#ill take a bit to decide
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Edit since a lot of people seem confused - your "real" name is the name that you want to be referred to in real life. It doesn't have to be your legal name. So if you're trans and you have a different name to whats on your birth certificate, even if not many people call you by the name, it still counts as your real name.
Edit 2 : Holy shit guys please stop reblogging this post my poor inbox im getting like 20 notifs an hour asjfhkajshdkh /lh /srs
#FUN FACT : charlie isnt my real name :]#i decided to go with the name charlie because i didnt wanna use my real name and i like the name charlie#my parents were gonna call me charlie when i was born but didnt in the end#i dont really know why i dont just tell you lot my real name because its a super common name#another thing that using a diff name online has caused is me seeing “charlie” almost as a different person#theres “[wearegonnapretendiputmyrealnamehere]” and then theres “Charlie” and they are two different people in my mind#idk aksjffhkajsshdka#anyways this is the second poll ive made today what is my deal with polls#i should make a seperate poll tag for all my fucking polls that i make#I MAKE A LOT#ill tag all my polls when i think of a good name lol#anyways woah i got a bit rambly there#did i make a whole ass poll just because i thought you might find it interesting that my real name wasnt charlie?#yes. yes i did.#(DO NOT take this as me not wanting you lot to call me charlie i would prefer you use that name over anything else lol)#polls#tumblr polls#random polls
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handing you over this old madwheeler drawing from my dead hands
#guys im not dead#just decided to take a break from social media cuz ive been feeling a bit exhausted#ill answer all the asks once im back!#madwheeler#mike wheeler#max mayfield#stranger things#marvey draws
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My piece for @daily-teki's DTIYS !
#your turn to die#yttd#memory dance girl#teki tsutone#teki yttd#yttd memory dance girl#my art#daily teki dtiys#oh i have so much to say about this one.... but ill try to keep it short#i decided to take a more... scenic? approach#just to push myself a bit more#and i wanted to incorporate the chain motif more. yes i rendered them all except the purple ones (u cant even tell those are chains...)#shes the star of the show.... but at what cost#its not super different from what i usually draw but it felt nice to work on this one :)#oh also yes i changed the camera angle. hope that's ok#i didnt use any references for the pose and the lighting though so if it looks like ass. sorry#btw the file got corrupted 3 times#the gods of local memory storage didnt want me to finish this one but here it is anyway
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im doing something different for commissions this coming time
#i have to cleanup/line/color/ the last of the work I have to do#and then im gonna take a break for a week or two#for the next batch it’s gonna be different I’ve decided#im probably going to make them ko-fi 6 or 8 slots first come first serve#im gonna raise my prices too. im sorry if this an inconvenience#im not going to get too personal but there like rough changes happening in my life and i feel very physically sick rn#i feel very ill and im feeling so intensely ever since being off my meds. I don’t want to make it anyone’s problem#im SO greatful to the people who want art from me. and im so greatful for the commissions i get.#I think I worked myself to the point of misery . im feeing the physical effects of it#im just physically exhausted and I don’t want to burn myself out#I can barely respond to people and I don’t want to have others deal with it#I have no other ways of getting money so I physically depend on these#I don’t want to feel like im only good for making art . i don’t want to make it seem like im lazy when im working everyday#hopefully I finish the rest of my work in the coming week. I appreciate everyone whose supported me and my art#and im sorry for being a bit of a downer. I’ll get back to regular posting 🧡#txt
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hiii I was wondering, is it just me or does it feel like Yesod would spontaneously combust the nanosecond his little walnut brain realizes "hey they might not be visiting me just to bother me about paper" ? in reference to your funny Blue Cheese/Netzach/Yesod post
also how often do you think Chesed is haunted by Chuck-E-Cheese ?
