#im actually. considering dropping psychology

[angelfoodscake]

i wish when i read things theyd stay in my head and immediatley not fly out the other end

[olderthannetfic]

I've identified an ace woman for years but lately I've started wondering if that's me at all.

This was mainly triggered by a YouTube essay on Twilight and sexuality, and reading a bunch of fanfiction about an ace character I identify with. The video went into how fantasies like Twilight and Fifty Shades are often about creating a safe space to enjoy sexuality without having to take responsibility for wanting it (you know, how women are supposed to be open to sex but not be too enthusiastic about it). And I read and write a lot of noncon and horror smut, so I might have repressed sexuality instead of a lack of it.

It might also be a matter of philosophy. I think I might just not prioritize sex, and I would prefer no sex over bad sex. I think it's perfectly reasonable to prioritize my psychological and emotional needs over just... having sex for the sake of it. I cannot comprehend why anyone would *settle* for meh sex.

I'm also more interested in fucking with someone than actually fucking them. But I might just be a sadist. But then again, is kink just an excuse to engage in sexuality?

--

Kink is an excuse to engage in kink.

There are a thousand options that present more or less how you self describe here. There isn't any real test for which identity is right other than you liking the feel of it.

The classic Twilight fantasy is very Good Girls Don't. If you have a lot of conservative upbringing baggage, then sure, maybe that's you, but if you don't worry about being seen as a slut, it probably isn't. There are a thousand reasons to not be interested in sex, from low libido to unresolved gender feelings where the actual issue is that the "you" people are currently attracted to feels fake and wrong. There are also a lot of different things people label as asexuality. There are people who don't consider themselves asexual at all but who don't like to be touched. There are people who are DTF but who can't summon the slightest drop of interest in anything vanilla.

IME, settling for meh sex has a lot to do with the other reasons people have sex, like pleasing a partner or living up to expectations. It's not really a reflection of massive horniness or being attracted to lots of people. I wouldn't read too much into either your or other people's attitudes here. I don't think they fall along asexual/allosexual lines all that neatly.

[shakespearean-dream]

last of the big five yall!!!!

happy late fourth of july! remember to keep boycotting, speak out and listen to palestinians, the people of congo, native americans, queer/trans people and women currently being oppressed this independence day because america fucking sucks!!! 🇺🇸🇺🇸🦅🦅🦅🔥🔥🔥

here are a couple good places to donate! please remember to do your own research and take care of each other, it’s getting scary out here.

ohhhh nimdok, where to start with you….

i have been dreading doing him because he pisses me off so bad but i actually had some decent fun with him :D. designing him and branching out farther away from his canon self was nice, but im not touching his backstory or personality really, that stays about the same for me in my head.

speaking of whichhh! like benny, i understand how the game makers had a short amount of time to fit an entire character arc of an old man undoing his deeply internalized racism/xenophobia/ableism in a singular short scenario, but unlike benny i actually somehow like his better?? nimdok had a lot more to get over (well not saying being a dickhead murderer isn’t a lot but 😭) and i enjoyed seeing him actually help out the people he would’ve previously turned in. it still feels a little hollow/unrealistic because again, he’s been like this his whole life, but considering how much AM takes him away from the group to (most likely) psychologically torture him for his actions he’s probably had a bit of a revelation.

doing his scenario was unfortunately funny at times because of the strange way we had to go about redeeming him with the golem guy😭giving him a smooch caught me off guard but ykw? i’ll take it for being able to kill mengele like immediately afterward. also speaking of whichhhh…

i would go into more detail about nimdok and mengeles relationship to give it some depth because god i love me some queers, but that is??? a real fucking guy???? a real life monster???? im less than comfortable picturing the fucker in my mind, much less giving him depth with a character who i also don’t like. like why ship ur essentially OC with a REAL LIFE N/AZI??? just another one of the reasons harlan elision creeps me out. (if that just pissed you off google search him s/a-ing 2 people, marrying a 19 year old when he was in his 40s and defending a child r/apist i really don’t feel like arguing with you. the guy was a horrible fucking person and he makes me sick, i just like this franchise.)

i cannot cough up anymore thoughts about this fella pls forgive me; these past couple days have been rough on my 3 brain cells. AM will for sure be next and after that fully rendered/decked out full bodies are in order!! so look out for that:]]]] i may also start posting some art fight things since i was just complaining about the lag a post or so ago☺️ jk ily artfight. team seafoam lets goo

ok i love u guys!!! if u have any requests for me drop a comment or an ask, and thank you so much for the continued support on my art❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ lots of links on this post but one more quick reminder to take a look at my commission page if you’d like!!! yolanda is still in the shop because they cannot figure out what’s wrong with her :(

have a good night friends 🫶

[stuffzwithazz]

little hu analysis time!

i love hu, she’s grown on me a lot since pt2 dropped ehehe heh i’d like to make a formal apology to her for thinking she was the culprit for a year

this is just an analysis about hu’s secret/secret quote because i’m a freshman sem 1 psychology major and i like this stuff ^^

spoilers for drdt obviously ^^

tw for suicide

as a quick recap: hu’s secret is “you were quite the hopeless child. dying once wasn’t enough, so you attempted suicide 3 times” and her secret quote is “i want to pay for what i did. but i still want to live” (something like that)

i’ll start w the secret quote bc it’s the simpler one^^

by “pay for what i did” i think she means laying up her life as comeuppance for her actions, whatever they might be. now im not sure if by attempted, it’s failed attempts or hu wanting to but chickening out at the last minute. either way my point stands

now onto the secret!! this is a bit of assumption and i could just be looking into it wayyy too much but ykw? its fun!

there’s one specific phrase i’d like to look at: “*dying once wasn’t enough*, so you attempted suicide 3 times”

if the wording is meant to be very specific, then this raises a question. those question being; what does she mean by “dying once”?

for this next part: spoilers for both corpse factory (the game) and the silent patient (a book by alex michaelides)

i’ll explain it in brief terms w/out any spoilers after those sections dw!! i just like using examples for things

CORPSE FACTORY SPOILERS:

near the end, noriko talks about aoi’s childhood and how aoi is under the impression that noriko’s childhood was better (it wasn’t but i digress) noriko mentions aoi said something like “my dad killed me, but i killed him, so it’s okay.” ignoring the last bit, what does aoi mean by “killed me?”

aoi’s dad was quite the violent and both verbally and physically abusive guy. there are things that people can say that are equivalent or even worse than being stabbed or shot upfront, like things such as

(tw for verbal abuse(?) i actually dk how to categorize these im sorry)

“i wish you were never born” or “i wish you died instead of ____!!”

these things hurt like hell, and in some cases you feel like it would have been better to literally be murdered

SILENT PATIENT SPOILERS

near the end of the book, alicia recounts the experience she had growing up with her dad and how one day, he killed her. sound familiar? it’s a similar story to what happened with aoi. then, when alicia writes in her diary about what theo did 5 years ago, she brings up this specific thing: theo had made gabriel choose between himself or alicia post finding out gabriel was having an affair w kathy. gabriel chose his own life over alicia’s, therefore proving he did cheat and shattering alicia’s hopes that gabriel really did love her. in her mind, it felt like being killed. again. in her words, “the dead doesn’t speak. gabriel has sentenced me to death.” hearing that the man who she loved for so long was going behind her back and would choose his life over her’s, when she knew she would value his is worse than being just brutally killed.

