#im already very obviously a lesbian *and* i work with kids and that alone is scary enough lmao

[lavenderedhoney]

using t gel! started at a low dose, but moved up to the full ""masculinizing"" dose a few months ago. it's been really great! i don't bind and don't want top surgery, my goal is a deeper voice (started v high), and more body hair. my muscles are sturdier, which is really nice, and i used topical minoxidil to prevent male pattern hair loss. started in may of 2023! feel free 2 ask specific questions :3

Thank you so much!! My main goal is bottom growth, and it'd be nice to have a slightly lower voice and more muscle mass too, but I'm not looking for any other changes so I think I definitely want to try a low dose first. But I guess we'll see what happens once I start seeing results and how I feel about them!

[daenystheedreamer]

I am going insane over the omeagorverse is it possible that we could hear more about Jaehaerys 2 electric boogaloo and Maris the lesbian kids?

ABSOLUTELY for you, everything 🫶 love the pfp btw<3 my apologies this is late i drafted it and it got lost :(

so each descendent of the cursed maegor bloodline gets one fucked up deformity 🫶 jaehaerys got little nubby horns (very small hidden by his hair) viserra got a forked tongue that the maesters quickly and quietly stitched up (she cuts it open again later for the vibes) and daenys got stubby wings and a vestigal tail (maesters cut them off). u know the descriptions of targ stillbirths its like What if that sorta 'leaked' into the live births >:)

aegon and aerion the twins do the jacob and esau gripping the heel thing >:) and aegon comes out with a portion of his leg/heel blackened and scaly, with aerion gripping it and the hand is also blackened and scaled. FUN! and later on when theyre older and the mommy's favourite vs daddy's favourite drama is settling in maris considers doing a aerea/rhaella twin swap and even gaslighting the kids into believing it but the scales mean she can't :(

aegon walks with a limp and uses a cane and aerion wears a glove over his scaly hand. aegon is pissy about it because his deformity affects his health more than aerion's does and aerion is pissy cos he had to learn how to wield swords differently he had to figure it out himself Plus add into how he got exiled to essos when he was 14 yeah he's mad about having to REALLY learn to fight. so he thinks he's actually worked hard to become a fighter he actually put in work as opposed to his brother who is crippled and just GETS to have the crown. the heel+hand are also slightly burned as if in the womb aerion tried to burn his brother...

helaena had stubby wings like daenys <3 they got cut off when she was an infant as well. bled real bad though cos they were more developed than daenys' had been. she was kept hospitalised for ages after birth and it freaked everyone out but she survived. they had to cauterise the wound so she has very large and shiny burn scars on her back. jae also ordered the procedure while maris was still in childbed and a little delirious without consulting her. So that caused a bit of a rift. it also made jae+maris treat helaena as their specialist little baby girl who must always be protected.

daenerys has webbed fingers and toes like dragon wings >:) she's the one who married corlys so she gets called a mermaid. they didnt get cut off because they were sort of normal enough to not get noticed + its a trait some people in westeros are described with + maris was like yeah im not going through that horror again (she is going to go through horrors again). daenerys is the kid who's most normal about her Weird Quirk she's like it makes me swim better it makes me cool and sexy

viserys got a vestigal tail also like daenys<3 only this time it was actually a little prehensile. so again maris said i am NOT cutting that shit off. but after a few years they're like ight we can't hide this it's going to cause problems in court it's going to put our legitimacy and supremacy into question. So they cut it off when he's like 5 or 6 ^_^ it's very traumatic and painful. like they drug him up but that makes it worse cos now the memories are muddled and scarier and he hallucinated a little bit. and maris and jae couldn't bear to watch the procedure so he was alone surrounded by maesters (who already have FUCKED vibes). daenerys snuck in and held his hand for a while before getting kicked out :)

maegelle gets slitted pupils like a dragon's eyes :) obviously cant be removed... it's so obvious too and can't be hidden or explained away so maegelle is treated very differently by everybody than her siblings cos she just looks odd. has to learn to avoid eye contact 🫶 socially induced autism. she also sometimes wears a veil partly as a modesty faith thing but it doubles as a way to hide her face. she likes cats because they have the same eyes as her<3 she has three pet cats named nightshade (black cat) moonbloom (white cat) and frostfire (orange cat). if the warrior cats books existed in westeros she would have been fine...

