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gorewh0re90x-blog · 11 months ago

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diary entries...

TW: substances, ed, TMI situations

1/7/2024

6pm

im so tired. i havent been this tired since i quit doing dope 7 months ago. i still miss her almost everyday. my one true love. she was with me through everything the last 12 years. our relationship was toxic as hell but she will always be the one who got away. even if (when) i relapse and run back to her it will always end. it might end in death or just another rehab but it will always end. thats the thing with her, no matter how many times i run back i always have to leave, even if its for a little bit. theres no way around it. i start doing good in life and i run back to her warm and beautiful arms. the beginning is always the best, the honeymoon phase, but it doesnt last longer than 6 months. she always asks for more and more. more time, more money, more attention, more destruction. we lay in bed all day and all night as she whispers sweetly in my ear 'you dont need any of this..not this job, not this money, not your friends, not your family, not the outside world..you only need me..' and i always agree because its true, i only need her to be ok with being alive. no matter how many times we go through the same notions, i always listen to her..how can i not? when im with her nothing else matters, nothing means a thing. she makes me feel so safe, so warm, so invincible, so beautiful, so amazing.. its only her, always and forever.. until she takes everything away from me, as she always does, and drags me to rock bottom where the only choice i have left, is to leave her again..

9pm

idk whats wrong with me the last few days. im so tired and feeling like crap. it cant be not enough sleep because im sleeping. it cant be not enough food because im eating. im tired, my stomach hurts, im cold until I get in bed and under the covers and then im hot. my head hurts. my body aches, although that could be just me trying to work out too much. it feels like im constipated but im still going a little everyday. consistency of soft serve ice cream, which is super foreign to me. ive been constipated for the last 12 years, going once a week, if i was lucky, and when i did go it was like pushing out baseballs made out of rocks. this whole thing is just strange and exhausting. i just feel like I have the flu. i took dulcolax, my savior, an hour and a half ago and im hoping it clears out everything i ate the last 4 days and not just little swirls of crap that take 10mins of wiping to clean up. gross, i know. i just want to sleep but i don't want to wake up at midnight and be wide awake til i get back from the clinic at 6:30am. maybe ill be able to sleep for the next 6 hours and then just work out some until its time to head to the clinic at 5:30. i took an hour nap earlier around 5pm and had a weird dream.. it had to do with 2 guys breaking in and trying to shoot us unsuccessfully and ended up with me stabbing one and the other getting shot. hopefully its not some premission.. im gonna try to nap.

1/8/2024

12:05am

i decided to let myself get an oreo mcflurry every sunday since ive been doing so well with my diet and exercise. i figured that since i burn more than the 510cal thats in the dam thing every day anyway, i can be a fat fucking pig and have one. theyre just so dam good 😩 cutting out all sugar has been a nightmare over the last month. ive spent the whole time i was an h addict living on sugar so its been rough. it will be totally worth it though. i should reach my current goal weight of 100lbs in the next 10 months or less as long as i keep doing what ive been doing. i cant wait to be thin and beautiful. i dont need drugs as long as im thin 🖤

1/9/2024

1am

i ate that slice of cheese pizza i said i wouldnt touch..378cals. 378!! im such a fat pig. disgusting. it doesnt matter that i burned twice as much in calories today. the only thing that matters is that i didn't have enough self control to not eat that dam slice of pizza. i hate that my husband eats the foods i cant have every freaking day. i know me needing to lose weight is not his problem but it still sucks to be put in these situations everyday. if its not pizza its cookies and sweets and danishes and everything else I cant eat. fuck this sucks so bad! starting tomorrow i need to burn more than 700-900cals each day. i need to walk more than 10-13k steps. i need to eat less than 1400cal each day. idc if im technically still losing weight. its not enough. i need to do better and damnit i will do better.

11pm

i ate less but didnt get to work out as much as i wanted to. i guess tomorrow will be better. it better be at least. i need to get to sleep before 3am tonight so i dont sleep til 5pm tomorrow.. i have to be up at 530am to go to the clinic 5 times a week and by 11am im so exhausted i need a freaking nap or im falling over on my feet. i think they need to lower the dose on my medicine. this is getting super annoying. i just wanna be thin already. fml.

1/11/2024

12:36am

today was good. i walked over 13k steps, worked out for an hour, burned about 1000cals and only ate about 800cals. definitely getting a hang of this. didnt have a headache either. got a decent amount of sleep too. im definitely gonna ask my clinic to lower the dose on my medication because im sure thats why im tired all the time. im super sore from the gym the other day but tomorrow i have to go either way. hopefully it wont be too crowded because i get really bad anxiety and paranoia around strangers. i hate going outside. goodnight my lovelies, i hope youre all staying on track and getting closer to your ugw 🖤🚬🦋

1/13/2024

5:16am

i had a good day yesterday but not a great night. i burned around 1200cals and had a 90min work out plus 15k steps. less food as well. ordered some stuff off amazon ive been wanting since beginning of december so i was super happy until my husband decided to drink and be..not great. he hasnt been drinking since we moved states 7 months ago except 1 or 2 previous occasions because he gets wasted and acts a fool. he was doing good until he wasnt. it just wasnt a good experience but hes finally asleep. im exhausted from not getting more than 3 hours of sleep the previous night and having to deep clean the whole house and do my workout and now being up all night. i want to go to sleep but i have a few things to worry about due to his drinking so its not looking so good right now.. i fed the stray cats i take care of just now and im gonna lay down and listen to some creepypastas and hope for sleep to come. hope everyone is doing well 🖤🚬🦋

#ana bllog #ed bullshit #tw ana diary #ed not ed sheeran

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rhapsody-in-heaven · 4 years ago

