#im about to eat shards of glass like ice

[aannonn]

combusting into flames

heheh lil' fic ... my first time ever participating in a october of any kinds ohmygosh ,,,

welp! sticktober and the most recent green video gave me motivation to write this ... feral tsc time ... ....

hope u enjoy reading it just as much as i enjoyed writing it !! ^-^ ( although it was kinda difficult and took me some time to think about very specific words to use in this . lol )

( lil' tag : @shad0wr0se9044 ; eheh )

tags :: unreliable narrator , yelling , swearing , post-traumatic stress disorder - PTSD , validation seeking , hurt no comfort , death threats , misunderstandings , fights , talking In musical notes , i am my own beta reader , excuse me for any errors im not a very good beta reader , also is very lowkey unreliable narrator but dont trust them either way

cross-posted on ao3 aswell !!

StickTober | Day 4: Follower / Disaster Word Count : 1,759

Everything was so cold. So unbearably cold.

   Red-orangeish colors - Or were they reddish-orange? they adorned his body like fireflies, flooding his vision and freezing their skin like fibers of glass. His head throbbed restlessly and they felt unbearably cold, almost as if they were swimming in ice.

   Distantly, he could hear several people writhing frantically, some even swimming heavily to the lawn, grabbing it like a lifeline.

   Even more distantly, but which seemed to be rising beneath them, he could hear someone laughing in the distance, their head throbbing even louder at the sound.

   - BAHAHW- SHOULD'VE SEEN YOUR FACES!"

   The camera lens of the cell phone was pointed directly at them, the blinding light momentarily blinding him as the owner of said device walked away cautiously, still smiling big and laughing as loud as the blinding sounds of the lava burning their skin.

   Orange watches as his friend Green watches them writhe in the lava frantically, laughing as if the whole ordeal was just a very poorly done comedy show.

   A picnic. A picnic was what he told them, something completely harmless and peaceful - The picnic would be located in the Sakura biome, where cherry blossoms would fall beneath and the wind would gently embrace them, making the entire air - once slightly tense and distant, now serene and joyful. Where all they would do was eat the adorable sandwiches and feel the sunlight shining beneath them and only them.

   Just them. As it always was.

   At least it seemed that way.

   Green pulled out his phone and walked away - At first, they didn't think much of it. (Well, except Red; He stood up instantly after noticing Green's departure, frowning but continuing to eat the sandwich even while standing.) - Maybe he just wanted to take a photo of them and send it to his Instagram, writing something about friendship and stuff like last time. Neither of them minded it, perhaps a little hesitant, but Green would return to them soon. Just take the photo and then sit back down. Nothing more.

   Then the floor opened. And everything suddenly looked hot and red. His skin burned like icy flames as if shards of glass had stuck to their skin and refused to let go. Bells rang in his head like thunder and everything spun wildly - blurs of different colors swam across his vision restlessly and confused their brain to no end - they desperately swimmed to the edge of the lawn, clinging to it like a lifeline as he gasped and huffed.

   He looked up. Green, even if blurred, was the only color that stood out in his vision - Towering over him like a cloud, so bright it hurt.

   He tricked them. It was all a trick. He didn't want to spend 'quality time' with them as previously told - Instead, he wanted to record the entire ordeal, not giving two cents that none of them asked for it, that none of them were even having fun.

   He bumped them into lava, applauding the ordeal as if a comedy show was being played instead.

   Orange felt his hands close around the grass more firmly, pieces of grass outlining their hand with the rigid action.

   He almost ended their friends.

   Orange leaned on the edge, successively climbing out of the pool that juggled violently on his skin.

   They are gonna end him.

.

.

.

.

   - FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT-"

   - PLEASEPLEASE STOP- ORANGE-"

   - GET THE HELL OFF OF ME-"

   - STOP FIGHTING! Blue, please, calm down-"

   - OHH YEAHH- BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM, ORANGEY!"

   - RED, SHUT UP!"

   Green rolled his finger over the screen, bringing his legs closer to his chest as he rested his chin on top of his knees, absentmindedly leaning his back posteriorly to the fluffy pillows behind him, wincing slightly at the mildly sharp sensation he felt upon closer contact.

   He browsed through the comments on his most recent video, unthinkingly skimming throughout phrases and sentences incontinently - Something to abstract his mind off of the backache that sent twinges down his body intermittently.

   Green hissed as he felt his back slam onto the grass, his cell phone flying out of his reach and his glasses hung loosely on his face ; He's pretty sure he heard a low pop coming from one of his lenses after the heavy impact. Orange had him pinned to the ground, his hands were kneading the grass on either side of his head, holding him in place - Green frowned, ready to fight to get Orange off of him and complain about how the sudden approach disturbed the video only to shudder by the absolutely furious look on their face. - WERE YOU TRYING TO KILL US???" Orange shouted, making Green flinch at the volume so close to his face. Green tried to laugh nervously, raising his hands in surrender. - Dude- Chill, it's just a prank-" Orange growled, frowning in ever greater annoyance. - WHAT KIND OF A FUCKING PRANK INVOLVES DROPPING YOUR FRIENDS INTO LAVA." Irritation began to rise through Green now; Not just by having Orange literally screaming in his face, but by essentially hearing the implication that they truly believed he was capable of legitimately harming them albeit having known him for years. - IT'S NOT EVEN ACTUAL LAVA- GET OFF OF ME!" - WHAT MADE YOU THINK DROPPING US INTO FAKE ASS LAVA WITHOUT US KNOWING WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA???" - DID YOU SERIOUSLY THINK I WOULD EVER TRY TO ENDANGER YOU GUYS ON PURPOSE????" Green shouted back, his brow furrowing in irritation and betrayal. - WELL, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR FIRST FUCKING THOUGHT WHEN BEING DROPPED INTO WHAT LOOKS LIKE LAVA." Green fell silent, staring at Orange's furious face in disbelief. Did ... Did they genuinely believed he was going to deliberately put them in legitimate danger? But- They've known him for years??? They know he would never do that, right??? ... right? A distant sniffle from behind Orange distracted him from his thoughts, tilting his head up and glance his eyes towards the sound - Or, at least; Tried, seeing as Orange was still firm in pinning him to the ground. Yellow whispered cute comforts into the air, gently stroking Blue's back with Red standing right next to xhem. The latter giving him a stern look as soon as she noticed his gaze, scoffing before bending down and pulling Blue into a side-hug, avoiding looking at him. Blue was shaking uncontrollably, holding onto Yellow's arm as if xheir life depended on it - Xheir head was bowed to the ground, sniffles and sobs coming from xheir huddled position in Red's arms. Green stared at them for a moment, confusion and worry filling his being as he noticed Blue crying softly in their friends' arms, small splashes of water still dripping from their forms sitting on the floor. Why was Blue crying? It was just a prank ... Orange seemed to have gotten out of whatever furious storpor he was in, glancing an eye to look at the trio, then back at Green - Letting out a sigh, they pushed themself away from him and stood up, inhaling several deep breaths and mumbling unintelligible words of which Green was too far away to understand.  Green took off the limply glasses from his face (One of them had its' lens broken. Great.) and sat up, hissing softly as he felt his head become somewhat heavier, along with a sharp pain in his back that made him feel like he had slept on a log. - I'm sorry.. Just." Orange took a deep breath. - .. Go home." Green blinked, promptly standing up and ignoring the sharp pain he felt inside his skull from the abrupt movement. - What? No! I'm not going to-" - Home." - -leave and ignore Blue who is literally crying-" - HOME."

   Green shivered, burying his face in his knees and biting his trembling lip as he desperately blinked away the tears that were gradually beginning to well up, soft sobs escaping his throat unwillingly.

   Several hours has passed upon prior practically throwing himself on the mattress almost immediately upon ingressing at their shared room, having stolen regeneration potions from Blue on his way to the computer at Orange's command.

   Although he felt like immense fatigue filling his entire body and ready to collapse whilst enwrapped with innumerable comfy pillows and cozy blankets, Green found himself grabbing his phone out of his pocket and opening Youtube, scrolling through various comments from his latest video without actual real direction.

   He just wanted some distraction, some comfort - Anything that could ease the agonizing pain in his chest.

   His brain can't discern what he did wrong.

   It was just a joke. A laugh- A prank! Something they've all done to each other before, over and over again; innumerous times. This time is no different. He only stayed one step ahead of each of them in this silly prank war.

   So why were they so angry? Why didn't they just brush it off like they always did?

   Why didn't anything ever turn out the way he expected them to?

   Green sighed softly, taking a deep (although shaky)��breath to calm the sobs in his throat and continuing his directionless journey of scrolling through the comments in the hope of finding something that could potentially pique his interest.

   He doesn't know what to do with the video now. It started out as a harmless prank that ended in a terrible disaster that broke one of the lenses in his glasses and made his friends extremely angry with him.

   Maybe he should just delete it-

@(ThisIsAnActualCommentThatImNotGonnaReveal) Bro Its So nice

   Green froze, blinking away the fog in his brain.

   Bro Its So Nice

   All thoughts about his friends and his unsuccessfully video ready for potential deletion are long forgotten - The only thing his brain focused on was those four(4) words, reading them over and over again.

   The entire video, he just sat on the same couch for six hours - The only thing that indicated time passing was the giant stopwatch right above him and the couch.

   For six hours, he sat in the same place, doing absolutely nothing.

