#ilya ask blog

[askthearcana]

Ask Julian Devorak!

[fooltofancy]

ilya, completely unprompted: do lalafells.... date.... tall people often, or is the size thing just too much of a problem?

alisaie: hasn't seemed to bother any of your obscenely tall boyfriends, has it.

[likealizardyousay]

very tempted to write a lengthy post on if Julian Devorak could survive castle Dracula

I highly doubt that the fandoms intersect at all but I’ve been thinking about this for weeks

hmmmmmmmm

[zhertvapobedy]

you know which muse i also miss? vasi, my precious sankta vasilka. soft soft saint wishing the darkling would stop coming to her home to try & convince her to join him.

[swearwolf-does-stuff]

10 & 19 for the gif pack meme!

gif pack maker question game! 💕

ill be honest i didnt expect anyone to ask anything so tysm ^^

10. Post your favorite gif of one of your current projects (or one from each!)

okie so i have like only the one project that im actually in the middle of and most of it is so dark it makes me wanna cry

Jacob Ifan in season 3 of A Discovery of Witches - his character is literally the absolute worst in this show and he looks good doing it (you get two bcs it is midnight and I can't pick)

19. Do you have any current projects you want to talk about?

I have two other projects that I have found sources for and split up but not actually started yet: Celia Rose-Gooding in Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (s01e08) and Jessica Williams in Shrinking (s01e08)

I honestly can't wait to start them - Celia's basically an evil queen in an fantasy story on a spaceship I love that episode so much and I don't actually watch Shrinking but Jessica is so funny that episode

[tryan-a-bex]

100 fics

Today I posted my 100th fic on Ao3!

My first was Pottery; or Function, Purpose and Heart on Mar 11, 2023. It was a retired Dreamling fic with Destruction (who I call Joe) as the main character.

I moved fairly quickly into my Spy x Family crossover series. Anya is so cute, and throwing her in with Dreamling and the Endless family led to a lot of fun shenanigans! (Generally you don't need to know Spy x Family canon to follow these.)

Next I started on my Sandman x Scooby Doo shenanigans! I really like the Scooby Gang, and there are definitely some mysteries to solve surrounding the Endless! (With awesome art by @sab-draws!)

Gaulcienne caught my eye next. Lucienne, my beloved librarian, and the shape-changing dream-fairy? Oh yes! A Quiet Love with Wings has most of my commissioned art, with pieces by @athymelyreply for Sometimes when You Fall, You Fly, @ibrithir-was-here for Fireflies and a Missing Person, and @designtheendless for The Dragon Rider!

King of Night and Prince of Day, for @nathanwonderwolf's wonderful art, has the second highest kudos of all my fics.

Then I invented an OC who is the preteen personification of the consciousness of humanity, aka Social Media. I thought this was pure crack but people liked it and now it's a series! Dinner and Play was created with @carnelianmeluha's food ideas in mind!

My Dreamling works tend to be short and sweet, often prompted by something on tumblr or discord, and are collected as Dreamling vignettes.

I have recently written (but not yet posted) my first honest to god smut, but early dabbles in the craft were mostly crack, like my Helm Fucking Crack series. I'm unreasonably proud of how cracked it is, and thank everyone who enabled me (notably @sleepsonfutons, @windsweptinred, @tickldpnk8, @zzoomacroom, read their fics!).

My obsession with Fuckboi Dream (mind the tags) is ongoing, and included creating a chapter index with notes so I can find things, a series about Murphy's childhood (somebody please read these, they are so cute), and others, fanart as well!

In The Dragon's Tongue, Lucienne takes on Titania! I commissioned @lostelfwriting to write the bdsm continuation of the scene, and she did a fantastic job!

A Reunion in the Dreaming (picnic recreated here) was the first fic in Walking with the Walkers, my series about Rose, Jed and Unity. It features Rose and Ara (Barbie transformed in Life is but a Dream), Rose and Jed meeting their Endless family members, Jed and Gault having adventures, and Unity throwing family parties in the Dreaming (with art by @ilya-halfelven).

Trials of a Shapeshifter in Love (in which Gault tries to surprise Lucienne with a romantic dinner) was my favourite fic from October 2023 -- Femslash weekend (by @sandmanfemslashfans ) and Monsterfucktober (by @seiya-starsniper and friends) made it a really fun month! I also wrote Chantal and Zelda, Johanna and Death, and zombie Lyta (my most angsty fic, I believe).

Just Get Me Off the Damn Mountain was written for designtheendless' contest and omg, I won! It is my most popular fic, at 185 kudos!

I also wrote an OG story for NaNoWriMo! At 23k, Wander Witch is by far my longest story (the next longest is under 9k).

After a bit of being stuck, I got started again by writing continuations of @gabessquishytum's asks! Thank you to Gabe and to all the anons and contributors who allowed me to post their parts of the story!

Asmi, @weirdly-specific-but-ok, argued that he does not have a fandom, so (with permission) I proved him wrong by writing fanfic where he meets Crowley and the Maggot Fam. I love you, Asmi and the maggots!

Heading on an Adventure, the story of Rose and Orpheus' road trip, led to a series of library adventures for Lucienne (often featuring Meowpheus), starting with The Library Cat and continuing in the Lucienne my Beloved series.

I wanted more Lucienne and Walkers content, so I started a side blog, @lucienne-my-beloved, and am open to prompts there! On ao3, the series is called ficlets for lucienne.

Hob Meets the Doctor June 7, 2389 and The line I will not cross and the line I will (Gaulcienne) are my space fics, and I am unreasonably happy about them!

I'm now writing for @augustwritingchallenge! (They got me over 100 in my wips a week or two ago!) I combined prompts so you'll see a fic every 2-5 days in various series and fandoms, including Good Omens (Aug 30) and Dead Boy Detectives (soon).

And my 100th fic! Why are you whispering? a Jed and Rose fic for the late night call prompts. Woohoo!

