#ill update yall in a week ig ??

[awriternamedart]

was gonna do this on bsky but imma do it here instead

took my first adderall in 4 years today, instant release . holy shit is there a difference when im on it , but i wanna make a comprehensive list of effects it had on me specifically . note i guess is that im also on anti depressants now as well !

- Took effect in about 10 minutes . Felt effects start about 3 or 4 minutes after taking the lil white pill

- Lasted about 4ish hours - i can still feel its effect as im writing this but it is diminishing. the minimum amount of time its supposed to last , gonna keep track of how long it lasts throughout the month for my dr as well but ill do that seperately .

- Was able to immediately launch up my laptop and do schoolwork without hesitating or lingering on youtube or discord or on my phone playing cookie run or something . not just that , i opened the right page immediately while having youtube on the other moniter and i still never looked at it for longer then a glance .

- was able to listen to a video for an assignment . without looking at the transcript instead and guessing what my professors want me to say . minimal shortcuts . and while i was listening to it , i was able to do other chores i had been avoiding for a few weeks now including - laundry , clean my room , dishes , and I didnt avoid going upstairs to drop off stuff for the other residents in my household .

- did all my assignments plus ones i didnt need to do in 2 hours . without dread . i still didnt want to do them, important - the adderall didnt change how i felt about the task, but it removed and lessened the burden i feel actually doing it . the dread and the chains , gone . i could do it as freely as possible

- i maintained my ability to hyperfocus. which was weird . maybe its the behavioral part and not the actual chemical focus ? but basically i could still use the skills i had learned to help curb my adhd just . without the shackles of adhd

- also kept a lot of the creative thinking part . head was awfully quiet , didnt like that . But i could still make connections and do my usual analysis and work , just with less of a chance of getting derailed and losing my train of thought . distraction was much less of a threat basically

- switching tasks was like . easy ? is that normal? like i could just switch what task i was doing without it feeling awful or draining and then just . go back to the previous task if it was unfinished . so weird but really nice , liked that alot .

- autism sensory shot up super high . like normally im understimulated and need bright stuff to keep myself stimulated and sane , but with the medication i was much more easily overwhelmed by texture and sight and sound and light and stuff . had my LEDs dimmed all afternoon.

- similar situation with my auditory processing issues , just rhe opposite. they lessened severely , i could actually process fast enough with people talking and didnt need them to repeat .

- remembered shit ??? like i could just recall where a ton of stuff was when i needed it ?? i remembered stuff i needed to do beforehand like weeks ago ??? that was weird .

- needed to stim a lot less . didnt find myself bouncing or shaking my hands as much as i usually do - still had the bouncing stim but thats just cause i was super giddy the entire time

- blood pressure issue was a lot less of an issue - it was a big issue last time i was on it . im eating better and taking better care of myself now so thats probably why - oh and the hunger issue is less of a problem on instant release .

- i was so like - happy all day ? giddy ? im also on an antidepressent but the adderall just made it so much more potent or easy to feel . like i physically felt so much better mentally and emotionally .

- havent tried to write on it but my essays just doubled in length cause i didnt lose focus. cant wait to write a fic while on it and just go absolutely apeshit i hope . watch out eggio im coming for your chapter lengths .

- was able to put down my phone when i needed to . was able to stop gaming when i needed to . was able to just do alot of stuff when i needed to .

- also i am making a list of what happened and i remmeber what happened . clearly still under the effects of the medicine LMAO

uhh its basically worn off by now im only feeling aftereffects . but holy shit i cant believe i was ever hesitent about trying it . i was doubting that i needed it like one does and then it hit and i was like woah . but yea thats it thats all that happened

[almalvo]

hi guys sorry ive been gone

hey yall. i hope youre doing ok.

so many of these, right? im sorry...

i know i have been silent on this platform, its because life hit another road bump and i just wasnt able to focus on more than one platform for a while due to the stress and pressure, so i took a hiatus on everywhere but twitter. i was focusing on twitter and suddenly out of nowhere got hit with an erroneous suspension (twitter's automated system thought i was a bot, so im trying to get this appealed so we will see, fingers crossed smh...)