@honestly-i-just-like-mythology  sincerest apologies for how late this must be 🙏 i lose things in my drafts bcos i want to make sure theyre as fun as possible and then it just flutters away from my mind

[dadswithipads]

As I do with most pieces of media I'm interested in, at the moment I will be reacting. Now I've already seen the movie and the TV show but it's been a couple years since I fully watched the movie scene for scene so.

MY BABYSITTERS A VAMPIRE REACTION:

Ew. Sry straighties. She just like 9 y/o me fr. Ethans voice crack. "High school brotherhood" i feel nostalgic for the beginning of High School. Even though mine was sh!t cause of a certain thing that happened in 2020. Okay Ethan says tomorrow but it's like raining outside and it's supposed to be August I'm presuming if school starts that next day? I don't remember his sister's name but frfr.

If they're starting out high school they're just now reaching teenager. Why is she going out alone. She gonna get k!dna££ed. One of my biggest fears. OMG RED HERRING. wtf was that dialogue. Nvm a cringy teen on 2010s internet would say that. Bro just d!ed. Him gagging lmao. Ew the socks. Wtf.

Oh yes, Twilight. Those girls walking in the hallway watching the movie on their phone remind me of when me and my friend in 8th grade just watch Netflix while we were running the mile. The actress is from Degrassi and plays Manny Santos💜 . Awwwwwwww the old phones. Theme song be kicking. Two nuggets and some fries???? And egg. Nice. The high school looks like a camp Lodge. Ah yes. Benny and his projection to be straight. Overly so. Hey yo it's Canadian Corbin Bleu. What kind of student is just wearing sunglasses and a suit indoors.

What is the logo for the coffee on the cup look like a ball s@ck??? Aww they sweet tho. Ethan being caught up and wanting to you know have a reputation and Benny just being goofy and fun. Its just such a entertaining and sweet dynamic. Feels very queer too. As it is. RORY!!!!!!

Why do they both dislike him? He's such a cutie. Benny shut up. KDKDIEJS9SKWOSIS THAT LINE. K but they're obviously lesbians. That Dynamic just from appearance at the beginning is reminding me of Jennifer's Body. Frfrrfrr. Benny lmao. Aw Rory. Rory saying "Think she'll tuck you in tonight?" LMAO. WLW AND MLM. this is such a nerd convo omg. Bro the closet. Spicy today. Blue looks so good with light blonde hair. Slay Rory.

Yeah no drama club is that emo! The pipeline is there but it's not at the same time. Me and corbin bleu frfr. Awww Rory. Nvm corbin bleu. Frfr. Slayy the mom is always right. Emo music slayy moment Ethan. I don't mean to be the basic white girl but that's all I can say right now is slay. It is a curse. What the frick Benny. That kid is me growinf up fr. Kiss kiss kisss kissss. Erica being taller than Sarah.

Corbin clue. I am too online I'm just expecting the vine thud sound effect to play anytime something happenes.😭😭. Cassie! THATS HER ACTRESS' NAME. He is cute. But erica still a lesbian for that one. Amen Sarah smack that man. Yo that a euphemism?

No way this is outside of his house. LMAO. thud. I know the show likes to show that he has feelings for her or whatever but I really think it's just a weird Crush thing and I feel like they would be way better suited with a brother-sistered anyway for real. Sarah and Ethan would work way better for that. Benny just a goof like Rory but they banish him. Wtf.😭. Justice for Rory. Benny bro stop. Green phone case. GREEN PHONE CASE. 😃. "Im next door" Benny is the girl next door. I don't like the song but antihero by Taylor Swift is stuck in my head right now so I'm going to listen to that and I'll be right back.