Thank you so much to everyone who has supported my fandom journey! I'm the least depressed one in my long covid cohort, due to your support and friendship! I cherish every kudo and comment and bookmark and reblog, and the art and fics you all create as well!

[littlemissmentallyunstable]

HELP IM SO SKRRY BUT I NEED TO REQUEST ANOTHER KAI AZER X PAEDYN GRAY WITH THEIR DAUGHGER BC OH MY LORF THAT WAS ADORABLE

title: princess kai

pairing: kai azer x paedyn gray x (oc) daughter

synopsis: kai and his daughter avena, are having a tea party when paedyn comes home

warnings:

a/n: thanks for reading 🤍🤍

tag list: @heartwithsimplenotes @lxvebelle @whatsamongus @zaraaaabear @tornqdowarnings @emelia07 @xoxo-vee @userxs-blog

Kai Azer was a man who was known to be respected, worshipped and feared throughout all of Ilya. His talent with any weapon was impeccable, his ability to wield any power was undeniable. He was incredibly skilled with a blade, so much so if you were in a fight and he had one, you were as good as dead. But right now the brave, the dangerous, the daring Kai Azer was sat on the floor, cross-legged, holding a plastic pink teacup with his pinky finger stuck out.

“Daddy!” Avena groans, “you’re doing it all wrong!”

She exaggerates the word all so much, she rolls her head all the way back and flops down into the purple play table. They were currently deep within a tea party that Kai was apparently not too good at.

He bites back his laugh, “what am I doing wrong baby?”

“You’re supposed to wait and pick up your teacup after I’ve poured the tea!” she tells him, clearly exasperated at her dad’s horrible pretend tea party etiquette, “Obviously!”

“Oh sorry,” he says quickly, placing the cup back on the saucer, “we’ll pretend that didn’t happen,”

“I’ll have to forgive you for that mistake but one more and I will get very mad at you!” Avena warns him with a pointed stare that makes Kai’s heart just melt.

“Oh yeah?��� he asks, grinning.

He loved his daughter’s feisty side. It reminded him so much of Paedyn. Avena was bold and daring and not afraid to tell someone that they were doing it wrong. She had that fierce look in her bright eyes.

“Yep!” she nods, folding her arms, “I will get so mad that I’ll get mommy to team up with me and then we’ll get… revenge!”

He tries to look serious, “okay Ave, I won’t make any more mistakes.”

“Good!” she smiles as she gets up and grabs the teapot. She walks beside him and begins to pour imaginary tea into his cup and then continues around the whole table until all of her stuffed animals, Kai and herself had something to ‘drink’.

“Can I drink my tea now?” he asks her.

“Not until I take the first sip,” she explains, “because I’m the one hosting this tea party after all.”

She slowly lifts her cup and takes a sip of invisible tea, grinning widely as she places the cup back down.

“Tasty?” Kai asks her, an eyebrow raised.

“It’s delicious,” Avena beams, taking a second sip.

“Better than Gail’s?” he challenges.

“No one’s is better than Gail’s!” she exclaims, with her little mouth in an ‘o’ shape, looking offended he even asked.

“I agree with you there Ave,” he winks.

“Taste the tea now daddy,” she urges him.

Kai takes the cup to his lips, pinky extended of course, and acts out drinkingthe non-existent liquid.

“This is too strong!” he announces, pretending to spit it out.

Avena laughs, the sweet sound melodic to her father’s ears. Not that she was aware of course. She was still in that child state of obliviousness but he loved it.

She rushes up excitedly, “Oooo let me get you the milk!”

She takes a plastic blue jug and carries it over carefully, as if it actually contained some substance. Then she tips some nothingness into his cup. Kai slowly lifts the cup to his lips for a second time and pretends to taste it. He looks into the air, with a finger on his chin, exaggerating being deep in thought.

“Hmmmm better,” he tells her, “but it’s a little bitter.”

“Do you want honey or sugar to sweeten it?” she asks, eyeing both plastics on the table.

“How about both?” he suggests.

“No!” she giggles, “don’t be silly daddy, you can’t have both! All your teeth are gonna fall out then.”

“Uh-huh and who told you that baby?” he asks her.

“Mommy did,” she explains, “and mommy is always right.”

Kai smiles softly and tucks a chunk of silver hair behind her ear. She was growing up so fast. Every single day she was getting that little bit older, that little bit more independent. It reminded Kai that one day she wasn’t going to be this small anymore, she wouldn’t stay his little Avena forever.

“Okay then, I’ll just take the sugar,” he says, glossy eyed suddenly.

Avena grabs the fake sugar pot and scoops emptiness into his cup. Blinking back the water in his eyes and reeling himself back to the present Kai takes the deciding sip.

“How’s that?” Avena asks him.

“Mmmmm much better,” he nods, “this is a lovely cup of tea.”

“Why thank you!” she grins.

He pulls her onto his lap, “you make the best tea in all the land, you know that?”

“Thank you daddy,” she murmurs, reaching up to take some of his curls into her hand to play with. She softly teases them rhythmically.

“Do you like my hair?” Kai asks gently, curious.

“Hmmmm,” she hums in reply, “it’s so soft and curly.”

He smiles silently, in these past few years he seemed to be doing that a lot more often, “you’ve got some of my curls, you know.”

“I know and I love them sooooo much,” she grins, now taking her hands and running them through her loose silver ringlets.

Kai looks down at his daughter, his world is in his arms. How could one small person mean so much? He wanted to just keep her like this forever, his tiny little girl who loved to play dress up. He didn’t want her to see what the real world could be like, the horror of mankind. When she’s been born, Kai had been petrified he’d end up like his father. Each and every day he strived to be the opposite, he wanted Avena to always feel loved, wanted, safe, cared for. Never the hopeless, inferior pressurised mess of emotions that he grew up with.

“You know I love you for always and forever Ave?” Kai murmurs.

