#im a failure wow
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eyo kim a f*g fr cus what the fuck do u mean “the green goes well with the orange”?????? the green SHOES?!?! go well with kim’s orange JACKET?!?!? THOSE TWO THINGS ARENT EVEN AT CLOSE PROXIMITY TO EACH OTHER!!!!!!! WHAT DO U FUCKING MEAN “THEY LOOK WELL TOGETHER”?!:.?$.:! ALSO DO THEY?????? *DOES* green and orange look good together?!?!?!? aside from this homosexual aesthetic we have all just unanimously decided is the case????????? green and orange arent even complimentary colors. its just two random colors. like purple and green. do purple and green “look good together” aside from when its on a fkn halloween witch? im not mad im just saying lieutenant crocadiles got nothin to do w oranges. no one is looking at those damn shoes and thinking “hm, the detective’s shoes sure do match his partners aeropilot jacket swell” when theyre probably too distracted by harry’s insane tie or skimpy ass-tight disco pants— oh my god i just realized HARRY’S FUCKING JACKET IS GREEN OH MY GOD KIM WHY DONT JUST SAY THE JACKET LOOKS GOOD???? DID U FORGET THE HE HAS A GREEN JACKET ON?!?!?!?!?!? kim kitsuragi you stupid useless fruit why are u saying these nonsense things just say u think his shoes are cool and u want to fuck oh my god-
#that was a savoir faire failure on kims part#and a logic failure#harry is just too smitten to realize#‘i like the green goes well w the orange’ girl stfu#i was playing and i was so fucking confused as to what he was referring to cus i was like ‘but im not wearing any orange’#just#wow#f slur#disco elysium#harrykim#kimharry#kim kitsuragi#harry du bois
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This is going to sound really weird, I know, but I seriously feel like there's a number of like, British communists who desperately wish they were Eastern European??? Like they think that by being into political side of communism (usually not the kind that existed in Eastern Europe), they can be chummy with people who actually grew up in Eastern Europe and were raised with the communist era somewhere in the background their whole life, usually without knowing the nitty gritty of theory but with a lot of cultural herritage from that time...
Like no, there's a big difference between being British, being raised in British culture, with cultural institutions, history, traditions, then getting into communist theory and just assuming that you know everything about life in communist Eastern Europe, and then pulling a "how do you do fellow commies" to people from Eastern Europe whose associations with communism are much different, and they will see you as detached and insensitive at best.
#hatter blathers#ive seen a lot of people like that in the de fandom#and yes this post was inspired by a certain indie game that has been making rounds recently#like... you make a game thats so clearly inspired by de. you clearly want to establish a similar tone in your world#but you cant. because youre trying to make it into a reflection of the uk.#i dont know. its just kinda killing me. i dont know whats more outrageous#a de styled game having a landlord or a gender clinic. both of these things just clash so hard with what i associate with des tone#and from what i can see the tone is all flipped#des world is grimy and poor and has a ton of issues but the overall tone is very hopeful id say#because the world parellels harry: he sucked and was awful but he has a ton of potential and can turn for the better#while in this game the overall tone is everything is shit and theres no hope in anything#and like... again. the author can do whatever they want. but the game is so heavily inspired by de that its impossible to not compare#this whole game feels like a terminally online british communist who marinated their brain in leftist online spaces played de#and all they got out of it is WOW this game has based communism AND a funny failure man as a protag??? and nothing else beside it#again. its great if you love the game. im sure that the creators put a lot of love and passion into it and have a desire to show something#important to them#i just dont think its that good. the writing is corny and too reliant on le internet funnyspeak#and they take a blatant inspiration from de without seemingly understanding what made the game engaging and so moving#plus its taking a sucessful eastern european story and world and forcefully twisting it to fit the british mold while neutering#its very essence#so you can probably see why im not very stoked on it#but again i just dont think im the target audience for it. if you liked it then thats great
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I will never understand the way most people seem to hold terrible resentment towards their previous relationships or some lingering something that makes them use the relationship status as a jump rope
#is this just the aromantic spectrum looking at the failures of amatonormativity again? like wow weren't you supposed to be friends first#is it the fact that a lot of people still genuinely believe people of different genders cant be friends? which is bullshit btw#is this the bpd black and white thinking? like once im done im done im not going back im not playing 'will they wont they return'#(if i ever miss past ppl its just fps. they were never anything more)#is this the npd? like *why* would i give myself more suffering over someone that doesnt matter anymore. im above that#i don't know. people at large dont make sense#but its fine. i choose to read this not as despair over the world being nonsensical#i read this as a victory because im above drama and immune to a lot of grief#anyway.
