#im already seeing the refugees... i think there will be a lot of them in fallout fandom.

[plasma-packin-mama]

REDDIT USERS. U CANNOT HAVE A BLANK ACCOUNT ON HERE.

GET A BLOG TITLE (DIFFERENT FROM A USERNAME) AND A PROFILE PICTURE. A HEADER IMAGE WOULD BE GOOD TOO.

genuinely tho, if you dont do this youll get blocked and reported for spam bc people will assume you're a bot. Bc you look like a bot.

[waters-and-the-wilde]

hehe scenario. jupeter coming out the other side of All That with a bit of 'wow you're just straight up a bit codependent but maybe that's actually the best-case scenario for you right now carry on fellas'

oh they've Had Their Talk in the aftermath, and, okay, it's agreed that they are Not Doing Romance because Nureyev needs Time To Grieve and it would be better to Take The Pressure Off Of Being In A Relationship and they will Reevaluate when Nureyev's had a chance to be a guy who doesn't have to worry about where his next meal is coming from. but also Like Hell is Juno just going to Leave Him Alone after all this. and the result is that they spend the Big Crash just. completely unhinged about each other. Nureyev's shot past 'feeling vulnerable around Juno scares the shit out of him' and well into 'raw nerves and gaping wounds and compound trauma and feeling vulnerable about literally anything and everything all the time and being around Juno is integral to not spiraling into the abandonment hell vortex'. meanwhile Juno's like 'holy shit Nureyev is letting me be there for him. this is already incredible progress'

u think they were insufferable on the Carte Blanche well. on the Carte Blanche Nureyev was still working on things like trusting Juno enough to let him back in at all and he Had An Image To Maintain and lots of Private Stuff to Deal With and Juno was still figuring out how not to be a prickly ass all the time and 'when is it appropriate to give your bf his space when your default mode is to Investigate Shit' and none of that is a going concern right now

'sometimes you gotta be a little bit mentally ill to handle the mental illness' they have so much separation anxiety and they are clipping their carabiners together. hooking pinky fingers and following each other when one needs to do something in the next room. where's Nureyev? sitting in Juno's lap again. his ass is experiencing 'nervous system doesn't know how to respond to the sudden removal of constant crushing dread and just goes fucking haywire at unpredictable intervals'. he gets random-ass panic attacks and there's only so much the breathing exercises and the grounding exercises and self-soothing techniques can do compared to 'Juno is here and he's fine and he's safe and he is more than happily providing prolonged physical contact' to get him to calm down on a physiological level

meanwhile Juno's like 'i chased this idiot across half the galaxy because he wouldn't ask for help and had to deal with him being all stone-faced and cold about it, do I look like i mind that he's clingy now? a lady does not need his personal space at this time. a lady is living for this. a lady is also maybe feeling clingy have u considered that'

everyone who isn't rita (idek who. melee? the other vivopolis refugees??) is assuming they are just getting a very bad grade in taking it slow and are barely humoring them about it. and neither bothers with denying the boyfriend allegations but it's not bc it's true it's they're just. too exhausted to get defensive about it

rita: and i mean they ain't actually smooching too loud in the kitchen or whatever

melee probably: he just came out of Juno's room wearing Juno's shirt

juno: he's a thief that's his shirt now

(12 hours earlier:)

nureyev: (shows up to juno's room at 3am) im sorry for waking you i had nightmares about [the bomb/the carte blanche raid/dokana capturing you] i just needed to see that you were alive and make sure im in the reality timeline and then i will go back to-

juno: get in loser we're watching bad cops

rita: hi mista' n do you want some of this blanket

nureyev: that's very kind but im afraid im

juno: yeah hold up he's like really sweaty im gonna get him a clean shirt

nureyev: you really don't need to-

juno: how are you even still standing up when you're shaking like that

nureyev: that is. an excellent question

juno: anyway welcome to the club i fired rita like an hour ago bc i had nightmares about her dying on the asteroid

rita: i had one where i was gettin chased by this big stompy plant monster with lotsa teeth and i had to distract it by throwing all my snacks behind me and then i was outta snacks and then i was up getting more snacks when mista' steel fired me

rita: you know i think only reason i ain't got separation anxiety about mista' steel is because we spent all that time in the ruby together while we were chasin' after you and that gets a gal over it real fast

juno: thanks rita :P

[bookishfeylin]

this was a while ago (a couple months at this point i think) so i might be misremembering, but once in the comment section of an acotar critical video a commenter kept claiming that tamlin was never retconned (which... im not sure what else youd call one of his defining traits in acotar- being observant- suddenly disappearing due to trauma when he was still observant post-amarantha at the end of tar, or some of his values and opinions suddenly also changing in maf, but alright) because throughout the first book he was, according to them, manipulating feyre- specifically lovebombing her. they never specified which events led them to believe this, just that it happened. thoughts?

*sighs*

This argument is one that, unfortunately, I've heard many, many, many times over by now, and have made several posts about in the past. Because, truth be told, it's the best rebuttal they have when you point out direct retcons. The problem is that Tamlin manipulating Feyre, or even lying about his values, is disproven both in the book and in the sequels that follow, and this is because a lot of Tamlin's characterization is based on Feyre's observations of Tamlin, especially at times when he's not aware she's observing him (in contrast to Rhysand telling Feyre what to think about him every other page in ACOMAF).

A very good example of this was with the dying Summer Court faerie. Tamlin and Feyre care for the faerie as it passes away babies, and this scene is viewed by many as a good character moment for Feyre that establishes her kindness under a gruff exterior, but the same is not said for her other half, likely because all the Feysands who reread ACOTAR view all of Tamlin's actions as inherently manipulative. The problem here is that Feyre was never supposed to be present. Feyre was supposed to be asleep in her bedroom on another floor of the manor when Tamlin returned with the fae, and it's only through coincidence--her having a nightmare about killing Andras that wakes her up--that she's present to see Tamlin extend kindness and try to help the faerie in the first place. Ergo, Tamlin's action here can't have been an attempt to manipulate Feyre because Tamlin never expected Feyre to be present, and the kindness shown to lesser fae, and by extension, what that says about how Tamlin views individuals in lower socioeconomic classes than him, is a genuine facet of his character.

There's also a lot of background established about Tamlin that simply can't have been done on purpose by him to manipulate Feyre. What, did he start taking in refugees from other courts like Alis and her nephews because 50 years prior he had a psychic dream about Feyre and he wanted to make himself look really appealing to her? Did he treat them well solely so Alis could make him sound good to Feyre to convince Feyre to go UTM?

I also take issue with people arguing that Tamlin was love-bombing Feyre. It was already discussed before here by someone who's pro-Feysand who also picked up on this (and this ask is already getting longer lol so I'll just link it here and reblog it later) but the TLDR is that Tamlin demonstrably does not want to manipulate Feyre per another conversation she listens in on, and he decidedly chose to abandon the goal of making her love him when he sent her home. Every single "Tamlin never really love Feyre he was just love-bombing her and manipulating her" argument forgets that fact for some reason??? Like he sent her home before she could even do what she was supposed to. He sacrificed himself and his people to eternal damnation for her, without ever expecting to see her ever again. He offered himself to the woman he's known since childhood to shield Feyre from harm. So if you want to argue that, like the beast character he was based on, Tamlin originally brought Feyre to his manor for the purpose off making her fall for him to break his curse, then fine, but it's impossible to argue that throughout their relationship and by the end he was manipulating her and had no genuine love for her.

TLDR: it's a stupid argument that relies on selective reading and I hate it.

[alwaysalreadyangry]

saw a post the other day full of people complaining about helping older people use computers, about how clueless they can be, how frustrating it is to have to tell them basics like where to click, exactly what to type, how some people just never seem to get it. then an addition was someone who works in a library sharing a story of a ninety-something woman who picked it up instantly. it’s not difficult, this elderly woman said! wow heartwarming.

i’m here to say that plenty of older and disabled and otherwise marginalised people do not know how to use computers and in some cases will find it very difficult if not impossible to learn to use them. for many people it is difficult. it can be insurmountable. we should be fighting for a world where vulnerable people who are not computer literate can use computers with assistance when they want to, but where they do not need to use computers, ever. this is a serious access issue as so much government paperwork is moving to being online only. your frustration at working a job that likely overworks and underpays you to help people use these computers - please think before turning it on the disenfranchised and vulnerable people who rely on you for assistance and resources.

it’s an annoyance for you? then think about why is it that governments habitually move the resources that vulnerable people need to live to online-only when they know as well as you and i do that the digital divide is real. think about how intentionally difficult governments and agencies make it to access forms and paperwork and everything else that is needed to claim such a small amount of money as people currently get when they are out of work and trying to claim benefits, or on allowances for refugees, etc. how much are governments dedicated to taking away people’s dignity and autonomy by swapping to a system that millions of people do not have access to without going into a public library and asking for help, if there’s even anyone there who is able to or allowed to help? i can get people set up with email and find websites for them but im not even allowed to help with sensitive forms - i can only do what i can, you know. i wish it was more.

before i started this job i thought of myself as impatient. i’m not going to tell you any stories in detail because my library patrons didn’t consent to being A Teaching Moment. but i have requests from “difficult” patrons every day. i take a deep breath and if i don’t have a queue, i try to help. i smile and say “don’t worry” when someone is apologising over and over because they were never taught this and they are stressed out and it doesn’t make sense to them. not everyone grew up with neopets and Hotmail. it makes you no better than them if you did.

i’m not perfect but i’m trying. just… think about it, next time you roll your eyes because another old lady doesn’t know how to use gmail, even though you’ve already shown her what to click. ask if your library has thought about seeing up dedicated sessions for helping people use computers if they need assistance (maybe it’ll take some of the work away from you and give you more breathing space). make leaflets telling people where they can go nearby for help with computers - maybe some local charities or non-profits have drop-in sessions. join campaigns for easier access, for letting people who can’t use computers do what they need to without needing to find some way to get online. all of these are more useful in holding solidarity than in just being frustrated that another person in their seventies, eighties, nineties, struggles to use a computer.

a couple more notes of things that i think about a lot when it comes to computer access at the library that might not occur to people who don’t routinely help people out with basic computer stuff:

2-factor authentication is the devil. i understand the intention behind it and cyber security is important and difficult! but 2-factor authentication in practice locks out and disenfranchises vulnerable people every day, makes them unable to access their emails and everything else on the web that depends on their email, makes them unable to access their data and government portals, and makes them even more vulnerable than governments already conspire to make them. plenty of people just do not understand how 2FA works. it doesn’t matter how many times the google website says : look at your phone and click on this number. or whatever. if somebody else is not there to tell them what to do — if they haven’t recently had to change their phone number, as many vulnerable people might have had to do — they will not be able to do it.

google have recently been selling chromeboxes to public libraries (and schools) cheap. chromeboxes in public libraries are also the devil. on a windows PC loaded with word, lots of people are happy and able to do what they need to do. the problem comes when they have to log in to a google account just to access a fucking word processor. it’s a scandal how many people are locked out of access to something as simple as a word processor unless they have a google or Microsoft account. we are talking people who don’t want email accounts, who just want to type up a letter to send in the post. Every time I ask online for a good alternative I get something extremely tech-y or like fucking online textpad. we just need a good accessible word clone that runs in a web browser like Word XP. It would make a lot much easier. And yet!

[claudiadiaries]

lan wangji!!! btw I still have your numbers ask im saving it for tonight lol

Thank you Cor <33 sorry for taking some time with it

My first impression idk I remember thinking he was very pretty and funny lol. I just really liked him from the start.

My impression now Probably one of my favorite characters from any media and also the only man in the world. Like this post.

Favorite thing about that character I like that he's very serious and kinda boring and methodical but very intense and commited not only to people but to his own principles, and his emotional journey tring to reconcile that. He's kind but not nice which is such a interesting contrast to me personally, esp since he's not like agressive, which is kinda common when writing characters like that. Also I love that despite struggling so hard to connect with people he's a teacher, and a very good one at that! Mentor characters are so good I love them. He's also very silly <3

Least favorite thing He is not very developed and I would love it if his relationships with other characters were more explored. His family life is so interesting, I love seeing how each person interprets what happened and how that reads into his relationship with justice and love.

Favorite line/scene The feeling of walking on a single plank bridge til it's dark doesn't feel so bad :) 'what is black? what is white? who is right? who is wrong?' is also a GREAT line

Favorite interaction that character has with another character So many of his scenes with wei wuxian are great but I love his conversation with him at the waterfall in the last episode. That one sect meeting where he stands up for wei wuxian and talks with mianmian after she quits the jin sect also has a lot of good interactions.

A character that I wish that character would interact with more I would love to see him interact more with jiang yanli wen qing And mianmian firstly bc he already has a lot in common with them and seems to respect them. Wen qing esp bc I think she's def more wary of him than of wwx even before burial mounds happened. Also the fact that he defended her and wen ning when they gave themselves over to the jins and we never saw it haunts me like What was all that about!!!

Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character Spock even though I only watched 10 episodes from star trek in my entire life. Every bl manga love interest that is serious pretty hard to read but deeply earnest and commited. And choi taek from reply 1988 but only slightly bc I never finished it.