“You always say that to me,” she notes, her pretty blue eyes connecting with his dark grey ones.

“It’s because it’s true,” he shrugs.

“Well I love you even more than that,” Avena decides.

Kai chuckles a little and shake his head, “it’s not possible baby.”

“How do you know?” she asks, eyebrows pinched in confusion. For a split second, in a minuscule flash of a moment, the way her face was contorted made her look just like Kitt. Kai’s heart twists an an awkward angle and thick knot forming.

“Because I just know,” he murmurs, his brothers face etched into his mind, “should we get back to our tea party then?”

He needs a distraction, he needs to focus on his daughter, he needs the knot in his chest to loosen.

Avena is quick to compose herself back into ‘tea party’ mode, she brushes her dress off and walks around the table, “now before we have anything to eat there is something very important we have to do,”

“What?” Kai asks her.

“We have to get dressed!” she announces, cupping her hands together.

He looks down at his clothes, “I am dressed baby.”

“No you’re not,” she exclaims, “you need your princess dress!”

He nearly chokes on his imaginary tea, “My princess dress? But I’m not a princess.”

“Yes you are,” she says, stubbornly.

“No I’m not,” he insists.

“Well then pretend,” she tells him, with a delicate shrug.

“But I don’t want to be a princess,” Kai says. Sometimes he wondered who the five year old was of the two of them.

“No dad,” she snaps, “you have to be a princess too.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s two princesses at a tea party, that’s the story,” Avena explains, with a tone to make it clear that her decision would not change.

“Can’t I be a prince or a dragon,” Kai asks, not liking the idea of wearing a dress.

“No, you’re being a princess,” she shakes her head stubbornly, staring at him wide eyed, like she was waiting for him to crack under the pressure.

He did. “Fine I’ll be a princess,” he grumbles.

“Yay!” She smiles, jumping up and down as she claps her hand together, “I have a dress especially picked out for you,”

“Honey, if it’s one of yours I don’t think it’s going to fit me,” he sighs, biting back a small laugh.

“No silly!” Avena giggles, shaking her head, “it’s one of the ones mommy never ever wears.”

“I don’t think that will fit me either,” Kai says, recalling that his wife is a lot shorter, slimmer and smaller than him.

“I think it will, so you have to try it on,” she decides, channelling her sassy side, “or I’ll get mad! And do you remember what I said about when I get mad?”

“Yes baby, I do,” he chuckles.

“So you’ll try it on?” she asks, her big round ocean eyes sparkling.

Kai sighs, how could he say no, “yes I’ll try it.”

Five minutes later Kai found himself in a velvety pink dress that barely reached his ankles. The neckline had to be severely stretched to fit across his chest and his arm muscles bulged from the fabric that clung over them desperately, like a second skin. He looked ridiculous and he was very aware, but he would hate to see that disappointed look on Avena’s sweet face. It was a workout to get it on. Obviously, Kai didn’t have the physique of a woman, hence all the proportions of the dress were off. But he was just going to have to grin and bear it. As long as his baby was happy, that’s all that mattered.

“Are you ready yet Daddy?” she calls out.

“Yes,” he grits through his teeth, trying to sound cheerful.

“Come out and show me then!”

Kai steps back into the room, draped in the pink ill-fitting fabric. Avena’s eyes light up with joy, a dazzling azure. Immediately any reluctance towards the dress was forgotten and it became all worth it.

“Can you do a twirl please?” she asks, practically buzzing with excitement.

He obliges, spinning around, the skirt flowing up a little.

“Oh you look so beautiful,” Avena squeals, clasping her hands to her heart.

“Not as beautiful as you,” he says, approaching her.

“But I’m not even dressed up yet,” she laughs gently.

“You don’t need to be,” he tells her, lifting Avena up into his arms, “you are beautiful all on your own.”

“Thank you,” she giggles, kissing the tip of his nose.

“You’re welcome,” he smiles, setting her down again. She picks up a princess dress of her own and holds it up to him.

“Daddy can you help me?” she asks him, as she takes off her top and disguards it on the floor.

“Arms up baby,” Kai says, bunching up the dress in his hands so it would perfectly slip on.

She stretches her little arms over her head as high as she can and he tentatively puts the dress on her, pulling it down so it met the floor. He then smoothes down the skirt carefully for her.

“Hang on Avena, let me untwist your straps,” he says gently, as she tries to get back to the tea party.

She holds still and turns around as he carefully readjusts her straps so they’re no longer twisted around each other.

“There you go,” he says.

“Thank you daddy,” she smiles, standing on her tiptoes and kissing his cheek.

“You’re welcome baby,” he replies.

She spins around, admiring her dress. The pink silk bright and bold, “we’re matching!”

“We are!” he exclaims, mirroring her energy.

“I love it,” she tells him, over annunciating every letter of the word ‘love’.

He nods in agreement, “me too.”

“Okay back to the party now,” she says, with a serious look on her

Kai nods again and follows her back to the table, resuming his seat between a stuffed unicorn and some sort of multicoloured fox.

“Sorry everyone,” Avena says, looking around at her stuffed animals, “we just needed an outfit change before dessert.”

“What is dessert?” he asks her.

“It’s a surprise,” she tells him, a finger to her lips.

Kai had a feeling her knew what that surprise was. Just like himself and Pae, Avena was addicted to Sticky Buns. It must run in the genes. He was pretty sure she loved them more than him sometimes, not that he’d blame her. Sticky Buns were heavenly.

“Okay then,” he replies.

“I’m going to go and get our surprise dessert,” she tells him, “you wait here.”

Avena rushes off before Kai can even reply, too overcome by excitement to wait for a response. He awkwardly sits there, the plastic eyes of various stuffed animals staring at him in judgment.

“You think you could wear this better?” he mutters bitterly at the dog plushie opposite him.