Back now. Aw. Benny and Ethan are so close. Like he saw Ethan was upset and immediately dropped everything. Ugh. Slay power gay. Benny YOU the one weirding her out. "She smells funny". Hello if you were me writing this I'd have the grandma like break all her bones doing dance to Revolution when they come back. 😭. Cuz I'm queer it's okay I'm allowed to say this but this boy is raised by his grandma you think he's not gay. He is.

Poor kid. Slay this teen slang. What i like in a show/franchise. I like when it's not talking down to the audience but at the same time it's not like explicit explicit cuz that kind of explicitness gets really annoying for me I like when there's just you know casual stuff you know like stuff that exists in the real world stuff that people talk about not overdramatic look drugs look sex in teen media. Cause her calling him a p£rv is like something that exists but is simple enough to imply understanding about the world.

A publicity stunt only that revolves around you two. LMAO. Benny my son. Me looking for my cats. Aw. They can't run any faster lmao. "Skinny guy coming through". Me fr.

*In Ron Howard voice* "Hey that's the name of the show". Benny being on email mainly is so. Refreshing idk. Its fun to think about. Sarah in her Draculaura era. Corbin Clue could AT LEAST try harder to be interested come on now.

I should just realized the Edward knockoff is also Peter from Degrassi not just Manny's actress. Love Canada. Wtf. Benny lmao. Sorry but that line felt like the opening to a gay pron.

Grandma wake up. Slay bethan hand contact. The bed that easy to move?. "Ryan Seacrest"??????????? Ethan gay fr🌈🌈🌈🌈.

He says notice sign with the restricted area authorized employees only. Lmao?? Aww Ethan smiling after Benny being a goof. That photo id of Rory is so... sophisticated?

RORY MY SON! Aww. Mathletes event lmao? He looks so good in blue. Rory is such a good part of this franchise. Benny sounds like this guy at my school that is like such a gross kid. But its okay cause its Benny and it's different. This is my son. Awwww the eye contact between them here.

Freshmen can't drive lmao. The car looked like it was getting pushed. Sarah save your gf slay. Lmao her "I 💗 boys that sparkle" shirt. Alcohol reference. Gross Benny. Gay reference. Ethana gay panic lmao. Benny too. Awwwwww them dancing. Aww Rory "A wicked hickey" bro no💀. I'm so Gen Z I once again thought there was going to be a thud sound effect after that. Jessie sounds like a nerd. He is so nasally.

Erica lmao. The music too. He he referred to them as girls. That is a queer thing to do. They are queer. Thud. Jessie sounds like a NERD Holy sh!t. Rory my son. Slay Ethan plot. The FX skhahahhahaha. These nerds. Benny. Said. "Wick'" as in Wicked. 😃. Ok.

Bruh the mom just inplied😃... Ok. "Rap music" my son listens to emo music and rap what a bisexual. RORY! love him in blue. No asthma. Lmao. "The big V". "What-what?" 😭😭😭😭 this man. CHURCH. AKDKKDHSHS. That Canadian came in during his "about". I sound like Lucille I'm squealing. Not even laughing just. "AH HAHAH". "Zing" my guy😭.

Dam bro didnt even get a line. Thats so raven. Wiki mention ayy. The looks like such emos. Just in the graveyard in all black with sunglasses lmao. Gross. "Out" was also said slipping that Canadian accent. Drugs lmao. Pretty vague. WOAH WHAT. I hate to Compulsive heterosexuality. Brought his vision right now is just him being a visual learner come on now.

Awww super rory. Gay implied. Ooh Sarah done fell in love. Gross. Rory listens to metal. Amen. Lmao. Aww bethan. Awww thats sweet. 8 year old girls rule the world lmao. Lmao the grandma. Irish dancing lmao. LMAO THE BURN. Bro. Cmon now. Awww she miss her GF.