A headcanon about that character Related to the next question but I do think lan wangji would love many genres other than classical or traditional music... especially blues/jazz/r&b. For canon compliant hcs I like to think he's one of those people that had a hard time making friends as a kid but grows to be very beloved by their community, not as hanguang-jun but as lan wangji. He gets along especially well with housewives and little kids <3 I also like to think he's kinda vain lol

A song that reminds of that character Soldier of love by Sade

An unpopular opinion about that character So many but if you go into mdzstwt my most unpopular would be that I hate daddy dom millionaire lwj that characterization pisses me off so bad. But I think to compensate that sometimes people avoid talking about his class position as something that influences his actions a lot, which is a shame bc it's one of my favorite aspects of him! Esp in contrast with wei wuxian, who is more familiar with non-cultivators and is, very crucially, the son of a servant that dessected to help war refugees. Please can we go back to making horse girl lwj headcanons that was funny.

Favorite picture

[risetherivermoon]

theory/interpretation abt dndads s2 of mine

life pre-code purple was probably post-apocalyptic. since it was before they swapped the planes around and we've seen what earth is like- it would make entirely a lot of sense if it was like a last of us/walking dead type apocalypse situation

i like to think that D.A.D.D.I.E.S. used to be some kind of refugee camp + research facility, and that everyone used to live inside the huge building and thats what all of the rooms w/ keys used to be for

i think that it makes a lot more sense that the twins are teaching their kids how to shoot guns if their lives are constantly at risk, with only concrete walls and finicky spells to protect them against the doodler's chaos

and i think it makes sense why the kiddads act the way they do, they're all still adjusting to a life that isn't dystopian with waste lands full of monsters/ zombie-adjacent creatures,

i think the need and want they all have for their kids to have normal lives makes even more sense too, praying that they don't have to be involved with all of the horrific things that happened after lark released the doodler

(and honestly lark as an entire character just seems like a guy so guilt ridden that he can't adjust to a normal decent life after everything that was going on because he doesn't think he deserves to have one-)

also- the spouses were most likely people the kiddads met when d.a.d.d.i.e.s. used to be a place for survivors to live and thrive, i think that if everything that happened on the titanic w/ marco & grant was pre-code-purple, then marcos reactions make a lot of sense, he's already seen the horrific doodler-pocalypse, so he isn't that frightened about being on the titanic

with everything that happened during the flashback to the doodler church, id say that was them all going on a huge stake out type thing to get information about how to stop the apocalypse in their own world

i see it as henry coming up with the idea for something like a refugee camp in d.a.d.d.i.e.s., they go with it and they help all of these people, and after code purple is enacted, he goes back to earth and does the best he can to do what he did before and create the remains of oakvale into something loosely akin to how he was helping back b4 code purple

this is probably badly spoken since im just spilling out my thoughts here (which there are so much of) but i wanted to talk abt it lol. i have seen other people say this as well, but i do feel like the general fandom consensus is that the kiddads just had normal lives when they were teens? which is a fun way to play w/ their characters but i personally dont see that as what happened

i just think its pretty obvious that code purple freakishly changed their lives-

[lazaruspiss]

Ok I’m gonna shoot my question here while you are in a analysis red hood mode (??): what do you think about his mommy issues (and fandom’s making it a trope)?

ooooo oh ok ok. this ones touchy. while i dont think its that present in canon i do think its there and worth the however many fics there are about it. like obvi theres probably a lot of boring and/or bad takes about it but the concept itself isnt running contradictory to canon or anything. i reread aditf a bit for this and had some tangents ill put in another post, but back to mommy issues.

jason had very little parental presence in his life at all. dads in prison, moms sick, he has no one looking out for him. probably why he and bruce seem to have bonded fairly quickly and jason accepted him as a father figure faster than any of the others. jasons bar for what makes a decent parent was nonexistent bc hed never really had someone dedicated to taking care of him. (even damian was hesitant, bc bruce being his dad would create distance between him and dick bc dick would no longer be his mentor, and hed gotten a bit attached)

jason accepted bruce as a father, but still missed his parents. he loved and grieved for both of them and most likely missed the idea of having normal parents in general in addition to missing his parents themselves. his love for his mom is still there when he realizes shes his step-mom instead, but it's accompanied by the hope that he still has living family out there.

the fact that jason went on a mom hunt in the first place is already enough that im like, yeah, i see where the mommy issues talk comes from. but i think you can go a few different directions with it

so theres catherine todd, who we only really know as being sick and a substance user throughout jasons childhood up until her death. iirc she died while willis was either already dead or in prison and so theres a period of time where jason (10-12ish?) would be taking care of his mother alone. being your mother's caretaker when you're still in elementary school does not make for a normal relationship.

and sheila haywood was uh. an illegal surgeon of sorts who fled the country and started a new life. apparently had an existing connection to the joker when she lived in gotham. he knows who she is and he knows how to blackmail her. while sheila describes it to jason as an operation gone wrong, joker calls it an "illegal surgery that killed a teenage girl" and sheila didnt seem to dispute that. probably watered down a lot of details in her explanation to jason. (the combination of 'illegal' and 'teenage girl' feels like it could imply an abortion? but it's left vague) and THEN it turns out she was stealing money meant to be used to save starving refugees before the joker even showed up. she sure is something. she still tries to help jason after he helps her, but don't skip over the part where she helps him after he helps her. she is still a person, but she is a fundamentally selfish person in every way. her final words include her commenting on how jason was a good kid who loved his mother. ive seen people take her final moments as a show that she still loved him, but i don't see it. one of those "a person doing a fraction of a good thing doesnt absolve them of everything else" kind of deals.

in both cases jasons mother(s) were relying on him. he never had an opportunity to be cared for and treated like a child. i don't think jason would have specific "mommy issues" about either of them, i think that he'd have some heavy feelings about the concept of a mother itself. what's it like to have a mom? does he still have a chance to be cared for and nurtured? his childhood was over before he had even met batman. becoming robin and being murdered is just tripling the issues he would've already had about his childhood regardless.

this is starting to veer off topic but

yes im finding a way to make this about Brothers in Blood. bite me. but even the first time i read this something that really stuck out is how jasons imaginary version of dick refers to him as a kid. dick doesnt really... do that. he did back when jason really was a kid, but this page says a lot about jasons self perception. he still wants to be taken care of, even if its not specifically "mommy issues" he definitely yearns for a chance to be treated like a kid again, after having rarely gotten that kind of care when he was a kid. (this page in particular is the first page of nightwing (1996) #121, which is one that i have a physical copy of <3)

[general-du-vallon]

i started making a fic once where aramis holds his baby and thinks like 'well i did one treason how worse could it be if i stole this baby away', and he thinking about he could put another baby in its place and then i thought WELL WHY NOT

Anyway now am thinking about the stolen baby au

Porthos waiting on a horse to spirit the baby away (just have the image of him waiting in the dark. He takes the baby cus like i s2 final where he rides off alone to be heroic)

Aramis having a moment to talk to Q.A (quee ann) before the baby is born and saying it as a joke and they both just look at each other

the other musketrs being like 'u decided what now with Q.A?!'

where they gonna get a baby?! well. Porthos can be like 'i know a guy'. I'm sure Flea could find them a baby needing a nice home.

Aramis being like '...and then i will slide the baby in' and Constance being like 'uh huh mm hhmm. WHILE THE QUEEN IS HAVING THE OTHER BABY?!? HM?!? u gonna GO IN THERE WHILE SHE PUSHES A WHOLE HUMAN OUT OF HER?!'

aramis after constance rant, as if there been no interuption 'and then constance will swap them' and constance being like THAT IS WHAT i THOUGHT

I mean the baby is already not king of france so who cares?! it could be ANY baby. Who says this ISNT what hapened?

anyway one of the big reasons i think this is hilarious is we already know there's a safe place for accidental french not-quite-heirs cus that's where Agnes and Henry went.

Aramis and Agnes and king of france (but louis did it instead) and the king of france (but random baby from court of miracles did it instead).

aramis giving in his commission; 'GONNA GO UH.... JOIN A MONESTARY. THATS IT. THATS RIGHT. THAT'S WHERE IM GOING'.

imagine in s3 if he was in that monestary and the others staring around at the hundred of babies aramis is sherpherding about like 'is it that one... is it that one... is it that one' (I know this is diff to the living in bliss with agnes plus king 1 and king 2 like the cat in the hat. but whatever. Did i say it all has to cohere?!?! HUH!?!)

it is actually surprising to me hwo much i could just... slide this into canon. That's really funny. Aramis coming back to paris with a couple of refugee babies and beingn like 'and this one I'm keeping FOR NO REASON he gonna live with me. um. better. really. nenver ever go to the palace. eek'

It would be fun reversal. Q.A sneaking into the garrison to see her baby. aramis being like 'you so really absolutely totally cannot be here' standing at the end of a corridor full of men used to living in barracks like not entirely dressed and sort of being awful all like O_O O_O O_O like those picures where the light in rats eyes.

Q.A being like 'and now this is aramis he is coming to court to be honoured and the king has decided in his generosity that aramis's baby is coming also and oops louis jr just happened to meet him oh look at that oh dear i tripped over and my two babies are friends what a big oopsie daisy no aramis i didn't do anything at all'

Q.A loves BOTH her babies. for the record. baby number 2 is GONNA BE LOVED.

I think porthos watching the king dote on miracle court baby would be fun. Porthos "shall we show him what being poor in paris is really like" du Vallon.

the king doesn't know. the king doesnt care.

the rest of the show can be p much the same. tbf i only watched bits of s3 and skipped a lot of the more plotty stuff so i dont actually know this. the version I watched could fit this change easy and who cares what other ppl watched.

Sylvie being like 'he is the king of france' abt the dauphin and constance being like '....well. technically u r correct. but. uh.' and sylvie being like 'this is another of those treason things isnt it' and constance like 'a bit' and sylvie like 'yesssss tell me tell me'

[etherealspacejelly]

^ this

i have already had a reply to this post about cultural appropriation lmao

it was literally an arab muslim guy who taught me these phrases and encouraged me to use them. every arab person reblogging this post is saying how much they love when people do this and some are offering additional words and phrases to use

if we shy away from using other languages because we are afraid of 'appropriation', we separate ourselves from that culture and dont actually allow ourselves to appreciate it!

i think its more important than ever to normalise arabic. i think a lot of white people (and possibly non arab poc) have this subconscious fear or aversion to it because of propaganda and fearmongering about arabs and muslims. and thats a real shame because arabic is such a beautiful language to read and to speak and to listen to! i love arabic script its so pretty!!

i had this friend in high school who spoke english, french and arabic at home (she was yemeni, i believe?), and listening to her on the phone to her mother was a transcendent moment for me lmao. the way she would switch between the three languages mid sentence, or thow in a filler word from one language while speaking in another, it was awesome

if you feel a knee jerk aversion to using arabic words, perhaps examine why that is, and unpack that. because i know i did at first! i had an unconscious bias that was taught to me by society and the media and possibly my family too. but i sat with that discomfort and i realised that it was completely unfounded. now i think arabic is one of my favourite languages! even tho i dont speak it lol (apart from these few words that i was taught)

speaking arabic in public should not get you dirty looks or verbal abuse, or even physical abuse. but often it does. islamophobia is on the rise. it breaks my heart to see groups of racists in my country attacking immigrants and refugees.

thats kinda why i made this post. because its such a simple thing you can do that normalises these words, and allows our cultures to connect and form understanding. if you know what these words mean, they're not scary any more. and the people using them aren't scary either.

idk im just a white guy who's had a lot of arab and muslim friends over the years, but this is important to me.

i think we should all start using arabic words and phrases more often because its a beautiful language and also theres not really. english equivalents that have the same vibes

theres also the comedy potential of it. you guys dont know the joy of having your muslim friend text you "hopefully the racists in our city will all get sick and cant go to the protest" and you, as a pasty white guy, responding with "inshallah they get covid"

its a one hit KO every time. its fucking hilarious. theres no english word that has the same effect.

he also once texted me that he got over a mysterious illness he came down with (i think? i cant remember the exact context) and i responded with "subhanallah he is cured"

again, one hit KO. he lost his shit.

what im saying is we gotta normalise arabic. its just a language like any other, and it has some great words. its just like saying "thank god" or whatever, but theres so much variety and nuance. its beautiful

[cold-arrow]

Doctor’s Notes, Book 6 part 13

| Deseased Parade | Summary, Things of note since last entry: Next morning, up early retrieving the map "final errands" sight, but no solace. silent compliance a few days journey, resting with at the fox finding a pup. watched. woken. feral. hard to handle. hard to hold. leaving the Wild. another day of travel. unsettling mist, unsettling visions the metallic mystery monster, a friendly visitor. tall trail, night parade, the smell of undeath

(down the list, untill completion. All the Baron items)

| 1 / 6 | cant say I slept particularly well. “Unlike usual” ,  I had a hard time sleeping, after what Lym told us. And with how Aldrin reacted, and the Lady Silverhand’s  stance…

Sigh, Yeah…

Seems Aldrin was up early. And had gone for walk. To my surprise, he hadn’t already retrieved the map. So that we could head out immediately. He’d just gone for a morning walk, I guess…

Am trying not to let it effect my mood to much. But the “even less sleep than usual” ain’t really helping.

Omrick was downstairs eating breakfast bright and early as well. Guess only me and Lym, were the ones who needed a bit of extra time in that morning.

--

We’re about to head out to get the map. But I think ill take the opportunity to take care of a few final errands instead. And let them take care of the map business.

.

.

.