It doesn’t respond. Obviously. It just continues to stare into Kai’s soul. He doesn’t break eye contact until soft laugh cuts him out of his intense staring contest.

“Now I know why I married you,” Paedyn smirks, walking in, “I am so turned on right now.”

She saunters in, looking him up and down, amusement carved into her every feature.

“Oh shut up,” he snaps, cheeks heated and flushed.

“No seriously,” she laughs, “did I ever tell you that pink is so your colour?”

Kai stares at her from the corner of his eye, a stormy expression on his face in a refusal to speak.

“Oh don’t go all moody,” she pouts, crouching beside him.

“I am not moody,” he grumbles, not meeting her eyes.

“Moody is part of your personality, you can’t help it,” she says with a graceful shrug.

He sighs, running hand through his hair, “did you come home just to attack me?”

“Pretty much, yeah,” she replies, “but finding you like this made it even better.”

“You’re never going to let me forget this are you?” he groans, slumping down onto the table.

“I haven’t got the camera out yet,” she flashes a grin.

He’s suddenly up and alarmed, staring her dead in the eye with panic swimming across his face, “you better not.”

“Oh I definitely am,” she says, throwing her head back with a cruel giggle.

“Pae, I swear to-“

She cuts him off quickly, softly pressing her lips onto his. He kisses back, begging her for more but she breaks away ensuring they wouldn’t get too carried away.

“She has you wrapped her little finger and it’s adorable,” Paedyn smiles, cupping her husbands face in her palms.

“She really does,” he sighs, “I physically can’t say no to that cute face, I mean have you seen her eyes?”

“They’re gorgeous,” she hums in reply.

“They’re yours,” Kai murmurs, staring into Paedyn’s perfect oceans of blue. Sometimes he really thinks he drowns in her eyes, if he stares for too long he finds it hard to catch his breath.

She blushes a deep scarlet, the red bold against her pale skin and silver hair.

“Oooo mommy you’re home!” Avena exclaims, as she reappears back in the room with an empty tray in her hands.

She runs through the doorway, disguarding the tray and immediately throws her arms around her mom, squeezing her as tight as she could.

“Hey baby,” Paedyn beams, scooping Avena up into her arms and twirling her around, “how’s your day with daddy been?”

“Good,” she says enthusiastically, full of life, full of light and full of energy, “we had lots of fun.”

“I like his dress,” she mentions, earning her a glare from her husband.

“I picked it out,” Avena tells her, pride in her voice, “especially for him!”

“You have good taste sweetie,” she praises her, kissing her cheek.

“Now you can play too mommy,” she beams.

“Me?” Paedyn asks.

“Yes! We can be three princesses now!” Avena grins excitedly, “mommy go put on one of those dresses you never wear because you think they’re too fancy.”

She looks at her daughter and narrows her eyes slightly, hands on her hips, “how do you know I think they’re too fancy?”

“I heard you say it to daddy,” she shrugs, the innocence rolling from her like a waterfall.

“Ave that’s called eavesdropping,” Kai says.

“Huh?”

“When you listen to other people’s conversations,” he explains, “that’s called eavesdropping.”

“Is that bad?” she asks, concerned.

“Sometimes,” he shrugs.

Paedyn shoots him a dark look and he quickly fixes his answer.

“It is not very polite to do that and you shouldn’t,” he adds on, satisfying his wife.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Avena says, her guilt displayed on her face.

“You didn’t know Ave,” Kai tells her softly, “it’s okay. But now you do know for next time.”

“Right,” she nods determinedly.

“I’ll get into my dress and meet you two in a moment,” Paedyn says.

“Good! That gives me a chance to start on daddy’s make up,” Avena giggles, a spring in her step as she glides towards her dad.

“Daddy doesn’t want makeup!” Kai says urgently, holding his hands in front of his face.

“You’re right,” she nods, sending a wave of relief over him as he lowers his hands, “daddy doesn’t want any make up, but the second princess does and you’re the second princess!”

“I don’t think she does,” he shakes his head.

“Have fun,” Paedyn winks at him, her face angled towards his, her voice low enough so only he could hear her.

“More like good luck,” he mutters, leaning forwards and planting a sweet kiss on her lips.

“Daddy!” Avena scolds, “No kissing mommy, you’re a princess remember!”

“And a princess can’t kiss mommy?” he raised an eyebrow.

“No. Mommy is only allowed to kiss me and daddy,” she says, her face scrunched up. It was hard to take someone seriously when they were so unintentionally adorable, “and right now you’re not daddy, so no kisses!”

“Okay, okay, okay,” he laughs.

“She’s so bossy,” Paedyn murmurs.

“Wonder where she gets it from,” he says, under his breath.

She glares at him slaps his arm. He bites back a complaint.

“Mommy why did you just slap daddy?” Avena exclaims, shock rippling across her features, “that’s not nice!”

“Yeah mommy!” Kai sneers, arm folded, looking at Paedyn, “that’s not nice,”

“Daddy was being very annoying, sweetie,” she explains.

“But you told me I should never slap anyone,” her daughter reminds her.

“I did, didn’t I?” she sighs, “I’ll apologise to daddy later.”

“Okay but you have to say you’re sorry,” she says.

“I will,” Paedyn tells her.

“Okay,” she nods, walking over to the stray that had been strewn across the room as she had noticed her mom.

“Are you going to say sorry mommy?” Kai mocks, out of his daughter’s earshot, in an attempt to piss his wife of further.

Paedyn death stares him and waits until Avena’s back is tuned, then she sharply elbows her husband’s rib. Hard. He takes a sharp breath in and suppresses a groan. That might bruise tomorrow.

“That stopped smirking,” she rolls her eyes.

“Used and abused,” he shakes his head.

“Cry about it,” Paedyn shrugs delicately as she walks out.