(SPOILERS OVER!!)

being said something so hurtful it feels like a stab in the stomach is a similar feeling that i think is the reasoning for the specific words of “dying once wasn’t enough”

im admittedly a bit sad that hu’s secret wasn’t talked about whatsoever during the trial, especially considering its subject matter, but it’s what she wanted so it’s okay

again, all of this is purely speculation on my part, and o could just be looking into the wording a bit too much…

ok analysis over!! lmk what you think ^^

[doginurbloodstream]

INTRO

i go by silas or bive (both r online only), it/its or he/him pronouns r fine. im also a minor so js keep that in mind 👍

DNI: pro/neu harmful paras, pro/dark/com/ect.shippers/if you ship real people (does not include politicians/billionaires), babyfurs/abdl, nsfw blogs, if you fetishize wlw/mlm relationships, kinnies/kff, feral nsfw, transmed, radqueer/transID

furry🫵

im a non/alterhuman, heres my types

dog therian (german shepherd, samoyed, border collie) - physical, psychological, & behavioral. im not completely sure, but they sorta feel like the same theriotype that js changes the way it presents. like i never feel like multiple of them at a time. (if anyone has a name for this please drop it 🙏)

kintype that idk what to call - psychological, behavioral, emotional & physical-ish. it feels wolfish & shadowy/smoky. ive only seen one other person with this kintype. i used to consider it a ghost, but im not sure anymore- this is what im talking abt if i say "im kinda a wolf"

reindeer therian - psychological & behavioral. idrk have anything to add onto it. i want hooves rly bad tho :(

white nosed coati(mundi) therian - psychological. this one doesnt feel very prominent, not sure how it got here since i had no idea what a coati was until i started researching.

bive (regretevator) ficitionkin - unknown origin, maybe multiverse related. i look a little bit diff from the canon- i have clawed hands/feet, as well as a tail.

silas (truesona) ockin - psychological. i may have been wrong abt this one- i am an anthro/feral blue dog tho. im in the process of redesigning him

cross fox otherlink - this was originally physical out of spite, but then i realized i actually do have physical identities. now i js wanna be a fox :p

tiger otherlink - prolly siberian idrk to decide tho-

red fox (natural morphs) animalhearted

river otter animalhearted

terrestrial isopod animalhearted

questioning a ton of hearttypes rn - wolverine, wolf, coyote, african wild dog, all felines, hyena

fandoms im in

(im not super active in most of em tho)

avatar the last airbender

arcane

deltarune

hells paradise/jigokuraku

regretevator

lackadaisy

dungeon meshi/delicious in dungeon

death note

sweet tooth

tags:

#silas posts - i tag all of my posts with this, it includes reblogs if i said smth that feels more like a post

#silas yaps - i tag this onto posts which dont really mean much i js feel like saying smth

#silas yaps alterhuman edition - my non/alterhuman posts

#silas yaps music edition - mainly lemon demon & tally hall, but i might also talk abt other music

#silas draws - my art

#silas yaps fictionkin specifically - fictionkin posts

#silas yaps aspec edition - aro/ace posts

song dump

[robyntherav3n]

oh god im back on my bullshit (ranting about trigun stampede)

while we’re all waiting in desperation for tristamp s2, i want to talk about meryl in the aftermath/time skip of ep 12 because it’s taken over my mind (tristamp s1 spoilers under the cut)

oh btw if i get any details wrong please let me know POLITELY. i will cry at u if ur mean >:(

i love the way they show how much roberto’s death has affected meryl. over the span of two years, she’s picked up a lot of his mannerisms and habits. she refers to milly as a newbie like he did with her, her tone of voice in this scene is very reminiscent of his, hell even the way she dresses in this scene could be another way she’s mirroring him.

however, i don’t think any of this is a conscience decision on meryl’s part. to me, this is meryl’s way of coping with roberto’s death. she’s trying to keep her guard up to suppress the pain and grief she still feels. it’s still hitting her hard, two years later.

(fun fact: there’s actually a psychological term for this! it’s called the chameleon effect. it’s a phenomenon when you subconsciously mimic other people’s behaviors, gestures, etc. it’s usually something that happens in social situations, but i think this could also apply to meryl)

with milly being introduced in s2, i think a big part of meryl’s character arc this upcoming season will be her trying to keep up this cold, distant persona around milly, trying not to get too close to her because she doesn’t want to get hurt if anything happens to her. then, milly will be the one to make her realize that that mentality is stupid (for lack of better words), directly or indirectly. then near the end of the season, she’ll face her grief head on (knowing this show, it’ll probably in some beautifully symbolic way), come to terms with roberto’s death and finally learn how to move on and become the meryl stryfe we all know and love.

do think that this will be her whole arc in s2? kinda, yea. but we won’t really know until it drops……….hopefully sometime near the end of this year.

am i looking too far into this? probably, but this was just my interpretation of the aftermath and my predictions for the future.

there are probably a lot of factors im not considering since i haven’t finished the manga (no spoilers please) but hey, there’s no harm in overanalyzing.

either way, i would love to hear everyone else’s thoughts about this scene, or if you have any predictions for tristamp s2. if you’ve made it this far, thanks for listening to me rant :^)

[kafus]

congrats on signing up for classes! hopefully things go well for you :)

i just started college classes this week after like 4 years of being a hikikomori + NEET myself (dropped out of HS near the end of 2020), so were actually in a similar boat to you.

also, you dont have to answer this if you dont want to, but what classes did you sign up for? personally, i signed up as a psychology major, though im strongly considering switching course to computer science bc i realized that i am in ZERO position to ever become a therapist lmao

I'M SO PROUD OF YOU AS WELL!!! WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER!!! 🤝

before i dropped out of college back in 2019, my major was something to do with video games, but like the artistic side of video games. frankly i graduated high school with 0 clue what i wanted to do with my life and art was the one thing i was good at and i Liked Video games so i just sort of arbitrarily picked it. realized that doing art as my job would make me miserable though (that isn't why i dropped out, but i have not wanted to return to anything visually artistic as a job)

right now i'm just signed up for one class to adjust me back to the school environment and having classwork/homework, and it's a webdev related class! literally can't believe pokemon crystal started the domino effect for us to have any sort of career ambition lmfao, ayano playing crystal in 2021 and then making blue moon falls as an impulsive response to that is what made her realize how passionate she was about it, and made me realize that it's something i wouldn't hate doing as my job (and would even maybe enjoy to some extent) so that's why we picked it. from one CS guy to another if u end up swapping over i wish u luck!

