain to him what happened, but as your mind processed everything all over again, you broke down. "I think he's gonna leave-" you cried.

Steve was quick to gather you in his arms, engulfing you in a bear hug, helping you stand on your own two feet. "What do you mean?" he asked, concern tracing his tone.

"I understand him, I do. And I promised I won't try to get him to stay if he doesn't want to. But- but I should've done more, Steve. I should've shown him somehow how much I love him. But I'm afraid he'll leave, and I don't want to live-"

"Hey, hey, hey" Steve hurried to stop you, petting your head softly before urging you to look up at him. "Bucky loves you more than I ever thought possible, ok? There's no question about it. I'm sorry I'm doing this, but I think he'll postpone it anyway"

"What?"

"The man wants to marry you, ok?" Steve smiled, "He asked Tony if he had any work for him so he could raise money. Can you imagine how that went down? He was red like a tomato, but he didn't think twice. James Barnes used the computer to look for rings for you. The Bucky I know? Never would've done this. You brought to life a part of him that no one else has seen before. He loves you. With all that he is. And trust me when I tell you, he won't stand to be away from you. You're his whole world, Y/n. He's my best friend, trust me when I tell you this is something you'll work through. I'll help, we'll all help. You're not gonna lose him, Y/n. He's so beat up about all of this because he loves you this much. He's all yours. If he decides to leave, I need you to be strong because he will be back. I got him back 70 years later. You just need to trust him. Trust his heart, ok?"

"Oh my god" you cried, "I don't know what to say"

"Don’t say anything" he chuckled, "We've been through so much together. All of us. Even if we try, nothing pulls us apart, ok? How many times has Loki died, hm?"

"God, Steve!" you scoffed somewhat amused and pulled back just to hit him, "Did you seriously compare Bucky to Loki!?"

"It got you to smile, didn't it?" he laughed. "But I'm serious. You've both been through so much worse than this. You'll get through this one too. And in case you ever feel like you won't, I'm here, ok?"

"Ok…"

Funny as it all was, it worked. He calmed you down - to some extent. Gave you hope you didn't know existed. If it wasn't for Steve, you probably would have not been able to fall asleep. And even though dreams didn't visit you, and you never relaxed enough to actually get some rest, you just dozed off. All clothed and curled diagonally on the bed, you cuddled Bucky's pillow to your chest as your eyes slowly fell closed.

When you opened them again, it was still dark out. You had no idea what pulled you awake as you struggled to sit up on the bed, but then you heard Bucky's voice again, from the doorway.

"Y/n?"

“Buck?” you gasped, turning around. Only his silhouette was visible, head hung low and hands deep in his pockets. He was leaning against the doorway, silently awaiting your response.

Right then and there, you felt your world collapse. Steve’s monologue made you actually fucking believe things would be fine, but here he was, keeping his promise. In the buttcrack of night, he kept his word, bidding you a much feared farewell.

“Is-” you sobbed, jumping out of bed and rushing towards him. You almost knocked him off of his feet when you flung yourself at him, but he was quick to reciprocate, caging you between his arms. “Is this it? You’re leaving?”

He didn’t say anything which frankly made everything worse. You broke down even further, clinging to his shirt as if it was the only source of oxygen keeping you alive - it sure felt like it.

“Look at me” Bucky urged you, tilting your chin up, “Please?”

You slowly lifted your head, your eyes meeting his.

“I’m sorry, I will make it up to you” he whispered, a frown settling above his tired eyes, “You’ll see”

“What does that even mean?" you questioned, tired and sick of this ongoing conflict that should not even have been an issue to begin with. "You don't have to make up for anything"

"I know you see things like that" he cooed, rubbing his thumb along your cheekbone. He spoke softly, his breath fanning against your skin, somehow, even in this situation, managing to calm you down. "But you can understand me too, right?"

"I don't want to" you shrugged, "I don't care. Why does it matter if I understand you or not if you're gonna leave anyway?"

"I'm not leaving, doll"

"What!?" you beamed, pulling away from his hold and grabbing his face in your palms, "You're not- but you're-"

His whole frame softened, "I'm not here to say goodbye, Y/n. I'm not going anywhere"

"Oh god" you gasped.

"Come on, come here" Bucky chuckled softly, bringing you back into his hold, "I'm staying here. I'm sorry for everything I put you through. You're the most badass woman I know and I managed to break you"

"I love you, Buck"

"I love you more, Y/n" he sighed, "I'll make everything right, I promise"

"Oh, fuck" you breathed out relieved, "Just do whatever you want, I don't care. You're here. That's all that matters."

"And we also need to teach you to fight-" he added, "For real. And find a way for you to take those goddamn shackles off in case this happens again"

"Tony won't be too happy about it" you laughed.

"Fuck if I care-" Bucky said strenly, pointing at you, "Next time, you need to be able to stop me. And fast"

"Maybe it won't happen again"

"Maybe not" Bucky nodded, "But if it does, we need to be ready"

"Thank you" you said, "I know I didn't play this right. I know I literally dismissed everything that you must have gone through today. I'm sorry"

"You don't get to be sorry" Bucky stopped you, "Not after-"

"Then you don't get to, either!"

"Meh" he shrugged, "We'll see"

"Bucky!"

"I love you" he laughed, bending down to pick you up. He planted his hands on the back of your thighs, picking you up with ease and walking you over to the bed. You plopped back against the fluffy mattress with a huff, and giggled as he crawled his way on top of you. Instantly, his lips met yours. It was exhilarating, the kind that made your chest ache. You moaned against his lips as love transpired through his touch. It was overwhelming and the first happy tears of the day streamed down your temples as you arched yourself against him.

"I'm so weak for you, fuck" Bucky groaned, his right arm reaching around your back and pressing you against his chest. "You're everything" he added as he kissed his way along your neck, "I'm all yours forever, Y/n. I love you too much"

"I'm here, baby" you moaned, hiding your face into his shoulder, "You're mine, Bucky. All mine."

His lips didn't leave your body as he pushed himself up just enough to be able to reach the buckle of his jeans. The sound made your core ache, and your mouth watered.

There was no patience in his movements. He barely pulled his jeans down to his knees before ridding you of your pajama pants. He lodged himself between your thighs, his mouth instantly back on yours again.

"Come on" you panted, steading your arms against his strong back. Your legs found their way around his frame, ready to pull him closer.

When Bucky guided his hands between your bodies to align the tip of his cock with your opening, you whimpered in anticipation. Agonisingly slow, he trailed his tip along your folds before reaching your clit. With a blissful moan, he reached further up, tapping his cock against your bare cunt a couple of times before returning his attention back to you.

"I got you, baby" he hummed, pecking your lips. "You ready? Is this ok?"

With eagerness, you nodded and wiggled under his weight, your pussy aching for him. "Yes, yes"

When you felt his cock push past your folds, you moaned out loud, your voice cracking with the pure pleasure that took over your being.

He eased himself in, going all the way until he all but knocked the breath out of you, and he stopped. Bucky reached down to kiss you again, his cock motionless, balls deep inside of you.

He bit down on your lip and you giggled.

"Felt your pussy clench around me, doll" he laughed, "You're good to me"

"You may be all mine, Buck, but I'm all yours too"

"Holy shit" he panted, shaking his head in disbelief. It was as if you weren't real. He'd have pinched himself, but if this was a dream, he really did not want to wake up. So he kept going.

Nibbling at the skin of your neck, he started to pull himself out of you. The slow pace was driving you insane. Your need grew so strong you felt everything. His breath, the way his hair tickled your chin, his strong around around your shoulders, his massive thighs rubbing against yours, every small vein along his cock that drove you closer and closer to the sweetest bliss you had ever known.

He got you all worked up at an agonisingly slow pace, before his thrusts became more and more aggravated. You moaned with each thrust despite your struggles to keep quiet.

"You know how much I love hearing you, doll" Bucky shook his head as he drove himself back inside of you all the way, "Moan for me"

"Fuck, ok" you gasped, and closed your eyes as you started to fall apart. You gripped the bed sheets into your hands and pulled as he kept fucking you, deep and hard.

"You're so good, baby" he groaned, "So, so good for me"

He sunk his teeth into your shoulder, fervently sucking deep, maroon marks all ice your skin. Gutural grounds betrayed his air of self control as a plethora of curse words escaped his lips. "Taking me so fucking well. I can't keep going like this, you're too fucking tight-"

"Cum, baby" you encouraged, voice low and tender as you spoke against his ear, "Cum for me"

"Don’t have to tell me twice" he chuckled.

His thrusts started to become sloppy and irregular, as his eyes flew closed. You missed the blue of his eyes, but his mouth was slightly agape as he panted his way to an orgasm.

His chest heaved against yours, "How do you feel so fucking good?" Bucky cursed, eyes still closed as he barely managed to mumble his words between the numerous grunts of pleasure that forced their way out of his throat.

You gave him no answer, instead just clung to him tighter, "Fuck, Bucky, I'm close-"

"Come on" he encouraged, hurrying to rub your clit. His fingers found your bud in an instant, working experienced, familiar circles that almost drove you over the edge. "Cum with me, ok?"

You nodded, gathering your lips between your teeth. He kept fucking you, harder and faster until he had turn limp under his weight. You came as his name rolled off your lips, and he followed seconds after, pumping his juices deep inside your pussy.

You felt his absolute pleasure as he breathed heavily against your shoulder. He kept going until you were both spent, and then fell down beside you.

"Bucky-" you whined, turning over and curling into his side, the lack of contact making you more needy than ever.

"Yes, darling?" he panted, tapping your chin.

"Nothing. I just love you"

"Love you too, doll" he huffed, spinning you around so you laid on your back.

He effortlessly helped you out of your shirt and plopped down on top of you, his head resting on your bare chest. His warm, right hand cupped your breast as he closed his eyes. He wrapped himself around you, "Hold me" he muttered, "please"

"Always, Bucky" you said, engulfing him in the tightest hold you could muster. Only then did you feel him calm down completely, and there was nothing in the world you could ever ask for.

If you liked it, please reblog and tell me what you thought? :)

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes imagine #sebastian stan x reader #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff #sebastian stan smut

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dramaqueeenamby · 4 years ago

Text

Waves: Wild Hearts

A/N: This is sorta a follow up to Fighter that I’ve had on my computer for months. I have included the ending of that oneshot at the beginning of this one to help refresh memories, but if you want to read Fighter, you can do so here. Yes, there will be a part 2 to this one.

Warnings: Angst

Words: 2K

-GIF from Google-

TAGS: @babe-im-bi @notacamelthatsmywife @queenoftheworldisdead @tashawar @valkryienymph @letsshamelessqueen-m @lettytheletdown @hello-therree @toni9 @kpizzletrash @missdforever @missyperle @mani-lifes @koko-michelle @liquorlaughslove

-----

Previously on Waves

“Now back to the news that broke headlines just last night. Academy Award-Winning Actress Summer Hemsworth was allegedly attacked in her Georgia hotel room last night. Hemsworth suffered two gunshot wounds and reportedly collapsed in the lobby as horrified onlookers called 911 and attempted to stop the bleeding.”

“She was rushed to the local hospital where doctors performed emergency surgery, and as of now, we are hearing reports that she is in stable condition.”

“While details are still unclear, what we do know is that the attacker is now deceased, reportedly at the hands of Summer, who fought him off. In addition, the perpetrator has been identified as Myles Hampton, the same man who stalked and attacked Mrs. Hemsworth almost six years prior.”

“Hampton was sentenced and serving a 15-year sentence which has the world wondering. How did he get out? How was he able to re-traumatize his victim? How--”

“Mommy.”

His son’s voice ripped Christopher from his phone where he was watching the news for reasons even he couldn’t explain. Well, rather, didn’t want to explain.

Elysha glared at her brother, bringing her index finger to her mouth. “Shh. Papa said we gotta be quiet.”

Summer moaned, finally waking up from another nap. They had her on heavy painkillers that made her sleep, much to the chagrin of all four individuals occupying the private hospital room. For the twins, sleep meant she couldn’t talk to them. They needed to hear her voice to know that she was going to be okay.

For Christopher, well, even awake, he still worried.

And for Summer, she just hated to be unconscious as she recognized the concern that it caused her family.