Why the book just leave? Jessie is gay. He dating corbin cleu. "What a cool show" LMAO. That is illegal Ethan. Ewwwwww what the frick Benny. Smh. It's okay he just want to kiss the female to see if he liked it or not. He still in love with Ethan tho. RORY! Dam she grabbing her a$$. Lmao the cgi. The slow mo omg. Aww bethan moment. Aww. Bro is Ethan crying. Jessie is gay. BENNY! Him yelling "Courage" to go save Ethan. Aww.

Slay Sarah saved by females. Lol Rory and Erica matching. Gay and gay.

[catastrothicc]

when will i learn to write an intro post

hello friens my name is kit im 19 and i use them/they pronouns. i love the color GREEN as u can tell and im a cancer ..... i literally don’t kno who i am besides that so ! ey letz gO  .... oh yea my timezone is mdt .  bu ckle . ... .. . u p

fiRST we have rocky whomst some of  u kNO bc he was That guy in paracosms anD created by the m ost crea tive  admins iv’e ever seEN i got blessedt 2 play him and to play him agAIN in literally the most mentally straining au for any character .... paracosms verse ! x 

i previously made an intro post for him here so i’m just gonna link it and walk away .. .. .... also his stats page still lives here !!! keeping in mind that he is no longer a drug ring leader ..... he recently discovered that his wHOLE LIFE is a LIE and that he’s a helpless robot stuck in hell with a bunch of other robots who want 2 murder him and every(robot)body he loves 

find his pinterest board here , someday a whole ass playlist too

neXT we have minjae ... he’s my oldest character in this batch but that doesn’t mean i especially love him .... just means i’ve made him suffer the longest .... . . . tw: child abuse ( pinterest board , playlist 1 , playlist 2 )

minjae is in the main verse ! find him bullshitting through college and b-boying in the camden streets 

he’s twenty-one and a virgo , born in busan , south korea 

he found his way to london when his parents sent him away to study abroad highkey because that’s a big fancy thing in korea they can brag about and lowkey to get rid of him for as long as they can 

his relationship with his family is ..... interestingly strained . his parents WON’T admit that he’s tiring as hell to deal with and how much stress he causes because they try their best to be supporting/loving parents but honestly minjae KNOWS how much they just wISH he was fucking gONE from their lives ( okay maybe not THAT intense but things rlly blow up in his head ) but he doesn’t even worry about it he just deals with the fact that he’s a terrible son

he was diagnosed with odd when he was eight years old, after his mom got tired and increasingly concerned with his disruptive and violent behavior

a few years prior , minjae’s biological dad left them and his mom kind of took it upon herself to try and make it up to him . that meant she was always careful around him and treated him as if he was fragile because minjae felt some blame that his dad left . 

his biological dad did Not have any patience for his kid’s mental health , meaning he and minjae would fight often to the point of getting physical . basically minjae endured a lot of getting locked up in the bathroom kicking and screaming until his voice grew hoarse and the occasional ..... bad beatings .

he went to therapy with his mom for two years before entering middle school , around the time his mom remarried a nice guy who had the patience of a saint when it came to minjae , even after he repeatedly rejected him as a part of their life . eventually minjae managed to warm up to him ..... he just didn’t wanna admit he was afraid he’d abandon them like his bio dad . 

despite the therapy he was still unstable and got into frequent fights . he was smart but he didn’t put it into any good use because he would rather fool around and disrupt the classroom at any slight chance . teachers .... hated this fuckass 

theN high school !! A Whole Mess ..... he got worse and worse , and it wasn’t until he got expelled from his Second high school that he went back to therapy for anger management . 