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The Diary of Losing You

Day One

I cant believe it, never did we ever talk about breaking up before this .. and now all of a sudden its happening. I cant process it. I cant accept it. Sure, we’ve had fights but I never felt like they were toxic. We never got to that point - we weren’t even close to that point. Was I too stubborn? Did you not like that? Because no matter how much I begged and bargained - you kept telling me, it was over. That you didnt have to explain things to me but you were doing it out of courtesy. But its hard to accept - not only because it was so sudden but because you told me you still liked me - and god knows, i still like you. You told me, you couldnt change and you knew that about yourself and honestly, I kind of admire that. I havent had a lot of boyfriends but the first one I had to accept cuz he stopped liking me - the other two were long over by the time we broke up - there was resentment in our relationship but we didnt know how to let go - so we kept holding on - even when it got so toxic and even when it was obvious we were much better off without each other. But its still hard. Why don’t you think we’re worth a second chance. i didnt even think it was so bad that it needed to be classified as a second chance - just that we were still trying to figure out the kinks with the first one. Even when I told you that if the same situation happens even one more time, you could break up w me - even if it was two weeks later - i wouldnt complain. But you told me that in that case you would just break up with me two weeks later because for you, the relationship was already over. You didnt think we were worth a second chance and that hurts a lot. I spent hours begging you to reconsider - knowing that you wouldnt - but i still had to try. and then I spent hours after talking to two friends and crying my heart out to them. all i could think about was all the plans we made that would no longer come to pass. I questioned myself if I was missing the thing wed do together or miss you and yeah at that time i was grieving our breakup but grieving more the things that would no longer come to pass. Im used to seeing you once every three weeks but three weeks werent up yet and it still felt relatively normal i guess. but the fact that I also knew the sadness would hit when the three weeks were up also scared me. sleep was my solace - when i sleep, i dont need to think anymore. Day Two teaching as usual but then in the times i didnt have to actively teach - i could feel the tears forming in my eyes but its okay, i dont think anyone noticed. but then we had a break between classes and i started to talk to another friend and then i couldnt stop crying. crying so loud that my coteacher heard it and asked what was wrong, and of course needing to explain things out loud with my voice made it that much worse. I could pull myself together for when i was actually teaching the class but - i still miss everything about you. I had my sixth grade class and I was so happy. They were my worst class last year but they did so well on this exercise we thought they would have trouble with - and they did, but with some help they managed to finish, and they did well. The first person i wanted to talk to was you. I felt like all i ever did was complain in our relationship I really wanted to give you the good news. And you were nice enough that you listened to me, and told me that even before, just hearing from me was good news. and that felt incredibly bittersweet. before leaving school my coteacher told me to feel better but all i could think was that i missed you. I had dinner plans that night but they got cancelled - I called my cousin and he talked to me for hours just listening to me cry - and then talk about life - and listening to me cry again. He told me that you probably didnt like the way we communicated and decided to end it before it gets harder later on. I can respect that I said, but its too soon to call it quits - we never even tried. To him, I just wasnt worth trying. Day Three teaching kept me busy for most of the morning - i didnt have much time to think about you. but after lunch, the sadness began to manifest itself again. I dont think anyone noticed, or maybe they pretended not to. but I started to think back on the times before you moved away. Before we were long distance or even a couple. How you were so good to me. How you made me food. How you stayed with me when i was sad and i just have so many regrets I wasnt adquately able to tell you how i felt about you. How i was constantly unsure about myself but how when you did ask me out, you told me that it was okay that i didnt know - it was okay if i was never able to say i love you because you could feel that saying “love” signified a very strong emotion for me that i wasnt sure i ever felt before, and even with just me saying “like” you knew and could tell that my feelings for you were really deep. Why is it that you miss them so much more when theyre gone? Why do i feel like I shouldve treated you better i shouldve done more and thought of you more and expressed my feelings to you better. but hindsight is always 20/20. I went to pole and then to see my friends at night. we went to karaoke and at this point only one of the two friends knows because i didnt wanna ruin the birthday celebrations coming up of the one who didnt know. Well we were singing “payphone” and she said that we were singing it like someone had broken our hearts and all i could do was pretend to laugh. For the record, I dont think u broke my heart. or i dont blame you. i just wish things ended differently - i wish we were worth another shot in your mind. But all of this, is just wishful thinking. And i know that.

Day Four

its the weekend, and the day we celebrate her birthday. its a rainy day and somehow every little thing reminds me of you. I havent felt like this after a break up in a long time - im not sure if ive ever felt like this after a break up at all. My last two were long over before we ended things and the one before that was the definition of puppy love - sure i thought about him, and maybe its because its been so long but i dont remember every little thing reminding me of him. The rain reminds me of you. I saw a couple walking under an umbrella and remembered that you bought this hella big and expensive umbrella so that we could share it together in the rain. when I was at the aquarium all i could think about was how nice it would be if i was there with you. I saw a boat and i could just think about your job and how youre a shipbuilding engineer. Even looking at myself in the mirror, i thought about how you bought a jean jacket so we could match. I thought about the white tennis shoes we wanted to buy so we could match together when a friend mentioned she needed new white shoes. I thought of all the cute little cafes you took me to when we went to eat a cafe. my friend said she wanted to go to a marsh she saw in my photos - the very same one you took me to. we went to a coin karaoke place and the first time i ever went to one was with you. and sometimes i didnt need a reminder - my mind would just wander and i would remember things i didnt even know I remembered. the time when we fought about women in the workforce and your industry in the cafe and at the car. how when i asked if you were still mad at me you said that you wish you said “oh maybe i am a little bit, but ill make a lot of money and buy u a nice purse” to defuse the situation instead of getting mad. How our very first date lasted two nights and three days. How you couldnt spend my birthday w me but spent valentines w me the next day. The night you asked me to be your girlfriend - and how scared but also how happy i was. How you always took me to so many places. How i always could complain to you and you would always listen w patience - how i just wanted you back - how i wanted you to hold me and tell me it was a mistake - that you didnt really wanna break up w me that you thought about it and you wanna try again. but i also know, its wishful thinking and i know, that you wont come back to me. Day Five No plans. it’s still raining. No reason to go out. Can’t find the will to clean my apartment thats getting messier and dirtier by the day. I just want to lie in bed. I’ve been swiping on tinder and talking to some ppl - not to find a rebound but just to talk to people - to feel less - lonely? dejected? idk. but it doesnt really work - it feels like a lot of effort that I cant give. Were conversations always this hard? i feel like ours were so easy. And then i start to think again. all the promises we made. You said you would still try to be friends with me. Can we still do the little things? even before we went out you said u would take me skiing in the winter - is that still on? you told me you would buy me a hanbok - how about that? will you still take me? I keep asking why its over for you. why another chance will never happen. but the whole day, i just lie in bed. I cant bring myself to do anything. I keep searching up things like how long it should take to get over you - but at the same time im not sure i want to. Its not over for me yet even if its over for you. I guess, im feeling all the beginning stages of grief at once. Shock and Denial - i know its over - my head knows it - my head knows that you wont take me back or give us another go but my heart still has that false hope. my heart doesnt want to give you up. Guilt and Pain - well the pain is self explanatory but the guilt - i just keep wondering if this was my fault. if I was too unwilling to change - or didnt know i needed to change until i realized u were serious when you said you were thinking of breaking up w me - if i never said “how about we just never talk again” in anger and sadness, would we have gotten to this point? Anger and Bargaining - im not really angry - i mean i dont think this was your fault or mine but i guess i am kind of upset at the fact that you dont think we’re worth a second shot. anything we argued about, even if it spanned across a couple of days, has never come up again. and this was the first time this particular issue came up so why could we both make steps and amends to keep this from happening. are we both too stubborn? but i was willing and it felt like you werent. you told me that even ur past gfs have said that sometimes they didnt feel like they really had a choice and it wasnt just me. so im assuming that this is something youre eventually going to have to fix for yourself or you find a girl whos okay with that - but you also said you didnt want a gf or a wife that was like a doll who just agreed w everything you said. so this just means to me that youre not willing to try and change. honestly, if youre aware of it, it shouldnt be a hard fix but you already made up your mind that you werent going to do it. in reality i just wasnt the one you were willing to make those steps towards. and that is where my sadness and anger come from. now bargaining - im really willing to make changes and kind of the biggest testament i can give to that is that if we could be together again, i could quit that game ive been playing for 2 years cold turkey. For whatever reason, you never liked me playing that game and if it means i could have you back, i would gladly get rid of it. as for the other things - i promise i wont pressure to be with you longer cuz i know your tired - now i know youre tired. because you never told me before. Im sorry i dont like to lose arguments and i get defensive - i know i need to communicate better too. but i just really miss you and it kills me that we never even gave it a chance. yes, maybe youre right and things wont change and i know you think youre doing me a favour by ending this sooner rather than later but it kills me more that we never tried. Depression Loneliness and Reflection - self explanatory maybe im not fully in this stage yet but I do realize that the bargaining is not going to work even if i hope that it would. it isnt over to me and to be honest, im not sure i want to get over you yet, even tho i know i should. Day Six