“Did he now?” She whispered, blinking a couple times as she managed to lift her hand, bringing it to Emmett’s cheek. “Well, mama says you don’t have to.”

Both kids responded with a smile, quickly grabbing the sheets on either side of the bed, where they’d remained the entire time.

They wouldn’t leave her side.

“Look, mama,” Elysha chimed as they lifted the papers. “We drew you pictures. Mines is bestest.”

“Nu uh!”

“Uh huh!”

She smiled, ignoring the pain she was still experiencing. It mattered not though. She’d take the pain of survival over the finality of death any day.

“They’re both the bestest,” Summer shared, making both of them grin for a few seconds when she noticed Elysha drop her head. “What’s wrong, baby?”

Elysha took a few seconds, her voice barely above a whisper. “We’re glad you’re okay, mommy.”

“Yeah,” Emmett agreed. “Why’d that mean man try to hurt you, mama?”

Summer closed her eyes. Her pain was no longer a concern. Her priority was the hurt she saw and heard in her children, her beautiful babies prematurely forced to encounter the evils of this world.

“I-”

“Well, it’s about time you woke up, lil’ missy.” Helen spoke with a warm smile as she walked into the room.

Seeing their grandmother raised their spirits just enough to eat away some of Summer’s guilt. Helen walked over and gently felt her daughter’s head. “How you doing, baby?”

Summer, conscious of the watchful set of blue eyes on her, smartly replied. “I’m good, mama.”

Helen nodded. “I see you’re getting some of your color back. Good. You was getting a lil’ pale on me, lil girl.”

Elysha gasped. “Can I have some of mommy’s color, grandma!”

“Me too, grandma!”

The twin’s excitement and naivety made Summer smile. Their uplifted spirits nursed her soul.

“I don’t know about color, but how about you two come with grandma to the cafeteria, and we’ll see what kind of ice cream they have.”

The promise of their favorite dessert quickly dimmed when they realize it meant leaving their mom.

“But-”

“Ya’ll go. Mama has to talk to papa,” Summer referenced Christopher who’d sat silent while allowing the children time to bond with their mother. “Please?”

Emmett groaned but relented. “I’ll bring you ice cream back, mama.” He looked back at Christopher. “You too, papa!”

“I’ll bring you some too, papa!”

Careful kisses on either side of her cheeks preceded the kids finally walking out hand in hand with Helen.

The sound of tiny footsteps repeatedly diminished until they could be heard no more, replaced by heavy-footed strides and the creaking of a chair. Summer closed her eyes at his warm touch, his hand clasped over hers, the other going to her forehead.

He laid his head against her shoulder, Summer angling her own so that she could kiss the top of his head.

She gently tightened her grip on his head. “I’m fine, Christopher.”

“Don’t.” She licked her lips, concern shifting from her kids to her husband. “Don’t give me that shit, Summer. You are not fine.”

“I’m alive, Chris,” she croaked, wanting desperately to stress how grateful she was. “He shot me. Twice. And I’m alive.”

“This never should have fucking happened. If they’d been watching him, he would have never-”

“Hey,” she forced some bass into her voice. “We can’t do that. It happened, and it-it sucks, but-”

“How can you be so calm about this?” He forced out bitterly, finally lifting his head to reveal glazed eyes that burned with fear and rage. “After everything he did, what he tried-”

She attempted the comedic route, something that typically worked for them. “Well, it’s not like this is the first time I’ve almost died.” The dark joke fell through, possibly increasing his irritation. She swallowed. “I-I think-I still don’t know what to think, Chris. I-It’s a lot to process, but I can’t do that right now. Emmett and Elysha are watching us, watching me, and every time I look at them, look at you, I’m reminded of everything I stood to lose, and I’m just-I’m thankful. And the last thing that I want is to further worry the twins…or you.”

He lifted their conjoined hands and gently kissed her fingertips. Summer recognized the gesture as acknowledgment.

“I love you,” she breathed as he moved his mouth to kiss her inner forearm. “So much.”

He brought his hand to her cheek, their eyes meeting with a burning and moving meeting that conferred the ardent love between them but was now tinged with a new emotion.

Fear

Wild Hearts

“Just a few more seconds. Come on, Summer.”

Face scrunched up in discomfort, the actress swallowed her pain and scraped for every bit of resilience that she had left, successfully completing the set before relaxing as soon as her therapist gave her the okay.

Dropping onto the floor, Summer crossed her wrists and placed them over her head. Deep, relaxing breaths abated her nerves and aching muscles as Rene attempted to offer words of encouragement and praise that Summer was only halfheartedly listening to.

It wasn’t that Rene was bad at her job. No, far from it. She was a wonderful physical therapist who pushed Summer in ways that were both challenging while also welcoming. It was that Summer still hadn’t come to accept that she was back at square one. She felt like she was preparing to become Storm all over again. Relearning suddenly replaced years of maintenance. Her schedule had been disrupted, and it created cognitive dissonance.

Hand unconsciously falling onto her core, her fingers slid over the dark scar that still bled with remnants of trauma and regrets. One of two, it was the most prominent and noticeable. Folks rarely paid attention to feet, but the stomach, it was the area that generally garnered a decent amount attention based solely on the level of flatness.

Rene noticed the way Summer’s fingers stroked her slick skin and cleared her throat. “Why don’t we call it a day?”

“The day has been called, ma’am.”

The ginger grinned crookedly and complimented her client. “You did great today.”

Summer snorted, groaning quietly as she sat up and braced her palms against the mat. “Now you’re just kissing my ass.”

“While you do have quite the ass,” Summer rolled her eyes. “I’m not quite sure how my wife and your husband would feel about that.”

Summer rolled her eyes as Rene reached a hand to help her stand up. “Noted.” Rolling her shoulders, Summer walked over to grab her pink Blender Bottle, downing down the water mixed with lemons and limes. The typically acrid mixture was welcoming because of the addition of ice cubes that quenched her parched throat, assisting in the cooling down of her warm body.

“I think we could even maybe move down to twice a week instead of three.”

Swallowing a couple more ounces, Summer lowered her cup and wiped at her mouth. “Seriously?”

Rene nodded as she crossed her arms. “I meant it. You’re doing great.” A beat. “Physically.”

And just like that, Summer rolled her eyes and turned her body to start packing up her items. “Here we go again.”

Rene already knew that she was going to be met with apprehension, but that didn’t dissuade her. “I can only help you rehabilitate your body, Summer. But your mind—”

“—is fine.”

Rene stilled, her green eyes softening. “You can say that until you’re blue in the face, but it makes no difference if you don’t really believe it, and I don’t think you do.”

Summer stilled, her back toward the tall woman. A part of her, a very small part of her, wanted to switch things up. She wanted to entertain the conversation, just to see how it would play out, but another part of her knew exactly how it would play out, so she did as she’d done a lot lately.

“So, same time next week?” She spun around, swinging her bag over her shoulder. Before the other woman could offer a response, Summer shot her a wink and walked past her. “Thank, Rene.”

As if on cue, Phillip’s large frame appeared in the doorway, and Summer’s grin fell.

Arms clasped in front of him, he nodded in acknowledgment. “Ready, Mrs. Hemsworth?”

An elongated sigh escaped as she approached him and managed to reignite her previous smile. “I told you, Summer is fine, but yeah, I’m ready.”

A grunted response that she couldn’t really make out proceeded him opening the door for her only to quickly move back in front of her so that he was blocking her view. For a man his size, he was impressively quick on his feet.

A few more doors, elevator ride down, and Summer was met with the blistering Australian heat as a firm hand moved to her backside and escorted her out the building. Out the corner of her eye, she spotted the photographers who snapped away, a few inching close to the star but not enough where they were in arms reach of Phillip.

They weren’t stupid.

Phillip had served as a bodyguard for some of the most important figures across the world, celebrities and royals included. His resume was impeccable, and he was damn good at his job, a job that, while she respected, Summer felt suffocated by at times.

The fact that she even had a full-time bodyguard was something that she still hadn’t swallowed. She’d always been vocal and open about the fact that she loathed the whole “barrier” between celebrities and “regular degular” people. Her occupation, in her option, shouldn’t place her on a pedestal.

Plus, she was far from hopeless, and so a bodyguard was something could never get with unless they were provided by the event she was attending.

But a certain husband of hers was absolutely adamant about hiring the 24/7 protection following the attack, and while Summer understood his reasoning, she still wasn’t in agreement.

Not that it mattered…

The drive was short as the outpatient treatment center was only about twenty minutes away from the Hemsworth residence. Once they reached the mansion, Summer relieved Phillip from his duties. She had no plans on going out again. Christopher was picking up the kids from school. She’d maybe take Doggy out for a walk on the beachfront, but that didn’t require the 6”3 giant’s presence.

Not even three seconds into the door, Christopher was in front of his wife, hands on her hips as he pecked her lips.

“Hey, honey.”

Summer faltered only for a second before chewing on her bottom lip. “Damn, waiting for someone?”

“Always.” He winked and smacked her ass, prompting her to try to push him away.

“I need to shower,” she protested with a small pout as he brushed her comment off and slyly lowered his mouth down to her ear.

“I’ll join you.”

Summer grinned, momentarily contemplating his offer. “Doesn’t that defeat the purpose?”

“We are married, aren’t we?”

“I mean….” She laughed at his scowl and managed to pull away, walking past him to make her way up the steps. “Can you make us—”

Summer stopped and turned around on the second step only to see that was directly in front of her, on the first step.

She lifted a brow. “Sir?”

“What?”

She crossed her arms. “I’m pretty sure that I said n—Christopher!” She squealed as he silenced her by picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder. “Put me down!”

“I am going to put you down,” he responded while continuing their track up the stairs. “On my dick.”

“Christopher!”

————

Summer rolled over on her side and ran her hand over her face, eyes shut as she struggled to catch her breath. Holding onto the pillow, she pulled the blanket up to her neck, depriving her nude body of the chilly air that the AC caused to consume their room.

She smiled softly as her husband kissed her temple. Feeling the bed creak, he peaked and saw him moving out the way as he started to pull on his clothes. Leaning on her back, she grabbed her phone off the nightstand and saw that it was time for him to leave to pick up the twins.

How long were we?

“Phillip will be here in a few minutes—”

Summer frowned. “What?” She sat up, not caring that the sheet fell down, exposing her breast. “Baby, I told him he could go home for the day.”

Christopher stood up, pulling his pants on. “Why would you do that?”

She looked from side to side. “Because I don’t need him? I didn’t plan on going out today.”

“But you knew that I had to go pick up the kids, so you’d be alone.”

Summer closed her eyes. “Christopher….”

The chime of his phone interrupted her as he glanced at the screen to see that Phillip had arrived and entered the house using the key that Chris thought was a good idea to provide him with. “He’s here. I have to get going.”

Summer frowned and leaned back against the headboard. “Okay.”

Looking back over to see that she was still dissatisfied, he walked over and sat on the bed, reaching out to cup her cheek. “Why don’t you come with me?”

Her brows furrowed. “Seriously? Christopher, you’ve already called the man over here.”

“And?” Chris didn’t see a problem. “He’s staying the night—”

“Again?” Summer was no longer so disappointed. She was irritated. “That’s the third damn time this week.”

“Okay?”

Summer scoffed and moved away from him, crossing her arms. “You know, I would appreciate it if you would actually, maybe, communicate with me before you make these decisions.”

“What is there to talk about, Summer?” He watched her move to the other side of the bed as she kicked the blanket off and scurried around to gather her clothes. “You need pro—”

“No, Christopher, what I need is for you to stop treating me like a child!” A beat. “I can take care of myself!”

“Like you did with Myles?”

Summer clutched the shirt in her hand at the same moment Chris closed his eyes. “Fuck, Summer—“

“You can go to hell,” she whispered, yanking her shirt over her head and marching past him, snatching her arm away from him when he reached for her. “Don’t—“ she stopped, eyes closing as she fought the sob in the back of her throat. “—touch me.”

Christopher recognized that tone. It was rare, but when present, he recognized that nothing he could say or do could penetrate the impenetrable exterior that was Summer’s wall.

The slamming of the bathroom door indicated what he already knew. Walking over to the door and placing his ear against it, welcoming it to the quiet sobs of his wife confirmed it.

He’d fucked up.

-----

A/N: So....whose side ya’ll on?