“I love you too!” he calls out after her.

a/n: thanks for your request!! It was so much fun to write 🤍🤍 I hope you enjoyed

powerless masterlist

[giddyfatherchris]

About me! 🩵

⛅️ ilya, she/her, queer gal 🏳️‍🌈, i sumultaneously want to be bang chan and be with him

⛅️ i'm very friendly! If you ever want to chat feel free to send an ask or message me 💌

⛅️ stray kids (mostly🙈), bts, ateez, the rose, ph1harmony

⛅️ my other account: @trumpkinhotboy(heartstopper, twilight, narnia & harry potter stuff)

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

Requests are open for stray kids !! You can send them through the ask box :)

i do not write full on smut, more like flirting/allusions/a little suggestive. the posts with more graphic stuff will be identified as such and minors please do not interact with it.

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This blog is a safe space for everyone. If you don't like my content, you can just go ahead and skip it xx

[eesirachs]

have you read any of the hebrew bible translation by robert alter? i saw someone on reddit recommend it for his focus on translating the poetry of the original language (btw i love your blog and interpretations so much, thank u for answering my asks! 🫶🏻)

yes, robert alter’s translation does just what the poet ilya kaminsky says translation should do: it breaks language to wake us up. alter keeps each word, neglecting nothing, not even a single vav. he is not interested in coherence or poetry but in holding tightly onto the text (and in doing so, a new kind of coherence and poetry emerges)

[soracities]

hey mim! i don't have really any poetry books at my house but ive been wanting to get a few. do you have any suggestions or ideas for what i should get? i don't have that much to spend so it'll only be a few books, and because it's a few im wondering if you have any favorites or anything you consider essential to have. asking because you have really excellent taste and i personally mostly read indivual poems (by usually really never the same author) rather than any sort of collections or whatever.

hello anon 🌹

I think if you can tell me which of the poems you've read that you've loved the most I can help a bit more but otherwise, if you are prone to reading individual poems more so than a single collection, then a poetry anthology is a v good thing to have at hand! Ones I've really enjoyed are A Book of Luminous Things: An International Anthology of Poetry (ed by Czeslaw Milosz whom I love), The Ecco Anthology of International Poetry (ed. Ilya Kaminsky whom I also adore) and Staying Alive: Unreal Poems for Unreal Times--the latter is part of a trilogy which includes Being Alive and Staying Human, as well as a fourth volume which brings together different poems from the three books, and might be a good way to experience the trilogy if you're on a budget!

Otherwise I don't have essentials, only ones that have really spoken to me--this may be different for you so I would def recommend testing the waters a little by finding some poems from the following poets online--I've probably posted a fair amount of them on my blog, too, I think--and see how you feel about them. In any case, some collections I've really enjoyed were: What the Living Do by Marie Howe, Sonnets and Elegies by Rilke, The Half-Finished Heaven by Tomas Tranströmer, Poppies in July by Sujata Bhatt, Devotions / Felicity by Mary Oliver, Bright Dead Things by Ada Limón, View with a Grain of Sand by Wislawa Szymborska, Concerning the Book That is the Body of the Beloved by Gregory Orr, Tell me / What is This Thing Called Love by Kim Addonzio, Deaf Republic by Ilya Kaminsky, A Tree Within / A Tale of Two Gardens by Octavio Paz, Almond Blossoms and Beyond / Memory for Forgetfulness: August, Beirut, 1982 (Mahmoud Darwish), Selected Poems by Paul Eluard

Also, and I don't know where you are in the world or how much books will usually cost there so this will depend on availability etc, but I do think a good idea for when you're trying to find books on a budget (and which is what I did at the start and STILL do), if it's something feasible for you, is to try and locate any secondhand booksellers near you and spend some time browsing the poetry section if they have one. Take your time with them, leaf through a few, or read a handful of the poems and see what speaks to you (it's also a good way of stumbling across something you may not otherwise have discovered).

I rarely, if ever, order my books off am*z*n but I'm also lucky enough to live in a place with very good access to secondhand / independent booksellers so I know this isn't always feasible for everyone. But if you are ordering your books online, and if their selections fall within your budget, I highly recommend world of books or better world books -- again, I don't know where you live or how shipping / delivery costs would work out for you but they're a very good place for secondhand (and new) literature at a lower price if you don't have access to those in person. I hope some of this helps, but again, please feel free to come back and tell me what some of your most loved poems are or if there are uniting themes / styles in the poems you enjoy most! I hope this helps in any case and best of luck, anon 💗

[fooltofancy]

important to understand that my approach to oc design and characterization depends explicitly on how i'm playing that specific game, like. a thing you should know about ilya is that he is the kind of person who will dive into the middle of a large pull ahead of the tank and pop all of his mitigation while screaming because i get distracted and do that. constantly.

... it's the siren's call of the big aoe damage noises, ok.

[emma-frxst]

All That You’ll Take

Pairing: Colossus/ Piotr Rasputin x Reader

Summary: Piotr and reader suffer a loss at the hands of the x-men, can they find it within themselves to keep fighting for the good guys?

Warnings: character death, grief, angst.

The lovely @reiner-exodus-rasputin asked me for bad guy Colossus so hereeee we gooo ❤️

Tags: (tag list of open, send me an ask if you want to be tagged, removed or only tagged for certain characters.) @chromecutie @xenomorphique @evelyn120700 @nightriver99 @iamwarrenspeace @this-that-and-every-thing-else @hsk-puma @bungeewabbit @pianomad @lesbianstarkx @hazilyimagine-blog  @super-darkcloudstudent @thehuntress26 @siren-lamented-vampire @mooleche @rovvboat @leo-writer @dandyqueen @nitemaremotionless @thewintersoldierswife @reiner-exodus-rasputin @master-sass-blast

-

The faux fur of your thick winter jacket tickled your neck, the chilly wind blowing the soft fibers directly on you. You wrapped the long fibers around your fingers and gave a tug, easily ripping them out.

As you let the wind blow the fur from your fingers, tears began to well up in your eyes and your throat tightened.