a monday. i asked you yesterday if we could talk and you said you were busy. I’m sure even tho i know your answer, i will ask you today if you would reconsider. im sorry if this puts pressure on you but i think its also necessary that i know I at least tried for my own sanity instead of letting this go. I’m going to tell you everything ive been thinking the last several days just to get it out. and yes, there is still that false hope that you’ll take me back and when that’s crushed i will probably inevitably cry again. I’m not sure if talking to you so soon is the right answer, if later would give me a clearer head. but my heart is telling me that i need to ask you to reconsider now and not later - if only for the confirmation - that nail on the coffin, that we’re really not happening anymore. I asked you when you had time and you said 10pm. So after work, i go home and i write down everything i want to talk to you about - at least everything i can think of at the time of writing much of which i talked about here already - how i thank you for loving me and all the things you did for me, how i still hope youll keep ur promise about buying me a hanbok, about a possible snowboard trip, about my stages of grief - my denial, my anger, the bargaining, how it wasnt just you who needed to change but i do think you will eventually need to change for someone - that i was sad it wasnt me. how i wish you told me about the stresses of your job so id be more understanding, how you were the first guy i thought i could say i love you to. how im not good at this cuz my last two and only serious relationships ended long before we called it off but right now i still feel like i was starting to like you more and more. how u know to break it off now because it would hurt more for me later and you no longer wanted to see me cry but for me second chances and trying is important - which is why im bargaining with you even tho i know you will say no. i need to know i did everything I could. that im sad we didnt meet earlier and have a more stable realtionship and maybe it woulda worked out - that i was sad you had to move for your job because if you were still here things wouldve worked out differently. but i dunno - i hope youll listen with as open a mind as u can, really think about it before you reject me and ill know i did everything i could.

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b00bstone · 8 years ago

Note

half the ask the blogger questions please u can pick which ones

so i think this is half

2. If you could have dinner with any 3 living or dead people, who would they be and why?

my moms dad. because he was apparently bi. and my mom doesnt talk about him a lot so im curious. 2. van gogh. i feel like we would get along. we are both depressed and wanna die. and like to paint. altho hes wayyyy better than i could ever hope to be. and 3. celestine. i really fucking miss her.

3. What makes you laugh?

not a lot tbh. my sense of humour doesnt make a lot of sense but thomas sanders usually does.

9. What do you like to do on the weekends?

sleep and cry.

13. Tell me one surprising fact about you.

i like exercising. i dont do it because i never have energy but when i do (as long as its something fun like biking or hiking or swimming) then i really enjoy it.

the rest is under a readmore because this post is long af and it gets kinda depressing... (i hope i did it right)

15. What were you like as a child?

not much different than i am now. annoying and selfish.

16. What are some things on your bucket list?

i wanna go to space (which is crazy for someone whose two main fears are heights and the dark)

i wanna kiss someone really cute and have that feeling that all those poems and songs and books and movies talk about. the magical one.

i wanna get married. like the white dress and the reception and everything.

i wanna go to pride parade.

i wanna go to a gay bar

i wanna be so in love with someone that it makes everyone else simultaneously jealous and hopeful. like of course someone that loves me back too.

i wanna live somewhere like seattle.

i wanna go see a broadway musical in person.

i wanna go to a concert

i wanna have REALLY great sex.

i wanna travel the world.

and ill end it there or it could go on for years. then this post would get REALLY long.

23. If you could give your younger self one piece of advice, what would it be and why?

its ur life. do with it whatever the fuck u want. and if people object then flip the bird at them and say fuck u i only get one of these and ill live it how i please. because maybe if younger me had heard that id be braver and actually be able to find in me the courage to leave this house behind and carve out my own little hole in this world.

24. If you were stuck on a deserted island and could only bring one thing, what would it be?

a plane fully stocked with fuel and a pilot. the pilot comes with the plane and the fuel so it all counts as one thing.

29. What would you do if you won a million dollars?

buy myself a house far away from everything and everyone and move all my fav people there and their fav people and just chill there for a while.

30. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

the ability to get a rough idea of the future. like good or bad. u know.

32. What actor or actress would star as you in a movie about your life?

Imelda Staunton

34. If you could trade lives with anyone else for one day, who would you trade with?

trump. one day is all id need.

39. Are you a picky eater?

yes. i hate meat. i always have. and as a little kid i didnt even know how animals were treated. i just hate the taste. adn i hate cooked veggies. raw veggies are ok but cooked ones are gross. and spinach is gross. and there are a ton of other stuff i could list

41. What beverage do you consume most often?

energy drinks. i had like 5 today.

42. What is the first thing you wash in the shower?

hair.

44. How are you feeling right now?

sad.

48. Do you love yourself?

fuck no.

49. When was the last time you cried and why?

like 5 seconds ago. because im depressed and hate myself.

53. Have you ever flown in an airplane?

yeah. i was terrified of it as a little kid.

55. Are your parents or guardians strict?

well the only people i know whose parents are worse than mine on the strictness scale i recently realized have abusive parents so id say yes. they are rather strict.

57. Have you ever been in love?

yeah. requited love? nah.

58. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?

the only time it is acceptable to bite ice cream is if it is in sandwich form.

59. Did the one person who hurt you most in your life ever apologize?

no i still havent apologized to myself yet.

60. What are some of your turn-ons?

confidence. but like humble confidence. vulnerability. being into me.

61. What are some of your turn-offs?

cockiness. being an asshole. not being into me.

63. What are you thinking about right now?

my turn ons and offs and how much i hate myself.

65. Do you ever illegally download entertainment such as music, movies, etc.?

… ok so if ur from the FBI i need u to look away. ok now that the FBI isnt reading this. yeah i illegally stream movies and tv shows. not so much music tho. ok FBI u can continue reading now.

66. What is your zodiac sign?

cancer

67. Do you believe in karma or predestiny?

i dont know. i mean it makes sense. karma that is. predestiny is kinda depressing but i was raised in a very christian enviroment and the bible is confusing on that. so i dont really believe in it because then like my reason for living outside of people and my dog is almost completely gone.

68. Is there anything you want to say to anyone right now?

to my romantic soulmate: if ur out tehre come find me bitch. im lonely and want someone to kiss.

70. What is your stance on abortion?

i think its not my decision to make for other people. i dont think i would eget one personally but if someone else wants to then thats their choice and they should be allowed to make it.

71. Do you believe in ghosts?

yeah. it just seems plausible.

75. What do you daydream about?

having friends. and a bf/gf. being happy and seeing my friends and boyfriend or girlfriend all the time. not living here. i also fantasize about killing myself sometimes. or just dying in general. but its mostly about having friends and a significant other.

76. Where do you want to live after retirement?

i dunno. maybe switch between hawaii and alaska. or just hawaii with occassional trips to alaska.

77. What would you change your first name to?

joseph.

78. If you believe in a God or Higher Power, what one question would you want to ask Him or Her?

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?! theyd get what i mean.

82. What do you worry about most?

being alone forever and everyone hating me as much as i hate me

83. When was the last time you tried something new and what was it?

last weekend. it was food.

84. Who do you compare yourself to?

lots of people, one person specifically whose name we will not use tho is blub. im not gonna give away any info on this person. but i kinda hate them for no reason. theyre a nice person that i barely know but i hate them and theyre so much better than me. which is part of why i hate them.

86. What five words would you use to describe your personality?

annoying. needy. selfish. weird. ew.

89. If not now, then when?

good question. when someone wants to date me.

90. Is it possible to lie without saying a word?

yeah

91. What activities make you lose track of time?

talking to friends. crying. sleeping.

93. What is your biggest regret?

not dying earlier?