[kenobster]

can you explain the appeal of these ship polls to me?

genuinely asking bc i really don’t get why they happen so often or why people take them seriously. it feels like all they do is breed conflict.

what makes everyone feel so strongly about the winners, especially if it doesn’t actually represent the true popularity of the ship? (not that popularity matters bc if it’s fun then it’s fun and everyone is entitled to their feelings and opinions)

not mad or trying to be mean, i genuinely want to understand bc im bad with social cues and at reading people. what is it about them that you like? <3

so like this is actually super funny to me lol because everything you just described has been EXACTLY how I feel about sports (especially regarding American football fans in the United States). I've actually joked a couple times already about how (thanks to this poll) I finally understand what the big deal about the Superbowl is. In fact, over the last week, I've felt a kinship with overworked cashiers who use their fifteen-minute breaks to check the score throughout the day. Every time one of the previous polls taken an unexpected swerve, please picture me jumping up and down and hollering at my computer like I'm some middle-aged white dad yelling at some referee. 😆

My state has two college football teams, both with avid fanbases, and people get SO up-in-arms about it. Even after finding out I have no interest in sports, people have threatened to commit bodily harm against me if they ever catch me wearing merch of the wrong side's team. To be honest, I'm with you — I've always found that kind of attitude to be super aggressive and needlessly rude. Unfortunately.... 😖(insert my walk of shame lol) I have recently acquired an understanding of the psychology behind it....

In other words, I think your confusion is very similar to my confusion about sports. Sports fans, especially in my state, always seem like they would really consider it a dealbreaker if I wear the wrong merch or that they would really punch me in the face if I show support for the wrong team (which does happen to people at some sports games, but I think it's a minority of sports fans who would ever do that). Most of the time, if you get upset by jokes like that, the other person will drop the act and reassure you. But sports fans will never admit they're kidding. 🙄

Anyway, with that context, I think you first must untangle the phrase "people take [shipping polls] so seriously." The truth is that we're not taking it seriously, but, like sports fans, our humor and social cues are probably difficult to read. Especially for someone not "in on the joke," we might look like we're all upset and riled up. We might say things that sound serious and aggressive. But inwardly, we're actually all laughing about it. None of us really care about the results, we're just here to have a good time playfully arguing our sides.

You're probably still wondering why anyone would find enjoyment out of this, so I think it will help if you re-contextualize it into a framework more familiar... Why do people enjoy roller coasters when the purpose of a roller coaster is to trigger your body into a fight-flight response? Why do people watch horror movies or go into haunted houses when the purpose of them is to scare the shit out of people? Why do people enjoy watching or listening to true crime drama when the stories showcase the most barbaric and cruel forms of human nature? Why do people read AITA threads on Reddit, even though they often depict the wildest examples of abuse/toxicity/etc. in human relationships?

It's because all of those examples allow a person to experience stress/terror/anger/etc. in a way that is safe. Roller coasters don't actually kill you. Horror movies have a pause button. Scary things in haunted houses are the work of prop designers and actors. True crime media and AITA threads involve stories that are happening to other people, not you. Similarly, in shipping polls, I think people enjoy having a safe way to channel their feelings about fandom rivalries in a way that is mostly harmless.

Whatever the reason for our enjoyment, however, I think once you realize that none of us actually care about the results, everything else starts to click into place. But here's some answers to your other questions:

Why do we care about the results when they're never accurate? Because we never cared about the results in the first place, hahaha. We care about what's funny. We care about what makes for the juiciest drama. (I mean, think of how funny it was when that final bracket on the Best Star Wars Character poll resulted in victory for Sebulba instead of Obi-Wan! Lmao!) In short, accuracy is boring. Bribing, cheating, and begging in order to skew results is hilarious.

Why are we so mean and hostile to each other? Because we're not actually being mean and hostile to each other.* We're teasing each other. The same way as two best friends might tease each other (example from one friend to another that I literally saw this morning: "oh my god you are SUCH a nerd 😂"). That kind of teasing doesn't work if somebody cares about the subject matter (for example, that joke would NOT be okay if the aforementioned "nerd" had ANY negative feelings about that word). But in the right circumstances, this kind of teasing can feel REALLY good, REALLY fun, and even increase feelings of security within the friendship! In shipping polls, people are probably just exhibiting the communal version of this.**

Why do people care so much about the winners? I don't actually know the answer to this because this is my first time ever enjoying a ship poll, and we haven't gotten there yet. 😅Someone feel free to pitch in.

Why do they happen so often? Probably clout. Beyond that, in order to make a poll, someone has to genuinely be curious about the results. They can theorize, but they can't know what the outcome will be. Not only that, they have to remember that tumblr polls are all fun and games (or else, imagine how incredibly infuriating it would be to see people trolling). People who want accurate results don't use tumblr polls for a reason; they use official surveys instead. In this shipping poll, OP wrote a rule for each round that the results weren't meant to be taken seriously. So I think they enjoy it for the same reasons as we do. That kind of thrill can be addicting lol, and I can see why people would want to recreate it again and again.

In closing, it's been fun, but I don't think another poll like this will similarly compel me. This has just been a one-time thing that I was able to enjoy because of certain circumstances that overlapped with my interests and sense of humor. In truth, I get just as annoyed at the frequency of these polls, and I will likely need a lifelong cooldown after this one concludes. Frankly, if I'd remembered that the final round would be for a week instead of a day, I might have.... well, I might have made different decisions to say the least, lmao.

[*] This is not inclusive of antis. There is no reason to shit on one ship exclusively when there are 5+ other ships in the running. There is especially no reason to threaten the other side with an "electric chair with a built-in guillotine" if they win. That's not fun and games. That's just fucked up.

[**] Because it's a communal version and not a close friendship, it's definitely hard to gauge people's feelings about whether they're okay with being teased. A comment, to one person, might sound like teasing, but, to another, might come across as hurtful and mean. Only intimate friends can really tell the difference (and even they make mistakes). This is definitely unfortunate, but it's kind of a consequence of human behavior in general — not something specific to these kinds of polls imo.