   . . .

   Maybe he could just edit the video. Cut some parts, re-record others - Everything so that his audience, his beloved followers, would be duly satisfied.

   He couldn't just let them down just because of a stupid little fight. Fights happen between friends all the time! No big deal! Surely his friends would understand. Why wouldn't they?

   So Nice

   They loved his videos, he couldn't keep them waiting apprehensively for any potential new videos much longer. After all, the channel is for them.

   It's all for them.

   Just for them.

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.

.

.

[toikienthusiast]

that one clip of bang chan during gods menu at kcon..............................

[ronsonlywhore]

Hi im new in here,so i don't know exactly what you write so could you please write something like wolfstar being the readers parents with the fluffy prompts 3,13,19,34,and 39,sorrt if that was weird,i have major daddy issues and see them both as father figures,thanks for the attention and sorry again if you don't write this kinda of stuff

❛ 𝘁𝘄𝗼 𝗶𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝗼𝗻𝗲. ❜ dad!wolfstar

summary: in which (y/n) is the light in both sirius and remus's life.

prompts: fluff/ 3. "stop moving around and let me braid your hair." / 13. "oh! my heart! it's too full of love for you! quick, i need a doctor!" / 19. "you can't leave without letting me hug you first." / 34. "help! there's a spider holding me hostage over here!" / 39. "i had a nightmare...can i stay with you tonight?"

a/n: au where neither sirius nor remus dies and sirius is cleared and they live happily ever after the war with a little girl they adopted. OKAY THIS WAS SO FUN TO WRITE. i didn't know if you wanted like a little reader or an older reader, so i included both! thanks for requesting anon <3

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

"(y/n)! come back here right now, you little devil!"

(y/n)'s giggles echoed throughout the house, her wet hair leaving a trail of water droplets on the floor. sirius could hear the quiet pitter-patter of her feet on the hardwood floors, and he quickly dropped a towel on the floor to clean up the mess she had made running away from him.

"(y/n)! this isn't funny!" sirius shouts into the silent house. it's quiet...too quiet.

"oh, i see...you're hiding from me are you? well, hopefully you're not hiding...behind the curtains!" he rips away the curtains enthusiastically, only to find an empty space behind them.

sirius creeps over to the closet, putting an ear to the door. he swears he can hear his five-year-old shuffling around and pulls the door open, feeling triumphant. "caught you!" he says, victorious.

his face falls when he's met with an empty space as well, and now he's starting to get worried. where could she be?

suddenly, he hears a small ah-choo! and a gasp followed by the sneeze. he smiles and drops down beside the couch. there (y/n) is, trying to hold in her giggles and wiping dust from her face.

she screams when sirius appears next to her, and laughs (the most angelic laugh sirius has ever heard) when her dad picks her up and hoists her on his shoulder.

"thought you could sneak away from me, huh?" sirius says as he sits (y/n) down and tickles her. "i just need to brush your hair before it gets all tangled."

(y/n) sighs. "i know, but you pull too much. i like it better when daddy does it. when is he coming back?"

sirius takes out the brushes and sits behind (y/n). "he'll be back today, i promise. now, sit still and let me brush your hair."

(y/n) moves away before sirius can start though, and he's starting to lose his patience. "(y/n), if you don't sit down right now, i'm not taking you to diagon alley with me. i'll just drop you off with harry while i go and have fun at fortescue's ice cream parlor," he threatens.

(y/n)'s eyes widened. she liked staying with cousin harry, but her dad was talking ice cream here, so there was no way she would let herself be hauled off to harry's while her dad got to stuff himself full with sorbets galore.

"no! i promise i'll let you brush my hair...but on one condition. you have to let me eat the last slice of cake right now. for breakfast." (y/n) crosses her tiny little arms and pulls out the puppy eyes, the puppy eyes sirius can never resist.

so how could sirius say no?

"you've got a deal, my little devil." sirius says as he shakes (y/n)'s pudgy toddler hand. she giggles, sits down obediently, and lets sirius brush through her hair, only painfully wincing twice.

later, as (y/n)'s barreling forkfuls of cake into her mouth and sirius is hastily trying to clean up her face before she messes up her shirt, the door opens, and (y/n) squeals happily. "daddy's home!"

she jumps down from her chair before sirius can say anything, and runs like mad to the front door.

remus is there, taking of his coat and grimacing as his sore muscles protest. his face is pale and and there are a few scratches running along his cheeks and neck. he hears (y/n) before he sees her, and quickly turns around to find the girl jumping into his arms.

"you're home!" she shrieks happily and tightens her hold around his neck. remus laughs and hugs back tightly. he notices frosting around her mouth and asks sternly, "and what is this, young lady?"

she smiles sheepishly and says, "it's cake! do you want some?"

sirius appears and remus turns to him. "sirius," remus starts, "you let (y/n) have cake for breakfast?"

sirius throws his hands in the air defensively. "i don't even get a hello kiss? not even a 'good morning, darling'? nothing?"

remus rolls his eyes and says grudgingly, "good morning, darling."

"that's better," sirius says as he leans in and kisses his husband's cheek. "if you must know, (y/n) and i made a deal. i let her have the cake in exchange for her letting me brush her hair. apparently, she likes it better when you do it."

remus looks back to (y/n), who's staring intently at his face. she picks up one of her little hands and places it on the cuts running from his chin to his right eye.

"what happened to your face? she asks sadly.

sirius and remus look at each other morosely. (y/n) doesn't know about remus's...condition, both men agreeing to tell her when she's older.

"just a...rough night at work, sweetheart." remus answers as he puts (y/n) down and walks over to the couch, throwing himself down on it. sirius follows him and runs a hand through his hair. (y/n) runs off into the kitchen, probably wanting to finish her cake quickly.

"was it a bad one?" sirius asks as he sits down beside remus.

remus shrugs. he always feels tired after a full moon, especially since he travels so far, as far away as he can to keep his family safe.

suddenly, (y/n) is standing next him, smiling as she dots his nose with frosting. remus laughs and picks her up again, holding her above her head. she stretches her arms in front of her, mimicking a superhero in flight, and remus "flies" her all over the living room until they hear a yelp of pain.

remus turns to see sirius doubled over, holding his chest. he quickly puts (y/n) down and hurries over to him, while (y/n) asks, "what's wrong with daddy?"

"sirius? darling, are you alright?" remus asks worriedly.

"oh! my heart! it's too full of love for you both! quick, i need a doctor!" sirius exclaims, feigning agony.

remus scoffs, grabs a pillow from the couch, and whacks his husband over the head with it. "that wasn't funny!"

sirius, rubbing his head, drawls, "oh, you wanna fight, do you? don't say i didn't warn you; you mess with the bull, you get the horns." he grabs a pillow and smacks remus's side.

remus doesn't care that he's dead tired, doesn't care if he's hungry and terribly needs a bath: he will take sirius down in this pillow fight even if it's the last thing he ever does.

(y/n) squeals and gets on the couch, jumping up and down, cheering both of them on.

after, with both pillows destoyed and feathers littering the living room (sirius definitely won, although remus would never admit that to anyone), sirius and remus flop down on the couch, preparing to doze off, when (y/n) exclaims, "but who's gonna clean this up?"

"oh...we'll worry about that later. come here, my little devil." sirius says tiredly and pulls (y/n) into his chest. remus loops an arm around sirius, and the three soundly sleep into the late hours of the evening, all interwined together.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

years later

"dad, i'm not five years old anymore. you don't have to do my hair anymore."

"stop moving around and let me braid your hair."

remus's fingers were definitely getting a bit too aged to be able to braid (y/n)'s hair with ease like he used to when she was small, but he was able to manage decent plaits to tame (y/n)'s wild hair.

both remus and (y/n) look into the mirror, and remus smiles. he places his hands on (y/n)'s shoulders and sighs wistfully, "oh...look at how much my angel's grown."

"don't start getting all sappy on me now, dad." (y/n) laughs as she shrugs off her dad's hand as she starts downstairs.

remus blocks the door way. "nuh uh. you can't leave without letting me hug you first."

(y/n) smiles and rolls her eyes, but gives in either way. she wraps her arms around her father's waist tightly, and remus can swear he's the happiest man in the world.

they pull apart when they hear glass shattering from the kitchen. remus and (y/n) rush downstairs and find sirius balancing on top of a chair, holding a pan in the air defensively. two glass cups are sitting on the counter, the third one in broken shards on the floor.

"sirius, what on earth are you doing?" remus asks as he moves into the kitchen.

"oh, good, you're here! you have to help me, there's a spider holding me hostage over here!"

(y/n) laughs. "dad, we've been through this before! all you have to do..." she trails off as she graps a cup and traps the spider in it, then takes a table mat and slides it under the cup, "is catch it, and set it free."

she places the spider on the open windowsill, and it scuttles away into the garden.

sirius precariously climbs down from chair as remus sweeps up the broken glass. "you're a lifesaver, you are," sirius says as he claps a hand on (y/n)'s back.

"that's me, full-time superhero."

. . .

sirius and remus are on the couch, watching the telly (that sirius begged to have), and almost dozing off when sirius feels a tug on his sleeve.

"dad? dad, are you awake?"

sirius groggily opens his eyes and sees his daughter staring into his face. "(y/n)," he asks, "what's wrong?"

the soft voices wake up remus as he too sits up and rubs his eyes. he takes notice of (y/n), and a worried expression crosses his face. "are you alright, sweetheart?"

