#im 2years into this i can teach you
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crazy how my health totally depends on whether or not any medical person has heard of the word quote unquote transexual
#5min to argue over “is this the right vial ? noo its not” “no its not at all” “it might be ?” between 2 pharmacists#girl just show me the vial#im 2years into this i can teach you#also refusing to give me the prescribed stuff cause they follow the stupid rules to the letter#where my usual pharmacists see like 5 fellow transpple a week and just go like we dont care take it have a good day#amen#gotta look at them like “are you Not allowed or do i just have to pay ?” before they put the dials back#and them going huh yes you just have to pay#well thank you karen i wld like to Not fuck w my health rather than waiting for you to understand the rules youre trying to apply#jesus#im so not patient w this#cause pple always treat me like IM the stupid one for not applying 100% by the rules#as if i chose to be doing this this way and it wasnt due to the rampant transphobia lurking in Any medical sphere#forcing me to adapt#fuck off#ynn talks
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So I kinda just decided If you weren't in my life before 2years ago I kinda don't want anything to do with you now. I don't want to have to explain myself, I don't want to have to explain why I'm in the place I'm in. I don't want to have to explain why I've changed, how I've changed or what I'm trying to get back to. I literally only want to stay connected to the few people who understand where I'm coming from, who've been there for me, for my family when it happened. Who knew who I was, who knew him, who knew my family before this happened. Unless you knew us, unless you've been through what we've been through, I just don't have the energy to have any kind of friendship, relationship, support system for anybody else right now. I've got all I need in my family my best friends and their beautiful babies. I've never been one to say my heart is full but right now my heart can't take any new people to have to care or worry about. I've decided to be unapologetically selfish with myself, my time and my emotions this year. If you can't understand that then I really don't need you in my life at any point. 2017 is the only year I have ever said will be solely be about me focusing on myself, I can honestly say I've never said that before in my life. The only people I want in my life are the ones who know this to be true and encourage me to do exactly that. Im beyond blessed to have the people I do in my life and I'm not trying to be closed off forever. I'm just in the healing process, I honestly haven't dont anything for two years to acknowledge that I needed to go through this healing process because I've been so busy supporting others through theirs. I've felt my heart heavy, I've felt a physical and mental exhaustion every day for two years, it's my time now and I'm not sorry. I love you and I miss you everyday 💔 JM ; G You both have given me such love throughout my life, and taught me so much about how to love and be there for others. Selflessly and whole heartedly. Beyond the grave you're teaching me how to love and be there for myself I am beyond grateful and blessed to have had been filled by the love and laughs of such special people. That alone regardless of how we lost you, missing your light is hard enough. You're so special, you're so loved, you're so missed. Thank you for giving me the strength I so desperately needed since you've left.
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