[larrythefloridaman]

Folk is interesting. Hes this talented competent stealth operation super spy psychology casanova (and also a funy dogy) but he has these three major points of weakness that play into eachother in messy ways:

He's a fish out of temporal water- hes from the future and the people he knows dont know him, they know Thera, and the only bond he really seems to have thats still his and only his is chartreuse, and either hes struggling to change this or hes not interested- he apparently hasnt even tried to explain to plum, whom he had considered his best friend before his death in his timeline, who he is, to plum hes still just 'that guy who saved my life.' Having this weird relationship to time in common with treusy and (almost. larry exists but his opinion on him is mixed for understandable reasons) noone else leaves him prone to centering treusy above all else, even his own health, and even acting like they know eachother better than they really do- im sorry folk but 'i spent more time with you than anyone else in my life' can literally only be true Maybe if youre not counting the dead or basing that off screentime (not that you knew about that at that point) brother but the sentiment is sweet- reflecting a deep loneliness born out of grief and alienation and clinging to a lifeline, an oasis.

He is used to being a caretaker, and to using his training as a therapist and his degree in psychology for strategic advance, not being taken care OF, and has a very difficult time living with the idea of shifting the burden of himself onto others- he refuses to be carried. Folk can will and has limped around on death's door pretending not to be in that dire of a state because he was far more concerned with how his continued existence would put a strain on his past self or was putting a strain on treusy (or even on his opponents, because he didn't even want to put up enough of a fuss to drop out of the tournament- was very ready to pretend he wasnt actively dying to zapmouse and the grunk and go out on stage quote unquote 'medically cleared to fight' when larry was missing, saying that squid jenny gave him the go ahead. very irresponsible of iggy to put his assistant with basic scouts level first aid training on bloodsports medic duty btw)

And the third one is real weird for the sort of character that he is- Nostalgia.

'Back' no longer exists, and Folk is always looking back.

(Which is actually usually technically forward to other people but like relative to him its the past and gone.)

Folk spends half his fight quotes in the nccts talking about the future he comes from, different characters fates in them, what he remembers of their legacy and what they contributed to keeping the spirit of the rebellion alive, Folk openly projects his relationship with other characters' future selves onto their present ones sometimes even though they dont know who he is and talks about 'spoilers' as though all their fates havent been altered dramatically by the very actions folk went back to take, see 23. While thera is making some kind of peace with the fact she was made from terra and the new memories of 'losing' Eric being a strange and new traumatic sore spot for her, Folk... wants to look back...

[thevalleyoftriumph]

11 13 5

11] give a general summary of the plot/world/characters.

OK SO I HAVE. A HANDFUL OF STORIEZ that i havent commented on publicly yet so im choosing my umm actual original story. instead of my like roblox ocz. ok ? ok.

so uhh the story is [dropping the z's] unnamed. as of rn. bcos i cant be assed. BUT! its a very modern fantasy esque kinda thing but like Real casual about it. humans and vampires and werewolves and robots and androids and all sorts of things you can think of, theyre probably there.

while its relatively close to our world [save for The Everything] theres also things like magic, ghosts, etc. one of these things is these little void. emotion eater things. theyre created by a strong collection of negative emotions in one area, and they eat em! usually this results in temporary relief for any individual people they eat from, so theyre not really a Bad thing, but a lot of them around an area or one following someone is Usually not a good sign. sometimes theyre also created by people with unfinished business dying, but being unable to finish that business is what seperates them from ghosts.

the plot of the story follows acheron, a moth boy going to college for psychology and stuff, and who deals with a HELL of a lot of depression. he had lost his best friend recently, and ontop of childhood trauma, is just straight up Not Having A Good Time. despite doing good in school and having friends he loves and who loves him, he cant seem to get any better - until one day, a void creature named snapdragon starts following him around, trying to convince him to be its full time food source.

he rejects its offer, because if he wants to get better, he wants to work through his issues on his own terms at a natural pace. instead though, he soon learns that snapdragon has its own issues - namely, being it wasnt born like this, and was instead murdered as a once living person. so, it bargains with acheron, and convinces him to let it stay so that he can help it find out who killed it, bring them to justice, and let it finally move on. obviously, things dont go as planned, and a bunch of stuff happens :3

13] how long have you been working on this project? what has changed from the outset?

oh a few years now, if i had to say! the idea came to me innn 2020 i wanna say? and i only started working on it 2021/2022. pretty new but its been through a bunch of reworking and stuff.

most of whats changed as been character designs! the story has stayed relatively the same, but designs themselves have been tweaked a few times. ive been considering redesigning acheron and finally getting around to designing his friends [other than his One[1] friend w a design rn] but ahhh im lazy <3

other than that uhh. god probably how i characterize snapdragon has changed the most. its still a very classic flirty kinda-mischievious guy, but its general personality has Def been reworked from its original. :3

5] pick a theme song for the tv adaptation.

OK THIS ONE HAD ME THINKING A BUNCH BECAUSE IIII COULD NOT THINK OF ANYTHING but after some thought and consideration [and a lot of rummaging thru my youtube songs playlist] ive decided onnn

"end the dance." by chonny jash :]

[axolotlclown]

unrelated to anything. but i would like to remind everyone that sometimes your therapist might be an idiot. they might have just barely passed through school. or they might be so caught up in their textbooks and DSMs that they stop listening to you. or maybe theyre so overworked that all their patients start to bleed together.

either way. if you are trying out therapy, your first few therapists might not stick. if youre just not connecting with your therapist, drop them.

and i know thats easier said then done. especially since the pandemic, therapists are filled to maximum capacity. my therapist isnt taking patients right now. he works 12 hour shifts 6 days a week. but if you have the option, you should consider it.

(us only) also your insurance legally has to cover your therapy. theres a 2008 parity law that requires insurance to pay for therapy services. you shouldnt have to get diagnosed with anything (experience).

also, the diagnostic and statistical manual is published by the american psychology association. meaning that that book has the american definitions of what a mental illness/disorder is and how its classified. other countries define and organize their stuff differently. while the dsm-5 is the current bible for psychiatrists (important for standardization, research, and insurance), everyday people shouldnt treat it as a bible. especially when were talking on an international scale.

careful on the self diagnosing though. half the time i see people diagnosing themselves with things they are simply not. and there is actual harm in that. good advice for one party can be bad advice for another. im not talking about autism or adhd im talking about personality disorders or maladaptive daydreaming disorder.

also you dont have to be autistic to follow advice for autistic people. you dont have to have adhd to buy a planner for people with adhd. use what works for you and dont stress about it.

anyway thats all of my grievances. i have aired them out for the mean time. i will now get back to studying.