(y/n) nods her head quickly and says, "everything's fine, it's just...i had a nightmare, could i sleep here with you guys?"

remus and sirius instantly scoot apart to make space for (y/n), who squeezes in between them. she's not as small as she used to, but is cozy enough as her dads close in beside her.

"remember when you were smaller and would sleep in sirius's arms?" remus asks his daughter.

she nods sleepily, "i'm far too big for that now."

remus and sirius laugh, and cuddle in closer. the scene is a sight for sore eyes, and (y/n) easily dozes off, glad she has the warmth of her dads on either side of her.

because two is always better than one, right?

[dolphin-enthusiast]

hello there buttercup!! 🌟💝☀ it's lovely to see you again this night, morgy dear! i hope today was much better for you than yesterday, you do only deserve nice and pleasant days after all dolcezza 💞💞 (1/12?)

"in all seriousness, i'm sorry to hear that yesterday was so terrible for you my darling, but the hard part is over, you got through it! its hard when things get overwhelming, but please remember that it's okay to take a step back and get through it one day at a time!! make sure to do some things that you find relaxing/enjoyable, and if you do need/want a little cheering up at any time, don't be shy to let me know!! i have a lot of tricks up my sleeve hehe 💓 (2/12)

and oh my, you like cheesecake too dear?? ahhh it's one of my favorite classic desserts!! my favorite kinds are strawberry, key lime, and this special family recipe of mine,, it's a limoncello cheesecake with a touch of strawberry compote, it's especially refreshing during the summer! oh goodness, i'll have to make it for you sometime, i bet you'd love it! ✨ (3/12?)

ah, and the accident?? i actually don't mind talking about it since it was so many years ago, i've worked through it enough,, so i can tell you! a warning though: it is pretty brutal, so for those who are easily triggered, please scroll past for your well-being! (4/12)

it happened the weekend after one of my annual finale ballet recitals, which was strange timing indeed,, my mamma and i were driving down a highway to go home from an appointment, when a car behind us suddenly swerved and hit us from the left side, towards the back,, unfortunately i took most of the impact, but thankfully my mom wasn't too injured, just in shock (5/12)

i don't remember much except flashing lights from the police cars and people yelling, but a few minutes later i found myself being carried and placed into the back of a truck,, apparently a good samaritan wanted to help drive us to the hospital since it would take too long for the ambulance to arrive, i fell asleep and woke up in the ER (6/12)

and thank god, i didn't have any life-threatening injuries or any broken bones, just a very sprained ankle, a concussion, and cuts/bruises from glass shards,, i only stayed for a night and then we both left quickly,, what caused me to sadly stop ballet and skating wasn't the injuries themselves as much as it was the aftermath (7/12)

i found myself having a very painful time when trying to execute different moves and my endurance took a severe hit,, we soon determined that continuing such high-intensity sports in this state would be detrimental to my body,, (8/12)

it was truly crushing since being a prima donna was little me's biggest dream, but not everything works out,, i've greatly recovered over the years, but it's still difficult to do certain things because of the after-effects, so for now i'll just continue dancing and just watch figure skating and ballet from the sidelines! (9/12, i had to go on anon since i hit the limit 😅)

anyway, aside from the sad stuff, today was quite relaxing for once!! i actually ate a nice breakfast today, and i ended up spending my morning lounging around and playing minecraft, which was nice 🌸after cooking dinner for my family, i went to check on the bunnies again, and today they got themselves into a sticky situation hehehe 💫 there's a section of the garden that's fenced off, where different types of hot peppers grow,, (10/12)

they're not allowed in there since the pepper plant leaves are extremely spicy and not good for them to eat,, but somehow, they were able to jump the high fence and get inside!! the poor little bunbuns were trapped and couldn't find a way out... so i had to lure them close with vegetables and pick them up (which took all of 10 minutes) they're little troublemakers, but i guess they make up for it with cuteness 🌺 (11/12)

boh,, i seem to be getting sleepy now, maybe that's why a headache came on all of a sudden! well, i guess i'll take my leave for the night!! sleep well amore, i'll be thinking of you 💘- love from the moon and back, waifu xoxo 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗ps: rollerblading hm?? ooh, maybe you could teach me~ 😘 (12/12)"

Let me start off by saying that ur so lucky u made it out without any severe injuries like....ur life really sounds like a movie bc wtf🤡🤡 u went thru some real shit yet here u are snatchin wigs and acting like an angel, we all dont deserve u fjdhdjd like honestly thats so fucked?? Imagine loving to do smth only to not be able to do it anymore and ur dreams being shattered bc of smth like an accident that was someone else's fault happenin...its a damn shame and i hope maybe someday u will be able to pick up on ballet or ice skating again and i'll be personally looking for the one who did this

On another note, im glad u relaxed again bruh shhchd i also a d o r e cheesecake and its one of my fav desserts, i acc really love the strawberries, blackberries and raspberries ones the most (although lemon ones arent bad either and i once tried an orange one which was g o o d) 😩😩 thank u as always for whising me the za best also, unfoetinately today my volleyball practice was canceled due to cases increasing again and the coach said they'll resume in the following weeks so 🗿🗿🗿🗿

AnYwAYs u lookin our for the bunnies is still the cutest most disney princess thing ever and im all for it👁️ also i def will have to teach u rollerblading fjshhss ppl say its the same as ice skating but i beg to differ....while i can rollerblade like a pro i cant ice skate to save my own ass s o-

[kwcnhbins]

hi everyone! my name is anna and i can’t wait for you guys to get to know haebin! he’s definitely out of the box for muses i’ve drafted, but i loved him so much that i couldn’t wait to add him here! im literally the shyest bitch of the century until i get to know you AND take first place as the queen of overthinking so please like this post so i can reach out to you for plots or connections!! my connections page will be up later :>

oh my god ! you can’t believe who i just saw. it was kwon haebin! they really resemble jung hoseok, don’t they ? i heard they started their career about nine years ago as the rapper, lead dancer, and sub-vocalist in the group thyme, but it sure seems longer, doesn’t it ? they always seem so cheerful, passionate, and kind in interviews and to their fans, but their latest scandal made them sound blunt, impulsive, and uncertain … oh well, must’ve been the bad lighting. did you know they came all the way from busan, south korea to new york city ? it was really brave of them to sacrifice so much. you think they’re survive the spotlight ? 

trigger warning: abuse, violence, mental health struggles, mentions of collapsing due to starvation and dehydration

p.s. i love hoseok so much it was lit rally luv at first sight 

haebin, and his messy personality.

haebin on camera is probably one of the sweetest and most considerate people on the planet. like, seriously, he’s been acknowledged multiple times by the korean and western public for his respect towards others and especially women.

he’s known for being one of the more energetic members, his affection towards his fans and his members is a never-ending cascade of hearts, kisses, and hugs.

off camera? well, that’s a different story.

he loves sex. he eats, breathes, and survives on sex . he’s one to seduce many and will never discriminate. anything for a good time, right?

he’s like nicky from ointb, if he sees you and he’s attracted to you, he wants you.

not really one to stick around in a relationship. he likes the rush, he likes the diversity of things. he knows he’ll get bored and may hurt the other person in the relationship, so he actively tries to avoid people who are romantically interested in him or who he thinks he’d be interested in.

he also can’t stick around in a relationship because he’s afraid of what he’s capable of.

his respect for boundaries and such is real, and he understands when someone is uncomfortable around him. he’ll never push them into doing something they don’t want to do.

will not fuck someone more than once unless it was good enough to come back again. he’ll rarely do this, but there are always exceptions in new york.

he knows his deep voice and stage presence is sexy. now that his company finally let him expose more of his seductive side, he’s taken advantage of it wants to show the world just how well he can perform.

he wants a family. this is probably one of the hardest things for him to think about; he can’t imagine himself settling down with anyone, but he wants a full family and a wholesome life. this causes backlash in his own internal monologue.

he uses sex and drugs as an escape. nothing has ever solved his problems the way both highs have.

his members are his family. literally. if anyone ever lays a hand on them, disrespects them, fucks with them, he’ll be by their side. he’s loyal when it comes to people he loves the most. he can’t let someone else make the people who’ve brought him back from dark parts in his life dissolve again.

backstory.

born to kwon haechul and kwon jiye on august 30th, 1994. the second of three children, and the apple of their eye.

there was something off about his family. haebin would always get that gut feeling that something was wrong, but he never payed attention to it.

it was a tuesday afternoon, and after three tests in class and an exhausting walk from school, the kwon siblings had decided to stop by a convenience store to buy some ice cream. his older sister, haewon, led them home, marching down the road with her two younger siblings giggling behind her.

haebin was his happiest in that moment. he never realized it until later, but the pounding of his heart mixed with the  giddy smiles and exhilarated laughter was one of the most liberating feelings he’s ever experienced.

they’d returned home at around ~7 p.m., which was significantly later than normal. haebin recalls wondering if his parents would be worried about them.

haewon happily swung open the door to have a glass vase fly by her, shattering against the wall and the glass piercing her skin. she fell to the floor, writhing in pain as salted tears stung her wounds. the screaming, the yelling, the sobbing, the crying. . . it was more than haebin could process at eleven.