#chris hemsworth fanfiction #chris hemsworth x reader #chris hemsworth fanfic #chris hemsworth #chris hemsworth x black!reader #fic: waves

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ptersparkers · 5 years ago

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boston

summary: as a recurring visitor from boston to the outer banks and one of kiara’s childhood friends, you get to know the pogue gang for the summer. oh, and it seems like jj has a thing for you.

warnings: mentions of alcohol and typos, probably.

a/n: i hope boston doesn’t throw people off because i used it as nickname (i think it’s cute). and im not even from boston. ALSO WTF THIS IS 4K WORDS.

add yourself to my taglist!

this is my gif, please credit if using!

You’re starting to think that coming to North Carolina for the summer wasn’t as fun as you remembered.

The water touched your fingertips as you leaned away from the boat, sticking your hand out to dip it into the cold water. It was too humid for you, for starters. You were used to the colder weather of Boston and often found yourself in long sleeves and jeans with boots with an extra sweater in your car. When it got warm, a pair of leggings and a t-shirt sufficed. North Carolina’s outer banks required swimming suits, shorts, and see-through shirts in order to avoid overheating. That wasn’t exactly your style.

Your parents insisted on having you do something with your summer instead of lounging around and hanging out with people you’d see on a daily basis during the school year. There wasn’t much to do here other than drink and help your relatives on the boat with their fishing company, and the idea of working for free didn’t seem so amazing as it did when you were a child. This was the first summer you’d be spending in the outer banks for the entirety. While you and your parents travelled here for a few weeks, you were the only one staying behind until it was time to go back for school.

In all honesty, you hadn’t recalled much about the place nor the people who lived here. You were aware of the “Kooks” and “Pogues,” and the unofficial war raging between the two groups. What you gathered was that your family lived civilly between the two, not quite in either territory. If you weren’t mistaken, you were welcomed on either side of the island without drawing too much attention to yourself.

Kiara, or Kie, who was your childhood best friend, was the only person you were even remotely close to, and that was overstating it. She resembled the summer camp friend who you barely spoke to until it was time to go away for summer camp. She lived in Figure Eight but hung with the Pogue crowd, from what you understood.

You recalled meeting her for the first time at age eleven, the first time your family had made it a tradition to travel to North Carolina. Your family had wandered to The Wreck, the restaurant her family owned, and became friends because you were the only child in the building and her father had forced her to escape from her shell of a bedroom and spend some time outside. Eleven-year-old you was ecstatic to find another person to spend your summers with, and thus a friendship was born.

“Y/N, you okay there?” your uncle had asked. Pulling yourself out of your daydreams, you whipped your head back and wiped your hand on your shorts.

“I’m fine, Uncle Jim. Just thinking, is all,” you replied. Uncle Jim laughed and pulled the rope from out of the water and asked you to open the ice bin for him to put the fresh fish he had caught.

“Special order for the Camerons,” he explained. “Ward offered to pay me double if we could have this in by this afternoon.”

“So that’s why you pulled me out of bed so early,” you teased. “Mom and dad just left and you’re already putting me to work.”

You closed the ice chest and watched as Uncle Jim put away the cage neatly in the back before wiping his hands on a white cloth towel.

“You know this job like the back of your hand. Might as well put you to good use.”

“Yeah,” you said, sighing. “It’s weird being here without them.”

“Good weird or bad weird?”

You shrugged. “It’s just different.”

“I know you wanted to spend your summer in Boston, but your Aunt Camille and I are happy you’re staying until September.” You smiled and gave him a side hug.

“Yeah, I’m happy to see you two. It’s just that I’m growing up and want to spend time with my friends before we all leave to college, you know?” Uncle Jim started to steer the boat top the main land and nodded.

“I hear ya. Mind dropping the fish off at the Cameron residence after I clean it up?”

You shook your head and watched as the island grew bigger as the boat approached the dock. When Uncle Jim docked the boat, you jumped out and told him you’d be getting a bite at The Wreck, hoping to see if Kiara happened to be working. The door chimed and you could see a few people seated at tables with she was preparing smoothies behind the juice bar.

“You always look like you’re thinking so deeply,” you said, taking a seat at the bar.

Kiara looked up and dropped the banana she was holding and wiped her hand on a towel, the biggest smile painting her lips as she ran behind the bar to embrace you. You laughed and reciprocated, giving her a gentle squeeze as she held you in a near lockdown.

“Two years, Y/N. It’s been two very long years,” she said.

“I wish I could’ve stayed longer last summer,” you said. “My grandpa called us to say my grandma had broken her hip and we flew out the next morning.”

“Is she okay?” she asked.

You nodded. “I think he was just scared but it was probably for the best that we went back home.”

“So I hear you’ll be here for the whole summer, right? I heard our dads talking last night.”

“I can’t tell whether I’m excited about that or not. Happy to be here with you but not happy about working on a fishing boat. You know how sensitive my stomach is.” Kiara laughed and walked back behind the bar, resuming making the smoothie she had halted to welcome you.

“Don’t I know it. Well, when you and I aren’t working we can hang out and I can introduce you to my friends,” she said. “I think you’d really like them.”

“God, I hope so. I’m gonna need friends if I’m going to be here for three months.”

“John B’s kind of like our ring leader,” she explained before turning the blender on. She poured the drink and continued. “He’s kind of like you. A little mischievous but he’s keen for leadership. Pope’s the smart aleck. He knows everything about anything and overthinks when we do something spontaneous.” Kiara gave you a look.

“That’s because my parents were always here!” you said in mock defense, raising your hands.

Kiara laughed. “Then there’s Sarah, who you met before. She’s cool though, not like her Kook friends. We weren’t friends before you left. Then there’s JJ. He’s kind of all over the place and there’s not really a way I can describe him. You just have to experience him for yourself.”

“As long as I have a fun summer without getting in trouble, I think I’ll be fine,” you said.

“Smoothie?” Kiara asked. You nodded and took out your wallet, but she shook her head.

“I’m pretty sure my dad would bite my head off if you paid for anything here,” she said. “Your mom did help advertise for us.”

“How about a tip,” you said, putting a five dollar bill into a glass jar. Kiara rolled her eyes but grinned.

“The Pogues and I are gonna hang out on Pope’s boat, if you wanna come. We’re just gonna hang out and eat, probably.”

“I’ll have to ask my uncle but I’m sure he’ll be fine with it,” you said, taking a sip of your smoothie.

“It really was nice getting to see you again,” Kiara said. “I think you’re probably my only other girl friend, aside from Sarah. God knows a girl needs her time away from testosterone.”

“I’m gonna be at Sarah’s later this afternoon to drop off some fish. I think her dad paid a lot of money for it, and I will never understand that.”

She laughed. “Well with that kind of money, I guess you wouldn’t need to think twice about paying for fish.”

You hopped off of the seat and waved goodbye before heading home.

***

When the sky turned into a shade of deep orange, you double checked to see that your phone was fully charged before slipping on your shoes and grabbing a blanket plus the bag of snacks you had purchased earlier that day. You waved at Uncle Jim and Aunt Camille, promising them you’d be safe with Kiara before you locked the front door and slipped the keys into your bag.

From your recollection, Pope’s boat was fairly large and Kiara told you it would have lights strung up so it wouldn’t be too hard to miss. The dock was quiet with the exception of fireflies buzzing in the air and the faint sound of laughter in the distance.

You could see a group of boys and Kiara lounging around with beer in their hands and you were unsure of how to approach them. Luckily, Kiara saw you in the corner of her eye and rushed down to greet you.

“Thank God you’re here,” she said. “Boys are annoying and I need some company. Here, let me get your bag.”

You handed her the bag and climbed onto the boat, aware of three pairs of eyes following you. Suddenly feeling a little self conscious about yourself, you waved awkwardly at the three boys.

“Don’t be weird, you guys,” Kiara said, rolling her eyes. “That’s Pope. Brains of our operation. You two are more alike, I think.”

“Nice to meet you,” he said, tipping his hat at you.

“That’s John B,” she said as you waved at him. “He’s kinda of like you when you start talking about something you’re passionate about.” You began to blush at how Kiara was introducing you to her friends.

“Any friend of Kiaras is a friend to us,” he said, grinning.

“And that’s JJ,” she said, pointing at the blonde who was too busy looking at you to speak. “He’s, well, JJ.”

He scoffed. “These two get great introductions and I get ‘that’s JJ’?” he asked, using his fingers as faux quotation marks. Kiara shrugged.

“I happen to think I’m great, thank you very much,” he said sarcastically before winking at you. You gave him a soft grin and sat next to her, unfolding the blanket and placing yourself on it.

“And this is Y/N Y/L/N, probably the smartest one out of the five of us. She’s from Boston and comes here every summer with her parents.”

“It’s usually for a week or two to visit my aunt and uncle but this time I’m spending the entire summer here,” you explained.

“Why’s that?” asked Pope.

“My parents thought it would be good to not spend my time indoors and God knows my uncle will put me to work.”

“She’s Jim’s niece,” Kiara said.

John B’s eyes lit up. “Jim’s niece! That’s right, I remember he said you were coming to work for him this summer. He’s such a legend. How he and Camille live between us and the Kooks is beyond me. Love that guy.”

You beamed, opening a bag of popcorn. “He’s pretty great, isn’t he?”

“So how’d you and Kiara meet?” JJ asked.

“We were the only kids in The Wreck when it first opened,” she said. “Dad forced me to go outside and Y/N’s parents forced her to do the same and we just clicked.”

“So what’s Boston like?” John B asked.

“Jesus, one question at a time,” Kiara said, rolling her eyes.

“Cold, for the most part. I live on the edge of the city so I’m between suburban area and the metropolitan. It’s kind of the best of both worlds.”

“Outer banks is a wake up call,” Pope joked.

“It’s really different than what I’m used to, but this is my sixth summer out here,” you said. “And this time I came prepared with the right clothes.”

Kiara bursted out laughing. “When we were twelve, she insisted on bringing sweaters and jeans because that’s all she owned. For two weeks straight she had to borrow my clothes.” The boys chuckled.

“I’m not all that used to wearing shorts,” you said, gesturing to your clothes. “But I guess I like to lounge around in oversized shirts, so it’s a win-win.”

“Beer?” JJ asked, holding a bottle. You shook your head.

“Nah, I’m good. But thank you for offering.” He quirked his eyebrow but put it back in the cooler.

“Damn, I’ve never been off of this damn island,” said John B. “Let alone a big city.”

“It’s great, honestly,” you began, “I feel like I’m unimportant and that leaves me with so much room to grow. Nobody has any real expectations from me because I’m just another stranger. And I’m starting to sound like a cliche.”

JJ chuckled and shook his head. “Not a cliche. It’s nice to get to know someone who’s not from here.”

“God knows the Kooks aren’t welcoming,” said Pope. “But never mind them.”

“Sarah’s not coming,” Kiara said, looking up from her phone. “Said she’s too tired to make the ‘treacherous’ walk.”

“Bummer,” you said, pouting. “I haven’t seen her in so long. She wasn’t at the house when I went earlier.”

“I’m sure you’ll see her soon,” said Kiara.

“Oh goodness,” you said, shivering. “I didn’t think it would be cold tonight.” You rubbed your upper arms with your palms and tried to move to feel some friction.

“Take my jacket,” JJ said, reaching behind him to grab his discarded windbreaker.

“Thanks,” you said softly, a little confused that a stranger would let you wear his jacket.

“Damn, JJ. You’ve got broad shoulders,” John B joked, looking at how big the jacket was compared to you.

“It’s two sizes bigger than I am,” JJ said said, taking a swig of his beer.

“It’s perfect,” you said, looking between JJ and John B. “Thanks, JJ.”

“Don’t mention it,” he said. You looked away to speak to Kiara and didn’t notice JJ checking you out with the jacket you had put on.

“So you think Y/N’s attractive,” Pope said, leaning in and whispering.

“Pfft, what?” JJ asked, shaking his head.

“C’mon, dude. It’s just a matter of time before you and her, you know,” he said, making a crude gesture before laughing. JJ shoved him and laughed along.

“It’s not like that,” he said. Pope raised his eyebrow.

“Oh?”

“It’s not like that either! Jeez, Pope.”

“Whatever you say, man,” said Pope, leaning back and opening another bottle of beer.

