#ill try to share that later
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I would actually kill to hear your post 200 jmart messy divorce thoughts you alluded to in those tags
Woof OK let's get into it then
My foundational piece of thought for this comes from the fic it will be this, always by bluejayblueskies on ao3. That fic is basically the closest I consider canon to the 'jon and martin managed to survive somewhere else, with consequences' ending (if you're an 'optimist' like me and you choose to believe in that option :P) Their relationship in that fic has similar tones to the show-- the writing captures the feeling of TMA well--and the fic in general is very bleak and cathartic, clinging to the edge of a damaged relationship that's about to fall apart. So, I enjoyed this fic A Normal Amount and it's stuck with me ever since.
Now I don't actually have the brain cells or the energy levels to write the fics that're floating around in my head atm, but here are my scattered thoughts on the subject of jmart post-mag 200:
Basically, they can never truly come to terms over the final decision
(Jons desire to end the world's suffering, vs Martin's POV, the betrayal of their relationship and Jon's self hating suicidality)
At least, definitely not in the first few months when they're forced to live together bc they're stranded in this brave new world and have no one else.
Both fall back on negative habits. Jon starts smoking, withdrawing, becoming paranoid; obsessively searching for signs of the fears.
Not one person in the world understands what he's been through. What kind of sacrifice he made. And they don't know how much he failed them all.
And his body hurts. All of his wounds hurt. His head struggles to clear and the empty space in it seems so silent. He sometimes gets mentally lost without the eye to guide him.
He almost wishes they had died. He wishes he hadn't cut the tether. But hes so happy Martin is alive---even if he seems to hate him right now. That's ok, hes alive. Even if he can't smile at him anymore.
Jon craves any sort of comfort. But the only man who had ever wanted to give him that is now enormously angry with him and maybe rightly so. And besides, of course, he's so unworthy of comfort that it's shameful to even desire it. He deeply wishes he could stop wanting it, to stop feeling so disgusted with himself.
He feels disgusted with himself regardless. Helpless and hopeless and confused in this floundering relationship and so very guilty of the things hes done.
He's sinking deeply, deeply into self hatred and despair.
But he still lashes out at Martin occasionally bc he's a bastard
(And bc he deserves to a little bit, y'know? He's angry about a lot of things right now and he has a right to be! And some of those things might be bc Martin uhhhhhhhh. Did not always treat him with the most compassion, understanding, or patience during the apocalypse.)
NO I don't think their relationship in show is toxic or abusive. I think it's realistic that two people who love each other very much in terrible circumstances are going to fuck up. and them hurting each other makes for good drama. anyways
Martin also withdraws, becomes cold and passive aggressive. Assumes the caretaking role for Jon (again) and walls off his feelings
He just can't forgive Jon for leaving him like that. For betraying his trust. For abandoning him. For hurting him immeasurably deeply by forcing him to kill him
And he can't understand his reasoning for doing so, when he thought that there was a chance for them to get out and be ok, and it could have all been so easy, but Jon didn't seem willing to take it. He chose to die instead because of his guilt, and martin is so, so angry at him for that.
And now he's stuck. Again. Forced into caring for someone who has treated him badly, AGAIN.
And he has no one to talk to. No one outside of Jon to go to for comfort, and being around Jon hurts. He is increasingly alone. Again.
Martin's fine. Everything is fine. He doesn't want to talk about it. Would you like some tea? I.e., it's time to shut the fuck up, Jon.
His anger and resentment sometimes turn his tongue as sharp and cold as an icicle. In those moments of icy rage, Martin thinks his voice sounds like his mother's.
Except when he finally can't hold it in and he explodes at jon like a sadness volcano, because Jon can't even look him in the face anymore. And then he leaves to go cry alone in their bedroom
Eventually communication breaks down. Then I have a few fun ideas for what might happen
Jon has a full-on mental break. Becomes catatonic. He's paralyzed by the need to stay here for Martin... but he's also held in place by the webs he sees now tying around his whole timeline. He was never going to be able to stop what they had planned for him. None of his choices ultimately matter --so he stops doing or wanting anything. It will all be taken away from him eventually. Whatever's going to happen will happen regardless of what he does
At the same time, he is experiencing so much pain and so much guilt and self hatred and lack of love in their relationship that he's desperate to escape it. When he finds no relief from any quarter, he becomes extremely suicidal. The only two things holding him to life are 1. not leaving Martin alone, and 2. his hopeless resignation to the web.
Starts having severe panic attacks.
Has that PTSD 'avalanche' where, now that he's finally somewhere he can be relatively safe, everything that happened to him is hitting him all at once.
He's scared of everything. He's scared of what might happen to Martin. He's scared of himself. He's scared of Martin.
Then there's the vomiting, anorexia, agoraphobia, bodily neglect, other passive self harms, the whole nine yards. He's physically falling apart.
Jon has a very bad time.
And he's moved almost entirely beyond Martin's reach
Martin is suddenly forced to come to terms with the fact that Jon needs immediate, intensive medical help if he's going to survive
Fate turns slightly in their favor, and they find a good physical rehab doctor, a good psychiatrist, and a good therapist for both of them. Perhaps at this point they're separated, maybe just bc of a hospitalization, but they're attending counseling together.
In my happiest ending, Jon responds well to the meds and is able to start talking to someone about his overwhelming feelings. Martin is actually able to find therapeutic help for his trauma, finds other people to help him and Jon so it's not all on him anymore, and he starts getting more of the love and support he deserves from his boyfriend
they recommit themselves to the relationship and to making it work. slowly, they start healing.
While also beginning to rediscover all the reasons they loved each other in the first place :)
In a sadder ending, one of them dies ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Eventually both, if we're being honest. One would not last long without the other. Not with that kind of connection
Or perhaps they do separate. Maybe they keep in close touch, in which case I think it would lean more towards a happy ending. Orrrrrr they make a hard break of it. Maybe it's sudden, urgent, painful and messy. Maybe they dont see each other again for years.