haebin frantically sent his younger brother haesong to the next house over in an attempt to protect him. haesong, only nine at the time, was weeping; the fear in his eyes was enough for their shocked elderly neighbors to invite him in and keep him safe.

haebin refused to look at his howling sister on the floor, afraid if he saw her he’d break down and run. he couldn’t do that to her, he had to protect her when she couldn’t protect him.

as he peered around the corner, he found his father with bruises across his body and blood soaking the clean white shirt he’d seen him wear only hours ago. it was so red, it could’ve been the original color. his mother held the spade of their fireplace in her right and and a knife in her left, hysterically screaming about how she knew he was unfaithful to her and that she would make sure he wouldn’t live to fuck his imaginary mistress again. his father’s eyes darted towards him, tears running down his cheeks at the sight of his son seeing something so graphic within his own home.

horrified at the blood staining the walls and floor and the muddled screaming inside his house, haebin crept up the stairs to reach his sisters phone in her room. he dials the authorities in a panic and whispers information, distressed and incoherent. the police arrive in around six minutes and arrest his mother, charging her with child endangerment, assault, battery, and psychological abuse, among other things.

no one had really talked about haebin’s mother’s abusive behavior. it had always been there, and everyone always noticed it, but no one decided to pinpoint it and stop it before it got worse. 

this led haebin to a bad portion of his life. his dad’s never-ending silence and his sister’s face littered with scars from glass shards were inevitable reminders of the history of his family. he hated his house; he hated that his dad didn’t let them move out, he hated the way he could still visualize the now changed wallpaper crimson red, he hated the way the breakage in the wall created from the hurled glass vase was never repaired.

haebin wouldn’t return home at times. he’d bury his problems with drinking, smoking, and sex; he didn’t want to go home to the house that never seemed to leave the evening of april 19th, 2005.

somehow, he was scouted in a restaurant in 2009. the neighbors that housed his brother on that cursed tuesday owned a restaurant, and would let haebin perform for guests from time to time. after he performed mirotic by tvxq with a friend of his; he was questioned if he wanted to join the company he’s now a part of. haebin didn’t know how to respond to such an offer. he took the business card of the woman who scout him and left, feeling unsure about whether or not he wanted to return home.

after a long conversation with his family, he decided that he’d take the position and the next day, set off to audition. all of the distress from getting his acceptance letter was not in vain, for he was signed as a trainee later that year.

he didn’t find himself to fit in at all. he’d rarely talk to people. his main focus was to do well with something in his life for once. the hardest thing about it all was watching his friends debut one by one while he was stuck training. it was a long and hard process. if you ask him now, he’ll tell you he never regret a second of it. it’s a lie, though. he regret not being around his family, he regret leaving busan for seoul.

his addition to thyme brought him more joy than he could ever fathom. once he was on the road to debuting, he upped his game even more, working thrice as hard, practicing for more than 24 hours, burning his body out.

he collapsed in the middle of dance practice due to dehydration and starvation.

he was devastated after waking up in a hospital bed, screaming at himself for fucking it up, yet again. it felt like all he could ever do was fuck up. this caused him to become even more enveloped in his emotional walls, not letting many people in. this is why he doesn’t do emotional attachment anymore. 

once he was told thyme was heading to new york, he didn’t know how to react. he’d never been this far away from friends and family before, but with their encouraging words and support, he decided that he’d be okay with going to new york. eventually.

[kitchennoobfood]

A Better Fruit Smoothie-- Two Variations

If you’re still putting ice cubes in your smoothies, stop right now. It just makes them grainy, crunchy, and watery without adding any real flavor or substance. It also makes it melt faster.

All you really need for a good fruit smoothie is frozen fruit and a liquid to thin it with, but I’ll give my two basic, go-to recipes that make a really tasty (and totally healthy) smoothie that is actually smooth, and doesn’t feel like you’re chewing glass shards because of the ice.

Blueberry Pomegranate Smoothie

Ingredients:

One fresh banana, cut into chunks

Two handfuls frozen blueberries

One scoop vanilla protein powder OR large scoop vanilla yogurt of choice

Pomegranate juice (enough to get to desired consistency)

Directions:

Put the banana in first, then the powder/yogurt, then the blueberries. This keeps the powder from sticking to the sides, but also helps the blender actually get started instead of getting stuck on thick frozen berries.

Pour in enough pomegranate juice to almost meet the top of the banana layer.

Blend in pulses, adding small amounts of juice if it gets stuck. Continue blending until you reach your desired consistency. (I like mine soft-serve fro-yo consistency, and I eat it with a spoon. Don’t judge.)

“Sunshine” Fruit Smoothie

Ingredients:

Frozen strawberries (slices are easier to deal with)

Frozen peach slices or chunks

Frozen mango chunks

Can pineapple chunks (with juice)

Peach yogurt

Optional: kiwi slices, or banana slices; orange juice

Directions:

Spoon about half a cup of peach yogurt into the blender first. If using any banana or kiwi, add it in on top. Don’t use a lot of banana, tho, it will make the end product very thick and you won’t taste as much of the citrus. (Kiwi can make it kind of crunchy because of the seeds on top of the strawberry seeds already in there. It be tasty tho)

Place a handful each of frozen strawberries, peaches, and mangoes into a bowl. Rinse them under lukewarm water, just enough that the outer edges get mildly squishy. This keeps the blender from locking up, because frozen strawberries and peaches get HARD. Separate any stuck-together pieces, and place them all into the blender on top of the yogurt.

Open your canned pineapple, toss in about half a cup of the chunks, and drain the juice into a separate container. Store the leftover pineapple, but leave the juice out because you’ll need it in a minute.

Start blending in pulses, and once the yogurt has been blended with some of the fruit, add in some of the pineapple juice. If using orange juice, you can also add some of it in here. Keep blending and adding juice(s) until you reach your desired consistency.

It’s kind of silly to make a recipe for a smoothie, I know, but basically what I’m saying is use frozen fruit instead of ice. Also, be aware of how you layer in the blender, putting the frozen fruit in first makes it way harder than it has to be.

Tips:

-You can make any kind of smoothie you want by starting with frozen fruit, up to two fresh fruits, and adding some kind of flavored liquid to it. Juice, milk, soymilk/almond milk, even something like heavy whipping cream (that’ll make it very fluffy). Yogurt is always optional, but adds a nice texture and a good amount of protein.

-Don’t add citrus juice and cow’s milk to the same smoothie, or at least not at the same time, or the milk will start curdling. Try mixing in the milk first, then add the citrus juice at the end. Citrus fruit and milk is generally fine unless it’s fresh pineapple.

-It always makes more than you think it will. I know it doesn’t look like a lot, but take it from my own experience and hubris, under-estimate rather than putting in another handful of blueberries. Unless you have a buddy with you to help you eat the mass amounts of leftovers, you will regret it.

-You can shove tons of spinach into a fruit smoothie and you’ll hardly ever notice a taste difference.

-Get a long spoon handy for poking the smoothie down and stirring it; sometimes air bubbles form around the blades. Never stir while the blender is spinning!

-Frozen fruit is way cheaper than fresh, except for when fresh fruit is in season and on sale. Consider buying a ton of fresh fruit during those times and cutting/freezing yourself. Freezer ziploc bags are where it’s at.

-If you want to use nut butter in your smoothies, layer it in between fruits (or halves of the banana). This will keep it from sticking to either the blades or the sides, and will ensure it gets all mixed in.

-Quick blender clean: rinse til you see no visible grime, add two drops of dish soap, water up to the first or second line, dry the bottom, and return it to the base. Blend that sucker into a froth. Rinse. Clean! (This shouldn’t replace regular deep cleaning of blenders, you still have to disassemble it every once in a while, and especially if you blended something really thick, sticky, or fibrous. But it does save time.)

[castawxayaway]

half hearted: part six

one part left after this, wow. (when i’m more with it I might add to this like I normally do but rn im tired and i’m a mess basically)

one / two /three / four / five  / six / seven (last)

collection of writing

I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck, closing my eyes tightly I tried to picture us back in bed this morning or any morning. Turning to face him my breathing became rapid, I could feel my chest rising and falling as I tried to hold back the tears that brimmed my eyes. “I didn’t think it would come so soon.” I released a watery laugh, unsure how else to cope. My eyes darted around to find a distraction rather than focus on his sad expression. Pushing the brown that hangs in his forehead, slanted as he rests his head against the pillow I brush it aside, not wanting to miss a single detail about him. His face seemed softer now, his arm relaxed around my waist, but could easily tense as if he didn’t want to let go- I don’t want to let him go. 

Our week had come and gone too quickly, today was our final hours together, yet a status was still unknown to us. Things had happened, we joked about Myla being out of the apartment thankfully when we came home, that she didn’t have to hear us or put earbuds in. I didn’t feel insecure about myself with him, he liked the way I am shaped, my figure, the cellulite and the small details that go unnoticed. Being intertwined with him didn’t feel uncomfortable, neither of us wanting to be the first to let go, but today we have no choice. 

Licking my lips I whisper his name into his face, kissing his cheek lightly as my fingertip brushes from his cheek, down past his jawline and to his chest, drawing small nonsensical shapes as he began to arise. His arm parted from my waist as he lifted it above the covers, stretching out and groaning quietly. As he relaxed he turned back to face me, a small proximity between us, just how we liked it to be. “Sleep well?” I mumble as the comfort of my bedding, the company, the warmth is too irresistible, the temptation to fall asleep for another day is too inviting on many occasions. 