I would have liked to have helped. To Help Them.     Had even prepared some things just in case. But there was Nothing I could actually do.   Too many guards

Even with what Lym had described, it’s,,, a lot worse than I expected. I disease breaks out, if someone gets severely ill from those horrid living conditions. It will spread like a plague… And risk the death of dozens, or hundreds... If not more. let alone if the giants atta

I… don’t know what to do, to help though. I’d said to the others that I was gonna take care of some errands. But…. Instead I just went to one of the warehouses. To see for myself. Aldrin is stuck up, rule obsessed idoit, if he thanks that what those people are....

I know that solving the larger issue at hand is “technically” the right, or best thing to do.     But how long will that take.     Is that really fucking worth hundreds of people suffering. Elongating their misery. just to try and deal with the “Bigger Issue at hand” a bit quicker. huh. I do not see eye to eye with him on that. Not at all.

But I don’t know what to do either.

Nor do I think to others. Or that might convince him. So instead, if seems like were just…. gonna walk out of town. and leave these people to rot, for a while longer. And not even doing a single thing to help them. No wonder my conscience dammed.     Not sure if I’ll sleep much tonight either.

| 2 / 6 |

we’ve only left the town, and started making our way north for like half a day, but im already incredibly tired. It’s not even like we’re travelling at a particularly fast of pace or anything. ( of if we are, at least not consciously) But I am just…    tired. I don’t care if get any sleep. I just need rest. To think. Or to just… keep going.

--

At least my conscience hasn’t fully fallen, and shattered. thanks to small bit of luck. But more so for those we encountered, than ourselves.

Not far from Loudwater, we crossed paths with a wagon, travelling down the road. There were a lot of people on it.   Refugees. When we greeted them, they were   Quite wary of us. But thanks to Lym, we managed to talk to them for a bit. Persuade them. And help them. To warn them. That Loudwater was no safe haven for refugees. But they seemed at their wit’s end, barely had any proviosons left. Lym was kind enough to offer them some of her gold, and they even took a bit of food I gave them. To try and change their mind of heading that way. But hopefully with Lym’s words, and some of the warning we gave them. They hopefully won;t Stay in Loudwater. Just buy food, and keep going.

I really hope we prevented them from ending up with fate similar to those of the other refugees there. They had kids with them. They…. don’t deserve     They deserve much better than that.

Lym was worried that she gave them too much gold. but I think or hope, that with all the coin she gave them. It just means that they’ll be less likely to get stuck  there as well.

…

Once we finally set up camp, I decided to look at some of the enchanted jewellery we scavenged from the Baroness.   She won’t be needing it anyways, as far as I’m concerned.

Quite a few trinkets. Some with rather niche but interesting effects, shile others are actually quite intriguing. Hoping to work my way down the lost, over the next few days. keep myself distracted for a bit.

If any of them pique the others interest however, they are free to lay claim to them. I am just happy to have something to do. I’ll let them decide, after explaining their effects.

| 3 / 6 | after a few days of travelling we are slowly making our to way to some of the first areas marked on the map. Last night we had to sleep through the rain though. And… it didn’t really clear up much, over the next day. however, once it was time to set up camp for the night, Lym managed to find an old abandoned, or burned down I should say, tavern.

Still enough in enough one piece to provide shelter, I think. But it hopefully won’t collapse any further as soon as we head inn.

The Sly Fox, is what it used to be called. The burned image of said creature still hangs by the doorway. There’s not much left of the place though. But hopefully enough to provide Some shelter from the rain, and at least sleep dry for the night.    Something i…   nvm

…

When it was my turn to take watch, I couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched. Like there was… something, different than usual, watching me. Or was watching us. I didn’t dare move much during the majority of my watch. Out of fear of perhaps provoking it, if saw, or even acknowledged it’s existence. But whatever it was, I…. it seemed to be coming from the old chimney, I think.

I just put my back to it, and tried to ignore it the best I could. But once it was Lym’s turn to keep watch I decided to notify her of my… gut feeling. Just in case.

…

Guess it Was actually something in the end. And it tried to kill Lym. All of us were awoken by a cry of pain from her, as she backed away from the chimney. Only to panic when she realized what had actually stuck out at her. It… had stabbed her, and in a split second decision, or intuition, she had retaliated against it with her infernal fire. And brought the creature down. But… it had died quite easily… Cause what she thought might have been a goblin at first, turned out to be small (feral) child instead. Who had stabbed her after she approached the chimney.

Upon realizing that, she kind of panicked. and quickly revivified the kid. But it, he, wasn’t particularly keen on accepting her apology. Hiding behind Aldrin, once he was back on his feet. Kind of surprised  he was more afraid of the priest girl than the giant deer man. But it quickly became clear why. The kid did not like magic. And in particular, Lym’s magic hand. Continuously making gestures to stab, or kill the hand with a dagger. Hissing at it, at her. The kid also didn’t really… speak. Most of it sounded more like garbled nonsense. And feral or agitated animals noises. The kid very much seemed feral in nature. Probably raised himself, here out in the wild. And I think for whatever reason that he is out here, alone, or an orphan…. I suspect that magic might have had something to do with it

( maybe the kid wasn’t afraid of Aldrin, because he’s a familiar with deer and beasts?. And knows that those are “harmless” creatures?)

* Important to note as well is that the kid poisoned Lym, with the venom some of the venom on his dagger. If she hadn’t thought of checking the blade, and asking me what was on it…. I shudder to think as to what the poison might have done. As soon as I realized that though, I quickly giver her one of my restorative antidotes, to hopefully nullify the poison. Will have to keep monitor her for a bit, to make sure it actually worked. Just in case. --

It took a lot of stern implications, and gesturing to stop the kid from attacking Lym. Or trying to stab her magic hand. The kid, or Orok I think I what he called, did seem to know “some” common words. But by some, I mean not much more that about a dozen. At least as far as I could tell. Best we can ascertain, from trying to communicate with him, is that is or was part of one of the barbarian tribes around here. But has either left, or been left here for some reason. And made this old burned down tavern his home?

He is very much a handful though, and was constantly trying to jump Lym whenever no one was watching. Though… Aldrin seems to have taken a bit of a shine to him though. Which…       I have opinions about.

He seems to give this one kid

we tried to get some more rest. And would deal with the kid in the morning. Lym tied him up before she revivified him. But Aldrin cut him loose again at some point. Not sure how much we can trust the kid, not to stir trouble though. Lym has understandably gone to bed early, and Omrick ended up taking a longer watch. Apparently he was still a handful, even after we tried getting some more rest. Constantly having to shoo or intimidate the kid away, to keep him from attacking Lym.

guess we’ll figure out what to do with the kid in the morning. Not sure if we can do much about   It  him though

| 4 / 6 |

Managed to get a bit more rest. Though how restful it actually was remains to be seen, when we start travelling again. The kid was gone at first glance, nowhere to be seen. It wasn’t until we left the building, that it suddenly jumped Lym again. Aldrin managed to grab the kid before it could do any harm. But…. It really doesn’t seem to like Lym, or her magical hand. Out of curiosity, when I tried summoning a mage hand myself. He definitely had it out for it as well. Makes you wonder as to why he hates magic so much though.

But we can not take the kid with us. I told Aldirn as much, and at least he seems to agree. But if the opportunity arises, he seems quite intent on helping the kid out. And finding him a home. Or someone to take care of him which…. I don’t know.

Im pretty sure the kid can handle himself. And seems happy to call this scorched tavern his home. And like he “oh so clearly told us himself” , we have different priorities   .

We can maybe help out the kid on our way back, if need be. At least it made some kind of attempt to apologize, for scaring us, and attacking Lym though. Which was surprising. He gave us a rabbit as parting gift. The more the kid talked with Aldrin, the more common it remembered. Still don’t know what language the kid was speaking, but… we have different things to worry about.

--

The… following night wasn’t much better. From what Lym and Omrick had told us of their vision, we were looking for the mist shrouded foothills, and had discussed for quite a while, what direction we should go.

But when night rolled around, so did a mist. I at first was a bit relieved that we might have actually headed in the right direction. And the we found the mist shrouded foothills.

But after a bit, I could hear something shuffling… deeper in the mist itself. Moans, and groaning of… the dead. Shadows shifting through the fog, calling out. I… I quickly woke the others, worried that we were about to be under the attack of undead, and zombies. Calling out to them to grab their weapons and panicking a bit. When I suddenly heard a voice call out to me. The others were… confused, not understanding what all of this was about. So I tried explaining to them. That there might be zombies and undead closeby, coming to attack us. But…. they still looked groggy and confused. Some of the shifting figures in mist seemed to get closer. And I tried to back away, to the edge of camp. When something suddenly grabbed my leg. I… screamed. Panicking, trying for whatever grabbed to let me go. When Lym suddenly grabbed a hold of me.

Asking what was wrong. The others were still confused for reason, they didn’t see anything. I asked if they couldn’t hear shambling figures getting closer. see the mist closing in. And… they didn’t. Lym than suddenly hugged me, telling me that everything was alright. That everything was ok. Even though I didn’t really believe her just yet. But the panic began to fade a bit though. helped me calm down. And upon finally realizing that… what I was seeing,  might not be real I…

I kind of feel guilty for waking them up. I really thought we were all about to be under attack. In danger. But… that wasn’t really the case it seems. Omrick told me to come to him. I half expected him to punch me again, for the rude awakening. But he didn’t. I just sat down for a bit, steeling my nerves. Until the next person eventually took over watch.

I hope it doesn’t get worse, the closer we get to The giant death trap.

| 5 / 5 |

Somewhere in the afternoon, after we set out from our camp from last night, we got quite the scare at first. Another dragon was soaring over the skies above us. A metallic one, as far as we could tell. And knowing our recent luck with dragons, we all dreaded that it might end up with us getting robbed or torn to pieces again. We desperately hoped that it was Zyra, but… weren’t particularly optimistic. And not wanting to take our chances, we tried our best to hide, and find shelter beneath with little treeline surrounded us. Hoping that it would go away. -- Just in case Lym asked or Send Zyra a message, asking where she was. But from what we heard from Lym, she only got half a reply as she didn’t realize there was a word limit to the spell. And from what little she did hear from the first part, it… didn’t seem like we’d be that lucky.

But we were. Not only did the dragon spot us. It recognized us. As Zyra came flying down to greet us, with quite a bit of excitement. Explaining that she was taking care of some business here for the Lords Alliance. And helping them deal with some giants. Which was the part Lym got, but not where. Aka, here.

So that was finally good news, on journey here thus far. Quite a blessing in disguise. Zym and Lyra talked for a bit, catching up. And introducing aldrin, who she taught was Baras in a disguise at first. Who she then proceeded to lift him by his horns, which… was quite a way to introduce oneself. If if weren’t for the fact that she’s a literal dragon, and that Aldrin himself was somewhat dumbfounded by the: Very friendly demeanour of our draconic friend, I’m pretty sure he would have knocked the wind out of anyone else for such a greeting. But after that kind of tense moment things were quite pleasant. Lym seemed a bit flustered and mostly surprised that it was Zyra, although pleasantly. And a little annoyed after a bit of teasing from Omrick. But all of us were quite relieved that it was in fact actually her. – And after explaining our reason for being here. And what we were looking for, she even offered to help us find the Stone giants. Bless her soul.

Even despite her warnings of, how dangerous the stone giants in this area, I actually feel a lot less worried now knowing that she is here as well. She seemed a bit apprehensive when we told her, that we were here to face them, and deal with them. But I think she underestimates how much of threat we are to them as well, I hope. And now that she actually knows that the reason they keep getting back up is because the are undead. Hopefully she’ll have an easier time dealing with them as well.

Am looking forward to when she returns and reports back her findings, hopefully soon. I think Lym, and all us could use her help, and encouragement quite a bit.

| 6 / 6 | we spotted some stone giants in the distance, on the path ahead. Hopefully they can lead us to their base. As long as they aren’t in fact just leaving it. Hopefully, It shouldn’t be too hard to follow them though. Or at least their tracks, as long as we don’t get spotted. But best keep a safe distance. Not like we could easily catch up anyways. If that time with the firegaints was anything to go by. Which… was also when we met Harshnag huh.

( miss the big guy. Could have used his guidance, his help quite a bit as of late. Es…) we set up camp again that night. Zyra hasn’t came back yet, but I guess that might be a bit soon to expect of happening.

This place is definitely getting a bit creepier though.

Don’t think any of us are skipping, or going to slack during our watches.

--

So we had quite a surprise, Again. A bigger one this time.

Apparently a parade of stone giants, passed us during the night. And one of the undead orcs that were travelling with them. Tripped. And after getting back up, caught are scent. It was fortunately the only though. But it proved a lot more resilient that expected. And when it approached our camp, during Lym’s watch, it attacked her. She tried to lay low when the giants initially passed. Not wanting to give away our position. But when the one orc got closer and found it’s way to our camp. She tried to quickly deal with it. But… it seemed unfaced by her first attempt at turning, or destroying it with her divine magic. And lashed out at her. Which was enough to wake the others. Us. And Aldrin quickly brought it down with a few quick slashes of his sword. -- I really hope though, that the other undead with the stone giants, aren’t as… tough as this one. Especially if there are dozens, or even hundreds of them. (I did intend on helping out with dispatching the undead orc. but by the time I finally found my crossbow, and my glasses. It was already dead. Didn’t even have time to get up. So the only thing I could do to help, was properly dress the wound that it had left on Lym. Which she hadn’t really bandaged properly, so I made sure it didn’t get infected. She probably wanted to safe her strength for tomorrow though, and not spend any of her healing magic on it, which is understandable. But better safe than sorry) | end of entry |

[bandluvr97]

mbb 🎅

I wrote something and Tumblr said nope, hopefully this works better.