95. Are you a messy person or a clean person?

messy messy messy.

97. How tall are you?

like 5.5 o5 5.6

98. What is your guilty pleasure?

eating a ton of cheetos. and also using bathbombs and facemasks.

99. Do you prefer sweet or salty?

lately salty more. but my fav is cheesy.

100. What is your favorite social media website?

tumblr is a hellsite but probably tumblr.

thanks for asking my depressed ass some questions!

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taeyangdyb · 8 years ago

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Giving love a shot part 51

♡Jae’s views♡

Like that two years passed us by. Gray and Byul made their relationship public, they’re now engaged with a baby on the way, well the public doesn’t know about the whole baby part, she’s lucky her stomach doesn’t show a lot.

Mark is dating my friend Nicole, the girl he walked with at my wedding. I guess he falls for her French accent, and big boobs. Yeah I approved. *sigh*

Joon my little play boy with the biggest heart fell in love… again, with the least he’s expected. She’s not rich or a spoil brat. She’s a school teacher, she’s smart and as long as he’s in love and, happy we’re all approve.(unless she hurts him, then she’ll be dead….im not kidding)

Eric: is dating a brazilian model, he can fianally have sex with the lights on, dimmed, or off whichever he prefer .

The thing that made the last 2 years, even more stressful is that, Ailee, Yori, and Jimin wanted to get married at the same year. It wasn’t big of a deal since they can afford it, but It was just mentally stressful and a lot of bridezila happened.

My relationship with Jimin hasn’t been the same since the last time we had that argument two years back. Knowing how she feels about me, I get awkward and uncomfortable around her, we’re still friends I just… i don’t know keep a few distance.

Jay and I are as strong as ever. After all the struggles that we had at the beginning of our relationship we decided to live our marriage life to the fullest. We traveled to soo many places, and just live. No we do not have any kids. Not yet anyways.

*Thanksgiving Dinner*

We’re having Dinner at the Malone’s house. Of course I’m not ready..as always.

Jay: babe can we please go? I’m begging you.

Jae: I’m coming, I can’t find my necklace

Jay: you have like a million of these things, just wear one.

Jae: I’m looking for the one you got me for my last birthday.

Jay: you left it at your mom’s house

Jae: why?

Jay: I’m not sure I can answer that

Jae: can we drive drive by and get It?

Jay: baby we are late, please pick one….anyone.

Jae: but-

Jay: okay *walks in the room and picks a necklace for her, takes her coat and drags her to the car*

*in the car*

Jay: are your parents going to move here permanently or just Temporary?

Jae: temporary, as much as I want my dad to stay. He won’t because my mother and I don’t get along he doesn’t want her to cause trouble.

Jay: oh

30minutes later we made it.

*Jay’s views *

Simon: what was it this time?

Jay: She couldn’t find a necklace.

Simon: doesn’t she has a whole jewelry store in her dressing room?

Jay: bruh if we have to get somewhere I have to tell her it's 3hours earlier. So how’s married life going?

Loco: great on my part

Chacha: same

Jay: who would’ve thought that we would end up like this?

Gray: who would’ve thought that you would’ve gotten married first?

Jay: hey, I wasn’t that bad.

Simon: yea you were.

Gray: you were still horrible with Yuri, but Jaeha stumbled in our dressing room and Bam new leaf

Simon: I think she changed all of us. are you guys planning on having kids?

Jay: actually we haven’t talk about that in a while. Who knows maybe next year. The thing is I don’t want to get her pregnant and not being there, I want to be there for the whole process. That means a break from performing. Which I won’t have any problem with if she does get pregnant.

I think Jaeha has a knack for finding trouble. We’re eating dinner and she comes out of nowhere.

Jae: so how far long are you guys?

Ailee: I’m not pregnant

Yori: me either

Jimin: not that I know of

Jae: oh, okay

After the dinner we chatted and then we left. As always the end of the year is always hectic with so many things to do. End of the year concerts, award shows, a lot of practices and traveling.

Jaeha herself has been also busy, she went back to the designing board. Working on her first solo fashion show, I don’t really sorry about her being alone, cause I know that she’s busy herself.

*at home*

Jay: you going to shower?

Jae: no, don’t feel like it

Jay: do you need anything downstairs?

Jae: no

Jay: are you sure?

Jae: yes

Jay: Babe?

Jae: I’m hungry

Jay: you see, wait we just ate?

Jae: baby that was 5 hours ago

Jay: it was actually 3hours

Jae: then why’d you asked?

Jay: so you wouldn’t wake me up when I’m sleeping.

We ended up in the kitchen, for one too many snacks.

*back on the bed*

Jay: babe?

Jae: mhhm

Jay: I was thinking

Jae: about

Jay: well you know we’ve been married for 2 years and don’t you think it’s time we should start thinking about kids?

Jae: You want kids?

Jay: don’t You?

Jae: of course I do, I’ve been wanted one since last year

Jay: really? Why didn’t you tell me?

Jae: I thought you wanted to focus on your work and stuff

Jay: Jaejae, regardless of how much I love what I do, making sure you’re happy is my main priority, if having a kid will make you happy, then so be it.

Jae: okay, well how about when you finish with your current schedule we should-

Jay: why wait until then? We can start right now *starts making out*

*next morning*

As always she’s still knocked out. I’m still hoping for multiple children. Im not sure what kind of pregnancy things Jae’s gonna go through, but if she doesn’t want kids after the first one we can be set with the multiple.

Jae’s habit of huging the bed as become strange. Usually I would wake up and have no space on the bed, but lately she stays on one side all night long. I strangely dont like it, I think I prefer her all over me or is it that I’m used to it?

Jae: good morning *rolls next to him*

Jay: it’s noon

Jae: Oh

Jay: What are you doing today?

Jae: staying home, eat, exercise and work.

Jay: what about your appointment?

Jae: What appointment?

Jay: the one you’ve been rescheduling for the past few weeks.

Jae: I was busy

Jay: you’re not busy today

Jae: I’ll go next week

Jay: that’s what you’ve been saying all month long. I’m going to be away for the next couple of weeks, how will I know that you actually went.

Jae: because when you come you’ll find the results that says everything is fine with me, and that it was a waste going to the hospital.

Jay: well I rather find that, than you not going.

Jae: what about your plans for today?

Jay: I have practice all day

Jae: oh

Jay: did you need anything?

Jae: no

Oh forgot to mention that Gajeel had puppies I think Jaeha was pissed off. Because the dog was a Gajeel dogsiter’s dog. And yup the sitter got fired. I think that’s the first person Jae had personally fired, and it’s over a dog.

*that night*

Jay: how was your day?

Jae: Straight, I took Gajeel to the vet-

Jay: you can take your dog to the vet, but won’t take yourself to the hospital ?

Jae: her appointment was today, I couldn’t miss it

Jay: but you- *deep breath*

Jae: you should probably stop nagging you’ll get wrinkles

I am so done with her tonight.

*next day*

*sitting down on the couch*

Jay: babe what do you want for Christmas?

Jae: for you to not be away, but we know that can’t happen.

Jay: but ill make it for-

Jae: I know you’ll make it for the new year, *sigh*I know

That is sucks.

The following days, we left for our tour. As always, leaving her with a heavy heart, it doesn’t matter how many time I go away, it’s always the same feelings.

*few days later*

Gray: you okay man?

Jay: I just want to go back home

Gray: Jaejae is fine

Jay: knowing how much she hates going to the hospital makes it worst.