after months of sessions w/ his therapist he was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder , which honestly explained Everything about his life . it explained his massive issues with interpersonal relationships , massive abandonment fear , massive moodiness , massive personality contradictions .... everythin g

he started b-boying because it was a way to push himself and let go of the anger without picking a fight with someone else ( altho he StilL picked the occasional fight .... highkey still does ) but he loved the control that came with dancing and how it hurt to push his body 

he managed to graduate despite what everyone thought ..... and even a bigger surprise is that he went to college majoring in math ..... and an evEN BIGGER SURPRISE is that he went overseas to study which is like ..... quite a difficult and impressive thing to do ..... tho minjae just finds math the easiest out of academic studies bc “all u need to do is understand and follow a formula” 

anYWAYS so his personality is generally very contradictory . he just has no fucking idea who he even is . thESE are from an old intro that i’m just putting here bc still tru:

being delusional w/ infatuation/love to the point of a fault vs running away when things actually start to go right with someone because of his fear of being abandoned by them

being so afraid of abandonment that he can’t stand being alone, always needs to be communicating with someone vs pushing people away when he feels like he’s getting attached because he’s afraid of abandonment 

swinging between being horny all the time and being sex repulsed

intense mood swings !!! having the time of his life one hour and wishing he was dead the next

thinks he’s the best vs loathes his entire being

wants everyone to love him vs thinking he deserves being alone

incredibly charming and talkative vs distant and moody

loving/cuddly/goofy vs jealous/purposely mean/bossy 

also never tell him its ok to text u bc he’ll give u notifications from Hell

dhwani mishra !!! honestly Bae . i’ve had her in my head for mONTHs and this is only the second time i play her rip . anyways say hello to this Hot Mom. tw: abuse , brief abortion mention 

dhwani is from chicago , she’s 36 and a leo .... literally The Whole SUN

she grew up w/ a generally large family . two parents , three sisters and a brother . it was a full house that often became suffocating but she managed to survive her childhood and teenhood . 

she’s extremely close with all her fam except her dad , bc they have always disagreed in almost everything and it’s just ..... awkward to be around him ?? she honestly doesn’t respect him much , even if she would never show him/tell him that . her dad had an abusive past w/ her mom , and dhwani still feels a lot of resentment that he would ever lay his hands on her in a violent way and mistreat her despite being the mother of his children . when she was a teenager , she would tell her mom to just divorce him but her mom was in a very toxic/old mentality and believed she would ruin her family and her children’s life if she did that . 

probably nobody cared about this as much as dhwani .... she promised herself she’d NEVER allow someone to do what her dad did to her mom and was honestly so defensive with guys . little did she kno it was the lesbian raging inside her . 

so because she had no idea what a lesbian was or that it was a possibility bc her household was not the type to really go into the topic of sex at all , she eventually got into a relationship with a guy in high school that she could actually put up with .... and got really disappointed when she was finally ‘ in love ’ because of how underwhelming it all was . her dreams about finding ‘ the one ’ were absolutely gone . she was like wtf why are people making such a big deal out of love when it feels like ...... kind of nothing ?? 

she became pregnant with his child which was completely unplanned and was such a huge turn in her life that she never ever expected . all this time she had been driven to start a career in chemistry and family would come way wayyy later , however she did Not want to give up her child ..... she was so torn about it but now she thinks not getting an abortion was the best decision of her life bc her little boy , one of her two little suns was brought into the world . 

she paused her career to raise him w/ her now husband when she was 29 , and three years later became pregnant again , this time w/ her second sun , an adorable lil baby girl . things were already going downhill in her marriage before she got pregnant again , though , and she stupidly thought that maybe another child would help them but ... wrong ! her husband , the man she thought she loved , was turning out to be exactly like her father . she put up w/ him for as long as she could .... but it did just not work out . when her daughter was two and her son five , she divorced him and someway or another managed to pick up her career again . 

she moved out with her kids into a small apartment , struggling with money and having to ask her parents for aid which wasn’t rlly good for her pride , despite that she and her mom were like best friends .

sHE made it to london by pure will after juggling her two children and working as a high school teacher , though when she got an offer to teach as a professor in a university w/ heR OWN LAB AND RESEARCH TEAM she could Not pass it up . the only problem was tht this job was across the ocean , and away from her family and everything she and her children knew . 