I work F&B for the venue, so I help out at private events, which can get wild. Like $150,000USD for the night wild. It's an iconic venue, so people tend to only book it for extravagant parties, and thankfully now when Chef gets a $20,000USD order for a weekend the manager goes and screams in the VIP lounge rather than my little cave of an office space. I don’t get to see the parties (my boss thinks I’m an HR nightmare, cause tbh I was at the last company we worked at together) but I get the Stress of the invoices… What do you do for work? You said an office job, anything else you could share?

Ah, I can’t watch those kinds of movies, I get too much second-hand embarrassment lmao but I’m glad you’re there to keep up with the cringe.

I’m obsessed with how other idols have to deny dating rumors, while Changkyun’s there like “I fuck, please believe me!” and we’re like yep okay and the Easter Bunny is real, too. I don’t know how their stylists keep hitting, but they do, and they always look so amazing. I love their classy but scantily clad looks, even if Shownu isn’t there to switch from extremely sexy to Dad At Disneyworld as soon as he changes.

He will, but at what cost? He has to be a stocks bro now, which is an extremely unsexey thing to be. He’s so lucky he can sing smh (I’m joking). The vibration dance to start the song was so inspired, especially with the half open jumpsuit. I just think Shownu should be Snake Plisskin in the inevitable remake, in that jumpsuit, obviously. I don’t care if he doesn’t have acting experience, he could do it.

I love how sweet Wonho is, and so therefore how sweet his fans are. Even if he is absolutely shredded and so powerful on stage. I hate drug scandals, like, let them unwind in their downtime, and I’m glad that most people agreed and supported him and wanted him back. I can’t believe he’s enlisted now, how are we meant to go on without him?

And don’t think I didn’t see the line about some online dating, I’m trying not to snoop but also I’m snooping. Hopefully that’s going okay for you, please give us the rundown.

Hey love ❤️ how are you doing today? It’s all good Tumblr can have good days and bad days when it comes to messaging or posts so no worries there 😂

Oooo so your a food and drink distributor? That’s so cool!! I take it the venue is well known?what is the name of the club? Dang love! You’re making the big bucks!! Now that is impressive ❤️❤️ what kind of food do you serve? Lol as for me I work in an office as a social worker for low income families and community members so I work with people who are refugees/immigrants, indigenous communities, people who need money until they find work and things like that lol there is a lot of good clients but there can be the occasional one or two that like to give people a difficult time for no reason 😂😂 if you want to hear more stories or more about it im more than happy to answer 😊 im an open book lol

Yeah those movies are good for either background (which is what we mainly do in my family) but with the hallmark we mainly just judge them for how much they mention Christmas and make it more cheesy than they need to make it lol

Lmao!!! Right?!?!?! Idk how they keep coming up with so many amazing outfits like come on guys can you give us a second to catch our breath first? 😍😍😍😍and for changkyun we already know he a thotty thot some days and a comfy baby boy the next lol I honestly will not be surprised if shownu goes full daddy mode when he comes out and I am here for it lol I’ve always wanted to see it and I hope we see it lol wbu? What do you think shownu will look like after he’s out?

Lmao!! It just shows that he’s successful and knows how to make some extra coin 😂😂 all jokes aside if that’s what he wants to do with his money then that’s good for him ❤️❤️idk if I know what the snake plisskin is but if it’s leather then he can pull anything off lol

Right??? Wonho is such a sweetie 😍😍 I remember seeing some fan cams of his meet and greets with wenees and the handholds and the caresses though we’re sending me though the feels I swear to goodness lol and yeah that drug scandal was a negative time but we got him in the end still doing what he loves and that’s all we can ever want for our bunnie ❤️❤️ and honestly? Idk but it will be similar to shownus enlistment then we can do the countdown of days until he’s out lol

Darn it I thought you didn’t see that 😂😂😂 what would you like to know love? Let’s just say this the people I talked to wanted to meet up right away and make things go too fast for me and didn’t want to do the whole “friends to lovers” sort of thing so I will just be chilling and reading some fan fiction until the right person shows up lol it just wasn’t going anywhere and we shall see what is out there lol wbu? How is your dating life going?

Also sorry for the late reply too I thought I pressed send too lol

[clouds-rambles]

Im not even gonna go anonymous anymore. Arghh asking for another request makes me feel guilty knowing you have an essay due so i'll just present you a little prompt!

Being immortal and outliving people you love, you know the drill. It must be sad and lonely. But you know what i feel like would be devastating? Just imagine Teyvat in a time loop. Meeting your friends for the first time, getting know them, hearing their plans and ambitions, sticking with them through dark times, falling in love... Reader just happens to be the one to witness all of it over and over and over again.

Don’t worry about it! I’m horrifically avoiding it right now. I’ll probably have some lunch and do some more of it after lunch. I’m talking about things I enjoy so hopefully it wont take up too much of my brain and we’re going to ignore the graphic novel I have to create in 2 weeks too lmao I’m a professional procrastinator

I have a bit of an idea with this so I hope you don’t mind it being platonic and with the Mondstat guys either. I’m going to reference a previous set of headcanons where you’re the leader of the winds. The two writings aren’t related relationship wise though.

Pairings; (Platonic) people of Mondstat x reader

Warning(s); angst

Keep reading under the cut!

You had done this cycle millions of times before. Before you even became the leader of the winds, when you were just a small spirit. Much like your friend Barbatos.

And while the archon of this land could sleep for thousands of years at a time you had elected to protect his people from the dangers that the god of freedom was too asleep to do anything about. And in fairness you can understand why Barbatos has been asleep many a time to avoid his brain contaminating with similar ideals to Decrabain. You can’t blame him really...

But you’re so horrifically lonely. And it’s not like you’re surrounded by an absence of people. In reality you often find yourself over compensating for your loneliness. Nights are often spent in the tavern conversing with mortals that you can’t quite understand.

You half wish you could ascend to Celestia, at least there you can be merry with fellow immortals and not have the constant threat of losing a friend dear.

You have known the Ragnvindr family for many generations. It’s not like they are hard to notice. Bright red hair and, more often than not, a sweet, bubbly personality. Not many of the Ragnvindr’s have been blessed with visions, but they all make their way through life the best way possible. And while they seem to show similar thought processes to the previous anemo archon, especially considering the fact they basically own the alcohol industry in Mondstat, and more recently Teyvat in her entirety. But when you see the family treating their employee’s so well and with a great wage you can’t help but think maybe humanity can move past the age of dictators. Or at least the humans of Mondstat.

The newest Ragnvindr, Diluc had always caught your eye. You had helped babysit both him and his brother while you weren’t busy reminiscing in memories of old mondstat and slaying monsters of your home. The air of change hangs heavy on the air when you’re around them, it seems like the winds you lead are trying to tell you something that you can’t yet decipher.

Until the day comes when you can. Seeing a broken, sobbing Diluc shut you out of his home not only made you sad. But, it infact reminded you that you shouldn’t get too close to mortals. For, like your friend Crepus’, mortal life is fleeting. 

You’ve seen many stories over the years, but there’s only so many times you can hear the same story before they all meld together.

Take Amber for instance, decided to become an Outrider because of her Grandfather. How many times had you heard that story? Someones grandfather joined the knights and inspired them? Too many to count. And as much as you want to remember Ambers story, you already know, like all the others, her memory will meld with the others. 

Kaeya’s story isn’t one you’ll forget quickly, especially when the deeds of  Khaenri'ah weigh heavy on your mind. Though you have seen a small handful of changing of alliance stories in your lifetime his is probably the one that’ll stick the most. Especially when the memory of him crying in your arms after the man he considered a father died. 

There’s this one young girl you remember from centuries ago. She reminds you of Barbara a lot. Carefree, loves the people she works for. Just this girl was born a few millennia too early. She was apart of the Windblume resistance alongside the bard Barbatos fashioned himself after. You had attempted to smuggle the girl out the fortress many a time yet she always wanted to help. 

Sometimes when you watch Barbara sing you can’t help but cry over a girl you considered your first friend after becoming leader of the winds. Barbara is under the impression that you hate her because of how you avoid the girl. But being constantly reminded of someone you couldn’t save in the end makes you so sad. You’re not sure how Barbatos copes with donning the face of a friend when you can barely look at the face of someone who reminds you of a lost friend.

Razor sits fondly on your mind. He reminds you of the people you did actually save in old Mondstat. You remember checking in on a handful of refugees that you had to hide in old caves and how easily they had climatized to foraging for food. Whenever you see Razor you’re reminded of another young boy who went missing millennia ago who was later found to have been raised by bears. 

Through the centuries you’ve become good at pairing up couples. You seem to be able to point out people who will later enter a marriage. You’re not sure if soulmates and reincarnation exists, but that’s your only explanation being able to point to couples so easily.

You wonder for an immortal like yourself would be blessed with a soulmate. Especially considering you weren’t originally in a humanoid form. Maybe there’s some thousand wind out there for you that you’ll never be able to meet and fall for because of this form.

Your mind stretches to Barbatos whenever you think this but you never let yourself linger on it for too long. Lord Barbatos doesn’t like commitment, and you’re very much content with that, yes sir. 

Your eyes often linger on Rosaria as you often ponder if she thinks she’s the only nun to have strayed from typical nun doings. You remember telling a small Rosaria tales of Decrabains nuns and how they helped with the resistance against the tyrant. You wonder if that’s what gave her the idea to stray from typical nunnery. 

You smile upon Lisa fondly, a bright young woman with aspirations as high as the stars. Much like Rosaria you remember telling a young Lisa about alchemy and sorcery. She had such a knack for it, and seeing the woman return after only two years of study was a little disheartening. But you’re sure there will be people after her who will have similar aspirations with better outcomes. It’s not unlike you’ve seen people scurry their lives away in the pursuit of knowledge. You can understand her want for a different life.

As much as it hurts you in the end most, if not all, the people of Mondstat have buried themselves in your heart. And like you have done countless times before you’ll have to move on from them once you’re dead, no matter how much it hurts. Your mind ponders to Adeptus Xiao of Liyue. He’s under a similar curse to you. The curse of being alone while being surrounded by people. You wonder if that’s why Xiao has distanced himself from mortals.

And as much as you feel like you should take a page out of his book, you find yourself falling in love with Mondstat’s citizens over and over again.

[watchmegetobsessed]

IN YOUR MEMORIES

a/n: alright so this was inspired by an amazing fic called Graveyard by @wkemeup​ if you haven’t read it... WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR??? honestly, i was amazed by the whole idea of having to “pay a price” for a super power and i’ve been really itching to try myself out in this concept, so that’s what this story is. im really excited to share this with you guys so i hope you’ll like it!

pairing: Bucky X Reader

warnings: a hell lot of Bucky’s past pain, a little bit of angst aaand idk im really bad with these warnings

word count: 7.6k

masterlist

“I’ve been trying to figure out an effective way to help him, but it’s been more complicated than I expected. None of my ideas were good enough to even attempt them.” Shuri lets out a frustrated sigh as you stare at the peaceful face of the sleeping man in front of you in the cryo pod. The glass in front of his face is frosty, but you can still make his sharp features out, his chiseled jawline under the stubble, the elegant line of his nose and the thick lashes fanning over his cheeks as his eyes are shut closed.

“His whole mind needs to be rewired, his corrupted memories should be replaced or wiped out so the trigger words wouldn’t work any longer, but I can’t do that on my own.”

Tearing your gaze away from the man you look at her, an apologetic expression adorning her features, because she swore you’d find shelter in Wakanda, a place where you can be just like anyone else and yet, she is now asking you to use your power.

“Do you think he would let me help him?” you ask, glancing back at the man. Bucky, as Shuri called him, doesn’t look as old as he was said to be. A hundred and six years is a lot for a human like him, though he is not as mortal as others on the planet. Shuri told you about the experiments he had to endure through his life and even though you haven’t even touched his mind, you could feel the pain inside you.

“He is desperate to get rid of his dark side, I think he would do anything.”

Reaching up your fingers graze the glass over his face before you plant your whole palm onto it, trying to feel him even under the surface and ice. Eyes shutting close, you take a deep breath as you let your senses open up and find your way to the man.

Because of the cryo pod, you don’t feel him the way you usually do. It’s like he is just an echo in a huge empty room, you can’t make out his whole mind, but he is there. And even with him sleeping under the ice, you still can feel the despair and pain he had to go through as an innocent man. You know he deserves to be saved, he deserves to be freed from his own past and you are his only chance as of right now.

“Wake him up,” you simply tell Shuri before turning around to go back to your room that was assigned to you upon your arrival in the palace.

Bucky doesn’t feel like he has been asleep under the ice for more than just a few hours. It felt like a nap, but in reality he woke up months after the day he closed his eyes.

Shuri welcomed him with the news that the cure has been found and it’s time for him to get rid of the Winter Soldier for once and for all. She didn’t say much about the method, just told him to get ready by the afternoon.  He was never one to question the genius young girl so he just obeyed.

After a hot shower he shaved and took the time to get accustomed to the prototype of the vibranium arm Shuri left for him. It’s not the final version, a lot of details need work, but it’s good enough for his everyday life for a while.

The world hasn’t seemed to change since he last saw it. Wakanda is just as flourishing and vibrant as he remembered, a truly spectacular place in his opinion. He wonders how his friends have been, what Steve is doing, if Natasha is alright… Is Tony still fuming after their last encounter? He probably is.