A few days ago I got a call from my mom that Jaeha was sick, so now I’m just ready to go home, but if I do go home she’s gonna be mad..

The rest of the days I do my best at every performance, but the I still had the thought of going back home. Just a few more days to go.

I think in the future, we’re gonna have to think about those holiday concert even though theyre sorta like a tradition, but unless my family’s coming, I don’t wanna miss any Christmas with my wife or kids.

Finally heading back home, I couldn’t be any more excited. Except the long ass hours on the plane.

*10hrs later*

We landed I had a car waiting for me, great.

Gray: hey Jay can you-

Jay: no no no I’m head straight home, I miss my wife, I’m done working, I’m a husband at this point on I don’t know anything, I dont think what I’m saying even make sense.

Getting home went straight to our room there’s a big sign on the door that say “DO NOT WAKE ME UP PARK JAEBUM”

Jay:*smiling*

Walking in she was knocked out.

Jay: * moves her hair out of her face, kisses her forehead*

Looking over on my side I found a note.

Step 1: take a shower…

After taking a shower the step 2 shows up in the mirror “follow the arrows”

Ok how the heck did she do that?

I did exactly what the instructions said. That think lead me all the way to the back of rooms that we barely go to.

Looking at the logo on the “AOMG Jay Park’s Office”

She got me an office, not just any office, and office with a recording studio.

Sitting on my new desk I open the drawer. “Merry Christmas Babe, hope you like your present. You have an office at home so you wouldn’t use the I have to go to the office as an excuse to not babysit, …PS go back to the room for your last present ♡U Mrs.Park ”

Jay:*Can’t stop smiling*

*back in the room*

Jay:*lay down on his side looking at her*

Jae: take a picture it will last you longer

Jay: you’re awake?

Jae: how can we sleep when you’re staring so hard?

Jay: we? Is there someone else in here?

Jae: you didn’t get the hint?

Jay: hint for..?

Jae: clueless, can you go get me a water please

Wait am I missing something here? Woah woah woah. She said “we” instead of her, when it’s just the two of us in the room. The logo on the front of her shirt said “Bun in the oven” only pregnant women wears-

Jay: babe are you pregnant?

Jae:…

Jay: are you?

Jae:*reaches in her nightstand drawer and hands him the envelope with the results*

Jay: Jaejae? Jaeha? You’re going to have a baby?

Jae: We’re going to have a baby.

I couldn’t hepl but tearing up.

Jae: *hugs him* come on let’s get some sleep.

Jay: how can I sleep at a time like this?

Jae: easy, just close your eyes for an hour. *turns off her light*

Jay: so how long as it’s been?

Jae: ask me in the morning

Jay: is it twins?

Jae:…

Jay: boys or girls?. I want boys, but I’m totally fine if they’re girls

Jae: Park Jaebum, if you’re not going to sleep please let me sleep.

Jay: okay fine

That night I couldn’t stop thinking us having a baby. While I’m imagining the fun stuff, I forget about how much of problems I’m gonna have with both Gajeel and Jaeha pregnant.

*sigh*

*next morning*

Waking up she’s getting ready.

Jae: good morning

Jay: hey, heading out?

Jae: yeah, I have a meeting.

Jay: so early in the morning?

Jae: I can’t be late

Jay: I thought we were to talk?

Jae: we are

Jay: then why-

Jae: look I have plans, I have things to do okay. We will talk when I’m done okay. Your breakfast is ready

Jay: why are you getting mad at me?

Jae:*deep breath* I’ll see you later.

I know Jae has things to do. I’m aware of how busy she is, but I can’t help it.

*hour..hours..hours… later*

Still not home yet. It’s 5 PM and still not here…. I have not done anything all day. I can’t even call her cause she turned off her phone.

It’s scary how serious Jae she is when it comes to working. That CEO blood is running thick in her veins.

Jay:*phone rings* hello

Jae: hey, are you busy?

Jay: no watching T.V., you?

Jae: omw home. I wanna go to the store, but I don’t really feel like it.

Jay: do you want something?

Jae: yeah, but I don’t know what. I was just going to walk around until I find something.

Jay: look just come home, later on we’ll go.

Jae: are you going to drive?

Jay: yes babe, just come home.

Jae: okay

Another 45minutes wait she finally get home.

♡Jae’s views ♡

Jae: hey Mr. Park *sits on couch*

Jay: how was your day?

Jae: long *yawn* very long

Jay: wanna go rest up a bit?

Jae: no, you said that you wanted to talk

Jay: that’s okay it can wait

After taking a shower, I went straight to the bed, wearing the towel.

Waking up 3hrs later, Jay on his laptop working sitting on the couch with a headphone on.

Jae:*gets up and go use the bathroom, and walks back to him*

Jay: you up? *takes his headphones off*

Jae: I’m up *sits next to him *

Jay: hungry?

Jae: no

Jay: you sure

Jae: Yea

Jay: okay

Jae: *leans on his chest* it’s just a few weeks old

Jay: What?

Jae: The baby, it’s a few weeks old. I don’t know if it’s a boy, girl, or twin or more we have to wait for that.

Jay: how long?

Jae: I’m not really sure yet.

Jay: have you told anyone else?

Jae: no

Jay: not even your parents

Jae: *hugs him tighter* I missed you

Jay: I missed you to babe. *kisses her head*

Jae: What did you think about your presents?

Jay: I don’t know what to say? I didn’t even get you anything.😣

Jae: it’s not too late.

Jay: really? What do you want?

Jae: ice cream

Jay: When?

Jae: now

Jay: really? Okay let’s go

*in the car*

Jay: is your back okay? Should I bring a pillow?

Jae: Jay no, my back is fine. I do not need a pillow.

After getting my ice cream. We just decided to drive around.

*phone rings*

Jae: DADDY!!

Dad: you’ll never stop doing that will You?

Jae: nope, how are you dad?

Dad: I’ve had better

Jae: are you okay?

Dad: just a bit depress, you mother is driving me crazy.

Jae: dad? You know you’re welcome here right?

Dad: I know. You know your mother follow me around, I don’t wanna come here and have her stress you out.

Jae: then don’t tell her where you’re going, just come down here for a few days. Tell you’re going to an important business meeting and that she can’t go. Or we can do that the hard way and kidnap her for a few days, lock her up in a trailer something, drop her off in Madagascar or some Jungle for a few weeks or forever so you can have a break

Dad: JAE!

Jae: what?? I’m just saying

Dad: your mother isn’t that bad

Jae: you’re right, she’s horrible.

Dad: I’ll admit she’s a bit-

Jae: mean, clingy, mean,rude,mean, selfish, self centered, she’s missing a few screws up there

Dad: you can’t talk about your mother that way

Jae: But anyways, I was looking at a few files I need your help with

Dad: what kind of files?

Jae: some papers for the mall, and no daddy I’m not going to ask anyone else for help. I want you, so when can you come down here?

Dad: I’m not doing anything tomorrow, so I’ll see you tomorrow night

Jae: okay

Dad: tell my son that I’ll see him tomorrow

Jae: see that’s why I didnt let you talk to him cause you would’ve ignored me and talk to him

Dad: why didn’t you tell me that he was with you?

And yes they talk and forget about me even being in the car. Heck it’s my phone.

*30minutes later*

Jae:*glare at him*

Jay: What? Babe-

Jae: It’s okay I know you like my dad more than me

Jay:*smile* yes I do like your dad more than you, but I love you more than your dad.

Jae: *smile*

Jay: do you really need help with files?

Jae: no, just to get him down here.