The fibers were gone. Missing from your jacket forever, never to be reunited with the other strands of fur. Gone..for the rest of your life.

You turned your attention to Piotr, tears rolled down his face in a continuous cascade. He was standing right next to you, but he felt a million miles away.

You wished you could comfort him, you wished you knew how. But you could barely console yourself through your own grief.

It was the dead of winter, cold and bitter, but it couldn’t compare to the bitterness within your heart.

There was a point in time when you would’ve laid down your life for your fellow X- Men. A time when you trusted them with your own life. A time when your team truly felt like a family.

A simpler time.

You had many fond memories of your time at Xavier’s Institute. You’d met Piotr there, even married him there. It’s where your first held your son in your arms. You formed unbreakable bonds with your friends, taught and trained many students, Including your son, Ilya.

But now you couldn’t even bear to look at it, couldn’t bear to be in it.

The officiant finished the eulogy and gave a slight nod towards you and Piotr. Together, you two walked up to the simple pine box, Piotr letting out a wavering breath.

You dragged your gloved fingers along the grain. It was a mighty fine piece of woodwork, the best around.

Piotr spoke first,

“до свидания мой сын.” (Goodbye, my son) he said, placing his and Ilya’s favorite book on the casket.

“Покойся с миром, мой ребенок.” (rest in peace, my child) you said and placed a flower on top of the book.

You watched as your fellow X-men placed trinkets and things on the casket. Ilya was loved by so many.

You buried him on the highest hillside on Piotr’s family’s farm. You and Piotr declined to bury him at the mansion, you wanted him to rest in peace, to be far away from the life that got him killed.

You couldn’t help but feel hatred towards your team, they were supposed to keep each other safe. It was a stupid mistake..but it cost your son, your only child, his life. It was so easily preventable, yet it still happened. The team knew your anxiety and your worries, they knew their promise to keep him safe. They knew struggle you had to go through to have your son. He was just learning to be a X-Man. He was so eager to follow in your and Colossus’ footsteps. Ilya was so excited to go on his first mission.

He had been going on missions since he was 16. You and Piotr were so damn proud of him, you’d just started letting him go on missions without you and his father.

You were regretting that decision right about now.

You remembered Piotr saying “the boy is 21 years old ,my dear, he will be okay…he’s the best parts of you and me. Besides, we are getting old, time to let the young students take care of things.”

And of course you sassed back with a comment about how he’s getting old, not you…even though your joints popped when got got out of bed in the morning and you went to bed at the ripe old time of 9pm. Oh the life of an X-Man.

“Some life” you scoffed to yourself.

You and Piotr had given decades of your lives to the X-Men and this was your reward?? Unimaginable grief? Pain?

.

Over the next few months, Piotr only grew more distant, your grief driving a wedge between you two. You thought things were looking up when he said he had something planned for the two of you.

But your stomach turned when the car pulled up to the residence of none other than sworn enemy of the X-Men, Magneto.

“Piotr w-what’s happening?” You asked, your voice panic-stricken.

He turned towards you and took your hands in his.

“My feelings of anger, hurt, and betrayal have not gone away since Ilya’s funeral. I no longer feel like part of the X-Men. So I have sought a place where I do belong…where we belong.” He explained, rubbing his thumbs along the back of your hands.

“But Magneto’s brotherhood?!” You nearly yelled.

“Please..hear them out (y/n), hear me out.”

You took a deep breath.

“Okay.” You surrendered.

You two walked up to the elegant front door, a botanical pattern was delicately carved into the pine.

Pine.

Piotr knocked and not even two seconds later, Eric Lehnsherr opened the door. Must’ve been expecting you.

“Hello, Piotr.”

“привет.”(hello) He greeted, you could tell this wasn’t their first meeting.

“(Y/n). My condolences.” Magneto extended his hand and you hesitantly shook it.

“Thanks.” You said, stepping inside.

-

After that night at Magneto’s you and Piotr had decided to give each other some much needed time and space away from each other and the X-mansion.

You were just starting to feel okay when there was a knock at your door.

It was Scott and Ororo.

“We got wind that Colossus is being held at Magneto’s place.”

“Held?”

They nodded.

You knew that no one could really “hold” Colossus, you’d seen him plow his way through many enemies, so you figured something else was up.

Your stomach began to churn, there’s no way he actually joined Magneto right? Piotr, your lawful good, protein bar- eating, wouldn’t hurt an innocent fly, husband..surely not, right?

You got in the car with Ororo, Scott, Logan, Kurt, and Charles.

You exchanged polite greetings but nothing further. They felt distant from you, your loss leaving you a shell of your former self.

-

Residence of the brotherhood of evil mutants.

The car pulled to a halt outside of the house. You were the last to exit the car, standing behind everyone else.

You were greeted by Eric standing in the doorway.

“Where’s Colossus?” Scott asked, getting straight to the point, leaving to time for pleasantries.

Magneto wordlessly stepped aside, letting Piotr step outside. You almost didn’t recognize him. His once colorful, red and yellow uniform, now black and gray. Sad.

Everyone was shocked to see him there, willingly, including you.

“Colossus, my friend, what- what’s going on? Let’s go home.” Kurt begged.

He walked down the steps, getting closer to the people who he once considered his family.

“Life as an x-man..It has taken my son from me, it has taken a toll on my body, taken time away from me that could’ve been spent with my wife. What will you take next? My freedom?! My own life?!”

“Colossus it was an accident! We all miss Ilya dearly.”

“You do not miss him like I do, like we do.” Colossus said, pointing towards you.

“This is crazy Colossus, come on.” Scott begged.

Piotr let out a heavy sigh.

“What hurts the most is-“ he paused, feeling tears well up. But now wasn’t a time for tears. “You all acting like he never existed, ignoring the pain myself and (y/n) are feeling! Not one of you volunteered to teach our classes, help with his memorial, and not one of you sorry, selfish, pricks protected him!”