When it’s time, he leaves his room and heads to Shuri’s lab for their meeting. The guards let him in with just a nod, like he is an old friend and he finds Shuri at her computer as always. The girl beams upon seeing him again, complimenting on his freshly shaved look.

“So what did you invent for me, smartpants?” he smiles at her gently. Bucky owes a lot to Shuri and her brother, they took him in when he wasn’t welcomed anywhere else and now she is about to give him his life back. After this, he’ll forever owe her and her family.

“Well, it’s not my invention this time,” she chuckles shaking her head. Bucky is about to question her when the doors open again, both of them turning in the direction just to see you walk in. His eyebrows knit together at the sight of you, not entirely sure what it’s supposed to be. “Mr. Barnes, let me introduce you to Y/N. Y/N, this is Sergeant Barnes.”

You walk closer, Bucky’s icy blue eyes are glued to your form as you stop a few feet away from him, holding out a hand shyly.

“It’s nice to meet you, Sergeant James Barnes,” you smile softly as his flesh hand takes yours and shakes it gently.

Bucky is enamored with you instantly. He has never seen someone as delicate, soft and charming as you are, your whole aura just demands his attention and he wants to know everything about you. But he also notices that though you look a lot like any other human on the planet, he is convinced you are not from Earth.

What he doesn’t know is that the moment your hands touch, you can hear his thoughts and you can’t push down your smile at how well he is at inspecting his surroundings.

“Just call me Bucky, please,” he nods before your hands let go of each other and his thoughts quiet down again in your head.

“To answer your suspicion, I’m rorm a planet called Lortena. Life on my planet looks a lot like humans here on Earth, but our lifespan is a little longer and some of us have gifts, as my mother always liked to call them.”

“How did you—“ “How did I know what you thought?” you ask with a small smile, finishing his sentence as he nods in complete awe. “I’m what you might call… a mind reader. But my abilities go a little farther than just reading minds,” you admit and his lips part at the revelation.

Bucky glances over at Shuri, part of him thinking it’s some kind of joke or witchcraft, but the girl smiles back at him with an assuring nod.

“Why don’t we sit down and have a chat? I’m sure you have a lot of questions,” Shuri suggests patting Bucky’s shoulder before the three of you head into her conference room.

Though you’re not touching Bucky, you can sense his confusion and hunger to learn more about you. He is curious about what else you are capable of and though the news about your abilities are still quite odd to him, you can tell that he isn’t trying to shut you out entirely. He just has some reservations for now.

Bucky knows it’s rude to stare, but he can’t stop himself from inspecting you. Knowing that you are not from this planet is already enough for him to get his mind racing, especially because you look just like any other humans on Earth. But the little trick you did on him was enough of a convincing for him to believe that you are from somewhere else.

The three of you sit to the table and Shuri takes the lead to start the conversation.

“While you were asleep, Sergeant, life went on and we had a lot going on,” she smiles, her eyes falling on you. “Y/N is a refugee from her planet, Lortena. There’s a war going on there and she was sent away because she was a primary target. She wasn’t supposed to end up here, but there was a little mishap during her journey and landed in Wakanda.”

“Are you targeted because of your… powers?” Bucky asks, hoping he is not asking anything offensive.

“No,” you shake your head. “It’s because I’m the king’s daughter.”

“Oh!” he breathes out.

Great, so she is not only a breathtakingly beautiful creature with superpowers, but she is royal as well, he thinks to himself.

“And how… where do your… powers come from? Is that a usual thing on your planet?”

“Not quite,” you chuckle softly.

You give a glance at Shuri who nods and brings up a hologram of Loki’s scepter with the mind stone in it. Bucky is already familiar with them, but he is curiously listening to find out what it has to do with you.

“Long before the mind stone was trapped into the scepter, it was in our possession. We used it as out main power source, kept locked away from preying eyes and hands. We all knew it’s capable of more than what we use it for, but we didn’t want to risk it and use it for the wrong purposes.”

The hologram changes and now the mind stone is on display on its own.

“But not everyone agreed with that. A couple hundred years ago there was a war for the stone. Though our people sacrificed everything to protect it, they didn’t succeed entirely. Unfortunately, the attackers didn’t know how great the stone’s power is. In the midst of the chaos, there was an explosion caused by the stone. Almost everyone present was killed, only seven survived and they were blessed with different powers coming from the stone.”

Bucky’s lips part as his eyes flicker over to you from the stone in the middle of the table, while you are staring at the hologram remembering back the stories your parents told you growing up. He feels like he is being shared with an ancient legend, a piece of history that is a privilege to know.

“The powers they were gifted with were held at great heights after the war was over. And while some of them could pass it on to their children, some couldn’t. The seven became four, then just two and there was one left. My grandmother. When my father didn’t show any signs of the stone’s power it was believed the magic was gone forever, but then I was born and…”

“And you had the powers,” Bucky chimes in, completely in awe of your origin story. You nod with a shy smile as the hologram of the stone disappears in the middle of the table.

“Yes.”

“And why is there a war on your planet right now?”

“Because though it’s been a miracle that I inherited my grandmother’s powers, the people want to get the stone back and have more of its powers. Unfortunately, the stone was lost through the years and I was informed that Thanos got a hold of it some time ago,” you explain, turning to Shuri for assurance about the accuracy of your words and she nods. “Who then gave it to Loki and now it’s in the scepter. People were demanding my father to start a war for the stone to get it back to Lortena, but he refused to sacrifice his army to get the stone back from a titan.” Sighing you lean back in your seat as you think about your home, your family that was left behind when your father sent you away because he was afraid the rebels would use you to get to him.

“The stone is not at Thanos’ any longer,” Bucky speaks up and your eyes find him as you snap out of your thoughts.

“I was informed of that as well. It’s um… it’s Vision’s now, right?” They both nod. “Well, the rebels think it’s Thanos’ and you better hope it stays that way. Because if they figure out that the titan doesn’t have it any longer, they won’t hesitate to attack you for the stone.”

Bucky’s jaw clenches at the thought of another war to take part in, but also because you had to go through such terrible events because of other’s greediness.

“I’ve been trying to find a solution to help you since you’ve gone to sleep, but I wasn’t able to come up with any,” Shuri speaks up. “But then Y/N arrived and I think she could be the one to do the job.”

“You think you can do that?” Bucky asks, eyebrows pulled together. “What else can you do, other than reading minds?”

You feel hesitant revealing the depths you’re able to reach with your abilities and you’re afraid he would find it too invading after everything he has been through. You want to help him but he has to let you. Though you’re powerful, if someone resists your attempts, the outcome won’t be the same as if they cooperated.

“If you let me… I can change your memories. I can make them appear differently in your head so what they did to you won’t have an effect on you any longer.”

Bucky’s jaw twitches. He has no idea what he was expecting, but not this for sure. Letting another person get into his head, play with his mind like it’s just a toy, it’s something he vowed not to let anyone do it again. But as he stares back at you, he can tell the difference between you and the monsters who ruined his head before. He is at a safe place and everyone here wants what’s good for him.

“It only works if you let me do it,” you add and notice how he presses his lips together into a thin line.

“I would do anything to get rid of him. So… I’m in,” he nods at last and you let out a relieved sigh.

You’ve never tried to corrupt so much of someone’s memories before and you’re not sure how long it will take to complete the task so you requested to start the next day, giving you some time to get ready physically and mentally and of course, for Bucky to get himself ready for his mind to yet again get taken apart by someone else.

Not having much to really do since your arrival other than helping Shuri out occasionally at the lab or giving assistance for T’Challa around the palace, you’ve been able to explore your temporary home in the heart of Wakanda.

There is a hidden terrace near your room, one that’s not well-known even by the people living in the palace and you like the peace and calm whenever you are out there, surrounded by flowers and plants in hand-painted pots, some of them were made by yourself, watching over the breathtaking view of Wakanda in front of you, the sky turning from bright blue to shades of orange, pink, purple and eventually black as the Sun goes down behind the hills.

Tonight, this is where you are seeking peace again, sorting your thoughts out about what you’ll have to face tomorrow. Your power has a lot of benefits but it has its curses as well. You’ve only attempted to do something similar before and you had to learn the hard way what price you have to pay for having control over someone else’s mind, thoughts and memories.

Your brother was tragically killed in an uprising when he was only seventeen and you were ten. It was the result of a series of unfortunate event, he was at the wrong place at the wrong time, no one could help him. Your mother broke under the pain of losing her own child and you listened to her cries every and each night for months before you decided that you needed to help her. She didn’t want to let you even try, afraid it might take too much of you to help her, but you insisted and she eventually gave in. You altered her memories and feelings about your brother’s death, only left her with the ones that bring her joy and happiness, but your gesture demanded a price you weren’t ready to pay.

Upon your own grief for your brother, you had to bear your mother’s as well, the pain of two people clutching your heart and mind in return for your mother’s happiness. You never told her how you cried yourself to sleep every night for an entire year, how you could barely control your dark flashbacks and the constant darkness that was pulling you down. No one knew what you had to go through just to see your mother smile again and you made sure it stayed that way. However, you didn’t dare to do it again, not entirely sure if you could handle the pain one more time.

You surprised yourself when you offered your help to Bucky. You don’t even know him, yet you are willing to take his pain and make it yours just so he can live a somewhat normal life. Though his memories and nightmares won’t torture you as long as they would have did with him, you’ll still have to fight his demons and he won’t even know it. Then why are you doing this?

You have no answer to that. Seeing him for the first time you just had a feeling that you have to do it, that he is worthy of it all and that you want to be the person to free him.

The glass door opens behind you as you’re watching the Sun disappear on the horizon and you’re surprised to see Bucky walk out to the terrace, stopping in his tracks once he notices you sitting on one of the wooden chairs.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t think anyone would be here,” he mumbles, his gaze snapping down at the floor.

“That’s what I thought too,” you chuckle.

“I’ll leave you—“ he starts, ready to leave, but you stop him.

“You don’t have to. Feel free to join,” you tell him, gesturing towards the other chair. His hesitation is clear at first, but then he closes the door behind him and sits beside you.

Bucky watches the sunset in awe, but he can’t shake his curiosity towards you, having to control himself not to stare at you as he tries to figure you out. You’re not the only one who doesn’t understand why you’re doing this major gesture for him, he’s spent the afternoon trying to find any alternative motives that might explain your willingness to help him. He couldn’t find any and it left him with even more puzzles in his tortured head.

“What is it like on your planet?” he finds himself asking, breaking the long silence between the two of you.

“It’s not too different than here,” you admit truthfully. “Though our technology is a little more advanced,” you add with a soft chuckle. “In a way I’m happy I ended up here, because Wakanda reminds me of my home.”

“You miss it, don’t you? Your home?”

“Who doesn’t?” you ask with a soft smile and Bucky nods. He misses his home too, but in his case, it’s not a place but a time, decades ago, when he was his true self instead of the monster Hydra forced him to become.

“I’m sure it’ll be nice to return once the war is over,” he hums to himself and he expects a warm and positive reaction from you, however all he sees is pain and sadness in your eyes. “What is it?”

You hesitate to share it with him, staring back at him you think about keeping your thoughts to yourself, but how could you expect him to let you get into his head if you don’t share your thoughts with him willingly?

“Bucky, I don’t think I’ll ever return to my planet,” you breathe out as your gaze moves back to the scenery in front of you, the burning disk of the sun already hidden behind the hills.

“What do you mean?”

“The ship I came with can’t be fixed and they don’t know that I ended up here. It would take them too long to find me here and that’s if… If my family will be alive by then. I have no idea what’s happening there right now, if the rebels are winning or my father is able to keep things under control. I see very little likelihood of my return.”

Bucky’s heart aches for you, knowing well the pain you feel, he finds it ironic how the both of you are stuck so far away from your homes, seeking shelter at the same place at the same time.

He thinks it’s fate.

“What’s your favorite memory from your home?” he asks and you turn to him with soft and shining eyes. He is expecting you to tell him about it, but instead you decide to show it.

Grabbing his hand that’s closer to you, you bring it up to your face and make him cup the side of your head, his thumb brushing against your cheekbone as you close your eyes and recall the memory, planting into his head as well, taking him back, like the two of you could travel time and space just that easily.

Bucky can barely believe what he is experiencing but he finds himself inside your memory and it all seems so real, as if it was happening in the moment. He is standing in the middle of a meadow filled with luscious, green grass and some kind of flowers, whites and purples and yellows dancing in the soft breeze. At first he thinks he is alone, he doesn’t see you anywhere around him and then he spots a woman in a long, light pink dress, her hair waving behind her in the gentle summer breeze and then he spots a little girl running behind her.

Bucky walks closer to the woman, but she doesn’t acknowledge his presence, she doesn’t even look his way and when he reaches out to touch her arm, his hand goes right through her figure, as if she was just a ghost.

The little girl finally catches up with the woman, a handful of flowers in her hands and when looks up Bucky realizes that it’s you as a child. Your main features can still be found behind the round cheeks and pouty lips.

“Mom! I picked these for you!” your younger self beams, holding the little bouquet of flowers up to your mother, who takes it with a bright smile.

“So beautiful, my love!” she hums, sniffing the flowers as you giggle at her. “But why don’t we use them for something?”

“For what?” you ask with a curious look and Bucky can’t help the smile on his face. It’s such a pure and joyful memory, he almost wishes it was his.