Jay: where to next?

Jae: idc anywhere you want

Jay: so was thinkin we should invite everyone over to tell them, what you think?

Jae: that’s okay with me.

Jay: oh no

Jae: What?

Jay: I forgot there’s a big game tomorrow

Jae: ugh that again?

Jay: but your dad is coming?

Jae: so, he can use some guy time. And you can also use that time to tell them. I can go pick up your parents in the morning

Jay: I agree with everything except for the picking up my parents part.

Jae: why can’t I? You font trust my driving?

Jay: not really

Jae: rude

Jay: I’m kidding, I just don’t want you to be stressing out.

Jae: I’m fine, but we can just send a drive to pick them up

Jay: that sounds a whole lot better.

Jae: pshh

After the drive we head back home. It’s a relief to be married, there are a lot of things I don’t have to worry about. It’s strange coming from someone who didn’t wanna get married.

Jay: you sure you don’t want anything out?

Jae: I’m sure

The rest of the night itself was pretty calm. I watched tv while Jay doing who knows what on his computer.

*next day*

Jay’s having his friends over for some football game. I’m only happy cause they be eating some good food when watching this thing. Since he decided to tell his friends and since all the important people are going to be there. I did mention food right.

*Jay’s views*

Today as become more important than just a game day. Jae’s working in her dad’s old office, her dad is on the way. My parents are almost here, I’m excited.

As the day goes by, my parents and brother came.

Jay: mom, dad, rock head

Mom: hey

Dad: son

Jake: what’s up man?

Dad: where’s my daughter-in-law?

Jay: she’s in her office working. I’ll get her

Dad: you don’t have to do that if she’s busy

Jay: she’s been in there all morning, she could use a break. You guys can make yourselves comfortable, I’ll get her.

*knock knock*

Jay: babe

Jae: mhmm *focusing typing*

Jay: *walk towards her, and massages her shoulder* working hard?

Jae: too hard for my liking, my back and my butt hurting.

Jay: wanna take a break? Or eat something?

Jae: that’s my last paper, if I get up I’m not going to finish

Jay: do you want me to to get you anything to eat?

Jae: no I should be done in a few minutes

Jay: okay

That few minutes took longer than expected, cause by the time she came down her father had already came and so was every One else.

Wegun: yo man I’m a bit uncomfortable?

Jay: why?

Wegun: her dad seems scary

Jay: he’s not

Elo: he’s been frowning since he got here

Jay: probably because he hasn’t seen his daughter the past 3hours he’s been here. He doesn’t wanna interrupt her working.

*20minutes later*

Jae: DADDDYYYYY!!!!!

*everyone startles*

Mr.Han: finally, I’ve been waiting for you for 4hours. You would usually come greet me, but now you think you’re old now

Jae: *hugs her dad* I missed you to dad. Just so you know that I’m going to scream like that even if you’re a hundred years old.

Mr.Han: you wanna give me a heart attack?

Jae: no, it’ll keep you alive

Mr.Han: I’m glad you didn’t pursue a medical career.

Jae: hey I’d make a good doctor

Mr.Han: and I’d need some really really good lawyers, but I’m happy to see you

Everyone became more relax after Jaeha came down. I can’t help but notice a little tension between Jaeha and some of her friends, and it’s not the first time either.

Jay: *pulls Jae’s arms as she was about to take a bite out of something* can I see you for a second?

Jae: can I take one bite?

Jay: one bite

Jae: *takes the plate with her*

*somewhere private*

Jay: what’s going on?

Jae: with?

Jay: you guys, why are you all being awkward with Jimin? Not just you girls the guys as well. Simon think you guys have something against his wife.

Jae: you should go back downstairs. It’s not polite to your guests.

Jay: please don’t do this when I’m trying to talk to you

Jae: Don’t do what?

Jay: ignore my question to say something else.

Jae: Jay I’ve been working all day, I don’t wanna do this right now okay. Now if you’ll excuse me I need to go pee, for the hundredth times today.

And that was the end of the conversation. We went back out Jaeha hasn’t stop eating since she started, I think the only reason no one suspected that she was pregnant is because, everyone knows that she loves to eat.

After the game was over we’re all just sitting down talking and enjoying each other’s company.

Jay: you’re ready?

Jae: as long as you’re doing all the talking

Jay: okay *stands up, and get their attention* guys Jaeha and I would like to thank eveveryone for spending the evenings with us. It’s always a pleasure having you guys around. Working with some of you, you’re probably tired of hearing me talk, but my wife doesn’t do the whole public speaking thing so bear with me. Although I think it’s an excuse for her to keep eating.

Jae: no *taking a bite*

All:*laughs*

Jay: also we wanted to tell you guys that, we’re gonna have a baby.

All:*shock and quiet*

Jae: surprise? 😓

Byul: no way

Jae: way

The rest of the night went with getting congratulated from everyone.

♡Jae’s views ♡

After everyone left I went to go look for my dad, just like me an antisocial sitting in his room.

Jae: hey daddy

Dad: hey princess

Jae: why you sitting by yourself?

Dad: I was just thinking

Jae: about?

Dad: how proud I am of you. Even though you were abandoned, you turned out pretty well. I just wish we could’ve been there for you a bit more, you have to be a better mom. Don’t follow your mother’s footsteps, like you said be a mom not a just a mother

Jae: I will daddy

After having that emotional talk with my dad, I talk to Jay’s parents and now time to take a nice bath and head to sleep.

*bedroom*

Jae: *sigh* I’m beat

Jay: wanna relax a bit?

Jae: no I wanna bath first

Jay: mind if I join you?

Jae: no help yourself

I’m taking a warm bath because I feel like my boobs are getting soar, it’s itchy and uncomfortable. Of course my partner in crime would be right behind me.

Jay: Jae

Jae: yea

Jay: you feeling alright?

Jae: yes? Why?

Jay: I don’t know, it’s just I don’t know.

Jae: it’s just you don’t know? Jay?

Jay: nothing

Jae: okay.

Jay’s been pretty stress out lately, I don’t know why, but it’s kind off getting annoying.

*next day*

Today is December 31st, and yes I am you going to party. Under Jay’s supervision of course.

Jay: are you going to wear heels? *on his computer*

Jae: yes, I know where you going with this, and don’t even think about it.

Jay: okay

Jae: *wearing a white spaghetti strap deep v neck white bandage velvet dress* how do I look?

Jay:*gulp, starring at her* aren’t you going to wear a jacket?

Jae: it’ll ruin the outfit

Jay: what if you get cold?

Jae: I’ll take yours

Jay:*smile*

*later @ party*

Unlike the past couple of years, I can’t drink, all I’m allow is water.

Crush:*hands her a drink*

Jae: no thank you, I’ll have a water instead

Crush: water?

Jae: yeah

The rest of the night I did two things, drink water a pee. I’ve peed all night that its embarrassing.

¤Jay’s views¤

Beenzino: is your wife okay man? Normally she would already be out of it.

Jay: *smile*

Dok2: what?

Jay: she ain’t gonna be drinking for a while

Quiet: what? She’s pregnant or something?

Jay:*smile*

Quiet: she is? Congratulations

Jay: thanks man

Dok2: how long?

Jay: few weeks

Beenzino: are you excited? Nervous? Scared?

Jay: all of the above. I don’t know what’s going to happen to her or what kind of pregnancy Jae’s going to have so I have to say that I’m quite nervous.

Dok2: look man, if there’s anything we all have notice over the years even before you get married, is that Jaeha is a really strong woman. She and your baby will be fine, you have nothing to worry about.