Regardless of what they do, I don't think they could truly be apart forever. They would visit. Even if it hurt every time. They would want to see each other again.
Because they care about each other.
But maybe, in one timeline, they need some space to heal and rebuild their lives and themselves. Maybe when theyre ready, they'll try again.
I may continue this later with my other branching ideas possibly but I wanted to get this bit out while it was fresh and I was thinking about it. This line of thought continually haunts the back of my subconscious so I'm always happy to share it
#tma#mag 200#somewhere else#jmart#jonmartin#the magnus archives#tma meta#sort of. theorizing at least.#teaholding#the dinghy#i have more Martin thoughts for his own personal breakdown#theyre quite fun#ill try to share that later#suicide mention#ed mention#it will be this always#tma fic#sh mention
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filler
#xmen#xmen comics#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#magneto#professor x#snap sketches#fun fact there was dialogue but as i was listening to music i found i liked it better without vjaLKJALK#at the very least the dialogue was just meant to allude to the fact charles just wanted erik to kneel down so he could give him a kiss#but using his wheels getting stuck as an excuse... like girl he didnt actually expect a rock to be there... lol ...#ive always wanted to try dialogueless comic/s anyhow.... so thats fun...#double fun fact i was actually going to abandon this. i got tired after the sketch fjERKLJJKAL#but then i lined the close up of mags and i was like Oh.. i must finish this so i can share THAT panel specifically#and ilke yeah i guess in review the whole thing's kinda cute... whatever.. I GUESS i like it..#i enjoy that about myself i liek how i'll dislike something and be Not Confident about it and then ill be like 'oh its ok acutally'#trust the process or whatever..#anyways. ive been drawing these two too lovey lately and magneto especially cuddly.. whats that about...#next time i draw them he's gonna be in charles' lap i swear. or killing each other whichever i decide#ANYWAYS. im gonna be meeting a friend later !!!!!!!!!!!! so exciting..#i cant wait to start working on the next comic i have in mind ... me hopes you all enjoy it#im gonna lock in for it so i prob wont post anythin for a while.. or at the very least it'll just be lil doodles#we'll see.... ANYWAY good night !!!!!!!
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Finally revealing one of my other blorbos, Niccolo Sonata! A mixed genre troll who poses as a Pop Idol up until world tour
He's a complicated bag, he's half rock half classical, his mother kind of low-key hates him, and his dad does care but is kind of paralyzed with various anxieties that comes with the fact that Niccolo is half classical (worried about his constitution and his wings) and things related to his mother (she doesn't want Niccolo to become like his dad and puts a lot of restrictions on him)
Both of his parents don't really know what to do with him, and he doesn't know what to do with himself.
He has a lot of internalized hatred towards himself and the two sides of his musical families, plus he is a secret third genre (symphonic rock) which he doesn't fully understand. He got picked on a bit in Volcano Rock City, they're a lot rougher than he's used to so he just kind of took it, which is why he looks so roughed up in one pic and the other he says they hate him in VRC
Again he's really complicated even tho he doesn't look it, if you have questions about him lmk
#dreamworks trolls#trolls#trolls 3#trolls oc#trolls world tour#twt#trolls oc Niccolo#his father calls him Nicky#his dad did try to be a good dad and just ended up dropping the ball because he was worried about what niccolos mom would do#shes not a nice person#idk if you can tell#she does care for her son she just cant get over the other half of him#if that makes sense#she believes that even if he isnt full classical she can just make him#which causes him to run away from home at 18#he lived between houses for about 10 yr#and then the rest with his mother due to an incident#which will appear in a different comic#ill share more about his parents later#niccolo is kind of stuck up#and rude to people when hes off stage he doesnt mean to be#it just happens which he does eventually grow out of#his story is one of learning to be better not just for himself but for the people hes around#i think he probably doesnt have many friends until after his growth#tho he does have some its like 3 people who see his potential for growth and or tolerate his bad behavior#i have a few comics of him BUT i need to fix them before i post#cuz i got his wing shape wrong in ALL OF THEM#legit got them wrong in the two comics i have here and they were made 2 sec after i made his design#i had to fix them to post them#idk how i did that but i did smh smh
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sellllllll it's meeeeee. hehehehehehehehehhehe
so for ur writing exercises.... deku + light? please? pretty please?
:3c
heheh heheh hehe niku. this will be the death of me. me writing izuku for the first time 🥲 i will only do this for you </3
contains: established relationship, spoilers for the end of the manga, aged up deku but sometime in between the final outcome (he doesn't get the h*** s*** from bakugo yet), mentions of sex and scars
deku + light
izuku only sleeps with the lights off.
it isn't uncommon; many people you know can't sleep with even just a sliver of light turned on somewhere in the room. but the difference with izuku, you learn, is not that he's unable to stand the light―it's that he refuses to.
you quickly pick up on it the first few times he sleeps over.
he fidgets in bed, pretty badly, actually. the nightlight you sleep with glows a warm yellow, illuminating the side of your face and coating him in its afterglow. you chalk it up to nerves, how he pulls at his sleeves and adjusts his position constantly; he is, after all, one of the most anxious people you know.
and this relationship―it's new. heck, even you feel a little jittery with his arm wrapped around you.
the rhythmic tapping on your hip only increases pace. you don't think he realizes it, so your hand gently reaches for his, intertwining your fingers as you turn around in his arms.
he's close, nearly touching you nose-to-nose; the proximity leaves you fuzzy, a little ticklish, so you giggle, a soft "oops," as the freckles dusting his face almost glisten under the warm light.
"hi," you whisper, meeting his eyes; they stare back at you wide in surprise, "can't sleep?"
he looks almost guilty at your question, as if you’ve caught him with the one thing he's been trying to keep from you.
"just—" his voice comes out louder than intended, prompting him to chuckle nervously as he readjusts his volume, "just winding down, sorry."
you inch closer, nuzzling his nose lightly, "it's okay."