Your mother sits down in the grass, her skirt fanning over her in a circle as she pulls you down to her lap with your back facing her before she combs her fingers gently through your hair and starts braiding it, sticking the little flowers into the braid as she moves down. You start singing some kind of song, one Bucky doesn’t know, and your mother smiles brightly at your chiming voice. She braids with so much care and precision, at the end it looks perfect and very much princess-like with the flowers littering around.

“There. Now you are a bouquet of flowers yourself, my love” she smiles at you, kissing your cheek before letting you out of her arms, watching you dance around in your dress, singing to yourself without a care in the world.

Bucky wants to stay there, more than anything and see more of your younger version and your mother, but he is abruptly pulled back into reality when you pull his hand back from your face and the connection stops. His eyes snap open and they find yours, so enamored and in awe of what he just experienced, he feels like he was let in on a secret no one else knows in the world.

“Wow. That was… amazing,” he breathes out as his hand drops back to his lap while you just smile back at him shyly. “Is that… Is that what it’s gonna be like when you…?”

“Not quite,” you shake your head. “You won’t feel anything, you’ll just have to think back to all the memories you want to be changed or wiped. I’ll be the one stuck in your memories like you were in mine. And from inside, I’ll be able to change them.”

“Will I know later which ones were altered or they won’t be different at all?”

“There’ll be… a kind of shine to them when you’ll think of them after that. It’s gonna be the only tell that they were touched by me. But I won’t change anything you don’t give your consent to.”

Bucky nods, having answered his biggest concerns about tomorrow. Now he feels like he trusts you completely and you’ll be the first person he can open his mind up to without a worry.

No matter how much you tried to get yourself ready for what you’d see in Bucky’s head, nothing could have prepared to the pain and darkness he had to endure during his oddly long human life. All the torture, the blood, the hurt and fear of death, it all comes down crashing on you even after the first session you have with him.

It breaks your heart that such a sweet soul had to go through Hell innocently and now he has to live with everything he was forced to do against his will. You can only hope that the people who did this to him have gotten their rightful punishment.

The first time the two of you sit down to start his treatment you get stuck in his head for hours, going through memories and altering them to take away anything that is connected to the trigger words. You witness the time he was captured and the first time he was sat into the chair that broke him. You can’t help the tears rolling down your face as you use all your power to change the memory and leave him with just a faded picture of his cell and held captive. Bucky asked you not to wipe them entirely, leave him with reminders of what made you be the way he is today and that’s exactly what you do.

When you finally come back you almost faint from exhaustion, Shuri catches you right in time before you could fall off the chair in front of Bucky’s who is equally dizzy, but he still manages to reach out and grab your hand to help you steady yourself. You feel drained and almost tortured, Bucky’s memories imprinting into your own head and you already know they will haunt you for quite some time. Not as long as your mother’s grief did, you were just a child back then and you couldn’t control your power that well, but even though you’ve learned to use your abilities, it will still take a couple of months for you to get rid of the horrors you saw in Bucky’s head.

Bucky sees how broken you look after just the first session and he doesn’t want to believe you’ll be strong enough to finish what you started.

“It’s fine,” you assure him when he asks you again in the evening if you surely want to continue. “I just have to rest and we can go on,” you tell him, giving his arm a squeeze before returning to your room.

That night, you wake from a burning nightmare with a scream, gripping onto the sheets with terror running through your veins. In your dream, you were the one strapped to that chair, going through all the pain Bucky had to bear decades ago. It was vivid and torturous and you know it’s going to return.

But you’re determined to finish the work and you do it over and over again, every day for the next couple of weeks. You go through all of Bucky’s darkest memories, altering and changing them until there’s nothing left from the Winter Soldier in him, just some faint and blurry pictures of him being held by his captors. You take all the pain and let it sink its claws into your own head, clouding your mind with darkness.

Bucky can feel the change in himself instantly after the first time you get into his head and a few days later he sleeps through the night for the first time in forever, oblivious to the fact that not far away from his room, you are fighting his demons every night so he can have his peace.

He is always the one to help you back into your room after an exhausting session and he wakes you up with breakfast in the mornings, always making your favorite. You tell him it’s not necessary, but he insists that this is the least he can do for everything you are doing for him, and he doesn’t even know the worst things you endure for his happiness.

He is always the one to request days off from the treatment, not for himself, but for you. He sees how trying it is and though you would never ask for time off, you don’t have to, because Bucky does it for you. Every third or fourth day he tells you he needs some time to heal and get used to his new mindset, but he just wants you to rest and recharge and though you know it too, you appreciate the gesture.

Some days he asks you to join him for walks just to get you out of the palace and you gladly say yes, desperately needing something to bring the light back into your life and it doesn’t take long to realize that Bucky is that light that can ease the heaviness of the pain you are fighting.

You love seeing his smile as the first thing in the morning, you love how he squeezes your hands every time before you dive into his head and how insists to carrying you to your room even when you’re perfectly capable of walking on your own. You love how chivalrous he is always, something Shuri told you was more common in the times he was born and you adore it that it’s a piece of his past self still present after everything he’s been through.

Bucky is the only one who can pull you out of the dark hole you’ve been stuck in and you promised yourself that you’ll never tell him the price you had to pay for his happiness, because he deserves every ounce of it and you wouldn’t want anything to cloud over it, not even your misery.

It takes five entire weeks to go through everything that turned him into the Winter Soldier and then the day to test if it has worked finally comes. Shuri has made sure to have a capsule ready for the test, one that would keep him under control in case you didn’t succeed and he would be triggered by the words he already knows too well.

“Are you sure I won’t hurt anyone?” Bucky asked cautiously as he was strapped into the capsule, a good majority of the Dora Milaje guarding the lab as well in case the test goes wrong, but both you and Shuri are optimistic about it.

“Calm down, Sergeant. We can handle you,” Shuri jokes before finishing up. “Alright, I’m gonna close this now, but you’ll be able to hear us and we’ll hear you as well,” she informs him and he just nods as she closes the capsule, securing him inside.

You sit on the side, but still close enough to see his face in the capsule. His icy blue stare finds yours and you give him a soft, encouraging smile. You do believe he won’t be triggered and not just because of what you did, but because he has a strong will and if there’s still any part of the Winter Soldier in him, he’ll be able to come over it.

“Okay, ready for the words?” Shuri asks him and breathing out he nods, closing his eyes, waiting for the inevitable.

“Желание,” comes the first word through a speaker and you hold your breath as you stare at his face through the capsule.

“Ржавый. Семнадцать,” the words carry on and you see him squeeze his eyes a little, fear taking over you that he might break, but it never happens. “Рассвет. Печь. Девять. Добросердечный…”

The trigger words ends and your lips part when his eyes open, noticing the tears in them as he finally realizes that he didn’t turn. The Winter Soldier is finally gone.

“Congratulations, Sergeant. You’re free,” Shuri announces as she opens the capsule and lets him out, sobs shaking from his chest before he is freed from the straps and able to step out of the capsule.

He is quick to rush over to you and wrap you in his embrace, both of you sobbing and crying and you hold onto him tight, as if he was just a memory that could vanish any moment, but he is there, flesh and metal, the Bucky you know and adore so much.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he keeps repeating as his vibranium fingers tangle into your hair at the back of your head.

It’s been over a week of freedom for Bucky and he hasn’t felt better in his life, well, not in this decade. Without the sessions, he now has quite some free time on his hands that he prefers to spend with you, actually.

The two of you have been joined at the hips since his recovery and not just because Bucky feels like he owes his life to you, but because you both can’t help falling for the other in the light of your newly found friendship that’s starting to slowly turn into more.

Bucky hasn’t been shy about showing his adoration and gratitude towards you, not after you’ve seen the darkest side of him and could still look at him the same way. He feels like he has bared his entire soul to you and you accepted it gladly, so there’s no need to beat around the bushes.

However you’ve been still trying to keep him away from the secret you’re hiding. He can’t find out about the nightmares, the screams and the tears you shed every night when his demons come for you. You can’t let him get close enough to see the price you paid for his own happiness. But even with all the cautions you’ve been keeping, you still can’t stop fate from finding its way.

One night Bucky is staying up late, binge watching a series Shuri has recommended for him. He didn’t intend to stay up so late, but before he could realize how fast the time has passed, it was already past two in the morning.

Shutting the laptop down he decides to get himself some water before finally going to sleep. Padding his way down the dark and quiet hallways in only a pair of sweatpants and a tank top, he unintentionally takes the route that goes past your room. He didn’t plan on dropping by, knowing you’re probably asleep by now, just wanted to feel that sense of closeness even in the middle of the night, but his original plans immediately change when he hears your deafening scream coming from the other side of the door.

His blood freezes in his veins and he is quick to turn into combat mode, ready to fight whatever is threatening your life, but as he pushes his way into your room he doesn’t find any intruder, it’s just you, curled up on your bed and even under the thick layer of covers, he can see how badly you’re shaking, your beautiful face churned into a painful frown as you keep your eyes shut.

He immediately realizes that you’re having a nightmare.

He rushes over to the bed and sits to the edge, the mattress dipping underneath his weight as he carefully places a hand to your trembling shoulder.

“Y/N! Y/N, wake up!” he softly shakes you, trying to get you back to consciousness, but you keep tossing and whimpering, a thin layer of sweat covering your skin.

“No, no, please! I’m not the Winter Soldier!” you cry out and Bucky freezes, his jaw clenching at your words, an eerie feeling running down his spine.

“Y/N, it’s just a dream, wake up!” he tries again and your eyes finally shoot open.

Though you’ve woken up, you don’t instantly see what’s really happening around you and you are quick to flinch away from Bucky, pushing yourself to the far end of the bed as you stare back at him with fearful, wide eyes.

“It’s just me. It’s alright, it’s me, Bucky,” he softly reminds you holding his hands up so you can see them. Your chest is heaving and your hands are gripping the sheets so tight, your knuckles are turning white.

“Bucky,” you breathe out and he nods.

“Yeah, it’s me. You had a bad dream, I heard you scream.”

Letting out a shaky breath you close your eyes and try to shake the vivid images that haunted you tonight out of your head, with not much success. Tonight you were beaten up in a cold and dark cell, the man kept telling you that you’re just a monster, a soulless nobody as he kept hitting you before he reached for a weapon that sent electricity through your body until it was too numb to move at your will.

You know it was one of his memories, because you’ve seen this scene before in his head and you remembered it clearly. Only that last time you saw it happen to him and now you were the victim.

“Fuck,” you breathe out, loosening your muscles as you gain your contact back with reality.

“What was the nightmare about?” he quietly asks and your gaze snaps up to meet his. You can’t read his icy blue eyes and for a moment you think about touching him so you could hear his thoughts, but you promised yourself you would never use your powers on him.

“Just… some nonsense stuff,” you lie shaking your head.

“Didn’t sound like that.”

“What do you mean?”

“I heard you beg to someone, telling them that you’re not the Winter Soldier.”

His face hardens as he inspects you while you try your best to hide anything that would tell him more about what you’ve been keeping from him.

“I don’t… I don’t remember it,” you shrug, scooting closer to him as you fix your pillows.

“Y/N, I don’t need superpowers to know that you’re lying,” he retorts and you almost flinch at his words. “Are you having nightmares because of what you saw… in my head?”

For a split second you think about lying. You think about telling him that it’s just because of what you saw and not tell him the real reason of your nightmares, but guilt has been already eating you away for not telling him and you wouldn’t be able to lie straight into his face. So you shake your head and your eyes meet his icy gaze again.

“I’m having… your nightmares.”

He looks confused, eyebrows knitted together as he is tasting your words, not entirely sure about what you meant by them, so you go into the details you’ve been keeping hidden from him.

“I can’t just take memories away and turn them into nothing, Bucky. Memories can only vanish if they get forgotten with time,” you start explaining, hoping you can paint the picture as realistic as possible. “When I changed your memories, I took parts away and… made them mine. And now I have to be the one to fight and forget them, but it happens faster for me than it would have happened to you,” you quickly add, as if it could make it any better.

“Why didn’t you tell me this is the cost of my recovery?” he snaps, clearly mad at you and he has every right, but you just wanted to save him. “I would have never let you do it if it meant you’d be the one to suffer for me, Y/N!”

“I had the chance to help you, I wanted to give you the freedom you deserve!” Tears are stinging your eyes as you stare at his harsh expression, the soft and joyful Bucky you’ve seen these past weeks is now gone.

“But it’s not worth it if you are being tortured by my memories now!”

“It was worth to me!” you snap back, a tear rolling down you cheek. “I might have been selfish for keeping you the details of what it would take to free you, but now you are the one who is being selfish, because you wouldn’t have let me help you if you knew and that’s exactly why I didn’t tell you! I chose to do it and I knew what I was getting myself into and I knew what it’s gonna cost.” More and more tears run down your heated cheeks, soaking your skin before they drop to your shirt or the sheets covering your lower half. Bucky stares back at you in disbelief as you reason about why you did it exactly. “You deserved this second chance and I was your only chance. If I didn’t do it for you, I would have had to live with the guilt forever that I let an innocent man suffer. It’s a small price for the happiness I was able to give you.”

Bucky is in total shock. He has had Steve do selfless shit for him plenty of times, hell, he wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for him, but what you did is just above everything that’s been ever done for him and he is having a hard time accepting that anyone would put up with so much pain and suffering for him willingly. He can’t decide if he wants to scream and shout at you for being so stupid or if he wants to fall to his knees and glorify your name till the end of times.

When you realize that he won’t snap at you again, you carefully scoot closer until you can reach out and touch his face, but you don’t even try to read his thoughts. Not this time. You let his thoughts wrapped in the darkness of the unknown. Bucky melts against your touch, his eyes fluttering closed for a few moments.

