#illegal strawberries

[umilily]

strawberrry milk post relevant again bc i accidentally came into possession of 1.5kg strawberries

[soleillunne]

Good morning !!! :D

Good morning, mirei!!

[keroppidreams]

gin: hey im going on a dangerous mission. klara: not like that you arent!!

flash forward to gin being in a difficult fight and his bokuto breaks so he pulls out one of these:

[kissitbttr]

flashing simon your titties in the middle of an argument

it’s the fourth time this week and he’s pretty much getting sick of your attitude.

whether it’s about the messy drawers, forgotten keys, not getting your fresh strawberries from the market and now, it’s about the new female recruit that seems to be enjoying flirting with your boyfriend and him not doing anything about it. of course you’re pissed! you’re allowed to.

“sweetheart” simon huffs out a sigh of annoyance, rubbing his hands all over his tired face. “for the fifth time… i wasn’t flirting with her”

a scoff escape your mouth. cocking one eyebrow while your arms are crossed over your chest. “i didn’t say you were. i said that bitch had her hands all over you and you didn’t do anything! she was batting her fake ass lashes at you too. jesus, her ass should got beat for that”

the sight of you getting pretty heated almost turned him on. almost. sure, you’re hot when you’re angry and usually he’d fuck you dumb to get that out of your system but this time? he’s far too exhausted.

“fuckin’ hell” he shakes his head in disbelief. “you know that’s not what happened. we were just talking.”

“i know what i saw-“

“don’t give me that!” simon exclaims, pointing his finger at you as he watches you give him a look of ‘oh you did not just do that’. “we were basically just talking, she was the new recruit. asking me about pointers.. and it was at the gala! what did you expect me to do?!”

you shrug casually, leaning against the kitchen counter. “poke her eyes with a fork”

“my god-“ he has to cut himself off before releasing a heavy sigh. eyes shutting briefly, head tilts to the back as he silently prays to whoever up there to give him enough strength to deal with you. “that would be illegal.”

“for you, maybe. i’d do it if you weren’t in my way.”

“that’s crazy” he answers, earning a look from you. “i didn’t say you are crazy! christ, woman!”

rolling your eyes, you huff. maybe you are overreacting but the thing is? you don’t want him to win. because in your head, you’re always right.

“so, what? you’re just going to let other female recruits feel you up too, huh? grab your biceps, twirl their hair when they look at you or maybe hey! you’d let them grab your dick too.”

“you’re unbelievable”

“me?! you are—“

“no! okay, you know what?! doll, i love you... i do so please never doubt me, yeah? but you can’t keep doing this, alright?! it’s not healthy! and if you—w-wait, what are you doing? wha-“

you lift your shirt up to flash him your naked breasts so he can shut up. and it worked. obviously. now, his eyes aren’t even looking at you but at his second favorite thing—after you— your lips stretch into a smirk when you see him freeze. jaw hanging open slightly.

“a-and you c-can’t” he gulps, becoming a stuttering mess as he struggles to maintain an eye contact. “c-can’t—like—just—fuck! this is unfair! what was i saying?!”

oh yeah, now you’re taking the W

-

did this once with my ex and got fucked lol

[millialani]

I kept mixing up Idolatry and Adultery. Nothing happened bc of this, I would just get news of someone doing either of those things and have a perfectly normal conversation while never being correct about what we were talking about

for numerous years i assumed Lich was the singular form of Lichen and my feelings were hurt when i found out

[neeeooon]

random texts with bf sae

itoshi sae x gn!reader. fake texts

you: hey babygirl

sae: im not going to be your lesbian bf

you: awwww :(

you: omg it’s you

you:

😒.

≤))≥

_| \_

sae: you are my biggest hater. i’m not joking.

you: you love me 🤗

sae: unfortunately 😔

you: if you were president what’s the first thing you’d do

sae: make it illegal for you to post me on your socmed

you: weird way to propose but oh well I DO 💅💍

sae: ???

sae: how would you feel if i accidentally bought strawberry short cake instead of red velvet

you: i would probably throw myself off the top floor

sae: k that’s what i though. going back to the store now❤️

you: yk i actually miss you when you’re gone right

you: JOKES ASIDE!!!! i do kind of like you. like a little bit. like 👌 maybe this much

sae: we have been dating for years

sae: we live together

you: yeahh all that forced proximity yk you really grew on me 😣

sae: you still hate my hair tho

you: oh yeah i’m flushing all your gel down the toilet before you get home xx

sae: that’s not very environmentally conscious of you y/n

you: since when do you care about the environment?

sae: since you put my hair gel at risk.

you: DESPERATE TIMES MY LOVE DESPERATE TIMES

[solxamber]

Receiving Gifts on White Day with: Heartslabyul

Go here for other dorms

Riddle Rosehearts

Riddle stands at your doorstep, posture straight as a ruler, cheeks pink, and hands clutching a meticulously wrapped box like he’s been assigned a life-or-death mission. You blink, still groggy from sleep, while he clears his throat with the dignity of a man attempting to keep his emotions regulated.

“I have prepared this for you,” he announces, voice firm, yet slightly trembling. “In accordance with White Day traditions, as well as my personal desire to properly return the affection you displayed last month.”

You arch an eyebrow. “So… this is a strictly enforced romantic gesture?”

His grip tightens on the box. “I wanted to do this,” he corrects, though the fact that he appears two questions away from passing out begs to differ.

Still, curiosity gets the best of you. You accept the box, carefully unwrapping it, and—wait. These are homemade cookies.

Your eyes snap to Riddle. "You made these?"

“Yes,” he admits, looking only mildly tortured. “It… took several attempts.”

Several? The image of Riddle in an apron, staring down an oven timer like it personally offended him, flashes in your mind. You take a bite—soft, lightly sweet, with a hint of strawberries.

“These are amazing,” you say honestly, watching as his ears flush even redder.

Riddle exhales, relief washing over him like a well-structured legal argument. “I am… glad.”

Then, just as you’re about to pull him inside for a proper reward, he straightens and adds, “Also, do not share them with Ace or Deuce. I refuse to let my efforts be squandered on them.”

You snort, deciding to absolutely share one with Ace just to watch Riddle scold him about "unearned privilege."

Trey Clover

Trey stands at your door, looking so effortlessly charming that it should be illegal. In his hands is a basket, wrapped in soft ribbons, smelling so good that you’re nearly tempted to take it and shut the door just to hoard it all.

“Morning,” he greets, his voice warm enough to make you forget that it’s way too early to be receiving this level of boyfriend energy. “Thought I’d make you something special for White Day.”