but yeah, i havent forgotten my other platforms - i just needed a break and was barely able to focus on one for a time.

with this wild false suspension on twt, i realise i really do need to focus on keeping alive my other platforms simultaneously in case stuff like this happens. it was devastating to find out what happened to my twt in the morning because i have SO many very important contacts connections and clients on there from small to big names and industry professionals, im taking a huge blow to my financial survivability and my work as a creator and im not sure how to deal with this as it has been my main lifeline during this very unstable time in my life due to irl circumstances.

i apologise, i shouldve announced a hiatus on my other platforms but i didnt bc i didnt know it would go that way. please forgive me.

i will start returning to tumblr and instagram this week. all content will be updated. my one concern is my art deals with mature themes and twitter ngl has been the only place where such content has been allowed without me having to be too concerned with the TOS of the site. obviously thus is not true on IG and tumblr. i do have a bluesky, i plan to boost myself on there as best i can but it is still an infant social media site where theres just simply NOT enough people on there. if you guys want to also follow my bluesky, please do so here.

i am really really working hard on top of irl life to build a name for myself so i can approach doing big projects and things and actually have my silly art go somewhere. the recent events have been very detrimental to that. i think it is time i rebuild on here, IG, and bluesky, regardless if my twt main comes back or not. if it doesnt, i may have to make another twitter. hopefully it doesnt come to that, hopefully twt support, however shoddy, will pull through this time. but i will keep you guys updated.

i dont think my content is really gonna fly very far on these three other platforms, but ill try my best.

im very sad, but in the end, i wont give up, and the goal was only ever to enjoy posting whatever silly ideas i have that people can also find some value in and enjoy too.

to those who have found me and stuck around, thank you so much for your patience.

i will return.

almalvo

[pupuyvs]

regarding goal no i didnt abandon it and i have some chapters in my drafts (not enough to make it up to yall) im just really and i mean really busy with school but good news two more weeks then im free and i will make sure the update will be big enough to make it up to u guys so ig its on hiatus for now im truly sorry but it wont be for super long just till april or last week of march i swear and ill try and make it more than 10 chapters sorry again 🫂🫂🫂

[ohvu]

chapter one — I'm under your bed

wc: 304 ,, warnings pledis slander ig, curses, lowercase intended (written) ,, notes. set pre girls planet era . not proof read

standing in front of the director’s office, you took deep breaths contemplating whether to do it or not. “fuck this, I’m already here anyways”

knocking on the door, you waited for him to reply. finally hearing the ‘come in’ you took a deep breath before entering.

‘ah yn, what brings you here’ the ceo ushered you to sit down after greeting him.

‘well, I heard mnet is hosting another survival show. I was hoping if you would allow me, I’d like to participate and audition’

‘hm, may I ask why?’

hearing this, you also wondered why. you’re one of the trainees that exceeded the trainers’ expectations whenever they held trainee evaluations. you were sure that you would be a member if they're preparing a debut team, what urged you to take a risk?

‘I actually don’t know myself. I know I’ve been training for quite a while now but recently, I started thinking if being an idol is really the correct path for me? especially now that I’m reaching my twenties.’

‘I wanted to audition, to maybe find a reason why I should continue this path that I’ve been taking for so long. I wanted to find that passion that I lacked recently.’

‘i see’ he held his hands together looking down, thinking. ‘are you sure about this?’ he questioned.

‘positive’ you nodded, sighing after.

‘well then, you have my support. you have my permission, I hope you find what you’re looking for through the show.’ he nodded, offering his hands to shake it with yours.

‘thank you sir’ you shook his hands and bowed.

‘you may leave now, training hours are starting soon.’ he sat back down, motioning the door.