still , she saw a brighter future , not only for herself but especially for her kids , so she packed up and said goodbye to the states . 

she’s been teaching in soho for two years now and she still hasn’t really adjusted . it’s obviously a very different life than the one she had in chicago , but she’s very determined to make it work . also she’s recently discovering her repressed inner lesbian so hmu for plots !!! ;))) 

shE’S a chemistry professor so ... @ any student connections hmu ... also any students whomst want 2 be on her research team A++ 

pERSONALity wise .... she’s a mess . she’s very lively and warm and inviting , but she is also extremely stubborn and unrestrained . you don’t agree w/ something she does ? Suck It . you have a stupid opinion ? Time to let u kno how absolutely wrong u are . she is NOT afraid of a fight . also she’s v scatterbrained .... there is so much on her schedule that she can barely keep up w/ so she’s never like ... calm . always going somewhere , always pacing places , chugging her coffee , carrying 789479 folders and books everywhere . 

hER class is pretty much this vine 

probably one of the least chill professors on campus in the best way possible . she’s so excited about chemistry and teaching her students . altho she is lenient and understanding she can also b strict af and doesn’t allow her kindness to b taken advantage of . rlly good at drawing lines . 

also her children are her whole world and she loves to brag about them ... since she doesn’t get enough time w/ them at home she sometimes takes them to her lab on campus or they’re there being a mess during her office hours and stressing her out but she’s 2 fond of them to leave them w/ their babysitter . 

oK so here is her v incomplete pinterest board ... expect a playlist Soon 

lAST BUT NOT LEAST is santana !!! he is ... a solid trip . this is my first time playing him so i’m puMPED and expecting the worst of him fhuidshfiusdhg. tw: drug use , abuse , alcoholism 

he is 23 , a Cancer , n from LA california like that red hot chili peppers song(s)

his childhood wasn’t chill at all . he grew up with four sisters and three brothers , so his parents never really had time for all of them individually . they were always kind of lumped together despite the differences in age . santana was one of the middle children so he got evEN LESS attention . 

he honestly does not understand what his parents were thinking when they had EIGHT whole kids , because they were poor as shit . they lived in a tiny house with three bedrooms and two bathrooms , where all the girls would be in 1 room , the boys in the other , and their parents in th third one . you could Not catch a moment of peace in this household . they basically lived on top of each other .

his older siblings were very bad influences , and so were his parents . it was all tough love , so he barely received any kindness or special treatment and had 2 go to school even if he was dying w/ the flu and got hit Bad when he acted out even a little bit bc his parents were Not about to deal w/ any disrespect . he actually pretty much got hit for just existing bc his parents didn’t want dumb kids and santana was failing in Everything at school so his dad especially tried to beat it into him but really he wasn’t dumb he had dyslexia and no one knew or cared enough to find out .

still , they didn’t really respect their children enough to demand their respect . they would cuss all of them tf out and allow them little to no privacy so they all became rEALLY GOOD liars , and all of them learned to have each other’s backs but rlly this only lasted during their childhoods/teenhoods . 

santana started doing really stupid shit during high school and once he got caught stealing wine from a grocery store w/ all his dumb little high school friends whomst were in possession of weed and ended up in juvenile prison for two years until he turned 18 . thEN while he was on parole he didn’t learn his fucking lesson and his parents/family were not supportive At All honestly it’s like they didn’t give 2 shits that he was in juvie they were just like ‘that’s what happens when you’re a goddamn moron’ so santana went out and did it aGAIN bc fuck parental guidance anyways

this time he got caught stealing a whole fucking car and in possession of not only weed but cocaine so he got locked up for 4 long ass years . honestly thought that he wouldn’t make it out but he rlly learned a lot in prison and he was used to getting no privacy anyways and just kinda dealt . the prison system he was stuck in Sucked so bad though like the guards were the Worst and he’d try to stay out of fights but Some Fucker would piss him off and BOOM he’d end up in the hole for a whole week . 