genuinely cant think of anything funny to say in reaponse all outa ideas it got drained out of me into the lobcorp machine to get on the stupidest of grinds for this . feels like it would go all quiet up in there before going back into existence to fully process the fact . exaggerated for a sad attempt at humor
on regards to chuck e cheese not quite exactly the idea presented but i havent slept in awhile so i hope this slight tangent regarding the idea will suffice. i think it haunts him like an ever present oil stain thats just faded but when youre having a nice day pops up to remind you of its existence. not quite sure how it haunts as its not necessary good nor bad but it sure does never leave. if we are talking literal apparition haunting deal. maybe like on weekends
does the city have a chuck e cheese. did chesed ever experince the very grungy experience of a chuck-e-cheese. is there some sort of abnormality that took on its form akin to how fragment of the universe tried to change its appearance in order to communicate its intent though crayon scribbles and hearts but for the mascot of chunky cheese to communicate the . pain of entertainment joints or smthn. ill never know . hopefully ill stay ignorant to such matters
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#this is so stupid im so sorry. even by my standards i regret having caffeine at 9 why did i think it would be funny#there is no activity inside my brain. absolutely nothing. its almost liberating if not a little weird.#will i see this after taking a nap and go 'yeah i totally posted that at 3am that sure is a 3am post'#probably. will i do anything abt it? yeah go back to sleep maybe until i need to rush out the front door#.... .. . do i even want to tag acrually. yeah sure#yesod lobcorp#chesed lobcorp#netzach lobcorp#i GUESS. im ntot going to get into an argument w myself ill decide later if it counts or not#i keep am worried abt ooc but then i realized its. afuckin g thing about paper and chuckecheese. i dont care anymore#and then o felt the warm embrace of liberty. maybe im losing it a bit i should just post this and get over the ever present shame
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Logically, I understand that prepwork and setup take time and are distinct skills from crafting
Emotionally, I don’t understand how I have so many projects in different stages that never seem to get finished and always seem to expand
#mini rant#vent post#plus while I understand that I get ill#I don’t understand how this prevents my projects from being completed#also tutorials are separate and distinct skill from making (which I have also not yet mastered)#which is also a different skill from self-critique#I am trying to decide#whether it’s better to get things done now and clean them up and add more features and reflection later so they get done#or take my time with doing every single bit thoroughly from the get go for both pragmatic reasons and marketing reasons#because it will be easier to get support and get things done faster when I’m established#but it’s easier to become established and get support if you’re thoughtful and thorough#and while I definitely believe anyone treating tutorials as a job SHOULD dedicate time and resources to breakdowns and documentations#I am in a weird in-between space where I am not being paid and cannot expect to be paid for some time#on the other hand#I don’t want to risk being paid later for bad actions now#nor do I want to risk creating bad habits as they seem to get more entrenched with audience support instead of resolved#ughhhh
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How did Donnie react to the oops babies? How did he know these eggs were different than the other ones?
oh gosh. vague, unsure hand motions. i haven't thought about it too much yet, since it's not really a part of my plan for the main story and therefore not the focus, and also like. shrugs. turtle biology??? mutant biology??? what a mystery. so idk what exactly a pregnancy would look like for them, though i do think they'd know about the existence of kiddos before any eggs actually entered the world.
i think that donnie would have a lot of feelings about it, like, you know, most people would, and there'd definitely be a lot of fear/anxiety/uncertainty (esp at the beginning) for a lot of reasons. but at that stage of his life, he is also in a really good, steady relationship with his partner,,, and has the support of his family,,, and it's definitely not like he HATES the idea of a Mini Him, he just hadn't planned on it so soon,,, (and also he is kind of, like. curious about the Whole Situation,,, scientist brain lighting up,,,)
he and sorrelshine definitely, like, go over all the pros and cons and discuss it at leNGTH on sEVERAL occasions before they come to any conclusion about what they're gonna do about it. but eventually, it's kinda just like...
fuck it, we ball. y'know?
#i say with some degree of hyperbole#obvs its something that they take very seriously and thoroughly consider before deciding anything#but they do eventually decide as a unit that its something that they want and are willing to go through with and commit to etc etc etc#im also like! not 1000% sure what the woRLD looks like when this happens in my mind#because i think something ive decided recently is that#like#i dont think i want an apocalypse timeline for gemini au#in the sense that like..... i dont think there's a doomed timeline? i dont like that. it makes me sad#i think there's just. one timeline. where there IS an invasion. and there is an 'apocalypse.'#but where!!! in the end!!! they win!#it takes some time and a hell of a lot of moxie but i think the turtle gang takes the win for team earth and eventually curbstomp the kraan#so theres no death of any siblings. no sending cj back in time on his own. none of that#just a period where things are Very Rocky and Complicated and then an eventual end to that#i think i like that for gemini au#i think thats what makes me happiest#ill just take the bits of apocalypse aus that i LIKE and leave the parts i dont u w u coz apoc aus are! very fun. lots of rooms for like#shenanigans and such. i just dont like the SAD BITS you dig? but so i think that there is a very real chance that they are like#in early-ish Apocalypse Years when donnie is infected with Baby#so thats also an element to the decision. if that makes sense#gemini au asks#gemini asks#asks#anon#tw pregnancy#cw pregnancy#kinda