‘ah yes, I’ll get going. thank you again’ you bowed one last time, watching him dial someone before leaving the room.

error. erase the first 'to' on the second pic + intensions* on the last pic

mstrlst | prev – next

SYNOPSIS. debuting was a dream of yours, the problem was pledis doesn't have any plans on debuting a girl group soon. joining a survival show was your last chance, thus, you took it in hopes of debuting. now that you’ve achieved it, you promised yourself to not let anything hinder you while promoting. fate, however, had other plans. bumping into your senior slash label mates was a normal occurrence, but being them interested in a junior slash label mate wasn't. oh, how fate wanted to spice up things.

a/n. surprise surprise fdjhdf (early) first chapter 😵😵😵. lmao I was scared posting this but oh well . I'll only update once a week until schools over, I hope your okay w that 😓😓 this chapter gives off a bit of yn personality I think??? bffs can some of yall lend ur users ? ill tag you when I do use it 😧😧

taglist. @ikasaeki @wony6ung @pitchblacksmile @yenart @lunaflvms @1-800-lixie @enloveclub @strawbrinkofdeath @rich-man-v @moon-lys @prettywon @luvarots @mitsukifilms @soobcheek @keewho @jjhmk @strwbrymlkes @bigtoewinwin @nshrkilvbt @arizejkt19 (send an ask to be added + lmk if the tags doesn't work)

© 95trivia. all rights reserved

[princemick-archive]

okay update on this post

as you might have noticed I'm more inactive then I said I was, ive still got deadlines running until the 14th but taking some time off here to really focus on school and getting sleep is really helping out

BUT AGAIN I'm not gone just idk small hiatus ig, ill for sure be active when all my tests and deadlines are over but dont be worries I'm not gone just have a lot of stuff to do.

see yall in two weeks! ill for sure be available on dms so if anything big happens please shoot me a message or asks I'll still be checking me activity!

[cupidmarwani-archive]

Smoking

Nat: Was anyone going to tell me that Crockett was a parent

Nat: Or was I just supposed to find that out from his mental breakdown today myself?

Ethan Choi: ?????

connor: @crickett

crickett: yeah her name is nunya

Queen Elsa: I know where you’re going with that and it’s not very nice

crickett: neither is having ur coworker tell everyone about ur dead daughter lmao

Nat: I didn’t know…

crickett: well do u see me bopping up to work with a six year old nat

Dr. Lanik: Let’s all take a deep breath

no-ah: insensitive!

April: Noah woke up this morning, he’s still intubated but he’s able to text

Nat: That’s good news, right?

Bekker: Sorry I’m still caught up on the Crockett thing

crickett: why are yall in my business fuck off

FreeWilly: watch your profanity

Dr. Lanik: @Nat @Bekker as you’re both parents as well you should know better than to be so insensitive about what’s clearly an emotional subject. We’re not going to talk about this unless Crockett wants to.

Crickett: @Dr.Lanik i respect u and u only.

no-ah: topic change -- what crusty mother fucker made me bleed into my lungs

Bekker: Med Student

April: This is why I don’t think we should have let a med student do it

Other Bekker: piping hot tea today ig

connor: u consented to med students

no-ah: fair

crickett: anyone in this thread smoke weed

Other Bekker: jhjgfjhgf

Other Bekker: ((yes))

Other Bekker: ((are you allowed to smoke?))

crickett: yes can we hotbox ur car after work

Ethan Choi: >:(

connor: hotboxing doesn’t mean sex babe it just means they smoke inside with the windows rolled up

Bekker: That’s bad for your lungs

Other Bekker: to be fair im trying to make sure i dont smoke around our daughter

Bekker: Fair point

Dr. Lanik: No smoking weed!

FreeWilly: what are you a cop

crickett: call the cops bitch ill have sex with them

Maggie <3: Is anyone else invited to your lil smoking session

Nat: @Maggie<3 ??????

Maggie <3: What? I have a med card, it actually really helps with the physical (and mental!) side effects of chemo. And honestly, getting high with Crockett sounds like a lot more fun than putting CBD oil under my tongue, taking a couple pills, and going to bed.

crickett: mags is welcome but the rest yall can perish

Other Bekker: @crickett you bring the food ill bring the weed

Other Bekker: @Maggie<3 bring your beautiful self

crickett: i love bonding <3

no-ah: homophobic that i wasnt invited

April: YOU ARE IN THE HOSPITAL WITH PNEUMONIA

no-ah: and?