An hour had flown by and you yawned, the entire group silently understanding that it was probably too late to stay up. Pope had left ten minutes earlier after his dad had called and promised to see the rest of you tomorrow.

“This was fun,” you said to Kiara, John B, and JJ. “I really like you guys.”

“But I’m the best,” said Kiara, striking a pose that made you laugh.

“And no one’s taking that title away from you,” you replied. You folded the blanket and began to walk off of the boat with JJ offering his hand for you to step down. You took it and noticed how unusually soft they were. You started to walk back to your house before abruptly turning around.

“Oh, JJ! Wait, let me give you your jacket back,” you said, dropping the bag you were carrying. JJ laughed and shook his head.

“Keep it for tonight, Boston. It’ll give me a reason to see you tomorrow,” JJ said. You grinned at the nickname.

“Okay,” you said, picking up the bag you dropped. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” JJ smiled. You could grow to like seeing his smile.

He winked. “See you tomorrow, Boston.”

***

As the weeks went by, you starting to feel disappointed whenever you thought about going back to Boston, which meant leaving your new friends behind. All the adventures you had raked up were memorable ones and it would feel weird not seeing the four rambunctious teens nearly every day.

It was a hot Thursday morning when you sat on the dock. Uncle Jim had given you the rest of the day off after helping him load his cargo, offering to make the rounds that afternoon if you were willing to go to the grocery store to pick up ingredients for that night’s dinner.

You couldn’t help but think about JJ and all the times you two had been near one another. Kiara had made an innocuous comment the prior night before you left her house about how he was much gentler when he was around you and didn’t seem to be as loud as he was when you were there. JJ, she said, was always so outspoken but whenever you were near, it was like he was censoring himself.

You were sure Kiara didn’t mean anything bad by it, but you weren’t really sure how to interpret what she said. You and JJ, aside from Kiara, had hung out the most since you met. You two spent the afternoon together at The Wreck the day after you met him, partially to give him his jacket back and partially waiting for Kiara’s shift to be over. You could feel yourself letting loose and confessed to feeling extremely nervous and self-conscious about meeting Kiara’s friends. JJ reassured you that he (and the others in the gang, of course) really liked you.

He would accompany you home and save you a seat next to him. He’d hold your bag and wait for you if the gang was running ahead. JJ would volunteer to come get you if you weren’t answering your phone and he’d make trips to visit you while you were helping Uncle Jim at work.

If you were being honest, you would be lying to yourself if you said you hadn’t developed feelings for him. It was minor and fleeting, but it was there. The blonde made you blush without having to try too hard and you were sure Kiara knew, but she never said anything. JJ was attentive to you and let you speak when you felt your voice be drowned by someone else.

You were pulled out of your thoughts when you heard running footsteps on the dock, only to turn around and see JJ running towards you. He peeled his shirt off and jumped past you and landed in the water, splashing you in the process.

“JJ, what the hell!” you yelled as he came up for air. He shook his head and wiped his face, grinning at your surprised reaction.

“What a morning, huh?” he said, swimming closer to you. Your legs dangled in the water and he came up, pushing his body upwards to let his arms rest on your lap. “You thinking too hard again, Boston?”

Boston. There was that nickname again. You think you hid your blush pretty well.

“You know I’m always thinking,” you replied.

“Someday I’m gonna get inside your head and know everything you think about when you disappear,” he said. “I’m sure you have a lot of good stories to tell.”

“Maybe so,” you teased. “I was just thinking about how I have a month and a half left before going back home.”

“Don’t think about that,” he said, pouting slightly. “I’ll - we’ll - miss you tons. It won’t be the same until you come back.”

You laughed. “I wish I could bring you guys back with me. I don’t have that many friends I consider close.”

“And you consider us your close friends?”

“I might even say my best friends,” you said with a smile.

“Well, well, well. I’m honored to hear that, Boston. Truly.”

“Why’d you jump into the water, anyway?” you asked.

He shrugged. “It’s a hot morning and the sun is shining. Plus, I got to scare you, which was pretty priceless.” You shoved him back into the water and laughed as he came up with a feigned surprised expression.

“Oh, come on! It was hilarious.”

“You’re so mean to me, JJ,” you said, sticking your tongue out.

“Why don’t you join me? The water’s cool and it’s hot out.”

“I think I’m good from where I’m sitting,” you said. JJ swam closer and caressed your legs before trailing his fingers to your lap, resting his chin on your knee.

“Please?”

It was times like this when you were grateful you developed a habit of putting a swimsuit underneath your clothing. You stood up from your spot and took off your shirt and shorts, slowly dipping in the water beside him.

“Okay, you’re right,” you confessed. “Very refreshing.”

JJ swam closer to you and smiled, finding your hand and pulling it above the water to give it a kiss.

“I’m never wrong, Boston.”

You rolled your eyes. “Okay, keep telling yourself that.”

JJ was quiet for a moment. “You’re so innocent.”

You raised your eyebrow. “Oh? How so?”

“I don’t know. You have a purity to you. Maybe it’s Boston or maybe it’s just that you’re better than us and the Kooks combined.”

“Well, I’m definitely better than the Kooks,” you said. JJ chuckled. He pulled you closer to him to the point where your chests were almost touching.

“I just mean that I don’t know how to act when I’m around you. Usually I’m reckless and an idiot, but I’m not that way when you’re around.”

You frowned. “I don’t ever want you to be anyone but yourself around me, JJ.”

He shook his head. “I don’t think it’s that. I think you pull this calmness out of me. I don’t think I’m not being myself when you’re around. I just think that I’m much more of a person than ‘reckless’ JJ who gets into too much trouble.

“What I’m trying to say is,” he began with a deep breath, “I like you. As in, more than a friend. John B and Pope have been teasing me about it all summer but I never took it seriously until you talked that Kook’s ear off about not being a racist and sexist piece of shit.” You took a moment to recall and laugh at the memory. “There’s never a moment where I don’t want to be with you or tell you things. I’ve never felt this way with anyone before, honestly.”

“JJ,” you said softly, your hand giving his bicep a squeeze in reassurance. “You know, I’ve been overthinking these past few weeks. Last night, Kie said something about how you were so aware when I’m around and how you’re less reckless and I didn’t know what to make of it.”

“I just,” said JJ, “I like you a lot. More than I thought I did.”

You looked into his gaze and his arm wrapped itself around your waist, pulling you closer so your chests were touching. The sound of the waves was the only noise in the vicinity and the sun made JJ’s eyes look more impeccable than they already were. His lips were plump and you noticed he had stolen a glance down to yours, squeezing the small of your back as if to ask for silent permission. You inched your way closer and he followed suit until his lips had landed gracefully on yours as if it had belonged there all along.

His skin was hot under the sun and the water around you felt like it moved to push you two closer together. JJ let this kiss be a simple one, unlike the other girls he had been with before. His eyes remained closed until he pulled away and looked to see you in your entirety. You did nothing but smile and bite your lip, reaching out to kiss him once more.

“I like you too,” you said. “And I like kissing you.” JJ laughed and leaned in to kiss you a third time.

“You’re real cute, Boston,” he replied.

“Do you think we could go and get some sandwiches from The Wreck? All this swimming and all this kissing has me starved.” You shared a laugh before pushing yourselves out of the water and hoped the sun was hot enough dry you both before you reached the restaurant.

You were already counting down the days you would be coming back to the outer banks.

#jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank blurbs #jj maybank imagines #jj x reader #obx #obx x reader #outer banks #my writing #boston

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lotstradamus · 4 years ago

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top 5 episodes of your favorite show

hHahahahahHHAHAHAHha let us, pray tell, fucking go

2.13 Mizumono: THE SEASON TWO FINALE. beyond a shadow of a doubt my all-time favourite episode of ANY television show, and 100% my most-watched. it’s stunning from start to finish, but my PERSONAL FAVOURITE ELEMENT is that Hannibal is HEARTBROKEN. in the previous episode Bedelia is like ‘if you think you’re in control of this situation, it’s because Hannibal wants you to think that’ but then you realise that NOPE, he ACTUALLY believed everything Will was saying, hook line and sinker, he thought they were going to run away and be together -- he was ready to be like HERE’S ABIGAIL, OUR SURROGATE DAUGHTER, SHE IS IN FACT NOT DEAD AND NOW WE CAN BE A FAMILY -- and when he finds out that Will is lying he destroys both of their lives. Will tipping Hannibal off, Will seeing Abigail, ‘you were supposed to leave’, the moment where the audience and Will both think that Hannibal is going to kiss him only to get STABBED IN THE ABDOMEN (us emotionally, Will literally). it’s just absolutely glorious from start to finish. nothing like burning down the entire structure of your show and salting the ground after you. special mention goes to the comedy beat of the episode: ‘Where’s Jack?’ ‘...In the pantry.’

1.01 Aperatif: sometimes I put this episode on just to soothe me. everything about it is phenomenal. the slow pan up Hannibal’s dining table laden with pomegranates and Mads Mikkelsen’s face half in shadow like a skull... the meet-cute, i.e. Will being rude enough to Hannibal’s face to get himself murdered 3x over but Hannibal instead being like hmmmm: this one... Will being unfriendly and prickly and weird and then the reveal that he rescues stray dogs and shows them so much love and affection... the chiaroscuro lighting throwing shadows over the two of them as Hannibal feeds Will for the first time... ‘I don’t find you that interesting.’ ‘You will.’... Garret Jacob Hobbs... Abigail... it’s a perfect encapsulation of the show in miniature! it’s so beautiful! there is so much shit coming and none of them have any idea!

3.13 The Wrath of the Lamb: oooOOOH. LOVE CRIIiiIIIiII I IIiiii III iME. the back half of season three is such a shock to the system after the heart-rending intimacy and grief of the first seven episodes, and this episode is no different. planning Hannibal’s death, double crossing, faking deaths a few times over, Will manipulating Hannibal and Hannibal manipulating Will (their love language!), and then it flips the switch and dials up the intimacy and it aaaaall culminates in Hannibal and Will in perfect sync, doing what they’ve wanted to do for so long, working together and finally B E C O M I N G. they haven’t touched each other in three years. and then this. I will NEVER get over it. WHERE IS SEASON FOUR

2.08: the episode with the dead body in the horse. also the episode with the guy sewn alive into the horse and then climbing out of the inside of the horse. on an Other Things level, Jeremy Davies’ performance as Peter Bernadone is insane. the man can do anything! Clark Ingrams manages to be a spine-chilling antagonist despite only being in two scenes, and WILL PULLING THE TRIGGER ON HIM AND HANNIBAL CATCHING THE TRIGGER WITH HIS HAND IS SUCH A #MOMENT. it kickstarts the Randal Tier, even stevens, killing Freddie and eating her together and just being gay as hell final 5 episodes. brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before, unafraid to reference or not reference, put it in a blender, shit on it, vomit on it, eat it, give birth to it.

3.07 Digestivo: THIS EPISODE IS BALLS TO THE WALL UNHINGED FROM START TO FINISH AND IT IS INCREDIBLE. Mason’s delivery of ‘You boys remind me of that German cannibal who advertised for a friend and then ate him... and his PENIS before he died’ and Hannibal nearly busting out laughing. Alana’s delivery of ‘Do you know what happens if we stimulate your prostate gland with a cattle prod? Hannibal does.’ -- and those are two of the more regular happenings in this episode! it also involves naked Hannibal, a botched face transplant, a pig incubating a human foetus, and a man deep-throating an eel to death. not to mention it ends with a) Hannibal bridal carrying Will to safety, b) Will breaking Hannibal’s heart AGAIN by dumping him AGAIN, and c) Hannibal being the world’s premiere petty bitch. turn it up!

#Hannibal #answered #TOP 5 MEME #:) :) :) :) :)#2020 being the year of hysterically funny Hannibal memes has really been a shining light for me #however. I love this show unironically and totally and obsessively #and it is a gothic romance first and foremost #YA HEAR ME

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capandbuckysgirl · 6 years ago

Text

Let Us Love You (Stucky x Reader)

Mood board made by @im-finallly-clean Thank you so much, Beth!

Warnings: Swearing, SMUT, there is a bit of m/m stuff, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it!), oral (f/m receiving), fingering, M/M/F threesome, DP, alcohol consumption… I think that’s all!