The team was quiet, reflecting on Piotr’s words. They did help with those things, but they guessed it wasn’t in the way Piotr needed.

You had never seen him so angry.

You walked to the forefront of the group, not believing your eyes. Your sweet husband, turning away from everything good.

“Piotr…” you started, your voice cracking. You hadn’t seen him in months.

Upon seeing you, he transformed out of defense mode and closed the gap between him and you, his scowl softening.

You stopped a moment to take him in. His eyes were tired, his hair more gray than the last time you saw him. His frown lines were more engraved on his face, he hadn’t shaved in a while either.

Just then and only then, you saw just how much losing Ilya, being a part from you, and losing his X-family affected him. His heart was shattered.

“Baby, please, come home.” You pleaded, your voice threatening to break.

He only stared at you.

Wordlessly, he held out his hand, wanting you to take it. To join him.

You hesitated, the events of recent months played over in your mind.

You reached out to take his hand, but stopped half way. You drowned out the rest of the team yelling at you to stop.

“They care about me, (y/n). About us, about mutant kind. They take care of their own, not leaving them to be slaughtered like livestock.”

You glanced back at the others, desperately trying to get to you, but were being held back by Magneto’s powers.

You turned your attention back to Colossus, his hand still outstretched.

You hesitated once again, debating whether or not to take his hand. You met his gaze, those baby blue eyes told you everything you needed to know.

You’d made your decision.

-END-

Authors Note: whaoahhh ambiguous ending! Let me know what you would’ve decided.

Masterlist

[hier--soir]

I would love to know about books that changed your life…favorite books?

oh boy okay buckle up! let's talk books! [thank you so much for asking, i love talking about this stuff ilysm]

so i am currently reading decreation by anne carson which i am really loving, and i reckon that's instantly on the list so we'll start there.

lemme break it up by genre with everything i can think of off the top of my head [and see on my shelf right now] also YOU ASKED SORRY BUT IM BOUT TO RUN WILD ALSO IM DEFINITELY FORGETTING LIKE A HUNDRED GOOD BOOKS HERE

short-story/poetry collections [aka the main thing i read most these days]

brute by emily skaja

flèche by mary jean chan

deaf republic by ilya kaminsky

autobiography of red by anne carson

foreign soil by maxine beneba-clarke [changed me forever]

bluets by maggie nelson

her body and other parties by carmen maria machado [idk if this entire collection is on the favs list, but some of them? woof]

classics

an oresteia translated by anne carson

narcissus and echo [from metamorphoses] by ovid

the bacchae by euripides

old [and old-er] lit

macbeth by willy shakes [see: my blog description]

hamlet by willy shakes

a streetcar named desire by tennessee williams

the end of the affair by graham greene

contemporary lit

nightbitch by rachel yoder [who else out here turning into a dog when their husband is away for work?? just me?]

the secret history by donna tartt [duh]

milk fed by melissa broder

year of wonders by geraldine brooks [this book has everything: the plague, self-flaggelation, gore, fucking the local priest!]

call me by your name by andré aciman [lots of discourse around this one but you can't deny that the writing is beautiful]

a book that is not a favourite but certainly changed me as a person lmao

crash by j. g. ballard

fav series of all time!!!!

the skulduggery pleasant series by derek landy. idgaf! that irish man changed my life, go read it that shit is timeless. sorcery? friendship? vampires? violence? incredible stuff. the birth of my whimsy.

[arcanarubinaito]

Short Story Taglist

I’ve been meaning to compile a list of content tags I will commonly use, and their meanings. This both gives me a handy reference to use when I’m finalizing everything to post—because honestly I blank out on how to tag it once I get to that point, lol—and I figure I’d post it as both a reference for my own readers and a potential resource for other minific authors here on Tumblr.

This list will be updated as needed; and if you have any tag you think should be added, please comment your suggestions!

I will not be adding tags for certain taboo subjects, as that content will never be on my blog and I’m sure those who write it already know how to properly tag it.

I will not be adding ship tags because frankly there are too many to add.

Please note that this list contains Content Warning tags.

Spoiler Warnings

Asra’s Route

Nadia’s Route

Julian’s Route

Muriel’s Route

Portia’s Route

Lucio’s Route

Tales (Insert Specific Tale Here)

Upright Ending

Neutral Ending

Content Warning Tags

Graphic Depictions of Violence

Gore

Suicidal Tendencies

Self-Harm

Torture

Sexually Explicit Content

Substance Abuse

Depictions of Alcohol

Mild/Mentioned Alcohol Use

Depictions of Drug Use

Mild/Mentioned Drug Use

General Content Tags

Platonic Relationship(s)

Romantic Relationship(s)

Comfort

Hurt/Comfort

Anxiety/Comfort

Hurt/No Comfort

Angst

Whump

Cuddles

Fluff

Major Character Death

Minor Character Death

Slow Burn

Series

Miscellaneous Tags

SFW (<18)

NSFW (18+)

[x] Words

Ask Box

Request

Commission

Gift

Character Tags

Reader/OC Tags

GN Reader

AFAB Reader

AMAB Reader

Nonbinary Reader

Female Reader

Male Reader

Transfem Reader

Transmasc Reader

Self Insert

Apprentice OC

Original Character(s)

Main Six

Asra Alnazar

Nadia Satrinava

Julian/Ilya Devorak

Muriel of the Kokhuri

Portia/Pasha Devorak

Lucio/Montag Morgasson

Familiars/Animals

Faust

Chandra

Malak

Inanna

Pepi

Mercedes & Melchior

Camio

Chimes & Flamel

Jaeger

Courtiers

Consul Valerius

Praetor Vlastomil

Procurator Volta

Pontifex Vulgora

Quaestor Valdemar

Side Characters

Aisha Alnazar

Salim Alnazar

Tasya/Anastasia Devorak

Lishka Devorak

Mazelinka

Halinka (A Warm Welcome)

Khamgalai of the Kokhuri

Morga Eirsdottir

The Satrinavas

Nasrin Satrinava

Namar Satrinava

Nafizah Satrinava

Nazali Satrinava

Navra Satrinava

Nahara Satrinava

Nasmira Satrinava

Natiqa Satrinava

Gavin (The Bazar Job)

Minor Characters

Chamberlain (One of the Palace servants. Unclear if ‘Chamberlain’ is his name or his title.)