-

Ethan Choi: I didn’t know Crockett had a daughter

Connor Rhodes: me neither. u would think hed tell us

Ethan Choi: I mean, if she’s dead it makes sense he wouldn't wanna talk about it

Ethan Choi: Maybe that’s why he came here

Ethan Choi: Should we bring it up?

Connor Rhodes: u do realize hes still staying with sarah and ava right

-

Other Bekker: UPDATE

Other Bekker: everyone should smoke with @crickett at least once

Dr. Lanik: This is a work groupchat

FreeWilly: i say this with love… baby please smoke a joint it would vastly improve your quality of life and everyone elses

Ethan Choi: You better not be using one of those dab pens(?) they can damage your lungs

[Other Bekker has sent an image to the chat]

Other Bekker: ofc not we’re using a bong with a vagina on it

April: Why are you like this

April: Noah is now showing me where you bought it

April: First of all I don’t need a bong, second of all, why would I want one with that on it, third of all, why does Noah know where to buy genital themed drug products

Nat: I love you but take a moment to think about it

Dr. Lanik: Is there anyone in this chat who isn’t smoking weed

Queen Elsa: Me but I kind of want to try

April: Natalie and I don’t

Ethan Choi: I don’t

Bekker: I don’t anymore

Dr. Lanik: Well I don’t care if some of you are, just keep it out of the work chat please?

-

Doctor Malpractice: Sarah can we actually stop talking about it 

Doctor Malpractice: it’s making jimmy uncomfortable

Sarah: yeah np ill bring it up to crockett and maggie too

-

Queen Elsa: Can I vent?

crickett: go for it

Queen Elsa: All due respect to Dr. Charles, he fucking sucks and treats me like a toddler. I get that he’s trying to do his job, but he does know that I’m literally also a person with anxiety and autism and I guarantee I understand them better than he does. He always makes me feel guilty for trying to help patients, and a couple weeks ago he was acting like I was crazy but I’m not. It just makes me feel like such shit.

Other Bekker: first of all go off

Other Bekker: second of all i know how you feel. he was like that with me too. it really sucks and ive got your back if you need anything at all

Queen Elsa: Thank you <3

Maggie <3: I’ve never seen you use a heart emoji! That’s so adorable

Queen Elsa: And you’ll never see me do it again.

Dr. Lanik: If you want, I can talk to him about it. We’re both department heads, but at the end of the day, it’s /my/ ED and he can’t treat you like that.

Queen Elsa: That’s really not necessary and would probably end with me crying when he confronts me about it so no thanks, but I appreciate the offer.

crickett: just let us know if u need anything hon

Ethan Choi: There’s still leftovers of Crockett’s latest seafood extravaganza so if you want me to bring you lunch tomorrow I can

Queen Elsa: Crockett’s been bringing me lunch, I’m okay.

Other Bekker: we eat like kings now at my house

Other Bekker: the kid adores him too. calls him uncle kett and everything

connor: that is too cute

-

HUBBY: Hey

HUBBY: When are you coming home? Connor and I miss you

-

Dr. Bekker (Brunette): hey maggie elsa and i are gonna go to the beach and get high tonight wanna come

Crockett: hell yeah

-

Dr. Lanik: @EthanChoi @connor @Bekker come to the ED immediately. @April find Maggie and Elsa’s emergency contacts. 

Dr. Lanik: EMT just brought in victims of a car crash. Maggie, Elsa, Sarah, and Crockett

Nat: Oh my God.