“Anything is better than that crappy mattress.” He remarked, a smile creeping onto his face as he says it. I glance down at the now bare spot on my floor, the space that has now been available for a few days. 

Instead that space became where we fell after a night of drinks. He told me about the time he skateboarded into a plant, and I told him how my friends thought I was praying the drunkenness out of me as I sat in front of a church, trying not to vomit. It was the spot where my shoes resigned themselves as we climbed into bed, where our clothes were casted off. 

We both sit in a silence, neither wanting to be the first to state it, bring up the apparent elephant in the room. I sit up first, no longer clinging to my bedding to cover myself from him as the insecurities faded, I can be myself with him. Attempting to climb over him he grabs my hips, refusing to let go as I laugh at the sensation of his hands jabbing into me. Dimples, deeply embedded in his cheeks appeared, making their final appearance for who knows how long. 

Both of us got changed into something comfortable as I hovered by the balcony door, the two plastic chairs he purchased still there, one soon to be vacant of a partner. I glanced over my shoulder to see him fumbling for his joggers, hopping as he slipped them on and accepted my hand that was extended, waiting for him. For the last time with him by my side I slide the door open, no more was the warmth that was enticing and called my name. Instead I let the crispness of the 5am dawn wake me up, to rise through my clothes, play in my hair and whisper how it’ll all work out fine into my ear. 

Stepping past the metal bar that threw ice into each particle of my skin a single shiver shot through me as goosebumps exploded over my arms and legs, each hair standing on end and refusing to calm down. We take our assigned seats, sitting in the same silence, but this time we have more of a view to admire. It feels weird to think about waking up to this without him, knowing he’ll never wake up with the same view, it’ll be forever changing. 

“So,” I speak up first, the elephant having followed us out here as it presses against my chest, causing my breathing to be shaky, constricted. “where are you off to next?” It pained me to ask, to know how long he could be gone, when I could even think about seeing him again. 

His eyes locked with the view as purple surrounded us, hints of blue painted in watercolours as they spread in any direction. Everyone is asleep, sometimes I would see others on their balconies, smoking a joint, rocking themselves back and forth. Never have I seen anyone so quiet, so silent as we are now. I wonder if anyone looks at us and wonders what we’re up to, why or how we are just content sitting out here as we watch the sunrise. “Did I ever tell you why I love your balcony so much?” He speaks up, dodging my question entirely.

Looking over to him he kept his head down, he wasn’t admiring the view anymore, he was too focused on the floorboards, too focused. Despite dawn only just approaching the outline of his face remained as prominent as ever, the way his jaw was so sharp yet soft, the way his nose curved and stuck out slightly. “Why?” I struggle to hide the irritation that rises in my tone, but I don’t want to fight now, not today. 

“You can be seperate from it all, even for a short amount of time.” Turning my head I focus on him as he talks, the way he starts to use his hands to explain it all, the feelings he experiences out here. “Here you are able to zone out, not worry about anything else and live in the moment. You can see the sunrise and set, you see others live their lives whilst you are in a bubble, preserved behind glass.” As he finished a smile formed as his head turned to face mine. 

“I don’t want to be preserved, Dan.” I sigh, louder than I had intended to. “Not forever.” Standing up I begin to walk past him, but his hand tries to reach for mine, yet I can’t give him the satisfaction. 

Walking back into my room I didn’t want to sit in the bubble, be a bystander watching it all happen. Instead I want to live in the last day we have together, I want to enjoy it and add to the list of memories we’ve created in seven days. The hours we’ve spent watching films, curling up together until we fall asleep, the music he has introduced to me and played, learning about the band, the origins and life before all of it. I’ve opened up about my past relationship as guilt began to eat away at my stomach like meat to piranhas.  

Some evenings we spent outside, talking about what the future might hold, what it could bring in terms of us, ourselves. Others we kept warm in blankets, or went for a romantic meal, something I had never experienced, but with him it didn’t feel weird, it felt weirdly perfect. 

As I slide my door shut he lowers his head into his hands, the sun now breaking through the apartment blocks in the distance. Turning around I walk out of my room, out of the space where our things lie crumbled together in piles, where I don’t have to be reminded of him or the things we’ve been doing. Out here, out in my hallway he hasn’t tainted it, it hasn’t been affected by him unlike my room, unlike my delicate heart. 

I walk through to the kitchen, the window miniscule compared to the one in my room as light barely covers the right hand wall. Moving past the counter I pour myself a drink, watching the water fill it and overflow, how it dances on the surface of the glass and pours down the sides, spilling into the sink and back down the drain. Zoning out I feel a hand on my shoulder, causing me to knock the glass down and it shatters next to me, water splashing up my legs. 

“Stay still.” He says with caution as I rest my hands on the counter as he picks up shards of glass, the puddle growing around me. “You alright?” I can hear how much he cares, how much he wants things to be okay, but he knows, I know. 

All I can do is shake my head as my lips quiver, my arms shaking against the counter as tears begin to spill like the water was in the glass. His hands turn me around to face him, yet I turn away, not wanting him to see. Gently he moves my chin, pain buried deep in his gaze rather than the lighthearted joy of last night. “It’s not going to be the same.” I mutter between shaky breaths as my shoulders twitch, the occasional hitch in my voice. 

“I know,” He brings me into a hug, resting his hand on my hair as he strokes it. “I know.” 

*

Hand in hand we stroll on by the shops, I point out the creepy dolls that remind me of something you’d only witness in a horror film. We drooled over the pastries that we ate the other day, wishing to relive that, secretly wishing to relive this entire week together. 

As we walk neither of us speak up, only wisps of our own breath explain how we feel. Out of the corner of my eye I see heavier wisps, heavy sighs as we get closer, closer to our little spot that is forever changing. For me I keep them contained, I keep quiet about it as I know if I try to realise this is it, I won’t survive this goodbye. 

Dan slips his hand out of mine, the warmth slowly moving out of my grip as the cold air attacks it, the vulnerability rising in my skin. He pushes the gate open, hearing it creak with age as I pick up speed, rushing over to him as my hand fits back into his. “Just six days ago,” I shake my head as we start the walk around the space. The sandy dust still coats the ground lining the dying grass as the tips start to freeze up, leaving a crisp sound beneath my feet. “right there.” Pointing ahead I see the bench, the space where I was terrified of being rejected, of meeting Dan and who he could be. 

Once we got to it Dan began to chuckle to himself. “Stand there a second?” He positioned me until I was in the right spot as he stood a short distance away. Slowly I lift my head, the black fabric on his shoes is still tainted, marked with the gravel that clings to the fibres. The same black jeans that were on my floor this morning, a warm sheepskin lined denim jacket, the one I felt safe wearing in the cool evenings as we strolled back to mine. My eyes only trailed further as I remember the beating of my heart being uncontrollable the first time I did this, but now it feels calm, as if I’m lying in bed in a state of tranquility. 

Yet as I reach his neck, the stubble that stretches down and fades my heart begins to beat slightly faster. His smooth jawline that is lined with a thicker mass of stubble, how badly I wish I could see a beard happen, maybe someday, someday. Swallowing the lump that was rising in my throat as his smile grew from a thin line across his lips to a cheerful grin, dimpled cheeks, as if he is trying to tell me it’ll be alright. By the time my eyes reach his, he slips off his glasses. Lines are marked by his eyes, but all I can read is how much he cares, how much it seems I matter to him. 

Stepping closer I don’t dare take my eyes off his, I wish I could swim deep into the depths of the blue that fill his eyes, the unique blends of night and day, of love and true intentions. How in a single glance his gaze can explain more, tell more than some novels can. With one look he can tell me a story, he can comfort me. It feels like the first day we met, how I broke down and without realising it he helped, he made me feel safe in a way no one ever has. 

And now I have to let that go. 

Our hands reach out for the others, once connected we step closer together until our foreheads rest together. “Is it always this hard?” I mumble, lifting my head as I scan his expression, how quickly it has changed, his eyes darker, sorrowful. 

“Only for those we truly love.” Lifting myself up my lips softly kiss his, this time it wasn’t about being in the heat of the moment, it wasn’t about suppressing my feelings and letting them out. This time it was about the raw emotions that are being driven into this, about the salty tears that mix with the sweet. The pain and love that I can feel, that I know is reciprocated. 

As I pull away first I fall back from the balls of my feet, resting them flat against the ground. My eyes focus on the floor, how we’ve spread the small stones out, leaving room for us to stand together. Neither of us spoke up, we simply walked through the crinkled grass as it crunched beneath our feet, each step sounding like the first bite of an apple, this being less sweet. 

I take a seat in the swing as he stands behind me, pushing me until I’m close to soaring, until I feel like a kid again hoping to swing all the way around and never quite achieving it. Then as I come back down to the ground he is no longer there to push me, to help me soar high. Instead he is next to me, swinging by my side rather than being in the background. As we swing we laugh wholeheartedly, already preparing for the jump that will follow. 

Slowing down I try to time it, both of us hoping our landings could be in sync. As I swing one last time I launch myself off of the swing, only focusing on not landing face first into the tightly compacted soft tarmac. My feet collide with the ground, a light sting spreading up my calf, but as I straighten up I laugh to myself. “Still got it.” I applaud myself, yet he isn’t stood next to me. Turning around he is still swinging, determination written all over his face as his tongue rests on the corner of his top lip, glasses now back on. “Come on Dan,” I joke as I begin to move around, blocking his opportunity to jump. 