This is for 18+ only, please! It’s dirty, filthy smut with almost no plot but I’m damn proud of it!

This may turn out to be multiple chapters, I’m not sure yet. Please let me know what you think!? Feedback makes me a very happy girl!

I leaned my forehead against the door frame, the tears streaming down my cheeks as I tried to calm my breathing back to normal. I’d just experienced the worst first date of all time and now all I wanted to do was curl up on the couch with a drink or ten and pass out.

This was the last time that I was going to let Nat set me up on a blind date, that was for damn sure. Everything seemed to be going pretty well until he’d gotten a phone call in the middle of dinner. He’d excused himself from the table… and just never came back.

No goodbye, not even a “this isn’t going to work”. Nothing.

And the fucker left me to pick up the check.

Straightening up and swiping angrily at my eyes I pushed my key into the lock and turned the knob. Hopefully I wouldn’t wake my roommates if they were sleeping, but I needed to make myself a drink and drown my sorrows in booze and a gallon of chocolate cookie dough ice cream.

“Y/N?” Bucky questioned as he came around the corner from his room. He looked so fucking adorable (but I’d never say that out loud - he was a trained assassin after all) as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and ran his fingers through his sleep-mussed hair. “What happened?”

“Hey, Buck.” I said shortly. I didn’t want him questioning why my eyes were no doubt red, or why I probably looked like shit from all the blubbering I’d done on the way home. “Steve sleeping?”

“He’s down at the gym, working out his aggression on some punching bags no doubt.”

I tried to laugh, but it came out as a broken sob as I turned toward the kitchen. I walked to the fridge and pulled out my mixers to make myself a margarita. Pulling the Patron down from the cupboard I popped the cork and took a huge gulp before tipping the bottle over the blender and pouring a hefty amount into it. I swallowed past the initial burn and then started pouring the rest of my ingredients in before starting the blender.

I could see Bucky standing in the kitchen, his arms crossed over his bare chest as he watched me closely. I’d never been able to hide anything from him or Steve. We’d become so close over the past few months since we’d agreed to be roommates. Working at Stark Tower was great and I loved my job, but I couldn’t live there.

Steve and Bucky had also decided that they needed some space between work and home, so we’d all chipped in and rented a nice place in the city. We were only ten minutes or so from the tower which made it convenient, but also gave up the separation that we craved.

It didn’t hurt that I loved living with them, they were clean, sweet and undeniably gorgeous. I kept my feelings to myself, but I couldn’t help how I felt about them. I’d never felt this way about anyone before, let alone two men.

Bucky cleared his throat as I turned the blender off, ducking down a bit to get my attention. “I take it that things didn’t go well?”

I laughed cynically, pouring the mix into a large glass and spinning on my heel before walking toward the couch. I chugged a big mouthful of my drink and looked back toward Bucky. Plopping down onto the couch I swallowed another big gulp of my drink before clearing my throat.

“He left me in the middle of dinner. Got a phone call, I didn’t think anything of it, ya know? He excused himself, then just never came back. Left me to pay the check and everything.”

“Well, the guy is a dick and doesn’t know what he’s missing sweetheart.” I hadn’t heard Steve come in, but there he was in all his sweaty, muscular glory in his too-tight white t-shirt. These two really knew how to make a girl all tingly.

“Steve’s right, babe. He doesn’t deserve you.”

I scoffed as I chugged more of my drink. “I think I’m going to just give up on finding love now. Maybe I’m just meant to be alone.”

Steve closed the door, clicking the locks into place as Bucky rounded the sofa and sat in front of me on the coffee table. Taking my drink from my hands his eyes searched mine for a moment. Steve walked toward the two of us, his jaw clenched as he sat in the armchair against the far wall.

Bucky drew my attention back to him as he placed his vibranium hand on my knee, the coolness seeping through my stocking and sending jolts of pleasure up to my core. I tried to contain my shiver of arousal but by the smirk that pulled across both their lips, I failed.

“Is there anything we can do to make you feel better, sweetheart? To take your mind off that asshole that hurt you?”

The words dripping from Steve’s lips had me clenching my thighs together, trying to find some sort of relief. What were these two doing to me?

“Talk to us, gorgeous.” Bucky added as he ran his fingers a bit higher on my thigh, touching the lace top of my stocking, dipping one fingertip under the material.

“We’re friends, right? Isn’t this wrong?” I gulped, the words not coming out as strong as I wanted them to.

“Y/N, we don’t have to do a damn thing. We can sit here and watch movies and pig out on junk food with you if that’s what you want.” Steve said as he leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. “We love you, sweetheart. We’re friends, first and foremost. If you don’t want anything else, then we all go back to how it’s been for the past few months.”

“But,” Bucky whispered, his breath fanning across my lips. Goosebumps rose all over my skin; the taste of him on my tongue overwhelming my senses. “If we can do anything to make you feel better, we’re here.”

“You guys…” I sighed, my heart hammering in my chest. “You know I love you, love you, right?”

“Oh, darling,” Steve smiled brightly. “We’ve known for a while that you feel something more for us. We just didn’t want to pressure you.”

“Well, you should know that we love you, too.” Bucky answered, his breath and scent drawing me toward him.

I looked over at Steve. “Yeah, baby,” he nodded. “ We love you so much. Let us love you.”

Sliding forward, my hands finding purchase on Bucky’s shoulders, I pulled him to me, our lips connecting in a heated kiss. We were not slow or tender, this was all teeth and tongues, gasps and moans of pleasure. We pulled apart, a sigh of contentment falling from my lips as Bucky moved both of his hands to my hips and jerked me down the couch. Steve stood up, pulling the coffee table back as Bucky got onto his knees and shoved my skirt up around my hips.

“These black stockings look absolutely delectable on you. Your soft, beautiful thighs covered in lace.” Bucky smoothed his hands up and down my thighs as he spoke, my eyes closing as I listened. “Eyes on me, gorgeous.”

I did as he said, opening my eyes and staring directly into his. Hooking his thumbs into the sides of my panties, he inhaled deeply once before jerking them off, the sound of them tearing pulling a pornographic sounding moan from my mouth.

“Are we doing this, Y/N? We’re all on the same page?”

I looked up at Steve standing behind Bucky, his arms now folded across his chest (that fucking t-shirt looking even more strained). I wanted to lick him. Every. Damn. Inch of him.

“Oh yeah, we’re so doing this.” That must have been what Bucky was waiting to hear, because without further warning one of his metal fingers worked its way through my folds and inside me as he leaned down and wrapped his lips around my clit.

“Fu-ucking hell!”

“We’re going to make you forget all about those failed dates, there’s only us now. Are you gonna be a good girl for us, Y/N?”

I couldn’t form coherent words, only moan as Bucky worked a second finger inside of me, crooking them up to hit my g-spot. He worked his tongue over my clit like a fucking pro as I ran my fingers through his hair, grabbing handfuls and holding him tightly against me. I was chasing my first orgasm, hoping Bucky would take the hint as I started grinding my pussy against his talented fingers. His mouth was pure sin, his groans and sighs vibrating against me in the most delicious sort of torture.

“Bucky, yes!”

He pulled back, his eyes meeting mine for a moment and I wanted to cry.

“Do you trust me, sweetheart?” He whispered against the skin of my thighs, his tongue running a wet trail back up toward my core where I wanted him most.

“Yes, god yes.” He smirked once more as he stood up, grabbing my hips and hefting me over his shoulder. Steve followed closely behind as we made our way into his room. Steve’s room was the best place for this, with his King size bed.

Bucky tossed me gently down onto the mattress, I tore the rest of my clothes off except my black lace stockings as his eyes searching mine once more. He pulled Steve against him, the strong, muscular bodies pushed against each other. I watched, completely enraptured as Steve’s lips found Bucky’s, their tongues working together as they moaned and started to grind against each other.

Bucky reached down, lifting Steve’s shirt off over his head as Steve laughed and pulled his gym shorts down. I couldn’t pull my eyes away from them, the sight before me was the most beautiful thing I’d ever witnessed.

“I need your mouth on me, Buck.”

You watched as Bucky slid down to his knees, pumped Steve twice in his hands and then wrapped his lips around his cock, sucking him in with a moan and then pulling back. Over and over and over. The sound of Steve’s deep moans, Bucky’s mouth working over his cock like he was a starving man had me once again clenching my thighs together looking for relief.

I moved my hand down to my core, dipping two fingers into my slick before working them over my clit, my eyes never leaving the two men in front of me.

“Good girl, sweetheart. Does watching Bucky suck my cock turn you on?” Steve groaned loudly. “You gonna cum for us?”

“God, yes. You two are so fucking beautiful.”

“Okay, Bucky, up. We’re both going to fuck her now.” The sound of Steve’s voice, so deep and commanding, had me cumming all over my fingers. My thighs shaking as Steve came to the bed, pulling my fingers to his mouth and sucking on them. “So good. Bucky’s going to fuck your ass, have you ever done that before?”

“O-once,” I moaned. “I want to feel you both inside of me.”

Steve pulled me up to let Bucky lie down, he pulled some lube from the bedside table and squeezed some onto Steve’s fingers. Holding me up against his chest, Steve worked one of his fingers into my ass as Bucky stripped his sleep pants off. Steve continued to stretch me out, working two fingers and scissoring them before pulling them out and looking down at me.

“Sit reverse on his cock, baby. You’re gonna take us both.”

I sighed audibly as the shiver of arousal worked its way down my spine. I crawled up the bed toward Bucky, before mounting him in reverse. He lubed his cock and had me lift up. Slowly he began to push into my ass, his cock much bigger than Steve’s fingers, but the stretch and burn was incredible.

“Just breathe, good girl. So fuckin’ tight, Jesus Christ…”

When Bucky was fully seated within me, he held my hips still, my back rubbing against his chest and his metal fingers rubbing against my clit as Steve got on the bed, his eyes looking absolutely predatory.

His lips met mine, kissing me deeply before resting his forehead against mine. “We love you so much, sweetheart. Once we do this…”

“I’m yours, both of yours. No more dates, no more running away from how I feel. I love you both, too.”

He nodded as he grasped himself in his hand and began pushing inside me. I threw my head back, the feeling of being so full - it was almost too much. My eyes felt heavy, like I couldn’t keep them open because I was so overstimulated.

“You look so good, wrapped around the both of us.” Steve pushed in, balls deep inside of me. I could feel the two of them, muscles twitching as they held still and allowed me to get used to the feeling. “You okay, Bucky? Y/N?”

I could feel Bucky’s cock twitch inside me before he groaned out a ‘yes’. I looked into Steve’s eyes, my heart thundering as I told him yes as well. Steve pulled out and pushed back in as Bucky worked his own rhythm underneath me.

There was a constant push and pull, their rhythms now working together to bring me pleasure. The whisper of moans, the slap of skin on skin on skin. Bucky wrapped one of his hands into my hair, pulling my head back as he bit the side of my neck. Steve leaned down on the other side and nipped the skin there, whispering how good I felt and how tight I was.

My thighs once again began to shake, my breathing rapid as I felt my orgasm rushing toward me, the tightening of my muscles and the fluttering of my core alerting them both that I was close.

“Steve… oh, yes!”

“I can feel you, baby. You feel so fucking good.” Bucky groaned loudly, his fist still wrapped in my hair and his breath tickling against my sweat-soaked skin.

“I can feel Bucky, Y/N. I can feel his cock inside of you.”

That’s all it took to push me over that edge, I came hard, the rush of it covering my thighs and also wetting Steve.

“Fuck, Bucky - Steve! So… good…”

“God damn, our little rain maker. That is so fucking hot!” Steve grunted as he fucked into me harder, his cock hitting my g-spot again. Bucky’s thrusts were beginning to lose their rhythm and he moaned loudly as he moved his hands down to my hips, holding them tight.

“Fuck, I’m so close.” Bucky sighed, his grip tightening enough to bruise as he thrust a bit harder and deeper. Thrust once, twice, three times more, he locked up behind me, his cum spilling into my ass as he moaned against the skin of my back. “Y/N, oh fuck!”

Steve wrapped his hands into my hair now, pulling my face toward him as he kissed me deeply, his eyes open as he thrust harder, faster.

“Cum for us one more time, Y/N. I can feel you.”