You cross your arms, pretending to scrutinize the basket. “And this isn’t just because you feel obligated to return the favor?”

Trey chuckles, stepping closer—dangerously close. “Nah. I just like spoiling you.”

…Oh. Oh. Your brain immediately enters critical failure mode.

He hands over the basket, filled with handcrafted chocolates, cookies, and—oh, hold on. Is that a mini cake? You lift it, noting the delicate frosting swirls, and Trey watches you with that mildly smug, incredibly dangerous smile.

“I remembered you liked the cake I'd made last week,” he says, like it’s a casual thing and not an instantaneous relationship score multiplier.

You take a bite. It’s divine. You meet his gaze, absolutely smitten. “Trey, this is actually illegal. I could fall in love all over again.”

His smirk deepens. “Guess I’ll have to keep making them, then.”

You pause. Narrow your eyes. “Was this a secret proposal?”

Trey laughs, resting a hand on your waist to gently pull you closer. “If it was, you’d be the first to know.”

Oh, he’s good. You take another bite of cake to distract from how fast your heart is beating.

Cater Diamond

Before you even fully register being awake, someone pushes your door open.

“BABE, WAKE UP, IT’S WHITE DAY!”

Cater is there, standing in a power pose, holding up a pastel-colored gift bag like it’s a declaration of war. You blink at him. Blink at the bag. Then back at him.

“…Cay. What the actual hell.”

He grins, stepping inside before you can protest. “Shhh, just accept my love and devotion, okay?”

You take the bag on instinct, still trying to process why your morning has started like this. Inside, you find chocolates—and a small Polaroid. You pull it out. It’s of you two, mid-laugh, clearly taken without your knowledge.

You glance up. Cater is watching you—actually nervous. “Sooo, I was thinking… maybe we could take a pic every White Day? Y’know, to make it a thing.”

Oh.

Your heart aches at how casually sweet he is. You smile, running a thumb over the picture. “I love it.”

His face lights up. “Knew you’d say that!” Then, before you can react, he dramatically dips you, snaps another photo, and grins.

“I swear, I’m gonna be the #1 Boyfriend this year.”

You laugh, shoving his shoulder. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Yeah, but I’m your ridiculous.”

And damn it, you really love him.

Ace Trappola

Ace stands at your door like a man who has just been coerced into doing something cute.

He shoves a small bag at you, face slightly pink. “Here. White Day. Whatever.”

You take it, raising an eyebrow. “Wow. Such romance. My heart is pounding.”

Ace groans. “Just open it, nerd.”

Inside, you find chocolates—clearly homemade—and, oh. A plushie. Of your favorite character.

Your heart stutters. “You actually paid attention?”

Ace scowls, ears red. “DUH? What kinda boyfriend would I be if I didn’t?”

You smirk, taking a chocolate. Then, before he can react, you grab his face and press a quick kiss to his cheek.

Immediate fatal error.

Ace short-circuits, stumbling back like he’s been shot. “WH—WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!”

You grin. “What, kissing my boyfriend? Weird.”

He groans, covering his face. “I hate you.”

You pop another chocolate into your mouth. “Nah. You love me.”

Ace mutters something about needing a refund, but the way he’s grinning says otherwise.

Deuce stands at your door, holding a small box with both hands, shoulders so tense you think he might pass out.

“H-Happy White Day!” he blurts, voice borderline panicked.

You blink. “Are you okay?”

"YES." He is not okay.

You accept the box, opening it to find slightly uneven, homemade chocolates. You take a bite—rich, a little messy, but full of effort.

“These are amazing,” you say, smiling.

Deuce exhales so hard it sounds like his soul left his body. “Oh, thank seven, I thought I ruined them—”

Before he can spiral, you grab his collar and kiss him.

System crash.

Deuce staggers back, bright red. “Y-YOU CAN’T JUST—THAT’S CHEATING—”

You grin. “Better get used to it.”

He groans, face in his hands. “I’m never recovering from this.”

Perfect. You win White Day.

Masterlist

[sixosix]

it was tsukishima’s favorite drink.

It’s around eight AM when you receive a text from Tsukishima.

Where are you?, it reads.

omw there! hehe, you send back. Followed by: i can see the gate!

Ok.

why? do u want to see me already? lol

Tsukishima doesn’t reply, leaving it on Read, which makes you laugh and garner attention from some startled students. Tsukishima always wants the last word. You imagine him grunting and grumbling insults at his phone as he reads your message before shoving it away. He’s so cute, honestly.

As you hurry upstairs, your phone vibrates once again. You pause, reading Tsukishima’s question. What do you want from here? And it’s a picture of the vending machine outside the building, by the school gate. You didn’t even have to run all the way here.

i want to try the new soda flavor!

Ok, he sends back. I’ll give it to you @ lunch.

thank you, kei!!

By the time Lunch period rolls around, you barely have to get up from your seat. Hinata had zoomed off initially, but his head pops back in to yell at you, “Your boyfriend’s here!”

You hear someone mutter a confused Boyfriend?, but you don’t even have to look to check who it is. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi walk in long strides towards your desk. Either of them could be the boyfriend Hinata was referring to, really, so Hinata’s embarrassing volume doesn’t affect you.

“Here,” Tsukishima says, passing a freshly bought soda across your desk and into your expectant hands.

“Thank you, Kei! How much?”

Tsukishima pulls out the chair in front of your desk yet sits opposite from it to face you. “It’s fine,” he says, then brings out his own drink, a carton of strawberry-flavored milk. “Don’t look too happy. I’m here to make sure you study before you go to the club room.”

“Killjoy,” you murmur, but you’re smiling wide.

Yamaguchi laughs, settling on the seat beside you. He has Moo-Moo Milk for his drink for today’s lunch, and instead of a notebook like you and Tsukishima, he has an actual lunch. “Shh. Or Tsukki might take your soda back.”

You carefully shield your drink with both arms as Tsukishima rolls his eyes and urges you to just open your damn notebook already. You oblige, feeling quite giddy. Not only has Tsukishima agreed to tutor you, but he takes it upon himself to go to your classroom, and buy you a drink. Then again… this might be his grand masterplan to make you owe him the world. First, vending machine soda; next, the entirety of Japan.

You sip on your drink, then make a face. It tastes disgusting.

“Oy,” Tsukishima’s stern voice cuts through your thoughts. He’s been staring the entire time you got lost in your train of thought.

You fumble with the pages. “I-I’m listening!”

Tsukishima narrows his eyes. “You don’t like it, do you?”