Blinking in mid laugh all I see is a mass of blue coming straight for me. Before I realise it a pain spreads through my back as a heavy weight rests on top of me, both of us moaning and groaning like we are too old to do this, which we probably are. He lifts himself up off of me, sitting down in front of me as he eases me up, a few clicks and I’m back to normal. Sitting opposite each other we laugh, neither denying the fun of being a kid again, even if it was momentary. 

The rest of the morning we have together we spend talking in hope, rather than focusing on the harsh reality that lies before us. We go to the home of a kind family who let Dan play their piano, I sit and listen to him perform to me for the last time, the last time I can see the emotion driven into each line, into each rise and fall of his voice. I reminisce on our first phone call, where it took place in the cafe that is hidden away, only known by few. It was a place I felt comfortable, where I could be distracted instead of panicking about who I was talking to. 

Walking back into my room I can’t avoid the bag that is now packed, how badly I want to kick it under my bed, ignore it and hope he forgets to go. But that isn’t the reality of this, no matter how badly we both want this to, we can’t win. I perch on the edge of my bed as it sits in the middle of my room like something alien that I fear to touch, to get too close to. 

I don’t even notice him walking in, how he sits down next to me making me shift closer, the added weight that rests on my shoulders as I rest my head against his. “This is really it.” My mind has no other words, no comfort to provide to either of us, only the truth, the coldness that it is wrapped in. 

“I know,” Moving away I admire his face one last time, knowing once we walk out of this apartment I will be returning solo. I simply bore into his eyes with more emotion and gratitude than words could describe. As I opened my mouth to say something in response I couldn’t find any form of wording to give. Everything I had hoped to say or phrase doesn’t sound right, the words I desperately want to say merely vanish, leaving me in a silence. “I know.” 

Holding onto his bag I wished it was empty, or filled with clothes that needed washing. I wanted this brief journey in the car to be going in the opposite direction as if he had been on tour already and was now coming back to see me again, that the trip was over and instead he’d be returning to me, not leaving me. Pulling up the driver got out, the chatter on the radio that replaced our voices came to a halt as the engine switched off, yet I remain still. I stare straight ahead blankly as families smiled, rolling their suitcases into car boots or children who jumped up and down as their parents walked them towards the building. If only I had that amount of joy and innocence about the world.

Dan places his hand on top of mine, the look thickly coating his eyes as we climb out. He thanks the driver on our behalf  as the cool air nipped at my ankles as the sky darkened, the end now nigh.  We walked towards the building, the sound of wheels against the concrete filling the air as chatter of weather and flights surrounded us. I glanced over to him but his eyes remained forward, set ahead not meeting mine. Moving my hand closer to his I brushed his fingertips, effortlessly mine fitted into his and locked tightly.

The signs were now in sight, the noise of conversations I’ll never fully understand fill my ears in attempt to block out his goodbye, something I’m not ready to hear. His movement stops as does my heart in response, we both know it’s time. 

Turning to face him my breathing became rapid, I could feel my chest rising and falling as I tried to hold back the tears that brimmed my eyes. “I didn’t think it would come so soon.” I released a watery laugh, unsure how else to cope. My eyes darted around to find a distraction rather than focus on his sad expression. The usual raised eyebrows and bright smile were drooped, lowered. “Before I start crying, or make this any worse I just want to say thank you.” Taking a deep breath I wipe my eyes with my sleeves that are now discoloured, permanently darkening. “You got me through some things, some bad things. And already I’m hoping we can meet again, as I can’t think of anything worse.” 

His hand rises to wipe the tear that falls from my cheek, stroking the soft skin as I lean into his hand, not wanting to forget this. Lightly he said my name, my full name making my heart swell. “You mean too much to me to lose, I’ll be back. I can promise you that,” He place his hand under my chin, my eyes meeting his which held the passion, the care, the intense love. “don’t forget me, okay?.” He laughed lightly as he squinted, struggling to contain his emotions anymore.

I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck, closing my eyes tightly I tried to picture us back in bed this morning or any morning. Slowly I eased my grip and placed my lips on his with such a force. The same old butterflies fluttered like newborns, fresh out of the cocoon. A rapid pace that created friction and sparks inside that didn’t die out. Salty tears mixed into our kiss, so full of love and sadness that neither of us wanted to be the first to pull away. But we did. We had to. Moving away from him I felt my hands slipping out of his, trying not to think about how this will be his lasting touch on my skin. 

As he turned around I preserved his laughter, remembered the first glance at him I had, the first time we spoke on the phone, trying to tell myself to calm down. Now I had been with him, I was able to learn about his music, about the band I’d heard everything yet nothing about. After a week of adventuring, of living in the moment with him it is over as quickly as it began. 

Watching him check in I hold back the tears as he carries his bag away, walking up towards the escalator and glancing back to me, one last time. He pauses as others pass him by, my heart freezes in my chest as I see him walk towards me. My mouth remains slightly open as I try to fathom the right words, but they don’t come. 

I watch as he slips the jacket off, placing it around my shoulders. “A reason for me to come back, well another reason.” He laughed and a smile formed on my face, with a longing forehead kiss he turned around and quickly walked to the escalator, knowing the risk of staying, the longing to walk off back to a taxi and leave with me. 

Once he is out of sight I can feel the crumbling begin, I pull out my phone and call Myla as I leave. The second she answers I break, and she quickly comes to get me. We both sit in silence as she drives us back, the occasional sniff as I tug on his jacket, the hugging of it on my shoulders not even comparing to his hold on me. “Listen,” She starts as I look out of the window, my broken expression reflecting in the dark. “he’ll come back, I know it’s hard for you. I know how much you care about him.” Her words bore into my mind, how much I actually care for him. 

“I can’t put it into words, Myla.” I sniff as I face her, a concerned look plastered across her face. “I don’t want to admit it, I couldn’t tell him that I, that I-” The word felt like lead in my mouth, it didn’t want to shift, it refused to be spoken.

“Love him?” A smile grew on her face as she realised, as it sank in. 

In my mind a flash of it all came across, the mornings when we would lie in bed, when we could talk about nothing and everything on the phone as if he were sat next to me. Things I couldn’t do, things I couldn’t talk about to anyone, not even Myla were easy with him. “I think I do.” A simple statement that has a colossal meaning behind it. It means I have too much of a feeling for him, one I know is reciprocated to a degree, “But it’s too late.” Leaning back into the seat I sigh. “I’ll have to wait until I see him, whenever that’ll be.” 

final part 

[21muffins]

Order Of The clan

Part one

'I've been sitting on the building for a good three hours now. The last tremor was showing that it should be here any moment.' the ground starts to shake and the building next to him starts to break apart. As it slowly descends something in the middle of the building is climbing it.

'I've got you now' a giant centipede head bursts out of the side of the building that it was climbing. Without for warning the man on the opposite building fired two shots into the opening of the hard exoskeleton and the soft flesh underneath. The man ducks under the cover of the ledge just in time for the two shots to exploded inside the centipede. Bits and pieces fall from the sky onto the cracked and broken roadways.

"Mission successful. I'm obtaining the piece we need right now." the man said into an ear piece.

"Good, return here when you have the piece in your possession."

"I need to take care of something first so i'll be over in about ten minutes."

"Alright but make sure you have the piece i need."

"Yeah yeah, will do. Seeker out." the man packed up his rifle and strapped it to his back. He scaled his way down the building and landed on the streets. He took a moment to look around at the buildings that were still standing. Most of them were broken and several didn't have nearly enough floors they had when they were still taken care of. Sighing he grabbed a few of the larger pieces of the exoskeleton from the road.

As he made his way down the roads he was pulled from his thoughts when someone started to shout.

"Hey! HEY!!" a young boy looking no older then ten with bright green eyes and brown hair came running over the the man. The man let out a tired sigh.

"I thought i told you to stay at the house?"

"You did but it gets so boring in there and you hadn't come home in over three hours, so i got worried. But they way you took out that giant insect was awesome!"

"Russel do what i tell you to do and stay at the house."

"But there's never anything to do when you're out."

"I don't care i don't want you to get hurt! I already have enough on my plate to deal with. And you know what it's like out here!"

"i- I'm sorry. I guess i didn't think about that." The young boy looked down at his feet and started to kick at the rocks. The man sighed.

"Hey drake?"

the man looked at the young boy with his turquoise eyes. "Yes Russel? What is it now?"

" Do, do you hate me?" Drake took in a sharp breath before putting his hands on Russel's shoulders.

"Hey look at me, Sure you might annoy me, and make me angry, and make me feel bad, but i could never hate you. Now come here." The man pulled the boy under his arm and gave him a noogy. After a bit of tussling the boy freed himself from the noogy.

"What was that for? I just brushed my hair!"

"Well looks like your going to have to brush it again. Now come on let's go home and get something to eat." They both walked quietly down the streets till they came to an old and rundown house. the house looked as though it went through a hurricane. The roof had several holes in it, several of the Windows were smashed to bits and the door hung loose off of its hinges. As they came to the house Russel went in and drake stars to fix the door.

After a few minutes of him messing with the door he finally gave up and left it there.

"Did you find anything good to eat?"

"Not really. Just some ramen and some crumbs of what's left of the bread. But the ramen should be done any minute."