Bucky’s cock slipped from my ass but his hands were still on my hips. He used his strength to buck my body against Steve’s, my thighs burning as I worked up against him, matching his punishing rhythm as I felt the coil snap once more. Steve moaned loudly as his orgasm took over, his hips pulled tightly against mine as his muscles tensed, his face contorting in pleasure and his breath mingling with mine.

We all pulled apart, flopping onto the bed as Bucky got up and went to the bathroom. I tried to catch my breath as I felt a cool cloth between my legs. I cracked my eyes open, smiling slightly as I watched the two of them. I was now completely wrecked, but in a good way.

“You seem better now, sweetheart. How did we do?” Steve asked with a smirk as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

“Like you don’t know that you both just ruined me for anyone else, ever.” I kissed his lips softly as Bucky slipped into the bed on the other side of me, his arms resting around Steve’s.

I turned my head toward him, our lips meeting in a kiss that had my stomach flipping with excitement. The pain between my legs had me realizing I couldn’t do anything else tonight, but I would now crave the feeling of them both. Pulling away from his mouth, I felt my cheeks heat up as they both leaned up over me and kissed each other.

“Yeah, I’m so fucking ruined.”

They both pulled back with a smile, their eyes meeting mine. What had I been so upset about before? I couldn’t quite remember as they both wrapped me back up into their arms and we fell into a deep sleep.

#masterlist reblog #my work #winchesterswantmypie #stucky x reader

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kaotic-an4rchy · 2 years ago

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hated mornings in my early elementary homeschool days. every morning my mother would wake me up with things that either became sensory issues or were already. shaking me or yelling or doing dishes loudly so i can’t fall back asleep or ripping my blankets off or fucking god knows what else. whether they turned into sensory issues or were already, once again i can’t tell.

i nearly cried when i realized i was growing too big to be picked up anymore. i hated it. the security of being held was gone. we’re not a very cuddly household either so touch starvation

i watched movies over and over and over again. Wall-e, the kung fu panda series, MEGAMINDD, bolt, star trek, all those were my “im going to bed i need something to watch movies.”

i ate mac n cheese for dinner for like a year straight when i was 9. it’s my comfort food. it will never get old. i still have food phases but they’re much shorter now.

i hate blenders and vacuums and food processors or mixers because the noise hurts me. i always had to cover my ears when any of those things were on.

if any of my toys got altered or any of my stuff broken i was always super sad about it. the change scared thr hell out of me, i was scared i’d want the nostalgia later in life but never would be able to get it again.

i hyperfixated on animal knowledge and shows like wild kratts from ages below 6 to like,,,, 12. i also hyperfixated on marvels loki, during quarantine. and simped for him but that’s not relevant

can’t keep a room clean. once it’s messy i can’t hardly organize it because it becomes routine.

funnily enough i hate schedules. i love being spontaneous, i have more rituals than routines.

i stimmed a lot as a child but always chalked it up to being a weird kid.

listened to the same music over and over for like, ever.

i vocally stimmed so much as a child by just repeating phrases

i suck at sarcasm, and even though i am sarcastic often i make sure to put clear emphasis on it. that confuses people more though, unless their also my flavor of autistic

this list could go on, and i still have yet to be diagnosed.

undiagnosed or late-diagnosed autistics, time to reveal yourselves. what is one memory from your childhood or pre-teen years that should have suggested to people that you might have autism, but didn’t.

for me, i made my mom sing me a lullaby every night until i was 12, because i didn’t like the idea of my nightly routine ever changing. if she didn’t sing me one, i would get out of bed, go get her from wherever she was in the house, bring her to my room, and make her tuck me in and sing one to me. i wasn’t able to fall asleep until she did.

#autism #neurodivergent #neurodivergent stuff #undiagnosed autism #why am i revealing my secrets on here

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eerythingisshaka · 7 years ago

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Some Weeks Are Better Than Others Pt. 3

(“...you really did a number on me.”)

M’Baku x Reader

*Part 1* *Part 2*

Word Count: 3.7K

Plot: You and M’Baku have to be apart for a business trip you are taking. Leaving him sucks for you both, but career is important and he supports. But the trip is a lot more than a test of your value to your job, but to your relationship as well.

*Previously*

After toweling off, he heads for the bed, covers feeling cool against every inch of his skin. His body begins to wind down from all of the sexual frustration and Jabari disrespect, but is not used to the extra space in his bed. He is still mostly on his side, but feels over to yours, imagining your curves as his own personal skyline. He reaches for his phone to check, but nothing is on it from you, just a couple of memes from the other Jabari clowning him endlessly. He sets it back down, turning toward where you would be. He was already remorseful, especially since you were right, but he didn’t want to bar his guys from visiting, that is just rude. He takes a deep breath, drifting off to hopes of tomorrow being better.

The irritating jingle of his alarm wakes M’Baku slowly as he reaches to turn it off. The soft yellow glow of the sunrise seeps through the blinds as he awakes. He turns over to reach to the other side of the bed but his hand drops dramatically on the mattress. M’Baku’s head flies up in distress only to calm down once reality settles in again. Your body where you once laid for him to snuggle and grind up on in the morning is now miles away from him. M’Baku’s face plummets into his pillow, letting out a frustrated huff. This was going to be a lot harder than he imagined. Having the house to himself seemed like it might be relaxing but physical touch is M’Baku’s love language and that is just not possible solo. He tried that yesterday, and it just isn’t the same with you being there.

Rolling off to the side, he sits for a moment, head hanging, collecting his thoughts. It’s a little after 4 am, so you wouldn’t be up just yet, he surmises but picks his phone up anyway. No message from you, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re still angry, right? He hopes you will text him anyway, but you were pretty damn pissed so if 10 am comes without an answer, he’ll go ahead.

Rising with a stretch, he goes to the restroom, get dressed and gets some breakfast going. Heading downstairs, the remnants of last night still lurks in the room. No time to clean now. he shakes his head to himself, promising that he will talk to his men about treating his space with some damn respect. Getting the blender ot, he puts together a protein shake to get his body going for the day. The house is so quiet without you being there. Even though you didn't have to be up at his work hour, you couldnt sleep without him and sometimes you would blast some old school jams while making him a decent meal before he goes to work.

Decked out in his Under Armour shirt and Adidas track pants, with his Pumas on, he was ready to get to the gym. M’Baku has been doing physical training for a few years now. He dips and dabbles in many different channels of training, but today is just a simple boot camp regime that he advertised to get people right for the summer. It’s a quick and easy way for people to become interested in his program, and it usually pulls a certain type of clientele. They come for the workout but stay for him, which he is completely aware of. But it never becomes more than shameless flirting on their end and once their session is up, it’s done anyway.

Hopping in his SUV, he sets off to work. Making his way down a freeway, the trill of a phone call interrupts his Jay Prince jamming. Your name displays on his dash, causing his heart rate to rise a little, thinking fondly that you still can't rest at this hour. But also, will you be mad or over last night by now? M’Baku picks up.

“Hey, whatchu doin up this early, love?” He asks tentatively.

You say groggily, “I couldn’t sleep much more. You know I’m always up at this hour but I think I’m nervous about the first day.”

M’Baku nodding says, “Oh, please. You got this (Y/N). You come this far, you’re just getting your feet wet. Once you are in it, you’ll probably be bored to death.”

You smile to yourself thankful for his encouragement. “Yeah it’ll definitely be bored with all these white folks trying to pep us up in the world of business and commerce. You headed to work?”

“Yeah, might even be early this time,” M’Baku says, reaching for his shake taking a sip.

A police car zooms up to M’Baku’s car. The officer is looking at M’Baku for entirely too long since he is driving on the highway. M’Baku looks at him through his peripheral.

“Did you get some real food in you instead of just that protein lab created mess?”

M’Baku screwing his face up in a knot, “Yeah, I just got some fruit and a bagel.”

The police officer is still parallel to him. M’Baku looks over once and the officer has a radio in his hand, talking into it, looking him dead in his eyes.

“We were out of bagels when I left…” you say suspiciously.

M’Baku chuckles nervously, “I am capable of replenishing the fridge, you know?”

M’Baku keeps looking forward, he switches lanes to make the next exit.

You, not convinced, “Riiiight. Well I’m going to lay a little more until I have to get ready. Drive safe.”

“I will, go get em.” But you already hung up. Nodding to himself, M’Baku says,“Ok, we are still mad.” Looking in his rearview, the police car is gone.

That wasn’t the worst conversation you all had, but the tension was still there. M’Baku didn’t want to engage with you about it head on since you are just starting our first work day, but he does not like for arguments between you guys to go unresolved, he faces the issue head on and talks it out. So for now, you win, but the war ain’t over.

M’Baku pulls up to the gym, Baerobics. It has a reputation of hiring the best trainers that are the best looking. It won’t discriminate though, since everyone has their own taste, but it is practically a workout buddy meat market. M’Baku was a popular choice for clients but he believes in his work so the turnover rate is a little high, but those that stick around are either dedicated or paying for a show, which is still a win-win either way.

Swiping his key card, he makes his way inside. The receptionist says good morning as he makes his way to his space to set up for his first appointment. It’s 5:45 am, so he had a little time to look at his emails.

There’s a knock at his office door, and it’s the receptionist.

“Hey, how ya been, big guy?” She asks in a cheery tone.

“I’m great, Cheryl. You have a good weekend?”

She rolls her eyes, walking in like the details are too juicy to keep at the door. She is a brunette, 5 foot nothing, menopausal caucasian. She talks too much, but is good people.

“I thought you’d never ask. I told you about my nephew? Well, he has his graduation coming up.”

“Coming up? It’s already halfway through May, you didn’t mention it before.” M’Baku leans in, inquisitively.

“RIGHT?! I didn’t know until now! He is so secretive, and unsocial, I can’t wrap my head around that guy anymore. My sister is in shambles, trying to plan out the party on such short notice. Cake, photographer, venue, inviting family. I try to tell her to cool it, and keep it small, but she is not a friend of common sense.”

M’Baku discreetly looks at his computer’s clock. His appointment should be there any minute.

“Well, if you guys need any help, just let me know. I love decorating, and I could bring a dish or two. I feel like family, as much as you talk to me about them.”

Cheryl covers her heart, “Ohhh, M’BAKU, you are a saint made for sin! I’d love to see those hands do delicate work!” Laughing out loud, landing a hand on his forearm. She is like an aunt to you, but her jokes always make her infatuations clear.

The bell at the front door rings faintly in the background, making Cheryl jump up.

“Oh! We’re open! So I will text you later this week about the details, because we could use all the help we can get. Plus I have someone I’d love for you to meet.”

M’Baku raises his hands in protest, “No, no, no, Cheryl, I have a girlfriend.”

Cheryl turns mouth agape, “Still?? Wow, she must be a keeper then. Well, she is friendly, so it may happen regardless, she knows boundaries though. Thanks again!”

Cheryl leaves, M’Baku rubs his eyes in frustration. Why did he sign up to help her? He doesn’t know when it will be and for how long. He doesn’t even know her people, what if their racist as fuck?

He gets an IM from Cheryl, You have a visitor!

M’Baku types back a thank you and gets up to look out in his studio.

“M’BAKU! Getcho fat ass out here boah!”

He knew that voice anywhere, Akoje made his way to the stude.

“Akoje, what are you doing here man?”

Akoje was binding his locs into a bun on top of his head. Bouncing on his toes, his tall lanky frame was decked out in some bright neon patterned tights and a one-piece that said “I Need a Baker” with the face of the referenced singer.

“I’m cashing in on my free trial session, Kukie.” He says as he drops down to do burpees.

“I gave you, like five of those, which was four too many.” He says through gritted teeth.

Akoje pops back up to standing, “Oh, you keep count? Well then shit, just help your Jabari out, I have no means of training. Look at me, I am flab and bones.”

He turns sideways, practically doing a backbend to show off a non-existent belly.

“Ayye, go on with all of that, man. You should have had a membership of your own now. You could get your steps in by cleaning up my place for the mess you all made.”

Akoje lifts his hands in innocence, “Hey, that had nothing to do with me, you know Ogoro is on his see-food diet. We told him to slow up, but luckily the toilet wasn’t too far.”

M’Baku claps his hands in excitement, “And another thing! What the fuck happened in my bath-”

The door to his studio creeks open.

“Hey, sorry I’m late, traffic was pretty crazy today.”