“Whuh? Math? Of course not.”

“The soda, idiot.”

You grimace at the cold drink in your hand. It doesn’t even feel refreshing—like the way it’s advertised on the cover—it just assaults your taste buds. “It’s alright,” you say instead.

Tsukishima sighs. “Let’s switch.”

“Eh?”

“I don’t like this one anyway.”

“But why would you buy—”

At Tsukishima’s irritated expression, Yamaguchi jolts into action and urges you: “Just go along with it!” Like Tsukishima was bribing you with something illegal. Startled and dazed, you let Tsukishima switch drinks with you.

You both take a sip at the same time. Tsukishima’s expression doesn’t change, but you beam up at him. It’s sweet. 

Tsukishima stands and taps on your notebook. “I’ll be back, but you answer items 1–5.”

You and Yamaguchi watch as he leaves. “Where is he going?” you wonder.

“To spit it out, probably.” Yamaguchi snickered. “Hehe. He looked like a chipmunk.”

“Why would he trade if he didn’t like that one either, then? Kei is so stupid.”

“You might beat him on that.”

“What does that mean?”

“You’re pretty stupid, too.”

At times like these, you’re reminded that Yamaguchi and Tsukishima are best friends. “Hey!”

Yamaguchi just grins in a way that spells out he’s up to no good. “You should buy more nasty flavors and make Tsukki trade.”

“Why don’t you do it?”

Yamaguchi shrugs. “So that it actually works.”

Tsukishima This is disgusting

Yamaguchi at least you managed to swap saliva

Tsukishima You are as disgusting as this failed tropical mess of a soda flavor, Yamaguchi

Yamaguchi hahahaha. you were blushing, Tsukki.

[holybibly]

Lately, Hongjoong has been looking so cute and adorable that it's almost illegal, but all those pouty lips and sweet, sparkling eyes are giving me more than just cute vibes.

And so, unholy thoughts of the day, my sugar bunnies: You thought you knew everything about Hongjoong: he had a huge collection of stuffed animals, he loved soft pastel-coloured pyjamas, and he had the most beautiful boyfriend in the world, Park Seonghwa. And of course, just as importantly, he had an amazing, juicy ass and was damn loud in bed. But what you didn't know about Hongjoong was that he and his handsome boyfriend had an incredible crush on you. That your cute strawberry panties weren't missing but had become an integral part of his and Hwa's games, and most importantly, that Hongjoong wasn't as sweet and innocent as he seemed at first glance.

And when you get stuck under your bed while cleaning your room one day, you have the perfect opportunity to find out.

Or Hongjoong will make a huge creampie in your plump, sweet cunt, generously glazing your labia and filling your tight hole to the brim, just so he can bury his beautiful, sweet face in it and drink his fill. Because Joong has dreamed for so long about licking your juices and his cum from those soft, silky folds, sucking on your sweet clit, and pressing his lips right up to your trembling hole while feeling how his cum and your sweet slime drip onto his tongue. And when his boyfriend finds you both in this depraved position—your cunt rubbing against Hongjoong's face, his face smeared with milky, viscous cum and mucus while Joongie's pink, soft tongue lazily and sensually licks everything you give him and your magic wand pressed right against the swollen, dripping head of his beautiful, twitching cock—he decides not to let it go unnoticed and helps Joongie clean up the mess he made in your cunt. After all, Seonghwa hates mess and can't let Hongjoong get drunk on your pussy alone. Because it would be so wrong not to share the sweet stuff with the love of his life.

[kawoala]

DRIVEN BY ADRENALINE suna rintarou. street racer au.

“it doesn’t matter if you win by an inch or a mile; winnings winning.” dominic toretto, the fast and the furious.

𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐃

২ 𓂅 ࣪ ೨ ; 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒 you applied to college with hopes of escaping your boring life. you never actually thought you’d be accepted, yet, here you are, sitting on the twin mattress in your very small, shared dorm. unexpectedly, a note slips under your door. you and your dormmate share a confused, intrigued look, then pick it up and read it. ‘T-20. be there at 10 or don’t come at all pussies’ with an obviously unfamiliar address on the bottom. well, you moved here to be less boring, didn’t you?

২ 𓂅 ࣪ ೨ ; 𝐕𝐀𝐆𝐔𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 meeya, as in me, the author, does not know anything about cars or street racing. do not be surprised when things are at least a little bit inaccurate / heavily based on the fast & furious franchise / alcohol + drug consumption / violence (?) / obviously illegal street racing / profanity / more specific tags will be added at the beginning of each chapter.

২ 𓂅 ࣪ ೨ ; 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 chapter one ; wc ; (1,221) chapter two ; wc ; (2,097) chapter three ; wc ; (757) chapter four ; wc ; (1,033) chapter five ; wc ; (1,441) chapter six ; wc ; (smau) chapter seven ; wc ; (596) chapter eight ; wc ; (smau/446) chapter nine ; wc ; (1,681) chapter ten ; wc ; (866)

২ 𓂅 ࣪ ೨ ; 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐒 y/n l/n ; a sweet voice, freshly-baked cinnamon rolls, trying desperately to be a selfless person, forgotten cups of tea, strawberries, shy smiles, always carrying multiple hairties just in case, messy hair, a little lonely. rintarou suna ; tattoos snaking down an arm, piercings done in sketchy basements, untold stories told through prolonged looks, cigarettes smoked down to the butts, driving one-handed, staying up and sleeping in late.

SPECIAL TAG TO @massacremars FOR BEING SO GENEROUS AND HELPING ME WITH THE SONGS LINKED TO EACH CHAPTER!!

২ 𓂅 ࣪ ೨ ; 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ; open (25/50) !!

@sahrii , @cherrysurf , @heartmaddie , @jpegarchives , @vertejay

@tiramizuloz , @gumims , @mybelovedvi , @chaotic-neutral-ig , @usbrous

@iheartamora , @iluv-ace , @xavlyzn , @reocidal , @mysticstrawberryballoon

@h0n3y-l3m0n05 , @aethersluvrr , @smiithys , @rriwyu , @twiishaa

@kissunday , @ilovejeansosomuch , @anqelkoz , @yiooobb37 , @renardiererin

@pookalicious-hq , @sunnyskiezzzz , @sharkissm , @wyrcan

[wonderjanga]

The Devil’s Temptations

The Devil’s Temptations: Smoking, Drinking, and Rock and Roll. Or at least, that’s what the pastor told Billy once when the man gave him ten bucks for food. The man lets him clean up the chapel seats every other Sunday for money. During Christmases, he decides to be more generous and give Billy twenties. You see, Billy has an interesting relationship with all three of the things. The relationships would no doubt disappoint the pastor. Though, two out of the three are simply to make himself seem more adult as Marvel, while one of them is simply because Freddy likes Elvis.