“You shouldn’t have done this, Y/N.”

“But I did,” you breathe out with a bitter chuckle. “And it can’t be undone, so you better accept it.”

He cracks a tiny smile, but it quickly vanishes as a thought pops into his head.

“If you have the memories that made me into the Winter Soldier, how come you don’t get triggered by the words?”

“I might own your memories now, but there’s a natural bond with the original owner that can’t be taken. It’s what makes them so vivid and real for you, but it will never be as real to me. The trigger words have no power over me, because the memories are not mine, I don’t have the bond with them.”

“But you still have the nightmares. My nightmares,” he breathes out, a hint of disappointment ringing through his tone, though you’re not sure if it’s because of what you did or because he couldn’t stop you from it.

“They will go away,” you assure him, but you can tell that his guilt is eating him away. “Bucky, I’ll be fine. A few weeks, at max a month and they will be gone. I promise you.”

“You don’t deserve this,” he mumbles under his breath as his hand reaches for yours, squeezing it gently before he brings it to his lips and kisses your knuckles softly. “You don’t deserve any of it.”

“But you deserve happiness,” you reply with a chaste smile that makes his heart flutter in his chest. “Let me give it to you. You’ve had enough pain, Bucky. I’ll take the rest now.”

Bucky stares back at you for a long second before he decides to do whatever he can to make sure you get through it as easily as possible. Pulling the covers back he slides under them, lying down next to you as he pulls you into his embrace.

“Go back to sleep and if you’ll have another nightmare, I’ll be here to wake you up from it and get your mind off of it. You’re safe with me,” he murmurs, as you lay your head to his hard chest, his flesh arm curling around your frame while his vibranium fingers lace together with yours on his stomach. You don’t try to protest against him, you know he won’t leave and quite frankly, you don’t want him to. Knowing that if you go back to the darkness again he’ll be here to pull you out relaxes you, doesn’t let you worry about what kind of horrific scene you are going to be forced to see when you close your eyes next. You melt against him, inhaling his scent, listening to his steady heartbeat under your head as you let yourself go back to sleep, for the first time, ready to face whatever is waiting for you on the other side.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

[lovebecomeshim]

hello! your zutara posting today has finally motivated me to ask this question because I came to atla very late(last year, to be specific) and I Love It Very Much but am 1000% out of the loop as far as why what remains of fandom (at least that I've seen among my friends) is so very strongly zutara. I'm not opposed to it per se I just don't really know what has driven it to apparently be such a popular ship? can you help me understand and maybe convert me a little bit?

Hey!! Your ICON! :D I can try but I’m not sure how coherent I’ll be; however I AM sure someone a lot more competent will be willing to add to this. Either way, I’m glad you asked because my plan was to drag down as many people as possible with me.

*smacks the hood of zutara* this baby can fit so much mutual love and support!

This got so long, I’m so sorry. I don’t know how to put it under a cut on mobile and it already got deleted once so I’m scared to mess with it lol. Moving on.

I’m gonna start this with a disclaimer that im on mobile so formatting is tricky and I’m also really new to atla in that I only completed my first watch through in like 2019??? So some of my info is all just based on what I’ve picked up from Discourse 👀 so anyway the sparknotes version: zutara was wildly popular from the beginning. To the point where the atla crew internally disagreed on which ship should be endgame. (Ex. Bryke [showrunners] asked the writers to rewrite The Southern Raiders to make Zuko seem less ideal for Katara than Aang [which failed, depending on who you ask]; the animation team purposefully created a visual parrallel between Oma and Shu in the Cave of Two Lovers and Zuko and Katara in the catacombs under Ba Sing Se in the Crossroads of Destiny; etc.)

The ship was popular enough that Bryke actually chose to display zk fanart at a con for the sole purpose of mocking the fans, but that’s neither here nor there. The entire episode Ember Island Players, while a love letter to/parody of the whole show, was an opportunity to address zutara’s viability as a canon pairing (while, again, mocking zutaras for romanticizing that catacombs scene). Point is! It’s always been popular but with it not being endgame, there’s got to be something that’s given it staying power.

And that’s honestly got to do with three things: their dynamic, thematic cohesion, and potential.

(You know what... you know what, it’s four things. The fourth is they’re so aesthetically pleasing together and individually. Like, they’re just good looking people [specifically when they’re grown but they’re also cute kids] and that absolutely doesn’t hurt) (but it’s not the Point, it’s just nice to point out sometimes)

The dynamic is hard to get into without also looking at the canon pairings, but I think I can do that without unnecessary bashing. It’s just that part of the magic of zutara is really highlighted by what they give to each other that their other relationships don’t.

First off, it’s classic enemies to (would be) lovers. The absolute truest form of it. It’s not too different from how CS started out: a rogue antagonist with a job to do—but no personal vendetta against the future love interest—who is deeply and emotionally invested in his personal storyline (revenge/redemption) with little regard for how it effects other people after his entire life and genuine good nature are marred by suffering, and a fierce warrior girl with a strong moral compass and her own personal investment in stopping him (protect her family and save the world doing it). Obviously frustration and animosity grew between them by the nature of them being on opposing sides, but that just lends itself to the sweetness of their later reconciliation.

The thing is that while they’re wildly different on the surface (he’s a hot-headed prince of a fascist regime who is trying to capture the Avatar to please his father; she’s a nurturing daughter of the chief who is trying to protect and train the Avatar in order to topple his father’s throne) they find out that they have so much more in common both in their experiences and their personalities.

(What follows is an excessive use of the word “both” and I’m sorry about that)(I can edit it. I can do that. That IS an option............)

They both have an innate sense of justice that they are determined to see done (zuko, at the war meeting, sticking up for the Earth Kingdom kid when the guards torment his family, choosing not to steal from the pregnant couple despite his circumstances, abiding by his word to leave the SWT should Aang come willingly, etc.; katara, literally.... at any point). They both have pretty one-track minds at accomplishing certain goals once they’ve put their mind to it, regardless of a lack of support in that endeavor (it goes without saying I guess, but zuko’s entire hunt; katara’s determination to get the earth benders to fight back, her determination to absolutely destroy Pakku until he agrees to teach her, etc.). They both lost their mothers at young ages. Their worlds are war-torn and traumatizing to them both, if in different ways, but that ultimately forces them to grow up too quickly to be wholly independent individuals. They both have issues with their fathers (for WILDLY different reasons, but). They both hold extreme prejudices that they need to learn to overcome (which ties into thematic cohesion)(bit like Lizzie and Darcy in that way but magnified by a million). They’re both extremely emotional and empathetic—which can and often does result in loud outbursts. Katara’s a bit better adjusted and can temper her anger for longer than S1 Zuko can, but they both feel that anger deeply and have no compunctions expressing it (Katara is, usually, more justified, particularly in S1. Again, S1 Zuko is severely maladjusted but at the point when they could’ve feasibly become a couple, he’s so much better off with the way he carries himself). They both struggle with feelings of inferiority in their bending abilities when confronted with prodigal benders like Aang and Azula, but have the work ethic required to double down and become two of the most powerful benders in the three remaining nations. This is a little more minor but it is a parrallel that appeals to some shippers that they both have these alter egos in the Painted Lady (notably fire nation coded) and the Blue Spirit (water tribe coded) that are pretty different from who they are day-to-day and are useful in accomplishing a purpose that they as themselves cannot.

(I’m.... I just realized that this could potentially get very long. Should I have made a slide show with bullet points??????)

Anyway, similar. I know there’s more but there’s literally so much to love about zutara that I’ll drive myself a little crazy trying to compile all the ways they’re similar. (Just gonna say that at this exact moment I went back to add more similarities.... so okay then)

Once they’ve reconciled, we see how all of these things only lend themselves to a deeper intimacy together than they share with literally anyone else. There’s a steady partnership that positions them as the mom/dad of the gaang, while also providing the support necessary to allow the other to not have to carry so much responsibility. A lot of zutaras will point out how zuko is actually depicted doing the more domestic chores that are normally relegated to Katara once he joins the gaang, since the others in the group are two 12-year-olds and sokka. The one that sticks out the most is how he makes tea for the group and then serves them, while Katara is able to just relax with her friends around the fire. Fanon expands upon this a lot to Zuko helping with the laundry or the cooking or whatever else needs doing since he, as a once-refugee, is used to doing his own domestic tasks. Before Zuko joined, Katara was the one mothering everyone, sewing for them, cooking for them, etc. She’s always tending to the needs of the group, and that includes emotionally. She does the emotional labor for the gaang 99% of the time, but when she’s the one falling apart, she’s usually doing it alone and without the comfort that she normally provides for others. Until Zuko. And that’s before they’re even friends.

Which is WHY people romanticize the catacombs of Ba Sing Se so much. Katara is verbally attacking Zuko out of her own righteous anger but also her own prejudice when Zuko, surprisingly, chooses to be vulnerable with her. He’s been on a journey that’s opened his eyes a bit, but he’s never actively chosen to expose the rawest parts of his past to anyone. But for some reason he chooses to do that with Katara of all people. While she’s yelling at him. He sees her humanity, and for once can look past his prejudice and empathize with her. And this time, when she breaks down, she gets to be comforted. Katara normally talks about her mother when she’s trying to explain to someone else that she sees and understands they’re pain, as a form of comfort to them. Here, Zuko uses the exact same tactic. He sees her and he understands. And for zuko? He’s not being shut down. He’s allowed to articulate his pain regarding his mother without being ignored and made to internalize it, and he’s allowed to process how he feels about his scar out loud without being told that he deserved it. And then he lets her touch his scar, something we’ve seen him actively avoid before. He’s completely open to her and she’s completely open to him and all it took was one five minute conversation. She was about to use the little bit of Spirit water that she had, that she was saving for something Important, to heal the scar that still daily causes him pain just because they had, somehow, connected.

Plus there’s the whole parallel to the star-crossed lovers forbidden from one another, a war divides their people—

And then zuko messes up, he regresses, he gets what he wants and he HATES it. And the sense of justice he had as a child has been restored to him against his will and he can’t think of anything he wants to do more than the Right Thing, so he joins team avatar. Before he does that though, we get to see his relationship with Mai, which is where comparison really comes in. And what we see is Zuko, fresh off of his encounter with Katara in the catacombs, trying to be emotionally honest with Mai... and getting shut down and dismissed. Which is just how Mai is and it’s fine, but not for Zuko. Still, he keeps trying, and he keeps getting ignored or scoffed at or yelled at. Which is really a larger symbol for how he doesn’t fit in his old life anymore, but again that’s about thematic cohesion. He tries to articulate his anxieties about returning home, he tries to make romantic gestures, he tries to explain how morally conflicted he’s feeling—and Mai diverts to some kind of physical affection to shut him up and a parting comment that is pretty much always, in essence, “I don’t wanna talk about this.” So they don’t. On the other hand, once zuko and Katara are friends, we see him again emotionally distraught and caught up in his anxieties about facing Iroh, and it’s Katara who comes to him and listens to him and comforts and encourages him.

Similarly, we have Aang clamming up and getting uncomfortable whenever Katara shows any negative emotion, usually resulting in him making excuses or running away. Or, in the case of the Southern Raiders, lecturing her on how she needs to just let go of her anger about her mother’s murder. People have talked this episode to death and usually better than I ever could, so imma... keep it brief. There’s a serious disconnect between Aang and Katara in his ability to empathize with Katara and her needs that has her tamping down her vulnerability and amping up her anger. He tells her that he was able to forgive his people’s genocide and appa’s kidnapping (petnapping? Theft??), which is blatantly not true but also not an entirely equal parrallel to Katara’s situation, and continues making these little remarks throughout the episode. But it’s Zuko that Katara opens up to. It’s with him that she’s able to talk about the most traumatic day of her life, and it’s with him that she’s able to get the closure she needs, cementing their bond as friends and partners. This disagreement between Aang and Katara is then... never resolved. They just never bring it up and hear what the other is saying.

There’s a fic called The Portraits of Ember Island that has a line that so completely sums up the heart of the matter for why people love their dynamic. For context, zuko has woken up early to help Katara with the cooking and they spend the whole time just letting one another talk, and zuko stops to ask why she always just lets him talk. And so she stops to ask why he’s always helping, and it goes as follows:

There’s just... so much mutual support! Trust! Intimacy!! And it just continues like that from the Southern Raiders on, listening to each other, advising each other, watching each other’s backs! And then! Literally saving each other’s lives!! I will never be over the last Agni kai. Not ever. Zuko may have been willing to jump in front of lightning for anyone, but he actually did it for Katara. And in a show, that’s the thing that really matters. It’s a fulfilled trope usually exclusively applied to romantic pairings, and it ended up applying to Zuko and Katara. And then she ran out into the middle of a fight with tunnel vision just to get to him.

Also!! Also Zuko pushing Katara out of the way of the falling rocks at the Western Air Temple!! And Katara catching him as he fell from the war balloon that he fought Azula on!! Before they’re even getting along, they’re the ones reaching for each other. They come to this place of equal ground, as partners, who watch each other’s backs, call each other out but still listen attentively and understand, and provide the support that the other has been sorely lacking up until they knew each other (whether that be from lack of effort or lack of understanding from others, or an unwillingness to accept it for themselves).