[knybits]

- ̗̀ hiatus until: DECEMBER 1ST ̖́-

another update for yall!!

so my arm is all better now!! it took 3 weeks for it to heal, but it’s finally back and doesnt hurt anymore :,) thank you for all the warm wishes!!! 

im focusing on my college apps right now!! so for now, i wont officially be back until december 1st! until then, i’ll be working hard on my college applications and honestly just trying to get through this month smfh,,, (also my mom says im not allowed to plan my graduation trip to japan next year until ive sent all my apps in so,,,, gotta grind!!) 

i hope you guys understand, and i hope you all stay well until my return!! ill be sure to complete everything in my inbox before then and post all the requests on dec. 1st all at once for you guys to look forward to :,) and my inbox will open up on that day too ig :,,) 

good luck to everyone else caught up in college apps and just life in general! we’ll get through this month 💪💪💞💕 

[chroniclecollective]

i guess a life update lmao? where do i start exactly.

well for one, more stuff about my ex has been coming up for me, a lot of them being things she was doing to me or making do that were very controlling and manipulative. the fact that ive dealt with all this nd i Completely ignored it for so long until 5 months later after the breakup? why did it take me so long?

ok uh two. ive been in quarantine for 41 days since my job officially shut down due to covid19. i miss my coworkers so much, they were the only steady ppl i had in my life nd being able to laugh with them nd crack jokes nd see each other after work hours to hang out, smoke, jam out to music nd just. be ppl in their 20s yknow? ive been able to see one previous coworker who i hold dear to my heart a few times but it was only for a short time nd we social distanced. weve been stuck at home with our families the same amount of time nd just desprate, we ended up sitting in the parking lot of our job nd just talking for a while. i miss her a lot

three, the old host came out of dormancy after 4 years. i think he made a post or two on here already but that just rlly was a lot for me? bc originally he was host but then i formed like. fully? i existed but i called myself jimmy as well bc i didnt have a name for myself yet. once i chose the bodys name i kinda started fronting more solidly nd finally was host, nd jimmy still fronted but he was spiteful nd angry that i was taking over his life. i do regret that nd i regret pushing down this stuff nd denying him nd everyone else existed. hes doing alright for now, he doesnt front as often but hes active again.

four, i split abt two weeks ago. im still not 100% on if thats true, or if she was just dormant, but theres a new part whos very. how do i put this. thing emo girl in middle school but shes in high school. shes nice though, which is cool. but she deals with missing people frm where she says shes from? i dont believe shes a fictive or factive at all, she just seems very confused as to whos life she basically got dropped into since shes a cis girl. i can communicate with her pretty well surprisingly? cecile says thats bc she split frm me which ig makes sense but yknow. just weird

five, after consideration, once quarantine is over nd my job opens up again nd i can work, im going to save up for as long as i need to nd hopefully ill be able to pay for my first car nd save up for rent. the friend i mentioned earlier said she wouldnt mind rooming with me nd one of my supervisors, nd i was thinking abt asking my close friend abt if he would be interested in splitting rent. he wants to get out of his house, he just needs to find a job once quarantine is up nd i think he can do that

oh yeah finally thing thats rlly nice actually...i have a boyfriend now! im not gonna talk abt him in specifics, but hes a system host as well nd i love him dearly, nd he loves me just the same nd its very. refreshing frm all my past relationships so im cherishing him a lot ahhh. ill probably give him a code name of some kind if i feel like it.

alright so yeah, thats a bit of catchup for yall. also i know theres asks in my inbox, but i havent had the energy to answer them. know that i saw them nd ill get to them eventually. some i may delete if im uncomfortable though.

edit: oh yeah, with ceciles approval finally, we have a system journal of sorts. i only wrote in it once, nd apparently the new split off part did too, but ive been very. nervous to read it. idk what she said

- lee

[diariesof-kg]

Accountability.

08_12_21

I don’t have much to blog about.  I was thinking of not typing my blogs but record and post.  It would be easier for people to listen than read a 4-page letter about my thoughts.  This helps me cope with my thoughts, since they are all over the place and some things come to the forefront that I forgot about.  I want to take time to reflect slightly.  I want to take accountability for myself.  As I get more comfortable speaking about what happened to me for nine months, it’ll be easier to post it on my IG.  It’ll be easier for my followers to understand me.  To understand the mind of someone who lived in silent.