[molluskzone]

random fun facts while im thinking about it because my google drive is so disorganized rn that its easier to put it on tumblr

-eves parents arent using her childhood bedroom for anything, they just made her live into the basement when she moved back into their house for No Reason

-blake is named after William Blake (the artist). a wild choice considering blake was not a very popular name in 1985 (stats are mixed on this if you google it but out of the few people given this name nearly all of them were male until like. the 90s. LOL)

-eve was a psychology major before she dropped out

-out of the main 3 characters, two of them dropped out of high school and the other dropped out of college LMAO. none of these people are staying in school #fuckeducation

-if blake DID finish high school, she likely wouldve gone to college for computer science. if she was in her 20s in the current day she would 100% be a software developer but im not sure if this is the route she would take in 2005

-eve is more a collection of traits she was taught are desirable than an actual person

-post canon blake becomes a taxidermist once she decides to stop being a NEET. eve works in sales or something (cant go into detail because i. do not know. what goes on in Business Offices. what do you Do in sales jobs. i think she understands equally as much about the corporate world despite working in it). if isaac had lived past 22, he wouldve either stayed working random minimum wage jobs or become a car mechanic or something.

-blake hates shoes because shes #based I HATE SHOES I WOULD NEVER WEAR A SHOE AGAIN IF I COULD GET AWAY WITH IT. i have to live through her on this one. she only begrudgingly wears then in rainy weather or winters because wisconsin cold is no joke. same with coats

-isaac will be like "idk how i keep getting into Situations :/ i just try to mind my own business and try to keep my head down man why is this happening to me" *vandalizes public property* *attempts arson* *heckles important pillars of his local community* *gets blackout drunk in public* *loudly calls most of the general public morons for widely-held religious beliefs* *gets into physical fights with strangers* "anyways im just a chill guy"

-isaac doesnt have his own computer, he messages people by "borrowing" his roommates old macbook (specifically a powerbook g4 (aluminum)). eves parents have a family computer, but she also has a desktop setup in the basement (its just like. shittier. havent decided the exact specs yet) blake's family computer is in her room and she is basically the only one to use it (it is also a desktop).

[disawakenings]

Rules & General Guide (mobile)

      this may be updated as needed; excluding when i just nitpick the wording/fix typos etc, i will announce the changes. thank you for reading through.

NOTE:

THE MUN AND THE MUSE ARE BOTH OVER THE AGE OF 21, AND REQUIRE THAT ONLY MUNS OF THE SAME MINIMUM AGE INTERACT. This rp blog will heavily pertain to darker themes, and may not be for the squeamish.

The Basics

Canons from fandoms and OCs are both welcome. I will be selective in following back, especially with highly active multimuse blogs. If I don’t follow back you’re more than free to send asks and respond to opens IC. I might continue our threads, but mutuals will be prioritized and threads with non-mutuals will be shorter.

Feel free to post starters or IC banter at me, toss something in my askbox, etc. whenever you like. Inform me if you do so just in case I miss it; and yes, by all means plot OOC with me! No need to ask permission or apologise to drop in my IMs, the door is open my friend.

I don’t expect people to match my post length. It can range from a sentence or two to a novella. If you’ve a preference in length, be it short or long, do let me know.

Courtesy, OOC Conflict, Etc.

If I decline something you suggest to me (such as a plot or a meme you send in, a relationship dynamic) and you nag me to change my mind or anything similar, I will not appreciate you for it. If you worry I’ve forgotten or lost interest in a thread, be kind and ask me. If it’s not fault of memory it is likely a simple lack of muse, or motivation.

Don’t godmod, don’t metagame, blah blah blah. Common courtesy and all that shit. No hostility or passive aggression, no drama. Be straightforward with me. If I’ve done something to upset you or you have genuine criticisms, I want to hear them crystal clear.

I will avoid engaging in callouts though will observe the situation for my own. I do not condone purity culture and consider it extremist. If you have any grievance with me, please just communicate with me. Be straightforward and actually talk with me through the problem. I’m tired.

Romance, N.S.F.W. Content

I am open to shipping, but I ask we discuss it OOC beforehand and write out the development IC. And know ahead of time that Revelation is not in a state of mind or circumstance to be a good/healthy partner. It will be a drag if you’re here for instant cuddles and steamy times. I like writing relationships that are complicated if not outright toxic, but I’m also soft for warm and fluffy romance as well. Variety is what makes the soup taste good. And patience.

Intimate relations will be awkward on Revelation’s end. Do not expect my explicit writing to be highly graphic, or to solely focus on said graphic content. I will still focus highly on the behaviour, psychology, and chemistry of/between muses.

Mun Activity, Disclaimers, Etc.

I will not always be active, due to IRL matters, chronic disabilities, and sometimes I’m just not in the mood for a certain muse or even rping in general. Feel free to remind me about our threads etc. but again please don’t pester or guilt me. It will not spark the muse back alight.

 I welcome constructive criticism and advice, and am more than happy to offer my own if asked. To learn and to teach is a wonderful thing. Let’s tend one another’s creative gardens.

I am comfortable writing most any kind of serious/heavy concepts, any and all of which I try to approach with tact. I understand that you may have different limits and boundaries in this matter.

Note that any scenarios, and character mindset/beliefs/actions/etc. are meant (if meant for anything significant) to inquire and speculate the nature of humanity and the universe as a whole. I explore this far more deeply in my personal writing than roleplay because it is easier that way to be avoided by those who do not want to consume such stories. It may be delved into to some degree here of course, so again I warn that this muse may not be for hearts that feel the hurt strongly.

That’s a lot of serious blather, I swear on my LIFE that I love love love lighthearted scenarios and comedy as well! In fact I kind of thrive on blanketing all the doom and gloom with hilarity. Revelation might not be aware it’s comedy though.

Common Tags for TS ( will be “#[word] tw” i.e. “#bunnies tw”):

If you need anything not listed above tagged, please let me know. The list will be added to as needed. Bolded are topics that will be delved heavily into regardless of how often, italics mean it will/may be frequent. Both means Beware! Look Out, Oh Shit It’s Everywhere!!

Anonymous Asks

As with my feelings on conflict between muns please be courteous. If you are upset, angry, or hurt by anything I have done or said, I want to meet on equal ground, no weapons of the word needed from either party.

I do not want to turn off anon. I understand the fear of backlash without that privacy. If it is repeatedly proven that it cannot be used in a reasonable and peaceful manner, I will revoke that privilege. Please, I implore all, be communicative, not combative. We can be better at building than breaking.

     If you have any questions, want to establish a plot or IC connections, my askbox and messages are open. 💙

I don’t require you send me like a cryptically-specific message to prove you read the rules, I trust you to locate and read through either the desktop or mobile version of this.

                                              But you Should send me spiders.

                                                                                                      For good luck.

[bokutosworld]

convenience store stranger | suna rintarou

pairing: suna x f!reader  word count, genre: 2.1k words, college au. fluff. another meet cute story lol.  warning: none  summary: in which your late shifts become less boring and more interesting when a cute stranger stumbles in at 2 AM.  a/n: my first time writing for suna god im scared but i really liked how this turned out!! 

The first time he meets you happens on one of his late night convenience store runs. It was exams season and Suna’s been pulling all-nighter after all-nighter. To say he was exhausted would’ve been an understatement. 