Like the smoking, it’s something adults do. Billy himself would never ever ever try it. (besides that one time he tried a cotton candy, watermelon, peach, strawberry, coconut vape and immediately ended up vomiting what little food he had eaten that day) But! Marvel’s an adult. And last he heard, you had to be like twenty something to get cigarettes. That’s what Mary told him anyways. So, every now and then, he’ll try to drop stealthy little hints that he smokes whenever Solomon suggests it.

One of these instances was when league ended up having to fight this ginormous octopus that was nearly as big as Metropolis. The battle ended with the monster exploding. Every league member on duty was covered in monster guts, blood, and juices. Including Billy. Like actually. Everything in the area was stained purple from head to toe. As for why the octopus monster’s blood was purple? None of them had a single clue. They proceeded to stand in silence as the liquid dripped off of them and onto the ground, which was also purple.

Solomon: NOW BILLY! SAY IT.

Marvel: *drags hand down face to wipe off all the gunk and takes a deep sigh* “I need a cigarette.”

Other Leaguers: *slowly look to Marvel*

Marvel: *already heading to the nearest Zeta Location*

By the way, he stole this phrase from a prostitute friend of Ms.Bambi who got caught and soaked in the rain while working the corner. Let’s also say it’s Ms.Foxy from my Marvel Pranks Hal post. (In that post, she’s still a prostitute, and if you want to know what she has to do with pranking Hal… Billy’s a little, a lot unhinged in that post)

//mini flashback//

Billy: *jogging through the hallway*

Ms.Foxy and Ms.Bambi: *talking*

Ms.Foxy: “I need a damn cigarette.”

Billy: “Hi, Ms.Bambi! Hi, Ms.Foxy!” *waves as he passes by them*

//end of mini flashback//

The two had no idea the child heard.

After this incident, Aquaman invited him for whiskey and cigars with a couple other heroes. They ended up playing poker, in which Billy basically ended up robbing them blind. Poker Nights with the Lords of different Hells really pays off. Also, a hero snuck a picture of him as Marvel, dressed in civvies with a cigar in between his teeth while holding some cards. Anyone who saw this didn’t know whether to be surprised that Marvel smokes cigars, or that he can play poker.

Aquaman: “How long have you smoked?”

Marvel: “Uh…”

Solomon: “TWELVE YEARS, BOY!”

Marvel: “Twelve years.”

Aquaman: “Damn, and you have the voice of an angel. I don’t hear the slightest bit of grit. How do you do it?”

Marvel: “The uh- smoke doesn’t harm me.”

Aquaman: “Ooooooh.”

Then, there’s Billy’s relationship with drinking. Now, you see, he’s never personally been a fan of drinking. Many of his foster parents did, but surprisingly, the few parents that were heavy drinkers had their moods tempered down. You’d think it’d make it worse. So, if anything, Billy has an okay relationship with it. He doesn’t like it because of the bad memories it brings, but it itself wasn’t what caused those memories.

Though, nowadays, he has better memories of drinking. It reminds him of the others dragging him to bars and having fun and all that. Now, he doesn’t really go with them often, considering the fact it’s kind of illegal, but he’ll go every now and then and come back with a smile. He loves the frozen daiquiris. They’re basically just slushes with a zing. Even then, it’s not like he can get drunk in his Marvel form.

GL: *tipsy* “Dude, why do you keep ordering daiquiris?”

Marvel: “They’re delicious. Want some?” *offers his drink*

GL: *sips from Marvel’s straw* “Stop, these are actually really good.”

Marvel: “I know, right?” *takes his straw out, places it on a napkin, asks Dinah for hand sanitizer (idk she seems like the type to carry a little bottle in her purse), then proceeds to squirt a giant glob over the part of the straw Hal sipped from*

GL: *doesn’t notice and orders a daiquiri for himself*

By the way, every single person is rightfully horrified when they found out Billy is a kid.

Aquaman: *thousand yard stare as he remembers the times he’s drank and smoked with Marvel*

Flash: *absolutely horrified with his jaw dropped so far down it looks dislocated because he remembered he invited Marvel to his bachelor party*

Superman: *same expression as Flash as he remembered all the times they sent Marvel to fight him whenever he got mind controlled*

GL: *sweating as he remembers the times he’s tried to invite Marvel to clubs* (That was an automatic hell no for Billy. He might try to act more like an adult but he is absolutely never stepping foot into a club.)

Batman: *eyes slowly moving to side eye everyone mentioned above*

Wonder Woman: *more puzzled than anything because she thought of Cap as a big brother. Is wondering if that means he’s now her little one*

Martian Manhunter: *surprised because he expected Marvel to be a hundred thousand year old immortal being or something*

[1800titz]

FETISH | spanko!Harry REWRITE

ᴛʜᴇ ꜰᴀʀ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ꜰʟᴇꜱʜᴇᴅ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴠᴀʀɪᴀɴᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴋɪɴᴋʏ-ɴᴇɪɢʜʙᴏʀ!ʜᴀʀʀʏ : 7.8ᴋ ᴏɴ ᴘᴀᴛʀᴇᴏɴ

The one where Y/N and Harry are neighbors in an apartment complex, he's got a bunny called Snuggles, he makes softcore porn spanking people (it's a REALLY LOUD HOBBY), and Y/N has definitely called the police for a domestic disturbance next door.

ᴄʜᴇᴄᴋ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇꜱᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴀᴛʀᴇᴏɴ ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ : ᴍᴀɪɴ ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ

“I called the police on you,” she tells him, utter dismay lacing the words together. “You did, yeah.” Harry still remembers the blank expression varnished along the officer’s face— the kind of emotionally vacant stare reserved for department store mannequins. The echo of the distant, metaphysical NOPE that definitely rode along his brainstem the moment the curly-haired brunette mentioned “it’s a kink thing,” and the way his partner, hands allocated to his holster belt, started very obviously examining his own shoes. “I thought—“ Y/N stutters, her wobbling voice sounding squeezed from her trachea, “I thought—“ “You thought you were living next door to a criminal,” Harry supplies. When he tilts his head, a rogue curl flops over his forehead.

preview > 1.6K

“You know what, Harry,” she says after a moment (now her arms are caging defensively, that’s an interesting touch), “…I just don’t really …appreciate how you treat women, to be honest.”