After everything ended, I cried for a week straight.  And it wasn’t no small cry, it was so bad, I couldn’t breathe.  It was so bad, I felt like I was so empty.  And as I reflect, I see myself sitting at the desk, trying to work and crying.  But I also see the light at the end that I could not see before.  I remember telling my therapist, that I was officially beyond repair.  And that I worked so hard to self heal from the same shit I told myself I would never deal with again.  That’s the accountability for myself.  After 2016, I worked very hard to heal with no therapy and was dating easily.  I was likeable asf.  So it hurts and I am disappointed in myself that I repaired me just to have to do the shit all over again.  I think when I think about that, I cry a lot.  Because I’ve been through so much and of course everyone watched my relationship on IG, because I posted it all over.  And when I got out, everyone was happy for me.  I am disappointed because I allowed myself to allow the things to happen to me.  The moment she appeared at my house unannounced because I didn’t come to dinner was a red flag to remove myself.  And I didn’t.  The moment when she cursed me out just for asking about posting photos of me and her, was a red flag.  There were so many flags waving and I ignored them.  I have to take responsibility for my ignorance.  Some of it is my fault, because I allowed it.  I told myself and I told God, I WOULD NEVER end up in a situation like I was years ago.  I had understood the signs of abuse, I had read so many blogs and articles.  But I fell hard and fast.

There is a lot of disappointment that I feel and although they tell me, it’s not your fault, it still sucks.  Maybe if I was less of a lover I wouldn’t feel this way.  I legit was going on dates and had no interest in anyone.  Although they really wanted to date me or see me again, I declined.  Plus I had booked this TV show and in order to get a Capricorn attention or time, you have to honestly work for it.  And I think this Taurus knew that.  That’s why it was so easy to capture my attention and so easy to get me.  And it sucks.  Especially when she said I flaked on her, when I really had to film this show.  That should have been some sort of sign from the universe to skip over this one and date someone else.  I feel so eh.... I am still trying to figure that out.  I am according to so many others “hard to get...” I am not hard to get, you just have to have that vibe that vibes with me.  I think I liked her from the conversation and I never felt that type of energy from any other women I went on dates with.  But still after that, I should have known.  By now I’d be proposing or some shit to the right women.  But instead I’m picking up the pieces of myself to start healing all over again. 

I don’t even have the energy to date.  I feel like I am stuck on her, like some weird ass soul-tie, but I no longer want her.  It took about 90 days to get rid of those feelings and wanting someone who never wanted you.  It was hard.  Despite having a restraining order, parts of me wanted to just talk to her, parts of me wanted to be intimate, parts of me never wished it happened.  But I realize that it was meant to happen.  And this portion, I can’t wait to share with the public, because the push-pull was real.  It’s a battle between your mind and heart.  It’s a battle between those on the outside.  But at the end of the day it was me who made the choices to remain strong and not fall for it.  I am also realizing that, I was used for the moment.  At the beginning she said she was talking to someone else before me and parts of me wished she chose the other girl.  Parts of me is wondering why me?  Was it easier to manipulate me?  Was it because I am a Capricorn and I love money?  Because of what?  I feel used.  I even feel more disgusted, because I broke my 90day rule of intimacy and later she tells me before our date she had sex with some female who had a whole girlfriend.  If that doesn’t scream RED FLAG, I don’t know what does.  I don’t condone infidelity.  I have to take responsibility for falling deaf on things that were clearly present.  I don’t date cheaters!!! And she’s a damn serial cheater.  I fault for myself again for just not paying attention.  If yall don’t understand how the signs were clearly present, I don’t even know.  I honestly don’t date cheaters and I am very adamant about that.  I never cheated in my life! So WTF.