M’Baku’s real first client comes in. Her yellow bone body, looked like gold melted into some hot pink fashion nova workout gear that does not hide a single aspect of her figure, which itself is nothing short of an advertisement for being someone’s trophy wife.

She lays down her bag and water, and Akoje in entranced.

“Ok, scrap the training, lemme be your assistant today.”

“No.”

“Come on! I been wondering about becoming a trainer anyway.”

“No.”

“I will pay YOU to let me do this.”

M’Baku pauses, then hold out his hand, “Gimme $20.”

Akoje unzips a side pocket on his legging and slaps it in M;Baku’s hand, looking back at the client Birdman style.

M’Baku pockets the money, “Now get out.”

Akoje looks back incredulously, “Man, I gave you the money!”

The client looks at them cautiously, then back to her phone.

M’Baku starts loudly, “Yes sir, thank you for catching up on your sessions, but I am with someone at the moment so please ait in the lobby until we are done here.” He takes Akoje by the arm and leads him out the door.

Once outside Akoje points back at M’Baku saying, “You ain’t shiiiiit. You better give me some details later!” Right before M’Baku closes the door.

M’Baku turns back to his client, “I am sorry about that, forgive me. I am M’Baku, I will be your Baerobics instructor this week.”

The client giggles holding out a manicured hand, “No problem, it was kind of cute to see. You all cousins or something?” she says with an accent from somewhere South.

“Yeah, we are. A little too close in relation if you ask me.”

“Oh cut him a break. I wasn’t sure who was my trainer so maybe he should consider it. I’m Kenie by the way.” She flashes a Colgate, dimpled smile that caught M’Baku a little by surprise as she puts her hand out for a firm shake.

“Kenie?” M’Baku repeats.

“Yeah, like Kenny from South Park, just spelled different. It’s short for Kennedy, but my friends call me Kenie.”

“Oh, ok. Well then Kennedy it is.” He says, before chortling out loud. Kenie made a face, pushing him at his chest, as he feigns injury.

“My goodness, you are stronger than you look, Ms. Kenie. How could you?”

“Yeah and you are only soft in feelings, I see.” She says, shaking her hand like she just punched a brick wall. Kenie was very charismatic so far but M’Baku knew how to keep it casual and professional.

“So let’s just go over to my office and do a questionnaire about you dietary and training needs”

He pulls out a chair for her as she arches her butt out to sit. Maybe she can’t help it, but M’Baku kept his gaze averted. He makes his way to the other side, her eyes follow his body until he is seated, and they get started.

M’Baku starts his introduction, “So, I like to start my sessions just asking what your goals are, and what you’re looking to improve on during these sessions.”

She crosses her arms under her breasts, looking off into space, “Well, summer is approaching, so you know bikinis and pool parties are happening real, real quick. So I just want to make sure I’m toned up, some definition on my stomach,” she looks down feeling her flat tummy, “And get my arms right, legs tight, all that.”

M’Baku looks her over as she points to her ‘problem areas’, “Yeah, you have a good foundation in your midsection, I can tell. But there’s plenty to do that’ll get you toned, just have to mostly watch your diet to make sure it appears.”

Kenie rolls her eyes, “Ugh, I know! I just love my carbs though, it’s a struggle.”

M’Baku chuckles, “Yeah I love them too, sweets as well, but it’s about moderation and discipline to get the results. You won’t have to give them up too long though, I don’t believe in completely abstaining from what you crave.”

Kenie leans forward, hands on her knees, biting her lip looking over his desk slightly. “I know, I agree completely.” M’Baku was not sure if they were talking about sweets and carbs anymore.

Clearing his throat, “Ok, so we can do some little warm up exercises just to see where your fitness level is.”

Back in his studio, M’Baku requests her to do some squats, watching her form. She is hesitant every time she goes into it.

M’Baku approaches her, “Try to keep your back straight as you go down.” She nods, attempting again.

“Not quite like that. Carry your chest high and try again.” He puts his hand to her upper back as she goes down.

M’Baku touches under her bicep, “Arms up and lean back a bit further.”

She looks like she is fighting back a smile, but she turns into a pro at it after a few rounds.

“Good, again.” M’Baku commands.

She breaths and goes.

“Perfect, now lower.”

She goes, little lower for two rounds.

“Ok, I think you can go lower.”

She does, smiling broadly now. “I can definitely do that…”

“Yeah, that’s it! Good. Ok stop. That was great!”

She smiles, fanning herself, “No thank you! Seeing that in the mirror was a treat.”

“Yeah, your form really locked in once we got going.”

“Mhmm...once I get going, it’s hard to stop, especially when it feels good, you know?” She says with an odd expression

M’Baku nods looking away for a second, “Ok, now we’ll move on to some ab workouts.”

M’Baku gave her a full body workout: Abs, arms, lower body, cardio, stretching. She didn't seem to be a stranger to the gym, but she may have been nervous because everytime M’Baku came close to target specific parts of her body that she needed to watch, she really listened and seemed renewed with purpose.

“Thanks again for the session, you really did a number on me.” She takes his hand.

“No problem at all, you are a great student! So is it the same time tomorrow?”

“Sure! I may be walking funny, but I’m sure you’re used to that effect on people.”

As she left, M’Baku went to his phone, checking to see a snap from you. It’s a picture of a meal captioned ‘Continental breakfast=TRASH’ He smiled, sending her an SMH text. Back in his office, his studio door opens and AKoje bursts in, “Yo, that baby girl you were bending over and shit is having car troubles, you got jumper cables?”

M’Baku goes down to survey the scene. Kenie is long faced before she see’s M’Baku approaching.

“Hey, M’Baku, I am so sorry. Your cousin offered your help before I could figure things out. You don't have to, but I just can't get the damn thing to start.”

“Yeah, lemme get the cables.”

M;Baku pulls his car in next to hers and pops the hood so start the process. A couple of turns and she finally has power again.

Looking relieved, she yells out the window, “You are a godsend! Thank you thank you!”

M’Baku unhooks the cables and comes over to her window, “It was nothing, we can't have you stranded on your first day.”

“I will have to repay you!”

“No, don’t worry about that.”

“Please! I got you, I won’t take no for an answer. I’ll think of something. But for now, I will see you tomorrow”

She pulls off and Akoje is slow clapping.

“What in Hanuman’s name are you doing?”

Akoje stops and laughs, “My my, I should be asking you the same thing! What was that?!”

M’Baku is confused, “You told me she needed help, so I came to do that.”

Akoje nods, “Mhm, and she is going to come back to do you, trust me.”

“Ayye! What kind of language is that. You know that’s not going to happen. You shoot your shot, ok?”

“Oh I plan to trust, but I actually don't know. I’m smart but no psychic, but a rocket scientist isn’t needed to judge that she wants that ass man.”

“I'm not stupid. She isn't the first to come on to me, if she even was, I never entertain that, you know.”

“Yeah except she isn’t ugly or crazy acting. I’m just telling you to watch your back. As far as handling all that ass, I know she could use your help getting real loooow, and DEEP into those exercises.” Akoje says with throaty bass in his voice.

M’Baku brushed off Akoje’s talk. M’Baku is as wild about you as you are about him, so no instagram model is going to take his heart that easily.

Later that day, after going through his appointments, he starts to head home, exhausted and sweaty to the nth degree. A call comes through on his dash, Mama.

M’Baku clears his throat before picking up. When his mother calls, he never knows if it is to say hello, how are you, or to cut him down to a nub for not calling or coming around more often and not appreciating her.

“Hello, Mama, what’s up?” M’Baku says in a cheery voice.

“What’s up? Is that how you greet you mother? Try that again.” she says sourly.

M’Baku rolls his eyes, “How are you doing today, mama?”

“Oh, I am doing great, Kuku!” Renewed with a bubbly personality. “What are you doing now, my son?”

“I am headed back to the house, probably relaxing for the evening.”

“Ohhh, you work so hard all the time. You deserve it. But don’t act like you are 80 years old, you have it so much better than me or your father did at your age.”

M’Baku’s mother was pretty good at building up to a compliment and adding a criticism at the exit door.

“Yes, I know mama. Did you need something?” he says exasperatedly.

“Oh, I thought you’d never ask. Well, I could use some help with this new shelf your father bought but will not read the instructions for. So now it is some abstract art piece in the middle of my floor.”

“Ok, I can do that. Maybe I’ll come by this weekend to do it?”

He hears her kiss her teeth, “Eh, you super busy this week or something? Does the girl have you running around for her, waiting at her hands and feet?”

M’Baku shakes his head, accelerating, “No, mama, she is out of town this week for work.”

“OH!!” she exclaims. “Then you should take me out! It’s been so long since you and I had mother-son time alone. How about that?”

M’Baku thought about this for a beat. It had been a while, not because he didn't like to see his mother but it’s so busy working and taking care of your own problems before adding on someone else's. They used to get into some heated discussion over this, especially since being with you, but she seems to have adjusted for the most part.

“Ok, that sounds good then. I’ll call you when I have the time.”

“Ok, Kuku. Muah, I love you!”

“Love you too, mama.”

Making it back inside, he is greeted yet again with the mess left from the day before. Yet again, he is too tired to even deal. Whipping his shirt off, he adds it to the pile of mess and makes his way upstairs to shower. As the water ran down his head to his body, he thought about his day. He will have to cancel with Cheryl because of his mom, so for once, thank Hanuman for her calling. Getting his washcloth lathered, he worked on his chest and torso. And that girl, Kenie. Something seemed different about her than others he had seen. Neck and face done, he works his sensitive areas and crevices. Clearly she flirted, but that wasn’t it. She was really interesting for some reason. He turns the cold water up some to rinse off, shaking his head as the water cascaded down.

Then the thought that he hadn’t heard from you all day came into his mind, so he hops out of the shower and makes his way to towel off and goes to the bedroom. Picking his phone off the charge, he looks at his messages. Nothing, not a single text or missed call from you. It’s only 6 pm so your day might not be quite over yet, but you send a text to her just asking what’s up. Walking away he gets a text almost immediately from you.

Yeah, fine but we need to talk.

*Part 4*

Other Works:

King Kil’mawalls

N’Jadaka’s Helpful Hands

T’akia

Commencement Day

The Ragtag

@sweetpeachjones @hairhattedghooligan @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @universalbri

#m'baku #m'baku x reader #mbaku x reader #mbaku #wakanda #black panther #marvel #fanfic #mbaku fanfic #m'baku fanfic #black panther fanfic

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clown-bait · 7 years ago

Text

29 Neibolt St (Monster Roommate AU) CH16

Fluff incoming! So two new characters are showing up in this short little chapter! And Pennywise finally takes his first bath in decades. Wow what an accomplishment!

CHAPTER 16

Uncle Ashley

“Look its a long story I just want to take care of my stab wounds first.” Leech was still in Penny’s arms clutching his silk costume

“Why are you nearly naked?” Freddy asked raising his eyebrows.

“Shut up Kruger.” Penny growled.

“Hey Fred you gonna introduce me to the bald babe and the uh… circus freak?” came a strangers voice it was gruff and cocky.

“Ah shit of course you'd have someone here when I'm half nude and bleeding out.” Leech lolled her head back.

“It's not a bad look doll face!” the stranger came into the room now he was roguishly handsome with a large chin and a missing hand.

Pennywise growled at the stranger. “Back off human”

“What are ya gonna do Bozo, throw a pie in my face?”

Pennywise stepped forward to stare down the human. “Now now boys. Im flattered really but Pen are you forgetting that my leg is currently leaking all over the floor.” Penny grumbled and moved to set her down on the couch the movement causing her to feel light headed.

“So what exactly happened?” Chucky asked

“Um well Leech finally killed a guy…. which was beautiful… attacked me and the servant….and……”

“And then what?” the gang looked on in anticipation.

“I…we…” the clown blushed a bit

“Wow and here I thought I was depraved. Really putting the freak in circus freak ey Bozo?”the human cringed.

“That’s Pennywise to you human. ANYWAY we got into an argument Leech did something stupid”

“You accidentally told her you loved her didn't you” Freddy sneered.

“I- NO “

“He totally did” Leech said weakly from the couch.

“LEECH”

“I still cant see why you wont say it. Everyone knows at this point.” Chucky rolled his eyes

“I am a eldritch creature from the macroverse I don't love”

“Don't make the same mistake I did kid”

“Why is everyone calling me kid I'm older than humanity its self.”

