#im also an avid Zen enjoyer

[fandomfloozy]

omg wait you like mm who is ur fave?

Nonnie it is so embarrassing how I misread this as OM and wrote out a whole answer gushing about it before I realized you said MM lmaooo

ANYWAY I am such a 707 girlie 💕

I was initially drawn to Jumin bc "men who are cold and distant with everyone else except you" is my kryptonite, BUT something about a tsundere who is madly in love with you no matter what????? Without you trying?????

It soothes my soul

[expfcultragreen]

(I've never had an inkling of an interest in getting into opiates before i feel like exiting mortality of my own accord, but regardless....) there's a part in junky that i think resonates, see what you think

I take it back actually, I'd smoke opium and have fully had the intention to since i read this (i was in ambalavao, it was 2009) its probably healthier than drinking. But i waste enough time as it is so acquiring opium isn't high on the list of new reasons life is groovy enough

Anyway the thing to do is, establish a positive reinforcement loop with yourself centred on associating rewarding emotions/sensations with whatever. Like, see, opiates do that work for a person, the reward loop is very tight and guaranteed, thats the hook of it. But if you wanted to addict yourself to gardening and relaxing instead of fixing up and relaxing, youd figure out how to give gardening an afterkick like a gardening specific high (assuming youre not currently an avid gardener due to a preexisting reward mechanic eg religious devotion to green living things that gets you off when you have a potherb terrarium going); for some people its the whole zen-and-the-art-of-motorcycle-maintainance thing crossapplied, or a tensed-up controlfreak version of that which in my observation is a process that toxifies the results and has a kind of decreasing-returns negaspiral to it. The mary poppins thing works, find the game [competitive people like the game of being better than someone else in comparison. I think that attitude toxifies the results], blabla, jobs a snap; 'games' might include, spotting chances to appeal to your own sensibilities in the process of doing something, like, some people have fun dancing while they do things and doing things becomes a way to be dancing, or some people like patterns so they find and make patterns when the opportunity is there, which, it often is, really. Some people like particular colors or music or smells, so anything theyre doing can be a game of introducing more of those things somehow ('seed the world'?). Some people like being able to do physically or mentally challenging things that feel fun to do so everything is a game of training for that. Honouring god really does hit the spot but you have to have that connection for making god happy to actually be a thing you like doing and not just, what you like is the egosoothing fumes off an empty performance like how a lot of religious people seemed to me growing up. Wrt the connection, there's paths...i recommend very researched and planned and careful drug use; like I'd start with a gram or two of mushrooms (which you can grow yourself easily, instructions galore) and see where you want to go from there, also I'd recommend dietary adaptigens (tea, for example) and clean living if possible (in a city? Uhhhhh good luck. thats why people need drugs so bad, severed connection from all the environmental brain/mind harming factors). I myself am a romantic, and a bit of a seeker, which, both have their pros and cons. Obviously theyre highly motivating if you mean it. But. You know what killed the cat, and my estimate is i have 3 lives left but i could be overestimating the miraculous alcohol overdose recoveries, maybe thats normal. My understanding is it kills people and its not a good idea to drink foolishly.

So, in lieu of allowing those motivations to run away with me more than they have (sanity is like a raw pizza crust...it can get thin, its not super ammenable to overhandling, we dont all get holes in the same places and we want to avoid holes, but if youre not selling it a patchjob will work so its ultimately a pretty forgiving material if you know what youre doing with it, which most of us dont), im down to "making my wildest personally specific imaginings realer and realer for my projected enjoyment of them if they finalized into reality true to form" ie, hypothetically in lieu of reliance on others as a source of meaning/positivity, what do i--personally--really want to be able to do, feel like inside, look like to myself when i look at myself, what do i really want to wear and sleep in and have as shelter and food, and what aside from providing myself with that stuff, do i really want to do with my time. I have really achievable goals it turns out, i want to look like my old warcraft character and live in a weird fairy forest smoking weed knowing its not on my conscience that im smoking weed while people are dying from things i could have somehow stopped by being there instead of smoking weed, because everyone dies of natural/selfchosen causes because its the future and we're all healthy enough to end nonconsensual violence. Being alive is miraculous and can be very enjoyable. Anything creating a barrier to enjoyment has to be dealt with, but in a way that doesnt introduce further restrictions to your life (ie you see that trump/the political class create barriers to life enjoyment but if you go kathy griffin about it that just compounds the issue for yourself instead of alleviating it; cheap stunts and visual gore dont unmake a whole faulty system and theyre not really meant to, which was the core problem with that attempt at addressing the grief of the trumptip-of-the-cultureberg). For me i got to a point where i couldnt mary poppins through selling my time doing shit i wouldntve done otherwise. So i started looking at the barriers to not doing that. I started looking very hard. And i fortunately know a little magic; you have to do good deeds is a big part of it, but if you dont know what those would be due to cultural pollution, youll get spun around; working hard isnt its own reward. Figure out how to do big, telescopingly good things; part of its cause and effect planning and part of it is the intent. I don't know how to have a better intent than "this falls within the framework of 'how to enhance the optimal number of peoples experience of the world' that ive currently worked out based on research and experience and so its a good thing to do, and I'll do it because god rewards me when i do good things" but it doesnt seem like you need one. If no reward materialized either your math was wrong on whats good or you need to be more patient and/or more lateral-thinking. Which, frankly, sounds like fortuneteller bullshit so, i hate to say it. Oh also there's always a cost to doing good, thats part of why its worth rewarding. Usually doing good is so costly people dont.

Ydone good jreg

Helping the world when you flap those wings, in case you didn't notice

Hey, jreg, listen, i care about you and i wish i could do more to help you personally but i also believe youve been taking care of yourself pretty good

But, if there's something thatd cheer you up or yknow, gel up some more joie de vivre or whathaveyou, seek it

I feel like you dont like anyones answers about what to seek

So i guess you should try everything and see what sticks

Worked for me