"Looks like I need to make another trip to the store today."

" Let's eat first! Can have you be running on empty when your out there fighting."

Like the walk, the meal was rather quite until Russel ate to quickly and almost inhaled a noodle. As drake was almost done eating he looked at his watch and accidentally spit noodles on his brother.

"Sorry to do this Russel but I need to go."

" wait can I come!"

"No I need you to stay here and hold down the fort. Sorry but I need to leave before it gets any later. See ya later Russel!" With that drake ran out of the house while struggling to put the rifle on his back. Running at top speed he made it over to a small three story building.

Bursting through the front doors and running up a hidden set of stairs he came to what looked like a homemade scientific lab, with wires and computers all over the place, along with half built weapons scattered threw out the room. Taking up most of the room though was a tarp hanging from the sealing covering up part of the room.

Out of the corner of his sight he saw a chair turn.

"Ten minutes. You said that you would be back in ten minutes to give me what you got. Well your ten minutes was up about, let's see twenty minutes ago?" Drake slowly turned around and looked at the woman sitting in the chair.

Her ginger hair reflecting some of the light coming from the screens. ice blue eyes boring holes in his soul.

"You know something? I hate it when people are late. I remember once I made plans with someone but you know they didn't show up on time. And they left me waiting for a half hour. I didn't think that would happen again."

"Base it's not-"

"No I don't care just hand me the part and be off."

"Wait what about my pay!?"

"Oh that. Well you can get it next time. IF your on time."

'this women is evil.'

"Oh don't give me that look. Fine you can half of you pay you can earn the rest helping me out around here. Let's see. You can start by cleaning up the mess over there."

She points to a corner of the room that's filled with box's and spare parts. Some of the drywall is missing as well. There's also twenty or so large gears and springs stacked on top of each other.I

"I do have a life of my own. Unlike some one I know."

"Oh really know?! Well mister smart ass, maybe I won't give you anything! See if I care!"

"Well then you can't have the part! So in that case i will just leave and throw it away. It's not like I'm the one who needs it."

"Why you!" Base got out of her chair and stomped over to a safe and opens it. Grumbling the whole time about how she should have never hired him.

"Here take your dame pay and give me the part!"

"Thank you. And with that I'm going to the store. I can't be running out of food for my brother, now can i? Though if you need something I'll have my com On" with that settled drake left HQ with a rather in happy base working with the piece she got.

As he walked out of the store he saw them. Quickly moving behind a corner. It was simple to tell him apart from other people.

There hair a dark Brown almost black, and there eyes and uncommon dark red, with a smile almost too unnatural to be real. Drake could tell that they were looking for something or some one. As to not raise suspicion he came out from behind the corner and quickly walked pasted them. He felt a hand on his shoulder and almost dropped his bag.

"Sir you dropped this." Looking behind him he saw an older gentleman, no younger then 50, holding one of his bags filled with the udon that he bought just a few minutes ago.

"O-oh thank you." He took the bag out of the man's hand and thanked him again before walking way.

'fifty dollars for two bags of udon, some Mac and cheese, milk, eggs, and some bottled water. Man the prices just keeps going up. I'm going to have to regulate how much we eat again.' He let out a long sigh as came closer to there house.

Something was The door was completely gone and there was wooden splinters scattered around the ground. The Windows on the first floor that were still intacted were now shattered. Glass shards were like a minefield for people who didn't have shoes.

Adrenaline coursed threw him as he dropped the items that he bought and ran into the house. As quickly as he could be ran looking in all the rooms for Russel. When he got to the kitchen he found blood on the countertop along with a note. It was simple to tell that there was a struggle, utensils were scattered throughout the kitchen some having what looked like oil on them.

Drake snatched the note off of the counter. The more he read it the more the color drained from his face. As he reached the end of the note he dropped it and ran out of the house and towards HQ. The note fluttered to the ground and in neat cursive handwriting it read.

'we have your brother, if you want him back unharmed then you will stop stealing what is ours. Bring us what you have taken and we will discuss the trade. Fail to do this, you will never see him again an we will come for the girl. ~order of the clan'

(A\n) New story. Fine any mistakes (spelling or anything else) please let me know. Also let me know if you guys like this. It was an old one I wrote way back when and im rewriting it. Well fudge out.

[feeltripping]

Clarkcest and 20?? bc aaaangsts?

things you said I wasn’t meant to hear

clarkcest (incest tw) under the cut

1. 

Alicia is five and she can’t sleep because the tree outside her window creaks its branches against the glass and she just heard a story at preschool about witches long claw fingernails scratching their way into little girl’s bedroom in the middle of the night. 

She’s got her bear in one hand and the thumb of the other in her mouth against her tongue and she’s wearing the fluff socks her father gave her for Christmas so her feet don’t make noise against the hardwood floors and she todders down the hall towards her parents bedroom, the light glowing beneath the crack of the closed door. She stops outside it and looks up at the doorknob. 

it’s what the doctors say we should do, maddie.

Alicia reaches up for the handle, going on her tiptoes.

she’s fine. nick tested high intelligence, why--

She drops her bear and squeaks in apology, scooping him up and dusting him off, spit wet thumb matting his fuzz down. 

nick has nothing to do with this--

She kisses his bead nose and his plastic button eyes and tucks him up safe under her arm. 

attachment disorder--

She sucks at her thumb until the bear taste has faded and then wipes it off on the leg of her jammies, clumsy and not all the way clean when she stops. She thinks vaguely of the witch again and is reminded of her mother’s fingernails, the sheen of them and how they bite when they grip her tiny wrist.

--swear, it’s like you really love her less.

“Licia,” Nick whispers from behind her. She turns with a chubby grin and lifts her arms. He kneels down and his ear to the door and his face does something funny before he lifts her up and tucks her against his chest. “C’mon Leesh. You don’t need this.”

She snuggles under his sheets and he kisses her forehead and adjusts her bear against her side and he keeps her warm and safe until the sun’s up too high for the witch to catch her.

2. 

Alicia goes to her DARE class with her pigtails and her gel pens and her purple glitter notebook with the tiny lock and the flimsy aluminum key and takes notes on what the powerpoint says while her classmates chew gum and blow bubbles and pass notes, because she’s practicing for Berkeley; Nicky already bought her the pennant.

They show pictures on the projector and Alicia tries to draw them in her notes. Nick bought her a piggybank for christmas and she’s saving for a camera--it’ll be so much easier to take pictures of the presentations instead of drawing the image slides by hand. They put up another picture and say it’s a pipe and that smoking is bad and then start talking about lungs and nicotine and cancer but her fingers are frozen on her pen.

She goes home and walks through the whole house, opening the closets and the cabinets and even the laundry machines to make sure she’s alone before she goes into Nick’s room and crawls under his bed to find the little black case. She opens it and sees the pipe, just like on the slide, and sits on the edge of the bed and cries without quite knowing why. 

She falls asleep curled up into a ball with her face pressed into his pillow, and wakes when she hears the front door open shut.

just let me grab my stash--don’t eat those, that’s for my sister’s lunch. 

she’s just managed to sit up when he comes in and stops short at the sight of her, before his eyes drop to her lap and his face goes tight and furious. she looks down and freezes, his case in her hands, open and the hint of curved glass. he advances on her before she can protest and snatches it away and shoves her back with a hand to her shoulder--surprised, she flops back onto the bed and struggles back upright. “Nicky--”

“This is mine,” he says, grabbing her by the front of her shirt and dragging her to her feet. “You can’t just come in here and take my stuff, Alicia!”

Alicia struggles not to cry. She’s never seen him like this, not even when she reached up to the stove and burned her hand because she wanted mac and cheese and didn’t wait for him to fix her a bowl and he shouted at her until she sobbed and crawled under her bed and refused to come out even though he brought ice cream and apologized until his voice went out. She yelps when he shakes her, her teeth clicking together painfully. “I’m sorry,” she says, half bewildered and almost scared, “I didn’t mean--”

He shoves her away again and she falls to the floor, scrambling to keep her feet under her as he grabs her jacket, catching some of her hair in his grip, and drags her out to push her back into the hall. “If you ever,” he threatens, “touch this again--” he stops. Looks at her sprawled out on the carpet with her fresh rug burn knees and her big wet eyes and betrayed hitch breathing. He reaches out again and stops when she flinches. “It could hurt you,” he says, picking her up gently and curling his arms around her when she burrows into him, hurt and confused and missing him so sharply even though he’s pressed all against her. “Promise me?”

“Okay,” she promises. She stays there, frozen, while he walks back out and greets his friend, heading for the door. 

let’s go---no one, just my stupid kid sister

3.

Alicia packs her backpack. First aid kit and the emergency satellite radio with fresh batteries and three bottles of water, anti-vomiting syrup and vitamin bottles and over the counter painkillers. She takes the boxcutter from the garage and tucks it into her hoodie pocket where she can curl her fingers around the metal handle and rest her thumb on the plastic slider that presses the blade out. 

She finds him in the third place she checks. It’s a house like any other and she thinks sometimes the movies really get it wrong as she smiles her way past the middle aged couple who answers the door and pretends she’s there for the party in the back guesthouse. She asks around and heads upstairs and hears him, behind a closed door to her left.

--just until my sister’s eighteen. then i’m out of here, forever. and im never coming back.