“Because you’re being a bitch” came Leech’s weak voice from the couch.

“You're lucky you're injured darling.”

Leech tried to laugh but ended up wincing and coughing in pain. “I don't have sympathy for you” Pennywise glared down at her.

“Bring me some juice Pen” she reached out a shaky hand still coughing.

“Do I look like your care taker?”

“If you love me you'll bring me some” she looked at him weakly while pouting

The clown sighed and walked into the kitchen. “You're the best!” she called after him blowing a kiss which he caught and proceeded to throw into the blender.

“So wait he did this to you?” the human asked.

“Nah this was from those kandarian guys.” Leech was struggling to talk wheezing more and more.

“Ah our mutual friends fan fucking tacstic.”

“Fred who is this guy?”

“Names Ash, S-Mart employee by day demon killer by night.” he took Leech’s hand and kissed it. “heard you had a problem with a book, my book, came to get it back.”

Pennywise returned and handed her a pitcher flashing his fangs and growling protectively at the human. Leech drained the container violently making inhuman growls and moans the whole time.

“I uh take it she's not….”

“No. She is one of mine.” Dracula spoke up from the door as he and Jim entered the room.

“JIMBO! GET OVER HERE” leech shouted relieved to see her servant in one piece.

“Master you're injured can you not make things worse” she was crushing him in a headlock before finally letting him go. Jim looked up at Penny and nodded.

“Jim.”

“Clown.”

They caught everyone up on the story, Pennywise leaving out the part as to why Leech was mad at him in the first place. “So what are our options here?” asked Chucky

“We need the book. Who ever has it is probably responsible for this.”

“Didn't you lose it? Doesn't that make you responsible?”

“I didn't lose it ok it was stolen.”

“When did you realize that?”

“Three hours ago.”

“Ash this shits been going on for days.”

They discussed their options. Finally deciding to split up in the morning to ask around town if anyone else was having trouble with deadites. Leech was forced to stay back due to her still healing despite her protests. She could barely walk but she hated feeling useless like this. When all was said and done everyone began to leave to go about their business.

“So I'm going to die now aren't I.” the younger vampire turned to her mentor.

“It is the final step child.”

“You guys will… be there when I… you know, kick it right? We may be dysfunctional as fuck but I consider you guys family. Most of you. *cough* Freddy…”

“My dear you're the deadbeat daughter I never had I will be there” Dracula smiled.

“Don't worry sweetie well stick around wont we?” Tiffany said from the stairs.

The other monsters smiled and nodded it was the least they could do for her, after all they were family now.

“Penny?” Leech turned to the clown who had yet to say something.

“Uh…sure.. I guess…”

“That’s your response?” Dracula glared at Pennywise.

“Get off my back old man.”

“You're older than me.”

“SO YOU ADMIT IT!” Pennywise shot up excitedly.

“Wow hey dying here, dealing with some deep existential crisis shit” Leech waved her arms around.

“Stop being so needy.” Penny pushed her hand away.

“Says the guy who knocked an entire stack of books off my shelf so I’d pay attention to him.”

“It worked though.” he gave her a teasing smile.

“So you’re going to stay then?”

“Don't have much of a choice.” he grabbed her hand squeezing it and giving her a quick grin before anyone else could see.

“So, when are we going to do this?” Leech asked.

“We could do it now…” Freddy suggested.

“Not a good idea”

“Explain Williams.” the younger vampire demanded.

“You leave an empty vessel for those things to take and well have to put you down permanently.”

“So what you're saying is I'm stuck.”

“Basically.”

Leech put her head in her hand and pulled it down her face “shit.”

————-

Leech awoke in her bed, every inch of her body ached and stung. It also didn't help that Church the cat had decided to sleep on top of her. Its like the undead feline knew her ribs were still healing and he did it just to spite her.

“Church you evil asshole! You never let me pet you then you pull this shit? No wonder you and Penny get along so well.” the cat began kneeding her chest for extra insult to injury. Just as she reached out to FINALLY pet the undead feline Penny came in with a glass of blood for her. Church woke up hissed and trotted over to him. “REALLY? I was just about to finally win him over”

Pennywise chuckled walking over to her, Church rubbing against his legs purring. “Here drink, don't say I never do anything nice for you.”

She sighed and took the glass struggling to hoist herself up. “Did everyone leave?” she asked taking a sip. “Some of us are still here. Keeping watch.” He replied.

“Come sit with me?”

“I have things to do.”

“Please Pen? I need it.”

“Will this make you heal faster?” he sighed.

“No. I just like annoying you.”

“You do a great job of it” he grumbled and flopped on the other side of the bed arms folded.

She finished her glass and leaned against him nuzzling his bells so they jingled against her nose. “Stop that.” He glared and shrunk down lower onto the bed. She responded by playing with his hair wrapping a finger behind his ear and massaging it.

“Cut it out” he growled while leaning into the touch

“Uh huh, sure Pen.” the vampire kept going ignoring the clowns empty protest, moving her hand to the back of his head. She made her fingers into claws and used them like a wire head massager. Pennywise tilted his head back.

“The door is open someone will see.” he was groaning and purring loudly drooling more than usual

“What? You embarrassed someone will hear you actually enjoy yourself?”

The clown was melting into the touches.

“You're injured and yet you still find ways to torture me.”

“I know you poor thing having to endure relaxing head massages”

“I suffer so much” he smiled in delight still purring.

Dracula eventually floated into the room followed by Jim who was carrying fresh bandages for Leech’s leg wound. They both stopped when they heard the content sounds rumbling from Pennywise who was now leaning his head against Leech as she ran her claws through his hair.

“Ah apprentice! You are finally awa-……Clown? Are you purring?”

“N-NO!” Penny jumped off the bed.

“Do you uh want us to come back later?” Jim asked amused.

“IM NOT PURRING IT WAS THE CAT”

“The cat just ran down the stairs.” Dracula gave him a smug grin.

“IM NOT PURRING”

“We shall return later don't get carried away now love birds!”they backed out of the room. Penny crashed onto the bed face first groaning. After a couple seconds he picked up Leech’s hand and placed it back on the back of his head, she snorted and continued the massage hearing the soft purr begin again.

———————

Leech had been texting Tiffany frustrated that she couldn't be out looking for whoever had the book. She had been sitting alone all day and the guilt was consuming her. She wished Penny was still here, as annoying as he was. He had gone out to stock up his pantry more knowing that he'd need the nourishment when they eventually have to clear the sewer.

The young vampire decided to at least try to take a bath since the feel of the hot water would be soothing on her bruises and she was freezing in the cold fall air. She attempted to stand her injuries protesting shooting pain through her system. Leech managed to make it off the bed and onto the floor. “guess theres no turning back now.” She mumbled. Crawling to the bathroom was exhausting the poor vampire had left scratches in the floor boards as she went, she was being incredibly stubborn and probably making everything worse but she was going to get clean dammit.

When she finally collapsed against the bathroom door she attempted to remove her shirt wincing as she raised her arms above her head. Her shorts came next and then the bandages. Everything hurt, tears stung her face as she growled in pain and frustration. “Why me? Why am I the one to take the brunt of this abuse?” she felt small and so alone in the bathroom. All she wanted was a new start, every time something good happened to her, every time she felt a little bit of happiness in her life something else went wrong. Leech attempted to stand and look in the mirror. She cried out in frustration over not being able to see how bad of shape she was in. “Thats right I forgot I'm a fucking monster now.” she sobbed and sunk against the wall she was frustrated and defeated beyond belief.

Pennywise had come up to check in, he was bored out of his mind not being able to prowl his sewer and whenever he wasn't feeding himself he always tried to bother Leech. When he saw she wasn't in her room her grumbled following the trail of claw marks in his flooring. The clown was about to scold her when he heard a sob he pressed his ear to the door. “What the hell am I becoming? I never asked for this.” the clown cracked the door open to find his favorite vampire was on the floor head resting on knees.

“What are you doing?” Penny grumbled, annoyed.

“Go away Pen, I'm feeling sorry for myself. You probably don't want to deal with me anyway”

“You're right I don’t. Stop being sad.”

“Not like I can just turn it off.”

“Looks like I have to deal with you then.” he walked over to her his figure towered over the vampire making her feel even smaller. “Why are you upset?”

“I hate what I am and what I’ve done.”

“Explain.”

“I ran away from my problems I let myself become… this and now everyone is paying for it because I cant even get being a undead right. I should have just given up.” Tears ran down her eyes and she grabbed her long ears folding them forward like one would pull their own hair.

Penny glared down at her in anger. Great now he's mad at me too. Leech thought. He moved down quickly pinning her against the wall. She sobbed harder in fear and sadness.

“Never be ashamed of what you are little hunter.” he spat. “I didn't choose just anyone to be my mate Leech. The way you kill… My dear you weren't meant to be human, you were meant to float above them.”

“But the D-Deadites… If I-I wasn't weak….” she stammered out through the tears.

He scoffed and grabbed her face forcing her to stare at him. “Weak she says. Hunters are not weak little Leech. You worry too much about dying, that is something humans do. You are not human, oh no you're much better. That is why you're mine.” he leaned in closer to her narrowing his eyes when he didn't immediately see her cheer up. Pennywise growled and closed the gap between their mouths letting out a rumble before he broke the kiss abruptly and pushed her face back. He got up to leave but was stopped when Leech shot up grabbing his ruffled collar she had a newly lit fire in her eyes. The vampire pulled him back to her mouth kissing him hard growling back at him “Theres my little monster” he snarled against her mouth. She bit his bottom lip before breaking the kiss, breathing heavy and staring at him.

“Feeling better?” the clown smirked proud of his little pep talk.

“I need to clean my wounds.” was all she said not wanting him to see the ghost of a smile finally forming on her tear stained face.

“Are you asking for my help?” he picked up a clean washcloth following her over to the extra large bathtub as she tested the water.

“Get in the tub jackass.” the clown’s lips curled into a smile.

————-

“I still cant believe I got you to take off the costume.” Leech pressed her own naked flesh against the clowns pasty white skin on her back.

“Just this once.” Pennywise was lightly tracing his fingers over the marks he had left on her from previous encounters. She took notice of this and turned to him a worried look in her eye.

“How beat up do I look?”

“You look fine Leech.”

“But like is it noticeable?”

“If you really must know here…..” he stood up leaving the tub. Penny shifted into a reflection of his vampire secretly making sure that his version looked just as pretty as he thought she was. “See? Still beautiful.”

“flatterer.” she sank back into the water cheeks darkening a bit.

The clown smiled and turned back sporting a silk pink nightgown.

“Penny, what the hell is that?”

“What? You and Tiffany were wearing them last week and they looked comfy. I just took a bath for the first time in decades, I'm getting comfy.”

“Help me get dressed you dork.”

Leech pulled the shirt over her head wincing a bit while using Penny as support. He scooped her up to carry her back to her room Leech wrapped her arms around his neck resting her head on his collar.

“Hey Pen?”

“hm?”

“Thanks.”

“Don't let it get around. I have a reputation to uphold…”

The clown grumbled trying not to look at her, those feelings and smells threatening to overtake him again. She reached her hand up and pulled his face back to hers before smiling and whispering “I love you” against his soft lips. Pennywise's eyes flew open wide, face the color of his bathrobe. The feelings got to him anyway and the terrifying monster kissed his little hunter. He growled against her mouth in pure adoration. Stupid feelings.

A knock came at the bathroom door Penny nearly dropped Leech as they jumped back.

“Occupied!” they said in unison.

“Junior?! Well, well, well! That a chick I hear in there with you?”

“Oh you've got to be kidding me.” Pennywise groaned.

“Open up its Uncle Penny we need to have a chat.”

Leech gave Pennywise a look. Shit. The clown mentally cursed. The intruder barged into the bathroom. Leech was wide eyed and confused to see a second evil clown who apparently was also called Pennywise. The new clown looked at his nephew in disbelief.

“Um I can explain.”

-----------------

PAPPA’S HERE! Also I’m hype we finally have Ash too he’s one of my all time favorite horror characters!

#pennywise #pennywise fanfiction #pennywise the dancing clown #it fanfiction #pennywise x oc #monster roommate au

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