hOWEVER if it wasn’t for being there he would’ve never discovered his passion of art and drawing . he got Really Fucking good bc he had nothing else to do but sit around and try to find anything to pour all of his pent up energy into and drawing happened to be his greatest outlet . would just sit for as long as they let him and draw his time away . 

when he got out he went back to his fam but they were pretty much all split up . shit went Down while he was locked up and somehow his parents ended up w/ a giant grudge on their children and some of his siblings wanted to kill each other while others had just completely moved away to different parts of the states and had absolutely no communication w/ each other . 

santana decided to fuck it and pursue his dreams of being a tattoo artist far from LA and just decided to move to a different country entirely . 

Now u can find him giving tattoos in his apartment bc he doesn’t have enough $$$ to get a studio and while he Is training under a professional he’s not getting paid by them so he needs to make money somehow . it’s a secret that he’s tattooing when he’s not supposed to tho . Fuck the law . 

personality !!!! he’s basically .... very chill .... perhaps 2 chill .... 

even tho drugs got him some bad time in prison he hasn’t left them . still very 420 friendly and occasionally does the hard stuff . also loves 2 drink and party . 

he’s irresponsible !!!! he feels like he lost a lot of his life in prison so he’s trying to make up for it and while he’s being more careful ..... he still loves 2 fuck shit up .

he gets way too comfortable around people way too easily . he thinks this is a trait he picked up in jail bc he rlly had no other option but to shower with a bunch of dudes and shit out in the open , so he’s very comfortable with his body and being in the nude in general . also a touchy guy , likes cuddles and appreciates hugs . random meaningless touches are a Habit . 

he loves to hang and do whatever so if ur his friend chances are tht he’s hitting u up 24/7 to go do something . biggest extrovert there is . does not get tired of being in public / around people . also p flirty and gay as hell . 

sO find his pinterest board here and i’m also in the process of finishing a playlist for him hopefully soon 

thAT WOULD BE ALL FOR NOW !!! hmu and feel free to add me on discord ( a whole silly boy#2690 , kít (catastrothicc) in the group chat ) for plots and such !!! 

[ramle17-18]

week 1

well! i’ve already written several journal entries about this past week, but the website i was using to write them deleted them :) thousands of words! isn’t that exciting. so i’m gonna summarize the first week here and then continue using this blog, i guess, because even though this website is literal hell at least it (usually) saves posts lol

SO

i landed last friday (sept 1) and stayed with rachel and david garber. they were incredibly sweet to me even though i did pretty much nothing other than sleep or hide in my room and read. at one point we visited a monastery nearby in modi’in, which was beautiful! also jet lag is a bitch

the program started monday, so that’s when i moved into my house and met everyone. it’s actually a pretty sizeable house! we could have probably almost double as much space if there wasn’t so much storage from the program, tbh, but it’s ok because the other groups are all living in apartments, many of them with more than 6 people. so it’s cool.

there are 6 of us, 5 girls and 1 guy:

rachel - very very sweet! kind of like. a naive liberal with p infuriating politics, but she’s incredibly nice. kinda like dorky and awkward sometimes but in a very endearing way (also like aren’t we all lol)

sultana - sultana is so cool lmfao. she’s pretty and smart and has family from all over the world and has been all over the world and has done so many cool things! also some odd politics but like. whatever

marleigh - i love marleigh she’s so laid-back and chill and sweet and fun to be around!! she never learned the alef bet so i’ve been helping her, and she’s picking it up really quickly

madeleine - a purple-haired vegan lesbian with an “animal rights is a feminist issue” sticker on her water bottle. very much like a Tumblr Person. she’s incredibly kind and her girlfriend has been hanging out with us all week and i love them both and they’re adorable

matt - he’s like 28 and can be kind of an asshole sometimes but never toward us. he’s been super nice and funny and helpful around the house and stuff

and then me!