Then, trailing along under the surface of this, we see the themes of the show totally embodied by Zuko and Katara as individuals and in their relationship to one another. There’s a YouTuber, sneezyreviews, who has a, like, 2-hour explanation on why she not only loves zutara but also believes that their endgame would’ve actually elevated the writing of atla to new levels particularly because of thematic cohesion and resolved character arcs. It’s the zutara dissertation I never knew I needed, and it’s funny and eloquent and effective, so I’m just going to sum up her section on thematic cohesion to the best of my abilities and then link it for whenever you have the time. And I HIGHLY recommend it, especially if you want a full understanding of what makes zutara so great and gives it such longevity.

Guru pathik has a line that goes something like this: separation is an illusion; things that seem different are just two parts of the same whole. Iroh also tells Zuko something similar: balance and strength are achieved when the different nations come together and influence one another and celebrate what makes them each unique. And this lesson is a massive central arc that both Zuko and Katara go through, moving past a black-and-white, good guys-vs-bad guys, us-vs-them mentality and into a greyer, more nuanced view of the world. Zuko sees the fire nation from an entirely new perspective and while he still loves and hopes for his nations future, he surrenders his blind loyalty to them in exchange for an unflinching loyalty to peace and love. Katara too had to come to terms with the fact that cruel people exist in the earth kingdom and water tribes, while some fire nation citizens are just regular, kind people who also need and deserve to have someone speak on their behalf. And this is honed in directly on how they view each other. They grow in their individual journeys to be open to the humanity in the other and then, once they’ve found that, they’re able to grow more in compassion for others in a beautiful feedback loop. And this is all matched in the symbolism repeatedly and intentionally associated with them in canon: sun and moon, fire and water, yin and yang, Oma and Shu who found love despite their warring nations. Their individual arcs are completed in each other and complement the themes of atla beautifully.

The canon pairs... just don’t. Which, again, is fine. But the very things that give atla longevity and popularity are anchored in zutara. Kat@ang doesn’t accomplish this. They’re... nice. Sweet. Especially when you erase a good portion of their interactions in S3. It could’ve been just a sweet love story. (Personally, the dynamic between toph and aang accomplish the same thing that zutara does, with complementary personalities that fulfill the theme of opposites blending in harmony) M@iko, on the other hand, is less sweet but I think wasn’t even supposed to last. Zuko’s relationship with Mai seems to represent his relationship with his old life as a whole. He can’t be emotionally vulnerable, he’s goaded into abusing his privileges, his agency and opinions aren’t respected. They just don’t have common ground with which to discuss anything that matters, so they don’t. As far as themes, the relationship doesn’t fit with atla. It’s zuko returning to and sticking with what is (on the surface) like him, what’s expected. Fire nation with fire nation. Fluid water bender with the flexible air bender. Like with like, separated from what is different and challenging and complementary.

And all of these things combined of course lead to the potential for the ship. I don’t know how familiar you are with the post-atla canon but... well, miss “I will never turn my back on people who need me”, miss “I don’t want to heal! I want to fight!” ends up living quietly in the SWT as a designated healer who turns a blind eye to the water tribe civil war happening right outside her front door. Which can be fine! People change! Some people just wanna stay inside. I just wanna stay inside! But the potential future for zutara is so much more satisfying, with Katara becoming the most unconventional Fire Lady the uppity old cads who are stuck on the old ways have ever seen. Fanon has her serving as a voice for the other nations within a kingdom at the point of its biggest political upheaval, as a confidante to Zuko who can actually help him while he’s trying to figure out how to move forward and make reparations. They have the opportunity, together, to accomplish what they both have set on their hearts to fight for: positive change that lends itself to harmony and balance. And the steambabies! A popular headcanon is that their firstborn daughter, the crown princess, is actually a waterbender, which causes such an uproar among the people who are adamantly clinging to the old ways. It’s just a future full of potential to be forces for good together, full of trust, intimacy, joy. The exact era of peace and love and balance that zuko announces that he intends to ring in with the start of his reign as Fire Lord is, again, magnified by the very personal zutara relationship. And we love to see it.

tl;dr zutara isn’t for everyone. Some people just don’t vibe with it. Some are nostalgic. Some love the canon they grew up with. Some have been disappointed for years. Some just see themselves in other characters and want their happiness instead. Whatever the reason, that’s fine. But for me, I love the way these two, from the moment they give each other a fair chance, are able to lower their walls and prejudices to see the other for the kindred spirits they are. They see each other’s humanity, and their response is to pour out love and support and compassion. I love that they’re a power couple in battle. I love the symbolism and, honestly, soulmatism that colors their every interaction. I love that they embody the whole storyline of atla in their relationship and how it develops, which is notably why their seasonal arcs always culminate in each finale with how they relate to one another. I love that zuko adopting a waterbending move is what actually saves his life and then katara’s. I love the chemistry! And I love the future they could’ve had, instead of the ones they were given.

So, in conclusion: I just think they’re neat and I hope you do too, at least a little bit. Even if it’s just respectfully from a disinterested distance cause you do you. And now here is the video I mentioned. I’m sorry this post got so long and then I gave you an even longer homework assignment, but I can’t recommend it enough. She says it all better than I can.

[black-coffee-and-sugar]

6x13: The Gauntlet

Two enjoyable episodes back-to-back? I'm shook! Obviously 6x13 lacks the serious messaging and emotional weight of last week's episode but the silliness of it was actually entertaining. My thoughts:

- opening scene is a supercorp hug. christ y'all need to warn people! i was not ready. the way kara's face lit up when she saw lena, the way lena smiled back at her. the way they hugged fully pressed. my heart is full.

- kara n lena immediately whisking away to the fortress right after that for some alone time. i love where your head is at kara 😏

- look at dansen being all cute and shit! who gave them the right honestly?

- glad they continued with kelly still processing the stuff from last episode. and alex is really trying to do better. dansen is the example to follow when it comes to healthy adult relationships. i really didn't think this show was capable.

- it's getting harder and harder to like andrea

- i actually forgot willy was shot last season. and they worked through his trauma off screen. what was the point of showing him getting a blast of courage if we weren't going to see him face his fears and shit. y'all really don't like deep topics huh.

- andrea: where's the journalist i hired?

apparently crisis changed him from a stalkery dickhead to the nice baking guy he is now. sorry girl. valid question tho

- can i just say that everyone was looking exceptionally hot in this episode? like lena, kelly and nxyly in particular jesus help me.

- i haven't enjoyed j'onn this much in so long. he was hilarious. letting that mad scientist lady plummel him in the chest, saying "hold that thought", not moving away from the dragon fire.

- brainy possessed by veeta you could tell jesse was told to just have fun with it

- also did this kryptonian witch just say 'ya mon'?

- lena looking all smol and shit with her little white sneakers and soft clothes and her waterfall hair. kara! kiss this woman already!

- kara in the suit talking privately with lena. honestly never thought i'd see the day

- kara: you really don't believe in magic?

lena: i believe in you

NO ONE TOUCH ME!!!

- this seriously tho this is such a true statement. they both have believed in each other from minute one, when they had no reason to. and yea lena tried to hate kara for a little while but even then, she never stopped believing in kara's compassion and optimism and kara never stopped believing in lena's goodness and brilliance. just say the words 'i love you' explicitly please.

- interesting that kara's test of courage takes place during her rescuing alex's plane and not idk...all the times she was too scared to tell lena. she thinks it's that one random dude she didn't save and not the times with lena (something she admits terrified her). the only thing i can think of for this moment they chose is because yes kara embraced her powers that night but she didn't step out into the public eye as herself, as the last daughter of krypton. she wasn't vulnerable in that respect. because she was scared to be discovered. because she grew up with that fear and need to fit in (she talks about that in later S1). but i will only accept this IF the show ends with kara stepping out into the world fully and no longer having to hide or deny parts of herself. but i also don't see how you make the courage test about telling lena and not have that end with kara admitting she's in love with her so. that might be why.

- nxyly's courage test was actually very sad. i feel for her truly it's not fair what happened. but her being vulnerable about her feelings is interesting because kara still hasn't learned how to do that

- lena having some convenient device to contain the totem just cuz kara needs it. we love handy and resourceful girlfriends

- what was the point of having lena at the museum if she wasn't gonna be affected? y'all copped out!

- that device that was harnessing lightning also somehow made lightning? is that how it works?

- i ASCENDED when i saw alex and lena being the only ones at kara's bedside. like straight out of fanfiction wtf. how many more times are they going to establish that the two most important people in kara's life is alex (her sister and ride or die) and lena (her best friend and perfect partner). how many times before you make this shit canon?!?!

- 'a reluctant earth witch' it's a very interesting way to pronounce lena luthor

- but also, y'all are telling me that a human witch can tap into imp magic? reality warping magic? all-powerful magic? fuck, lena is really on her way to becoming the most powerful being on the planet

- kelly showing up because lena called. im gonna go ahead and assume this indicates that lena and kelly have also spoken about lena ignoring her message. and that they had a meaningful discussion about it and what happened at the ormfell. because as much as i love lena, she deserved to be dragged just as much (if not more) as the superfriends.

- kelly shielding alex was a good visual. kinda stupid but nice.

- dansen couch scene i stopped breathing cuz i swore kelly was about to propose. i love them so much

- supercorp couch scene is where i died because it came at me without warning. kara sans glasses in her civilian clothes. not performing as kara danvers or supergirl. here she's just kara, an alien refugee chilling with her best friend. which is all she ever wanted and she deserves it!

- kara handing lena her plate. stop it!

- but also lena is in the same clothes all episode. which means they left the tower together. and headed straight to kara's apartment. lena definitely slept over in kara's pjs. I'M NOT OKAY!

- this is the first couch scene we got since alex n kara in 6x08. where Kara admits she doesn't want to be alone anymore. and now she isn't because lena is back. god i actually can't.

- kara's face when lena tells her about being a witch. she's so smitten! they're in love your honour

- lena saying that kara is the epitome of courageous with such seriousness and intensity. even though kara tries to brush it off cuz she can't really agree right now, lena means it 100%

- lena's sad face when kara wanted to stay connected to nxyly even though she could get hurt. worried wife energy we love to see it

- poor nxyly must be confused asf

- but also it's canon that kara feels hopeful and happy around lena and no one can take that from me. and it's not just words. kara's behavior is different, she's smiling more, she's opening up. acting choices melissa explain yourself!

not bad at all. we were fed lots of supercorp after months of nothing. they better keep up this momentum. it was lighter episode in terms of emotions and what have you compare to pervious ones. seems like the season is officially kicking off now that lena is back. probably going to have a totem of the week kinda deal but hopefully they include kelly's storyline with the heights cuz i wanna see the conclusion of that.

[higheldertala]

ascension of the cybermen salt commentary

yes i do watch this episode waiting for the master to show up at the 48th minute of a 49 minute episode, why do you ask? 😅

these ireland scenes were such bait lmao, what exactly do they add? take them out and they don’t change the plot. and putting them here when it has nothing to do with cybermen plotline is so weird.

after 9 consecutive episodes we’re finally off earth yay!! 🎉🎉🎉

extremely confused how in order to stop ashad and the cybermen, the doctor travels to after the cyberwars have finished??? when the billions of lives have already been lost??? how is this cleaning up the mess you made doctor??? surely you would travel to before the wars have started? nah this makes no sense someone explain this to me.

also like with ranskoor again it’s literally avoids showing the war/ battle happening on screen, jfc ch*bnall is such a boring writer.

‘two cyber shuttles just landing’ you can literally see that with your eyes why did you need the sonic to tell you that?

‘don’t need your life story’ i mean you literally just asked doctor. why is she so hostile to people? like what favours does this do for the character? i hate when the doctor’s a complete arsehole. and yes i mean that across all incarnations.

god the fucking expositions dumps the fam do for each of the weapons. please write a second draft ch*bnall im begging you.

funny how the doctor is usually all like don’t even think about picking up a gun, and now she’s like ‘wow why the fuck don’t you have guns you fucking idiots’ to these survivors.

‘all humanity have been erased, all life will fall and the cybermen will rise again’ don’t you need humans to convert into cyberman? (okay so i remember that nightmare in silver changes this, also ashad’s plan is to remove organic components from cybermen completely so ignore this comment).

‘me and you together, no one else stands a chance’ sure yaz whatever you say.

can we do without the lense flares for like one episode or something.

i saw a tweet saying ko sharmus is grandda joe from derry girls so that’s all i can think about now.

‘you’ve come a long way graham o’brien’ wow don’t you just love being told our charceters have gone through character development instead of being shown it?

‘wait is this a cyber ship?’ what did you think it was yaz? the dead cybermen floating outside was a pretty big giveaway.

‘what are our other options?’ oh wow yaz is quite happy to bring the thousands of cybermen to the boundary threatening humanity’s refuge and endangering countless refugee’s lives… okay.

is it ever explained what ashad is doing to the warrior cybermen? (we’ll see is this is explained in next part).

okay so either the boundary is personally affected by the person crossing it or this is biggest contrivance of the era.

also how did the master know about the boundary? did he know about it in advance and if so how? also was he just waiting there for it appear or…? very confused with that one.

and once again ch*bnall’s only cliffhanger to a two parter is to reveal the master. i can’t believe he does this twice in one season, can we get some originality please?

concluding thoughts: master sexy

okay serious now, not a lot happens this episode, the main plot is just moving from location a to location b, and it’s just an elaborate 50 minute setup just to get to gallifrey. still don’t understand how the doctor intend to clean her mess by coming to the end of the cyberwars seems counter productive to me. i guess yaz and graham contribute somewhat in their subplot but uh ryan doesn’t do anything this episode.