He’s barely making it through on the third night and if he didn’t take a break soon, he was sure he’d have passed out on his desk. With his mind hazy from reading too many words and trying to understand a semester’s worth of lessons in one night, he decides to stand up and get some fresh air. 

Which is how he found himself currently standing at aisle four of the only convenience store that was still open near his apartment. He scans the rack for something that can wake him and his brain up. He doesn’t know how long he’s been standing but he could definitely feel eyes burning holes in the back of his head. 

He settles on a pack of jelly sticks and a cup of spicy instant noodles and heads towards the counter. You mutter a greeting when he reaches the cashier and begin scanning his items. 

When he hands over the cash for payment, your fingers brush with his cold ones, making you recoil harshly as if he was repulsing.

“Something wrong?” He laughs when he sees your reaction. “I know I look like a mess now but I won’t bite you.” He bends his knees slightly, tilting his head to get a look at your embarrassed face.

“No, I’m sorry.” You avoid his intense gaze, continuing to pack his purchase. When you look at him, he’s still staring with his piercing eyes that it almost takes your breath away. 

Shaking your head to bring yourself to reality, you give him his items. “Your hands felt cold and I was just shocked.” You feel that same electricity sparking between you again when he takes the bag from you. “I.. well.. thank you. Have a great evening.”

“It’s 2 AM,” Suna chuckles and you sigh before correcting yourself and bowing to him in goodbye. “See you around,” he shouts over his back as he walks out the door. It was the first time he saw you in that store and he was sure it wasn’t going to be the last. 

The second time he’d actually planned it according to your shift. If his past trips to the store were anything to go by, he’d learned that you always took the evening shift. It was something he discovered after being called out by your co-worker on the third time that he restlessly looked around the store during a visit. 

He should be on his bed, phone in his hand as he mindlessly scrolled until he fell asleep. But with the memory of his interaction with you lingering on his mind, he wanted to see you.

“Hey, got time for a customer?” He greets the moment he steps inside the empty convenience store. You look up from the book that you were reading and quickly stand to welcome him. “What are you reading?” 

Hiding the book from his view, you retort, “Aren’t you going to buy something?” 

He grins, taking in your tired disposition and the bags that had formed under your eyes before retreating to the shelves. When he returns, he slides over a can of energy drink, iced coffee, and a large bag of chips. 

You assume he’d leave immediately once he’s paid for everything. You certainly didn’t expect him to take out the coffee and give it to you. 

“This is for you.” He opens his own drink and leans by the counter. “Doesn’t it ever get boring here? I mean it’s midnight and you’re alone. I’m betting not many people even drop by at this time.” He faces the door, crossing his arms around his chest and staring at both of your reflections at the glass. 

Worn out from your classes in the day, you take his coffee offering, instantly feeling the rush of caffeine flow through your veins and waking you up. “The job pays relatively well. Besides I can’t really work in the mornings, I have uni.”

“So you’re a college student too.” He turns around and extends a hand out to you. “I’m Suna Rintarou.”

You introduce yourself as you shake hands with him. And as soon as pleasantries were exchanged, he immediately launched into a story about how his earlier day went. He was a natural conversationalist and despite this being your first time talking with him, you didn’t feel an ounce of awkwardness. You didn’t know what it was about him but his presence made you feel comfortable. 

You learned about what he was studying (to your surprise, Psychology), how he spends his weekends playing volleyball (he was a middle blocker and an excellent one at that, he boasted), and how he ended up here during the night he first saw you (the all-nighter went well and he passed all his exams). 

He rips open the chips he bought and offers you some as you lay your story before him. He munches as he listened to you rant about how you loathed your course (Business Management) and the many case studies and papers you had to do each day. He nods his head in understanding as you explain why you needed this part-time job (to pay for apartment fees). 

You were having so much fun in his company that you didn’t notice the time pass by. (He arrived to the store at 12:32 AM. The clock on the wall now reads 2:32 AM). And for the duration of his stay, you were surprised that no one ever came by. He only ever left your side when a taxi driver walked in. 

Suna steered clear from the counter and kept his distance as you did your job. From your peripheral, you could see that he watched you like a hawk from the side and it made you somehow conscious. When the customer exited, you playfully threw a tissue at him, 

“I couldn’t concentrate when you were standing there and looking at me like that!” 

He went back to his position but this time, he leaned close with his hands on the counter. “Like what?"  

Well how could you say to him that you thought he looked effortlessly hot in his sweatshirt and track pants? And was that an adorably messy bedhead? How could you say that you liked the teasing smile that he’d been giving you throughout the night?  

You chuckle and shake your head, “Nothing.” You reach for the book you were reading prior his arrival and took your seat. “Don’t you have classes tomorrow? You should go back.”

“Do you not want me around anymore?” 

“It’s not that, I…”

He cuts you off, “Good, then it’s settled. I’m not going anywhere. I like talking with you too much to go back home. Let me entertain you some more.” He sits down at the chair on one of the tables near the counter and then goes back to chatting with you. 

Since that night, Suna had been scheduling more trips to the convenience store. Sometimes, he’d really only visit to bother you. At times, he’d bring his books and laptop with him so he could work on a paper while you restocked the shelves and cleaned around. On rare occasions, he’d help you out on a business plan and the customers who’d enter the store would be amused at the sight of you and him huddled behind the counter with your serious thinking faces on. 

He’d become a part of your life that it felt unnerving not to have him around on your shifts. And it certainly showed on your face how disappointed and heartbroken you were when consecutive nights passed without his visits. Your co-worker even called you out on it. 

“So where’s the cutie been?” She asked one time when the two of you were at the back lounge while you logged in for your shift. You groan at the nickname she gave him and she laughs at you.

“How would I know?” 

“Don’t you guys talk almost every day and night?”

“Only on nights that he visits me.” You pause, thinking about the possibilities why he could’ve stopped coming. And before you knew it, you were ranting. “God, are we even friends? I don’t know his number. Did he ghost me? Is this considered ghosting? It’s been a week. I’m scared I did or said something.” 

She’s watching you pace around the room. “Maybe he got bored of me. Or maybe he realized I’m not really worth his time and dipped. Sleeping is much better than hanging out with me at 1 AM anyway.”

You’re stopped in your tracks when she suddenly grabs your shoulders. “Overthinking is not a good look on you.” She makes you take deep breaths to calm down. “I’m sure he’s just busy right now. He’ll visit again soon.” 

“I don’t know why I’m being like this.” 

The look she gives you is incredulous, her mouth gaping wide at your statement. “Are you serious?” 

“What?” You ask, not anticipating the next words that would come from her. 

“It’s obvious that you like him.” 