"did i wake you?" he asks, cheeks flushing pink as his eyebrows furrow in immediate concern. his expression is something caught between stifling a grin and feeling sorry.
you shake your head against the pillow you share, strands of your hair tangling with his. "just winding down," you tease, watching as his gaze turns softer, eyelids drooping heavier.
sometimes, you think, izuku holds the world in his eyes―a deep, dark green, the color of life. most times, they look at you with wonderment, bright and alive; photos from inko tell you they're the eyes of his inner child.
on nights like this one, however, they hide a depth in them weighted by what you can only assume is time, and all that has happened to him in such a short span of it.
you try your best to understand what lies beneath them, knowing full well he'll never tell you outright what truly bothers him.
"is it the light?" you bring up, some time after laying in silence.
"hm?" he clarifies.
"do you have a hard time sleeping with the nightlight?"
his eyes widen briefly once more, as if shocked that you've caught him again. these split second reactions are ones you've learned to be attentive to when it comes to izuku.
"no," he tries to lie, but you know better as you turn to your nightstand and reach for its switch, "you don't–"
"it was hurting my eyes," you quickly make up an excuse, tucking yourself closer under his chin as you cut off his attempt to deny it again.
finding out that the light was the problem was the easy part—
you'd begun to notice much earlier on that izuku was barely rested on the nights he'd spend at your place. it was only when your old nightlight broke that you began to notice him waking up much later than you did, groggily rousing from a deep sleep.
—what was hard, was figuring out why.
at first, you suspected it was his scars.
"s-sorry, it's not—" he'd warned you, right as your hands gripped the hem of his shirt the first time you were about to have sex, "—it's not nice."
you didn't care though; you still don't care, and you've made that abundantly clear to him since. you love izuku and all his parts―all the nicks and jaggedy pieces of skin that make up who he is.
when you eventually ask him about it, with a request that he be honest with you for once, he tells you that it is and it isn't―the reason why he exclusively sleeps with the lights off, that is.
it's an odd, comforting relationship he has with his body—that he is simultaneously grateful and sorry for how its become a canvas, both painted and marred to symbolize japan’s historic last stand.
you find out the real reason when you catch him staring at his hands.
he does it often, when he thinks you aren't looking—his fists bunched up in the same way he used to watch the power of one for all course through his fingertips; the same way he used to prepare them in battle.
there’s a faraway look in his eyes that lingers, you notice—a little wistful if anything.
“do you miss it?” you finally ask. he gives you the same shocked look he does every time, as if he’s been caught with a secret he’s been trying to hide.
he’s learned a fair bit about you now, too, though—lying to you is futile when you’ve perfected reading his truth. he stares at his fists again as you take a seat beside him, moving to give you space. you rest your head on his shoulder gently, waiting.
“sometimes,” he admits, but you know it’s an understatement.
“i think about the vestiges a lot. i miss them the most, i think,” he continues, clenching his fists tightly, “i always try to reach out to them, but i guess it doesn’t work that way.”
“i… i try to replicate the right conditions every night, but…” then he lets go, stretching his fingers out wide. the scars on the surface ripple through his skin, telling its own story.
you hum, acknowledging what he means. silence sits with the two of you as you take his hand in yours, slowly unfurling his fingers until his palm reveals itself to you. it’s rough to the touch, seasoned with hard work and all that he’s been through.
“is that why you prefer the dark?” you ask softly, after some time.
it's not often that you stay up later than izuku does. when you do though, you catch him shifting in bed, moving from side-to-side. you pretend you aren't awake, but you hear him mumble their names, dwindling in volume as he dozes off to sleep.
he stares at his palm for a moment before he admits quietly, "yeah." his brows furrow as if contemplating whether to say more, but he shakes his head, dark green strands swaying to the beat of his embarrassed chuckle, "nevermind, it's silly."
"it's not."
you intertwine your fingers, sandwiching his hand between yours. a slight sheen glosses over his eyes as he tilts his head up to look at you. he draws in a breath, before it spills over.
"it's..." he finds the words, and you squeeze his hand in comfort, "it's easier to believe it was all real when the lights are out, and that maybe it can happen again."
#deku x reader#izuku x reader#midoriya x reader#bnha x reader#shotorus.workbook#it is here ! the first time ive ever written izuku ! i hope u like it niku !#idt i'll ever feel like anything i write of him will be enough but i tried !#SPOILERS FOR MANGA ENDING PLS DONT READ AHEAD#some stuff abt the blurb: i see this happening in the time between him losing ofa and before getting the suit from bakugo#so somewhere between when hes teaching#and i think its a lot of complex feelings ― he's happy he did what he had to do but is also mourning the loss of something he once had#i don't think i can ever convey that feeling fully but i hope i at least managed to touch on it here with him !#i see this as like . the period in his life where he's transitioning out of something he once knew into smth else entirely#i also hc reader to be his colleague (like a teacher or smth) but anyone closely related to the job would work !#really just someone who has a base level understanding of what he went through but doesnt know everything#which is why they're still trying to learn all these things abt him and read him better#and also why he tries to hide a lot of things from them still / is hesitant to share in fear of scaring them away smth like that !#thats all i can think of for now but ill let u know if i have other thoughts on this later on ! hehe#hope u enjoy niku !#ask#rep#ask game answered#most nervewracking experience of my LIFE writing him#stellamancer#niku.🥩
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carmen deserves to have twitter, argue with the wall
#carmen sandiego netflix#carmen sandiego#carmen sandiego 2019#carmen sandiego twitter au#twitter au#twitter#fake tweets#fake social media#unreality#carmen sandiego unreality#carmen didnt have internet until she was like 17. maybe even later. shed be a menace and an icon on twitter bc of her lack of etiquette#also she and player would share a tumblr account where they infodump about random things#i know this isnt the most interesting collection of tweets but im trying to look at it from a realistic pov#i wanna try and do this for a couple more episodes but who knows if ill get around to doing it#and yes. both carmen and player have two accounts - one for team red one for civilian things. it just made sense to me that way#anyway#enjoy the burnt food#<3
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hey hey, hope you dont mind me once again rattling my commissions page at you all, but hey. economy's in shambles.