And it’s so crazy how women think that I have multiple women when I don’t.  Yes I have women interested in me, but do I talk to them all at once, No!  We usually end as friends and they date someone else, while I’m single and they keep in contact, because they like me.  And when they do bring up about wanting me, I put them in their place, because if you do that, then you lose me as a friend, so they understand.  My phone has no lock or code on it.  You can look through my shit.  It’s mind boggling.  So the advocate today asked, what did you guys argue about the most?  And honestly there was no answer to that.  It was either I wasn’t communicating enough or I wasn’t doing what she wanted.  It’s got to be an issue with the Taurus, someone ask Chris Brown. Lol.  Like seriously my friend dated a Taurus and that taurus physically did harm.  You can’t tell me they are not violent.  She has a restraining order on that bish.  So.... if everything is good with a Taurus and a Capricorn except the communication is 3/5 then, what’s with the violence.  I don’t think anyone can decipher it, except all the taurus I spoke to said they love hard.  I love hard too, but you don’t see me controlling or manipulating anyone I dated.  I don’t need to be in control.  Just some sort of weird chemical imbalance to me.  

You know what sucks is my brother.  He never got along with other people I dated and he just jumped into her arms and was so happy.  Damn *insert sad face*  My brother matters and I always said, I can’t date people if you don’t get along with him, because humans with disabilities are beautiful and deserve the same recognition.  And it definitely shows your character.  One time he said her name and I had to explain to him, that she gone home and never to return.  Isn’t that crazy.  He doesn’t understand, but understands. I can’t tell him NO, don’t say that, because he would not understand it.  I feel sad about that, because my brother had a “friend” someone that acknowledged him and he loved that.  And I am responsible for sort of taking that away.  Plus he’s a dude he love thick women. Lol, I’m done with him, he’s a character. 

I need two days of a break from blogging.  Lol, My weekends are to relax.  But I am disappointed that I may not buy a Tesla, because it’s so damn complicated.  Like wtf Elon. Lol, I need to do an interview or an update, because I am so different now.  But like I said several celebrities follow that page and one I know.  And I just don’t have that confidence to be okay with them knowing, it’s so weird.  I mean when I meet H.E.R. like on some intimate shit, best believe we having a whole conversation. Lol. I did reach out to H.E.R. management though.  I am serious about her singing at my reception after I’m married.  

I still need to write this will and beneficiaries documents.  I am still very sure that my next partner can have my assets.  Because you honestly never know.  It’s not something I’d bring up on the first date, Lol, but it’s there.  I am always a planner.  I be two years ahead but still be stuck in the current year.  I do want to fall in love again.  It’s still there, maybe by 2022.  I thought I’d bounce back but I can’t and I’m impatient but I can wait.  But I signed up for classes, and I am going back to OT, so I really don’t have time for no one else unless they were persistent like she was, but even then I couldn’t trust them.  It’s a process.  It really is.  And of course I think once I feel this soul-tie completely break and separate Ill be ready.  And ignorance is a bliss.  Because I told her she was my person and when you say things out loud, the universe listens.  So that’s why it’s taking longer to move on.  I am so spiritual it sucks sometimes. 

It’s past 10pm and I need to sleep... until next time.

[voidedmuffin]

To-Do List

whoop just a to-do list, and posting thing??? idk heres what to look forward to ig ive been working/stressed for two weeks because of valentines day and my choir stuff, i have half of my choir stuff out of the way

>Tomorrow(wednesday) and thursday: i will be mainly focusing on my honor choir stuff, but ill obviously be online. hit me up! MIGHT do some troll call stuff

>Thursday night/friday: I’ll be setting up commissions! so look out for those(ill still be doing requests though. yes, i do requests if you didnt know that). also posting cosplay stuff from a while ago bc i keep forgetting to

>Friday/friday night: A crap ton of drawing because my valentine thing is already over a week la TE. that and also i have other wips to finish(close to 10. maybe more)

>Saturday: Probably practicing singing stuff for my concert on monday. not that hard bc i already know the music. also drawing. i might go to the library idk

>Sunday: ill probably set up a discord group/server if yall want. also bc im a lonely fuck and i want to talk to people. joIN MEE

>Monday: Uh, i have a concert, no biggie. after this its smooth sailin. and mainly just drawing

>Tuesday: probably just drawing. probably gonna stream

Overall, there’s gonna be more drawing(whether or not i post it lmao) I’ll also probably set up weekly streams(Tuesday, Friday, and maybe Saturday nights.) Most likely starting at 5PM Mst Stay tuned for more updates!