The next time you see him was on campus. You don’t know how long it’s been since he last spent time with you on your shift. (Though if you were counting, you were definitely sure that it’s been two weeks and three days since then.) 

You tried not to think too much about what his absence could mean but the pang in your heart never left. Those two weeks that he didn’t show up allowed you some time to think about your conversation with your friend. You like him. 

Back then, you were too quick to shut down the idea. Denying any ounce of feeling for the boy as you saw him as no more than someone who had too much time on his hands to bother you on your shifts. A good friend is what you specifically used to defend your relationship with him. 

So then why was it that your heart was beating so rapidly as Suna waved at you from across the cafeteria? Why couldn’t you stop smiling as you watched him make his way to your table and sit down beside you?

“Hey there.” He slings his arms around and pulls you for a side hug. “Long time no see.” 

You almost couldn’t hear him over the loud thumping of your heart in your ears. He’s still smiling and waiting for you to reply. “Yeah, been a while. I’ve gotten the peace and quiet back in my shifts.” 

He breaks out in laughter while opening a snack bar. “I’m sorry I haven’t been able to stop by. I just came out from a major presentation that I’ve been preparing for during the past weeks. And guess what?” 

You perk your eyebrows at his question. “What?” 

“Our group did great.” He raises a hand for a high-five and you indulge him. “The teacher liked our slides and our analysis of the topic. Ah, I feel so good right now!” He leans back with his hands behind his head, but he suddenly jerks. 

“We should go out!” Suna grabs your hands and looks at you expectantly. “You’re free the whole day tomorrow right? You’re not working the shift? Let’s celebrate. It’s my treat!” 

Feeling overwhelmed by his invitation and his overall excitedness, you laugh and pull back. “Calm down, Suna. I don’t know about tomorrow.” 

“Why? Are you busy?”

“Not really but..” 

“Then it shouldn’t be a problem.” He tucks a loose hair behind your ear, leaning close with his voice barely over a whisper, “It’s perfect. I’ve wanted to take you on a date for a long time now.” 

“What?” You stare at him wide-eyed. 

“Come on, you’ve never thought about us?” He finds the situation entertaining. Your flustered reaction reminds him of the night that he met you. 

“Why do you think I’ve been coming to the convenience store when I could be sleeping at that time? I like being around you. My day doesn’t feel complete if I don’t at least see you or tell you about my day or listen to you rant about the latest episode of your favorite series.”

You like him. 

“Go out with me.” He kisses the back of your hand. “Please?” 

The corners of your lips unconsciously curves up and Suna sends your heart doing somersaults when he says something about how he’s finally got to see the beautiful smile he’s been wanting to see for weeks. 

Your friend was right. You do like him.  

[wildfire317s-oc-box]

What happens when you let me think to much pt.3:

So keep in mind im not a psychologist i am just going off of personal experience and why similar characters in other media do similar things.

My theory about why Douma is the way he is:

So right off the bat Douma was raised by cult leaders to be a cult leader and from what i have researched (because im a horror nerd and im curious about such things) that on its own can really fuck someone up mentally. But that much is obvious; What may not be obvious is that im pretty sure that while he was growing up he was emotionally neglected far beyond the whole "our cult has to have everyone happy all the time" thing he grew up with and this can be sort of seen because of how his parents died: his mother murdered his father and then killed herself without first bothering to make sure there was anyone to care for him or even make sure he was out of the house, leaving him orphaned. Pretty sure any parent that does that while their child is still around and not going to have anyone else to care for him is emotionally abusive (and to be honest probably major narcissists because seriously who actually wants to force people into being happy all the time but a narcissist unless they really dont know any better). Speaking of that Im pretty sure the trauma from that happening right there in front of him (whether he actually knows it or not) is what really broke him, when it comes to his thoughts at the time its actually pretty common to think something along those lines when in shock from a traumatic event (like how people who are being held at gunpoint might think "really this had to happen while i was wearing my new guccis" or something). And then there was the pressure to be the new leader of his parents cult and likely having to lead by example during the general age group where emotional development is pretty important since he was a small child when he had to take over like probably not even in double digits yet; the age where most people are learning what emotions are, why they have them when they have them and how to properly react to them and there Douma is having to be happy all the time for these adults that he's essentially been drop-kicked into leadership of and not getting the chance to learn most of the other emotions. And thats not even including how he was raised to act as a sort of prophet because his eyes were a literal rainbow. Im also worried his parents were either physically abusive towards him or eachother while around him considering his reaction to akaza literally punching his head off and him thinking that he was just being friendly and saying hello (that or its the fact that he most likely has a pain kink), however what he says to shinobu while shes dying suggests that his parents were most likely verbally abusive to each other and then probably lied to him when/if he asked about it. I think the fact that he goes after women most of the time also has something to do with what happened in his childhood (probably his mother murdering his father and then killing herself as she was technically the one who left him orphaned) along with him thinking women are more rich in nutrients for demons due to the fact that they can nurture babies, similar as to why akaza strictly goes after men wether he knows it or not. Maybe this is why he wanted to keep kotoha/mama hashibira because despite her situation she chose to not abandon her son unlike his own mother (and probably the countless others who were in his cult). I also think this may be why he (occasionally) has to literally mess around with his brain to remember things from farther back in the past, since one type of trauma response is blocking out memories of certain situations, similar situations and the times before and/or after the traumatic situation for a certain amount of time. Another trauma response is denial, insisting that nothing is wrong with him emotionally or psychologically until being completely being proven otherwise and breaking the dam.

Long and short of it is: he was raised to at the very least appear happy all the time by emotionally neglectful parents, became orphaned through a traumatizing series of events, got drop-kicked into the most likely very stressful position of cult leader probably way before he was anywhere near ready to actually take that position and had to lead by example the only way he knew how during crucial developmental years leaving no time to learn other emotions let alone anyone to teach him other emotions. Trauma responses are kinda fucking him over along with all that ^ and probably making him a ticking bomb. Basically it's not so much that he literally can't feel human/demon emotion but more so he never learned how to and has worn his "happy mask" for so long he forgot it was ever a mask to begin with and eventually forgot it was even there.

[captainstarkky]

Doom at Your Service - An Appreciation Post

Before starting this lengthy post about how I love this drama, I would just like to commend the writer - Im Meari. She has done a wonderful job with this series. I am sad that Episode 10, which was supposed to be the most meaningful episode - had the lowest ratings in Korean media.  But still the whole drama as a while was a masterpiece. What can I say? It is philosophical and poetic at the same time. It entails too many meanings and it has born too many questions.

For me, the whole series is the journey to acceptance.

And Myeol Mang represents that.

When we are faced with an imminent death or destruction, our first reaction is to get angry, frustrated. That’s a normal emotional response to a bad news for humans. If you are in the right head, you will obviously cry or either space out, unable to talk for a few minutes. That is how we get frustrated, that is how we get angry.