so, i've neatened up my comms info again! so if you've got a hankering for some art, hit me up on ko-fi! right now there's two options listed, but if you want something that isn't on that list, feel free to shoot me a dm here or there and i'll gladly talk it out with ya!
that's all folks, keep it fresh, and have a lovely day! o7
[ Ko-Fi Link ]
#commissions#commissions open#piktalk#im gonna try and add at least One more thing sooner rather than later to the listings but for now--#i just need t have em open again. WAHAHA#these are also kind of a little urgent because again. The Economy.#i need 50 bucks for my phone bill this month in a week so shares are super appreciated!!#ill prolly update my pinned and etc later; but for now i just need to Get Started. thankyou for the consideration ! \o/
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Woe, unfinished, mildly edited, fulfire fic tid-bits be upon you
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Like a magnet, his optics kept drifting back to Misfire's face. His stupid, strangely charming face.
For a short while, after Clemency, it had been that face that haunted some of his nightmares. His recalls blurring the lines between the strange reality of Misfire's hands reaching into him to lock his fuel pump back into the very spot he'd pulled it from, and the fear that just as easily he could pull it out again. They had been bloody dreams. Dreams that had him startling awake, gripping his chest in the vain attempt to close what wasn't open, before spending the rest of the day avoiding Misfire's optics.
But now things were different. Not Misfire's face. No, that hadn't changed much. But Fulcrum's dreams had definitely changed. To say the least of what all rolled around in his processor as he slept nowadays.
Some of those newer dreams had crept to the forefront of his mind as he sat there on the couch, staring as the lights of the screen reflected dully across Misfire's plating in hazy blues and greys.
The lighting made his colors seem muddy and faded, but Fulcrum didn't really care, nor did he care to think what it made himself look like. He was too busy bringing an empty engex can to his lips while he watched the crinkle of Misfire's nose as he barked a laugh at something Fulcrum didn't catch onscreen.
He'd started noticing it months ago, all the ways the silvery mesh of Misfire's face would scrunch up with his emotions. Those little crinkles along his optics and nose when he laughed or glared. The creases indented along his cheeks when he grinned. Fulcrum found himself quietly logging away these little details. Idle notes and observations that had suddenly started piling up in the corners of his processer.
He… He'd never really done that before? He'd never really noticed those sorts of things in other mechs.
The faces and expressions of his past colleagues never seemed terribly important. All the details of every smile and frown were never worth filing away, outside of few notable moments where those expressions reflected his work performance. But besides the smile that meant promotion, and the frown that meant he'd screwed up, nothing else was noticeable. Nothing was worth remembering.
But now the memory of every genuine laugh that bubbled out of Misfire sat comfortably besides memories of warm joyful optics that Fulcrum found himself collecting every time Crankcase cracked a rare half-smile for him, or when Krok placed a reassuring hand against his back, or the times Spinister spontaneously pointed out something odd but ultimately nice about his stupid frame.
He didn't really know why he was doing it, memorizing all these mundane little things, just to have them flit through his processer randomly. Maybe it was because those expressions, those details, felt… comforting? Comforting in such a strange and unfamiliar way. But, a good way. A good sort of strange, much like the mechs themselves.
-
-
He had stared for a long moment, the credits and their rolling tune playing somewhere in the background as Fulcrum stared back. But Misfire was never one for personable silence, even as the sound of some likely long dead Iaconian orchestra filled the room.
"What is it?" He asked, a small chuckle escaping him as he brought a hand to his face, "Don't tell me I've poured it all over myself again."
It had taken Fulcrum longer than usual to unstick his glossa from the roof of his mouth as he watched Misfire run a thumb over his lips, but eventually he had coughed out a small, choked, "No."
That had earned him an odd look at first, but with their fields loose and open, Fulcrum could almost feel the exact moment something clicked in Misfire's mind, as the idle comfortable static he projected in pulsing waves evened out into something openly curious and almost subdued.
It wasn't often Fulcrum felt him that clearly.
Misfire tended to keep his field fairly close, though, maybe not as close as the others did, what with how Crankcase kept an iron grip on his, and how Krok's always held an air of strained control, even when it slipped from him. But still, Misfire's was always hard to read, no matter the reach or depth of his field.
Even then and there, with it loose and unfiltered and buzzing with the engex running through his system, there was an ever present undertone of something indescribably jumbled about him, like too many feelings at once, each too vast and hurried for Fulcrum to really feel or understand.
It always seemed to stir the passive anxiety Fulcrum must've been forged with when Misfire's field brushed against his own. As facing the indescribable vague mess of Misfire felt like trying to untangle a pile of live-wires he couldn't even see.
It was almost frustrating in a sense, the need to try and sort and understand what wasn't even his to begin with. But at the same time it was almost exciting as well. It was like a game, like a puzzle he had yet to solve.
-
-
Finally letting his own can go tumbling to the floor to join Misfire's, Fulcrum had brought a hand to cover his face as he drew his legs up and leaned back against the arm of the couch, trying to suppress the fit as the sly look slipped from Misfire's face at the sounds.
While Fulcrum had laughed, and… snorted, embarrassingly, he had felt Misfire's field change again, brushing something fizzy and almost warm against his plating as Misfire's features softened.
"I'm looking at you," Fulcrum had said then between gulps of air, letting his hand fall from his face as he reached out to poke at Misfire's chest, "Dumbaft."
His finger had lingered over the thick plating there for maybe a little longer than necessary, drawing Misfire's attention as it slid down a little before pulling away.
Looking back up again with his helm angled slightly, Misfire had followed the sight of his hand leaving his plating to where Fulcrum let it fall between them.