Crush: it’s about to be new year, I’ll go find my date. .

*Few minutes before the count down, on the dance floor with his arm around his wife, and her arm around his neck*

Jae: you didn’t drink?

Jay: nah

Jae: our last year partying?

Jay: maybe or maybe not. Are you having fun?

Jae: not really, I peed too much

Jay: *chuckles, hugs her * I love you

Jae: love you to Bumie.

After the countdown we head back home.

Jay: you going to shower?

Jae: don’t really feel like it, I’m just going to clean myself up.

After that she pretty much knocked out cold. I spent the night looking at baby stuff. Anything I could think could think of.

The next day ismore of a chilling day, unlike how we partied all the time this year we’re just going to stay home and I guess chill.

Jae: hey babe can we go to your mom’s?

Jay: my mom’s? Why?

Jae: for food

Jay: you want me to drive 3-4 hours away just to go eat?

Jae: yeah

Jay: my mom’s not in town

Jae: you’re just saying that

Jay: I’m serious

Jae: okay I’ll call her and ask.

She called my mom, and I got yelled at. Now I have to drive her there.

Jay: babe why are you packing stuff? What’s all this?

Jae: oh, these are things I had got for your mom, but forget to give them to her.

Jay: babe-

Jae: I’ll get someone to take them to the car. In the mean time, can you pack me something to eat in the car? Please.

The drive is taking a bit longer than usual, because of the amount of times we have to stop for her to pee.

Jae: sorry

Jay: for?

Jae: peeing that much.

Jay: baby it’s okay. I know it’s not your fault

Jae: I know, but still-

Jay: look I’ll only be upset if you hold it, I really don’t mind all these stops. They make the drive longer and I get to spend more time with you alone.

Gajeel:*barks

Jay: and Gajeel

Jae: *smile*

Jay: how you feeling?

Jae: beat, I didn’t do anything but I feel exhausted.

Jay: you can sleep if you want to.

Jae: I’m good, I’m sure I’ll just KO when I’m sleepy.

Jay: so when you think he or she will be here?

Jae: August

Jay: August? How you know?

Jae: I checked. I think I got pregnant in November. December made it a month, December to August is 9months

Jay: I have no idea what you just said

Jae: we will share the same month.

Jay: that’s not fair

Jae: don’t blame me.

Jay: you’re right

Before we get to my parents house she fell asleep, which makes it a bit easier since i didn’t get to stop for bathroom breaks.

Me of all people know better than to wake her up when she’s sleeping, but I cant leave her in the car and go upstairs.

Jay: Jae

Jae:…..

Jay: babe

Jae:…

Im just going to wait here. Im sitting here wondering if i'd be this happy with Yuri? As much as it was killing me when we broke up, I’m glad it happened.

Jay:*chuckles*

Jae: what?

Jay: nothing just thinking- you’re awake?

Jae: yes are we there yet?

Jay: yeah I was waiting for you to wake up

Jae: oh okay, let’s go. *open the back door for Gajeel* come on let’s go.

Jay: you guys can go up ahead, I'll get the things from the car

Jae: nah ill just wait for you

*in elevator*

Jae: babe, you think we should get Gajeel a stroller?

Jay: babe no, absolutely not

Jae:w-

Jay: do not ask me why either

Jae: okay

Gajeel is probably one of the most….im not sure what to call it, I’ll say a high class spoil dog. She never have anything other than expensive dog food. Jae never fed her anything else besides dog food.

I knew Jae would be a good mom when I saw her pack treats and food for Gajeel whenever we’re going out of town. We go to rest stops for food, while she specifically pack dog food for Gajeel. I’m gonna love seeing how she packs when we going out with our kid, Gajeel and her pups.

Getting to my parents house, as always I get ignored. My parents always liked Jaeha, because of how easy going she is. In the past I used to always forced Yuri to go any family events or activities that my family are doing, but Jaeha just connect with my parents is just one of the greatest things ever.

*dinner*

Jay: Mom remember when you said that you wanted to go to Paris, so I was thinking this summer we could all go.

Mom: I went there already

Jay:*raise is brows* you did?

Mom: yeah, but I wouldn’t mind going there a third time, it’s really beautiful.

Jay: Mom? How did- who- wait what? What you mean we? You and dad?

Mom: the four of us went two years ago

Jay: four? Jake to? *looks at Jae*

Jae: what? You were on tour and it was their anniversary. I didn’t wanna be alone so I took your brother. It was really fun

Jay: I wouldn’t know

Jae: awe I’m sorry. If you want we can go next year

Jay: why not this year?

Mom: because we have plans for Hawaii, Spain, and Rome.

Jay: so you guys made plans without me?

Jae: I was going to tell you?

Jay: when? When y'all came back?

Jae: you mad

Jay: yes

Jae: I’m guessing you’re too angry to eat, I’ll take that *takes his plate*

Jay:*blankly staring at her, and takes his plate back* I’m not that angry

Jae: Mom *looks at his mom*

Mom: give it back to her

Jay: Mom

Mom: get another one

Jae: wait did I just called you mom? I’m so sorry.

Mom: sorry for what?

Jae: calling you that

Mom: it’s okay, you can call me mom anytime. You have no idea how happy I am to have a daughter in law like you. Normally I would be stuck between 3 men, but it’s nice to have another woman in the family.

After we eat we just sitting around talking, except Jaeha she on her 3rd nap for the day. strangely Gajeellike my dad, cause she just on his lap like with him scratching her head. This dog is boogie, she doesn’t like everyone.

Jay: have you guys ever consider moving?

Dad: to?

Jay: a bit closer to the City.

Dad: not really, do you guys want us too move?

Jay: of course. I mean Jaeha love you guys and now that we’re going to have a baby, it’ll be easier for you guys instead of driving 3hours. And who knows how many times she’s gonna make me come here to eat.

Dad: rent in the city where you guys live is pretty high

Jay: don’t let Jae here you say that. So if you guys find an apartment you would move?

Dad: I guess it wouldn’t be a bad idea what you think? *looks at his wife*

Mom: as long as you’re okay with it.

Dad: *sees him looking at her sleeping on the couch* son?

Jay: yes dad

Dad: are you happy?

Jay: more than I thought I would.

Dad: well I’m glad that you didn’t marry that other girl.

Jay: me to dad.

Mom: are you guys staying overnight?

Jay: uh I don’t know. I don’t know if Jae has work in the morning. if she doesn’t wake up in the next hour, we’re gonna have to stay over.

She didn’t wake up, so I’m just going to stay overnight. My dad took Gajeel out for a walk, I’m just going to clean Jae’s face and stuff.

*next morning*

It’s always strange when I wake up and not having a whole bunch of hair on my face. It’s weird but waking up not seeing her next to me, my mind is going haywire.

Again walking out my dad is feeding Gajeel.

Jay: dad-

Dad: they went to the market.

Jay: walking?

Dad: I think so, it’s not far from here, I’m sure they’ll be fine.

Jay: but-

Dad: your mother wanted to show off her daughter in law

Jay: that explains the walking.

Dad: don’t worry I’m sure your mom can take care of her

Jay: that’s not what I’m worrying about. I don’t want Jae to eat things that she shouldn’t be eating

Dad: she’s pregnant cut her some slack. She’s not eating for herself remember that.

After two hours they came back.

Jae: Babe *hugs him* guess what I just took a picture with a few-

Jay: fishes?

Jae: how’d you know?