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Kinda fucked up how all the people I know are like "Yeah I know what I want in my life. I want to work in X field and I want/don't want a long-term partner who I'm going to marry, I want kids and-"
and I'm there just like 🧍
#like wow ok#i have no idea what i want man I'm just doing what's required of me#or more like i think i know some of the things i want but I'm actively beating them up every day and instead choosing#what i consider to be my duty#like yeah I really want to work in design and you know the dream is character design and concept art but that's unrealistic#and any design would do. but that's selfish so like lol no. psychology it is. social work if i fail at that. it's an acceptable#compromise. it's not what I want but it is what i am ok with subjecting myself to.#whenever it looks like I might fail a class at university i get really anxious but also really excited#because on one hand I'm failing to take care of my duties and responsibilities. on the other if they kicked me out nobody could#say i didn't try. i could just say that I'm too stupid. i could say that i don't have what it takes. id be a failure but not out of my#volition. they could tell me that im stupid or inferior but they couldn't label me selfish.#and then id just fuck off to work as a florist or maybe id just work in a smokes shop or anything low stakes like that#while I'd be looking for a job in design. hell i don't even need a job in that field; id love to just work a simple job where after clocking#out i could just go home and partake in my hobbies. like i wouldn't even need to have it as my field of work id be perfectly#content with posting character designs online and sometimes getting a small buck by selling pins and dolls and etc#that's definitely what i want in life. but that's fucked up and selfish and would make me a failure and then i would never#be able to even dream of earning humanity. so. doing my duty it is
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SKETCH BOMB
#☄️ ora talks#MY FAILURES THAT I NEVER BROUGHT TO LIFE#some of these were commission ideas that never made it#this is like 5% of the unfinished shit but I have not posted in millennia so to prove IM NOT JUST A DEAD BEAT ARTIST have my sketches WOW#JUST A LONELY METEOR PASSING BY#☄️ FIAUM#fanart#OCS#SNEAK PEAK TO THE CHARACTER SHEET IM. ABOUT TO DROP ONG
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spent my morning exhaustedly realizing that my phone charger had broken inside the charging port & having a panic spiral because i gotta take the car to the shop today and 1) need a phone to call when it's done 2) need easy access to public transit schedules. did some frantic googling and found a forum explaining how to use a safety pin to dig the metal pieces out. so i spent some time finding a thumb tack & then followed the instructions. it only took about 10 minutes.
then i put my phone on a different charger. and it wouldn't charge.
cue SECOND immediate and debilitating anxiety spiral about "OH GOD i just yanked out a bunch of actual electrical components and destroyed my whole phone and i'm gonna have to pay for a replacement and transfer my number and try to recover all of my data and and and,"
pulled the charger out. blew in the port. flipped the charger around. prayed really hard. plugged it back in.
anyway.
my phone is fine now.