Of all the responses Harry had been anticipating, curiously honed on every word, that was— not the one. His dark canopy of lashes sweeps over his eyes as the admission lands and… knocks him off kilter, just a bit. His brows relax, then furrow up as he mulls the statement over, buffering. 

He sounds a little bewildered when he says, voice much more soft-spoken, “…Sorry?”

“You should be,” his neighbor tells him pointedly, her arms still crossed like a defensive barrier across her chest, “Hitting women is wrong. Very illegal for a reason, actually.”

At the mention, his head bobbles back a bit like he’s dodging a smack between the brows with the context-lacking declaration. He’s not quite sure he’s heard her right, eyebrows climbing and eyes widening almost comically. Right, okay. This is… a gross misunderstanding, he decides. When the realization hits him, truly hits him, his knee-jerk response is an incredulous laugh, which he muscles down. Instead, his appalled amusement trickles out like a little huff, corners of his strawberry mouth tugging up. Unfortunately, the reaction only seems to irritate her further, and her forehead crinkles up as her own eyebrows ascend in stunned disbelief. 

“You think there’s something funny about hitting a woman?” Y/N presses, eyes steeling into slits, her priorly indoor-voice rising a decibel. 

The volume of her statement (and the misleading content) has his otherwise mirthy expression falling into something far more serious. Full of comically flat, grievous denial, like a kid being scolded for spray-painting a concrete wall after being caught with the can in its hand.

“—No,” Harry shakes his head slowly, side to side, “Not at all.”

Cautiously, his gaze slips off to the corner, where a few tenants have turned over their shoulder to gauge the commotion. As the young woman’s head swivels to tail where his eye contact has meandered, Harry realizes that backpedaling is only going to become a feat of incredible verbal athleticism from here. Upon catching the other glimpses from the crowd, slowly turning back to their own conversations, Y/N makes a deadpan sound of amusement before she turns back to face him.

“Oh, what? You’re ashamed now that you’re being called out for it? Good,” she bites, shoulders teetering as she leans toward him and unfolds her arms, pointing her index finger into his direction scathingly, “You should be ashamed. It’s absolutely disgusting to put your hands on a woman.”

This is tragically weighed against Harry’s favor. Here he was, just a half-asleep evacuee, holding his rabbit, clad in only a pair of hardly decent briefs, contemplating whether he should Uber Eats tacos as soon as the emergency exit fiasco were to clear up (might as well, since he’s already awake). Somehow, he’s managed to morph from an unassuming extra to the perceived antagonist. 

No, Harry thinks— this wouldn’t be a disaster film; it’s a full blown, poorly-contrived drama with a plot twist even the supposed villain is caught off guard by. The curly-headed brunette chances another glance to the other side now, where more people have not only glimpsed over in brief acknowledgement, but have fully twisted their shoulders to observe the apparent scandal. As much as Harry wholeheartedly marches to the beat of his own drum, at this moment in time, his reputation is shaking in its boots and he’s reached a mental checkpoint called time for damage control.

Weaving sincerity into his tone and shaking his head placatingly as he steps forward— a subconscious attempt to coax her into lowering her volume— Harry tells her, “I don’t put my hands on anybody that doesn’t consent to it first.”

Her face scrunches up.

“I think,” his pink tongue slinks out to wet his lips, “maybe, there’s been a misunderstanding.”

“Oh, I don’t think so.”

“No, I really, really do,” Harry counters, ducking his chin into a nod. 

Instead of hearing him out, however, his neighbor, as if fueled by the internal calling to manually dismantle misogyny, one assumed violent criminal at a time, only raises her volume a little more. Exceeding the normal range, definitely steeping in public-humiliation-ritual territory. 

“I’m not misunderstanding,” Y/N bites, brows pinched like he’s personally offended her by even insinuating as much, “I have ears, just so you know, and I’ve heard a woman saying no, and please, and stop. So you can drop your good boy act, okay—“

Harry blinks. If not for the character defamation going on and the way Socks-and-Sandals raises his phone out of seemingly nowhere, pointing it into their direction as if there isn’t a potential fire to be filmed instead of all things, Harry would laugh. But there is, and the flash is on, weak along his peripheral edge—

“I know guys like you, I know your type,” Y/N declares, jabbing her finger against him again, this time so close to grazing the area along his chest, right between the tops of his pectorals, just over Snuggles, “and it’s gross that you think because you’re attractive you can walk all over everyone and do things like that to people, and you know what, next time maybe the cops won’t be so nice—”

Ah, nice. Another mystery resolved; one which involved a pair of men with guns in their holsters at his door performing a wellness check and an excruciatingly awkward clarification on impact play, consensual sadomasochism, and safewords. For weeks Harry wondered what had inspired a legal inquiry into his pastimes. Now, staring at the culprit— case dismissed— he can only blink before his brows wrinkle up. 

“You’re the one who called the police?” Harry murmurs, a note of soft incredulity soaking the phrase.  

“Any sane woman would call the police when she heard another woman being abused—“

“Abused?”

“Yes! Abused! And— and— honestly—“

Before Y/N can launch into another ruthlessly-curated, virtue-plated diatribe, Harry resituates the animal in his grip, unlocking his phone to the homescreen. Then, Safari. He thumbs over it with a careful determination seeding along his downturned, sculpted expression.

“I don’t know what form of assault would be worse,” Y/N chimes, hands climbing up in an exaggerated, universal symbol of exasperation before they fall back to her sides (as if she hadn’t even noticed his attention has been redirected to his phone), “but when someone says no, it means no.”

It only takes a second for her to register that his focus has been rerouted elsewhere, though. Her tone dips indignantly.

“Excuse me. I’m talking to you. And also, while we’re at it, you’re unbearably loud and an unmannerly neighbor—“

Harry turns his phone around. His expression is impressively flat, all things considered. Y/N pauses. 

“Typically,” Harry states as her eyes rake over the glowing screen, “I like to be wined and dined before I give a crash course on my preferences, but.”

The image stretched across the illuminated LED sits over her tired gaze as she absorbs it, pupils jittering as she reads, but through the lens of his own profile mirrored back, he can see the moment her righteously fueled demeanor chips. 

“I do, like, a… softcore porn type thing,” he admits. 

Still, her brows are kinked. Only now, in stupefied doubt. “I— what?”

It’s with a rotting sense of dread curdling in the pit of her tummy that it suddenly dawns on Y/N— the mortified realization that she has succumbed to a horrible misunderstanding. 