"Wow…" Misfire had chuckled a little dryly, "I was gonna make it real easy for you. I was going to say something like, ''Do you like what you see?'' or-… or something like that. But now you've ruined it. Good job."
Meeting Fulcrum's optics again as he pulled his own hand back from Fulcrum's shoulder, he brought it to rest between them as well.
"And you're laughing at me," He said next, faking a small pout as his hand drifted closer to Fulcrum's, "Which totally ruins the whole vibe I was going for really. I mean, it's sort of hard to be all nice and suave-like when you're being laughed at. Total vibe killer. Bit of an ego killer too if I'm being honest. So thanks for that loser, thanks for saying I have a funny face."
With Misfire's fingers brushing distractingly past his own, Fulcrum didn't think before the words stumbled out of him.
"I like your face."
It came out almost matter of fact sounding, Fulcrum's laughter having died down while Misfire complained about it. But at the same time the words felt so simple, they came out so easily, and in a weird way they felt nice to say. But Misfire's optics had widened in surprise, his frame frozen and his field suddenly struck quiet, and despite the engex numbing his usual nerves, Fulcrum felt a sudden pang of anxiety because of it.
The silence in Misfire's field was terribly alien. It felt wrong, and something in Fulcrum spiraled to think he had caused it. But slowly, almost as if it were creeping forward, an odd almost scrutinizing uncertainty fanned outward in a careful wave. Misfire moved with it, leaning closer as he searched Fulcrum's expression for something.
"Oh yeah?" He'd said lowly then, and that sly look returned. But that vague uncertainty didn't fade with it, if anything, Fulcrum felt it strengthen. Caught between what he saw, in Misfire's easy smile and dimmed optics, and what he felt, in the growing hollow distance within their fields, Fulcrum found himself frowning and pulling back.
-
-
Growing frustrated with himself, and wanting that feeling back, he had pushed forward, shifting onto his knees as he reached for Misfire's face before the other could pull away from him entirely.
"I like your face." He said firmly, maybe too firmly. His expression still drawn into a frown as he pressed his fingers into Misfire's helm, brushing his thumbs across the silver mesh he'd been staring so intently at before. "I like your optics, and your nose. I- I like the way you smile. When you really smile, and when you laugh. I do. I'm not lying."
And oh there it was again, that little curl of warmth in Misfire's field. Almost a tangible thing, like a brush of ventilation, but Misfire wasn't venting. His mouth hung open ever so slightly, but no breath left him as he stared at Fulcrum with widening optics.
Spurred on by that tiny bloom of warmth, Fulcrum chased after it with slightly slurred words and clumsy hands as he tried to fix whatever he'd done wrong, hoping with each word that Misfire might soften and smile again.
"I like your expressions, and- and I like your voice," He said, glancing down at Misfire's parted lips, and laughing softly, nervously, as he continued, "Even when you say something so stupid. I like- I like the way it sounds. I like your accent, I like the way it makes your words sound. I- I like your- your mouth?"
Once more that weird but nice feeling settled in Fulcrum's chest. Those simple words felt good to say. It felt like a weight off his shoulders, like an admission he'd been waiting to say. About what and why? He wasn't really sure. But the warmth grew, and Misfire took a sharp vent inwards, and that felt right, so Fulcrum kept on.
"I like your helm," He said with a smile, reaching up to brush his fingers over the jutting finials there, before dropping his hands to settle lightly over Misfire's chest. "I like your frame, the colors of it. I like your-"
Before he could finish, Misfire was surging forward, knocking their helms together and nearly bruising the mesh of their noses as he tried for, and just barely missed, Fulcrum's lips.
-
👁👁👍
#just gonna go ahead and share this before i think too hard about it and chicken out lol#idk. this has been sitting unfinished for a while now. but i'm fond of it and keep going back to re-read it. so?? yeah. idk#maybe i'll get around to finishing it. i like writing out all the like. sensory stuff with this. lots of neat stuff to try with em fields#also fulc being a very earnest drunk lol. and mis trying to be all casual and smooth despite balking in the face of it bcs he's a hot mess#i dunno. i think the og idea behind this was kinda turning the reassurance around to mis. just sorta breaking him down with nice words#fulc is usually on the receiving end of comfort and reassurance. not always. but enough so that it had me thinking bout it other ways round#idk. ultimately its like. just slapping mis with a mild praise kink and seeing what happens when fulc just says nice things to him#the bar is so low for them. fulc is like 'i like your face' with conviction and mis is half-way to keeling over bcs. damn. he needed that#my fav flavor of this is just them approaching romance from two drastically different angles. not on the same page. different books lol#mis plays it all like a surface level game. he's just trying to keep things light and airy. but fulc is going right for the kill#also hitting fulc with the demi romantic/sexual beam adds another fun layer to it all-#-this isnt his playing field. but he's sure as hell winning without really knowing why#ok. i've been up for way too long. was on sick dog duty overnight. its like 8am now and i haven't slept a wink lol#so if there's errors or smth sounds off. idk. pretend you didn't see it. ill fix it later. or i wont. idk. toodles <333#(also this is barely the tip of the iceberg fic wise. depending on how i feel bout this after a nap? might share bits of the big ghost fic-#(-cause that ones at like. 24k-ish now??? and thats only the 1st chap and half of the 2nd. its the fulc sees ghosts concept on steroids)#fulfire#my writing
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/b170aebd2cb69fa5f7891f8a7215295b/130858280c29904f-90/s540x810/e2fc801fd0299a088c5c260c39316a03f61f5699.jpg)
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just some simple humanoid designs for them
#airphone#ii mephone4#hfjone airy#my art#i just wanted something simple so i could start doodling them in comfy clothing and being together#ill do aomething better at a later point#for some reason i kept struggle drawing humanoids again and its part of why the clothes are so simple#but whatever im trying to not worry about losing my ability to draw stuff rn... ill build back to it#anyway literally please send me asks about these two i think about them so much and want to share my thoughts and ideas about them
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Odypen definitely and equivalently adore each other BUT I weirdly can't see them as the type to actually say "I Love you".