And remember what Myul Mang said?

“No one could love me. Everyone either resent me or wants me. Or some fear me.”

It roughly translates to layterm as: ‘...everyone resents me’ (no one wants to die) “...wants me” (some wants to die)... “or some fear me.” (everyone is afraid to die)

That’s quite familiar, right? Hmmm? Now proceed.

Now there is actually a theory that talks about grief. It is a psychological construct that has been proposed to explain why people react the way they react when posed with an information they can’t accept. It is a theory of Elizabeth Ross. She called it the 5 Stages of Grief.

According to her, whenever people experience a life changing event - either death, divorce, end of relationship - a person experiences grief and to get out of that, one needs to pass through stages. It is personal and does not entail timelines and schedule - which is harder for someone who has a terminal illness.

Now, some of you might ask: Why and how did you correlate both?

Simple. Because Myeol Mang is destruction. And Tak Dongkyung is dying - she has three months to live, to be specific, she has 50 days to live as of the 10th episode. Therefore, we can say that Tak Dongkyung is currently in this five stages that I’m talking about. 

The story is all about Tak Dongkyung accepting his faith: which is her inevitable death.

By the way, a bit of a trivia, Doom at Your Service wasn’t the only drama who discussed this theory. If you are familiar with Last Romance, the story centers with the theory as well. 

There are five stages of grief as per the theory.

Denial

Denial is the stage where a person still cannot accept the fact that he/she is dying. She may be redirecting her attention elsewhere or she’s just ignoring the fact that she is.

Actually before episode 10, Tak DongKyung is still in the spectrum of denial. She doesn’t accept the fact that she’s dying. Not talking about it is the indication. She prepares to die - writes a bucketlist, clear out whatever is holding her in the world, assures her brother, etc. - but in reality, she doesn’t want to die. She is still in the process of denying the fact that she is dying.

She is basically pushing the idea of Myung Mang to the back of her mind.

That’s why, Myul Mang wants her to speak it out. He wants her to accept it with all her heart; because that’s the only way she could fully love him.

That is also the reason why the Deity told her to LOVE HIM ‘because I created them for you, humans.’

You’re not supposed to hate death and destruction. Because in the end of everything, we are doomed to end anyway. So we got to accept it. We got to love it.

Denial is probably the hardest stage to get over to because you know that there is still a lot you can do before you finally accept it out. That’s probably the reason why she stayed there for the longest time.

Anger

Anger is when you finally considers the idea of dying - but rejects it out. No one wants to die. And if we are faced with the fact, it is only natural to get angry. But to whom?

Tak Dongkyung hated Myul Mang. And she actually makes her point on this fact during the early episodes. 

She blames him for everything - for a moment.

She might’ve been thinking: why me? And honestly I don’t blame her. Out of all the 7 billion people, you are chosen to have a hundred days to live. If I was her, I would get angry too.

But a little food for the mind: Tak Dongkyung isn’t really angry at Myul Mang. She just want to blame someone for her misfortunes, for her cancer. I mean, she is still young and has a full life to live, she still has to take care of her brother and marry him off a good woman, then all of a sudden, she got cancer. All those plans ruined just because of a few words. And a cocky guy shows up outside her apartment announcing that he’s doom - etce tera, etce tera. Again, If I was her, I would be angry at Myul Mang myself.

Because anger helps us cope.

Although she’s pass that stage now, she certainly have his fair points when it comes to getting angry at our Doom.

Bargaining

Bargaining is a temporary truce. We want our life back so we tend to do everything to get it back. Even if we have to bargain with a demon or something. Some people goes back to their faith, some people risk all their possessions to their doctors. Bottomline, we want to have a chance. A fighting chance.

The second Tak Dongkyung entered the contract with Myul Mang, she already started bargaining.

She started thinking what could be her wish. Even if she never materialized them, she thought of them. So since we are talking about wishes, here are her possible wishes:

People would forget about her when she die.

Wanting to live

Happy Ending

For Myul Mang not to get hurt when she’s gone.

End of the world.

But isn’t the wish supposed to be directed to self?

No not necessarily. If you’re in the early stages of bargaining, it might be the case. But as you move to the later stages, your perspective changes and your wishes will center more on your loved ones. You will want them not to get sad when you pass; or good health for them; good fortune. And that will eventually lead you to the fourth stage - which is depression. Because you know that your wishes for them could never come true.

Depression

This is the interesting part.

What is depression? It is the feeling of immense hopelessness especially in her case that she is dying. The fact that your short life will not leave a mark and the fact that you won’t be able t see your loved ones again - that sadness - but to the greater length. To the point of you not being able to function properly in the society.

Where did the depression start? It did not even show in the whole series.

Oh no, it did.

This is the reason why this drama is for those people who can understand social cues - therefore, intelligent people. If you haven’t seen it then it’s a good time to rerun the drama on your laptops.

Tak Dongkyung has always been depressed. She wouldn’t wish the end of the world if she is not.

From the death of her parents, from the constant thoughts of being a burden to her aunt, from her missed interviews, from his brother stopping college, from her sexist boss, from her cheating ex, from her cancer. Everything is just depressing. 

But why can’t we see it?

Depression is a psychological issue. She might present herself as a happy person but there’s no guarantee that she feels the same inside.

That makes sense.

And do you know what’s the peak of her depression? The moment she knew about her sickness. 

The same day she met our handsome Myul Mang.

Acceptance

Acceptance is not necessarily a happy or uplifting stage, for it only means that you are finally in the stage where you have finally made terms with your fate. It is the stage where you’re staring to realize that ‘ah, it’s really here.’

And that, my friends, is the goal of the drama.

Tak Dongkyung who’s always scared, sad, and hated her life must accept it. She must be able to accept her fate and herself. She needs to accept Myul Mang. Her death.

And to be honest, she is making a whole lot of improvement compared to when she was on the previous episodes. She was truthfully falling for Myul Mang and it means that she’s slowly accepting her death.

We can hear her say:

“I’m not scared anymore...”

On the teaser after Episode 10. It can only mean one thing, she is a step closer to acceptance.

Tak Dongkyung’s journey to self-acceptance still is not ending. She still have a few more days.

Technically, she’ll die. But I hope she will not and she will end up with Myul Mang in the end.

With that I would like to make a point: This drama is for philosophical people.

If you cannot understand what is happening, then it’s obvious that you will not be watching it. If you want skinship and lots of cute scenes, then you can watch this - Seo In-guk and Park Bo-young serves us just enough - but you still won’t get it.

You’ll think that it’s going nowhere and eventually drop the drama because all you want is fluff and love story.

I hope it’s not like that.

Just like everyone who shares their thought and theories, breakdowns in here, let us try to read between the lines on what it really wants to tell us.

You will enjoy it, I promise.