Ludovico (Palace Guard)

Bludmila (Palace Guard)

Selasi (The Baker)

Saguaro (An acquaintance of Asra’s, from Nopal)

Tilde the Leech Monger (A leech merchant near Mazelinka’s house.)

Barth/Bartholomew (Bartender of The Rowdy Raven)

Aedile Velos (Once slept in the Palace’s haunted guest room.)

Major Arcana

The Fool (0)

The Magician (I)

The High Priestess (II)

The Empress (III)

The Emperor (IV)

The Hierophant (V)

The Lovers (VI)

The Chariot (VII)

Strength (VIII)

The Hermit (IX)

Wheel of Fortune (X)

Justice (XI)

The Hanged Man (XII)

Death (XIII)

Temperance (XIV)

The Devil (XV)

The Tower (XVI)

The Star (XVII)

The Moon (XVIII)

The Sun (XIX)

Judgment (XX)

The World (XXI)

[mariacallous]

ChatGPT developer OpenAI’s approach to building artificial intelligence came under fire this week from former employees who accuse the company of taking unnecessary risks with technology that could become harmful.

Today, OpenAI released a new research paper apparently aimed at showing it is serious about tackling AI risk by making its models more explainable. In the paper, researchers from the company lay out a way to peer inside the AI model that powers ChatGPT. They devise a method of identifying how the model stores certain concepts—including those that might cause an AI system to misbehave.

Although the research makes OpenAI’s work on keeping AI in check more visible, it also highlights recent turmoil at the company. The new research was performed by the recently disbanded “superalignment” team at OpenAI that was dedicated to studying the technology’s long-term risks.

The former group’s coleads, Ilya Sutskever and Jan Leike—both of whom have left OpenAI—are named as coauthors. Sutskever, a cofounder of OpenAI and formerly chief scientist, was among the board members who voted to fire CEO Sam Altman last November, triggering a chaotic few days that culminated in Altman’s return as leader.

ChatGPT is powered by a family of so-called large language models called GPT, based on an approach to machine learning known as artificial neural networks. These mathematical networks have shown great power to learn useful tasks by analyzing example data, but their workings cannot be easily scrutinized as conventional computer programs can. The complex interplay between the layers of “neurons” within an artificial neural network makes reverse engineering why a system like ChatGPT came up with a particular response hugely challenging.

“Unlike with most human creations, we don’t really understand the inner workings of neural networks,” the researchers behind the work wrote in an accompanying blog post. Some prominent AI researchers believe that the most powerful AI models, including ChatGPT, could perhaps be used to design chemical or biological weapons and coordinate cyberattacks. A longer-term concern is that AI models may choose to hide information or act in harmful ways in order to achieve their goals.

OpenAI’s new paper outlines a technique that lessens the mystery a little, by identifying patterns that represent specific concepts inside a machine learning system with help from an additional machine learning model. The key innovation is in refining the network used to peer inside the system of interest by identifying concepts, to make it more efficient.

OpenAI proved out the approach by identifying patterns that represent concepts inside GPT-4, one of its largest AI models. The company released code related to the interpretability work, as well as a visualization tool that can be used to see how words in different sentences activate concepts, including profanity and erotic content, in GPT-4 and another model. Knowing how a model represents certain concepts could be a step toward being able to dial down those associated with unwanted behavior, to keep an AI system on the rails. It could also make it possible to tune an AI system to favor certain topics or ideas.

Even though LLMs defy easy interrogation, a growing body of research suggests they can be poked and prodded in ways that reveal useful information. Anthropic, an OpenAI competitor backed by Amazon and Google, published similar work on AI interpretability last month. To demonstrate how the behavior of AI systems might be tuned, the company's researchers created a chatbot obsessed with San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge. And simply asking an LLM to explain its reasoning can sometimes yield insights.

“It’s exciting progress,” says David Bau, a professor at Northeastern University who works on AI explainability, of the new OpenAI research. “As a field, we need to be learning how to understand and scrutinize these large models much better.”

Bau says the OpenAI team’s main innovation is in showing a more efficient way to configure a small neural network that can be used to understand the components of a larger one. But he also notes that the technique needs to be refined to make it more reliable. “There’s still a lot of work ahead in using these methods to create fully understandable explanations,” Bau says.

Bau is part of a US government-funded effort called the National Deep Inference Fabric, which will make cloud computing resources available to academic researchers so that they too can probe especially powerful AI models. “We need to figure out how we can enable scientists to do this work even if they are not working at these large companies,” he says.

OpenAI’s researchers acknowledge in their paper that further work needs to be done to improve their method, but also say they hope it will lead to practical ways to control AI models. “We hope that one day, interpretability can provide us with new ways to reason about model safety and robustness, and significantly increase our trust in powerful AI models by giving strong assurances about their behavior,” they write.

[trumpkinhotboy]

about me! 🌟

⭐️ ilya, in my twenties, she/her, queer gal 🏳️‍🌈

⭐️ im very friendly! if you ever wanna chat feel free to send an ask or message me 💌

⭐️ my other account: @giddyfatherchris (k-pop stuff)

☾ ⋆･ﾟ:⋆･ﾟ:⠀ ⋆.:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

This blog majorly focuses on:

Heartstopper, Twilight, and Narnia

are open and you can send them through the ask box :)

˚☽˚.⋆Masterlist ˚☽˚.⋆

This blog is a safe space. If you don't like my content, you can just go ahead and skip it xx