Alicia goes home. She walks the whole way and there’s a dull ache in the balls of her feet where she wore her converse down to thin rubber. she flips her lock and throws the backpack across the room and shatters every last one of the porcelain horses her father bought to decorate her dresser and walks on the shards until she leaves bloody footprints down the hall to the kitchen. Her mother keeps vodka in the freezer and she drinks it out by the pool with the chlorine sting a good excuse for her tears.

4.

Alicia is cutting class because why the fuck not, her attendance is nearly perfect anyway. she goes home and sees a car she doesn’t know parked on the curb outside. it’s a shitty honda and there’s a roach in the cup tray between the seats and she sighs as she unlocks the door. there’s vomit in the kitchen sink, all liquid, and she can hear a girl giggling down the hall.

nicks heavy breathing and the creak of the mattress and a girl moaning like alicia’s only ever heard in the porn she watched with her blanket over her head and her earphones turned way down low and she’s frozen outside his door, hand outstretched for the knob.

yes plea-se nicky

her lip curls up. she snarls, soundless, and is one second from turning to stomp away and slam her door real loud and hope they think it’s madison come home early--

licia. licia, god, leeshy

5. 

The boat rocks her to sleep and everything is still sort of awful but it’s been awful for so long it’s more of a background feeling than anything that affects her mood. She’s mostly clean and the ocean is calm and she loves the sky spread overhead and she doesn’t even mind waking up every so often to listen to the wood creak and the waves lap against the hull.

she swims up from sleep into a vaguely drowsy half-consciousness and she smells him before she realizes he’s bent over her. end of the world and blood and tepid recycled ocean water and none of their soaps from home and she still knows him instantly. he touches her wrist and tucks the blanket up around her chin and kisses her temple, barely there. his voice is hoarse and broken and she wonders vaguely when the last time it was that he was clean this long. 

i’m sorry. i love you leesh. but i can’t stay.

[verysleepygal]

Tyler, Mark, Ethan, Amy and Kathryn HeadCanons’s and Imagines!

 This is for my amazing friend @markiplierteamreactions you should go check ‘em out! I think if you like this blog then you’d love their blog much more!! (ALSO: IN THE ORDER AS THE TITLE IS HOW WERE GOING THROUGH THIS) (I have never made something so long oh god)

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(Tyler)

=Movie Night HC:

-Ty would bring you to the movies so you could watch some movies together

-He would always buy your favorite snacks, some popcorn and (there would normally be a stand of hats) would buy you some hats 

-He brought his own blanket so you and him could cuddle up together

-You’d whisper cute “Thank you’s” and “I love you’s” during the cute parts and sappy parts of movies

-When the movie finishes he usually grabs your hands and tells you “I love you so much” “You are a piece of my life that I never want to lose” 

-He’d kiss you everytime as the both of you walked out the theatre linking arms

-When you’d get home he’s kinda carry you to the couch and you’d just fall asleep in his arms and he’d play with your hair and kiss your forehea

=Apocalypse HC:

-You’d practice Archery and use your skill to kill zombies and people who betrayed you (because honestly who wouldn’t)

-Ty would help you practice while going against zombies “So you hold your arm their and then you pull it back, let go but aim for their eyes or forehead/neck”

-You’d casually walk up to some of the zombies and knee them, grab their neck and snap it

-Ty would use a sword he got from a friend before he turned, and use that to sharpen your arrows and slay zombies (He also always slaysssss in the process)

=Caring Tyler

-You’d start sniffling and sneezing and get hot in cold

-Ty and you would go to sleep but you couldn’t because your throat was too itchy and you felt sweaty

-You woke up at like 5 AM and threw up and Ty rubbed your back

-He’d get you some water and some cold towels

-You’d have the cold wet towel around your neck and chugged the water 

-He gives you ice cream and cuddles with you

-He kisses you but you couldn’t protest

-Next day eh sick af and you snicker and say “You should’ve let me protest shortcake”

(Extra add on -AKA V SHORT IMAGINE-) “Y/n come back” Ty made grabby arms and sniffled. You couldn’t help it and found yourself kissing his forehead and rubbing his shoulders. “Thank you baby” “You’re welcome Ty” Ethan put a blanket on the both of you and turned off the lights, and you just heard his soft snores. You too soon fell asleep.

=Come Back, Please

 I panicked, looking around for my phone. Finally I saw it and called Tyler. “Hey ba--” you cut him off with a “Hey babe you okay?” “Yes I’m fine, what’s wrong?” he asked with a chuckle. “Nothing! I love you!” You whispered, “I love you too” He hung up. You called for Ethan and he ran to you, he saw you panicking and walking in circles mumbling “He’s okay, he’s fine---no no no he’s gonna crash no”. He grabbed your hand and led you to the couch, trying to calm you down. Nothing worked, you still panicked for your loved one.

 As Ty opened the door he saw you sitting their, crying on Ethan’s shoulder. “Y/N?” he asked, making his way over to you. He sat down and you jumped onto him, just hugging him. “You’re okay” You whispered, “Of course I am baby...” he told you, rubbing your back. “I just left to find a bite to eat, i'm fine!” he reassured you, but all you did was laugh through your tears. “Wow i'm so stupid” You mumbled, wiping your eyes. “No....darling, you care for me, a lot! Nothing’s wrong with that, I’d be panicking too if I never heard from you as 2 hours passed by” he exclaimed, you pretty much laughed. “So I’d worried about you for two hours?” You whispered, Ethan nodded behind Ty and Ty shrugged. “I guess...baby nothing would happen to me” “I know, im sorry”. “Nothing to be sorry about my darling” he whispered, wiping your tears and kissing you.

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(Mark)

=Dreams with wings (Imagine):

 You spread your wings, running straight then catching air. As you  flew throughout the sky, you saw Mark waving you down. You chuckled then flew straight for him, scaring him shitless. He ducks out the way and you landed, laughing hysterically. “Hardy har har” he teased, all you could do is laugh. “Sorry babe. Want me to make it up to you by letting you ride on my back?” you suggested. he stared at you and slowly nodded which soon turned into him hopping on your back. You giggled and yelled “Hold on tight!” He did and you sprinted towards the pool He screamed as you flew up towards the sky. clinging onto your wings. “CLING ONTO MY BACK NOT WINGS” “SORRY” He switched quickly. You laughed and continued going higher and higher. that is, until you came across a meadow of clouds. “Hey babe, have you ever wondered what it’s like being on a cloud?” I whispered, slowly making my way up to the clouds. “yeah actually...” his voice got lower and lower as he saw the clouds get bigger and bigger. 

 As you got up onto the cloud, you set him down. But you had to sit with him, you didn’t want him to fall through. His feet dangled off the cloud and he kept saying “This is so cool! Thank you so much!” You’re only response to it all was a smile.

=New Scar HC:

-You got to the kitchen and started washing the dishes

-Out of nowhere Ethan and Mark come in and scream “IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM TYLER AND I ONCE FISTED AN ENTIRE FAMILY OF GOATS” “IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM TYLER AND I HAVE A SONG TITLED STONE FACED”

-It scared you and you scream, jumping back and slipping

-The glass cup broke into shards, and one sliced your hand

-”What the hell!” You yelled before getting Tyler

-He panicked and brought you to the hospital, you got stitches

-(Two weeks later) The stitches were removed and it healed a pit, leaving a new scar

-”Thanks guys” You said sarcastically as they kept apologizing

=Tinder HC:

-You’d get dressed and all fancy and so did he

-You always blushed when he flirted with you

-He payed for the meal and bought the most popular food they had

-When heading home he’d link arms with you

-You got cold and put his sweater over you so you’d stop shaking

-At the end of the night he’d twirl you around and dip you then kiss you

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(Ethan)

=When You’d Cry HC:

-He’s cuddle next to you and rub your shoulder

-”Everything will be alright sugar, I love you don’t worry”

-He’s get up and get you your favorite ice cream and put on your favorite show

-You’d burst out crying every time you remember that one things and he’d pause the movie and kiss you on the cheek, forehead, lips and whisper “It’s alright, i’m here”

-Once you stopped he would bring you closer to his chest and you’d fall asleep, he’d unpause the movie and fall asleep with you

=Our Final Date (Imagine):

 I walked to the restaurant, the fanciest one they have in LA. Ethan told me he would be there with a few others....how “romantic”. My gown/tux fell to the ground and I gently made my way up and in the restaurant.

 As i sat down with everyone, all I saw was the team. I shrugged but just...I really wanted this to be romantic. We always go out with the team, it’s never us. Only maybe three times but that’s it. Ethan shooed everyone away.....why? He came closer and grabbed my hands, and pulled me up from my seat. “Ethan what’s going on?” I asked, “This” he replied, then kissed me. After a few minutes we pulled away, warm smiles on our faces. But sudden;y it took a twist as he got down on one knee. “Y/n M/n L/n, i’ve loved you since the day we met. I’ll always love you, no matter what. If you even say no to this, i’ll be waiting for you so.....will you do the honor of marrying me?” he asked, opening the box showing a ring. I started crying and put a hand over my mouth, nodding. He got up and jumped around, then kissed me. As we parted once again, he placed the ring on my finger. I started crying some more as everyone came congratulate us!

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Im sorry I couldn’t do Amy or Kat, this would be way too long and im not sure if you’d like that so here’s just Ty/Merk/Eth for you @markiplierteamreactions