The website the tab is set on almost looks archaic, like a kitsch relic— repository archives of a porn blog from the early 2000s. Spankinggram. The page is set onto a profile, something called Rings&Paddles, and the squared image of an avatar slices through the garishly orange palette of the site’s logo. Her gaze sweeps over the vista; a man sitting down on an armless chair, thighs splayed, palm curled over a …hairbrush. 

The profile picture sunders off at the neck. It’s a faceless silhouette, but the miscellany of sketches cascading across a forearm and the distinctly chunky medley of rings are… enough—

“Consensually,” Harry— Rings&Paddles, Y/N recognizes, molten heat dripping along the crests of her cheekbones— adds, “No one is being abused.”

In retrospect, the only feasible option to survive this, Y/N decides, is to change her name and move to another state. 

Probably something short and vaguely melancholic, one of those names that would look intriguing in all lowercase. A quiet town. Somewhere coastal, maybe. West. No— north. As far north as geographically possible. Perhaps she could get a dog. An older, ratty boy from a shelter. Drive an old car that’s too big with a busted radio. She’ll pretend it’s a benefit, rather than an inconvenience, because she’ll be the fabricated kind of mystique that insufferably enjoys the quiet calm (and rainstorms). A rebranded, movie-clichè hipster, but not unbearable in real life—

“But I understand the concern,” her neighbor says, cutting through the haze as she contemplates what brand of cigarettes she’ll be taking up as a trait of her pseudo-identity. Against all odds, his tone is calm in an all-too-merciful kind of way, “You can look into… domestic discipline, if you’d like. If you wanted to understand a bit better. There’s loads of really good information on the internet.”

For a moment, Y/N deliberates burning alive. If there isn’t a fire licking up her department store drapes, she’s going to set one to avoid bearing the weight of this shame for the rest of her life. Granted, the heat sizzling at her face feels like a flame, enough, both at the way she’s just publicly kinkshamed an innocent man and at the mention of …domestic discipline.

She’s going to cry. 

They would be Virginia Slims.

[hexsdexs]

So, i am reobsessed with thg and decided to reread the books. 3 chapters in, the mayor buys expensive strawberry from katniss, even though he knows its likely gathered illegally, his daughter hangs around katniss ALL the time, gives her an expensive gold FAMILY HEIRLOOM, and Mr Mellark gives her cookies, which she describes as a HUGE luxury, then tells her he will keep an eye on prim for her. The entire time katniss thinks these people just barely tolerate her and only keep her around for trading purposes. Like, wow, the mayor must REALLY like strawberries. Madge must really tolerate hanging out with me. She's alright i guess. This man says he'll take care of my sister for me, he must really like prim.

It's genuinely funny how oblivious she is and so incredibly sad how she doesn't think people absolutely adore her in 12 and no, they don't absolutely love prim, they love HER so much that they take care of prim because she's the only thing katniss cares about.

[emolionsrawr]

*the 118 doing trauma salad*

chimney: hey, my named howard, i go by chimney, and after i proposed to my ex, she broked up with me, which lead me to being in a car accident which caused a rebar go through my head, and i brought the bowl

buck: hi, my names buck, and before i was born my brother developed cancer, which caused my parents to create me to be a perfect genetic match, they took my bone marrow and he died a week later, and i bought the nerds

eddie: my names eddie, my ex wife left me and our son after i went through something traumatic, and i bought the sweedish fish

buck: hey, my names buck, and when i was a child i used to have to hurt myself to get my parents attention, and even then it didn't work, and i bought the war heads

hen: hey! my names hen, and my ex wife got out of prison and used my emotions against me which lead me to cheating in my wife, then used that against me to try to take our son away from me, and i bought the nerds clusters

buck: hey! buck again, my first real girlfriend ghosted me after she left for dublin, and then came back three years later with a fiancee, she never broke up with me, and i bought the twizzlers

bobby: hey, my names bobby, and i watched my father lose himself to alcholol which later killed him, which caused me to start drinking at the sweet sweet age of 9, and i bought the gummy bears

buck: sup, its buck, and after i lost the first person on the job i went to a therapist who used my trauma to get laid, which i later realised was assault, and i bought the reece's pieces

eddie: hey, my names eddie, and my wife came back into my life, came back into my sons life, only to die in front of us, and i bought the malteasers

buck: you know the drill, and when my father figure was suspended pending investigation a teenage bomber who had it out for him put a bomb in the ladder truck, which caused the truck to land on me when it blew up, crushing my leg and leaving me with phantom pain, and i bought the hershey kisses

chimney: hey, my names chimney, and my dad prefers my younger brother, and i bought the tangfastics

buck: me again, after i got blown up i had a P.E in front of my whole family at my welcome back barbeque which caused my father figure to have a panic attack and not want to let me back onto the team! and i bought the nerd clusters

bobby: hey, my names bobby, and i was in an accident which gave me extreme back pain which lead me to a drug addiction, and one night after a bender i fell asleep and left the space heater on which caused my whole apartment building to burn down, killing my wife and kids as well as over 150 people, and i bought the marshmallows

buck: hey! me again, after the P.E my best friend asked me to look after his son, so i took him to the pier where we was hit by a tsunami, i found him but then we were separated for eight hours and the whole time i thought he was dead, and i bought the nerd ropes

buck: oh! me again, after the tsunami and finding out my captian was holding me back i sued the city, ruining my friendships along the way, and i bought the toffee

eddie: hey, my names eddie, after my wife died i got into an illegal fight club and got addicted, and i bought the strawberry hearts

buck: hey! me again! hi! my ex girlfriend almost got two of my friends killed because she decided a news article was more important than their lives! and i bought the toxic wastes

chimney: fuck taylor kelly

hen: fuck taylor kelly

buck: hey! me again-

bobby: okay we're down the bowls full

buck: BUT I HAVENT EVEN GOT TO THE-

bobby: no.

eddie: I also have more. My childhood trauma. My son leaving. The time I got shot. My time in the army. How I received my purple star. And so on.

chimney: Oh! I also have more. Kevin dying in front of me. My mother dying. Jonah. I could go on.

hen: I have more too! Everything with Mara. My own childhood trauma. That time my son nearly died and I was the paramedic working on him. Jonah. I can still continue.

bobby: I also have more BUT THE BOWLS FULL!

athena: what are you doing?

buck: trauma salad

athena: oh! well then my name is-

bobby: the bowl is FULL

athena: BUT I HAVENT EVEN SAID ANY OF MINE AND I HAVE A LOT

athena: Hi, I’m Athena and when I was 9 a girl in my neighbourhood went missing and then years later, we found her remains in the concrete of the conservatory of my parents house after my father had a stroke and he was them framed for her death and I BOUGHT A GOD DAMNED NEW BOWL!

buck: YAY NEW BOWL! hi it's me again your favourite traumatised firefighter, one time i got struck by lightning and died, and ended up in a weird coma dream where my dead brother was alive but my father figure was dead and i didn't know anyone i loved and i was fighting for my life, and i bought the sherbert lemons

Bobby: I was dead you didn’t tell me I was FUCKING DEAD?!

buck:... OH LOOK THE BELL IS GOING BYE-

bobby: THE BELL ISNT RINGING GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT-

ravi: *sighs* didn't even get to my childhood cancer

athena, placing new bowl down: they’ll be back. We have a new bowl to fill.