#1) what a relief 2) that article about how phones are a one point of failure that cripples infrastructure... hoo boy#i'm not as reliant on this hunk of junk as i could be (i've gotten to know my neighborhood/city really well and can Mostly read bus maps)#but WOW phone as most major point of contact for all my friends family job work & appointments. NOT GREAT#phew. ok. ok. ok. NOW i can nap. now that im calming down from like 12 concurrent heart attacks. Good Lord
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Thinks abt how the one person in my family I really relate to and respect settled in her marriage and later wakes up in a cold sweat
#'i mean he's not emotional and open and super loving but he works hard and can provide and i decided that was worth it'#good god.#im really glad that im no longer married to. well. the idea of marriage lol#and a home n kids#like it would be nice if i found my dream person#but i simply cannot afford to settle#my soul cannot handle settling for anything less than my dreams and genuinely if im alone forever than so be it#i can give myself everything i want!#i just could never forgive myself if i settled and god forbid had kids w someone i wasnt 100% sure of#i will not recreate the family i grew up in.#if i do have kids i want them to know their parents are madly in love and happy#and the idea of this dream person is so Fun but also it can just be a dream yk#ive learned a lot thru this and thru talking w more adults abt heartbreak etc and just.#wow.#so many ppl settle cos they're scared of being alone or see it as a failure#and i just cant do that. id rather be single forever than settle i really would#the way ppl live is so fascinating idk#i 💗 old women#my real dream is to be a cool old woman lmao#kdjfhshdhfkglahfk#like im a man now but idk if i'll be an old man its hard to explain
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Actually we r at 6 months now without any major deaths in my life, which is great! That's the longest I've gone without any major deaths since last May! The second longest was 4 months between July and November last year. Wow !
#speculation nation#negative/#i mean not exactly but also. ya kno.#really i dealt with death after death in may july november and the biggest in february#actually i think my great grandma died within the span between july and november. but i wasnt close with her & dont remember when#so idk if id count that. if i did then the longest would be 3 months. between november and february.#all this is to say. wow what a Fucking year last year was huh#i still dont rly feel like i have much trust in people staying alive in my life.#but maybe im a bit less scared of even more people in my life suddenly dropping dead.#... then again now i apparently have something wrong with my liver. which i am still not happy about.#the only reason why im not dying of anxiety is bc i still feel relatively normal overall.#but i also just remembered how. well. 28 has Long been my unlucky number. and im turning 28 next year.#so ive been half convinced im just gonna die when im 28. bc thatd be just my luck wouldnt it#and like overall theres no real reason why i Would die at that age. but now theres something wrong with my liver.#and like ok i dont think it's liver failure. i dont have any real symptoms for it#and if it was an emergency my doctor wouldve told me to go to the hospital. probably.#but idk. my truest anxiety about it is that it could be something cancerous. or something.#and really i have no reason to suspect that specifically. it's just one of the potential causes for the enzyme abnormality we found#but bc it's not entirely off the table. well now my mind has latched onto it. and is like 'What If'#and ok i just now looked into possible liver diseases to try to calm my anxiety. with mixed success.#bc i found all sorts of liver diseases. including cirrhosis. which is irreversible damage.#im just clinging to the hope of the fact that my readings werent Too high... just.#every single one associated with the liver was high. which means theres Definitely something wrong with my liver.#and im kind of scared it's bc of my prior alcohol use. i wasnt an alcoholic but i did drink pretty regularly for a bit.#but also how unfair would it be for me to get a liver disease from that??? the most i ever drank at one time was 8 shots#which is a lot but there are some people doing that kind of thing Regularly. and they dont get liver disease???#regardless this has been extra persuasion to stay off the alcohol. especially until i know what's up with it.#heyyyy mr liver inside me i prommy i will take good care of u from now on. pls dont die on me 😭😭😭#see ok this is what happens whem i start to think. i get anxious. i just need to keep not thinking.#it's 10 pm i think thats a good time for sleepies
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i start taking my exams in two days, I'm behind on everything, if i fail these exams i just might get kicked out of the college im in and i still have this urge to learn everything about motogp right now.. seriously what is wrong with me??? 😭😭
#it's insane how much I'm behind btw#i had 3 weeks to prepare for these exams#yet ive done nothing#the others have finished all there is to study and practice on yet i havent even gone through my lectures#im officially finished#im gonna get kicked out wow 🎉#im blaming my failure on f1#even tho it had nothing to do with it#help#college life#wow#motogp#f1
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How to leave home when you don't have an ID, SSN, birth certificate, bank account, or whatever other things you need(as in documents and shit, no necessarily money), no borax no glue