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currently 15 chapters into lotm rn. ik everyone says that i should atleast finish the first vol to know whether i should drop it but it really feels like such a chore to read through the first novel
#lord of the mysteries#lotm#i get that lotm lets you KNOW that its a webnovel that takes its time because theres#a whole chapter of klein cooking for his sister but im not really that type of person#reading orv was a bit of a slog and i even straight up skipped two arcs#i know lotm is gonna be peak af but theres valid critic in how reading the first vol is required#to hook you in#its certainly a choice. im not saying its bad writing#its just a preference. i like fast paced writing in my literature so im VERY reluctant to read lotm atm#im only reading it rn bc i have nothing to do other than work and i need to pick a new media to hypfx on#im hypfx-less rn it feels like hell so im hoping lotm will do something#also idk about u but the sudden r slur jumpscared me and i went to look at rhe other novels if they had it too#yes. they have more r slurs to come. for my sanity i will assume its a mistranslation#but it really deterred me and i decided to overlook it but im not liking the constant side jab of being mentally ill or disabled
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poor niku miku,,
#blood#i originally just drew the flower eating but i felt it was a bit cringe and edgy and i couldnt take it#i dont even know what i was going for with it#but then i rembered that ive been seeing a lot of niku miku art#and decided to do this#digital art#art#mine#my art#vocaloid#fanart#vocal synth#vocaloid fanart#vocaloid art#hatsune miku#niku miku#vflower#v4flower#i hope the blood tag is enoufg ????#tw blood#cw blood#tw injury#i really dont konw how to tag this#i know its not horribly bloody nor gorey#but better safe than sorry question mark#i dont know please tell me if theres any other tags i should put on this grrrgrgrrrrr#aloso i was originally going to put writing on the second one#like BUEUEUEUEUUHHHHH FLOWER DID YOU EAT MY HAIR#but i think the drawings themselves convey taht hopefully#and ill be posting this on nonenglish websites too
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sooo. im thinking a bit about what cosplay im gonna make next, and i think ive narrowed it down to a couple options, but i want you to have all the options!
other options on the list include: Sailor Neptune (school uniform) - Sailor Moon (i think ive got a group for this!), Janet - The Good Place, Loki - Avengers Academy (the one i started last year), or Female Stede - Our Flag Means Death. a lot of these projects i have some level of plan for & wanna do some day, i just have stronger opinions on Kyoko/Toph. but if any of those sound more interesting to you! i am down. i wouldnt list options i didnt want
propaganda + images below
Kyoko is a costume that i have been planning for SO long, and finally feel like my skills are somewhere where ill be able to do her justice. i have a lot of the materials for this costume, including the wig, and even have a pattern plan for the main part of the garment. HOWEVER. my main material is velvet. and none of my other materials are any nicer to work with. i want to make the boots from scratch, i want to learn new wig making techniques, i want to make the spear to its full potential. this is going to be a big, complicated, time consuming project, and ill probably put it down at least once for my own mental wellness. its a dream costume of mine and i want to do it justice. its going to be a challenge, super technical and precise, but i think itll be worth it. its also going to be less comfortable, corset & velvet are not... the best con combo (also its a shorter skirt than i usually like, so ill be emotionally uncomfortable)
(also the more i think about it the more im... eh about the colour of my main velvet so um. might end up rebuying that)
Toph on the other hand, i have none of the materials for. i do have a source idea for the cream fabrics but nothing else at all. my design plan is sorta NATLA inspired- still the animated Toph costume, just drawing on the fabric and textures the netflix show used (especially with the Kyoshi warriors), which means some Sourcing will have to be done to find fabrics with the right weight & drape for my plans. this style of looser patterning is also new to me, not to mention pants.... though i think Toph would be a good project to avenge myself there honestly.
in general, this is gonna be a much easier make, and a nice comfy costume for cons, but at the same time, its a lot of expense out the gate, fabric shopping i dont neeeeed to do, and definitely still has some areas that test my skills (wig in Particular). i havent put as much time and energy into thinking about this build, but it has been on my list for some time and i wont regret making it.
(pictures of the others i mentioned. obviously no picture for my stede design but i was thinking of drawing inspo from the historical dresses in the show- some of marys, and evelyns, and the crowd scenes- and obviously stede himself, and then also reference real history. i dont own anything suitable for this time period so the first project would be stays i suspect!)