[angelicdanvers]

STRAWBERRIES & CIGARETTES | luke castellan.

pairing: luke castellan x fem!reader

summary: y/n and luke share strawberries and sweet moments together. the events of the series do not occur; 'tis essentially an au :) inspired by strawberries and cigarettes by troye sivan. wc: 2.1k key: n/n = nickname

taglist: @repostingmyfavs @rinisfruity14 @soobin-chois @alorastvr @amortencjja | pm or comment to be added <3

a/n: this is just pure fluff! i hope you have a great day/night <3

“n/n, babe, we’re here.” luke gently tapped his girl’s shoulder, watching the moonlight elucidate her features.

stirring awake, y/n turned towards her boy, a soft yawn escaping her lips. “was i asleep for too long?”

luke shrugged, “just enough i’d say. i don’t mind, it was peaceful.”

“hey!” she feigned offence, whacking him lightly on the arm. “that’s very rude.”

“hey,” he sarcastically deepened his voice, “not my fault you talk nonsense, lass.”

y/n stared at luke for a good minute before cringing. “don’t do that again, i beg of you.”

“you beg of me?” luke smirked, tilting his head down slightly, the shadows contouring his face. 

“SHUT UP,” y/n practically yelled, fluster running through her body. “i’m gonna stash you in the trunk and drive back to camp.”

“too bad,” luke said, taking the keys out of the ignition and dangling them in front of her face. chris recently taught him a magic trick and this was the perfect moment to make use of it.

“the keys,” he quickly performed the trick, “are gone.”

y/n sent him a blank expression. “okay.”

“hey! that was a great magic trick!” he defended, knowing underneath her stoic look rested a look of adoration. 

all in the meanwhile, y/n turned around and began shuffling into the backseat through the gap between her and luke. “are you gonna join me back here or not, lukey?”

“once your ass is out of my face, yes.” 

rolling her eyes, y/n situated herself in the back of the camaro, leaning her back against the door and folding her knees up on the seat. she watched as her boyfriend lightly struggled to get through, but quickly caught onto her method of adjusting the seat first to allow more room.

within seconds, luke was in back, resting his head on y/n’s chest as she played with his hair. luke slowly slipped his arms around the girl’s waist, holding her tight as he focused on the sound of her breathing. 

carefully looking up, he placed a soft kiss to her collarbone, bringing a slight tinge of red across her cheeks. it wasn’t as visible, but luke could feel her body warmth fluctuating.

“you’re beautiful,” he muttered against her skin. “you’re so damn beautiful.”

“you’re handsome,” y/n replied. “i’m surprised they’re letting you walk free when being this handsome’s illegal.”

luke grinned idiotically against her skin. without thinking twice, he hauled himself up along with y/n, placing her on his lap. looking up at her, he admired the way her eyes engulfed his, how her lips pursed, how her nose had a light scrunch when she grinned. 

y/n could never understand the hold luke had on her. she was infatuated with his every move, her love growing everyday despite reaching the max a very long time ago.

pulling him closer, y/n feathered a kiss upon his lips, to which he responded eagerly. as they fell into a comfortable embrace, the two couldn’t fathom leaving each other’s lips for even a second. 

but as time dwindled on, they knew they couldn’t get too comfortable else they’d lose focus on their surroundings and any incoming danger. breaking their session, luke leaned his head into y/n’s chest, now focusing on the rhythm of her heartbeat.

“want some strawberries? mr. d’s kids gave me two pints of them and some melted chocolate. hopefully it hasn't solidified by now,” y/n asked, realization hitting along the process.

luke nodded, a toothy smile playing on his lips. he carefully shuffled to the left side of the car as y/n moved to the right, grabbing the little picnic basket resting on the floor. “wanna take it outdoors?”

luke looked outside, scanning the area for any obvious threats. so far, nothing. “sure, i’ll grab the blanket from the trunk.” the couple ventured out and onto the grass with their necessities, unable to pry their eyes away from each other and/or the beautiful stream and meadow before them.

placing the picnic blanket down, luke grabbed the basket from y/n and began sorting things out. “y’know,” she started, watching him carefully, “i can’t wait to do this once we have kids, too.”

a visible blush overtook luke’s cheeks, and he fought back a gigantic smile. “why is that?”

“i don’t know, something about you looking like a 1950’s housewife right now is making me go feral.”

luke paused and raised an eyebrow, both of them stifling a little cackle before y/n contained herself and continued. “no, i guess just thinking about us having our own little family and being able to do things like this is a very sweet thought. they’d be all over us and give us absolutely no privacy, but they are a symbol of our love.”

luke couldn’t hold back his grin as he looked up at his girl. he has, unapologetically, always thought of how their kids would look like, what their names would be, the little trips and things they’d do as a family — and he’d tell all of this to chris. 

after all, he was the one who played cupid and got them together. luke couldn’t help but still have him as his best-best man. 

“i’d love nothing more than that,” he laughed, reaching for y/n’s hand which she accepted immediately. “they’d be very sweet children. crazy, but sweet.”

y/n’s smile stretched from ear to ear, and she leaned in to place a chaste kiss on luke’s forehead. “one day, castellan.”

“one day that’ll be your name, too, l/n.”

y/n softly giggled, trying to hide her excitement and happiness. biting her bottom lip to refrain herself from going even more ballistic, she reached over and dipped a strawberry into the chocolate. “oh wow, this isn’t dry yet.”

luke wiggled his fingers in front of her, “magic.”

shaking her head and laughing, the two began snacking on the berries and talking about the latest news on olympus, in camp, and even american politics.

“wait, so clarisse and chris might be a thing?” y/n gasped as luke filled her in on the latest camp news. “how did i not notice,” she deadpanned, gawking at the news after.

luke nodded, his eyes wide. “honestly, i think they’d be cute.” y/n agreed, laying down on her side and leaning on her elbow to prop her head up. “i think percy may like annabeth.”

luke stared dead ahead at her, raising his brow seriously this time. “what?”