They still definitely vocalize their love for each other but it's more so in "My Joy", and "Extraordinary Woman", "Strange Woman/Man", etc. And very cheesy lines (both say some cheesy shit in the Odyssey, and he definitely does in the Iliad as well. "Joy like a drowning sailor seeing land" bit???)
I could see "I adore you" but even then, that's probably during very specific moments but the actual "I love you"??? I just typed it just now for fic shit and... It weirdly just didn't feel right and I don't know why. 😅
Idk maybe it's kind of because I see them as over the top in ways, they love wordplay and riddles and I think they'd almost think "...That's not good enough >:( " about it??? I don't know???😂
#I wrote this last night. I'll do the asks I got later. don't worry! :D#I am the cheese god remember?😅#I think these two would try to “out-cheese” each other and whoever is left speechless first loses#“I would forget my own name before I would ever forget you” bullshit. CHEESY#And yes. “I sleep in our nest with you or outside on the dirt” stupidity >:D#I plan for Odysseus as a beggar to ask why she waits so long. As he's been gone a longer amount of time than the time they had together#(Simply asking as reassurance. He knows his answer. Calypso asked him. but what about Penelope?) but she gets mad at the#“Beggar” and pities him as he must be telling the truth about having a miserable life if he never got the chance to know such devotion#How what they have could never be sullied by#something as trivial as distance and years. How the years with him were the best in her life. Only made better by their son.#'My dear Joy made songs and poems about love a reality as that was simply the life we shared. Even separated our 'song' will always echo#no matter how long it's been. I'LL make sure it always does. And I know he's doing the same... That strange man used to say that#even if he died his corpse would drag itself back to us before he'd ever give up.'#...I'm not one for 'odyssey zombie au' but when I first heard it yeah. :'D Came up with this back then#“His eyes as hard as flint or horn-” Bullshit! The sad lil fuck is hiding sobs with coughs and telling her to keep away for fear of her#catching whatever “illness” he has. The nice thing about being disguised as old means sickly old man works.#...#I'm noticing that Odysseus has a lot of silly oneliners while I write Penelope with a shit ton of set up :'D#They are so silly and I love them so much#...I wrote a lot :'D#Mad rambles#shot by odysseus#my headcanons#odypen#yahoo!!!#sometimes I wonder if I should tag this with more things but I don't want to taint the regular tags with my bullshit :'D I KNOW I'm insane
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i need to know if the people who are following me who are currently in the process of reading homestuck for the first time are doing it through the Unofficial Homestuck Collection because if you aren't please say so because um. Veteran homestuck here who wants to give you the best possible experience . please. <- guy who's prepping for an upcoming homestuck reread and as such has a whole list of reccomendations
#reply here or send an anon ask and ill ramble and give you my mod reccomendations. and links#i know i dont talk abt homestuck much on main because i. purged . most of my homestuck follows back during the#massive fucking antiblackness transmisogyny moment of 2020. that has. like permanently set me on the fucking defensive about it#as in i love homestuck to bits. but i saw the true colours of a lot of fan creators back then and. hrrgghghh#the way people drove all of the black creators and trans women out of the fandom just. god. god god god.#even though the text itself esp later on. like. wants so badly to try and make reperations for those exact things. even if imperfectly#sighhhh. but yeah im around to chat homestuck and if you catch me post-november 1st ill be rereading again#ive been in the fanbase since 2012 so im not The Most Veteran but ive seen my fair share. i can provide historical context for some stuff#basically anything act 6 and beyond i was there for#anyway wow i talked a lot. almost like i really really like homestuck but had to GET REAL QUIET ABOUT IT for a bit while it was.#a bit of a sore spot#lucabytetalks#also i love the epilogues nuiances warts and all so.#that already makes me a black sheep in this godforsaken fanbase
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Same Lights, Camera, Sing Your Sins anon here (you know if I'm gonna keep sending anon asks because of ideas, I need a shorter name...) Glad they're getting time to cool off on what happened during the trial. This project is hard on them all QvQ
Okay another thought! While working on the Trial 2 MVs, you think the prisoners get to watch everyone's first MVs? Like, maybe praise how each video looks ("Oh my gosh, Amane you look amazing!"), making comments with Jackalope's artistic choices (Shidou's flower mummy) and how stiff some of the prisoners look ("Fuuta you're walking like a tinman." "Shut up!"), some singing along to songs they've overheard earlier (Kotoko singing Weakness), and...er...shirtless Mikoto ("Amane don't look!"). Idk, this makes their filming for the next MVs sound more fun as they hang out.
Hello again!! omg Thank You for sharing once again, I’m obsessed with that 🥺🥺🥺 That's so wonderful picturing a little movie night... (And yes, feel free to pick a name :D else I will dub thee 🎬 next time given the theme lmao)
Okay so my original idea was that those first videos were actually watched on the down-low. There were a few days of nothing going on while the prisoners debriefed, made plans, and communicated their song ideas to the writers to start working with. (Minor detail but I think they’re cut off from the world still, no internet access though they can exchange a few messages/visits with family). They do, however, get access to the others’ T1 videos on their phones/ facility computers. Everyone gave permission to watch them, but there’s a bit of hesitancy. They haven’t started filming their new videos yet, so no one has gotten a look that deep into anyone else’s hearts. Just because they’re closer in this au doesn’t make them better communicators -- there’s still a lot that’s been left unsaid regarding near-murders and their true selves. So they only watch them in secret out of respect.