#i feel like ive missed out tons about each of these projects so if you wanna know more things please ask questions!#im excited to start on either of them; i think theyll be fun @ cons so!!! i just cant decide which#sorry i feel like i keep proposing projects and not following through but i have been thinkin about this for. a bit#this wont be my next make its just. next cosplay. maybe a slower project? not for a specific con?#the problem is. ive been trying to let my brain takes me where it wants to recently. but i also have so many projects i HAVE supplies for#that i should make. that ill like when ive made them. that simply arent sparking that interest right now#and its hard because i feel guilty over the size of my fabric stash. but if i tried to force myself to make some of the plans#i simply. wouldnt be making.#anyway i am going to try and find joy in some planned projects too. maybe work on a couple different things at once to keep my brain happy?#so i can switch around when i hit problems#^^ none of that specifically applies to these two. just in general. im often finding myself not interested in things i can actually make#sewing#polls#cosplay#seriously please if u wanna know more. ask!!!!!!!
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y'know, i keep making a habit of swinging my bat at hornets nests, but i have to say i'm getting so, so tired of people complaining about shows not making perfect sense when they aren't even close to done. we're four episodes into this season of doctor who. we're four episodes into this season of bridgerton. and yet in both fandoms i keep seeing people whine that such and such didn't make sense or it wasn't explained all the way and by god you guys i think maybe explanations might come later in the season. this is something most viewers will recognize as being called a 'plot.'
#like maybe a tiny bit of media literacy... might save you#and if you think i'm being mean like. its okay if you don't get it at first. it's okay if you don't understand the themes. but maybe#instead of stamping your feet and saying this makes no sense and i hate what they're doing and and and#maybe you could try listening to other people's interpretations of things and you'll find that what the show is trying to tell you becomes#more clear! would you look at that. wild how that happens#like im sorry you're entitled to your opinions but calling things bad writing just because you don't quite get it or it doesn't resonate#with you personally... i don't think you should just say this was shitty and worthless#the examples im using are because both resonate with me btw. 73 yards was existential horror it was hill house and bly manor#(im going to write about this in another post btw bc it compels me so)#it was about the way fear of abandonment can haunt you how mental illness can haunt you how you feel like you can drive people away#just by being yourself (the Woman was Herself what caused ruby to be abandoned was Her it's about her feeling as though she was the cause#of everyone who left her even as a baby even the people who loved her most could decide to not love her at the drop of a hat)#colin bridgerton is masking and faking a personality because it has been proven that time and time again#being Himself is Wrong that he annoys people he makes himself into what people expect of him because he's tired of being abandoned too#his family ignores and does not reply to his letters this season PEN stopped replying to his letters#his brother was cruel to him for being a romantic his friends LAUGHED AT HIM for saying sex is meaningful to him and don't they feel lonely#his Fake Rake persona makes viewers cringe because! its!! fake!!! he's faking it! HE GETS CALLED OUT ON IT TWICE IN EP ONE#if you don't understand he's faking it then that's on you at that point! i don't know! maybe take a minute to sit in the discomfort and ask#why did this show make me react this way and do you think maybe it was on purpose#''73 yards was confusing'' do you think confusion may be one of the ways ruby feels about her abandonment?#there is a theme in all of her episodes so far is it ''badly written'' unclear to you or do you just refuse to think critically about it#txtly#and im sorry for tagging this its just for my blog i kinda wish they still didnt show up in tags if i tag them all the way at the bottom#[old lady ruby voice] ''i used to be able to tag things just for myself once upon a time''#bridgerton#bridgerton spoilers#doctor who#doctor who spoilers
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ok i should proooooooobably stop at 30 requests lmao 💀
#chris cross applesauce#that's gonna take a bit....#ill probably use a wwheel to decide wwhich one im gonna do next haha
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ichiro threw gales of wind and kuukou had all this water falling imagery attached to him in the rap mv, oh they know they were cooking
#vee queued to fill the void#hypanispoilers#i feel so diseased thinking about the ichikuu in this episode lmao#kuukou taking initiative and ichiro deciding to follow after him#ichiro picking up on the battle terrain and kuukou instantly catching and finishing his train of thought#kuukou: in travel one wants a companion and in life compassion right? i’m staying too. don’t think i’m letting you have all the best parts#ichiro: *cautiously stares at him*#them poking fun at each other’s hobbies and lifestyles while reminiscing on naughty busters days#them remaining undefeated and ichiro championing that naughty busters name#kuukou lingering just a bit behind ichiro because he always takes a step back whenever ichiro’s doing his protag thing#we go with the flow is an entire banger and a half with them working together BRUH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#that second text that’s like ‘they’re not opposites they’re powerful figures that employ a different approach to achieve the same end’#HAS ME SO ILL THAT REALLY IS THEM RHYME ANIMA YOURE INSANE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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i guess im being offered the job lol