“hey, i think it’s probably a mere crush,” she defended. “plus, they’re little, they won’t care about any of that until they’re older.”

“percy better treat her right if that is the case,” luke warned. “that is if annabeth reciprocates, too.”

“good point,” y/n noted, “but do keep in mind that this is the same boy who will do anything for his mother. he’s bound to treat a girl right.”

luke smiled at that, interlocking his fingers with y/n’s. “he is a great kid.”

“he definitely is.”

luke looked down at his wrist, the watch reading nine, realizing it was a bit past the time they were planning to leave. “we should get going now, love.”

y/n pulled a face, “oh shoot, you’re right.” she quickly got up and packed the food, tossing the car keys to luke.

luke was puzzled. “wait, how’d you get the keys?”

she smirked, mocking his finger wiggles, “magic.”

“there’s no way you outsmarted the son of the god of thieves —“

“suck it up, buttercup,” y/n responded, walking away with the basket and leaving him dumbfounded.

luke rushed after her with the blanket, and they carefully placed their stuff in the trunk. the sudden chill in the air brought goosebumps to y/n’s arms, but she paid no mind to it. her boyfriend, on the other hand, did notice.

“okay, off we go,” luke said, both of them entering the car. just as he turned on the ignition, there was a low rumble alerting them. “was that the car or something else?” y/n cautiously asked, looking outside.

“i’ll check it out, stay here,” luke’s voice was low as he hopped out. y/n rolled her eyes as she followed after — there was no way she’d let her boyfriend go out alone when there was potential danger around them.

“y/n, really?” he cocked his head to the side.

she shrugged, moving to stand beside him. listening carefully while staring at luke, her mouth formed into an ‘o’. “it’s the car. we gotta check the hood.”

“damn, nice ears,” he complimented, unclasping the hood and looking closely at the engine. y/n raised a brow, “would be sad if i didn’t considering dad’s hephaestus.”

luke paused, “oh yeeeah!” y/n shook her head and whacked his arm again with the back of her hand, chuckling lightly. moving closer to look at the engine, she muttered a quick “ah.”

“are we screwed?” 

“nah, bud needs an oil change. we got any?”

luke nodded slowly. “i think we do in the back?”

y/n sprinted to the trunk, popping it open and looking closely. in the far back rested the oil, and just enough of it. she was terrified there wouldn’t be enough for a good second.

grabbing the jug and funnel, she ran back to her boyfriend, lightly shoving him out of her way. luke was mesmerized as he watched his girlfriend work away on something that was effortless for her. 

despite the heat of the engine, the goosebumps didn’t leave y/n’s skin. luke felt like a shitty boyfriend for not doing so sooner, thus he instantly took off his blue flannel and rested it on her shoulders, letting it wrap around her body on it’s own. y/n smiled at the gesture, soaking in the warmth.

“okay, i think we should be good to go,” y/n commented after a brief moment of silence. luke went ahead to put the items away as y/n ran to the stream to quickly cleanse her hands. 

“i’ve got your handkerchief, by the way, babe!” luke yelled, letting his girl know in case she forgot.

“thank you, love!”

y/n sprinted towards luke, opening her arms a little. he could tell what she was up to instantaneously; he stashed her handkerchief in his pocket and stepped a metre or so away from the car.

just as she neared him, luke opened his arms and ran to her, catching her as she jumped and wrapped her legs around his waist. their laughter filled the air as he spun her around, both their smiles illuminated by the moonlight.

luke softly placed y/n down against the car door, leaning down and pressing his lips against her’s. responding without hesitation, the two kissed for a mere moment, pulling away and resting their foreheads on each other’s.

“this is nice,” y/n whispered. “we should do this more often.”

“we should,” luke agreed, placing a kiss on the tip of her nose. 

the drive back to camp was amicable, but the second they entered the big house, they were met with a confused mr. d and percy.

“why do you guys smell like cigarettes?” the latter asked, his blue eyes full of curiosity.

“why are you with mr. d?” y/n lightly retorted.

mr. d rolled his eyes at percy, “that’s not tobacco smoke, peter, that’s car smoke. what’d you two do to the car?”

“nothing!” luke chimed, “it’s perfectly fine. just needed an oil change is all.”

“the oil was fine, did you do anything on the hood?” he asked, trying not to be exposed near chiron for failing to commit to his duty; he was ordered to let the hephaestus kids know half the vans and cars needed an oil change three weeks ago. 

“gods, no!” percy responded horrifically for them, “not this here, not right now!”

“nonono nothing happened!” y/n reassured, but before she could say anything more, luke stepped in. “why lie, n/n? you know it’s true.”

he had a smirk growing on his face, one y/n was terrified to see but could tell there was a reason beneath the layer of insinuation. 

“bah, forget it. that car belongs to you two, i don’t even wanna be near it!" mr. d cringed as he left the room, unwilling to hear any more.

percy’s eyes darted back and forth between the two, suspicion rising. he lowered his voice, “you guys lied just to keep the car didn’t you?”

“no, not at all,” luke replied convincingly, following with a quick wink.

y/n laughed at both the boys, the three soon walking down towards camp. 

that long night felt like an endless daydream.

[sunseed-fandump]

Outside of burglary for supplies and trying to steal the Soul Jam, what exactly are the Bad Batch's crimes? (Especially since they have a collective bounty higher than Chilli)

Hang on lemme get the list...

Aggravated assault

Arson

Battery

Burglary

Conspiracy

Disorderly Conduct

Illegal Distribution (Mud Shakes, one time.)

Extortion (Alleged)

Forbidden Magical Practices

Harassment

Homicide (Cake Monsters HATE them!!!)

Identity Theft (How do you think Wild Strawberry entered the Princess Contest?)

Involuntary Manslaughter (Oops?)

Illegal Time-Hopping of the First Degree (From the TBD)

Kidnapping (Is it "kidnapping" if its kids doing the napping???)

Public Intoxication (Thanks Wizard Cookie)

Robbery

Shoplifting

Vandalism

AAAAAAAAAAAAND

Overall, they are menaces to the public. They just kind of keep stumbling into situations and being like "I do what I want". Turns out, what they want to do is break the law.

Pretty sure they don't even know this list of charges exist.

Some Cookies spread rumors of Gingerbrave being a cannibal since he's Undead, but its bogus, hence why it's not included on the list; there is no evidence to validate those claims officially (because they're not true).