#wow it really speaks to my moms failure as a parent#when i dont even know what all i need in order to exist after i turn 18#i dont even know how to do taxes#no one told me anything#im so terrified of the future
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guess who’s valedictorian😣
#face rev ig#asian twink oh no😢😢#i’m not sad about him anymore cause at least i graduated high school😇#glad i’m not such a failure in life😞#not horse game#yippee valedictorian#wow you can really tell how much drugs im on huh#america has whitewashed me😢#katjaluvr
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deleted my twitter app (not account) bc i really can’t handle the intense no-nuance high-stakes takes right now. not that here is all that much better but it’s definitely less of a time sink
#i just.#ok.#i just think if ur gonna go scorched earth on prioritizing high minded ideals over outcomes ur not actually as morally pure as u think u r#and I also think if ur gonna do that u gotta say with ur CHEST the collateral damage you’ll sign onto#both by abstaining from concrete action now and by destroying infrastructure in the name of a brighter future#im not even gonna tell you ur wrong. but i want you to say who u think is worth sacrificing#i have awful news for you the folks who don’t make it thru the revolution are very rarely the rich and healthy and connected#it’s gonna be folks who are desperate enough to fight and folks who can’t handle more instability.#poor folks. sick folks. disabled folks. disenfranchised folks. unhoused folks.#you think you can build a functioning mutual aid network from scratch during a revolution serving tens of millions?#i know it’s a nice thought that the failures of US welfare programs are Just Capitalism. and that’s a huge chunk#but it’s also because IT IS DIFFICULT. and that’s WITH billions of dollars and a chokehold on the global supply chain#im not saying any of the options are good. but when u call for revolution u gotta acknowledge ur stealing from today for tomorrow#and look hard at the folks who stand to lose the most. say you’re fine with martyring them - whether or not they agree#I’ve got myself all worked up now and i wanna post about it. to maybe share some god damn perspective.#things are bad! things are not good. unsustainable trends abound. but wow for all ur whining online#about how everyone needs to know EVERYTHING about ALL ISSUES in EVERY CONFLICT or else you are EVIL#ur missing the forest for the trees my dude. takes are easy - policy is hard#get fucked. don’t get people killed.
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#wow really no one can make you feel as much of a failure as family can#cant believe im out here having to explain myself to want to sleep at quarter past midnight#after i got here at like after 10pm after being away for a week and a long and stressful#and generally somewhat overwhelming day at work#any many things today not working out the way i wanted them to#so god forbid wanting to sleep#and not driving my sister around all of a sudden#like what do people even want from me#and then they wonder why i dont like being here
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I think getting a dream job and messing it up is 100% valid reason to self combust ahahaha
#vent#personal#WOW IM A FAILURE#i cant even recover right and in time to do my WORK that i worked so hard to get#its bad enough i feel like a total burden to my friends and family and i dont even know how to explain it at work#yeah ive been actively suicidal sorry that the work isnt finished yet ✌️#im a major disappointment and contrary to popular belief i need to fucking explode#tbd
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Send this to 10 other bloggers that you think are wonderful. Keep the game going, make someone smile!! ❤❤❤❤
can I seriously just send this to you ten times? I look forward to following your blog every day. Also I just beat my second divine beast and while both Sidon and Revali are hot, I think stoic warrior bird dad Teba is the real king and yes I realize i've just probably ruined my pristine image lol also the bodyguard trope is clearly my thing because boy this zelink is by FAR the best of them all. they really did invent romance holy hylia
anyway uhhhh
love you dear
#ask holly#goldensunset#the mutual 'youre all i have left' after a shared failure#the little turn toward her at the spring? just like end me now#king really said sure take this kind protective cute guy with you alone everywhere you go this is fine#im so amazed how they retooled the classic story to have these wonderful side characters in the champions and zelda like#wow they took such a minor character and made her so interesting and full of depth in just those 13 memories#i just wonder how on earth totk ties into this lol
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I think a lot of us as writers tend to forget how much readers will supplement info just in their minds. When im writing im always trying to nail down every single aspect im imagining, but when im reading my brain is doing so much work that I don't even realize it most of the time.
#protag.txt#rereading my own writing and surprising myself that i actually did all the things i was trying to do after some time away from it#like wow i remember struggling so much but now that its been months im like hey this is pretty good. maybe im not a failure
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