#i didnt even have to interview????? here i was worrying about oh god going for an interview#but i guess not???#manager called me just now and was like hey i spoke w the people they want to know if you can start on these dates#like. okay???????#theres a week of training for me to do and then the following week id start at thee job#like an idiot as i was saying bye on the phone i only remembered then that i should have asked if it was PAID training ugh.#im assuming so . but maybe not. idk#im gonna call him back on monday to give my answer#this is it.... i may finally be free of the annoying people....#but like anything i have my trepidations. bc who know if itll work out#well thats life. as the song goes#fortunately im still within the timeframe to change the amount for my commuter benefits pretax card thing#bc the monthly pass id need for the new job#costs like less than half of what i pay now for the bus to ny#crazyyyyy. anyway i gotta do that if i decide to take the job#its more money (a little. but still more. ok its like a dollar and 4 cents more. which not a lot but still)#i get more sleepytime (always good) and im saving on commuting#plus ill only have to pay nj (and federal) taxes. instead of also paying ny yay. thats good#sorry again weighing the pros and cons onstage here#UH. what else#well a shorter commute is good but it means less reading/music listening time#although ive only resumed reading recently lol#idk. well then i could read at home and not worry about my books getting messed up#these past couple weeks ive been :( that the like 70-something year old paperback ive been taking is getting a bit rougher#only a little. but yesterday it got a bit wet bc my bag got soaked in the rain#why am i taking a super old book to work well i dont know what to tell you we have some old books#ok getting off topic. everything seems good about the new job so fuck dude i guess ill go for it#finally free of the stupid people here.... on to new stupid people (undoubtedly)#well it's probably all good then but unfortunately i always worry what if it isnt. hm
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sometimes i get really discouraged about my health, but then i remember that like 5 years ago i could wrap my hand around my biceps and touch my fingertips on the other side. i am, in fact, doing amazing.
#relatively. not compared to a normal person. amazing compared to what i used to be.#this weekend i went on a hike for 4 hours BY MYSELF with no fear of idk fainting or something equally dangerous#POTS decided to mess with my blood pressure a bit but i'll take my ears popping over whatever the heck i had going on 5 years ago#i couldn't even walk up a flight of stairs without some ill effect and now look at me 😌 baby steps#rilla.txt#dl
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Just remembered I have a psychiatrist appointment so early tomorrow. And I obviously dyed my hair so recently because there's green staining on my face. I don't think it's going to look great for the bipolar diagnosis, to disclose that I was feeling impulsive and wanted to get control over something, so I dyed my hair at midnight.
#i dont really like this psychiatrist but ive only seen her once so i figured i should give her one more shot#last time i saw her she adked how i liked my anxiety meds#i said i love them. theyre helpful and have no side effects since my body got used to them#and i said i explicitly didnt like ky old ones cuz of how they made me feel#she prescribed the old ones and said i should just tey taking a smaller dose. even though im on meds i like#but the bigger problem is#we went over all my previous medications. ive been on several. a lot of antidepressants especially which is really bad for bipolar#the worst antidepressant cause pericarditis (swelling around my heart) that made me go to the emergency room#we went over that. i told her everything i just told you#my bipolar leans heavily into the depression so she decided to tey another antidepressant along with my mood stabilizer#can you guess which antidepressant she prescribed? can you??#and i didnt realize it at the time because she called it the generic name so i couldnt explain she shiuldnt prescribe me that#and i meant to callher about it but it completely slipped my mind and i thought i had more time#and then suddenly my appointment is tomorrow#or the other thing she recommended was lithium. which feels like wuite an escalation#eapecially since she said it can cause irreversible damage to (maybe remembering this wrong) my kidneys#like i feel like there must be a better option. none of which are anxiety meds i dont like. an antidepressant that sent me to the hospital#or something that could cause irreversible damage. like i feel like theres a better way#i also need to talk to her about setting up an adhd assessment#i had an assessment a few years ago in which i was told im 'too smart to have adhd'#calling adhd people not smart is bullshit. you cant be too smart to have adhd. and i feel like i was just dismissed because im female#he said he wished he could score as hugh as i did on the knowledge tests#man me too. maybe then you wiuldnt be such an idiot. how did you get a license to practice. how did you pass any higher education#are you just a random guy that walked in off the street? i refuse to call him a doctor#i call him a quack or by his full name because i don't think he deserves the respect of that title#what was i talking about. oh yeah trying another assessment with an actual doctor this time#wish me luck with my appointment tomorrow bcuz she might try to kill me again#or dismiss my concerns of adhd like she dismissed my dislike for my old anxiety meds#im in hell. being mentally ill is hell a little bit#actually its not. im fine with my mental illness. im not fine with how doctors treat me because of it
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