Haruka hides under the covers to watch After Pain on loop late into the night (going “she’s just like me fr”). Fuuta doesn’t care much for the others’ songs but tries to decipher the crimes as best as he can. He probably gets one stuck in his head the next few days that he finds really embarrassing. Mahiru gets very emotional over the other lovers, doing a poor job of hiding her sympathy toward Yuno, Shidou, and Kazui in the following days. Kazui is embarrassed to watch Throw Down so often, but Shidou is such a subtle man and it’s nice to see a more open side to him (who admits to lying as well). Amane takes a while to watch them -- they’re videos supporting murder and sin, after all -- but once she convinces herself it’s to help the experiment, she allows herself to enjoy them. Kotoko does the same as Fuuta but jumps straight into Fandom Mode and starts taking notes and analyzing the others’ videos. She keeps a secret folder on her phone of theories and symbolism and screenshots for reference.
HOWEVER
You have opened my eyes to Milgram Movie Night 👁️👁️
Everyone realizes they’re going to need to get comfortable with a lot of personal info really quickly, since T2 filming starts in a few days. Rather than Jackalope’s suggestion of undergoing a painful group circle talk, they go with Mikoto’s idea to all sit down to watch the videos together. This keeps the atmosphere up while they watch, allowing for many compliments and encouragement. It also lets the singer defend things in their video if they see fit, though most let it speak for itself. (Fuuta: “ah, back when I was a menace online.” “You’re still like that Fuuta.” “I’m a changed man!” “You got one guilty verdict and nothing’s even happened yet.”)
I love all of those reactions so much ahhhh! Amane getting showered in compliments like she deserves. Honestly, all of them getting showered in complements because it's what they deserve ;-; Playful teasing getting thrown around for everyone. Not even Jackalope is safe from their heckling (see: Throw Down flower person), and he's not even there to defend himself. There’s lots of blushing and eye covering during MeMe. And a singalong aspect!! I don’t know I didn’t think to incorporate that into the fic so far -- there’s nothing quite like heckling your friend onstage by echoing their lines really loud from the wings asdfsdfsd. Mikoto recognizes the video game from Fuuta’s and makes his whole day. Mahiru and Shidou realize they have both flowers and food in common, and get to talking. All at once, everything clicks into place for why Amane hated Shidou him so much.
I'm also realizing Kazui would have a Moment TM while seeing all the prisoners talking so comfortably about their deepest selves and struggles. I don't think he'd break down and open up just yet, but I bet it's be a pretty big change of heart for him to see such honesty/vulnerability...
Plus, most of my original ideas can still stand after the fact! There's no shame in seeing too much personal info about another prisoner, the only shame comes from just how many time the video was looped in private lmao
#milgram#thank you for sharing your thoughts waaahhh these have been making me sooo crazy!!!#and ive seen people using emoji nicknames and thought it was cute but feel free to pick an actual name haha#i would do anything for the vas to cover other trial songs ;-;#i just love the idea of them singing together so much...#im not a theater kid but i did dance and been backstage for some shows so i know what its like when the rest of the company is shouting out#the song thats currently playing for the dancers onstage#im just picturing the prisoners getting silly on set while the background track is playing and they start singing along#or like everyone shouting along with muu's big moment 'kawaiso nano!' or joining in the 'aaahhh-LOVE' in cat#ill have to keep that in mind for the t3 drabbles....#this made me remember theres a line in the fic insinuating kazui never saw harrow so maybe i go back and fix that later#because i always intended for them to see all the videos#i try to keep my fics fairly ship-neutral but theres definitely potential here for prisoners getting caught looping the singer they have#a thing for :')#lights camera sing your sins#ask
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hello hello!! a newcomer here with uh, first ask/im not really used to using tumblr ahhdgjd
ive been religiously reading and following you for . the past two months now methinks? and i really wanted to say that holy shit, your writing is absolutely beautiful </3 im sure you get a lot of comments about that,, but !? i really wanted to say that because i adore your posts sm 💙 and its gotten me looking forward to your next post, whatever it may be!
i !! also know you're considering moving blogs and all that so,, i wanted to wish you the best of luck!! and that even if you dont know me i care about you :] so yes!! thats uh. what i wanted to say (im very awkward at these things im so sorry 😭??)
sincerely, wren (also i . dont mind at all if my username is revealed or not its hhhh up to you !!)
ahh hello wren!!! thank you so much for your kind words i am really at a loss of words (lol) this is just so sweet of you ㅠㅠ two months is kind of crazy i am really grateful for your support :) about the blog thing mmmmm hmmm i still dont know tbh and ive put off thinking about it too because irl stuff is my priority right now (and i hate to say it but this blog is my baby and im stuck on whether i want to keep it up as an archive at Least or not...im very indecisive im sorry)
i care about you too ^^ this really means a lot thank you again!! dont worry about being awkward we are all friends here (and i am also very awkward so.)
#i feel bad for mentioning i may move or delete blogs bc im sure its not nice being in a perpetual state of anxiety regarding what may happen#not that this blog is that important but you know#i would hate it but i also did not want to just drop off and come back like 4 months later like bye!! (which i kind if did...actually)#so ill try to update things here#my depressed loser brain a few months back was all for deleting this blog so i shared my twt with some friends and went back to work#but after some time i think that might be unneccessary fjjfjf#sorry i am but a creature ruled by emotions...#ask 🐟#thank you again!
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How did you read the X-men comics?! Do you collect physical copies or..do you read them digitally? I really want to get into the Krakoan era but cannot find any place to read the comics. Pls save me friend
I do both!
I buy comics whenever im out and see something interesting and wanna take it home (or make an impulsive decision while browsing ebay…..) or i just really like an issue ive already read online (like 309 or the flashback issue) and i wanna be able to pull it off my shelf to reread it over and over. I read digital if i just wanna know what people are talking about/im curious about a run/issue, or if the run i wanna read’s too large for me to buy at the moment (like all of house of m)
I generally prefer to buy physical comics because im a stickler for physical stuff, esp if theyre used. Plus its easier for me to actually feel incentivized to read them lol. also, should i ever have friends interested in comics, i always like the idea of being able to pluck the issue/s off my shelf and lend it to em :]
If you’re strugglin with a krakoa reading list, i made this list a couple months back that should still relatively hold up! Also worth checking out the original 70’s Krakoa in Giant-Size X-Men #1. Just for funsies tho: it’s not really necessary to read the current krakoa era, but it doesnt hurt to have a peek….