Jay: I think I can still smell them on you.

Jae: really? I can’t smell it

Jay: you’ve been inhaling it for two plus hours.

Jae: rude

Jay: you smell fishy

Jae: and you are rude

Jay: still smell like fish. Babe go take a shower we’re about to leave and you’re not getting in the car smelling like this.

Jae: We’re leaving? Now?

Jay: Yes?

Jae: aren’t we going to stay for dinner?

Jay: dinner is at night, right now it’s breakfast.

Jae: yea I was thinking we could stay for lunch, and dinner.

Jay: why you don’t wanna stay for the whole week?

Jae: really?? That’d be- you’re being sarcastic aren’t you?

Jay: shower please

Jae: I don’t have anything to wear

Jay: go in that room we slept in, I should have some clothes in the closet

Jae: okay.

Jay: no more fish pictures

Jae:*walking away* yes boss

Jay: don’t take an hour

Jae: yeah yeah

After she showered we actually stayed till dinner. After that we made our way back home.

*in the car*

Jay: can I ask you a question?

Jae: what?

Jay: promise you won’t laugh

Jae:*bust out laughing* why? Is it that bad?

Jay: yes

Jae: okay go ahead, I promise I won’t laugh. What ever it is it can’t be that bad..

#giving love a shot part 51 #jay park #kpop #khh #jay park scenarios #jay park fanfic #jay park smut #jay park imagine #aomg #aomg scenarios #aomg fanfic #aomg imagines

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themoneybuff-blog · 6 years ago

Text

There are no shortcuts

Every Tuesday and Thursday morning for the past four weeks, Ive awakened early and driven to the gym for a one-hour workout with a personal trainer. This is awesome but it also sucks. Why does it suck? Because: I am old.I am fat.I am out of shape. Plus, who likes getting up at five oclock? Not me! I can handle 6:30 no problem (and left to my own devices, thats when Ill naturally rise) but crawling out of bed ninety minutes earlier destroys me. At the same time, this change has been awesome. Eight years ago, when I was at the heaviest weight of my life, I forced myself to get up early and go to the local Crossfit gym. After two years, Id left peak fatness behind and achieved peak fitness. I was in the best shape of my life! Now I have a long way to before I get back to that point, but the key is that Ive started. Aside from improving my physical fitness (Ive noticed positive changes already), this move has improved my mental fitness. Honestly, thats actually what prompted me to get back to the gym. After admitting to myself that my depression was messing up my life, I resolved to make changes. At first, I wanted some magic instant cure for the depression. There isnt one. As with most things in life, there are no shortcuts to solving mental illness. (Perhaps a pill might be considered a shortcut, but pills come with side effects.) To get better, I need to do the things I know help me fight the disease. Chief among these cures is fitness. When Im active and fit, my mental state is much better than when Im fat and sedentary. Im taking other steps too, of course. Ive been spending more time with friends. And Ive come to the realization that my sleep has been a huge culprit these past few months. Ive been getting shitty sleep due to my weight and alcohol consumption. So, Im (once again) working to reduce the alcohol, and I did an in-home sleep study that revealed my sleep apnea has returned. Im waiting for a mouth-guard to be manufactured, which should improve my sleep quality. Notice that none of these things are shortcuts. Drinking less, eating better, exercising more, and addressing my sleep issues all take time, money, and effort. I cant beat the depression by simply wishing it away. Thinking about getting better will solve nothing. Only action matters. Magical Thinking This morning while my trainer was leading me through proper form on the push press, he talked to me about his current financial situation. He just lost a few hours at another gym, and its putting the pinch on his budget. (Cody also happens to be one of my best friends, which is why he was sharing this info.) So, I applied for a new job, Cody said. Its something completely different. Its an online sales position. I met a gal the other day whos doing the same thing and she made $9000 last month while working only twenty hours per week! Thats great, I said. Itd be awesome if you got the position. Then the conversation turned to the motorcycle trip were taking next weekend. Which route should we take from Portland to central Oregon? Where should we stop? What should we do? Later, though, I got to thinking. While it is awesome that Cody has applied for this new job and I hope he gets it, I worry that hes exhibiting what I call magical thinking. Instead of pursuing mundane work in a field he knows (and is good at!), hes looking for a shortcut. That shortcut is a high-paying job in an area he knows nothing about. This is the sort of thing I used to do all of the time. Back when I was deep in debt, I was always looking for shortcuts. Instead of doing what I knew needed to be done, I was constantly searching for ways to get rich quickly. Just the other day, I found an example of the sort of shortcut I used to be drawn to. In the mid-1990s, I read an ad in a magazine about how you could make big bucks just by reading books. Holy cats! I liked reading books. I sent away for info. In return, I got this pamphlet that promised publishers would pay me $100 (or more) for every book I read:

I cant recall if I tried to follow the pamphlets advice or not. I suspect not. It took effort. I didnt want to solve my problem by exerting effort. I wanted it to magically go away. I wanted a shortcut to success, a shortcut to debt elimination. As regular readers know, I eventually surrendered to the fact that there arent any shortcuts to getting out of debt. I did what I needed to do to cut my spending and increase my income, then spent 37 months repaying my $35,000 in consumer debt. There Are No Shortcuts Last Thursday, I joined Douglas Tsoi (who runs Portland Underground Grad School) to present a three-hour workshop we called Financial Freedom 101. (If youd like, you can view our slides for the workshop here. Im not sure theyll make sense without context, though.) Money is a game, Douglas said at the start of our third hour. And there are rules to the game. Some folks try to make the rules more complicated than they have to be. Others try to find ways around the rules. Still others believe the rules are a mystery, that theyre hidden and have to be uncovered. The reality is the rules to the game of money are simple. Theyre not easy but theyre simple. And you already know them.

Douglas and I walked the audience through the rules of the game. The final rule, which we added to the slide moments before we started the presentation, was this: There are no shortcuts. If I want to beat my depression, I have to get fit. I have to eat right. I have to drink less. I have to spend time with friends. And so on. If you want to achieve your financial goals, you have to spend less than you earn you need a positive saving rate. Thats how the math works. If you want to earn more, you have to do the things that lead to greater income: ask for a raise, work a second job, change careers.If you want to spend less, you have to find ways to reduce your consumption: choose a cheaper home, drive less, limit your luxuries.If youve begun to set aside savings and want to create a wealth snowball, you have to invest wisely and you need to be patient. Theres no magic investment thats going to turn your $1000 into $100,000 in less than a year. As a life-long shortcut seeker, I completely understand the appeal of magical thinking. It took me months to realize thats the approach I was taking to defeating my depression. I was doing nothing and hoping that things would simply turn around on their own. But you know what? Things never turn around on their own. (If they do, the improvement is coincidental and generally short-lived.) There are no shortcuts. If you want to achieve anything in life whether its getting out of debt, writing a book, or shedding your beer belly you have to put in the work necessary to make it happen. Thats not what people like me want to hear but its the truth. The good news is that, as with the game of money, the answers are usually simple even if theyre not easy. Footnote: While finishing this article, I realized that many of the spam comments I deal with are targeted at folks looking for shortcuts. Heres a typical example:

Click this link and watch all of your troubles wash away. Thats the very definition of magical thinking. https://www.getrichslowly.org/there-are-no-shortcuts/

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themoneybuff-blog · 6 years ago

Text

There are no shortcuts

Click this link and watch all of your troubles wash away. Thats the very definition of magical thinking. https://www.getrichslowly.org/there-are-no-shortcuts/

0 notes