so somehow i managed to score the single room, which is honestly a godsend because i don’t know how i would survive without it. i really was unsure how i was going to deal with being overwhelmed and needing alone time and stuff, and that was one of my biggest sources of anxiety for this program. but everyone seems cool with it (matt has his own room too obviously) and also when i mention that ive never lived not at home, i have anxiety, etc, they all seem happy for me that i have the single so that im able to be a little more comfortable :)

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tuesday was destination israel orientation, and basically we just went to a place in bat yam and poorly mingled and then had to introduce ourselves in front of everyone and it was just bleh. i was stuck standing by myself a few times, or otherwise following rachel around. i don’t know how to be social lmfao i’m gonna have to work on that

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wednesday we did a walking tour of ramla’s old city, which was really beautiful. we started in a little museum and then walked through the road of the old city (and passed a building where napolean stayed for a night or two!) and then saw the white tower (and climbed all 121 steps up to the top) and the pool of arches, which was awesome.

and then this guy david leichman came for dinner. he’s a friend of jerry kaye’s, i found out, which kind of didn’t surprise me based on the way he talked. he just kind of...rambled about his philosophies on life for like over an hour and seemed very self-important lmao. but it was whatever. everyone else kind of seemed to be hanging on his every word but i was like eh

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thursday we visited the center where we’ll be tutoring kids in english and also doing our ulpan and pedagogical training. and then thursday night we went to samir’s and i actually got drunk!

before we went to dinner i had a conversation about politics with marleigh and sultana, and ending up revealing that i’m a leftist before revealing that i’m a lesbian lmfao

and then yeah at samir’s they gave us a free shot of lemon vodka so i took it and ended up taking 2 more, and i didn’t even get nauseous! so i was a nice level of drunk but definitely still functional, and everyone seemed to love drunk jami. 

i ended up telling sultana that i’m a lesbian and then also telling madeleine’s gf and then madeleine, which felt good. it was actually a super fun night.

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friday sultana marleigh and i went to the beach in tel aviv! it was stunning and soooo nice, but i ended up getting pretty badly sunburned even though i put on sunscreen like 4 times. the salt of the mediterranean was a little much and i hate getting sand everywhere but that’s just what it is.

after the beach on the way home we stopped at one of the shuks in tel aviv, and i got a pair of those light airy middle eastern long pants which i’m incredibly excited to wear.

and then for dinner nurit invited us to her apartment! there was SOOOOOOOOOO much food, it was insane.

nurit and her sister had invited some couples as well, and one of the guys is from nigeria, so we were sitting and talking to him about america for a bit. naturally i ended up ranting about income inequality and classism and stuff and they were so surprised when we talked about like, how expensive education is, food deserts, the opportunities denied to poor people and subsequent blame of poor people for their problems, etc.

and at one point i was like “yeah in america rich people hate poor people” and rachel was like “well that’s not true, not every single rich person does” and then i almost jumped off the (beautiful) 16th floor balcony.

dinner was delicious but there was so fucking much food that i ended up feeling nauseous all night. potentially because i ate some spicy fish. it was so good though i couldn’t turn it down lmao. but they just kept bringing out course after course and people kept trying to persuade me to eat more, and i’m proud to say that i held my ground! not that i really had any other choice bc if i had eaten more i genuinely think i would’ve thrown up.

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it’s saturday morning so i’ll probably wait to write tonight’s entry, but idk what i’m planning on doing today. probably nothing.

i had a vivid dream about cameron last night which really fucking sucks. every so often i’ll have a really sweet and intimate and tender dream about him and i wake up feeling so uncomfortable and confused. in the dream i was literally identifying as a lesbian and was like “hm well maybe not” because of him and it was so awful lol. i hate him and i hate what he did to me and i hate that i still dream about him or think about him even though he’s literally such an awful person. like he wants to join the navy i hate him and if i met him now instead of in high school i would still hate him so @ brain what the fuck are you doing!!!!!!