And if you need a site to read comics, Read Comics Online is your best friend (just make sure you got an adblock- its miserable on mobile, so id say read it on a laptop..)!
Happy reading my friend :] !
#snap chats#guys my dads acting weird he just asked me for my moms number…..:#fym you wanna check on her….. i think hes just drunk or something idk ill call him later after my last class#my dads so funny. anyways. back on topic#while i was trying to find my reading post list i had to scroll through so many posts about erik’s meat like christ#there was SOMETHIN in the water that week…..#back to physical stuff tho i also just like holding it…. i like the feel of the paper#also sometimes its fun getting jumpscared when i turn the page#for example when i was reading ultimate x-men numberrrr….. i dont remember 26? i think? maybe it was 21#somewhere around there but i was reading and got jumpscared with a two-page spread of mag’s face sayin ‘daddys home’ LIKE HELP#I GET IT BUT STILL. JUMPSCARE…#shoutout to me having the trial of magneto omnibus just to look at That page of erik fjWOSJK i am shameless#but see !! good reason for physical… i get to giggle and kick my feet at sleepwear mags whenever i want#WITHOUT squinting at my phone screen or dragging my laptop everywhere. or. yk. i couldve done that at some point….#anyway! again happy reading my friend :]#dont be afraid of comics theyre very east to get into honestly#just have fun and read what you think you’ll enjoy#and ask your friends what they enjoy…. joy shared js joy doubled….#ok bye i have quizzes to do
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happy valentines day to The Ship Ever
#im almost done w the broppy playlist btw. ill share it later. also writing is slow as shit but eeh im trying#im super excited abt this tbh i havent written much in a good week or so but the holiday has me wanting to do more
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I swear why are half the things i like/fandoms im in made of mostly younger people while the other half are mostly older people? what are the zoggin odds with that?
How it feels being 20 in a fandom with a bunch of 30-40 somethings.
VS how it feels being 20 in a fandom with a bunch of 14-17 somethings.
like am do i just have extremely odd luck with things i like or is this just what being 20 is like?
#I go browse homestuck twitter and find out an artist I like is turning 16. I go to warhammer twitter and see a meme poster I enjoy is almost#three times my age.#like how do you get a person to somehow feel too old to be in a one fandom yet too young to be in the another?#i know this sounds stupid but it happens every time i like something#world of warcraft has people who have been playing this game for as long as i have been alive#despite aging with the game minecraft is primarily youngsters#team fortress 2 is somehow both too young and too old a fanbase#i've long since reconciled with the fact pretty much everything i like is over a decade old but why cant i just like something with a ->#similar age base? like it would be nice to interact with people that like similar things i like on a consistent basis.#I don't want to buzz around my 2 friends ears trying to not talk too much about my interests. Don't get me wrong I love those two gits but-#its not like i can complain about those childish gits who kept blocking the good fishing nodes in world of warcraft#I cant share my homestuck art and make references to characters that they don't know#I like making references! references make up roughly 1/3rd my jokes! Heck they make up my zogging dialogue too!#HECK I SAY ZOG AND GIT BECAUSE I AM A BLOODY STUPID MIMIC! I'M NOT EVEN BRITISH I LIVE IN MASSACHUSETTS!#YET EVERY TIME I GET A NEW “main interest” OR WHATEVER I END UP TAKING IN ZOGGIN SPEECH PATTERNS FROM THE DANG THINGS!#I ONCE MUTTERED “merde” WHEN THINGS WENT WRONG FOR LIKE OVER A YEAR BECAUSE SPY SAID IT AND ONLY STOPPED WHEN MY BILINGUAL AND FRENCH TAKIN#FATHER AND BROTHER RESPECTIVELY TOLD ME IT MEANT SHIT#I SAY “SLAPS ME ON THE KNEE” AND “SUCKS ON ICE” BECAUSE OF A MAIN INTEREST!#MY POSTURE GOT BETTER SOLELY BECAUSE I DID NOTHING BUT LEVEL A ZANDALARI HUNTER UNTIL LEVEL 120.#WHEN LAUGHING A MODERATE AMOUNT I DO THE /LOL ORC EMOTE. WHEN CHUCKLING I PUT MY HAND ON MY MOUTH LIKE SHIVER FROM SPLATOON BLOODY 3!!!#I HAVE BEEN UNINTENTIONALLY MIMICKING THINGS I LIKE FOR YEARS! I BOB MY HEAD AND WALK DIGITIGRADE BECAUSE I HEARD BIRDS/DINOSAURS DO IT TO-#BALANCE WHEN WALKING. AND THE ONLY REASON I SUCKED AT RUNNING WAS BECAUSE WHEN I WAS YOUNGER I WATCHED A SCENE OF ICE AGE WHERE SID WAS WAL#ING AND MIMICKED HOW HE WALKED FOOT -> FOOT INSTEAD OF HEEL -> TOE HEEL -> TOE#AND NOW I GUESS I'M JUST WAITING FOR WHAT ILL GET FROM HOMESTUCK HUH#ugh if you can't tell this is a midnight brainrot post. i may be awake and on my computer but this still has the energy of that kind of pos#saturday warhammer and the following wendys browsing for ya folks.#midnight brainrot#Man i needed to get those off my chest#not like anyone reads these midnight brainrot posts anyways#oh yeah gotta tag art and paint.net so i can easily find these drawings later if i need them
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quick doodle of. blorbos from my brain
the punishment chair is actually a thing, I got it from this video:
youtube
i was trying to come up w something to draw with these guys and i remembered this video so. boom
#art#eden#mars#ive shared art of eden before#from when they were first created as a zomboid character#but i dont think ive shared mars yet at all#ill prob try to explain them more later as i work up the ability to draw more stuff with them#oc#oc art#my oc
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